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1
00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:04,091
.
2
00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:06,615
[upbeat music]
3
00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:11,185
- "Abby's" is filmed in front
of a live, outdoor audience.
4
00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:13,796
- Three bucks.
- Hold on.
5
00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:15,319
I got a proposition for you.
6
00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:17,147
- Fine. Quickly.
7
00:00:17,191 --> 00:00:19,149
- I am here on this stool
every night for five hours.
8
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,325
I haven't missed
a day in three years.
9
00:00:21,369 --> 00:00:23,719
- Yes, you're the Cal Ripken
of low-grade alcoholism.
10
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:26,504
- Thank you.
11
00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:28,289
I believe my being
on this stool
12
00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:30,160
creates a festive
drinking atmosphere,
13
00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:32,249
and I should be
compensated for that.
14
00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:36,210
With free drinks.
15
00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:37,820
What you got there, Beth?
16
00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,474
- Dartboard.
17
00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:41,650
I bought it for my boys,
but, uh, five minutes in,
18
00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:45,132
they were just throwing
darts at each other's faces,
19
00:00:45,175 --> 00:00:49,353
laughing and screaming,
blood everywhere.
20
00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:53,096
I think they might be
legitimate psychos.
21
00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,707
And I might be a terrible mom.
22
00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:57,622
Oh well.
23
00:00:57,666 --> 00:00:59,102
- Abby, can we keep it?
24
00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,582
I'm not sure how
the scoring works,
25
00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:02,410
but I'm willing to waste
a lot of time on the Internet
26
00:01:02,453 --> 00:01:04,368
trying to figure it out.
27
00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:06,109
I mean, I got a dentist
appointment tomorrow,
28
00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:08,285
but other than that,
I ain't got nothing...
29
00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:10,113
for months.
30
00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:11,680
- I wanna hear pros and cons.
Go.
31
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:14,596
- Pros: it--it's darts.
It's fun. Case closed.
32
00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:16,467
- Yeah.
- Uh, con:
33
00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:18,426
drunk people
throwing pointy things.
34
00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:20,123
- Big con.
- Yeah.
35
00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,560
- Pro: you don't have to be
athletic to be good at it,
36
00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:24,867
and I'm saying that because
I'm not athletic.
37
00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:27,087
I'm big, so people assume I am,
38
00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:28,305
and then they get me
on the field,
39
00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:30,394
and they be like, "Nah."
40
00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:33,658
- Con: darts feels
kind of British.
41
00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:34,790
- Ew.
- Hold on, though.
42
00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:36,400
Is darts British?
43
00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:39,229
- Are you fact-checking me,
Fred?
44
00:01:39,273 --> 00:01:41,884
- No, I'm just--I--I'm not sure
that darts is British.
45
00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:43,712
- Well, I mean,
you're either fact-checking me,
46
00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:46,106
or you're just, uh...
47
00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:47,759
talking.
48
00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,762
- Come on, Fred, do it.
Don't let her psych you out.
49
00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:52,286
- [exhales]
- Yeah, Fred, go for it.
50
00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:53,678
It's fine. Do it.
- Don't. Don't do it.
51
00:01:53,722 --> 00:01:54,897
- Fine. Challenge!
[bell dings]
52
00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:57,247
- Ha!
- Ha! You idiot.
53
00:01:57,291 --> 00:01:59,162
- To the books.
54
00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:02,339
- You feeling confident?
- Yes.
55
00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:07,170
- Okay, here we go.
56
00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:10,391
"Darts: created in 1896
57
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,610
by a Lancashire carpenter."
58
00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:14,830
- [in British accent]
And where is Lancashire, James?
59
00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:17,267
- [sighs]
60
00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:19,313
Lancashire...uh...
61
00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:21,141
- No, James.
That was rhetorical.
62
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:23,143
Lancashire is obviously
in England.
63
00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:26,276
It's a very English word.
I'm right.
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00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,583
In accordance
with rule number seven,
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00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,889
the punishment for losing
a challenge,
66
00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:36,243
I present you with one sugary,
disgusting, lime-flavored
67
00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:37,374
not-beer.
68
00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:39,376
Enjoy.
69
00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:40,682
- Ugh. The smell.
70
00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:43,163
Why do people do this
to alcohol?
71
00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:47,428
[mellow rock music]
72
00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:51,867
♪
73
00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,390
[excited chatter]
74
00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:54,739
- Abby, wait.
