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1
00:00:03,503 --> 00:00:04,538
Ooh!
2
00:00:04,539 --> 00:00:06,525
Getting a jump on the
Halloween decorations?
3
00:00:06,526 --> 00:00:08,294
The 'ween dec.
4
00:00:08,295 --> 00:00:11,630
Never. This is from the
window display of my novel,
5
00:00:11,631 --> 00:00:13,365
"A Case of a Knife to the Brain."
6
00:00:13,366 --> 00:00:14,800
Mm.
7
00:00:14,801 --> 00:00:17,969
You know, we never did do that
book tour across America.
8
00:00:17,970 --> 00:00:20,272
We should do a road trip
when Eddie gets back.
9
00:00:20,273 --> 00:00:22,541
We haven't done one since
we moved down here.
10
00:00:22,542 --> 00:00:24,009
♪ I saw the sign ♪
11
00:00:24,010 --> 00:00:27,379
♪ And it opened up my
eyes, I saw the sign ♪
12
00:00:27,380 --> 00:00:29,281
I'm fine if that was the last one.
13
00:00:29,282 --> 00:00:30,982
Hey!
14
00:00:30,983 --> 00:00:32,718
Eddie sent us an e-mail from Taiwan!
15
00:00:32,719 --> 00:00:35,153
From an Internet café.
16
00:00:35,154 --> 00:00:37,289
Oh, man, those babies are the future.
17
00:00:37,290 --> 00:00:38,457
I bet 10 years from now,
18
00:00:38,458 --> 00:00:40,459
there's two of them for
every Blockbuster.
19
00:00:40,460 --> 00:00:42,494
Print the e-mail so we can read it.
20
00:00:43,753 --> 00:00:46,079
_
21
00:00:46,081 --> 00:00:47,650
Here it comes.
22
00:00:51,987 --> 00:00:54,172
"What up, other Huangs.
23
00:00:54,173 --> 00:00:56,408
Taiwan is do-ope.
24
00:00:56,409 --> 00:00:58,828
All the unique customs..."
25
00:01:01,664 --> 00:01:03,549
"...the Qing dynasty architecture..."
26
00:01:04,917 --> 00:01:06,593
"...enchanting."
27
00:01:06,594 --> 00:01:09,521
"And don't worry. I'm playing
things safe and smart."
28
00:01:09,522 --> 00:01:10,522
I got this, chief.
29
00:01:16,696 --> 00:01:19,030
Unh! Ugh!
30
00:01:19,031 --> 00:01:20,031
Uggh!
31
00:01:20,032 --> 00:01:22,868
"See you in a few weeks. Peace out."
32
00:01:22,869 --> 00:01:25,504
And then he drew a skull out
of commas and semicolons.
33
00:01:25,505 --> 00:01:26,905
It's quite good.
34
00:01:26,906 --> 00:01:28,374
Eddie's really getting our money's worth
35
00:01:28,375 --> 00:01:29,575
out of cultural exchange.
36
00:01:29,576 --> 00:01:31,076
I can't wait till I get to go.
37
00:01:31,077 --> 00:01:33,078
He had me at "Qing
dynasty architecture."
38
00:01:33,079 --> 00:01:34,746
I'm gonna go hit the Brittanicas.
39
00:01:36,916 --> 00:01:38,518
We raised some good kids.
40
00:01:38,519 --> 00:01:39,918
We have.
41
00:01:39,919 --> 00:01:42,354
Sync and corrections by btsix
www.addic7ed.com
42
00:01:58,644 --> 00:02:00,906
Hey, Emery. What's wrong?
43
00:02:00,907 --> 00:02:03,108
Too many girlfriends? They love him.
44
00:02:03,109 --> 00:02:06,244
I got reprimanded at school
for academic dishonesty.
45
00:02:06,245 --> 00:02:07,145
What?!
46
00:02:07,146 --> 00:02:08,246
Remember that video essay
47
00:02:08,247 --> 00:02:10,350
I did with Grandma for Social Studies?
48
00:02:10,351 --> 00:02:13,285
Well, her language was a little salty,
49
00:02:13,286 --> 00:02:14,786
so I had to do some editing.
50
00:02:14,787 --> 00:02:18,657
My first boyfriend was a
bricklayer from Malaysia.
51
00:02:18,658 --> 00:02:21,059
He's got strong thighs,
52
00:02:21,060 --> 00:02:24,262
and then we used to stay
up all night long...
53
00:02:24,263 --> 00:02:26,097
Cross-country skiing.
54
00:02:31,321 --> 00:02:32,604
I got caught,
55
00:02:32,605 --> 00:02:34,840
and Principal Hunter's
making me redo the project.
56
00:02:34,841 --> 00:02:35,941
I'm sorry I got in trouble.
57
00:02:35,942 --> 00:02:37,576
Don't apologize!
58
00:02:37,577 --> 00:02:38,910
It's Grandma's fault.
59
00:02:38,911 --> 00:02:40,709
When you're near the end, anything goes.
60
00:02:43,333 --> 00:02:45,083
You know, if this is "trouble,"
61
00:02:45,084 --> 00:02:46,952
we've raised some pretty good kids.
62
00:02:46,953 --> 00:02:48,920
You know what? We really have.
63
00:02:48,921 --> 00:02:49,921
Even Eddie.
