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1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:12,074
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2
00:01:39,820 --> 00:01:43,991
Have you ever confused
a dream with life?
3
00:01:46,368 --> 00:01:50,163
Or stolen something
when you have the cash?
4
00:01:54,167 --> 00:01:56,336
Have you ever been blue?
5
00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:02,759
Or thought your train moving
while sitting still?
6
00:02:04,928 --> 00:02:07,347
Maybe I was just crazy.
7
00:02:09,224 --> 00:02:11,727
Maybe it was the '60s.
8
00:02:12,602 --> 00:02:14,938
Or maybe I was just a girl...
9
00:02:16,481 --> 00:02:17,858
...interrupted.
10
00:02:18,233 --> 00:02:20,235
Put her in restraints.
Withdraw blood.
11
00:02:20,444 --> 00:02:21,278
Hold on.
12
00:02:21,486 --> 00:02:24,072
Give her five milligrams
of Valium, IV.
13
00:02:25,407 --> 00:02:27,409
Turn her head so she doesn't aspirate.
14
00:02:27,784 --> 00:02:28,702
There you go.
15
00:02:29,911 --> 00:02:31,913
Aspirin fragments
and vodka, I think.
16
00:02:32,205 --> 00:02:35,083
Don't tell me what you think.
Take it to the lab.
17
00:02:36,001 --> 00:02:39,421
You should check my hand.
There's no bones in it.
18
00:02:39,629 --> 00:02:40,589
A wrist banger.
19
00:02:41,631 --> 00:02:45,677
-Is that why you did this?
-And other things.
20
00:02:46,345 --> 00:02:48,347
Her parents are on the way.
21
00:02:49,097 --> 00:02:51,224
Sometimes it's hard...
22
00:02:51,850 --> 00:02:54,019
...for me to stay in one...
23
00:02:54,478 --> 00:02:55,896
...place.
24
00:02:56,104 --> 00:02:58,482
Susanna...
25
00:02:58,690 --> 00:03:01,234
...if you had no bones
in your hand...
26
00:03:02,444 --> 00:03:04,488
...how did you pick up the aspirin?
27
00:03:14,915 --> 00:03:17,417
What is my mother doing?
28
00:03:17,709 --> 00:03:19,711
Would you answer my question, please?
29
00:03:20,545 --> 00:03:25,550
How did you pick up the aspirin
if you had no bones in your hand?
30
00:03:26,760 --> 00:03:29,012
By then, they'd come back.
31
00:03:32,307 --> 00:03:33,600
I see.
32
00:03:34,810 --> 00:03:37,437
No, you don't.
33
00:03:37,729 --> 00:03:38,897
Well...
34
00:03:40,691 --> 00:03:42,275
...indulge me, then.
35
00:03:43,443 --> 00:03:45,153
Explain it to me.
36
00:03:47,823 --> 00:03:49,324
Explain what?
37
00:03:49,616 --> 00:03:54,746
Explain to a doctor that the laws
of physics can be suspended?
38
00:03:55,038 --> 00:03:58,083
That what goes up
may not come down?
39
00:04:03,255 --> 00:04:04,756
Explain...
40
00:04:05,007 --> 00:04:07,384
...that time...
41
00:04:07,592 --> 00:04:10,804
...can move backwards and forwards...
42
00:04:11,013 --> 00:04:14,057
...and now to then and back again...
43
00:04:14,641 --> 00:04:16,601
...and you can't control it?
44
00:04:17,352 --> 00:04:19,104
Why can't you control it?
45
00:04:22,482 --> 00:04:23,442
What?
46
00:04:23,900 --> 00:04:25,777
Why can't you control time?
47
00:04:45,505 --> 00:04:49,801
Where were you?
Everyone is here. Come on.
48
00:04:53,430 --> 00:04:56,600
-Mary, you remember Susanna.
-Yes, I do.
49
00:05:00,437 --> 00:05:01,730
You're wearing this?
50
00:05:01,980 --> 00:05:05,359
I didn't know it was so early.
I would've changed.
51
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:08,195
Everybody, look who's here.
52
00:05:08,904 --> 00:05:11,031
-Happy birthday, Dad.
-Thanks, sweetie.
53
00:05:12,115 --> 00:05:14,076
I'm sorry, I want to say hi to her.
54
00:05:14,284 --> 00:05:19,414
Sweetie, would you hold this for me?
I just want to say hi to Susanna.
55
00:05:19,915 --> 00:05:21,500
Excuse me. Susanna!
56
00:05:22,793 --> 00:05:24,920
-Susanna!
-Professor Gilcrest's wife.
57
00:05:25,170 --> 00:05:27,339
Barbara Gilcrest.
You remember me?
58
00:05:27,547 --> 00:05:29,883
Bonnie's mom. I'm Bonnie's mom.
59
00:05:30,133 --> 00:05:32,386
Your skin is so beautiful.
60
00:05:32,678 --> 00:05:34,554
Wasn't Bonnie in your lit. class?
61
00:05:35,472 --> 00:05:37,349
Yeah. How is she doing?
62
00:05:37,933 --> 00:05:40,060
She just got accepted to Radcliffe.
63
00:05:40,310 --> 00:05:41,853
What a conundrum.
64
00:05:42,104 --> 00:05:43,605
I'm a Wellesley girl, myself.
65
00:05:43,814 --> 00:05:47,401
But I think young women should
make up their own mind, don't you?
66
00:05:51,905 --> 00:05:53,615
Are you stoned?
67
00:05:57,160 --> 00:05:58,829
Do you smoke pot?
68
00:06:01,415 --> 00:06:03,208
Take LSD?
69
00:06:06,712 --> 00:06:08,171
No drugs?
70
00:06:14,344 --> 00:06:16,346
How do you feel right now?
71
00:06:19,975 --> 00:06:21,351
I...
72
00:06:22,853 --> 00:06:24,688
...don't know.
73
00:06:25,314 --> 00:06:27,399
I don't know what I'm feeling.
74
00:06:30,819 --> 00:06:32,821
You need a rest.
75
00:06:33,947 --> 00:06:36,074
Well, I'll go home, take a nap.
76
00:06:36,325 --> 00:06:40,412
No. You need to go somewhere
where you can get a genuine rest.
77
00:06:41,330 --> 00:06:43,040
And you're very lucky.
78
00:06:43,290 --> 00:06:45,709
The best place
for someone like you...
79
00:06:46,001 --> 00:06:48,712
...is less than
a half an hour from here.
80
00:06:48,962 --> 00:06:50,964
You don't mean Claymoore?
81
00:06:53,133 --> 00:06:55,052
Four days ago...
82
00:06:55,260 --> 00:06:58,805
...you chased a bottle of aspirin
with a bottle of vodka.
83
00:07:00,766 --> 00:07:02,851
I had a headache.
84
00:07:08,482 --> 00:07:10,651
Your father is a friend of mine.
85
00:07:11,193 --> 00:07:14,363
He's a colleague.
He asked me to see you...
86
00:07:14,571 --> 00:07:17,449
...even though I don't do this anymore.
87
00:07:18,158 --> 00:07:21,828
You're hurting everyone around you.
88
00:07:23,330 --> 00:07:28,293
Now, Claymoore is a topnotch place.
89
00:07:29,002 --> 00:07:31,254
A lot of people go there.
90
00:07:31,505 --> 00:07:32,631
Even writers.
91
00:07:32,881 --> 00:07:34,299
Like you.
92
00:07:37,928 --> 00:07:39,346
Great.
93
00:07:53,193 --> 00:07:56,613
Yes, I'd like a cab
at 1240 Milford, please.
94
00:07:58,115 --> 00:07:59,908
My mother's here.
95
00:08:00,117 --> 00:08:03,537
It'll be less emotional
if we do it this way.
96
00:08:03,745 --> 00:08:06,456
Your parents and I talked about it.
97
00:08:44,077 --> 00:08:46,663
Now make sure, no stops.
98
00:09:43,637 --> 00:09:45,722
Susanna, you there?
99
00:09:51,645 --> 00:09:53,480
I want to see you again.
100
00:09:53,689 --> 00:09:55,941
It was a one-time thing, okay?
101
00:09:56,191 --> 00:09:57,859
Just come to my office tonight.
102
00:09:58,068 --> 00:09:59,569
We're opening the presents!
103
00:09:59,778 --> 00:10:02,030
Tell them you're going to a friend's.
104
00:10:02,239 --> 00:10:03,782
Who should I tell first?
105
00:10:04,032 --> 00:10:06,868
My parents, the department chairman,
or your wife?
106
00:10:07,119 --> 00:10:07,953
No.
107
00:10:14,793 --> 00:10:16,378
What did you do?
108
00:10:17,796 --> 00:10:19,506
What did you do?
109
00:10:21,466 --> 00:10:23,051
Excuse me?
110
00:10:25,554 --> 00:10:27,180
Well, you look normal.
111
00:10:29,933 --> 00:10:31,601
I'm sad.
112
00:10:32,936 --> 00:10:34,938
Well, everyone's sad.
113
00:10:36,481 --> 00:10:38,358
I see things.
114
00:10:38,859 --> 00:10:40,694
You mean, like tripping?
115
00:10:43,322 --> 00:10:44,573
Kind of.
116
00:10:45,615 --> 00:10:48,327
Then they should put
John Lennon away, huh?
117
00:10:50,454 --> 00:10:52,664
I'm not John Lennon.
118
00:11:39,002 --> 00:11:41,046
Don't get too comfortable.
119
00:11:51,223 --> 00:11:52,474
Shouldn't my parents...?
120
00:11:52,683 --> 00:11:54,518
You have to sign them, Miss Kaysen.
121
00:11:54,768 --> 00:11:57,562
You're over 18.
This is your decision.
122
00:12:09,825 --> 00:12:11,576
I didn't try to kill myself.
123
00:12:14,079 --> 00:12:18,208
That's the kind of thing you talk
about in therapy, honey. Not here.
124
00:12:23,672 --> 00:12:25,173
Miss Kaysen?
125
00:12:26,133 --> 00:12:29,011
You have the distinction
of being the only senior...
126
00:12:29,261 --> 00:12:31,138
...not going on to college.
127
00:12:36,393 --> 00:12:38,312
May I ask what you plan to do?
128
00:12:39,521 --> 00:12:41,982
I plan to write.
129
00:12:43,984 --> 00:12:45,736
Well, what do you plan to do?
130
00:12:47,237 --> 00:12:52,075
Look, I'm not gonna burn my bra or
drop acid or go march on Washington...
131
00:12:52,284 --> 00:12:55,370
...I just don't want to end up
like my mother.
132
00:12:55,912 --> 00:12:58,123
Women today have
more choices than that.
133
00:12:59,416 --> 00:13:00,834
No, they don't.
134
00:13:01,376 --> 00:13:02,794
And here.
135
00:13:04,880 --> 00:13:07,382
You forgot one, dear. Here.
136
00:13:10,886 --> 00:13:15,849
Speaking for Dr. Wick and myself,
welcome to Claymoore, Susanna.
137
00:13:19,519 --> 00:13:22,689
This is the women's ward,
also known as South Bell.
138
00:13:22,939 --> 00:13:26,777
This is where you'll be staying,
and this is where I work.
139
00:13:27,402 --> 00:13:29,988
All right, this is the second floor.
140
00:13:30,197 --> 00:13:34,076
I need you to stay close to me
because it's easy to get lost here.
141
00:13:39,581 --> 00:13:41,583
This is our ward.
142
00:13:44,127 --> 00:13:47,798
All right, let's start with this room.
143
00:13:49,883 --> 00:13:52,219
This is the art room.
144
00:13:53,845 --> 00:13:54,972
Polly.
145
00:13:55,514 --> 00:13:56,682
What are you doing here?
146
00:13:57,641 --> 00:14:00,227
I feel very musical today.
147
00:14:00,477 --> 00:14:03,271
-Can I just, for just a second?
-Not today, honey.
148
00:14:12,197 --> 00:14:15,784
That's Polly. Come on.
149
00:14:21,581 --> 00:14:25,168
Margie, Polly was in
the art room by herself.
150
00:14:25,377 --> 00:14:27,045
I'm sorry, Val.
151
00:14:30,674 --> 00:14:32,259
The living room.
152
00:14:33,051 --> 00:14:34,970
Everyone hates it.
153
00:14:45,063 --> 00:14:47,232
And these are the phones.
154
00:14:47,482 --> 00:14:50,610
To make a call, pick up
the handle, tell the nurse...
155
00:14:50,819 --> 00:14:52,529
...she'll connect you.
156
00:14:52,779 --> 00:14:56,366
This is the nurses' station,
which is self-explanatory...
157
00:14:56,616 --> 00:14:59,786
...and this is the TV room,
where everyone hangs out.
158
00:14:59,995 --> 00:15:02,039
I want my fucking clothes!
159
00:15:02,289 --> 00:15:06,043
Then you'll have to
eat something, won't you?
160
00:15:07,586 --> 00:15:08,754
The check-in board.
161
00:15:09,004 --> 00:15:11,715
You check in here to take
a walk on the grounds.
162
00:15:11,923 --> 00:15:13,634
Oh, lordy, pick a bale of hay
163
00:15:13,884 --> 00:15:16,887
Gotta jump down, spin around
Pick a bale of cotton
164
00:15:17,095 --> 00:15:19,389
Jump down, spin around
Pick a bale of hay
165
00:15:20,599 --> 00:15:22,309
She thinks that bothers me.
166
00:15:22,559 --> 00:15:25,312
You're an ' R, ' which means
' restricted to the ward.'
167
00:15:25,562 --> 00:15:28,106
But soon you'll
move up to two-to-ones...
168
00:15:28,315 --> 00:15:30,567
...which is two nurses
to every patient.
169
00:15:30,817 --> 00:15:33,987
I won't be here that long.
I'm just here for a rest.
170
00:15:34,237 --> 00:15:38,158
It's all right. Everybody gets
the same tour free of charge.
171
00:15:44,122 --> 00:15:47,292
Georgina, this is Susanna,
your new roommate.