75
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:55,958
Can we keep the dartboard?
76
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,438
- I'm okay with it as long as
77
00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:59,222
you figure out a good
place to put it.
78
00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:00,963
- How about the back fence?
- No, that's too low.
79
00:03:01,006 --> 00:03:02,486
You need something eye level.
80
00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:03,922
What if we asked Skip to move?
81
00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:07,665
- I'm not asking Skip
to do anything.
82
00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,667
He might yell.
83
00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,365
And I don't like confrontation.
84
00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:12,670
- You're the bouncer.
85
00:03:12,714 --> 00:03:14,977
- I know. It's messed up.
86
00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:16,979
- [clears throat] Excuse me.
87
00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:18,372
Where can I find Abby?
88
00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,851
- Ooh.
- Well.
89
00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:22,419
[laughs] Buddy,
you don't just waltz in here
90
00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:24,421
and ask for Abby.
91
00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:26,249
Drinking here
is a coveted honor.
92
00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:28,382
You have to work
your way up the ladder.
93
00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:31,254
- Yeah, there's a vetting
process for new people.
94
00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:33,778
First three weeks,
you're on the back benches.
95
00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:37,913
You keep your voice down.
You drink what Abby tells you.
96
00:03:37,956 --> 00:03:39,262
- Actually, I--
- Too loud.
97
00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:41,960
Half that.
Eyes down.
98
00:03:42,004 --> 00:03:43,919
- And after three weeks,
if you're chill,
99
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:47,444
you move on to
the random chairs section.
100
00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:48,924
- Yeah, you stick it out
at the chairs
101
00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:50,795
for three to six months...
- Mm.
102
00:03:50,839 --> 00:03:53,407
- You're a full-fledged member.
You can sit at the bar.
103
00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:54,712
It's a bit of a process,
104
00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:57,280
but once you're in,
you're family.
105
00:03:57,324 --> 00:04:00,936
You never drink alone again.
106
00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:03,808
- What the hell
are you talking about?
107
00:04:03,852 --> 00:04:06,507
You--what is this?
Who are all these people here?
108
00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,726
- This is Abby's.
This is where we go
109
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:11,033
to drink and hang out,
'cause we like it.
110
00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:13,818
Who are you?
- Bill. I'm Abby's landlord.
111
00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:18,562
- What? No, you're not.
My landlord is an old lady.
112
00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:19,781
James, kick him out.
113
00:04:20,912 --> 00:04:22,566
- No, this is not
my new sweater.
114
00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:26,570
This is my--it's
my first time wearing it here.
115
00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:29,399
- Yeah, so, your
former landlord, Alice,
116
00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:30,922
passed away.
She left me this house.
117
00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,489
I'm her nephew, Bill.
118
00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:36,624
Is this a bar
in my aunt's backyard?
119
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:37,973
- What?
120
00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:42,630
No, no.
These are all just...
121
00:04:42,673 --> 00:04:43,674
my friends.
122
00:04:43,718 --> 00:04:45,285
- Yep.
- Yeah.
123
00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:46,721
- Just people who happen
to know each other.
124
00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,026
- Emergency contacts.
- Yeah.
125
00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,332
We just, like,
hang out like this,
126
00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:50,638
all together in a group.
127
00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:52,770
- Mm-hmm. With a cash register.
128
00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:55,599
- I collect old cash registers,
as do many other people.
129
00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:59,342
- What people?
- People that...
130
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:02,737
I shouldn't have jumped in.
131
00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:04,521
- Could I get a beer, please?
- Sure, man.
132
00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:06,654
Here you go.
133
00:05:06,697 --> 00:05:07,959
- Okay,
it's three bucks, right?
134
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,874
- Whoa.
Whoa, there, friend.
135
00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:13,008
Why are you giving me money?
136
00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:14,966
Mi casa es su casa.
137
00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:17,534
- [chuckles] Weird move--
giving her money for a beer
138
00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:21,843
in a social,
non-business situation?
139
00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:22,931
Who does that?
140
00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:25,847
- Just drink the beer, man.
141
00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,811
- No, this is a bar--
on my property.
142
00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:35,683
I mean, this is super illegal.
143
00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:37,119
You gotta shut this down
right now.
144
00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:39,730
- Look, you weren't
expecting this. I get it.