64
00:02:49,922 --> 00:02:51,990
I thought he was our throwaway,
65
00:02:51,991 --> 00:02:53,359
but he's really matured.
66
00:02:54,427 --> 00:02:57,012
See, the key is to lick your palms.
67
00:02:59,214 --> 00:03:00,666
Quick pit stop for gas,
68
00:03:00,667 --> 00:03:02,133
then we hit the street market for lunch.
69
00:03:02,134 --> 00:03:04,370
Hey, Wendy's! Let's go there for lunch.
70
00:03:04,371 --> 00:03:07,272
We're not eating American garbage food.
71
00:03:12,328 --> 00:03:15,046
I'm getting that cheeseburger.
72
00:03:20,002 --> 00:03:22,954
What is it with the vehicles here?
73
00:03:26,826 --> 00:03:29,728
Just giving myself a celebratory blow.
74
00:03:29,729 --> 00:03:31,730
Because...
75
00:03:31,731 --> 00:03:33,665
I got Emery out of trouble.
76
00:03:33,666 --> 00:03:34,866
You faked his death.
77
00:03:34,867 --> 00:03:36,234
Nope, we made a video of him
78
00:03:36,235 --> 00:03:37,903
saying "sorry" in several languages.
79
00:03:37,904 --> 00:03:39,738
We even threw in one as Sean Connery.
80
00:03:39,739 --> 00:03:41,006
"Shorry."
81
00:03:41,007 --> 00:03:43,041
It's your favorite word.
82
00:03:43,042 --> 00:03:44,075
"Chimichanga"?
83
00:03:44,076 --> 00:03:46,678
No, "sorry." You say it all the time.
84
00:03:46,679 --> 00:03:47,763
I do?
85
00:03:49,599 --> 00:03:50,600
Sorry.
86
00:03:51,734 --> 00:03:52,751
Watch... Oh! Uh...
87
00:03:52,752 --> 00:03:54,103
Sorry! Sorry!
88
00:03:54,737 --> 00:03:56,221
Ooh! Oh! Oh!
89
00:03:56,222 --> 00:03:58,023
Uh, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. Sorry.
90
00:03:58,024 --> 00:04:01,660
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
91
00:04:01,661 --> 00:04:03,228
Okay, maybe I say it a lot,
92
00:04:03,229 --> 00:04:05,330
but only to avoid senseless conflict.
93
00:04:05,331 --> 00:04:08,066
It cheapens the word if
you say it all the time.
94
00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:09,267
You're a "sorry" slut.
95
00:04:10,403 --> 00:04:11,837
Well, at least I say it.
96
00:04:11,838 --> 00:04:13,371
You should only apologize
97
00:04:13,372 --> 00:04:14,906
when you've actually
done something wrong.
98
00:04:14,907 --> 00:04:16,742
But you never apologize.
99
00:04:16,743 --> 00:04:18,594
Bingo.
100
00:04:20,930 --> 00:04:22,848
Thanks again for babysitting Maria.
101
00:04:22,849 --> 00:04:24,783
Of course.
102
00:04:24,784 --> 00:04:26,918
Now, where is the child?
103
00:04:28,254 --> 00:04:29,855
Ah. Yes.
104
00:04:29,856 --> 00:04:31,957
Jessica was right.
105
00:04:31,958 --> 00:04:33,124
He's perfect. Yeah.
106
00:04:33,125 --> 00:04:34,793
- Come on, Honey. Let's go.
- Oh.
107
00:04:36,262 --> 00:04:37,685
Now, any governess worth her frock
108
00:04:37,686 --> 00:04:39,765
comes prepared with the proper tools.
109
00:04:41,067 --> 00:04:44,436
Music prepares the infant
mind for mathematics.
110
00:04:44,437 --> 00:04:47,105
Problem-solving begins in the uterus.
111
00:04:47,106 --> 00:04:48,830
Best we catch up, then.
112
00:04:49,439 --> 00:04:53,228
To know ourselves, we must
first know the beasts.
113
00:04:54,096 --> 00:04:58,650
Now, Maria, sometimes a child
needs encouragement to eat.
114
00:04:58,651 --> 00:05:02,120
♪ You are six months,
going on seven months ♪
115
00:05:02,121 --> 00:05:04,723
♪ Baby, it's time to ea... ♪
116
00:05:09,512 --> 00:05:11,329
The citywide traffic jam began
117
00:05:11,330 --> 00:05:13,431
when American exchange
student Eddie Huang
118
00:05:13,432 --> 00:05:14,933
crashed the bus into a restaurant
119
00:05:14,934 --> 00:05:16,101
for a cheeseburger.
120
00:05:16,102 --> 00:05:17,836
Yo, I didn't crash.
121
00:05:17,837 --> 00:05:19,437
I got stuck. Big difference.
122
00:05:19,438 --> 00:05:21,773
And I never got the cheeseburger.
123
00:05:21,774 --> 00:05:22,941
So you're not sorry
124
00:05:22,942 --> 00:05:25,844
you completely shut down Xinyi District?
125
00:05:25,845 --> 00:05:28,013
It's not my fault the clearance
height was in meters.
126
00:05:28,014 --> 00:05:30,015
I can't be driving and
doing all kinds of math.
127
00:05:30,016 --> 00:05:31,016
It's not safe!
128
00:05:31,017 --> 00:05:32,951
Chimichanga.
129
00:05:32,952 --> 00:05:34,820
Y'all should look into
using feet and miles.
