All language subtitles for MERRILY WE LIVE

SUA EXCELÊNCIA, O CHOFER

VMD

Etta! Rosa!
We've been robbed!

Oh, Grosvenor's fainted!

Look!
The silver's gone!

Grosvenor! Wake up!

Quick, do something!
Get the smelling salts!

- The what?
- The smelling salts.

Yeah.

If this is another one
of your tricks,

I'll throw you
in the fish pool.

Oh, it's the truth.
Honestly, it is.

I was running
through the kitchen

on my way out
of the pool,

and it was just like
panamania -- uh, panorama.

Anyway, there was
a lot of excitement,

and there was Grosvenor
and Rosa and Etta.

Don't tell me
Grosvenor fainted again.

I hardly even spoke
to the man.

Only to kiss him goodnight.

Well, no wonder he left.
Even a tramp has some feelings.

Ah, did you find any sign
of Ambrose?

He's vanished like the wind.

Woe is us.

That's the eighth tramp
chauffeur in six months.

This household is entirely
much too much for me.

- I'm through.
- What, again?

This time it's final.
Irrevocable.

Of course, it's all right

if some people want to stay
in a haven for derelicts.

That's entirely up to them.

Well, now that Ambrose
stole the silver,

maybe Mrs. Kilbourne

will give up her idea
of saving tramps.

It's not as though
this were the first one.

This time I'm through,

And nothing will make me
change my mind -- nothing.

Going somewhere, Grosvenor?

Why, no, Miss Geraldine.

The very idea.

What's all this
about the silver being gone?

Yes, miss,
I'm afraid it's only too true.

Where's Ambrose?

He disappeared
with the silver, miss.

And he also took
my black patent leather shoes --

The ones with the taps on them.

Well, I'm afraid we can't do
anything about that now.
We'll discuss it later.

In the meantime,
let's have some breakfast.

It's going to be a little
difficult about breakfast,
if I may say so, miss.

- You may say so.
- Thank you.

It's going to be a little
difficult about breakfast.

Now, you just said that.
Stop repeating yourself, Grosvenor.

What's going to be difficult?

Ambrose also took the kitchen silver.

Purely an oversight,
I'm sure.

Cheer up.
He only stole your shoes.

It might have been worse.

Worse, miss?

Yes. He might have taken
your socks, too.

He did.

I hope he stole the piano

so I won't have to practice anymore!

Poor mother.

She thought that Ambrose
was the best tramp she
ever tried to save.

She'll have a fit
when she hears about this.

But then mother
wouldn't be mother

if she didn't have her fits.

Aren't you going to call
the police?

Call the police?
Are you crazy?

With our luck, they'd find him
and bring him back.

And besides, what if the
newspapers ever got ahold of it?

Well, maybe if
the newspapers found out

about mother trying to be
a philanthroput--

Philanthro--
How do you say that?

Philanthrop--

Oh, come on.
Have your breakfast.

- Oh, all right.
- Call Grosvenor.

- What'll I call him?
- Grosvenor.

Grosvenor!

What, no baseball bats?

Relax, Grosvenor.

You look like
a scared barracuda.

He's catching cold.

Here comes pop.

Good morning, dad.

Is this yours?

- What color is it?
- White.

I guess it's mine, then.

Keep this thing
out of my bedroom.

- All right.
- Where's my newspaper?

Right over there, sir.

You know father can't see
over there.

Quiet, Geraldine.

- Quiet, Marion.
- Shh.

Listen.

When I reach out for my paper

the first thing in the morning,

I like to know
it's going to be right here!

I beg your pardon, sir.

I assure you
that it won't happen again.

Here, Grosvenor. Here.
You take this.

Don't cook it.

Say, pop, why don't you
have your -- your newsboy

deliver the paper
right in front of your coffee?

Then you won't be so grumpy
every morning.

Young lady, when I need
your advice, I'll ask for it!

Anytime at all, pop.

You remember me --
the working man's friend?

Ye--

Geraldine, is that the way
for your sister

to come down
to the breakfast table?
No, pop.

Well, then tell her to go upstairs
and put some clothes on.

Go upstairs
and put some clothes on.

What's this?!

Oh, don't tell him about it
until I get back!

Don't tell me what
until you get back?

About what happened!

Go upstairs
and put some clothes on!

All right, but remember!

Ambrose isn't with us anymore.

Good riddance.

Grosvenor, who ever heard
of eating cantaloupe

with a contraption like that?

Offhand,
I couldn't say, sir.

And that's why we're eating with
all these, um...doodads --

because he walked off
with the kitchen silver, too.

Well, he certainly did
a thorough job of it, didn't he?

I'll say he did.

He even took your brand-new set
of golf clubs.

What?!

Whoo-whoo! Whoo!

Boy, what an echo out there.
Listen.

Odlee-odlee-odlee-ay-hee-hoo!

Odlee-odlee-odlee-Ay-hee-hoo!

There, see?

You don't see an echo.
You hear it.

Says who?

Young man, don't you speak
to your father like that!

Uh, it wasn't me, dad.
I-it was Dopey.

Oh.

Father, I want you to be
the first to know.

Ambrose isn't with us
any longer.

Oh, really?

You mean
you already know?

Yes,
we already know.

Why doesn't somebody
tell me these things?!

Will you be quiet?!

Well,
what I want to know is

how long is mother gonna
keep on picking up these tramps?

Well,
With a son like you,

I can quite understand
her hobby.

Oh, is that so?

Yes, that's so.

Look at the way
she talks to me.

Who am I?
What do I mean in this family?

I might just as well be
a total stranger, your boarder.

There isn't a kid of --
a man of my acquaintance

Who has to put up
with what I do.

Good morning,
my little fishy-wishies.

Good morning, mother.

Oh, good morning,
my dears.

And you shall hear

the midnight ride
of Paul Revere.

Oh, Marion,
you are so clever.

It's a lovely morning --
so bright, so cheerful.

So what?

Oh, Kane,
you are a card.

Come on, darling.

Sit down
and have your breakfast

Before your comical children
give you indigestion

and me a pain
in the solar plexus.

Here we are, and it's another
beautiful morning.

It's spring again.

I wonder
if you've all noticed it.

Yes, we've noticed it, dear.
It's nice outside, too.

When a family has
so many blessings,

I think there's always a danger
of taking things for granted.

Grosvenor, don't you think
this spoon is a little large

for such a tiny, little melon?

I'm sorry, madam,
but I --

You know, darling,

Every night when I go to bed,
I search myself?

Did you ever find anything?

Oh, be quiet.
Stop squirming.

And so every night
as I lie down, I say to myself,

"Emily Kilbourne" --
that's my name, you know --

"have you counted
your blessings,

or are you just taking them
for granted?"

Mother, dear, listen.
There's something
I must tell you.

Oh, do, dear. Do.
Please do, by all means do.

It's about Ambrose.

Ambrose.
Dear Ambrose.

Henry, I do wish you'd stop
in the bookstore today

and get me a copy of Dr. Gillis'
new book for Ambrose.

It's called --
Stop squirming, dear.

What a name for a book.

Grosvenor,
I want to speak to Ambrose

the minute I finish my breakfast.

Would you tell him?

I have such high hopes
for Ambrose.

I've given sanctuary
to many a fallen man,

but not one
that I've worked with

has ever given me
such quick response.

Why, do you know, Henry,

only yesterday
he finished reading

Dr. Gillis'
"Seek and Ye Shall Find"?

Well, he certainly took
his literature seriously.

Oh, Henry. You are so funny.

No, that's not funny,
is it?

I wonder why I thought it was.

Mother, dear, will you listen
to me just for one minute?

There's something we must tell you.

Oh, of course.
You wanted to tell me something.

You said that before.
Go ahead, dear.

- Well --
- Don't fidget, Darling.

Uh, well,
it's just that --

well, there's no use
buying Ambrose any more books.

What's the use of stalling,
Jerry?

If you won't tell her,
I will.

Mother,
your pet tramp Ambrose has left.

Ambrose has left?

Oh, that's preposterous.
Why should he go?

Because he was a thief,

And he walked out with
all of our family silver.

Kane, you can't know
what you're saying.

Of course, this -- this is
my family's idea of a joke.

It's not a joke!
It isn't! It's true!

Well, if Ambrose did
such a thing,

he must have had
a very good reason.

I'll say he did --
the family silver.

That makes him a tramp
with a silver lining.

Oh, do be quiet,
And stop squirming!

Grosvenor, you don't think
Ambrose was angry with us?

No one knows what Ambrose
might have thought,

as later events,
I think, have proven.

Do I make myself clear,
madam?

No, you don't,

And I don't feel like
trying to figure it out now.

Grosvenor, you didn't like
Ambrose, did you?

Answer me, Grosvenor!
Answer me!

Mother, listen.
Mother.

There's no use
upsetting Grosvenor.

He's liable to faint
or- or quit or both!

Well, I wouldn't care
if he did!

This household's
much too much for me!

I know. You're through.

But this time it's final!

It was he who made
Ambrose uncomfortable.

Will you stop squirming?!

He was always picking on him.
Let him quit.

