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1
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*THE MICK*
Season 02 Episode 18
Episode Title: "The Car"
2
00:00:09,729 --> 00:00:10,761
My God.
3
00:00:11,016 --> 00:00:14,218
- I-I-I weep for our future.
- Pathetic.
4
00:00:14,351 --> 00:00:15,703
When did Ben get a phone?
5
00:00:15,772 --> 00:00:17,476
I upgraded mine,
so I gave him my old one.
6
00:00:17,578 --> 00:00:20,878
No. Absolutely not.
I didn't sign off on that.
7
00:00:21,003 --> 00:00:22,400
Hey, that's mine.
8
00:00:22,467 --> 00:00:24,055
Not anymore.
9
00:00:24,190 --> 00:00:25,805
What the hell is wrong with you?
10
00:00:25,951 --> 00:00:27,336
- I don't like it.
- Phones?
11
00:00:27,405 --> 00:00:30,297
Uh, phones, computers,
the-the pads,
12
00:00:30,414 --> 00:00:31,857
the cloud, you know, the Internet.
13
00:00:31,924 --> 00:00:33,939
- N-None of it. I don't like it.
- You sound senile.
14
00:00:34,007 --> 00:00:35,937
All right, well,
if living in the real world is senile,
15
00:00:36,005 --> 00:00:37,227
then I am Liza Minnelli.
16
00:00:37,492 --> 00:00:38,798
Real world blows.
17
00:00:38,875 --> 00:00:40,572
I can't wait till I'm
hooked up to an I.V. drip
18
00:00:40,640 --> 00:00:42,973
just hammering
VR porn stars 24/7.
19
00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:44,142
Ah, Chip.
20
00:00:44,211 --> 00:00:46,861
You don't mean that.
The world is full of excitement.
21
00:00:46,930 --> 00:00:48,064
Just look around you.
22
00:00:48,133 --> 00:00:50,719
- Oh, yeah, like what?
- Oh, like, uh...
23
00:00:50,856 --> 00:00:53,914
Oh, politics and pranks,
uh, celebrity interviews,
24
00:00:53,985 --> 00:00:55,852
- cooking competitions.
- What are you doing?
25
00:00:55,921 --> 00:00:57,121
You're just naming stuff
on TV.
26
00:00:57,189 --> 00:00:59,680
Listen, guys, it's a beautiful day.
Let's go outside.
27
00:00:59,749 --> 00:01:02,143
Yeah, right. It's, like,
a thousand frickin' degrees outside.
28
00:01:02,211 --> 00:01:05,547
A-And God forbid we feel something
or have a human interaction.
29
00:01:05,616 --> 00:01:07,414
I have human interactions
all the time.
30
00:01:07,532 --> 00:01:09,774
Later today, I'm meeting up
with some guy I met online.
31
00:01:10,211 --> 00:01:12,055
- Probably a nerd.
- Or a pervert.
32
00:01:12,172 --> 00:01:13,330
He's neither, actually.
33
00:01:13,399 --> 00:01:15,236
He's a sick tattoo artist
and he's coming over
34
00:01:15,305 --> 00:01:16,323
to give me some fresh new ink.
35
00:01:16,391 --> 00:01:17,923
Are you sure he's not
a sick new murderer
36
00:01:17,991 --> 00:01:20,016
coming over to turn
your skin into a cape?
37
00:01:20,149 --> 00:01:22,119
Yeah, you know,
maybe Mickey's right.
38
00:01:22,188 --> 00:01:23,510
I feel like the whole
point of the Internet
39
00:01:23,578 --> 00:01:24,909
is so you don't have
to meet people.
40
00:01:24,977 --> 00:01:27,135
You know, you can just live your
whole life inside a computer.
41
00:01:27,203 --> 00:01:29,836
No. That wasn't the point
I was making at all.
42
00:01:29,905 --> 00:01:31,961
Th-The point is,
put your phones down.
43
00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:34,274
Look up, get outside,
have an experience.
44
00:01:34,360 --> 00:01:36,383
Getting a tattoo is
an experience.
45
00:01:36,672 --> 00:01:39,244
I don't know, I'm thinking maybe
a power fist with nail polish.
46
00:01:39,313 --> 00:01:41,664
Yes, please put that
on your body forever.
47
00:01:41,733 --> 00:01:42,751
Found her.
48
00:01:42,820 --> 00:01:43,992
- Found who?
- My car.
49
00:01:44,061 --> 00:01:46,227
Thought she got stolen,
turns out she's at the impound.
50
00:01:46,296 --> 00:01:47,343
Want to come?
51
00:01:47,618 --> 00:01:50,039
Yes, I do.
You're coming with me, Ben.
52
00:01:50,108 --> 00:01:51,944
Let's get out of here before
these two get chopped to bits
53
00:01:52,011 --> 00:01:53,344
- by some nerd pervert.
- Yeah.
54
00:01:53,413 --> 00:01:54,882
Yeah, right.
A day with you
55
00:01:54,951 --> 00:01:57,249
is way more dangerous
than anything online.
56
00:01:58,421 --> 00:02:00,289
Ugh,
it's hot as hell out here.
57
00:02:00,585 --> 00:02:02,709
Yeah, my shorts are pulling up.
58
00:02:02,828 --> 00:02:05,101
Why are we even here, Jimmy?
Just buy a new car.
59
00:02:05,170 --> 00:02:07,250
Or we got a whole fleet of
luxury vehicles at home.
60
00:02:07,319 --> 00:02:09,944
Yeah, I don't need a new car.
Mine runs just fine.
61
00:02:10,013 --> 00:02:12,289
Got a thousand memories in the ol'
Blue Magoose.
62
00:02:12,358 --> 00:02:14,833
My memories consist mostly of
you running me over with it.
63
00:02:14,902 --> 00:02:16,600
You don't put something out
to pasture
64
00:02:16,669 --> 00:02:18,101
when it's still in its prime,
okay?
