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1
00:00:02,156 --> 00:00:04,178
Okay, maybe I'm old-fashioned.
2
00:00:04,203 --> 00:00:06,170
Says the man who wears Aqua Velva.
3
00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:07,338
I thought you like that.
4
00:00:07,340 --> 00:00:09,340
I do. Go on with your rant, honey.
5
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:11,792
I just don't think that
dogs belong in stores.
6
00:00:11,794 --> 00:00:13,877
I can't take my ice
cream into a pet store,
7
00:00:13,879 --> 00:00:15,095
so why do all these people
8
00:00:15,097 --> 00:00:17,097
bring their dogs into
an ice cream store?
9
00:00:17,099 --> 00:00:18,632
They're service dogs.
10
00:00:18,634 --> 00:00:20,684
Really? How was that ratty little poodle
11
00:00:20,686 --> 00:00:22,945
being of service to that
woman with the big, fake lips?
12
00:00:24,274 --> 00:00:26,890
She must need him or she wouldn't
have bought him a stroller.
13
00:00:26,892 --> 00:00:29,143
Oh, d-don't get me
started on the strollers
14
00:00:29,145 --> 00:00:30,778
or the matching hats.
15
00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:32,780
You know, you're
getting dangerously close
16
00:00:32,782 --> 00:00:34,365
to old coot territory.
17
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,066
Which is just over yonder
18
00:00:36,068 --> 00:00:38,820
by those kids who won't
pick a damn gender!
19
00:00:42,726 --> 00:00:44,325
It's Christy.
20
00:00:44,890 --> 00:00:47,578
- Is that coconut or poodle fuzz?
- She wants me
21
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:49,747
to pick up her waitress
uniform at the dry cleaner.
22
00:00:49,749 --> 00:00:52,216
I love how she thinks I
have nothing better to do.
23
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,634
Do you?
24
00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:55,302
My side. You're on my side.
25
00:00:56,305 --> 00:00:58,005
"Will try,
26
00:00:58,007 --> 00:01:00,974
but Adam in a dark place again."
27
00:01:00,976 --> 00:01:02,893
Hey, hey, don't drag me into this.
28
00:01:02,895 --> 00:01:04,420
Oh, I do it all the time.
29
00:01:04,445 --> 00:01:07,348
If she asks, you have just
a kiss of manic depression.
30
00:01:07,350 --> 00:01:10,184
"Will try, but Adam really Ne... "
31
00:01:10,186 --> 00:01:12,820
- Oh, my God. Are you all right?
- Oh! Oh!
32
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:15,439
This is bad. This is really bad.
33
00:01:15,441 --> 00:01:17,074
Okay, here, take my
hands. I'll pull you up.
34
00:01:18,568 --> 00:01:20,361
Oh, stop. I can't stand.
35
00:01:20,363 --> 00:01:21,862
Honey, you got to get up.
36
00:01:21,864 --> 00:01:24,615
You're in a bus stop.
Eventually, there's gonna be a bus.
37
00:01:24,617 --> 00:01:25,783
Okay.
38
00:01:25,785 --> 00:01:30,371
- Let me try to drag myself out.
- All right. Hurry, hurry.
39
00:01:32,582 --> 00:01:34,508
Did you just eat your ice cream?
40
00:01:34,510 --> 00:01:36,009
Uh, I don't know. Did I?
41
00:01:36,011 --> 00:01:38,545
How about when you're
done with your treat,
42
00:01:38,547 --> 00:01:40,589
you call 911!
43
00:01:47,570 --> 00:01:51,910
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
44
00:01:58,199 --> 00:01:59,748
So, what's the spa like?
45
00:02:00,613 --> 00:02:03,438
Oh, we take hikes through the desert,
46
00:02:03,463 --> 00:02:06,764
we meditate, we eat super healthy.
47
00:02:08,098 --> 00:02:10,615
It's been the worst week of my life.
48
00:02:10,617 --> 00:02:12,011
Well, you look good.
49
00:02:12,036 --> 00:02:15,004
Damn well better look good
after I... W-What's that?
50
00:02:15,754 --> 00:02:18,722
- What are you eating?
- Just a muffin.
51
00:02:18,724 --> 00:02:20,224
Don't say "just a muffin" to me.
