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Previously on The Last Man on Earth...
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- I'm a cannibal.
- I'm going to get Jasper.
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You knew where Jasper
was this whole time?
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- You know what you need to do.
- We have to kill him.
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TANDY: I took the liberty
of cutting up some straws.
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(GASPS) Got it!
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I can't do... (GASPS)
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So?
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I did it.
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You killed him?
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Oh, yeah.
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I don't even remember
pulling the trigger.
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I mean, my back was
still to him, you know?
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And then I heard a popping sound.
15
00:00:40,943 --> 00:00:44,125
Uh, the gun must have
just discharged early.
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Your gun discharged early?
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Gail, this is not the time
for a hurtful sexual joke.
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We're talking about a man's life here.
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And Carol and I have been
working through that problem.
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- Yeah.
- Anyway...
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- So you weren't even aiming at him?
- Yeah.
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But, I mean, it must have
ricocheted off something
23
00:00:59,443 --> 00:01:01,142
and hit him, 'cause
when I turned around,
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he was majorly dead.
25
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You know, lower body
still relatively intact.
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00:01:06,149 --> 00:01:09,084
Upper body just went full
Houdini on me, though.
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You know, just disappeared.
Not there anymore.
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- (GROANING)
- Oh, you're...
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(CHUCKLES) You're telling me.
I mean, the whole room looks
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00:01:15,258 --> 00:01:17,425
like a Thanksgiving toilet
after a turkey recall.
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- Just spattered. Warped.
- (GROANING)
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- Gross. Well, it just doesn't add up.
- Look, maybe it'll help
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if I take you through
an improvised recreation
34
00:01:26,083 --> 00:01:27,042
of the events.
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00:01:27,061 --> 00:01:28,303
So, obviously, I opened
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with your standard vase-based
practice shot. (MIMICS GUNSHOT)
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(GASPING)
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Then, from the other
room, I heard Carol say...
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(NASALLY): "Is it over?"
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- Is it over?
- To which I replied...
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(DEEP VOICE): "Practice
shot. Doing it now."
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And then a poignant final good-bye.
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And then I counted off ten paces.
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One,
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two,
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three,
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four, blah, blah, blah...
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Yeah.
49
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Six,
50
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seven,
51
00:01:59,302 --> 00:02:02,237
eight, nine,
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ten.
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Gun went off. (MIMICS GUNSHOT)
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Thanksgiving toilet.
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Maybe it'll make more sense
if we go to the actual room.
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- Come on.
- (GASPING)
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- (GROANING)
- TODD: Oh, my God.
58
00:02:16,895 --> 00:02:19,487
No, we'll take your
word for it. Thank you.
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I killed him.
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♪ Hungry eyes ♪
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♪ I see the magic
between you and I ♪
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♪ Hungry eyes. ♪
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A fitting tribute.
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We're gathered here today
to lay rest to most of Karl.
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As we all know, he was
a very complex person.
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00:02:55,358 --> 00:02:58,676
So we bury him in two separate caskets
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00:02:58,701 --> 00:03:01,931
as a symbol of the two
starkly contrasting sides
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00:03:01,959 --> 00:03:03,710
of his personality.
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00:03:03,748 --> 00:03:04,946
One of those sides
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was solid, kinda together.
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The other side was just a friggin' mess,
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yeah, as represented by this
loose bag of human bric-a-brac
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00:03:14,688 --> 00:03:16,755
that we cobbled
together off the curtains
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00:03:16,780 --> 00:03:19,114
and rugs and floors and such.
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00:03:19,149 --> 00:03:20,515
Karl, we send you our thoughts
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00:03:20,550 --> 00:03:23,118
and prayers as you hurtle, screaming,
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00:03:23,153 --> 00:03:25,630
on your terrifying journey to Hell.
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00:03:25,655 --> 00:03:28,870
Heck, you're probably chewing
on Bill Cosby's gallbladder
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right now,
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washing it down with
a warm cup of diarrhea.
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00:03:33,035 --> 00:03:35,073
I don't know much about cannibalism.
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I assume that's how it works.
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00:03:37,134 --> 00:03:38,651
Back to the matter at hand.
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00:03:38,676 --> 00:03:41,752
Lucifer, it's me again.
85
00:03:41,777 --> 00:03:43,844
Please take care of our Karl.
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He was a gentle killer
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who, uh, tried very hard
not to eat his friends.
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Upside-down amen.
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00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,055
Now, is there
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00:03:53,080 --> 00:03:55,283
anything that anybody'd
like to say about Karl?
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00:03:56,116 --> 00:03:57,485
Um...
