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www.titlovi.com
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Hello, and welcome
to a Grand Tour special,
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00:00:19,300 --> 00:00:20,929
which comes to you from
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00:00:21,078 --> 00:00:26,328
the emptiest, most sparsely
populated country on Earth.
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Mongolia.
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00:00:38,044 --> 00:00:40,044
*THE GRAND TOUR*
Season 03 Episode 13
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Episode Title:
"The Mongolia Special-
Survival of the Fattest"
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Now, ordinarily when we
go on these adventures,
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we have a vague idea about the sort
of things that we might be doing.
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00:00:50,603 --> 00:00:52,677
But this time, we don't.
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00:00:52,765 --> 00:00:54,218
No, not a clue.
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00:00:54,382 --> 00:00:57,122
The situation is,
we took off from
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00:00:57,210 --> 00:00:59,933
the capital city of
Mongolia, Ulaanbaatar,
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00:01:00,020 --> 00:01:01,693
and flew for two,
two-and-a-half hours,
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00:01:01,780 --> 00:01:04,013
over terrain
that was much like this.
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00:01:04,100 --> 00:01:06,413
Actually, quite familiar.
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00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,853
Unthreatening.
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But it was completely empty.
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It was like flying over the
whole of the British Isles
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00:01:14,740 --> 00:01:18,505
and not seeing a town,
a village, a road,
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00:01:18,599 --> 00:01:20,653
a powerline, a quarry,
not even a farm.
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00:01:20,810 --> 00:01:25,427
There wasn't a shred of evidence, from
what we saw out of the aeroplane window,
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00:01:25,515 --> 00:01:28,638
that man has ever existed.
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Yeah, this is what the world
would have looked like,
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00:01:30,882 --> 00:01:33,974
pretty much, on about page three
of the Book of Genesis, I reckon.
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00:01:34,099 --> 00:01:37,052
And then
we were dropped off here...
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00:01:37,271 --> 00:01:39,144
...and we don't know why.
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00:01:39,231 --> 00:01:40,631
We don't know anything.
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00:01:42,005 --> 00:01:44,865
An hour or so later,
though...
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00:01:52,296 --> 00:01:53,536
That's a chopper.
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00:01:54,242 --> 00:01:55,991
- There, look.
- Yeah.
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00:02:08,660 --> 00:02:10,224
Why isn't he landing?
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00:02:10,311 --> 00:02:11,684
What's he doing?
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00:02:20,426 --> 00:02:22,344
- Whoa, look at this.
- Look!
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00:02:22,431 --> 00:02:24,351
Hang on a minute.
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00:02:30,538 --> 00:02:32,624
- Whoa.
- Look at that.
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00:02:32,711 --> 00:02:34,843
What's he dropping?
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00:02:42,791 --> 00:02:44,944
It's got to be
supplies. Firewood...
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00:02:45,089 --> 00:02:46,544
- Food.
- Shelter.
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00:02:46,631 --> 00:02:47,944
Hats.
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00:02:48,031 --> 00:02:49,584
- Hats?
- Well, you need a hat. It's sunny.
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00:02:49,671 --> 00:02:51,691
They're not gonna
fly out hats to us.
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00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:55,384
So that... He's...
That's him gone, then.
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00:02:55,471 --> 00:02:57,956
- He's not landing.
- Oh.
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00:02:58,044 --> 00:02:59,769
Does that mean
we're not going home, then?
46
00:02:59,857 --> 00:03:04,224
Well. James, the
helicopter has buggered off.
47
00:03:04,311 --> 00:03:07,504
And we're alone with three boxes
full of quiche or something.
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00:03:07,591 --> 00:03:09,511
Well, let's go
and have a look, then.
49
00:03:11,951 --> 00:03:14,184
I mean, what
we really need is transport.
50
00:03:14,271 --> 00:03:16,424
Yeah. That would be useful.
51
00:03:16,511 --> 00:03:17,895
They haven't
got cars in them.
52
00:03:17,982 --> 00:03:20,264
- Could you get a car in that?
- No, look, it's thin.
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00:03:20,382 --> 00:03:22,143
It's only about that wide.
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00:03:24,431 --> 00:03:28,024
- So this is the webbing that...
- Well, that comes off.
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00:03:28,111 --> 00:03:30,264
Oh, hello, there's a crowbar
there. So that's...
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00:03:30,351 --> 00:03:31,384
Good.
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00:03:31,799 --> 00:03:33,613
Right, lifting it here.
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00:03:36,671 --> 00:03:38,631
- That's it.
- Stand clear.
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00:03:39,945 --> 00:03:41,136
Oh!
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00:03:41,911 --> 00:03:43,831
- Well...
- Water.
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00:03:45,831 --> 00:03:48,064
- What's in...
- The hell...
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00:03:48,151 --> 00:03:50,904
Oh, shit. Is that an engine?
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00:03:50,991 --> 00:03:52,571
That's an engine.
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00:03:52,751 --> 00:03:54,704
A TDi of some sort.
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00:03:56,231 --> 00:03:58,151
Vehicle lights?
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00:04:02,403 --> 00:04:04,579
- That is a rear axle.
- It is.
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00:04:05,625 --> 00:04:06,858
That's a master cylinder.
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00:04:06,946 --> 00:04:10,423
Guys, I don't need to look
in the other one.
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00:04:10,791 --> 00:04:14,571
We've an engine, we've
headlights, we've a rear axle.
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00:04:14,813 --> 00:04:17,282
There's enough spare parts
to build a car.
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00:04:19,140 --> 00:04:20,653
- Yeah.
- Oh, come on.
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00:04:20,991 --> 00:04:23,384
What, here?
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00:04:23,471 --> 00:04:26,657
As the other two
opened the third crate,
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00:04:26,788 --> 00:04:30,415
I found a mysterious bag.
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00:04:35,831 --> 00:04:38,904
OK, well, straight away,
that's a windscreen.
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00:04:38,991 --> 00:04:40,392
Which confirms it.
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00:04:40,539 --> 00:04:41,743
- Yep.
- Guys...
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00:04:41,831 --> 00:04:43,144
What is it, a Land Rover?
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00:04:43,231 --> 00:04:46,504
- What's that?
- I have a letter.
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00:04:46,591 --> 00:04:49,984
The nearest civilisation
is a town called Moron.
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00:04:50,071 --> 00:04:52,624
- Is it?
- There's a surprise.
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00:04:52,711 --> 00:04:54,464
"It's hundreds of miles away.
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00:04:54,551 --> 00:04:59,584
In order to reach it, you must
build the contents of these boxes.
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00:04:59,671 --> 00:05:03,903
You have enough food
and water for seven days."
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00:05:05,271 --> 00:05:06,976
What's that?
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00:05:11,551 --> 00:05:13,526
- That's the town.
- Moron.
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00:05:13,611 --> 00:05:15,846
- And that's the start.
- We're here.
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00:05:15,931 --> 00:05:18,066
It says "Map not to scale."
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00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:19,526
There's a surprise.
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00:05:19,611 --> 00:05:22,746
This has been drawn
by EH Shepard.
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00:05:22,831 --> 00:05:25,026
Look, "Rather Boggy and Sad."
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00:05:25,111 --> 00:05:26,626
"Deep River of Despair."
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00:05:26,711 --> 00:05:28,886
- "Floody Place."
- "Lots of Trees."
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00:05:28,971 --> 00:05:31,986
"Wibbly Wobbly Bridge",
"Very Big Crack".
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00:05:32,071 --> 00:05:33,306
Well, that's not very useful,
is it?
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00:05:33,391 --> 00:05:34,846
Well, we've got to go
northeast, haven't we?
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00:05:34,931 --> 00:05:36,306
But how far is that?
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00:05:36,391 --> 00:05:38,566
Well, we don't know.
He said "hundreds of miles".
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00:05:38,651 --> 00:05:40,285
Yes, but first...
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00:05:40,373 --> 00:05:41,307
What?
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00:05:41,395 --> 00:05:44,286
All we need to do is
assemble this lot into a car.
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00:05:44,371 --> 00:05:47,986
As there was
no instruction manual,
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00:05:48,071 --> 00:05:50,906
May and I began to
go through the components.
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00:05:50,991 --> 00:05:53,286
This is chassis, isn't it?
But it's in two halves.
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00:05:53,410 --> 00:05:57,126
While our mechanically inept
colleague made himself useful
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00:05:57,328 --> 00:05:59,813
by moaning about
the camping equipment.
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00:06:00,210 --> 00:06:02,325
That's not a bed!
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00:06:02,488 --> 00:06:04,103
- It's a mattress.
- In...
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00:06:04,191 --> 00:06:06,066
- It's not a mattress!
- It is.
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00:06:06,151 --> 00:06:07,466
If you go to
Peter Jones and say,
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00:06:07,551 --> 00:06:09,362
"Can I have a mattress?"
they don't give you this.
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00:06:09,449 --> 00:06:11,205
- The heaviest bit is the engine...
- Yes.
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00:06:11,293 --> 00:06:13,726
...which is over there, so we need
to take the other bits over there.
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00:06:13,811 --> 00:06:15,766
- Yes, that's a very good idea.
- Let's do that.
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00:06:17,791 --> 00:06:20,006
- Jeremy's pretending to be a ghost.
- I'll pretend to be scared.
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00:06:20,091 --> 00:06:22,336
To be a ghost,
you first have to be dead.
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00:06:24,071 --> 00:06:26,026
Nice work.
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00:06:26,111 --> 00:06:27,963
So what we should do
is lay everything out.
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00:06:28,051 --> 00:06:31,006
Why not put the parachute out as a dust
sheet, put it all on the parachute?
120
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:32,761
Good idea.
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00:06:32,849 --> 00:06:36,866
If we lay it out, it can be
the floor of our workshop.
122
00:06:36,951 --> 00:06:39,726
- If either of you have any emergencies...
- No!
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00:06:39,811 --> 00:06:41,466
- Hey, Hammond.
- Yeah?
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00:06:41,551 --> 00:06:43,303
It's a Land Rover engine,
you'll be pleased to know.
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00:06:43,390 --> 00:06:43,886
Is it?
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00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:46,466
"Hey, Hammond.
Hey, Hammond."
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00:06:46,551 --> 00:06:48,738
Why don't you do something useful?
Unwrap something.
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00:06:48,825 --> 00:06:50,260
"Hey, Hammond.
129
00:06:50,348 --> 00:06:51,383
Hammond."
130
00:06:52,911 --> 00:06:54,692
As my colleagues
fiddled about
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00:06:54,780 --> 00:06:56,486
with stuff
I didn't understand...
132
00:06:56,571 --> 00:06:58,966
That says
"Chassis mid-section."
133
00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:01,446
...I found something
that I did.
134
00:07:01,531 --> 00:07:02,889
Hello!
135
00:07:04,031 --> 00:07:05,646
I wasn't expecting that.
136
00:07:05,731 --> 00:07:07,786
However, there was a problem.
137
00:07:07,871 --> 00:07:10,246
- Just pop that down for a second.
- Yes.
138
00:07:10,331 --> 00:07:13,026
- This is a box of rations, OK?
- Yes.
139
00:07:13,114 --> 00:07:16,561
Now, forgive me
but I could swear...
140
00:07:18,631 --> 00:07:19,986
Oh, God.
141
00:07:20,071 --> 00:07:22,986
- Why would Wilman do that?
- Because he's evil.
142
00:07:23,071 --> 00:07:25,486
Why would he send us a car
in bits that isn't a car?
143
00:07:25,571 --> 00:07:27,566
I don't care about
the car in bits.
144
00:07:27,651 --> 00:07:31,486
He and both of you, actually,
are quite capable of doing that.
145
00:07:31,571 --> 00:07:34,906
This, on the other hand,
is a catastrophe.
146
00:07:35,546 --> 00:07:37,706
- How many of those have you found?
- One.
147
00:07:37,827 --> 00:07:40,811
Why don't you trouble yourself
with matters food-related?
148
00:07:41,206 --> 00:07:41,965
That's a good idea.
149
00:07:42,053 --> 00:07:43,615
Gather it together in one
place, see what we've got.
150
00:07:43,702 --> 00:07:47,706
So, I see. So I become food and
beverage manager of the project?
151
00:07:47,791 --> 00:07:49,606
- If you want to call it that.
- If you like.
152
00:07:49,691 --> 00:07:51,366
A bit like Robert De Niro
in Casino.
153
00:07:51,451 --> 00:07:52,866
In every conceivable way.
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00:07:52,951 --> 00:07:55,126
He was the food and beverage
manager of the casino.
155
00:07:55,211 --> 00:07:58,286
And I shall be the food and beverage
manager of our little project.
156
00:07:58,371 --> 00:08:00,066
OK, from now on
we'll call you Robert.
157
00:08:00,151 --> 00:08:01,131
Why don't you gather all
158
00:08:01,219 --> 00:08:02,004
- the food-related things...
- Thank you.
159
00:08:02,092 --> 00:08:04,233
- Off you go, Robert.
- It's my middle name.
160
00:08:04,374 --> 00:08:06,906
- Mr De Niro.
- Mr De Niro, yes. That'll be great.
161
00:08:06,991 --> 00:08:11,772
Whilst the raging baboon went
off to sort the food and beverages,
162
00:08:12,791 --> 00:08:17,014
James and I continued to
unpack the components.
163
00:08:17,147 --> 00:08:19,606
Oh, wait a minute, that's
got pedals attached to it.
164
00:08:19,691 --> 00:08:22,585
- Oh, yeah.
- So that's the bulkhead essentially.
165
00:08:26,163 --> 00:08:30,811
And eventually the giant
Airfix kit was laid out.
166
00:08:32,071 --> 00:08:33,726
That's where
we will build it.
167
00:08:33,811 --> 00:08:35,186
This is our workshop.
168
00:08:35,271 --> 00:08:37,086
I would say we've got
hundreds of components,
169
00:08:37,171 --> 00:08:38,976
not including fasteners
and things.
170
00:08:41,391 --> 00:08:43,966
Meanwhile,
in the lee of a nearby hill,
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00:08:44,051 --> 00:08:46,546
I had been very
busy as well.
172
00:08:46,631 --> 00:08:49,184
Right,
I've got the campsite built.
173
00:08:49,272 --> 00:08:51,616
Two tents here
for the snorers.
174
00:08:51,772 --> 00:08:54,486
One over there for me,
so I can't hear them.
175
00:08:54,571 --> 00:08:57,046
There's the lavatory.
And now...
176
00:08:57,351 --> 00:08:59,086
I'm gonna start work
on lunch.
177
00:08:59,171 --> 00:09:02,311
Which meant making fire.
178
00:09:04,319 --> 00:09:07,124
- Yes.
- Yes!
179
00:09:07,233 --> 00:09:09,104
Please!
180
00:09:09,191 --> 00:09:11,126
So, gearbox on.
181
00:09:11,211 --> 00:09:12,986
- Yeah.
- Yep.
182
00:09:13,071 --> 00:09:15,801
Back at base,
we were doing well...
183
00:09:15,889 --> 00:09:18,215
There, that's it, whoa.
184
00:09:18,303 --> 00:09:21,706
...even though James
was being very annoying.
185
00:09:21,791 --> 00:09:23,346
Hang on, let's just think
about where all...
186
00:09:23,431 --> 00:09:25,046
We haven't got the nuts and
bloody fasteners ready.
187
00:09:25,131 --> 00:09:27,966
Let's just get on with it.
Get it lined up.
188
00:09:28,051 --> 00:09:29,311
OK.
189
00:09:30,111 --> 00:09:31,840
- That's quite good.
- Offer it up.
190
00:09:31,928 --> 00:09:33,706
Push forwards. Yes.
191
00:09:33,794 --> 00:09:35,779
- Oh-ho-ho!
- Well done.
192
00:09:38,511 --> 00:09:40,139
- Hey, James.
- 21.
193
00:09:40,288 --> 00:09:41,975
I've got a metal willy.
194
00:09:42,644 --> 00:09:44,835
Captain OCD, however,
195
00:09:44,991 --> 00:09:47,286
was not in the mood
for willy gags.
196
00:09:47,371 --> 00:09:50,436
Where the chuffing hell
has it gone?
197
00:09:50,592 --> 00:09:52,686
This is why you put 'em back
in the same place.
198
00:09:52,788 --> 00:09:55,026
Where did you put it
last time you had the 19?
199
00:09:55,111 --> 00:09:56,926
- Oh, for God's sake...
- Ratchet.
200
00:09:57,014 --> 00:09:59,376
...just find any ****
spanner?
201
00:10:00,431 --> 00:10:02,614
With absolutely
no help at all
202
00:10:02,702 --> 00:10:04,286
from the cameraman's
lighter,
203
00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,246
I had struck gold.
204
00:10:06,331 --> 00:10:08,656
I have made fire!
205
00:10:12,056 --> 00:10:13,296
Right.
206
00:10:16,811 --> 00:10:19,086
Right, what have we got?
207
00:10:19,171 --> 00:10:22,819
These are British Army
rations. Oh, God!
208
00:10:23,108 --> 00:10:25,806
I'm... I've stuck my knife
through that one.
209
00:10:25,891 --> 00:10:29,486
So the water's gonna get
in there and spoil it a bit.
210
00:10:29,571 --> 00:10:32,866
Tropical fruit and nut mix.
Mm, I like that.
211
00:10:32,951 --> 00:10:35,456
I might just deny
this was ever in it.
212
00:10:39,120 --> 00:10:40,153
Mm.
213
00:10:40,241 --> 00:10:42,184
Lift.
214
00:10:42,271 --> 00:10:44,726
So that goes up,
axle goes underneath.
215
00:10:44,811 --> 00:10:48,686
Lower it down on that,
Bob will be our uncle.
216
00:10:48,771 --> 00:10:50,725
- Straighten up.
- Yeah.
217
00:10:53,431 --> 00:10:55,585
- There you go.
- Bump stop on.
218
00:10:56,789 --> 00:10:59,327
After many hours
of hard work,
219
00:10:59,460 --> 00:11:01,866
we had made
cracking progress.
220
00:11:01,951 --> 00:11:04,766
- It is on its own wheels.
- Rolling chassis!
221
00:11:04,851 --> 00:11:06,426
Look at that!
222
00:11:06,511 --> 00:11:07,926
Which meant we were famished
223
00:11:08,011 --> 00:11:10,706
when Mr De Niro
finally got back.
224
00:11:10,791 --> 00:11:11,866
- Chaps.
- Hello.
225
00:11:11,951 --> 00:11:14,026
- I've got your lunch.
- Oh, about bloody time.
226
00:11:14,111 --> 00:11:16,686
- Oh, sorry it's a bit late.
- Yeah, it's tea really, isn't it?
227
00:11:16,927 --> 00:11:20,092
That's yours and mine. They were the same.
But, no, it's...
228
00:11:20,631 --> 00:11:22,226
What's this?
229
00:11:22,311 --> 00:11:23,946
It looks like cat sick.
230
00:11:24,031 --> 00:11:26,046
It should look like that.
That's how it is.
231
00:11:26,131 --> 00:11:28,802
But the bag
may have got a bit snicked.
232
00:11:28,974 --> 00:11:32,266
Unfortunately, I licked that,
so this is mine.
233
00:11:32,351 --> 00:11:33,626
It's stone cold, man.
234
00:11:33,711 --> 00:11:35,206
What have you been doing
all this time?
235
00:11:35,291 --> 00:11:37,115
Well, I might ask you
the same question.
236
00:11:37,203 --> 00:11:41,626
Oh, I have built a town, a sewage
system and a restaurant.
237
00:11:41,711 --> 00:11:44,486
I have cooked in the restaurant
and I have brought you your food.
238
00:11:44,571 --> 00:11:47,474
- Which is cold.
