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1
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:18,797
Wondermutt, go get Bob.
2
00:02:20,540 --> 00:02:25,034
Hey, guys! You all got
your grade cards, right?
3
00:02:26,045 --> 00:02:27,637
OK.
4
00:02:27,847 --> 00:02:29,371
What have we learned this year?
5
00:02:29,582 --> 00:02:32,847
Teamwork, sportsmanship,
how your friends look naked.
6
00:02:33,553 --> 00:02:35,851
You'll notice your
grade cards are blank.
7
00:02:36,055 --> 00:02:39,718
Who better to evaluate a student's
progress than the student himself?
8
00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:43,894
Good morning, young people.
9
00:02:44,597 --> 00:02:47,498
Vice Principal Gills has
some words for you. Mr. Gills.
10
00:02:47,700 --> 00:02:49,827
Thank you, Principal Kelban.
11
00:02:52,238 --> 00:02:56,174
Well, well, I suppose you all remember
the English skills test last month.
12
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:57,741
- No.
- No.
13
00:02:57,944 --> 00:02:59,969
- I had English?
- The dot-to-dot puzzle?
14
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:02,546
Yeah, that was it, yeah.
No, I don't remember.
15
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:05,377
I'm not surprised.
All of you failed.
16
00:03:05,585 --> 00:03:09,612
However, in accordance with policies
on minimum academic proficiencies,
17
00:03:09,822 --> 00:03:12,188
you'll have the opportunity
to retake the exam.
18
00:03:12,392 --> 00:03:14,326
- Great.
- Oh, joy, I have a boner now.
19
00:03:19,332 --> 00:03:22,426
- Hi. I'm all packed. Are you ready?
- One minute to go.
20
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,796
Your parents have been notified
you'll be retested after completing
21
00:03:28,007 --> 00:03:31,909
the mandatory course in remedial
English. In summer school.
22
00:03:32,111 --> 00:03:34,341
- What?
- We just finished a whole semester
23
00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,174
and we gotta go
to summer school?
24
00:03:36,382 --> 00:03:40,944
- You're crazy. I ain't going.
- My grandmother's gonna kill me.
25
00:03:41,154 --> 00:03:46,057
Twenty, 19, 18, 17, 16, 15,
26
00:03:46,259 --> 00:03:49,057
fourteen, 13, 12,
27
00:03:49,262 --> 00:03:53,631
eleven, ten, nine, eight,
28
00:03:53,833 --> 00:03:57,291
seven, six, five, four,
29
00:03:57,503 --> 00:04:00,631
three, two, one!
30
00:04:19,559 --> 00:04:21,459
I won! I won!
31
00:04:25,531 --> 00:04:26,828
I won! I won!
32
00:04:29,569 --> 00:04:31,799
Gills, Kelban. I did it, I did it.
33
00:04:32,005 --> 00:04:34,235
Look at this puppy.
50,000 big ones.
34
00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:36,374
Know what this means?
No summer school.
35
00:04:36,576 --> 00:04:38,237
Wait, you gave me your word.
36
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,776
That was the old word.
My new one is "money".
37
00:04:40,980 --> 00:04:44,006
You would let 50 grand weaken
your commitment to education?
38
00:04:44,217 --> 00:04:47,186
Lesser men win millions,
go right back to busing tables!
39
00:04:47,387 --> 00:04:50,447
They're frigging morons!
40
00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:53,923
Let me out of here!
Let me out of here!
41
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,721
Don't look at me.
You're in charge of summer school.
42
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:04,003
- May I speak with you a minute?
- Sure.
43
00:05:04,203 --> 00:05:07,036
I need you to teach summer school.
Dearadorian just quit.
44
00:05:07,240 --> 00:05:10,641
- Didn't he teach remedial English?
- Well, yes... Winnick!
45
00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:13,444
Musway!
46
00:05:17,283 --> 00:05:18,511
Stop! Stop!
47
00:05:20,253 --> 00:05:22,153
Mary!
48
00:05:23,222 --> 00:05:24,883
I have to talk to you.
49
00:05:28,227 --> 00:05:30,354
Kim, get in the car.
50
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:35,593
It's OK. I'll meet you at the airport.
I'll get a cab. Take Wondermutt.
51
00:05:41,774 --> 00:05:43,537
Shoop.
52
00:05:44,477 --> 00:05:46,172
All right.
53
00:05:47,547 --> 00:05:49,515
Mr. Shoop. Oh, Mr. Shoop.
54
00:05:51,317 --> 00:05:54,252
Congratulations. You've been chosen
to teach summer school.
55
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,319
Shoot.
56
00:05:56,522 --> 00:05:58,149
If only I'd known sooner.
57
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,987
- We're going to Hawaii.
- May I remind you, Mr. Shoop,
58
00:06:02,195 --> 00:06:04,686
you're up for tenure.
You want a job next year?
59
00:06:04,897 --> 00:06:07,866
Come on, Mr. Gills.
Look, we got leis on and everything.
60
00:06:08,067 --> 00:06:10,035
You'll be teaching remedial English.
61
00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:13,069
Remedial English?
Look, I ain't no English teacher.
62
00:06:13,272 --> 00:06:15,297
See? Double negative.
63
00:06:15,508 --> 00:06:20,138
No, I hand out basketballs, check for
jockstraps. I'm, like, very challenged.
64
00:06:20,346 --> 00:06:22,610
- I'm not a real teacher.
- That's all right.
65
00:06:22,815 --> 00:06:26,148
These aren't real students.
They're unmotivated, irresponsible.
66
00:06:26,352 --> 00:06:28,980
- They'll relate to you.
- I appreciate that.
67
00:06:29,188 --> 00:06:33,648
No, the reason I got into this whole
teaching gig was to get summers off.
68
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,851
No, I'm afraid my answer
has to be no.
69
00:06:37,630 --> 00:06:38,858
No, thank you?
70
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,966
Bottom line, you need
my recommendation for tenure.
71
00:06:42,168 --> 00:06:43,635
This is blackmail.
72
00:06:44,604 --> 00:06:46,936
We call it school spirit.
73
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:55,711
Kim.
74
00:06:57,150 --> 00:06:58,947
Have you ever seen
The Wizard of Oz?
75
00:06:59,152 --> 00:07:01,814
- Oh, I love that movie.
- Yeah. Yeah, me too.
76
00:07:02,021 --> 00:07:05,513
And my favorite part is when Dorothy,
she clicks her heels together
77
00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:08,193
and she says,
"There's no place like home.
78
00:07:08,394 --> 00:07:11,386
"There is no place like home."
79
00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:13,758
Oh, Shoop, I understand.
80
00:07:13,966 --> 00:07:16,434
You do? You're not disappointed?
81
00:07:16,636 --> 00:07:20,470
No. I'll just go by myself.
82
00:07:20,873 --> 00:07:23,501
- What, alone?
- I'll make friends.
83
00:07:23,709 --> 00:07:28,271
Look, Kim, if you love me, even if you
just like me a lot, you won't do this.
84
00:07:28,481 --> 00:07:33,111
If I didn't like you, I wouldn't ask you
to drive me to the airport, now would I?
85
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:36,152
Guess not.
86
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:39,290
You're in room 43.
87
00:07:39,492 --> 00:07:42,188
Files on your students.
88
00:07:42,728 --> 00:07:44,355
A word to the wise, Mr. Shoop:
89
00:07:44,564 --> 00:07:46,964
Right off the bat,
you show them who's in charge.
90
00:07:47,166 --> 00:07:48,463
Great.
91
00:07:49,101 --> 00:07:50,932
Who is in charge?
92
00:07:55,141 --> 00:07:56,369
Very cute.
93
00:07:57,844 --> 00:07:59,778
Thanks. So are you.
94
00:08:00,847 --> 00:08:02,542
Oh, you meant...
95
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:07,281
Jeez, I'm so embarrassed.
But you are cute.
96
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:11,446
I'm all right. I'm Robin Bishop.
I teach American history next door.
97
00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:14,922
Hi, Freddy Shoop.
Remedial English, right here.
98
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:16,355
Everybody calls me Shoop.
99
00:08:16,562 --> 00:08:19,224
OK, Shoop.
100
00:08:20,766 --> 00:08:23,530
Why am I here? Oh, thumbtacks.
Could I borrow some?
101
00:08:23,736 --> 00:08:26,933
Sure. I was just gonna get my
summer bulletin board going here.
102
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,365
Jackpot. Whole box.
Here you go, my treat.
103
00:08:30,576 --> 00:08:34,569
- But what about your bulletin board?
- Oh, yeah. Give me one.
104
00:08:36,115 --> 00:08:37,776
Remedial English, huh?
105
00:08:37,984 --> 00:08:41,147
I got it easy, I have honor students.
They're here voluntarily.
106
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:42,981
- Believe it?
- No.
107
00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:44,952
I've seen some of your students.
108
00:08:45,157 --> 00:08:48,024
Very scary.
You must be a good teacher.
109
00:08:48,728 --> 00:08:51,390
Shucks, Robin, I don't know.
110
00:08:52,431 --> 00:08:55,992
Heck, inside every so-called
bad kid is a good kid
111
00:08:56,202 --> 00:08:59,330
waiting for someone to reach down
through the sleaze and slime,
112
00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:01,769
pick him up
and hose him off.
113
00:09:01,974 --> 00:09:05,705
If we fail with even one child, we
might be losing the next Ted Koppel.
114
00:09:07,446 --> 00:09:09,573
We're the unsung heroes
doing God's work.
115
00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:11,443
You're not wearing
a wedding ring.
116
00:09:11,651 --> 00:09:14,051
Yeah, my mother noticed that too.
117
00:09:14,253 --> 00:09:17,381
So you're single. In love? Involved?
What's the story here?
118
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:20,286
The story is that I've been
seeing someone.
119
00:09:20,493 --> 00:09:24,361
But we just started dating,
so you do what you think's right.
120
00:09:24,564 --> 00:09:26,759
- OK.
- I better get going.
121
00:09:26,966 --> 00:09:29,093
Well, here, I'll walk you.
122
00:09:30,703 --> 00:09:32,933
So you're free to see
other people, then?
123
00:09:33,139 --> 00:09:34,504
Are you asking me out?
124
00:09:34,707 --> 00:09:37,403
- Well, if I was, would you say yes?
- I might.
125
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:40,204
Well, I might be asking you out.
126
00:09:40,413 --> 00:09:42,438
- You like Chinese?
- I hate it.
127
00:09:42,648 --> 00:09:44,047
Me too. I can't stand it.
128
00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,115
Wanna go out and not eat Chinese?
129
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,581
I might.
130
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:50,119
Why don't we talk
about that after school.
131
00:09:55,061 --> 00:09:56,926
I'm in love again.
132
00:09:59,665 --> 00:10:02,225
Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
The crowd goes mild.
133
00:10:02,435 --> 00:10:04,699
- Hey, wow.
- Kevin?
134
00:10:04,904 --> 00:10:07,065
- What happened to football, buddy?
- Yeah.
135
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,571
I was kicked off the team
for being stupid.
136
00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:11,208
All right, it's about time.
137
00:10:11,410 --> 00:10:13,105
Congratulations, bud.
138
00:10:16,082 --> 00:10:17,640
Sorry I'm late.
139
00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:24,721
Hey, Mr. Shoop, wow.
You in this class too?
140
00:10:25,858 --> 00:10:28,452
- I'm teaching it.
- No way!
141
00:10:28,661 --> 00:10:30,925
Party all the time
Party all the time
142
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:33,098
My girl likes to party all the time
143
00:10:33,299 --> 00:10:36,962
All right, have a seat.
Let's see who the lucky winners are.
144
00:10:39,071 --> 00:10:41,665
Larry Kazimias. Where's Larry?
145
00:10:43,643 --> 00:10:45,543
He's nocturnal.
146
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,576
Oh, OK.
147
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:50,943
Try and keep it down.
Francis Gremp?
148
00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:53,880
Don't ever call me that.
The name is Chainsaw.
149
00:10:54,520 --> 00:10:57,216
- As in Black & Decker?
- As in Texas Massacre.
150
00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:59,857
- Oh, yeah, that's in here.
- It's in there.
151
00:11:00,059 --> 00:11:02,653
- They got files on us.
- Pam House.
152
00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:09,058
Says here you lack concentration.
153
00:11:12,238 --> 00:11:13,603
Pam?
154
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:19,837
Never mind.
155
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:22,671
Jerome Watkins.
156
00:11:24,250 --> 00:11:26,343
Computer said
I failed that test.
157
00:11:26,552 --> 00:11:29,043
The computer made an error.
158
00:11:29,255 --> 00:11:33,089
I recommend this time, I pass.
159
00:11:33,659 --> 00:11:36,924
You're gonna do well, Jerome.
I can feel it.
160
00:11:40,499 --> 00:11:43,957
- Alan Eakian.
- Present, sir.
161
00:11:44,170 --> 00:11:47,139
Four brothers, two sisters,
all straight-A students.
162
00:11:47,339 --> 00:11:48,374
What are you doing here?
163
00:11:48,374 --> 00:11:48,806
What are you doing here?
164
00:11:49,008 --> 00:11:52,944
I assume there was some sort
of a baby mix-up at the hospital.
165
00:11:54,146 --> 00:11:56,080
- Rhonda Altobello.
- Here.
166
00:11:56,282 --> 00:11:58,773
You went from C's to F's.
What happened?
167
00:12:02,655 --> 00:12:04,088
Any other questions?
168
00:12:04,290 --> 00:12:06,087
No.
169
00:12:07,426 --> 00:12:10,122
- Denise Green.
- What's that file say about me?
170
00:12:10,329 --> 00:12:13,765
It's a lie. You wanna know about me,
ask me. What you want to know?
171
00:12:15,434 --> 00:12:18,028
- Where are my car keys?
- How would I know?
172
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:20,705
What, does that thing say
I'm a thief too?
173
00:12:21,941 --> 00:12:24,535
All right, where are my car keys?
174
00:12:27,346 --> 00:12:30,110
- Chainsaw?
- Somewhere in this room.
175
00:12:30,316 --> 00:12:31,783
Right now you're very cold.
176
00:12:34,487 --> 00:12:36,921
- You're really cold.
- I want those keys.
177
00:12:37,123 --> 00:12:39,284
Oh, God, you're freezing.
178
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:43,827
OK. OK, I'm a fun guy.
I'll play along.
179
00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:47,327
- Getting warmer.
- You are getting hot, man.
180
00:12:47,533 --> 00:12:49,865
- Oh, I see smoke.
- You are on fire!
181
00:12:50,069 --> 00:12:52,401
Oh, you're walking on the sun!
Ouch! Oh, wait.
182
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:55,574
My mistake, I forgot where
I put them. You're ice-cold.
183
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,003
Enough of this shit.
184
00:12:57,209 --> 00:12:59,200
Does that mean
we can swear in class?
185
00:12:59,411 --> 00:13:01,936
- Shit, yes!
- Hey, watch your fucking language!