172
00:15:47,542 --> 00:15:49,419
Oh, great. Hi.
173
00:15:50,003 --> 00:15:52,673
You're lucky.
Georgina's an excellent roommate.
174
00:15:53,423 --> 00:15:54,591
Why, thank you, Valerie.
175
00:15:55,008 --> 00:15:56,510
You're welcome.
176
00:15:57,427 --> 00:16:00,097
The cops are bringing Lisa.
She was at the park.
177
00:16:03,058 --> 00:16:06,561
Will you excuse me?
I have business I have to attend to.
178
00:16:07,020 --> 00:16:10,774
Georgina, will you take Susanna
to the dining room in a half-hour?
179
00:16:12,234 --> 00:16:13,986
Yes means yes, Georgina.
180
00:16:14,444 --> 00:16:16,113
I know.
181
00:16:32,671 --> 00:16:33,797
Groovy box.
182
00:16:35,173 --> 00:16:36,550
That.
183
00:16:37,342 --> 00:16:39,261
Yeah, they're French.
184
00:16:39,511 --> 00:16:42,389
The French Resistance
smoked them, I think.
185
00:16:49,563 --> 00:16:51,523
-Read this?
186
00:16:53,108 --> 00:16:56,153
No. I saw the movie
a bunch of times, though.
187
00:16:56,820 --> 00:16:58,905
The movie's based on the first book.
188
00:16:59,114 --> 00:17:03,076
I read that one too, but there were
no ruby slippers in it originally.
189
00:17:03,285 --> 00:17:06,496
They added that.
This takes place afterwards.
190
00:17:06,747 --> 00:17:09,708
Dorothy doesn't really have
such a big part in this one.
191
00:17:13,712 --> 00:17:15,547
Fucking pig.
192
00:17:18,342 --> 00:17:19,718
Get off me!
193
00:17:32,314 --> 00:17:33,190
Thanks, Gretta.
194
00:17:34,441 --> 00:17:36,652
Hey, Dais, let anyone
in your room yet?
195
00:17:40,489 --> 00:17:43,283
Hey, girls! Hey, sexy.
196
00:17:47,037 --> 00:17:48,914
It's good to be home.
197
00:17:52,209 --> 00:17:54,294
-Hey, Torch.
-Hey, Lisa.
198
00:17:54,503 --> 00:17:56,713
-You miss me?
-Not much.
199
00:17:58,590 --> 00:18:01,426
Get her to her room.
Gretta will do the strip search.
200
00:18:02,302 --> 00:18:03,845
Who's that with Georgie-girl?
201
00:18:04,096 --> 00:18:06,264
-Where's Jamie?
-I can't deal with this.
202
00:18:06,515 --> 00:18:08,517
Don't give me a hard time.
203
00:18:09,434 --> 00:18:10,936
Where is she? Where's Jamie?
204
00:18:15,691 --> 00:18:17,150
Who are you?
205
00:18:17,401 --> 00:18:21,029
Her name is Susanna, Lisa.
She smokes French cigarettes.
206
00:18:21,405 --> 00:18:24,658
-Why is all your shit on her bed?
-Open the damn door!
207
00:18:24,908 --> 00:18:26,368
Why? Where's Jamie?
208
00:18:26,618 --> 00:18:29,579
I don't know what
you're talking about!
209
00:18:31,415 --> 00:18:33,333
What the hell are you doing, Lisa?
210
00:18:35,043 --> 00:18:36,086
Back off her.
211
00:18:36,712 --> 00:18:39,006
Back off!
You've been gone for two weeks.
212
00:18:39,339 --> 00:18:42,134
A lot of shit has gone down.
Back off!
213
00:18:42,384 --> 00:18:43,552
How'd she do it?
214
00:18:44,177 --> 00:18:45,429
How'd she do it?
215
00:18:46,305 --> 00:18:47,889
How did she do it, Valerie?
216
00:18:48,140 --> 00:18:49,975
Get the fuck off me!
217
00:18:50,225 --> 00:18:53,770
You weak people. You're all weak
fucking people! You're victims!
218
00:18:54,021 --> 00:18:55,522
You people are fucking sick!
219
00:18:55,772 --> 00:18:58,525
What? No, no.
Val, please. Please!
220
00:19:02,821 --> 00:19:04,614
Get her legs.
221
00:19:05,991 --> 00:19:06,825
Get her feet!
222
00:19:07,075 --> 00:19:08,201
-I got her.
-Get off!
223
00:19:11,163 --> 00:19:12,539
Help!
224
00:19:18,462 --> 00:19:20,464
We have got to cut those nails again.
225
00:19:26,470 --> 00:19:30,474
My God! What the hell was that?
226
00:19:30,974 --> 00:19:32,643
That was Lisa.
227
00:19:34,019 --> 00:19:36,146
And Jamie was your roommate?
228
00:19:36,396 --> 00:19:38,273
Jamie was Lisa's best friend.
229
00:19:39,024 --> 00:19:41,234
She was sad because Lisa ran away...
230
00:19:41,485 --> 00:19:43,654
...so she hung herself with
a volleyball net.
231
00:19:53,872 --> 00:19:55,499
Meds!
232
00:19:57,960 --> 00:19:59,836
Cynthia Crowley.
233
00:20:01,296 --> 00:20:03,423
Susanna Kaysen.
234
00:20:05,384 --> 00:20:07,302
Susanna Kaysen.
235
00:20:09,429 --> 00:20:12,057
I am Mrs. McWilley,
and these are for you.
236
00:20:12,265 --> 00:20:14,643
-What are they?
-They'll help you sleep.
237
00:20:15,394 --> 00:20:17,896
-It's 10:30. I'm not gonna...
-For chrissake.
238
00:20:18,105 --> 00:20:20,983
You can discuss it in the morning
with your doctor.
239
00:20:21,233 --> 00:20:23,568
In the meantime,
we'll agree to disagree.
240
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:29,449
Take them here. Have some water.
241
00:20:32,744 --> 00:20:34,705
Polly Clark.
242
00:20:35,122 --> 00:20:36,999
You can go now.
243
00:20:42,045 --> 00:20:43,380
Teresa McCullian.
244
00:20:49,303 --> 00:20:51,388
Daisy Randone.
245
00:20:54,891 --> 00:20:57,227
Angela Coury.
246
00:21:00,439 --> 00:21:02,649
Jacqueline Lights.
247
00:21:05,319 --> 00:21:07,237
Donna Smith.
248
00:21:46,818 --> 00:21:48,612
Ryan Reed...
249
00:21:49,237 --> 00:21:52,449
...yearbook editor and member
of the honour society.
250
00:21:52,699 --> 00:21:54,868
Heading off to Tulane University.
251
00:21:55,077 --> 00:21:56,662
Congratulations, son.
252
00:21:57,371 --> 00:22:02,501
Andrea Jacobs, president of
the French club and honour society...
253
00:22:02,960 --> 00:22:05,420
...and on her way to Sarah Lawrence.
254
00:22:08,215 --> 00:22:09,967
Susanna Kaysen.
255
00:22:11,343 --> 00:22:14,137
-What is she doing?
-Some kind of a stunt.
256
00:22:24,481 --> 00:22:26,483
Wake up, freak.
257
00:22:28,819 --> 00:22:29,695
Checks.
258
00:22:49,506 --> 00:22:51,717
Why do they do that?
259
00:22:53,051 --> 00:22:55,262
They're just doing checks.
260
00:22:55,512 --> 00:22:58,598
They'll space them out
after you've been here awhile.
261
00:23:03,353 --> 00:23:06,523
That girl, Polly.
262
00:23:07,774 --> 00:23:09,651
How did she get all...?
263
00:23:11,194 --> 00:23:13,030
When she was 10...
264
00:23:13,363 --> 00:23:16,575
...her mother told her
she had to give away her puppy...
265
00:23:16,783 --> 00:23:19,619
...because he was giving her a rash.
266
00:23:20,120 --> 00:23:23,081
And so Polly went...
267
00:23:23,915 --> 00:23:26,543
...and found her father's gas can...
268
00:23:27,085 --> 00:23:30,797
...and she poured it all over
where she was getting the rash.
269
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,425
And then...
270
00:23:35,510 --> 00:23:37,512
...she lit a match.
271
00:23:39,264 --> 00:23:41,016
Oh, my God.
272
00:23:46,855 --> 00:23:49,024
Well, what about you?
Why are you here?
273
00:23:50,192 --> 00:23:52,736
Pseudologia fantastica.
274
00:23:54,446 --> 00:23:55,947
What's that?
275
00:23:58,283 --> 00:24:00,952
I'm a pathological liar.
276
00:24:55,757 --> 00:24:57,884
-What are your plans this fall?
-What?
277
00:24:58,093 --> 00:25:00,178
What are your plans this fall?
278
00:25:00,387 --> 00:25:01,930
I don't have any.
279
00:25:02,139 --> 00:25:04,641
I'm gonna be an ethnobotanist.
280
00:25:04,975 --> 00:25:07,728
Full scholarship to M.I.T.
281
00:25:07,978 --> 00:25:09,855
I'm going to join the Krishnas.
282
00:25:10,063 --> 00:25:13,734
Hare Krishna?
That's interesting, actually.
283
00:25:14,192 --> 00:25:16,028
I was kidding.
284
00:25:31,918 --> 00:25:33,754
You're Susanna, right?
285
00:25:35,714 --> 00:25:38,258
I'm Toby.
Andrea Jacobs' brother.
286
00:25:40,010 --> 00:25:42,095
I was at graduation.
287
00:25:47,768 --> 00:25:49,561
You're pretty when you sleep.
288
00:25:51,063 --> 00:25:54,399
Checks. It's 7:00.
289
00:26:08,789 --> 00:26:12,376
I mean, everybody thinks
about it at some point.
290
00:26:14,294 --> 00:26:16,088
How would you do it?
291
00:26:18,340 --> 00:26:19,883
I don't know.
292
00:26:20,634 --> 00:26:23,804
I guess I haven't really
thought about it.
293
00:26:28,684 --> 00:26:31,144
See, once it's
in your head, though...
294
00:26:33,188 --> 00:26:34,690
...you become this...
295
00:26:35,649 --> 00:26:37,234
...strange, new breed.
296
00:26:38,235 --> 00:26:42,948
A life form that loves
to fantasize about its own demise.
297
00:26:43,198 --> 00:26:46,451
Make a stupid remark, kill yourself.
298
00:26:46,743 --> 00:26:51,164
You like the movie, you live.
You miss the train, kill yourself.
299
00:26:52,833 --> 00:26:53,667
What?
300
00:26:54,918 --> 00:26:57,337
Let's not talk about
this anymore, okay?
301
00:26:57,546 --> 00:26:59,047
Why?
302
00:27:03,302 --> 00:27:04,970
Because it's...
303
00:27:06,138 --> 00:27:07,806
...stupid.
304
00:27:15,814 --> 00:27:16,732
What?
305
00:27:21,445 --> 00:27:22,279
What are you doing?
306
00:27:23,530 --> 00:27:27,743
What? Because I don't want to kill
myself? That's not cool to you?
307
00:27:28,869 --> 00:27:30,912
I don't wanna die.
I was just talking.
308
00:27:31,163 --> 00:27:34,166
Look, Susanna, the world
is fucked up, okay?
309
00:27:34,416 --> 00:27:36,543
It's so fucked up that if some...
310
00:27:36,793 --> 00:27:39,921
...draft zombie pulls my
birthday out of a barrel...
311
00:27:40,172 --> 00:27:41,673
...I'm gonna die.
312
00:27:43,050 --> 00:27:44,217
When's your birthday?
313
00:27:46,386 --> 00:27:48,138
December 30th.
314
00:27:51,183 --> 00:27:52,726
I'll pray for you.
315
00:27:55,437 --> 00:27:56,271
Checks.
316
00:28:24,424 --> 00:28:26,218
You asked for this?
317
00:28:37,104 --> 00:28:38,271
Are you gonna watch?
318
00:28:39,648 --> 00:28:43,944
Afraid so. That's why there's
so many fuzzy-legged women here.
319
00:28:48,907 --> 00:28:50,993
Has anybody ever watched you shave?
320
00:28:51,952 --> 00:28:54,871
I got two kids and one bathroom.
What do you think?
321
00:28:56,331 --> 00:28:58,750
I think you should lock the door.
322
00:29:00,585 --> 00:29:04,381
-September 14th.
323
00:29:07,509 --> 00:29:10,012
-Zero-zero-two.
-Bingo.
324
00:29:12,055 --> 00:29:14,433
-Bingo. Bingo.
-December 30th.
325
00:29:15,684 --> 00:29:17,311
Oh, my God.
326
00:29:18,312 --> 00:29:20,022
-Bingo.
-Zero-zero-three.
327
00:29:22,274 --> 00:29:24,651
A guy I know was just drafted.
328
00:29:25,736 --> 00:29:26,862
What's his name?
329
00:29:29,614 --> 00:29:30,449
Toby.
330
00:29:32,492 --> 00:29:34,202
He's dead now.
331
00:29:41,168 --> 00:29:42,169
Get out, Lisa!
332
00:29:42,419 --> 00:29:44,755
I'm not in your room.
I'm right here.
333
00:29:45,005 --> 00:29:47,966
-I was gonna offer you nail polish.
-Get out!
334
00:29:49,801 --> 00:29:53,221
-You're looking better, Lisa.
-Why, thanks, Margie.
335
00:29:53,472 --> 00:29:55,515
-How's the engagement?
-You know.
336
00:29:55,724 --> 00:29:57,142
No, I don't.
I've been away.
337
00:29:57,976 --> 00:30:00,896
Joe wants me to...
Before the wedding.
338
00:30:01,980 --> 00:30:04,650
Fuck his brains out.
Use a rubber.
339
00:30:05,734 --> 00:30:07,361
Gosh, hell, no.
340
00:30:27,339 --> 00:30:28,924
Can I bum one?
341
00:30:30,384 --> 00:30:31,385
Go ahead.
