Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:03,655 --> 00:00:04,004
.
2
00:00:04,047 --> 00:00:06,136
[laidback music]
3
00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:07,746
- What's a more romantic
anniversary getaway,
4
00:00:07,790 --> 00:00:11,663
an Alaskan cruise
or a vampire tour of Arizona?
5
00:00:11,707 --> 00:00:14,623
- Duh, a cruise.
Cruises are so sexy.
6
00:00:14,666 --> 00:00:16,277
- Like on the "Titanic."
7
00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:18,496
But careful, Michelle,
or you might fall in love with
8
00:00:18,540 --> 00:00:20,324
a scoundrel who lives
below deck.
9
00:00:20,368 --> 00:00:22,065
- Ooh, and he'll wind up dead
10
00:00:22,109 --> 00:00:23,066
while you're floating on
a door.
11
00:00:23,110 --> 00:00:24,328
- Mmm.
12
00:00:24,372 --> 00:00:26,417
- Yeah, I'ma do
the vampire tour.
13
00:00:26,461 --> 00:00:29,812
- I had a roommate that
I thought was a vampire,
14
00:00:29,855 --> 00:00:31,422
but he was just British.
15
00:00:31,466 --> 00:00:33,555
And then ever since then
I've just roomed with
16
00:00:33,598 --> 00:00:35,122
fat, tan Americans.
17
00:00:36,558 --> 00:00:38,429
- Ooh, look at the focus.
18
00:00:38,473 --> 00:00:40,431
- Ooh, something is
definitely up.
19
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:41,780
- [chuckles]
20
00:00:41,824 --> 00:00:43,652
Ah, well, nothing, uh,
it's just, uh,
21
00:00:43,695 --> 00:00:47,134
it seems that "The Blade's"
Peach Weekender has named me
22
00:00:47,177 --> 00:00:49,092
one of "Toledo's Top
100 Bachelors."
23
00:00:49,136 --> 00:00:50,485
- Hmm.
24
00:00:50,528 --> 00:00:52,226
- It's actually kind of
embarrassing.
25
00:00:52,269 --> 00:00:55,055
- Ladies are gonna be ripping
those sweatpants right off.
26
00:00:55,098 --> 00:00:56,795
- Yeah, that drawstring
doesn't stand a chance.
27
00:00:56,839 --> 00:00:59,581
- They're gonna tear
your pants off in public.
28
00:00:59,624 --> 00:01:00,843
- [giggling]
29
00:01:00,886 --> 00:01:02,627
- Oh, what's the word, Durb?
30
00:01:02,671 --> 00:01:05,369
- Color me surprised,
but guess which
31
00:01:05,413 --> 00:01:07,110
recently divorced high school
principal with
32
00:01:07,154 --> 00:01:10,113
a slight case of psoriasis
was just named one of
33
00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:12,202
Toledo's top 100 bachelors?
34
00:01:12,246 --> 00:01:15,205
[cheering and applause]
35
00:01:15,249 --> 00:01:17,120
- Thank you.
I mean...
36
00:01:17,164 --> 00:01:18,208
- Good for you.
37
00:01:18,252 --> 00:01:19,557
- Move.
38
00:01:19,601 --> 00:01:21,385
- Okay, guys--guys,
that's very sweet.
39
00:01:21,429 --> 00:01:22,604
You don't need to make
a big fuss out of it, though.
40
00:01:22,647 --> 00:01:23,779
- Yes, there is.
41
00:01:23,822 --> 00:01:25,389
- Oh, glorious day, Whitlock.
42
00:01:25,433 --> 00:01:27,304
Your beloved Principal
has just been named
43
00:01:27,348 --> 00:01:29,741
one of the top 100 bachelors
of Toledo.
44
00:01:29,785 --> 00:01:31,569
So, ladies of age,
pull up your bloomers
45
00:01:31,613 --> 00:01:33,136
and get in line!
46
00:01:33,180 --> 00:01:34,398
[Ramones'
"Listen to My Heart"]
47
00:01:34,442 --> 00:01:36,183
- ♪ One, two, three, four
48
00:01:36,226 --> 00:01:37,749
♪ Next time,
I'll listen to my heart ♪
49
00:01:37,793 --> 00:01:39,621
♪ Next time,
well, I'll be smart ♪
50
00:01:39,664 --> 00:01:46,715
♪
51
00:01:47,672 --> 00:01:49,370
- This is so cool.
52
00:01:49,413 --> 00:01:51,154
I mean, who woulda thought
little Ralphie Durbin
53
00:01:51,198 --> 00:01:53,591
from the old neighborhood
being a top Toledo bachelor?
54
00:01:53,635 --> 00:01:56,116
- Ralph, take it easy, man.
It's not that big of a deal.
55
00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:57,900
- Well, maybe not for you,
but I've never been on a list.
56
00:01:57,943 --> 00:02:00,816
Well, I was--I was on
a sex offender list one time,
57
00:02:00,859 --> 00:02:02,818
but that was a typo.
58
00:02:02,861 --> 00:02:05,516
Guy's name was Ralph Durbine.
59
00:02:05,560 --> 00:02:07,257
Big time jerky guy, apparently.
60
00:02:07,301 --> 00:02:08,911
- Huh.
61
00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:10,217
- I'm just so happy you and I
are on the same list.
62
00:02:10,260 --> 00:02:11,783
- Mm-hmm.
63
00:02:11,827 --> 00:02:13,481
- Now I just gotta worry about
what to do with my face.
64
00:02:13,524 --> 00:02:14,569
I hate the way my face looks
in photographs.
65
00:02:14,612 --> 00:02:15,570
- What?
No.
66
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:17,311
Your face is awesome, Durbs.
67
00:02:17,354 --> 00:02:19,139
- Yeah, give us some over
the shoulder brooding look.
