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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,742 --> 00:00:04,091 . 2 00:00:04,134 --> 00:00:06,615 [upbeat music] 3 00:00:06,658 --> 00:00:11,185 - "Abby's" is filmed in front of a live, outdoor audience. 4 00:00:11,228 --> 00:00:13,796 - Three bucks. - Hold on. 5 00:00:13,839 --> 00:00:15,319 I got a proposition for you. 6 00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:17,147 - Fine. Quickly. 7 00:00:17,191 --> 00:00:19,149 - I am here on this stool every night for five hours. 8 00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:21,325 I haven't missed a day in three years. 9 00:00:21,369 --> 00:00:23,719 - Yes, you're the Cal Ripken of low-grade alcoholism. 10 00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:26,504 - Thank you. 11 00:00:26,548 --> 00:00:28,289 I believe my being on this stool 12 00:00:28,332 --> 00:00:30,160 creates a festive drinking atmosphere, 13 00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:32,249 and I should be compensated for that. 14 00:00:33,555 --> 00:00:36,210 With free drinks. 15 00:00:36,253 --> 00:00:37,820 What you got there, Beth? 16 00:00:37,863 --> 00:00:39,474 - Dartboard. 17 00:00:39,517 --> 00:00:41,650 I bought it for my boys, but, uh, five minutes in, 18 00:00:41,693 --> 00:00:45,132 they were just throwing darts at each other's faces, 19 00:00:45,175 --> 00:00:49,353 laughing and screaming, blood everywhere. 20 00:00:49,397 --> 00:00:53,096 I think they might be legitimate psychos. 21 00:00:53,140 --> 00:00:55,707 And I might be a terrible mom. 22 00:00:55,751 --> 00:00:57,622 Oh well. 23 00:00:57,666 --> 00:00:59,102 - Abby, can we keep it? 24 00:00:59,146 --> 00:01:00,582 I'm not sure how the scoring works, 25 00:01:00,625 --> 00:01:02,410 but I'm willing to waste a lot of time on the Internet 26 00:01:02,453 --> 00:01:04,368 trying to figure it out. 27 00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:06,109 I mean, I got a dentist appointment tomorrow, 28 00:01:06,153 --> 00:01:08,285 but other than that, I ain't got nothing... 29 00:01:08,329 --> 00:01:10,113 for months. 30 00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:11,680 - I wanna hear pros and cons. Go. 31 00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:14,596 - Pros: it--it's darts. It's fun. Case closed. 32 00:01:14,639 --> 00:01:16,467 - Yeah. - Uh, con: 33 00:01:16,511 --> 00:01:18,426 drunk people throwing pointy things. 34 00:01:18,469 --> 00:01:20,123 - Big con. - Yeah. 35 00:01:20,167 --> 00:01:22,560 - Pro: you don't have to be athletic to be good at it, 36 00:01:22,604 --> 00:01:24,867 and I'm saying that because I'm not athletic. 37 00:01:24,910 --> 00:01:27,087 I'm big, so people assume I am, 38 00:01:27,130 --> 00:01:28,305 and then they get me on the field, 39 00:01:28,349 --> 00:01:30,394 and they be like, "Nah." 40 00:01:30,438 --> 00:01:33,658 - Con: darts feels kind of British. 41 00:01:33,702 --> 00:01:34,790 - Ew. - Hold on, though. 42 00:01:34,833 --> 00:01:36,400 Is darts British? 43 00:01:36,444 --> 00:01:39,229 - Are you fact-checking me, Fred? 44 00:01:39,273 --> 00:01:41,884 - No, I'm just--I--I'm not sure that darts is British. 45 00:01:41,927 --> 00:01:43,712 - Well, I mean, you're either fact-checking me, 46 00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:46,106 or you're just, uh... 47 00:01:46,149 --> 00:01:47,759 talking. 48 00:01:47,803 --> 00:01:50,762 - Come on, Fred, do it. Don't let her psych you out. 49 00:01:50,806 --> 00:01:52,286 - [exhales] - Yeah, Fred, go for it. 50 00:01:52,329 --> 00:01:53,678 It's fine. Do it. - Don't. Don't do it. 51 00:01:53,722 --> 00:01:54,897 - Fine. Challenge! [bell dings] 52 00:01:54,940 --> 00:01:57,247 - Ha! - Ha! You idiot. 53 00:01:57,291 --> 00:01:59,162 - To the books. 54 00:01:59,206 --> 00:02:02,339 - You feeling confident? - Yes. 55 00:02:05,603 --> 00:02:07,170 - Okay, here we go. 56 00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:10,391 "Darts: created in 1896 57 00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:12,610 by a Lancashire carpenter." 58 00:02:12,654 --> 00:02:14,830 - [in British accent] And where is Lancashire, James? 59 00:02:14,873 --> 00:02:17,267 - [sighs] 60 00:02:17,311 --> 00:02:19,313 Lancashire...uh... 61 00:02:19,356 --> 00:02:21,141 - No, James. That was rhetorical. 62 00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:23,143 Lancashire is obviously in England. 63 00:02:23,186 --> 00:02:26,276 It's a very English word. I'm right. 64 00:02:26,320 --> 00:02:28,583 In accordance with rule number seven, 65 00:02:28,626 --> 00:02:30,889 the punishment for losing a challenge, 66 00:02:30,933 --> 00:02:36,243 I present you with one sugary, disgusting, lime-flavored 67 00:02:36,286 --> 00:02:37,374 not-beer. 68 00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:39,376 Enjoy. 