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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074 Watch more movies for free on www.FlixTor.to 2 00:00:26,726 --> 00:00:30,503 No No 3 00:00:33,633 --> 00:00:39,845 No No 4 00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:43,012 No 5 00:00:43,076 --> 00:00:48,526 No, she don't mess around No, she don't mess around 6 00:00:52,752 --> 00:00:55,164 100% blue agave. 7 00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,757 Taste it. 8 00:00:56,823 --> 00:00:58,427 Look, Mike, I like you. 9 00:00:58,591 --> 00:01:00,901 But no one's looking for another brand of tequila. 10 00:01:01,061 --> 00:01:02,335 They've got the three... What is it? 11 00:01:02,495 --> 00:01:04,372 The Cuervo, the other one, and the third one. 12 00:01:04,597 --> 00:01:06,076 And they don't need more tequila. 13 00:01:06,232 --> 00:01:07,506 If I can't sell it, it's not gonna sell. 14 00:01:07,834 --> 00:01:09,074 People want the new-new. 15 00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:10,612 -The "new-new"? -The "new-new." 16 00:01:10,770 --> 00:01:11,908 They want that new-new. 17 00:01:11,971 --> 00:01:13,006 No! 18 00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,576 What if I could sell this tequila to a customer? 19 00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:17,813 -Would I have your order then? -Yeah, sure. 20 00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:19,651 And I'm just gonna pick a customer at random. 21 00:01:20,980 --> 00:01:21,981 Excuse me, sir. 22 00:01:22,215 --> 00:01:24,217 Do you enjoy the taste of tequila? 23 00:01:25,218 --> 00:01:26,288 Why, yes, I do. 24 00:01:26,453 --> 00:01:29,662 But I only drink my particular brand, and you will not convince me otherwise. 25 00:01:29,956 --> 00:01:31,799 -It's a perfect candidate. -Because it's your brother! 26 00:01:32,058 --> 00:01:33,162 I know that's your brother. 27 00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:34,632 He dated my niece. 28 00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:35,796 Look, mate, I don't know your niece. 29 00:01:36,029 --> 00:01:37,804 -Okay. -But if I did... 30 00:01:37,964 --> 00:01:40,774 I'd say she was a little clingy, and she'd freak a lot of people out. 31 00:01:40,934 --> 00:01:42,709 We play Wards With Friends together, right? 32 00:01:42,869 --> 00:01:45,873 -Dave, right? -Name's Rick. Just got in from Melbourne. 33 00:01:46,039 --> 00:01:47,040 His name's Rick. 34 00:01:47,207 --> 00:01:48,413 I know he's your brother. 35 00:01:48,641 --> 00:01:50,951 Look, look, look. You guys are funny, you're weird. 36 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,454 We do this every couple weeks... 37 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:55,120 All right, I'll take 10 cases. 38 00:01:55,181 --> 00:01:56,182 -Fuck, yes! -Yes! 39 00:01:56,316 --> 00:01:57,317 Yes! I knew it! 40 00:01:57,550 --> 00:01:58,551 We sold your ass, Randy! 41 00:01:58,618 --> 00:01:59,722 I don't know if that's what happened. 42 00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,094 -It was the hat, right? -Was it the hat? 43 00:02:01,187 --> 00:02:02,188 I just found this over there. 44 00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:10,267 Do something crazy 45 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:12,499 Live like it's Mardi Gras 46 00:02:12,599 --> 00:02:14,272 And go jump Make the party start 47 00:02:14,334 --> 00:02:16,245 Don't need no R&R 48 00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,145 To regular life, I say au revoir 49 00:02:18,238 --> 00:02:20,582 Yay! Living life in the fast lane 50 00:02:20,640 --> 00:02:22,176 Now your pain only be champagne 51 00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:25,813 So please comejoin me One thing, good vibes only 52 00:02:26,279 --> 00:02:29,852 Start the keg {mine fill my cup 53 00:02:29,949 --> 00:02:33,328 Got fireworks, got booze Let's blow some shit up 54 00:02:34,120 --> 00:02:35,861 Tonight I'm going stupid 55 00:02:35,955 --> 00:02:37,593 Doing things I've never done 56 00:02:38,091 --> 00:02:40,298 We all got one thing in common 57 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:42,203 We just wanna have fun 58 00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:46,504 Do something crazy 59 00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:48,601 aka Y 60 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:50,336 Do something crazy 61 00:02:53,273 --> 00:02:54,274 Do what you wanna do 62 00:02:57,210 --> 00:02:58,211 Do something crazy 63 00:03:01,214 --> 00:03:02,215 I'm about to do 64 00:03:03,283 --> 00:03:04,284 I'm about to do 65 00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:06,319 Do something crazy 66 00:03:06,986 --> 00:03:07,987 Do something crazy 67 00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:10,225 Do something wild 68 00:03:10,323 --> 00:03:11,859 Rolling with the homies 69 00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:13,995 Chicks by my side 70 00:03:14,060 --> 00:03:16,199 Live for the moment 71 00:03:16,296 --> 00:03:18,071 All of the time 72 00:03:18,164 --> 00:03:20,075 Turn up the music 73 00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:21,873 Only good vibes 74 00:03:22,335 --> 00:03:23,837 Sorry to throw the accent at you, bro. 75 00:03:23,903 --> 00:03:25,405 No, dude. I loved it, and it kept me in the now. 76 00:03:25,738 --> 00:03:28,514 Do you realize that that sale puts us at number three in the office? 77 00:03:28,675 --> 00:03:30,177 The Stangle bros are killing it right now! 78 00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:33,482 It's not an actual hat. They just call it a jimmy hat. 79 00:03:33,646 --> 00:03:34,818 If you wear two, they break. 80 00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:37,086 -It's an urban legend... -No, it's not. 81 00:03:38,184 --> 00:03:39,219 Mom, Dad? 82 00:03:40,053 --> 00:03:41,225 Jeanie. Eric. 83 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:44,231 Don't freak out. I don't want you to freak out. 84 00:03:44,390 --> 00:03:45,460 Just come on in. 85 00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:47,602 Why don't we all just sit down? 86 00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:48,661 We gotta talk to you. 87 00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:51,139 We wanna discuss Jeanie and Eric's wedding. 88 00:03:51,397 --> 00:03:52,501 -Sweet. -Okay. 89 00:03:52,665 --> 00:03:55,111 Are you guys thinking DJ or band? First thought, band, right? 90 00:03:55,268 --> 00:03:56,838 No. People want to hear the real songs. 91 00:03:57,003 --> 00:03:59,279 You don't want to hear a guy singing Beyonc. 92 00:03:59,372 --> 00:04:00,680 You just want to hear Beyonc. 93 00:04:01,808 --> 00:04:04,015 Yeah, but we want to talk about... 94 00:04:04,077 --> 00:04:05,886 is you two. 95 00:04:07,347 --> 00:04:08,758 Now, over the years... 96 00:04:09,048 --> 00:04:11,961 a theme has emerged at our family gatherings. 97 00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:13,495 Everyone's having a good time... 98 00:04:13,786 --> 00:04:15,993 -That's right. -Things are going smoothly. 99 00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:17,193 Party time. 100 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,328 And then you two show up... 101 00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:20,393 stag... 102 00:04:20,693 --> 00:04:21,728 and you hit on girls... 103 00:04:21,961 --> 00:04:23,031 you act like idiots... 104 00:04:23,196 --> 00:04:24,766 and you ruin it. 105 00:04:24,931 --> 00:04:25,932 Ruin it. 106 00:04:26,099 --> 00:04:28,340 What? We are not party ruiners! 107 00:04:28,635 --> 00:04:29,841 We're party creators! 108 00:04:30,136 --> 00:04:32,946 And besides, when have we ever ruined a family event? 109 00:04:34,474 --> 00:04:35,612 We thought you might say that. 110 00:04:35,775 --> 00:04:36,845 Yep, here we go. And we just stream it. 111 00:04:36,909 --> 00:04:37,910 Apple TV. 112 00:04:37,977 --> 00:04:39,012 We just need your password. 113 00:04:39,245 --> 00:04:40,656 -Bryan's baby dick 69. -Yeah. 114 00:04:40,813 --> 00:04:42,292 Bryan's baby dick 69. 115 00:04:42,615 --> 00:04:44,219 What the fuck, guys? Really? 116 00:04:44,384 --> 00:04:45,419 -Got it. Yep. -Is that it? 117 00:04:45,485 --> 00:04:46,486 Good. 118 00:04:48,121 --> 00:04:50,067 Happy Fourth of July! 119 00:04:51,457 --> 00:04:52,492 Shit! 120 00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:57,975 It was fun up to that point. 121 00:05:06,939 --> 00:05:09,010 God damn it! My trailer! 122 00:05:17,183 --> 00:05:18,253 Shit. 123 00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:20,525 Actually, this is what we're trying to avoid. 124 00:05:21,954 --> 00:05:24,025 -The both of you are fucking idiots. -Fucking losers! 125 00:05:33,199 --> 00:05:36,203 Grandpa, wake up! Take his tie. 126 00:05:36,369 --> 00:05:39,475 Are you saying we had something to do with Grandfather's death? 127 00:05:39,539 --> 00:05:41,610 He died five years after that! 128 00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,685 That is a lot of guilt to put us. Shame on you. 129 00:05:43,843 --> 00:05:46,221 Plus, this video only shows the screw-ups. 130 00:05:46,479 --> 00:05:48,652 Where's the epic tracking shots of smiling faces? 131 00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:50,953 And everybody looking at us, just going... 132 00:05:51,117 --> 00:05:53,154 "God, I love Mike and Dave. 133 00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:55,424 "They made this whole party worth it." 134 00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,168 When are the two of you going to grow up? 135 00:05:58,391 --> 00:06:00,496 This shtick was cute for a while... 136 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:02,071 but it's gotten stale. 137 00:06:02,228 --> 00:06:04,139 Mom, come on, what are you... 138 00:06:04,864 --> 00:06:07,504 You're talking about us like we're a couple of losers or something. 139 00:06:07,667 --> 00:06:10,739 What we don't want you to do is go chasing girls and get out of control. 140 00:06:10,903 --> 00:06:12,211 You understand? 141 00:06:12,372 --> 00:06:13,646 Wait, we can still talk to girls, right? 142 00:06:13,806 --> 00:06:15,251 You can each talk to one girl. 143 00:06:15,408 --> 00:06:16,716 The girls that you bring to the wedding. 144 00:06:17,410 --> 00:06:18,411 What do you mean? 145 00:06:18,478 --> 00:06:20,389 I want you to bring a date. 146 00:06:20,546 --> 00:06:22,423 That's two dates. 147 00:06:22,582 --> 00:06:25,062 You want us to bring dates to a wedding? 148 00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,119 Excuse me? 149 00:06:26,219 --> 00:06:27,323 Are you allowed to do that? 150 00:06:27,487 --> 00:06:28,727 Nice, respectable, smart girls! 151 00:06:29,021 --> 00:06:30,159 Keep you in line. 152 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,529 -What the fuck? -What? 153 00:06:31,691 --> 00:06:33,034 -Are you insane? -You're kidding. 154 00:06:33,192 --> 00:06:35,433 You are not screwing up this wedding. Do you hear me? 155 00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:38,337 Mom, do you hear this river of horse shit coming out of Dad's mouth? 156 00:06:38,498 --> 00:06:41,536 We don't want you showing up stag and riling each other up! 157 00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:44,113 -We don't rile each other up! -We never get riled up! 158 00:06:44,270 --> 00:06:46,409 -I don't get riled! -He doesn't and I don't, either! 159 00:06:46,706 --> 00:06:48,276 Look at you right now! You're riled! 160 00:06:48,374 --> 00:06:50,581 -Take your head out of your ass, Dad! -You sound insane right now. 161 00:06:50,676 --> 00:06:53,247 Everybody stop yelling! Okay? 162 00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,620 You guys bringing wedding dates was my idea. 163 00:06:57,183 --> 00:06:59,754 Look, I love the shit out of you guys. 164 00:07:00,052 --> 00:07:02,931 But everyone is already stressed out about this wedding... 165 00:07:03,222 --> 00:07:05,964 and I just need you to be cool. 166 00:07:06,859 --> 00:07:07,860 Of course, Jeanie! 167 00:07:08,094 --> 00:07:09,368 Please? 168 00:07:09,529 --> 00:07:10,564 For me? 169 00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:13,141 I promise. We would never do anything to mess up your wedding. 170 00:07:13,766 --> 00:07:14,972 Jeanie, we love you. 171 00:07:15,535 --> 00:07:16,809 We want this to be the best day of your life. 172 00:07:16,869 --> 00:07:17,870 Yeah. 173 00:07:17,937 --> 00:07:19,041 You, too, Eric. 174 00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:20,311 Thank you. 175 00:07:20,606 --> 00:07:21,607 Mostly you, though, Jeanie. 176 00:07:22,742 --> 00:07:24,722 If you want us to bring dates, we're bringing dates. 177 00:07:24,777 --> 00:07:25,847 All right, it's settled then. 178 00:07:27,313 --> 00:07:28,690 Wedding dates! 179 00:07:29,048 --> 00:07:31,585 Dave, buddy, let me talk to you for a second, okay? Listen. 180 00:07:31,751 --> 00:07:33,822 I'm sorry to lump you in with Mike... 181 00:07:33,986 --> 00:07:35,659 but if I only told your older brother to bring a date... 182 00:07:35,822 --> 00:07:37,426 he'd get all weird about it. 183 00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,728 I just feel like he's holding you back. 184 00:07:39,892 --> 00:07:41,428 Dad, I don't mind being lumped in with Mike. 185 00:07:41,661 --> 00:07:43,004 Do you remember the fifth grade bake sale... 186 00:07:43,162 --> 00:07:44,197 when Mom made those cupcakes... 187 00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:45,636 and I called them moist? 188 00:07:45,798 --> 00:07:48,108 Everyone called me Moist... 189 00:07:48,267 --> 00:07:50,178 till Mike took a cupcake... 190 00:07:50,336 --> 00:07:52,976 and shoved it in Tom Ginty's face. 191 00:07:53,139 --> 00:07:56,450 He said, "Now you're moist, Moist." 192 00:07:57,577 --> 00:07:59,682 That's the kind of guy Mike is. 193 00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:01,482 So, think on that... 194 00:08:02,415 --> 00:08:03,621 Dad. 195 00:08:05,918 --> 00:08:08,023 I'm sorry, I didn't mean to end that on such a weird note, Dad. 196 00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:10,191 -I love you. And thanks. -Good. I don't want you to be mad. 197 00:08:10,289 --> 00:08:11,427 I'm not even mad. I'm not even upset. 198 00:08:11,491 --> 00:08:12,526 We're gonna find some dates. 199 00:08:13,659 --> 00:08:16,230 I gotta say, some nights, lam not looking my best. 200 00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,442 But tonight is not one of those nights! 201 00:08:19,632 --> 00:08:20,838 -Do you like my hair? -Yeah, girl. 202 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,502 -You look good. -No. 203 00:08:22,668 --> 00:08:23,840 We're gonna make a lot of tips tonight. 204 00:08:24,103 --> 00:08:26,014 Good. We need it. We don't have any money. 205 00:08:26,339 --> 00:08:27,977 You got money for this ride, don't you? 206 00:08:28,474 --> 00:08:29,817 -Yeah, yeah, yeah! -Yeah, yeah, yeah! 207 00:08:29,876 --> 00:08:30,877 'Cause you have money? 208 00:08:30,943 --> 00:08:31,978 I thought you had money. 209 00:08:32,044 --> 00:08:33,045 I don't have any money. 210 00:08:33,112 --> 00:08:34,113 You know I don't have money. 211 00:08:34,180 --> 00:08:36,717 Yeah, y'all are whispering like people that don't got money. 212 00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:38,328 Check it out. I'mma pay you right now. 213 00:08:38,784 --> 00:08:40,161 Boop. I Apple Paid. 214 00:08:40,219 --> 00:08:41,357 I don't even have Apple Pay. 215 00:08:41,654 --> 00:08:43,395 Yo, Siri, pay this man. 216 00:08:43,689 --> 00:08:44,690 He's already paid. 217 00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:45,758 God damn it! 218 00:08:45,825 --> 00:08:48,237 I'm not gonna take shit from you, because this my cab. 219 00:08:48,394 --> 00:08:49,839 You shouldn't take shit from us. 220 00:08:49,896 --> 00:08:52,137 -You should kick us out! -You should kick us out of this cab. 221 00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:55,304 You know what? I'm gonna kick you the fuck out of this cab. 222 00:08:55,368 --> 00:08:57,609 Yeah, just go three more blocks up on the right... 223 00:08:57,670 --> 00:08:58,705 and then kick us out! 224 00:08:59,071 --> 00:09:00,846 Here we are! 225 00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:02,208 Get out of my cab. 226 00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:03,683 Thank you. You're a really good person. 227 00:09:03,843 --> 00:09:04,878 Okay, God bless you. 228 00:09:05,044 --> 00:09:07,524 I'm just gonna start driving for Uber. Fuck it. 229 00:09:07,980 --> 00:09:08,981 I got a good idea. 230 00:09:09,148 --> 00:09:10,821 Let's pop off, get a couple of drinks before work. 231 00:09:10,983 --> 00:09:13,054 Just a few, because I don't want to get hammered. 232 00:09:13,219 --> 00:09:14,721 Yeah, of course not. Just a light buzz. 233 00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:22,704 Hey, hey, he?! 234 00:09:22,862 --> 00:09:24,398 Welcome to Sake Bombers... 235 00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,771 where your first Sake Bomb is on us! 236 00:09:26,933 --> 00:09:28,844 -Kaboom! -You're drunk, Alice. 237 00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:30,706 You're doing that thing where you're whispering, 238 00:09:30,770 --> 00:09:31,908 but you're really yelling. 239 00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:33,379 Because I'm upset with you. 240 00:09:33,539 --> 00:09:34,574 What the hell? 241 00:09:34,740 --> 00:09:36,014 I don't understand why you just started 242 00:09:36,075 --> 00:09:37,076 yelling at me for no reason. 243 00:09:37,143 --> 00:09:38,645 What the hell is going on here? 244 00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:39,950 Your little buddy is shit-faced. 245 00:09:41,113 --> 00:09:42,387 Straight up. 246 00:09:42,548 --> 00:09:44,892 Her fianc just left her at the altar. 247 00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:46,185 She's been going through a hard time. 248 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,357 -Are you guys talking about me? -No, baby girl. 249 00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,900 You know how many times I have come in here... 250 00:09:50,056 --> 00:09:54,004 and she is drunk off her fucking ass, dancing on the tables? 251 00:09:54,126 --> 00:09:57,300 Only when Rihanna comes on, because it's my jam. 252 00:09:57,463 --> 00:09:59,204 I am a strong independent woman. 253 00:09:59,465 --> 00:10:03,038 And I will get on a table and shake my shit to RiRi. 254 00:10:03,202 --> 00:10:05,204 Because it's my right. America! 255 00:10:05,271 --> 00:10:06,272 Feminism! 256 00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,884 You just push your tits up and say feminism? 257 00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:09,417 Yeah. Read a Twitter. 258 00:10:09,842 --> 00:10:12,686 #2016. Women can do shit now. 259 00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:13,746 (Oil/L Y GIRL IN THE WORLD PLAYING} 260 00:10:15,481 --> 00:10:16,926 Don't do that! 261 00:10:17,083 --> 00:10:18,585 Who put her jam on? 262 00:10:18,884 --> 00:10:20,921 Queen RiRi, forever! 