65
00:02:18,170 --> 00:02:20,881
Now, I know she may not look it,
but this kitty can still...
66
00:02:21,053 --> 00:02:22,537
Whoa!
67
00:02:23,162 --> 00:02:24,349
What are you doing?
68
00:02:24,418 --> 00:02:27,281
- Yo, Officer, is this for sale?
- Everything's for sale.
69
00:02:27,350 --> 00:02:29,406
She is a beaut,
tell you that much.
70
00:02:29,475 --> 00:02:32,037
- How many miles we working with?
- 273,000.
71
00:02:32,111 --> 00:02:34,500
Still, that price can't be right.
Only 900 bucks?
72
00:02:34,569 --> 00:02:35,865
I mean, what's the catch?
73
00:02:36,444 --> 00:02:39,129
I'm thinking these bullet holes
have something to do with it.
74
00:02:39,198 --> 00:02:40,291
You would be correct.
75
00:02:44,925 --> 00:02:46,389
Chip, can I...?
76
00:02:47,342 --> 00:02:49,201
- Hey, what are you doing?
- Nothing. Beat it.
77
00:02:49,270 --> 00:02:51,732
- Hey, stop! That's private.
- What is this?
78
00:02:51,801 --> 00:02:53,282
Nothing.
I make doodles sometimes.
79
00:02:53,350 --> 00:02:54,866
- That was a doodle I did.
- Oh, well,
80
00:02:54,935 --> 00:02:57,039
this doodle looks very similar
81
00:02:57,108 --> 00:02:58,608
to a tattoo Sabrina described.
82
00:02:58,677 --> 00:03:00,264
Nah.
83
00:03:00,537 --> 00:03:02,178
- Nah?
- Nah.
84
00:03:02,662 --> 00:03:06,592
Well, I think yes.
I think something smells fishy.
85
00:03:06,661 --> 00:03:08,723
Well, I think you're an idiot,
so...
86
00:03:09,053 --> 00:03:10,694
Eh, maybe.
87
00:03:10,763 --> 00:03:12,218
I'll go see what Sabrina thinks.
88
00:03:12,287 --> 00:03:14,045
No! Fine! Okay, just...
89
00:03:14,199 --> 00:03:16,608
Promise me that
you will not tell Sabrina.
90
00:03:16,748 --> 00:03:20,147
Oh, I already like where this is going.
Okay. Let's go.
91
00:03:21,741 --> 00:03:23,858
I am Sabrina's tattoo artist.
92
00:03:24,350 --> 00:03:27,561
Marcus Lella, Ink Well Boston.
I made him up.
93
00:03:27,871 --> 00:03:29,873
You catfish your sister?
94
00:03:29,942 --> 00:03:31,877
No. What?
What is wrong with you? Ew.
95
00:03:31,946 --> 00:03:35,193
Um, I made a fake profile to
get closer to her friend Holly.
96
00:03:35,262 --> 00:03:37,165
I just want to find out,
you know, her likes,
97
00:03:37,233 --> 00:03:38,802
- her interests, what turns her on.
- Uh-huh.
98
00:03:38,871 --> 00:03:39,959
Anything I can use.
99
00:03:40,028 --> 00:03:42,115
- Creepy.
- I made a bunch of different personas,
100
00:03:42,184 --> 00:03:45,303
but... Marcus is the one that just really,
really broke through.
101
00:03:45,389 --> 00:03:46,717
- Hmm.
- Beautiful black man,
102
00:03:46,786 --> 00:03:49,126
silver tongue,
a million fake followers.
103
00:03:49,195 --> 00:03:50,381
Oh.
104
00:03:51,412 --> 00:03:52,581
This is delicious.
105
00:03:52,650 --> 00:03:55,225
Oh, Sabrina is gonna destroy
you when she finds out.
106
00:03:55,451 --> 00:03:58,826
Yeah, okay. She's not gonna find out
'cause Marcus is gonna die of AIDS.
107
00:03:58,895 --> 00:04:00,195
- Wh-What?
- Yeah.
108
00:04:00,264 --> 00:04:01,625
My cover's basically blown.
109
00:04:01,692 --> 00:04:03,290
I told her the only days
I was available
110
00:04:03,358 --> 00:04:05,929
was the days that she was out of town.
She cancels her trip.
111
00:04:05,998 --> 00:04:07,290
Now I have to give her
a tattoo today.
112
00:04:07,358 --> 00:04:08,780
But why AIDS?
113
00:04:08,849 --> 00:04:11,015
It makes sense.
He's a baller tattoo artist.
114
00:04:11,084 --> 00:04:12,710
He works with needles
and he gets laid a lot.
115
00:04:12,778 --> 00:04:14,708
Okay, Chip. No.
You can't kill this guy.
116
00:04:14,777 --> 00:04:16,051
It is too good.
117
00:04:16,228 --> 00:04:18,957
Pay me $200 and I will
help you keep Marcus alive.
118
00:04:19,024 --> 00:04:21,390
Nope. No, thanks. Go.
119
00:04:21,459 --> 00:04:22,725
Let me rephrase that.
120
00:04:22,794 --> 00:04:26,683
For $200 I won't tell
Sabrina that you are Marcus.
121
00:04:29,592 --> 00:04:32,561
Yeah!
122
00:04:32,751 --> 00:04:34,928
Ben, feel that rumble in your balls?
123
00:04:35,004 --> 00:04:36,779
- It kind of hurts.
- Yeah?
124
00:04:36,848 --> 00:04:37,882
They'll toughen up once
125
00:04:37,951 --> 00:04:39,498
- you work 'em over.
- Okay.
126
00:04:39,660 --> 00:04:40,917
That'll do with the ball talk.
127
00:04:40,986 --> 00:04:42,282
Can we get back on the highway,
please?
128
00:04:42,350 --> 00:04:44,865
I'm telling you, Mick.