Mother, you can't dismiss everybody

who doesn't care for your tramps.

If you did that,
we'd all have to leave.

It isn't enough to have
the servants against me.

My whole family
has to turn against me.

Sometimes I feel I haven't got
a friend in the world!

Now see what you've done.

There, there, there.
Now, don't cry, Emily.

After all,
Ambrose was just another tramp.

Yes, and he didn't respond
just the way he should have.

I never want to see another one
again as long as I live!

You take a tramp in --
I mean a man in

and offer him a chance
to redeem himself,

what does he give you?

A kick in the pants!

Oh, this is more
than I can bear!

Poor mother.
But I hope she means it.

No more tramps! Whee!

You hear that??
- No more tramps!

We've had the last one.

Boy, I hope you're right.
It's about time.

Is it about time

for somebody to tell me
"stop squirming"?

Where's my eggs?

Say, dad, it's 8:30!

Holy smoke!
I'll miss my train!

Marion, get my hat.
Marion, get pop's hat.

Grosvenor,
tell Ambrose to get the car!

There isn't
any more Ambrose, pop!

Never mind. I'll drive you.
Go that way.

Hey, dad, there's something
I want to talk to you about.

Good morning, Rosa.
Good morning, Mr. Kilbourne.

Good morning, Etta.
Good morning, Mr. Kilbourne.

Good morning, Grosvenor.
Oh, I saw you before, didn't I?

Well, goodbye, then.

May I have a word with you,
Miss Geraldine?

Not now, Grosvenor.
I'm in a hurry. Later.

Father!

Oh, father, dear!
Here's your hat!

Father, dear,
here's your hat.

I've simply got to have
some money.

- Uh, could you --
- No!

Oh, but father!

Fifty cents wouldn't mean
a thing to you, but to me,
it means everything!

- Hey, sis,
can I borrow your car tonight?
- No!

No, you can't borrow
her car!

Every time
you set foot into it,

you get into
some kind of trouble.

That's right, pop.
Thank you. Come on!

Wouldn't you?!

Wouldn't you save your daughter
for 50 cents

when it's only a half a buck --

Okay, Garbo. Stop acting.
Your audience left.

Did you get anything?

No.

What a family!

Hey!

Hey!

Um, I've had a little trouble.

May I use your phone?

Definitely not.
Good day.

Oh, but I- I- I- merely
want to, uh...

Your persistence
will avail you nothing.

Now scram.

That you, Jerry?
Come here quickly, darling.

I think I'm going to
have babies --

Lots of them.

Now, will you
get out of here?

Why, you're even look worse
than the other one did.

- Oh, but --
- Grosvenor!

Grosvenor, what is
all the trouble here?

Well, this person was
just about to leave, madam.

Oh, my poor, dear man.

Grosvenor, why don't you ask
the gentleman in?

Madam,
it was my understanding --

Grosvenor.

Oh, do come in.

You must be very hungry
and tired.

Hungry and tired --
you are, aren't you?

Madam, I don't want to
inconvenience you,

But, uh, if I might use
your phone.

Why, of course.

Grosvenor,
what are you waiting for?

Get the gentleman
something to eat.

Hurry, Grosvenor.

Oh, but, really, I --

Do come in.

Thank you.

My poor, dear Mildred.

She's so moody.

I'll have to put her in a bowl
all by herself.

Which is Mildred?

Well, let me see
where she's got to.

There she is --
the pale one.

She's been acting so queerly
lately.

No appetite at all,

And this morning, she pretended
she doesn't even know me.

If, um...
If I might use your telephone.

Tramp! Tramp! Tramp!

Old Ambrose left us.

The tramp,
he took our silver, too

Too, too,
Too, too, too --

T-this is, u-um...

Oh, what did you say
your name was?

Rawlins.

Oh, Rawlins.
This is Marion, my daughter.

How do you do?
I'd like you to meet my dogs.

This dog's name is
"Get Off the Rug".

His name is "You Too".

Isn't he charming, Marion?

Well,
he's no Robert Taylor.

Well, of course not.

How could --
whatever your name is --

be Robert Taylor?

Don't be foolish.

Madam, your telephone?

Oh, yes. Of course.
Uh, do you drive a car?

Well, I did.

Oh,
but that's wonderful.

Ambrose was such a poor driver,
they tell me.

Mother, if you're thinking
of asking this -- this --

Darling,
my mother always told me

that children should be seen
and not heard.

Yes, but your mother was smarter
than my mother.

Well, I know she was,
darling.

Will you make yourself
At home?

We'll see what's happening
to Grosvenor.

Darling,
who is Robert Taylor?

Hello, Mildred.

Come on, get out of here.
Get out of here! Scat!

- I- I Beg your pardon?
- Don't "I beg your pardon" me.

Go on. Get out of here.

Get out. Get out!
Beat it! Beat it!

What's the matter?
Are you nailed to the floor?

- I- I- I don't understand.
- Oh, yes, you do.

You might impress my mother,

but as far as the rest of us
are concerned,

we don't want any more tramps
around here.

Now get out. Go on.
Get out.

You'll make the floor all dirty!
Come on.

Just a moment, please.
I'd like to --

Yes, I know.

You would like to find out
where the silver is or was --

Will you get out of here?!

Young man, don't stand there
like a wooden Indian

looking for a cigar store!

If you had any backbone,
you'd -- you'd get out

and find yourself a job
driving a truck or something.

- Did you hear me?!
- Yes.

- Well, then get out!
- Young lady, all I want --

You don't mean to tell me that
you have so little self-respect

that you'd stay here after
what you heard me just say?

I don't want to stay here.

Ah! The impudence!

Oh. So you two have met.

- Oh, mother, really, I --
- Oh, yes, indeed.

We've had a most interesting
conversation.

Get him a napkin,
Grosvenor.

And just what
were you talking about?

Self-respect.

Oh, how perfectly thrilling.

Yes, I was telling your daughter

how much I admired
your social philosophy

and, uh, how difficult I find it
to understand hers.

Why, I'm very, very glad
that you understand.

When a family has as many
blessings as this one has,

there's always the danger --

Oh, mother, you said that
at breakfast this morning.

Oh, did I?
How clever of me.

Geraldine,
the fates are good.

He's a splendid chauffeur,
aren't you?

I doubt it.

Oh, but really, if I might
just use your telephone.

You'll find one
in your room.

Grosvenor,
Rawlins will stay here.

Go to the servant's quarters
and get him a uniform.

But, Mrs. Kilbourne --

Grosvenor,
do as you're told.

Go along with him.

Uh, pardon me.

Pardon you?!
I- I- I --

- Oh, isn't he delightful?
- Oh, mother!

Father's going to be
perfectly furious!

Well, of course.
Of course.

Mildred!

Exhibitionist.

Oh!

One, two, three, four...

Oh, Mildred.

Don't you like tramps?

I try desperately to love
all God's creatures,

but I loathe tramps.

Your quarters.

Here she comes!
Oh, good.

- Hurry up!
- What's he like?

Come on, tell us.

Did you find out anything
about the new tramp?

I'll say I did.

"Now,
if you had any backbone,

you'd go out and get yourself
a job driving a truck!"

"Why, you look even worse
than the last one we had here!"

"Don't be a wooden Indian!"

Why, Rawlins, old boy,
if you don't look out,

the man with the blue coat
and the brass buttons

and the funny little hat
will come and get you.

Come in.

And what's more,
I have the proof if I need it!

Why, Grosvenor,
You're white as a sheet!

You look like a snowman
on a hot day.

That man
has bats in the belfry!

Why? What happened?

He's in his room,

talking to himself
and laughing like a maniac!

He says that the man
in blue buttons and a
brass coat is after him!

I tell you,
he's stark, staring mad!

Hello?
Hello?

Goodbye!
Goodbye.

Oh, here!
Over here!

- Boo!
- Aah!

Will you get out
of here?!

You nearly scared the daylights
out of me.

But I just got
some firsthand information.

And you'll give it to me,
I suppose,

if I give you 50 cents.

Well, I won't.
I'm not interested.

Well, I'll tell you anyway.
Rawlins is crazy.

So are you.

Oh, but honest, Jerry!

You couldn't be honest!

Have you seen
my new white hat?

Oh, no, sis.
I didn't see it.

Well, bless my little heart.
I found it.

Where'd you find it?

Why, underneath
the cushion here.

Hmm. That's funny.
It wasn't there when
I looked for it.

- I guess you didn't look
very good.
- Yeah.

Jerry.

What?

Who's that
out in the garden?

How should I know?
It's probably the gardener.

Get your big feet
off my couch!

Jerry!
Come here! Quick!

- Look!
- What?

Oh!
Oh, you startled me!

Oh, I'm so sorry.

Oh,
it's quite all right.

I don't think I've ever seen you
before, have I?

Oh, I suppose
you're the new chauffeur.

Ambrose left us
this morning.

While I think
Nil nisi bonum de mortuis,

I'm very glad he's gone.

What seemed to be the matter
with Ambrose?

He sulked constantly.
something organic, I think.

Sometimes for days on end,
he wouldn't speak to me.