52
00:02:20,226 --> 00:02:22,613
I'm on ten calories a day. Hold it up.
53
00:02:24,563 --> 00:02:27,097
Not the wrapper side. Show me her face.
54
00:02:29,185 --> 00:02:31,834
Ooh, she's pretty.
55
00:02:33,451 --> 00:02:35,656
Jill, it's a muffin I
bought at a car wash.
56
00:02:35,658 --> 00:02:38,076
Oh, they're all the same in the dark.
57
00:02:40,389 --> 00:02:43,163
- What kind is it?
- Bran.
58
00:02:43,165 --> 00:02:44,948
Lie to me.
59
00:02:45,897 --> 00:02:47,501
Double chocolate chip.
60
00:02:47,503 --> 00:02:49,286
Yeah, it is.
61
00:02:50,206 --> 00:02:51,889
Take another bite.
62
00:02:53,149 --> 00:02:56,039
- This is getting kind of weird.
- Take a bite!
63
00:02:57,012 --> 00:02:59,513
Oh, yeah.
64
00:03:01,430 --> 00:03:03,350
Oh, got to go.
65
00:03:03,352 --> 00:03:04,852
I'm gonna reheat some pizza later.
66
00:03:04,854 --> 00:03:06,053
I'll call you then.
67
00:03:06,055 --> 00:03:07,437
What time?!
68
00:03:08,258 --> 00:03:10,140
Hey, where's my mom?
69
00:03:10,142 --> 00:03:11,808
She asked me to make sure you were here
70
00:03:11,810 --> 00:03:13,060
so she could make an entrance.
71
00:03:13,062 --> 00:03:15,062
- What?
- Come on in!
72
00:03:15,064 --> 00:03:16,694
Is she gonna do that
thing where she asks
73
00:03:16,719 --> 00:03:18,699
"What's different about me?"
and I'm gonna have to guess?
74
00:03:18,701 --> 00:03:20,451
Maybe, but it'll be easy.
75
00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:25,989
Oh, my God!
76
00:03:25,991 --> 00:03:27,324
What happened?
77
00:03:27,326 --> 00:03:28,631
You made me fall.
78
00:03:30,436 --> 00:03:31,495
How?
79
00:03:31,497 --> 00:03:33,497
You kept texting me about
your stupid dry cleaning
80
00:03:33,499 --> 00:03:35,165
while I was walking
and eating ice cream.
81
00:03:35,167 --> 00:03:36,647
I almost got hit by a bus.
82
00:03:37,718 --> 00:03:40,217
It was nine blocks away,
but she could see it.
83
00:03:41,467 --> 00:03:43,248
- Are they broken?
- Yes.
84
00:03:43,273 --> 00:03:45,142
No. She tore a couple of ligaments.
85
00:03:45,144 --> 00:03:47,060
She'll be in the chair for a few weeks.
86
00:03:47,062 --> 00:03:48,178
You hear that, Christy?
87
00:03:48,180 --> 00:03:50,013
Torn ligaments because
of your dry cleaning.
88
00:03:50,156 --> 00:03:54,143
Yeah. You have size 15 feet,
but sure, I'm the one at fault.
89
00:03:54,447 --> 00:03:56,752
The X-ray lady had trouble
getting 'em in the same shot.
90
00:03:56,777 --> 00:03:58,493
Hey! My side.
91
00:04:00,236 --> 00:04:01,992
Well, is there anything
I can do to help?
92
00:04:01,994 --> 00:04:04,077
For starters, you have
to be the building manager
93
00:04:04,079 --> 00:04:05,339
until I can walk again.
94
00:04:05,869 --> 00:04:08,699
I meant more like get you a pillow.
95
00:04:08,701 --> 00:04:10,377
I'll take that, too.
96
00:04:11,697 --> 00:04:13,870
All right. Well, you know,
just write a list
97
00:04:13,872 --> 00:04:15,789
of things I need to
do around the building,
98
00:04:15,791 --> 00:04:17,854
and I'll be like you and not do them.
99
00:04:18,658 --> 00:04:20,711
That's all I'm asking.
100
00:04:24,397 --> 00:04:26,185
Oh, I'm slipping off the toilet!