342
00:30:54,366 --> 00:30:57,285
So have you had your
first Melvin yet?
343
00:30:57,619 --> 00:30:58,745
Who's that?
344
00:30:59,246 --> 00:31:01,999
Bald guy with a little pecker
and a fat wife.
345
00:31:02,666 --> 00:31:04,209
Your therapist, sweet pea.
346
00:31:06,169 --> 00:31:07,170
Unless...
347
00:31:07,421 --> 00:31:09,631
...unless they're giving you shocks.
348
00:31:09,881 --> 00:31:12,009
Or, God forbid, letting you out.
349
00:31:12,259 --> 00:31:14,845
Then you'll see the great,
wonderful Dr. Dyke.
350
00:31:15,095 --> 00:31:16,596
She means Dr. Wick.
351
00:31:19,099 --> 00:31:21,351
I've seen his office
but haven't met him.
352
00:31:21,643 --> 00:31:23,770
He's a she.
Dr. Wick's a girl.
353
00:31:24,271 --> 00:31:26,815
That's right, M-G.
Wick's a chick.
354
00:31:27,441 --> 00:31:29,067
Hence the nickname.
355
00:31:30,694 --> 00:31:33,572
Hey, Lil.
When the fuck is my checkup?
356
00:31:34,156 --> 00:31:37,284
It's now, Lisa.
You said you'd be in your room.
357
00:31:37,492 --> 00:31:40,120
Can't sit too long
without popping the hood.
358
00:31:56,178 --> 00:31:57,346
Asshole!
359
00:31:57,596 --> 00:32:01,058
You have Melvin in half an hour.
I'll take you there.
360
00:32:02,309 --> 00:32:03,393
I'm sorry.
361
00:32:03,644 --> 00:32:07,022
-Why are you using the past tense?
362
00:32:07,689 --> 00:32:09,358
What do you mean?
363
00:32:09,608 --> 00:32:11,401
Well, he was...
364
00:32:11,693 --> 00:32:15,947
...only drafted today,
so chances are, he's not dead yet.
365
00:32:16,698 --> 00:32:19,951
He probably has several months...
366
00:32:20,160 --> 00:32:22,245
...before he even reports.
367
00:32:23,914 --> 00:32:28,502
He was just a nice guy, that's all.
And it made me feel bad.
368
00:32:28,752 --> 00:32:30,796
You've been feeling bad in general.
369
00:32:31,505 --> 00:32:34,257
Right?
You've been feeling depressed.
370
00:32:36,176 --> 00:32:39,471
I haven't exactly been
a ball of joy, Melvin.
371
00:32:39,972 --> 00:32:42,683
I understand you tried
to kill yourself last week.
372
00:32:43,517 --> 00:32:46,144
Anything you want to
tell me about that?
373
00:32:46,603 --> 00:32:48,313
I had a headache.
374
00:32:49,731 --> 00:32:54,069
So I assume you took the recommended
aspirin dosage for a headache.
375
00:32:55,028 --> 00:32:56,655
I didn't try to kill myself.
376
00:32:56,863 --> 00:32:58,532
What were you trying to do?
377
00:32:58,782 --> 00:33:01,076
I was trying to make the shit stop.
378
00:33:02,285 --> 00:33:04,663
The time-jumps, the depression...
379
00:33:05,956 --> 00:33:08,083
...the headaches, the thing
with your hand?
380
00:33:09,459 --> 00:33:11,044
All of the above.
381
00:33:13,130 --> 00:33:14,339
I see.
382
00:33:16,717 --> 00:33:18,885
Paul is dead!
383
00:33:27,728 --> 00:33:30,647
What is it?
Are you puzzled about something?
384
00:33:31,982 --> 00:33:34,401
Yeah, I guess I am, Melvin.
385
00:33:34,609 --> 00:33:38,030
I'm puzzled as to why
I have to be in a mental institution.
386
00:33:38,572 --> 00:33:40,240
You put yourself here.
387
00:33:40,490 --> 00:33:42,242
My parents put me here.
388
00:33:45,078 --> 00:33:46,204
No, they didn't.
389
00:33:46,872 --> 00:33:48,999
Everyone here's fucking crazy!
390
00:33:49,750 --> 00:33:51,168
You wanna go home.
391
00:33:54,504 --> 00:33:56,298
Same problem.
392
00:33:57,174 --> 00:34:00,052
M-G, look at me.
393
00:34:00,302 --> 00:34:01,803
Play with me.
394
00:34:02,596 --> 00:34:06,099
Don't be sad. Don't be sad.
395
00:34:15,359 --> 00:34:16,401
Thank you.
396
00:34:51,019 --> 00:34:53,480
-What are these?
-Colace. It's just a laxative.
397
00:34:53,689 --> 00:34:55,732
I don't need them.
398
00:34:56,191 --> 00:34:57,651
Are we going to have a problem?
399
00:34:59,945 --> 00:35:02,030
Are we going to have a problem?
400
00:35:02,322 --> 00:35:04,282
Are we going to have a problem?
401
00:35:05,117 --> 00:35:06,368
May I see?
402
00:35:06,576 --> 00:35:07,744
Thank you.
403
00:35:07,995 --> 00:35:09,705
Surrender.
404
00:35:10,414 --> 00:35:12,165
Are we going to have a problem?
405
00:35:14,459 --> 00:35:16,044
No problem.
406
00:35:16,295 --> 00:35:18,630
Phone call, booth one.
407
00:35:21,842 --> 00:35:24,303
-Hello?
-Hold on.
408
00:35:26,388 --> 00:35:28,390
-Susanna?
-Hi, Mom.
409
00:35:28,598 --> 00:35:30,142
Hi, honey.
Your father's on too.
410
00:35:30,350 --> 00:35:33,228
He's just back from reserves.
He got stuck at Dulles.
411
00:35:33,729 --> 00:35:35,022
How are you, honey?
412
00:35:35,439 --> 00:35:38,108
-I'm fine, Dad.
-You know, sweetheart...
413
00:35:41,028 --> 00:35:44,364
If you can't give me Ex-Lax,
can I please have some Colace?
414
00:35:44,614 --> 00:35:46,992
No. No more laxatives.
415
00:35:48,702 --> 00:35:50,787
I can get her some prune juice.
416
00:35:51,622 --> 00:35:53,081
Prune juice!
417
00:35:53,707 --> 00:35:55,500
This is outrageous!
418
00:35:55,751 --> 00:35:59,546
She was wondering if you'd
made new friends, and I said.:
419
00:36:00,047 --> 00:36:02,841
"No, Mom, this isn't Camp Winnetka. "
420
00:36:06,428 --> 00:36:08,555
-Daisy?
-Fuck off.
421
00:36:09,931 --> 00:36:12,059
I have something you want.
422
00:36:18,899 --> 00:36:20,192
Come in.
423
00:36:51,348 --> 00:36:52,683
You're all packed up.
424
00:36:53,392 --> 00:36:55,435
Yeah, I'm leaving in a month.
425
00:36:55,686 --> 00:36:57,437
My dad got me an apartment.
426
00:36:57,688 --> 00:37:01,441
-Really? Where?
-It's near the airport.
427
00:37:01,775 --> 00:37:05,904
One bedroom, two baths, eat-in chicken.
He fix ed it up real nice for me.
428
00:37:06,154 --> 00:37:07,489
You mean eat-in kitchen.
429
00:37:08,198 --> 00:37:10,492
That's what I said, asshole.
430
00:37:10,867 --> 00:37:12,953
So what do you have that I want?
431
00:37:18,041 --> 00:37:19,251
Put it on the bed.
432
00:37:19,751 --> 00:37:20,961
Put yours on the bed.
433
00:37:21,378 --> 00:37:23,088
Oh, Jesus. Get out!
434
00:37:23,338 --> 00:37:24,673
Get out!
435
00:37:24,923 --> 00:37:27,301
Don't take advantage
just because she's new.
436
00:37:27,551 --> 00:37:28,427
Pony up some Valium.
437
00:37:28,677 --> 00:37:31,722
Get the fuck out,
or I'm calling Valerie! Valerie!
438
00:37:31,972 --> 00:37:33,849
Why don't you call Valerie?
439
00:37:34,057 --> 00:37:38,270
Call Valerie and ask her for some
Colace, like Susie Q's got in her hand.
440
00:37:38,478 --> 00:37:40,230
Why does it stink in here?
441
00:37:41,189 --> 00:37:42,482
I don't take Valium.
442
00:37:42,733 --> 00:37:44,318
I know. That's the point.
443
00:37:44,568 --> 00:37:47,154
They give them to you,
and you don't take them.
444
00:37:47,362 --> 00:37:49,072
Are you gonna eat that?
445
00:37:49,323 --> 00:37:50,699
Checks.
446
00:37:51,033 --> 00:37:52,701
You've got visitors, Daisy.
447
00:37:52,951 --> 00:37:54,786
I want some fucking Colace.
448
00:37:55,037 --> 00:37:57,372
Talk to Melvin tomorrow.
449
00:38:08,425 --> 00:38:12,387
You know what I think?
I think you want to poop, Daisy.
450
00:38:12,596 --> 00:38:14,473
I think it's been days.
451
00:38:15,599 --> 00:38:17,225
Look, it's okay. I don't care.
452
00:38:17,434 --> 00:38:19,478
I do! I do care.
453
00:38:23,231 --> 00:38:27,402
So Daddy buys you a private,
and no one gets in, huh?
454
00:38:28,612 --> 00:38:32,282
You never leave except when Valerie
makes you go to the cafeteria...
455
00:38:32,532 --> 00:38:35,619
...where you never eat.
You're a laxative junkie.
456
00:38:36,662 --> 00:38:41,792
I always thought you were like Janet,
but here you are with this chicken.
457
00:38:43,043 --> 00:38:45,128
So what's with that, huh?
458
00:38:45,504 --> 00:38:49,174
My dad owns a deli, asshole,
with a rotisserie.
459
00:38:49,383 --> 00:38:53,261
I like my dad's chicken. When
I eat something else, I puke.
460
00:38:53,929 --> 00:38:58,183
But why do you eat it here? Why don't
you like to go to the cafeteria?
461
00:38:58,558 --> 00:39:00,394
Which do you like better?
462
00:39:00,644 --> 00:39:02,854
Taking a dump alone
or with Valerie watching?
463
00:39:03,897 --> 00:39:04,940
Alone.
464
00:39:05,607 --> 00:39:08,527
Everyone likes to be alone
when it comes out.
465
00:39:08,777 --> 00:39:10,612
I like to be alone when it goes in.
466
00:39:10,862 --> 00:39:13,865
To me, the cafeteria's
like being with...
467
00:39:14,116 --> 00:39:16,201
...20 girls all at once taking a dump.
468
00:39:17,452 --> 00:39:19,329
That is fucked up, Daisy!
469
00:39:21,832 --> 00:39:22,833
Come on.
470
00:39:26,586 --> 00:39:30,382
All right, assholes.
Fine, here.
471
00:39:36,722 --> 00:39:37,931
Here.
472
00:39:47,816 --> 00:39:49,067
Lisa, don't!
473
00:39:49,318 --> 00:39:50,485
No, please...
474
00:39:50,694 --> 00:39:52,571
Dios-fucking-mio!
475
00:39:57,326 --> 00:39:59,244
That's how Daddy
knows she's eating.
476
00:39:59,453 --> 00:40:03,749
When I get five, Valerie
makes me throw them away.
477
00:40:17,179 --> 00:40:19,056
Scribble, scribble, scribble.
478
00:40:19,431 --> 00:40:21,058
Written anything about me yet?
479
00:40:21,266 --> 00:40:22,976
Don't do that.
480
00:40:34,988 --> 00:40:36,782
Is Daisy really getting out?
481
00:40:41,370 --> 00:40:42,996
She coughed up a big one.
482
00:40:43,705 --> 00:40:47,334
How can...?
I mean, she's insane.
483
00:40:47,793 --> 00:40:50,295
That's what 'ther-rape-me'
is all about.
484
00:40:50,504 --> 00:40:54,508
That's why fucking Freud's
picture's on every shrink's wall.
485
00:40:54,716 --> 00:40:59,721
He created an industry. You lie down,
confess your secrets, and you're saved.
486
00:41:00,931 --> 00:41:04,601
The more you confess, the more they
think about setting you free.
487
00:41:04,810 --> 00:41:07,312
But what if you don't have a secret?
488
00:41:09,189 --> 00:41:11,525
Then you're a lifer, like me.
489
00:41:12,442 --> 00:41:14,945
I was changing her diaper...
490
00:41:15,404 --> 00:41:17,739
...and I turned to get the powder...
491
00:41:18,448 --> 00:41:21,535
...and while my back was turned,
she rolled off the bed.
492
00:41:23,495 --> 00:41:26,331
She rolled off the bed
and broke her leg.
493
00:41:28,292 --> 00:41:31,670
The doctor put her in a body cast,
but also strapped her down.
494
00:41:31,920 --> 00:41:34,256
-This has nothing...
-You never told me this.
495
00:41:34,464 --> 00:41:36,591
Carl planned this trip
to Santa Monica.
496
00:41:36,842 --> 00:41:41,221
He had a commitment at RAND.
So we took her with us.
497
00:41:42,014 --> 00:41:45,017
On the back seat, strapped to this
board, 4000 miles.
498
00:41:45,267 --> 00:41:48,729
If you like, Mrs. Kaysen,
we can discuss this...
499
00:41:48,937 --> 00:41:51,648
...further on the way out.
500
00:41:51,898 --> 00:41:54,693
Just how long is my daughter
going to be here?
501
00:41:54,901 --> 00:41:56,737
With all due respect, Mr. Kaysen...
502
00:41:56,987 --> 00:42:01,199
...psychiatry and economics
are different.
503
00:42:01,408 --> 00:42:04,578
The length of Susanna's stay
isn't fix ed.
504
00:42:04,786 --> 00:42:07,706
It depends on her response
to treatment.
505
00:42:07,914 --> 00:42:10,876
For what? Depression?