That went on
for days on end.

Oh, you must be
a very patient woman.

I try to be.

What beautiful roses.
Are you fond of flowers?

Oh, yes, indeed.

Shakespeare said, "A man
who hath no music in himself,"

And so forth.

I think
he might also have said,

"A man who hath no flowers
within himself," and so forth.

Do you know anything
about diseases?

Uh, not very much.

I had the mumps once,

But that was a long time ago,
of course.

No, my dear man.
I mean diseases of roses.

Oh!
Oh, I am so sorry.

Evergreen spray
is what they need.

I'll get you some today,
if I may.

That's very kind of you.

Here comes Geraldine.

Mother, darling,
I'm gonna go over to the --

Jerry, this is
our new chauffeur,

Mr. "What's His Name...

I didn't catch the name.
Weary Willie?

Rawlins.
Wade Rawlins.

Oh, Wade Rawlins.
My great-grandmother was a Wade.

What was
your father's name?

Mother, darling, it's probably
not the same family.

Come along, Rawlins.

Excuse me.

Where are you going,
darling?

Rawlins is going to
drive me to the club.

Oh, does he drive?

Oh, my poor, darling roses.

I don't know
what your game is,

but you certainly won't
get away with it.

- You can believe me.
- Oh, I believe you.

You won't like it around here
at all, I warn you.

Well, the atmosphere is
a bit chilly.

Shall I drive?

What had you intended to do,
sit on the radiator cap?

Well, I- I really hadn't thought,
But if- if you'd like I --

Oh, come back here,
you idiot.

Open the door.
Let's hurry.

Well...

You're certainly very
well-mannered, I must say.

I- I'm so sorry.

Whew!

Rather fatiguing,
being a chauffeur.

I have a book
you ought to read.

A mystery story?

It will be to you.
It's a book on etiquette.

Oh, it should be amusing.

Hope it has pictures.
I love pictures.

You can park right there.
I won't be long.

Don't you know
how to drive?

If you take the trouble
to look occasionally,

You'd notice that there are
other people driving cars

beside yourself.

I assure you,
it was quite unavoidable.

Although I think when you saw me
trying to back up,

You might have waited a moment
before parking.

Don't give me that.

The trouble is there are
too many fellas like you --

What are you trying to do,
be funny?!

I'm trying to see
the rest of your number.

Ah, that's better.
Thank you.

You mean to say
I'm to blame?

Yes, I think so.

You can't talk like that to me.
I'll knock your ears off!

Oh, don't frighten me,
mister.

Look -- you've got me
all nervous.

All right,
I'll make you nervous.

Come on.
Get out of that car.

Is something wrong,
Herbert?

Ah, this chauffeur's
a little too fresh,

And I'm gonna put him
in his place.

Come on!
Get out of there!

Boo!

- Why, you!
- Wheeler! Wheeler!

You're making a fool
of yourself!
Wheeler, use your head!

I'll show him he can't
get fresh with me and
get away with it!

Herbert Wheeler!

Jerry.

I'm sorry, Jerry,
but the chauffeur --

- Other fella's fault again,
wasn't it, Herbert?
- Oh, well, look, Jerry --

I think this is
all quite unnecessary.

- But, Jerry --
- I have nothing further
to say to you.

- Home, Rawlins.
- I'll call you at home.

Do! I won't be there!

It, uh, was
a most unfortunate incident.

Yes, Herbert has -- I mean,
Mr. Wheeler has a faculty

for creating
unfortunate incidents.

Well, it wasn't wholly
his fault.

Now, don't go heroic
on me.

I can repair the damage myself.

Sometimes I think he could do
with a bit of damaging.

Why, I didn't mean that.

I was referring to the damage
on the car.

Yes, I know.

But I still think my idea
is a good one.

Right.

Right.

No, I mean turn right.

Oh!

Tell me,
just how did it happen?

It was
an unavoidable accident.

Rawlins, I think you're a --
well, a fibber,

But I can't say that
I don't appreciate you for it.

Thank you.

Welcome.

Um...you're not going to
leave me

standing like this,
are you?

Oh, I'm glad
you reminded me.

Go to a garage
and have the bumper fixed.

And, uh, pick up father
at the station.

He arrives at 5:00.

Um, what's your father like?

Well, let's see.

He's, um...

Well, he's very bad-tempered,
and he hates tramps.

For further information,
I'd ask mother.

She's known him longer.

Y-y-yes,
But, u-uh, well...

...is he tall, short,
wide, narrow, or...?

Well, that depends
on how you look at him.

Miss Kilbourne,
how will I know him?

I've already told you.
He arrives at 5:00.

Oh, a-at 5:00? Oh!

Yes.

Yes, of course.
That's different.

Well, aren't you going to
have the car fixed?

I knew there was something
I had to do.

Just a moment, please.

I think I hear her
coming now, sir.

It's for you, miss.

Who is it, Grosvenor?

Mr. Wheeler, miss.

Oh, it is?

Tell Mr. Wheeler
I'm not at home.

Miss Kilbourne
is not at home, sir.

Listen,
you stupid, old fool.

Who do you think
you're kidding?

What did you call me,
Herbert?

Oh, I'm sorry, sweetheart.
Listen, baby --

I beg your pardon, sir,

But I'm neither your sweetheart
nor your baby.

Baby, you baby elephant!

Will you get off the phone,
you big lug?!

Why, Herbert, I thought
you wanted to talk to me.

But if that's the way
you feel about it...

Uh, b-but w-wait a minute,
Jerry.

Tell Mr. Wheeler
I'm not at home.

Hello?
This is the Kilbourne estate.

Will you please stop
monkeying around

And let me talk
to Miss Kilbourne?!

Miss Kilbourne
is not at home, sir.

Listen, you fathead,
I know she's at home!

I just talked to her!

Are you going to believe
who you've talked to

or what I tell you?

Miss Kilbourne
is not at home.

H-hello? Grosvenor?
Jerry? Grosvenor?

This is the operator
speaking.

What number are you calling,
please?

Operator,
I was disconnected.

So sorry
to have kept you waiting.

Just a moment.
Here's Miss Kilbourne now.

Mr. Kilbourne?

Mr. Kilbourne!

Will you stop shouting my name
all over this platform

and get back to the car?

Oh, Harris,
Tonight's the night, you know?

Yes, we know.

We're gonna make it
At Sam's house.

His wife's out of town.

Tramp?

Yes.

You stolen anything yet?

Not yet.
Only got here this morning.

Anything else, sir?

I hope everything
was satisfactory, sir.

If you need me,
you'll call me?

Thank you very much, sir.

First it was James,
then it was Harold,

Then it was
I don't know who,

And now you've got this --
this...

Rawlins.
Wade Rawlins.

Oh, yes, yes.
Wade Rawlins. Thanks.

I won't stand for it
any longer.

This foolishness
has gone far enough.

How do you suppose our friends
and neighbors feel?

What's that, dear?

I said,

"How do you suppose
our friends and neighbors feel?"

Why?
Were any of them ill?

How do I know?

If you ask me,
and I'm sure you won't,

I think Rawlins
has great possibilities.

He's nothing
but a presumptuous pup.

Don't you think so,
Grosvenor?

I would rather not discuss
that person, sir,

But since you asked me,

I think he's suffering
from dementia personalis.

He means
he thinks he's nuts.

Now, you look
a little stuck, pop.

Here, Grosvenor.
Do something with this.

The sooner this family realizes

That we're being made the
laughingstock of this community

and the sooner they come
to their senses,

then and only then
will I enjoy

the comforts I'm entitled to
In this house.

Grosvenor,
have you got a match, please?

I'm surprised the tramps
we've had in the past

Haven't stolen
our furniture.

They've taken
most everything else.

I'm not going to stand for it
any longer.

I'm putting a stop to it
right here and now.

This has got to end
once and for all.

I won't have it,

And nobody's going to
change my mind this time.

If we need a chauffeur,
we'll hire a chauffeur,

like most sensible people do.

I've let this nonsense
go far enough.

James. James.

This one time, I'm going to have
my way, and that's final!

Will you stop whatever
you're doing, Grosvenor,

And get me another cup
of coffee?

Now, where was I?

Between a presumptuous pup
and a cup of coffee.

Oh, yes. Thanks.

Now, getting back
to what's his name --

- Rawlins.
- Who's doing this, you or I?

Go ahead, dad.
You do it.

You bet I will,
and immediately.

Now, what was it?

Stop playing
with those dogs!

Yes, sir.

Jeremiah Bourne
married Eliza Wade,

And they begat Cordelia,
Ophelia, and Peter.

I have a feeling that Peter is
where Rawlins comes in.

I wish I could remember
his father's name.

Yet it couldn't be Peter,

Because he didn't begat
anything.

Well, who knows?
Maybe he didn't have a father.

Oh, darling.
Everyone has a father.

That's one of nature's
unwritten laws.

Emily,
what are you talking about?

Wade Rawlins, dear.
The new chauffeur.

You see, my great-grandmother
was a Wade.

What a family.

I know. They were
quite remarkable, darling.

Hey, pop, I need 50 cents
in the worst way.