You should take the wheel.
129
00:04:45,115 --> 00:04:48,881
- This broad can really salsa.
- I don't know what that means.
130
00:04:49,053 --> 00:04:50,555
Well, if you were feeling
what I'm feeling,
131
00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:51,863
you'd know exactly
what it means.
132
00:04:51,930 --> 00:04:53,546
If we switch places,
will you stop talking?
133
00:04:53,614 --> 00:04:55,549
- I'd consider it.
- Okay. Pull over.
134
00:04:55,618 --> 00:04:56,842
Mm-hmm.
135
00:05:03,036 --> 00:05:04,983
Now, she can be a little nasty
136
00:05:05,054 --> 00:05:06,188
- coming out of first.
- Yeah.
137
00:05:06,256 --> 00:05:07,391
So you're gonna want to be gentle
138
00:05:07,459 --> 00:05:09,186
- but also firm.
- Right.
139
00:05:13,230 --> 00:05:15,209
- It's locked.
- This one, too.
140
00:05:15,741 --> 00:05:17,655
Ben. Little help.
141
00:05:19,206 --> 00:05:20,725
It's locked.
142
00:05:25,162 --> 00:05:27,028
Oh, good.
143
00:05:31,491 --> 00:05:33,529
Where are we,
the surface of the sun?
144
00:05:33,622 --> 00:05:35,858
- Am I in danger?
- What?
145
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:37,686
No. No, no, no, no, no.
146
00:05:37,755 --> 00:05:39,155
You're good.
We're just playing a little game.
147
00:05:39,223 --> 00:05:40,889
- What's the game?
- Eh...
148
00:05:40,958 --> 00:05:42,693
Uh, cops and criminals.
149
00:05:42,762 --> 00:05:44,443
We're the cops,
you're the criminal.
150
00:05:44,512 --> 00:05:48,850
- What did I do?
- Well, fire stuff, obviously.
151
00:05:48,919 --> 00:05:50,987
Right? You, uh,
you burned down a high-rise
152
00:05:51,056 --> 00:05:53,024
and collected
the insurance money. You...
153
00:05:53,115 --> 00:05:55,278
Yeah, then you took out
40 cops trying to escape.
154
00:05:55,347 --> 00:05:56,948
Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
155
00:05:57,017 --> 00:05:58,258
Yeah, yeah. That'll do.
156
00:05:58,327 --> 00:06:00,528
So, should we grab, like,
a rock and start-start smashing or...
157
00:06:00,596 --> 00:06:01,597
Oh, no, no, no, no.
158
00:06:01,687 --> 00:06:03,935
You're not smashing her.
She's brand-new.
159
00:06:04,004 --> 00:06:06,506
This thing has 270,000 miles on it.
160
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:08,193
She's probably unsmashable.
161
00:06:08,262 --> 00:06:09,484
I mean, this thing's built like a tank.
162
00:06:09,552 --> 00:06:10,514
Okay, so what do you want to do?
163
00:06:10,583 --> 00:06:11,933
You just want to sit
back and watch him cook
164
00:06:12,001 --> 00:06:14,242
- like a bunny in a microwave?
- No, of course not.
165
00:06:14,311 --> 00:06:17,186
One of us should probably
hoof it into the town
166
00:06:17,255 --> 00:06:18,381
and get a hanger.
167
00:06:18,805 --> 00:06:20,039
It's built like a tank,
168
00:06:20,108 --> 00:06:22,022
but you can get into
it with a coat hanger?
169
00:06:22,111 --> 00:06:23,623
I get it. Okay,
you know what?
170
00:06:23,692 --> 00:06:25,279
Why don't you just sit here
171
00:06:25,348 --> 00:06:27,958
and keep looking pretty, Your Majesty,
172
00:06:28,027 --> 00:06:30,029
while I fix the problem?
173
00:06:30,237 --> 00:06:33,459
Take care of my baby,
and Ben, too.
174
00:06:35,937 --> 00:06:38,022
Good luck, Bear Grylls.
175
00:06:38,827 --> 00:06:40,796
Okay, buddy.
Time to smash.
176
00:06:43,671 --> 00:06:45,794
All right, buddy, scoot over
177
00:06:45,892 --> 00:06:47,591
and duck.
178
00:06:54,935 --> 00:06:55,957
Ow!
179
00:06:56,981 --> 00:06:58,475
Oh, boy.
180
00:06:59,579 --> 00:07:00,622
Ow.
181
00:07:00,691 --> 00:07:01,778
Are you okay?
182
00:07:01,847 --> 00:07:03,786
I'm okay.
183
00:07:04,751 --> 00:07:06,606
Fun game!
184
00:07:09,684 --> 00:07:12,641
Sabrina, I want to talk to
you about your friend Marcus.
185
00:07:12,710 --> 00:07:14,560
You mean the guy Chip's
pretending to be online?
186
00:07:14,628 --> 00:07:16,122
Wha... You already knew this?
187
00:07:16,191 --> 00:07:17,841
Yeah, he left his laptop open.
188
00:07:17,910 --> 00:07:20,067
And no black guy says
"frickin'" that much.
189
00:07:20,267 --> 00:07:22,286
So, uh, why do you keep
talking to him?
190
00:07:22,426 --> 00:07:23,955
'Cause I'm trying to
back him into a corner
191
00:07:24,023 --> 00:07:25,130
and force him to confess.
192
00:07:25,199 --> 00:07:27,084
But the dude just keeps doubling down.
It's crazy.
193
00:07:27,152 --> 00:07:30,466
What if I told you there was a way
you could completely destroy him?
194
00:07:30,535 --> 00:07:32,059
Obviously, I'd be interested.
195
00:07:32,454 --> 00:07:35,309
Then I will tell you for $200.
196
00:07:36,234 --> 00:07:37,333
Yeah. No, thanks.
197
00:07:37,402 --> 00:07:38,856
I'll stick to my original plan.