- You meanwhile have bolted some wheels.
239
00:11:47,562 --> 00:11:49,692
You've done
literally nothing.
240
00:11:49,791 --> 00:11:52,166
Are you kidding? We've got a rolling
chassis. We've got the engine in.
241
00:11:52,251 --> 00:11:54,686
How do you think we did that
and got those axles on?
242
00:11:54,771 --> 00:11:57,464
- All right, start it up.
- It doesn't go yet.
243
00:11:57,552 --> 00:11:58,946
We would have
got a bit further on
244
00:11:59,031 --> 00:12:01,198
if we hadn't insisted on
lining up the damn...
245
00:12:01,286 --> 00:12:03,226
- I haven't been lining up the tools.
- You did. You did.
246
00:12:03,311 --> 00:12:04,866
- I've been saying that we've to.
- We would have spent more
247
00:12:04,953 --> 00:12:06,934
- keep the fasteners in the right place,
- time... And every...
248
00:12:07,021 --> 00:12:09,230
otherwise Hammond
puts the wrong ones in.
249
00:12:09,318 --> 00:12:11,646
You're talking over each other.
Can you do it one at a time?
250
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,006
The one that you wanted
was over here in the dust.
251
00:12:14,091 --> 00:12:16,706
I am making
an executive decision here.
252
00:12:16,791 --> 00:12:18,986
Hammond is in charge
of the build of this car.
253
00:12:19,084 --> 00:12:19,632
What?
254
00:12:19,720 --> 00:12:22,086
You can't make Hammond in charge of
the build. You're not in a position to.
255
00:12:22,171 --> 00:12:24,246
- We have to have a vote on it.
- Listen.
256
00:12:24,331 --> 00:12:27,366
I don't know how to build
a car, so that's me out, OK?
257
00:12:27,451 --> 00:12:29,746
You, May, you do know
how to build a car
258
00:12:29,831 --> 00:12:31,966
but it'll take you six
months, so you're out.
259
00:12:32,051 --> 00:12:35,406
Hammond, he sort of knows how to
build a car but he'll do it quickly.
260
00:12:35,491 --> 00:12:36,846
So he has to be in charge.
261
00:12:37,051 --> 00:12:38,906
He has to get you speeded up.
262
00:12:38,994 --> 00:12:41,085
OK, I'm only doing what
Hammond tells me to do.
263
00:12:41,173 --> 00:12:41,826
Right, good.
264
00:12:41,911 --> 00:12:43,546
Sir, not wishing to
speak out of turn
265
00:12:43,631 --> 00:12:45,426
but is there any reason
why I shouldn't do that
266
00:12:45,511 --> 00:12:47,126
with an extension
on a socket wrench, sir?
267
00:12:47,211 --> 00:12:49,846
- Stop calling me "sir" and just...
- Just... James...
268
00:12:49,931 --> 00:12:51,666
He doesn't know
what he's doing.
269
00:12:52,087 --> 00:12:54,796
Would either of you two like a beer?
Would that calm you down?
270
00:12:54,884 --> 00:12:55,909
- Oh, yes.
- Yes, it would.
271
00:12:55,996 --> 00:12:57,375
Right, as food
and beverages manager,
272
00:12:57,462 --> 00:12:58,500
I shall go
and get you one.
273
00:12:58,587 --> 00:13:00,751
I'll have a beer, please,
Robert.
274
00:13:00,839 --> 00:13:04,275
With the promise of
beer, harmony was restored.
275
00:13:04,411 --> 00:13:06,126
So this should line up.
276
00:13:06,642 --> 00:13:07,931
It does.
277
00:13:08,019 --> 00:13:12,751
So we've got two different
lengths, three different lengths...
278
00:13:13,082 --> 00:13:15,337
Let's move it
and then go forwards.
279
00:13:15,571 --> 00:13:18,306
Wait. Move forwards.
280
00:13:18,671 --> 00:13:20,247
Hang on. There's
a cable or something.
281
00:13:20,334 --> 00:13:22,142
That's the axle breather.
282
00:13:23,326 --> 00:13:25,301
Just move it
and then go forwards.
283
00:13:30,615 --> 00:13:32,368
Er...
284
00:13:32,791 --> 00:13:34,504
- What are you looking for?
- What are you doing?
285
00:13:34,591 --> 00:13:38,205
I've searched everywhere.
They haven't sent any beer.
286
00:13:38,647 --> 00:13:42,862
Or gin or wine
or alcohol of any sort.
287
00:13:43,151 --> 00:13:45,359
Is that serious
or is that a joke?
288
00:13:45,447 --> 00:13:47,256
No, it's serious.
289
00:13:50,991 --> 00:13:53,492
- Seriously there isn't any?
- No beer.
290
00:13:53,580 --> 00:13:55,426
No alcohol, nothing.
291
00:13:55,511 --> 00:13:57,509
And it's seven days away?
292
00:13:57,597 --> 00:14:01,697
- We've got... It takes seven...
- And it's six o'clock.
293
00:14:01,785 --> 00:14:04,360
How long is it gonna
take you to build this?
294
00:14:04,531 --> 00:14:06,586
It's now five past six.
295
00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:08,606
Well, we're not going to be
finished tonight, are we?
296
00:14:08,691 --> 00:14:10,392
We're not gonna
finish it tonight.
297
00:14:12,207 --> 00:14:16,517
Spurred on by the
catastrophic alcohol situation...
298
00:14:16,605 --> 00:14:18,700
Bulkhead support.
Bulkhead support!
299
00:14:18,788 --> 00:14:22,163
...Hammond and I
put in a big shift.
300
00:14:22,391 --> 00:14:25,326
And then, tired and hungry,
we went to the camp
301
00:14:25,411 --> 00:14:28,986
for some more of Mr De Niro's
gourmet catering.
302
00:14:29,150 --> 00:14:31,006
Right, now, what do you
want for supper?
303
00:14:31,091 --> 00:14:32,190
What have you got?
304
00:14:32,278 --> 00:14:35,486
You can have hot chocolate
drink, regular flavour.
305
00:14:35,571 --> 00:14:39,006
- For dinner?
- Well, biscuits, fruit?
306
00:14:39,091 --> 00:14:40,746
Again, for dinner?
307
00:14:40,831 --> 00:14:42,186
I didn't provide this.
308
00:14:42,271 --> 00:14:44,326
Well, there's some sort of
curry-based things here.
309
00:14:44,411 --> 00:14:46,666
- Do you want those?
- I don't like curry.
310
00:14:46,751 --> 00:14:48,146
- You do like curry.
- Not really.
311
00:14:48,234 --> 00:14:49,726
You're just being obtuse,
Hammond.
312
00:14:49,811 --> 00:14:52,334
You're in a bad temper
because you're not drunk.
313
00:14:59,111 --> 00:15:01,206
I'm not sure this is how
you're supposed to cook it.
314
00:15:01,291 --> 00:15:04,026
It isn't. You put them in boiling
water but I couldn't be bothered.
315
00:15:04,111 --> 00:15:06,866
Well, why didn't you rig up a way
of putting that pan over the fire?
316
00:15:06,951 --> 00:15:08,629
- Well, you...
- With some water in it, then...
317
00:15:08,716 --> 00:15:10,686
Who built the wigwam fire?
You did.
318
00:15:10,771 --> 00:15:14,326
Well, why didn't you make
a hangy thing for the pan?
319
00:15:14,411 --> 00:15:16,046
Out of what, mountains?
320
00:15:16,131 --> 00:15:17,911
Just...
321
00:15:20,111 --> 00:15:22,824
Eugh, God.
322
00:15:22,911 --> 00:15:26,146
- It's still freezing.
- I know.
323
00:15:26,231 --> 00:15:28,926
Not only
was dinner cold and terrible,
324
00:15:29,011 --> 00:15:31,336
it was also rather boring.
325
00:15:34,191 --> 00:15:37,426
What do people talk about
when they don't drink?
326
00:15:37,511 --> 00:15:39,086
I don't know actually.
327
00:15:39,171 --> 00:15:40,686
It's a good point.
328
00:15:40,771 --> 00:15:42,904
Brexit?
329
00:15:42,991 --> 00:15:45,666
We've worked together
now for many years.
330
00:15:45,751 --> 00:15:48,259
And we've never struggled to
think of anything to say before.
331
00:15:48,462 --> 00:15:51,640
But I think that's partly because we can
never remember what we said last time.
332
00:15:51,728 --> 00:15:54,346
- So we just do it again.
- Yeah, that's a fact, that.
333
00:15:54,431 --> 00:15:56,025
What, you're saying
we've just been repeating
334
00:15:56,112 --> 00:15:57,530
ourselves every night
335
00:15:57,618 --> 00:15:59,496
- for the last...
- Yes, that's possible.
336
00:16:08,191 --> 00:16:09,966
Because
we hadn't had any booze,
337
00:16:10,051 --> 00:16:13,976
we woke the next morning
looking ten years younger.
338
00:16:22,031 --> 00:16:24,266
Ready? Oh, down a bit.
339
00:16:24,351 --> 00:16:28,066
Hammond and May
then went off to work.
340
00:16:28,151 --> 00:16:31,326
- This is the canopy fixing kit.
- That's the one.
341
00:16:31,411 --> 00:16:34,526
And later, I turned up
with a hearty breakfast.
342
00:16:34,611 --> 00:16:36,231
Of water.
343
00:16:40,431 --> 00:16:42,319
Can I just say, what
you've built here
344
00:16:42,407 --> 00:16:44,124
appears to have a
central driving position.
345
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:45,246
- It does.
- Yes.
346
00:16:45,331 --> 00:16:47,426
- It's mid-engined.
- Yes.
347
00:16:47,511 --> 00:16:49,227
- It's a McLaren F1.
- It's a McLaren...
348
00:16:49,315 --> 00:16:50,206
Except it's four-wheel-drive.
349
00:16:50,291 --> 00:16:52,366
So it has a sort of
Lamborghini quality.
350
00:16:52,451 --> 00:16:55,006
I mean, when we get
the bodywork on it...
351
00:16:55,091 --> 00:16:57,186
- Ah.
- Yeah, that's a good point.
352
00:16:57,271 --> 00:16:59,166
There isn't any bodywork
as such.
353
00:16:59,251 --> 00:17:02,386
No. The plan is for us
to improvise bodywork
354
00:17:02,471 --> 00:17:05,066
out of the wood that
came in the crates.
355
00:17:05,151 --> 00:17:06,666
That's the only thing
there is to use.
356
00:17:06,751 --> 00:17:09,046
- What, turn the crates into a body?
- That's all we've got.
357
00:17:09,131 --> 00:17:11,906
- Yeah.
- Red, white and blue?
358
00:17:11,991 --> 00:17:15,166
Don't say red and white
because they remind me of wine.
359
00:17:15,251 --> 00:17:17,646
No, red, white...
Pink is wine.
360
00:17:17,731 --> 00:17:19,986
Drink is clear. It's gin.
361
00:17:20,071 --> 00:17:22,386
It's good for you.
It's healthy.
362
00:17:22,471 --> 00:17:25,136
- Yeah, it's done you a lot of good.
- A natural product.
363
00:17:26,871 --> 00:17:30,336
James and Richard then cracked
on with the oily stuff.
364
00:17:30,991 --> 00:17:32,984
Yes.
365
00:17:33,071 --> 00:17:35,846
And, since it didn't require
any actual skill,
366
00:17:35,931 --> 00:17:38,536
I was allowed to
help make the body.
367
00:17:42,873 --> 00:17:44,520
I have made a door!
368
00:17:44,608 --> 00:17:46,926
You have. That is a door.
Brilliant.
369
00:17:47,011 --> 00:17:49,976
I am a manufacturer of doors!
370
00:17:51,311 --> 00:17:53,166
As he set about
making another one...
371
00:17:53,251 --> 00:17:56,286
Give it four or five pumps
and then hold your foot on.
372
00:17:56,371 --> 00:17:57,866
No bubbles. Good.
373
00:17:57,951 --> 00:17:59,806
...Richard and I
were working on the brakes,
374
00:17:59,891 --> 00:18:02,146
the lights and the roof.
375
00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:07,326
Oh, yeah. We just need to gather it up
and tie it off in corners and things.
376
00:18:07,411 --> 00:18:09,146
That'll keep the sun off.
377
00:18:09,231 --> 00:18:10,646
Our plan was to get finished
378
00:18:10,731 --> 00:18:13,896
and get moving
by early afternoon.
379
00:18:15,911 --> 00:18:20,746
But at the end of the day,
the situation was not good.
380
00:18:20,831 --> 00:18:24,306
- So all that wiring has got to
be connected up? - Yeah.
381
00:18:24,391 --> 00:18:26,046
I haven't even got
the back lights on yet.
382
00:18:26,131 --> 00:18:27,866
There's loads of wires.
383
00:18:27,951 --> 00:18:29,996
Well, there's no way we're
gonna get that done tonight.
384
00:18:30,083 --> 00:18:31,126
- No.
- No.
385
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:32,904
Again.
386
00:18:32,991 --> 00:18:36,986
Phil, it said in that letter
from Mr Wilman
387
00:18:37,071 --> 00:18:39,806
that it was hundreds of miles
to this town called Moron.
388
00:18:39,891 --> 00:18:42,146
How many hundreds? Seriously.
389
00:18:42,231 --> 00:18:44,006
To be honest with you,
I haven't got a clue.
390
00:18:44,091 --> 00:18:45,466
So it could be 500?
391
00:18:45,551 --> 00:18:47,006
It... I'd say more than that.
392
00:18:47,091 --> 00:18:48,746
- More?
- What?
393
00:18:48,831 --> 00:18:52,526
How much of it is on, like, paved
roads where we can make progress?
394
00:18:52,611 --> 00:18:55,146
- None. None of it.
- None?
395
00:18:55,231 --> 00:18:56,786
- There's no roads?
- No.
396
00:18:56,871 --> 00:18:58,506
But you've got
an off-road vehicle.
397
00:18:58,591 --> 00:18:59,926
Yes, I know.
But we've only got...
398
00:19:00,011 --> 00:19:02,068
What is it? ...five
days of provisions left.
399
00:19:02,156 --> 00:19:02,885
Yeah.
400
00:19:02,973 --> 00:19:04,606
And that's if we can
get it going tomorrow.
401
00:19:04,691 --> 00:19:08,105
We'll have to do... at
least 100 miles a day...
402
00:19:08,193 --> 00:19:08,918
Yeah.
403
00:19:09,006 --> 00:19:10,998
- ...off road in that...
- Yeah.
404
00:19:11,092 --> 00:19:12,986
...or we'll starve to death.
405
00:19:13,071 --> 00:19:16,166
Well, that's if it's 500 miles.
What if it's 600 miles?
406
00:19:16,251 --> 00:19:18,906
- We'll have to do more.
- We don't know.
407
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:23,886
All we did know was that we'd have
yet another night in Mr De Niro's hotel,
408
00:19:23,971 --> 00:19:27,096
using up yet more
valuable rations.
409
00:19:38,231 --> 00:19:41,006
So that's the main fuse. That
comes off the battery, doesn't it?
410
00:19:41,091 --> 00:19:44,386
The next morning we rose
at five to finish the job.
411
00:19:44,471 --> 00:19:46,466
There's technical stuff
in there.
412
00:19:46,551 --> 00:19:49,846
And then, having built two
boots for all our provisions...
413
00:19:49,931 --> 00:19:51,906
Nothing is to be wasted.
414
00:19:51,991 --> 00:19:53,606
Everything is to be taken.
415
00:19:53,691 --> 00:19:57,216
...our car
was finally finished.
416
00:20:11,071 --> 00:20:14,246
And since our lives
depended on not crashing,
417
00:20:14,331 --> 00:20:20,336
Jeremy and I secretly agreed that Hammond
should never be allowed to drive it.
418
00:20:22,151 --> 00:20:25,526
- Right, this is it.
- Here we go.
419
00:20:27,711 --> 00:20:29,626
Yes!
420
00:20:29,711 --> 00:20:31,326
Oh, my God, it works!
421
00:20:31,411 --> 00:20:34,406
- Good, OK, right...
- Oh, James, important thing.
422
00:20:34,491 --> 00:20:38,746
In Mongolia, when you start on a
journey, you have to turn right.
423
00:20:38,831 --> 00:20:40,466
- What?
- Is that true? -Yes, that is true.
424
00:20:40,551 --> 00:20:42,086
- Is that a thing?
- It is genuinely a thing.
425
00:20:42,171 --> 00:20:44,646
- What, every time?
- Every time that you begin a journey
426
00:20:44,731 --> 00:20:46,726
- you go right.
- Right, here we go.
427
00:20:46,811 --> 00:20:49,306
This is it.
428
00:20:49,391 --> 00:20:52,146
- Right, James!
- Right, right, right!
429
00:20:52,231 --> 00:20:54,616
- Right.
- That's a rut or something.
430
00:20:55,911 --> 00:20:58,626
James, you're going left.
431
00:20:58,711 --> 00:21:00,626
Hang on, the wheels are...
432
00:21:00,711 --> 00:21:02,566
- Hey?
- Just turn it... OK, go left.
433
00:21:02,651 --> 00:21:04,386
And now set off.
434
00:21:04,471 --> 00:21:07,586
The steering's back to front, Hammond.
How have we done that?
435
00:21:07,671 --> 00:21:09,646
- What do you mean it's back to front?
- Look, I'm turning left.
436
00:21:09,731 --> 00:21:11,866
No, you're not,
you're just going straight.
437
00:21:11,951 --> 00:21:13,040
Turn it the other way, then.
438
00:21:13,127 --> 00:21:14,844
If I turn it the other
way, that's straight.
439
00:21:14,931 --> 00:21:18,086
And now I'm turning right and it's
going left. So I need to keep...
440
00:21:18,171 --> 00:21:20,626
What have you two been
doing for the last two days?
441
00:21:20,711 --> 00:21:23,406
We put the hydraulic pipes on the
wrong way round for the steering.
442
00:21:23,491 --> 00:21:24,491
Yes.
443
00:21:26,231 --> 00:21:29,926
Having fixed this
minor issue, we set off.
444
00:21:30,011 --> 00:21:31,071
Again.
445
00:21:34,911 --> 00:21:37,656
Ha-ha! It works!
We're going along!
446
00:21:41,231 --> 00:21:43,616
Our car is great.
447
00:21:45,311 --> 00:21:46,626
The ride is good.
448
00:21:46,711 --> 00:21:49,096
- It's not bad, is it?
- It's genuinely brilliant.
449
00:21:51,311 --> 00:21:55,146
- Can we have a mild brake test?
- Yeah, OK, here we go.
450
00:21:55,231 --> 00:21:58,246
- Whoa! Come on!
- Like it? They're pretty good, actually.
451
00:21:58,331 --> 00:22:01,506
Well, whoever bled those,
well done. Good job.
452
00:22:01,591 --> 00:22:03,246
- That was you, wasn't it?
- No.
453
00:22:03,331 --> 00:22:06,286
But the doors I can claim.
454
00:22:06,371 --> 00:22:08,976
And the number plates.
455
00:22:12,031 --> 00:22:15,246
We had no idea
how far it was to Moron
456
00:22:15,331 --> 00:22:18,096
and no real idea
of how to get there.
457
00:22:18,751 --> 00:22:21,466
But Mr Wilman's stupid map
458
00:22:21,551 --> 00:22:24,006
said we should head
first of all
459
00:22:24,091 --> 00:22:26,176
to the Sandy Pit.
460
00:22:28,951 --> 00:22:30,630
Right, you see
between those two...
461
00:22:30,718 --> 00:22:32,246
- mountain valley?
- Yeah.