186
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:04,241
Watch your language, fart-face!
187
00:13:07,887 --> 00:13:10,788
- Where are my keys?
- There's the dick-brain that knows.
188
00:13:10,990 --> 00:13:13,788
If I knew anything,
would I be in this butt-hole class?
189
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:15,620
Suck my loggerhead.
190
00:13:15,828 --> 00:13:17,159
Damn it!
191
00:13:17,363 --> 00:13:20,821
- Jizzum-head!
- Jizzum-head. Yeah, good one.
192
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:22,330
One of my all-time faves.
193
00:13:23,869 --> 00:13:25,496
Psychology.
194
00:13:25,704 --> 00:13:29,162
You give a child the license
to swear, they lose all interest in it.
195
00:13:29,375 --> 00:13:31,639
- I certainly did.
- You're full of bull.
196
00:13:31,844 --> 00:13:34,312
It's OK, you can say "bullshit" in here.
197
00:13:34,513 --> 00:13:35,741
I'm grateful.
198
00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:38,439
I'm sure you're aware
that I'm teaching next door.
199
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,778
And this swearing
is getting a little loud.
200
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:44,615
You think you could concentrate on
some obscene gestures for a while?
201
00:13:45,524 --> 00:13:48,152
Yes! Yes, that's the idea.
202
00:13:49,295 --> 00:13:50,956
Thank you.
203
00:13:53,632 --> 00:13:55,031
I don't think she likes you.
204
00:14:01,373 --> 00:14:03,068
I want my car keys.
205
00:14:05,611 --> 00:14:08,045
I'm using the lavatory.
206
00:14:10,749 --> 00:14:14,549
- This is worse than a gas station.
- Yeah, I think I have to go too.
207
00:14:14,753 --> 00:14:18,018
Wait a minute. Hey, wait a...
My keys.
208
00:14:18,224 --> 00:14:20,158
Thattaboy, Mr. Shoop.
209
00:14:20,359 --> 00:14:22,589
Hey. Hey!
210
00:14:22,828 --> 00:14:27,162
OK, I'm calling roll
and then I'm gonna...
211
00:14:27,867 --> 00:14:29,095
Where's my roll sheet?
212
00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:32,401
It's somewhere in this room.
213
00:14:38,177 --> 00:14:41,772
Hey. Sorry about the noise.
214
00:14:41,981 --> 00:14:45,576
I'm really a gym teacher.
I don't belong in a classroom.
215
00:14:45,784 --> 00:14:48,218
Apology accepted.
216
00:14:49,188 --> 00:14:50,712
See you later.
217
00:14:50,923 --> 00:14:54,450
Let's start all over.
Hi, I'm Freddy Shoop.
218
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:57,857
Look, you're a semi-charming guy
and a snappy dresser.
219
00:14:58,063 --> 00:15:01,624
- You're not the kind of guy I date.
- Yeah? What kind are you dating?
220
00:15:01,834 --> 00:15:04,803
- Oh, the kind who wears socks.
- I got a pair somewhere.
221
00:15:05,004 --> 00:15:07,632
White ones. So about dinner,
222
00:15:07,840 --> 00:15:10,900
you like Italian? Mexican?
Hey, maybe you'd rather cook.
223
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:12,737
I'm not having dinner with you.
224
00:15:12,945 --> 00:15:14,276
- OK, lunch.
- Robin.
225
00:15:15,581 --> 00:15:17,048
Excuse me just one second.
226
00:15:17,249 --> 00:15:19,649
Robin, about tonight,
the concert starts at 8.
227
00:15:19,852 --> 00:15:22,286
I thought we'd go to the beach
and have a picnic.
228
00:15:22,488 --> 00:15:25,651
- Watch the sunset.
- Sounds wonderful.
229
00:15:29,094 --> 00:15:31,585
Oh, bye-bye, Freddy.
230
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:35,464
I'll be darned.
You're a heterosexual.
231
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,499
And a damned good one.
232
00:15:39,371 --> 00:15:42,101
- Good luck, honey.
- Thanks, Mom.
233
00:15:42,308 --> 00:15:44,538
OK, start her up.
234
00:15:47,279 --> 00:15:49,440
Make a right, please.
235
00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,552
These photos suck.
236
00:16:00,392 --> 00:16:02,986
Weddings, graduations.
237
00:16:03,929 --> 00:16:06,420
- Hoffman came in.
- Yeah.
238
00:16:06,632 --> 00:16:08,896
It's more of the redhead
with the tattoo.
239
00:16:09,101 --> 00:16:12,798
This time he's got her making
breakfast stark raving naked.
240
00:16:13,005 --> 00:16:14,632
Oh, Hoffman, you're so sick.
241
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,171
Check out this composition.
242
00:16:16,375 --> 00:16:21,506
Round English muffin, square butter,
triangular bush. The man is an artist.
243
00:16:22,781 --> 00:16:24,612
- Reprints.
- Reprints.
244
00:16:24,817 --> 00:16:27,217
Hi, I'd like to sign
up for Lamaze classes.
245
00:16:27,419 --> 00:16:30,013
OK, how are Tuesday nights
for you and your coach?
246
00:16:30,222 --> 00:16:33,783
- Perfect, but I don't have a coach.
- Well, what about the father?
247
00:16:33,993 --> 00:16:37,952
Well, that's sort of confusing. It's either
David Lee Roth, who's on tour,
248
00:16:38,163 --> 00:16:40,996
or Sean Penn. And I'd really hate
to upset Madonna.
249
00:16:42,267 --> 00:16:43,996
Fill this out.
250
00:16:49,041 --> 00:16:51,373
OK. How far did we get yesterday?
251
00:16:51,577 --> 00:16:53,306
You took roll.
252
00:16:53,512 --> 00:16:56,106
Right. That shouldn't
take as long today.
253
00:16:59,685 --> 00:17:01,016
Pam.
254
00:17:03,422 --> 00:17:07,415
- Mr. Shoop, I gotta book.
- What? You just got here.
255
00:17:07,626 --> 00:17:08,991
Yeah.
256
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:13,892
- It's a female thing.
- Oh, yeah, I understand.
257
00:17:15,134 --> 00:17:17,602
Oh, man, she's going surfing!
258
00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:21,764
I'm sure.
259
00:17:21,974 --> 00:17:25,603
Fuck. This menstruation deal,
it's such a scam.
260
00:17:25,811 --> 00:17:27,301
Girls are so lucky.
261
00:17:27,513 --> 00:17:29,777
What? Oh, we're so lucky?
262
00:17:29,982 --> 00:17:33,349
You think being on your period
is some picnic? Are you crazy?
263
00:17:33,552 --> 00:17:36,783
You get PMS, there's no room
in your purse for no hairbrush
264
00:17:36,989 --> 00:17:38,616
because you got these mini pads.
265
00:17:38,824 --> 00:17:40,052
You are so ignorant!
266
00:17:42,261 --> 00:17:44,491
This whole class
is jammed with ignorance.
267
00:17:44,696 --> 00:17:47,631
Yes, it is. Come in here, please.
268
00:17:47,833 --> 00:17:50,666
Mr. Shoop, this is our new
foreign exchange student,
269
00:17:50,869 --> 00:17:52,097
Anna-Maria Mazarelli.
270
00:17:52,304 --> 00:17:54,704
Anna-Maria is from Milan, Italy.
271
00:17:54,907 --> 00:17:59,367
She would like to brush up her English
skills before the fall semester begins.
272
00:18:00,379 --> 00:18:03,212
Well, I'll let you return
to your rigorous pursuit
273
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:04,643
of academic excellence.
274
00:18:04,850 --> 00:18:06,078
Please.
275
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:10,149
Anna-Maria, welcome to America.
You can sit wherever you want.
276
00:18:10,756 --> 00:18:11,984
You looking for a seat?
277
00:18:16,929 --> 00:18:19,159
Well, now, this desk
appears to be unoccupied.
278
00:18:19,398 --> 00:18:20,695
Grazie.
279
00:18:30,075 --> 00:18:33,067
OK, let's see what we got here.
280
00:18:34,279 --> 00:18:36,213
"Rules of grammar."
281
00:18:36,415 --> 00:18:38,576
"Writing paragraphs."
282
00:18:38,984 --> 00:18:41,077
God, I hate this stuff.
283
00:18:41,286 --> 00:18:43,220
"Book reports."
284
00:18:43,555 --> 00:18:45,648
Wanna get out of here?
Go to the library?
285
00:18:45,858 --> 00:18:47,086
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
286
00:18:48,227 --> 00:18:49,489
Let's go.
287
00:18:49,695 --> 00:18:51,595
I am Chainsaw.
288
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,094
Hi, Chainsaw.
289
00:18:53,298 --> 00:18:54,666
- Hi, I'm Dave.
- Ciao.
290
00:18:54,666 --> 00:18:55,633
- Hi, I'm Dave.
- Ciao.
291
00:18:56,001 --> 00:18:57,559
- Well, we love Italy.
- Yeah.
292
00:18:57,769 --> 00:18:59,600
- The pizza.
- Mussolini.
293
00:18:59,805 --> 00:19:02,239
- And Tony Bennett.
- The Mafia.
294
00:19:02,441 --> 00:19:03,772
Yeah. Chef Boyardee.
295
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:06,035
- Pinocchio.
- Fellatio.
296
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:08,236
Oh, I don't like that.
297
00:19:08,447 --> 00:19:10,438
- Well, have you ever tried it?
- Sure.
298
00:19:10,649 --> 00:19:15,348
Chef Boyardee, spaghetti in a can.
It's so mushy.
299
00:19:21,360 --> 00:19:23,294
Anna-Maria?
300
00:19:23,495 --> 00:19:26,953
Have you seen the movie
Texas Chainsaw Massacre?
301
00:19:27,633 --> 00:19:30,033
No. It is good?
302
00:19:30,235 --> 00:19:33,204
Oh, I gotta tell you,
I love this film.
303
00:19:33,405 --> 00:19:35,930
It had passion and a plucky spirit.
304
00:19:36,141 --> 00:19:37,972
And the characters had integrity.
305
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:41,112
Like when Leatherface went
on a strict diet of human flesh.
306
00:19:41,313 --> 00:19:44,146
- He had to cut out chicken and fish.
- I agree with you.
307
00:19:44,349 --> 00:19:48,308
I'll go a step further. Leatherface
wore a mask made out of human skin,
308
00:19:48,520 --> 00:19:51,080
he hung people on meat hooks,
but we've all got quirks.
309
00:19:51,290 --> 00:19:52,723
I've got them. You got them.
310
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:55,416
That's what makes
this character so compelling.
311
00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:58,095
- Thumbs up from me.
- Same here.
312
00:19:58,297 --> 00:20:00,390
- To sum it up, I'm Chainsaw.
- I'm Dave.
313
00:20:00,599 --> 00:20:02,260
We'll see you at the movies.
314
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:07,005
- OK.
- Let's go, people.
315
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,833
I found them at Winchell's.
316
00:20:09,041 --> 00:20:11,236
Here, we all chipped in.
317
00:20:12,477 --> 00:20:14,843
Hey, jelly. I'm touched.
318
00:20:15,714 --> 00:20:18,615
This one was in the parking lot
with a surfboard.
319
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,686
This is so humiliating.
320
00:20:21,887 --> 00:20:23,514
Pam.
321
00:20:25,524 --> 00:20:28,084
You know, I grew up
surfing those same waves.
322
00:20:28,293 --> 00:20:30,022
Today was phenom.
323
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:33,824
Three to four, breaking out of the
south, glassy, light offshore breeze.
324
00:20:34,032 --> 00:20:35,363
Had to go for the ditch.
325
00:20:37,135 --> 00:20:38,932
Thanks.
326
00:20:39,137 --> 00:20:40,365
You're very spiritual.
327
00:20:43,809 --> 00:20:45,276
But the rest of you clowns...
328
00:20:45,477 --> 00:20:48,605
Hey, I gotta say something.
This whole thing is a joke.
329
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:51,180
There's a very valid reason
for summer vacation.
330
00:20:51,383 --> 00:20:53,214
The human brain needs rest.
331
00:20:53,418 --> 00:20:55,818
Yeah. I mean,
what are we doing here?
332
00:20:56,021 --> 00:21:00,185
- Really. I don't wanna be here.
- Hey, look, this wasn't my idea.
333
00:21:00,993 --> 00:21:04,986
You guys aren't fired up about English.
I wouldn't know what to do if you were.
334
00:21:05,197 --> 00:21:08,860
But we're stuck here.
We're trapped like rats.
335
00:21:11,303 --> 00:21:13,362
Anybody got any ideas?
336
00:21:14,473 --> 00:21:17,135
Why don't we take some field trips?
337
00:21:17,442 --> 00:21:18,966
- Can we do that?
- Sure, yeah.
338
00:21:22,347 --> 00:21:24,781
I got permission slips right here.
339
00:21:30,455 --> 00:21:31,922
OK, take these home,
340
00:21:32,124 --> 00:21:35,184
have your mom or dad sign them,
I'll see what I can do.
341
00:21:35,394 --> 00:21:37,828
- Done.
- Same here.
342
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:42,728
Good.
343
00:22:52,871 --> 00:22:54,839
The Screwdriver
was a disappointment.
344
00:22:55,040 --> 00:22:58,532
I was hoping for a headache
or pounding temples,
345
00:22:58,744 --> 00:23:00,837
a blackout, but, you know,
I feel fine.
346
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:03,207
Actually, my headache is gone.
Thumbs down.
347
00:23:03,415 --> 00:23:06,475
I'm surprised. I found
the Screwdriver simply delightful.
348
00:23:06,685 --> 00:23:08,983
Fast corners.
That third loop was a surprise.
349
00:23:09,187 --> 00:23:11,087
The line moved fast.
350
00:23:12,657 --> 00:23:13,919
Is he OK?
351
00:23:14,126 --> 00:23:15,889
No, it appears
that he's vomiting.
352
00:23:17,829 --> 00:23:20,127
That's a sure sign
of a good ride. Thumbs up.
353
00:23:20,332 --> 00:23:22,357
Eakian, what did you eat?
354
00:23:52,664 --> 00:23:54,962
Don't be a pig. No.
355
00:24:01,573 --> 00:24:04,235
Hey! Hey, you slime.
356
00:24:04,509 --> 00:24:07,376
Stones' first farewell tour, '69.
Get out of here.
357
00:24:07,579 --> 00:24:10,514
- Oh, wait.
- He ripped my T-shirt.
358
00:24:10,715 --> 00:24:12,114
Oh, I can sew that.
359
00:24:12,317 --> 00:24:14,478
It's not necessary.
Go away!
360
00:24:14,686 --> 00:24:17,519
Nothing's necessary.
I want to.
361
00:24:18,089 --> 00:24:20,057
Great, I'll let you.
362
00:24:20,625 --> 00:24:24,925
Get them off! Get them off me!
363
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:29,290
The bunnies from hell!
364
00:24:29,768 --> 00:24:31,668
Oh, God!