69 00:02:39,420 --> 00:02:40,682 - Ugh. The smell. 70 00:02:40,725 --> 00:02:43,163 Why do people do this to alcohol? 71 00:02:44,468 --> 00:02:47,428 [mellow rock music] 72 00:02:47,471 --> 00:02:51,867 ♪ 73 00:02:51,910 --> 00:02:53,390 [excited chatter] 74 00:02:53,434 --> 00:02:54,739 - Abby, wait. 75 00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:55,958 Can we keep the dartboard? 76 00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,438 - I'm okay with it as long as 77 00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:59,222 you figure out a good place to put it. 78 00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:00,963 - How about the back fence? - No, that's too low. 79 00:03:01,006 --> 00:03:02,486 You need something eye level. 80 00:03:02,530 --> 00:03:03,922 What if we asked Skip to move? 81 00:03:03,966 --> 00:03:07,665 - I'm not asking Skip to do anything. 82 00:03:07,709 --> 00:03:09,667 He might yell. 83 00:03:09,711 --> 00:03:11,365 And I don't like confrontation. 84 00:03:11,408 --> 00:03:12,670 - You're the bouncer. 85 00:03:12,714 --> 00:03:14,977 - I know. It's messed up. 86 00:03:15,020 --> 00:03:16,979 - [clears throat] Excuse me. 87 00:03:17,022 --> 00:03:18,372 Where can I find Abby? 88 00:03:18,415 --> 00:03:19,851 - Ooh. - Well. 89 00:03:19,895 --> 00:03:22,419 [laughs] Buddy, you don't just waltz in here 90 00:03:22,463 --> 00:03:24,421 and ask for Abby. 91 00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:26,249 Drinking here is a coveted honor. 92 00:03:26,293 --> 00:03:28,382 You have to work your way up the ladder. 93 00:03:28,425 --> 00:03:31,254 - Yeah, there's a vetting process for new people. 94 00:03:31,298 --> 00:03:33,778 First three weeks, you're on the back benches. 95 00:03:33,822 --> 00:03:37,913 You keep your voice down. You drink what Abby tells you. 96 00:03:37,956 --> 00:03:39,262 - Actually, I-- - Too loud. 97 00:03:39,306 --> 00:03:41,960 Half that. Eyes down. 98 00:03:42,004 --> 00:03:43,919 - And after three weeks, if you're chill, 99 00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:47,444 you move on to the random chairs section. 100 00:03:47,488 --> 00:03:48,924 - Yeah, you stick it out at the chairs 101 00:03:48,967 --> 00:03:50,795 for three to six months... - Mm. 102 00:03:50,839 --> 00:03:53,407 - You're a full-fledged member. You can sit at the bar. 103 00:03:53,450 --> 00:03:54,712 It's a bit of a process, 104 00:03:54,756 --> 00:03:57,280 but once you're in, you're family. 105 00:03:57,324 --> 00:04:00,936 You never drink alone again. 106 00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:03,808 - What the hell are you talking about? 107 00:04:03,852 --> 00:04:06,507 You--what is this? Who are all these people here? 108 00:04:06,550 --> 00:04:08,726 - This is Abby's. This is where we go 109 00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:11,033 to drink and hang out, 'cause we like it. 110 00:04:11,076 --> 00:04:13,818 Who are you? - Bill. I'm Abby's landlord. 111 00:04:15,951 --> 00:04:18,562 - What? No, you're not. My landlord is an old lady. 112 00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:19,781 James, kick him out. 113 00:04:20,912 --> 00:04:22,566 - No, this is not my new sweater. 114 00:04:22,610 --> 00:04:26,570 This is my--it's my first time wearing it here. 115 00:04:26,614 --> 00:04:29,399 - Yeah, so, your former landlord, Alice, 116 00:04:29,443 --> 00:04:30,922 passed away. She left me this house. 117 00:04:30,966 --> 00:04:32,489 I'm her nephew, Bill. 118 00:04:32,533 --> 00:04:36,624 Is this a bar in my aunt's backyard? 119 00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:37,973 - What? 120 00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:42,630 No, no. These are all just... 121 00:04:42,673 --> 00:04:43,674 my friends. 122 00:04:43,718 --> 00:04:45,285 - Yep. - Yeah. 123 00:04:45,328 --> 00:04:46,721 - Just people who happen to know each other. 124 00:04:46,764 --> 00:04:48,026 - Emergency contacts. - Yeah. 125 00:04:48,070 --> 00:04:49,332 We just, like, hang out like this, 126 00:04:49,376 --> 00:04:50,638 all together in a group. 127 00:04:50,681 --> 00:04:52,770 - Mm-hmm. With a cash register. 128 00:04:52,814 --> 00:04:55,599 - I collect old cash registers, as do many other people. 129 00:04:55,643 --> 00:04:59,342 - What people? - People that... 130 00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:02,737 I shouldn't have jumped in. 131 00:05:02,780 --> 00:05:04,521 - Could I get a beer, please? - Sure, man. 132 00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:06,654 Here you go. 133 00:05:06,697 --> 00:05:07,959 - Okay, it's three bucks, right? 134 00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:09,874 - Whoa. Whoa, there, friend. 