263 00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:22,998 I'm really sorry that I got us fired. 264 00:10:23,255 --> 00:10:25,462 I'm just sort of surprised it didn't happen sooner... 265 00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,070 -but I'm still really sorry. -Hey! 266 00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:30,473 Alice, you do not apologize right now, okay? 267 00:10:30,563 --> 00:10:31,667 You didn't do one thing wrong. 268 00:10:31,897 --> 00:10:34,138 -Okay. -People need to get in line with you. 269 00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:36,337 Right. You're right. 270 00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:38,243 Alice, why are you watching your wedding video? 271 00:10:38,404 --> 00:10:39,474 AndA/ice... 272 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:40,913 do you take Luke? 273 00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,008 I do. 274 00:10:42,074 --> 00:10:43,075 Because it's therapeutic. 275 00:10:43,676 --> 00:10:44,950 The more I watch it, the less I feel. 276 00:10:45,077 --> 00:10:46,147 And do you, Luke, take Alice? 277 00:10:46,345 --> 00:10:47,346 Ida... 278 00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:48,781 not. 279 00:10:51,317 --> 00:10:52,523 Man. Fuck you, Luke. 280 00:10:53,052 --> 00:10:54,326 Fuck that guy. 281 00:10:54,587 --> 00:10:55,827 Fuck him right in his dick. 282 00:10:55,988 --> 00:10:57,023 No! 283 00:10:57,189 --> 00:11:00,966 Because now I'm picturing his dick getting fucked by another dick. 284 00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:02,538 And it makes me want to protect it. 285 00:11:03,863 --> 00:11:06,343 My God, girl! Damn! 286 00:11:06,499 --> 00:11:08,172 You're better than this. Come on! 287 00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:09,813 We're T and A! 288 00:11:09,969 --> 00:11:12,472 Where's the Alice who made vodka pot brownies with me... 289 00:11:12,638 --> 00:11:14,015 for the junior high science fair? 290 00:11:14,173 --> 00:11:15,652 Or gave us water balloon tits 291 00:11:15,708 --> 00:11:17,312 and we won that wet T-shirt contest in Mexico? 292 00:11:17,476 --> 00:11:19,615 Yeah, they were so nice. 293 00:11:19,779 --> 00:11:21,452 I know, dude. We need that shit. 294 00:11:21,714 --> 00:11:23,284 I'm tired of living like this. 295 00:11:24,283 --> 00:11:25,853 We need an adventure. 296 00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,365 We've got a great little package we're selling here, man. 297 00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,799 A week in a tropical paradise... 298 00:11:32,958 --> 00:11:35,905 with two fun-loving, yet surprisingly well-read bros? 299 00:11:36,028 --> 00:11:37,029 Yeah. 300 00:11:37,096 --> 00:11:38,871 I read most of the Goosebumps series, and so did you. 301 00:11:38,931 --> 00:11:39,932 Yeah. 302 00:11:39,999 --> 00:11:41,000 Where do I sign up? 303 00:11:41,067 --> 00:11:42,273 Dude, focus. 304 00:11:42,334 --> 00:11:44,075 -Okay. -This is for Jeanie. 305 00:11:44,336 --> 00:11:46,748 So to find the perfect fun, but nice girls... 306 00:11:46,839 --> 00:11:47,840 we're gonna have to meet a lot of them. 307 00:11:48,274 --> 00:11:49,275 The Internet! 308 00:11:49,508 --> 00:11:50,509 That's a good idea. 309 00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:52,222 Match.com, Tinder... 310 00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:53,948 Grindr, OkCupid. 311 00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:55,014 Craigslist! 312 00:11:55,181 --> 00:11:56,251 Craigslist? 313 00:11:56,315 --> 00:11:58,420 Craigslist, you think, that's where you go to meet nice girls? 314 00:11:58,517 --> 00:11:59,689 Dave? 315 00:11:59,852 --> 00:12:01,525 We met this couch on Craigslist. 316 00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:04,629 And you wuv this couch, don't you? 317 00:12:05,691 --> 00:12:07,830 I do love that couch. 318 00:12:08,694 --> 00:12:10,264 I'm gonna unlock the swag on this bitch. 319 00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:11,597 All right. 320 00:12:11,664 --> 00:12:14,304 Here you go. Just take a little sip. Take a little nip-a-roo. 321 00:12:17,770 --> 00:12:18,771 Boom! 322 00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:20,980 Do you think anyone's even really gonna see this? 323 00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:22,041 God, I hope so. 324 00:12:22,341 --> 00:12:23,513 Like max, what do you think? 325 00:12:23,676 --> 00:12:26,350 We're gonna get, like, five or six dates out of this, or what? 326 00:12:26,512 --> 00:12:28,116 I'd be happy with that. 327 00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,155 Hey. 328 00:12:35,221 --> 00:12:37,667 Did you see this thing that Shelly's sending around the office? 329 00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:39,961 It's a free trip to Hawaii! 330 00:12:40,126 --> 00:12:41,696 Look what someone posted to my Facebook. 331 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,071 -I gotta tweet this out. -Those guys are cute. 332 00:12:44,230 --> 00:12:45,265 Ala-hat! 333 00:12:45,431 --> 00:12:46,705 ALL". I got the one on the right. 334 00:12:46,866 --> 00:12:48,470 I like the one on the right. 335 00:12:48,634 --> 00:12:49,635 I got the one on the right. 336 00:12:49,702 --> 00:12:51,943 I like the one on the right. 337 00:12:52,071 --> 00:12:53,072 We gotta send this to everyone. 338 00:12:53,139 --> 00:12:54,174 Let's all apply! 339 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,275 WOMAN Z". I want to go to Hawaii. 340 00:12:55,374 --> 00:12:56,375 {just emailed them. 341 00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:57,648 Let's just meet them, give 'em a chance. 342 00:12:57,710 --> 00:12:59,815 So, you guys want to go to a wedding? 343 00:13:01,447 --> 00:13:02,482 What are your names? 344 00:13:04,150 --> 00:13:05,151 Do you guys have names? 345 00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:09,665 Basically we were looking through Craigslist for work. 346 00:13:10,322 --> 00:13:11,494 You're both... 347 00:13:11,557 --> 00:13:12,558 Prostitutes. 348 00:13:12,825 --> 00:13:14,361 Whatever. Take us to Hawaii! 349 00:13:14,426 --> 00:13:15,427 Hawaii! 350 00:13:18,564 --> 00:13:19,872 We can't take you. 351 00:13:19,932 --> 00:13:20,933 No way. 352 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,276 Did you guys say something about an all-expenses-paid trip to Hawaii? 353 00:13:23,502 --> 00:13:24,640 It's just for girls. 354 00:13:25,004 --> 00:13:26,779 That's not a deal breaker. 355 00:13:27,006 --> 00:13:28,110 Hi, my name is Lauralie... 356 00:13:28,274 --> 00:13:29,582 and I'm kind of new to this. 357 00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:30,643 Yeah. 358 00:13:30,709 --> 00:13:31,847 You're new to... 359 00:13:32,144 --> 00:13:33,623 Online dating. Yeah. 360 00:13:33,779 --> 00:13:36,157 I'm not really looking for a heteronormative relationship. 361 00:13:36,282 --> 00:13:38,853 -You look like a Nike swoosh. -Goddamn right, I do. 362 00:13:39,018 --> 00:13:40,019 I work at a dog shelter. 363 00:13:40,286 --> 00:13:41,663 Our sister loves dogs. 364 00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:42,993 I wanna make sure they get really good homes. 365 00:13:43,055 --> 00:13:44,056 What's a good home? 366 00:13:44,623 --> 00:13:45,863 The white homes. 367 00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:47,971 -The what homes? -The white homes. 368 00:13:48,127 --> 00:13:49,333 Like white people. 369 00:13:51,797 --> 00:13:53,333 Check, please. 370 00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:55,703 This isn't lipstick. This is a tattoo, you dumb fuck. 371 00:13:57,703 --> 00:14:00,547 Who are you laughing at? Who? 372 00:14:00,806 --> 00:14:01,978 All right, look, here's the deal. 373 00:14:02,274 --> 00:14:04,481 I went through a divorce, like, three weeks ago. I need a vacation. 374 00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,154 No. 375 00:14:06,212 --> 00:14:07,213 Okay, you guys sure you don't want to fuck? 376 00:14:07,313 --> 00:14:08,314 -What? -Nothing. 377 00:14:08,447 --> 00:14:09,482 -What did you say? -Nothing. 378 00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:11,858 Sounded like you said, "Do you wanna fuck?" 379 00:14:11,917 --> 00:14:12,918 Do you wanna fuck? 380 00:14:13,052 --> 00:14:14,087 -What? -What? 381 00:14:14,153 --> 00:14:15,461 -What? -You guys... 382 00:14:15,621 --> 00:14:16,725 -Do you want me to fuck you? -No. 383 00:14:16,889 --> 00:14:18,368 -No. -I didn't say it, but... 384 00:14:18,457 --> 00:14:20,596 -I'll suck your dick right now. What? -What? 385 00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,200 Welcome back. 386 00:14:28,367 --> 00:14:30,540 I'm here with Mike and Dave Stangle... 387 00:14:30,703 --> 00:14:32,376 who posted an ad on Craigslist... 388 00:14:32,538 --> 00:14:34,279 looking for dates for their sister's wedding... 389 00:14:34,540 --> 00:14:36,577 in Oahu, Hawaii. 390 00:14:36,742 --> 00:14:37,846 Well, the ad went viral. 391 00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,589 It racked up over 6,000 responses... 392 00:14:41,747 --> 00:14:43,988 from women who actually wanted to go. 393 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,050 Yeah, well, who's counting? 394 00:14:45,217 --> 00:14:46,662 You know, I guess we all are. 395 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:47,921 Is this my close-up? 396 00:14:48,087 --> 00:14:49,589 You guys, come on. Craigslist? 397 00:14:49,755 --> 00:14:52,167 Honestly, this is about finding nice girls... 398 00:14:52,324 --> 00:14:54,668 to go with us to Hawaii for our sister's wedding. 399 00:14:54,827 --> 00:14:55,999 And {just want to reiterate... 400 00:14:56,161 --> 00:14:58,641 we 're footing the bill for this because we 're gentlemen. 401 00:14:58,898 --> 00:14:59,933 Free trip to Hawaii? 402 00:15:00,566 --> 00:15:01,601 I'm awake! 403 00:15:01,667 --> 00:15:02,941 -Come on. Craigslist. -What's up? 404 00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:04,513 That's where you go to buy old patio furniture. 405 00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:05,910 You know what else you can find on Craigslist? 406 00:15:07,539 --> 00:15:08,882 Love... 407 00:15:09,041 --> 00:15:11,214 That's right. I said it. 408 00:15:11,377 --> 00:15:13,050 -Love. -That one seems sweet. 409 00:15:13,279 --> 00:15:15,350 He has a kind soul. 410 00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:17,516 Yeah, and he's also super hot. 411 00:15:19,385 --> 00:15:21,228 Yeah, he's hot as fucking balls. 412 00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:23,799 But just to repeat, we're looking for nice girls. 413 00:15:23,956 --> 00:15:27,233 Like, girls that our mom and our sister would like. 414 00:15:27,393 --> 00:15:30,738 Okay, look, dude, we are going to Hawaii. 415 00:15:30,963 --> 00:15:32,340 Let's go on vacation. 416 00:15:32,631 --> 00:15:34,406 But it's not a vacation. It's a wedding. 417 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,976 Do you really think a wedding's the best place for me? 418 00:15:37,136 --> 00:15:40,413 Since the last wedding I went to was mine... 419 00:15:40,572 --> 00:15:42,074 and it didn't turn out very well. 420 00:15:42,141 --> 00:15:43,142 I hear you, but look... 421 00:15:43,375 --> 00:15:45,821 this shit is why this shit is perfect, okay? 422 00:15:45,978 --> 00:15:48,151 Because ever since Luke left, you haven't been the same. 423 00:15:48,447 --> 00:15:50,893 You need to get over that , once and for all. 424 00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,154 And this our shot, man. 425 00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,431 That dude, he's gonna get your groove back. 426 00:15:54,653 --> 00:15:57,657 This right here is an opportunity of a lifetime... 427 00:15:57,823 --> 00:15:59,996 and you know we are entrepreneurs. 428 00:16:00,159 --> 00:16:01,160 You know what? 429 00:16:01,327 --> 00:16:03,568 Let's make these guys take us to Hawaii! 430 00:16:03,729 --> 00:16:05,402 You're right! Let's do it! 431 00:16:05,564 --> 00:16:06,565 Let's just do it! 432 00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:07,667 -Yes, bitch. -Let's fucking do it! 433 00:16:08,667 --> 00:16:09,975 We'll be right back. 434 00:16:10,035 --> 00:16:11,036 We gonna go to Hawaii! 435 00:16:11,303 --> 00:16:13,249 We gonna go to Hawaii! 436 00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:17,280 -Hold up! -What? 437 00:16:18,677 --> 00:16:21,954 Those boys said they wanted nice girls. We don't look like nice girls. 438 00:16:22,948 --> 00:16:24,859 Yeah, I guess I haven't showered in a while. 439 00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:26,993 Fine, well, you know what we're gonna do? 440 00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,960 We're gonna look respectable as fuck. 441 00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:32,462 Like nice girls. 442 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:38,066 Dude, it's like that Jesus rag! 443 00:16:39,131 --> 00:16:40,701 It's part of me. 444 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,480 Tatiana, your underwear needs more underwears. 445 00:16:48,374 --> 00:16:50,320 This dress is my bitch! 446 00:16:52,978 --> 00:16:54,980 Dude, we have met 37 insane women. 447 00:16:56,215 --> 00:16:57,523 We can't bring any of these girls. 448 00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,720 Maybe Dad'll just forget about his ultimatum. 449 00:16:59,885 --> 00:17:02,832 Why would Dad forget about an old tomato? 450 00:17:03,389 --> 00:17:05,027 No, his ultimatum. 451 00:17:05,190 --> 00:17:06,362 -Old tom... -Ultimatum. 452 00:17:06,525 --> 00:17:07,560 Are you saying "old tomato"? 453 00:17:07,826 --> 00:17:10,466 Ultima-tomb. Like a tomb or a crypt. 454 00:17:10,529 --> 00:17:11,564 Ultimatum. 455 00:17:11,697 --> 00:17:14,940 Well, we gotta figure something out, because the wedding's coming up quick. 456 00:17:25,044 --> 00:17:26,580 Why is everything a competition with you? 457 00:17:26,812 --> 00:17:29,088 And I said that first, so actually, lwon that. 458 00:17:31,884 --> 00:17:33,090 So what time are we meeting them? 459 00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:35,027 Technically, no time. 460 00:17:36,488 --> 00:17:38,559 Yeah, because I was thinking about emailing them... 461 00:17:38,724 --> 00:17:40,328 but then I was thinking... 462 00:17:40,492 --> 00:17:43,371 what kind of floozy-ass bimbo would respond to that ad? 463 00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:45,864 Us. 464 00:17:46,031 --> 00:17:48,511 Yeah, but we're not like those idiots. You know what I'm saying? 465 00:17:48,667 --> 00:17:51,477 Because they're all like, "Pick me, pick me!" 466 00:17:51,770 --> 00:17:53,772 it's like the guys interviewing the girls. 467 00:17:53,939 --> 00:17:56,442 Like, it immediately would put us in an inferior position. 468 00:17:56,608 --> 00:17:58,610 We're gonna flip the script and Bachelarette that shit. 469 00:17:58,877 --> 00:18:01,050 -Those guys would be lucky to have us. -Right. 470 00:18:01,213 --> 00:18:03,284 -We just gotta make them think so. -Okay, right. 471 00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:05,555 But, you know, I'm really not good at lying... 472 00:18:05,651 --> 00:18:07,995 because I always try to start small and then it gets crazy... 473 00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:10,761 and I make-up stuff that couldn't possibly be true. 474 00:18:11,056 --> 00:18:13,696 Baby, you can do this. Let's practice, okay? 475 00:18:13,759 --> 00:18:14,760 Okay. 476 00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:15,897 -What do you like to do? -Drink. 477 00:18:16,962 --> 00:18:18,202 Just sweet teas. 478 00:18:18,464 --> 00:18:20,444 Sweet teas and biscuits on blimps. 479 00:18:20,599 --> 00:18:22,738 All right, straight up, you don't have to do an accent. 480 00:18:22,901 --> 00:18:23,936 I was doing an accent? 481 00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:25,173 And definitely don't bring up blimps. 482 00:18:25,437 --> 00:18:26,745 Shit! They're leaving. 483 00:18:26,972 --> 00:18:28,212 If it was a competition, I won it. 484 00:18:28,474 --> 00:18:30,545 All right, don't worry. 485 00:18:30,709 --> 00:18:31,710 It's all part of the plan. 486 00:18:31,877 --> 00:18:32,981 -Is it? -Yeah. 487 00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:35,625 What does that mean? What plan? I don't know this part of the plan... 488 00:18:37,216 --> 00:18:38,217 Fuck! 489 00:18:40,052 --> 00:18:41,929 Tatiana! 490 00:18:41,987 --> 00:18:42,988 Holy shit. 491 00:18:43,222 --> 00:18:44,223 Babe. Are you okay? 492 00:18:44,456 --> 00:18:46,299 I'm okay. Yell, "She can't breathe!" 493 00:18:46,458 --> 00:18:47,562 She can't breathe! 494 00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:49,137 She can't breathe! Somebody help her! 495 00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:50,195 Somebody give her CPR! 496 00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:51,998 -She can't breathe! -I know CPR! 497 00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:53,609 -Great! -I was a volunteer EMT! 498 00:18:53,832 --> 00:18:55,140 Hey, don't worry. My brother's got this, okay? 499 00:18:55,334 --> 00:18:56,870 I took a class. I know what I'm doing. 500 00:18:57,136 --> 00:18:58,137 -She has a weak heart! -Ma'am? 501 00:18:58,403 --> 00:18:59,575 -Ma'am? -She has a weak heart. 502 00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:01,877 I'm an EMT. I'm like a doctor, basically. 503 00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,781 I'm here to save your fucking life, okay? 504 00:19:04,943 --> 00:19:07,184 -She's my only friend! -That's her only friend, Mike! 505 00:19:07,412 --> 00:19:08,550 We got a pulse! Okay. 506 00:19:08,614 --> 00:19:09,854 Don't let her die! 507 00:19:09,915 --> 00:19:11,656 Don't you fucking let her die, Mike! 508 00:19:11,817 --> 00:19:13,854 Just shut the fuck up, Dave! You, too, shut up! 509 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:15,757 Both of you, shut up! Okay? 510 00:19:15,854 --> 00:19:16,855 I'm gonna save her life! 511 00:19:19,958 --> 00:19:20,959 Plug the nose. 512 00:19:26,765 --> 00:19:28,244 Are you okay? 513 00:19:28,867 --> 00:19:30,107 I am now. 514 00:19:31,970 --> 00:19:33,472 -I saved her life! -She's okay! 515 00:19:33,639 --> 00:19:35,118 -She's okay? -I saved her life! 516 00:19:36,341 --> 00:19:37,843 Thank you! Thank you! 517 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,354 -You're under arrest. -She hit my car! 518 00:19:40,512 --> 00:19:41,786 No, you guys, I'm totally fine, really. 519 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:42,985 It happens all the time. 520 00:19:43,148 --> 00:19:45,560 That was a vicious hit. We should take you to the hospital. 