198
00:07:39,011 --> 00:07:40,364
Oh, okay. I understand.
199
00:07:40,433 --> 00:07:43,169
I-I'm just gonna go tell Chip
to get out before it's too late.
200
00:07:43,336 --> 00:07:47,419
All right, Alba.
Come on. Fine.
201
00:07:48,684 --> 00:07:49,981
Here.
202
00:07:54,559 --> 00:07:57,122
Okay. Holly is the key.
203
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,716
Chip created Marcus to get to her.
204
00:07:59,796 --> 00:08:01,059
- Holly?
- Mm.
205
00:08:01,128 --> 00:08:04,024
Come on. Are you serious?
But she's so lame.
206
00:08:04,180 --> 00:08:07,809
Well, you must out Chip
in front of her.
207
00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:09,459
Yeah, I mean,
that'll destroy him for sure.
208
00:08:09,527 --> 00:08:12,873
I'm into it, but...
I-I just can't wrap my head around
209
00:08:12,942 --> 00:08:13,991
this Holly thing.
210
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:16,505
It's like, I have way hotter friends.
211
00:08:18,274 --> 00:08:21,583
I'm enough. I'm in shape.
212
00:08:22,230 --> 00:08:25,973
I have a good body.
I'm a good boy.
213
00:08:26,042 --> 00:08:27,770
- Excuse me.
- Oh?
214
00:08:29,057 --> 00:08:30,981
You snuck up on me there, guy.
215
00:08:31,097 --> 00:08:33,918
Yeah, sorry.
These electric cars run pretty quiet.
216
00:08:34,214 --> 00:08:35,734
You look like you could use some help.
217
00:08:35,960 --> 00:08:38,700
Hey, why won't you do me a favor
and go look somewhere else?
218
00:08:38,825 --> 00:08:40,997
You sure? It's, uh, pretty hot out.
219
00:08:41,066 --> 00:08:42,513
Yeah, I'm sure, Mr. Robot.
220
00:08:42,582 --> 00:08:46,710
Go ahead and drive your little
golf car back to the future.
221
00:08:48,519 --> 00:08:51,602
I'm an American man.
222
00:08:54,195 --> 00:08:56,250
Hey, Chip. Great news.
223
00:08:56,326 --> 00:08:58,813
- You threw her off my scent?
- Nah. I'm still working on that.
224
00:08:58,882 --> 00:09:00,859
But also, Holly is downstairs.
225
00:09:00,928 --> 00:09:02,703
What? W-Why? Why?
226
00:09:02,772 --> 00:09:04,967
I-I don't know. But hey, I get it, man.
227
00:09:05,036 --> 00:09:06,234
She's very pretty.
228
00:09:06,452 --> 00:09:08,360
No. This is not good.
229
00:09:08,810 --> 00:09:10,500
I got to get out of here.
230
00:09:10,569 --> 00:09:11,735
No, hey.
What are you talking about?
231
00:09:11,803 --> 00:09:13,321
The whole point was
to get Holly here,
232
00:09:13,389 --> 00:09:14,563
- and now she's here.
- No.
233
00:09:14,632 --> 00:09:16,277
- I got to kill him right now.
- Ay, no. Chip.
234
00:09:16,345 --> 00:09:18,766
Forget about Marcus.
You are Marcus.
235
00:09:18,835 --> 00:09:21,235
Marcus is a very ripped,
handsome black man.
236
00:09:21,304 --> 00:09:23,195
Okay, listen. Sure, sure,
237
00:09:23,311 --> 00:09:25,206
his looks got her in the door,
238
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,261
but she stayed for you.
239
00:09:27,330 --> 00:09:30,508
You know, she liked your words.
She laughed at your jokes.
240
00:09:30,750 --> 00:09:31,945
- You know what?
- Yeah.
241
00:09:32,078 --> 00:09:34,852
Maybe you're right. This is my moment.
242
00:09:34,975 --> 00:09:37,836
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
You know, the table is set.
243
00:09:38,132 --> 00:09:40,231
All you have to do is
sit down and eat.
244
00:09:40,474 --> 00:09:42,195
I'm gonna frickin' feast.
245
00:09:42,271 --> 00:09:44,992
- Ah, yeah.
- Such a loser.
246
00:09:46,227 --> 00:09:48,688
Come on, you bastard.
247
00:09:48,761 --> 00:09:50,955
Come on.
248
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:52,612
Open for me, you bitch.
249
00:09:52,681 --> 00:09:55,526
Open sesame. Come on!
250
00:09:55,595 --> 00:10:00,065
Ah, you stupid, stupid machine!
251
00:10:03,365 --> 00:10:05,354
Aunt Mickey, I'm bored.
252
00:10:05,423 --> 00:10:07,518
Can we play a different game?
253
00:10:07,815 --> 00:10:10,612
Yeah. You got it, bud.
254
00:10:10,893 --> 00:10:13,757
Just give me a second to
gather my thoughts, okay?
255
00:10:18,054 --> 00:10:20,827
Ah. I did it.
256
00:10:20,896 --> 00:10:22,293
I did this.
257
00:10:22,488 --> 00:10:25,498
I penetrated
the impenetrable machine!
258
00:10:25,567 --> 00:10:29,319
I'm a hero! I save lives!
259
00:10:31,773 --> 00:10:32,858
Oh, yes!
260
00:10:32,927 --> 00:10:34,155
Stand back, buddy, okay?
261
00:10:34,261 --> 00:10:36,640
Coming in the back door. Hang on.
262
00:10:36,727 --> 00:10:38,374
- Here we go. You standing back?
- Uh-huh!
263
00:10:38,466 --> 00:10:40,540
Look out, I'm on my way.
264
00:10:41,873 --> 00:10:42,992
Blasting through.
265
00:10:48,058 --> 00:10:49,124
Damn it.
266
00:10:49,249 --> 00:10:50,733
Uh, Aunt Mickey?