506
00:42:11,126 --> 00:42:15,797
It's almost Christmas. What do we say
to the people who care about her?
507
00:42:16,548 --> 00:42:18,550
See, what's going on here is...
508
00:42:18,759 --> 00:42:23,555
...my parents are having a little
holiday cocktail Christmas party crisis.
509
00:42:23,764 --> 00:42:24,848
What?
510
00:42:26,808 --> 00:42:29,645
What's the ' borderline' business
you mentioned?
511
00:42:32,939 --> 00:42:35,317
I don't think that's useful to Susanna.
512
00:42:35,567 --> 00:42:37,778
-I mean, not...
-What ' borderline business'?
513
00:42:38,028 --> 00:42:39,905
-The mind...
-Borderline what?
514
00:42:40,155 --> 00:42:42,366
Borderline between what and what?
515
00:42:43,575 --> 00:42:45,577
It's a condition, Susanna.
516
00:42:45,786 --> 00:42:48,330
And it's called
Borderline Personality Disorder.
517
00:42:48,580 --> 00:42:50,707
Oh, God.
518
00:42:51,291 --> 00:42:53,001
It's not uncommon.
519
00:42:53,585 --> 00:42:55,629
Especially among young women.
520
00:42:56,213 --> 00:42:58,298
What causes it?
521
00:42:58,548 --> 00:43:00,258
We're really not sure.
522
00:43:00,467 --> 00:43:03,595
-Is it genetic?
-Oh, Christ!
523
00:43:04,680 --> 00:43:07,099
It is five times more common...
524
00:43:07,432 --> 00:43:10,268
...among those with a borderline...
525
00:43:10,894 --> 00:43:11,937
...parent.
526
00:43:14,231 --> 00:43:18,986
I can't do this. I'm sorry, I can't.
I can't do this.
527
00:43:33,375 --> 00:43:37,504
' Razors pain you; rivers are damp;
acid stains you; drugs cause cramp.
528
00:43:37,754 --> 00:43:40,007
Guns aren't lawful;
nooses give...
529
00:43:40,215 --> 00:43:43,343
...gas smells awful;
you might as well live.'
530
00:43:43,635 --> 00:43:44,803
Gin.
531
00:43:56,773 --> 00:43:59,443
-Asshole.
-Fatso.
532
00:44:06,700 --> 00:44:07,743
Call me a cab.
533
00:44:08,452 --> 00:44:09,703
Okay, you're a cab.
534
00:44:15,417 --> 00:44:17,711
Lisa said you got into Daisy's room.
535
00:44:19,087 --> 00:44:21,089
And it was full of chickens.
536
00:44:21,298 --> 00:44:23,592
Susanna, you have a phone call.
537
00:44:27,804 --> 00:44:30,307
So what's your "diag-nonsense"?
538
00:44:30,515 --> 00:44:33,810
-Who is this?
-What'd he say to Mom and Pop?
539
00:44:42,653 --> 00:44:44,696
I have a borderline personality.
540
00:44:45,697 --> 00:44:47,616
Well, that's nothing.
What else?
541
00:44:47,866 --> 00:44:50,827
He didn't say. He thought
it would affect my recovery.
542
00:44:52,204 --> 00:44:53,622
Tongue your meds tonight.
543
00:44:53,872 --> 00:44:56,750
After 1:00 checks,
Gretta always goes for a smoke.
544
00:44:56,959 --> 00:45:00,545
Check the mirrors. If they're
clear, go to Hector's closet.
545
00:45:00,754 --> 00:45:03,966
It's near the art room,
and it will be open.
546
00:45:20,190 --> 00:45:21,566
Torch!
547
00:45:22,901 --> 00:45:24,236
Come on.
548
00:45:43,505 --> 00:45:46,133
This is how Lisa gets out
when she escapes!
549
00:45:50,012 --> 00:45:54,016
We're under administration, so....
No good here.
550
00:45:54,474 --> 00:45:56,643
Good thing this place has
a sliding scale.
551
00:45:56,893 --> 00:45:59,688
We get to mingle with
the lock-picking trash.
552
00:46:25,130 --> 00:46:26,798
Good job!
553
00:46:29,009 --> 00:46:30,636
Susanna, you're up!
554
00:46:30,886 --> 00:46:33,639
No, no, no. I've only done
this once in my life.
555
00:46:34,097 --> 00:46:35,098
-Come on.
-Please.
556
00:46:35,349 --> 00:46:38,685
-We came all the way here.
-Come on!
557
00:46:55,994 --> 00:46:57,287
All right!
558
00:47:30,404 --> 00:47:34,616
They put the tunnels in so the loons
didn't have to go out in the cold.
559
00:47:34,825 --> 00:47:36,952
I must've missed that in the brochure.
560
00:47:41,123 --> 00:47:42,958
Hey, open the door.
561
00:47:56,722 --> 00:47:58,390
What the fuck are you doing?
562
00:48:11,361 --> 00:48:14,031
Dr. Wick's office.
563
00:48:28,003 --> 00:48:30,464
All right. Georgina Tuskin.
564
00:48:42,684 --> 00:48:44,686
Susanna Kaysen.
565
00:48:47,397 --> 00:48:49,066
Polly Clark.
566
00:48:52,069 --> 00:48:54,279
Cynthia Crowley.
567
00:48:54,529 --> 00:48:56,406
-Congratulations.
-Thank you.
568
00:48:57,824 --> 00:48:59,493
Janet Webber.
569
00:49:02,454 --> 00:49:04,081
Lisa Rowe.
570
00:49:38,240 --> 00:49:39,825
Fuck you, Melvin.
571
00:49:45,038 --> 00:49:46,331
Wanna see mine?
572
00:49:47,457 --> 00:49:49,126
Let me see yours.
573
00:49:58,510 --> 00:50:01,138
' Lisa Rowe.
574
00:50:01,388 --> 00:50:03,974
Highs and lows increasingly severe.
575
00:50:04,766 --> 00:50:07,311
Controlling relationships with patients.
576
00:50:07,519 --> 00:50:10,605
No appreciable response to meds.
577
00:50:10,814 --> 00:50:15,152
No remission observed.'
That was before you ran away.
578
00:50:15,777 --> 00:50:17,571
We're very rare, and mostly men.
579
00:50:17,779 --> 00:50:20,699
Lisa thinks she's hot shit
because she's a sociopath.
580
00:50:20,907 --> 00:50:22,868
-I'm a sociopath.
-No, you're a dyke.
581
00:50:23,201 --> 00:50:26,288
' Borderline Personality Disorder.
582
00:50:26,496 --> 00:50:30,208
An instability of self-image,
relationships and mood.
583
00:50:30,417 --> 00:50:32,127
Uncertainty about goals.
584
00:50:32,377 --> 00:50:35,631
Impulsive in activities
that are self-damaging...
585
00:50:35,839 --> 00:50:38,342
...such as casual sex.'
586
00:50:38,800 --> 00:50:39,968
I like that.
587
00:50:40,177 --> 00:50:42,638
'Social contrariness and a generally...
588
00:50:42,888 --> 00:50:45,724
...pessimistic attitude
are often observed.'
589
00:50:47,351 --> 00:50:48,560
Well, that's me.
590
00:50:49,436 --> 00:50:50,604
That's everybody.
591
00:50:50,854 --> 00:50:53,398
I mean, what kind of sex isn't casual?
592
00:50:53,857 --> 00:50:56,193
They mean promiscuous.
593
00:50:56,693 --> 00:50:58,487
I'm not promiscuous.
594
00:51:03,158 --> 00:51:05,035
I'm not.
595
00:51:22,427 --> 00:51:23,762
Jesus.
596
00:51:24,429 --> 00:51:25,973
Look at Janet.
597
00:51:26,515 --> 00:51:27,933
No. It's all right.
598
00:51:29,977 --> 00:51:34,106
You know, taking us
for ice creams in a blizzard...
599
00:51:34,398 --> 00:51:36,984
...makes you wonder who
the real whack jobs are.
600
00:51:37,192 --> 00:51:38,944
You know, I think it's
kind of nice.
601
00:51:39,152 --> 00:51:43,532
I mean, I think it's nice to do
something nice on Daisy's last day.
602
00:52:12,227 --> 00:52:13,478
Oh, fuck!
603
00:52:13,729 --> 00:52:15,105
I'll have peppermint stick.
604
00:52:15,355 --> 00:52:17,065
Me too.
Can I have peppermint stick?
605
00:52:17,316 --> 00:52:18,692
Sure.
606
00:52:18,942 --> 00:52:21,153
It's just called peppermint.
607
00:52:21,403 --> 00:52:22,821
Peppermint dick!
608
00:52:24,323 --> 00:52:25,949
Peppermint clit!
609
00:52:29,453 --> 00:52:31,913
Okay. We're just gonna
have four cones.
610
00:52:32,164 --> 00:52:33,498
Four cones.
611
00:52:34,708 --> 00:52:36,668
Susanna, do you want anything?
612
00:52:36,877 --> 00:52:37,961
I'm fine.
613
00:52:43,634 --> 00:52:45,135
Ronny.
614
00:52:45,427 --> 00:52:46,511
Got any hot fudge?
615
00:52:47,179 --> 00:52:48,472
Yes.
616
00:52:48,972 --> 00:52:52,434
Can I have a vanilla sundae
with hot fudge...
617
00:52:52,726 --> 00:52:56,146
...and sprinkles.
Rainbow, not chocolate.
618
00:52:57,648 --> 00:52:59,232
And...
619
00:53:03,111 --> 00:53:05,864
...whipped cream, cherries...
620
00:53:06,823 --> 00:53:08,533
...and....
621
00:53:09,576 --> 00:53:10,410
Nuts?
622
00:53:19,628 --> 00:53:21,588
Let's have a seat, ladies.
623
00:53:23,382 --> 00:53:28,387
Melvin thought that I should
live in a halfway house.
624
00:53:29,346 --> 00:53:32,683
But my father knew
that I deserved my own apartment.
625
00:53:33,183 --> 00:53:35,227
So he got me the prettiest apartment.
626
00:53:35,435 --> 00:53:37,688
It has an eat-in chicken...
627
00:53:37,896 --> 00:53:42,234
...and all this beautiful
wicker furniture, which is fantastic.
628
00:53:42,442 --> 00:53:43,735
Wicker butterflies.
629
00:53:45,070 --> 00:53:46,863
My very favourite part...
630
00:53:47,072 --> 00:53:49,032
...is like in the phone book.
631
00:53:49,241 --> 00:53:51,868
There's a sign
right outside that says:
632
00:53:52,077 --> 00:53:53,954
' If you lived here...
633
00:53:54,288 --> 00:53:55,330
...you'd be home now.'
634
00:53:55,914 --> 00:53:57,207
Hello, Susanna.
635
00:53:57,916 --> 00:53:59,084
Do you remember me?
636
00:54:00,002 --> 00:54:03,171
-You must remember me.
-Yes. Mrs. Gilcrest.
637
00:54:03,922 --> 00:54:05,090
Susanna, you okay?
638
00:54:05,590 --> 00:54:07,592
I'm fine.
639
00:54:08,552 --> 00:54:11,263
-Hey, Bonnie. How's Radcliffe?
-Wellesley.
640
00:54:11,763 --> 00:54:13,974
I'm enjoying it.
It's strong in art.
641
00:54:14,182 --> 00:54:15,517
Going to the Sorbonne.
642
00:54:15,726 --> 00:54:19,313
-That's great.
-You know, I know all about you...
643
00:54:19,563 --> 00:54:22,274
...and I hope they put you away forever.
644
00:54:23,650 --> 00:54:24,901
Is this the professor's wife?
645
00:54:25,152 --> 00:54:26,320
What professor?
646
00:54:26,570 --> 00:54:28,071
So you told everybody.
647
00:54:29,990 --> 00:54:30,949
Lady, back off.
648
00:54:31,491 --> 00:54:32,951
-Was I talking to you?
-Let's go.
649
00:54:33,201 --> 00:54:35,996
No, you're spitting on me,
so mellow-fucking-out.
650
00:54:36,246 --> 00:54:37,372
Don't tell me what to do.
651
00:54:37,581 --> 00:54:40,876
Look, she gave your husband
a rim job. Big fucking deal!
652
00:54:41,126 --> 00:54:44,129
He was begging for it,
and I heard it was like a pencil.
653
00:54:44,379 --> 00:54:45,672
How dare you!
654
00:54:45,922 --> 00:54:49,760
Some advice: Don't point your
fucking finger at crazy people!
655
00:54:53,013 --> 00:54:54,264
Let go of me!
656
00:54:55,849 --> 00:54:56,683
Mother?
657
00:54:56,933 --> 00:54:58,977
Get that out of my face, asshole!
658
00:55:01,730 --> 00:55:02,564
Let go!
659
00:55:03,065 --> 00:55:03,899
Now.
660
00:55:05,567 --> 00:55:06,777
Stop it!
661
00:55:07,611 --> 00:55:11,114
' Rank' you!
Come again, Mrs. Professor!
662
00:55:11,615 --> 00:55:13,825
You shared a man with that woman?
663
00:55:20,540 --> 00:55:23,460
-Did you enjoy the fresh air?
-Yeah, thanks.
664
00:55:23,669 --> 00:55:27,047
Good. Because it's the last time
you're leaving the ward.
665
00:55:28,382 --> 00:55:30,926
Is that a dare or a double dare?
666
00:55:33,804 --> 00:55:38,100
Okay, raise your arms. Very good.
We're going to be trees.
667
00:55:38,517 --> 00:55:41,895
Feel the strength in your arms
as the branches.
668
00:55:42,145 --> 00:55:44,815
And reach those branches up to the sky.
669
00:55:45,065 --> 00:55:48,568
Come on, Susanna, reach.
Very good!
670
00:55:48,819 --> 00:55:50,654
Lisa, all right.
671
00:55:50,862 --> 00:55:53,824
Reach your arms, girls.
Reach. Really lift.
672
00:55:54,032 --> 00:55:55,951
Feel the stretch through the hip.