365
00:24:35,407 --> 00:24:36,635
Get away from me!
366
00:24:39,077 --> 00:24:41,136
Oh, dear!
367
00:24:53,525 --> 00:24:56,358
- Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
- Thank you very much.
368
00:24:56,561 --> 00:24:59,029
What is this? It's a lie.
369
00:25:01,666 --> 00:25:04,328
- We did this for you.
- How did you like it?
370
00:25:04,536 --> 00:25:06,265
It's disgusting!
371
00:25:07,772 --> 00:25:09,569
I love it.
372
00:25:11,009 --> 00:25:13,773
- What is that?
- Oh, it's foam latex.
373
00:25:14,679 --> 00:25:16,203
Keep it.
374
00:25:16,414 --> 00:25:18,405
You guys.
375
00:25:25,357 --> 00:25:27,621
Next field trip,
it's gotta be at the beach.
376
00:25:27,826 --> 00:25:30,954
We gotta see Anna-Maria
in a bikini. It's very important.
377
00:25:31,162 --> 00:25:32,595
I understand.
378
00:25:53,818 --> 00:25:55,376
Girl, this ain't the Riviera.
379
00:25:57,022 --> 00:25:58,512
Thank you.
380
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:04,086
That was... That was...
That was cruel.
381
00:26:05,830 --> 00:26:07,161
You OK?
382
00:26:31,690 --> 00:26:33,715
Come in, come in, Mrs. Eakian.
383
00:26:33,925 --> 00:26:35,620
Now, how can I help you?
384
00:26:35,827 --> 00:26:38,762
Yesterday Alan came
home nauseous, sneezing,
385
00:26:38,964 --> 00:26:42,400
wheezing and itching,
with goat hairs on his clothes.
386
00:26:42,601 --> 00:26:44,068
He said he was at the museum,
387
00:26:44,269 --> 00:26:46,794
- but I found this in his pocket.
- Grandma...
388
00:26:47,305 --> 00:26:50,502
Is going on throw-up rides
and rubbing barnyard animals
389
00:26:50,709 --> 00:26:52,506
your idea of quality education?
390
00:26:52,711 --> 00:26:54,201
- Grandma...
- Certainly not.
391
00:26:54,412 --> 00:26:56,573
We'll talk to Mr. Shoop
about this right now.
392
00:26:57,082 --> 00:26:58,743
I may have used poor judgment.
393
00:26:58,950 --> 00:27:01,180
You actually used judgment.
394
00:27:01,386 --> 00:27:04,549
Do you realize if anything happened
to these kids, the lawsuits?
395
00:27:04,756 --> 00:27:06,917
You could've bankrupt
the entire district!
396
00:27:07,125 --> 00:27:09,787
And mess up your chance
at election to state assembly?
397
00:27:09,995 --> 00:27:13,431
- Yes.
- Don't wet your pants. Watch this.
398
00:27:13,632 --> 00:27:16,692
All you had to do was
babysit some social deviants.
399
00:27:16,901 --> 00:27:18,493
Those deviants are great kids.
400
00:27:18,703 --> 00:27:21,194
I'm sure they'll grow up
to be wonderful criminals.
401
00:27:21,406 --> 00:27:24,842
- They're as smart as you and me.
- You and I.
402
00:27:25,043 --> 00:27:26,305
All of us.
403
00:27:28,480 --> 00:27:31,472
You're suspended until Kelban
returns and fires you.
404
00:27:31,683 --> 00:27:32,980
What?
405
00:27:33,184 --> 00:27:36,676
Hey, this is your fault.
You knew I couldn't teach.
406
00:27:36,888 --> 00:27:38,685
Goodbye, Mr. Shoop.
407
00:27:49,267 --> 00:27:54,398
Gills, what if I become
a model teacher?
408
00:28:00,078 --> 00:28:03,445
This is gonna be fun. OK.
409
00:28:03,648 --> 00:28:06,811
You get every kid left in your class
to pass that skills test
410
00:28:07,018 --> 00:28:09,179
and I'll forget
about your field trips.
411
00:28:09,387 --> 00:28:11,150
Done.
412
00:28:13,758 --> 00:28:16,124
- They all have to pass?
- It's called teaching.
413
00:28:16,327 --> 00:28:17,954
If you don't know how to do that,
414
00:28:18,163 --> 00:28:21,564
then I guess you don't
deserve tenure. Do you?
415
00:28:24,002 --> 00:28:25,435
I'll teach.
416
00:28:32,043 --> 00:28:33,943
Morning, class.
417
00:28:35,380 --> 00:28:36,608
Nice tie!
418
00:28:38,316 --> 00:28:39,647
Oh, baby.
419
00:28:39,851 --> 00:28:43,343
Mr. Shoop, what's with the
threads, man? You getting married?
420
00:28:43,555 --> 00:28:46,023
No, must be laundry day.
Nothing else was clean.
421
00:28:46,224 --> 00:28:47,555
- Funeral?
- Could we come?
422
00:28:47,759 --> 00:28:49,659
Please take your seats.
423
00:28:49,961 --> 00:28:52,896
- Where should we take them?
- Sit down, Francis.
424
00:28:57,969 --> 00:29:01,405
From this moment forth, you people
eat English, sleep English.
425
00:29:01,606 --> 00:29:03,335
You are English.
426
00:29:03,541 --> 00:29:05,372
Oh, then pass the crumpets, old boy.
427
00:29:05,577 --> 00:29:07,135
I'm not kidding around.
428
00:29:07,345 --> 00:29:10,837
Anyone not interested in passing
that exam can leave right now.
429
00:29:16,988 --> 00:29:18,353
The guy's been pretty cool.
430
00:29:18,556 --> 00:29:22,925
He called me Francis.
Hasta luego, Placido Domingo.
431
00:29:23,128 --> 00:29:25,653
Chainsaw, Dave, wait a minute.
432
00:29:26,765 --> 00:29:31,099
Look, Gills is having a cow
about our field trips.
433
00:29:31,302 --> 00:29:35,671
Unless you guys all pass
that test, my job? Memorex.
434
00:29:36,241 --> 00:29:37,765
Anybody got any ideas here?
435
00:29:37,976 --> 00:29:39,341
Get yourself some want ads.
436
00:29:39,544 --> 00:29:42,570
I don't care what your files say.
You are not that dumb.
437
00:29:42,781 --> 00:29:46,615
Actually, Mr. Shoop, those files
are usually right on the money.
438
00:29:46,818 --> 00:29:48,581
- You all feel that way?
- I do.
439
00:29:49,854 --> 00:29:52,414
- I may as well go home.
- Mr. Shoop?
440
00:29:52,624 --> 00:29:55,718
Look, we don't want
you to lose your job.
441
00:29:56,761 --> 00:29:58,285
Think about what you're asking.
442
00:29:58,496 --> 00:30:01,590
- You want us to study?
- The thought did cross my mind.
443
00:30:01,800 --> 00:30:04,394
- Well, what's in it for us?
- Literacy.
444
00:30:05,336 --> 00:30:06,928
Oh, sorry, that's...
445
00:30:09,207 --> 00:30:12,734
- I'd like to help. What can I do?
- Give me your car.
446
00:30:12,944 --> 00:30:14,411
- Your house.
- And your dog.
447
00:30:14,612 --> 00:30:18,013
- See you.
- Wait, wait! Mr. Shoop, wait!
448
00:30:18,216 --> 00:30:19,649
There's room to negotiate.
449
00:30:20,418 --> 00:30:22,886
What if you granted
each one of us one wish?
450
00:30:25,890 --> 00:30:27,858
What do you mean, "wish"?
451
00:30:28,059 --> 00:30:29,617
You know, like a favor.
452
00:30:29,828 --> 00:30:31,386
Does anybody need anything?
453
00:30:31,596 --> 00:30:34,895
I need somebody to work out with,
in case I get back on the team.
454
00:30:35,099 --> 00:30:38,660
- I could use a Lamaze coach.
- I need some driving lessons. Bad.
455
00:30:40,405 --> 00:30:44,671
OK, there's two of us.
Therefore, we get two.
456
00:30:44,876 --> 00:30:48,869
All right. One, a party, your house,
Fourth of July weekend.
457
00:30:49,080 --> 00:30:50,570
In Anna-Maria's honor.
458
00:30:50,782 --> 00:30:53,842
Number two, you arrange
a screening, in class,
459
00:30:54,052 --> 00:30:55,610
of the greatest movie ever made.
460
00:30:55,820 --> 00:31:00,655
The 1973 Tobe Hooper classic
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
461
00:31:00,859 --> 00:31:03,521
- That is also in Anna-Maria's honor.
- Thank you.
462
00:31:03,728 --> 00:31:06,094
Now, then, is there
anything that you desire?
463
00:31:06,297 --> 00:31:09,698
Oh, I don't deserve a wish.
I don't take the test anyway.
464
00:31:09,901 --> 00:31:12,699
God, she is so honest.
We'll take hers.
465
00:31:13,538 --> 00:31:18,066
Chauffeur service for Dave and I,
every day, to and from work.
466
00:31:18,810 --> 00:31:20,778
Pam, what's your wish?
467
00:31:22,146 --> 00:31:25,343
I'll tell Mr. Shoop
when the time is right.
468
00:31:29,921 --> 00:31:31,616
Larry?
469
00:31:31,823 --> 00:31:36,487
- Larry, what do you want?
- Bed.
470
00:31:37,195 --> 00:31:39,322
He wants a bed.
471
00:31:39,530 --> 00:31:43,626
As for myself, I just wanna be
invited to the party.
472
00:31:45,203 --> 00:31:47,671
- We'll see.
- Good enough.
473
00:31:47,872 --> 00:31:50,568
I think these are fair
and reasonable requests.
474
00:31:50,775 --> 00:31:55,041
In return, we'll show up,
we'll pay attention
475
00:31:55,246 --> 00:31:57,578
and we'll even do a little homework.
476
00:31:58,750 --> 00:32:01,446
- Is this contract acceptable to labor?
- No doubt.
477
00:32:01,653 --> 00:32:03,883
- Yeah.
- Does management agree?
478
00:32:04,088 --> 00:32:08,149
- You sure I'm management?
- For our purposes here, yes.
479
00:32:09,427 --> 00:32:12,260
Do we have a binding agreement?
480
00:32:13,464 --> 00:32:15,932
We got something.
481
00:32:16,134 --> 00:32:19,297
All right. Well, we put
that baby to bed.
482
00:32:20,305 --> 00:32:24,765
Let's do lunch.
I always wanted to say that.
483
00:32:25,610 --> 00:32:30,013
- Well, go ahead. Teach.
- Right.
484
00:32:30,581 --> 00:32:32,549
Teach.
485
00:32:34,485 --> 00:32:35,782
Don't anybody move.
486
00:32:36,154 --> 00:32:38,213
- The Non-Proliferation Treaty.
- Beagman?
487
00:32:38,423 --> 00:32:41,187
- Excuse me, Miss Bishop.
- Mr. Shoop.
488
00:32:41,392 --> 00:32:45,328
Shouldn't you be planning
a field trip to 7-Eleven?
489
00:32:45,530 --> 00:32:47,828
I need your help.
I know how you feel about me,
490
00:32:48,032 --> 00:32:50,660
but something really bizarre
has happened to my kids.
491
00:32:50,868 --> 00:32:51,970
- Please.
- All right.
492
00:32:51,970 --> 00:32:53,403
- Please.
- All right.
493
00:32:53,604 --> 00:32:57,597
If I get next door and there's a
candlelight dinner, I'm calling security.
494
00:32:57,809 --> 00:33:00,573
- Continue.
- The 1970 Seabed Treaty.
495
00:33:00,778 --> 00:33:02,006
Do you own that suit?
496
00:33:08,086 --> 00:33:12,022
- What did you do, pass out Valiums?
- This is a natural lull.
497
00:33:12,223 --> 00:33:16,523
Interesting phenomenon.
What do you want from me?
498
00:33:16,728 --> 00:33:19,629
How do you teach?
499
00:33:19,831 --> 00:33:24,325
- If you're serious, I'll help you.
- Great.
500
00:33:24,535 --> 00:33:27,800
Meet me after school.
We'll make plans for the weekend.
501
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,831
For the weekend?
502
00:33:31,943 --> 00:33:35,037
Big guy. OK.
503
00:33:41,152 --> 00:33:43,620
The easiest thing to do
is base your lesson plans
504
00:33:43,821 --> 00:33:46,722
on the students' own experiences.
505
00:33:46,924 --> 00:33:50,291
- I can do that.
- Your life is probably very similar.
506
00:33:50,495 --> 00:33:54,158
Hardly. I'm telling you,
you gotta try these Pop-Tarts.
507
00:33:54,365 --> 00:33:56,026
No, thanks.
508
00:33:56,234 --> 00:33:58,828
I'm sticking with the Chocodiles.
509
00:33:59,037 --> 00:34:02,666
The best teachers are the teachers
who entertain while they teach.
510
00:34:02,874 --> 00:34:06,105
- So you should do just fine.
- You think I'm entertaining?
511
00:34:07,412 --> 00:34:09,243
To children.
512
00:34:09,447 --> 00:34:12,280
- I gotta go. Time's up.
- I know why you're helping me.
513
00:34:12,483 --> 00:34:15,452
- Professional courtesy.
- No. You like me.
514
00:34:15,653 --> 00:34:18,349
- No, I don't.
- Yes, you do.
515
00:34:18,556 --> 00:34:20,217
- No, I don't.
- Yeah, you do.
516
00:34:20,425 --> 00:34:21,687
- Do not.
- Do too.
517
00:34:21,893 --> 00:34:23,451
- Don't either.
- Come on.
518
00:34:23,661 --> 00:34:25,856
- Don't you like me just a little bit?
- No.
519
00:34:26,064 --> 00:34:28,259
Not even that much?
520
00:34:28,466 --> 00:34:30,991
I like you that much.
521
00:34:34,439 --> 00:34:36,703
It's a start.
522
00:34:40,011 --> 00:34:43,708
Now, someone tell me why
learning how to write is so critical.
523
00:34:43,915 --> 00:34:50,252
- It's a form of communication.
- Amen. And it can get you free stuff.
524
00:34:50,455 --> 00:34:54,585
- Free?
- Free. I'm writing the word...
525
00:34:54,792 --> 00:34:59,126
...free. Here's how it works.
All of us have been ripped off, right?
526
00:34:59,330 --> 00:35:02,094
Pay phone steals money,
not enough cheese on your pizza.
527
00:35:02,300 --> 00:35:04,734
- My shades keep falling apart.
- Perfect.
528
00:35:04,936 --> 00:35:06,631
You're gonna write that company.
529
00:35:06,838 --> 00:35:09,534
You'll see action,
if your letter is clearly written
530
00:35:09,740 --> 00:35:11,571
and threatens to hurt their business.