462
00:22:32,396 --> 00:22:34,176
Stick to the valley floor.
463
00:22:36,951 --> 00:22:39,446
As we trundled along,
it soon became obvious
464
00:22:39,531 --> 00:22:42,446
that if Jeremy had been asked
questions about Mongolia
465
00:22:42,531 --> 00:22:45,106
on Who Wants To Be
A Millionaire?
466
00:22:45,191 --> 00:22:46,926
He might have got
some of them right.
467
00:22:47,011 --> 00:22:48,686
- Sheeps.
- Sheepses.
468
00:22:48,771 --> 00:22:52,146
Oh, do you know how they
kill sheep in Mongolia?
469
00:22:52,231 --> 00:22:53,486
- No.
- Would you like to know?
470
00:22:53,571 --> 00:22:55,246
- Your door's come open.
- Yes.
471
00:22:55,331 --> 00:22:58,646
- So they make a snick in its neck, yes...
- Yes.
472
00:22:58,731 --> 00:23:01,546
...put their hand
in through the snick,
473
00:23:01,631 --> 00:23:05,906
grab the aorta on the heart and
squeeze it till the animal dies.
474
00:23:05,991 --> 00:23:08,446
Apparently it makes
the sheep feel quite sleepy.
475
00:23:08,531 --> 00:23:10,986
- Sleepy?
- I'm not sure,
476
00:23:11,071 --> 00:23:14,846
if somebody made a hole in my neck and
put their hand in and squeezed my heart
477
00:23:14,931 --> 00:23:17,816
- I'd say I'm feeling sleepy.
- No.
478
00:23:22,991 --> 00:23:24,606
Wow, look! Cows.
479
00:23:24,691 --> 00:23:26,826
Or yakky things.
480
00:23:26,911 --> 00:23:31,486
Did you know, Hammond, that you can
make vodka from the milk of a yak?
481
00:23:31,571 --> 00:23:32,966
How do I milk a yak?
482
00:23:38,551 --> 00:23:42,536
Eventually, we started
to climb off the valley floor.
483
00:23:45,151 --> 00:23:47,366
How fast do you
suppose we're going?
484
00:23:47,451 --> 00:23:49,746
- No idea.
- 20mph?
485
00:23:49,831 --> 00:23:52,086
This old engine was the one where
it would get bogged down off-road
486
00:23:52,171 --> 00:23:53,826
because of the turbo,
wasn't it?
487
00:23:53,911 --> 00:23:55,006
This is the one that
people complained about
488
00:23:55,091 --> 00:23:56,906
when they put it in
the Defender.
489
00:23:56,991 --> 00:23:59,486
So we're not talking about a
blitz of power, then, from it?
490
00:23:59,571 --> 00:24:03,016
No, but they're bloody long-lived...
They're really tough engines.
491
00:24:05,391 --> 00:24:07,486
- Oh, oh, oh!
- Wait a minute.
492
00:24:07,571 --> 00:24:09,776
- Wow!
- Oh, my God!
493
00:24:11,351 --> 00:24:13,696
Oh, look at that!
494
00:24:14,711 --> 00:24:16,366
That's the sandy bit.
495
00:24:16,451 --> 00:24:20,026
That's massive.
496
00:24:20,111 --> 00:24:25,016
In fact, it was just a small
detached bit of the Gobi Desert.
497
00:24:26,591 --> 00:24:29,286
But even so, it would
be the first real test
498
00:24:29,371 --> 00:24:33,416
for our hastily built
homemade car.
499
00:24:35,351 --> 00:24:37,606
Oh, right, there is a river.
500
00:24:37,691 --> 00:24:39,266
I see it.
501
00:24:39,351 --> 00:24:41,646
I think we want to
get out where that horse is.
502
00:24:41,731 --> 00:24:43,826
- The horse is...
- Literally having a piss.
503
00:24:43,911 --> 00:24:46,206
That's milk, though, coming
out of it. How's that happened?
504
00:24:46,291 --> 00:24:47,686
No, it's wee.
505
00:24:47,771 --> 00:24:49,906
Yeah, you're good.
506
00:24:49,991 --> 00:24:52,126
Right, up you go.
507
00:24:52,211 --> 00:24:54,306
There it is.
508
00:24:54,391 --> 00:24:56,736
Having reached
the edge of the sand...
509
00:24:59,151 --> 00:25:01,866
...it was time
to prepare for entry.
510
00:25:01,951 --> 00:25:03,766
Right, hang on,
let me just get my compass.
511
00:25:03,851 --> 00:25:06,216
This is where we are
gonna need it.
512
00:25:07,151 --> 00:25:08,966
So I put the N on the N,
don't I?
513
00:25:09,051 --> 00:25:11,256
And then you're looking
for Northeast.
514
00:25:12,311 --> 00:25:15,346
- So that way.
- Yeah.
515
00:25:15,431 --> 00:25:18,046
The car had
a low-range gearbox.
516
00:25:18,131 --> 00:25:20,466
But as its engine
was a bit gutless,
517
00:25:20,551 --> 00:25:22,846
Hammond and I got out
to reduce weight
518
00:25:22,931 --> 00:25:26,766
and set off to climb
the first dune on foot.
519
00:25:26,851 --> 00:25:29,926
Oh, Hammond. Beer.
520
00:25:30,011 --> 00:25:31,864
Agh!
521
00:25:31,951 --> 00:25:34,936
But, boy,
was it worth the effort!
522
00:25:39,551 --> 00:25:42,026
Oh, ho-ho-ho.
523
00:25:42,111 --> 00:25:44,746
Oh, holy mother of...
524
00:25:44,831 --> 00:25:48,933
That's beautiful.
I didn't expect this.
525
00:25:49,021 --> 00:25:51,786
Well,
it's a lost world, look.
526
00:25:52,893 --> 00:25:54,486
As we admired the view,
527
00:25:54,571 --> 00:25:56,686
the world's
best off-road driver
528
00:25:56,771 --> 00:25:59,136
was beginning his ascent.
529
00:26:01,231 --> 00:26:03,544
Bollocks!
530
00:26:03,631 --> 00:26:06,469
Be a shame if he misses this
view because of his incompetence.
531
00:26:06,557 --> 00:26:07,047
Yeah.
532
00:26:07,140 --> 00:26:08,364
Because we've already
proved the car works.
533
00:26:08,451 --> 00:26:11,216
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not the car.
He's just messing about.
534
00:26:16,031 --> 00:26:17,071
Ohh!
535
00:26:19,671 --> 00:26:23,006
Hammond then went off
to find a route James could use,
536
00:26:23,091 --> 00:26:28,096
leaving me to contemplate the
majesty of my surroundings.
537
00:26:29,631 --> 00:26:33,786
They say this is
the dark heart of Asia.
538
00:26:33,871 --> 00:26:36,366
Perhaps that's
why no-one comes.
539
00:26:36,451 --> 00:26:38,776
But, I mean, look.
540
00:26:40,831 --> 00:26:42,966
And the other thing is,
Genghis Khan
541
00:26:43,051 --> 00:26:47,826
created in just 20 years the biggest
empire the world has ever seen.
542
00:26:47,911 --> 00:26:50,496
Why? It's not like
he was cramped here.
543
00:26:54,191 --> 00:26:56,446
I don't really
want to go to a town.
544
00:26:56,531 --> 00:26:59,186
- Oh, oh!
- **** me!
545
00:26:59,271 --> 00:27:00,786
Said the cameraman.
546
00:27:00,871 --> 00:27:02,886
We really are good at wildlife
photography, aren't we?
547
00:27:02,971 --> 00:27:06,746
"Ooh, **** me!"
548
00:27:06,831 --> 00:27:08,726
Right, here we come!
549
00:27:08,811 --> 00:27:13,266
With Hammond's help,
James finally got up the dune.
550
00:27:13,351 --> 00:27:15,606
Yes, come on!
Come on, come on, come on.
551
00:27:15,691 --> 00:27:17,966
Keep going, keep moving.
Mind that dip.
552
00:27:18,051 --> 00:27:21,144
Oh, yes!
553
00:27:21,231 --> 00:27:25,656
But from then on the going
got tougher and tougher.
554
00:27:27,111 --> 00:27:29,456
Come on.
555
00:27:30,752 --> 00:27:31,635
Yeah, OK.
556
00:27:31,723 --> 00:27:33,212
That's what I meant,
that's what I meant.
557
00:27:33,299 --> 00:27:35,656
Right, digging.
558
00:27:38,711 --> 00:27:39,751
Yes!
559
00:27:41,191 --> 00:27:43,096
Try it up that way.
560
00:27:44,271 --> 00:27:47,456
- James, back it up.
- Agh.
561
00:27:57,951 --> 00:27:59,936
Whoa, not again!
562
00:28:06,431 --> 00:28:08,726
- It's gonna go.
- Yes!
563
00:28:08,811 --> 00:28:13,026
That worked!
564
00:28:13,111 --> 00:28:17,006
Eventually, after a lot of
digging and zigging and zagging,
565
00:28:17,091 --> 00:28:20,386
we reached some firmer sand.
566
00:28:20,471 --> 00:28:23,506
Oh, we are
making progress now.
567
00:28:23,591 --> 00:28:25,126
- Oh, yes.
- Straight on a bit.
568
00:28:25,211 --> 00:28:27,166
- Greenery!
- Yes, there it is!
569
00:28:27,251 --> 00:28:29,536
Salvation!
570
00:28:30,191 --> 00:28:32,786
- Ohh!
- Bumpy.
571
00:28:32,871 --> 00:28:34,206
Hold on, stop, stop, stop.
572
00:28:34,291 --> 00:28:36,286
Stop. I see a problem.
573
00:28:38,231 --> 00:28:42,106
Right, so between us
and our quest is...
574
00:28:42,191 --> 00:28:44,056
- A big drop.
- A cliff.
575
00:28:47,071 --> 00:28:48,706
No, it's fine actually,
James.
576
00:28:48,791 --> 00:28:50,026
Is it?
Yeah, it's fine. It's...
577
00:28:50,111 --> 00:28:51,366
Yeah, you're good.
It's like that.
578
00:28:51,451 --> 00:28:54,346
- Good.
- It's pretty much level-ish.
579
00:28:54,431 --> 00:28:56,776
Yeah, you'll be fine.
Off you go.
580
00:28:58,951 --> 00:29:00,286
Oh, you're funny men!
581
00:29:00,371 --> 00:29:02,946
Oh, you're very funny!
582
00:29:03,031 --> 00:29:06,006
Having crossed
the sandy bit,
583
00:29:06,091 --> 00:29:09,416
we paused for
a moment of celebration.
584
00:29:12,191 --> 00:29:15,006
So, there we are.
The first successful crossing
585
00:29:15,091 --> 00:29:17,006
of the mighty Gobi Desert,
586
00:29:17,091 --> 00:29:19,546
or some of it, in that car.
587
00:29:19,631 --> 00:29:21,496
No, hang on a minute.
588
00:29:22,271 --> 00:29:23,864
What?
589
00:29:23,951 --> 00:29:26,734
What's troubling me is you see
that little bit of river there?
590
00:29:26,822 --> 00:29:27,742
Yes.
591
00:29:27,830 --> 00:29:30,766
That's the river we crossed
to get into the Gobi Desert.
592
00:29:30,851 --> 00:29:34,306
And we've emerged
300 metres away
593
00:29:34,391 --> 00:29:37,526
from the stream where
we went into the desert.
594
00:29:37,611 --> 00:29:39,946
James,
I've got some bad news.
595
00:29:40,031 --> 00:29:42,776
We are still south
of the Gobi Desert.
596
00:29:45,671 --> 00:29:46,711
Oh...
597
00:29:49,311 --> 00:29:51,966
Rather than try
to drive through it again,
598
00:29:52,051 --> 00:29:56,626
we decided to bravely
drive round it instead.
599
00:29:56,711 --> 00:30:01,286
Right, now, let's just gloss over the
fact that we made a catastrophic error,
600
00:30:01,371 --> 00:30:04,346
and ended up
back where we started from...
601
00:30:04,431 --> 00:30:06,366
Just go round to... We're
going round the east, Hammond.
602
00:30:06,451 --> 00:30:07,451
Yes.
603
00:30:11,151 --> 00:30:14,346
Do you think this
passes for a road in Mongolia?
604
00:30:14,431 --> 00:30:15,886
I suspect this is a road,
yes.
605
00:30:15,971 --> 00:30:17,186
I should think... Yeah.
606
00:30:17,271 --> 00:30:18,946
Cos do you know
how many paved roads
607
00:30:19,031 --> 00:30:20,166
there are in
the whole country?
608
00:30:20,251 --> 00:30:22,826
- Go on.
- Two.
609
00:30:22,911 --> 00:30:25,646
- There's not two paved roads.
- Outside of the cities,
610
00:30:25,731 --> 00:30:28,056
there are only
two paved roads.
611
00:30:28,751 --> 00:30:30,506
Whoa, bumpy.
612
00:30:32,531 --> 00:30:34,816
- James!
- Bumps!
613
00:30:36,751 --> 00:30:39,006
One of the things
I'm worried about is
614
00:30:39,091 --> 00:30:40,906
haemorrhoids
from these seats.
615
00:30:40,991 --> 00:30:42,626
It's a very real possibility.
616
00:30:42,711 --> 00:30:44,446
You can get haemorrhoids
from hard seats?
617
00:30:44,531 --> 00:30:46,266
Yeah. Bounc... Jiggling.
618
00:30:46,351 --> 00:30:48,646
However, there is
a Mongolian cure for them.
619
00:30:50,551 --> 00:30:52,506
Kill a wolf,
620
00:30:52,591 --> 00:30:54,346
remove its anus
621
00:30:54,431 --> 00:30:56,896
and then grate it
onto your food.
622
00:30:58,111 --> 00:30:59,146
I don't fanc...
623
00:30:59,231 --> 00:31:00,786
- Really?
- No, seriously.
624
00:31:00,871 --> 00:31:03,726
Because they reckon that
wolves never get piles.
625
00:31:03,811 --> 00:31:05,266
So they reckon...
626
00:31:05,351 --> 00:31:08,006
What, on the basis that no wolf
has ever said, "Ooh, my piles"?
627
00:31:08,091 --> 00:31:10,416
"Ooh, my Chalfonts."
628
00:31:11,951 --> 00:31:14,306
Bump! Ooh.
629
00:31:14,391 --> 00:31:16,326
As Jeremy
continued to amaze us
630
00:31:16,411 --> 00:31:19,286
with his interesting facts
about Mongolia...
631
00:31:19,371 --> 00:31:23,106
I do know that one of
Genghis Khan's cavalrymen
632
00:31:23,191 --> 00:31:25,686
could shoot an arrow
through a marmot's head
633
00:31:25,771 --> 00:31:29,746
from 250 feet away
while galloping.
634
00:31:29,831 --> 00:31:32,226
...it started to go dark.
635
00:31:32,311 --> 00:31:36,706
But because we'd covered so
few miles, we had to plough on.
636
00:31:36,791 --> 00:31:39,486
What the temperature is doing
is plummeting.
637
00:31:39,571 --> 00:31:41,146
Where's the heater?
638
00:31:41,231 --> 00:31:43,386
- Ah. There isn't one.
- Yes.
639
00:31:43,471 --> 00:31:46,646
- Look, come on.
- You can thank Mr Wilman for that one.
640
00:31:46,731 --> 00:31:48,546
Bump!
641
00:31:48,631 --> 00:31:50,026
Oh-ha!
642
00:31:50,111 --> 00:31:53,346
Soon we couldn't
see where we were going.
643
00:31:53,431 --> 00:31:56,846
- Ready for some lights?
- Yeah, does this thing... Might be that.
644
00:31:56,931 --> 00:31:59,906
Lights! There they are!
645
00:31:59,991 --> 00:32:02,206
- Hello. We've died.
- We have died.
646
00:32:02,291 --> 00:32:04,046
- Problem.
- Don't panic.
647
00:32:04,131 --> 00:32:06,586
Don't panic. Handbrake,
please, Mr Hammond.
648
00:32:06,671 --> 00:32:08,526
No, we've completely
lost the electrics.
649
00:32:08,611 --> 00:32:10,206
So we turned the lights on
and...
650
00:32:10,291 --> 00:32:12,946
That's what's...
It's fried a fuse, maybe.
651
00:32:13,031 --> 00:32:15,046
The main fuse
had indeed blown.
652
00:32:15,131 --> 00:32:16,326
So we replaced it
653
00:32:16,411 --> 00:32:19,006
and with the roof lights
turned off,
654
00:32:19,091 --> 00:32:24,216
resumed our headlong plunge
into the cold unknown.
655
00:32:37,271 --> 00:32:39,616
- Let's sing a song!
- No.
656
00:32:40,871 --> 00:32:42,646
Desperate
to cover more ground,
657
00:32:42,731 --> 00:32:46,096
we didn't pitch the tents
till 1am.
658
00:32:49,671 --> 00:32:54,106
And then after another cold
night of frost-hardened misery,
659
00:32:54,191 --> 00:32:57,606
we wondered how we could make
our car more comfortable.
660
00:32:57,691 --> 00:32:59,926
- Are you stiff?
- Oh, God, yeah.
661
00:33:00,011 --> 00:33:03,626
My neck and back,
like, legs, everything.
662
00:33:03,711 --> 00:33:07,206
Yeah, well, we're gonna... I think
we're gonnna make extra lumber support
663
00:33:07,291 --> 00:33:09,866
with our rolled up
air mattress things.
664
00:33:09,951 --> 00:33:11,446
And I would suggest from
my experiences yesterday
665
00:33:11,531 --> 00:33:13,206
we use a bit of
the spare leftover foam
666
00:33:13,291 --> 00:33:15,966
and double the thickness
of the arse portion.
667
00:33:16,051 --> 00:33:18,686
I tell you what
I thought of in the night.
668
00:33:18,771 --> 00:33:21,966
- Yes?
- We should give our vehicle a name.
669
00:33:22,051 --> 00:33:25,986
I thought about that. I came
up with Genghis Car.
670
00:33:26,071 --> 00:33:27,526
That's really good!
671
00:33:27,611 --> 00:33:30,366
- It's not bad, is it?
- The only slight problem with it is.
672
00:33:30,451 --> 00:33:33,186
Genghis was
quite a big murderer.
673
00:33:33,271 --> 00:33:34,886
- He was quite murdery.
- I suppose he was murdery.
674
00:33:34,971 --> 00:33:36,586
He did 34 million.
675
00:33:36,671 --> 00:33:38,286
Let's not name it
after him, then.
676
00:33:38,371 --> 00:33:40,546
There's another
problem as well.
677
00:33:40,631 --> 00:33:43,106
- He was quite rapey.
- He was very rapey.
678
00:33:43,191 --> 00:33:45,046
- The rapiest man ever to have lived.
- Yeah, he was.
679
00:33:45,131 --> 00:33:47,246
Do you know,
and this is not made up,
680
00:33:47,331 --> 00:33:51,426
one in every 200 people
alive today
681
00:33:51,511 --> 00:33:55,026
can trace their ancestry
back to Genghis Khan
682
00:33:55,111 --> 00:33:56,746
or the seed of Genghis Khan.
683
00:33:56,831 --> 00:33:59,166
So how did he have time
to do any warring?
684
00:33:59,251 --> 00:34:04,706
Well, he must have just been
a skin full of sperm.
685
00:34:04,791 --> 00:34:07,646
As work on
the modifications progressed,
686
00:34:07,731 --> 00:34:09,926
I came up with a name
we liked.
687
00:34:10,011 --> 00:34:13,946
- John.
- John's a good solid name. I like it.
688
00:34:14,031 --> 00:34:15,486
It's honest.
It's unpretentious.