130
00:05:34,821 --> 00:05:36,855
Way less confusing.
131
00:05:36,856 --> 00:05:39,157
So, does this count as
"doing something wrong"?
132
00:05:40,967 --> 00:05:42,967
_
133
00:05:43,796 --> 00:05:45,497
- _
- MAN: Hey! Oh!
134
00:05:48,766 --> 00:05:51,109
_
135
00:05:56,191 --> 00:05:58,844
Taiwan, an entire
island, kicked you out!
136
00:05:58,845 --> 00:06:02,548
Yes, but I didn't get
kicked out empty-handed.
137
00:06:02,549 --> 00:06:04,182
I got you all gifts!
138
00:06:04,183 --> 00:06:05,604
Oh. They were stolen.
139
00:06:05,606 --> 00:06:07,886
But there is a crab
backpack in here for Dad.
140
00:06:07,887 --> 00:06:09,387
This isn't funny, Eddie.
141
00:06:09,388 --> 00:06:10,689
The cultural exchange program
142
00:06:10,690 --> 00:06:12,223
said they won't take your brothers now.
143
00:06:12,224 --> 00:06:14,243
Zàijin, Yale!
144
00:06:15,410 --> 00:06:17,729
That means "Goodbye,
Yale" in Mandarin...
145
00:06:17,730 --> 00:06:20,398
The language that you've been
immersed in for over a month!
146
00:06:20,399 --> 00:06:22,701
You know, I feel like we're only
focusing on the negative here.
147
00:06:22,702 --> 00:06:23,702
Positive?
148
00:06:23,703 --> 00:06:25,070
Your boy's home early!
149
00:06:25,071 --> 00:06:27,238
I'm gonna surprise the crap out of Tina.
150
00:06:27,239 --> 00:06:28,974
No! No Tina crap surprises.
151
00:06:28,975 --> 00:06:31,543
You are grounded... For
the rest of your life!
152
00:06:31,544 --> 00:06:33,579
And for whatever comes after that!
153
00:06:33,580 --> 00:06:36,582
You come back as a mushroom,
that mushroom is grounded, too.
154
00:06:36,583 --> 00:06:37,816
How would you enforce that?
155
00:06:37,817 --> 00:06:38,917
Not now, Emery!
156
00:06:38,918 --> 00:06:41,317
- I had the same question.
- Mm.
157
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:43,722
I thought you had matured, Eddie.
158
00:06:43,723 --> 00:06:45,402
You got your driver's license.
159
00:06:45,403 --> 00:06:46,524
You were acting more responsible.
160
00:06:46,525 --> 00:06:48,226
But you tricked me!
161
00:06:48,227 --> 00:06:50,361
We wanted to raise good kids,
162
00:06:50,362 --> 00:06:53,146
kids who would make a difference
and stand up for something
163
00:06:53,147 --> 00:06:56,534
and maybe have enough money to
send us to Hawaii twice a year.
164
00:06:56,535 --> 00:06:59,070
But instead, we raised a cheese-burglar.
165
00:06:59,071 --> 00:07:00,538
Wait, Mom.
166
00:07:00,539 --> 00:07:01,740
I know how you feel about
167
00:07:01,741 --> 00:07:03,842
standing up for something, and...
168
00:07:03,843 --> 00:07:05,488
I was. What?
169
00:07:05,489 --> 00:07:06,636
Really, I swear I was!
170
00:07:06,637 --> 00:07:09,877
See, what happened was...
171
00:07:09,878 --> 00:07:11,810
Cheeseburger.
172
00:07:11,811 --> 00:07:14,100
We're not eating American garbage food.
173
00:07:15,121 --> 00:07:17,272
- You guys are soft.
- Hey! I'm not soft!
174
00:07:17,886 --> 00:07:19,471
And neither are my parents,
175
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:22,126
especially my beautiful
and ageless mother.
176
00:07:22,128 --> 00:07:24,863
Yeah, well, uh, your parents are fools,
177
00:07:24,864 --> 00:07:26,064
and so is your country.
178
00:07:26,065 --> 00:07:27,032
Boom!
179
00:07:28,400 --> 00:07:31,703
I'm not gonna let you disrespect
my parents or my homeland.
180
00:07:31,704 --> 00:07:33,204
Are we gonna let him insult
181
00:07:33,205 --> 00:07:34,906
our brilliant mothers and native soil?
182
00:07:34,907 --> 00:07:36,708
And let him deny us cheeseburgers?
183
00:07:36,709 --> 00:07:37,643
No! No! No! No!
184
00:07:37,644 --> 00:07:39,053
No, we are not.
185
00:07:39,054 --> 00:07:40,217
USA!
186
00:07:40,218 --> 00:07:41,412
USA!
187
00:07:41,413 --> 00:07:42,577
USA!
188
00:07:42,578 --> 00:07:43,782
USA!
189
00:07:43,783 --> 00:07:45,043
USA!
190
00:07:45,044 --> 00:07:46,384
USA!
191
00:07:46,385 --> 00:07:47,619
USA!
192
00:07:47,620 --> 00:07:49,254
USA! USA!
193
00:07:49,255 --> 00:07:52,557
It was like that movie
"Braveheart," minus the skirts.
194
00:07:52,558 --> 00:07:55,493
No matter what, you can't
just take a bus on a joyride.