531
00:35:11,776 --> 00:35:13,937
And is signed, forgive me, Chainsaw,
532
00:35:14,445 --> 00:35:18,472
"Mr. Francis Gremp, president,
Consumer Against Faulty Eyewear."
533
00:35:18,683 --> 00:35:21,481
You want me to lie? OK.
534
00:35:22,520 --> 00:35:24,818
Anyone interested
in learning the correct form,
535
00:35:25,022 --> 00:35:28,116
please turn to page 46
in your textbook.
536
00:35:31,229 --> 00:35:32,526
The shit works.
537
00:35:35,333 --> 00:35:37,130
Damn!
538
00:35:37,335 --> 00:35:39,530
Stupid son of a...
539
00:35:39,737 --> 00:35:44,800
- I'm not cut out to be a linebacker.
- No, you're looking at my shoulders.
540
00:35:45,009 --> 00:35:49,946
Don't. Focus on my waist.
OK? My waist.
541
00:35:50,148 --> 00:35:52,548
All right, try it again. Go on.
542
00:35:52,750 --> 00:35:57,312
That's good.
Remember, I'm your teacher.
543
00:36:03,528 --> 00:36:05,359
You wanna learn how to surf?
544
00:36:09,100 --> 00:36:11,330
- You sure you wanna do this?
- Absolutely.
545
00:36:11,536 --> 00:36:14,767
Lamaze class,
great place to meet girls.
546
00:36:24,849 --> 00:36:27,875
OK, Denise, slide over.
547
00:36:28,219 --> 00:36:30,653
Oh, no, no, no.
548
00:36:30,855 --> 00:36:32,948
Is this some kind of sick, twisted joke?
549
00:36:33,157 --> 00:36:36,649
No, I'm combining Denise's driving
lesson with your ride to the beach.
550
00:36:36,861 --> 00:36:39,591
We took driver training
with Denise. Call us a cab.
551
00:36:39,797 --> 00:36:41,594
Get your grisly butts in the car.
552
00:36:41,799 --> 00:36:44,734
Man, let me drive.
I'm going for my license next week.
553
00:36:46,404 --> 00:36:49,498
- Chainsaw, you've been drinking.
- No, it's cough medicine.
554
00:36:49,707 --> 00:36:52,267
Check out this phlegm.
555
00:36:52,476 --> 00:36:55,104
Save the phlegm.
You're not driving anywhere.
556
00:36:55,313 --> 00:36:59,215
I'll tell you something. You know why
so many drunk drivers get in wrecks?
557
00:36:59,417 --> 00:37:03,478
- They don't learn to drive drunk.
- Fact: Alcohol kills brain cells.
558
00:37:03,688 --> 00:37:07,715
You lose one more, you're
a talking monkey. Come on, get in.
559
00:37:07,925 --> 00:37:09,916
Come on.
560
00:37:13,297 --> 00:37:14,696
OK, Denise, start her up.
561
00:37:17,969 --> 00:37:20,995
Signal left. Pull on out.
562
00:37:24,008 --> 00:37:27,068
Can I call my folks
and say I won't be home... ever?
563
00:37:27,278 --> 00:37:28,802
I'm not used to this car.
564
00:37:39,023 --> 00:37:41,389
I think it's safe.
565
00:37:41,592 --> 00:37:43,389
Move it out.
566
00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:46,927
Nice and smooth. Oh, yeah, that's...
567
00:37:47,131 --> 00:37:49,793
Fine. Good.
568
00:38:01,279 --> 00:38:03,440
- Why did you do that?
- A car was coming.
569
00:38:04,382 --> 00:38:07,044
Well, it'll happen from time to time.
570
00:38:07,251 --> 00:38:09,185
Come on, Denise,
he won't bother us.
571
00:38:14,058 --> 00:38:17,152
We just got lapped
by an old lady with a walker.
572
00:38:17,595 --> 00:38:19,756
- See that space between those cars?
- Yeah.
573
00:38:19,964 --> 00:38:22,694
- Pull in.
- Parallel park? That's my weak spot.
574
00:38:22,900 --> 00:38:25,198
Listen to her.
575
00:38:25,536 --> 00:38:27,504
OK.
576
00:38:37,248 --> 00:38:39,546
- I'm sober now.
- That's good for today.
577
00:38:39,750 --> 00:38:40,978
- We live!
- We live!
578
00:38:46,057 --> 00:38:47,581
It's beautiful.
579
00:38:47,792 --> 00:38:50,659
Enough safe and sane.
It's time for dumb and dangerous.
580
00:38:50,861 --> 00:38:54,490
These are Mexican. You do not
know what's in these babies.
581
00:38:57,134 --> 00:38:59,261
Hey, get me a brew.
582
00:39:07,511 --> 00:39:09,672
Coming through.
583
00:39:10,481 --> 00:39:13,882
Anna-Maria, as far as we know,
this has never, ever been attempted.
584
00:39:14,085 --> 00:39:19,022
Anna-Maria, we dedicate
these cantaloupe to you.
585
00:39:19,690 --> 00:39:22,921
You make fruit bombs for me?
Oh, how sweet.
586
00:39:23,127 --> 00:39:28,030
- Melon balls, coming up!
- We're gonna make these babies fly!
587
00:39:38,476 --> 00:39:40,637
Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me.
588
00:39:40,845 --> 00:39:42,312
You're awake. I wanna talk.
589
00:39:42,513 --> 00:39:45,209
- Not now, babe, I'm late.
- Late for what?
590
00:39:51,155 --> 00:39:53,282
What's it like being pregnant?
591
00:39:53,491 --> 00:39:56,460
- Bizarre.
- Yeah, that's what I thought.
592
00:39:57,328 --> 00:40:01,628
My body is out of control
and it's big and ugly.
593
00:40:01,832 --> 00:40:05,529
- I think you look great.
- Sure, in the dark.
594
00:40:08,606 --> 00:40:10,699
How much longer?
595
00:40:13,277 --> 00:40:15,040
About five weeks.
596
00:40:15,679 --> 00:40:19,274
- It's gonna be amazing.
- Yeah, I know.
597
00:40:19,483 --> 00:40:21,849
You'll be a mother.
598
00:40:22,820 --> 00:40:24,048
Yeah.
599
00:40:24,255 --> 00:40:27,383
Eakian, this party's getting weak.
600
00:40:27,591 --> 00:40:29,582
Do something wild.
Take all your clothes off.
601
00:40:29,794 --> 00:40:32,661
Why? You want everyone
to go home?
602
00:40:35,733 --> 00:40:38,167
You're almost fun tonight.
603
00:40:43,774 --> 00:40:45,935
Almost.
604
00:40:49,513 --> 00:40:52,107
- You all right?
- Yeah. Come on in.
605
00:40:52,316 --> 00:40:54,750
I'm just resting up. Too much fun.
606
00:40:54,952 --> 00:40:56,977
It's all sewn.
607
00:40:57,188 --> 00:40:59,816
Hey, thanks. That's great.
608
00:41:02,660 --> 00:41:08,098
- I feel so at home here.
- Yeah, me too.
609
00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:10,426
Yeah.
610
00:41:12,136 --> 00:41:14,969
The grunion are running tonight.
611
00:41:15,739 --> 00:41:20,301
In the dead of night,
under a full moon,
612
00:41:20,511 --> 00:41:24,277
thousands of horny little fish
swim hundreds of miles
613
00:41:24,482 --> 00:41:27,042
to ball their brains out in the sand.
614
00:41:27,251 --> 00:41:28,650
It's so romantic.
615
00:41:32,723 --> 00:41:34,953
You ever do that
with one of your students?
616
00:41:36,193 --> 00:41:40,687
No. I swim hundreds of miles,
I'm ready for a nap.
617
00:41:43,033 --> 00:41:44,864
Who's that?
618
00:41:45,069 --> 00:41:49,836
Oh, it's Kim.
She's sort of my girlfriend.
619
00:41:50,808 --> 00:41:54,300
- "Sort of"?
- Well, she's in Hawaii.
620
00:41:56,347 --> 00:42:00,716
So you're all alone
and you like young girls.
621
00:42:01,652 --> 00:42:03,882
Kim's not that young. She's 21.
622
00:42:04,455 --> 00:42:07,754
I'm 16. And you should
consider that.
623
00:42:07,958 --> 00:42:11,689
Because there's, like, no difference
between 21 and 16 now,
624
00:42:11,896 --> 00:42:17,334
but when she's 66,
I'll only be 61.
625
00:42:18,068 --> 00:42:21,504
And I'll be 75
and it won't matter anyway.
626
00:42:25,476 --> 00:42:27,103
Yeah.
627
00:42:40,224 --> 00:42:43,455
Come on, Pam. Time for more fun.
628
00:42:44,461 --> 00:42:46,554
Wondermutt!
629
00:42:56,807 --> 00:42:58,468
Out of my way!
630
00:42:58,676 --> 00:43:02,737
Watch your ass, folks! Banzai!
631
00:43:16,860 --> 00:43:19,829
- Oh, shit.
- Fire!
632
00:43:24,168 --> 00:43:25,965
Do something!
633
00:43:29,707 --> 00:43:32,904
- Jesus Christ, my couch is on fire!
- Come on, Dave.
634
00:43:33,110 --> 00:43:34,941
What? What? What?
635
00:43:47,791 --> 00:43:50,885
- All right, we took care of it.
- My fish!
636
00:43:51,095 --> 00:43:53,029
- How many were there?
- One.
637
00:43:54,999 --> 00:43:56,489
Poor fishy.
638
00:43:57,801 --> 00:44:00,497
Get rid of that couch.
That is a definite fire hazard.
639
00:44:00,704 --> 00:44:02,535
- Definitely.
- Party's over.
640
00:44:02,740 --> 00:44:04,799
It was just getting good.
We got a fire...
641
00:44:05,009 --> 00:44:06,636
Good night!
642
00:44:07,277 --> 00:44:08,972
One little fire.
643
00:44:09,813 --> 00:44:11,872
Big deal.
644
00:44:20,057 --> 00:44:23,754
- Minors drinking on the beach.
- Seriously, we never do this.
645
00:44:23,961 --> 00:44:28,364
Boy, never, ever. There's our
English teacher, let's ask him.
646
00:44:28,565 --> 00:44:32,001
Mr. Shoop, sir, could you come here
just a moment, please?
647
00:44:32,202 --> 00:44:33,863
- Hey, guys.
- Hi.
648
00:44:34,071 --> 00:44:36,733
- What's up?
- Found these boys with alcohol.
649
00:44:37,241 --> 00:44:41,177
That alcohol, officer?
Oh, that's not theirs.
650
00:44:42,012 --> 00:44:43,741
Whose is it?
651
00:44:46,073 --> 00:44:49,440
It's mine. See, I live
in that house right there
652
00:44:49,644 --> 00:44:52,272
and they were just
watching my stuff.
653
00:44:52,480 --> 00:44:54,038
That's right. It's his.
654
00:44:54,248 --> 00:44:57,809
We should never have taken those
little baby sips. That was wrong.
655
00:44:58,019 --> 00:45:00,453
God, so very, very wrong.
656
00:45:00,655 --> 00:45:03,852
I think they learned
one hell of a lesson, officer.
657
00:45:04,058 --> 00:45:07,687
Next time you boys encounter alcohol,
remember you're underage.
658
00:45:08,396 --> 00:45:10,762
- Yes, sir, we will.
- Yeah, of course, thank...
659
00:45:10,965 --> 00:45:12,762
Thank you.
660
00:45:12,967 --> 00:45:16,164
- Well, we're off to do our homework.
- Yeah. Thank you. Bye.
661
00:45:16,370 --> 00:45:18,861
- We shouldn't have tried this.
- It was a mistake.
662
00:45:19,073 --> 00:45:22,201
That was bad.
We should've just said no.
663
00:45:23,544 --> 00:45:25,341
- You guys are good men.
- Thank you.
664
00:45:25,546 --> 00:45:26,911
Thank you.
665
00:45:28,149 --> 00:45:31,880
You're under arrest for contributing
to the delinquency of a minor.
666
00:45:32,286 --> 00:45:35,551
- Officer, that's not really my vodka.
- Is that your dog?
667
00:45:36,457 --> 00:45:39,290
- Yeah.
- No dogs on the beach, $50 fine.
668
00:45:39,493 --> 00:45:42,018
He's not really my dog.
He just thinks he's my dog.
669
00:45:42,229 --> 00:45:43,753
No, he's a neighborhood dog.
670
00:45:43,965 --> 00:45:46,866
He hangs out at my place
because there's garbage there.
671
00:45:47,068 --> 00:45:50,094
He's a scavenger. He'll eat anything.
He's a beach dog, really.
672
00:45:50,304 --> 00:45:51,669
Go away, beach dog.
673
00:45:54,809 --> 00:45:56,834
Do you have a cell for beginners?
674
00:46:00,615 --> 00:46:04,073
- Boogie boy.
- Bunk in here.
675
00:46:04,819 --> 00:46:08,255
- Moondoggie.
- Yeah.
676
00:46:09,423 --> 00:46:10,651
Who wants gum?
677
00:46:13,227 --> 00:46:15,195
Leave your message
after the beep.
678
00:46:15,630 --> 00:46:18,292
Robin, it's your pal, Shoop.
679
00:46:18,499 --> 00:46:21,229
I can't leave my number
because I'm downtown in jail.
680
00:46:21,435 --> 00:46:23,130
- Jail?
- What, you're surprised?
681
00:46:23,337 --> 00:46:28,104
I got arrested in my swim trunks, so
I need 50 bucks and a pair of shoes.
682
00:46:28,309 --> 00:46:31,608
Listen, please don't mention
this to that bite in the ass Gills.
683
00:46:31,812 --> 00:46:34,144
You're an angel.
Dinner, dancing, Paris...
684
00:46:34,348 --> 00:46:35,872
Hello, Mr. Shoop.
685
00:46:36,083 --> 00:46:37,880
- Who is this?
- The bite in the ass.
686
00:46:39,286 --> 00:46:43,985
When I say "bite in the ass", I mean
that in the nicest possible way.
687
00:46:44,191 --> 00:46:45,522
Can I talk to Robin?
688
00:46:45,893 --> 00:46:49,727
I'm afraid Robin and I
are on our way out of town.
689
00:46:49,930 --> 00:46:52,490
But don't worry, we'll be right over.
690
00:46:53,434 --> 00:46:55,800
He's still a human being, Phillip.
691
00:46:56,003 --> 00:46:58,369
We have a very long drive.
If we go downtown now,
692
00:46:58,572 --> 00:46:59,840
we'll be stuck in traffic.
And that's OK with me,
693
00:46:59,840 --> 00:47:01,307
we'll be stuck in traffic.
And that's OK with me,
694
00:47:01,509 --> 00:47:06,640
because we'll be helping Shoop
and you won't think I'm a shit. Right?
695
00:47:08,983 --> 00:47:10,974
Am I in really big trouble?
696
00:47:11,185 --> 00:47:13,915
Arrested for contributing
to the delinquency of minors?