135 00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:13,008 Why are you giving me money? 136 00:05:13,051 --> 00:05:14,966 Mi casa es su casa. 137 00:05:15,010 --> 00:05:17,534 - [chuckles] Weird move-- giving her money for a beer 138 00:05:17,578 --> 00:05:21,843 in a social, non-business situation? 139 00:05:21,886 --> 00:05:22,931 Who does that? 140 00:05:22,974 --> 00:05:25,847 - Just drink the beer, man. 141 00:05:31,853 --> 00:05:33,811 - No, this is a bar-- on my property. 142 00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:35,683 I mean, this is super illegal. 143 00:05:35,726 --> 00:05:37,119 You gotta shut this down right now. 144 00:05:37,162 --> 00:05:39,730 - Look, you weren't expecting this. I get it. 145 00:05:39,774 --> 00:05:41,123 But before you rush to judgment, 146 00:05:41,166 --> 00:05:42,603 let me at least show you around. 147 00:05:42,646 --> 00:05:43,865 I mean, it's-- it's really great. 148 00:05:43,908 --> 00:05:45,040 It's not scary at all. 149 00:05:45,083 --> 00:05:46,520 - "Show me around"? 150 00:05:46,563 --> 00:05:47,869 I mean, this is a small rectangle, 151 00:05:47,912 --> 00:05:50,393 and I'm very tall. I can see everything. 152 00:05:50,437 --> 00:05:53,396 The chairs, the-- - Just bear with me? 153 00:05:53,440 --> 00:05:54,876 Okay. 154 00:05:54,919 --> 00:05:56,921 Um, all right. 155 00:05:56,965 --> 00:05:58,967 Over here. When I first moved in, 156 00:05:59,010 --> 00:06:01,404 there was this creepy fountain thing over here, 157 00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:06,496 so I junked it, and I brought in this cool vintage jukebox. 158 00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:07,889 - You know, my uncle carved that fountain 159 00:06:07,932 --> 00:06:09,369 out of a single piece of stone. 160 00:06:09,412 --> 00:06:10,979 - [clicks tongue] 161 00:06:11,022 --> 00:06:12,763 - It was there to commemorate a World War II battle 162 00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:15,853 where he lost his best friend. 163 00:06:15,897 --> 00:06:18,378 - And now it's a jukebox. - [clears throat] 164 00:06:18,421 --> 00:06:19,683 - What kind of music do you like? 165 00:06:19,727 --> 00:06:20,728 - I like jazz, actually. 166 00:06:20,771 --> 00:06:22,817 [glass thuds] 167 00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:24,688 You, uh, not a fan? 168 00:06:24,732 --> 00:06:27,474 - Not a fan of jazz, Bill. 169 00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:29,867 - Okay, but hold on a second. What about saxophones? 170 00:06:29,911 --> 00:06:31,913 I mean, saxophones are cool. 171 00:06:34,002 --> 00:06:37,092 - Yeah, so cool. Um... 172 00:06:37,135 --> 00:06:40,530 I like how they curve. 173 00:06:40,574 --> 00:06:43,446 And how people close their eyes when they play them, I guess. 174 00:06:45,622 --> 00:06:47,972 Let's move on. Look. 175 00:06:48,016 --> 00:06:50,105 Neighborhood people, just hanging out, 176 00:06:50,148 --> 00:06:52,063 having a good time. 177 00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:54,849 Before I opened this place, there was nowhere for us to go. 178 00:06:54,892 --> 00:06:56,546 We were all just scattered to the wind. 179 00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:57,852 - Mm. 180 00:06:57,895 --> 00:06:59,723 - Homeless. 181 00:06:59,767 --> 00:07:01,682 This is more than just a bar, Bill. 182 00:07:01,725 --> 00:07:05,729 It's...it's a community center. 183 00:07:05,773 --> 00:07:07,644 - Huh. That is very moving. 184 00:07:07,688 --> 00:07:10,517 Uh, I was told that you force people to sit here 185 00:07:10,560 --> 00:07:12,780 until you decide you don't hate them anymore. 186 00:07:12,823 --> 00:07:15,957 - No, people choose to sit here 187 00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,524 until we figure out 188 00:07:17,567 --> 00:07:19,221 how to incorporate them into the community. 189 00:07:19,264 --> 00:07:20,875 - Mm-hmm. 190 00:07:20,918 --> 00:07:22,616 Uh, hi there, friend. - Hmm? 191 00:07:22,659 --> 00:07:24,792 - Uh, my name's Bill. This is my property. 192 00:07:24,835 --> 00:07:26,881 I just wanted to come over here and give you permission 193 00:07:26,924 --> 00:07:30,667 to sit or stand anywhere you want. 194 00:07:35,063 --> 00:07:37,239 - Nah. I'm fine. 195 00:07:37,282 --> 00:07:40,808 - Okay, this is insane. She's not an emperor. 196 00:07:40,851 --> 00:07:42,636 - I don't think this is working. 197 00:07:42,679 --> 00:07:44,594 - He's a jazz fan, Beth. How am I supposed to convince 198 00:07:44,638 --> 00:07:47,989 a jazz fan of anything? His brain is warped. 199 00:07:48,032 --> 00:07:50,644 - Okay, here is what's gonna happen. 