673
00:55:56,159 --> 00:55:58,704
Very good.
Let your arms be branches.
674
00:55:58,912 --> 00:56:01,164
There's strength in those branches.
675
00:56:01,540 --> 00:56:06,461
Reach, reach all the way up
into the sky. Very good.
676
00:56:06,753 --> 00:56:10,674
Let the wind blow the leaves
and let your fingers be the leaves.
677
00:56:10,924 --> 00:56:13,385
Good, M-G, very good.
Feel the wind.
678
00:56:13,802 --> 00:56:16,054
Good. Good, Lisa.
679
00:56:16,305 --> 00:56:18,056
Very good.
680
00:56:18,432 --> 00:56:21,685
Just lift up. Lift up.
Very good, girls.
681
00:56:21,935 --> 00:56:24,354
Now feel your feet.
Feel your feet be rooted.
682
00:56:24,563 --> 00:56:26,898
Go down into a pli�.
Very good.
683
00:56:27,149 --> 00:56:29,818
Good, girls. Polly, very good.
684
00:56:30,068 --> 00:56:33,697
Now stretch it. The wind's blowing
really hard this way.
685
00:56:34,448 --> 00:56:37,451
That is not fair.
That is not fair!
686
00:56:37,659 --> 00:56:38,952
That is not fair!
687
00:56:40,329 --> 00:56:42,247
Seventy-four is the perfect weight!
688
00:56:45,959 --> 00:56:47,502
Good luck, crazy bitch.
689
00:56:47,711 --> 00:56:51,340
What kind of tree can you be
down there on the floor?
690
00:56:51,548 --> 00:56:54,217
I'm a fucking shrub, all right?
691
00:58:16,216 --> 00:58:19,761
Martin Luther King Jr. was killed
tonight in Memphis, Tennessee.
692
00:58:19,970 --> 00:58:23,932
He was shot as he stood
on the balcony of his hotel room.
693
00:58:24,391 --> 00:58:26,184
Last night, he said this.:
694
00:58:26,393 --> 00:58:28,812
I don't know what will happen now.
695
00:58:29,604 --> 00:58:32,107
We've got some difficult days ahead.
696
00:58:33,567 --> 00:58:36,028
But it really doesn't matter
with me now...
697
00:58:36,278 --> 00:58:38,905
...because I've been
to the mountaintop.
698
00:58:50,667 --> 00:58:52,878
Susanna, you have a visitor.
699
00:58:57,549 --> 00:58:58,759
What are you doing here?
700
00:59:03,597 --> 00:59:06,016
I ship out next week.
701
00:59:07,726 --> 00:59:08,935
Here.
702
00:59:26,411 --> 00:59:27,913
Checks.
703
00:59:28,622 --> 00:59:30,207
Sorry.
704
00:59:30,916 --> 00:59:34,711
No. It's okay. We have
10 minutes till they come back.
705
00:59:45,180 --> 00:59:46,431
Hey, Torch.
706
00:59:47,391 --> 00:59:49,393
What you doing?
707
00:59:50,310 --> 00:59:51,478
Nothing.
708
00:59:52,062 --> 00:59:55,440
Well, why don't you go to
your room and do nothing?
709
01:00:06,368 --> 01:00:07,953
Checks.
710
01:00:10,122 --> 01:00:11,498
Checks.
711
01:00:14,918 --> 01:00:16,128
Checks.
712
01:00:19,715 --> 01:00:20,716
Hey, Margie.
713
01:00:20,966 --> 01:00:22,968
-Hey, Lisa.
-What you doing?
714
01:00:23,176 --> 01:00:25,304
-Checks.
-How's Joe?
715
01:00:25,554 --> 01:00:27,347
He's fine.
716
01:00:27,931 --> 01:00:29,516
I have to do my checks.
717
01:00:29,766 --> 01:00:32,936
Taking five minutes for me
would be a dereliction of duty?
718
01:00:34,438 --> 01:00:36,106
What if I had a punctured artery?
719
01:00:36,356 --> 01:00:38,609
You'd go on your rounds,
ignoring my wounds?
720
01:00:38,859 --> 01:00:41,570
-Stop it.
-Stop what? Look at this.
721
01:00:42,029 --> 01:00:43,113
Go ahead. Go ahead.
722
01:00:43,363 --> 01:00:44,615
That's enough!
723
01:00:44,823 --> 01:00:47,451
Take one step
and I'll jam this in my aorta!
724
01:00:47,701 --> 01:00:48,827
Stop it.
725
01:00:49,036 --> 01:00:50,912
Your aorta is in your chest.
726
01:00:52,956 --> 01:00:54,416
Good to know.
727
01:00:55,250 --> 01:00:58,128
-I'll make a note of that.
-Good.
728
01:01:06,970 --> 01:01:09,723
You have grounds privileges.
Why don't you take a walk?
729
01:01:10,390 --> 01:01:12,517
Go get a cup of coffee.
730
01:01:16,730 --> 01:01:18,523
We should get out of here.
731
01:01:34,790 --> 01:01:36,333
The cafeteria's this way.
732
01:01:36,541 --> 01:01:38,043
My wheels are here.
733
01:01:38,293 --> 01:01:40,170
Wait. What are we doing?
734
01:01:42,839 --> 01:01:44,883
We're going to Canada.
735
01:01:50,931 --> 01:01:52,724
You're not crazy.
736
01:01:52,933 --> 01:01:55,394
Okay? You don't need to be here.
737
01:01:56,895 --> 01:01:59,564
I tried to kill myself, Toby.
738
01:01:59,982 --> 01:02:04,152
-You took some aspirin.
-I took a bottle of aspirin.
739
01:02:05,362 --> 01:02:09,825
That buys you a year in this place?
That's bullshit, okay?
740
01:02:10,033 --> 01:02:11,159
They're breaking you.
741
01:02:11,660 --> 01:02:14,621
Come on. All right?
Everything's changing, man.
742
01:02:14,871 --> 01:02:17,124
What do they know
about being normal?
743
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:21,712
I have friends in here.
744
01:02:22,921 --> 01:02:25,632
Who? Them?
745
01:02:26,049 --> 01:02:28,093
Those girls...
Susanna...
746
01:02:29,636 --> 01:02:33,515
...they're eating grapes
off of the wallpaper.
747
01:02:33,932 --> 01:02:35,434
They're insane.
748
01:02:35,976 --> 01:02:38,520
If they are, I am.
749
01:02:42,733 --> 01:02:44,526
No, baby.
Listen, come with me.
750
01:02:49,239 --> 01:02:50,407
Look...
751
01:02:51,450 --> 01:02:53,785
...my dad gave me five grand.
752
01:02:54,369 --> 01:02:58,373
Okay? We can go up there.
We can build a cabin in the woods.
753
01:03:00,626 --> 01:03:03,003
Look, I know that this sounds crazy...
754
01:03:05,255 --> 01:03:07,090
...but I think I love you.
755
01:03:08,508 --> 01:03:10,886
So come with me. Okay?
756
01:03:12,596 --> 01:03:14,389
Come with me.
757
01:03:22,731 --> 01:03:25,901
You wanna leave, don't you?
758
01:03:26,109 --> 01:03:27,277
Yes.
759
01:03:27,819 --> 01:03:29,821
I wanna leave.
760
01:03:33,200 --> 01:03:35,035
But not with you.
761
01:03:38,872 --> 01:03:40,457
Not with you.
762
01:03:42,167 --> 01:03:43,794
I'm sorry.
763
01:03:45,879 --> 01:03:47,965
Susanna, wait a second.
764
01:04:33,385 --> 01:04:35,304
Why did you do that?
765
01:04:38,932 --> 01:04:41,560
Fix the light bulb at night?
766
01:04:43,645 --> 01:04:45,897
I'm not here in the morning...
767
01:04:46,273 --> 01:04:49,860
...and that's when you like to draw
your pictures and stuff.
768
01:04:50,152 --> 01:04:51,236
So....
769
01:05:02,497 --> 01:05:03,498
John?
770
01:05:10,631 --> 01:05:12,633
Why do you like me?
771
01:05:15,636 --> 01:05:17,763
I just like you.
772
01:05:18,972 --> 01:05:20,641
That's all.
773
01:05:21,808 --> 01:05:24,436
I wish you were getting
better, though.
774
01:05:25,228 --> 01:05:26,813
I would....
775
01:05:28,148 --> 01:05:32,027
I'd take you out to go see
a movie or something.
776
01:05:34,696 --> 01:05:36,406
That'd be nice.
777
01:05:38,450 --> 01:05:39,618
My face!
778
01:05:42,454 --> 01:05:43,830
My face!
779
01:05:44,081 --> 01:05:46,166
I'm okay. I'm okay.
780
01:05:46,416 --> 01:05:48,335
-Let her be. She's fine.
-My face!
781
01:05:48,585 --> 01:05:49,711
My face!
782
01:05:50,003 --> 01:05:52,255
Seclusion.
Take her to Seclusion. Come on.
783
01:05:52,756 --> 01:05:54,341
I got you.
784
01:05:57,302 --> 01:05:58,720
-My face! Why?
-Open it.
785
01:05:59,972 --> 01:06:01,640
My face!
786
01:06:01,848 --> 01:06:03,266
My face!
787
01:06:03,517 --> 01:06:07,896
Quieten down. Quieten down.
You're all right.
788
01:06:09,523 --> 01:06:12,442
I'm ugly! My face!
789
01:06:12,651 --> 01:06:15,988
I'm ugly! Why?
790
01:06:40,095 --> 01:06:41,888
What happened to Polly?
791
01:06:44,349 --> 01:06:47,352
What needs to happen?
No one's ever gonna kiss her.
792
01:06:49,896 --> 01:06:52,524
They're building a new
Disneyland in Florida.
793
01:06:53,066 --> 01:06:56,403
If I could have any job,
I'd be a professional Cinderella.
794
01:06:57,154 --> 01:06:58,822
You could be Snow White.
795
01:06:59,072 --> 01:07:01,533
Polly could be Minnie Mouse and then...
796
01:07:01,742 --> 01:07:03,702
...she'd be hugged, kissed
and loved...
797
01:07:03,910 --> 01:07:07,331
...and no one would know
what's inside that giant head.
798
01:07:08,749 --> 01:07:10,667
Give me your keys.
799
01:07:36,777 --> 01:07:38,820
Hey, Polly.
800
01:07:40,072 --> 01:07:41,073
It's Susanna.
801
01:07:41,281 --> 01:07:42,866
Just play something.
802
01:07:43,283 --> 01:07:46,536
If talking did shit,
we'd be out of here by now.
803
01:08:07,474 --> 01:08:11,812
When you're alone
And life is making you lonely
804
01:08:12,020 --> 01:08:15,190
You can always go
805
01:08:15,399 --> 01:08:17,234
Downtown
806
01:08:25,575 --> 01:08:29,579
When you've got worries
All the noise and the hurry
807
01:08:29,788 --> 01:08:33,417
Seems to help, I know
808
01:08:40,299 --> 01:08:42,092
Downtown
809
01:08:43,552 --> 01:08:46,221
Just listen to the music
810
01:08:46,430 --> 01:08:49,099
In the traffic in the city
811
01:08:49,558 --> 01:08:54,021
Linger on the sidewalks
Where the neon lights are pretty
812
01:08:55,647 --> 01:08:57,399
How can you lose?
813
01:08:58,734 --> 01:09:01,653
The lights are much brighter there
814
01:09:01,903 --> 01:09:06,783
You can forget all your troubles
Forget all your cares and go downtown
815
01:09:07,034 --> 01:09:08,702
Back to your room, please.
816
01:09:08,910 --> 01:09:12,831
Things will be great when you're
Downtown
817
01:09:13,040 --> 01:09:15,292
McWilley is gonna wake up.
818
01:09:15,542 --> 01:09:16,918
Give me the guitar.
819
01:09:19,129 --> 01:09:20,672
You're gonna get me fired.
820
01:09:20,922 --> 01:09:24,468
You'll be dancing with him
Before the night is over
821
01:09:24,676 --> 01:09:26,595
-Give me the guitar.
-Happy again
822
01:09:28,263 --> 01:09:29,806
No. No.
823
01:09:30,182 --> 01:09:32,351
It's okay. It's okay.
Come here.
824
01:09:32,601 --> 01:09:34,895
You'll get me fired.
You know that?
825
01:09:46,448 --> 01:09:49,201
Downtown
826
01:09:50,577 --> 01:09:53,080
Everything's great...
827
01:09:53,580 --> 01:09:57,876
...when you're downtown
828
01:10:24,152 --> 01:10:25,696
I'm writing you up.
829
01:10:25,946 --> 01:10:28,365
I am sick of this bullshit.
830
01:10:33,453 --> 01:10:35,247
Is she here?
831
01:10:35,747 --> 01:10:37,708
You can go in now.
832
01:10:44,172 --> 01:10:47,592
-What did she do?
-They drugged Nurse McWilley.
833
01:10:53,890 --> 01:10:56,351
-Good morning, Susanna.
-Good morning.
834
01:10:56,560 --> 01:10:57,644
How are you?
835
01:10:59,605 --> 01:11:01,732
I'm fine, I guess.
836
01:11:03,275 --> 01:11:04,860
Sit down.
837
01:11:14,411 --> 01:11:15,871
You look tired.
838
01:11:18,081 --> 01:11:23,045
Polly freaked out last night and we
stayed up singing to her, Lisa and l.
839
01:11:24,838 --> 01:11:27,591
Have you become friends with Lisa?
840
01:11:29,635 --> 01:11:31,261
Why? Is that bad?
841
01:11:31,511 --> 01:11:34,264
-Does it feel bad?
-No.
842
01:11:34,973 --> 01:11:38,185
Before you came here, did you
have many girl friends?
843
01:11:38,810 --> 01:11:40,312
Not really.
844
01:11:42,356 --> 01:11:46,318
Would you say that before you came here,
your friends consisted mainly...
845
01:11:46,526 --> 01:11:47,986
...of boys, of men?