697
00:47:14,121 --> 00:47:16,316
You're not a hero.
698
00:47:16,524 --> 00:47:18,389
What is this?
699
00:47:18,592 --> 00:47:20,184
I made a new friend.
700
00:47:20,761 --> 00:47:25,391
Mr. Shoop, I do hope we can get you
out of this ugly mess. And it is ugly.
701
00:47:25,599 --> 00:47:28,762
Mr. Shoop's been making
a lot of progress in his class, Phillip.
702
00:47:28,969 --> 00:47:32,461
It's true. I've been handing out
assignments and the kids turn them in.
703
00:47:32,673 --> 00:47:35,972
- It's almost like school in there.
- I've heard. And I'm proud.
704
00:47:36,177 --> 00:47:39,169
Confirms all my instincts
about him. He's my boy.
705
00:47:40,514 --> 00:47:43,711
Robin, let's get out of here.
706
00:47:43,918 --> 00:47:46,182
We're on our way to wine country.
707
00:47:46,387 --> 00:47:50,346
You kids have fun.
708
00:48:01,168 --> 00:48:03,193
See those waves, Wondermutt?
709
00:48:04,138 --> 00:48:06,538
They're from Hawaii.
710
00:48:06,741 --> 00:48:09,369
Kim's in Hawaii.
711
00:48:10,377 --> 00:48:13,244
Robin's in the wine country.
712
00:48:15,116 --> 00:48:18,882
You know what we need?
I mean, besides bread.
713
00:48:19,754 --> 00:48:23,315
We need a woman
who will appreciate
714
00:48:23,524 --> 00:48:25,685
what we have to offer.
715
00:48:25,893 --> 00:48:28,157
A woman of culture...
716
00:48:29,196 --> 00:48:30,493
...intellect.
717
00:48:30,831 --> 00:48:33,800
Shake those buns, baby!
718
00:48:39,340 --> 00:48:44,073
Bring those buns over here. Mama's
got some software for you, baby.
719
00:48:47,314 --> 00:48:50,306
Excuse me.
I'm with Playgirl magazine.
720
00:48:50,684 --> 00:48:53,653
Survey me later, I'm trying
to concentrate. Come on, baby.
721
00:48:53,888 --> 00:48:56,083
Thanks for your time.
722
00:49:01,128 --> 00:49:03,153
Shoot them buns over here.
723
00:49:10,471 --> 00:49:12,029
Hey!
724
00:49:15,810 --> 00:49:18,335
Hey, cowboy! Don't I know you?
725
00:49:18,546 --> 00:49:21,811
Hey, back off, hair-bag,
this is ladies' night.
726
00:49:24,385 --> 00:49:26,444
I love him, I love him, I love him.
727
00:49:26,654 --> 00:49:28,019
Larry!
728
00:49:28,956 --> 00:49:31,390
Mr. Shoop. What are you doing here?
729
00:49:31,592 --> 00:49:34,459
What am I doing here?
You do this every night?
730
00:49:34,662 --> 00:49:36,596
Well, we have Mondays off.
731
00:49:36,797 --> 00:49:39,823
Listen, man, you can't tell
anybody, OK? They think I'm 21.
732
00:49:40,034 --> 00:49:44,664
You were fabulous.
This is from both of us.
733
00:49:44,872 --> 00:49:47,102
I'm in the wrong business.
But about school,
734
00:49:47,308 --> 00:49:50,709
if you could sneak in a couple
hours' sleep, you'd catch up.
735
00:49:50,911 --> 00:49:53,277
Mr. Shoop, man,
think about what you're saying.
736
00:49:53,480 --> 00:49:55,107
I mean, if you could be 17 again,
737
00:49:55,316 --> 00:49:58,012
only you knew then
what you know now.
738
00:49:58,219 --> 00:50:01,347
- Yeah.
- Well, I know.
739
00:50:03,924 --> 00:50:05,687
I hate that kid.
740
00:50:06,427 --> 00:50:11,626
"Who we admire most
in the world and why.
741
00:50:11,832 --> 00:50:15,097
"The person we admire most
in the world is makeup artist
742
00:50:15,302 --> 00:50:17,202
"and creature creator Rick Baker."
743
00:50:17,404 --> 00:50:20,305
"His wonderfully gruesome slime
bladders and slobber tubes
744
00:50:20,507 --> 00:50:25,240
"in American Werewolf in London
won him a richly deserved Oscar.
745
00:50:25,446 --> 00:50:29,940
"That is why we admire makeup artist
and creature creator Rick Baker
746
00:50:30,150 --> 00:50:32,710
"very, very, very,
very, very, very..."
747
00:50:32,920 --> 00:50:35,013
"Very, very, very, very, very..."
748
00:50:35,222 --> 00:50:38,919
"Very, very, very, very, very,
very, very, very, very, very..."
749
00:50:39,126 --> 00:50:42,220
"Very, very, very, very, very much."
750
00:50:42,429 --> 00:50:45,455
- It's 100 words on the nose.
- You can count if you want.
751
00:50:45,666 --> 00:50:48,533
"It is not easy to pick
the person I admire most.
752
00:50:48,736 --> 00:50:50,761
"I admire people
for different reasons.
753
00:50:50,971 --> 00:50:55,874
"The way they surf or teach English
from the heart or help the homeless.
754
00:50:56,076 --> 00:50:59,011
"To pick one person
is so unfair to everyone else.
755
00:50:59,213 --> 00:51:01,579
"Isn't there enough pain
in the world?"
756
00:51:01,782 --> 00:51:05,741
Since there's no one I admire most,
this is about a person I admire least,
757
00:51:05,953 --> 00:51:08,285
my ex-boyfriend, Andre.
758
00:51:08,489 --> 00:51:10,889
If he tells you he broke up
with me, he's lying,
759
00:51:11,091 --> 00:51:13,559
because I told him
to get out of my face first.
760
00:51:13,761 --> 00:51:16,787
You know how I could tell
when he's lying? His lips move.
761
00:51:16,997 --> 00:51:20,694
I'm serious. He's so in love with
himself, he ought to be dating a mirror.
762
00:51:20,901 --> 00:51:22,528
He's in skin-tight leather pants,
763
00:51:22,736 --> 00:51:26,467
thinking he's Rick James' little brother.
Give the world a break.
764
00:51:26,874 --> 00:51:29,741
- Denise, can I have your paper?
- No.
765
00:51:31,445 --> 00:51:34,414
- No?
- Well, I had to memorize my essay
766
00:51:34,615 --> 00:51:36,446
due to the fact
I was mugged by a gang
767
00:51:36,650 --> 00:51:38,481
looking for money and homework.
768
00:51:39,520 --> 00:51:40,748
That happens.
769
00:51:43,090 --> 00:51:47,652
OK, gang, mark your calendars.
Field trip next Monday.
770
00:51:47,861 --> 00:51:49,920
Where are we going, cockfights?
771
00:51:50,798 --> 00:51:52,857
Courthouse.
772
00:51:53,067 --> 00:51:57,834
Your teacher was arrested
for giving vodka to some kids.
773
00:51:59,173 --> 00:52:01,664
You and Dave won't want to miss it.
774
00:52:01,875 --> 00:52:04,969
- You went to jail for us?
- On roller skates.
775
00:52:05,179 --> 00:52:07,374
Thanks, man.
776
00:52:27,101 --> 00:52:29,035
Pam?
777
00:52:29,236 --> 00:52:31,204
Hi.
778
00:52:33,540 --> 00:52:34,871
What are you doing here?
779
00:52:35,075 --> 00:52:38,841
Remember I said I'd tell you my wish
when the time was right? It's right.
780
00:52:40,080 --> 00:52:43,880
- Your wish is to move in with me?
- I'm a great cook.
781
00:52:49,390 --> 00:52:51,688
I won't get in your way.
782
00:52:51,892 --> 00:52:54,827
You know we connect.
783
00:52:55,029 --> 00:52:58,931
- Pam, look, my place is very small.
- It's perfect.
784
00:52:59,967 --> 00:53:03,198
Look, Tommy, that's my brother,
he had another kid
785
00:53:03,404 --> 00:53:07,363
and Angela, she's his wife, wants to
move the twins back into Gail's room
786
00:53:07,574 --> 00:53:10,168
and put Sally in the den,
so I lose the couch.
787
00:53:10,377 --> 00:53:14,074
- Yeah, well, my couch is barbecued.
- The floor is fine.
788
00:53:14,281 --> 00:53:17,842
Mr. Shoop, everybody else
got their wish.
789
00:53:23,190 --> 00:53:26,216
OK, Pam.
790
00:53:26,427 --> 00:53:28,418
If I let you stay here,
791
00:53:28,629 --> 00:53:31,757
it's only temporary
until you find another place, OK?
792
00:53:34,201 --> 00:53:36,294
I can stay.
793
00:53:36,503 --> 00:53:38,596
Who are you talking to?
794
00:53:39,206 --> 00:53:42,403
This is Tommy and Angela
and Gail and Sally and Sly
795
00:53:42,609 --> 00:53:46,101
and the twins, Chuck and Bob,
and Tommy, Jr.
796
00:53:46,313 --> 00:53:47,541
This is Mr. Shoop.
797
00:53:47,748 --> 00:53:49,511
- How are you?
- Pleased to meet you.
798
00:53:53,353 --> 00:53:56,288
She screams so well.
799
00:53:57,491 --> 00:53:59,982
Oh, don't be a wuss.
800
00:54:00,194 --> 00:54:02,128
Shut up!
801
00:54:02,329 --> 00:54:04,024
Run, run.
802
00:54:04,231 --> 00:54:06,791
Larry! Larry, wake up,
you're missing this.
803
00:54:07,000 --> 00:54:10,265
Larry's not missing a thing.
Let him sleep.
804
00:54:10,471 --> 00:54:13,133
- There he is.
- Leatherface, Leatherface.
805
00:54:14,341 --> 00:54:16,332
Oh, no.
806
00:54:18,112 --> 00:54:21,275
That's not a real person.
It's a stuntman.
807
00:54:21,782 --> 00:54:25,047
OK, now, this... This right here
isn't gonna bother him,
808
00:54:25,252 --> 00:54:28,050
because he's insane, OK?
809
00:54:33,427 --> 00:54:35,224
Good Lord.
810
00:54:35,429 --> 00:54:37,397
- What are you watching?
- Do the dance.
811
00:54:37,598 --> 00:54:40,590
A new film from the district,
Safe Use of Power Tools.
812
00:54:40,801 --> 00:54:43,326
Delivery. I don't want
to know what this is, do I?
813
00:54:43,537 --> 00:54:45,835
No, probably not.
814
00:54:46,073 --> 00:54:47,870
Come on.
815
00:54:48,075 --> 00:54:50,805
- What a finish, ladies and gentlemen.
- It was great.
816
00:54:51,011 --> 00:54:52,535
What did you think of that?
817
00:54:52,746 --> 00:54:55,544
- God, it was really American.
- American, yes.
818
00:54:55,749 --> 00:54:59,310
It's an American masterpiece.
819
00:54:59,520 --> 00:55:02,580
Talk about gutsy endings.
The girl gets away
820
00:55:02,789 --> 00:55:05,053
and our hero, Leatherface,
chainsaws his legs.
821
00:55:05,259 --> 00:55:07,523
- Two thumbs up.
- Make that four for gore.
822
00:55:07,728 --> 00:55:09,923
Listen up, I wanna
read you something:
823
00:55:10,130 --> 00:55:13,190
"Dear Mr. Francis Gremp,
thank you for informing us
824
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:15,925
"of your problem with our
Cool Dude sunglasses."
825
00:55:16,603 --> 00:55:17,831
It worked.
826
00:55:18,038 --> 00:55:20,802
"Please accept these
Cool Dudes with our compliments."
827
00:55:21,008 --> 00:55:24,068
All right, it's Christmastime.
Free glasses.
828
00:55:24,278 --> 00:55:25,711
- Are these free?
- Yes.
829
00:55:25,913 --> 00:55:28,006
"We know you'll find them
well-constructed
830
00:55:28,215 --> 00:55:32,083
"and we hope your organization
will see no need to boycott.
831
00:55:32,286 --> 00:55:36,313
"Sincerely, Wayne Appleton,
president, Cool Dude, Inc."
832
00:55:36,523 --> 00:55:40,050
- All right, the power of the pen.
- Hey, thanks, Chainsaw.
833
00:55:40,260 --> 00:55:44,321
Hey, Eakian. Eakian. Man, you think
you can help me with my letter,
834
00:55:44,531 --> 00:55:45,930
make it sound official?
835
00:55:46,133 --> 00:55:48,499
Sure, Denise.
836
00:55:49,236 --> 00:55:51,761
You wanna give it to me?
837
00:55:57,945 --> 00:55:59,378
OK, tonight, for homework,
838
00:55:59,580 --> 00:56:03,107
write a review of
Texas Chainsaw Massacre.
839
00:56:05,052 --> 00:56:06,986
Rhonda?
840
00:56:08,622 --> 00:56:12,581
If you're not doing anything tomorrow,
I thought we could do something.
841
00:56:12,793 --> 00:56:15,626
Oh, I have Lamaze class
tomorrow night.
842
00:56:15,829 --> 00:56:19,993
- Do you wanna go with me?
- What about Mr. Shoop?
843
00:56:20,200 --> 00:56:23,761
Oh, he won't care. I mean,
if you don't mind being my coach.
844
00:56:24,504 --> 00:56:28,167
- I wouldn't mind at all.
- Great.
845
00:56:28,375 --> 00:56:30,502
Great.
846
00:56:31,345 --> 00:56:33,279
See you, Eak.
847
00:56:34,214 --> 00:56:36,148
Mr. Shoop...
848
00:56:37,784 --> 00:56:43,689
...you should see this, but you can't
let Denise know I showed you. OK?
849
00:56:43,890 --> 00:56:45,585
OK.
850
00:56:55,869 --> 00:56:58,360
Shoop, this girl's dyslexic.
851
00:56:58,572 --> 00:57:00,506
What? That's not in her file.
852
00:57:00,707 --> 00:57:03,540
This is serious.
You gotta get her some help.
853
00:57:04,745 --> 00:57:07,236
How could she get this far
with no one finding out?
854
00:57:07,648 --> 00:57:09,639
She slipped through the system.
855
00:57:09,850 --> 00:57:12,444
What happens when
she gets out in the real world?
856
00:57:12,653 --> 00:57:17,113
Wait! Is this the same guy that took
his English class to the petting zoo?
857
00:57:17,324 --> 00:57:20,851
- How'd you get those kids to work?
- Bribed them.
858
00:57:23,263 --> 00:57:25,356
What would it take to have dinner
with you?
859
00:57:25,565 --> 00:57:27,362
That would be very expensive.
860
00:57:33,573 --> 00:57:37,202
- I'm having dinner with Gills.
- Big Phil again, huh?
861
00:57:37,411 --> 00:57:39,641
Robin, be honest,
isn't he a bite in the ass?