200 00:07:50,687 --> 00:07:52,472 I'm gonna turn on the charm, 201 00:07:52,515 --> 00:07:54,038 make him feel like he's part of the group-- 202 00:07:54,082 --> 00:07:55,562 make him feel invested, you know? 203 00:07:55,605 --> 00:07:56,954 - Yeah. Yeah, that could work. Get in there. 204 00:07:56,998 --> 00:07:58,129 Do your thing, man. 205 00:07:58,173 --> 00:07:59,609 - Hey, Bill! Buy you a beer? 206 00:07:59,653 --> 00:08:01,524 - No, thanks. I'm fine. 207 00:08:01,568 --> 00:08:04,222 - Well, that was my big gun. 208 00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:06,268 We're screwed. 209 00:08:06,311 --> 00:08:08,096 ♪ 210 00:08:09,967 --> 00:08:10,185 . 211 00:08:10,228 --> 00:08:12,404 [mellow rock music] 212 00:08:12,448 --> 00:08:16,017 - God, I hate broken sprinklers. 213 00:08:16,060 --> 00:08:18,193 - Hey there, Bill. Um... 214 00:08:18,236 --> 00:08:19,890 I didn't have a chance to tell you 215 00:08:19,934 --> 00:08:21,413 how sorry I am about your aunt. 216 00:08:21,457 --> 00:08:23,546 She was a--a very special lady. 217 00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:25,896 - Really? How well did you know her? 218 00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,419 - Oh, so well. - Mm-hmm. 219 00:08:27,463 --> 00:08:32,642 - Yeah, um--I mean, I-- I'll never forget her address. 220 00:08:32,686 --> 00:08:36,211 It was, uh, 111 Civic Center Drive, 221 00:08:36,254 --> 00:08:41,346 Suite 303, San Diego, California... 222 00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:44,393 "Attention: Greg." 223 00:08:44,436 --> 00:08:46,003 - That's her accountant's office. 224 00:08:46,047 --> 00:08:48,223 That's where you sent your rent checks. 225 00:08:48,266 --> 00:08:50,878 Did you think she lived at the civic center? 226 00:08:50,921 --> 00:08:52,053 - Come on, man. 227 00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:54,316 This bar is my livelihood, okay? 228 00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:56,579 It's taken me years to build it up from nothing, 229 00:08:56,623 --> 00:08:59,408 and I finally have it exactly the way I want it. 230 00:08:59,451 --> 00:09:02,324 Nobody is bleeding. Nothing is on fire. 231 00:09:02,367 --> 00:09:04,892 What is your problem? - What's my problem? 232 00:09:04,935 --> 00:09:07,285 Do you understand that I am responsible for all of this 233 00:09:07,329 --> 00:09:08,504 in the eyes of the law? 234 00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,027 - "The eyes of the law"? 235 00:09:10,071 --> 00:09:12,334 - I regretted saying that immediately. 236 00:09:12,377 --> 00:09:14,684 - Seriously, man, you walk in here with your-- 237 00:09:14,728 --> 00:09:17,557 with your pants and your orange shirt 238 00:09:17,600 --> 00:09:19,254 and your little cell-phone purse. 239 00:09:19,297 --> 00:09:20,603 - Well, I... 240 00:09:20,647 --> 00:09:22,431 - And you just start harassing me? 241 00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:24,041 - Okay, I'm not harassing you, okay? 242 00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,695 I just can't deal with this right now. 243 00:09:25,739 --> 00:09:27,262 The last year of my life 244 00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:28,698 has just been total chaos, you know? 245 00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:31,701 I--I changed jobs, my marriage... 246 00:09:31,745 --> 00:09:33,616 my marriage ended. I--I just-- 247 00:09:33,660 --> 00:09:35,575 what I'm looking for is a little stability, 248 00:09:35,618 --> 00:09:37,359 and you serving mai tais on my property 249 00:09:37,402 --> 00:09:38,665 is not stable. 250 00:09:38,708 --> 00:09:40,231 - Uh... 251 00:09:40,275 --> 00:09:42,669 Abby would never serve anyone a mai tai. 252 00:09:44,279 --> 00:09:46,324 She hates them. 253 00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,500 Just throwing that out there in case it helps. 254 00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:50,502 - Thanks. That does not help at all. 255 00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:54,028 Abby, I don't wanna argue about this anymore, okay? 256 00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:56,160 So I'm just gonna-- I'm gonna document everything, 257 00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:58,249 and then I'm gonna get out of here, okay? 258 00:10:08,782 --> 00:10:11,654 Why'd you do that? 259 00:10:11,698 --> 00:10:13,351 Why would anyone do that? 260 00:10:16,093 --> 00:10:18,182 - I'll go get your phone. 261 00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:23,405 ♪ 262 00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:26,669 - Hey, so I know you technically own all of this, 263 00:10:26,713 --> 00:10:30,151 but that's my stool. - Oh. 264 00:10:30,194 --> 00:10:31,674 Sorry. 