195
00:07:55,494 --> 00:07:56,728
You're not a kid anymore,
196
00:07:56,729 --> 00:07:58,753
and you can't make waves
in a different country.
197
00:07:59,331 --> 00:08:00,589
No, Eddie was right.
198
00:08:01,416 --> 00:08:03,434
He was? I was?
199
00:08:03,435 --> 00:08:05,967
You stood up for yourself,
like you should have.
200
00:08:05,969 --> 00:08:07,472
Eternity grounding lifted.
201
00:08:07,473 --> 00:08:10,321
Yes! You heard her! She
said it! No take-backs!
202
00:08:16,849 --> 00:08:18,750
Ooh!
203
00:08:18,751 --> 00:08:21,319
Evan likey.
204
00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:23,989
So, if Eddie makes a formal
apology, then you'll let
205
00:08:23,990 --> 00:08:26,191
our other sons participate
in cultural exchange?
206
00:08:26,192 --> 00:08:28,193
No apology necessary. Bye-bye!
207
00:08:28,194 --> 00:08:30,862
Jessica! I was making a deal
with the exchange program.
208
00:08:30,863 --> 00:08:33,932
If Eddie just apologizes,
the boys can go to Taiwan.
209
00:08:33,933 --> 00:08:37,102
So you want him to just roll
over and play dead like...
210
00:08:37,103 --> 00:08:40,105
some kind of animal that
rolls over and plays dead?
211
00:08:40,106 --> 00:08:41,773
This just isn't worth it, Jessica.
212
00:08:42,480 --> 00:08:44,776
Look, I get the instinct to fight.
213
00:08:44,777 --> 00:08:47,529
When I first moved here, I never
backed down from anything.
214
00:08:50,232 --> 00:08:52,117
Whoa. Relax there, fresh-off-the-boat.
215
00:08:52,118 --> 00:08:53,302
I was here first.
216
00:08:55,570 --> 00:08:56,888
Okay, here's what's gonna happen.
217
00:08:56,889 --> 00:08:58,223
I'm going to punch your throat,
218
00:08:58,224 --> 00:08:59,991
then kick your throat,
then chop your throat,
219
00:08:59,992 --> 00:09:01,310
and that's just your throat.
220
00:09:02,573 --> 00:09:04,629
You never told me that story.
221
00:09:04,630 --> 00:09:05,864
Yeah, because he beat
the hell out of me.
222
00:09:05,865 --> 00:09:08,366
That's why my jaw clicks
whenever I eat a Tootsie Roll.
223
00:09:08,367 --> 00:09:09,901
Still, it was good that I lost.
224
00:09:09,902 --> 00:09:11,837
I'm not sure you understand fights.
225
00:09:11,838 --> 00:09:14,205
I realized you have
to pick your battles.
226
00:09:14,206 --> 00:09:16,074
You want to fight every injustice,
227
00:09:16,075 --> 00:09:17,508
especially as a new immigrant,
228
00:09:17,509 --> 00:09:20,011
but some dumb comment in a grocery store
229
00:09:20,012 --> 00:09:22,047
wasn't worth it, and neither is this.
230
00:09:22,048 --> 00:09:24,315
Eddie made a mistake.
He should apologize.
231
00:09:24,316 --> 00:09:27,218
Well, that's just not how
I want to raise our boys.
232
00:09:27,219 --> 00:09:29,520
If they feel like they've been wronged,
233
00:09:29,521 --> 00:09:31,389
they should fight... Every time.
234
00:09:36,662 --> 00:09:37,896
Peek-a-boo!
235
00:09:39,832 --> 00:09:41,266
Peek-a-boo!
236
00:09:42,401 --> 00:09:44,235
Peek-a-boo! Peek-a-boo!
237
00:09:45,671 --> 00:09:48,758
Will you just take the flippin' bottle?!
238
00:09:51,026 --> 00:09:52,443
Aha!
239
00:09:53,913 --> 00:09:56,081
Guess we'll do this the hard way.
240
00:09:57,083 --> 00:09:59,601
Bbbbbbbbbbbbbb!
241
00:10:07,960 --> 00:10:09,427
Permission to come aboard.
242
00:10:09,428 --> 00:10:11,129
Hey! Hey.
243
00:10:11,130 --> 00:10:12,898
- I hope we're not interrupting.
- Mm.
244
00:10:12,899 --> 00:10:15,300
We just wanted to talk
about Evan's babysitting.
245
00:10:15,301 --> 00:10:16,935
He's been a little...
246
00:10:16,936 --> 00:10:17,936
Harsh.
247
00:10:17,937 --> 00:10:19,088
Harsh? Harsh?
248
00:10:23,926 --> 00:10:26,244
There's a camera inside the bear.
249
00:10:26,245 --> 00:10:27,680
Uhh... what?
250
00:10:27,682 --> 00:10:28,694
Peek-a-boo!
251
00:10:28,696 --> 00:10:31,049
There's one in the moose
at the country club,
252
00:10:31,050 --> 00:10:32,818
so be sure to keep your limericks clean.
253
00:10:36,839 --> 00:10:38,790
If you don't drink your milk,
254
00:10:38,791 --> 00:10:40,758
this is what's gonna happen.
255
00:10:42,661 --> 00:10:43,795
Evan!
256
00:10:44,931 --> 00:10:47,598
We'll handle this. I'm
really sorry, guys.