101
00:04:26,210 --> 00:04:27,684
Just push yourself off the bowl!
102
00:04:27,686 --> 00:04:30,053
- Grab my butt. Ow!
- Hold the towel rack!
103
00:04:30,055 --> 00:04:31,438
You're hurting my leg!
104
00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:32,856
Stop pulling my hair!
105
00:04:32,858 --> 00:04:35,275
Pull up my pants!
106
00:04:35,277 --> 00:04:38,476
Great! Now we're gonna
have seven years bad luck.
107
00:04:38,952 --> 00:04:40,781
How will we tell?
108
00:04:43,202 --> 00:04:45,652
I always knew someday she'd
need help using the toilet,
109
00:04:45,654 --> 00:04:47,735
but I was really hoping
I'd be dead by then.
110
00:04:48,290 --> 00:04:49,740
We better get this worked out
111
00:04:49,742 --> 00:04:51,708
before I have my
coffee tomorrow morning.
112
00:04:52,164 --> 00:04:54,911
For what it's worth, I
really enjoyed listening.
113
00:04:54,913 --> 00:04:56,571
You guys should do a podcast.
114
00:04:56,977 --> 00:04:58,498
I'm glad you were entertained
115
00:04:58,500 --> 00:05:00,300
by me almost peeing
on my daughter's hand.
116
00:05:00,302 --> 00:05:01,287
"Almost"?!
117
00:05:01,312 --> 00:05:03,720
It was a direct hit!
118
00:05:03,722 --> 00:05:05,422
Oh, great.
119
00:05:05,424 --> 00:05:06,673
Course my phone's in the kitchen.
120
00:05:06,675 --> 00:05:07,891
Christy, do you mind?
121
00:05:07,893 --> 00:05:10,248
Hold on, I'm boiling my hand.
122
00:05:11,084 --> 00:05:13,264
She used to pay good
money for clean urine.
123
00:05:15,517 --> 00:05:16,817
Hello?
124
00:05:16,819 --> 00:05:18,599
Uh, uh-huh.
125
00:05:18,771 --> 00:05:20,756
Okay, I'll tell her.
126
00:05:21,630 --> 00:05:24,408
Beverly's smelling something
dead in her apartment.
127
00:05:24,410 --> 00:05:27,636
Not the first time. Hope
and animals go there to die.
128
00:05:28,722 --> 00:05:29,946
What do you want to do?
129
00:05:29,948 --> 00:05:31,248
Well, clearly I can't do anything,
130
00:05:31,250 --> 00:05:32,749
but you better get right on it.
131
00:05:32,751 --> 00:05:34,284
Can't we just turn up the heat
132
00:05:34,286 --> 00:05:36,027
and see if whatever it is dries out?
133
00:05:36,558 --> 00:05:38,121
Just get up there.
134
00:05:38,123 --> 00:05:40,173
Oh, and grab the hammer
out of my toolbox.
135
00:05:40,175 --> 00:05:42,042
Sometimes the dead thing
isn't completely dead.
136
00:05:42,044 --> 00:05:43,706
What?
137
00:05:44,430 --> 00:05:46,630
They scratch, they nip,
they try to lay eggs in you.
138
00:05:46,632 --> 00:05:47,848
It's disgusting.
139
00:05:47,850 --> 00:05:50,300
If the dead thing bites
me, I am biting you.
140
00:05:50,302 --> 00:05:53,186
Ooh. I'll bite you back.
141
00:05:54,324 --> 00:05:57,676
There's your podcast: sober
chicks who bite each other.
142
00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:04,793
Do you see anything?
143
00:06:05,234 --> 00:06:06,900
Yep, it's a dead mouse.
144
00:06:06,902 --> 00:06:08,151
Wait.
145
00:06:08,309 --> 00:06:09,725
Yeah, it's dead.
146
00:06:13,208 --> 00:06:15,125
You're gonna need a new pair of tongs.
147
00:06:15,127 --> 00:06:17,629
Why? It's just another kind of meat.
148
00:06:18,941 --> 00:06:20,497
Now I'm kind of glad
149
00:06:20,499 --> 00:06:22,632
I turned down the
lasagna you offered me.