265 00:10:31,718 --> 00:10:33,633 - No, no, come back. Hang out. 266 00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:36,287 - Okay. - Just scooch over a little. 267 00:10:38,725 --> 00:10:42,119 I like to sit over here because I can see my kids' windows. 268 00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:43,468 - Oh, that's convenient. 269 00:10:43,512 --> 00:10:45,993 - Yeah, it's a good mom hack. 270 00:10:46,036 --> 00:10:49,474 I get to unwind, but if I hear screaming 271 00:10:49,518 --> 00:10:53,478 or smell something burning, in a flash, I can... 272 00:10:53,522 --> 00:10:55,567 finish my drink and get home. 273 00:10:57,787 --> 00:10:59,615 - So are you guys, like, regulars here? 274 00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,573 - Yep. I'm Fred. 275 00:11:01,617 --> 00:11:03,314 I've known Abby since she was a kid. 276 00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:04,707 I used to work with her dad. 277 00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:06,274 I was one of her first customers. 278 00:11:06,317 --> 00:11:08,755 - Right, so how did all this happen? 279 00:11:08,798 --> 00:11:11,583 - She was in the marines. Afghanistan. 280 00:11:11,627 --> 00:11:13,324 Two tours. 281 00:11:13,368 --> 00:11:15,065 - After she got out, she did some waitress jobs, 282 00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:16,676 but she didn't like people telling her what to do, 283 00:11:16,719 --> 00:11:18,329 so she started this. 284 00:11:18,373 --> 00:11:20,505 - She knows bars. She grew up in bars. 285 00:11:20,549 --> 00:11:23,204 Her dad's a degenerate alcoholic. 286 00:11:23,247 --> 00:11:24,205 - Mm. 287 00:11:24,248 --> 00:11:25,728 He's sexy, though. 288 00:11:27,251 --> 00:11:29,558 - He's a borderline criminal. 289 00:11:29,601 --> 00:11:33,127 - But charming, like a suave cat burglar. 290 00:11:34,737 --> 00:11:37,392 - Don't loan him your bike, though. 291 00:11:37,435 --> 00:11:39,394 No matter how many times he asks. 292 00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:43,180 - Okay, I won't loan Abby's dad my bike. 293 00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:45,443 - Look, I know Abby seems kind of gruff, 294 00:11:45,487 --> 00:11:47,228 but she's thoughtful too. 295 00:11:47,271 --> 00:11:48,577 When I was in bed with the flu, 296 00:11:48,620 --> 00:11:51,101 she took my boys to see a movie. 297 00:11:51,145 --> 00:11:54,235 It was one of those "Saw" movies. 298 00:11:54,278 --> 00:11:56,759 Actually messed them up pretty good. 299 00:11:56,803 --> 00:12:00,763 They're, uh, different now... 300 00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:04,636 but still, so sweet of her. 301 00:12:04,680 --> 00:12:06,203 - She kicked my phone. 302 00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:08,205 - Phones are against the rules. 303 00:12:08,249 --> 00:12:09,772 - "The rules"? - Here. 304 00:12:09,816 --> 00:12:11,774 - Oh. - The bar has 162 rules 305 00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:13,297 and regulations. 306 00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:14,777 I memorized them. 307 00:12:14,821 --> 00:12:17,301 I'm sort of like the bar expert. 308 00:12:17,345 --> 00:12:20,391 Maybe don't tell Abby I said that, though. 309 00:12:20,435 --> 00:12:22,480 - Wow, this is extensive. 310 00:12:22,524 --> 00:12:24,787 "All tacos are group tacos." 311 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:27,834 - Hey, hey! That was mine! I suggested that one. 312 00:12:27,877 --> 00:12:29,792 - You know, I do see the appeal 313 00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:31,446 in having somewhere to go every night. 314 00:12:31,489 --> 00:12:33,361 You know, my ex-wife, she sort of claimed 315 00:12:33,404 --> 00:12:36,146 all our favorite restaurants as "her territory." 316 00:12:36,190 --> 00:12:39,628 Lot of our friends, also. 317 00:12:39,671 --> 00:12:42,196 And the fish. 318 00:12:42,239 --> 00:12:43,806 We used to have a fish, and now it's her fish. 319 00:12:43,850 --> 00:12:46,156 She took everything, is what I'm trying to say here. 320 00:12:46,200 --> 00:12:47,549 - She had to be a Capricorn. - Yikes. 321 00:12:47,592 --> 00:12:51,118 - She sounds great. - Hmm. 322 00:12:51,161 --> 00:12:53,860 - You know what? You need a glass. 323 00:12:53,903 --> 00:12:55,775 - Oh! - Excuse me? 324 00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:57,254 - Yeah, if you have a seat at the bar, 325 00:12:57,298 --> 00:12:59,387 you get your own glass, like mine. 326 00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:01,606 It says "Fastline Systems" and there's a picture 327 00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,652 of a computer driving a race car. 328 00:13:03,695 --> 00:13:05,436 - [snickers] 329 00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,482 Yeah, what--what's Fastline Systems? 