257
00:10:47,599 --> 00:10:49,500
They just wanted to tell us, Louis.
258
00:10:49,501 --> 00:10:51,274
They didn't come for an apology.
259
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:53,771
I mean, it wouldn't be the
craziest thing in the world...
260
00:10:53,772 --> 00:10:55,140
- Uh, let's go, Honey. Come on.
- Okay.
261
00:10:58,610 --> 00:10:59,945
What was that?!
262
00:10:59,946 --> 00:11:02,232
Okay, I didn't actually spank her.
263
00:11:02,233 --> 00:11:04,415
I was simply suggesting
an alternative outcome
264
00:11:04,416 --> 00:11:05,984
if she refused the bottle.
265
00:11:05,985 --> 00:11:09,454
Look, this isn't gonna be
popular, what I'm about to say,
266
00:11:09,455 --> 00:11:11,189
but here it comes...
267
00:11:11,190 --> 00:11:12,423
She a bitch.
268
00:11:12,424 --> 00:11:14,625
Evan, that's my goddaughter!
269
00:11:14,626 --> 00:11:16,627
Hey, I'm just standing up for myself.
270
00:11:16,628 --> 00:11:17,628
Like Eddie!
271
00:11:19,265 --> 00:11:21,699
Chimichanga! This house
is out of control!
272
00:11:21,700 --> 00:11:25,370
Now your "no apology" philosophy
has corrupted Evan, too!
273
00:11:29,175 --> 00:11:30,541
Ma, please tell me
274
00:11:30,542 --> 00:11:32,269
this meeting's to announce
a new phone number.
275
00:11:32,270 --> 00:11:33,508
I can't hit up Tina
276
00:11:33,509 --> 00:11:35,713
because that Taiwanese
reporter won't stop calling.
277
00:11:35,714 --> 00:11:38,545
And I had to unplug my phone.
278
00:11:38,546 --> 00:11:42,211
I wanted to announce that I
spoke to the exchange program,
279
00:11:42,212 --> 00:11:44,776
and the boys can now participate!
280
00:11:44,777 --> 00:11:46,892
- Yes!
- This is why you lead us.
281
00:11:46,893 --> 00:11:50,228
I realized that sometimes
you do have to compromise
282
00:11:50,229 --> 00:11:51,796
for the good of others.
283
00:11:51,797 --> 00:11:53,531
So Eddie's going to apologize.
284
00:11:53,532 --> 00:11:55,945
Good God, no. I made a deal.
285
00:11:55,947 --> 00:11:56,931
Lei?
286
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,427
Boys, meet your new sister.
287
00:12:02,657 --> 00:12:04,809
Greetings, host family.
288
00:12:09,098 --> 00:12:10,783
Isn't this exciting?!
289
00:12:10,785 --> 00:12:13,564
Lei's host family in
Minnesota fell through
290
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:15,553
because they got lost in that big mall,
291
00:12:15,554 --> 00:12:16,857
so now she's ours.
292
00:12:16,858 --> 00:12:19,257
Girl, fetch me a Zima.
293
00:12:19,258 --> 00:12:21,592
Jenny, she's not our servant.
294
00:12:21,593 --> 00:12:22,584
Ohh.
295
00:12:22,585 --> 00:12:25,056
She's part of the family
for the next year.
296
00:12:25,057 --> 00:12:26,898
Boys, show Lei to her room.
297
00:12:26,899 --> 00:12:29,234
- Where's her room?
- Your room. The hell?!
298
00:12:30,330 --> 00:12:31,903
You can move in with your brothers.
299
00:12:31,904 --> 00:12:33,188
- The hell?!
- The hell?!
300
00:12:34,589 --> 00:12:36,007
Come on, Lei.
301
00:12:36,008 --> 00:12:38,043
FYI, the nightstand is off-limits...
302
00:12:38,044 --> 00:12:39,244
For your own safety.
303
00:12:39,245 --> 00:12:41,096
Do you know the Backstreet Boys?
304
00:12:42,631 --> 00:12:44,215
Now, don't get me wrong.
305
00:12:44,216 --> 00:12:45,516
I am already starting to plan
306
00:12:45,517 --> 00:12:47,418
some father/exchange-daughter
activities,
307
00:12:47,419 --> 00:12:50,255
but wouldn't it just be
easier if Eddie apologizes?
308
00:12:50,256 --> 00:12:52,090
You wanted the boys back in the program,
309
00:12:52,091 --> 00:12:53,624
so I took care of it.
310
00:12:53,625 --> 00:12:55,460
You won't even know she's here.
311
00:12:57,463 --> 00:13:00,598
♪ That girl is poison ♪
312
00:13:01,767 --> 00:13:02,767
Hi.
313
00:13:04,436 --> 00:13:05,971
♪ Never trust a big butt and a smile ♪
314
00:13:05,972 --> 00:13:09,107
♪ That girl is poison ♪
315
00:13:09,108 --> 00:13:11,109
♪ Poison ♪
316
00:13:11,110 --> 00:13:11,909
♪ Poison ♪
317
00:13:17,083 --> 00:13:19,084
♪ Poison ♪
318
00:13:19,085 --> 00:13:19,884
♪ Poison ♪
319
00:13:21,287 --> 00:13:22,320
♪ Poison ♪
320
00:13:22,321 --> 00:13:24,489
I'm baking the family a cake!