68
00:02:19,182 --> 00:02:21,271
You know, like, make it pouty.
- Okay.
69
00:02:24,666 --> 00:02:27,190
- Yes.
- Yes, Durb, shr-exy.
70
00:02:27,234 --> 00:02:29,236
- Okay, God, this is all
so much fun already.
71
00:02:29,279 --> 00:02:30,802
You what the most exciting part
is?
72
00:02:30,846 --> 00:02:33,153
After the magazine comes out,
there's a big party
73
00:02:33,196 --> 00:02:34,806
for all the bachelors.
74
00:02:34,850 --> 00:02:38,419
And from what I understand
it is a very swanky affair.
75
00:02:38,462 --> 00:02:39,898
- Mmm.
- Mmm.
76
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:43,554
- Jack, you and I
are gonna be sipping martinis
77
00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:46,470
at the top of
the Courtyard Marriott.
78
00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:48,168
- Huh.
79
00:02:48,211 --> 00:02:49,647
Yeah, I guess it could be good
for my book on
80
00:02:49,691 --> 00:02:51,475
working class Toledo
to experience
81
00:02:51,519 --> 00:02:52,955
their version of a gala.
82
00:02:52,998 --> 00:02:54,652
You ladies think I look good
in sweatpants,
83
00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:55,827
wait till you see me in a suit.
84
00:02:55,871 --> 00:02:57,438
[laughs]
- Oh.
85
00:02:57,481 --> 00:02:58,917
- All right, I'm gonna go
to class.
86
00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,223
- Oh, we should do matching
pocket squares.
87
00:03:00,267 --> 00:03:01,833
- I probably won't.
88
00:03:01,877 --> 00:03:03,792
[bell rings]
89
00:03:04,793 --> 00:03:06,708
[sucking noises]
90
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:10,233
- [moans]
91
00:03:12,279 --> 00:03:13,367
Feel like I'm no better
at kissing
92
00:03:13,410 --> 00:03:14,933
than I was 20 minutes ago.
93
00:03:14,977 --> 00:03:16,196
- I know.
94
00:03:16,239 --> 00:03:17,588
It's way too predictable.
95
00:03:17,632 --> 00:03:19,416
- What if we practice on
each other's hands?
96
00:03:19,460 --> 00:03:21,679
Then it's like we're actually
practicing on another person
97
00:03:21,723 --> 00:03:24,465
because we are practicing on
another person.
98
00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:28,425
- I'm not so sure.
99
00:03:28,469 --> 00:03:31,559
- Don't worry.
It's her first time too.
100
00:03:44,833 --> 00:03:46,617
- I think we're ready
for actual live girls.
101
00:03:46,661 --> 00:03:48,880
- There is a gesture I've been
wanting to make,
102
00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:52,536
but my love...is forbidden.
103
00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:54,408
- Okay, let's do it.
104
00:03:58,542 --> 00:04:00,675
- I was going for a fist bump,
105
00:04:00,718 --> 00:04:02,981
but I guess you two are
well past that.
106
00:04:04,461 --> 00:04:06,028
- [chuckles awkwardly]
107
00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:09,249
[percussive music]
108
00:04:10,598 --> 00:04:12,426
- Whoops, forgive me for
interrupting.
109
00:04:12,469 --> 00:04:15,298
I am Sarah Nesbitt,
editor of the top 100 list.
110
00:04:15,342 --> 00:04:16,691
- Oh, the top--yeah.
111
00:04:16,734 --> 00:04:18,562
Uh-oh.
[laughs]
112
00:04:18,606 --> 00:04:19,911
All right, guys, pencils down.
113
00:04:19,955 --> 00:04:21,739
Um, we're gonna cool it
with the biology
114
00:04:21,783 --> 00:04:22,740
for a second there.
115
00:04:22,784 --> 00:04:24,438
Boy, oh, boy.
116
00:04:24,481 --> 00:04:26,266
I guess I should mention
the no-brainer of the week.
117
00:04:26,309 --> 00:04:30,357
I was, uh, named one of
Toledo's top 100 bachelors.
118
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:31,706
[laughs]
119
00:04:31,749 --> 00:04:32,794
- Duh.
- Ew.
120
00:04:32,837 --> 00:04:34,535
- One hundred?
121
00:04:34,578 --> 00:04:35,884
- Yeah.
122
00:04:35,927 --> 00:04:37,581
- Actually, I'm here to get
a quote
123
00:04:37,625 --> 00:04:40,758
for Ralph Durbin's profile,
since you're his...
124
00:04:40,802 --> 00:04:42,412
"Best friend
and former roommate."
125
00:04:42,456 --> 00:04:43,761
- [laughs]
126
00:04:43,805 --> 00:04:45,023
All right, well,
there's a startling amount of
127
00:04:45,067 --> 00:04:46,938
hyperbole there, but, uh,
yeah, sure.
128
00:04:46,982 --> 00:04:50,725
Uh, go ahead and write that,
uh, he is a good guy
129
00:04:50,768 --> 00:04:52,292
with a--with a kind heart.
130
00:04:52,335 --> 00:04:53,554
And he, uh....
131
00:04:53,597 --> 00:04:58,428
Well, he...
132
00:04:59,386 --> 00:05:00,865
Oh, you know what?
133
00:05:00,909 --> 00:05:02,432
He's not that sex offender with
the very similar name.
134
00:05:02,476 --> 00:05:03,651
He's not him.
135
00:05:03,694 --> 00:05:05,609
- Uh, okay.
136
00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:07,437
[clears throat]
Well, thank you.
137
00:05:07,481 --> 00:05:09,309
- Absolutely.
Oh, whoa--before you go...
138
00:05:09,352 --> 00:05:11,746
Um, you know,
as you're gathering quotes
139
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:13,617
for my profile,
I prefer that you get 'em
140
00:05:13,661 --> 00:05:15,010
from my Harvard colleagues.