330 00:13:07,525 --> 00:13:09,527 - I don't know. 331 00:13:09,571 --> 00:13:11,399 - [chuckles] - Hey, now. 332 00:13:11,442 --> 00:13:13,836 - Ooh. - Wow, a Viking helmet, huh? 333 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:16,230 - I go with my gut... 334 00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:17,840 and my gut says "Viking helmet." 335 00:13:19,711 --> 00:13:25,369 ♪ 336 00:13:25,413 --> 00:13:26,762 [laughter] 337 00:13:26,806 --> 00:13:28,503 - I know your name is Bill, 338 00:13:28,546 --> 00:13:30,244 but when you're holding that mug, 339 00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:32,507 I'm gonna call you Sven. 340 00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:34,248 - Hmm. [chuckles] 341 00:13:34,291 --> 00:13:37,468 [group cheers] - To Sven! 342 00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:39,601 - Here you go. Sorry about that. 343 00:13:39,644 --> 00:13:41,908 - You know, I was about to reflexively say "It's fine," 344 00:13:41,951 --> 00:13:43,518 but I'm not gonna do that because that was 345 00:13:43,561 --> 00:13:45,955 a very weird thing for you to do. 346 00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:48,828 - All right, man, you--you got me backed into a corner. 347 00:13:48,871 --> 00:13:52,875 You wanna see me beg? I'll beg. 348 00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:54,834 Let me keep the bar open. 349 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,619 - Oh, that's it? 350 00:13:57,662 --> 00:14:00,665 - Yeah. I was practically on my knees. 351 00:14:00,709 --> 00:14:02,798 - Okay, there might be a way to make this work. 352 00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,278 I'm an engineer, so I believe 353 00:14:04,321 --> 00:14:05,540 there's a way to make everything work. 354 00:14:05,583 --> 00:14:06,758 - Ugh. 355 00:14:06,802 --> 00:14:08,717 Easy with the engineer brags, buddy. 356 00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,545 - Well, even if I were to consider it, 357 00:14:10,588 --> 00:14:12,460 you would have to make some changes. 358 00:14:12,503 --> 00:14:14,549 - What kind of changes? - Just some basic stuff. 359 00:14:14,592 --> 00:14:16,899 You know, get a liquor license, uh, have an emergency plan, 360 00:14:16,943 --> 00:14:19,249 and--and just get some business insurance, okay? 361 00:14:19,293 --> 00:14:21,904 - Insurance for what? - Oh, I don't know, uh... 362 00:14:21,948 --> 00:14:23,601 okay, how about the guy playing boccie 363 00:14:23,645 --> 00:14:25,342 with a dart sticking out of his leg? 364 00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:27,475 - Relax. It's in meat, not bone. 365 00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:28,868 - [shouts] 366 00:14:29,956 --> 00:14:31,522 - Oh! - Oh! 367 00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:35,526 [gasps, screams] 368 00:14:35,570 --> 00:14:37,659 [panting] 369 00:14:37,702 --> 00:14:40,749 - Yeah, I'm gonna have to insist on the insurance. 370 00:14:40,792 --> 00:14:42,925 Also, you gotta lose the grill, obviously. 371 00:14:42,969 --> 00:14:44,579 - I can't just "lose the grill." 372 00:14:44,622 --> 00:14:46,320 It's one of the best things about the bar. 373 00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:48,844 People stand around it. They cook, they interact-- 374 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,541 - They catch on fire. - Sometimes, 375 00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:52,935 but they're always fine. 376 00:14:52,979 --> 00:14:54,632 I'm not gonna let you ruin the bar. 377 00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:56,591 - Whoa, "ruin the bar"? It's just a couple of 378 00:14:56,634 --> 00:14:58,636 suggestions, and I think that-- - It's a slippery slope, okay? 379 00:14:58,680 --> 00:15:00,769 I love this place too much to watch it morph 380 00:15:00,812 --> 00:15:03,728 into some cookie-cutter chain restaurant. 381 00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:06,906 I'd rather shut it down, so drink up, everybody! 382 00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:08,429 Last night at Abby's! 383 00:15:08,472 --> 00:15:09,865 If anyone needs me, I'll be in my house 384 00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,301 getting drunk, where you can't go, 385 00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:13,913 so I hope you don't need me. 386 00:15:13,956 --> 00:15:16,567 Also, when I was next door, I found your phone, Skip. 387 00:15:16,611 --> 00:15:17,960 I think it's been back there for, like, three years. 388 00:15:18,004 --> 00:15:19,483 Do you want it? 389 00:15:21,833 --> 00:15:24,271 Right answer. Skip gets me! 390 00:15:24,314 --> 00:15:27,839 ♪ 391 00:15:30,146 --> 00:15:30,581 . 