Well, you won't get it that way
or any other way.

I think now
it must be Ophelia.

Ophelia?

Why, yes.
My great aunt Ophelia.

Peter had no issue,
But Ophelia did.

After she had her third child,
she was never quite the same.

Well, anyway,
crazy or not,

That tramp leaves here
the first thing in the morning,

And that's that.

Say, pop,
let's play a game of rummy.

Not tonight, dear.
Papa's going straight to bed.

He's very tired.
Good night, all.

- Night.
- Good night.
- Night, dad.

How about it, Kane?

No, sir.
I'm going to bed, too.

- Night, mom.
- Night, darling.

What was your father
disturbed about, darling?

Oh, nothing much, dear.

He just wanted to
kick out Rawlins.

- Why?
- Did he steal anything?

Mm, not yet.

Well, I certainly think
he's entitled

to the same opportunities
that Ambrose had.

Good night, dear.

Going to bed, darling?

No, I feel bored enough
to go out with Herbert Wheeler.

Oh, that's lovely, darling.
Good night.

Here we are.

The end of the line!
Everybody out!

Here we are, folks!
Yippee!

How much do I owe you?

$15.

Maybe you better
let me help you.

You're a fine fellow.

Well, thanks. Here.

Oh, you said $15.

Here. Shh!

Thanks very much.

Hey!
What's the big idea?!

Yeah,
what's the big idea?!

Is he a friend of yours?

No!

I'm Rawlins,
Mr. Kilbourne.

Oh, hi, Mr. Rawlins.

Now, just how much
does he owe you?

15 bucks,
And what's it to you?

Now, beat it!

Say, you can't talk to my friend
that way!

Shh. You'll wake the household,
Mr. Kilbourne.

Yeah, and you can't shush me,
either!

Hey, what are you trying to do,
make a chump out of me?

Yeah, and you can't
take a sock at me

and get away with it!

I'll knock your block off!

Hey, don't pick on
that old man!

Come on.
Get out of here.

Now beat it!

Keep quiet!
What are you trying to do?!

Wake up
the whole neighborhood?

Hey, w-wait a minute!

What are -- w-what are you
trying to do now?
Shh! Shh!

Who's there?

It's Rawlins,
Mrs. Kilbourne.

Some person
who had been drinking

Insisted
that he lived here.

And did he?

Oh, I got rid of him,
all right.

I'm awfully sorry
he woke you up.

Well, if he comes back again,
don't let him in.

Good night.

Good night.

Mr. Kilbourne! Mr. Kilbourne!
Wake up!

Who are you?

I'm Rawlins,
Mr. Kilbourne.

How do you do, Mr. Rawlins?
What can I do for you?

I want to help you
into the house.

I don't need your help,
and I never will.

Here. Help me get up.

What are you doing here?

I was only trying to assist you,
Mr. Kilbourne.

I don't need
your assistance.

Got your key?

What's your name?

Rawlins.

Oh. Yeah.

Rawlins, old boy, I like you,
and I always did.

You're a friend
if there ever was one.

And what's better to a friend
than a friend?!

Shh!

Who are you trying to shh?

Let's be
a little more quiet.

- Yes, that's a keen idea.
- Oh, all right.

I don't need your help.

How did you get
up here?!

Why, I- I --

Shh!

Well...

I think I'll go to bed.
Good night.

Good night.

What are you doing up so late,
young lady?

Everyone else was prowling
all around the house.

Why shouldn't I?

Well, I think
you'd better go to bed.

Okay. And I don't need
Your help, either.

I'm sober.
Come on, pups.

Listen, Marion.

I think for the benefit
of all concerned,

We'd better forget
about tonight.

I don't forget so easy.

- I think you'd better go to bed.
- Okay.

Good night, Rawlins.

Good night.

Gee, I bet
I could go for you.

Don't you like me
just a little bit?

Oh, why,
I'm crazy about you.

You're my little sweetheart.

Oh, Wade!

Oh, I forgot something.

Would you take "Get Off the Rug,,
and "You Too" out for a walk?

At your service, madame.

Go on, baby. Go on.
Go on.

Come on, pups.

Quiet, "You too"!

And I mean you, too,
"Get Off the Rug"!

Come on.

Jerry...

Aw, the way you act, you'd think
we were total strangers.

Herbert, I've told you
a thousand times

I don't like being mauled.

I wish you wouldn't be
so persistent.

Well,
a fella likes to feel

that his girlfriend
thinks enough of him

to want a kiss him
once in a while.

Well, then, maybe you better
get yourself another girlfriend,

because I just don't feel like
being kissed.

I told you
I didn't want to be kissed!

Good night, Herbert.

Good night, Geraldine.

Sorry if I appeared
too romantic.

Good morning.

What are you doing up
this late?

Oh, I always take the dogs out
at this time of night.

You always --

But this is
your first night here.

Oh, well, I always take them out
starting tonight.

You weren't by any chance
snooping on Mr. Wheeler and me?

Why, I- I- I was
just walking the dogs.

That's not answering
my question.

Why, of course not.

But that was a beautiful
wallop you gave him.

Yes, wasn --

Good night.

Come on, pups.

Well, where do you think
you're going?

Well, I have to get
"Get Off the Rug" in

and "You Too,, in
and you in, too.

I'll see
that they get in.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Well, why don't you go?

Oh, but I- I couldn't do that
until I've seen you safely in.

Don't worry about me.

Oh. Very well.

If that's the way
you feel about it...

- Good night.
- Good night.

Is that the way
you always walk?

Yes. Oh, I don't care
about where I'm going.

I like to see
where I've been.

Rawlins...

Yes, ma'am?

- I have no key.
- No key?

No key.
What'll I do?

Um...well, why not try
one of the windows?

Aren't they a bit high?

Oh, I think we'll manage.

There you are.

I couldn't possibly climb
that high.

Oh, there's nothing to it.
Look. I'll show you.

Get up there,
"Get Off the Rug".

"You Too,,.

See?
Simple, isn't it?

I don't think so,
but I'll try.

You see?
I can't do it.

Well, may I help you?

Oh! I can't reach it!
No, I can't.

Oh, that's funny.

You know, I would have sworn
you could have made it.

Well, it's, uh, much higher
up here than you think.

Oh, well.

Let's try this way.

What are you laughing at?

- You look like ,,Get Off the rug,,.
- Oh, come on.

Get up on my back,

and I'll raise you up
to the window.

I'm afraid.
It's dangerous.

Oh, come, come, now.

This position isn't
very comfortable, you know.

All right.

There you are.

Now you just turn around,
and you're home.

- Thank you.
- Good night.

Good night.

Yoo-hoo! Rawlins!

Now what?

My purse.

Thank you.

Oh, uh...

My keys.

I must have had them
all the time.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Yoo-hoo! Rawlins!

Is that man here again?

No, Mrs. Kilbourne.
He's gone.

Oh, well,
if he comes back again,

Don't let him in,
will you?

Good night.

Good night.

Breakfast is ready!

Breakfast is ready!
Come and get it!

Breakfast is ready!

Breakfast is ready!
Come and get it!

Whee!

Good morning, "Get Off the Rug,,.
That's it.

Good morning, "You Too".

Good morning,
fishy-wishies.

Good morning, Dopey.

Good morning, "Screwy',.

Top of the morning to you,
Grosvenor.

Miss Marion, if ever
you play a trick again

With those chimes,
I'll --

Hold it.

I'll go get your milk
immediately, Miss Marion.

Now, wait a minute,
Grosvenor.

Stand over there
by the bird.

You, too, Marion.
All right.

Now smile.

That's it.

Now look sad.

Watch the birdie,
Dopey.

Watch the birdie..
That's it.

But, Jerry,
you didn't wind the film.

Oh, be quiet.
There's no film in the camera.

But how can you take pictures
without film, miss?

Oh, you can't.
I'm just trying it.

If I like it,
I'll buy some film.

Yes, ma'am.

Morning, sour puss.

- What's that?!
- Now, now, now, Kane.

Don't be mean
to your little sister.

Answer her. She said,
"good morning, sour puss."

Why don't you
leave me alone?

Why don't you stop
being a baby?

Oh, I ought to --
I ought to slap your -

Yes, you might do it once,
but you'll never do it again!

Why is she always
getting fresh with me?!

I never liked him,
and I always will!

Well, I certainly
don't care for you!

Come on.
Kiss and make up. There.

Now, isn't that better?

As far as I'm concerned,
he's still a sour puss.

- How do you like that?
- Here comes pop.

Morning, pop.

- Morning, dad.
- Morning.

Pop, if anyone tells you
you look good this morning,

slug 'em.

Say, Kane,
you know what my music teacher

wants me to sing
this afternoon?

Listen.

Shut up!

Shut up!

Who am I supposed to
take orders from

around this joint,
anyway?

Grosvenor, give father
some black coffee

- and a couple
of aspirin.
- Yes, ma'am.

If I want any aspirin,
I'll order my own aspirin!

Get me a couple of aspirin.

Right in front of you,
sir.

Well, get them.

Never mind.
I'll get them myself.