862
00:57:39,846 --> 00:57:44,010
No, he's not a bite in the ass.
He happens to be very...
863
00:57:46,920 --> 00:57:51,254
...articulate... cultured...
864
00:57:51,458 --> 00:57:54,188
...extraordinarily tidy.
865
00:57:54,394 --> 00:57:57,227
Tall, dark and tidy.
That's a magic combination.
866
00:57:58,965 --> 00:58:01,229
- You're not in love.
- None of your business.
867
00:58:01,435 --> 00:58:02,663
- Sure, it is.
- No.
868
00:58:02,869 --> 00:58:05,167
Tell me you love him,
I'll stop asking you out.
869
00:58:05,605 --> 00:58:08,438
How am I gonna tell you
I love him when it's so new?
870
00:58:08,642 --> 00:58:12,203
I knew it. See, Robin,
he is not the guy for you.
871
00:58:12,612 --> 00:58:16,173
You need an intelligent,
sensitive man who can skate.
872
00:58:16,383 --> 00:58:20,649
- Do you know such a guy?
- Oh, they're hard to find.
873
00:58:20,854 --> 00:58:23,152
But now that I know,
I'll keep my eye out.
874
00:58:23,390 --> 00:58:25,324
Would you?
875
00:58:25,692 --> 00:58:27,751
Looking good, Denise. Good luck.
876
00:58:27,961 --> 00:58:32,455
Sir, you are really gonna
earn your money today.
877
00:58:37,371 --> 00:58:39,168
- Francis Gremp?
- Call me Chainsaw.
878
00:58:39,840 --> 00:58:43,071
- You're up next.
- Can you hold on a sec?
879
00:58:43,276 --> 00:58:45,403
Dad's late. He's so irresponsible.
880
00:58:45,612 --> 00:58:50,845
I said, "Dad, 3:00 sharp." But no,
it's just in one ear, out the other.
881
00:58:51,051 --> 00:58:52,279
I need your car.
882
00:58:53,019 --> 00:58:56,455
- You wanna use my car?
- I'm under adult supervision.
883
00:59:00,427 --> 00:59:02,486
Chainsaw, you take your test
884
00:59:02,696 --> 00:59:05,790
and you bring my car
right back here to me.
885
00:59:06,733 --> 00:59:09,566
You make me proud to be
an American. Dave, kiss this man.
886
00:59:09,770 --> 00:59:13,399
You, come with me. No, no, you
stay there. I'll bring the car to you.
887
00:59:13,607 --> 00:59:17,065
Can you back this up? I'm taking
a test. Just move all the way back.
888
00:59:24,050 --> 00:59:26,416
- What? What'd I do?
- Don't worry about me.
889
00:59:26,620 --> 00:59:29,521
See those cars on the right?
Go ahead and park in between.
890
00:59:29,723 --> 00:59:32,123
What do you mean?
You mean parallel park?
891
00:59:32,426 --> 00:59:35,293
- Something wrong?
- No, nothing.
892
00:59:51,778 --> 00:59:53,245
Yeah.
893
00:59:54,781 --> 00:59:57,249
We going on the freeway?
894
00:59:57,451 --> 01:00:00,352
I think we'll just stay
in the neighborhood.
895
01:00:04,191 --> 01:00:06,284
Why are you driving
with only one hand?
896
01:00:06,593 --> 01:00:10,085
Oh, this hand's gotta be free
to put around the babes.
897
01:00:11,298 --> 01:00:14,096
- Are you marking me off for that?
- Watch the dip!
898
01:00:15,168 --> 01:00:16,692
That dip?
899
01:00:17,137 --> 01:00:19,605
Hey, you crazy?
900
01:00:19,973 --> 01:00:23,101
Don't you ever, ever yell at the driver!
Do you hear me?
901
01:00:23,310 --> 01:00:25,870
- Where are you going?
- Back. The test is over.
902
01:00:26,112 --> 01:00:28,080
No way!
903
01:00:29,216 --> 01:00:30,706
That was your fault.
904
01:00:30,917 --> 01:00:33,317
This is bullshit. Come on.
905
01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:36,717
I stayed sober for this.
You can't do this.
906
01:00:36,923 --> 01:00:39,949
Come back, you dumb dildo.
Wait, no, you're not a dildo.
907
01:00:40,160 --> 01:00:44,062
I was joking. That was a joke.
Come on, be cool. One more chance?
908
01:00:44,764 --> 01:00:46,561
Wait.
909
01:00:47,334 --> 01:00:51,566
You lost points for driving too slow
and not accepting the right of way.
910
01:00:51,771 --> 01:00:54,740
- Failed again.
- 70 is passing.
911
01:00:54,941 --> 01:00:56,431
Seventy-two.
912
01:00:57,611 --> 01:00:59,875
- I passed?
- You passed.
913
01:01:00,080 --> 01:01:02,878
I passed! Oh, I passed! I passed!
914
01:01:03,750 --> 01:01:06,014
Shoop, I passed!
915
01:01:06,219 --> 01:01:08,449
I passed!
916
01:01:09,623 --> 01:01:13,286
- I passed! God, I passed! Thanks!
- I'm proud of you. Congratulations.
917
01:01:13,493 --> 01:01:16,724
- I couldn't have done it without you.
- Now, you drove the car.
918
01:01:16,930 --> 01:01:19,330
- Look, I owe you one, all right?
- Yeah?
919
01:01:19,533 --> 01:01:21,160
Yeah.
920
01:01:21,368 --> 01:01:23,996
OK. Tell you something
you can do for me.
921
01:01:24,471 --> 01:01:26,200
- What?
- Get help with reading.
922
01:01:26,406 --> 01:01:27,873
- Man.
- Listen, Denise.
923
01:01:28,074 --> 01:01:30,907
What you have is a learning disorder
called dyslexia.
924
01:01:31,111 --> 01:01:34,205
You need to retrain your brain
to deal with information.
925
01:01:34,414 --> 01:01:36,405
- There's a specialist.
- I'm doing fine.
926
01:01:36,616 --> 01:01:40,518
Yeah, you are.
But you could be doing so much better.
927
01:01:40,787 --> 01:01:42,914
But that's up to you.
928
01:01:43,323 --> 01:01:44,915
Hey.
929
01:01:45,559 --> 01:01:47,720
- Think about it, OK?
- OK, free film.
930
01:01:47,928 --> 01:01:51,261
Free developing.
Come on, what more could you want?
931
01:01:51,464 --> 01:01:53,091
Here.
932
01:01:53,300 --> 01:01:57,760
Look, my dad's a butcher. You like
veal cutlets from Minnesota? Milk-fed.
933
01:02:15,956 --> 01:02:18,789
Hi, honey, how was your day?
934
01:02:19,459 --> 01:02:21,324
Hectic.
935
01:02:21,661 --> 01:02:25,222
- Boy, something smells good.
- The manicotti.
936
01:02:25,432 --> 01:02:29,300
Perfect timing. Why don't you
start on the cheese and crackers.
937
01:02:30,937 --> 01:02:32,666
Yeah. It's open.
938
01:02:32,872 --> 01:02:34,897
- Hi.
- Hey.
939
01:02:35,108 --> 01:02:38,009
I just brought this Ray Bradbury book.
940
01:02:38,211 --> 01:02:40,577
- Maybe I should come back later.
- Why?
941
01:02:42,849 --> 01:02:44,817
- Hi, Miss Bishop.
- Hi.
942
01:02:46,386 --> 01:02:49,913
Oh, Robin, Pam House,
one of my students.
943
01:02:50,123 --> 01:02:52,182
Pam, Robin Bishop.
944
01:02:52,525 --> 01:02:55,619
- Hi.
- Hi, Pam.
945
01:02:57,330 --> 01:03:01,164
Freddy, I didn't make enough for three.
If you plan on inviting company,
946
01:03:01,368 --> 01:03:03,563
- I wish you'd let me know.
- No, he wasn't.
947
01:03:03,770 --> 01:03:05,795
I stopped by to help him with a lesson.
948
01:03:06,006 --> 01:03:09,032
- But we can do that in the morning.
- Morning's much better.
949
01:03:09,242 --> 01:03:12,006
I'll make French toast for us.
Do you like French toast?
950
01:03:12,445 --> 01:03:14,174
I bet she makes great French toast.
951
01:03:14,381 --> 01:03:17,475
- I actually meant morning at school.
- Oh, fine.
952
01:03:17,684 --> 01:03:21,017
- It was nice to meet you, Pam.
- You too.
953
01:03:26,693 --> 01:03:27,955
Robin?
954
01:03:28,695 --> 01:03:32,791
I know this is none of my business,
but what the hell is going on in there?
955
01:03:32,999 --> 01:03:35,900
There's nothing going on in there.
Remember those bribes?
956
01:03:36,102 --> 01:03:39,367
- Well, Pam needed a place to stay.
- How long has she been here?
957
01:03:39,572 --> 01:03:41,836
A couple of days.
958
01:03:42,075 --> 01:03:44,873
My laundry's never smelled so good.
Here, take a whiff.
959
01:03:45,078 --> 01:03:47,876
Oh, I'm sure it's April fresh.
960
01:03:48,081 --> 01:03:50,242
I just hope having a maid
961
01:03:50,450 --> 01:03:53,010
is worth the damage
you could do to that young girl.
962
01:03:54,287 --> 01:03:56,482
See you tomorrow.
963
01:04:03,363 --> 01:04:06,264
- All ready.
- Great.
964
01:04:06,466 --> 01:04:10,869
- French or Italian?
- French.
965
01:04:11,071 --> 01:04:12,936
I knew it.
966
01:04:14,674 --> 01:04:18,508
- Pam, we gotta talk.
- Sure. What's up?
967
01:04:19,979 --> 01:04:24,416
- I think you are a great girl.
- And I think you're a great guy.
968
01:04:26,186 --> 01:04:27,881
God, this is hard.
969
01:04:28,088 --> 01:04:30,784
Freddy, go ahead.
You can tell me anything.
970
01:04:33,526 --> 01:04:37,394
OK. You know how,
when you're on your board,
971
01:04:37,597 --> 01:04:41,465
and you see the perfect wave rolling in
and you think you got it?
972
01:04:41,668 --> 01:04:44,398
Only, something happens
and you don't get it.
973
01:04:44,604 --> 01:04:47,164
I mean, the key
to the whole thing is timing.
974
01:04:47,373 --> 01:04:49,898
If you're even a little out of sync,
you're grim,
975
01:04:50,110 --> 01:04:52,908
you're blowing the barrel,
you're seaweed.
976
01:04:53,113 --> 01:04:55,138
But then you look outside
977
01:04:55,348 --> 01:04:58,647
and you see an even more perfect
wave than the first perfect wave
978
01:04:58,852 --> 01:05:00,979
and that's the one you catch.
979
01:05:01,187 --> 01:05:05,055
- Do you know what I mean?
- Yeah. Yeah, I get it.
980
01:05:05,258 --> 01:05:08,716
Surfing metaphors. You're
the perfect wave and I'm seaweed
981
01:05:08,928 --> 01:05:12,625
- and if you want me out, just say it.
- No, no, I'm not the perfect wave.
982
01:05:12,832 --> 01:05:14,629
And it's not just that I want you
out of my house.
983
01:05:14,834 --> 01:05:16,995
No, you want me out of your life.
984
01:05:18,004 --> 01:05:21,462
- Pam, look, I'm your teacher.
- No.
985
01:05:21,674 --> 01:05:25,770
Any time one person lets themself
care deeply about another person,
986
01:05:25,979 --> 01:05:29,346
that person runs the risk
of being rejected and destroyed.
987
01:05:29,549 --> 01:05:32,279
- I'll go get my things.
- No, wait. You cooked dinner.
988
01:05:32,485 --> 01:05:34,919
It looks beautiful.
Let's sit down, eat.
989
01:05:35,989 --> 01:05:37,980
It's just food.
990
01:05:44,030 --> 01:05:46,191
OK. I'm gonna collect
your book reports.
991
01:05:46,800 --> 01:05:49,098
Then we are on our way to court.
992
01:05:49,302 --> 01:05:51,202
Homework, Pam?
993
01:05:53,106 --> 01:05:55,301
You expect me to relate
to the written word
994
01:05:55,508 --> 01:05:57,999
after the hell you put me through?
995
01:05:58,211 --> 01:06:00,941
Talk about shallow.
I've stepped in deeper puddles.
996
01:06:01,147 --> 01:06:03,047
You're excused.
997
01:06:05,885 --> 01:06:08,012
Mr. Shoop, don't you want mine?
998
01:06:09,489 --> 01:06:13,823
Larry, you're awake, with homework.
What's wrong with you?
999
01:06:14,027 --> 01:06:16,018
I got fired.
They found out my real age.
1000
01:06:16,229 --> 01:06:19,323
- Hey, I didn't say a word.
- No, my mom came to a show.
1001
01:06:19,532 --> 01:06:22,023
- Your mother?
- It was a nightmare.
1002
01:06:22,235 --> 01:06:25,636
I mean, before she knew who I was,
she put 5 bucks in my G-string.
1003
01:06:25,839 --> 01:06:28,933
And then my Aunt Edna,
she kisses me.
1004
01:06:29,142 --> 01:06:31,872
With tongue.
And rips off my mask.
1005
01:06:32,078 --> 01:06:34,137
Mom freaked out.
1006
01:06:34,347 --> 01:06:35,871
She made me put on her coat.
1007
01:06:37,083 --> 01:06:38,710
- I'm sorry.
- You're sorry?
1008
01:06:38,918 --> 01:06:40,442
I'm at my sexual peak.
1009
01:06:40,653 --> 01:06:44,384
Once a guy hits 18,
it's all downhill.
1010
01:06:45,124 --> 01:06:47,251
But it's a lovely ride.
1011
01:06:47,627 --> 01:06:50,095
Mr. Shoop, why did you tell
the arresting officers
1012
01:06:50,296 --> 01:06:52,127
that the vodka found
in the possession
1013
01:06:52,332 --> 01:06:56,063
of Mr. Gremp and Mr. Frazier
belonged to you?
1014
01:06:56,269 --> 01:06:59,102
Your Honor, to keep
a couple of students out of trouble.
1015
01:06:59,305 --> 01:07:02,240
David and Francis
have enough problems as it is.
1016
01:07:02,575 --> 01:07:05,373
- It's true, Your Honor.
- Our lives are a mess.
1017
01:07:06,446 --> 01:07:07,845
Guys, don't help.
1018
01:07:08,414 --> 01:07:12,407
Where did you young men
obtain the vodka in question?
1019
01:07:12,619 --> 01:07:14,086
- From Murray.
- Who's Murray?
1020
01:07:14,287 --> 01:07:17,518
You know Murray.
Everybody knows Murray.
1021
01:07:17,724 --> 01:07:19,624
From Murray's Liquor.
1022
01:07:19,826 --> 01:07:22,124
Didn't this Murray ask
to see proof of age?
1023
01:07:22,362 --> 01:07:24,193
Well, I come off pretty mature.