141
00:05:15,053 --> 00:05:17,055
- Oh, we only do profiles
on the bachelors
142
00:05:17,099 --> 00:05:18,622
who made the top ten.
143
00:05:18,666 --> 00:05:20,624
- Oh, oh, ope.
I'm sorry?
144
00:05:20,668 --> 00:05:23,018
- If you're not in the top ten,
you don't get a profile.
145
00:05:23,061 --> 00:05:24,454
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
146
00:05:24,498 --> 00:05:27,022
I'm not one of the top ten
bachelors?
147
00:05:28,153 --> 00:05:30,112
In Toledo...
148
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:31,418
Ohio?
149
00:05:31,461 --> 00:05:32,419
- Yes.
150
00:05:32,462 --> 00:05:33,898
- What?
- Ouch.
151
00:05:33,942 --> 00:05:36,510
[percussive music]
152
00:05:39,208 --> 00:05:39,382
.
153
00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:41,341
- Wait a second.
154
00:05:41,384 --> 00:05:42,864
If you're not gathering quotes
for my profile,
155
00:05:42,907 --> 00:05:44,431
then what is the magazine
gonna say about me?
156
00:05:44,474 --> 00:05:47,216
- Oh, we just pull a blurb
from your submission packet.
157
00:05:47,259 --> 00:05:48,696
- What submission packet?
158
00:05:48,739 --> 00:05:51,176
- Where you were described
as a...
159
00:05:51,220 --> 00:05:53,440
"Lovable grumpus"
and the "cutie with a booty."
160
00:05:53,483 --> 00:05:56,921
- Now see, I actually agree
with "lovable grumpus."
161
00:05:58,401 --> 00:05:59,489
- Thank you, Dan.
162
00:05:59,533 --> 00:06:00,490
All right,
those are the ramblings
163
00:06:00,534 --> 00:06:01,883
of a mental patient.
164
00:06:01,926 --> 00:06:03,450
And I know exactly who wrote
them.
165
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,496
- You can divorce him later.
166
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:07,845
Oh, shh.
167
00:06:07,889 --> 00:06:09,107
Marry him, he sounds fun.
168
00:06:09,151 --> 00:06:11,022
There's the cutie with
the booty.
169
00:06:11,066 --> 00:06:12,459
- [chuckles]
170
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:13,895
Helen, I need to know
everything you wrote about me
171
00:06:13,938 --> 00:06:15,244
in that bachelor submission.
172
00:06:15,287 --> 00:06:16,724
- Oh, I was very flattering.
- Yeah?
173
00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:18,203
- I said you were
a smarty-pants
174
00:06:18,247 --> 00:06:20,118
and you wear really cute
pajamas to work
175
00:06:20,162 --> 00:06:22,251
and you live in
your dead mom's apartment.
176
00:06:22,294 --> 00:06:24,732
- Okay, so, nothing--nothing
about me going to Harvard
177
00:06:24,775 --> 00:06:26,473
or that I was
a National Merit Scholar?
178
00:06:26,516 --> 00:06:27,474
[groans]
Yeah.
179
00:06:27,517 --> 00:06:28,779
- Cheez Whiz.
180
00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:30,390
- You know what?
181
00:06:30,433 --> 00:06:31,956
I probably shouldn't even sweat
not being in the top ten.
182
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,305
I mean, you know,
we strive for these awards
183
00:06:33,349 --> 00:06:35,090
that will never bring us
true happiness.
184
00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:36,439
- Oh, I can't argue with that.
185
00:06:36,483 --> 00:06:38,049
I mean, being crowned
186
00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,834
"The Longest Baby Born
in Toledo"
187
00:06:39,877 --> 00:06:41,401
has caused me nothing
but grief.
188
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:42,793
- Yeah, I bet.
189
00:06:42,837 --> 00:06:44,186
- The press can be so mean.
190
00:06:44,229 --> 00:06:46,275
"At this rate,
she'll be 11 feet tall.
191
00:06:46,318 --> 00:06:48,408
Finally, an 11-foot tall
woman."
192
00:06:48,451 --> 00:06:51,367
And then there's hell to pay
when you end up normal-sized.
193
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:53,282
I didn't purposely end up
short and squat.
194
00:06:53,325 --> 00:06:55,458
I would have loved to be
11 feet tall.
195
00:06:55,502 --> 00:06:58,461
[bright music]
196
00:06:58,505 --> 00:07:00,420
[indistinct chatter]
197
00:07:00,463 --> 00:07:03,248
- Yeah, so, Mom,
I'm number eight out of 100.
198
00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:05,468
Yeah, I'm gonna be in
the newspaper.
199
00:07:05,512 --> 00:07:06,948
[indistinct chatter]
200
00:07:06,991 --> 00:07:08,384
- [grunts]
201
00:07:08,428 --> 00:07:11,343
Well, how much--how much
did they drain out of it?
202
00:07:11,387 --> 00:07:12,954
Okay.
203
00:07:12,997 --> 00:07:14,477
I hear "Judge Judy" coming on
behind you.
204
00:07:14,521 --> 00:07:15,957
I know you're gonna hang up.
I'll call you later.
205
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,828
I'll call you later, bye.
206
00:07:19,482 --> 00:07:20,570
[exhales deeply]
207
00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:23,573
[percussive music]
208
00:07:23,617 --> 00:07:26,358
♪
209
00:07:26,402 --> 00:07:28,099
- Watch and learn.
210
00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:31,189
[indistinct chatter]
211
00:07:32,364 --> 00:07:34,497
If you're texting me,
you don't need to.
212
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:36,064
I'm right here.
213
00:07:36,107 --> 00:07:38,022
- I'm firing my piano teacher.