Say, pop,

See those great big mice
walking along the table?

Mice?
I don't see any mice.

Well, I thought you might
this morning.

Young lady,
I'll have you know

there's nothing wrong with me
this morning!

Of course not, Marion.

Those aren't mice.
they're Shetland ponies.

Morning, mother.

Good morning, my dears.

Oh, never mind, mother.

I said good morning
to your fishies for you.

Oh, thank you, dear.
So thoughtful.

- Morning, Marion.
- Morning, Jerry.

Morning, Kane.

Morning, Jerry.

Please stop!

Listen to me,
all of you.

I have a few words
I want to say.

We will now hear from the head
of the house.

Take it, dad!

Attaboy, pop!
We want to hear!

Listen to me!

I never ask very much
of this family,

And tonight, as you know,

We're entertaining
Senator Harlan,

his wife,
and his daughter.

The Senator may mean nothing
to any of you,

but it so happens he's very
important to me and my business.

Do I make myself clear?

Perfectly, sir.

What?!
I beg your pardon.

So tonight...

For once in your lives...

please try to act like adults.

Or is that asking too much of you?

Dad's right.
We owe it to him.

Now, Marion, remember --

None of your sneezing powders
and tricks and things.

This is no time for joking!

I'm not joking, pop.
You can count on us.

And another thing, Emily.

I insist on
your getting rid of Rawlins.

Oh! Why, Henry!

Oh.
Oh, that's too bad.

I hate to see Rawlins go.
He's been trying so hard.

Why, last night,
He was up half the night,

Wasn't he, Jerry?

Yes, he wa--

How do I know?
Leave me out of this.

Why, yes.
He was up shooing drunks away.

Where they came from,
heaven knows.

I don't think
he's so bad.

As a matter of fact,
I think he's doing very well.

You ought to know.

What do you mean
I ought to know?

And I don't want any answers,
either.

Well, I don't care anything
about that.

I want him out of here
before I get home tonight.

Holy smoke!
I'm late again.

What on earth's the matter
with you this morning, Henry?

There's nothing in the world
the matter with me.

Tinkle, tinkle, tinkle!

Oh, no, Rawlins.

You must always serve
from the left.

This is your left,
Madam.

So it is.

I- I get mixed up sometimes.
You see, I'm right-handed.

Well, I was pretending
I was a left-handed butler.

Oh, that's different.
Then you're doing splendidly.

Thank you,
Mrs. Kilbourne.

Now serve Mr. Kilbourne.

Um, which is
Mr. Kilbourne?

That's he
at the head of the table.

Uh, want some salad?

Heavens no!
Not that way!

Oh, that would never do.
Let me show you.

Now, I'll be Mr. Kilbourne,
and you be me.

No, you'll be me,
and I'll be Mr. Kilbourne.

Or you'll be Mr. Kilbourne,
and I'll be you.

That's it.

Now, who are we?
Well, sit down here.

Now, I'm coming
out of the kitchen door.

This is the kitchen door,
isn't it?

- Yes.
- Yes.

Now, here I come.

Oh, you're not supposed to be
looking at me.

- You're talking to the guests.
- Oh.

I'll start over again.

Uh, chatter, chatter, chatter,
chatter, chatter, chatter.

Chatter, chatter,
chatter, chatter.

Oh, what did you say?
Oh, yes.

Chatter, chatter, chatter,
chatter, chatter.

Chatter, chatter, chatter.

Will you please raise
your left hand?

Thank you.

Is everything
all right, dear?

Oh, dear.
I called you dear.

I was pretending
you were Mr. Kilbourne --

My husband, you know?

Oh, yes.

Uh, Mr. Kilbourne.

Nothing you can say
will make any difference now!

A tramp has ruined my career!

My decision is final!

Grosvenor, you can't leave
in the middle of all this.

Oh, can't I?

I work your fingers
to the bone for this party,

And Mrs. Kilbourne allows him
to usurp my position.

I won't stand for it,
I tell you! I'm through!

And don't tell me
I've said that before.

But you can't desert
until after dessert!

Say,
that's pretty good, huh?

But what about
your paycheck?

Well...

I'll do the sporting thing.

I'll wait until after dinner.

But remember,
I'm still mad!

Remember that,
will you?

Anything else, Mrs. Remington?

No, thank you, Rawlins.
That's fine.

I'm sure Mrs. Remington
will like you,

And I'm sure you'll like
Mrs. Remington.

But you won't like her husband.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

Mother, darling,
I had the most awful shock --

Oh. It's you.

Well, I think it is.

Gee, Jerry,
doesn't he look pretty?

Marion,
a man never looks pretty.

He looks handsome.

Oh. So you noticed it,
too?

How charming you look,
Miss Kilbourne.

Oh, thank you!
It's my new dress.

Do you like it,
Rawlins?

Oh, yes.
and you look charming, too.

I've been showing Rawlins
how to serve.

I'm sure
he's going to do beautifully.

Thank you, madam.

Yes,
I think he'll do, too.

Thank you.

Well, we're all ready
for our guests.

Darling, that's what
I wanted to tell you.

Eddie Moran can't come,

So we'll have to remove
one place,

And we'll only 13
at table.

13?! But that's terrible!
It's unheard of!

Eddie Moran can't do that to us!

But, darling, he's had an accident.
He broke a leg.

Well, that's no excuse.

Grandfather Wade
wore crutches for years

and never missed a meal.

Yes, dear. I know.

And what do you mean
by sitting down

in Mrs. Kilbourne's
presence?

Well, I always sit down
when I'm driving her.

What's that
got to do with it?

I don't know.
What do you think?

I think you look grand.

Ah.

Yes,
he does look rather --

Well, never mind about that!
Everything's going wrong here!

- Now, look here, you.
- Mr. Rawlins.

Look here,
Mr. Rawlins, I --

I mean, if the Kilbourne's
choose to fraternize

with their inferiors,

that's their privilege,
but I'll have you know --

That if he's elected,

he promises you bigger
and better people

to fraternize with!

I wouldn't expect a mere artisan
like a cook

to know any better.

Do I make myself clear?

- No.
- Perfectly.

And I also
want you to remember

that that's my suit
that you're wearing.

Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.
Very grateful.

And if you get so much
as one spot on it, I'll...

- You'll what?
- I'll...

I'll make you pay
for the cleaning.

Come in.

Kilbourne residence?

Yes.

I'm Reynolds
from the agency.

You're late.
What kept you?

Blowout.
What shall I do with this stuff?

Put it
in the closet there.

Where do I work?

Front door.

Hey, Reynolds.
You forgot your rubbers.

Oh, no, I didn't.
They're on.

I- I'd like to speak to Rawlins.

Oh. Oh, Rawlins.
This is Mrs. Kilbourne.

Mrs. Kilbourne,
haven't you a cold?

Oh, well, it must be
the telephone.

Your voice
sounds so youthful.

I'm
in terrible trouble, Rawlins.

Poor, dear Marion,
she has to eat in her room.

And I don't want to eat
in my roo-- oh!

Now, look here, young lady,

What do you expect me to do
about it?

I'm very busy now
helping Grosvenor.

Really,
mother does want to see you.

She told me to call you.

Now, Marion Kilbourne,
if you're fibbing...

If you think I'm fibbing,
then just don't come!

But I tell you,
she wants to see you and --

and it's up to you
whether you come or not.

It seems Mrs. Kilbourne wishes
to see me about something.

Look after things
while I'm gone.

Yes, sir.

"Sir"? Ha!
Who do I think he is?

Minerva Harlan!
I'm so glad you could come.

You look
such a darling.

That European trip of yours
did you a world of good.

Thank you, Mrs. Kilbourne.

But I haven't been to Europe
in five years.

Oh, how delightful.

Where's the Senator
and your mother?

I drove my own car,
but mother and dad will
be along presently.

You'll find Geraldine
in the cocktail room.

I'll let her
take care of you.

Aren't you going to introduce me
to this charming stranger?

This?
Oh, this is Rawlins.

How do you do, Mr. Rawlins?
I'm Minerva Harlan.

- Oh, but, uh, I --
- Yes, Rawlins.

This is Minerva Harlan.
Do you know each other?

Well, not yet,
but, um, it won't take long.

You can start being nice to me
right away.

You can lead me
to the cocktail room.

Oh, but pardon me
just a moment.

I think Mrs. Kilbourne wants
to speak to me about something.

No, Rawlins.
I don't want to speak to you.

Good. You can take me
to the cocktail room.

But, uh,
you don't understand.

Oh, I do understand.
A Harlan always gets her man.

Aren't you well?

I'm all right.

Oh, you don't look
very well.

I think a little milk
would do you good.

Here you are.

Here's to us.

Oh, but, uh,
I'm not supposed to drink.

Oh, what's the matter?
Can't you take it?

Oh, yes, yes.
It's not that. It's, uh...

You know, the Senator
doesn't go out very often,

only with close friends.

Miss Harlan, I wish you'd let me
explain about myself.

I know everything about you
I need to know --

Not too young,
much too handsome.

Oh. I...

Old-fashioned enough to blush
and unattached.