392 00:15:30,625 --> 00:15:33,019 ♪ 393 00:15:33,062 --> 00:15:34,803 - It's such a bummer. 394 00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:38,633 This could've been the night we got the dartboard. 395 00:15:38,676 --> 00:15:42,680 Not anymore. Not anymore. 396 00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,987 - All right, we just have to go inside and-- 397 00:15:45,031 --> 00:15:46,989 - "Go inside"? The house? 398 00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:48,556 That's literally rule number two. 399 00:15:48,599 --> 00:15:50,384 Number one is "no visors," 400 00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:54,518 and number two is "no one goes inside the house." 401 00:15:54,562 --> 00:15:55,998 - If we don't do something, 402 00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:58,696 Abby's pride is gonna get the bar shut down, 403 00:15:58,740 --> 00:16:01,003 and then where will we be? 404 00:16:01,047 --> 00:16:03,832 At home! 405 00:16:03,875 --> 00:16:06,052 All right. James? 406 00:16:06,095 --> 00:16:08,750 Make sure Mr. Fancy Engineer doesn't leave. 407 00:16:08,793 --> 00:16:11,666 - [laughing] Yeah, such an intense brag out of nowhere. 408 00:16:11,709 --> 00:16:12,797 - I know. 409 00:16:12,841 --> 00:16:15,017 "I'm an engineer. I love math." 410 00:16:15,061 --> 00:16:17,454 - [mumbles indistinctly] 411 00:16:19,543 --> 00:16:20,892 - Hey, I know we're not supposed to, uh-- 412 00:16:20,936 --> 00:16:24,026 - It's fine. Make yourselves at home. 413 00:16:24,070 --> 00:16:26,463 - So this is your kitchen. 414 00:16:26,507 --> 00:16:27,508 Wow. 415 00:16:27,551 --> 00:16:28,900 Cool, uh, elephant magnet. 416 00:16:28,944 --> 00:16:29,945 - Don't look at my stuff. 417 00:16:29,989 --> 00:16:32,034 - Okay. Cool, cool. 418 00:16:32,078 --> 00:16:34,428 - So, how're you doing? 419 00:16:34,471 --> 00:16:35,864 - [sighs] 420 00:16:35,907 --> 00:16:38,084 It hasn't sunk in yet. 421 00:16:38,127 --> 00:16:41,000 I guess I'll have to get another job at a sports bar 422 00:16:41,043 --> 00:16:42,610 where the guys wear their sunglasses 423 00:16:42,653 --> 00:16:44,220 on the back of their... 424 00:16:44,264 --> 00:16:46,788 necks. 425 00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:48,790 - Abby, we can't let you do this. 426 00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,661 - Oh, don't worry about me. 427 00:16:50,705 --> 00:16:52,750 - I'm not. I'm worried about me. 428 00:16:52,794 --> 00:16:54,187 I need this bar. 429 00:16:54,230 --> 00:16:56,102 I budgeted out my savings for the next 25 years. 430 00:16:56,145 --> 00:16:58,713 If I gotta pay more than three bucks a beer, 431 00:16:58,756 --> 00:17:00,889 I'm gonna go broke by the time I'm 70. 432 00:17:00,932 --> 00:17:03,022 - Abs, I need the bar too. 433 00:17:03,065 --> 00:17:04,762 If this thing goes away, 434 00:17:04,806 --> 00:17:06,982 then I have to spend more time with my family, 435 00:17:07,026 --> 00:17:11,682 and I love them dearly, but that's a nonstarter. 436 00:17:11,726 --> 00:17:14,076 My kids are obsessed with me. 437 00:17:14,120 --> 00:17:18,124 They want me to hug them and make them food. 438 00:17:18,167 --> 00:17:23,085 - I'm sorry guys, but I-- I just can't. 439 00:17:23,129 --> 00:17:24,956 Okay? 440 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,133 Now leave me alone so I can black out 441 00:17:27,176 --> 00:17:29,265 and forget this is happening. 442 00:17:32,834 --> 00:17:34,879 - Last thing I'll say: 443 00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:36,664 Bill is out there right now 444 00:17:36,707 --> 00:17:40,189 trying to figure out where to hang the dartboard. 445 00:17:40,233 --> 00:17:43,584 - So? - So he's invested. 446 00:17:43,627 --> 00:17:44,933 He's one of us. 447 00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:48,545 He might not know it yet, but I do. 448 00:17:48,589 --> 00:17:51,026 - It just makes me feel like I'm a kid again, you know? 449 00:17:51,070 --> 00:17:53,115 When my dad would just show up out of nowhere 450 00:17:53,159 --> 00:17:54,682 and mess everything up? 451 00:17:54,725 --> 00:17:56,553 - And I get that, I--I really do, 452 00:17:56,597 --> 00:18:00,514 but I think we can trust this guy not to ruin the joint. 453 00:18:00,557 --> 00:18:02,255 Besides, I am right in the middle 454 00:18:02,298 --> 00:18:04,518 of a game of dominoes with James. 455 00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:06,259 If you close down, what are we gonna do? 456 00:18:06,302 --> 00:18:08,783 You know how hard it is to move a game of dominoes? 457 00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:12,700 It's impossible, Sarge. The tiles go everywhere. 