689
00:34:15,571 --> 00:34:17,766
- Dependable people are called John.
- Yes.
690
00:34:17,851 --> 00:34:20,986
- John Lewis.
- That is a dependable shop.
691
00:34:21,071 --> 00:34:23,616
- Isn't it?
- Yeah, exactly, because it's called John.
692
00:34:24,351 --> 00:34:26,006
With the comfort mods
complete
693
00:34:26,091 --> 00:34:28,536
and John duly christened...
694
00:34:30,111 --> 00:34:33,496
...we set off in search of
our next waypoint:
695
00:34:34,671 --> 00:34:36,976
the Watery Part.
696
00:34:38,111 --> 00:34:41,216
However,
Hammond was not happy.
697
00:34:42,591 --> 00:34:45,386
Why are you driving?
698
00:34:45,471 --> 00:34:46,766
Well, you drove yesterday.
699
00:34:46,851 --> 00:34:48,626
No, I didn't.
700
00:34:48,711 --> 00:34:51,666
- You did drive yesterday.
- I didn't.
701
00:34:51,751 --> 00:34:53,206
He can't remember anything,
can he?
702
00:34:53,291 --> 00:34:54,886
His memory...
Your memory, Hammond,
703
00:34:54,971 --> 00:34:56,606
is just getting appalling.
704
00:34:56,691 --> 00:34:59,856
I didn't drive.
I still haven't driven it.
705
00:35:00,671 --> 00:35:02,406
To try and distract Hammond,
706
00:35:02,491 --> 00:35:06,166
I came up with some more of
my special Mongol trivia.
707
00:35:06,251 --> 00:35:08,486
Back in the 13th Century,
708
00:35:08,571 --> 00:35:10,506
Khan, Genghis,
709
00:35:10,591 --> 00:35:12,386
could get messages, OK,
710
00:35:12,471 --> 00:35:16,446
from one side of his empire
to the other in four days.
711
00:35:16,531 --> 00:35:20,306
They could do 250 miles
a day. One rider.
712
00:35:20,391 --> 00:35:21,886
- What, relay horses?
- One rider. Yeah.
713
00:35:21,971 --> 00:35:25,186
You'd ride, galloping,
flat out, 25 miles.
714
00:35:25,271 --> 00:35:26,426
When you were a mile out
715
00:35:26,511 --> 00:35:28,126
from the horse station
you were approaching,
716
00:35:28,211 --> 00:35:29,746
you sounded your horn.
717
00:35:29,831 --> 00:35:31,186
They had a horse ready.
718
00:35:31,271 --> 00:35:32,766
You leapt onto it
without getting...
719
00:35:32,851 --> 00:35:34,486
just from one horse
to the other,
720
00:35:34,571 --> 00:35:35,926
and then carried on
721
00:35:36,011 --> 00:35:38,986
and he could do
250 miles a day.
722
00:35:39,071 --> 00:35:42,686
- So how many horses did he have?
- Across the empire?
723
00:35:42,771 --> 00:35:45,096
- Yeah.
- 30 million.
724
00:35:46,991 --> 00:35:50,486
To keep Hammond's tiny
mind from thinking about driving,
725
00:35:50,571 --> 00:35:52,886
we put him in charge
of navigation.
726
00:35:52,971 --> 00:35:56,136
And weirdly,
he was rather good at it.
727
00:35:57,471 --> 00:36:00,666
So we've got these two
mountain ranges...
728
00:36:00,751 --> 00:36:03,726
and we go left and the watery
bit will be over there.
729
00:36:03,811 --> 00:36:06,776
And guess what?
He was right.
730
00:36:08,911 --> 00:36:13,296
It turned out to be a river,
which we'd have to cross.
731
00:36:14,431 --> 00:36:16,726
Er... can't really
get out there.
732
00:36:16,811 --> 00:36:18,806
Over there we can get out.
733
00:36:18,891 --> 00:36:21,866
Oh, yes.
Picking my route carefully.
734
00:36:21,951 --> 00:36:25,686
You don't need low-range. You just
need somebody with skill and precision.
735
00:36:25,771 --> 00:36:26,791
Whoa!
736
00:36:29,831 --> 00:36:31,426
Agh!
737
00:36:31,511 --> 00:36:33,666
- That went wrong!
- Jeez!
738
00:36:33,751 --> 00:36:35,766
Why would you do that to us?
739
00:36:35,851 --> 00:36:41,426
Oh, the rest of the day's gonna
be bloody miserable! You muppet!
740
00:36:41,526 --> 00:36:44,391
To make sure
it wasn't, we built a fire,
741
00:36:45,071 --> 00:36:47,292
dried our shirts,
742
00:36:48,378 --> 00:36:52,496
and then set off once more
into the big nothing.
743
00:37:15,871 --> 00:37:20,706
And after a while, I felt
another Mongolia fact coming on.
744
00:37:20,791 --> 00:37:24,686
It's about the same size as Spain, France,
Germany, the Czech Republic, Italy...
745
00:37:24,771 --> 00:37:27,366
- All rolled in?
-...Britain, Ireland, all rolled in.
746
00:37:27,451 --> 00:37:29,386
And it's empty.
747
00:37:29,471 --> 00:37:33,486
Three million people living in an
area the size of Western Europe.
748
00:37:33,571 --> 00:37:35,936
- Yeah. Staggering.
- Yeah.
749
00:37:37,391 --> 00:37:39,486
With the sun
gently warming us,
750
00:37:39,571 --> 00:37:44,376
we continued onwards in
search of the Twin Lakes.
751
00:37:47,351 --> 00:37:51,246
Until navigator Hammond
suggested we climb a small hill
752
00:37:51,331 --> 00:37:53,656
to get our bearings.
753
00:37:55,031 --> 00:37:58,466
That looks a lot steeper
from here
754
00:37:58,551 --> 00:38:00,646
than it did from back there.
755
00:38:00,731 --> 00:38:02,856
It's a little hill.
756
00:38:03,551 --> 00:38:05,896
Soon, though...
757
00:38:08,191 --> 00:38:09,986
Axle tramping.
758
00:38:10,071 --> 00:38:12,966
- Quite a lot of axle tramping.
- Quite bad.
759
00:38:13,051 --> 00:38:15,186
- Right, stop.
- Yeah.
760
00:38:15,271 --> 00:38:17,805
- I have.
- Right, I think we should get out.
761
00:38:17,893 --> 00:38:18,767
Why should you get out?
762
00:38:18,855 --> 00:38:20,527
I'm the only one who's
driven John up hills
763
00:38:20,615 --> 00:38:21,254
and I'm telling you,
that's too steep.
764
00:38:22,879 --> 00:38:24,271
OK.
765
00:38:28,511 --> 00:38:30,126
- You got it. You got it.
- That's better.
766
00:38:30,211 --> 00:38:31,966
- Yeah!
- Come on, John.
767
00:38:32,051 --> 00:38:33,306
- Wow!
- Come on!
768
00:38:33,391 --> 00:38:36,766
He's hopping up
this hill like a rabbit.
769
00:38:36,851 --> 00:38:39,496
That is a remarkable sight.
770
00:38:43,111 --> 00:38:45,496
What a machine you are, John!
771
00:38:48,231 --> 00:38:50,304
Good.
772
00:38:54,831 --> 00:38:57,166
- Yeah!
- That's amazing.
773
00:38:57,251 --> 00:39:00,946
John, the mountaineer
of many places,
774
00:39:01,031 --> 00:39:03,766
has shaken his own
brake pedal off
775
00:39:03,851 --> 00:39:05,366
but has made it.
776
00:39:05,451 --> 00:39:10,186
That's the first car
ever to pogo up a hill!
777
00:39:10,271 --> 00:39:12,926
Thanks to John's
incredible achievement,
778
00:39:13,011 --> 00:39:16,326
we could now see
what was what.
779
00:39:16,411 --> 00:39:18,666
Nice one, Hammond.
780
00:39:18,751 --> 00:39:21,466
- No lakes.
- Well, we can now rule it out.
781
00:39:21,551 --> 00:39:24,296
We know it's not there.
It must be somewhere else.
782
00:39:25,311 --> 00:39:26,726
- Yeah, it is.
- Exactly.
783
00:39:26,811 --> 00:39:28,846
No, no, I mean, it is.
784
00:39:28,931 --> 00:39:31,466
Exactly. It's there.
785
00:39:31,551 --> 00:39:35,616
And so now we know where
we are in relation to it.
786
00:39:37,431 --> 00:39:38,806
With the Twin Lakes found,
787
00:39:38,891 --> 00:39:42,946
we could plot the next leg
of our journey.
788
00:39:43,031 --> 00:39:44,726
Some Trees
are northeast, look.
789
00:39:44,811 --> 00:39:47,006
And there's
a Bumpy Meadow beyond.
790
00:39:47,091 --> 00:39:49,096
It's definitely northeast.
791
00:39:50,511 --> 00:39:52,726
After a pleasant drive
round the lakes
792
00:39:52,811 --> 00:39:54,706
and past Some Trees,
793
00:39:54,791 --> 00:39:58,426
we eventually arrived
at the Bumpy Meadow.
794
00:39:58,511 --> 00:40:00,326
Which didn't sound too bad.
795
00:40:00,411 --> 00:40:02,966
- However...
- Ow!
796
00:40:03,051 --> 00:40:05,376
Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!
797
00:40:06,991 --> 00:40:08,986
- Ah!
- Bloody hell!
798
00:40:09,071 --> 00:40:11,246
- Oh!
- That's proper bumpy.
799
00:40:11,331 --> 00:40:13,264
Ow!
800
00:40:15,331 --> 00:40:16,826
**** hell!
801
00:40:16,911 --> 00:40:18,366
I can't tell from the map
how long this goes on for
802
00:40:18,451 --> 00:40:20,366
but it looks to be forever.
803
00:40:27,791 --> 00:40:30,106
Smooth bit. Smooth.
804
00:40:30,191 --> 00:40:33,186
Gentlemen, enjoy this moment.
805
00:40:33,271 --> 00:40:35,296
I'm afraid it's over.
806
00:40:35,951 --> 00:40:37,606
- Ohh!
- Ugh!
807
00:40:37,691 --> 00:40:40,386
- Agh!
- Oh!
808
00:40:40,471 --> 00:40:42,126
- Agh!
- Oh, that was huge.
809
00:40:42,211 --> 00:40:43,671
Ow!
810
00:40:49,991 --> 00:40:51,806
Bloody hell!
811
00:40:51,891 --> 00:40:55,016
Oh! Ooh!
812
00:40:56,391 --> 00:40:58,846
That is 35 minutes
of solid this.
813
00:40:58,931 --> 00:41:01,886
- Yeah. Ugh!
- Let it end!
814
00:41:04,311 --> 00:41:05,806
There's the end, look, there.
815
00:41:05,891 --> 00:41:07,766
I know,
but it's 300 yards away.
816
00:41:10,071 --> 00:41:12,186
- Ooh!
- Ooh!
817
00:41:12,271 --> 00:41:14,776
I just dislocated
my pelvis if that's possible.
818
00:41:15,911 --> 00:41:18,256
It's just
snapped back into place.
819
00:41:20,031 --> 00:41:21,346
Oh, God.
820
00:41:30,351 --> 00:41:33,846
This is 500 miles. Let's say we've done...
even if we've done 100...
821
00:41:33,931 --> 00:41:34,984
Yeah.
822
00:41:35,071 --> 00:41:36,646
Which is probably
about right.
823
00:41:36,731 --> 00:41:39,016
Don't think about it.
824
00:41:41,991 --> 00:41:45,046
Oh, 400 more miles of
not sleeping, not drinking
825
00:41:45,131 --> 00:41:47,966
and driving over
that sort of stuff.
826
00:41:48,051 --> 00:41:50,226
God, bloody hell!
827
00:41:50,311 --> 00:41:52,966
I wouldn't even call that a
meadow. It's not a meadow.
828
00:41:53,051 --> 00:41:56,486
I bet it was invented by Genghis
Khan for people he hated.
829
00:41:56,571 --> 00:41:59,346
"You can either
have my solider
830
00:41:59,431 --> 00:42:02,446
put his hand up your anus
and pull your heart out of it
831
00:42:02,531 --> 00:42:04,426
or you can
drive across there."
832
00:42:04,511 --> 00:42:07,496
- Bring on the solider.
- Yeah. It is bring on the solider.
833
00:42:10,311 --> 00:42:15,496
As evening fell, we exchanged
one sort of discomfort for another.
834
00:42:16,551 --> 00:42:18,426
Um... I'm frozen.
835
00:42:18,511 --> 00:42:20,426
- What?
- I'm really cold.
836
00:42:20,511 --> 00:42:22,286
And the wind's
coming this way.
837
00:42:22,371 --> 00:42:24,926
I drive a lot faster
than you did yesterday.
838
00:42:25,011 --> 00:42:27,306
I didn't drive yesterday!
839
00:42:27,391 --> 00:42:29,696
What is the matter with him?
840
00:42:31,191 --> 00:42:33,406
God knows
how many miles later,
841
00:42:33,491 --> 00:42:36,496
we came across
our next landmark.
842
00:42:38,591 --> 00:42:41,736
Oh, and there it is.
That is the Creepy Teepee.
843
00:42:48,711 --> 00:42:50,146
What is it?
844
00:42:50,231 --> 00:42:52,506
It must be for something.
845
00:42:52,591 --> 00:42:55,426
Well, it must mean
something, mustn't it?
846
00:42:55,511 --> 00:42:58,206
The annoying thing is,
normally we'd look it up on Google
847
00:42:58,291 --> 00:43:00,906
and then we'd say,
with learned faces,
848
00:43:00,991 --> 00:43:03,986
we know what this is
and we'd tell the viewer.
849
00:43:04,071 --> 00:43:06,226
Well, what we've
actually got to say now is,
850
00:43:06,311 --> 00:43:08,966
"We haven't got any phone service.
You have. You look it up.
851
00:43:09,051 --> 00:43:10,386
Teepee, Mongolia."
852
00:43:10,471 --> 00:43:12,866
If you wouldn't mind
looking it up, what it is,
853
00:43:12,951 --> 00:43:15,246
and then imagine we're imparting
that information to you
854
00:43:15,331 --> 00:43:17,166
- in a very learned fashion.
- I'll do it.
855
00:43:19,871 --> 00:43:21,126
James, that's fascinating.
856
00:43:21,211 --> 00:43:23,846
Thank you for telling me
all about this thing.
857
00:43:23,931 --> 00:43:25,706
- Ooh.
- What?
858
00:43:25,791 --> 00:43:27,186
Look at this.
859
00:43:27,271 --> 00:43:28,926
That looks like
bone and string.
860
00:43:29,011 --> 00:43:31,206
- That's a proper piece of kit.
- I know.
861
00:43:31,291 --> 00:43:33,486
That's a Mongolian bow.
862
00:43:33,571 --> 00:43:35,144
Ooh.
863
00:43:35,231 --> 00:43:37,582
Is it finders, keepers,
or can I have it?
864
00:43:37,762 --> 00:43:38,932
It's finders, keepers.
865
00:43:39,020 --> 00:43:40,103
I'm just checking.
866
00:43:40,191 --> 00:43:41,766
Look, we don't know
what this is, do we?
867
00:43:41,851 --> 00:43:44,906
No. Are we going to camp here?
Because it's still light.
868
00:43:44,991 --> 00:43:46,366
Should we press on
a bit further?
869
00:43:46,451 --> 00:43:48,426
We can go a bit more.
It's only half seven.
870
00:43:48,511 --> 00:43:50,246
If we camp here,
what are we gonna do?
871
00:43:50,331 --> 00:43:53,746
We'll have the tent up by
eight, fire lit by ten past.
872
00:43:53,831 --> 00:43:56,606
- What do we then think at ten past eight?
- Well, what we'd normally do
873
00:43:56,691 --> 00:43:59,306
- is drink heavily and set fire to that.
- Yeah.
874
00:43:59,391 --> 00:44:00,686
- But that can't happen.
- No, I know.
875
00:44:00,771 --> 00:44:02,946
But I'm not gonna
be able to resist...
876
00:44:03,031 --> 00:44:05,646
- - So I'm just not...
Let's go far away from here.
877
00:44:05,731 --> 00:44:08,576
Let's move on
from the Creepy Teepee.
878
00:44:12,711 --> 00:44:16,326
And so, on a glorious
evening, we did that.
879
00:44:16,411 --> 00:44:19,986
Until eventually...
880
00:44:20,071 --> 00:44:23,162
Jeremy, you've been driving
for 12 hours straight.
881
00:44:23,250 --> 00:44:24,026
Yeah.
882
00:44:24,111 --> 00:44:26,013
You've done really well
and you must be exhausted.
883
00:44:26,100 --> 00:44:26,765
Here we go.
884
00:44:26,853 --> 00:44:28,330
Well, no, I tell you
what, why don't I...
885
00:44:28,417 --> 00:44:29,406
Yes, yeah, go on.
886
00:44:29,491 --> 00:44:30,906
- Really?
- Yes.
887
00:44:30,991 --> 00:44:33,666
I can't sit listening to this
twittering on any more.
888
00:44:33,751 --> 00:44:35,806
- Quickly.
- Really? I'll gladly... Brilliant.
889
00:44:35,891 --> 00:44:37,346
- Thank you.
- Really?
890
00:44:37,431 --> 00:44:40,166
Well, he just won't shut up.
"Can I drive? Can I drive?"
891
00:44:40,251 --> 00:44:43,286
- Well, I mean, it's fair enough.
- "Can I drive? Can I drive?
892
00:44:43,371 --> 00:44:46,446
- I built it. I want to drive."
- Thank you very much.
893
00:44:46,531 --> 00:44:48,726
- First is over towards James.
- Oh-ho!
894
00:44:48,811 --> 00:44:51,006
- Oh, yeah.
- Stop, stop, stop, stop.
895
00:44:51,091 --> 00:44:53,066
What? What?
896
00:44:53,151 --> 00:44:54,366
Well, I'm just thinking,
hang on...
897
00:44:54,451 --> 00:44:58,536
This is literally
the most perfect spot.
898
00:44:59,951 --> 00:45:02,026
- He's right, actually.
- Why don't we pitch camp here?
899
00:45:02,111 --> 00:45:03,446
- What?
- That is a top camping site.
900
00:45:03,531 --> 00:45:05,626
- Look at the view.
- I mean, look at the view there.
901
00:45:05,711 --> 00:45:08,366
No, seriously, that is a... Even you've
got to admit that's a perfect camp site.
902
00:45:08,451 --> 00:45:10,936
Yeah, shut it down, Hammond.
We'll pitch camp here.
903
00:45:15,871 --> 00:45:18,646
With that decided,
Hammond and I got the fire going
904
00:45:18,731 --> 00:45:23,186
and then waited for the food and
beverage manager to work his magic.
905
00:45:23,271 --> 00:45:25,326
- I didn't stop you driving.
- You did.
906
00:45:25,411 --> 00:45:27,906
- How?
- Suddenly deciding to camp here.
907
00:45:27,991 --> 00:45:30,046
Well, come on, you must admit
this is the perfect...
908
00:45:30,131 --> 00:45:32,906
Even you can't find anything
to criticise about this
909
00:45:32,991 --> 00:45:34,546
and you're
a camping enthusiast.
910
00:45:34,631 --> 00:45:35,966
- It's very nice, yeah.
- It's perfect.
911
00:45:36,051 --> 00:45:37,286
But there's plenty of nice...
912
00:45:37,371 --> 00:45:39,826
- Guys?
- What?
913
00:45:39,911 --> 00:45:43,586
Have you seen the ration boxes
for tonight and tomorrow?