214
00:07:39,546 --> 00:07:41,504
- You know, I always found
the idea of dating childish.
215
00:07:41,548 --> 00:07:43,071
- Oh, no.
216
00:07:43,114 --> 00:07:45,029
- But as we grow older,
our feelings change.
217
00:07:45,073 --> 00:07:46,857
I look at you
and I don't see the girl
218
00:07:46,901 --> 00:07:48,511
I went to elementary school
with anymore.
219
00:07:48,555 --> 00:07:50,992
Now I see a woman.
220
00:07:51,035 --> 00:07:53,908
I don't know if you've noticed,
but I've been changing too.
221
00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:56,171
- Uh, Eduardo, uh...
222
00:07:56,214 --> 00:07:58,913
- Shh...let me finish.
223
00:07:58,956 --> 00:08:01,350
In conclusion, would you go out
with me?
224
00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:02,482
- No.
225
00:08:04,396 --> 00:08:05,963
- Thank you.
226
00:08:08,488 --> 00:08:10,402
- Well, never thought
a high school secretary
227
00:08:10,446 --> 00:08:12,492
in Toledo could be my demise,
but...
228
00:08:12,535 --> 00:08:14,319
[laughing]
229
00:08:14,363 --> 00:08:17,540
Oh, Helen's folksy cunning
has pushed me to the brink.
230
00:08:17,584 --> 00:08:19,586
Yeah, she wrote my submission,
231
00:08:19,629 --> 00:08:20,935
which is why I'm not in
the top ten.
232
00:08:20,978 --> 00:08:22,545
- We gotta fix this.
233
00:08:22,589 --> 00:08:24,112
We should resubmit your--
- I wanna resubmit my packet--
234
00:08:24,155 --> 00:08:27,376
Jesus, Heather,
we are lined up.
235
00:08:27,419 --> 00:08:29,204
Once they read the new packet
they'll have no choice
236
00:08:29,247 --> 00:08:31,380
but to put me in the top ten
where I rightfully belong.
237
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:33,513
- Aren't you at all embarrassed
to be groveling for
238
00:08:33,556 --> 00:08:36,124
a spot on a Toledo
single's list?
239
00:08:36,167 --> 00:08:37,908
- Marcus, face down.
240
00:08:39,606 --> 00:08:41,433
All right, let's get to work
on this blurb.
241
00:08:43,610 --> 00:08:46,308
- Uh, maybe use this.
242
00:08:48,005 --> 00:08:51,531
"Once in a generation
there's a revolutionary leader.
243
00:08:51,574 --> 00:08:55,056
"A Che, a Mahatma,
a Malcolm.
244
00:08:55,099 --> 00:08:58,668
"Jack Griffin is the Guevara,
the Gandhi,
245
00:08:58,712 --> 00:09:01,976
the Gladwell of Toledo."
246
00:09:02,019 --> 00:09:04,587
- Heather...
247
00:09:04,631 --> 00:09:08,112
When I die,
you're getting it all.
248
00:09:09,636 --> 00:09:11,072
Say it again.
249
00:09:11,115 --> 00:09:13,204
Sarika, you wanna write
this down?
250
00:09:15,337 --> 00:09:18,470
- "Once in a generation..."
- Sarika, write it down.
251
00:09:18,514 --> 00:09:19,907
- "Once in a generation..."
252
00:09:19,950 --> 00:09:21,386
- Sarika, you're not writing
it down.
253
00:09:22,605 --> 00:09:23,693
- Mm-hmm.
254
00:09:23,737 --> 00:09:25,216
- Are you ready?
255
00:09:25,260 --> 00:09:28,219
[percussive music]
256
00:09:28,263 --> 00:09:29,960
- Hello, ladies.
257
00:09:30,004 --> 00:09:32,180
- Shouldn't you be in class?
- I have a hall pass.
258
00:09:32,223 --> 00:09:34,617
- Okay, see and this is
very wet.
259
00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:36,271
- May we have the room?
260
00:09:36,314 --> 00:09:37,446
- "We" who?
261
00:09:37,489 --> 00:09:38,926
- You and me, "we."
262
00:09:38,969 --> 00:09:41,624
- Uh, you can have this
5X5 space,
263
00:09:41,668 --> 00:09:45,280
but we will remain in the room
for legal reasons.
264
00:09:45,323 --> 00:09:48,457
- Ms. Duncan, if you were
a garden, I would tend you.
265
00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:50,111
- Okay.
266
00:09:50,154 --> 00:09:51,678
- If you were a bird,
I would watch you soar.
267
00:09:51,721 --> 00:09:53,462
- Oh, that's nice.
268
00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:55,333
- If you were a video game,
I would sneak downstairs
269
00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:57,292
in the middle of the night
to play you on mute.
270
00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,729
- I don't--I don't like that.
271
00:09:59,773 --> 00:10:01,252
- I want you to have this.
272
00:10:01,296 --> 00:10:03,603
- Oh, well, see,
you are very sweet,
273
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:07,084
but I can't accept
the Quinn Satchel in Oxblood
274
00:10:07,128 --> 00:10:09,130
with the side-slit pockets.
275
00:10:09,173 --> 00:10:11,306
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm late for French.
276
00:10:11,349 --> 00:10:12,699
- Hi.
277
00:10:12,742 --> 00:10:14,483
- Give that bag back to that
sweaty little boy.
278
00:10:14,526 --> 00:10:16,528
- Why?
- This is a slippery slope.
279
00:10:16,572 --> 00:10:18,139
- Because he's sweaty?
- Ooh.
280
00:10:18,182 --> 00:10:20,010
- Slippin'.
281
00:10:20,054 --> 00:10:21,621
- Thank you so much.
282
00:10:23,535 --> 00:10:25,668
- Hey, hey there.