You are unattached,
aren't you?

Oh, yes, yes.

Good. He's unattached,
and I saw him first.

Minerva, darling...
I'm so happy to see you.

Well, then, look at me.

At a time like this?

Mrs. Remington,
I want you to know Mr. Rawlins.

But not too well.

Well, how do you do?

How do you do?
Do you mind if I have a sip?

O-oh, no. Please.

Why, he's going to --

He may not mind,
but I do.

Well, good luck.

Anything wrong,
Mr. Kilbourne?

No, no, no. But...

Oh, well...

You're doing pretty well

for someone
not supposed to drink.

I expect a bad cold.

If you ladies will excuse me,
I must see Mrs. Kilbourne.

It's very important.
Now don't go away!

Did you have
a pleasant trip?

Oh, we had a lovely time.

Oh, where did you go?

Kansas City.

Oh, how quaint.

You'll find the others
in the cocktail room.

Thank you.

Mrs. Kilbourne.

Oh, how nice of you
to come.

But I've been here.
I'm Rawlins.

Well, of course you are.
I know that.

I never forget a face or a name.
Don't be silly.

I'm very glad you came.

Mrs. Kilbourne, isn't there
something you wanted me to do?

No, Rawlins.

Oh, so you must see
Mrs. Kilbourne.

Very important.

Mrs. Kilbourne, your Mr. Rawlins
is a naughty boy.

Oh, how nice.

Oh, Mrs. Harlan.

And Senator Harlan,
I'm so happy you could come.

Not at all, not at all.
Glad to be here.

Oh, mother and dad,
this is Mr. Rawlins.

Isn't he handsome
and grand?

Glad to know you,
Mr. Rawlins.

Oh, your daughter's
too generous, sir.

Be careful,
young man.

When Minerva's nice, she's
usually looking for something.

Look here, Emily.

Oh, good evening,
Mrs. Harlan.

How do you do?

How do you do, Senator?
I'm glad to see you again.

Good evening.
Glad to see you.

Well, uh, I think
if you don't mind, I'll go.

No, you don't.

Father, tell this man to stop
running away from me.

Mr. Rawlins,

stop running away
from my daughter.

Senator,
how about a little...

Oh, no.

Take him in
and give him a drink instead.

Minerva wants one, too.

Come along, mom.
Come on, dad.

I'll buttle
till the butler comes along.

- Will you have one?
- Thank you.

- Will you?
- No, thanks.

- Well, you're two up on me...
- Well, now...

Hello,
Senator Harlan.

Good evening,
Geraldine.

How are you?
Hello, Mrs. Harlan.

Of course,
you know the Flemings.

Yes. Of course.

And this is Mrs. Remington,
Mrs. Harlan.

And, uh, that's Mr. Remington,
Mrs. Harlan.

How do you do?

I'm Mrs. Kilbourne.

Oh, mother.

Hello, pop.
Hello, everybody.

Hello, Wade.
Having a nice time?

Wonderful, thanks.

Give me a slug
of ginger ale -- straight.

Marion, dear...

Daddy wants to talk to you.

Take it easy, dad.
Remember my age.

Marion Kilbourne,
if I find you had anything to do

with bringing Rawlins
into this party as a guest,

I'll skin you alive.

Why, daddy, dear,

how could you ever suspect me
of doing such a thing?

Now, you listen to me.

If you so much as open your
mouth the rest of this night,

I'll tan you good.

Good evening, Mr. Kilbourne.

Oh, how are you,
Herbert?

- Hello, Marion.
- Hello, Herb.

You'll find Jerry
in there.

Well, thanks.
Excuse me.

Now, remember --
not a word.

No matter what happens,
you keep your mouth shut.

Can't I even open it
to eat?

Yes. Only to eat,
and that's all.

- Hello, John.
- Hello, Herb.

Why, Herbert! Hello!
How are you?

I'm so glad you're here.
Here. Here's a drink.

We're awfully glad
to see you.

Well, you know
I couldn't stay away, honey.

Still mad at me?

Mad at you? Of course not.
Why should I be?

Another cocktail,
Senator?

Oh, thank you,
Mr. Rawlins.

Jerry, isn't that Rawlins,
your chauffeur?

Why, uh, yes --

Come on. Come on.
Quit stalling.

What's the idea?
What's he doing here?
Shh. I'll tell you.

It's a long,
uninteresting story,

and I'm sure
it would bore you stiff.

- Now, would you care
not to hear it?
- What's he doing here?

I thought so.
Come on. Calm down.

Drink your drink.

Why, it's ridiculous.
After all, the man's a tramp!

What are these people
going to say

when they find out
about it?

Herbert, you're the only one
who knows him here.

Remember, you're meeting
Wade Rawlins

for the first time tonight.

Dinner is served, madam.

Mind the little step.

Follow me, everybody.
I know where it is.

Governor,
do you really like radishes?

You can't get away with this!
Get back to the kitchen.

Don't worry about me.
I'm doing all right.

- What did you say?
- I was talking to Grosvenor.

And whenever you are
in Washington,

You must come
and visit us.

Thank you so much,
but I was there once.

It was during
the last coronation.

Senator,
you're on my right.

No, here, here, Senator.

Mrs. Harlan, you're down there,
next to Henry.

And, Jerry,
you're here, darling.

And Herbert, Mrs. Remington.
Kay, you're there, dear.

Mrs. Fleming.

And Mr. Remington.

Minerva, darling,
you sit here.

Marion, come over here, darling,
and Mr. Fleming is there.

Rawlins,
you don't belong here.

Oh. Y- y- you're here.

Oh, I haven't any place
for you.

Oh, dear, dear.

Senator, I can't tell you
how glad we are

to have you here tonight.

I say, Rawlins, I, uh...

I didn't recognize you
without your uniform.

Oh, no?

Wheeler and I fought together
in the Great War.

Oh, if I only didn't have to
serve that person again.

Oh, boy.

If I had a tuxedo,
I'd serve him.

Oh, what I could do to
his tuxedo if it weren't mine.

Say, Kilbourne,

They tell me there's
a very eccentric woman

in this district.

It seems she has a hobby
of inviting hobos into her home

and trying to reform them.

What's wrong with that?

What's wrong with that?
Ha ha!

Supposing one
was sitting right here.

Now, what would be the topic
of his conversation?

What would he say?

What would we say?

Well, it's hard to imagine
unless the tramp,

or hobo,
as you call him,

was a victim
of circumstances.

Bosh!
A tramp is a tramp.

He's what he is
because he wants to be.

He's indolent,
and a menace to society.

Do you golf, Wade?
You don't mind if
I call you Wade.

- Oh, no. Of course not.
I'm sorry, sir --
- You mean you don't play?

No, I mean I don't mind
you calling me Wade.

Yes, I do play golf.

Minerva,
I'm talking to Mr. Rawlins.

But, surely, Senator --

That's wonderful.
Would you call me tomorrow?

Yes, of course.
Thank you.

Then you believe that a tramp,
if given the opportunity,

will give up
what he calls his comforts

and accept a job

that requires the use
of his brain or hands?

Well, of course.

Ha! I doubt it.

Oh, but I'm sure of it.

Now, for instance.
Take me.

Don't take him!
I- I mean...

Has anybody been up
to the Canadian Rockies lately?

Children, children,
remember.

We promised to act like adults
in front of the Senator.

Minerva, tell us about
your cousin who graduated

from Fort Wayne School
for Lady Dentists.

Senator, tell me more
about the woman who is nuts.

And that's my own belief.

Of course,
that's off the record.

Oh, thank you for your
confidence, Senator.
You can trust me.

I thought so.

Oh, by the way,

You're closely associated
with Kilbourne, aren't you?

I, um -- I try to help him
as much as I can

in my humble way,
you know?

Then, uh,
confidentially...

What do you think
of this bond issue of his?

Bond...

oh, oh.
The bond issue. Yes.

Well, all I can say is

if Mr. Kilbourne
is interested in it,

it's good enough for me.

- Oh, Willie??
- Yes.

Time to go.

So it is.
So it is. So it is.

Well, good night,
young man.

I've enjoyed the discussion
immensely.

Thank you, Senator.
So have I.

We had such a grand time,
Mrs. Kilbourne.

The dinner
was perfectly lovely.

Oh, I'm so glad
you could all come.

Because if you hadn't,

I don't know what we'd have done
with all the food.

Good night.

Good night.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Emily,
there's something

I've been trying to tell you
all evening.

Oh, Henry! There you are!
Where have you been?

We've had
the loveliest party.

For heaven's sakes, Emily,
I know all about the party.

You do? Tell me all about it.
How was it?

Oh, forget it.
Forget it!

Well, I'll try,
but I doubt it very much.

Boo!

You may go home now.
Good night.

That Rawlins certainly put
your family in a spot.

Why, if this ever gets out,
you'll be the --

But it won't get out, Herbert,
unless you let it out.

Well,
if I were your father,

I'd not only throw him
out of the house,

But I'd see
that he leaves town.

If you ask me,
he's nothing but a conniv--

But no one has asked you,
Herbert.

It's been a lovely evening.
Thanks to you, Wade.