267
00:10:50,802 --> 00:10:52,242
Are you in the trunk?
268
00:10:52,710 --> 00:10:55,975
Yes, Ben. Yes, I am.
269
00:10:58,114 --> 00:10:59,801
Aunt Mickey, are you still there?
270
00:10:59,952 --> 00:11:01,191
Yep.
271
00:11:01,853 --> 00:11:04,833
Just reflecting on all the
choices that landed me here.
272
00:11:06,386 --> 00:11:07,489
What was that?
273
00:11:07,590 --> 00:11:09,288
- What was that noise?
- Oh, it's your phone.
274
00:11:09,356 --> 00:11:12,020
My phone? Can you see it?
Who is it? Is it help?
275
00:11:13,437 --> 00:11:15,684
Your wireless bill is past due.
276
00:11:15,779 --> 00:11:18,505
I know it is! It always is!
277
00:11:18,653 --> 00:11:21,473
Okay, Ben, we got to get that phone.
It's our only hope.
278
00:11:21,567 --> 00:11:22,880
- Move out of the way.
- Why?
279
00:11:22,949 --> 00:11:26,372
'Cause I'm coming in.
280
00:11:26,653 --> 00:11:28,225
Hey, guys. Don't mind me.
281
00:11:28,294 --> 00:11:29,358
I'm just grabbing an alkaline water.
282
00:11:29,426 --> 00:11:31,497
Just finished a brutal Pilates sesh.
283
00:11:31,622 --> 00:11:32,922
You do Pilates?
284
00:11:33,012 --> 00:11:34,398
No, he does not.
285
00:11:34,707 --> 00:11:36,645
You don't know what I
do and what I don't do.
286
00:11:37,402 --> 00:11:39,512
I mean, I love Pilates, too.
287
00:11:39,605 --> 00:11:41,186
- Really? But you've...
- Mm-hmm.
288
00:11:41,255 --> 00:11:43,567
You got such
a lean, toned body.
289
00:11:43,778 --> 00:11:46,350
Well, yeah, it's 'cause of the Pilates.
290
00:11:46,786 --> 00:11:49,338
Right. Kind of like the classic
chicken and egg sitch.
291
00:11:49,407 --> 00:11:50,576
What came first?
292
00:11:50,645 --> 00:11:53,028
Body or the Pilates,
Pilates or the body?
293
00:11:53,097 --> 00:11:54,103
Dear God.
294
00:11:54,277 --> 00:11:55,338
- You're funny.
- Uh...
295
00:11:55,405 --> 00:11:56,770
You're the one telling the jokes.
296
00:11:56,839 --> 00:11:58,333
Right. I'm funny, too.
297
00:11:58,411 --> 00:11:59,794
We have a lot
in common.
298
00:11:59,863 --> 00:12:02,045
I can't handle this anymore.
I'm gonna explode his ass.
299
00:12:02,114 --> 00:12:03,280
Wait, no, no, no.
Wait, you can't do that.
300
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:05,225
- Why not?
- Well, don't you get it?
301
00:12:05,294 --> 00:12:06,538
He's starting
to climb the mountain.
302
00:12:06,606 --> 00:12:08,003
The higher he gets,
the harder he will fall.
303
00:12:08,074 --> 00:12:10,318
- Don't you want him to fall hard? Okay.
- Yes. Yes,
304
00:12:10,387 --> 00:12:12,146
- I want that. All right, fine.
- Yeah.
305
00:12:12,215 --> 00:12:14,044
We'll let him dig himself a little
deeper. - Yeah.
306
00:12:14,112 --> 00:12:15,143
You know what?
307
00:12:15,212 --> 00:12:17,059
I'm gonna get that because
I'm the man of the house,
308
00:12:17,127 --> 00:12:18,870
but it's been really
cool talking to you.
309
00:12:18,952 --> 00:12:20,024
Yeah.
310
00:12:22,434 --> 00:12:23,737
Hey, is Sabrina home?
311
00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:25,181
Who are you?
312
00:12:25,399 --> 00:12:26,588
I'm Marcus.
313
00:12:27,150 --> 00:12:28,237
Uh...
314
00:12:28,306 --> 00:12:29,715
I think I'm almost there.
315
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:31,241
Can you see this?
316
00:12:31,308 --> 00:12:33,182
Yeah, is that your fingers?
317
00:12:33,251 --> 00:12:34,791
You're damn right it is.
318
00:12:34,860 --> 00:12:36,286
I'm coming in!
319
00:12:40,627 --> 00:12:42,390
Oh, wow.
320
00:12:42,502 --> 00:12:44,245
A lot hotter up here.
321
00:12:49,987 --> 00:12:51,032
Okay.
322
00:12:51,162 --> 00:12:52,305
All right, I'm stuck.
323
00:12:52,374 --> 00:12:53,713
I'm gonna need some help.
324
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:54,970
How?
325
00:12:55,229 --> 00:12:57,566
Wrap your arms around
my neck like a football,
326
00:12:57,635 --> 00:12:59,364
and yank as hard as you can, okay?
327
00:12:59,433 --> 00:13:00,461
You got this.
328
00:13:00,530 --> 00:13:02,422
Three, two, one.
329
00:13:04,047 --> 00:13:05,536
All right! Stop!
330
00:13:05,684 --> 00:13:07,489
Oh. All right.
331
00:13:14,110 --> 00:13:16,442
Okay, this is as far as I can go.
332
00:13:16,614 --> 00:13:18,950
I'm gonna need you to take
it into the end zone. Okay.
333
00:13:19,309 --> 00:13:20,716
No, no, no! Get... don't...
334
00:13:20,835 --> 00:13:22,778
But don't touch me anymore, okay?
335
00:13:22,872 --> 00:13:25,100
Okay. We're not doing football any...
that's my fault.
336
00:13:25,169 --> 00:13:26,256
We're not doing football.