So glad I caught you.
283
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,670
Uh, this document here is gonna
tell you everything
284
00:10:27,714 --> 00:10:29,324
you really need to know
about me, yeah.
285
00:10:29,367 --> 00:10:33,633
SAT scores, Harvard,
my various endowments.
286
00:10:33,676 --> 00:10:36,984
Didn't mean to wink.
That made it skeevy.
287
00:10:37,027 --> 00:10:40,378
Uh, at an rate, I think once
you peruse this document here,
288
00:10:40,422 --> 00:10:42,685
you will see that
I am top ten material.
289
00:10:42,729 --> 00:10:44,339
- This isn't necessary.
- No, please.
290
00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:46,167
- Okay, uh, we did
our research already
291
00:10:46,210 --> 00:10:49,300
and found that you are solidly
number...
292
00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:52,303
- Okay.
293
00:10:52,347 --> 00:10:54,305
[tense music]
294
00:10:54,349 --> 00:10:56,743
Ah, still flipping?
295
00:10:58,222 --> 00:10:59,702
No.
296
00:10:59,746 --> 00:11:01,356
- 86.
- 86th?
297
00:11:01,399 --> 00:11:04,707
How can I be 86th on your list?
That's crazy.
298
00:11:04,751 --> 00:11:07,014
- Hey, Jack.
Is everything okay?
299
00:11:07,057 --> 00:11:09,581
- Oh, hey--hey, Lynette.
Yeah, it's good.
300
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:10,670
Yeah, very okay.
301
00:11:10,713 --> 00:11:12,149
- What list are you 86th on?
302
00:11:12,193 --> 00:11:13,455
- Top 100 Eligible Bachelors--
303
00:11:13,498 --> 00:11:16,719
- Golf--golfers,
best golfers of all time.
304
00:11:18,068 --> 00:11:19,330
- That's very impressive.
305
00:11:19,374 --> 00:11:21,028
- It's--it's not bad.
306
00:11:21,071 --> 00:11:23,030
- Okay.
Excuse me.
307
00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:26,163
- Don't take the numbers too--
- Can we just...wait a second?
308
00:11:27,469 --> 00:11:28,775
[sighs]
309
00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:31,821
Not yet.
310
00:11:31,865 --> 00:11:33,649
- What exactly
are we waiting for?
311
00:11:33,693 --> 00:11:36,086
- No--nothing,
we're just waiting.
312
00:11:37,827 --> 00:11:40,221
86th, are you kidding me?
313
00:11:40,264 --> 00:11:41,788
- Don't take the numbers
too seriously.
314
00:11:41,831 --> 00:11:44,399
Just being on the list
is an honor.
315
00:11:44,442 --> 00:11:45,748
Congrats.
316
00:11:45,792 --> 00:11:47,794
- Okay, being 86th
on your stupid list
317
00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:49,273
is not an honor.
318
00:11:49,317 --> 00:11:51,362
[groans]
Great.
319
00:11:51,406 --> 00:11:52,581
That's great.
320
00:11:55,279 --> 00:11:55,671
.
321
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,717
- Are they insane?
You're Jack Griffin.
322
00:11:57,760 --> 00:11:59,240
You're Harvard Jack.
323
00:11:59,283 --> 00:12:01,024
You're the big enchilada.
You should be in the top ten.
324
00:12:01,068 --> 00:12:02,591
- I mean, come on.
325
00:12:02,634 --> 00:12:04,027
How did they come up with
this crazy list?
326
00:12:04,071 --> 00:12:06,073
- Oh, they focus on dumb stuff,
like, how I'm always
327
00:12:06,116 --> 00:12:08,597
involved in the community
and how I own a home
328
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:10,860
and I'm always giving money
to charity and--
329
00:12:10,904 --> 00:12:13,254
- How you run the top
public school in the district,
330
00:12:13,297 --> 00:12:15,647
how you give blood
till you pass out,
331
00:12:15,691 --> 00:12:18,085
how you put on those little
short-shorts for the car wash
332
00:12:18,128 --> 00:12:19,651
just so we can raise a lot
of money
333
00:12:19,695 --> 00:12:20,914
for the women's shelter.
334
00:12:20,957 --> 00:12:22,959
The ladies were going crazy
for him.
335
00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:25,657
- How are my accomplishments
ever gonna be rewarded,
336
00:12:25,701 --> 00:12:27,224
given those insane parameters?
337
00:12:27,268 --> 00:12:29,792
- See, this is wrong.
Damn it, this is wrong.
338
00:12:29,836 --> 00:12:31,054
- It's wrong.
- We gotta fight.
339
00:12:31,098 --> 00:12:33,927
You know, the mayor owes me
a favor.
340
00:12:33,970 --> 00:12:37,278
Maybe it's time I called it in.
341
00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:39,019
- Yeah, or we could just go
talk to Sarah.
342
00:12:39,062 --> 00:12:41,238
I mean, I do think a word
from a top ten
343
00:12:41,282 --> 00:12:43,023
would go very far.
344
00:12:43,066 --> 00:12:44,285
- Yeah, oh, well, she'll be at
the group photoshoot
345
00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:45,286
later this afternoon.
346
00:12:45,329 --> 00:12:46,809
- Perfect.
347
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,071
- You and I are gonna be
toasting martinis
348
00:12:48,115 --> 00:12:50,726
as fellow top tenners
in no time.
349
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,641
- That's the plan.
350
00:12:52,684 --> 00:12:54,730
Hey, why does the mayor
owe you a favor?
351
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,993
- Oh, well...
352
00:12:57,037 --> 00:13:00,780
Let's just say that
his, uh, daughter
353
00:13:00,823 --> 00:13:05,045
did not go to her senior prom
alone.
354
00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:09,179
[whistling]
355
00:13:10,920 --> 00:13:12,704
My nephew took her.