Yes,
I've enjoyed it, too.

I'll call you
in the morning.

All right.
Good night.

Good night.

You look
so beautiful tonight, Jerry.

Thank you, Herbert.

I think you'd better
be going now --

Oh, please, let me stay
just a few minutes longer.

Come on, Jerry.
It's past your bedtime.

Good night, Herbert.

Say, what's the idea?

Did you forget something,
Herbert?

My name's Mr. Wheeler.

And I haven't forgotten
anything.

Oh.
Good night, Mr. Wheeler.

Good night, Herbert.

You didn't mind
my calling you Jerry, did you?

I don't know why I should.

Miss Harlan didn't mind
when you called her Minnie.

Oh. Oh, didn't she?
I didn't notice.

Jerry,
did anybody tell you

you look beautiful
this evening?

Yes. Nobody did.

I mean,
thank you, Wade.

Two three-minute eggs, toast,
coffee, and marmalade.

Is that all?

Thank you, sir.

Oh, uh, may I ask
who this is, please?

Two three-minute eggs.
That's six minutes.

Oh, give me
a couple of eggs,

And fix the tray for the guest
in the blue room.

Grosvenor didn't say anything
about a guest.

Oh, no.

He figures what we don't know
won't hurt him,

or something like that.

Not a decent word.
Not even a "good morning."

I don't know how I've stayed
in this place as long as I have.

It must be your personality
and sweet disposition.

Never mind
about my sweet dispo--

Who's that for?

That's for whoever the guest is
in the blue room,

if I'm not
too inquisitive.

- Guest in the blue room?
- Mm-hmm.

Guest in the blue room?

Guest in the blue room.

Why, it's impossible.
It's preposterous.

I haven't been
officially informed.

Who do they think is running
this house anyway?

Besides, there can't be a guest
in the blue room.

Oh, there can't, eh?

Then a ghost just called down,
and he's hungry.

You see?
That's another example

Of what I have to put up with
in this house.

Last night, it was
the unspeakable Rawlins.

Me, a Grosvenor,
having to wait on a lowly --

Don't you dare say anything
about Mr. Rawlins,

or I'll run you out of here
with a meat ax!

Give me the eggs.

Go lie down
for a couple of minutes.

They're not ready.

Meat ax.

Marion, dear,

You're exceptionally quiet
this morning.

Is anything the matter?

Oh, I had a tough day
at the office.

Oh, Marion.

Isn't she funny, Jerry?

No.

Grosvenor, here we are.
Where are you going?

I believe it's customary
to inform the butler

if there are to be guests.

Guests? Where?

In the blue room, sir.
He's just ordered breakfast.

Well, did he ask
for it cold?

Did you invite
anybody, dad?

Who could it be?

Henry, dear, are you sure
Aunt Sophia left last month?

I wonder if they could be
any hangovers left from
last night's party.

Only father's.

Isn't there any respect at all
in this family?

Don't get discouraged, pop.
There must be.

If you're all so curious
to know who the guest is,

why don't you go up
and see?

Well, you're the head man
in this family,

so you claim.

Why don't you go up
and see?

By golly, I will.

By golly, let's all go.

By golly, lets.

By golly.

See who it is.

Hey, dad, you tackle him.
We're right behind you.

Come in.

Good morn--

Good morning.
Will you bring the tray here?

And I'd like the morning paper,
please.

There must be some mistake.

Who is it?

I've never been so shocked
in all my life, sir.

It's Rawlins, sitting up in bed
as big as you please.

- Rawlins?!
- It's Rawlins!

What's he doing in there?

Waiting for me
to serve his breakfast,

And he had the effrontery to ask
for your newspaper.

Oh, he wanted
my newspaper, eh?

Well, I'll see
that he gets it.

Rawlins, eh?

What the blazes
are you doing in here?

- Oh, good morning, Mr. Kilbourne.
Come in.
- I am in.

Isn't it enough that you almost
completely ruined me last night?

Now get your clothes on
and get out.

Have you got a cigarette?

I said, "get out"!

Mr. Kilbourne, last night,
I was placed in a predicament

which was
just as embarrassing for me

as it must have been
for you.

What do you mean?

I mean having to act
the part of a guest.

That was last night.
This is another day.

Right,
but now, naturally,

I can't go back
to being your chauffeur.

- Uh, match?
- You bet you can't.

Therefore, I must either stay
your guest...

or leave.

Well, that's settled.
Now, go.

Oh, very well.

If that's the way you feel
about it, I'll go.

But promise me one thing --

Don't you ever let
Senator Harlan know

that he sat down to dinner
in your house with a tramp.

It might affect your deal.

Well, never mind Senator Harlan.

Get out!

Do you hear bells?

Hello?

Who's calling? Who?

Oh, just a moment,
Miss Harlan.

It's for you.
It's Miss Harlan.

Perhaps you'd better tell her
I'm not here

or that I've left

or that you were
just going to throw me out.

Hello, Minerva,
I was just going to --

Say, I can't tell her that.
You talk to her.

As you wish.

Good morning,
Miss Harlan.

She wants me
to call her Minerva.

Well, then,
call her Minerva.

Good morning, Minerva.

Oh, no, no. I'm alone.
Oh, that was the radio.

Somebody making animal noises,
I think.

Dad's going to drop me off
at the golf course

on his way into town.

You can use his clubs.

Besides,
he wants to talk to you.

Oh, the Senator
wants to talk to me.

Well, really, Minerva,

I don't know whether or not
I can make it.

Yeah, of course you can make it.
Of course you can make it.

Of course I can make it.
Of course I can make it.

Grosvenor,
what are you standing there for?

Take Mr. Rawlins' breakfast
in to him.

See that he gets
what he wants,

and if you say anything
about resigning,

I'll throw you out
of the house.

Say, what's happened
to pop?

Will that be all?

Yes, that's all,
my good man.

Oh, hello, Grosvenor.
Where's Rawlins?

Oh, there you are.

Good morning,
Mrs. Kilbourne.

My, my.

I do believe you're going to be
the complete vindication

of my theory.

Oh, thank you,
Mrs. Kilbourne.

Oh, boy, Wade.
You're the cats.

How does it feel
to be a guest?

Well, it's a very interesting
experience.

I'll bet you tell that
to all your hostesses.

Oh, Jerry wanted me
to find out

if you wouldn't care to play
golf with her.

Oh, I'd love to.

Oh, but, uh, I just arranged
to play with Miss Harlan.

Goody, goody, goody!

But if she likes,
we could make it a threesome.

She wouldn't like it,
I hope.

Shakespeare was right
when he said --

Well,
I've forgotten what he said,

but Shakespeare was right.

Bon appétit.

Oh, boy,
What a drive!

I wish I could hit a ball
as far as that.

Oh, there's no reason
in the world why you shouldn't.

What you need most of all
is to loosen up.

Oh, I'll never get out
of this trap.

Will you stop whistling?
It makes me nervous.

Wouldn't kid me,
would you?

I know what's
making you nervous.

I can't use the niblick.

Well, you mustn't ground
your club, of course.

Here, here.
Let me show you.

Now...

Now play it off
your right foot.

No, now, don't look at me.
Keep your eye on the ball.

Now, take sand
just behind the ball

and follow right through,
see?

Hey,
wait a minute, sis.

They haven't had
their second shot yet.

You're liable
to hit somebody.

That's just
what I had in mind.

Hey,
where are you going?

Home. This course
is too crowded for me.

Well,
hardly anybody's playing.

It's still
too crowded for me.

Aw, Jerry!

Hello.

Hello.

Been swimming?

Swim-- no.
golfing.

Where you going?

Inside.
Where are you going?

Outside.
Feed the pigeons.

Oh, uh, it's beautiful out,
Isn't it?

Ah, spring -- when a young man's
fancy turns to love --

24 hours in a day,

and I have to pick now
to empty you.

Hello.

Well, well, I didn't know
you were the domestic type.

Why, I'm just making
some fudge.

With pickles?

Oh, yes. I always make
my fudge with pickles.

You should try it sometime.
It's really quite different.

Ah, I should imagine so.

Did you, um,
enjoy your golf game?

Yes. It was very nice.

You seem to be quite
an attentive instructor.

Ah, that's because Minerva
is such an apt pupil.

Yes, I know.

Uh, you have a method
all your own

of instructing pupils.

Do you always keep your arms
around them?

Only the girls.

Well, of course.

I think a person
should have more pride

than to allow a total stranger
to make love to her

on a golf course,
but then...

Oh, well, there weren't
many people on the course.

I really believe
you enjoyed it.

Mm. It's not bad.

Uh, hmm?

You know, you ought to try it
yourself sometime.

When I want your advice,
I'll ask for it.

Go on out.
Make a fool of yourself.

See if I care.

Oh, well,
if that's the case,

perhaps I could take
my afternoon off.

I have
an important engagement.

Oh, don't let me keep you.

Oh, thank you.

Would you like to take
some of my fudge

to your important engagement?

Heavens, no.

Hello, Wade.
Where are you going?

Oh, just gonna take
a little ride.

Aren't you going to take Jerry
with you?