150
00:06:24,013 --> 00:06:26,837
Okay, I'm just gonna go
throw Mickey in the Dumpster.
151
00:06:26,839 --> 00:06:29,231
After that, can you
drive me to the pharmacy?
152
00:06:29,583 --> 00:06:30,757
What?
153
00:06:30,759 --> 00:06:33,143
I can't drive at night.
Your mom takes me.
154
00:06:34,192 --> 00:06:36,346
- My mother?
- Yeah.
155
00:06:36,778 --> 00:06:38,932
My mother does you favors?
156
00:06:38,934 --> 00:06:40,400
Christy, it's not a kidney.
157
00:06:40,402 --> 00:06:42,018
It's just a ride to the pharmacy.
158
00:06:43,492 --> 00:06:46,356
Okay. Well, I guess I can take you.
159
00:06:46,358 --> 00:06:48,191
Thank you.
160
00:06:48,193 --> 00:06:50,610
Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
161
00:06:54,140 --> 00:06:56,131
All right, off we go.
162
00:06:59,872 --> 00:07:02,038
No.
163
00:07:02,040 --> 00:07:04,458
No.
164
00:07:04,460 --> 00:07:06,793
God, no.
165
00:07:06,795 --> 00:07:09,445
Wait.
166
00:07:10,340 --> 00:07:11,806
No.
167
00:07:14,186 --> 00:07:16,887
Okay, we're back to Matlock in Spanish.
168
00:07:19,141 --> 00:07:21,852
You know the worst thing
about being in a wheelchair?
169
00:07:25,274 --> 00:07:26,897
Enlighten me.
170
00:07:27,485 --> 00:07:29,366
I'm just so bored.
171
00:07:29,774 --> 00:07:32,068
I have all this energy
and nothing to do with it.
172
00:07:32,070 --> 00:07:35,024
It's like my usual
sparkle is being wasted.
173
00:07:35,945 --> 00:07:38,959
I wouldn't mind getting a
little of that sparkle on me.
174
00:07:40,591 --> 00:07:42,129
What are you talking about?
175
00:07:42,131 --> 00:07:44,357
Really? The sparkle thing wasn't clear?
176
00:07:46,385 --> 00:07:48,051
Look at me. It's not happening.
177
00:07:48,053 --> 00:07:49,552
Oh, it's happening.
178
00:07:50,219 --> 00:07:52,719
Parts of it have already started.
179
00:07:54,000 --> 00:08:00,074
AmericasCardroom.com brings poker back
Million Dollar Sunday Tournament every Sunday
180
00:08:17,152 --> 00:08:18,782
Pull me up. Pull me up.
181
00:08:18,784 --> 00:08:20,584
I'm pulling.
182
00:08:20,586 --> 00:08:22,953
Swivel and slide. Swivel and slide!
183
00:08:22,955 --> 00:08:24,287
Stop flailing.
184
00:08:24,289 --> 00:08:26,456
Oh! Hey, we got it.
185
00:08:26,458 --> 00:08:28,124
The right parts are touching.
186
00:08:34,175 --> 00:08:36,433
We should probably get undressed now.
187
00:08:37,448 --> 00:08:40,053
How about you just tickle
my back and we take a nap.
188
00:08:42,307 --> 00:08:43,769
All right.
189
00:08:44,142 --> 00:08:46,726
Just so you know, the light is on.
190
00:08:46,728 --> 00:08:48,339
Oh, thanks, Christy.
191
00:08:48,981 --> 00:08:50,447
Mind if I ask a question?
192
00:08:50,449 --> 00:08:53,193
Why does a blind man need a light bulb?
193
00:08:53,826 --> 00:08:55,619
That was the one.
194
00:08:55,621 --> 00:08:57,997
It helps regulate my circadian rhythms.
195
00:08:58,373 --> 00:09:01,658
Also, I have friends who
don't like to sit in the dark.
196
00:09:02,326 --> 00:09:04,494
Oh, yeah. Never thought about that.
197
00:09:05,232 --> 00:09:07,664
Can I ask one more favor?
198
00:09:07,666 --> 00:09:08,832
Sure.
199
00:09:08,834 --> 00:09:11,001
When your mom drops in to fix something,
200
00:09:11,003 --> 00:09:13,544
she usually hangs
around and reads to me.