1024
01:07:24,397 --> 01:07:27,730
- Did you show him proof of age?
- Yeah, I guess I did.
1025
01:07:28,001 --> 01:07:30,026
May I see it, please?
1026
01:07:30,236 --> 01:07:32,431
- I'd rather you didn't.
- I'd rather I did.
1027
01:07:40,847 --> 01:07:44,078
You were a black Marine in 1968?
1028
01:07:45,852 --> 01:07:47,217
Vietnam.
1029
01:07:47,420 --> 01:07:49,820
A war puts a man through
many, many changes.
1030
01:07:50,023 --> 01:07:54,187
Young man, the possession of false
identification and of alcohol by a minor
1031
01:07:54,394 --> 01:07:57,625
are serious crimes.
You've just confessed to both of them.
1032
01:07:57,830 --> 01:08:00,890
- I didn't mean to.
- However, since the arresting officers
1033
01:08:01,100 --> 01:08:04,729
let you off with a warning,
I'll probably do the same.
1034
01:08:05,071 --> 01:08:07,801
- Is this guy bitchen or what?
- Now, Mr. Shoop...
1035
01:08:08,274 --> 01:08:09,832
Your Honor?
1036
01:08:10,910 --> 01:08:12,639
My name is Robin Elizabeth Bishop
1037
01:08:12,845 --> 01:08:15,939
and I'm also on the faculty
with the defendant.
1038
01:08:16,149 --> 01:08:19,846
I submit that this man
went to jail for his students.
1039
01:08:20,386 --> 01:08:23,981
Very few teachers ever exhibit
that degree of dedication.
1040
01:08:24,190 --> 01:08:25,987
Therefore, Your Honor,
I move that...
1041
01:08:26,192 --> 01:08:29,389
Don't move, Miss Bishop.
You're out of order.
1042
01:08:29,595 --> 01:08:33,326
And you're also correct. Mr. Shoop,
these charges will be dropped.
1043
01:08:33,533 --> 01:08:35,763
- Case dismissed.
- All right!
1044
01:08:36,369 --> 01:08:39,736
All right! That's so...
1045
01:08:41,908 --> 01:08:44,570
Shoop! Let me tell you something.
1046
01:08:44,777 --> 01:08:47,007
The judge bought
that dedicated teacher crap,
1047
01:08:47,213 --> 01:08:49,841
but you covered up,
thus condoning student drinking.
1048
01:08:50,049 --> 01:08:53,644
I am filing a report for Kelban
with the entire story. Face it.
1049
01:08:53,853 --> 01:08:58,916
The test scores won't save you,
because they're losers, just like you!
1050
01:08:59,425 --> 01:09:00,653
Hi.
1051
01:09:01,427 --> 01:09:04,362
I was just congratulating
our good friend Mr. Shoop.
1052
01:09:05,231 --> 01:09:08,564
- Now, about lunch, sweetheart.
- Tell you what, sweetheart,
1053
01:09:08,768 --> 01:09:12,260
why don't you go ahead, order
two lunches and eat them yourself.
1054
01:09:12,472 --> 01:09:14,872
One for each face.
1055
01:09:22,115 --> 01:09:27,246
OK. Today we take a practice test.
Pinpoint each of your weak spots.
1056
01:09:27,453 --> 01:09:29,512
Then we work
a couple hours after school.
1057
01:09:29,722 --> 01:09:33,021
Wait, wait.
Practice tests, extra class time?
1058
01:09:33,226 --> 01:09:35,251
Not in the contract.
Eakian, get him.
1059
01:09:35,628 --> 01:09:38,256
The test is in two weeks.
You need the extra work.
1060
01:09:38,464 --> 01:09:41,627
Then I'm afraid we're gonna need
some extra incentive.
1061
01:09:41,834 --> 01:09:45,736
- Yeah. Like a party with a band.
- I could use some wheels bad.
1062
01:09:45,938 --> 01:09:48,065
And get me a job, man,
doing strip-o-grams.
1063
01:09:48,741 --> 01:09:52,438
- I don't believe this greed.
- Believe it, man. I need a houseboy.
1064
01:09:54,180 --> 01:09:57,616
It's a simple matter
of renegotiating our contracts.
1065
01:09:57,817 --> 01:10:00,945
Renegotiate? Who do you
think you are, Teamsters?
1066
01:10:01,154 --> 01:10:05,750
Yeah, Teamsters!
Strike! Strike! Strike! Strike!
1067
01:10:08,227 --> 01:10:12,994
Look! For the past four weeks,
I have given up all of my free time.
1068
01:10:13,199 --> 01:10:16,293
Had my body used for a tackling
dummy, my house trashed,
1069
01:10:16,669 --> 01:10:19,536
my couch set on fire,
my goldfish murdered,
1070
01:10:19,739 --> 01:10:22,867
my butt thrown in jail
and my car wrecked.
1071
01:10:25,011 --> 01:10:27,411
All I'm asking for is a little extra effort.
1072
01:10:28,815 --> 01:10:32,216
You know, what's sad is
you guys could all pass that test.
1073
01:10:33,419 --> 01:10:36,980
But you're just so happy being failures
that you just don't know...
1074
01:10:37,557 --> 01:10:39,650
Why am I doing this?
1075
01:10:40,526 --> 01:10:42,460
Tell you what.
1076
01:10:43,362 --> 01:10:45,728
You guys drop out and be illiterate.
1077
01:10:45,932 --> 01:10:48,992
I'm going to Hawaii and be tan.
1078
01:10:53,739 --> 01:10:55,331
Have a cow.
1079
01:10:55,842 --> 01:10:57,810
Damn.
1080
01:11:00,980 --> 01:11:03,312
Hey. Thanks for the help.
1081
01:11:04,484 --> 01:11:06,577
Good luck.
1082
01:11:06,786 --> 01:11:08,651
- Where are you going?
- To quit.
1083
01:11:08,855 --> 01:11:10,550
- You can't quit.
- Sure, I can.
1084
01:11:10,756 --> 01:11:14,157
- I never got through to anybody.
- Not true. They were learning.
1085
01:11:14,360 --> 01:11:15,918
- You're not a quitter.
- I am.
1086
01:11:16,129 --> 01:11:18,723
I turned you down for dinner
at least a dozen times
1087
01:11:18,931 --> 01:11:22,958
- and you haven't quit bugging me.
- Wanna go out to dinner tonight?
1088
01:11:23,169 --> 01:11:26,036
- Can't.
- See?
1089
01:11:32,111 --> 01:11:35,547
Everybody take a seat.
You, in the cot, out of bed.
1090
01:11:35,915 --> 01:11:39,908
- Where's Mr. Shoop?
- He has tendered his resignation.
1091
01:11:40,119 --> 01:11:41,882
Now, sit down.
1092
01:11:42,088 --> 01:11:45,023
Would someone tell me what
Mr. Shoop had planned for today?
1093
01:11:45,224 --> 01:11:48,284
- Yes?
- Group sex. No, that's tomorrow.
1094
01:11:48,494 --> 01:11:51,486
Today's independent study,
right after our midmorning nap.
1095
01:11:51,697 --> 01:11:53,892
Don't think you can pull
this BS with me.
1096
01:11:54,100 --> 01:11:59,197
Everybody take their textbooks out
and turn to chapter seven.
1097
01:12:00,806 --> 01:12:02,034
Read it again.
1098
01:12:10,783 --> 01:12:12,444
Who's making that noise?
1099
01:12:14,287 --> 01:12:17,552
What noise? I don't hear any noise.
What, you got dog ears?
1100
01:12:22,128 --> 01:12:25,564
- Chainsaw, stop doing that.
- Stop doing what?
1101
01:12:26,732 --> 01:12:28,893
You know, I hear it too
and it's annoying.
1102
01:12:29,235 --> 01:12:31,066
Find the hooligan that's responsible,
1103
01:12:31,270 --> 01:12:35,604
because I am trying to read
chapter seven. Again.
1104
01:12:45,017 --> 01:12:47,611
Mr. Gills, I cannot study.
I'm going to the library.
1105
01:12:47,820 --> 01:12:50,220
Chainsaw, sit down.
1106
01:12:50,423 --> 01:12:53,392
You can hum till your lips fall off,
I could care less.
1107
01:12:54,126 --> 01:12:55,889
Wait a minute.
You're not dismissed.
1108
01:12:57,563 --> 01:13:01,090
Now, I promise you, you people
act like psychopaths tomorrow
1109
01:13:01,300 --> 01:13:04,064
- and you will be sorry.
- We will be sorry?
1110
01:13:04,270 --> 01:13:08,400
Mr. Gills sure does know
his child psychology.
1111
01:13:10,409 --> 01:13:14,243
Miss Cura, I want to let you know that
the children are a little hyperactive,
1112
01:13:14,447 --> 01:13:17,848
but I'm sure that you'll
enjoy their joie de vivre.
1113
01:13:18,050 --> 01:13:20,348
So far, I've only subbed
at grammar schools,
1114
01:13:20,553 --> 01:13:23,886
so this should be a nice change.
1115
01:13:24,457 --> 01:13:26,220
Help, Mr. Gills!
1116
01:13:26,892 --> 01:13:29,258
Denise! Denise! Take it easy!
What happened?
1117
01:13:29,462 --> 01:13:31,760
Don't go in there without a gun.
It's terrible.
1118
01:13:31,964 --> 01:13:34,296
- Is this my classroom?
- Yes, it is.
1119
01:13:34,500 --> 01:13:37,401
Whose blood is that?
Is that your blood?
1120
01:13:37,670 --> 01:13:39,570
No.
1121
01:13:51,784 --> 01:13:53,081
My God.
1122
01:14:34,060 --> 01:14:35,857
We're back!
1123
01:14:40,833 --> 01:14:42,630
What is wrong with you people?
1124
01:14:43,035 --> 01:14:47,802
It's like you said, Gills!
We're psychopaths!
1125
01:14:49,442 --> 01:14:51,910
Somebody better call the school nurse!
1126
01:14:53,846 --> 01:14:56,212
I am not amused!
Turn off those motors!
1127
01:14:59,118 --> 01:15:01,086
Everybody get up. Now!
1128
01:15:08,260 --> 01:15:11,195
I'm not ready for high school.
1129
01:15:14,800 --> 01:15:18,497
- Why'd she leave? Didn't she like us?
- Where's her sense of humor?
1130
01:15:18,704 --> 01:15:21,605
I have seen some sick things before.
1131
01:15:21,807 --> 01:15:24,708
But this... This is...
1132
01:15:24,910 --> 01:15:26,707
- Devilishly clever.
- Vomitous!
1133
01:15:27,046 --> 01:15:30,948
- Thank you.
- We take a lot of pride in our work.
1134
01:15:31,150 --> 01:15:33,175
Look, we want Shoop back.
1135
01:15:33,386 --> 01:15:35,911
Why would Shoop come back?
So Kelban can fire him?
1136
01:15:36,122 --> 01:15:37,350
He might surprise you.
1137
01:15:38,190 --> 01:15:43,560
- We did today.
- And we've got more for tomorrow.
1138
01:15:47,433 --> 01:15:49,094
Do we have a deal?
1139
01:16:04,950 --> 01:16:10,149
Wondermutt, I do not want to play.
Not now. I'm busy.
1140
01:16:47,226 --> 01:16:49,353
- Tough day?
- We've been torturing Gills.
1141
01:16:49,562 --> 01:16:51,655
Yeah.
He said you could have your job back.
1142
01:16:51,931 --> 01:16:55,799
Now, why would I want my job back?
Hey, my life is sailing.
1143
01:16:56,001 --> 01:17:02,907
I got a radio, blanket, beach chair,
dark glasses, dog.
1144
01:17:03,309 --> 01:17:04,674
Why would I wanna go back?
1145
01:17:04,877 --> 01:17:07,209
How about we can't pass that test
without you?
1146
01:17:08,180 --> 01:17:12,014
Me and Chainsaw, we been sober for
two days, four hours and 15 minutes.
1147
01:17:12,218 --> 01:17:15,346
- No kidding?
- Swear to God. Reality is so unreal.
1148
01:17:15,554 --> 01:17:17,613
- But a nice change.
- Truly. Thumbs up.
1149
01:17:20,793 --> 01:17:23,421
I think you should know
that you were a phase.
1150
01:17:23,629 --> 01:17:25,688
I've outgrown you.
1151
01:17:25,898 --> 01:17:28,560
But I do wanna be friends,
if you can handle it.
1152
01:17:34,173 --> 01:17:35,640
And Shoop...
1153
01:17:36,675 --> 01:17:39,200
...I'm seeing that reading specialist
this afternoon.
1154
01:17:39,778 --> 01:17:44,875
Look. We'll study in school,
after school, whatever it takes.
1155
01:17:45,084 --> 01:17:48,747
But we need a teacher.
What do you say, Mr. Shoop?
1156
01:17:51,457 --> 01:17:53,652
Please?
1157
01:18:01,133 --> 01:18:04,591
How can I say no
to these cute little faces?
1158
01:19:24,950 --> 01:19:27,578
Your practice test scores were great.
Hey, come on,
1159
01:19:27,786 --> 01:19:30,084
you been here 12 hours.
I want you to go home,
1160
01:19:30,289 --> 01:19:33,053
forget about this test,
get a good night's sleep.
1161
01:19:33,258 --> 01:19:35,988
I'll see you tomorrow,
8 AM, the lecture hall.
1162
01:19:36,195 --> 01:19:40,131
Hey, trust me. Come on, you're gonna
kick ass and take names. Believe it.
1163
01:19:40,499 --> 01:19:43,491
- Are we really that ready?
- Ready? What time's the test?
1164
01:19:43,702 --> 01:19:46,899
- Eight AM.
- See, the correct answers do not stop.
1165
01:19:47,106 --> 01:19:49,097
Now, go on, get out of here,
all of you,
1166
01:19:49,308 --> 01:19:53,608
before the college recruiters show up
and try to drag you all off to Harvard.
1167
01:19:54,713 --> 01:19:56,681
Hey, I mean it.
1168
01:20:14,900 --> 01:20:17,391
Wondermutt, look. I found Bob.
1169
01:20:19,738 --> 01:20:22,332
Go get it.
1170
01:20:51,070 --> 01:20:52,833
Yeah!
1171
01:20:58,911 --> 01:21:01,379
- Morning, Mom.
- Morning, sweetheart.
1172
01:21:01,580 --> 01:21:03,639
Morning, Dad.
1173
01:21:04,183 --> 01:21:06,947
How do you want your eggs, honey?
Fried, scrambled?
1174
01:21:08,587 --> 01:21:10,487
I don't know.
1175
01:21:10,689 --> 01:21:13,180
- What are eggs?
- I'll surprise you.
1176
01:21:13,492 --> 01:21:15,585
How do you spell "cat"?
1177
01:21:18,130 --> 01:21:21,622
- I don't know!
- Honey, what's wrong?