145
00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:41,123
But before you rush
to judgment,
146
00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:42,603
let me at least
show you around.
147
00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:43,865
I mean, it's--
it's really great.
148
00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:45,040
It's not scary at all.
149
00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:46,520
- "Show me around"?
150
00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:47,869
I mean, this is
a small rectangle,
151
00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:50,393
and I'm very tall.
I can see everything.
152
00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:53,396
The chairs, the--
- Just bear with me?
153
00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,876
Okay.
154
00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:56,921
Um, all right.
155
00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:58,967
Over here.
When I first moved in,
156
00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:01,404
there was this creepy
fountain thing over here,
157
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:06,496
so I junked it, and I brought
in this cool vintage jukebox.
158
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:07,889
- You know,
my uncle carved that fountain
159
00:06:07,932 --> 00:06:09,369
out of a single piece of stone.
160
00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:10,979
- [clicks tongue]
161
00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:12,763
- It was there to commemorate
a World War II battle
162
00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:15,853
where he lost his best friend.
163
00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:18,378
- And now it's a jukebox.
- [clears throat]
164
00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:19,683
- What kind of music
do you like?
165
00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:20,728
- I like jazz, actually.
166
00:06:20,771 --> 00:06:22,817
[glass thuds]
167
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:24,688
You, uh, not a fan?
168
00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:27,474
- Not a fan of jazz, Bill.
169
00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:29,867
- Okay, but hold on a second.
What about saxophones?
170
00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:31,913
I mean, saxophones are cool.
171
00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:37,092
- Yeah, so cool.
Um...
172
00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:40,530
I like how they curve.
173
00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:43,446
And how people close their eyes
when they play them, I guess.
174
00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:47,972
Let's move on.
Look.
175
00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:50,105
Neighborhood people,
just hanging out,
176
00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:52,063
having a good time.
177
00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:54,849
Before I opened this place,
there was nowhere for us to go.
178
00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:56,546
We were all just scattered
to the wind.
179
00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:57,852
- Mm.
180
00:06:57,895 --> 00:06:59,723
- Homeless.
181
00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,682
This is more than
just a bar, Bill.
182
00:07:01,725 --> 00:07:05,729
It's...it's a community center.
183
00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:07,644
- Huh.
That is very moving.
184
00:07:07,688 --> 00:07:10,517
Uh, I was told that
you force people to sit here
185
00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,780
until you decide you don't
hate them anymore.
186
00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:15,957
- No, people choose to sit here
187
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,524
until we figure out
188
00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,221
how to incorporate
them into the community.
189
00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:20,875
- Mm-hmm.
190
00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,616
Uh, hi there, friend.
- Hmm?
191
00:07:22,659 --> 00:07:24,792
- Uh, my name's Bill.
This is my property.
192
00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:26,881
I just wanted to come over here
and give you permission
193
00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:30,667
to sit or stand
anywhere you want.
194
00:07:35,063 --> 00:07:37,239
- Nah.
I'm fine.
195
00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:40,808
- Okay, this is insane.
She's not an emperor.
196
00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,636
- I don't think
this is working.
197
00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,594
- He's a jazz fan, Beth.
How am I supposed to convince
198
00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:47,989
a jazz fan of anything?
His brain is warped.
199
00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:50,644
- Okay, here is
what's gonna happen.
200
00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,472
I'm gonna turn on the charm,
201
00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:54,038
make him feel like
he's part of the group--
202
00:07:54,082 --> 00:07:55,562
make him feel invested,
you know?
203
00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:56,954
- Yeah. Yeah, that could work.
Get in there.
204
00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:58,129
Do your thing, man.
205
00:07:58,173 --> 00:07:59,609
- Hey, Bill!
Buy you a beer?
206
00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:01,524
- No, thanks. I'm fine.
207
00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:04,222
- Well, that was my big gun.
208
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:06,268
We're screwed.
209
00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:08,096
♪
210
00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:10,185
.
211
00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:12,404
[mellow rock music]
212
00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:16,017
- God, I hate broken
sprinklers.
213
00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:18,193
- Hey there, Bill.
Um...
214
00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:19,890
I didn't have a chance
to tell you
215
00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,413
how sorry I am about your aunt.
216
00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:23,546
She was a--a very special lady.
217
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,896
- Really?
How well did you know her?
218
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,419
- Oh, so well.