458 00:18:12,743 --> 00:18:14,049 - Thanks for the talk. 459 00:18:14,093 --> 00:18:15,659 - Any time. 460 00:18:17,748 --> 00:18:19,663 - Also, please stop calling me "Sarge." 461 00:18:19,707 --> 00:18:21,665 - Ah, respectfully, I'm gonna keep on doing that 462 00:18:21,709 --> 00:18:24,059 'cause it's fun. 463 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,887 ♪ 464 00:18:25,930 --> 00:18:26,975 [door clicks shut] 465 00:18:29,238 --> 00:18:29,412 . 466 00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:31,762 - I guess the front of the bar is out 467 00:18:31,806 --> 00:18:33,721 because of people's faces and eyes and stuff. 468 00:18:33,764 --> 00:18:37,159 - Yeah, that stuff is important. 469 00:18:37,203 --> 00:18:40,423 - Skip seems to have his area pretty well locked down, here. 470 00:18:42,512 --> 00:18:44,253 - Don't look right at him! 471 00:18:47,126 --> 00:18:49,606 - Okay. 472 00:18:49,650 --> 00:18:52,653 I'm willing to try some of your changes. 473 00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:54,350 - What do you mean "some"? 474 00:18:54,394 --> 00:18:56,700 - I will work on the insurance thing. 475 00:18:56,744 --> 00:18:59,225 - Oh, I have a friend in the insurance game. 476 00:18:59,268 --> 00:19:02,837 Tons of ways to cheat the system. 477 00:19:02,880 --> 00:19:06,101 But, you know, still be legal. 478 00:19:06,145 --> 00:19:07,755 [quietly] But sneaky. 479 00:19:07,798 --> 00:19:10,714 - Okay, and the emergency plan? 480 00:19:10,758 --> 00:19:12,194 - We're outside. 481 00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:15,328 The emergency plan is "remain outside." 482 00:19:15,371 --> 00:19:17,373 - Okay. What about the grill? 483 00:19:17,417 --> 00:19:19,288 - As I've said, 484 00:19:19,332 --> 00:19:21,508 the grill is where people gather. 485 00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,292 The grill is important. 486 00:19:23,336 --> 00:19:25,120 - Then we don't have a deal. - Damn it, Bill. 487 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:28,210 You can't move a game of dominoes! 488 00:19:28,254 --> 00:19:30,212 - What? 489 00:19:30,256 --> 00:19:32,345 - The dominoes. If you move them mid-game, 490 00:19:32,388 --> 00:19:34,738 then everything gets all scrambled and ruined 491 00:19:34,782 --> 00:19:37,524 and you lose all the tiles. 492 00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:40,657 [sighs] I need the people at this bar. 493 00:19:40,701 --> 00:19:43,443 And they need the bar the way it is. 494 00:19:43,486 --> 00:19:47,664 If they go away, I lose them. 495 00:19:47,708 --> 00:19:49,753 Please, man. 496 00:19:49,797 --> 00:19:52,103 - [voice breaking] Abby... 497 00:19:52,147 --> 00:19:55,672 that was so beautiful. 498 00:19:55,716 --> 00:19:57,239 - Okay, we'll make it work. 499 00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:59,328 But I do have one more condition. 500 00:19:59,372 --> 00:20:01,635 - What? - If we're gonna do this, 501 00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:03,680 I need to know that it's gonna be a partnership, okay? 502 00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:07,728 I'm risking a lot here, so I need you to meet me halfway. 503 00:20:07,771 --> 00:20:12,167 And that's why I need you to make me... 504 00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,256 a mai tai. 505 00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:20,306 ♪ 506 00:20:22,525 --> 00:20:25,528 - 20 bucks says she bails. 507 00:20:25,572 --> 00:20:26,921 - You're on. - Guys. 508 00:20:26,964 --> 00:20:28,488 - Oh. Hey, you can do this. 509 00:20:28,531 --> 00:20:30,490 We believe in you. 510 00:20:35,799 --> 00:20:38,280 - Actually, I--I like extra cherries on mine. 511 00:20:42,415 --> 00:20:43,807 Oh. 512 00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:51,859 [clicks tongue, inhales] Well, you can toss this. 513 00:20:51,902 --> 00:20:54,340 I don't like mai tais. 514 00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:58,213 - What? - I... 515 00:20:58,257 --> 00:20:59,475 I just wanted to see if you would do it. 516 00:20:59,519 --> 00:21:00,911 I mean, I'm actually very surprised. 517 00:21:00,955 --> 00:21:02,652 Just to compromise all your integrity like that 518 00:21:02,696 --> 00:21:04,785 is super humbling. 519 00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:10,965 - Well played. - [exhales noisily] 520 00:21:11,008 --> 00:21:13,750 [chuckles] Thank God. 521 00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:17,319 I was so scared just then. 522 00:21:17,363 --> 00:21:19,974 I--I need this drink. 523 00:21:20,017 --> 00:21:22,933 ♪ 524 00:21:22,983 --> 00:21:27,533 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37566

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