201
00:09:13,903 --> 00:09:16,161
Oh, come on. She does not.
202
00:09:17,009 --> 00:09:18,842
Started out she'd read my mail,
203
00:09:18,844 --> 00:09:20,871
then we worked our way up to books.
204
00:09:21,724 --> 00:09:23,739
She never even read to me.
205
00:09:24,650 --> 00:09:26,433
That's a sad story.
206
00:09:27,356 --> 00:09:29,486
My book is on the table.
207
00:09:31,749 --> 00:09:32,822
Okay.
208
00:09:32,824 --> 00:09:34,617
I guess I got a couple minutes.
209
00:09:35,027 --> 00:09:37,070
From the bookmark, please.
210
00:09:42,618 --> 00:09:44,077
"Chapter 12.
211
00:09:45,288 --> 00:09:47,504
"She walked into my office
212
00:09:47,506 --> 00:09:50,756
"on legs that could
wrap around a man twice.
213
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:53,575
"I felt a twinge of jealousy
214
00:09:53,679 --> 00:09:55,629
for the cigarette between her lips."
215
00:09:55,631 --> 00:09:56,983
Hey, Dr. Seuss,
216
00:09:57,008 --> 00:09:58,686
it's not a children's book.
217
00:10:01,670 --> 00:10:04,387
"I felt a twinge of jealousy
218
00:10:04,389 --> 00:10:06,356
for the cigarette between her lips."
219
00:10:06,358 --> 00:10:07,744
Mmm.
220
00:10:10,330 --> 00:10:12,228
"The kind of lips
221
00:10:12,230 --> 00:10:16,924
that God made for one
reason and one reason only."
222
00:10:18,283 --> 00:10:19,979
Oh, that's graphic.
223
00:10:21,627 --> 00:10:24,012
Don't look at me. Your
mom picked the book.
224
00:10:27,028 --> 00:10:28,295
Hand to God,
225
00:10:28,297 --> 00:10:31,331
she reads to blind guys,
helps old people run errands,
226
00:10:31,333 --> 00:10:33,416
and... get ready for this one...
227
00:10:33,418 --> 00:10:35,919
She got a tenant's Social
Security check in the mail,
228
00:10:35,921 --> 00:10:37,137
and she returned it.
229
00:10:38,343 --> 00:10:40,173
Whoa.
230
00:10:40,897 --> 00:10:43,977
Is it possible my mom's
secretly a nice person?
231
00:10:43,979 --> 00:10:46,022
- No.
- Not a chance.
232
00:10:50,218 --> 00:10:52,420
I mean, I'd get it
if my mom was bragging
233
00:10:52,445 --> 00:10:54,646
all over the place about
what a great person she is,
234
00:10:54,671 --> 00:10:56,726
but here's the thing... She's not.
235
00:10:56,751 --> 00:10:59,368
She's doing all this nice
stuff on the down low.
236
00:11:00,187 --> 00:11:04,429
Okay, well, let's try to
look at this in a new way.
237
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:07,565
We all know from sobriety
miracles can happen.
238
00:11:08,047 --> 00:11:10,482
Junkie hooker becomes CEO, sure.
239
00:11:10,507 --> 00:11:13,375
Bonnie Plunkett becomes
a nice person, no.
240
00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:17,552
- People do change in recovery.
- It's true.
241
00:11:17,554 --> 00:11:19,882
I used to be very quiet and low energy.
242
00:11:21,382 --> 00:11:23,641
And you are an inspiration.
243
00:11:25,718 --> 00:11:28,396
But my mom is a
different kind of animal.
244
00:11:28,398 --> 00:11:31,616
My mom... is an animal.
245
00:11:31,976 --> 00:11:34,035
Well, you have every
right to feel that way
246
00:11:34,037 --> 00:11:36,704
given your history, but maybe it's time
247
00:11:36,706 --> 00:11:40,158
we all admit she's
becoming a better person.
248
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,058
Oh, please. You know that story
249
00:11:43,083 --> 00:11:45,395
about the frog helping the
scorpion cross the river?
250
00:11:45,397 --> 00:11:47,147
Yeah. Your mother's the scorpion,
251
00:11:47,149 --> 00:11:49,027
and she can't change her nature.