- Mm-hmm.
219
00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:32,642
- Yeah, um--I mean, I--
I'll never forget her address.
220
00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:36,211
It was, uh,
111 Civic Center Drive,
221
00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:41,346
Suite 303,
San Diego, California...
222
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:44,393
"Attention: Greg."
223
00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:46,003
- That's
her accountant's office.
224
00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:48,223
That's where you sent
your rent checks.
225
00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:50,878
Did you think she lived
at the civic center?
226
00:08:50,921 --> 00:08:52,053
- Come on, man.
227
00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:54,316
This bar is my livelihood,
okay?
228
00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:56,579
It's taken me years
to build it up from nothing,
229
00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:59,408
and I finally have it
exactly the way I want it.
230
00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:02,324
Nobody is bleeding.
Nothing is on fire.
231
00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:04,892
What is your problem?
- What's my problem?
232
00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:07,285
Do you understand that I am
responsible for all of this
233
00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:08,504
in the eyes of the law?
234
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,027
- "The eyes of the law"?
235
00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,334
- I regretted saying
that immediately.
236
00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:14,684
- Seriously, man,
you walk in here with your--
237
00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:17,557
with your pants
and your orange shirt
238
00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,254
and your little
cell-phone purse.
239
00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:20,603
- Well, I...
240
00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,431
- And you just
start harassing me?
241
00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:24,041
- Okay,
I'm not harassing you, okay?
242
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,695
I just can't deal
with this right now.
243
00:09:25,739 --> 00:09:27,262
The last year of my life
244
00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:28,698
has just been total chaos,
you know?
245
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:31,701
I--I changed jobs,
my marriage...
246
00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:33,616
my marriage ended.
I--I just--
247
00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,575
what I'm looking for
is a little stability,
248
00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:37,359
and you serving mai tais
on my property
249
00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:38,665
is not stable.
250
00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,231
- Uh...
251
00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:42,669
Abby would never serve anyone
a mai tai.
252
00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:46,324
She hates them.
253
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,500
Just throwing that out there
in case it helps.
254
00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:50,502
- Thanks.
That does not help at all.
255
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:54,028
Abby, I don't wanna argue
about this anymore, okay?
256
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:56,160
So I'm just gonna--
I'm gonna document everything,
257
00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:58,249
and then I'm gonna get
out of here, okay?
258
00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:11,654
Why'd you do that?
259
00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,351
Why would anyone do that?
260
00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:18,182
- I'll go get your phone.
261
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:23,405
♪
262
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:26,669
- Hey, so I know you
technically own all of this,
263
00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:30,151
but that's my stool.
- Oh.
264
00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:31,674
Sorry.
265
00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:33,633
- No, no, come back.
Hang out.
266
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:36,287
- Okay.
- Just scooch over a little.
267
00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:42,119
I like to sit over here because
I can see my kids' windows.
268
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:43,468
- Oh, that's convenient.
269
00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,993
- Yeah, it's a good mom hack.
270
00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:49,474
I get to unwind,
but if I hear screaming
271
00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:53,478
or smell something burning,
in a flash, I can...
272
00:10:53,522 --> 00:10:55,567
finish my drink and get home.
273
00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,615
- So are you guys, like,
regulars here?
274
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,573
- Yep.
I'm Fred.
275
00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:03,314
I've known Abby
since she was a kid.
276
00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:04,707
I used to work with her dad.
277
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,274
I was one of
her first customers.
278
00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:08,755
- Right, so how did
all this happen?
279
00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:11,583
- She was in the marines.
Afghanistan.
280
00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,324
Two tours.
281
00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:15,065
- After she got out,
she did some waitress jobs,
282
00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:16,676
but she didn't like people
telling her what to do,
283
00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:18,329
so she started this.
284
00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:20,505
- She knows bars.
She grew up in bars.
285
00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:23,204
Her dad's a degenerate
alcoholic.
286
00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:24,205
- Mm.
287
00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:25,728
He's sexy, though.
288
00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:29,558
- He's a borderline criminal.
289
00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:33,127
- But charming,
like a suave cat burglar.
290
00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:37,392
- Don't loan him
your bike, though.
291
00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:39,394
No matter how many
times he asks.
292
00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:43,180
- Okay, I won't loan
Abby's dad my bike.
293
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:45,443
- Look, I know Abby
seems kind of gruff,
294
00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,228
but she's thoughtful too.