914
00:45:43,671 --> 00:45:45,266
No, that's your department.
915
00:45:45,351 --> 00:45:48,086
I know, but I put them in that
box this morning and they've gone.
916
00:45:48,171 --> 00:45:50,856
All we've got is night six.
917
00:45:52,151 --> 00:45:53,706
We've got night six
918
00:45:53,791 --> 00:45:56,486
and we've got bread-making
kit, which is flour and rice.
919
00:45:56,571 --> 00:45:59,306
Oh, no, hang on a minute.
Where were the ration boxes?
920
00:45:59,391 --> 00:46:01,026
Well, I thought they were
in that back box.
921
00:46:01,111 --> 00:46:02,806
That's where I've been
keeping them the whole time.
922
00:46:02,891 --> 00:46:04,626
- You know, the one on the right.
- Yes.
923
00:46:04,711 --> 00:46:07,126
The lid of that was bouncing up and
down when you did the Pac-Man thing.
924
00:46:07,211 --> 00:46:09,536
I bet they fell out.
925
00:46:10,591 --> 00:46:12,246
Well, that's actually
really bad.
926
00:46:12,331 --> 00:46:14,146
Well, we've got ration six,
927
00:46:14,231 --> 00:46:16,126
which is for the night
after tomorrow,
928
00:46:16,211 --> 00:46:19,266
which gives us
tomato and pasta salad,
929
00:46:19,351 --> 00:46:23,066
Thai-style chicken soup,
tomato and pasta salad.
930
00:46:23,151 --> 00:46:24,946
Oh, no. I do apologise.
931
00:46:25,031 --> 00:46:26,846
No, it's all right. Relax.
932
00:46:26,931 --> 00:46:30,166
We've got two sachets
of instant coffee
933
00:46:30,251 --> 00:46:32,906
and one sachet of creamer.
934
00:46:32,991 --> 00:46:34,806
Well, you can't... No,
I'm sorry, I don't buy that.
935
00:46:34,891 --> 00:46:36,746
I have done
high and low searching.
936
00:46:36,831 --> 00:46:39,986
- Were they boxes like that?
- Yeah, they're boxes exactly like that.
937
00:46:40,071 --> 00:46:41,766
Did you strap them
to the back, on there?
938
00:46:41,851 --> 00:46:43,846
Because I've taken
that sand ladder off today.
939
00:46:43,931 --> 00:46:47,106
Were any of them on top of here
because all of this has come off?
940
00:46:47,191 --> 00:46:48,766
- All of that.
- I didn't put it in there.
941
00:46:48,851 --> 00:46:50,926
Bloody hell. Are you sur...
942
00:46:51,011 --> 00:46:52,666
I'm 100% sure.
943
00:46:52,751 --> 00:46:54,976
Honestly,
I've looked everywhere.
944
00:46:55,711 --> 00:46:57,946
Well, if we were sensible,
945
00:46:58,031 --> 00:46:59,766
we'd have
how many nights is it?
946
00:46:59,851 --> 00:47:01,886
He reckons
we need three more nights.
947
00:47:01,971 --> 00:47:03,866
And there's three sachets.
948
00:47:03,951 --> 00:47:06,421
So we'd be down to a
third of a sachet each.
949
00:47:06,509 --> 00:47:07,189
Yeah.
950
00:47:07,279 --> 00:47:09,926
And each sachet contains, what is
it, 6,000 calories or something?
951
00:47:10,011 --> 00:47:12,886
Well, there's a lot of food value
in them cos they're for soldiers.
952
00:47:12,971 --> 00:47:14,286
So what if we share one?
953
00:47:14,371 --> 00:47:16,026
I... Something'll turn up.
954
00:47:16,111 --> 00:47:18,886
Let's just pretend this hasn't
happened and eat the lot.
955
00:47:18,971 --> 00:47:21,096
It's always my philosophy.
956
00:47:29,551 --> 00:47:33,666
The next morning, after
another sober and sleepless night,
957
00:47:33,751 --> 00:47:36,166
it became obvious
that the lack of drink
958
00:47:36,251 --> 00:47:40,176
was having a strange effect
on one of my colleagues.
959
00:47:43,591 --> 00:47:45,026
What are you doing?
960
00:47:45,111 --> 00:47:47,746
I've had an idea.
It's raining, yeah?
961
00:47:47,831 --> 00:47:50,086
We need windscreen wipers.
We don't have one on there.
962
00:47:50,171 --> 00:47:52,946
So I thought of how to build one.
Got all this rubber.
963
00:47:53,031 --> 00:47:54,666
Sandwich that.
Two pieces of wood.
964
00:47:54,751 --> 00:47:56,566
Big piece of wood
over the back of it.
965
00:47:56,651 --> 00:47:59,816
Bit of string round it. We can
operate it as a windscreen wiper.
966
00:48:00,711 --> 00:48:02,306
What's all that racket?
967
00:48:02,391 --> 00:48:04,626
Well, somebody's
kidnapped Richard Hammond
968
00:48:04,711 --> 00:48:07,246
and replaced him with this
Richard Hammond lookalike,
969
00:48:07,331 --> 00:48:09,926
who got up early,
had an idea by himself,
970
00:48:10,011 --> 00:48:14,346
is executing it by himself
and it's a windscreen wiper.
971
00:48:14,431 --> 00:48:17,546
And you borrowed my book last
night on the history of Mongolia.
972
00:48:17,631 --> 00:48:21,186
It's very, very good as well. I've
just got to the visit from those monks
973
00:48:21,271 --> 00:48:23,806
when they're first over there and
first encounter Mongolian culture,
974
00:48:23,891 --> 00:48:26,206
which until then simply
hadn't been known about.
975
00:48:26,291 --> 00:48:29,486
Anyway, I've got to get on with this.
I've nearly done it.
976
00:48:29,571 --> 00:48:31,626
The only slight problem
I can see
977
00:48:31,711 --> 00:48:34,286
- with the new dynamic Richard Hammond...
- Mm.
978
00:48:34,371 --> 00:48:37,146
...is that he might
get his memory back.
979
00:48:37,231 --> 00:48:40,306
- A sober Richard Hammond.
- I see what you mean, yeah.
980
00:48:40,391 --> 00:48:43,066
Um... let's get this straight.
When did he drive?
981
00:48:43,151 --> 00:48:44,766
- The day before yesterday.
- The day before yesterday.
982
00:48:44,851 --> 00:48:48,086
- And he drove last night.
- Oh, yeah. Yeah, OK, yeah.
983
00:48:48,171 --> 00:48:51,746
- So it's my turn, isn't it?
- It's your turn, yeah.
984
00:48:51,831 --> 00:48:53,732
Did he... Has he really
made a windscreen wiper?
985
00:48:53,820 --> 00:48:54,477
Yeah.
986
00:48:54,565 --> 00:48:56,126
And it sounds
like it'll work.
987
00:48:56,211 --> 00:48:59,176
We'll bring him along again.
988
00:49:02,751 --> 00:49:04,406
We then set off.
989
00:49:04,491 --> 00:49:07,066
And exactly 17 seconds later,
990
00:49:07,151 --> 00:49:11,566
conversation reverted to
the principal issue at hand.
991
00:49:11,651 --> 00:49:16,266
Last night, I had a dream
about a glass of wine.
992
00:49:16,351 --> 00:49:17,646
You're dreaming
about wine now.
993
00:49:17,731 --> 00:49:20,106
And I can tell you
it was a Sancerre.
994
00:49:20,191 --> 00:49:22,246
It had that fantastic
acidic hit at the beginning
995
00:49:22,331 --> 00:49:26,986
and then a couple of seconds later that
slight warmth in the roof of my mouth.
996
00:49:27,071 --> 00:49:29,726
It was fantastic. And then I
woke up and it wasn't true.
997
00:49:29,811 --> 00:49:31,306
And I nearly wept.
998
00:49:31,391 --> 00:49:34,366
You know what we should call this
car, really, instead of John?
999
00:49:34,451 --> 00:49:35,806
- What, Gin?
- Rehab!
1000
00:49:40,271 --> 00:49:42,666
Soon the rain
became torrential.
1001
00:49:43,651 --> 00:49:44,966
Which meant it was time
1002
00:49:45,051 --> 00:49:48,656
to unleash Professor
Hammond's invention.
1003
00:49:50,431 --> 00:49:52,326
- What the hell is that?
- That is a windscreen wiper.
1004
00:49:52,411 --> 00:49:54,586
Now, to me.
1005
00:49:54,671 --> 00:49:56,064
To you.
1006
00:49:56,151 --> 00:49:59,456
To me... to you.
1007
00:50:00,551 --> 00:50:01,984
To me.
1008
00:50:02,071 --> 00:50:04,046
Hammond, we're gonna
have to face facts.
1009
00:50:04,131 --> 00:50:05,886
- To me.
- It doesn't work.
1010
00:50:05,971 --> 00:50:07,984
To you.
1011
00:50:08,071 --> 00:50:09,424
To me.
1012
00:50:09,511 --> 00:50:11,416
It doesn't work, does it?
1013
00:50:13,191 --> 00:50:14,926
This is raining
quite heavily now.
1014
00:50:16,351 --> 00:50:19,806
What is all... What's
happening above me here, look?
1015
00:50:19,891 --> 00:50:21,104
Above you?
1016
00:50:26,391 --> 00:50:28,726
- Oh, dear.
- James, I'm afraid, ladies and gentlemen,
1017
00:50:28,811 --> 00:50:31,026
has wet himself.
1018
00:50:32,471 --> 00:50:34,816
- We need to work on that.
- We do.
1019
00:50:36,271 --> 00:50:38,446
- It can't rain all day, can it?
- Yes.
1020
00:50:38,531 --> 00:50:41,626
- Oh, it's...
- Rain before seven, fine by 11.
1021
00:50:41,711 --> 00:50:43,686
I don't think
that works in Mongolia.
1022
00:50:43,771 --> 00:50:47,346
That's only in Cotswolds.
1023
00:50:47,431 --> 00:50:48,846
Oh, hello, what's this?
1024
00:50:48,931 --> 00:50:51,136
Look at that ridge.
1025
00:50:52,631 --> 00:50:55,546
Look at that funny ridge.
1026
00:50:55,631 --> 00:51:00,736
What we'd stumbled on
here was a huge geological scar...
1027
00:51:03,711 --> 00:51:07,216
...that seemingly
ran on for ever.
1028
00:51:10,751 --> 00:51:15,106
I read about this in a book,
actually, before I came out here.
1029
00:51:15,191 --> 00:51:17,726
There used to be a lake as
big as that one over there,
1030
00:51:17,811 --> 00:51:20,206
the one we camped by
last night, here,
1031
00:51:20,291 --> 00:51:22,886
and then in 1905
there was an earthquake,
1032
00:51:22,971 --> 00:51:25,746
a truly cataclysmic
earthquake.
1033
00:51:25,831 --> 00:51:28,406
The lake was consumed.
It simply disappeared
1034
00:51:28,491 --> 00:51:34,506
and a crack 400 kilometres
long was formed in the earth.
1035
00:51:34,591 --> 00:51:37,646
But luckily, this enormous
earthquake happened in Mongolia.
1036
00:51:37,731 --> 00:51:41,176
So the death toll... was 15.
1037
00:51:42,751 --> 00:51:45,566
As I marvelled
at the power of the planet,
1038
00:51:45,651 --> 00:51:49,786
the Professor was busy mending
and extending our roof.
1039
00:51:49,871 --> 00:51:52,126
Right, so if we put
these two bars across...
1040
00:51:52,211 --> 00:51:54,536
If you pull that
over to your side...
1041
00:51:57,151 --> 00:51:59,906
That's better.
1042
00:51:59,991 --> 00:52:02,726
With that done,
we resumed our journey.
1043
00:52:02,811 --> 00:52:04,686
And since the Very Big Crack
1044
00:52:04,771 --> 00:52:08,166
was one of the features on
our Winnie-the-Pooh map,
1045
00:52:08,251 --> 00:52:12,256
we knew that next up
was the wooden house.
1046
00:52:15,071 --> 00:52:16,486
It doesn't say
what the house is.
1047
00:52:16,571 --> 00:52:18,946
- Could it be a pub?
- Well...
1048
00:52:19,031 --> 00:52:21,246
- Well, it could be.
- Exactly right.
1049
00:52:21,331 --> 00:52:22,766
Or just an off-licence.
1050
00:52:22,851 --> 00:52:24,626
If it is a pub, on that map
1051
00:52:24,711 --> 00:52:26,866
it's about 100 miles high,
so we won't miss it.
1052
00:52:26,951 --> 00:52:29,326
Oh, no, this pub is
bigger than the Gobi Desert.
1053
00:52:29,411 --> 00:52:31,506
Yeah, we should spot it,
then.
1054
00:52:31,591 --> 00:52:35,096
It should also have plenty of
stock, which it's going to need.
1055
00:52:37,671 --> 00:52:40,126
Since we couldn't
only talk about drink,
1056
00:52:40,211 --> 00:52:43,496
we tried to come up with some
other topics of conversation.
1057
00:52:44,951 --> 00:52:47,586
I did a turd yesterday, OK?
1058
00:52:47,671 --> 00:52:49,026
I looked down at it
1059
00:52:49,111 --> 00:52:52,046
and it was two storeys
with a little bit sticking up
1060
00:52:52,131 --> 00:52:54,946
and, as I looked down,
this fly landed on it.
1061
00:52:55,031 --> 00:52:59,006
You could see it. It looked at
me like, "This is now my palace."
1062
00:52:59,091 --> 00:53:03,346
Then later on that same fly
was in your tent.
1063
00:53:03,431 --> 00:53:08,266
With that subject exhausted, we
fell back on my new favourite topic.
1064
00:53:08,351 --> 00:53:09,966
There's no getting away
from the fact, though,
1065
00:53:10,051 --> 00:53:13,466
that Genghis Khan was
the greatest military mind
1066
00:53:13,551 --> 00:53:15,606
- the world has ever seen.
- But an utter bastard.
1067
00:53:15,691 --> 00:53:16,886
Oh, an utter bastard.
1068
00:53:16,971 --> 00:53:19,786
I mean,
Genghis once did one town
1069
00:53:19,871 --> 00:53:23,186
and then he cut all the women
and children and cats' heads off
1070
00:53:23,271 --> 00:53:24,886
and made a pyramid
out of them.
1071
00:53:24,971 --> 00:53:26,586
- Cats is a nice touch.
- Yeah.
1072
00:53:26,671 --> 00:53:29,126
He hadn't got enough. He needed
some filler for his pyramid,
1073
00:53:29,211 --> 00:53:31,306
so he cut
all the cats' heads off.
1074
00:53:31,391 --> 00:53:33,366
See, that's a warning
to the next town, isn't it?
1075
00:53:33,451 --> 00:53:35,446
The next town is
gonna say, "We give in."
1076
00:53:35,531 --> 00:53:40,386
"Ah, Mr Khan, we've had a look at your
CV and, yes, you can have the city."
1077
00:53:40,471 --> 00:53:42,726
- "And everything in it."
- "Help yourself!"
1078
00:53:42,811 --> 00:53:45,646
But there has never been
a greater military mind.
1079
00:53:45,731 --> 00:53:47,666
I mean, the Roman Empire
1080
00:53:47,751 --> 00:53:49,406
compared to the Mongol Empire
1081
00:53:49,491 --> 00:53:52,306
was literally
a speck of dust.
1082
00:53:52,391 --> 00:53:55,826
His went from the Yellow Sea
to the Danube.
1083
00:53:55,911 --> 00:54:01,286
At this point, our conversation was
interrupted by something hilarious.
1084
00:54:01,371 --> 00:54:03,546
- Oh, my God!
- Oh, ho-ho!
1085
00:54:03,631 --> 00:54:05,946
- Oh, dear.
- Can we just see that on that camera?
1086
00:54:06,031 --> 00:54:07,846
I don't know if we can
turn it round a bit.
1087
00:54:07,931 --> 00:54:09,326
That's our camera
tracking car.
1088
00:54:09,411 --> 00:54:11,386
- It's stuck.
- Stuck.
1089
00:54:11,471 --> 00:54:14,046
- John isn't. John is not stuck.
- Are we stuck? No.
1090
00:54:14,131 --> 00:54:18,326
As we needed the camera crew to
make this miserable trip worthwhile,
1091
00:54:18,411 --> 00:54:20,906
we had to rescue them.
1092
00:54:20,991 --> 00:54:22,646
Are you feeling a bit smug?
1093
00:54:22,731 --> 00:54:24,946
- I am actually full of smug.
- Yeah.
1094
00:54:25,031 --> 00:54:26,566
- OK, here we go.
- Ready to go?
1095
00:54:26,651 --> 00:54:28,246
In three, two, one.
1096
00:54:28,331 --> 00:54:30,576
Dump that clutch. Dump it.
1097
00:54:33,071 --> 00:54:35,846
- And we're free!
- John has done it!
1098
00:54:35,931 --> 00:54:37,706
John has succeeded!
1099
00:54:37,791 --> 00:54:42,526
John has pulled the
mass-produced Toyota Land Cruiser
1100
00:54:42,611 --> 00:54:44,306
out of the mire!
1101
00:54:44,391 --> 00:54:46,766
Here's the message
we're giving you all.
1102
00:54:46,851 --> 00:54:48,856
Buy Mongolian.
1103
00:54:53,271 --> 00:54:57,166
Riding on a cushion of
smugness, we resumed our search
1104
00:54:57,251 --> 00:54:59,426
for the wooden pub.
1105
00:54:59,511 --> 00:55:03,336
But soon it became
a cushion of misery.
1106
00:55:08,551 --> 00:55:10,606
Oh, that is cold now.
1107
00:55:10,691 --> 00:55:12,826
Brrr-brrr-brrr.
1108
00:55:12,911 --> 00:55:17,366
How can the
temperature vary this much this quickly?
1109
00:55:17,451 --> 00:55:18,786
It's incredible.
1110
00:55:18,871 --> 00:55:21,526
It's because
it's land-locked, isn't it?
1111
00:55:21,611 --> 00:55:25,086
- There's no sea to moderate it.
- Exactly.
1112
00:55:25,171 --> 00:55:29,426
Moments later, though,
our spirits were lifted.
1113
00:55:29,511 --> 00:55:32,626
- What's that?
- Pub. That's the pub.
1114
00:55:32,711 --> 00:55:36,166
This is the first time in two-and-a-half
days that I have hope in my heart.
1115
00:55:36,251 --> 00:55:38,066
- Well, what do you want?
- Scotch.
1116
00:55:38,151 --> 00:55:40,906
- I'd have mulled wine.
- No, brandy. I think brandy.
1117
00:55:40,991 --> 00:55:42,206
What about
some King's Ginger?
1118
00:55:42,291 --> 00:55:45,506
Ooh, God! Yes.
1119
00:55:45,591 --> 00:55:48,046
- There's the door. Right.
- The door. The door.
1120
00:55:48,131 --> 00:55:51,296
Three pints of your finest,
please, landlord.
1121
00:55:52,791 --> 00:55:54,184
Locked?
1122
00:55:54,271 --> 00:55:55,946
Shut, maybe.
1123
00:55:56,031 --> 00:55:59,366
- It's not open.
- Well, they might just not be up.
1124
00:55:59,451 --> 00:56:02,186
- Hello... in Mongolian.
- Hello.
1125
00:56:02,271 --> 00:56:03,686
- Oh, wait.
- Hello.
1126
00:56:03,771 --> 00:56:06,306
- Oh, no, hang on.
- It's empty.
1127
00:56:06,391 --> 00:56:08,456
- It is, isn't it?
- It's disused.
1128
00:56:29,231 --> 00:56:31,986
- Hungry. Hungry now.