846
01:11:49,529 --> 01:11:51,990
Does it say in there
that I'm promiscuous?
847
01:11:52,699 --> 01:11:54,701
Why do you choose that word?
848
01:11:54,910 --> 01:11:58,497
How many guys would I have to sleep
with to be considered promiscuous?
849
01:11:58,705 --> 01:12:00,874
Textbook promiscuous?
850
01:12:01,458 --> 01:12:02,876
What do you think?
851
01:12:03,126 --> 01:12:06,463
Ten. Eight. Five.
852
01:12:07,255 --> 01:12:10,884
How many girls would a guy have to sleep
with to be considered promiscuous?
853
01:12:11,093 --> 01:12:13,053
Ten? 20? 109?
854
01:12:13,261 --> 01:12:15,263
Someone who's compulsively
promiscuous...
855
01:12:15,514 --> 01:12:18,850
...might engage in a sex act
with a guest in their room...
856
01:12:19,059 --> 01:12:24,189
...and then engage in another sex act
during the same day with an orderly.
857
01:12:28,527 --> 01:12:33,365
Am I in trouble for kissing an orderly
or giving my boyfriend a blowjob?
858
01:12:35,450 --> 01:12:37,327
Melvin says...
859
01:12:37,536 --> 01:12:41,915
...you have some very interesting
theories about your illness.
860
01:12:42,124 --> 01:12:46,211
You believe there is
a mystical undertow in life.
861
01:12:46,420 --> 01:12:49,715
'Quicksands of shadows.'
862
01:12:49,923 --> 01:12:54,094
Another one of my theories is that you
people don't know what you're doing.
863
01:12:54,344 --> 01:12:57,306
You acknowledge a problem
coping with this quicksand.
864
01:12:57,556 --> 01:13:01,518
I have a problem coping with this
hospital. I wanna leave.
865
01:13:03,520 --> 01:13:04,646
I can't do that.
866
01:13:04,855 --> 01:13:07,524
I signed myself in,
I can sign myself out.
867
01:13:07,774 --> 01:13:11,278
You signed yourself into our care.
We decide when you leave.
868
01:13:11,612 --> 01:13:13,447
You're not ready for it, Susanna.
869
01:13:13,947 --> 01:13:16,700
Your progress has plateaued.
870
01:13:18,493 --> 01:13:20,495
Does that disappoint you?
871
01:13:20,996 --> 01:13:22,748
I'm ambivalent.
872
01:13:23,415 --> 01:13:25,667
In fact, that's my new favourite word.
873
01:13:25,876 --> 01:13:28,420
Do you know what that means,
ambivalence?
874
01:13:28,962 --> 01:13:30,130
I don't care.
875
01:13:30,380 --> 01:13:32,382
If it's your favourite word,
I would've...
876
01:13:32,591 --> 01:13:35,177
It means ' I don't care.'
That's what it means.
877
01:13:35,427 --> 01:13:37,971
On the contrary, Susanna.
878
01:13:38,221 --> 01:13:43,143
Ambivalence suggests strong
feelings in opposition.
879
01:13:43,393 --> 01:13:46,438
The prefix, as in ambidextrous...
880
01:13:46,647 --> 01:13:48,231
...means ' both.'
881
01:13:49,024 --> 01:13:52,444
The rest of it, in Latin,
means 'vigour.'
882
01:13:53,070 --> 01:13:55,948
The word suggests that you are torn...
883
01:13:56,657 --> 01:13:59,117
...between two opposing courses
of action.
884
01:14:02,829 --> 01:14:04,998
Will I stay or will I go?
885
01:14:05,332 --> 01:14:08,710
Am I sane or am I crazy?
886
01:14:09,044 --> 01:14:10,754
Those aren't courses of action.
887
01:14:11,546 --> 01:14:15,175
They can be, dear, for some.
888
01:14:15,425 --> 01:14:17,469
Well, then, it's the wrong word.
889
01:14:17,844 --> 01:14:19,012
No.
890
01:14:19,721 --> 01:14:21,431
I think it's perfect.
891
01:14:35,362 --> 01:14:38,156
'What world is this?
892
01:14:38,657 --> 01:14:40,200
What kingdom?
893
01:14:41,493 --> 01:14:44,621
What shores of what worlds?'
894
01:14:44,913 --> 01:14:49,876
It's a very big question
you're faced with, Susanna.
895
01:14:50,544 --> 01:14:53,297
The choice of your life.
896
01:14:54,506 --> 01:14:57,801
How much will you indulge
in your flaws?
897
01:14:59,052 --> 01:15:02,014
What are your flaws?
Are they flaws?
898
01:15:02,806 --> 01:15:07,936
If you embrace them, will you commit
yourself to hospital for life?
899
01:15:09,313 --> 01:15:13,025
Big questions, big decisions.
900
01:15:14,359 --> 01:15:18,447
Not surprising you profess
carelessness about them.
901
01:15:25,412 --> 01:15:26,997
Is that it?
902
01:15:28,915 --> 01:15:30,542
For now.
903
01:15:39,551 --> 01:15:41,803
This way, Susanna.
904
01:15:56,068 --> 01:15:58,570
John was moved to the men's ward.
905
01:16:00,113 --> 01:16:03,700
And Lisa never came back
from Dr. Wick's office.
906
01:16:31,728 --> 01:16:34,022
We live in a time of doubt.
907
01:16:35,232 --> 01:16:38,527
The institutions we once trusted
no longer seem reliable.
908
01:16:43,198 --> 01:16:46,576
Daisy sent us a postcard
all about her new apartment.
909
01:16:47,160 --> 01:16:49,371
She got a pussycat.
910
01:16:50,247 --> 01:16:52,291
Where's Lisa?
911
01:16:53,333 --> 01:16:55,419
You know where she is.
912
01:16:56,753 --> 01:16:59,214
They just put her in another ward.
913
01:17:10,684 --> 01:17:13,353
I think you need to get up.
914
01:17:13,770 --> 01:17:17,566
I'm just gonna rest for a while,
just a little while.
915
01:17:25,699 --> 01:17:26,617
What are you doing?
916
01:17:29,870 --> 01:17:31,121
Fuck!
917
01:17:33,874 --> 01:17:35,459
Sorry, too cold?
918
01:17:35,709 --> 01:17:39,546
What the fuck are you doing?
Get me the fuck out of this tub!
919
01:17:40,005 --> 01:17:41,173
Get yourself out.
920
01:17:41,882 --> 01:17:43,550
Where's Lisa?
921
01:17:44,635 --> 01:17:46,303
Where the fuck is Lisa?
922
01:17:46,928 --> 01:17:48,805
Can't hack it without her?
923
01:17:49,056 --> 01:17:53,268
You banish her for singing to Polly.
We were trying to help her!
924
01:17:53,936 --> 01:17:58,774
We were trying to help her! This place
is a fucking fascist torture chamber!
925
01:17:58,982 --> 01:18:00,192
No.
926
01:18:00,442 --> 01:18:04,279
I worked in state hospitals.
This place is a five-star hotel.
927
01:18:06,406 --> 01:18:08,158
Oh, lordy, pick a bale of cotton
928
01:18:09,159 --> 01:18:13,872
You know, I can take a lot of crazy
shit from a lot of crazy people...
929
01:18:14,081 --> 01:18:15,207
...but you?
930
01:18:15,582 --> 01:18:17,292
You are not crazy.
931
01:18:17,542 --> 01:18:19,294
Then what's wrong with me?
932
01:18:19,544 --> 01:18:22,464
What the fuck's going on
inside my head?
933
01:18:22,673 --> 01:18:25,300
Tell me Dr. Val, what's
your diag-nonsense?
934
01:18:25,509 --> 01:18:29,554
You are a lazy, self-indulgent
little girl...
935
01:18:29,805 --> 01:18:32,641
...who is driving herself crazy.
936
01:18:35,602 --> 01:18:39,523
Is that your medical opinion? Huh?
937
01:18:39,731 --> 01:18:43,277
Is that what you've learned in your
studies at night school...
938
01:18:43,485 --> 01:18:45,737
...for Negro welfare mothers?
939
01:18:46,530 --> 01:18:50,617
I mean, Melvin doesn't have a clue.
Wick is a psycho. And you...
940
01:18:50,867 --> 01:18:52,286
...pretend you're a doctor.
941
01:18:52,494 --> 01:18:56,832
You sign charts and dole out meds, but
you's ain't no doctor, Miss Valerie.
942
01:18:57,040 --> 01:19:00,127
You's ain't nothing
but a black nursemaid.
943
01:19:03,213 --> 01:19:05,549
And you're just throwing it away.
944
01:19:31,783 --> 01:19:33,910
You still wanna go to Florida?
945
01:19:36,496 --> 01:19:39,374
Lisa, we need money, don't we?
946
01:19:39,625 --> 01:19:42,419
-You've tongued your meds?
-Yeah, but I only have...
947
01:19:42,628 --> 01:19:44,963
They gave me shocks again.
948
01:19:45,380 --> 01:19:47,174
Jamie, I have to get out of here.
949
01:19:49,843 --> 01:19:51,637
I'm Susanna.
950
01:19:52,763 --> 01:19:55,015
I'm Susanna.
951
01:20:13,951 --> 01:20:15,827
What are we doing?
952
01:20:18,705 --> 01:20:20,415
What is it?
953
01:20:21,750 --> 01:20:25,337
' Dear sir, please give
Daisy Randone assistance...
954
01:20:25,545 --> 01:20:29,174
...installing a telephone
at 23 Vicar Street.'
955
01:20:29,383 --> 01:20:31,093
I thought we were going to Florida!
956
01:20:31,343 --> 01:20:34,388
We just need a place to crash
till we get plane tickets.
957
01:20:36,556 --> 01:20:37,933
Come on.
958
01:20:49,278 --> 01:20:51,071
Nice coat.
959
01:21:55,469 --> 01:21:56,762
What?
960
01:21:58,013 --> 01:22:00,432
You don't want me, Tony.
961
01:22:00,682 --> 01:22:02,643
Yes, I do, baby.
962
01:22:02,893 --> 01:22:05,562
No, you don't.
I'm a crazy girl.
963
01:22:05,812 --> 01:22:08,148
You're crazy, so we can't
have one night?
964
01:22:08,398 --> 01:22:11,526
I am a crazy girl. Seriously.
965
01:22:12,903 --> 01:22:15,739
-You've been in a hospital?
-Yes.
966
01:22:21,828 --> 01:22:23,497
Do you see purple people?
967
01:22:25,207 --> 01:22:27,542
My friend, he saw purple people.
968
01:22:28,043 --> 01:22:31,171
And so the state came
and took him away.
969
01:22:32,297 --> 01:22:34,091
He didn't like that.
970
01:22:34,299 --> 01:22:36,426
Some time went by...
971
01:22:36,885 --> 01:22:39,763
...and he told them he didn't see
purple people no more.
972
01:22:39,972 --> 01:22:41,390
He got better.
973
01:22:42,182 --> 01:22:45,060
No. He still sees them.
974
01:22:47,938 --> 01:22:48,772
We gotta split.
975
01:22:49,022 --> 01:22:50,649
Somebody stop her!
976
01:22:50,899 --> 01:22:53,318
She took my fucking wallet!
977
01:23:03,996 --> 01:23:05,998
Identify yourself.
978
01:23:06,665 --> 01:23:08,917
It's Susanna and...
979
01:23:09,126 --> 01:23:12,045
It's Susanna. Daisy?
980
01:23:18,593 --> 01:23:19,761
You got Valium?
981
01:23:36,111 --> 01:23:37,279
Cool pad.
982
01:23:39,489 --> 01:23:41,033
Peace, man, peace.
983
01:23:41,491 --> 01:23:43,619
I'm sorry for being a bitch.
I was a drag.
984
01:23:43,827 --> 01:23:45,412
That's for you.
985
01:23:54,630 --> 01:23:56,256
That's Ruby.
986
01:23:57,049 --> 01:23:58,967
My dad bought her for me.
987
01:24:01,136 --> 01:24:03,597
This is a Castro Convertible.
988
01:24:04,431 --> 01:24:06,183
-It pulls out.
-Cool.
989
01:24:06,934 --> 01:24:08,393
-Where's your bathroom?
-Right there.
990
01:24:12,606 --> 01:24:13,941
You don't have a tub.
991
01:24:14,149 --> 01:24:16,109
No, I don't.
992
01:24:17,110 --> 01:24:18,862
-What about upstairs?
-Nope.
993
01:24:21,573 --> 01:24:24,451
So, what, did you two
escape or what?
994
01:24:24,701 --> 01:24:27,329
Actually, we're going to Florida.
995
01:24:27,579 --> 01:24:30,499
All you have is mustard
and your chickens.
996
01:24:31,083 --> 01:24:34,503
So what are you girls going
to do in Florida?
997
01:24:35,879 --> 01:24:39,007
I'm gonna be Cinderella at
Walt Disney's new theme park.
998
01:24:39,675 --> 01:24:41,760
Susanna's gonna be Snow White.
999
01:24:42,219 --> 01:24:44,513
You can come if you want.
1000
01:24:45,097 --> 01:24:47,975
You can be the cocker spaniel
that eats spaghetti.
1001
01:24:49,893 --> 01:24:51,228
I wanna make pancakes.
1002
01:24:51,603 --> 01:24:53,397
I'm tired.
I wanna go to bed.
1003
01:24:53,647 --> 01:24:55,941
I want to make pancakes
in the morning.
1004
01:24:56,149 --> 01:24:57,734
There's a market on the corner.
1005
01:24:58,193 --> 01:25:00,279
Pans are under the sink.
1006
01:25:00,487 --> 01:25:02,489
Silver's in that drawer.
1007
01:25:05,909 --> 01:25:07,494
Do you have any money?
1008
01:25:08,870 --> 01:25:11,957
Do you have some sort
of a safety net down there?
1009
01:25:13,500 --> 01:25:16,295
People you know down there in Florida?
1010
01:25:16,920 --> 01:25:18,422
Relatives?