521 00:19:45,717 --> 00:19:47,560 It's crazy. It's almost like I owe you my life. 522 00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,296 -Almost. -Yeah. Technically, yeah. 523 00:19:50,455 --> 00:19:52,526 -Let me help you with that ice. -I do. 524 00:19:52,724 --> 00:19:53,759 No. 525 00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:55,532 Seems like it's going pretty well with your guy. 526 00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:58,402 Dude, I'm fucking crushing it! So hard! 527 00:19:58,530 --> 00:19:59,873 Check this out. 528 00:20:00,165 --> 00:20:02,975 The kids in my class are gonna love this story. 529 00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:04,739 I'm a school teacher. 530 00:20:06,638 --> 00:20:08,982 You're a school teacher? 531 00:20:09,141 --> 00:20:11,883 Oop. I think they spelt "frittata" wrong on the menu. 532 00:20:12,044 --> 00:20:13,751 I always notice words and spelling... 533 00:20:13,912 --> 00:20:15,585 because I'm a teacher... 534 00:20:16,348 --> 00:20:17,588 and that's what I do. 535 00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,224 That's... 536 00:20:19,384 --> 00:20:21,887 So, Alice, what do you do? 537 00:20:22,721 --> 00:20:23,859 Manage a hedge fund. 538 00:20:24,189 --> 00:20:25,327 You manage a hedge fund? 539 00:20:25,490 --> 00:20:27,595 I don't even know what a hedge fund is. 540 00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:30,262 So there's a regular fund, and then there's a hedge fund. 541 00:20:30,429 --> 00:20:32,500 And our fund... 542 00:20:33,332 --> 00:20:34,402 We hedge it. 543 00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:35,901 We hedge it hard. 544 00:20:37,769 --> 00:20:39,373 I get in, in the morning, and I'm like... 545 00:20:39,538 --> 00:20:42,348 "How's the hedging coming? You been hedging? You hedged much?" 546 00:20:42,608 --> 00:20:44,815 And it's like, too big to fail. 547 00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:46,954 Corporate greed, bailouts. 548 00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:49,217 In a New York minute, everything can change. 549 00:20:49,514 --> 00:20:52,393 On the floor of the NASDAQ and the U.N. 550 00:20:52,618 --> 00:20:53,756 And then, Fannie Mae. 551 00:20:54,419 --> 00:20:56,763 Bernie Mac and D.L. Hughley... 552 00:20:56,922 --> 00:20:58,094 -Alice, you want some water? -Yeah. 553 00:20:58,390 --> 00:21:00,165 -That's so smart. -That is. 554 00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:02,200 "But what I do have... 555 00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:04,468 "is a particular set of skills. 556 00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:07,100 "Skills I have acquired over a very long career. 557 00:21:07,399 --> 00:21:10,243 "Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you." 558 00:21:12,037 --> 00:21:13,107 Click. That's it. 559 00:21:13,372 --> 00:21:14,476 That was amazing. 560 00:21:14,539 --> 00:21:15,984 It was like Dave was not even here... 561 00:21:16,141 --> 00:21:18,052 and I was just standing in a bar with Liam Neeson. 562 00:21:18,210 --> 00:21:19,655 Like, "Hello, Liam Neeson's over here." 563 00:21:19,945 --> 00:21:22,323 You're a professional comedian or something? 564 00:21:22,481 --> 00:21:25,291 What? No. I sell liquor with my brother. 565 00:21:25,450 --> 00:21:26,451 Yeah. 566 00:21:26,718 --> 00:21:28,425 -I do like to draw. -Yeah? 567 00:21:28,587 --> 00:21:30,066 Yeah, I have drawings here I could show you. 568 00:21:30,889 --> 00:21:31,993 Shit, not that. Sorry. 569 00:21:32,157 --> 00:21:34,296 Here. So, they're like The Avengers... 570 00:21:34,459 --> 00:21:36,166 but they're different types of alcohol. 571 00:21:36,461 --> 00:21:39,499 So, you have Tequila, and then he's got his pet worm right there. 572 00:21:39,798 --> 00:21:41,573 And his name is Lil' Mez. 573 00:21:41,900 --> 00:21:43,345 Because he'II "Mez" you up. 574 00:21:43,502 --> 00:21:45,209 The next one right there, that's Gin. 575 00:21:45,270 --> 00:21:47,443 When he flips his cap off, dawg, he's just like... 576 00:21:47,506 --> 00:21:50,453 "Yo, I'll pop you off. Guaranteed. One knock." 577 00:21:50,742 --> 00:21:51,812 Done. 578 00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:53,422 Next, Whiskey. 579 00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:54,546 Likes to make moonshine 580 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:56,284 and kill bad guys. 581 00:21:56,448 --> 00:21:58,325 Dude, this is objectively amazing. 582 00:21:58,383 --> 00:21:59,521 Thanks. 583 00:21:59,651 --> 00:22:01,961 What's the hardest thing about being a teacher? 584 00:22:02,621 --> 00:22:03,622 I don't know. 585 00:22:06,925 --> 00:22:09,906 The hardest thing about being a teacher... 586 00:22:09,961 --> 00:22:11,065 is teaching cursive. 587 00:22:11,363 --> 00:22:12,637 That's awesome. 588 00:22:12,798 --> 00:22:14,539 -What about you? -Yeah? 589 00:22:14,700 --> 00:22:16,475 -Are you seeing anyone? -No. 590 00:22:17,169 --> 00:22:18,978 My ex is gone. Long gone. 591 00:22:19,037 --> 00:22:20,038 What do you mean? 592 00:22:20,172 --> 00:22:22,049 He died. Of cancer. 593 00:22:22,307 --> 00:22:23,342 My God. 594 00:22:23,508 --> 00:22:24,509 And AIDS. 595 00:22:24,976 --> 00:22:25,977 He died twice? 596 00:22:26,311 --> 00:22:28,655 And then he died in a plane crash, so... 597 00:22:29,214 --> 00:22:31,125 That's a lot to take in. 598 00:22:31,283 --> 00:22:33,229 I know! 599 00:22:33,752 --> 00:22:34,787 Thank you. 600 00:22:34,953 --> 00:22:36,455 Thank you, brotha. 601 00:22:38,490 --> 00:22:39,798 Dude. 602 00:22:39,958 --> 00:22:42,734 We should take these girls to the wedding. Right? 603 00:22:42,894 --> 00:22:44,635 Mine's a sexy school teacher... 604 00:22:44,796 --> 00:22:47,140 and yours... hedges funds. 605 00:22:47,299 --> 00:22:48,676 -Just keep doing sexy eyes. -Okay. 606 00:22:48,834 --> 00:22:50,245 Keep doing sexy eyes. 607 00:22:51,036 --> 00:22:52,310 I like Alice. 608 00:22:52,471 --> 00:22:54,849 And she's smart, she's funny, she's weird. 609 00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:58,019 We invite these girls to the wedding, suddenly we're not losers. 610 00:22:58,176 --> 00:22:59,678 We're winners! 611 00:23:02,147 --> 00:23:03,182 Here they come. They're coming. 612 00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:05,156 Hey, this might sound crazy... 613 00:23:05,317 --> 00:23:07,888 but our little sister is getting married in Hawaii... 614 00:23:08,186 --> 00:23:12,157 and we wanted to know if you guys wanted to come with. 615 00:23:13,992 --> 00:23:16,097 Can you just give us a second to... 616 00:23:16,661 --> 00:23:17,901 Of course. 617 00:23:18,063 --> 00:23:21,010 Okay, so just whisper like we're talking it over... 618 00:23:21,166 --> 00:23:22,270 like we're not sure if we wanna go or not. 619 00:23:22,334 --> 00:23:23,335 Like... 620 00:23:29,107 --> 00:23:30,177 What the fuck are you doing? 621 00:23:30,342 --> 00:23:31,878 I don't understand why we're arguing! 622 00:23:31,943 --> 00:23:33,115 I thought we wanted to go. 623 00:23:33,278 --> 00:23:34,518 All right, fuck it. Let's go to Hawaii! 624 00:23:35,714 --> 00:23:37,057 -Yes! Fuck yes! -Hawaii! 625 00:23:40,752 --> 00:23:41,924 Yo, what you know about gain' out? 626 00:23:41,987 --> 00:23:44,228 Head west, red Lex TV's all up in the headrest 627 00:23:44,289 --> 00:23:46,565 Try and live it up, ride true, a bigger truck 628 00:23:46,625 --> 00:23:49,128 Peeps a" glittered up Stick up can, they go what? 629 00:23:49,227 --> 00:23:51,104 Jig wit it 'cuz ship crisp, split it all 630 00:23:51,163 --> 00:23:53,336 Ho's ride, get your nut 'till I can't get it up 631 00:23:53,498 --> 00:23:56,638 Bad, bad, bad, bad boy 632 00:23:56,735 --> 00:23:58,078 You make me feel so good 633 00:23:58,136 --> 00:23:59,137 Aloha, and welcome. 634 00:23:59,304 --> 00:24:00,305 -Hi. -Aloha. 635 00:24:00,405 --> 00:24:01,543 For real? 636 00:24:01,606 --> 00:24:03,142 Let me get you gentlemen checked in, yeah? 637 00:24:04,476 --> 00:24:07,320 Holy shit, this place is nice! 638 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,585 It's gonna be more nice. 639 00:24:10,749 --> 00:24:12,990 Nice girls don't show off their ecstasy. 640 00:24:13,151 --> 00:24:14,459 One of these is a multivitamin. 641 00:24:14,619 --> 00:24:15,620 Is this shit free? 642 00:24:15,787 --> 00:24:18,495 I can smoke weed out of this, I can smoke weed out of this... 643 00:24:18,690 --> 00:24:21,830 Look at that teacher, grabbing her apple a day. 644 00:24:22,260 --> 00:24:25,104 Look at that personality from behind. 645 00:24:25,263 --> 00:24:27,209 It is, dare I say... 646 00:24:27,365 --> 00:24:28,844 well-rounded. 647 00:24:28,934 --> 00:24:29,935 Look at Mike. 648 00:24:30,101 --> 00:24:32,274 He looks like a funhouse mirror version of a better looking dude... 649 00:24:33,305 --> 00:24:34,579 but he is just that dude. 650 00:24:35,774 --> 00:24:37,811 Dave, it is so on this weekend. 651 00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:40,354 I am not touching this guy the whole weekend. 652 00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:42,822 He thinks just because he brought me here I'm gonna sleep with him? 653 00:24:42,881 --> 00:24:43,882 Check it out. 654 00:24:43,982 --> 00:24:46,155 If this was Mike's dick, I'd be like... 655 00:24:46,218 --> 00:24:48,027 Duo, duo, duo, duo, duo... 656 00:24:48,119 --> 00:24:49,621 I'd get close, but I'd never touch it. 657 00:24:50,355 --> 00:24:52,631 They have such beautiful flowers here. 658 00:24:52,791 --> 00:24:55,203 She's throwing out serious vibes right now. 659 00:24:55,260 --> 00:24:56,432 I'm like, I'm hungry. 660 00:24:56,495 --> 00:24:57,701 I'm gonna butter them biscuits. 661 00:24:57,963 --> 00:24:59,636 I'm gonna haste them ham hocks. 662 00:24:59,798 --> 00:25:01,209 I'm gonna be like a sex chef. 663 00:25:01,466 --> 00:25:03,309 Mr. Grey will see you now. 664 00:25:03,668 --> 00:25:04,840 I'm gonna touch Dave. 665 00:25:05,003 --> 00:25:06,380 Every time he says something sweet... 666 00:25:06,538 --> 00:25:09,576 I wanna get some rope and chain in bulk from Home Depot... 667 00:25:09,741 --> 00:25:11,652 and just see where it takes us, you know? 668 00:25:11,810 --> 00:25:13,585 That is messed up. 669 00:25:14,145 --> 00:25:15,988 Ladies, your wedding itineraries. 670 00:25:16,147 --> 00:25:17,626 #DoingltForJeanie. 671 00:25:17,682 --> 00:25:19,559 Today, we have the meet and greet by the pool. 672 00:25:19,684 --> 00:25:21,686 And then after that, we have a dolphin excursion. 673 00:25:21,753 --> 00:25:23,255 Friday is the rehearsal dinner. 674 00:25:24,489 --> 00:25:26,628 That's where Dave and I are gonna be doing our big speech. 675 00:25:26,691 --> 00:25:28,728 Will there be any downtime? 676 00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:30,567 Yeah, 'cause I gotta keep in touch with the office. 677 00:25:30,729 --> 00:25:32,936 I gotta call my stocks about the state of my bonds. 678 00:25:32,998 --> 00:25:33,999 It happens a lot. 679 00:25:34,266 --> 00:25:36,712 Kay, I think we are right up here. 680 00:25:37,435 --> 00:25:40,211 Great. So which one is me and Alice's room? 681 00:25:42,908 --> 00:25:46,253 I don't know. Are you and Alice gonna share a room? 682 00:25:46,411 --> 00:25:48,721 Or I was thinking that maybe you and I... 683 00:25:48,780 --> 00:25:50,521 would stay in the same room. 684 00:25:52,417 --> 00:25:55,523 That sounds interesting... 685 00:25:55,687 --> 00:25:57,689 but I don't think it would be a good idea. 686 00:25:59,024 --> 00:26:00,025 Why not? 687 00:26:02,594 --> 00:26:05,097 Because I don't trust myself around you. 688 00:26:05,764 --> 00:26:07,038 You can trust me. 689 00:26:07,198 --> 00:26:09,439 I do trust you. 690 00:26:10,235 --> 00:26:11,543 Let's trust each other. 691 00:26:11,703 --> 00:26:14,775 There's so much trust. 692 00:26:15,006 --> 00:26:17,316 Sorry. I didn't mean to do that. 693 00:26:17,409 --> 00:26:19,582 I respect you so much, I can't wait to get you alone. 694 00:26:19,644 --> 00:26:21,920 Yeah, we're gonna cover all the room charges and stuff... 695 00:26:21,980 --> 00:26:23,482 for up to $50 per day. 696 00:26:23,548 --> 00:26:24,652 My God. You don't have to do that. 697 00:26:24,816 --> 00:26:26,921 I'm a very strict teacher. 698 00:26:27,118 --> 00:26:30,895 You be Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds, and I'll be... 699 00:26:31,056 --> 00:26:32,330 I'll be Coolio. 700 00:26:32,490 --> 00:26:34,436 Coolio's not in that movie. 701 00:26:35,827 --> 00:26:38,637 He is in song and spirit. 702 00:26:38,863 --> 00:26:41,537 I'm gonna call a parent-teacher conference... 703 00:26:41,633 --> 00:26:44,409 and tell them what a bad boy you are. 704 00:26:44,569 --> 00:26:45,843 Please don't tell my mommy. 705 00:26:46,104 --> 00:26:47,447 Please don't tell my daddy. 706 00:26:47,505 --> 00:26:49,507 I think Wi-Fi is included, too, so... 707 00:26:49,574 --> 00:26:50,780 -That's always nice. Yeah. -Yeah. 708 00:26:51,042 --> 00:26:55,047 If I were to give you a grade, I'd give you a D. 709 00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:56,319 A big, hard D. 710 00:26:56,548 --> 00:26:57,856 Why? I deserve an A. 711 00:26:57,949 --> 00:26:59,451 What are you talking about? 712 00:26:59,618 --> 00:27:00,653 Nothing. 713 00:27:00,819 --> 00:27:02,162 In conclusion... 714 00:27:02,320 --> 00:27:04,698 I'm gonna stay in the room... 715 00:27:04,856 --> 00:27:05,926 with Alice. 716 00:27:07,025 --> 00:27:09,027 That one, with Alice. 717 00:27:09,194 --> 00:27:10,537 Cool, cool. No doubt. 718 00:27:13,031 --> 00:27:16,103 Somebody overcooked the soft pretzel. 719 00:27:17,335 --> 00:27:19,576 My dick is hard. That's what I'm saying. Give me five minutes. 720 00:27:19,638 --> 00:27:22,175 My God.! 721 00:27:22,707 --> 00:27:24,380 Lift it, drop it, shake it 722 00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:27,116 It's going down for real 723 00:27:31,216 --> 00:27:33,526 It's going down for real 724 00:27:35,053 --> 00:27:36,464 Grandma, I'd like you to meet Alice. 725 00:27:36,621 --> 00:27:39,329 She's super smart, great conversationalist, and she works on Wall Street. 726 00:27:39,391 --> 00:27:40,734 But I'm one of the good ones. 727 00:27:40,892 --> 00:27:42,303 I think she is. 728 00:27:45,030 --> 00:27:46,236 Lam a teacher, yeah. 729 00:27:46,464 --> 00:27:49,172 And you know what? The key to teaching children is repetition. 730 00:27:49,334 --> 00:27:51,245 You'd be surprised how stupid they are. 731 00:28:01,079 --> 00:28:02,080 Jeanie! 732 00:28:04,649 --> 00:28:06,424 'HEY. you! Hi! Hi! 733 00:28:06,918 --> 00:28:09,421 I'm so proud to introduce our wedding dates... 734 00:28:09,587 --> 00:28:11,225 -Tatiana. -And Alice. 735 00:28:12,557 --> 00:28:13,763 Hi! 736 00:28:14,726 --> 00:28:16,831 -The bride. The gorgeous bride. -Hi. 737 00:28:17,028 --> 00:28:20,703 This weekend is all about you being happy and not shattered. 738 00:28:20,832 --> 00:28:23,005 -Thank you. -Yeah. 739 00:28:23,068 --> 00:28:25,241 Check out your arms. You got some Michelle Obama arms. 740 00:28:26,037 --> 00:28:27,948 How'd you get those guns on the plane, girl? 741 00:28:29,107 --> 00:28:30,518 Eric... 742 00:28:30,575 --> 00:28:32,282 you are two points hotter just being next to this woman. 743 00:28:32,844 --> 00:28:34,016 Try 10 points hotter. 744 00:28:34,079 --> 00:28:36,184 -Try a million. -That's too many points. 745 00:28:36,247 --> 00:28:37,248 And Jeanie, nice snag. 746 00:28:37,382 --> 00:28:38,383 Thank you. 747 00:28:38,450 --> 00:28:39,952 You guys look great together, really. 748 00:28:40,151 --> 00:28:41,459 I'm liking this. 749 00:28:41,653 --> 00:28:43,530 Maybe you two will keep these two in check a little bit. 750 00:28:43,588 --> 00:28:45,431 I think we can. 751 00:28:45,657 --> 00:28:46,931 I'll just keep him on a leash. 752 00:28:47,092 --> 00:28:48,867 Maybe don't hurt him. 753 00:28:48,927 --> 00:28:50,406 I like these girls. 754 00:28:50,562 --> 00:28:51,632 They're so fun. 755 00:28:51,796 --> 00:28:53,901 Unlike my maid of honor. 756 00:28:54,099 --> 00:28:55,169 She's having a time. 757 00:28:55,300 --> 00:28:56,404 How is ol' Becky Grammerstein? 758 00:28:56,601 --> 00:28:57,602 She's coming. 759 00:28:57,736 --> 00:28:59,044 -Jeanie. -Hey. 760 00:28:59,204 --> 00:29:00,581 I'm in crisis mode. 761 00:29:00,739 --> 00:29:02,377 I ordered Prosecco for the mani-pedis... 762 00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:03,644 and all they have is champagne! 763 00:29:03,808 --> 00:29:04,809 Aren't they the same thing? 764 00:29:05,043 --> 00:29:07,455 -No. No, they're not. No. -No? 765 00:29:08,079 --> 00:29:09,752 Hello, Michael. 766 00:29:09,914 --> 00:29:10,915 Hi, Dave. 767 00:29:11,382 --> 00:29:14,886 Look, I'm trying to make your dreams come true, okay? 768 00:29:15,086 --> 00:29:16,121 -Right. -What? 769 00:29:16,254 --> 00:29:18,097 If this is bad news, I'm gonna eat your ass. 770 00:29:18,156 --> 00:29:19,226 -Sorry. -Okay. 771 00:29:19,290 --> 00:29:21,236 Purple. It better be purple. 772 00:29:21,659 --> 00:29:23,639 I should probably go see to that. 773 00:29:23,795 --> 00:29:24,796 -You'll come? -Yeah. 774 00:29:24,963 --> 00:29:26,237 Thank you so much for being here. 775 00:29:26,397 --> 00:29:29,344 Guys, good job with these two. 776 00:29:29,501 --> 00:29:30,980 Mahala. 777 00:29:31,169 --> 00:29:32,409 Bye, Jeanie. 778 00:29:32,570 --> 00:29:33,571 Jeanie likes the girls. 779 00:29:33,738 --> 00:29:34,944 Jeanie likes the girls 780 00:29:35,140 --> 00:29:36,642 Talk about Jeanie Jeanie likes the girls 781 00:29:36,775 --> 00:29:38,584 Because it's a" about Jeanie likes the girls 782 00:29:38,643 --> 00:29:40,748 Oil, yeah, Jeanie likes the girls -Com e on! 783 00:29:40,845 --> 00:29:42,324 -It's a" about Jeanie -Likes the girls 784 00:29:42,380 --> 00:29:45,224 -it's all about Jeanie likes the girls! -Mike. Where are the girls? 785 00:29:45,283 --> 00:29:46,489 -Hello! -I'm Alice. 786 00:29:46,718 --> 00:29:47,856 I just I wanna give you a hug. 787 00:29:47,919 --> 00:29:49,364 It's so nice to meet you. 788 00:29:49,521 --> 00:29:50,795 Fucking A. You distracted me, man. 789 00:29:50,989 --> 00:29:52,991 This dress is lucky to be on you. Those pins! 790 00:29:53,124 --> 00:29:54,194 -My Mike? -Yes. 791 00:29:54,359 --> 00:29:55,531 -I can't... -He did. 792 00:29:55,693 --> 00:29:57,366 That's fantastic. 793 00:29:57,595 --> 00:29:59,233 Mike, Tatiana was just telling me... 794 00:29:59,330 --> 00:30:00,775 that you saved her life. 795 00:30:00,932 --> 00:30:02,206 I most certainly did, Father. 796 00:30:02,433 --> 00:30:05,175 You see how great it is to have nice girls around? 797 00:30:05,236 --> 00:30:06,510 I mean, these are nice girls. 798 00:30:06,571 --> 00:30:07,709 Absolutely. 799 00:30:07,839 --> 00:30:08,977 They are. And we brought them, so... 800 00:30:09,040 --> 00:30:10,314 Excuse me. 801 00:30:10,508 --> 00:30:11,509 Excuse me. 802 00:30:11,576 --> 00:30:12,577 See you in a minute. Honey, come on. 803 00:30:12,644 --> 00:30:14,817 Can I get everybody's attention? Could we gather around? 804 00:30:14,879 --> 00:30:16,256 -My God. -My God! 805 00:30:16,381 --> 00:30:18,156 We're killing this shit! We're killing. 806 00:30:18,316 --> 00:30:19,488 Mom and Dad like the girls! 807 00:30:20,718 --> 00:30:22,129 Mom andDad/ike the girls 808 00:30:22,287 --> 00:30:26,793 Hi, I'm Keith. I'm Eric's best man, his cousin... 809 00:30:26,958 --> 00:30:28,960 and his best friend. 810 00:30:29,194 --> 00:30:30,639 Welcome to the meet and greet! 