- Yeah.
1129
00:56:32,071 --> 00:56:34,416
- And damp.
- And damp. Very damp.
1130
00:56:36,311 --> 00:56:39,526
You know on other TV shows where
you've got, like, explorers and stuff?
1131
00:56:39,611 --> 00:56:40,786
You mean Bear Grylls?
1132
00:56:40,871 --> 00:56:42,226
Yeah, they don't moan,
do they?
1133
00:56:42,311 --> 00:56:43,726
- No, they don't moan...
- He doesn't moan.
1134
00:56:43,811 --> 00:56:45,286
- ...because they go back to a hotel.
- Yeah.
1135
00:56:45,371 --> 00:56:47,246
"Oh, I'm being chased
by a bear,"
1136
00:56:47,331 --> 00:56:51,406
which is a man in a **** bear
costume, and then he goes to a hotel.
1137
00:56:51,491 --> 00:56:56,686
We, on the other hand, are stupid
enough to sit in a homemade car
1138
00:56:56,771 --> 00:57:00,666
when it's minus 40,
with no drink, no food,
1139
00:57:00,751 --> 00:57:03,376
and no end in sight
to this journey.
1140
00:57:05,311 --> 00:57:08,626
I'm actually getting fed up.
1141
00:57:08,711 --> 00:57:10,966
Several
horrible hours later, though,
1142
00:57:11,051 --> 00:57:13,746
our spirits were
lifted once more.
1143
00:57:13,831 --> 00:57:15,856
Wait a second. Is that...
1144
00:57:17,191 --> 00:57:18,946
That's a road.
1145
00:57:19,031 --> 00:57:21,946
That's the first made road
we've seen.
1146
00:57:22,031 --> 00:57:23,586
The only place it can go
is Moron.
1147
00:57:23,671 --> 00:57:25,766
- It's the only place.
- There isn't any other.
1148
00:57:25,851 --> 00:57:29,446
Why go to the trouble of making a
road unless it goes to the only town?
1149
00:57:29,531 --> 00:57:31,826
- It's a road!
- This goes to Moron!
1150
00:57:31,911 --> 00:57:33,326
We're on a road!
1151
00:57:33,411 --> 00:57:35,186
Oh, let's get some speed up.
1152
00:57:35,271 --> 00:57:36,886
We'll be at the pub tonight!
1153
00:57:36,971 --> 00:57:39,326
Pub tonight,
we'll be straight there.
1154
00:57:39,411 --> 00:57:40,746
Oh, my God!
1155
00:57:40,831 --> 00:57:43,246
I've never been so happy
in my entire life.
1156
00:57:43,331 --> 00:57:45,166
- There's a bridge...
- Smell it.
1157
00:57:45,251 --> 00:57:48,786
We haven't even got to clamber down.
There's an actual bridge!
1158
00:57:48,871 --> 00:57:52,246
The bridge, as it turned
out, was the Wibbly Wobbly Bridge.
1159
00:57:52,331 --> 00:57:55,896
But Wibbly Wobbly was
a bit of an understatement.
1160
00:57:59,391 --> 00:58:04,496
This was no problem for John, though,
who simply hopped through the river.
1161
00:58:06,951 --> 00:58:08,746
It's a signature
characteristic.
1162
00:58:08,831 --> 00:58:10,286
- And back onto the road.
- It works.
1163
00:58:10,371 --> 00:58:12,046
- Here we go.
- Moron, here we come!
1164
00:58:12,131 --> 00:58:13,246
- Bunny hopping.
- Yes!
1165
00:58:13,331 --> 00:58:15,104
Yes! Yes!
1166
00:58:15,191 --> 00:58:17,224
What?
1167
00:58:17,311 --> 00:58:18,646
Well, that was
a bit short-lived.
1168
00:58:18,731 --> 00:58:21,056
Oh, why has it just ended?
1169
00:58:22,111 --> 00:58:23,686
The reason it had ended
1170
00:58:23,771 --> 00:58:26,816
was because of the
next feature on our map...
1171
00:58:28,311 --> 00:58:30,536
...which up close
appeared to be...
1172
00:58:32,071 --> 00:58:34,906
...completely impassable.
1173
00:58:34,991 --> 00:58:40,306
However, Eeyore likes
boggy and sad places, so...
1174
00:58:40,391 --> 00:58:42,144
James, don't just...
James, don't drive in...
1175
00:58:42,231 --> 00:58:43,286
As the bloody crow flies!
1176
00:58:43,371 --> 00:58:45,386
Well, pick a route!
1177
00:58:45,471 --> 00:58:47,846
It's the same as the
stuff we were doing yesterday.
1178
00:58:47,931 --> 00:58:50,066
- Slow down!
- Not so fast!
1179
00:58:50,151 --> 00:58:52,186
- Slow down!
- Calm down. It's fine.
1180
00:58:52,271 --> 00:58:54,526
This is an off-roader. It's perfectly
capable of this sort of thing.
1181
00:58:54,611 --> 00:58:58,406
- Well, it's not, is it? It's...
- Just stop, stop, stop.
1182
00:58:58,491 --> 00:59:00,706
It is idiotic
to drive in here.
1183
00:59:00,791 --> 00:59:03,770
It's poured with rain all
last night and all morning.
1184
00:59:03,919 --> 00:59:05,940
It's gonna be
an absolute quagmire.
1185
00:59:06,028 --> 00:59:07,346
We've got to get
to those mountains.
1186
00:59:07,431 --> 00:59:08,866
- Well, look...
- Let's find a...
1187
00:59:08,951 --> 00:59:10,846
We'll find a way round it.
We need higher ground.
1188
00:59:10,931 --> 00:59:13,046
If we drive around...
Look, if we drive around it,
1189
00:59:13,131 --> 00:59:15,426
that could be an extra
100 miles for all we know.
1190
00:59:15,511 --> 00:59:17,986
The road leads here. This is
obviously the way you go.
1191
00:59:18,071 --> 00:59:20,766
They wouldn't build a road to
something you couldn't drive through.
1192
00:59:20,851 --> 00:59:22,466
Where are you going now?
1193
00:59:22,551 --> 00:59:24,206
- Well, I'm aiming for the mountains.
- Water here.
1194
00:59:24,291 --> 00:59:25,466
Oh, we've...
1195
00:59:25,551 --> 00:59:27,896
That's some mud. Don't worry.
1196
00:59:29,631 --> 00:59:31,424
Oh, James!
1197
00:59:31,511 --> 00:59:32,991
Agh! Agh!
1198
00:59:34,511 --> 00:59:36,086
No, that's not gonna work.
1199
00:59:36,171 --> 00:59:39,386
I'm going to kill him.
1200
00:59:39,471 --> 00:59:43,266
Oh, bloody hell!
You've buried it!
1201
00:59:43,351 --> 00:59:46,366
With two fewer passengers,
and the diffs locked...
1202
00:59:46,451 --> 00:59:49,656
Go on, James, go on.
Power, power, power!
1203
00:59:51,311 --> 00:59:53,266
- ...John boinged free.
- Yay!
1204
00:59:53,351 --> 00:59:54,526
Excellent effort.
1205
00:59:54,611 --> 00:59:56,266
Right, you're out.
1206
00:59:56,351 --> 00:59:59,816
Only another 300 miles of this
bog you've driven into to go.
1207
01:00:02,471 --> 01:00:04,346
Thanks to
May's stubbornness,
1208
01:00:04,431 --> 01:00:05,686
it looked like
we'd be spending
1209
01:00:05,771 --> 01:00:08,616
the rest of the day on foot.
1210
01:00:10,591 --> 01:00:12,696
It could be
like this all the way.
1211
01:00:14,631 --> 01:00:16,336
Oh, shitty death,
that's a bit...
1212
01:00:19,831 --> 01:00:22,066
The bank collapsed.
1213
01:00:22,151 --> 01:00:26,616
Luckily, the new improved
Richard Hammond came up with a plan.
1214
01:00:27,351 --> 01:00:28,566
Right, this'll do.
1215
01:00:28,651 --> 01:00:30,306
Oh, for sake.
1216
01:00:30,391 --> 01:00:31,646
I can't get my shoe...
1217
01:00:31,731 --> 01:00:34,606
Oh, May! I've lost my shoes!
1218
01:00:34,691 --> 01:00:36,224
Ha!
1219
01:00:36,311 --> 01:00:40,546
What do you want me to do
before I die of hypothermia?
1220
01:00:40,631 --> 01:00:44,146
Because my shoes are four
feet under the bog over there.
1221
01:00:44,231 --> 01:00:47,506
I'm going to shackle the high-lift
jack to the eye on there.
1222
01:00:47,591 --> 01:00:49,886
I'm then going to shackle this
tow rope to the high-lift jack.
1223
01:00:49,971 --> 01:00:53,826
I'm going to set 10 or 12 ground pins
into the solid ground over there,
1224
01:00:53,911 --> 01:00:56,526
use the parachute harness as an
anchor, shackle this to that,
1225
01:00:56,611 --> 01:00:58,806
and use the jack
as a winch to wind it out.
1226
01:00:58,891 --> 01:01:04,136
I live in Holland Park, I don't
read off-roading magazines.
1227
01:01:05,271 --> 01:01:08,006
He's being very sort
of authoritative, for him.
1228
01:01:08,091 --> 01:01:11,016
Well, he's sober,
and he's in his element.
1229
01:01:12,631 --> 01:01:13,951
Right.
1230
01:01:15,711 --> 01:01:18,056
Give it a go.
1231
01:01:19,511 --> 01:01:21,376
Come on, come on!
1232
01:01:22,831 --> 01:01:24,271
Yay!
1233
01:01:30,151 --> 01:01:34,336
Yeah, those mountains are
only now 70 kilometres away!
1234
01:01:34,991 --> 01:01:37,336
Oh, dear God!
1235
01:01:46,511 --> 01:01:48,856
We could have found
a path round.
1236
01:01:57,671 --> 01:02:02,966
Several miles later,
James became his stuckest yet.
1237
01:02:03,051 --> 01:02:04,466
Oh, my God.
1238
01:02:04,551 --> 01:02:06,586
- Ah-h-h...
- It'll be all right, go on.
1239
01:02:06,671 --> 01:02:08,886
- Agh, agh, agh!
- You're all right, you'll be all right.
1240
01:02:08,971 --> 01:02:10,706
That's very perilous.
1241
01:02:10,791 --> 01:02:15,306
And then, alarmingly, he asked
Hammond to take the wheel.
1242
01:02:15,391 --> 01:02:18,626
You're going... Wait a minute, you're
actually letting him drive John?
1243
01:02:18,711 --> 01:02:20,306
Well, he's...
Well, he's from the country.
1244
01:02:20,391 --> 01:02:21,606
You've to remember,
that's only like
1245
01:02:21,691 --> 01:02:23,286
getting out of the
garage at Hammond's house.
1246
01:02:25,731 --> 01:02:28,306
You're in third gear.
Try first.
1247
01:02:28,391 --> 01:02:31,776
Honestly, mate, anyone would think
you'd never driven this before.
1248
01:02:33,031 --> 01:02:36,056
Come on!
Come on, come... come out.
1249
01:02:37,591 --> 01:02:40,406
- Ah!
- He's ruined everything in there.
1250
01:02:40,491 --> 01:02:41,746
The map, ruined.
1251
01:02:41,831 --> 01:02:44,186
Compass, ruined.
Cameras are ruined.
1252
01:02:44,271 --> 01:02:45,446
It will go, it will...
1253
01:02:45,531 --> 01:02:47,856
Oh, that's not supposed...
I can save this.
1254
01:02:48,871 --> 01:02:51,166
And he's rolled it.
How far has he covered?
1255
01:02:51,251 --> 01:02:53,186
Less than its own length.
1256
01:02:53,271 --> 01:02:55,166
It's all right,
I'm used to this!
1257
01:02:57,191 --> 01:02:58,726
What are we going to do?
1258
01:02:58,811 --> 01:03:03,426
I know, why don't you, with your
vast bulk, just stand up on there?
1259
01:03:03,511 --> 01:03:05,417
That could be enough
to just tip it back again.
1260
01:03:05,505 --> 01:03:07,969
Jump off, we're
back where we started.
1261
01:03:08,057 --> 01:03:09,144
What?
1262
01:03:09,231 --> 01:03:11,386
- You want me to get on it?
- Well, just on there.
1263
01:03:11,471 --> 01:03:12,886
- That's a brilliant idea.
- You're the heaviest.
1264
01:03:12,971 --> 01:03:15,112
That's why they call
you Fatty Car Righter.
1265
01:03:15,237 --> 01:03:17,286
Right, I'm on.
1266
01:03:19,991 --> 01:03:21,366
This was entirely
predictable...
1267
01:03:21,451 --> 01:03:23,046
- There you go.
- It's working!
1268
01:03:23,131 --> 01:03:25,786
- Yay!
- Thank you.
1269
01:03:25,871 --> 01:03:27,946
- Right, the trouble is now, James...
- Yeah?
1270
01:03:28,031 --> 01:03:30,686
- ...he's stuck where he is.
- And you're stuck where you are.
1271
01:03:30,771 --> 01:03:33,886
But if I climb over you into
that seat, that should be enough.
1272
01:03:33,971 --> 01:03:35,986
This is like the end
of The Italian Job.
1273
01:03:36,071 --> 01:03:37,686
- Right, I'll stand on the tyre.
- Yeah.
1274
01:03:37,771 --> 01:03:39,946
Right, so Hammond gets out.
1275
01:03:40,031 --> 01:03:42,131
As I slide into the middle,
you get in at the same time.
1276
01:03:42,218 --> 01:03:42,966
That's actually clever.
1277
01:03:43,051 --> 01:03:45,086
And then he can get back in
and we're all in.
1278
01:03:45,171 --> 01:03:47,486
- I'm out of there.
- And I'm going to get in now.
1279
01:03:47,571 --> 01:03:50,486
- Right.
- Right, I'm firing up.
1280
01:03:54,031 --> 01:03:55,071
Coming...
1281
01:03:56,831 --> 01:03:58,986
- Agh!
- Jesus!
1282
01:03:59,071 --> 01:04:01,466
- Christ on a...
- That was close.
1283
01:04:01,551 --> 01:04:03,886
- Right, we're out.
- There you go.
1284
01:04:03,971 --> 01:04:05,366
Stop, I want to get out.
1285
01:04:05,451 --> 01:04:08,416
I never want to drive another
inch with you, or him.
1286
01:04:10,831 --> 01:04:13,606
After such
a fraught afternoon,
1287
01:04:13,691 --> 01:04:16,616
we all needed
a bit of me-time.
1288
01:04:40,631 --> 01:04:43,186
After several silent hours,
1289
01:04:43,271 --> 01:04:47,816
we stopped for the night at what
looked like a promising spot.
1290
01:04:51,991 --> 01:04:55,126
- But it just isn't, is it?
- Not really.
1291
01:04:57,231 --> 01:04:58,786
But no matter.
1292
01:04:58,871 --> 01:05:02,016
The food and beverage manager
soon swung into action.
1293
01:05:04,231 --> 01:05:07,426
Using traditional methods
to get this fire going.
1294
01:05:07,511 --> 01:05:09,486
And soon we shall have
some delicious rice.
1295
01:05:09,571 --> 01:05:11,746
- How would you like it, boiled?
- Yeah.
1296
01:05:11,831 --> 01:05:15,006
- There's nothing we can put with it.
- Ow! How's...
1297
01:05:15,091 --> 01:05:17,246
What manner of thing
has happened?
1298
01:05:17,331 --> 01:05:20,066
Shit! What's gone...
1299
01:05:20,151 --> 01:05:22,376
Incoming.
1300
01:05:23,431 --> 01:05:25,304
Holy-moly!
1301
01:05:25,391 --> 01:05:28,326
It was a hand grenade. It
was literally a hand grenade.
1302
01:05:28,411 --> 01:05:31,136
You set fire to the
plastic housing at the top.
1303
01:05:33,791 --> 01:05:38,586
As supper cooked, I
decided to string my new bow.
1304
01:05:38,671 --> 01:05:40,946
Where's my parachute cord?
Here.
1305
01:05:41,031 --> 01:05:43,566
This bow, it goes that way,
doesn't it, yeah?
1306
01:05:43,651 --> 01:05:45,006
No. Goes the other way.
1307
01:05:45,091 --> 01:05:47,346
- Goes that way?
- Yeah.
1308
01:05:47,431 --> 01:05:48,746
- That way?
- Yeah.
1309
01:05:48,831 --> 01:05:51,646
- But surely you'd pull it...
- No, that will break it.
1310
01:05:51,731 --> 01:05:55,526
Because the material on the outside
works better when it's stretched.
1311
01:05:55,611 --> 01:05:57,426
Its tendon, sinew.
1312
01:05:57,511 --> 01:05:59,146
The material
on the inside, bone,
1313
01:05:59,231 --> 01:06:00,926
works better under compression
when it's squashed.
1314
01:06:01,011 --> 01:06:04,186
It's the world's first example
of composite materials.
1315
01:06:04,271 --> 01:06:06,706
Some Mongolian warriors were
the first to ever do that.
1316
01:06:06,791 --> 01:06:08,686
So they put the two materials
sandwiched together,
1317
01:06:08,771 --> 01:06:10,986
so the bone is squashed
on the inside...
1318
01:06:11,071 --> 01:06:12,446
The tendon is stretched
on the outside,
1319
01:06:12,531 --> 01:06:14,586
and then it goes "Pa-twang!"
And as a result,
1320
01:06:14,671 --> 01:06:16,846
their bows could be half
the length of a long bow,
1321
01:06:16,931 --> 01:06:18,146
and still as powerful.
1322
01:06:18,231 --> 01:06:20,486
So they could fire from
horseback over the neck,
1323
01:06:20,571 --> 01:06:23,106
and you fire to the right,
to the left, or behind.
1324
01:06:23,191 --> 01:06:25,346
Those are the three positions
they could fire.
1325
01:06:25,431 --> 01:06:28,206
I used to know this guy called Richard
Hammond who was daft as a brush.
1326
01:06:28,291 --> 01:06:31,166
How do you know all that
stuff about bows and arrows?
1327
01:06:31,251 --> 01:06:32,486
It's just... I...
1328
01:06:32,571 --> 01:06:34,906
Because I'm
remembering things.
1329
01:06:34,991 --> 01:06:37,216
Don't like it!
1330
01:06:44,071 --> 01:06:47,486
The next morning, after
eating the last of our food,
1331
01:06:47,571 --> 01:06:50,006
we resumed
our journey to Moron.
1332
01:06:50,091 --> 01:06:54,386
We reckoned
we'd covered 350 miles.
1333
01:06:54,471 --> 01:06:56,726
But as our map
was not to scale,
1334
01:06:56,811 --> 01:07:00,586
we had no idea
how much was left to go.
1335
01:07:00,671 --> 01:07:05,346
All we did know is that we
were hungry and worn out.
1336
01:07:05,431 --> 01:07:08,166
I've got incredible aches and
pains across my shoulders.
1337
01:07:08,251 --> 01:07:12,946
Well, there is no bit of me
that doesn't ache.
1338
01:07:13,031 --> 01:07:16,886
There's no bit of me that's
warm, comfortable, dry,
1339
01:07:16,971 --> 01:07:22,146
and I defecated for the sixth,
fifth, sixth day on the trot
1340
01:07:22,231 --> 01:07:24,446
in a field like an animal.
1341
01:07:24,531 --> 01:07:26,546
Oh!
1342
01:07:26,631 --> 01:07:28,786
- Oh, bloody...
- My back!
1343
01:07:28,871 --> 01:07:30,206
I think we got
some air there.