1011
01:25:19,339 --> 01:25:22,134
Friends? Anything?
1012
01:25:33,103 --> 01:25:35,314
This is for your pancakes.
1013
01:25:36,940 --> 01:25:39,484
Don't make a lot of noise
in the morning.
1014
01:25:40,485 --> 01:25:42,613
I like to sleep late.
1015
01:25:43,322 --> 01:25:45,532
I'll come down when I'm ready.
1016
01:26:14,895 --> 01:26:16,438
Give me the Valium.
1017
01:26:17,606 --> 01:26:19,608
We don't need your daddy's money.
1018
01:26:20,108 --> 01:26:22,027
Then leave it there.
1019
01:26:22,486 --> 01:26:25,155
Just give me the fucking Valium.
1020
01:26:31,036 --> 01:26:32,245
What's this?
1021
01:26:32,496 --> 01:26:33,664
-What's this?
-Let go.
1022
01:26:33,914 --> 01:26:36,875
-Trying out your new silver?
-Get the fuck off me.
1023
01:26:37,584 --> 01:26:38,877
Less appealing for Daddy.
1024
01:26:40,253 --> 01:26:42,214
Look at your own arm, asshole.
1025
01:26:42,464 --> 01:26:44,508
I'm sick, Daisy. We know that.
1026
01:26:44,758 --> 01:26:48,720
But here you are in so-called
recovery, cut up like a ham.
1027
01:26:48,929 --> 01:26:50,889
Just stop it, okay?
1028
01:26:52,182 --> 01:26:54,810
Help me understand.
1029
01:26:55,602 --> 01:26:58,981
I thought you didn't do Valium.
Tell me how this works.
1030
01:27:00,107 --> 01:27:03,652
Tell me that you don't drag that blade
across your skin...
1031
01:27:03,860 --> 01:27:07,531
...and pray for the courage
to press down.
1032
01:27:09,074 --> 01:27:13,161
Tell me how your daddy
helps you cope with that.
1033
01:27:13,578 --> 01:27:15,455
Illuminate me.
1034
01:27:18,041 --> 01:27:20,252
My father loves me.
1035
01:27:22,796 --> 01:27:24,047
I bet.
1036
01:27:24,298 --> 01:27:27,259
With every inch of his manhood.
1037
01:27:27,509 --> 01:27:29,428
Oh, God.
1038
01:27:33,682 --> 01:27:35,684
I'm going to sleep now.
1039
01:27:45,027 --> 01:27:46,695
Please be gone in the morning.
1040
01:27:50,073 --> 01:27:51,992
You're just jealous, Lisa...
1041
01:27:53,368 --> 01:27:55,287
...because I got better.
1042
01:27:56,288 --> 01:27:58,206
Because I was released.
1043
01:27:59,291 --> 01:28:01,752
Because I have a chance.
1044
01:28:03,253 --> 01:28:04,921
And a life.
1045
01:28:06,840 --> 01:28:09,468
They didn't release you
because you're better.
1046
01:28:09,885 --> 01:28:11,553
They just gave up.
1047
01:28:12,763 --> 01:28:14,598
You call this a life?
1048
01:28:14,848 --> 01:28:19,478
Taking Daddy's money? Buying your
dollies and your knickknacks?
1049
01:28:19,686 --> 01:28:23,607
Eating his fucking chicken?
Fattening up like a prize heifer?
1050
01:28:24,566 --> 01:28:26,693
You changed the scenery,
but not the situation...
1051
01:28:26,902 --> 01:28:29,279
...and the warden makes house calls.
1052
01:28:29,488 --> 01:28:31,657
And everybody knows.
1053
01:28:32,157 --> 01:28:35,118
Everybody knows that he fucks you.
1054
01:28:36,578 --> 01:28:37,955
What they don't know...
1055
01:28:39,373 --> 01:28:40,791
...is that you like it.
1056
01:28:42,834 --> 01:28:45,420
-You like it.
-Shut the fuck up!
1057
01:28:45,629 --> 01:28:48,006
Man, it's cool. It's okay.
1058
01:28:48,215 --> 01:28:49,508
It's fucking fine!
1059
01:28:49,758 --> 01:28:53,345
A man is a dick is a man
is a dick is a chicken...
1060
01:28:53,553 --> 01:28:54,930
...is a dad...
1061
01:28:55,138 --> 01:28:58,850
...a Valium, a speculum, whatever.
1062
01:28:59,142 --> 01:29:00,769
Whatever.
1063
01:29:02,020 --> 01:29:03,772
You like being Mrs. Randone.
1064
01:29:05,649 --> 01:29:07,651
Probably all you've ever known.
1065
01:29:11,071 --> 01:29:13,282
Have f un in Florida.
1066
01:31:05,310 --> 01:31:06,937
Has she come down yet?
1067
01:31:07,688 --> 01:31:08,730
No.
1068
01:31:10,274 --> 01:31:13,360
But she's been playing
that shit all morning!
1069
01:31:15,112 --> 01:31:18,949
Why does my heart go on beating?
1070
01:31:21,743 --> 01:31:25,789
Why do these eyes of mine cry?
1071
01:31:28,792 --> 01:31:31,461
Don't they know
1072
01:31:31,712 --> 01:31:35,132
It's the end of the world
1073
01:31:35,382 --> 01:31:38,593
It ended when you said
1074
01:31:39,761 --> 01:31:42,848
Goodbye
1075
01:32:32,522 --> 01:32:33,899
Daisy?
1076
01:32:53,377 --> 01:32:55,379
Oh, my God!
1077
01:33:07,307 --> 01:33:09,142
What an idiot.
1078
01:33:17,943 --> 01:33:21,822
-Yes, I need an ambulance.
-Make it a hearse.
1079
01:33:23,198 --> 01:33:27,202
Daisy Randone. She killed herself.
1080
01:33:29,413 --> 01:33:34,251
23 Vicar Street.
Yes. Please hurry!
1081
01:33:45,721 --> 01:33:48,849
You pressed her buttons.
Now you're taking her money.
1082
01:33:50,475 --> 01:33:53,228
I didn't press shit.
She was waiting for an excuse.
1083
01:33:53,437 --> 01:33:54,896
Pack up.
We have to go.
1084
01:33:55,147 --> 01:33:57,399
All right?
We have to go!
1085
01:33:57,608 --> 01:33:59,401
Now we have money.
1086
01:34:03,113 --> 01:34:05,240
Don't be stupid.
1087
01:34:08,785 --> 01:34:11,496
All right, fine.
Be stupid.
1088
01:36:24,171 --> 01:36:27,883
We should send someone
for a litter box.
1089
01:36:57,955 --> 01:36:59,790
Can I pet the kitty?
1090
01:37:02,542 --> 01:37:04,169
Be careful.
1091
01:37:07,798 --> 01:37:10,759
-Hello, puddy-cat.
-Kitty!
1092
01:37:11,635 --> 01:37:13,762
You are so cute.
1093
01:37:25,899 --> 01:37:27,693
Checks.
1094
01:37:29,444 --> 01:37:31,280
Where's Georgina?
1095
01:37:32,155 --> 01:37:34,449
She's staying with Polly tonight.
1096
01:37:35,200 --> 01:37:37,494
They're playing with your cat.
1097
01:37:41,415 --> 01:37:43,458
Did they find Lisa?
1098
01:37:44,835 --> 01:37:45,877
No.
1099
01:38:04,605 --> 01:38:07,316
I couldn't stand up to her.
1100
01:38:11,570 --> 01:38:15,032
A decent person would
have done something.
1101
01:38:17,409 --> 01:38:19,202
Shut her up.
1102
01:38:23,248 --> 01:38:25,334
Gone upstairs.
1103
01:38:26,043 --> 01:38:27,961
Talked to Daisy.
1104
01:38:30,756 --> 01:38:33,175
Melvin said you went upstairs.
1105
01:38:35,469 --> 01:38:37,137
Too late.
1106
01:38:39,598 --> 01:38:41,934
What would you have said to her?
1107
01:38:43,644 --> 01:38:45,479
I don't know.
1108
01:38:47,230 --> 01:38:49,232
That I was sorry.
1109
01:38:54,738 --> 01:38:57,699
That I'll never know what
it was like to be her.
1110
01:39:02,037 --> 01:39:05,916
But I know what it's like
to wanna die.
1111
01:39:10,045 --> 01:39:12,589
How it hurts to smile.
1112
01:39:14,549 --> 01:39:18,011
How you try to fit in,
but you can't.
1113
01:39:19,554 --> 01:39:22,849
How you hurt yourself
on the outside...
1114
01:39:23,058 --> 01:39:26,353
...to try to kill the thing
on the inside.
1115
01:39:28,605 --> 01:39:33,443
Susanna, it's all well and good
to tell me all this.
1116
01:39:34,444 --> 01:39:38,031
But you've got to tell
some of this to your doctors.
1117
01:39:44,371 --> 01:39:46,331
How am I supposed to recover...
1118
01:39:46,540 --> 01:39:49,418
...when I don't even
understand my disease?
1119
01:39:50,419 --> 01:39:52,796
But you do understand it.
1120
01:39:53,088 --> 01:39:56,633
You spoke very clearly
about it a second ago.
1121
01:39:57,467 --> 01:40:00,637
But I think what you've got
to do is put it down.
1122
01:40:00,887 --> 01:40:03,265
Put it away.
Put it in your notebook.
1123
01:40:03,473 --> 01:40:05,475
But get it out of yourself.
1124
01:40:06,184 --> 01:40:10,147
Away, so you can't
curl up with it anymore.
1125
01:40:17,070 --> 01:40:19,531
Lisa thinks it's a gift.
1126
01:40:22,326 --> 01:40:25,162
That it lets you see the truth.
1127
01:40:28,373 --> 01:40:30,876
Lisa's been here for eight years.
1128
01:40:39,426 --> 01:40:41,637
I'm so sorry.
1129
01:40:42,095 --> 01:40:45,182
-I was a pig.
-It's all right. Listen.
1130
01:40:47,768 --> 01:40:50,270
Do not drop anchor here.
1131
01:40:51,521 --> 01:40:52,481
Understand?
1132
01:41:05,911 --> 01:41:08,330
When you don't want to feel...
1133
01:41:09,247 --> 01:41:12,084
...death can seem like a dream.
1134
01:41:13,085 --> 01:41:15,837
But seeing death...
1135
01:41:16,463 --> 01:41:18,465
...really seeing it...
1136
01:41:18,840 --> 01:41:22,928
...makes dreaming about it
fucking ridiculous.
1137
01:41:23,804 --> 01:41:27,724
Maybe there's a moment,
growing up...
1138
01:41:27,933 --> 01:41:30,018
...when something peels back.
1139
01:41:30,435 --> 01:41:34,815
Maybe we look for secrets because
we can't believe our minds.
1140
01:41:35,023 --> 01:41:38,986
Though I missed Lisa,
life was easier without her.
1141
01:41:39,194 --> 01:41:41,530
A thought is a hard thing
to control.
1142
01:41:43,532 --> 01:41:45,784
All I know is that
I began to feel again.
1143
01:41:45,993 --> 01:41:47,202
Crazy? Sane?
1144
01:41:47,411 --> 01:41:52,082
Whatever I was, I knew there was
only one way back to the world...
1145
01:41:52,291 --> 01:41:54,793
...and that was to use the place...
1146
01:41:55,043 --> 01:41:56,503
... to talk.
1147
01:41:57,212 --> 01:42:01,133
So I saw the great and wonderful
Dr. Wick three times a week...
1148
01:42:01,341 --> 01:42:04,344
...and I let her hear
every thought in my head.
1149
01:42:08,265 --> 01:42:12,060
Do you think maybe I have ESP
or something, that I'm gifted?
1150
01:42:13,061 --> 01:42:14,563
Perhaps.
1151
01:42:26,825 --> 01:42:29,703
You think I can be home
by Thanksgiving?
1152
01:42:33,624 --> 01:42:36,335
Nothing's happened
in weeks, you know.
1153
01:42:37,127 --> 01:42:39,755
The point is control.
1154
01:42:40,005 --> 01:42:44,134
Yeah, and here I am,
in control, off meds...
1155
01:42:44,384 --> 01:42:47,596
...no headaches, sleeping sound.
1156
01:42:56,021 --> 01:42:58,315
Oh, will you help me?
Can you help me?
1157
01:42:58,523 --> 01:43:00,442
You don't need to be helped
any longer.
1158
01:43:00,651 --> 01:43:02,945
You've always had the power
to go back to Kansas.
1159
01:43:03,820 --> 01:43:04,738
I have?
1160
01:43:04,947 --> 01:43:06,531
Then why didn't you tell her before?
1161
01:43:06,740 --> 01:43:09,076
Because she wouldn't have
believed me.
1162
01:43:09,326 --> 01:43:10,786
She had to learn it for herself.
1163
01:43:10,994 --> 01:43:13,080
What have you learned, Dorothy?
1164
01:43:17,793 --> 01:43:19,419
I think that it...
1165
01:43:19,628 --> 01:43:23,632
... that it wasn't enough just to want
to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em...
1166
01:43:25,300 --> 01:43:28,553
...and if I ever go looking
for my heart's desire again...
1167
01:43:28,762 --> 01:43:31,974
...I won't look any further
than my own back yard.
1168
01:43:32,266 --> 01:43:34,685
Because if it isn't there...
1169
01:43:34,893 --> 01:43:38,188
...I never really lost it
to begin with.
1170
01:43:39,147 --> 01:43:41,608
-Is that right?
-That's all it is.
1171
01:44:02,963 --> 01:44:04,548
Thanks, Joe.
1172
01:45:06,234 --> 01:45:10,906
Go away. Go away!
1173
01:45:16,662 --> 01:45:18,163
It's me.
1174
01:45:33,262 --> 01:45:35,681
It's been a while...
1175
01:45:36,974 --> 01:45:39,851
...and I just wanted to say hey.
1176
01:45:43,772 --> 01:45:45,482
You okay?
1177
01:45:46,775 --> 01:45:48,610
Fabulous.