811 00:30:32,030 --> 00:30:33,338 Yeah! 812 00:30:33,565 --> 00:30:34,669 Put your hands together... 813 00:30:34,833 --> 00:30:37,973 for Eric and his lovely bride, Jeanie. 814 00:30:38,036 --> 00:30:39,709 Give it up! 815 00:30:39,838 --> 00:30:41,010 Jeanie! 816 00:30:41,172 --> 00:30:44,642 Hey, everybody. A big thank you to my new family, the Stangles. 817 00:30:44,843 --> 00:30:45,913 We love you, Eric! 818 00:30:45,977 --> 00:30:47,012 Thank you. 819 00:30:47,078 --> 00:30:49,217 And to my own family, I must say... 820 00:30:50,215 --> 00:30:51,888 Portland, Oregon in the house! 821 00:30:53,351 --> 00:30:56,332 I'm really happy to finally make you all my ahana... 822 00:30:56,487 --> 00:30:57,864 which means "family." 823 00:30:58,022 --> 00:31:00,059 And as the Hawaiians say... 824 00:31:00,225 --> 00:31:01,431 Kale maluna! 825 00:31:01,593 --> 00:31:04,665 Which translates loosely into "bottoms up." 826 00:31:04,829 --> 00:31:07,537 But more closely translated, it actually means... 827 00:31:07,765 --> 00:31:10,177 "your butts to the sky"... 828 00:31:10,235 --> 00:31:11,839 which is inappropriate. 829 00:31:13,171 --> 00:31:14,707 This is gonna be magic. 830 00:31:15,340 --> 00:31:18,583 Thank you all again, so much, for being here. 831 00:31:18,743 --> 00:31:22,418 We are so happy to have you at our wedding. 832 00:31:22,947 --> 00:31:26,724 Wedding. Wedding. Wedding. 833 00:31:27,285 --> 00:31:28,923 -Put the mic on the stand. -The stand. 834 00:31:30,255 --> 00:31:32,394 -Alice. -Where are you going? 835 00:31:32,457 --> 00:31:33,458 Hi! What happened? 836 00:31:33,524 --> 00:31:35,595 You sort of zoned out for a sec. What's up? You okay? 837 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,138 Yeah! We're at a wedding. Wedding. Wedding. 838 00:31:38,529 --> 00:31:40,065 You just said "wedding" three times. 839 00:31:40,131 --> 00:31:41,235 I'm fine. Yeah! 840 00:31:41,299 --> 00:31:43,074 Let's just forget about the past, and move on. 841 00:31:43,368 --> 00:31:44,972 To the bar! 842 00:31:45,069 --> 00:31:46,343 To the bar? 843 00:31:50,775 --> 00:31:52,220 I don't think these are shots. 844 00:31:52,377 --> 00:31:53,947 I mean, we're drinking 'em like they're shots... 845 00:31:54,045 --> 00:31:56,286 but I don't think they're supposed to be drunk like that. 846 00:31:56,447 --> 00:31:58,393 Your face is funny. 847 00:32:15,233 --> 00:32:16,974 Hey, Mike. 848 00:32:17,235 --> 00:32:18,805 I was just talking to my new friend, Tatiana. 849 00:32:18,870 --> 00:32:20,076 Tatiana, this is my cousin, Mike. 850 00:32:20,238 --> 00:32:22,445 She knows who I am. She's my date. 851 00:32:22,640 --> 00:32:25,348 Why would someone this attractive ever be with you? 852 00:32:25,643 --> 00:32:27,850 Are you gonna hit on my date all weekend, like bisexual Fonzie? 853 00:32:28,079 --> 00:32:29,990 I don't think it's gonna take all weekend. Am I right? 854 00:32:30,448 --> 00:32:31,688 So, you guys are cousins? 855 00:32:31,849 --> 00:32:33,590 She's been jealous of me since I was a little kid. 856 00:32:33,785 --> 00:32:35,196 What could I possibly be jealous of? 857 00:32:35,320 --> 00:32:37,596 Your outfit looks like Jimmy Buffet's dust ruffle. 858 00:32:37,855 --> 00:32:40,028 Do you guys always do this? 859 00:32:40,258 --> 00:32:41,965 Okay, this is actually a very fashion-forward outfit. 860 00:32:42,126 --> 00:32:44,606 No, you look like the wallpaper from a Long John Silver's bathroom. 861 00:32:44,796 --> 00:32:46,366 Cool. I'm gonna hit the buffet now... 862 00:32:46,531 --> 00:32:50,172 while you guys do whatever it is you're doing. 863 00:32:52,103 --> 00:32:53,275 Okay? 864 00:32:53,338 --> 00:32:54,339 Good idea. 865 00:32:55,673 --> 00:32:56,811 Look at that. 866 00:32:56,975 --> 00:32:59,012 Pink little ass just bouncing away, saying... 867 00:32:59,077 --> 00:33:02,615 Terry, come getme Terry, come get me 868 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:03,784 No, it's saying... 869 00:33:03,848 --> 00:33:07,853 Mike, crawl up in this Mike, cra wl up in this 870 00:33:08,019 --> 00:33:09,794 What's up, double trouble? 871 00:33:09,988 --> 00:33:11,228 Terry. Cousin of the bride. 872 00:33:11,289 --> 00:33:12,529 Get at me later, we'll make a Terry sandwich. 873 00:33:12,690 --> 00:33:14,169 Don't touch her. She has chlamydia. 874 00:33:14,325 --> 00:33:15,463 -Everybody does. -No. 875 00:33:15,893 --> 00:33:16,894 Not everyone does. 876 00:33:17,562 --> 00:33:20,008 Saw you and Dave are doing your speech together at the rehearsal dinner. 877 00:33:21,132 --> 00:33:23,669 I'm going to bring the house down with my speech. 878 00:33:23,935 --> 00:33:25,676 And why do you think you're such a hotshot? 879 00:33:25,803 --> 00:33:26,975 You know Chris Rock? 880 00:33:27,739 --> 00:33:29,741 He's my neighbor. Practiced my speech on him. 881 00:33:30,208 --> 00:33:32,347 And he gave me seven killer jokes. 882 00:33:33,678 --> 00:33:36,022 Suck on that, cousin. 883 00:33:36,647 --> 00:33:37,682 Terry out. 884 00:33:37,749 --> 00:33:40,559 Chris Rock? Fuck! That sounds awesome. 885 00:33:46,391 --> 00:33:48,268 Yas, yas, yas. 886 00:33:52,563 --> 00:33:55,567 My God. You were right. These cheeseburgers are amazing. 887 00:33:55,733 --> 00:33:56,871 I know. 888 00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:58,878 Being a good girl is hard. 889 00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:00,948 I know. It sucks. 890 00:34:01,939 --> 00:34:04,920 You were hitting that booze too hard for a nice girl. 891 00:34:05,109 --> 00:34:06,486 You need to get Luke out of your head. 892 00:34:06,611 --> 00:34:08,386 -Yeah. -You do. 893 00:34:08,546 --> 00:34:10,958 And what better way to do that... 894 00:34:11,215 --> 00:34:13,889 than good old-fashioned dick flicks. 895 00:34:14,052 --> 00:34:16,191 -Yes. -God. 896 00:34:18,456 --> 00:34:21,630 Tatiana. Mike Stangle. 897 00:34:21,793 --> 00:34:23,795 From the meet and greet. Well, from before that. 898 00:34:23,961 --> 00:34:25,440 One second. 899 00:34:25,530 --> 00:34:26,531 Fuck. 900 00:34:27,765 --> 00:34:29,938 Hey. it's you. 901 00:34:30,101 --> 00:34:31,205 It is me. 902 00:34:31,369 --> 00:34:36,717 I was hoping maybe I could come in and we could watch a movie or... 903 00:34:37,942 --> 00:34:39,922 Do whatever you wanna do. 904 00:34:40,111 --> 00:34:41,181 Why are you whispering? 905 00:34:41,312 --> 00:34:43,451 'Cause that's what we were doing before. 906 00:34:43,614 --> 00:34:44,649 They've got Cockbusters. 907 00:34:44,882 --> 00:34:46,793 Is that supposed to be like Ghostbusters? 908 00:34:46,884 --> 00:34:48,830 Why would you wanna get rid of the cocks? 909 00:34:49,053 --> 00:34:50,794 -What's that? -She's talking in her sleep. 910 00:34:50,955 --> 00:34:53,799 She says the craziest stuff in her sleep. 911 00:34:53,891 --> 00:34:56,064 It looks like his dick is gonna pop. It's so veiny and hard. 912 00:34:56,127 --> 00:34:57,128 -Tatiana! -Something's hard? 913 00:34:57,295 --> 00:34:58,433 Julio. My student. 914 00:34:58,596 --> 00:35:00,132 I'm doing a Skype class session with him... 915 00:35:00,298 --> 00:35:02,403 and he's having a really hard time in the schoolyard. 916 00:35:02,533 --> 00:35:04,035 If you don't get in here, I'm gonna start masturbating! 917 00:35:04,102 --> 00:35:05,604 Phooey. I've gotta go. 918 00:35:05,770 --> 00:35:07,340 That sounds like you guys are, watching porno, or... 919 00:35:07,405 --> 00:35:08,406 -No. -Tatiana! 920 00:35:08,473 --> 00:35:09,474 Does it smell like weed in here? 921 00:35:09,574 --> 00:35:11,451 -You guys smoking weed? -No. It was a skunk. 922 00:35:11,609 --> 00:35:14,112 I've gotta go, because a bunch of kids are waiting to hear... 923 00:35:14,278 --> 00:35:15,985 if they've failed second grade or not. 924 00:35:16,147 --> 00:35:19,185 Well, I am doing some grading myself, and girl... 925 00:35:19,350 --> 00:35:21,830 you are getting an A plus. 926 00:35:21,886 --> 00:35:22,887 Thank you so much. 927 00:35:56,387 --> 00:35:58,560 -And then win! -Skills. Def skills. 928 00:35:58,623 --> 00:36:00,125 Cheers to Tatiana and Alice. 929 00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:01,429 We're so glad you're here. 930 00:36:02,793 --> 00:36:03,863 Yes. Cheers. 931 00:36:04,028 --> 00:36:06,133 You guys, Alice and I found this really cool thing. 932 00:36:06,297 --> 00:36:08,004 Jurassic Park ATV Tours! 933 00:36:09,066 --> 00:36:11,239 Y on ride ATV s where they shot Jurassic Park. 934 00:36:11,469 --> 00:36:15,645 Actually, we are about to go swimming with the dolphins. 935 00:36:16,174 --> 00:36:17,983 It's on the itinerary, so... 936 00:36:18,209 --> 00:36:20,086 But, guys, Jurassic P! 937 00:36:20,178 --> 00:36:21,589 I love this movie! 938 00:36:21,746 --> 00:36:24,249 My gosh, on ATVs, this would be so sick. 939 00:36:24,415 --> 00:36:25,655 "Welcome... 940 00:36:25,816 --> 00:36:28,558 "...to Jurassic Park." 941 00:36:28,653 --> 00:36:29,757 "That is a big pile of shit." 942 00:36:29,921 --> 00:36:31,229 "You're not so scary, little guy." 943 00:36:38,362 --> 00:36:39,670 What is going on here? 944 00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:45,573 I wish we could do that... 945 00:36:45,736 --> 00:36:47,579 but we have a date with the dolphins... 946 00:36:47,738 --> 00:36:49,081 at the bottom of the ocean, so... 947 00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:51,686 Don't you think we should do what Jeanie wants to do? 948 00:36:51,842 --> 00:36:53,378 I mean, it is her wedding after all. 949 00:36:53,544 --> 00:36:54,750 Right, Mike? 950 00:37:24,041 --> 00:37:25,987 I'm so happy we're here! 951 00:37:26,143 --> 00:37:28,589 This is where the dinos ran in the prairie! 952 00:37:28,746 --> 00:37:29,747 I know, girl! 953 00:37:29,914 --> 00:37:32,087 Check it out! I'm a brontosaurus! 954 00:37:32,250 --> 00:37:34,287 I'm a T-Rex. I'm coming to get you! 955 00:37:35,920 --> 00:37:38,298 Guys, butts on seats, okay? No hot dogging! 956 00:37:43,995 --> 00:37:45,474 "They're flocking this way!" 957 00:37:46,864 --> 00:37:48,366 Here's a T-Rex! 958 00:37:48,666 --> 00:37:50,441 "Life finds a way." 959 00:37:59,744 --> 00:38:01,746 Jeanie! Eric! 960 00:38:01,846 --> 00:38:03,325 Hey! 961 00:38:03,447 --> 00:38:06,360 Hi! Sorry, I lost Eric. 962 00:38:06,517 --> 00:38:09,623 Iwasn't lost. Just driving at a reasonable pace. 963 00:38:09,887 --> 00:38:11,127 Stay there. We'll come to you. 964 00:38:11,622 --> 00:38:14,603 All right, we better go around. This ledge looks super dangerous. 965 00:38:14,759 --> 00:38:16,966 Yeah, Mike's right. It does look dangerous. 966 00:38:17,528 --> 00:38:20,134 It's a good thing my middle name is "dangerous!" 967 00:38:20,298 --> 00:38:21,299 Yeah, it is! 968 00:38:27,672 --> 00:38:29,151 -God! -What? 969 00:38:31,776 --> 00:38:33,414 My God, she's Superman! 970 00:38:38,282 --> 00:38:39,454 My God! 971 00:38:39,550 --> 00:38:40,824 A-Money! 972 00:38:46,357 --> 00:38:47,802 I still think we should go around. 973 00:38:47,925 --> 00:38:50,201 She just got some serious air, bro! 974 00:38:50,294 --> 00:38:53,070 You call that serious air? Check this fucking shit out. 975 00:38:54,398 --> 00:38:56,275 Suck my d', tuckers! 976 00:39:01,205 --> 00:39:02,240 Not again. 977 00:39:03,240 --> 00:39:04,241 Yeah, baby! 978 00:39:04,308 --> 00:39:06,481 Easy does it. Nothing fancy. 979 00:39:12,350 --> 00:39:14,489 -My God. Look at what she's doing! -I see it! 980 00:39:14,685 --> 00:39:16,687 Sweet candied nuts. 981 00:39:21,826 --> 00:39:23,362 Who are these girls? 982 00:39:28,366 --> 00:39:30,937 Where did you guys learn to do that? 983 00:39:31,102 --> 00:39:32,877 We lived in Baja. 984 00:39:32,937 --> 00:39:34,610 Tore up a lot of trail down there. 985 00:39:34,872 --> 00:39:36,112 Made a lot of friends. 986 00:39:36,774 --> 00:39:38,276 Made even more enemies. 987 00:39:38,442 --> 00:39:39,614 God, I miss Baja. 988 00:39:42,880 --> 00:39:44,621 Your turn, Mike! Don't be a pussy! 989 00:39:45,349 --> 00:39:48,558 I'm not gonna do it. Name calling doesn't work on me, so... 990 00:39:48,719 --> 00:39:51,461 Mike, it'll turn me on if you take that jump. 991 00:39:51,622 --> 00:39:53,397 Turn me on if you don't. 992 00:39:53,557 --> 00:39:55,559 Still not going to, still. 993 00:39:55,726 --> 00:39:56,727 I'm not gonna do it. 994 00:39:56,894 --> 00:39:58,032 Like we would ever do that. 995 00:39:58,229 --> 00:39:59,970 No way. 996 00:40:00,030 --> 00:40:01,031 Come on! Do it. 997 00:40:01,198 --> 00:40:02,472 He's not gonna do it. Do it! 998 00:40:02,633 --> 00:40:04,112 Do not do it. 999 00:40:04,268 --> 00:40:05,906 No, definitely don't do that. 1000 00:40:06,137 --> 00:40:08,014 It's a bad idea. it's a stupid, dumb idea. 1001 00:40:08,105 --> 00:40:10,244 -And it's dangerous, and it's foolish. -Yes, it is. 1002 00:40:10,775 --> 00:40:11,981 I'm gonna do it! 1003 00:40:13,644 --> 00:40:14,679 Mike! 1004 00:40:16,714 --> 00:40:17,818 Shit! 1005 00:40:19,617 --> 00:40:20,789 I'm never gonna die! 1006 00:40:23,954 --> 00:40:25,695 -Shit. -He going fast. 1007 00:40:25,756 --> 00:40:27,394 No. Keep it straight! 1008 00:40:31,362 --> 00:40:32,397 He's shanking it. 1009 00:40:35,599 --> 00:40:36,976 Got it, got it! 1010 00:40:42,173 --> 00:40:43,481 No, God! 1011 00:40:43,607 --> 00:40:44,642 Jeanie, move! 1012 00:40:47,645 --> 00:40:48,988 No! 1013 00:40:49,146 --> 00:40:50,181 No! 1014 00:40:50,448 --> 00:40:51,950 No! 1015 00:40:52,082 --> 00:40:53,356 No! 1016 00:41:14,805 --> 00:41:17,115 It's gonna be fine. 1017 00:41:17,575 --> 00:41:19,646 Your face is making me think it's gonna be bad. 1018 00:41:19,710 --> 00:41:21,621 I'm sure it's not as bad as you think. 1019 00:41:21,679 --> 00:41:22,714 -You know? -No. Yeah. 1020 00:41:22,780 --> 00:41:23,918 Just show us what we're working with, 1021 00:41:24,048 --> 00:41:25,083 and it'll be fine. 1022 00:41:25,149 --> 00:41:26,150 -0kay_ -Okay? 1023 00:41:26,717 --> 00:41:27,821 Is it okay? 1024 00:41:27,885 --> 00:41:29,421 -My God! -God! 1025 00:41:29,753 --> 00:41:32,199 Don't you look good? 1026 00:41:34,024 --> 00:41:35,867 -Your face! -Shut up, Mike! 1027 00:41:35,993 --> 00:41:37,802 You shut up, Becky! Have you seen her face? 1028 00:41:37,962 --> 00:41:39,805 God! What? 1029 00:41:39,964 --> 00:41:42,240 It looks like you were making meth, and the bathtub exploded. 1030 00:41:43,467 --> 00:41:44,810 You look like Burn Victim Barbie. 1031 00:41:45,202 --> 00:41:46,510 Hush it up! 1032 00:41:46,670 --> 00:41:47,842 And you're Black Ken. 1033 00:41:47,905 --> 00:41:49,851 -stop! -Okay_ 1034 00:41:50,007 --> 00:41:52,078 it's like an exaggerated smoky eye. 1035 00:41:52,142 --> 00:41:54,144 Dave, be honest. Is it bad? 1036 00:41:54,912 --> 00:41:57,085 This side, there's a little... 1037 00:41:57,181 --> 00:41:59,320 -There's a little discoloration there. -Little discoloration. 1038 00:41:59,383 --> 00:42:00,521 Which side is it? 1039 00:42:00,751 --> 00:42:01,923 You could do a dance the whole night 1040 00:42:01,986 --> 00:42:03,522 where you just hold a hand over your face. 1041 00:42:03,654 --> 00:42:04,655 -That's smart. -Okay. 1042 00:42:04,822 --> 00:42:05,823 It's like a new thing. 1043 00:42:05,990 --> 00:42:07,833 Do the Jeanie Do the Jeanie 1044 00:42:08,058 --> 00:42:09,696 Like this? 1045 00:42:09,927 --> 00:42:11,736 -Come on, everybody! Do the Jeanie. -Do it. 1046 00:42:11,929 --> 00:42:13,306 -I'm doing the Jeanie. -Do the Jeanie, y'all. 1047 00:42:13,397 --> 00:42:14,432 It's a one-two step. 1048 00:42:14,565 --> 00:42:16,374 All right, that's enough. 1049 00:42:16,634 --> 00:42:18,238 Enough dancing! You and you... 1050 00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:19,746 outside, now! 1051 00:42:19,904 --> 00:42:21,110 Honey, calm down. 1052 00:42:22,907 --> 00:42:24,409 -Honey, calm down. -Sorry. 1053 00:42:24,575 --> 00:42:26,919 Do you understand they've deformed our little girl... 1054 00:42:27,077 --> 00:42:29,216 the day before her goddamn wedding? 1055 00:42:29,480 --> 00:42:31,619 She looks like Seal, for Christ's sake! 1056 00:42:31,682 --> 00:42:33,525 Why, Dad? 1057 00:42:35,686 --> 00:42:37,029 Do you think he's gonna spank us? 1058 00:42:37,187 --> 00:42:38,188 What? 1059 00:42:38,956 --> 00:42:39,957 Never mind. 1060 00:42:40,057 --> 00:42:42,037 I haven't seen him this pissed in a long time. 1061 00:42:42,092 --> 00:42:43,127 OOP... 1062 00:42:43,227 --> 00:42:45,036 Yeah. it's the other door. 1063 00:42:45,963 --> 00:42:47,067 They meet in the middle. 1064 00:42:47,131 --> 00:42:48,735 -They meet in the middle. -God damn it! 1065 00:42:50,935 --> 00:42:53,313 Dad, listen. I know what you're gonna say. 1066 00:42:53,437 --> 00:42:55,713 -You're right. -We're gonna sue the ATV companies. 1067 00:42:55,773 --> 00:42:56,979 -Right? -I Sea. 1068 00:42:57,107 --> 00:42:58,108 Not what I was gonna say. 1069 00:42:58,242 --> 00:42:59,482 Let's Erin Brockovich this bitch. 1070 00:42:59,643 --> 00:43:01,213 Mike, stop! 1071 00:43:01,378 --> 00:43:03,619 You've got to own this. This is your fault. 1072 00:43:03,681 --> 00:43:04,682 It's not. 1073 00:43:05,215 --> 00:43:07,252 If anything, it's the girls' fault. 1074 00:43:07,518 --> 00:43:08,826 They're crazy. 1075 00:43:08,986 --> 00:43:11,398 The girls aren't the problem! 1076 00:43:11,455 --> 00:43:12,832 You are. 1077 00:43:12,990 --> 00:43:15,129 What the hell did you think was gonna happen? 1078 00:43:15,292 --> 00:43:16,999 What did you think was gonna happen? 1079 00:43:17,161 --> 00:43:18,162 We had a plan. 1080 00:43:18,329 --> 00:43:20,741 The plan was to swim with dolphins... 1081 00:43:20,898 --> 00:43:22,605 and eat bananas afterwards. 1082 00:43:22,766 --> 00:43:24,507 See, Dad, I'm not gonna point any fingers here... 1083 00:43:24,668 --> 00:43:25,669 but indirectly... 1084 00:43:25,836 --> 00:43:28,510 we wouldn't have been on ATVs if the girls hadn't forced us to. 1085 00:43:28,672 --> 00:43:31,118 And who made us bring dates in the first place? 1086 00:43:32,276 --> 00:43:33,346 -Not pointing fingers. -Yeah. 1087 00:43:33,410 --> 00:43:35,651 All right. I'm gonna take back what I said to you earlier. 1088 00:43:35,813 --> 00:43:37,952 I am going to lump you in together. 1089 00:43:38,115 --> 00:43:40,925 All right, you are lumped! 1090 00:43:41,585 --> 00:43:43,496 The hell is wrong with you? 1091 00:43:44,622 --> 00:43:45,999 What the hell is wrong with you? 1092 00:43:47,591 --> 00:43:48,968 Dad. 1093 00:43:51,595 --> 00:43:53,006 Fuck. 1094 00:43:55,566 --> 00:43:57,603 Everyone get the fuck away from me. 1095 00:43:57,768 --> 00:44:00,180 Move! Adult Swim! 1096 00:44:00,337 --> 00:44:03,614 It's all fucked now. It's all fucked, you know? Poor Jeanie. 1097 00:44:03,907 --> 00:44:05,784 Jeanie's special weekend, and I ruin it. 1098 00:44:05,843 --> 00:44:09,416 Hey, hey, hey, Alice? That was not your fault, okay? 1099 00:44:09,680 --> 00:44:12,524 That's two weddings that I've ruined. It's just like, "Stupid Alice!" 1100 00:44:12,583 --> 00:44:14,961 Look, it's too bad that Jeanie's face got shredded... 1101 00:44:15,252 --> 00:44:16,856 but this is supposed to be our vacay. 1102 00:44:16,920 --> 00:44:18,729 Remember? We're supposed to be having fun... 1103 00:44:18,789 --> 00:44:19,927 and going on adventures. 1104 00:44:19,990 --> 00:44:21,094 Get in here with me. 1105 00:44:21,258 --> 00:44:22,601 I'm gonna find her. I'm gonna make it up to her. 1106 00:44:22,760 --> 00:44:25,263 No, no! You're not listening to me. Don't leave me! 1107 00:44:34,838 --> 00:44:36,977 Thanks again for letting me join your spa day, ladies. 