252
00:11:49,052 --> 00:11:53,097
No. My mother's the river,
and everybody drowns in her.
253
00:11:58,277 --> 00:12:00,642
Okay, I got her in the tub.
254
00:12:00,996 --> 00:12:03,530
With any luck, she'll doze
off, and that'll be that.
255
00:12:06,114 --> 00:12:08,885
You guys are cute when
you wish each other dead.
256
00:12:11,136 --> 00:12:14,271
- Make you a sandwich?
- Thanks.
257
00:12:18,305 --> 00:12:21,339
So... you're marrying my mother.
258
00:12:21,389 --> 00:12:23,318
Unless she drowns in that tub.
259
00:12:25,076 --> 00:12:26,966
Then you're the right person to ask.
260
00:12:27,895 --> 00:12:30,479
I'm guessing there are
things about her you like.
261
00:12:31,138 --> 00:12:32,357
Of course.
262
00:12:32,700 --> 00:12:34,567
What are they?
263
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,888
Are you looking for something specific?
264
00:12:37,115 --> 00:12:40,239
For starters, do you
think she's a good person?
265
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:44,577
Let me tell you why
I'm making a sandwich.
266
00:12:45,603 --> 00:12:47,653
Your mother and I were supposed
to go out to lunch today
267
00:12:47,678 --> 00:12:49,561
at that new Italian place.
268
00:12:50,718 --> 00:12:52,923
Hello there.
269
00:12:55,390 --> 00:12:57,256
We need a table for two,
270
00:12:57,258 --> 00:13:01,649
preferably by a window
because... you know.
271
00:13:03,118 --> 00:13:04,930
What do wheelchairs have
to do with the window?
272
00:13:04,932 --> 00:13:06,814
Shh. I got this.
273
00:13:07,402 --> 00:13:09,819
I'm sorry. We don't have
any tables available.
274
00:13:10,118 --> 00:13:12,521
Thanks anyway. I told you we
should've made a reservation.
275
00:13:12,523 --> 00:13:14,323
Hang on. Sir, you can't turn us away.
276
00:13:14,325 --> 00:13:16,325
Do you realize how challenging it is
277
00:13:16,327 --> 00:13:18,969
for us to just get out of the house?
278
00:13:19,947 --> 00:13:21,497
- Bonnie...
- But today,
279
00:13:21,499 --> 00:13:23,115
we said, "Darn it, let's go out
280
00:13:23,117 --> 00:13:25,750
for a nice lunch like normal people."
281
00:13:27,351 --> 00:13:29,338
Are you kidding me?
282
00:13:29,340 --> 00:13:32,208
I'm so sorry. Let me see if I
can shift some things around.
283
00:13:32,210 --> 00:13:34,543
Please don't bother. We're out of here.
284
00:13:34,545 --> 00:13:36,429
- What? Why? He's shifting.
- Uh...
285
00:13:36,431 --> 00:13:38,297
You're unbelievable.
286
00:13:38,471 --> 00:13:40,299
I'm sorry. He's got a
kiss of manic depression.
287
00:13:40,301 --> 00:13:42,369
Keep shifting. We'll be right back.
288
00:13:43,054 --> 00:13:45,033
Oh, my God, she's a monster.
289
00:13:46,135 --> 00:13:49,391
- Thank you. I feel so much better.
- What are you talking about?
290
00:13:50,291 --> 00:13:52,363
Well, Marjorie was trying
291
00:13:52,388 --> 00:13:55,356
to convince me that my mom's
becoming a better person.
292
00:13:56,392 --> 00:13:58,020
This is really good.
293
00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,296
Excellent
lettuce-to-meat ratio.
294
00:14:00,455 --> 00:14:02,705
Thank you, but I... I'm
not done with the story.
295
00:14:02,707 --> 00:14:04,323
- Oh, really?
- Mm-hmm.
296
00:14:04,325 --> 00:14:06,937
What happened next?
She sucker-punch a baby?
297
00:14:08,344 --> 00:14:09,843
Just listen.
298
00:14:10,992 --> 00:14:12,748
Slow down!
299
00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:15,918
Hey, stop that man! He stole my purse!