321
00:13:24,490 --> 00:13:25,790
Yum!
322
00:13:25,791 --> 00:13:28,226
♪ Poison ♪
323
00:13:32,281 --> 00:13:33,831
♪ Poison, poison, poison ♪
324
00:13:33,832 --> 00:13:35,100
Hello?
325
00:13:35,101 --> 00:13:37,953
Yes, this is Cheeseburger Boy's family.
326
00:13:39,454 --> 00:13:41,072
Eddie, why can't you make your bed?
327
00:13:41,073 --> 00:13:43,824
This is our fire lane.
It's got to stay clear.
328
00:13:43,825 --> 00:13:45,676
If I roll it up, it won't dry.
329
00:13:45,677 --> 00:13:47,445
Why is it wet in the first place?
330
00:13:47,446 --> 00:13:48,946
Because of my sleep soda.
331
00:13:48,947 --> 00:13:50,809
One of you turds kicked
it over last night.
332
00:13:50,810 --> 00:13:53,284
And why does Lei get her own room?
333
00:13:53,285 --> 00:13:55,987
Do I get one if I pick up an
instrument twice my size?
334
00:13:55,988 --> 00:13:57,588
Because I can go harp.
335
00:13:57,589 --> 00:14:00,125
I can go harp lickety-split
like a crazy man!
336
00:14:00,126 --> 00:14:01,943
Dude, Evan's really freaking out.
337
00:14:03,045 --> 00:14:05,096
Not so fun when someone
newer and cuter shows up.
338
00:14:05,097 --> 00:14:06,697
Welcome to irrelevance.
339
00:14:06,698 --> 00:14:08,666
Population... Nobody's counting.
340
00:14:08,667 --> 00:14:10,768
That's it!
341
00:14:10,769 --> 00:14:13,138
That's why Maria's in such a bad mood.
342
00:14:14,306 --> 00:14:17,626
Honey's new baby is Maria's Lei.
343
00:14:18,627 --> 00:14:19,728
Just nod along.
344
00:14:22,364 --> 00:14:24,282
Hey, hey. Hi.
345
00:14:24,283 --> 00:14:25,883
How are we doing with Lei?
346
00:14:25,884 --> 00:14:27,318
Not great, Pops.
347
00:14:27,319 --> 00:14:29,154
Yeah, this is a mess.
348
00:14:29,155 --> 00:14:30,855
All she does is shower and bake cakes.
349
00:14:30,856 --> 00:14:32,223
I gained 10 pounds.
350
00:14:32,224 --> 00:14:33,524
10 dirty pounds.
351
00:14:33,525 --> 00:14:34,976
Shh! It's Lei! Act natural!
352
00:14:37,846 --> 00:14:40,698
Hey, Evan, do you still
have your Beanie Babies?
353
00:14:40,699 --> 00:14:42,217
Lei wants to know about American toys.
354
00:14:43,218 --> 00:14:44,869
No.
355
00:14:44,870 --> 00:14:47,004
Jessica, we need to talk about
Lei. Close the door, please.
356
00:14:47,005 --> 00:14:50,534
No. Louis, quit complaining
about your host daughter!
357
00:14:50,535 --> 00:14:52,243
She's a sweet girl!
358
00:14:52,244 --> 00:14:53,478
She showers regularly,
359
00:14:53,479 --> 00:14:55,513
she knows her way around a cake tin,
360
00:14:55,514 --> 00:14:57,915
and I haven't heard a
peep from her all week.
361
00:14:57,916 --> 00:14:59,850
Lei is on TV!
362
00:15:05,757 --> 00:15:06,891
Damn it, Eddie!
363
00:15:06,892 --> 00:15:09,227
This is why we keep the fire lane clear!
364
00:15:09,228 --> 00:15:11,729
_
365
00:15:11,730 --> 00:15:15,623
_
366
00:15:16,042 --> 00:15:18,042
_
367
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:19,669
_
368
00:15:19,921 --> 00:15:22,624
See? They turn everyone into a villain.
369
00:15:22,625 --> 00:15:26,187
_
370
00:15:26,189 --> 00:15:27,795
_
371
00:15:27,797 --> 00:15:31,100
Nobody asked you to
make delicious cakes!
372
00:15:31,101 --> 00:15:33,391
_
373
00:15:38,121 --> 00:15:41,859
You left before Lei told
Taiwan I'm vain about my hair!
374
00:15:41,860 --> 00:15:42,960
What a liar, right?
375
00:15:42,961 --> 00:15:44,028
I know.
376
00:15:44,029 --> 00:15:45,763
Taiwan sent us a dud.
377
00:15:45,764 --> 00:15:47,265
Maybe I can trade her in.
378
00:15:47,266 --> 00:15:48,661
They did mention a set of twins.
379
00:15:48,662 --> 00:15:50,635
She's not a dud, Jessica.
380
00:15:50,636 --> 00:15:52,903
And her German chocolate is wunderbar.
381
00:15:52,904 --> 00:15:55,473
The problem is, you
upended this whole family
382
00:15:55,474 --> 00:15:57,626
all because you refuse to apologize.
383
00:15:58,927 --> 00:16:00,611
You're right.
384
00:16:00,612 --> 00:16:03,148
Her German chocolate is excellent.
385
00:16:03,149 --> 00:16:06,117
But her buttercream is a
little bit "grocery store."