1108 00:44:37,041 --> 00:44:40,784 It's not like you asked or anything, but you're here. Yay. 1109 00:44:41,211 --> 00:44:43,316 What did you guys do for your bachelorette party? 1110 00:44:43,614 --> 00:44:45,491 Did it get crazy? Did you guys do that thing... 1111 00:44:45,549 --> 00:44:48,359 where you go to Vegas and you dress up as a prostitute... 1112 00:44:48,686 --> 00:44:50,393 and you go out and there's a contest... 1113 00:44:50,454 --> 00:44:52,661 to see who can get the most money from a john... 1114 00:44:52,923 --> 00:44:54,766 but then you tell him, "I'm an undercover cop"... 1115 00:44:54,825 --> 00:44:57,863 and they, like, beg that you don't tell their children and their wives... 1116 00:44:58,028 --> 00:45:00,668 and they piss themselves, and you've got the whole thing on video. 1117 00:45:00,831 --> 00:45:03,903 And then you put it on YouTube and then there's the Auto-Tune remix. 1118 00:45:04,068 --> 00:45:05,069 Did you do that thing? 1119 00:45:05,736 --> 00:45:06,806 -No. -No. 1120 00:45:07,137 --> 00:45:11,643 I didn't actually end up having one, so... 1121 00:45:11,809 --> 00:45:13,447 Why? Every bride needs a bachelorette party. 1122 00:45:13,644 --> 00:45:15,817 I'm sorry Cabo didn't work out, Jeanie. 1123 00:45:15,879 --> 00:45:17,381 I know. it's fine. 1124 00:45:17,448 --> 00:45:18,518 You know I couldn't get the time off work. 1125 00:45:18,582 --> 00:45:20,994 And it would have ruined it for you, down there without me. 1126 00:45:21,051 --> 00:45:22,223 Is there some tension about this? 1127 00:45:22,286 --> 00:45:24,926 So I just thought, "Let's cancel the whole trip," if that makes sense. 1128 00:45:24,988 --> 00:45:26,968 Jeanie, can you keep it down? On the phone with Tokyo. 1129 00:45:27,024 --> 00:45:28,128 Did I bring up something uncomfortable? 1130 00:45:28,192 --> 00:45:30,536 Also, I caught the shingles because it was so stressful. 1131 00:45:32,496 --> 00:45:33,566 'Cause it feels like I did. 1132 00:45:33,630 --> 00:45:35,166 Plus they have Mexican bed bugs. 1133 00:45:37,668 --> 00:45:40,012 I need you guys to stop it! 1134 00:45:41,071 --> 00:45:43,381 That fucking gaping mouth of yours, shut it! 1135 00:45:43,941 --> 00:45:44,942 Shut it! 1136 00:45:45,375 --> 00:45:49,118 I just want to relax! Is that too much to ask? 1137 00:45:49,513 --> 00:45:52,119 Please! I just wanna relax. 1138 00:45:54,785 --> 00:45:56,059 How are you feeling, Jeanie? 1139 00:45:56,220 --> 00:45:57,699 A little stressed out. 1140 00:45:57,855 --> 00:46:00,699 -I'll give you a minute to disrobe. -Yeah, okay. 1141 00:46:00,858 --> 00:46:02,929 Face down on the table. 1142 00:46:03,327 --> 00:46:06,797 Hi, that is my best friend in there... 1143 00:46:06,864 --> 00:46:09,037 and she's getting married tomorrow, and she's a little uptight. 1144 00:46:09,333 --> 00:46:14,476 And I was wondering if you could, help her let loose a little bit? 1145 00:46:14,638 --> 00:46:15,673 You know? 1146 00:46:15,739 --> 00:46:20,745 Give her the "Hawaii Five" experience? 1147 00:46:21,111 --> 00:46:23,751 The wink-wink, nudge-nudge massage, you know? 1148 00:46:23,814 --> 00:46:27,318 I can't really wink, but a wink-wink, nudge-nudge? 1149 00:46:27,618 --> 00:46:29,359 -Are you okay? -Yeah. 1150 00:46:29,419 --> 00:46:31,092 Looks like you had a bit of a fit. 1151 00:46:31,288 --> 00:46:33,859 No, no. That's wink... That's wink-wink... 1152 00:46:35,125 --> 00:46:37,332 I feel like I've gotten what you're trying to say. 1153 00:46:37,561 --> 00:46:39,802 -Great. -But I figured it out. 1154 00:46:39,863 --> 00:46:42,469 -You didn't really communicate it to me. -Okay, that's fair. 1155 00:46:42,533 --> 00:46:46,379 Yes, you want the special "lam blissful" massage? 1156 00:46:46,503 --> 00:46:48,608 -Yeah. -Yeah. 1157 00:46:50,240 --> 00:46:52,151 -How blissful is that? -Don't worry. 1158 00:46:52,309 --> 00:46:53,845 Physically, no penetration. 1159 00:46:53,944 --> 00:46:54,945 Classy. 1160 00:46:55,012 --> 00:46:58,016 Spiritually, I'll be doing an intimate tour of her qi. 1161 00:46:58,315 --> 00:47:00,352 You're gonna be good in there. I can tell. 1162 00:47:01,518 --> 00:47:02,622 How's the temperature in here, Jeanie? 1163 00:47:03,420 --> 00:47:05,297 It's good. Good. Comfy. 1164 00:47:05,455 --> 00:47:08,800 Good. Take down the light a little bit. 1165 00:47:08,959 --> 00:47:10,666 So you're getting married? 1166 00:47:10,928 --> 00:47:12,464 I am. Yeah. 1167 00:47:12,663 --> 00:47:15,542 I know it can be a stressful time. 1168 00:47:15,599 --> 00:47:19,513 You know it's like, "Who is this for, me or my family?" 1169 00:47:19,670 --> 00:47:22,116 Yeah. I've recently had an injury to my face... 1170 00:47:22,272 --> 00:47:24,274 which I'm a little stressed out about. 1171 00:47:24,975 --> 00:47:25,976 Are you okay with oil? 1172 00:47:26,143 --> 00:47:27,451 Yeah, sure. 1173 00:47:30,447 --> 00:47:31,721 You know, in my country... 1174 00:47:31,782 --> 00:47:35,059 they call oil "God's beautiful lubricant." 1175 00:47:36,053 --> 00:47:38,226 It sounds better in my language. 1176 00:47:38,388 --> 00:47:41,528 Khuda Ira khubsurat lubricant. 1177 00:47:41,792 --> 00:47:43,396 That's lovely. 1178 00:47:43,460 --> 00:47:44,495 'KT!.. 1179 00:47:44,561 --> 00:47:45,972 Some ground rules. 1180 00:47:46,029 --> 00:47:48,635 One, no emotions. 1181 00:47:48,699 --> 00:47:50,804 -Okay. -Two, breathe. 1182 00:47:52,369 --> 00:47:55,509 Three, there is no penetration, only vibration. 1183 00:47:57,808 --> 00:48:00,186 What is happening? 1184 00:48:00,544 --> 00:48:02,785 I call this "The Bent Penguin." 1185 00:48:02,946 --> 00:48:05,426 This one is just "The Ham and Eggs." 1186 00:48:05,582 --> 00:48:08,495 This one is called "When Moons Collide." 1187 00:48:08,652 --> 00:48:11,155 "Angry Hummingbird." "Angry Hummingbird." 1188 00:48:11,321 --> 00:48:13,699 This one is called "House by the Airport." 1189 00:48:13,857 --> 00:48:16,098 Just checking in. Everything good? 1190 00:48:16,260 --> 00:48:18,934 Hope you're enjoying this. For me, it's just another Friday. 1191 00:48:26,036 --> 00:48:27,879 "Happy Doll." 1192 00:48:28,939 --> 00:48:33,046 This one is just called "Taking a Break." I am pooped. 1193 00:48:33,210 --> 00:48:35,952 A little break. That's nice. 1194 00:48:37,848 --> 00:48:38,986 Here we go again. 1195 00:48:40,884 --> 00:48:42,420 Are you even touching me? 1196 00:48:42,619 --> 00:48:45,099 No, but my aura is. 1197 00:48:45,389 --> 00:48:47,926 Yes, it is! 1198 00:48:47,991 --> 00:48:50,403 Sweet baby Jesus! 1199 00:49:09,513 --> 00:49:10,651 How's it going? 1200 00:49:11,181 --> 00:49:13,661 Shit, I thought I was alone in here. 1201 00:49:13,817 --> 00:49:16,764 Yeah. You're not. I mean, we're alone. 1202 00:49:17,354 --> 00:49:19,698 How's Mike? Still really jealous of me? 1203 00:49:20,324 --> 00:49:24,101 It's like, yeah, okay, do I own a Tesla? Yes. 1204 00:49:24,261 --> 00:49:26,901 Do I make a shit-ton of money, like, way more than Mike? 1205 00:49:27,064 --> 00:49:28,372 Yes. But it's like, who cares? 1206 00:49:28,532 --> 00:49:30,603 Do I get backstage tickets to Rihanna? 1207 00:49:30,867 --> 00:49:33,438 Do I have a glass blowing studio in my basement? 1208 00:49:33,503 --> 00:49:35,505 Hold up, backstage tickets to Rihanna? 1209 00:49:35,672 --> 00:49:37,583 Yeah, she likes to have me around. You know. 1210 00:49:37,741 --> 00:49:40,688 -RiRi is Alice's jam. -RiRi, is it? 1211 00:49:40,744 --> 00:49:41,779 -Yes. -That's funny. 1212 00:49:41,945 --> 00:49:44,425 She would freak out if I got her backstage tickets to Rihanna. 1213 00:49:44,581 --> 00:49:47,721 Well, you could get her tickets. From me. I'm right here. 1214 00:49:47,884 --> 00:49:49,261 Are you serious? 1215 00:49:49,419 --> 00:49:52,730 God, steam rooms just open up your pores, you know? 1216 00:49:53,390 --> 00:49:55,427 They open up everything. 1217 00:49:58,562 --> 00:50:02,806 Backstage at RiRi is very fun. Sometimes she plays the DJ. 1218 00:50:02,866 --> 00:50:05,540 You know, just scratching records. You know like... 1219 00:50:09,973 --> 00:50:11,646 Shit, man. That's... 1220 00:50:12,075 --> 00:50:15,147 Are you saying you want me to get in there for the tickets? 1221 00:50:15,212 --> 00:50:17,954 No. No, no, no. No. 1222 00:50:18,782 --> 00:50:20,455 Yes. 1223 00:50:24,121 --> 00:50:25,464 Tatiana? 1224 00:50:26,390 --> 00:50:27,630 Tatiana? 1225 00:50:28,458 --> 00:50:31,496 Sorry about that. Looking for my wedding date. 1226 00:50:32,062 --> 00:50:33,063 Tatiana? 1227 00:50:33,163 --> 00:50:34,301 Yeah, yeah, yeah... 1228 00:50:38,468 --> 00:50:39,503 Please leave, sir. 1229 00:50:39,669 --> 00:50:40,909 What are you doing to my sister? 1230 00:50:41,071 --> 00:50:43,608 -Mike, I'm coming. -No! 1231 00:50:54,117 --> 00:50:55,323 Get out! 1232 00:50:59,356 --> 00:51:02,769 Sure. Sure. Sure. 1233 00:51:02,926 --> 00:51:04,769 So, are we, like, close, or... 1234 00:51:05,429 --> 00:51:07,500 Let's put the washing machine on spin cycle. There we go. 1235 00:51:09,299 --> 00:51:10,607 What the... Tatiana! 1236 00:51:10,767 --> 00:51:11,973 Terry! 1237 00:51:12,135 --> 00:51:13,478 Terry! 1238 00:51:13,637 --> 00:51:15,878 -Tatiana! -Shut the fuck up, Mike. 1239 00:51:19,509 --> 00:51:20,715 I'm gonna kick your ass. 1240 00:51:23,814 --> 00:51:25,225 He is losing this fight! 1241 00:51:27,551 --> 00:51:29,428 God! I can see your nipple! 1242 00:51:33,557 --> 00:51:34,661 Get your butt out of my face! 1243 00:51:39,729 --> 00:51:42,972 Well, thank you so much. 1244 00:51:43,500 --> 00:51:45,036 I definitely needed this. 1245 00:51:45,202 --> 00:51:48,012 I know. Bring this gift into your marriage. 1246 00:51:48,572 --> 00:51:52,247 -All you need is load-bearing ribbons. -Okay. 1247 00:51:52,409 --> 00:51:54,912 And a reinforced ceiling. 1248 00:51:54,978 --> 00:51:56,252 I should warn you... 1249 00:51:56,379 --> 00:52:00,452 you may experience some aftershock orgasms. 1250 00:52:02,052 --> 00:52:05,226 So, I wouldn't operate any heavy machinery for a couple weeks. 1251 00:52:05,388 --> 00:52:07,994 That is not a euphemism for penis. I mean like... 1252 00:52:08,158 --> 00:52:12,607 -tractors, cranes, big boats. -Okay. 1253 00:52:12,762 --> 00:52:14,435 Good to know. 1254 00:52:14,598 --> 00:52:16,942 -And please hydrate. -Okay. 1255 00:52:17,100 --> 00:52:21,173 I cannot stress this enough. The consequences could be... 1256 00:52:22,439 --> 00:52:23,884 You could develop cancer. 1257 00:52:25,408 --> 00:52:26,716 You have a very good friend. 1258 00:52:32,082 --> 00:52:34,562 Wait, you did that? 1259 00:52:34,918 --> 00:52:37,831 Yeah, well, I felt so bad about your fucked up face... 1260 00:52:37,888 --> 00:52:39,299 and I wanted to make it up to you. 1261 00:52:39,923 --> 00:52:41,266 Thank you. 1262 00:52:41,591 --> 00:52:44,435 Hey, who needs a bachelorette party when they have you around? 1263 00:52:45,795 --> 00:52:47,706 -He rubbed my butt. -Yeah? 1264 00:52:47,764 --> 00:52:49,539 But with his butt. 1265 00:52:49,699 --> 00:52:52,305 It was like... He was on ribbons. 1266 00:52:53,603 --> 00:52:55,207 I don't know what you did with Jeanie in the spa... 1267 00:52:55,272 --> 00:52:56,876 but she's in a great mood. 1268 00:52:56,940 --> 00:52:59,443 Yeah, no problem. She just needed a release. 1269 00:52:59,609 --> 00:53:01,953 I had an idea for your graphic novel. 1270 00:53:02,112 --> 00:53:04,388 I thought you could do like a Rum character, 1271 00:53:04,447 --> 00:53:05,949 who's like Rastafarian, and he's like... 1272 00:53:06,349 --> 00:53:09,819 "I'm Rum Rum, get in my tum-tum, and I play the steel drum." 1273 00:53:11,054 --> 00:53:12,590 "You can rum, but you cannot hide, mon." 1274 00:53:12,756 --> 00:53:15,259 Yeah, that's awesome. Already, that's so amazing. 1275 00:53:15,425 --> 00:53:17,735 No, that's such a good idea. How did I not think of that? 1276 00:53:19,763 --> 00:53:23,802 I think when I get back, I'm gonna stop selling liquor with Mike... 1277 00:53:23,967 --> 00:53:25,446 and start drawing full time. 1278 00:53:25,602 --> 00:53:27,081 -Really? -Yeah. 1279 00:53:27,237 --> 00:53:28,739 That's amazing. 1280 00:53:28,905 --> 00:53:31,112 Do you know how few people know what they really wanna do? 1281 00:53:31,274 --> 00:53:33,447 But then I think about what Mike's gonna think about it all... 1282 00:53:33,510 --> 00:53:35,490 and he's gonna hate that idea. 1283 00:53:35,645 --> 00:53:37,352 He's so clingy. 1284 00:53:37,514 --> 00:53:40,358 When we were kids, if I fell asleep before Mike... 1285 00:53:40,417 --> 00:53:42,488 he would always wake me up so he wouldn't feel alone. 1286 00:53:42,652 --> 00:53:44,495 -That's kinda sweet. -Yeah. 1287 00:53:44,654 --> 00:53:46,292 I don't know. I just... 1288 00:53:50,093 --> 00:53:51,470 Do you ever get that feeling... 1289 00:53:51,628 --> 00:53:55,132 that you're not good enough to get what you really want... 1290 00:53:55,298 --> 00:53:57,107 so you're too scared to try? 1291 00:53:58,835 --> 00:54:00,143 All the time. 1292 00:54:00,837 --> 00:54:03,613 -Really? -Like, all the time. it's terrifying. 1293 00:54:03,773 --> 00:54:05,650 -It is, it's terrifying. -Yeah. 1294 00:54:05,809 --> 00:54:06,810 You're, like, stuck. 1295 00:54:06,977 --> 00:54:08,615 -Totally. -Yeah. 1296 00:54:08,778 --> 00:54:10,280 Thanks. it's nice talking to you about this. 1297 00:54:23,660 --> 00:54:25,105 Hey. where you going? 1298 00:54:25,161 --> 00:54:27,573 Is there a gang bang in the ballroom you need to emcee? 1299 00:54:27,631 --> 00:54:29,110 Don't be such a drama king. 1300 00:54:29,199 --> 00:54:30,906 Yeah, I'm totally overreacting. 1301 00:54:31,067 --> 00:54:32,375 When you invite someone to a wedding... 1302 00:54:32,535 --> 00:54:34,811 they obviously are supposed to finger diddle your family members. 1303 00:54:34,871 --> 00:54:35,872 That's common courtesy! 1304 00:54:36,039 --> 00:54:38,315 Okay, hold up. Lam a grown-ass woman. 1305 00:54:38,508 --> 00:54:40,545 I can finger diddle whomever I want. 1306 00:54:40,677 --> 00:54:43,180 Just because you say "whomever" does not make it okay. 1307 00:54:43,346 --> 00:54:46,816 It's not a big deal. It's just like texting someone. 1308 00:54:47,050 --> 00:54:48,996 It's just like Tinder. 1309 00:54:49,152 --> 00:54:53,623 Swipe right, swipe right, swipe left. Swipe left, swipe right. 1310 00:54:53,690 --> 00:54:55,499 That's very graphic. That is... 1311 00:54:55,558 --> 00:54:58,698 Rotating your photos. Expanding them, contracting them. 1312 00:54:58,862 --> 00:55:01,399 Are you deliberately trying to hurt me? Is that what you're doing? 1313 00:55:01,564 --> 00:55:04,101 What? No! I was just trying to get RiRi tickets... 1314 00:55:04,167 --> 00:55:06,113 to make my best friend feel better, okay? 1315 00:55:06,269 --> 00:55:07,771 We're on Va cay. 1316 00:55:09,839 --> 00:55:10,840 No... 1317 00:55:11,007 --> 00:55:14,716 You are invited to my sister's wedding. You're supposed to smile, nod... 1318 00:55:14,878 --> 00:55:16,084 and do what I want you to do. 1319 00:55:16,246 --> 00:55:17,247 That's the deal. 1320 00:55:17,881 --> 00:55:19,690 I thought that we had a connection. 1321 00:55:20,250 --> 00:55:21,251 Like a spark. 1322 00:55:21,418 --> 00:55:24,365 You thought you were gonna bring me here so that you could have sex with me. 1323 00:55:24,688 --> 00:55:27,168 Yes. No! What? Yeah, right. 1324 00:55:27,223 --> 00:55:28,224 Really? 1325 00:55:30,193 --> 00:55:31,900 Yes, obviously. 1326 00:55:32,062 --> 00:55:34,099 You are so hot. And you smell good. 1327 00:55:34,264 --> 00:55:36,039 It's not a weird thing that I wanna have sex with you... 1328 00:55:36,199 --> 00:55:38,145 because you are very sexy... 1329 00:55:38,301 --> 00:55:40,406 and you were leading me on, and we are in Hawaii... 1330 00:55:40,570 --> 00:55:42,447 which is a sexy place, and people have sex here. 1331 00:55:42,605 --> 00:55:44,915 God, dude, you built this all up in your head. 1332 00:55:45,075 --> 00:55:46,952 Alice and I just saw you on TV... 1333 00:55:47,143 --> 00:55:48,918 -wanted to go to Hawaii. -Hold up. 1334 00:55:49,946 --> 00:55:50,947 Fuck. 1335 00:55:51,114 --> 00:55:52,115 You saw us on TV? 1336 00:55:52,282 --> 00:55:54,284 No, I don't even watch Wendy Williams. 1337 00:55:59,556 --> 00:56:00,557 What? 1338 00:56:01,791 --> 00:56:03,327 What? 1339 00:56:03,426 --> 00:56:04,734 I thought you dug me. 1340 00:56:04,894 --> 00:56:06,168 Are you even a teacher? 1341 00:56:09,165 --> 00:56:10,166 No. 1342 00:56:10,333 --> 00:56:11,334 What about little Julio... 1343 00:56:11,501 --> 00:56:13,640 the dyslexic boy who you taught how to read? 1344 00:56:13,803 --> 00:56:16,181 Made it up. All of it. 1345 00:56:16,339 --> 00:56:18,615 Although I did have sex with this guy name Julio once... 1346 00:56:18,775 --> 00:56:20,277 and I'm pretty sure he couldn't read. 1347 00:56:21,244 --> 00:56:23,747 Here I thought you were Michelle Pfeiffer from Dangerous Minds. 1348 00:56:23,913 --> 00:56:26,086 Turns out, you're Michelle Pfeiffer from Scarf ace. 1349 00:56:26,783 --> 00:56:28,194 And you didn't even 1350 00:56:28,351 --> 00:56:31,730 say hello to my little friend. 1351 00:56:36,292 --> 00:56:38,169 Come on, man. 1352 00:56:39,195 --> 00:56:40,299 Mike. 1353 00:56:53,977 --> 00:56:55,786 I'm really sorry... 1354 00:56:56,946 --> 00:56:58,983 I've been acting crazy. 1355 00:56:59,315 --> 00:57:01,955 It's probably about Luke, my ex. 1356 00:57:02,018 --> 00:57:05,192 Yeah. The guy who died in the plane crash... 1357 00:57:05,855 --> 00:57:07,994 with cancer, and AIDS, and stuff. 1358 00:57:08,158 --> 00:57:09,865 Yeah, that's the one. 1359 00:57:10,527 --> 00:57:12,666 Except none of that stuff happened, 'cause... 1360 00:57:16,466 --> 00:57:18,070 I lied. 1361 00:57:18,134 --> 00:57:19,135 You lied? 1362 00:57:21,271 --> 00:57:22,375 I can't do this. 1363 00:57:22,439 --> 00:57:23,440 Wait. 1364 00:57:23,540 --> 00:57:24,575 Sorry. 1365 00:57:24,674 --> 00:57:27,348 -That's okay. That's okay. -Sorry everyone. 1366 00:57:27,410 --> 00:57:30,584 [just forgot my phone. Can I grab my phone? 1367 00:57:31,314 --> 00:57:33,555 Sorry, I still don't want to get married. 1368 00:57:36,219 --> 00:57:37,357 My gosh. 1369 00:57:37,520 --> 00:57:40,399 That's almost as bad as the plane crash story. 1370 00:57:41,224 --> 00:57:42,703 Why didn't you just tell me? 1371 00:57:44,694 --> 00:57:46,867 I didn't want you to think I was damaged goods. 1372 00:57:48,064 --> 00:57:49,839 I would never think that. 1373 00:57:50,667 --> 00:57:51,873 "Love hurts. 1374 00:57:52,869 --> 00:57:54,542 "Love scars. 1375 00:57:54,704 --> 00:57:58,516 "Love wounds, and mars." 1376 00:57:59,542 --> 00:58:03,718 That's from a really old song, for old people. 1377 00:58:05,014 --> 00:58:06,789 Why are you so nice? 1378 00:58:09,786 --> 00:58:11,732 'Cause I think you're nice. 1379 00:58:18,962 --> 00:58:19,963 David! 1380 00:58:20,864 --> 00:58:23,538 David, I need you here with me now. Come on. 1381 00:58:23,700 --> 00:58:24,940 No. No. 1382 00:58:25,368 --> 00:58:27,746 Stangles, assemble. Now! 1383 00:58:27,904 --> 00:58:29,611 -Let's go. -Is he okay? 1384 00:58:29,706 --> 00:58:30,707 Yeah, I think he's fine. 1385 00:58:30,773 --> 00:58:31,774 He's just got a lot on his mind. 1386 00:58:31,941 --> 00:58:32,976 Let's go! 1387 00:58:33,042 --> 00:58:34,612 Okay, I'm coming, dude. Jeez. 1388 00:58:37,447 --> 00:58:38,619 I... 1389 00:58:38,715 --> 00:58:40,626 You gave me a boost up. Okay. 1390 00:58:48,324 --> 00:58:49,803 A line has been drawn, David. 