300
00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:17,585
Really?
301
00:14:18,499 --> 00:14:20,639
What are you so mad about?
302
00:14:20,641 --> 00:14:22,174
We're getting a table.
303
00:14:22,176 --> 00:14:23,759
We'll probably get a free dessert.
304
00:14:23,761 --> 00:14:25,427
How could you embarrass me like that?
305
00:14:25,429 --> 00:14:27,429
What's embarrassing? It was working.
306
00:14:27,431 --> 00:14:29,181
You made me an object of pity.
307
00:14:29,183 --> 00:14:31,267
Well, to get what Napa
Valley Monthly calls
308
00:14:31,269 --> 00:14:33,936
"the best bucatini outside of Naples."
309
00:14:33,938 --> 00:14:36,191
Bonnie, I don't want people to see me...
310
00:14:36,216 --> 00:14:38,251
as different, as "less than."
311
00:14:38,276 --> 00:14:40,457
- You're not "less than."
- You're damn right I'm not.
312
00:14:40,482 --> 00:14:42,778
But you wanted the maître"
to feel sorry for us.
313
00:14:42,780 --> 00:14:44,663
I just thought I could
get a better table.
314
00:14:44,665 --> 00:14:46,198
Do you know how hard I work
315
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:48,099
for people not to see
me as a guy in a chair?
316
00:14:49,248 --> 00:14:50,870
I guess I-I don't think about it
317
00:14:50,872 --> 00:14:53,038
because you make it look so easy.
318
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:54,951
Well, that's the way
that I want it to look.
319
00:14:54,976 --> 00:14:57,627
I don't cut in line, I don't
bitch when there's not a ramp,
320
00:14:57,652 --> 00:15:00,095
and I don't ask for special treatment.
321
00:15:01,761 --> 00:15:03,268
Ever.
322
00:15:06,204 --> 00:15:11,207
No, you don't, and... and
I shouldn't have, either.
323
00:15:12,607 --> 00:15:15,960
I guess I don't... think enough
about what you go through
324
00:15:15,985 --> 00:15:18,932
because I'm too busy
thinking about myself.
325
00:15:23,255 --> 00:15:26,807
I'm sorry, Adam. I'm so, so sorry.
326
00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:32,494
She actually said, "So, so sorry"?
327
00:15:32,496 --> 00:15:34,713
It surprised me, too.
328
00:15:36,998 --> 00:15:39,382
She just straight-up apologized?
329
00:15:40,517 --> 00:15:43,005
No blaming other people,
330
00:15:43,007 --> 00:15:44,757
no fake tears,
331
00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:47,476
no "I grew up in the foster system.
332
00:15:47,478 --> 00:15:50,179
I slept in a dog bed till I was 11."
333
00:15:51,599 --> 00:15:55,244
She even went back inside and
apologized to the maître d'.
334
00:15:56,283 --> 00:15:57,630
Wow.
335
00:15:58,212 --> 00:15:59,572
She really is changing.
336
00:15:59,574 --> 00:16:01,690
- Well...
- Damn it, Christy!
337
00:16:01,692 --> 00:16:04,026
My bath is getting cold!
338
00:16:04,028 --> 00:16:06,236
So turn the hot water on!
339
00:16:06,261 --> 00:16:08,462
I can't! I'm reading!
340
00:16:10,455 --> 00:16:11,917
Just give her a second.
341
00:16:12,870 --> 00:16:14,787
Never mind! I figured it out!
342
00:16:14,789 --> 00:16:16,672
I put the book down!
343
00:16:20,461 --> 00:16:22,428
Don't avoid the world
344
00:16:22,430 --> 00:16:24,680
because of moderate to
severe plaque psoriasis.
345
00:16:25,601 --> 00:16:29,134
Do you have any idea
what plaque psoriasis is?
346
00:16:29,929 --> 00:16:32,638
Maybe it's when you get an
award for your psoriasis.
347
00:16:32,640 --> 00:16:34,857
Well, this guy has it,
and then he took this pill,
348
00:16:34,859 --> 00:16:36,859
and now he's having the
best day of his life.
349
00:16:37,698 --> 00:16:42,073
He's swimming, he's making pottery.
Hey, I kind of wish I had it.