337
00:13:26,325 --> 00:13:27,653
We're switching sports.
338
00:13:28,269 --> 00:13:30,522
- We're on to fishing.
- How do we do that?
339
00:13:30,591 --> 00:13:32,919
Well, for starters,
we're gonna need a fishing rod.
340
00:13:33,544 --> 00:13:36,762
So I want you to close your eyes
and help me take off my bra.
341
00:13:42,559 --> 00:13:43,592
Oh, hey.
342
00:13:43,661 --> 00:13:44,919
You're up.
343
00:13:45,473 --> 00:13:46,950
Who the hell are you?
344
00:13:47,017 --> 00:13:48,122
I'm Gary.
345
00:13:48,317 --> 00:13:50,606
You, uh, passed out
on the road back there.
346
00:13:51,194 --> 00:13:52,289
What are you talk...
347
00:13:52,481 --> 00:13:54,223
Whoa, are you tickling me, man?
348
00:13:54,292 --> 00:13:55,825
Oh, no. That's the seat.
349
00:13:55,919 --> 00:13:57,716
You've got the massage function on.
350
00:13:57,910 --> 00:14:00,192
- Massage function?
- Now, don't worry.
351
00:14:00,261 --> 00:14:01,624
We'll be at the hospital pretty soon,
352
00:14:01,692 --> 00:14:03,326
- and they'll fix you right up.
- Oh, no.
353
00:14:03,395 --> 00:14:05,372
I'm not going to any hospital,
all right?
354
00:14:05,520 --> 00:14:06,654
I got a car situation.
355
00:14:06,723 --> 00:14:09,245
I need, like, a-a slim jim or something.
356
00:14:09,716 --> 00:14:11,919
Oh. I'm sorry, I don't have one.
357
00:14:12,544 --> 00:14:13,958
Uh, but I'm sure we can find one.
358
00:14:14,067 --> 00:14:17,434
Computer,
what's the nearest auto body shop?
359
00:14:17,614 --> 00:14:19,723
Displaying matches for "auto body shop."
360
00:14:20,762 --> 00:14:22,833
This car just kind of does
everything for you, huh?
361
00:14:23,007 --> 00:14:24,266
Pretty cool, right?
362
00:14:24,872 --> 00:14:26,848
Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty cool.
363
00:14:27,065 --> 00:14:29,318
Till it gets sick of you
barking commands at it
364
00:14:29,387 --> 00:14:31,091
and slams your ass into a wall.
365
00:14:31,362 --> 00:14:32,841
Ha! Right.
366
00:14:32,910 --> 00:14:34,497
I guess I'll take my chances.
367
00:14:34,651 --> 00:14:37,162
L-Look, look, man,
I'm kind of in a rush, all right?
368
00:14:37,231 --> 00:14:39,498
So I don't know if this
spacecraft has another gear,
369
00:14:39,567 --> 00:14:41,356
- but if you could punch it...
- Well...
370
00:14:41,512 --> 00:14:42,622
Sure thing.
371
00:14:43,818 --> 00:14:45,184
Oh...
372
00:14:46,322 --> 00:14:47,606
Whoa.
373
00:14:51,221 --> 00:14:52,826
- Who the hell is this guy?
- Oh.
374
00:14:52,895 --> 00:14:54,494
He's a prostitute I found online.
375
00:14:54,563 --> 00:14:55,723
Pretty good, right?
376
00:14:55,880 --> 00:14:58,325
No, not good.
He looks nothing like my Marcus.
377
00:14:58,419 --> 00:15:00,669
- Well, oh, he doesn't seem to mind.
- Yeah.
378
00:15:00,738 --> 00:15:02,459
That's the problem, okay?
379
00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:03,817
I-I can't compete with that.
380
00:15:03,886 --> 00:15:05,075
Oh, Chip.
381
00:15:05,247 --> 00:15:06,880
You need to see
the bigger picture.
382
00:15:06,949 --> 00:15:10,161
If Marcus is here and you are here,
then you can't be Marcus.
383
00:15:10,286 --> 00:15:12,008
I did you a favor. Now,
384
00:15:12,075 --> 00:15:14,442
you got a chance to get the
girl and get away clean.
385
00:15:14,512 --> 00:15:16,716
- Okay. Let's do this.
- Mm-hmm.
386
00:15:16,785 --> 00:15:19,981
The ultimate showdown:
creator versus creation.
387
00:15:20,073 --> 00:15:21,342
Mind versus body.
388
00:15:21,411 --> 00:15:24,020
Superior intellect versus
hulking physical strength.
389
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:25,387
Yes. Yes to all of those things.
390
00:15:25,456 --> 00:15:26,631
Now, go get Holly.
391
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:27,889
Go, go.
392
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,649
So, what's up, guys?
393
00:15:31,897 --> 00:15:33,161
Hmm?
394
00:15:33,387 --> 00:15:35,896
I can't believe that
little troll hired somebody
395
00:15:35,963 --> 00:15:37,084
- to play Marcus.
- Yeah.
396
00:15:37,153 --> 00:15:39,512
As if no one would notice a
completely different black guy.
397
00:15:40,231 --> 00:15:42,942
Oh, yeah,
Chip is very racist, yeah.
398
00:15:43,011 --> 00:15:44,014
You know,
399
00:15:44,083 --> 00:15:45,825
- you need to turn up the heat.
- How?
400
00:15:45,894 --> 00:15:47,660
Every time I get him against the ropes,
he finds a way
401
00:15:47,729 --> 00:15:49,225
to wiggle his stupid little body out.
402
00:15:49,294 --> 00:15:50,630
Well, by, uh...
403
00:15:50,699 --> 00:15:54,270
Ooh. By pushing fake Marcus
and Holly closer together.
404
00:15:54,395 --> 00:15:56,154
- Damn. I like that.
- Yeah.
405
00:15:56,223 --> 00:15:57,948
- Mm-hmm.