1391 00:58:50,059 --> 00:58:52,562 A clear line in the sand. 1392 00:58:52,629 --> 00:58:54,233 Is that why you brought me all the way down here... 1393 00:58:54,297 --> 00:58:56,436 so you could literally draw a line in the sand? 1394 00:58:56,499 --> 00:58:57,705 I'm a visual thinker, David. 1395 00:58:57,767 --> 00:58:59,075 -God damn it! -Son of a... 1396 00:59:00,370 --> 00:59:03,180 These girls, they've gotta go. 1397 00:59:03,239 --> 00:59:07,415 They pretended to dig us just to get a free trip to Hawaii. 1398 00:59:07,577 --> 00:59:08,851 They're liars! 1399 00:59:09,012 --> 00:59:11,083 So what, man? So they lied. 1400 00:59:11,514 --> 00:59:12,925 I was talking to Alice. 1401 00:59:12,982 --> 00:59:14,928 You have no idea what this girl's been through. 1402 00:59:15,084 --> 00:59:17,587 She needed this trip. We might have saved her life. 1403 00:59:17,954 --> 00:59:20,867 We should be practicing our speech for tonight. 1404 00:59:20,924 --> 00:59:23,336 Not babysitting the twins from The Shining. 1405 00:59:26,195 --> 00:59:27,674 My God. 1406 00:59:27,830 --> 00:59:29,173 Why are you laughing at me? 1407 00:59:29,499 --> 00:59:31,445 You sound like mom and dad when they're talking about us. 1408 00:59:31,501 --> 00:59:33,447 Well, no, fuck that noise. 1409 00:59:35,672 --> 00:59:37,208 Guess what! You're gonna love this. 1410 00:59:37,373 --> 00:59:41,287 Tatiana was jerking off our cousin Terry. 1411 00:59:41,444 --> 00:59:43,117 What? 1412 00:59:43,179 --> 00:59:44,317 Cousin Terry has a dick? 1413 00:59:44,647 --> 00:59:46,251 No, not "jerking off" jerking off. 1414 00:59:46,316 --> 00:59:48,489 The female version of jerking. 1415 00:59:48,651 --> 00:59:50,324 Dude, let's just chill out... 1416 00:59:50,486 --> 00:59:52,625 focus on Jeanie, and try not to be assholes... 1417 00:59:52,789 --> 00:59:54,132 for the rest of the weekend, okay? Can we do that? 1418 00:59:54,190 --> 00:59:55,828 I can't do that, David. 1419 00:59:56,225 --> 00:59:58,296 Because I saw our little sister... 1420 00:59:59,128 --> 01:00:00,129 What? 1421 01:00:01,030 --> 01:00:03,408 Well, let's just say she was making this face... 1422 01:00:05,802 --> 01:00:07,509 What? She saw a ghost? 1423 01:00:09,639 --> 01:00:11,050 She really had to pee? 1424 01:00:12,408 --> 01:00:13,409 Doing vocal warmups? 1425 01:00:14,277 --> 01:00:15,950 What are you doing? It looks like you're having an orgasm. 1426 01:00:16,012 --> 01:00:19,357 She was, David! With the masseuse. 1427 01:00:19,882 --> 01:00:21,225 -What! -Yes! 1428 01:00:21,417 --> 01:00:22,555 My God! 1429 01:00:22,685 --> 01:00:24,858 -She orgasms like a star. -No! 1430 01:00:24,921 --> 01:00:26,093 What's next? 1431 01:00:26,356 --> 01:00:30,827 I'm gonna walk in on mom giving dad a Push Pop? 1432 01:00:31,494 --> 01:00:32,529 What's a Push Pop? 1433 01:00:32,662 --> 01:00:36,007 I made it up, Dave. It's a sexual term that I just made up. 1434 01:00:36,165 --> 01:00:38,702 -What's a Push Pop? -I don't know. 1435 01:00:38,768 --> 01:00:40,645 -What's a Push Pop? -I don't know! 1436 01:00:40,703 --> 01:00:41,943 What's a Push Pop? 1437 01:00:42,005 --> 01:00:44,508 I've been to the bowels of the Internet, and I've never seen a Push Pop. 1438 01:00:44,674 --> 01:00:46,244 God,just tell me! What's a Push Pop? 1439 01:00:46,409 --> 01:00:48,355 It's a whole hand up an ass, David. 1440 01:00:48,511 --> 01:00:50,422 Is that what you want me to say? 1441 01:00:50,580 --> 01:00:53,959 -God! -Two hands pushin' the pop. 1442 01:00:54,050 --> 01:00:56,121 -God. -Is that what you want me to say? 1443 01:00:56,219 --> 01:00:57,755 I'll send you some links. 1444 01:01:17,140 --> 01:01:19,245 -We're at table two. -I'll be at the bar. 1445 01:01:19,409 --> 01:01:20,945 -I said table two. -I'll be at the bar! 1446 01:01:21,110 --> 01:01:22,282 You're out of control! 1447 01:01:23,112 --> 01:01:24,113 Thank you. 1448 01:01:25,248 --> 01:01:26,818 Trouble in paradise? 1449 01:01:30,987 --> 01:01:33,866 Freaking I don't care if I cause a scene. 1450 01:01:34,023 --> 01:01:37,971 Freaking I will punch you 17,000 times in the face. Freaking. 1451 01:01:38,127 --> 01:01:39,128 Take a shot. 1452 01:01:39,629 --> 01:01:42,200 You look like Don Johnson fucked Zack Morris. 1453 01:01:42,932 --> 01:01:45,811 Wait till Tatiana hears your shitty speech after my crazy dope one. 1454 01:01:45,968 --> 01:01:47,345 She's never gonna touch your baby bird again. 1455 01:01:49,439 --> 01:01:51,112 Thriller-Terry out! 1456 01:01:52,775 --> 01:01:54,277 So sad! 1457 01:01:54,444 --> 01:01:55,684 My God. It's a movie about cameras 1458 01:01:55,778 --> 01:01:57,052 just following you everywhere. 1459 01:01:57,280 --> 01:01:59,624 -Like The Truman Show. -Yeah! Exactly like The Truman Show! 1460 01:01:59,682 --> 01:02:01,389 Hey, Dave! Dave! 1461 01:02:01,551 --> 01:02:02,791 Hey, what's up? 1462 01:02:02,952 --> 01:02:05,626 I need you to come backstage right now and practice the speech. 1463 01:02:06,989 --> 01:02:09,060 Dude, I'm kind of talking to Alice right now. 1464 01:02:09,225 --> 01:02:10,966 Which is a conversation you've now interrupted twice. 1465 01:02:11,127 --> 01:02:12,333 Our speech needs to kill. 1466 01:02:12,495 --> 01:02:14,532 Terry got a punch up from Chris Rock. 1467 01:02:14,797 --> 01:02:17,243 I didn't want to tell you before because I didn't want you to freak out. 1468 01:02:17,400 --> 01:02:18,401 I'm not freaking out. 1469 01:02:18,534 --> 01:02:19,877 Calm the fuck down, Dave! 1470 01:02:20,036 --> 01:02:21,174 You calm the fuck down! 1471 01:02:21,337 --> 01:02:23,112 Mike, you look like your face is gonna pop. 1472 01:02:23,339 --> 01:02:25,148 You gonna come or what? 1473 01:02:25,208 --> 01:02:26,619 Let's go. 1474 01:02:26,676 --> 01:02:28,349 I'll see you backstage. 1475 01:02:31,881 --> 01:02:33,986 -I'm gonna go deal with this real quick. -Okay. 1476 01:02:34,050 --> 01:02:35,996 I'll just talk to myself for a while. All alone. 1477 01:02:39,255 --> 01:02:41,030 look an your stupid face! 1478 01:02:41,124 --> 01:02:42,626 What's wrong with me? 1479 01:02:42,692 --> 01:02:44,365 Dan't fucking look at her. Turn around. 1480 01:02:44,427 --> 01:02:45,838 Everybody get the fuck out of here. 1481 01:02:45,895 --> 01:02:47,238 Fuck you, Luke. 1482 01:02:47,597 --> 01:02:50,168 I'm just gonna have a little lie down, okay? 1483 01:03:02,145 --> 01:03:03,317 Hi! 1484 01:03:03,479 --> 01:03:04,924 "Hi! "Hi! 1485 01:03:04,981 --> 01:03:07,120 Did you need to take a little breather, too? 1486 01:03:07,183 --> 01:03:08,685 No. Why? Are you? 1487 01:03:08,751 --> 01:03:10,230 Well... 1488 01:03:10,953 --> 01:03:14,332 You know, you think that every moment is going to feel... 1489 01:03:14,390 --> 01:03:16,700 warm and glowy... 1490 01:03:16,759 --> 01:03:18,602 and absolutely magical. 1491 01:03:18,661 --> 01:03:21,608 But, then, some stuff happens. 1492 01:03:22,598 --> 01:03:23,770 -Sure does. -Yeah. 1493 01:03:26,169 --> 01:03:29,378 Well, if you want warm, glowy and magical... 1494 01:03:30,239 --> 01:03:31,309 I have just the thing. 1495 01:03:31,941 --> 01:03:33,113 I don't leave home without it. 1496 01:03:37,580 --> 01:03:40,220 Every bride deserves to have a little fun the night before her wedding! 1497 01:03:40,283 --> 01:03:42,263 Yeah. I deserve to have a little fun. 1498 01:03:43,486 --> 01:03:45,227 You are so nice to me. 1499 01:03:49,492 --> 01:03:50,562 This is gonna be so much fun! 1500 01:03:51,828 --> 01:03:53,102 We should find something to suck on. 1501 01:03:53,162 --> 01:03:54,163 What? 1502 01:03:54,230 --> 01:03:55,231 Mike! 1503 01:03:55,298 --> 01:03:56,470 Here. Put these on. 1504 01:03:57,366 --> 01:03:58,538 -We need headsets? -Yeah! 1505 01:03:58,901 --> 01:04:01,211 There's a lot of dancing in our speech, my man. Right? 1506 01:04:01,270 --> 01:04:02,476 Gotta go hands free. 1507 01:04:02,538 --> 01:04:04,108 This is how we do it, baby. 1508 01:04:04,173 --> 01:04:06,210 Come on. Hey, check this out. 1509 01:04:06,275 --> 01:04:08,346 I'm going to "wedding crash" cousin Terry. 1510 01:04:08,411 --> 01:04:09,481 What? 1511 01:04:09,545 --> 01:04:10,580 Put a few eye drops in her drink. 1512 01:04:10,646 --> 01:04:12,421 That way she shits all night, and can't do the speech. 1513 01:04:12,481 --> 01:04:13,653 Just like in the movie Wedding Crashers. 1514 01:04:13,850 --> 01:04:15,591 Mike, that is a terrible idea. 1515 01:04:15,651 --> 01:04:17,927 -You've seen the movie! -Of course I've seen the movie. 1516 01:04:17,987 --> 01:04:19,898 -You love that movie. -Everyone loves that movie. 1517 01:04:19,956 --> 01:04:21,401 How's it a bad idea if you love the movie? 1518 01:04:21,457 --> 01:04:23,437 I love Taken. I don't want to go steal little girls. 1519 01:04:23,492 --> 01:04:25,199 But we shouldn't wedding crash our own cousin. 1520 01:04:25,261 --> 01:04:26,501 I'm worried about you, man. 1521 01:04:26,562 --> 01:04:28,439 I'm really worried that you're losing your mind. 1522 01:04:28,564 --> 01:04:30,168 The look in your eyes right now... 1523 01:04:30,399 --> 01:04:32,379 You haven't blinked since we've started talking. 1524 01:04:32,435 --> 01:04:33,880 Davie, Davie, Davie! 1525 01:04:34,103 --> 01:04:35,173 What? 1526 01:04:35,571 --> 01:04:38,177 I've never been in more control in my entire life. 1527 01:04:40,209 --> 01:04:41,984 Mike! 1528 01:04:42,111 --> 01:04:43,920 Mike! 1529 01:04:44,447 --> 01:04:45,824 This is really intense. 1530 01:04:46,449 --> 01:04:48,087 Yeah, it's hitting me really hard. 1531 01:04:48,150 --> 01:04:50,027 This is good ecstasy. 1532 01:04:50,486 --> 01:04:52,295 I don't know. I wouldn't know. It's my first time. 1533 01:04:52,488 --> 01:04:53,899 -Wait, what? -What? 1534 01:04:53,956 --> 01:04:56,300 Why would you take ecstasy for the first time 1535 01:04:56,359 --> 01:04:57,804 on the night before your wedding? 1536 01:04:57,860 --> 01:04:58,861 What? 1537 01:04:58,961 --> 01:05:00,338 That is so baller! 1538 01:05:01,163 --> 01:05:03,040 Like a tiny blonde gangsta! 1539 01:05:03,165 --> 01:05:05,509 This little gangsta would kill for a motherfucking ginger ale! 1540 01:05:06,669 --> 01:05:07,739 Do you wanna go? 1541 01:05:07,837 --> 01:05:09,316 Okay, let's go. 1542 01:05:09,372 --> 01:05:11,215 Hello, everyone. Please take your seats. 1543 01:05:11,607 --> 01:05:13,484 Welcome to the rehearsal dinner... 1544 01:05:14,243 --> 01:05:15,916 for my man, Eric... 1545 01:05:16,012 --> 01:05:18,356 and his bride-to-be, the lovely Jeanie. 1546 01:05:18,447 --> 01:05:21,360 They're two of the sweetest, best people I ever met. 1547 01:05:21,484 --> 01:05:23,760 All right. Our first speaker tonight... 1548 01:05:23,853 --> 01:05:25,662 is resident nasty girl... 1549 01:05:25,721 --> 01:05:26,859 Cousin Terry. 1550 01:05:28,257 --> 01:05:29,793 We can't let Terry crush. 1551 01:05:30,092 --> 01:05:31,162 It's not fair! 1552 01:05:31,227 --> 01:05:32,433 No. Give it to me. 1553 01:05:32,528 --> 01:05:34,235 My eyes are dry. Just give it to me. 1554 01:05:34,630 --> 01:05:36,234 Do you guys know who Chris Rock is? 1555 01:05:36,799 --> 01:05:39,837 He's my neighbor, and he helped me out with a little something I like to call... 1556 01:05:40,102 --> 01:05:41,479 "mV Speech? 1557 01:05:41,537 --> 01:05:44,177 Stop. You're wasting it. You're wasting the poison. 1558 01:05:44,240 --> 01:05:45,378 Mike, this is baby safe. 1559 01:05:45,441 --> 01:05:48,422 They removed the active ingredient, Tetrahydrozoline, like 20 years ago! 1560 01:05:48,477 --> 01:05:49,717 It worked on Wedding Crashers! 1561 01:05:49,779 --> 01:05:51,315 That was not real life! 1562 01:05:51,380 --> 01:05:53,986 Now let's talk about destination weddings! 1563 01:05:54,650 --> 01:05:56,129 It's like a vacation... 1564 01:05:56,185 --> 01:05:58,028 without the relaxation! 1565 01:05:59,722 --> 01:06:00,894 That's true. 1566 01:06:00,957 --> 01:06:01,958 Why aren't you on my side, Dave? 1567 01:06:02,391 --> 01:06:03,426 What? 1568 01:06:03,492 --> 01:06:05,904 I'm done with this shit, man. I'm not doing our stupid speech. 1569 01:06:06,128 --> 01:06:08,335 In fact, I'm quitting our liquor business. 1570 01:06:08,397 --> 01:06:09,501 There it is! 1571 01:06:09,732 --> 01:06:10,802 -Really? -Yeah. 1572 01:06:10,900 --> 01:06:12,004 And what are you gonna do? 1573 01:06:12,134 --> 01:06:13,511 I'm gonna draw! 1574 01:06:13,569 --> 01:06:16,709 I'm gonna work on my graphic novel, and Mom's gonna help me cover the rent. 1575 01:06:16,772 --> 01:06:17,842 Boom! 1576 01:06:18,040 --> 01:06:19,075 You traitor! 1577 01:06:19,141 --> 01:06:20,176 I ain't gotta rehearse! 1578 01:06:20,710 --> 01:06:22,519 I know how to eat dinner. 1579 01:06:25,681 --> 01:06:26,716 Keith, can you turn me up a little bit? 1580 01:06:27,616 --> 01:06:29,118 You turn your back an me... 1581 01:06:29,285 --> 01:06:30,628 when everyone else does. 1582 01:06:30,853 --> 01:06:31,957 Ba cks tabbing, treacherous... 1583 01:06:32,655 --> 01:06:33,861 lying coward! 1584 01:06:34,090 --> 01:06:35,364 I don't think they know they're on. 1585 01:06:35,424 --> 01:06:36,835 What? Where is that coming from? 1586 01:06:37,193 --> 01:06:38,433 I don't know what I did! 1587 01:06:38,527 --> 01:06:39,870 It doesn't matter, Mike. 1588 01:06:39,929 --> 01:06:41,340 You're losing your mind. 1589 01:06:41,530 --> 01:06:43,476 You just tried to poison our cousin Terry! 1590 01:06:44,834 --> 01:06:46,074 Try a little harder. Am I right? 1591 01:06:46,135 --> 01:06:47,307 You're goddamn right I did. 1592 01:06:47,370 --> 01:06:50,408 Because I wanted her to shit hot brown poop all over that stage. 1593 01:06:51,307 --> 01:06:52,684 That is unacceptable. 1594 01:06:52,742 --> 01:06:54,619 The mics are on, boys. 1595 01:06:54,677 --> 01:06:57,590 I wanted her butt to explode like a rotten cantaloupe. 1596 01:06:57,646 --> 01:06:58,852 The mics are on! 1597 01:06:58,914 --> 01:07:01,986 You're just fucking pissed off because Tatiana finger diddled Terry. 1598 01:07:02,218 --> 01:07:03,959 There it is! 1599 01:07:05,421 --> 01:07:06,991 It was for tickets to Rihanna. 1600 01:07:07,123 --> 01:07:09,034 You're sad, man. You are sad. 1601 01:07:09,425 --> 01:07:12,031 I'm gonna kick your ass just like when we were kids. 1602 01:07:16,599 --> 01:07:17,873 My God! 1603 01:07:20,102 --> 01:07:21,376 -Do you wanna go? -Don't do it! 1604 01:07:21,437 --> 01:07:22,677 These are coming your way. 1605 01:07:22,738 --> 01:07:23,773 Just stop! 1606 01:07:24,907 --> 01:07:26,580 God! That had to hurt. 1607 01:07:26,909 --> 01:07:28,217 Don't do it again. 1608 01:07:31,947 --> 01:07:33,187 Why do you keep punching me? 1609 01:07:33,249 --> 01:07:34,660 DAVE". Why do you keep rushing at me? 1610 01:07:34,817 --> 01:07:35,989 Get him, Dave. 1611 01:07:36,085 --> 01:07:37,223 Who said that? 1612 01:07:37,286 --> 01:07:38,924 This wedding is going to hell! 1613 01:07:39,021 --> 01:07:40,193 Yes. 1614 01:07:40,256 --> 01:07:42,361 They're out there, smiling like fucking idiots. 1615 01:07:42,925 --> 01:07:45,098 And they don't realize the bride... 1616 01:07:45,261 --> 01:07:47,207 is getting off at massage parlors... 1617 01:07:47,263 --> 01:07:49,573 like a goddamn Vietnam War veteran. 1618 01:07:51,133 --> 01:07:53,670 I think they misunderstood what happened. I think they just misunderstood. 1619 01:07:53,736 --> 01:07:55,875 I walked in and saw little Jeanie... 1620 01:07:55,938 --> 01:07:57,747 the bride-to-be, orgasming. 1621 01:07:57,807 --> 01:08:00,219 The masseuse got her off. 1622 01:08:00,276 --> 01:08:01,653 God damn it! 1623 01:08:01,710 --> 01:08:02,780 Jeanie! 1624 01:08:03,212 --> 01:08:04,213 I hate you! 1625 01:08:18,294 --> 01:08:20,103 The rehearsal dinner is over. 1626 01:08:20,796 --> 01:08:23,800 Drinks by the pool, everybody. Drinks by the pool. 1627 01:08:27,436 --> 01:08:29,973 Everything feels so good, right? 1628 01:08:30,106 --> 01:08:31,107 Yep. 1629 01:08:31,507 --> 01:08:33,043 You know what I've been thinking about a lot? 1630 01:08:33,109 --> 01:08:34,179 Tell me. 1631 01:08:34,276 --> 01:08:36,222 Eric is so sweet and sensitive. 1632 01:08:36,278 --> 01:08:38,315 Kind, good, fianc. 1633 01:08:38,380 --> 01:08:39,916 Probably great husband and stuff, but... 1634 01:08:41,016 --> 01:08:42,825 Do you think Eric is boring? 1635 01:08:42,885 --> 01:08:43,955 Boring? 1636 01:08:44,019 --> 01:08:45,191 Like for my honeymoon... 1637 01:08:45,621 --> 01:08:47,760 all I wanted to do was go on a hot air balloon... 1638 01:08:47,823 --> 01:08:49,598 to different countries around the world. 1639 01:08:49,758 --> 01:08:51,965 And just be surrounded by wicker. 1640 01:08:52,027 --> 01:08:53,529 We could have wicker picnic baskets... 1641 01:08:53,596 --> 01:08:56,133 and I could make picnic hats out of wicker. 1642 01:08:56,365 --> 01:08:58,367 We would be wearing matching Chuck Taylors. 1643 01:08:58,434 --> 01:09:00,277 And he vetoed it. 1644 01:09:00,703 --> 01:09:03,081 Because he wants to go to a resort, and just... 1645 01:09:05,174 --> 01:09:06,744 -perch. -What? 1646 01:09:06,809 --> 01:09:07,913 I am a young woman... 1647 01:09:07,977 --> 01:09:10,253 -Preach! -There is so much for me to see. 1648 01:09:10,312 --> 01:09:12,622 -Yes. -I haven't even been to Burning Man. 1649 01:09:13,082 --> 01:09:15,289 I don't even know what Amsterdam is like. 1650 01:09:15,818 --> 01:09:17,388 I haven't been to Seattle. 1651 01:09:17,520 --> 01:09:18,794 You've never been to Seattle? 1652 01:09:18,854 --> 01:09:19,889 No! 1653 01:09:19,955 --> 01:09:22,333 -Seattle's gonna change your fucking life! -Really? 1654 01:09:22,424 --> 01:09:23,664 You need to get out of this cage! 1655 01:09:23,726 --> 01:09:24,796 I am in a cage... 1656 01:09:24,860 --> 01:09:27,340 just like these horses are caged. 1657 01:09:27,530 --> 01:09:29,407 Just let them out. 1658 01:09:32,067 --> 01:09:33,171 Let them all out. 1659 01:09:39,575 --> 01:09:42,215 Be free! No one can hold you down! 1660 01:09:42,278 --> 01:09:45,418 Be free, my friends! Follow your dreams! 1661 01:10:11,006 --> 01:10:12,246 Here to pile on? 1662 01:10:12,608 --> 01:10:13,609 Go ahead. 1663 01:10:13,709 --> 01:10:15,017 Any insult you can think of... 1664 01:10:15,077 --> 01:10:16,579 I've probably told myself a million times. 1665 01:10:16,712 --> 01:10:18,385 Why were you trying to poison your cousin? 1666 01:10:20,583 --> 01:10:25,828 I was jealous of the whole steam room incident. 1667 01:10:25,888 --> 01:10:28,698 That is some crazy shit. That's like something I would do. 1668 01:10:28,924 --> 01:10:30,562 This one time in high school... 1669 01:10:30,626 --> 01:10:32,128 this bitch tried to hit on my boyfriend... 1670 01:10:32,194 --> 01:10:33,798 and I cut off her ponytail while she was sleeping... 1671 01:10:33,862 --> 01:10:35,341 and I wore it to school for a month. 1672 01:10:35,397 --> 01:10:36,535 What the fuck? 1673 01:10:36,599 --> 01:10:38,135 But you tried to poison your cousin. 1674 01:10:51,614 --> 01:10:54,595 Look. I'm sorry I've been so rough on you, okay? 1675 01:10:54,817 --> 01:10:58,526 I honestly think it's because you're so much like me. 1676 01:10:58,754 --> 01:11:00,734 You act all confident... 1677 01:11:00,789 --> 01:11:03,793 but, inside, you're scared of everything. 1678 01:11:04,026 --> 01:11:05,733 You act like you don't care what people think... 