356
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,882
- Oh--oh.
357
00:13:15,925 --> 00:13:17,318
[bell rings]
358
00:13:17,361 --> 00:13:19,799
- If you're texting me,
you don't need to.
359
00:13:19,842 --> 00:13:21,757
I'm right here.
360
00:13:21,801 --> 00:13:23,280
- What are you talking about?
361
00:13:23,324 --> 00:13:25,282
- You know, I always found
the idea of dating childish.
362
00:13:25,326 --> 00:13:26,893
- Oh, I heard about this.
363
00:13:26,936 --> 00:13:28,938
- But as we grow older,
our feelings change.
364
00:13:28,982 --> 00:13:30,853
I look at you
and I don't see the girl
365
00:13:30,897 --> 00:13:32,768
I went to elementary school
with anymore.
366
00:13:32,812 --> 00:13:34,814
Now, I see a woman.
367
00:13:34,857 --> 00:13:36,641
- That's really sweet,
but let me cut you off.
368
00:13:36,685 --> 00:13:38,426
- No, please allow me
to cut you off.
369
00:13:38,469 --> 00:13:40,123
Would you go out with me?
370
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:42,734
- Not if we were the last
two people on a desert island.
371
00:13:42,778 --> 00:13:44,171
- Thank you.
372
00:13:46,260 --> 00:13:48,436
[bell rings]
373
00:13:48,479 --> 00:13:52,266
- As an adult,
starting swimming is scary.
374
00:13:52,309 --> 00:13:54,964
- Oh, no, I know you didn't
keep that bag.
375
00:13:55,008 --> 00:13:58,707
- Girl, I am trying to teach
the future generation of men
376
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,143
how to treat a lady.
377
00:14:00,187 --> 00:14:01,971
- He's gonna expect something.
378
00:14:02,015 --> 00:14:04,234
Like, an A.
- More like that A.
379
00:14:04,278 --> 00:14:06,062
- More like that ass.
380
00:14:06,106 --> 00:14:07,672
[jazzy music]
381
00:14:07,716 --> 00:14:10,458
- Girl.
But it makes me feel so classy.
382
00:14:10,501 --> 00:14:11,720
- What can I get you?
383
00:14:11,763 --> 00:14:13,983
- Oh, no shot for me.
384
00:14:14,027 --> 00:14:17,334
Today I think I'll try
a Pinot Grigio.
385
00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:20,207
- Huh, thought you'd order
something like that.
386
00:14:20,250 --> 00:14:23,340
- See?
It's classy.
387
00:14:23,384 --> 00:14:25,952
- Okay, think about this:
388
00:14:25,995 --> 00:14:29,303
Victor gives you a bag
and then you feel obliged to
389
00:14:29,346 --> 00:14:32,045
hang out with him after school
one day.
390
00:14:32,088 --> 00:14:34,482
And then poof,
it's ten years later.
391
00:14:34,525 --> 00:14:37,006
You're married to Victor
living in a two-room condo
392
00:14:37,050 --> 00:14:39,922
with an in-unit washer-dryer,
explaining what 9/11 was like.
393
00:14:39,966 --> 00:14:41,489
- Well, do I get
a parking space?
394
00:14:41,532 --> 00:14:43,317
- Stefanie.
- W--what?
395
00:14:43,360 --> 00:14:45,101
I mean, he's very thoughtful.
396
00:14:45,145 --> 00:14:47,190
- And very 16.
397
00:14:47,234 --> 00:14:49,976
- Fine, fine, I will give
the bag back.
398
00:14:50,019 --> 00:14:52,848
♪
399
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,894
[whispering]
You guys are being jealous.
400
00:14:54,937 --> 00:14:56,460
Jealous.
401
00:14:56,504 --> 00:14:58,201
- That's perfect.
402
00:14:58,245 --> 00:14:59,811
Oh, good, Ralph, you're here.
403
00:14:59,855 --> 00:15:01,857
Grab a hard hat and vest
off the table
404
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,250
and go lay next to the rubble.
405
00:15:03,293 --> 00:15:04,816
- Listen, let's just pause
the photographs
406
00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,122
for just a second.
407
00:15:06,166 --> 00:15:07,776
We need to have
a serious discussion
408
00:15:07,819 --> 00:15:09,821
about my friend's placement
on this list.
409
00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,998
And are those hard hats
adjustable?
410
00:15:12,041 --> 00:15:14,261
- Listen, I know you weren't
swayed by my new submission
411
00:15:14,304 --> 00:15:16,306
despite the fact that I'm
clearly more qualified--
412
00:15:16,350 --> 00:15:18,004
- I already told you we don't
need you for this shoot.
413
00:15:18,047 --> 00:15:19,135
The list has been decided.
414
00:15:19,179 --> 00:15:20,528
- Oh, okay, okay, okay.
415
00:15:20,571 --> 00:15:22,225
But if you won't take
it from me, I get it.
416
00:15:22,269 --> 00:15:24,401
Perhaps you'll take it from
your very own number eight.
417
00:15:24,445 --> 00:15:26,403
Ralph, take it away.
418
00:15:26,447 --> 00:15:29,276
- Yeah, uh, Jack Griffin is
the finest man I've ever known.
419
00:15:29,319 --> 00:15:30,973
- Wow.
420
00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:33,106
- The fact that he's even
a bachelor is a crime.
421
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:34,977
- Now am I twisting his arm?
This is all him.
422
00:15:35,021 --> 00:15:36,848
- He should not be in
your top ten.
423
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:39,982
He should be in your top one.
424
00:15:40,026 --> 00:15:41,984
Unless that--is that
your number one guy?
425
00:15:42,028 --> 00:15:43,203
Because he deserves it.
- Yeah.
426
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:45,074
- That's your number one
right there.