1178
01:21:21,900 --> 01:21:25,233
I don't know what's wrong.
Every... Everything's blank.
1179
01:21:25,437 --> 01:21:28,429
I don't know anything.
I don't know anything!
1180
01:21:28,640 --> 01:21:30,540
I don't know anything!
1181
01:21:30,843 --> 01:21:33,573
Chainsaw! Chainsaw! Chainsaw!
1182
01:21:33,779 --> 01:21:35,440
Are you all right?
1183
01:21:35,647 --> 01:21:38,047
- I had a nightmare.
- About what?
1184
01:21:39,251 --> 01:21:40,878
I don't know.
1185
01:21:41,086 --> 01:21:43,111
- Great day for a test, huh?
- Yeah.
1186
01:21:43,322 --> 01:21:45,313
Hey, Shoop.
1187
01:21:47,359 --> 01:21:49,919
- An apple.
- For the teacher.
1188
01:21:50,129 --> 01:21:52,063
Give them hell.
1189
01:21:53,365 --> 01:21:56,334
- Hey, we're testing in here.
- I know, I'm in your class.
1190
01:21:58,504 --> 01:22:01,098
I remember you.
Where you been?
1191
01:22:01,306 --> 01:22:03,331
Bathroom.
1192
01:22:03,542 --> 01:22:06,670
- Six weeks?
- My zipper got stuck.
1193
01:22:09,681 --> 01:22:13,674
"Do not open the test booklets
until you are told to do so.
1194
01:22:13,886 --> 01:22:15,454
"Using a number two pencil, take your
answer sheet and fill in your name.
1195
01:22:15,454 --> 01:22:17,854
"Using a number two pencil, take your
answer sheet and fill in your name.
1196
01:22:18,056 --> 01:22:22,686
"Last name first, first name second,
middle initial last on the first line.
1197
01:22:22,895 --> 01:22:24,419
"Do this now."
1198
01:22:25,330 --> 01:22:29,164
This officer is here to see
that there is no cheating.
1199
01:22:30,068 --> 01:22:33,595
This officer is here to see
that there is no cheating.
1200
01:22:35,007 --> 01:22:39,171
Festival of screwups and their king.
1201
01:22:40,479 --> 01:22:44,472
Mr. Gills extends his warmest
personal regards and best wishes.
1202
01:22:44,683 --> 01:22:46,116
Hey, thanks for caring, man.
1203
01:22:47,820 --> 01:22:50,550
OK. Break the seals
on your test booklets now.
1204
01:22:51,323 --> 01:22:54,952
And turn to the section titled
Reading Vocabulary.
1205
01:22:55,627 --> 01:22:58,892
"You will have 20 minutes
to complete this section."
1206
01:22:59,865 --> 01:23:01,492
Everybody ready?
1207
01:23:02,801 --> 01:23:05,497
No!
1208
01:23:10,209 --> 01:23:12,200
Tension breaker, had to be done.
1209
01:23:12,744 --> 01:23:13,972
Anybody else?
1210
01:23:17,816 --> 01:23:19,875
Good luck, gang.
1211
01:23:20,986 --> 01:23:22,817
Ready.
1212
01:23:23,522 --> 01:23:25,149
Begin.
1213
01:23:34,132 --> 01:23:35,724
Sorry.
1214
01:25:37,089 --> 01:25:38,317
Kevin.
1215
01:25:40,993 --> 01:25:42,517
It's starting.
1216
01:25:42,728 --> 01:25:44,389
Now?
1217
01:25:44,596 --> 01:25:46,154
Shit.
1218
01:25:46,798 --> 01:25:48,288
How far apart?
1219
01:25:49,201 --> 01:25:50,896
Twelve minutes.
1220
01:25:51,103 --> 01:25:52,627
Try and slow it down.
1221
01:25:54,706 --> 01:25:56,037
Forget about the...
1222
01:26:08,754 --> 01:26:11,518
- Thirty seconds left.
- Come on, come on.
1223
01:26:11,723 --> 01:26:13,554
C, C,
1224
01:26:13,859 --> 01:26:17,920
C, C, C,
1225
01:26:18,797 --> 01:26:22,028
C, C, C, C.
1226
01:26:22,634 --> 01:26:24,795
- And...
- Wait 20 more seconds.
1227
01:26:25,003 --> 01:26:27,836
- Twenty seconds.
...stop. Pencils down.
1228
01:26:28,040 --> 01:26:30,201
C, C, C.
1229
01:26:30,742 --> 01:26:32,369
Drop them!
1230
01:26:33,545 --> 01:26:35,979
Stay seated until Anna-Maria
picks up your tests.
1231
01:26:36,181 --> 01:26:39,708
Miss Mazarelli, may I have those tests
after you collect them, please?
1232
01:26:40,519 --> 01:26:42,646
- Yeah.
- Can Rhonda and I be excused?
1233
01:26:42,854 --> 01:26:44,913
She's having a baby.
1234
01:26:45,123 --> 01:26:47,648
- She's having a baby?
- Oh, I wanna see this.
1235
01:26:47,859 --> 01:26:51,420
Calm down! Everybody just stay
in your seats. No problem here at all.
1236
01:26:51,630 --> 01:26:53,564
Rhonda, why didn't
you say something?
1237
01:26:53,765 --> 01:26:57,064
- I wanted to finish my test.
- You need hot water, a ride?
1238
01:26:57,269 --> 01:26:59,533
- All we need is a hospital.
- What can I do?
1239
01:26:59,738 --> 01:27:01,535
- Get out of my way.
- I can do that.
1240
01:27:01,740 --> 01:27:05,335
Carmine, get out of her way!
Get the door.
1241
01:27:07,279 --> 01:27:10,578
- Save the umbilical cord.
- And the afterbirth, if convenient.
1242
01:27:10,782 --> 01:27:12,613
Good thinking.
1243
01:27:13,218 --> 01:27:15,015
Oh, easy, easy, this way. Watch out.
1244
01:27:16,054 --> 01:27:19,251
- You look terrific.
- Well, I'm feeling pretty good.
1245
01:27:19,458 --> 01:27:21,050
That's great.
1246
01:27:21,259 --> 01:27:24,160
The baby is healthy and happy.
1247
01:27:24,596 --> 01:27:27,087
And my coach was incredible.
1248
01:27:27,299 --> 01:27:30,132
Yeah, well, I couldn't
have done it without you.
1249
01:27:30,469 --> 01:27:32,596
No cord, huh?
1250
01:27:33,872 --> 01:27:35,965
When do we get to see
the whippersnapper?
1251
01:27:36,174 --> 01:27:38,904
Rhonda, don't let those two
near the baby, please.
1252
01:27:40,312 --> 01:27:42,872
Well, it won't be a problem.
1253
01:27:43,615 --> 01:27:46,106
I'm giving her up for adoption.
1254
01:27:48,453 --> 01:27:52,014
- She's going to a really good home.
- That's nice.
1255
01:27:52,657 --> 01:27:54,352
I'm not ready to be a mom.
1256
01:27:59,331 --> 01:28:01,595
- Mr. Shoop.
- Ciao.
1257
01:28:01,800 --> 01:28:03,324
Ciao, gang. How's it going?
1258
01:28:04,035 --> 01:28:05,502
- All right.
- OK.
1259
01:28:08,707 --> 01:28:10,436
Bad news?
1260
01:28:11,877 --> 01:28:14,277
Gills says he's mailing you
your scores.
1261
01:28:14,779 --> 01:28:17,543
- We failed.
- He just said the average grade
1262
01:28:17,749 --> 01:28:19,910
- was below passing.
- So we failed.
1263
01:28:20,118 --> 01:28:22,882
Hey, you didn't fail.
1264
01:28:23,088 --> 01:28:25,147
I failed.
1265
01:28:26,825 --> 01:28:31,762
Field trips to the beach, a bed in your
classroom, drinking at the beach,
1266
01:28:31,963 --> 01:28:35,330
a screening of
Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1.
1267
01:28:35,567 --> 01:28:38,627
- Quite a summer, Mr. Shoop.
- I tried to keep it interesting.
1268
01:28:38,837 --> 01:28:42,034
I have his dismissal
ready for your signature, sir.
1269
01:28:42,240 --> 01:28:44,003
Before I sign anything,
1270
01:28:44,209 --> 01:28:48,236
I understand there are some people
waiting to speak in Mr. Shoop's behalf.
1271
01:28:48,446 --> 01:28:51,677
- Really?
- Come in.
1272
01:28:52,150 --> 01:28:55,916
Mr. Kelban, you're not actually
going to listen to these delinquents?
1273
01:28:56,121 --> 01:28:59,522
No. I'm gonna listen to their parents.
1274
01:29:12,837 --> 01:29:14,998
I'm Principal Kelban.
1275
01:29:15,207 --> 01:29:18,904
- Is there a spokesperson here?
- I guess I am. I'm Howard Gremp.
1276
01:29:19,344 --> 01:29:21,369
You're Chainsaw's father.
1277
01:29:21,580 --> 01:29:24,674
- Interesting boy.
- No, you can say it. He's a lunatic.
1278
01:29:24,883 --> 01:29:26,350
Dad.
1279
01:29:26,551 --> 01:29:29,918
You know, six weeks ago, I thought
he had the IQ of a salad bar.
1280
01:29:30,121 --> 01:29:33,147
His only interest in life
was to make people sick.
1281
01:29:33,358 --> 01:29:37,988
If my mother came to dinner, he would
give the dog a third eye or an extra leg.
1282
01:29:38,263 --> 01:29:41,289
Because of him,
we stopped having kids.
1283
01:29:41,967 --> 01:29:45,528
I mean, you can imagine the feeling
when I saw him studying.
1284
01:29:45,737 --> 01:29:48,535
The wife and I almost burst into tears.
1285
01:29:48,740 --> 01:29:51,607
- David was doing his homework too.
- It makes sense,
1286
01:29:51,810 --> 01:29:53,243
they share the same brain.
1287
01:29:53,612 --> 01:29:57,013
Not only did Mr. Shoop
get my daughter to read,
1288
01:29:57,215 --> 01:29:58,443
he taught her to drive.
1289
01:29:58,650 --> 01:30:01,983
He showed Kevin there's more to life
than just football.
1290
01:30:02,187 --> 01:30:07,250
- I'm not sure I agree, but it's possible.
- This man should not be teaching.
1291
01:30:07,459 --> 01:30:10,792
Proof is here in these test results.
Look for yourself, Mr. Shoop.
1292
01:30:11,896 --> 01:30:15,423
Passing is 70.
Average score here was 63.
1293
01:30:16,501 --> 01:30:20,460
- They failed.
- That is not true, Mr. Gills.
1294
01:30:20,672 --> 01:30:22,537
- We passed?
- No, not all of you.
1295
01:30:22,741 --> 01:30:25,107
But that's not what's important here.
1296
01:30:25,310 --> 01:30:26,572
Larry.
1297
01:30:26,778 --> 01:30:30,908
Went from an 18 to a 51!
1298
01:30:31,116 --> 01:30:33,516
If I'd only seen you strip
a week sooner. You!
1299
01:30:33,718 --> 01:30:35,447
- Mom, my hair.
- Rhonda.
1300
01:30:35,654 --> 01:30:39,886
From a 29 to a 43
and she gave birth.
1301
01:30:40,091 --> 01:30:43,458
Isn't childbirth
grounds for a makeup test?
1302
01:30:43,762 --> 01:30:45,627
It always has been.
1303
01:30:47,098 --> 01:30:48,690
This woman thing never fails.
1304
01:30:49,134 --> 01:30:53,264
Eakian. A 51 to a 74.
1305
01:30:54,172 --> 01:30:57,198
I passed!
I am an Eakian, Grams.
1306
01:30:57,409 --> 01:30:59,001
- All right, Eaker.
- Denise.
1307
01:30:59,210 --> 01:31:03,169
No previous test score because
you ditched every test, but a 38.
1308
01:31:03,381 --> 01:31:06,509
- Honey, that's terrific.
- We'll get them next time.
1309
01:31:07,018 --> 01:31:08,246
- Kevin.
- Yeah?
1310
01:31:08,453 --> 01:31:11,479
From a 48 to a 75!
1311
01:31:11,690 --> 01:31:13,317
Yeah! I'm back on the team!
1312
01:31:13,525 --> 01:31:17,291
- Yeah! Kill!
- Yeah! Kill!
1313
01:31:21,299 --> 01:31:26,362
Chainsaw. Last score was a 6.
This time, 59. Monster comeback.
1314
01:31:26,571 --> 01:31:28,436
- All right.
- And Dave.
1315
01:31:28,640 --> 01:31:30,505
From a 26 to a 70.
1316
01:31:30,775 --> 01:31:32,003
I passed!
1317
01:31:32,210 --> 01:31:33,541
- You made it!
- You passed?
1318
01:31:33,745 --> 01:31:36,942
You passed and I failed, asshole!
How could you do that to me?
1319
01:31:37,248 --> 01:31:40,649
It was an accident.
I'll take it again. I can fail, I know it.
1320
01:31:40,852 --> 01:31:45,789
And Pam went from a 53 to an 82.
1321
01:31:46,925 --> 01:31:48,825
- Was that the highest?
- Well, almost.
1322
01:31:49,027 --> 01:31:52,326
I mean, that guy who spent six weeks
in the bathroom got a 91.
1323
01:31:52,530 --> 01:31:55,988
But look, there's more going on here
than test scores and grades.
1324
01:31:56,201 --> 01:31:58,169
You all worked hard
and you improved.
1325
01:31:58,403 --> 01:32:00,837
And that's very nice, Mr. Shoop.
1326
01:32:01,039 --> 01:32:04,475
We are here to discuss
his flagrant violation of school policies.
1327
01:32:04,676 --> 01:32:06,439
Hold it, Gills.
1328
01:32:10,048 --> 01:32:11,606
According to my numbers,
1329
01:32:11,816 --> 01:32:15,183
the average scores here
increased from 28 to 63.
1330
01:32:15,387 --> 01:32:18,049
That's 125 percent improvement.
Now, that's teaching.
1331
01:32:18,256 --> 01:32:19,848
- Absolutely.
- Yeah.
1332
01:32:20,058 --> 01:32:22,959
Mr. Shoop, I'm granting you tenure.
1333
01:32:25,263 --> 01:32:27,823
He's back, ladies and gentlemen!
1334
01:32:46,317 --> 01:32:50,845
This is the last time I ask. I promise.
1335
01:32:51,456 --> 01:32:53,981
Will you have dinner with me?
1336
01:32:54,826 --> 01:32:57,090
I'll think about it.
1337
01:32:59,898 --> 01:33:02,560
Can I use some of that lip stuff?
1338
01:33:21,286 --> 01:33:24,346
Does this mean we can
have dinner tonight?
1339
01:33:24,556 --> 01:33:26,956
I didn't say that.
1340
01:33:27,592 --> 01:33:31,119
We'll just talk about it over breakfast.
1341
01:33:32,119 --> 01:33:42,119
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