1679 01:11:05,828 --> 01:11:07,398 but you really care what people think. 1680 01:11:07,496 --> 01:11:08,736 And you try to act so smart... 1681 01:11:08,797 --> 01:11:10,435 but sometimes... 1682 01:11:10,499 --> 01:11:13,708 you're just afraid you're the dumbest person in the world. 1683 01:11:16,472 --> 01:11:18,076 I'm so dumb. 1684 01:11:18,574 --> 01:11:22,044 I'm constantly saying words that I don't know the meaning of. 1685 01:11:22,711 --> 01:11:25,055 Like, I use this word, "assuage"... 1686 01:11:25,314 --> 01:11:26,691 all the time. 1687 01:11:26,982 --> 01:11:28,928 Can you assuage me the ketchup? 1688 01:11:29,051 --> 01:11:30,962 Can I assuage you a few questions? 1689 01:11:31,153 --> 01:11:33,963 -Is that the meaning of it? -I don't know. 1690 01:11:34,056 --> 01:11:35,535 But it's like, I'm so stupid... 1691 01:11:35,591 --> 01:11:37,867 but I act all confident, so people listen to me. 1692 01:11:37,926 --> 01:11:38,996 And it's fucked up. 1693 01:11:39,194 --> 01:11:41,105 Me, too. I'm a natural born leader. 1694 01:11:41,330 --> 01:11:43,105 Like George Washington. 1695 01:11:43,165 --> 01:11:44,269 Yeah. 1696 01:11:44,333 --> 01:11:45,573 Or another leader. 1697 01:11:53,142 --> 01:11:54,553 All right, here's one. 1698 01:11:54,610 --> 01:11:56,681 But I'm about to get super real with you. Okay? 1699 01:11:58,147 --> 01:12:01,788 I thought I was destined for such great things... 1700 01:12:01,884 --> 01:12:04,558 but I may never achieve anything. 1701 01:12:08,090 --> 01:12:09,330 Sister. 1702 01:12:10,693 --> 01:12:12,604 Have you been reading my diary? 1703 01:12:21,670 --> 01:12:22,705 Yes. 1704 01:12:23,672 --> 01:12:24,776 Okay. 1705 01:12:37,252 --> 01:12:38,560 You are beautiful! 1706 01:12:38,620 --> 01:12:39,997 On to Seattle! 1707 01:12:40,155 --> 01:12:41,259 Alice? 1708 01:12:42,291 --> 01:12:43,292 Am I glowing? 1709 01:12:43,559 --> 01:12:45,232 I can see sounds and hear colors. 1710 01:12:45,427 --> 01:12:47,065 Be free! 1711 01:12:47,229 --> 01:12:48,833 What the fuck are the horses doing out? 1712 01:12:49,765 --> 01:12:51,176 Who the fuck are you guys? 1713 01:12:51,433 --> 01:12:52,639 Fucking gypsies! 1714 01:12:52,801 --> 01:12:54,940 Francisco! Francisco, run! 1715 01:12:55,337 --> 01:12:57,283 Shit! 1716 01:13:00,109 --> 01:13:01,179 Hey. 1717 01:13:01,243 --> 01:13:02,813 Dave! Hi. 1718 01:13:04,446 --> 01:13:05,789 What's up? What's up with you? 1719 01:13:05,848 --> 01:13:08,124 -What's going on? Are you okay? -Me? 1720 01:13:08,283 --> 01:13:10,422 Yeah. I'm fine. 1721 01:13:12,187 --> 01:13:13,632 Yeah. Well... 1722 01:13:14,189 --> 01:13:15,964 Yeah. See, what happened was that... 1723 01:13:16,125 --> 01:13:18,469 there was a tsunami, and it took away our clothes... 1724 01:13:18,527 --> 01:13:19,767 but it brought these horses. 1725 01:13:19,828 --> 01:13:20,829 What? 1726 01:13:20,896 --> 01:13:23,137 And then, we wanted to get naked because of Lady Godiva... 1727 01:13:23,198 --> 01:13:24,973 but then horses can't eat chocolate. 1728 01:13:25,134 --> 01:13:27,114 They could have an aneurysm. 1729 01:13:27,269 --> 01:13:28,475 Where's Jeanie? 1730 01:13:28,570 --> 01:13:29,947 Hey, don't yell at her just because she's the one... 1731 01:13:30,005 --> 01:13:31,609 -that told me to go to Seattle. -Holy shit! 1732 01:13:31,673 --> 01:13:33,346 -I've always wanted to go! -My God! 1733 01:13:33,409 --> 01:13:35,218 That is not her fault. 1734 01:13:35,277 --> 01:13:36,722 -My eyes! -What's the matter? 1735 01:13:36,879 --> 01:13:38,483 Stop yelling. Why are you yelling? David, stop yelling. 1736 01:13:38,547 --> 01:13:40,185 You're being loud. And this a happy time. 1737 01:13:40,349 --> 01:13:41,692 This a really good time. 1738 01:13:41,850 --> 01:13:43,022 There's nothing wrong. So who's at fault? 1739 01:13:43,085 --> 01:13:45,463 Did you know that Hitler's parents were second cousins? 1740 01:13:45,654 --> 01:13:47,190 -Do you have any water? -Put your clothes on! 1741 01:13:47,356 --> 01:13:49,563 I'm a woman, Dave. Deal with it. 1742 01:13:50,793 --> 01:13:54,502 Because this is the bush that you came out of. 1743 01:13:54,663 --> 01:13:56,006 I didn't come from that bush. 1744 01:13:56,165 --> 01:13:57,872 I came from Mom's bush. And you know that. 1745 01:13:58,033 --> 01:13:59,478 Jeanie! My God! 1746 01:13:59,968 --> 01:14:01,345 You're completely naked! 1747 01:14:01,503 --> 01:14:03,847 -Hi, Becky! -God, your bush is huge. 1748 01:14:04,006 --> 01:14:05,713 -You look tall. -No, ma'am. 1749 01:14:05,874 --> 01:14:08,286 I told you to stay away from these bitches. 1750 01:14:08,544 --> 01:14:10,683 Alice, seriously, are you tripping? 1751 01:14:10,846 --> 01:14:11,847 No. God, no. 1752 01:14:11,914 --> 01:14:14,087 Why would say that? Just because everything feels really soft? 1753 01:14:14,383 --> 01:14:15,987 Please. Just tell me the truth. 1754 01:14:16,151 --> 01:14:17,221 Are you on drugs? 1755 01:14:18,053 --> 01:14:19,498 We're super fucked up. Yeah. 1756 01:14:19,655 --> 01:14:20,690 What? 1757 01:14:20,756 --> 01:14:23,168 We started with ecstasy, but then I went into my mystery bags. 1758 01:14:23,325 --> 01:14:24,702 Why the fuck would you do that? 1759 01:14:24,860 --> 01:14:26,100 Don't you judge me, David. 1760 01:14:26,161 --> 01:14:27,936 I don't think you're supposed to go into the mystery bag... 1761 01:14:27,996 --> 01:14:29,066 the night before the wedding. 1762 01:14:29,231 --> 01:14:31,370 We brought you here because we thought you were nice girls. 1763 01:14:31,533 --> 01:14:33,376 But Mike was right about you two. 1764 01:14:33,535 --> 01:14:35,776 This whole wedding weekend is just going to shit! 1765 01:14:35,938 --> 01:14:37,747 Dave, I'll be honest with you. 1766 01:14:37,906 --> 01:14:39,044 I need some clothes. 1767 01:14:40,075 --> 01:14:41,554 I can't continue to wear this horse. 1768 01:14:41,710 --> 01:14:43,246 My God. 1769 01:14:43,779 --> 01:14:45,087 The wind feels so nice. 1770 01:14:45,247 --> 01:14:46,521 Come on, come on, come on. 1771 01:14:47,883 --> 01:14:50,193 We should go in the ocean. 1772 01:14:50,252 --> 01:14:52,391 I'm so thirsty! Dave, we should get in the ocean. 1773 01:14:52,454 --> 01:14:55,628 Please, please, please, just be quiet. 1774 01:14:55,691 --> 01:14:57,193 I love this song. 1775 01:14:57,259 --> 01:14:58,602 There's no music playing. 1776 01:14:59,728 --> 01:15:00,729 Baby, wait. 1777 01:15:00,896 --> 01:15:02,807 Don't worry. Only our butts touched. 1778 01:15:02,965 --> 01:15:04,911 Stop it. Don't freak out anymore, Pumpkin! 1779 01:15:05,067 --> 01:15:07,104 Don't freak out? Don't freak out? 1780 01:15:07,302 --> 01:15:08,645 Tell me one thing. 1781 01:15:08,871 --> 01:15:10,077 Did you enjoy it? 1782 01:15:10,639 --> 01:15:12,243 No. 1783 01:15:13,208 --> 01:15:14,619 That is such a "yes" no. 1784 01:15:14,676 --> 01:15:15,746 No. 1785 01:15:15,811 --> 01:15:18,223 I'm gonna ask you again. Did you enjoy it? 1786 01:15:18,280 --> 01:15:19,281 Yes! 1787 01:15:19,348 --> 01:15:20,383 Well... 1788 01:15:20,649 --> 01:15:22,219 Cat's out of the frigging bag, isn't it? 1789 01:15:22,384 --> 01:15:24,295 I went for a normal massage... 1790 01:15:24,453 --> 01:15:26,490 but Alice, she had asked for a little special treat. 1791 01:15:26,655 --> 01:15:28,566 And then it just kept coming, and coming, and coming, and... 1792 01:15:28,724 --> 01:15:30,829 Who are these fucking girls your brothers brought to this wedding? 1793 01:15:31,260 --> 01:15:33,797 You are clearly on drugs. 1794 01:15:33,962 --> 01:15:35,441 And we're getting married tomorrow! 1795 01:15:36,265 --> 01:15:38,108 I'm scared, Pumpkin. 1796 01:15:38,267 --> 01:15:39,507 Aren't you scared? 1797 01:15:39,668 --> 01:15:41,477 Well, yeah, now I am. 1798 01:15:42,004 --> 01:15:43,312 It's just that... 1799 01:15:44,006 --> 01:15:48,455 I'm just a little worried that you are... 1800 01:15:49,978 --> 01:15:50,979 boring. 1801 01:15:52,514 --> 01:15:53,857 What are you saying? 1802 01:15:54,016 --> 01:15:55,222 You don't want to marry me? 1803 01:16:06,094 --> 01:16:07,368 Well... 1804 01:16:07,529 --> 01:16:09,133 No, she doesn't mean that. She's just confused... 1805 01:16:09,298 --> 01:16:10,538 because she's just rolling super hard right now. 1806 01:16:10,699 --> 01:16:11,803 You rolled her! 1807 01:16:11,967 --> 01:16:14,038 -You're the roller! -I'm so sorry. 1808 01:16:14,202 --> 01:16:16,614 I was gonna draw Rum for you. But not anymore. 1809 01:16:16,772 --> 01:16:18,752 Everything is not irie, man! 1810 01:16:21,176 --> 01:16:23,782 You've made me so, so sad. 1811 01:16:26,348 --> 01:16:27,725 But a little bit mad. 1812 01:16:28,483 --> 01:16:29,894 But mostly just sad. 1813 01:16:33,855 --> 01:16:35,163 -Dad! -Don't! 1814 01:16:35,324 --> 01:16:36,735 Mike, for once in your life... 1815 01:16:36,892 --> 01:16:39,873 please don't say a fucking word. 1816 01:17:04,319 --> 01:17:06,094 I hate them sometimes. 1817 01:17:06,254 --> 01:17:07,528 Fucking love them and they're dicks. 1818 01:17:07,589 --> 01:17:09,330 Sometimes I love them, sometimes I hate them. 1819 01:17:17,399 --> 01:17:18,400 Everything okay over there? 1820 01:17:18,567 --> 01:17:20,979 I can't find my other sock. It's pissing me off. 1821 01:17:23,872 --> 01:17:25,613 Did you take my sock, bro? 1822 01:17:25,774 --> 01:17:26,844 No. 1823 01:17:27,342 --> 01:17:29,720 I think you took my fucking sock, bro. 1824 01:17:31,346 --> 01:17:32,416 God damn it. 1825 01:17:32,547 --> 01:17:34,652 I can't believe Jeanie and Eric aren't getting married... 1826 01:17:34,783 --> 01:17:36,592 and it's all our fault. 1827 01:17:37,252 --> 01:17:40,233 It's slightly our fault. 1828 01:17:41,189 --> 01:17:43,135 It's totally our fault. Fuck. 1829 01:17:43,291 --> 01:17:45,635 We got selfish. We got distracted. 1830 01:17:47,229 --> 01:17:50,039 I don't think we were #DoingltForJeanie at all. 1831 01:17:50,198 --> 01:17:52,075 We weren't #DoingltForJeanie. 1832 01:17:52,234 --> 01:17:55,078 Our fucking little sister. Our little Jeanie Beanie Weanie. 1833 01:17:55,737 --> 01:17:57,614 She is Stanglita. 1834 01:17:57,773 --> 01:18:00,549 The one little girl we used to let into our Stang Hangs. 1835 01:18:00,709 --> 01:18:01,710 The Stangle Dangle. 1836 01:18:01,777 --> 01:18:03,313 The smallest plane in the Stangar. 1837 01:18:03,478 --> 01:18:04,616 Don't do it, dude. 1838 01:18:04,780 --> 01:18:06,088 We're supposed to be her protector. 1839 01:18:06,248 --> 01:18:07,784 Don't you cry. 1840 01:18:07,949 --> 01:18:08,950 We're supposed to look out for her. 1841 01:18:09,117 --> 01:18:10,289 Stop it. 1842 01:18:10,452 --> 01:18:13,399 We're supposed to be the two dudes that have her back no matter what. 1843 01:18:13,555 --> 01:18:15,000 If you start, I'm gonna start. 1844 01:18:15,157 --> 01:18:17,433 We broke up her marriage. 1845 01:18:20,228 --> 01:18:23,141 Of course I'm fucking doing it, man. We ruined Jeanie's wedding. 1846 01:18:23,298 --> 01:18:24,743 I'm doing it, too. 1847 01:18:25,300 --> 01:18:26,677 I hate it. 1848 01:18:39,347 --> 01:18:41,987 Man, we fucked up this wedding. 1849 01:18:42,050 --> 01:18:43,051 Yeah. 1850 01:18:43,218 --> 01:18:45,391 We fucked it in the dick. 1851 01:18:46,722 --> 01:18:48,395 You know I don't like it when you say that. That's just... 1852 01:18:48,457 --> 01:18:51,165 I know, but we fucked it so hard. Fuck. 1853 01:18:51,259 --> 01:18:54,433 I think the reason we get ourselves into so much shit is... 1854 01:18:54,496 --> 01:18:56,567 we're always telling each other we're so awesome... 1855 01:18:56,832 --> 01:18:59,836 when we're definitely not being awesome. 1856 01:19:00,001 --> 01:19:01,309 That's deep. 1857 01:19:01,470 --> 01:19:03,279 Yeah, you know what?.. 1858 01:19:04,873 --> 01:19:06,716 I wanted you to feel better... 1859 01:19:06,875 --> 01:19:09,048 and get your groove back... 1860 01:19:09,211 --> 01:19:12,351 but not all the way better to where... 1861 01:19:13,782 --> 01:19:15,784 you wouldn't need me anymore. 1862 01:19:15,951 --> 01:19:18,864 Because if you don't need me... 1863 01:19:20,355 --> 01:19:23,029 then nobody needs me, and... 1864 01:19:23,692 --> 01:19:26,969 Anyway, that's what I was thinking when I was knuckles deep into Cousin Terry. 1865 01:19:27,629 --> 01:19:29,575 Dude, we're always gonna need each other. 1866 01:19:30,198 --> 01:19:31,199 Okay. 1867 01:19:31,466 --> 01:19:32,843 Okay, here's the thing. 1868 01:19:33,802 --> 01:19:35,509 I don't wanna stop being us. 1869 01:19:35,670 --> 01:19:37,741 But I think occasionally... 1870 01:19:37,906 --> 01:19:42,150 we should think about how we make other people feel. 1871 01:19:44,446 --> 01:19:45,447 Like Jeanie? 1872 01:19:45,514 --> 01:19:46,720 Yeah, like Jeanie. 1873 01:19:47,182 --> 01:19:48,889 -Oof. -Or like Eric. 1874 01:19:49,351 --> 01:19:50,386 Fuck. 1875 01:19:50,552 --> 01:19:52,190 This feels fucking terrible. 1876 01:19:52,354 --> 01:19:54,561 This does not feel good. 1877 01:19:54,756 --> 01:19:57,498 Like, Dave's so special and... 1878 01:19:58,226 --> 01:20:00,604 He must be so mad at me. 1879 01:20:01,029 --> 01:20:02,099 Poor Mike. 1880 01:20:02,264 --> 01:20:05,609 He's less special, but I played him so hard. 1881 01:20:05,767 --> 01:20:07,212 They must be so mad at us! 1882 01:20:07,369 --> 01:20:09,576 They must hate us. Fuck! I would hate us. 1883 01:20:09,738 --> 01:20:11,547 I would fucking hate us! 1884 01:20:11,706 --> 01:20:14,050 I hate us, man. I hate us! 1885 01:20:14,209 --> 01:20:15,347 I hate us, too! 1886 01:20:15,510 --> 01:20:17,217 But you're the best, dude. I love you. 1887 01:20:17,379 --> 01:20:19,723 Don't lump yourself in with me. 1888 01:20:19,881 --> 01:20:21,360 I'm like a little troll... 1889 01:20:21,516 --> 01:20:24,292 who lives on nothing but river water and squirrel meats. 1890 01:20:24,452 --> 01:20:26,864 Your drawing? I could never do anything like that. 1891 01:20:27,022 --> 01:20:29,229 -So go. You go right now. -What? 1892 01:20:29,291 --> 01:20:30,361 Go! 1893 01:20:30,425 --> 01:20:33,804 Don't let your loser older brother hold you back. 1894 01:20:37,265 --> 01:20:38,608 You are not a loser. 1895 01:20:39,434 --> 01:20:40,936 Thanks, Dave. 1896 01:20:41,102 --> 01:20:42,604 Dude, you introduced me to the Ninja Turtles. 1897 01:20:42,771 --> 01:20:44,614 Taught me Donatello was a pussy. 1898 01:20:44,773 --> 01:20:46,650 That Raphael was actually dope... 1899 01:20:46,808 --> 01:20:48,788 because he didn't give a fuck what people thought. 1900 01:20:48,944 --> 01:20:50,218 He's cool, but rude. 1901 01:20:50,378 --> 01:20:51,618 Exactly. 1902 01:20:51,713 --> 01:20:53,818 When all those kids kicked at me and they called me "Moist"... 1903 01:20:53,915 --> 01:20:56,794 you stopped eating muffins at the school lunch for a year. 1904 01:20:56,952 --> 01:20:58,625 They were too moist. 1905 01:20:59,754 --> 01:21:01,665 Made you an easy target. 1906 01:21:01,823 --> 01:21:05,327 You're my brother. And I love you. 1907 01:21:05,493 --> 01:21:07,063 Heroes in a half shell. 1908 01:21:07,229 --> 01:21:08,333 Turtle power. 1909 01:21:13,401 --> 01:21:15,608 We're not going anywhere... 1910 01:21:15,770 --> 01:21:19,445 until our little sister, Jeanie Beanie Weanie... 1911 01:21:19,608 --> 01:21:21,315 is getting married. 1912 01:21:27,015 --> 01:21:28,255 You just killed the TV. 1913 01:21:28,783 --> 01:21:30,524 I was aiming for it. 1914 01:21:32,988 --> 01:21:35,798 We are such idiots. We are so stupid. 1915 01:21:35,957 --> 01:21:37,459 We ruined your whole wedding... 1916 01:21:37,626 --> 01:21:39,333 and we finally just realized that. 1917 01:21:39,494 --> 01:21:41,474 All right. Please just stop talking, okay? 1918 01:21:41,630 --> 01:21:44,804 Not another word. My head hurts so bad. 1919 01:21:44,966 --> 01:21:46,172 Jeanie, Eric. 1920 01:21:46,334 --> 01:21:49,042 We can't let you not get married just because we fucked everything up. 1921 01:21:49,204 --> 01:21:50,342 We love you so much, Jeanie. 1922 01:21:50,438 --> 01:21:52,509 We love you, Eric. We just want you guys to love each other. 1923 01:21:52,607 --> 01:21:53,608 -Just love each other. -That's it. 1924 01:21:55,677 --> 01:21:56,951 Jeanie, Eric. 1925 01:21:57,112 --> 01:21:58,614 We can't let you not get married. 1926 01:21:58,780 --> 01:22:00,384 Yeah. Just because we fucked everything up? 1927 01:22:00,548 --> 01:22:01,993 I mean, we want you guys to love each other. 1928 01:22:02,150 --> 01:22:03,151 Love each other. 1929 01:22:04,319 --> 01:22:07,198 Okay. This is bizarre, because we literally did that... 1930 01:22:07,355 --> 01:22:08,732 exact same thing. 1931 01:22:08,890 --> 01:22:10,528 We're even doing this hand motion. 1932 01:22:10,692 --> 01:22:11,864 Yeah, all that was ours. 1933 01:22:12,027 --> 01:22:14,064 The point is, this shit is all our fault. 1934 01:22:14,229 --> 01:22:15,867 No, it's our fault. 1935 01:22:16,031 --> 01:22:17,704 No, it's definitely our fault. 1936 01:22:17,866 --> 01:22:18,970 It is our fault for sure. 1937 01:22:19,134 --> 01:22:20,135 No, no, no. For real. 1938 01:22:20,302 --> 01:22:21,747 If anything, it's my fault. 1939 01:22:23,471 --> 01:22:25,075 Please stop. 1940 01:22:27,342 --> 01:22:31,449 Everyone shut the fuck up! 1941 01:22:32,113 --> 01:22:34,457 Jesus Hussein Christ. 1942 01:22:34,616 --> 01:22:36,562 God damn it! 1943 01:22:36,685 --> 01:22:38,961 Been trying to read this same paragraph... 1944 01:22:39,187 --> 01:22:40,495 for 20 minutes. 1945 01:22:40,555 --> 01:22:45,095 But you four fucking morons keep on fucking with my shit. 1946 01:22:45,794 --> 01:22:47,432 We've only been here for three minutes... 1947 01:22:47,495 --> 01:22:48,701 so those other 17 minutes... 1948 01:22:48,763 --> 01:22:49,969 -that's kind of on you... -Mike! 1949 01:22:50,031 --> 01:22:51,305 I'm using hyperbole. 1950 01:22:51,366 --> 01:22:54,210 I don't know what that means, and I think you know that I don't. 1951 01:22:54,336 --> 01:22:56,338 Mike, do me a favor. Shut the fuck up. 1952 01:22:56,404 --> 01:22:57,405 Go Eric. 1953 01:22:57,472 --> 01:22:58,542 Shut up too! 1954 01:22:58,606 --> 01:22:59,880 I mean, God damn it! 1955 01:23:00,041 --> 01:23:03,181 You're all self-absorbed, barely-functioning... 1956 01:23:03,745 --> 01:23:04,985 codependent weirdos! 1957 01:23:06,147 --> 01:23:07,455 -Yeah. -I know. 1958 01:23:07,549 --> 01:23:09,654 -That's pretty spot-on. -We just figured that out. 1959 01:23:09,818 --> 01:23:12,594 -Those are not good qualities. -We're gonna work on it. 1960 01:23:12,654 --> 01:23:14,656 -It's been a long time. -It's been so many years. 1961 01:23:14,723 --> 01:23:16,327 We're both very confused. 1962 01:23:16,424 --> 01:23:18,529 No, no. You're not confused. 1963 01:23:18,626 --> 01:23:20,765 You're just coming down off MDMA. 1964 01:23:20,829 --> 01:23:22,308 Sorry. Which I gave you. 1965 01:23:22,464 --> 01:23:25,138 And Eric, you can't blame her for anything she said last night. 1966 01:23:25,300 --> 01:23:28,076 I've done so much stupid shit on E. 1967 01:23:28,236 --> 01:23:30,807 I got so dehydrated that I was drinking puddle water... 1968 01:23:30,972 --> 01:23:32,144 and I had to go to the hospital... 1969 01:23:32,307 --> 01:23:34,913 'cause puddles are really dirty. 1970 01:23:35,110 --> 01:23:36,589 One time I was on peyote... 1971 01:23:36,644 --> 01:23:38,920 and I signed up for a T-Mobile plan. 1972 01:23:38,980 --> 01:23:40,755 One time I got high. 1973 01:23:40,815 --> 01:23:43,318 I read the back of a shampoo bottle for 13 hours. 