295
00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:48,577
When I was in bed with the flu,
296
00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:51,101
she took my boys
to see a movie.
297
00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:54,235
It was one of those
"Saw" movies.
298
00:11:54,278 --> 00:11:56,759
Actually messed them up
pretty good.
299
00:11:56,803 --> 00:12:00,763
They're, uh, different now...
300
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:04,636
but still, so sweet of her.
301
00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,203
- She kicked my phone.
302
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:08,205
- Phones are against the rules.
303
00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:09,772
- "The rules"?
- Here.
304
00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,774
- Oh.
- The bar has 162 rules
305
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:13,297
and regulations.
306
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:14,777
I memorized them.
307
00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,301
I'm sort of like
the bar expert.
308
00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:20,391
Maybe don't tell Abby
I said that, though.
309
00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:22,480
- Wow, this is extensive.
310
00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:24,787
"All tacos are group tacos."
311
00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:27,834
- Hey, hey! That was mine!
I suggested that one.
312
00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:29,792
- You know, I do see the appeal
313
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:31,446
in having somewhere to go
every night.
314
00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:33,361
You know, my ex-wife,
she sort of claimed
315
00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:36,146
all our favorite restaurants
as "her territory."
316
00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:39,628
Lot of our friends, also.
317
00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:42,196
And the fish.
318
00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:43,806
We used to have a fish,
and now it's her fish.
319
00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,156
She took everything, is what
I'm trying to say here.
320
00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,549
- She had to be a Capricorn.
- Yikes.
321
00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:51,118
- She sounds great.
- Hmm.
322
00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:53,860
- You know what?
You need a glass.
323
00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:55,775
- Oh!
- Excuse me?
324
00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:57,254
- Yeah, if you have
a seat at the bar,
325
00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,387
you get your own glass,
like mine.
326
00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:01,606
It says "Fastline Systems"
and there's a picture
327
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,652
of a computer driving
a race car.
328
00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,436
- [snickers]
329
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,482
Yeah, what--what's
Fastline Systems?
330
00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:09,527
- I don't know.
331
00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:11,399
- [chuckles]
- Hey, now.
332
00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,836
- Ooh.
- Wow, a Viking helmet, huh?
333
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,230
- I go with my gut...
334
00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:17,840
and my gut says
"Viking helmet."
335
00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:25,369
♪
336
00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:26,762
[laughter]
337
00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,503
- I know your name is Bill,
338
00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,244
but when you're holding
that mug,
339
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,507
I'm gonna call you Sven.
340
00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:34,248
- Hmm. [chuckles]
341
00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:37,468
[group cheers]
- To Sven!
342
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,601
- Here you go.
Sorry about that.
343
00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:41,908
- You know, I was about
to reflexively say "It's fine,"
344
00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:43,518
but I'm not gonna do that
because that was
345
00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,955
a very weird thing
for you to do.
346
00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:48,828
- All right, man, you--you
got me backed into a corner.
347
00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:52,875
You wanna see me beg?
I'll beg.
348
00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:54,834
Let me keep the bar open.
349
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,619
- Oh, that's it?
350
00:13:57,662 --> 00:14:00,665
- Yeah.
I was practically on my knees.
351
00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,798
- Okay, there might be
a way to make this work.
352
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,278
I'm an engineer, so I believe
353
00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:05,540
there's a way to make
everything work.
354
00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:06,758
- Ugh.
355
00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:08,717
Easy with
the engineer brags, buddy.
356
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,545
- Well, even if
I were to consider it,
357
00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:12,460
you would have
to make some changes.
358
00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:14,549
- What kind of changes?
- Just some basic stuff.
359
00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:16,899
You know, get a liquor license,
uh, have an emergency plan,
360
00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:19,249
and--and just get some
business insurance, okay?
361
00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:21,904
- Insurance for what?
- Oh, I don't know, uh...
362
00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,601
okay, how about
the guy playing boccie
363
00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,342
with a dart sticking
out of his leg?
364
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:27,475
- Relax.
It's in meat, not bone.
365
00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:28,868
- [shouts]
366
00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:31,522
- Oh!
- Oh!
367
00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:35,526
[gasps, screams]
368
00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:37,659
[panting]
369
00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:40,749
- Yeah, I'm gonna have
to insist on the insurance.