427
00:15:45,118 --> 00:15:46,380
- There's your number one.
- Oh, my God, he is handsome.
428
00:15:46,423 --> 00:15:48,077
- Look at that guy.
429
00:15:48,121 --> 00:15:49,078
Slot me in at number two,
'cause he's very fit.
430
00:15:49,122 --> 00:15:50,384
- He's fit.
431
00:15:50,427 --> 00:15:52,299
- I'm sorry, I have no time
for this.
432
00:15:52,342 --> 00:15:53,865
- You know what, um, I think I
can slide in right over here.
433
00:15:53,909 --> 00:15:55,171
I'll sit next to
this gentleman here
434
00:15:55,215 --> 00:15:56,825
or if you wouldn't mind
hopping up.
435
00:15:56,868 --> 00:15:57,957
That's great.
I don't even need a jacket.
436
00:15:58,000 --> 00:15:59,349
And you know what?
437
00:15:59,393 --> 00:16:00,916
It could be a top 11,
no one's counting.
438
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,309
- Mr. Griffin,
you're making me question
439
00:16:02,352 --> 00:16:04,050
whether you should be
on this list at all.
440
00:16:04,093 --> 00:16:05,790
- Ooh, you gonna take that
lying down, number eight?
441
00:16:05,834 --> 00:16:07,270
- Absolutely not.
442
00:16:07,314 --> 00:16:09,490
Now listen, either we are both
in the top ten,
443
00:16:09,533 --> 00:16:10,882
or we're both out.
444
00:16:12,928 --> 00:16:14,060
- Have it your way.
445
00:16:14,103 --> 00:16:15,539
- All right, great.
446
00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,106
- You're both off the list.
447
00:16:20,153 --> 00:16:22,416
- Uh...okay.
448
00:16:22,459 --> 00:16:24,157
Well...
[chuckles]
449
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,072
Here, can you grab that
for me there, beefcake?
450
00:16:26,115 --> 00:16:30,163
Um, you know what, pal?
We are so much better off.
451
00:16:30,206 --> 00:16:33,035
I'm telling you,
this top ten is whack.
452
00:16:33,079 --> 00:16:34,123
- [laughs]
- It's whack.
453
00:16:34,167 --> 00:16:35,472
- Yeah.
454
00:16:35,516 --> 00:16:36,996
- There were two craft brewers
on that list.
455
00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:38,171
- Oh.
456
00:16:38,214 --> 00:16:39,346
- Two of these guys,
they craft beer.
457
00:16:39,389 --> 00:16:40,477
That's all they do.
- Right.
458
00:16:40,521 --> 00:16:42,392
That's--yeah, I guess, uh...
459
00:16:42,436 --> 00:16:45,004
I guess I shouldn't have, uh,
gotten my hopes up.
460
00:16:45,047 --> 00:16:46,353
- Yeah...
461
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:52,402
.
462
00:16:52,446 --> 00:16:54,665
- It is with a heavy heart
463
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:57,059
and fists of injustice raised
to the heavens
464
00:16:57,103 --> 00:17:00,062
that I inform you that
your beloved Principal,
465
00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:02,369
Ralph Durbin, is no longer on
466
00:17:02,412 --> 00:17:04,675
Toledo's top 100 bachelors
list.
467
00:17:04,719 --> 00:17:06,547
Which is unfair A-F,
468
00:17:06,590 --> 00:17:08,810
and I'm sorry to letter-swear
this early in the morning.
469
00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:11,421
He can't--he's coming.
I gotta go, bye.
470
00:17:11,465 --> 00:17:13,945
- Was that really necessary,
Helen?
471
00:17:13,989 --> 00:17:16,818
[dramatic percussive music]
472
00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:19,386
- Uh, what else you got?
473
00:17:19,429 --> 00:17:21,910
- What about a list of
"Tole-dos and Tole-dont's"?
474
00:17:21,953 --> 00:17:25,566
- No, too similar to
our "Ohi-os and Goodbye-os."
475
00:17:25,609 --> 00:17:27,742
Oh, great, this guy's back.
476
00:17:27,785 --> 00:17:29,439
- Oh, really?
477
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:30,701
I'm not the one with wet tuna
on my cleavage.
478
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:32,268
Yeah, you know what?
Nope.
479
00:17:32,312 --> 00:17:33,617
I'm not gonna go there,
I'm not.
480
00:17:33,661 --> 00:17:35,097
Because this isn't about
you or me.
481
00:17:35,141 --> 00:17:37,056
This is about my good friend,
Ralph Durbin.
482
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:39,449
Someone who cares enough about
other people to put them first.
483
00:17:39,493 --> 00:17:40,798
Someone who spends his life
484
00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:42,452
making things better for
other people.
485
00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:44,933
I honestly cannot think of
a single person on Earth
486
00:17:44,976 --> 00:17:46,761
who's more worthy of being
in your top ten
487
00:17:46,804 --> 00:17:49,633
than that sweet, generous
dumpling of a man,
488
00:17:49,677 --> 00:17:52,288
and I am not leaving
this office until you get that.
489
00:17:52,332 --> 00:17:54,421
Also, I grabbed one of
these croissant sandwiches
490
00:17:54,464 --> 00:17:55,639
on the way in.
491
00:17:55,683 --> 00:17:56,684
I hope these are for
everybody,
492
00:17:56,727 --> 00:17:57,772
'cause I'm taking one.
493
00:17:57,815 --> 00:17:59,034
It looks delicious.
494
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,644
I haven't had one in
a long time.
495
00:18:00,688 --> 00:18:01,776
So, regardless of your decision
on Durbin,
496
00:18:01,819 --> 00:18:03,647
I'm going to eat this.
497
00:18:03,691 --> 00:18:05,301
I hope that's cool.