1974 01:23:44,352 --> 01:23:45,524 Because it said "repeat." 1975 01:23:45,587 --> 01:23:47,123 -Rinse and repeat. -I get it. 1976 01:23:47,222 --> 01:23:50,260 Jeanie, I know you think that Eric can be boring... 1977 01:23:50,525 --> 01:23:53,131 Enough of this talk of boring! 1978 01:23:53,661 --> 01:23:54,731 Damn it! 1979 01:23:54,796 --> 01:23:59,006 Sixty percent of my investments are in some pretty aggressive stocks. 1980 01:23:59,134 --> 01:24:02,513 I don't always look both ways when I cross the street. 1981 01:24:02,670 --> 01:24:05,674 I've been known to have a second glass of wine... 1982 01:24:05,740 --> 01:24:07,583 with my dinner, every now and then. 1983 01:24:07,642 --> 01:24:09,315 I once went to see a movie... 1984 01:24:09,377 --> 01:24:11,880 walked across the hallway, saw a second movie. 1985 01:24:11,946 --> 01:24:13,254 Didn't pay till after. 1986 01:24:13,448 --> 01:24:14,620 Is that boring? 1987 01:24:15,116 --> 01:24:16,117 Is that boring? 1988 01:24:16,184 --> 01:24:17,356 -What'd you say? -Yeah. 1989 01:24:17,419 --> 01:24:18,955 -You're right. We were wrong. -That was pretty boring. 1990 01:24:19,387 --> 01:24:20,627 Well, how about this for boring? 1991 01:24:22,490 --> 01:24:24,231 Barrl! 1992 01:24:24,325 --> 01:24:25,998 Two hot air balloon tickets for our honeymoon. 1993 01:24:27,128 --> 01:24:28,402 I know you really wanted to go... 1994 01:24:28,463 --> 01:24:31,342 so I got these tickets a while ago to surprise you. 1995 01:24:31,699 --> 01:24:33,542 Surprise. 1996 01:24:36,037 --> 01:24:37,539 Baby, you're so afraid of heights. 1997 01:24:38,173 --> 01:24:40,619 -Baby, I'm fucking terrified of heights. -Yeah. 1998 01:24:41,042 --> 01:24:43,181 But my biggest fear... 1999 01:24:43,244 --> 01:24:45,383 is to not be the husband that you deserve. 2000 01:24:46,681 --> 01:24:49,560 Baby, I'm sorry I fucked so much of this up... 2001 01:24:50,251 --> 01:24:51,389 but I promise that masseuse... 2002 01:24:51,453 --> 01:24:53,455 He didn't touch my lavender juice box. 2003 01:24:53,521 --> 01:24:55,364 God, baby. I love you. 2004 01:24:55,924 --> 01:24:57,665 And I know I want to marry you. 2005 01:24:57,992 --> 01:25:00,905 Today, if you'll still have me. 2006 01:25:01,396 --> 01:25:03,842 Babe, of course. Are you kidding me? 2007 01:25:07,302 --> 01:25:08,303 Kiss her. 2008 01:25:08,369 --> 01:25:10,212 Baby, I'm crazy about you. 2009 01:25:24,419 --> 01:25:25,921 I want to marry you right now... 2010 01:25:26,087 --> 01:25:28,033 but, baby, we already canceled all the vendors. 2011 01:25:28,523 --> 01:25:30,264 I don't think they're going to let us get married here. 2012 01:25:31,826 --> 01:25:32,896 Leave that to us. 2013 01:25:32,961 --> 01:25:34,031 (Fl BELIEVE III! A THING CALLED LOVEPLAYING) 2014 01:25:34,362 --> 01:25:36,000 Leave that to all of us. 2015 01:25:37,332 --> 01:25:38,470 -Yeah! -Let's go, Mike. 2016 01:25:39,100 --> 01:25:40,670 This way! Fuck! 2017 01:25:41,102 --> 01:25:42,581 We'll actually just head around. 2018 01:25:42,837 --> 01:25:44,316 -Girl. -I'm good. 2019 01:25:44,606 --> 01:25:46,085 So what part you like, brah? 2020 01:25:46,141 --> 01:25:48,314 -We need the whole pig. -I can't give you a whole pig. 2021 01:25:48,376 --> 01:25:49,912 But we need to feed 100 people. 2022 01:25:50,378 --> 01:25:53,222 Could we please, please have the wedding here? 2023 01:25:53,281 --> 01:25:55,318 For the last time, we're out of venues. 2024 01:25:55,450 --> 01:25:57,794 -Hold me back. Hold me back, please. -What? 2025 01:25:58,052 --> 01:25:59,087 Give us a place! 2026 01:25:59,154 --> 01:26:00,929 Everybody out of the way! 2027 01:26:01,122 --> 01:26:02,795 It's hot. So hot! 2028 01:26:02,857 --> 01:26:04,359 -Out of the fucking way! -I want my pig back! 2029 01:26:05,126 --> 01:26:06,935 What if I supplied all the liquor... 2030 01:26:06,995 --> 01:26:08,997 for every bar in this hotel... 2031 01:26:09,063 --> 01:26:11,669 at wholesale prices for the next three years? 2032 01:26:11,733 --> 01:26:13,610 -Deal. -Yes! Fuck yes! 2033 01:26:13,801 --> 01:26:15,075 I'll get you guys a venue. 2034 01:26:29,050 --> 01:26:30,051 Keith, get it together. 2035 01:26:30,385 --> 01:26:31,557 We need to move, move, move. 2036 01:26:31,786 --> 01:26:32,856 I'm doing my best. 2037 01:26:36,524 --> 01:26:37,628 Hell yeah! 2038 01:26:55,577 --> 01:26:56,578 And now... 2039 01:26:56,811 --> 01:26:58,154 a reading... 2040 01:26:58,813 --> 01:27:00,952 from the children's book that I got in the lobby. 2041 01:27:01,249 --> 01:27:02,887 "Aloha moon. 2042 01:27:03,284 --> 01:27:04,957 "Aloha sea. 2043 01:27:05,119 --> 01:27:06,496 "Aloha you. 2044 01:27:07,121 --> 01:27:08,191 "Aloha me." 2045 01:27:08,489 --> 01:27:10,059 -I do. -I do. 2046 01:27:10,258 --> 01:27:11,601 By the power vested in me... 2047 01:27:11,793 --> 01:27:15,331 by the website www.beyourowndeacon.com... 2048 01:27:16,264 --> 01:27:19,507 I now pronounce you husband and wife. 2049 01:27:19,801 --> 01:27:21,610 Those assholes kind of did it. 2050 01:27:21,669 --> 01:27:23,080 Yeah. 2051 01:27:23,404 --> 01:27:25,077 Those assholes kind of did. 2052 01:27:25,240 --> 01:27:26,446 You may kiss the bride. 2053 01:27:26,507 --> 01:27:28,043 Okay. Kiss the bride. 2054 01:27:28,109 --> 01:27:29,247 Kiss the bride. 2055 01:27:36,584 --> 01:27:37,585 Yaw.! 2056 01:27:49,998 --> 01:27:51,636 -You designed this? -Yeah. 2057 01:27:51,699 --> 01:27:54,111 Insane. We're at a wedding, it's in the shape of a heart. 2058 01:27:54,168 --> 01:27:55,738 That was a really good idea. 2059 01:27:55,803 --> 01:27:57,339 I have so many good ideas. 2060 01:27:57,605 --> 01:28:00,279 At my last job, I was on fire with ideas. 2061 01:28:00,375 --> 01:28:02,548 Actually, I need a new partner... 2062 01:28:02,877 --> 01:28:06,086 because Dave is bailing on me to draw things. 2063 01:28:06,547 --> 01:28:08,049 Would you wanna... 2064 01:28:08,283 --> 01:28:09,728 maybe come work for me? 2065 01:28:10,051 --> 01:28:11,052 Really? 2066 01:28:11,319 --> 01:28:12,730 What do you know about liquor? 2067 01:28:13,187 --> 01:28:16,031 Only that it's delicious and I love it. 2068 01:28:16,157 --> 01:28:17,932 And those are the two things you need to know. 2069 01:28:17,992 --> 01:28:19,403 You are hired. 2070 01:28:19,460 --> 01:28:21,269 Great. When do I start? 2071 01:28:21,462 --> 01:28:22,702 You can start right away... 2072 01:28:23,164 --> 01:28:25,610 but just know that there will be some late nights. 2073 01:28:25,700 --> 01:28:27,373 Keep it in your pants, okay? 2074 01:28:27,735 --> 01:28:29,237 If we're going to work together, let's just... 2075 01:28:29,671 --> 01:28:31,207 keep it professional. 2076 01:28:31,806 --> 01:28:32,876 Okay. 2077 01:28:33,007 --> 01:28:35,283 -We'll keep it professional, then. -Good. 2078 01:28:35,343 --> 01:28:36,344 -All right. -Good. 2079 01:28:36,411 --> 01:28:37,446 .0kaV... .0kaV... 2080 01:28:37,512 --> 01:28:38,513 -Okay. -Yeah. 2081 01:28:38,579 --> 01:28:40,058 -Are you sure? -I don't know. 2082 01:28:41,482 --> 01:28:42,586 What? 2083 01:28:44,218 --> 01:28:45,697 -What'd you say? -What? 2084 01:28:46,220 --> 01:28:48,393 Love me tender 2085 01:28:49,057 --> 01:28:50,900 Love me sweet 2086 01:28:52,894 --> 01:28:54,305 Never let me go 2087 01:28:58,399 --> 01:29:02,472 You have made my life complete 2088 01:29:06,574 --> 01:29:07,575 I don't. 2089 01:29:10,812 --> 01:29:12,621 Love me tender 2090 01:29:13,481 --> 01:29:15,085 Love me true 2091 01:29:17,118 --> 01:29:19,997 All my dreams fulfilled 2092 01:29:23,958 --> 01:29:27,269 For my darlin' I love you 2093 01:29:27,562 --> 01:29:29,371 Tatiana said this was gonna happen. 2094 01:29:29,630 --> 01:29:30,734 You got my groove back. 2095 01:29:30,798 --> 01:29:31,833 Really? 2096 01:29:31,899 --> 01:29:33,708 That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. 2097 01:29:40,708 --> 01:29:41,778 I like you. 2098 01:29:48,950 --> 01:29:50,327 Wait. There's people everywhere. 2099 01:29:50,385 --> 01:29:52,456 -Let them watch. -Okay. 2100 01:29:56,357 --> 01:29:58,098 Hi, everyone. 2101 01:29:58,159 --> 01:30:00,571 Excuse us. Could we have your attention, please? 2102 01:30:01,963 --> 01:30:04,102 My husband and I... 2103 01:30:04,165 --> 01:30:07,908 want to thank four very incredible people... 2104 01:30:07,969 --> 01:30:09,744 for saving the day. 2105 01:30:10,037 --> 01:30:13,416 Mike and Da ve ve asked to say a few words... 2106 01:30:13,674 --> 01:30:15,483 so we would like to invite them up. 2107 01:30:15,543 --> 01:30:16,578 Come on, boys. 2108 01:30:18,346 --> 01:30:19,347 Thank you, Jeanie. 2109 01:30:19,981 --> 01:30:23,053 We never got to give our speech at the rehearsal dinner. 2110 01:30:23,117 --> 01:30:25,495 Because we ruined it. With fights. 2111 01:30:26,320 --> 01:30:27,856 But we just wanted everybody here to know... 2112 01:30:28,356 --> 01:30:29,858 exactly how we feel about you. 2113 01:30:30,324 --> 01:30:31,359 Lights. 2114 01:30:33,928 --> 01:30:34,929 You gotta get bigger and bigger. 2115 01:30:36,230 --> 01:30:37,436 Did you know this was coming? 2116 01:30:48,376 --> 01:30:52,847 You are so beautiful 2117 01:30:53,347 --> 01:30:55,793 So beautiful 2118 01:30:59,053 --> 01:31:00,191 To me 2119 01:31:02,423 --> 01:31:04,198 Can't you see? 2120 01:31:04,258 --> 01:31:05,965 You 're so beautiful 2121 01:31:06,360 --> 01:31:07,930 This is real beautiful, man. 2122 01:31:08,229 --> 01:31:12,473 You're everything I hoped for 2123 01:31:12,867 --> 01:31:15,143 In a little sister! 2124 01:31:15,203 --> 01:31:18,980 You're everything I need 2125 01:31:19,040 --> 01:31:22,112 Everything that I need 2126 01:31:23,177 --> 01:31:24,588 They're kind of good. 2127 01:31:24,679 --> 01:31:26,454 You are so beautiful 2128 01:31:27,081 --> 01:31:28,355 As a couple. Right guys? 2129 01:31:30,418 --> 01:31:31,488 To me 2130 01:31:32,920 --> 01:31:34,524 And to you. 2131 01:31:34,989 --> 01:31:36,525 And to you. To all of us. 2132 01:31:36,624 --> 01:31:38,103 You 're beautiful, Jeanie! 2133 01:31:42,263 --> 01:31:43,742 Da ve, everybody. 2134 01:31:44,265 --> 01:31:45,801 He's gonna draw! 2135 01:31:46,133 --> 01:31:47,373 Love you! 2136 01:31:48,669 --> 01:31:49,773 So sweet. 2137 01:31:50,037 --> 01:31:51,675 Thought they were gonna blow it. They did not. 2138 01:31:51,739 --> 01:31:52,740 That's good. 2139 01:31:53,107 --> 01:31:55,781 This is haw we do it 2140 01:31:57,745 --> 01:31:59,418 This is how we do it 2141 01:32:02,450 --> 01:32:04,623 This is how we do it 2142 01:32:04,952 --> 01:32:06,863 This is how we do it 2143 01:32:07,054 --> 01:32:08,499 It's Friday night 2144 01:32:08,556 --> 01:32:09,557 You don't throw... 2145 01:32:09,657 --> 01:32:10,863 And I feel all right 2146 01:32:11,592 --> 01:32:13,936 The party's here on the west side 2147 01:32:13,995 --> 01:32:16,475 So I reach for my forty and I turn it up 2148 01:32:16,531 --> 01:32:18,738 Designated driver got the keys to my truck 2149 01:32:18,833 --> 01:32:20,972 -Hit the shore 'cause I'm faded -Faded 2150 01:32:21,068 --> 01:32:22,069 Honey on the streets saying 2151 01:32:22,136 --> 01:32:23,240 Monty, yo, we made it 2152 01:32:23,404 --> 01:32:25,543 I'm kinda buzzed and it's all because 2153 01:32:25,606 --> 01:32:27,449 This is how we do it 2154 01:32:27,542 --> 01:32:30,045 South Central does it like nobody does 2155 01:32:30,278 --> 01:32:31,814 This is how we do it 2156 01:32:31,879 --> 01:32:32,880 All right. 2157 01:32:32,947 --> 01:32:34,324 To all my neighbors, you got much flavor 2158 01:32:34,849 --> 01:32:37,159 This is how we do it 2159 01:32:37,385 --> 01:32:40,662 #StangleBenoit2016. 2160 01:32:41,489 --> 01:32:43,366 Hell yeah! Fo sho! 2161 01:32:44,425 --> 01:32:45,699 God! 2162 01:32:46,093 --> 01:32:47,128 Well... 2163 01:32:48,462 --> 01:32:50,066 I picked a bad pose, guys. 2164 01:32:50,565 --> 01:32:51,600 Fireworks! 2165 01:32:52,667 --> 01:32:54,271 These are for you, Jeanie! 2166 01:32:55,436 --> 01:32:57,382 Fireworks close the show! 2167 01:32:59,440 --> 01:33:01,215 Those are from China, those fireworks. 2168 01:33:15,957 --> 01:33:18,267 You idiots! You fucking... 2169 01:33:31,105 --> 01:33:32,607 This is cool. 2170 01:33:32,673 --> 01:33:34,209 I didn't know you could do it this way. 2171 01:33:38,479 --> 01:33:39,549 I'm done. 2172 01:33:39,614 --> 01:33:41,287 Fuck. Holy shit. 2173 01:33:41,349 --> 01:33:42,384 Okay. 2174 01:33:42,450 --> 01:33:43,952 That was great. Good job. 2175 01:33:52,627 --> 01:33:53,867 (DA 111G D1GG1TY DA 111G P LAYI N G 1 2176 01:33:58,265 --> 01:34:00,006 I'm so behind right now on Game of Thrones. 2177 01:34:00,067 --> 01:34:03,514 I don't even know what's happening with Khaleesi and her Dothraki boyfriend. 2178 01:34:03,571 --> 01:34:06,415 Okay. Well he's dead, and so is Jon Snow. 2179 01:34:06,507 --> 01:34:07,645 Jon Snow? 2180 01:34:07,708 --> 01:34:09,585 Fuck that dude. I'm taller than him anyways. 2181 01:34:09,710 --> 01:34:11,189 Saw him. 2182 01:34:11,946 --> 01:34:15,359 I just found out some spelunker went dunkin' in your bunker. 2183 01:34:16,951 --> 01:34:20,125 You are fresh as a fucking dick in the morning. 2184 01:34:20,187 --> 01:34:21,689 That's not that fresh. 2185 01:34:21,756 --> 01:34:24,168 Have you ever sucked a dick in the morning? 2186 01:34:24,592 --> 01:34:26,833 I brush my teeth with dick, girl. 2187 01:34:27,094 --> 01:34:28,095 Alright... 2188 01:34:28,162 --> 01:34:29,470 Alright... Okay 2189 01:34:29,563 --> 01:34:30,735 What? Fox don't like that joke? 2190 01:34:32,833 --> 01:34:35,040 I'm gonna throw up. You look like meat! 2191 01:34:35,136 --> 01:34:36,615 Inner dialogue, inner dialogue. 2192 01:34:36,737 --> 01:34:38,273 I once got lockjaw so bad 2193 01:34:38,339 --> 01:34:40,012 that I was sucking a homeless man's thumb. 2194 01:34:40,107 --> 01:34:41,643 Dave actually had to come get me from the hospital... 2195 01:34:41,709 --> 01:34:45,521 because they iound 13 Pokemon pugs and a skimmer... 2196 01:34:45,579 --> 01:34:46,956 shoved up my butthole. 2197 01:34:47,148 --> 01:34:49,492 I just had to wait to poop them out. 2198 01:34:50,151 --> 01:34:51,755 Pikachu. 2199 01:34:52,319 --> 01:34:53,525 Pikachu. 2200 01:34:54,188 --> 01:34:55,394 Charmander. 2201 01:34:55,756 --> 01:34:58,635 That's okay. No, no. Keep your dick in. 2202 01:35:01,362 --> 01:35:03,672 For most of my life, I thought goat cheese... 2203 01:35:03,731 --> 01:35:06,769 was a slang term for cheese that's gone bad. 2204 01:35:06,867 --> 01:35:10,144 I'd see moldy cheese and I'd be, like, "Dude, that cheese is goat." 2205 01:35:10,204 --> 01:35:12,013 Like, "Get that goat cheese off the counter." 2206 01:35:12,239 --> 01:35:14,810 You look like a deconstructed taco. 2207 01:35:14,875 --> 01:35:15,910 Like carnival food. 2208 01:35:16,043 --> 01:35:19,024 Like the waffle that the chef would just go, "We're throwing that away." 2209 01:35:19,146 --> 01:35:20,853 What are we doing? 2210 01:35:43,504 --> 01:35:46,348 And the home 2211 01:35:47,908 --> 01:35:50,980 Of the 2212 01:35:52,913 --> 01:35:55,985 Bra ve 2213 01:35:58,486 --> 01:35:59,931 Play ball, Mike. 2214 01:36:05,893 --> 01:36:08,032 You know we saw my nigga 2215 01:36:08,095 --> 01:36:10,575 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2216 01:36:10,631 --> 01:36:13,237 Stang life, getting rich Selling fucking liquor quick 2217 01:36:13,300 --> 01:36:15,576 Mike and me forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2218 01:36:15,669 --> 01:36:18,650 Stang life I will never die I'm a Stangle, bitch 2219 01:36:18,706 --> 01:36:21,346 Hunchback of Notre D On the B 2220 01:36:21,408 --> 01:36:24,480 Flying fucking girls to my sister's wedding at the beach 2221 01:36:24,545 --> 01:36:28,288 Now we in first class seats Couldn't hold me back, G 2222 01:36:28,749 --> 01:36:33,129 Jeanie Stangie being wild Sippin' Cristal, sippin', sippin' Cris ta! 2223 01:36:33,187 --> 01:36:34,291 Sippin ', sippin' Cristal 2224 01:36:34,355 --> 01:36:36,164 Jeanie, Jeanie, Jeanie Beanie Weanie 2225 01:36:36,290 --> 01:36:39,294 Gettin ' married with Eric Guaranteed he's got a big, big weenie 2226 01:36:39,360 --> 01:36:42,671 I'm proud of m y little sister Proud that she got a wedding ring 2227 01:36:42,730 --> 01:36:46,200 And a necklace, Eric you're my brother now So that means I'm kinda black 2228 01:36:46,267 --> 01:36:48,076 Wait. Not really. I'm white, man. 2229 01:36:48,169 --> 01:36:49,842 I'm just happy to be related to you, honestly. 2230 01:36:49,904 --> 01:36:51,144 -Shout out to Eric. -Eric! 2231 01:36:51,205 --> 01:36:53,549 I be like Superman, let me out the cage 2232 01:36:53,607 --> 01:36:55,848 I got out of my cast and I flipped the page 2233 01:36:55,910 --> 01:36:58,516 And now I'm drawing comic books like I used to do 2234 01:36:58,579 --> 01:37:02,026 Kinda cool, Little sister Jeanie getting married too 2235 01:37:02,082 --> 01:37:04,426 Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2236 01:37:04,485 --> 01:37:07,056 Stan g life, getting rich, selling fucking liquor quick 2237 01:37:07,121 --> 01:37:09,533 Mike, Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2238 01:37:09,590 --> 01:37:12,400 Stan g life I will never die, I'm a Stangle, bitch 2239 01:37:12,459 --> 01:37:14,496 Yeah, we put the wedding back together 2240 01:37:14,562 --> 01:37:17,236 First we broke it up but we made it better 2241 01:37:17,798 --> 01:37:20,438 Nobody makes fun of me in any way 2242 01:37:20,501 --> 01:37:23,482 'Cause I got Mike by my side, and you know what he say 2243 01:37:23,637 --> 01:37:26,083 Scoliosis, now I'm fucking yo bitch 2244 01:37:26,140 --> 01:37:28,711 Scoliosis, now I'm fuckin' two chicks 2245 01:37:28,776 --> 01:37:31,188 Scoliosis, vroom vroom vroom 2246 01:37:31,245 --> 01:37:33,418 Comin' through the jungle at you like boom 2247 01:37:33,480 --> 01:37:36,051 Mike and Dave Stangle on the ATV 2248 01:37:36,116 --> 01:37:38,653 We're gonna die DAVE: It's my girls andme 2249 01:37:38,719 --> 01:37:40,665 My crew and us, we just cruisin' 2250 01:37:40,821 --> 01:37:43,859 Doin' fuckin' ba ck?ips off jumps Guaranteed 2251 01:37:43,924 --> 01:37:45,597 Ran over my sister's face 2252 01:37:45,759 --> 01:37:47,067 It was kinda wack MIKE: Mybad 2253 01:37:47,228 --> 01:37:49,367 But you know what? We came back from that 2254 01:37:49,430 --> 01:37:51,637 You're getting married now And it's okay 2255 01:37:51,699 --> 01:37:54,373 You're soiurassic, you're so fantastic 2256 01:37:54,435 --> 01:37:56,540 Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2257 01:37:56,604 --> 01:37:59,141 Stan g life, getting rich, selling fucking liquor quick 2258 01:37:59,206 --> 01:38:01,743 Mike, Mike and Dave forever It's the Stang life, bitch 2259 01:38:01,809 --> 01:38:03,584 Stan g life I will never die 2260 01:38:03,677 --> 01:38:05,020 I'm a Stangle, bitch 2261 01:38:05,079 --> 01:38:07,116 My boy Da ve, puttin 'pen to paper 2262 01:38:08,282 --> 01:38:10,319 Trying to get this damn label off 2263 01:38:11,018 --> 01:38:12,361 Like Aftermath? 2264 01:38:13,053 --> 01:38:15,055 Vanilla Ice remodeled my house 2265 01:38:15,256 --> 01:38:17,702 Told Dave and I we should start rappin' 2266 01:38:17,758 --> 01:38:20,762 (My brother's the best white rapper IBLEEP) Eminem! 2267 01:38:21,305 --> 01:38:27,764 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 164866