350
00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:46,665
- Ready for your lunch?
- I was ready 30 minutes ago.
351
00:16:46,690 --> 00:16:48,956
How long does it take you to open a can?
352
00:16:49,604 --> 00:16:52,408
Actually, it's not from a can.
I made it from scratch.
353
00:16:52,410 --> 00:16:56,412
- Really? What's that floatin' in there?
- Vegetables.
354
00:16:56,414 --> 00:16:58,213
Ugh.
355
00:16:58,215 --> 00:17:00,549
Well, I'll choke it down.
356
00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,551
Bon appétit.
357
00:17:03,619 --> 00:17:05,383
What's with the smile?
358
00:17:06,331 --> 00:17:09,091
I'm just... happy you're my mom.
359
00:17:09,577 --> 00:17:11,120
Why?
360
00:17:12,759 --> 00:17:14,430
You're so funny.
361
00:17:14,432 --> 00:17:16,265
Careful. It's hot.
362
00:17:16,267 --> 00:17:19,652
This unexpected pleasantness
is very unsettling.
363
00:17:20,704 --> 00:17:22,738
Can't a daughter just
be nice to her mother?
364
00:17:22,740 --> 00:17:25,357
Not this daughter, not this mother.
365
00:17:25,359 --> 00:17:27,026
Well, you better get used to it,
366
00:17:27,028 --> 00:17:28,696
because I love you no matter what.
367
00:17:30,063 --> 00:17:34,093
Yeah, well, uh, I used the lost
kid room at Walmart for day care.
368
00:17:34,681 --> 00:17:36,035
That's okay.
369
00:17:36,037 --> 00:17:38,688
The security guard taught
me how to spell my name.
370
00:17:40,056 --> 00:17:41,340
What's that all about?
371
00:17:41,342 --> 00:17:43,125
Oh, Christy's acting like she loves me,
372
00:17:43,127 --> 00:17:45,427
and it's really pissing me off.
373
00:17:45,883 --> 00:17:49,120
- I love you, too.
- I will kick you with this boot.
374
00:17:58,859 --> 00:18:00,792
Mom?
375
00:18:07,113 --> 00:18:10,639
- Hey.
- Hey.
376
00:18:10,641 --> 00:18:12,641
Weren't you supposed to
go to the doctor today?
377
00:18:12,643 --> 00:18:14,060
I did.
378
00:18:14,062 --> 00:18:16,429
Turns out he wants
me to stay off my feet
379
00:18:16,431 --> 00:18:18,564
another week just to be safe.
380
00:18:19,118 --> 00:18:20,547
Oh, no.
381
00:18:20,572 --> 00:18:23,406
I know. I'm so disappointed.
382
00:18:23,653 --> 00:18:25,703
I really hate being a burden.
383
00:18:26,031 --> 00:18:28,828
- You're not a burden.
- Oh, thanks, honey.
384
00:18:28,853 --> 00:18:31,894
By the way, there is
a family of raccoons
385
00:18:31,919 --> 00:18:34,336
living in the wall of 5G.
386
00:18:35,718 --> 00:18:37,167
You're gonna need the gloves,
387
00:18:37,169 --> 00:18:39,169
and as cute as you think the babies are,
388
00:18:39,171 --> 00:18:40,971
they will go right for your eyes.
389
00:18:41,888 --> 00:18:43,507
I'm on it.
390
00:18:44,130 --> 00:18:47,146
- Christy, wait.
- Yeah?
391
00:18:47,171 --> 00:18:49,338
There's something I have to tell you.
392
00:18:51,734 --> 00:18:54,833
My laundry is really piling up.
393
00:18:56,271 --> 00:18:57,738
I'll take care of it.
394
00:18:57,740 --> 00:18:59,106
You're the best.
395
00:18:59,108 --> 00:19:00,774
By the way,
396
00:19:00,776 --> 00:19:02,860
you might want to close that cabinet,
397
00:19:02,862 --> 00:19:04,678
you lying, worthless dirtbag.
398
00:19:08,117 --> 00:19:11,535
Don't tell Adam! Don't tell Adam!
399
00:19:11,537 --> 00:19:16,350
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
399
00:19:17,305 --> 00:19:23,848
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