370
00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,925
Also, you gotta lose
the grill, obviously.
371
00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,579
- I can't just
"lose the grill."
372
00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:46,320
It's one of the best things
about the bar.
373
00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:48,844
People stand around it.
They cook, they interact--
374
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,541
- They catch on fire.
- Sometimes,
375
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:52,935
but they're always fine.
376
00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,632
I'm not gonna let you
ruin the bar.
377
00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:56,591
- Whoa, "ruin the bar"?
It's just a couple of
378
00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:58,636
suggestions, and I think that--
- It's a slippery slope, okay?
379
00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,769
I love this place too much
to watch it morph
380
00:15:00,812 --> 00:15:03,728
into some cookie-cutter
chain restaurant.
381
00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:06,906
I'd rather shut it down,
so drink up, everybody!
382
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,429
Last night at Abby's!
383
00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:09,865
If anyone needs me,
I'll be in my house
384
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,301
getting drunk,
where you can't go,
385
00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:13,913
so I hope you don't need me.
386
00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,567
Also, when I was next door,
I found your phone, Skip.
387
00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:17,960
I think it's been back there
for, like, three years.
388
00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:19,483
Do you want it?
389
00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:24,271
Right answer.
Skip gets me!
390
00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:27,839
♪
391
00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:30,581
.
392
00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:33,019
♪
393
00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:34,803
- It's such a bummer.
394
00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:38,633
This could've been the night
we got the dartboard.
395
00:15:38,676 --> 00:15:42,680
Not anymore.
Not anymore.
396
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,987
- All right, we just have
to go inside and--
397
00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,989
- "Go inside"?
The house?
398
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,556
That's literally
rule number two.
399
00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:50,384
Number one is "no visors,"
400
00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:54,518
and number two is "no one goes
inside the house."
401
00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:55,998
- If we don't do something,
402
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,696
Abby's pride is gonna
get the bar shut down,
403
00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:01,003
and then where will we be?
404
00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:03,832
At home!
405
00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:06,052
All right.
James?
406
00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:08,750
Make sure Mr. Fancy Engineer
doesn't leave.
407
00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:11,666
- [laughing] Yeah, such
an intense brag out of nowhere.
408
00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:12,797
- I know.
409
00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:15,017
"I'm an engineer. I love math."
410
00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:17,454
- [mumbles indistinctly]
411
00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:20,892
- Hey, I know we're not
supposed to, uh--
412
00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:24,026
- It's fine.
Make yourselves at home.
413
00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:26,463
- So this is your kitchen.
414
00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:27,508
Wow.
415
00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:28,900
Cool, uh, elephant magnet.
416
00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:29,945
- Don't look at my stuff.
417
00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,034
- Okay.
Cool, cool.
418
00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:34,428
- So, how're you doing?
419
00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:35,864
- [sighs]
420
00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:38,084
It hasn't sunk in yet.
421
00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:41,000
I guess I'll have to get
another job at a sports bar
422
00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:42,610
where the guys wear
their sunglasses
423
00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:44,220
on the back of their...
424
00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:46,788
necks.
425
00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:48,790
- Abby, we can't
let you do this.
426
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,661
- Oh, don't worry about me.
427
00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:52,750
- I'm not.
I'm worried about me.
428
00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:54,187
I need this bar.
429
00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:56,102
I budgeted out my savings
for the next 25 years.
430
00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:58,713
If I gotta pay more
than three bucks a beer,
431
00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:00,889
I'm gonna go broke
by the time I'm 70.
432
00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:03,022
- Abs, I need the bar too.
433
00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:04,762
If this thing goes away,
434
00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:06,982
then I have to spend
more time with my family,
435
00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:11,682
and I love them dearly,
but that's a nonstarter.
436
00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:14,076
My kids are obsessed with me.
437
00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:18,124
They want me to hug them
and make them food.
438
00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:23,085
- I'm sorry guys, but I--
I just can't.
439
00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:24,956
Okay?
440
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,133
Now leave me alone
so I can black out
441
00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:29,265
and forget this is happening.
442
00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:34,879
- Last thing I'll say:
443
00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:36,664
Bill is out there right now
444
00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:40,189
trying to figure out where
to hang the dartboard.
445
00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:43,584
- So?
- So he's invested.
446
00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:44,933
He's one of us.
447
00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:48,545
He might not know it yet,
but I do.