1344
01:07:30,291 --> 01:07:32,606
Oh, shit.
1345
01:07:34,451 --> 01:07:38,346
Oh, God, that was not good.
1346
01:07:38,431 --> 01:07:41,606
Still, at least things
soon got worse.
1347
01:07:47,311 --> 01:07:49,146
Oh, brilliant.
1348
01:07:49,231 --> 01:07:51,606
Just getting
a golden shower now.
1349
01:07:53,991 --> 01:07:57,546
Oh, jeez,
that's the worst it's been.
1350
01:07:57,631 --> 01:08:00,726
If there's a cliff at
the top of this, I'm going over.
1351
01:08:00,811 --> 01:08:03,136
I'm just going to end it now.
1352
01:08:04,511 --> 01:08:06,856
I want a glass of wine!
1353
01:08:10,231 --> 01:08:12,976
We were aiming for
the next target on our map,
1354
01:08:13,631 --> 01:08:16,056
which was Lots of Trees.
1355
01:08:17,351 --> 01:08:20,296
And soon, we found them.
1356
01:08:25,671 --> 01:08:27,886
- Oh, look at that.
- Wow!
1357
01:08:27,971 --> 01:08:30,744
Wowee!
1358
01:08:30,831 --> 01:08:35,416
Holy mother of God, what
an amazing place we're in.
1359
01:08:37,231 --> 01:08:39,766
Next, we were looking
for the Big River,
1360
01:08:39,851 --> 01:08:44,856
and to get a better view we
made once more for high ground.
1361
01:08:49,231 --> 01:08:51,616
Come on, John.
1362
01:08:52,751 --> 01:08:55,096
Yes, you can do it.
1363
01:08:58,431 --> 01:09:00,366
I'm sorry,
I find that quite funny.
1364
01:09:00,451 --> 01:09:02,946
I think it's when he's happy.
1365
01:09:03,031 --> 01:09:06,006
At the top,
there was no river in sight.
1366
01:09:06,091 --> 01:09:08,456
Just more Mongolia.
1367
01:09:09,951 --> 01:09:12,866
So we broke out the map.
1368
01:09:12,951 --> 01:09:15,126
Right, we've got
a decision to make.
1369
01:09:15,211 --> 01:09:16,666
I reckon we're here, OK?
1370
01:09:16,751 --> 01:09:18,026
Cos we've done Lots of Trees,
1371
01:09:18,111 --> 01:09:19,906
we're about just
sort the end of that bit.
1372
01:09:19,991 --> 01:09:21,806
And we've got to cross this
river, whatever happens.
1373
01:09:21,891 --> 01:09:26,146
We could go either this way
up north and around.
1374
01:09:26,231 --> 01:09:28,006
That probably is
a bit further.
1375
01:09:28,091 --> 01:09:29,806
Or we could go south.
1376
01:09:29,891 --> 01:09:34,586
- That is a lot further than that.
- Yes.
1377
01:09:34,671 --> 01:09:36,626
But it ends in
the Deep River of Despair
1378
01:09:36,711 --> 01:09:38,066
with crashing water
over rocks.
1379
01:09:38,151 --> 01:09:39,967
They've...
It's illustrated on the map.
1380
01:09:40,055 --> 01:09:41,062
- That does not...
- They made a point of
1381
01:09:41,149 --> 01:09:41,926
drawing it like that.
1382
01:09:42,011 --> 01:09:45,086
If we can't cross there, we'll have to
come all the way back up and round anyway.
1383
01:09:45,171 --> 01:09:47,006
If we go this way,
we'll find a track.
1384
01:09:47,091 --> 01:09:49,966
There'll be a way along the
side, the flanks of that lot.
1385
01:09:50,051 --> 01:09:52,146
- That valley there.
- Yes, round...
1386
01:09:52,231 --> 01:09:53,846
- That's a long way round.
- I know, but...
1387
01:09:53,931 --> 01:09:57,266
It's further but it
doesn't have that in it.
1388
01:09:57,351 --> 01:09:58,686
We are agreed,
then, gentlemen.
1389
01:09:58,771 --> 01:10:00,386
- We are heading north.
- Yes.
1390
01:10:00,471 --> 01:10:03,046
We're not interested in pretty,
we're not interested in despair.
1391
01:10:03,131 --> 01:10:04,826
We're interested in wine.
1392
01:10:04,911 --> 01:10:06,520
And the easiest
route is that one.
1393
01:10:06,608 --> 01:10:07,989
- There you go.
- North.
1394
01:10:08,082 --> 01:10:10,546
Saddle up.
1395
01:10:10,631 --> 01:10:14,246
Our decision had added
yet more miles to the journey.
1396
01:10:14,331 --> 01:10:17,026
But there was
an upside to that.
1397
01:10:17,111 --> 01:10:22,096
We would get to see more of
this achingly beautiful country.
1398
01:10:30,631 --> 01:10:32,856
Mongolia just changed again.
1399
01:10:41,071 --> 01:10:43,486
- What was I not expecting to see?
- Camels.
1400
01:10:43,571 --> 01:10:45,576
Yep. What am I seeing?
1401
01:10:48,671 --> 01:10:52,096
Ooh. Pine. Smell. Ohh!
1402
01:10:53,271 --> 01:10:55,546
And that's real pine,
not pine out of a tin.
1403
01:10:55,631 --> 01:10:57,503
I tell you what
I'll be able to do in here.
1404
01:10:57,590 --> 01:10:58,277
- What?
1405
01:10:58,365 --> 01:11:00,166
Go off with my bow and arrow
and catch things.
1406
01:11:00,251 --> 01:11:02,616
- Ha-ha-ha!
- What do you mean, "Ha-ha-ha!"?
1407
01:11:05,071 --> 01:11:06,772
Look at that down there now.
1408
01:11:06,860 --> 01:11:08,926
Look at the size of
that eagle on that rock!
1409
01:11:09,011 --> 01:11:12,086
- Holy crap!
- Oh, God, yes.
1410
01:11:12,171 --> 01:11:14,496
It's massive!
1411
01:11:23,631 --> 01:11:25,406
It's gonna be weird
going home
1412
01:11:25,491 --> 01:11:28,666
when you can't just set off
in the direction you wanna go.
1413
01:11:28,751 --> 01:11:30,686
- I wanna go over there.
- Go over there, then.
1414
01:11:30,771 --> 01:11:32,896
It's gonna be really strange.
1415
01:11:35,711 --> 01:11:39,616
Many hours later, we
still hadn't spotted the river.
1416
01:11:40,711 --> 01:11:42,766
Could you hear
my stomach rumbling?
1417
01:11:42,851 --> 01:11:44,766
Not over my own, no.
1418
01:11:44,851 --> 01:11:47,426
But then...
1419
01:11:47,511 --> 01:11:49,466
- That's the river.
- What?
1420
01:11:49,551 --> 01:11:52,506
That's the river. I just saw
it at the foot of those hills.
1421
01:11:52,591 --> 01:11:54,846
You didn't, Hammond.
Can you see a river, James?
1422
01:11:54,931 --> 01:11:56,506
- No.
- Neither can I.
1423
01:11:56,591 --> 01:11:58,360
It's the river of
gin in his imagination.
1424
01:11:58,448 --> 01:11:59,393
He's gone mental.
1425
01:11:59,481 --> 01:12:01,586
You'll see, you'll see it in a minute.
At the foot of that cliff.
1426
01:12:01,673 --> 01:12:02,286
Oh, my...
1427
01:12:02,371 --> 01:12:03,723
- Oh, he's right.
- Thank you.
1428
01:12:05,951 --> 01:12:09,886
All we had to do now
was get down to it.
1429
01:12:09,971 --> 01:12:13,026
And I had a simple plan.
1430
01:12:13,111 --> 01:12:15,826
- Why don't we go down here?
- You don't know what's over this edge.
1431
01:12:15,911 --> 01:12:18,126
- It might be really steep and horrible.
- It might be sheer.
1432
01:12:18,211 --> 01:12:23,386
- Relax!
- No, it's not relaxing.
1433
01:12:23,471 --> 01:12:25,133
James, will
you hold it in low ratio?
1434
01:12:25,220 --> 01:12:25,750
Yes, I am.
1435
01:12:25,838 --> 01:12:27,106
Because if it pops out now...
1436
01:12:27,191 --> 01:12:28,786
Then we would be in
a world of pain.
1437
01:12:28,871 --> 01:12:30,766
We'd be doing a million
miles per hour by the time...
1438
01:12:30,851 --> 01:12:32,776
Literally a million.
1439
01:12:39,151 --> 01:12:40,966
- It's steep, isn't it?
- It is steep!
1440
01:12:41,051 --> 01:12:43,946
It's steeper than I thought.
1441
01:12:44,031 --> 01:12:47,206
Soon, though, thanks to my
brilliant plan and driving,
1442
01:12:47,291 --> 01:12:49,096
we made it!
1443
01:12:51,551 --> 01:12:54,926
Oh,
a smooth run to the river.
1444
01:12:55,011 --> 01:12:59,146
Pop across it. Quick
evening drive into Moron.
1445
01:12:59,231 --> 01:13:03,146
Yeah, we can
still get there tonight now.
1446
01:13:03,231 --> 01:13:05,406
But then
when we arrived at the river,
1447
01:13:05,491 --> 01:13:09,096
our hearts sank
into our empty stomachs.
1448
01:13:11,471 --> 01:13:13,706
Look at what's on
the other side. I mean, look.
1449
01:13:13,791 --> 01:13:16,006
- Yeah, that's...
- Observe to your left, gentlemen.
1450
01:13:16,091 --> 01:13:18,706
That is a huge problem.
Well, we can't get out.
1451
01:13:18,791 --> 01:13:21,846
- We'll not even get up there,
to be honest. - What do we do?
1452
01:13:21,931 --> 01:13:23,706
We have to do cross it.
1453
01:13:23,798 --> 01:13:27,110
- The thing is, it'll take us hours...
- Yeah.
1454
01:13:27,198 --> 01:13:30,026
Yeah.
- ..to find somewhere to cross.
1455
01:13:30,111 --> 01:13:31,846
- Hours.
- And then it'll be dark.
1456
01:13:31,931 --> 01:13:33,426
- Yes.
- So... say it.
1457
01:13:33,511 --> 01:13:35,606
We're going to... Yes, we're
going to have to camp here.
1458
01:13:35,691 --> 01:13:38,456
But we've got no food.
1459
01:13:41,231 --> 01:13:43,666
That wasn't quite true.
1460
01:13:43,751 --> 01:13:46,486
We had some flour,
and a packet of creamer.
1461
01:13:46,571 --> 01:13:49,926
Which we mixed with
some ice-sharp river water,
1462
01:13:50,011 --> 01:13:52,406
and fresh herbs
to create a soup
1463
01:13:52,491 --> 01:13:56,096
that was
surprisingly disgusting.
1464
01:13:59,031 --> 01:14:01,846
And the next morning,
we began our search
1465
01:14:01,931 --> 01:14:04,256
for a crossing point.
1466
01:14:05,311 --> 01:14:07,686
But hang on, is that a gap
coming up there?
1467
01:14:07,771 --> 01:14:10,966
Even if we could
do 30 yards, look behind it.
1468
01:14:11,051 --> 01:14:14,656
Look, we've got to turn
around and try the other way.
1469
01:14:17,831 --> 01:14:21,146
Hang on, hang on.
What about there?
1470
01:14:21,231 --> 01:14:23,146
Actually,
that looks quite good.
1471
01:14:23,231 --> 01:14:25,020
There's basically a
lawn on the other side.
1472
01:14:25,108 --> 01:14:26,566
The other side is fantastic.
1473
01:14:26,651 --> 01:14:29,666
- And there's a gap in the mountain.
- But look how deep it is.
1474
01:14:29,751 --> 01:14:32,937
- Yeah, that's ten feet deep.
- Going to drown the car getting across.
1475
01:14:36,231 --> 01:14:40,486
Eventually though, after
several more miles of searching...
1476
01:14:40,571 --> 01:14:43,506
Wait a minute.
That looks extremely good.
1477
01:14:43,591 --> 01:14:44,906
That's the way out.
1478
01:14:44,991 --> 01:14:47,006
And the river's
shallow there. Can you see?
1479
01:14:47,091 --> 01:14:49,496
- Where it's...
- That looks like a bit of a gift.
1480
01:14:53,671 --> 01:14:56,546
How deep do we think it is?
1481
01:14:56,631 --> 01:15:00,706
It's broad here so it won't
have carved a deep groove, will it?
1482
01:15:00,791 --> 01:15:03,166
- Is that how it works?
- Let's go with that thought, shall we?
1483
01:15:03,251 --> 01:15:04,237
Yeah, let's go with that.
1484
01:15:04,325 --> 01:15:06,366
Or we could drive up and
down here until we die.
1485
01:15:06,451 --> 01:15:09,726
I'm sick of driving up and down.
We can get out, so let's get in.
1486
01:15:09,811 --> 01:15:11,366
We can definitely go on.
1487
01:15:11,451 --> 01:15:13,966
We've got a snorkel breather
on the engine.
1488
01:15:14,051 --> 01:15:16,126
We cross the drink
and get a drink.
1489
01:15:16,211 --> 01:15:18,166
- Let's do it.
- Right.
1490
01:15:20,791 --> 01:15:22,986
OK, and we're...
1491
01:15:23,071 --> 01:15:24,646
Oh, John is wading.
1492
01:15:24,731 --> 01:15:27,706
Oh-ho! Whoa! That's...
that's glacial run-off,
1493
01:15:27,791 --> 01:15:29,086
and it's unbelievably cold!
1494
01:15:29,171 --> 01:15:31,106
- Whoa, that's... Oh, no!
- Oh!
1495
01:15:31,191 --> 01:15:33,886
- OK, James, I now have a
freezing starfish. - Oh!
1496
01:15:33,971 --> 01:15:35,726
- It's all the way up to my arse.
- Argh!
1497
01:15:43,071 --> 01:15:46,466
It's too deep,
it's deep. Stop, stop, James.
1498
01:15:46,551 --> 01:15:48,846
Back up, James.
Please, I beg of you.
1499
01:15:52,231 --> 01:15:54,926
- I think the wheels are spinning.
- They are spinning.
1500
01:15:55,011 --> 01:15:56,506
Yeah, that's not working.
1501
01:15:56,591 --> 01:15:58,366
I did feel us run over
a boulder or something.
1502
01:15:58,451 --> 01:16:00,426
- Did you feel that?
- Yes.
1503
01:16:00,511 --> 01:16:02,086
I think we're wedged
against that backwards.
1504
01:16:05,071 --> 01:16:06,446
- Did I just feel the whole car move?
- Yes, you did.
1505
01:16:06,531 --> 01:16:08,746
- That's the current.
- Forwards.
1506
01:16:08,831 --> 01:16:12,406
We can't go forwards. If that gets any
deep... and we've got inches in here,
1507
01:16:12,491 --> 01:16:14,566
the engine will be
completely submerged,
1508
01:16:14,651 --> 01:16:17,066
all the electrics
underwater - end of.
1509
01:16:17,151 --> 01:16:19,766
The only solution
was to reverse.
1510
01:16:19,851 --> 01:16:23,166
Which meant we had
to free the rear wheels.
1511
01:16:23,251 --> 01:16:25,626
- Holy shit!
- What?
1512
01:16:25,711 --> 01:16:28,166
I've just had
a transgender operation.
1513
01:16:28,251 --> 01:16:30,024
Aargh!
1514
01:16:30,111 --> 01:16:32,526
- Ohh!
- Are you all right, Hammond, in there?
1515
01:16:32,611 --> 01:16:33,786
I'm not getting out.
1516
01:16:33,871 --> 01:16:35,606
I'm from Birmingham.
I'm not good with water.
1517
01:16:35,691 --> 01:16:37,626
- Uhh!
- Ahh!
1518
01:16:37,711 --> 01:16:39,806
The current's really
dddd strong.
1519
01:16:39,894 --> 01:16:41,419
- It's very deep.
- Guys, I just felt the car
1520
01:16:41,506 --> 01:16:43,002
- move again in the current.
- I know.
1521
01:16:43,090 --> 01:16:44,970
- Cut the doors off.
- Why?
1522
01:16:45,058 --> 01:16:46,815
- Cut the doors off!
- Why cut the doors off?
1523
01:16:46,902 --> 01:16:50,080
- They're what's moving it.
- They're the only bit I put on!
1524
01:16:50,168 --> 01:16:52,128
Well, I don't care, it's
gonna kill the whole car.
1525
01:16:52,215 --> 01:16:53,696
James,
cut the other ones off.
1526
01:16:59,351 --> 01:17:00,786
Doors are off.
1527
01:17:00,871 --> 01:17:04,003
Oh, brilliant! So the only
contribution I made to John
1528
01:17:04,182 --> 01:17:06,826
are now on their way
to Shanghai.
1529
01:17:07,065 --> 01:17:08,884
Now, though,
we could concentrate
1530
01:17:08,972 --> 01:17:12,146
on finding out
what was blocking us.
1531
01:17:12,362 --> 01:17:15,086
We're both going simultaneously?
1532
01:17:15,171 --> 01:17:17,496
Three, two, one...
1533
01:17:20,631 --> 01:17:23,976
Both rear wheels
were jammed by big rocks.
1534
01:17:26,791 --> 01:17:28,906
- Can you move the rocks?
- Oh, yes, Hammond.
1535
01:17:28,991 --> 01:17:31,246
When there's an emergency in
the world people always say,
1536
01:17:31,331 --> 01:17:33,666
"I know who we'll call: James
May and Jeremy Clarkson.
1537
01:17:33,751 --> 01:17:36,086
- They're the men for the job."
- That's who we're relying on.
1538
01:17:36,171 --> 01:17:37,866
You're gonna
have to be like Titans.
1539
01:17:37,951 --> 01:17:40,526
You say you're a horse of a man.
Be a horse, move the big rock.
1540
01:17:40,611 --> 01:17:42,766
Are you in neutral?
Cos I'm about to dive down.
1541
01:17:42,851 --> 01:17:45,164
- In neutral, I'm not going anywhere.
- Right.
1542
01:17:45,252 --> 01:17:47,330
Come on, let's go, the
quicker we get this done.
1543
01:17:47,418 --> 01:17:48,627
OK, counting down.
1544
01:17:48,830 --> 01:17:50,886
Three, two, one...
1545
01:18:01,551 --> 01:18:02,806
**** Current's got me.
1546
01:18:02,891 --> 01:18:04,826
**** hell.
1547
01:18:04,911 --> 01:18:06,946
- **** The current...
- I moved it a bit.
1548
01:18:07,031 --> 01:18:10,126
The current just got a hold.
I dived down and the current got me.
1549
01:18:10,214 --> 01:18:12,901
Don't worry, Hammond,
everything's fine back here.
1550
01:18:12,990 --> 01:18:14,081
- Good.
1551
01:18:16,831 --> 01:18:18,926
- Oh, I've done it. Oh, yes!
- Have you done it?
1552
01:18:19,011 --> 01:18:21,736
- Yes.
- Right, let's clear this one. Hang on.
1553
01:18:29,071 --> 01:18:31,126
- I got it. I think I got it.
- Got it?
1554
01:18:35,351 --> 01:18:37,020
It's moving, we've done it!
1555
01:18:37,108 --> 01:18:38,303
- Oh, We have...
- JAMES: Oh, yes!
1556
01:18:44,231 --> 01:18:46,576
- Thanks for the lift, Hammond.
- Yeah.
1557
01:18:47,591 --> 01:18:48,926
Right. Two things.
1558
01:18:49,011 --> 01:18:52,626
The river's really cold,
and that bit's too deep.