386
00:16:06,118 --> 00:16:07,418
Jessica!
387
00:16:07,419 --> 00:16:09,420
Eddie stole a bus to eat a cheeseburger.
388
00:16:09,421 --> 00:16:11,773
You know he wasn't really
standing up for something.
389
00:16:12,807 --> 00:16:14,925
Fine! I knew he was lying.
390
00:16:14,926 --> 00:16:17,262
Maybe I was just looking
for an excuse to save him.
391
00:16:17,263 --> 00:16:18,929
Save him from what?
392
00:16:18,930 --> 00:16:21,166
When I first moved to this country,
393
00:16:21,167 --> 00:16:23,501
I didn't know the
language or the culture.
394
00:16:23,502 --> 00:16:25,770
I would shrink my shoulders,
395
00:16:25,771 --> 00:16:28,739
put my head down, and
try to be invisible.
396
00:16:28,740 --> 00:16:30,341
The immigrant shrivel.
397
00:16:30,342 --> 00:16:33,244
A model minority.
398
00:16:33,245 --> 00:16:35,913
I didn't want to cause any trouble,
399
00:16:35,914 --> 00:16:38,583
so I apologized all the time,
400
00:16:38,584 --> 00:16:40,585
even when I wasn't wrong, like you do.
401
00:16:40,586 --> 00:16:44,121
Until one day, back when I was teaching,
402
00:16:44,122 --> 00:16:46,424
I gave this kid an F.
403
00:16:46,425 --> 00:16:47,625
He got upset,
404
00:16:47,626 --> 00:16:49,794
and he told his parents
that I shouted at him,
405
00:16:49,795 --> 00:16:51,329
which I didn't do,
406
00:16:51,330 --> 00:16:53,799
but instead of standing up for myself,
407
00:16:54,500 --> 00:16:56,301
I agreed to apologize.
408
00:16:56,302 --> 00:16:59,470
I'm very sorry for what
happened with Steven.
409
00:16:59,471 --> 00:17:01,472
Please accept my apology.
410
00:17:01,473 --> 00:17:03,107
Thank you.
411
00:17:04,643 --> 00:17:06,211
You're still gonna fire her, right?
412
00:17:06,212 --> 00:17:09,113
We'd hate to have to tell the
school board about this.
413
00:17:09,114 --> 00:17:10,114
Uh...
414
00:17:10,115 --> 00:17:11,216
Yes.
415
00:17:11,217 --> 00:17:13,718
I suppose that is the
only appropriate move.
416
00:17:13,719 --> 00:17:15,186
What?
417
00:17:15,187 --> 00:17:16,221
You understand, Jessica.
418
00:17:16,222 --> 00:17:17,606
It's just easier this way.
419
00:17:18,824 --> 00:17:21,058
I did everything they wanted me to,
420
00:17:21,059 --> 00:17:22,560
but I still lost my job.
421
00:17:22,561 --> 00:17:25,929
I felt so powerless and weak.
422
00:17:25,930 --> 00:17:28,533
I don't want the boys to ever feel that.
423
00:17:28,534 --> 00:17:32,370
Eddie being alone in a new country,
424
00:17:32,371 --> 00:17:35,158
like we were, brought all that back.
425
00:17:36,041 --> 00:17:38,785
And in two years, he's gonna
be out on his own for good.
426
00:17:39,645 --> 00:17:41,252
Jessica...
427
00:17:42,581 --> 00:17:44,249
we have great kids.
428
00:17:44,250 --> 00:17:46,384
And they have the strongest
mother in the world.
429
00:17:46,385 --> 00:17:47,818
I am strong.
430
00:17:47,819 --> 00:17:49,887
But even great kids make mistakes.
431
00:17:49,888 --> 00:17:52,490
Eddie owning that won't make him weak.
432
00:17:52,491 --> 00:17:55,092
Saying sorry is one of the
hardest things you ever do.
433
00:17:56,125 --> 00:17:59,180
If the boys learn to do that,
it'll only make them stronger.
434
00:18:05,237 --> 00:18:06,837
Thanks for having me over.
435
00:18:06,838 --> 00:18:08,439
There's something I
need to say to Maria.
436
00:18:08,440 --> 00:18:10,875
That's so sweet.
437
00:18:10,876 --> 00:18:13,209
Maria, I forgive you.
438
00:18:13,210 --> 00:18:14,234
Huh?
439
00:18:14,235 --> 00:18:15,713
I thought you hated me because you had
440
00:18:15,714 --> 00:18:17,248
all the compassion of a bag of sand.
441
00:18:17,249 --> 00:18:19,617
But then I realized it's not about me.
442
00:18:19,618 --> 00:18:22,553
You were just upset a new
baby's gonna take your place,
443
00:18:22,554 --> 00:18:24,038
but nobody could ever do that.
444
00:18:26,408 --> 00:18:28,359
There's that smile!
445
00:18:28,360 --> 00:18:30,528
- But she's not smiling...
- No, let him have this.
446
00:18:30,529 --> 00:18:32,235
He's working through something.
447
00:18:38,287 --> 00:18:40,137
After Eddie apologizes,
448
00:18:40,138 --> 00:18:42,540
your other sons can
participate in the program,
449
00:18:42,541 --> 00:18:44,340
and Lei will go to another home.
450
00:18:44,341 --> 00:18:46,411
Close to a Planet Hollywood?