- You're pretty good at this, Alba.
406
00:15:58,015 --> 00:15:59,286
Mm, well, I try.
407
00:15:59,356 --> 00:16:02,716
Marcus, was it?
You said you're a tattoo artist?
408
00:16:02,785 --> 00:16:04,943
Yeah, well, you know,
I'm an artist first and foremost,
409
00:16:05,011 --> 00:16:07,716
but I do like tattoos.
410
00:16:07,785 --> 00:16:08,890
Yeah.
411
00:16:09,199 --> 00:16:13,132
This one, I, uh,
I got it when my grandma died.
412
00:16:13,444 --> 00:16:14,519
Oh.
413
00:16:14,586 --> 00:16:15,719
- Yeah.
- Holly.
414
00:16:15,788 --> 00:16:17,884
Uh... I'm sorr... weren't you saying
that you wanted a tattoo?
415
00:16:17,952 --> 00:16:21,507
Oh, I don't know. I really want one,
I just wouldn't know where to put it.
416
00:16:21,574 --> 00:16:23,337
Oh, well, I'm sure
Marcus could show you where
417
00:16:23,405 --> 00:16:25,604
- to put it. I mean...
- Oh, yeah. Most definitely.
418
00:16:25,671 --> 00:16:27,473
Why don't you two just go up
to my room and, you know,
419
00:16:27,540 --> 00:16:29,366
do a little free consultation
or whatever?
420
00:16:29,591 --> 00:16:31,055
Yeah. No.
421
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,634
Or we could, you know,
keep down here.
422
00:16:32,702 --> 00:16:34,117
Keep rapping
on the current events.
423
00:16:34,186 --> 00:16:35,359
Yeah, no, I'm straight.
424
00:16:35,457 --> 00:16:36,694
Let's roll, Holly.
425
00:16:38,785 --> 00:16:40,114
Holly, wait.
426
00:16:41,515 --> 00:16:42,952
That's not the real Marcus.
427
00:16:43,099 --> 00:16:44,294
I'm the real Marcus.
428
00:16:44,361 --> 00:16:47,273
- What?
- Marcus Lella of Ink Well Boston.
429
00:16:47,468 --> 00:16:49,616
I built an online persona
to get closer to you.
430
00:16:49,687 --> 00:16:50,843
What are you talking about?
431
00:16:50,945 --> 00:16:52,641
It wasn't Marcus who commented
432
00:16:52,710 --> 00:16:54,602
on your bikini pics,
saying "Get it, girl."
433
00:16:54,671 --> 00:16:56,245
Marcus didn't DM you, uh,
434
00:16:56,312 --> 00:16:58,710
well wishes after you had
your wisdom teeth pulled out.
435
00:16:58,777 --> 00:17:01,117
I did. Now, listen, I know I'm not
436
00:17:01,184 --> 00:17:03,987
nearly as big and black as he is,
but I promise you,
437
00:17:04,054 --> 00:17:07,175
if you just give me a chance,
I promise I can make you happy.
438
00:17:08,079 --> 00:17:09,938
You're Marcus?
439
00:17:10,820 --> 00:17:12,722
It's hilarious, right?
440
00:17:12,938 --> 00:17:15,632
I've been trying to smoke this
little perv out for weeks.
441
00:17:15,764 --> 00:17:16,882
Finally got him.
442
00:17:16,951 --> 00:17:18,688
Wait. You knew about this?
443
00:17:18,757 --> 00:17:20,336
And you were just gonna
let me hook up with...
444
00:17:20,404 --> 00:17:21,404
Trey.
445
00:17:21,483 --> 00:17:23,066
Yeah, my real name's Trey.
446
00:17:23,133 --> 00:17:24,429
Oh, my God.
447
00:17:24,648 --> 00:17:27,128
Both of you,
stay the hell away from me.
448
00:17:33,435 --> 00:17:35,249
- Did you get it?
- No.
449
00:17:35,405 --> 00:17:36,851
Should I try pulling you in again?
450
00:17:36,920 --> 00:17:38,866
No, nope. That ship has sailed.
451
00:17:38,945 --> 00:17:40,423
I had to take my bottoms
off to beat the heat.
452
00:17:40,491 --> 00:17:42,085
Look, it's all you, now, okay?
453
00:17:42,152 --> 00:17:44,111
So take a deep breath and focus.
454
00:17:44,779 --> 00:17:46,835
Oh, no...
455
00:17:47,230 --> 00:17:48,812
- Oh! I got something.
- You did?
456
00:17:48,879 --> 00:17:50,023
Reel it in.
457
00:17:50,131 --> 00:17:51,806
I can't, it's stuck.
458
00:17:51,875 --> 00:17:53,087
Pull harder, Ben.
459
00:17:57,918 --> 00:17:59,786
What's happening? Are we moving?
460
00:18:00,009 --> 00:18:02,038
- Yep.
- Oh, God, no, that's not good.
461
00:18:02,105 --> 00:18:04,265
All right, okay, don't panic.
462
00:18:04,913 --> 00:18:08,202
Just cross your fingers and
hope we slam into something.
463
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,874
- Whee! We're flying!
- Yeah, what's going on behind us, buddy?
464
00:18:15,943 --> 00:18:17,595
Can you give me the play-by-play?
465
00:18:18,415 --> 00:18:21,584
Uh, there's a big open field,
and stuff's going by real fast.
466
00:18:21,631 --> 00:18:23,271
Uh, how fast?
'Cause it feels pretty fast.
467
00:18:23,365 --> 00:18:25,856
- Um, really fast.
- Are we headed towards anything?
468
00:18:25,925 --> 00:18:28,265
- There's some grass.
- Oh, that's... grass is good.
469
00:18:28,334 --> 00:18:30,136
- Gra... I love grass.
- And some flowers.
470
00:18:30,205 --> 00:18:31,773
Flowers are beautiful. No problem.