1559
01:18:52,711 --> 01:18:54,856
Right. I think we need
to try another route.
1560
01:18:54,944 --> 01:18:55,963
- Yeah, we do.
- Yeah.
1561
01:18:56,051 --> 01:18:57,976
- Definitely.
- OK, get on board.
1562
01:19:01,111 --> 01:19:04,656
We re-entered where the
river seemed to be shallower.
1563
01:19:05,551 --> 01:19:07,616
Turn right. Now.
1564
01:19:10,966 --> 01:19:13,342
Yeah, well done, top work.
1565
01:19:14,187 --> 01:19:15,183
Bit leany.
1566
01:19:15,309 --> 01:19:17,226
Right, keep going,
keep going, keep going.
1567
01:19:19,431 --> 01:19:21,946
Yep. Right, now,
hang a diagonal.
1568
01:19:22,031 --> 01:19:24,856
Aim for those - the gap
in the trees, do you see?
1569
01:19:28,071 --> 01:19:29,566
Really good.
This is good, this is good.
1570
01:19:29,651 --> 01:19:31,536
If it doesn't go
suddenly deep.
1571
01:19:35,511 --> 01:19:37,746
Oh, Christ,
we've gone deep again.
1572
01:19:37,831 --> 01:19:39,936
Right, keep going,
keep going, keep going.
1573
01:19:46,231 --> 01:19:49,066
You can feel it now,
it's getting shallower.
1574
01:19:49,151 --> 01:19:50,292
- Ah, yes!
- Do you know,
1575
01:19:50,379 --> 01:19:52,005
I think we might make it.
1576
01:19:52,451 --> 01:19:55,486
Left hand down.
That's it. Left hand down.
1577
01:19:55,571 --> 01:19:57,896
We've nearly done it.
1578
01:20:00,151 --> 01:20:03,426
- John can swim. I'm staggered.
- Wahay, John!
1579
01:20:03,511 --> 01:20:05,126
- I am staggered.
- Ha-ha-ha!
1580
01:20:05,211 --> 01:20:07,296
We're on our way to gin town.
1581
01:20:08,231 --> 01:20:10,366
Before moving on, though,
1582
01:20:10,451 --> 01:20:12,976
we had to make
some modifications.
1583
01:20:15,431 --> 01:20:18,726
We haven't driven John as a
convertible before with the top down.
1584
01:20:18,811 --> 01:20:21,886
No. We should explain, the reason
we're driving with no roof,
1585
01:20:21,971 --> 01:20:25,986
is because James has turned it into
a pair of trousers cos his are wet.
1586
01:20:26,071 --> 01:20:28,766
Hammond and I have turned one of
the tents into a pair of trousers,
1587
01:20:28,851 --> 01:20:31,626
so if we don't make
Moron tonight...
1588
01:20:31,711 --> 01:20:35,686
Two of us are sharing. You two will be
all right in a tent together, won't you?
1589
01:20:35,771 --> 01:20:37,576
- No.
- Wrong.
1590
01:20:39,431 --> 01:20:43,576
Now the river was behind us, we
had to work out what lay ahead.
1591
01:20:44,271 --> 01:20:47,026
Which was impossible.
1592
01:20:47,111 --> 01:20:50,386
Oh, God. There's just
nothing marked on the map.
1593
01:20:50,471 --> 01:20:53,246
It just is cross the river,
and then... nothing.
1594
01:20:53,331 --> 01:20:55,186
No.
1595
01:20:55,271 --> 01:20:58,286
We were therefore
surprised a few miles later
1596
01:20:58,371 --> 01:21:00,846
to find our route
was peppered by something
1597
01:21:00,931 --> 01:21:03,176
we hadn't encountered before.
1598
01:21:05,911 --> 01:21:09,016
About half a billion
boulders.
1599
01:21:22,831 --> 01:21:24,486
No, stop, stop, stop.
1600
01:21:24,571 --> 01:21:28,486
He's bouncing, Hammond. That's the
sign for you and I to jump ship.
1601
01:21:28,571 --> 01:21:30,206
Good luck, mate.
1602
01:21:41,831 --> 01:21:43,386
Try reversing.
1603
01:21:43,471 --> 01:21:46,806
I'm just covered in flies,
cos of my orange trousers.
1604
01:21:48,431 --> 01:21:51,656
The orange trouser
was a poor, poor idea.
1605
01:21:53,231 --> 01:21:54,786
Right,
what we're trying to do now,
1606
01:21:54,871 --> 01:21:56,246
is because all the
weight's on the back,
1607
01:21:56,331 --> 01:21:58,406
is actually reverse up.
1608
01:21:58,491 --> 01:22:01,536
Left hand down!
1609
01:22:03,231 --> 01:22:04,786
Right... Agh!
1610
01:22:04,871 --> 01:22:08,866
- OK, keep going. Straight back.
- Have to shout!
1611
01:22:08,951 --> 01:22:11,766
Straighten up.
Over to you, Hammond.
1612
01:22:11,851 --> 01:22:14,656
Bit of right.
Uh... a lot of right.
1613
01:22:16,471 --> 01:22:19,416
Now left hand, hard left.
1614
01:22:20,511 --> 01:22:22,046
Once the slope levelled out,
1615
01:22:22,131 --> 01:22:26,286
John could turn and tackle
the terrain face-on.
1616
01:22:26,371 --> 01:22:28,696
And hard left.
1617
01:22:43,231 --> 01:22:46,136
Honestly, have you ever
seen an off-roader like that?
1618
01:22:46,871 --> 01:22:48,286
What a machine!
1619
01:22:55,111 --> 01:22:57,426
This is his hardest work yet.
1620
01:22:57,511 --> 01:22:59,766
Ultimately, you're
going down there, down the gully,
1621
01:22:59,851 --> 01:23:03,536
up the other side, and into the clear
meadow beyond and we're all saved.
1622
01:23:04,991 --> 01:23:07,206
Jeeps! Are you sure
about this, Hammond?
1623
01:23:07,291 --> 01:23:09,216
Yeah!
Now a bit more right.
1624
01:23:10,591 --> 01:23:13,066
There you go.
Keep the right in.
1625
01:23:13,151 --> 01:23:14,946
- Hammond, Hammond.
- Yes?
1626
01:23:15,031 --> 01:23:16,566
- Have you seen...
- Oh, God!
1627
01:23:16,651 --> 01:23:18,666
Agh! What was that?
1628
01:23:18,751 --> 01:23:21,486
- Sorry, we were a bit distracted by this.
- We were looking at the ants.
1629
01:23:21,571 --> 01:23:24,846
There are more ants there
than there are Mongolians in Mongolia.
1630
01:23:24,931 --> 01:23:27,576
- There probably are.
- Give it the beans!
1631
01:23:29,631 --> 01:23:31,656
Good, you are out.
1632
01:23:38,071 --> 01:23:41,126
I can't believe what it's capable
of off-road. I'm staggered.
1633
01:23:41,211 --> 01:23:42,746
I have genuinely never seen
1634
01:23:42,831 --> 01:23:44,846
- a better off-road car than this.
- No, it's astonishing.
1635
01:23:44,931 --> 01:23:49,216
I think NATO will be ordering
20,000 of these when they see this.
1636
01:23:50,551 --> 01:23:52,546
What are you thinking about,
Hammond?
1637
01:23:52,631 --> 01:23:53,738
Drink.
1638
01:23:53,826 --> 01:23:55,466
I don't think I'm
gonna be allowed through
1639
01:23:55,551 --> 01:23:58,526
- the passport thing when I get home.
- They won't recognise you.
1640
01:23:58,611 --> 01:24:03,376
I'll be two stone lighter, and
I'll look like Jon Bon Jovi.
1641
01:24:05,431 --> 01:24:07,406
We were now more
desperate than ever
1642
01:24:07,491 --> 01:24:10,346
for this trip to end.
1643
01:24:10,431 --> 01:24:13,126
If we can just get... You see
those trees on the crest up there?
1644
01:24:13,211 --> 01:24:13,945
Yeah.
1645
01:24:14,033 --> 01:24:16,406
- Will we be able to
see Moron from up there?
1646
01:24:16,507 --> 01:24:19,446
We'll see the sign that says: "Moron,
twinned with Jeremy Clarkson".
1647
01:24:22,511 --> 01:24:24,566
Soon,
with our hearts soaring,
1648
01:24:24,651 --> 01:24:26,976
we were nearing the peak.
1649
01:24:28,511 --> 01:24:30,886
Summit.
Can we see Moron?
1650
01:24:30,971 --> 01:24:33,186
Can we see Moron?
1651
01:24:35,091 --> 01:24:38,066
Where is it?
1652
01:24:38,151 --> 01:24:41,006
- Oh, no. No, no.
- Oh, jeez...
1653
01:24:41,091 --> 01:24:44,176
- Oh, bloody hell!
- Please!
1654
01:24:45,631 --> 01:24:47,606
Oh, my God.
1655
01:24:55,111 --> 01:24:56,591
Kill me.
1656
01:25:01,271 --> 01:25:03,176
We've only got two tents.
1657
01:25:05,231 --> 01:25:07,096
We've no food.
1658
01:25:14,951 --> 01:25:17,506
We were also low on fuel.
1659
01:25:17,591 --> 01:25:20,446
But we had to plough on
with the punishment.
1660
01:25:25,831 --> 01:25:28,606
Until two hours later,
when we came across
1661
01:25:28,691 --> 01:25:33,536
the most wonderful thing
we'd ever seen.
1662
01:25:39,431 --> 01:25:42,386
This was the first reminder
in seven days
1663
01:25:42,471 --> 01:25:44,786
that we were in
the 21st century.
1664
01:25:44,871 --> 01:25:48,486
- Oh, my God!
- Yes! I've never been so happy...
1665
01:25:48,571 --> 01:25:53,146
But we still had to make
a critical decision.
1666
01:25:53,231 --> 01:25:55,126
- On one end of this...
- Is Moron.
1667
01:25:55,211 --> 01:25:56,966
- Yes.
- The question is:
1668
01:25:57,051 --> 01:26:00,976
Do we go left...
or do we go right?
1669
01:26:03,831 --> 01:26:06,226
- Right.
- Well, why right?
1670
01:26:06,311 --> 01:26:07,486
Because I'm very lucky.
1671
01:26:07,571 --> 01:26:10,066
And it's lucky to go right
in Mongolia.
1672
01:26:10,151 --> 01:26:11,501
- That's going to Moron.
- What if that just goes
1673
01:26:11,588 --> 01:26:12,641
all the way to nothing?
1674
01:26:12,729 --> 01:26:14,606
- It won't go to nowhere.
- It'll go a power station.
1675
01:26:14,691 --> 01:26:18,226
It'll go to Russia. Go to a power
station in Russia is where it'll go.
1676
01:26:18,311 --> 01:26:20,586
One end's got a power station
in Russia on the end of it.
1677
01:26:20,671 --> 01:26:22,886
- The other has a gin and tonic.
- And the other end... yeah.
1678
01:26:22,971 --> 01:26:24,246
Has got a gin and tonic.
1679
01:26:24,331 --> 01:26:25,986
We've decided.
1680
01:26:26,071 --> 01:26:27,766
Let's just stick with it and
have faith in our decision.
1681
01:26:27,851 --> 01:26:29,406
Yeah, just to be
crystal clear, though,
1682
01:26:29,491 --> 01:26:30,986
- if this is wrong...
- I'll kill myself.
1683
01:26:31,071 --> 01:26:33,166
...I will be the one that
says, "I told you it was left."
1684
01:26:33,251 --> 01:26:35,246
Yeah, I know you will.
But I'll have killed myself,
1685
01:26:35,331 --> 01:26:37,656
so it doesn't matter,
I won't hear it.
1686
01:26:39,951 --> 01:26:41,486
We needn't
have worried though,
1687
01:26:41,571 --> 01:26:43,686
because just
a few miles later,
1688
01:26:43,771 --> 01:26:49,176
we discovered that in Mongolia
it really is lucky to turn right.
1689
01:26:51,871 --> 01:26:54,536
What a heavenly sight.
1690
01:27:03,591 --> 01:27:06,336
How far away
do you reckon it is?
1691
01:27:07,031 --> 01:27:08,466
10K.
1692
01:27:08,551 --> 01:27:10,140
Come on, then, let's
get this thing finished.
1693
01:27:10,227 --> 01:27:10,726
Let's do it.
1694
01:27:10,811 --> 01:27:13,136
Yeah.
1695
01:27:16,031 --> 01:27:18,626
- It hasn't been easy, has it?
- It really hasn't.
1696
01:27:18,711 --> 01:27:20,166
- God, no.
- It really hasn't. I mean...
1697
01:27:20,251 --> 01:27:23,646
I'm just staggered that we
haven't killed ourselves,
1698
01:27:23,731 --> 01:27:26,346
or each other, actually.
1699
01:27:26,431 --> 01:27:29,346
Because while Mongolia
has just been...
1700
01:27:29,431 --> 01:27:31,586
...a constant source
of wonderment,
1701
01:27:31,671 --> 01:27:33,806
the actual business of
getting across it
1702
01:27:33,891 --> 01:27:35,826
has been by far and away
1703
01:27:35,911 --> 01:27:37,846
the most difficult,
gruelling,
1704
01:27:37,931 --> 01:27:41,736
arduous journey...
we've ever done.
1705
01:27:47,391 --> 01:27:49,744
Look!
1706
01:27:49,831 --> 01:27:51,886
I would say we've
got hundreds of components.
1707
01:27:51,971 --> 01:27:54,486
They haven't sent any beer,
or gin or wine,
1708
01:27:54,571 --> 01:27:56,006
or alcohol of any sort.
1709
01:27:56,091 --> 01:27:57,666
Oh!
1710
01:27:57,751 --> 01:28:00,376
- God above!
- Let it end!
1711
01:28:01,791 --> 01:28:04,296
That's what I meant.
1712
01:28:08,631 --> 01:28:10,446
Oh, May!
1713
01:28:10,531 --> 01:28:12,136
I've lost my shoes!
1714
01:28:13,551 --> 01:28:16,096
- I can save this.
- He's rolled it.
1715
01:28:22,911 --> 01:28:24,806
Brrr-brrr-brrr.
1716
01:28:24,891 --> 01:28:26,536
Oh.
1717
01:28:28,911 --> 01:28:31,906
Oh-ho, whoa! It's all
the way up to my arse!
1718
01:28:31,991 --> 01:28:33,446
Aargh! dddd
Current's got me.
1719
01:28:33,531 --> 01:28:35,346
**** hell.
1720
01:28:38,691 --> 01:28:40,831
Aargh!
1721
01:28:43,031 --> 01:28:45,106
Fact is, though,
1722
01:28:45,191 --> 01:28:48,406
we couldn't have done
any of that without John.
1723
01:28:48,491 --> 01:28:50,666
No. He's been incredible.
1724
01:28:50,751 --> 01:28:52,266
There's something else,
you know.
1725
01:28:52,351 --> 01:28:55,166
Even though we built it in the
middle of a field in the dust,
1726
01:28:55,251 --> 01:28:58,066
it has been
unutterably reliable.
1727
01:28:58,151 --> 01:29:00,106
The only thing
we've had to do to this car
1728
01:29:00,191 --> 01:29:01,503
is change a fuse,
1729
01:29:01,591 --> 01:29:02,619
- which took about 30 seconds.
- Yeah.
1730
01:29:02,706 --> 01:29:04,966
But the moral of that is, if
you're going on an expedition
1731
01:29:05,051 --> 01:29:09,966
and you're absolutely dependent on
your car for your life... get a John.
1732
01:29:10,051 --> 01:29:11,304
Yeah.
1733
01:29:11,391 --> 01:29:12,391
Look.
1734
01:29:14,551 --> 01:29:17,866
It's... I can't...
I'm so excited.
1735
01:29:17,951 --> 01:29:20,986
- And thirsty. Ha-ha!
- Oh, my God.
1736
01:29:21,071 --> 01:29:24,226
I've never wanted to arrive
anywhere more than just there.
1737
01:29:24,311 --> 01:29:26,253
Here we go. As we go
past the sign, we're there.
1738
01:29:26,341 --> 01:29:27,046
Oh, this is it!
1739
01:29:27,131 --> 01:29:29,806
We are arriving,
and we are here!
1740
01:29:31,951 --> 01:29:34,666
We're in Moron!
1741
01:29:34,751 --> 01:29:38,146
- Hello, Moron, we love you!
- Hello, Moron!
1742
01:29:38,231 --> 01:29:40,886
We have travelled far.
1743
01:29:40,971 --> 01:29:46,106
- That was a journey!
- Yes, the smoothness.
1744
01:29:46,191 --> 01:29:49,776
Oh, this is beautiful.
I like this Tarmac lark.
1745
01:29:51,815 --> 01:29:55,047
Right. We have now
completed Mr Wilman's mission.
1746
01:29:55,151 --> 01:29:55,805
Yes.
1747
01:29:55,893 --> 01:29:59,024
- We must get on with completing ours.
- Yes, where's the pub?
1748
01:29:59,112 --> 01:30:00,306
- Exactly!
- Yes.
1749
01:30:00,391 --> 01:30:02,346
Right,
and just another thing.
1750
01:30:02,431 --> 01:30:04,446
As we've done Mr Wilman's
mission, this bit's for us.
1751
01:30:04,531 --> 01:30:07,466
- James, can I drive this bit?
- No chance.
1752
01:30:07,551 --> 01:30:09,626
- Oh, come on.
- No, seriously, Hammond.
1753
01:30:09,711 --> 01:30:13,066
No, it's not worth the risk at this late
stage of you putting it on its side.
1754
01:30:13,151 --> 01:30:15,206
- What risk? Well, a bit.
- There might be a bend.
1755
01:30:15,291 --> 01:30:19,026
- It might say "Finish."
- There won't be a bend.
1756
01:30:19,111 --> 01:30:21,166
You've had all the fun,
you've done the exciting bits:
1757
01:30:21,251 --> 01:30:23,226
the dunes and the mountains,
and the gullies
1758
01:30:23,311 --> 01:30:25,486
- and the deserts, and the forests.
- Yeah, and now the town.
1759
01:30:25,571 --> 01:30:27,346
- James.
- What?
1760
01:30:27,431 --> 01:30:29,126
Seriously,
just to shut him up,
1761
01:30:29,211 --> 01:30:31,986
why don't you
just let him have... a go?
1762
01:30:32,071 --> 01:30:34,666
- What, really?
- Just let him drive. Pull up here.
1763
01:30:34,751 --> 01:30:36,086
- Seriously?
- Yes, honestly.
1764
01:30:36,171 --> 01:30:38,046
- All right.
- Please pull up here.
1765
01:30:38,131 --> 01:30:40,046
- It's your fault.
- Oh, yes.
1766
01:30:40,131 --> 01:30:42,826
Unbelievable.
1767
01:30:42,911 --> 01:30:46,386
- Right, now you see some driving.
- There we go.
1768
01:30:46,471 --> 01:30:48,446
- Whoa! Pub, pub, pub!
- What?
1769
01:30:48,531 --> 01:30:51,216
- Whoa!
- I've only done two feet!
1770
01:30:55,911 --> 01:30:57,726
- It's shut.
- What?
1771
01:30:57,811 --> 01:30:59,711
It's shut.
1772
01:31:02,191 --> 01:31:04,936
- Do you know, it is, as well.
- It is shut.
1773
01:31:09,831 --> 01:31:11,606
And on that terrible
disappointment,
1774
01:31:11,691 --> 01:31:13,066
it's time to end.
1775
01:31:13,151 --> 01:31:15,941
Thank you so much
for watching. Goodbye.
1776
01:31:18,941 --> 01:31:22,941
Preuzeto sa www.titlovi.com
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