1178
01:45:51,613 --> 01:45:54,408
You're gonna be late.
Gretta's waiting for you.
1179
01:45:58,787 --> 01:46:02,165
I gotta go. Dr. Wick.
1180
01:46:04,543 --> 01:46:06,545
They still fucking with you?
1181
01:46:10,173 --> 01:46:11,466
They're....
1182
01:46:13,677 --> 01:46:16,346
Actually, they're letting me out.
1183
01:46:20,183 --> 01:46:21,977
Oh, that's great.
1184
01:46:25,188 --> 01:46:26,982
You better go.
1185
01:46:44,291 --> 01:46:47,878
Well, my dad got me a job,
a part-time job...
1186
01:46:48,086 --> 01:46:50,380
...at a bookstore in Harvard Square.
1187
01:46:51,548 --> 01:46:54,426
And I got an apartment
with a phone so I can...
1188
01:46:54,635 --> 01:46:55,844
Stay in touch.
1189
01:46:57,596 --> 01:47:01,308
And I'll be seeing Sonia
twice a week.
1190
01:47:01,558 --> 01:47:05,395
Is that your long-term plan?
To work in retail?
1191
01:47:09,191 --> 01:47:11,568
My plan? No.
1192
01:47:12,110 --> 01:47:14,112
Then what do you plan to do?
1193
01:47:17,115 --> 01:47:18,659
I plan to write.
1194
01:47:26,458 --> 01:47:28,168
Polly Clark.
1195
01:47:29,211 --> 01:47:31,213
Cynthia Crowley.
1196
01:47:34,633 --> 01:47:36,802
Susanna Kaysen.
1197
01:47:39,137 --> 01:47:41,890
-I don't think I need...
-Sleeping pills, darling.
1198
01:47:42,099 --> 01:47:45,560
You want to be rested for tomorrow.
Last night's a long one.
1199
01:47:45,894 --> 01:47:48,355
Good girl. Katie Cooper.
1200
01:47:50,816 --> 01:47:52,276
Rosemary Jones.
1201
01:47:54,820 --> 01:47:57,072
Teresa McCullian.
1202
01:49:21,990 --> 01:49:23,408
Ruby?
1203
01:50:04,366 --> 01:50:07,744
' If I spread my fingers out,
my hand looked more human.
1204
01:50:07,995 --> 01:50:09,496
So I did that.
1205
01:50:09,746 --> 01:50:13,792
But it wasn't tiring holding my
fingers apart, so I let them relax...
1206
01:50:14,042 --> 01:50:15,919
...and then, I turned my hand over.
1207
01:50:16,336 --> 01:50:18,005
The back wasn't much better.
1208
01:50:18,255 --> 01:50:20,549
My veins bulged.'
1209
01:50:25,012 --> 01:50:27,639
Shut up, I'm reading.
Shut up!
1210
01:50:29,808 --> 01:50:33,687
' I can honestly say that my memory
has been transformed....
1211
01:50:34,730 --> 01:50:37,608
By Freud's definition,
I've achieved mental health.
1212
01:50:38,066 --> 01:50:40,569
And my discharge sheet
reads, 'recovered.'
1213
01:50:41,403 --> 01:50:42,863
Recovered.'
1214
01:50:45,741 --> 01:50:47,659
Don't do this!
1215
01:50:48,493 --> 01:50:49,953
'Whatever it was....'
1216
01:50:55,834 --> 01:50:58,795
' Had I stopped arguing
with my personality?
1217
01:51:00,297 --> 01:51:01,506
Recovered.'
1218
01:51:03,383 --> 01:51:07,137
We were reading your book.
We're having a little read-aloud...
1219
01:51:07,346 --> 01:51:10,182
...celebrate the wisdom you're
taking into the world.
1220
01:51:10,390 --> 01:51:12,768
Try to learn something,
grow as people.
1221
01:51:14,144 --> 01:51:17,105
When you were a baby,
they strapped you to a board.
1222
01:51:17,731 --> 01:51:19,900
You think Georgina doesn't
wanna leave...
1223
01:51:20,150 --> 01:51:21,693
...and I'm criminally insane.
1224
01:51:22,027 --> 01:51:24,446
What are you guys doing here?
1225
01:51:24,696 --> 01:51:28,742
' Lisa's eyes, once so magnetic,
now just look empty.'
1226
01:51:30,869 --> 01:51:32,829
That is mine.
1227
01:51:33,372 --> 01:51:35,207
That is mine.
1228
01:51:37,125 --> 01:51:39,878
'Georgina lies only to people
who keep her here.
1229
01:51:40,087 --> 01:51:42,673
Sometimes I think she wants
to live in Oz forever.'
1230
01:51:42,923 --> 01:51:46,343
-How perceptive.
-You better erase that thing.
1231
01:51:46,885 --> 01:51:51,223
My father is the head of the CIA,
and he could have you dead in minutes!
1232
01:51:51,431 --> 01:51:53,100
' In this world, looks are everything.
1233
01:51:53,308 --> 01:51:57,271
Sometimes I think Polly's sweetness
and purity aren't genuine at all...
1234
01:51:57,479 --> 01:52:00,607
...but a desperate attempt to make it
easier for us to look at her.'
1235
01:52:01,149 --> 01:52:04,236
So nice of you to pass judgment on us
now that you're cured.
1236
01:52:04,778 --> 01:52:06,863
What the fuck are you doing, Lisa?
1237
01:52:07,531 --> 01:52:09,783
I'm playing the villain,
like you want.
1238
01:52:10,033 --> 01:52:12,494
-I give you everything you want.
-No, you don't.
1239
01:52:14,204 --> 01:52:15,580
You wanted your file?
I got it!
1240
01:52:15,789 --> 01:52:19,334
You wanted out, I got you out!
You needed money, I found you some!
1241
01:52:19,584 --> 01:52:22,629
I told you the truth!
I didn't write it in a book!
1242
01:52:22,838 --> 01:52:24,923
I told you to your face!
1243
01:52:25,173 --> 01:52:29,344
I told Daisy what everybody knew and
wouldn't say, and she killed herself.
1244
01:52:29,553 --> 01:52:31,221
I played the fucking villain.
1245
01:52:31,471 --> 01:52:32,556
Just like you wanted.
1246
01:52:32,806 --> 01:52:34,308
Why would I want that?
1247
01:52:35,892 --> 01:52:38,228
Because it makes you
the good guy, sweet pea.
1248
01:52:38,437 --> 01:52:42,608
You come back here, all sweetness
and light and sad and contrite...
1249
01:52:42,816 --> 01:52:47,654
...and everybody wrings their hands,
congratulating you on your bravery.
1250
01:52:48,113 --> 01:52:52,576
Meanwhile, I'm blowing guys at the
bus station for money!
1251
01:52:53,201 --> 01:52:54,703
Stop it, Lisa. She's too...
1252
01:52:54,953 --> 01:52:56,204
Shut up, Polly!
1253
01:52:58,540 --> 01:52:59,750
Where are you going?
1254
01:53:00,584 --> 01:53:02,085
I'm talking to you!
1255
01:53:06,715 --> 01:53:09,676
Where are you going?
I'm talking to you!
1256
01:53:14,139 --> 01:53:15,724
You don't like me anymore?
1257
01:53:15,974 --> 01:53:17,893
No, I don't!
1258
01:53:19,311 --> 01:53:21,146
Because you're free?
1259
01:53:21,438 --> 01:53:23,023
You think you're free?
1260
01:53:23,815 --> 01:53:25,108
I'm free!
1261
01:53:25,609 --> 01:53:28,278
You don't know what freedom is!
1262
01:53:29,071 --> 01:53:30,489
I'm free!
1263
01:53:30,989 --> 01:53:33,492
I can breathe! And you...
1264
01:53:33,742 --> 01:53:36,870
...you'll go choke on your
average fucking mediocre life!
1265
01:53:49,591 --> 01:53:51,510
There are too many buttons
in the world.
1266
01:53:51,760 --> 01:53:53,887
Too many buttons,
and they're just....
1267
01:53:55,722 --> 01:53:58,141
There's way too many,
begging to be pressed.
1268
01:53:58,433 --> 01:54:00,310
They're just begging to be pressed!
1269
01:54:00,519 --> 01:54:03,105
You know, they're just
begging to be pressed.
1270
01:54:03,855 --> 01:54:05,816
And it makes me wonder.
1271
01:54:06,275 --> 01:54:09,987
It makes me fucking wonder.
Why doesn't anybody ever press mine?
1272
01:54:10,237 --> 01:54:11,613
Why am I so neglected?
1273
01:54:11,863 --> 01:54:15,033
Why doesn't anybody reach in
and rip out the truth...
1274
01:54:15,242 --> 01:54:17,619
...and tell me
that I'm a fucking whore...
1275
01:54:17,953 --> 01:54:20,080
...and that my parents
wish I were dead?
1276
01:54:20,580 --> 01:54:23,333
Because you're dead already, Lisa!
1277
01:54:30,173 --> 01:54:32,593
No one cares if you die, Lisa...
1278
01:54:34,011 --> 01:54:36,638
...because you're dead already.
1279
01:54:37,347 --> 01:54:41,226
Your heart is cold!
1280
01:54:43,478 --> 01:54:45,772
That's why you keep
coming back here.
1281
01:54:47,566 --> 01:54:49,568
You're not free.
1282
01:54:50,360 --> 01:54:53,822
You need this place.
You need it to feel alive.
1283
01:54:54,364 --> 01:54:55,365
It's pathetic.
1284
01:55:37,157 --> 01:55:40,035
I've wasted a year of my life.
1285
01:55:45,540 --> 01:55:48,794
And maybe everyone
out there is a liar.
1286
01:55:52,089 --> 01:55:55,259
And maybe the whole world...
1287
01:55:55,509 --> 01:55:59,012
...is stupid and ignorant.
1288
01:56:01,807 --> 01:56:04,226
But I'd rather be in it.
1289
01:56:06,144 --> 01:56:09,982
I'd rather be fucking in it...
1290
01:56:10,232 --> 01:56:12,776
...than down here with you.
1291
01:56:31,420 --> 01:56:33,964
Don't. Don't.
1292
01:56:35,382 --> 01:56:36,758
Don't.
1293
01:56:47,561 --> 01:56:49,104
Oh, God.
1294
01:57:34,107 --> 01:57:35,150
Did you get it?
1295
01:57:38,570 --> 01:57:41,698
I had to trade with a transvestite
in the men's ward.
1296
01:57:44,785 --> 01:57:46,203
Thanks.
1297
01:58:45,220 --> 01:58:47,097
I'm not really dead.
1298
01:58:53,645 --> 01:58:55,188
I know.
1299
01:58:59,693 --> 01:59:02,195
I'm gonna miss you, Susie Q.
1300
01:59:04,698 --> 01:59:08,076
No, you're not.
You're gonna get out of here...
1301
01:59:08,285 --> 01:59:10,662
...and you're gonna come and see me.
1302
01:59:33,852 --> 01:59:35,687
Hey, Georgina.
1303
01:59:35,938 --> 01:59:38,815
You know all that stuff
I write in my journal...
1304
01:59:39,066 --> 01:59:41,151
...I don't know what I'm saying.
1305
01:59:42,027 --> 01:59:45,113
They're just thoughts.
1306
01:59:45,781 --> 01:59:47,783
Maybe I'm the liar.
1307
01:59:49,618 --> 01:59:51,328
Maybe not.
1308
01:59:59,920 --> 02:00:01,338
See you.
1309
02:00:12,266 --> 02:00:16,812
You think if I left Ruby here
you'd take care of her for me?
1310
02:00:17,271 --> 02:00:20,732
Let me play with her
when I come for my therapy?
1311
02:00:31,743 --> 02:00:33,120
Bye, Ruby.
1312
02:00:54,725 --> 02:00:57,019
Remember me when you shave your legs.
1313
02:01:27,466 --> 02:01:29,635
Declared healthy...
1314
02:01:29,843 --> 02:01:32,804
...and sent back into the world.
1315
02:01:33,138 --> 02:01:35,641
My final diagnosis.:
1316
02:01:36,016 --> 02:01:38,518
A recovered borderline.
1317
02:01:39,603 --> 02:01:42,356
What that means, I still don't know.
1318
02:01:43,607 --> 02:01:45,609
Was I ever crazy?
1319
02:01:45,859 --> 02:01:48,445
-Maybe.
1320
02:01:49,237 --> 02:01:51,698
Or maybe life is.
1321
02:01:53,367 --> 02:01:55,118
I remember you.
1322
02:01:57,496 --> 02:01:58,956
Where are you going?
1323
02:01:59,957 --> 02:02:02,251
17 Burlingame.
1324
02:02:02,459 --> 02:02:03,710
All right.
1325
02:02:05,003 --> 02:02:07,839
Crazy isn't being broken...
1326
02:02:08,131 --> 02:02:11,343
...or swallowing a dark secret.
1327
02:02:11,843 --> 02:02:13,929
It's you or me...
1328
02:02:14,179 --> 02:02:16,265
...amplified.
1329
02:02:16,890 --> 02:02:19,518
If you ever told a lie...
1330
02:02:19,768 --> 02:02:21,687
...and enjoyed it.
1331
02:02:23,188 --> 02:02:27,484
If you ever wished you
could be a child forever.
1332
02:02:28,819 --> 02:02:31,071
They were not perfect...
1333
02:02:31,530 --> 02:02:33,824
...but they were my friends.
1334
02:02:35,200 --> 02:02:37,452
And by the '70s...
1335
02:02:37,661 --> 02:02:39,538
...most of them were out...
1336
02:02:39,788 --> 02:02:41,790
...living lives.
1337
02:02:42,541 --> 02:02:44,626
Some I've seen...
1338
02:02:45,836 --> 02:02:48,380
...some, never again.
1339
02:02:49,715 --> 02:02:53,176
But there isn't a day my heart
doesn't find them.
1340
02:07:21,737 --> 02:07:22,779
Subtitles by
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1341
02:07:23,305 --> 02:07:29,678
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