471
00:18:31,842 --> 00:18:34,669
- And a big old pond.
- No, no, no. No ponds.
472
00:18:42,812 --> 00:18:44,291
- Oh, my God, we're alive!
- We're alive!
473
00:18:44,359 --> 00:18:45,675
We're okay! Are you all right?
474
00:18:45,744 --> 00:18:46,812
I'm great, that was fun.
475
00:18:46,879 --> 00:18:48,487
Yeah, yeah. Super fun.
476
00:18:48,554 --> 00:18:49,554
Oh, wow, though...
477
00:18:49,621 --> 00:18:51,452
water's really filling up back here.
478
00:18:51,690 --> 00:18:53,460
It feels...
it feels really good, actually.
479
00:18:53,529 --> 00:18:54,827
Something touched my leg.
480
00:18:54,898 --> 00:18:55,960
Now, get off me!
481
00:18:56,043 --> 00:18:57,139
Look, the phone!
482
00:18:57,208 --> 00:18:58,311
The phone!
483
00:18:58,380 --> 00:18:59,424
I did it!
484
00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:00,741
I saved us again.
485
00:19:00,826 --> 00:19:02,257
- Should I call 911?
- Yes!
486
00:19:02,326 --> 00:19:03,398
Get it.
487
00:19:05,363 --> 00:19:06,410
Okay.
488
00:19:06,479 --> 00:19:08,238
911. What's your emergency?
489
00:19:08,322 --> 00:19:11,371
Send help. I-I'm mostly nude
in the back of a cop car
490
00:19:11,440 --> 00:19:13,550
about to drown with a young boy.
491
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:16,922
Well, I have to hand it to you,
you didn't go down easy.
492
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:18,812
Where the hell
did you find that guy?
493
00:19:18,976 --> 00:19:21,039
I didn't. Alba did.
494
00:19:21,447 --> 00:19:22,892
What?
495
00:19:22,961 --> 00:19:24,539
Alba, you told me that Chip hired him.
496
00:19:24,608 --> 00:19:26,351
- Yeah, you, uh...
- Hold on.
497
00:19:26,420 --> 00:19:28,063
Why are you even speaking to her?
498
00:19:28,132 --> 00:19:29,788
You were supposed to be
working for me.
499
00:19:29,855 --> 00:19:31,437
I was. I-I mean, I am.
500
00:19:31,506 --> 00:19:33,273
- Uh, I just, uh...
- Alba.
501
00:19:33,342 --> 00:19:35,562
What is going on?
Why did you do all of this?
502
00:19:36,750 --> 00:19:39,331
Uh, well, it was hot, I was bored.
503
00:19:39,398 --> 00:19:41,109
I like drama. Hmm.
504
00:19:43,564 --> 00:19:44,864
Mickey?
505
00:19:45,405 --> 00:19:46,405
Whoa.
506
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:48,023
How was the real world?
507
00:19:50,211 --> 00:19:52,390
It was, um, it was great.
508
00:19:52,578 --> 00:19:53,992
Thanks for asking.
509
00:19:54,301 --> 00:19:56,203
Are you wearing a grocery bag?
510
00:19:56,327 --> 00:19:57,808
Mickey lost her pants in the pond.
511
00:19:57,891 --> 00:20:00,086
Okay. Let's not gossip.
512
00:20:03,617 --> 00:20:04,851
Huh.
513
00:20:10,546 --> 00:20:12,563
Come on. No way.
514
00:20:12,632 --> 00:20:15,238
You get Pearl Jam 24/7 on this thing?
515
00:20:15,307 --> 00:20:17,209
It's just satellite radio, man.
516
00:20:17,490 --> 00:20:18,718
You can get that in any car.
517
00:20:18,787 --> 00:20:19,838
Yeah, not my car.
518
00:20:19,905 --> 00:20:21,808
Hey, can you get porn on this screen?
519
00:20:22,169 --> 00:20:23,277
I don't know.
520
00:20:23,346 --> 00:20:24,874
Hey, computer, play porn.
521
00:20:24,943 --> 00:20:26,745
I'm sorry,
I didn't catch that.
522
00:20:26,902 --> 00:20:28,917
Porn. Whatever you got.
523
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:31,261
Amateur, point of view, Asian...
524
00:20:31,330 --> 00:20:32,909
No, no, could you not...?
525
00:20:33,128 --> 00:20:34,722
I've got kids, so...
526
00:20:34,903 --> 00:20:37,253
All right, well, that's fine,
I got kids, too.
527
00:20:37,322 --> 00:20:39,003
It doesn't mean we can't
watch a little porn together.
528
00:20:39,072 --> 00:20:40,292
- Relax.
- Y-You know, I think
529
00:20:40,361 --> 00:20:41,668
it's pretty close to where you said.
530
00:20:41,736 --> 00:20:42,793
Does this look right to you?
531
00:20:42,861 --> 00:20:44,214
Oh, yeah, yeah. This is good.
532
00:20:44,283 --> 00:20:45,452
- This is really good.
- Oh, okay.
533
00:20:45,520 --> 00:20:47,910
I should get out here, too,
because I don't want her
534
00:20:47,979 --> 00:20:49,659
to see me in a car like
this with a guy like you.
535
00:20:49,727 --> 00:20:52,675
Yeah, but I'll tell you what:
536
00:20:53,196 --> 00:20:54,973
thanks for the ride, Morpheus.
537
00:20:55,042 --> 00:20:56,979
- Oh.
- Good luck in the future...
538
00:20:58,000 --> 00:21:04,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
539
00:21:09,287 --> 00:21:10,420
Mickey?!
540
00:21:10,762 --> 00:21:12,331
Ben?!
541
00:21:12,698 --> 00:21:14,425
Anybody?!
542
00:21:20,026 --> 00:21:21,882
This could be it.
543
00:21:23,675 --> 00:21:25,410
I save lives!
543
00:21:26,305 --> 00:21:32,201
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