451
00:18:46,412 --> 00:18:48,613
Just to be clear...
452
00:18:48,614 --> 00:18:50,481
If you had actually been
standing up for yourself,
453
00:18:50,482 --> 00:18:52,216
I would never let you do this.
454
00:18:52,217 --> 00:18:53,250
You knew I was lying?
455
00:18:53,251 --> 00:18:55,196
I always know when you're lying.
456
00:18:55,197 --> 00:18:56,987
Plus, you are not charismatic enough
457
00:18:56,988 --> 00:18:59,957
to get a bus full of
children to chant "USA."
458
00:18:59,958 --> 00:19:01,659
I know.
459
00:19:01,660 --> 00:19:02,660
Sorry, Ma.
460
00:19:03,595 --> 00:19:04,962
I must admit, I do love the word
461
00:19:04,963 --> 00:19:06,664
when it's coming in my direction.
462
00:19:06,665 --> 00:19:08,933
So maybe you'll start
saying it yourself?
463
00:19:08,934 --> 00:19:11,402
Oh, Louis, I love your optimism.
464
00:19:11,403 --> 00:19:13,838
Okay. Here come the words.
465
00:19:13,839 --> 00:19:16,008
Mm.
466
00:19:16,009 --> 00:19:18,275
I'm sorry I took the
tour bus and crashed it
467
00:19:18,276 --> 00:19:19,844
and shut down half of Taipei.
468
00:19:19,845 --> 00:19:22,831
It was immature, and I'm really sorry.
469
00:19:24,333 --> 00:19:26,083
Thank you for this opportunity
470
00:19:26,084 --> 00:19:28,018
and for lifting the ban on our boys.
471
00:19:28,019 --> 00:19:30,187
Uh, well, it would go a long way
472
00:19:30,188 --> 00:19:33,101
if you two also expressed
some remorse...
473
00:19:33,102 --> 00:19:35,944
For raising such a reckless son?
474
00:19:40,224 --> 00:19:41,999
Uh, Jessica, remember...
475
00:19:42,000 --> 00:19:44,014
Sometimes you just have to apologize.
476
00:19:45,119 --> 00:19:48,005
Now is not one of those times.
477
00:19:48,006 --> 00:19:49,440
Okay. Here's what's gonna happen.
478
00:19:49,441 --> 00:19:50,941
I'm going to punch your throat,
479
00:19:50,942 --> 00:19:52,943
then kick your throat,
then chop your throat.
480
00:19:52,944 --> 00:19:54,635
And that's just your throat.
481
00:19:58,950 --> 00:20:00,802
Bye, Lei!
482
00:20:03,338 --> 00:20:05,356
I borrowed 100 bucks from her.
483
00:20:05,357 --> 00:20:06,491
She'll never see it.
484
00:20:06,492 --> 00:20:09,460
I'm impressed you got
us out of that meeting
485
00:20:09,461 --> 00:20:10,861
without apologizing.
486
00:20:10,862 --> 00:20:13,030
Hmm. I'm just glad I didn't
have to fight that guy.
487
00:20:13,031 --> 00:20:15,733
He seemed like the type who
secretly has a rocked-up core.
488
00:20:15,734 --> 00:20:17,852
- Wiry. Like Linda Hamilton.
- Mm.
489
00:20:19,354 --> 00:20:21,672
God bless whoever winds
up with that monster.
490
00:20:25,977 --> 00:20:27,530
Okay.
491
00:20:32,418 --> 00:20:34,251
Hey, can we hit that drive-thru?
492
00:20:34,252 --> 00:20:35,252
No! No! No! No!
493
00:20:35,253 --> 00:20:36,854
Oh, that reminds me, Eddie.
494
00:20:36,855 --> 00:20:39,924
You are un-un-grounded,
Cheeseburger Boy.
495
00:20:39,925 --> 00:20:41,258
What? Mom, you can't ground me.
496
00:20:41,259 --> 00:20:42,893
I'm gonna be a junior in high school.
497
00:20:42,894 --> 00:20:44,395
That means I own you for another two,
498
00:20:44,396 --> 00:20:45,563
possibly three years.
499
00:20:45,564 --> 00:20:47,264
And I'm gonna make sure those years
500
00:20:47,265 --> 00:20:49,050
feel as long as possible.
501
00:20:51,345 --> 00:20:54,338
Hey, you can still listen to
music, Eddie. You love music!
502
00:20:56,007 --> 00:20:57,091
Huh?
503
00:20:58,727 --> 00:21:01,345
♪ Every morning, there's
a halo hangin' ♪
504
00:21:01,346 --> 00:21:05,450
♪ From the corner of my
girlfriend's four-post bed ♪
505
00:21:05,451 --> 00:21:07,117
I love you guys, but I'm out.
506
00:21:07,118 --> 00:21:09,253
♪ I know it's not mine, but I'll... ♪
507
00:21:11,256 --> 00:21:13,123
♪ Uh, work it out ♪
508
00:21:13,124 --> 00:21:14,959
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
509
00:21:18,129 --> 00:21:19,797
♪ Junior M.A.F.I.A. ♪
510
00:21:21,600 --> 00:21:24,034
♪ Oh, oh, ohhhhh, oh, oh, oh ♪
511
00:21:24,035 --> 00:21:26,471
♪ Shut the door, baby,
don't say a word ♪
35639
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