498
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:07,347
[bell rings]
499
00:18:08,913 --> 00:18:10,089
- Victor.
500
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,570
- So, I don't know if you have
spring break plans...
501
00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:17,444
- You know, Victor,
I'm going to have to return
502
00:18:17,487 --> 00:18:19,098
your really thoughtful gift.
503
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:22,492
I mean, yes, this supple
nubuck leather
504
00:18:22,536 --> 00:18:24,015
is giving me all kinds of
feelings,
505
00:18:24,059 --> 00:18:27,497
but...I'm your teacher
506
00:18:27,541 --> 00:18:29,020
and it's inappropriate.
507
00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:30,500
- You mean forbidden?
508
00:18:30,544 --> 00:18:33,024
- Uh, yes, it's legally
forbidden.
509
00:18:33,068 --> 00:18:34,983
But, you know, don't worry
about it,
510
00:18:35,026 --> 00:18:37,464
because I am sure
the appropriate person
511
00:18:37,507 --> 00:18:39,074
that really deserves
this bag
512
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:41,076
is right around the corner.
513
00:18:42,077 --> 00:18:43,687
So...
514
00:18:43,731 --> 00:18:46,603
- Before we go back
to the teacher-student charade,
515
00:18:46,647 --> 00:18:48,127
may I ask for a kiss?
516
00:18:50,564 --> 00:18:53,523
[quirky music]
517
00:18:53,567 --> 00:19:00,617
♪
518
00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:08,103
- I'm not sure, but I think
don't tell anyone about this.
519
00:19:14,022 --> 00:19:15,632
- [sighs]
520
00:19:15,676 --> 00:19:18,635
[quirky music continues]
521
00:19:18,679 --> 00:19:20,463
- [sighs]
522
00:19:21,464 --> 00:19:23,162
Hey, Grace,
can I ask you something?
523
00:19:23,205 --> 00:19:24,859
- Mm-hmm.
524
00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:26,077
- If we were the last
two people on a desert island,
525
00:19:26,121 --> 00:19:27,601
would you hook up with me?
526
00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:28,950
- Yeah, I guess so.
527
00:19:28,993 --> 00:19:30,560
- Whoa.
528
00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:32,823
What if we went to prom
together
529
00:19:32,867 --> 00:19:34,782
and I showed you the night
of your life?
530
00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:37,393
And afterwards we went to
my uncle's lake house,
531
00:19:37,437 --> 00:19:38,699
would you do it then?
532
00:19:38,742 --> 00:19:40,135
- Yeah.
533
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:42,964
- What about just, like,
at my house after school?
534
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:44,879
- Okay.
- I'm busy today.
535
00:19:44,922 --> 00:19:46,489
- Another time then.
536
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:49,579
[bright music]
537
00:19:51,538 --> 00:19:54,758
- Jack, thank you for
arguing me back on to the list.
538
00:19:54,802 --> 00:19:56,195
To making this night happen.
539
00:19:56,238 --> 00:19:57,979
This is so great.
540
00:19:58,022 --> 00:20:00,024
This is--I'm just so glad
we can experience it together.
541
00:20:00,068 --> 00:20:01,678
- Yeah, I am too, Ralph.
542
00:20:01,722 --> 00:20:03,463
But, you know, hey,
you earned it.
543
00:20:03,506 --> 00:20:05,029
- See, this is exactly what
I wanted,
544
00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:07,423
sharing a fancy cocktail
with my buddy.
545
00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:09,599
- Hey, you know,
the, uh, philosopher Camus,
546
00:20:09,643 --> 00:20:10,600
said of friendship--
547
00:20:10,644 --> 00:20:13,124
- Hey, two rum and cokes.
548
00:20:13,168 --> 00:20:14,648
- Yep.
549
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,781
- I'm sorry you had to be
a volunteer
550
00:20:17,825 --> 00:20:19,522
to get me back in the top ten,
Jack.
551
00:20:19,566 --> 00:20:22,525
- Don't mention it.
It's the least I could do.
552
00:20:22,569 --> 00:20:24,223
Uh, let's see,
what was I saying?
553
00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:26,616
Oh, yes, um, the philosopher
Camus, said that--
554
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:28,227
- Ooh.
- Friendship, essentially...
555
00:20:28,270 --> 00:20:30,054
- Can I get a little more ice
in this one?
556
00:20:30,098 --> 00:20:32,056
- Yeah.
557
00:20:32,100 --> 00:20:33,971
- Ooh, look at that.
558
00:20:34,015 --> 00:20:35,277
[grunts]
559
00:20:35,321 --> 00:20:36,800
It's not really a fight.
[clears throat]
560
00:20:36,844 --> 00:20:39,847
- There we go.
How am I doing?
561
00:20:39,890 --> 00:20:42,763
- It's perfect, good job.
- Thank you.
562
00:20:42,806 --> 00:20:44,808
- God, did you ever think
when you were younger
563
00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:47,158
that someday you'd be with
your buddy,
564
00:20:47,202 --> 00:20:50,988
having a fancy drink because
the people in Toledo
565
00:20:51,032 --> 00:20:52,686
voted you "sexy?"
566
00:20:52,729 --> 00:20:53,991
- Definitely not.
567
00:20:54,035 --> 00:20:56,646
- [sighs]
It's a pretty special night.
568
00:20:59,519 --> 00:21:00,868
- I'm glad.
569
00:21:00,911 --> 00:21:03,697
[jazz music]
570
00:21:04,698 --> 00:21:06,003
- Wow, the wind is
blowing east,
571
00:21:06,047 --> 00:21:07,744
but you can still smell
the rendering plant.
572
00:21:07,788 --> 00:21:09,137
♪
573
00:21:09,180 --> 00:21:12,053
- Yep.
574
00:21:12,103 --> 00:21:16,653
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
41116
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.