448
00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:51,026
- It just makes me feel like
I'm a kid again, you know?
449
00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,115
When my dad would just show up
out of nowhere
450
00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:54,682
and mess everything up?
451
00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:56,553
- And I get that,
I--I really do,
452
00:17:56,597 --> 00:18:00,514
but I think we can trust
this guy not to ruin the joint.
453
00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:02,255
Besides, I am right
in the middle
454
00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:04,518
of a game of dominoes
with James.
455
00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:06,259
If you close down,
what are we gonna do?
456
00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:08,783
You know how hard it is
to move a game of dominoes?
457
00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:12,700
It's impossible, Sarge.
The tiles go everywhere.
458
00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,049
- Thanks for the talk.
459
00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,659
- Any time.
460
00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:19,663
- Also, please stop
calling me "Sarge."
461
00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:21,665
- Ah, respectfully,
I'm gonna keep on doing that
462
00:18:21,709 --> 00:18:24,059
'cause it's fun.
463
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,887
♪
464
00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:26,975
[door clicks shut]
465
00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:29,412
.
466
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,762
- I guess the front
of the bar is out
467
00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:33,721
because of people's faces
and eyes and stuff.
468
00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:37,159
- Yeah, that stuff
is important.
469
00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:40,423
- Skip seems to have his area
pretty well locked down, here.
470
00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:44,253
- Don't look right at him!
471
00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,606
- Okay.
472
00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:52,653
I'm willing to try
some of your changes.
473
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:54,350
- What do you mean "some"?
474
00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:56,700
- I will work on
the insurance thing.
475
00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:59,225
- Oh, I have a friend
in the insurance game.
476
00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:02,837
Tons of ways
to cheat the system.
477
00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,101
But, you know, still be legal.
478
00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,755
[quietly] But sneaky.
479
00:19:07,798 --> 00:19:10,714
- Okay, and the emergency plan?
480
00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:12,194
- We're outside.
481
00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:15,328
The emergency plan
is "remain outside."
482
00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:17,373
- Okay.
What about the grill?
483
00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,288
- As I've said,
484
00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:21,508
the grill
is where people gather.
485
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,292
The grill is important.
486
00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:25,120
- Then we don't have a deal.
- Damn it, Bill.
487
00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,210
You can't move
a game of dominoes!
488
00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,212
- What?
489
00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:32,345
- The dominoes.
If you move them mid-game,
490
00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:34,738
then everything gets
all scrambled and ruined
491
00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:37,524
and you lose all the tiles.
492
00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:40,657
[sighs] I need
the people at this bar.
493
00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:43,443
And they need
the bar the way it is.
494
00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:47,664
If they go away, I lose them.
495
00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:49,753
Please, man.
496
00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:52,103
- [voice breaking] Abby...
497
00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:55,672
that was so beautiful.
498
00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:57,239
- Okay, we'll make it work.
499
00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:59,328
But I do have
one more condition.
500
00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:01,635
- What?
- If we're gonna do this,
501
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:03,680
I need to know that it's
gonna be a partnership, okay?
502
00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:07,728
I'm risking a lot here, so
I need you to meet me halfway.
503
00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:12,167
And that's why I need you
to make me...
504
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,256
a mai tai.
505
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:20,306
♪
506
00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:25,528
- 20 bucks says she bails.
507
00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:26,921
- You're on.
- Guys.
508
00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:28,488
- Oh.
Hey, you can do this.
509
00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:30,490
We believe in you.
510
00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:38,280
- Actually, I--I like
extra cherries on mine.
511
00:20:42,415 --> 00:20:43,807
Oh.
512
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,859
[clicks tongue, inhales]
Well, you can toss this.
513
00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:54,340
I don't like mai tais.
514
00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:58,213
- What?
- I...
515
00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,475
I just wanted to see
if you would do it.
516
00:20:59,519 --> 00:21:00,911
I mean, I'm actually
very surprised.
517
00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:02,652
Just to compromise all
your integrity like that
518
00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:04,785
is super humbling.
519
00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:10,965
- Well played.
- [exhales noisily]
520
00:21:11,008 --> 00:21:13,750
[chuckles] Thank God.
521
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:17,319
I was so scared just then.
522
00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:19,974
I--I need this drink.
523
00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:22,933
♪
524
00:21:22,983 --> 00:21:27,533
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