What makes you think
she'd like to go?

Is it worth four bits to you
to find out?

How about a quarter?

All right,
but I'm losing money.

When Jerry's mad,
it's because she wants to cry...

and when Jerry
wants to cry,

it's because she wants
something she can't have.

Catch on?

Well, where are you going
with my money?!

I never buy
secondhand information.

Stolen money
will never do you any good!

Hey, Wade!
Wait a minute! Rawlins!

- Hello, George.
- Hello, sir.

Hello, Mr. Bennett.

Something I can do
for y'all?

Where's Jed?

He's inside.

Mr. Smith?
The law is here.

Coming!

Well, hello, boys.
Anything I can do for you?

Jed, do you own a roadster,
license number 4M802?

Yes, sir, I do.
Have a pretzel?

Have you any idea
where the car is now?

Well, of course.

Why, I loaned it to
a fella named Mr. Rawlins
several days ago.

- Rawlins?
- Uh-huh.

He's a book writer.
Comes up here every year.

Ya know he promised
to send it back,

and I haven't
heard from him since.

Well, I don't think
you'll hear from him again.

He went over the bank
on the Kingsbury Grade.

- Are you sure?
- Yep.

Oh, he was such a nice lad.
Why, they find the body yet?

Not yet, but the boys
are looking for it now.

Oh, gosh.
That's awful.

Anything I can do
to help you out?

Yes. We'd like you to drive back
with us to identify the car.

Well, sure.

Sure, sure.
Wait till I get my coat.

I've got new tires
on that car.

Did I hear y'all say
Mr. Rawlins had an accident?

Yep. That's right.

My, oh, my.
Poor Mr. Rawlins.

He was so young-like
and nice.

He give me
these two bucks for luck

just before he went away.

Hey, George!

Yes, sir. I'm coming.

There I go,
walking in my sleep again.

Hey, George!

Yes, sir. Yes.

Hey, George!

I guess I won't sleep.

Here I is.

Here I is.

If you don't stop pounding
on that door,

you're gonna wake me up,
and I'll never go back to sleep.

Hey, George, open the door!
What's the matter with you?

Go away!

Go away, man!
Please leave!

Feet, get going.
What are y'all waiting for?

George!

Man, go away.

You know you ain't got
no business walking around.

Open up, George.
I want to see Mr. Smith.

I want to get my bag
and pay him for his car.

Go away, Mr. Rawlins,

before I wake up
and get real scared.

That you, Jerry?

Yes, mother.

Are you all right, dear?

Yeah, I guess so.

Night, dad.

Listen, young lady,

What's the idea of getting home
so early and scaring people?

I didn't go out.

You didn't?

What's the matter with you?
Sick?

Oh, no. I'm --
I'm so interested in this book,

I- I couldn't put it down.

What are you reading?

Um...

Well,
It's... it's about a...

A fella and a girl
and...

Things happen.

You know,
it's been a long time

since we sat down together
like this.

Yes, I guess it has,
hasn't it?

Come on. Tell me.
What's troubling you?

I don't seem very well able
to hide my feelings, do I?

Does he feel the same way
about you?

That's just it --
I don't know.

I guess you wouldn't want
any advice from me,

And I'm not going to
give you any.

Oh, it isn't that, pop.
It's just that...

Oh, gee, I don't know.

Well, I do.

It's only natural
for a father to believe

that no man is worthy
of his daughter,

and I'm no different
than any other father.

Jerry, dear,
I want you to be happy,

and whatever you do
is okay with me.

But what you see
in that Wade Rawlins,

I'll be darned if I know.

Pop!

I beg your pardon, Miss.

I thought I heard somebody
prowling around the house.

So did I.

Must have been us.
Yes, Miss.

For Mr. Rawlins,
I assume.

Oh, Grosvenor, let me take it
up to him, will you?

No!

What you see in Mr. Rawlins,
I'll never know.

You said it.

Fix him
two, 10-minute eggs.

Te--
Why, they'll be hard!

You said it.

- Morning, Dopey.
- Good morning.

Good morning, "Get Off the Rug,,.
Good morning, "You Too...

Bacon and eggs --
Eggs over, bacon crisp!

Morning, sis.

Morning.

My, you don't look good
this morning.

Nobody asked you.

I know.
It was my own idea.

Who are
you dressed up for?

The dogs, sweetie.

Good morning, Geraldine.

- Good morning, pop.
- Good morning, Marion.

What's the matter with dad?
Another hangover?

Did you sleep well,
Geraldine?

Fine, thank you.

Good morning, Dopey.
Good morning, darlings.

- Morning, mommy.
- Good morning.

Good morning, Jerry, darling.
Good morning, Marion.

Good morning, Henry.

Good morning, Em--

What do you mean,
"good morning, Henry"?

I was just trying to save mother
a good morning.

I'm so hungry.
Thank you, dear.

I haven't had a thing to eat
since last night.

Morning, everybody.

Good morning, Kane.

Say, dad, you know,
I've been thinking,

if I want a car, I ought to
go out and work for it.

Very good thought, son,
but I'll tell you what we'll do.

You come into town
with me,

and we'll pick out one together
for your birthday.

- Dad, you don't mean it!
- Yes.

Mother! Mother, did you hear
what dad said?!

Jerry, Marion,
dad's gonna buy me a car!

And I'll tell you
what I'll do.

You can use mine
till you get your new one.

Aw, gee, Jerry --

Hey, wait a minute.

What's wrong with this family
today, anyhow?

Yes, what's wrong with it?

Grosvenor, where -- have you seen
anything of my paper?

I put it under
Mr. Rawlins' door,
sir, as you ordered.

I wonder
if he's through with it.

I'll go up and see.

Thanks, Geraldine.
That's very nice of you.

Say, pop, do you notice
anything funny

about Jerry this morning?

No, I hadn't noticed
anything.

I hadn't, either.
I wonder what it could be.

I know what it is,
but I'm not telling,

Unless I get my price --
two bits.

Marion,
it isn't good manners

to keep things
from your parents.

I know,
but it's good business.

Geraldine,
what's wrong?

He's not there.

- He's not there?
- Not there?

Oh, no!

- What is it?
- What's happened?

"Noted novelist dies
in mountain crash.

"E. Wade Rawlins killed
on Kingsbury Grade

returning from fishing trip."

But he -- he can't be
our Rawlins,

he's not even here!

Noted novelist?

And we thought
he was just a tramp!

Oh! Oh,
this is terrible!

Oh, Jerry's fainted!
Somebody do something!

- Jerry!
- Jerry!

Oh, dear!
Somebody do something quickly!

Kane, put her on the couch.
I'll get some smelling salts.

His car went over
the Kingsbury Grade.

Oh!
Poor, poor Rawlins!

Oh,
it doesn't seem possible!

Quick! Quick! The smelling salts!
Jerry's fainted!

In the closet.

There's no
smelling salts here.

I'll get the ammonia.

Ohh!

Rosa. Take care of Etta.

Why don't you look
where you're going?!

I'm sorry, pop,
but I --

Rosa, come here
and open the window!

Aaaaah!

Will somebody please
stay healthy around here

long enough for me
to get something done?!

I'll speak to you later
about this!

Marion, come on!
Let's get some water!

W- what's the matter,
pop?

Oh! Oh!

Here, poor pop.

Marion, this is no time
for games.

Can't anybody do anything
around here but me?!

My goodness, poor Rosa.

Oh, dear, dear.

Etta, what happened?

Oh, I was looking out
the window, and I saw...

- Ohh!
- Etta! Etta!

I guess there's nothing
I can do here.

I'll go help poor Jerry.

Oh, hello.
Did you hear what happened to...

Rawlins!

Why, Mrs. Kilbourne!
Oh, Mrs. Kilbourne!

Why, Mrs. Kilbourne!
Please!

Come on, sis.

Wade.

Wade!

Uh...uh, don't go away.
I'll be right back.

Jerry.
Jerry, darling.

Well, don't stand there
like a wooden Indian.

Do something.
Get some water.

Some smelling salts
or something.

Wait a minute.
You can't do this to me.

You're dead!

Go on, go on.
Get some water.

Mama! Papa!

Dad! Dad!

Pop! Pop!
Are you all right?

This is getting worse
than an epidemic!

Oh, what hit me?

What, Emily, you too?

Jerry?

Are you awake, Jerry?

No?

Oh, well.
I'll get the water.

Ah.

We'll get the water.

Oh, darling! I knew you loved me!

Grosvenor, come here.

What's the idea of that getup?

After watching the success

of all the tramps
who've infested this house,

I realize that I've been
in the wrong racket.

From now on,
me for the open road.

EVERY DAY'S A SUNNY MAY DAY

A BRIGHT AND GAY DAY

HOW WELL WE KNOW

BARNUM NEVER IN HIS HEYDAY

PUT ON A FINER SHOW

ISN'T THIS A SWEET DREAM

A KNOCK-YOU-OFF-YOUR-FEET
DREAM?

AND JUST BETWEEN US TWO

IT'S NOT A DREAM,
IT'S TRUE

MERRILY WE LIVE