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00:03:58,671 --> 00:04:00,060
Karl,
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00:04:00,085 --> 00:04:01,322
in case you need a snack
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00:04:01,391 --> 00:04:03,091
on your unholy journey,
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00:04:03,126 --> 00:04:07,719
I collected some of Tandy's
dandruff and foot skin flakes.
96
00:04:07,744 --> 00:04:10,449
I sprinkle them over you now.
97
00:04:21,459 --> 00:04:23,335
Um...
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00:04:26,296 --> 00:04:29,264
I'm sorry you had to die.
99
00:04:29,289 --> 00:04:31,456
Um, but you are a people eater,
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00:04:31,481 --> 00:04:33,861
and I couldn't risk you eating my baby.
101
00:04:33,963 --> 00:04:35,223
Well said, Erica.
102
00:04:35,258 --> 00:04:37,225
That job belongs to dingoes.
103
00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:40,395
National tragedy, but... it's fine.
104
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:42,197
Anybody else?
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00:04:43,049 --> 00:04:45,433
I'd like to say a few words.
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00:04:47,768 --> 00:04:50,104
I've been thinking.
107
00:04:50,381 --> 00:04:54,616
For the first time since the
virus took our world away,
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00:04:55,209 --> 00:04:57,127
I've been really happy.
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00:04:57,147 --> 00:04:59,147
Like happy to the point
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00:04:59,182 --> 00:05:01,407
that I almost forgot what life was like
111
00:05:01,432 --> 00:05:03,218
when there were people around.
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00:05:03,474 --> 00:05:05,374
But then Karl came,
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00:05:05,399 --> 00:05:08,434
and he threatened to take
all of that away from me.
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00:05:08,690 --> 00:05:11,192
So I just want to say,
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thank you, Tandy.
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00:05:13,263 --> 00:05:15,363
You were right about Karl,
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00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,298
and I was too stubborn to see it.
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00:05:17,334 --> 00:05:19,334
And I just want you to know
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00:05:19,369 --> 00:05:22,470
that we all owe you a debt of gratitude,
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00:05:22,505 --> 00:05:26,107
and that will not soon be forgotten.
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00:05:26,664 --> 00:05:28,209
- Uh, uh...
- Oh,
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00:05:28,256 --> 00:05:30,155
and, you know, I just also want to say
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00:05:30,180 --> 00:05:31,862
that it's really refreshing
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00:05:31,887 --> 00:05:33,920
to see you listen to me
125
00:05:33,945 --> 00:05:37,085
and not have to just jump
right in and toot your own horn
126
00:05:37,120 --> 00:05:40,355
or do that dumb little
nose laugh thing you do.
127
00:05:40,390 --> 00:05:41,422
(BREATHY CHUCKLE)
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00:05:41,458 --> 00:05:43,391
I don't do that.
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00:05:43,426 --> 00:05:45,824
Oh, you do. Y'all just do your Tandy.
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00:05:45,849 --> 00:05:49,063
(BREATHY CHUCKLING)
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(CHUCKLES) What?
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You've really changed.
133
00:05:53,026 --> 00:05:55,336
So, keep it up.
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00:05:55,372 --> 00:05:57,305
(STAMMERS)
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00:05:57,374 --> 00:06:00,174
I don't know what to say. I, uh...
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00:06:00,561 --> 00:06:03,629
Let's see what else I have here. Uh...
137
00:06:08,184 --> 00:06:09,384
Wouldn't you know it,
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00:06:09,419 --> 00:06:12,290
on every single card, it just says,
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00:06:12,315 --> 00:06:14,987
"Hey, you guys are the heroes.
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00:06:15,012 --> 00:06:16,845
"I'm just a mirror
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00:06:16,870 --> 00:06:18,459
reflecting your heroism."
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00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:21,874
That's what they all
say. You can read it.
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♪ Amazing grace ♪
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00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:30,811
♪ How sweet the sound ♪
145
00:06:30,836 --> 00:06:35,151
♪ That saved a wretch ♪
146
00:06:35,176 --> 00:06:38,778
♪ Like him and him. ♪
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00:06:40,501 --> 00:06:41,793
(LAUGHING)
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00:06:41,834 --> 00:06:42,543
Oooh.
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00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:43,785
Oh my God!
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00:06:43,810 --> 00:06:45,463
Oh, Carol. I mean,
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00:06:45,501 --> 00:06:47,419
you saw it. She was,
like, gushing with praise.
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00:06:47,457 --> 00:06:50,624
- Oh, she absolutely was.
- And I was just frozen.
153
00:06:50,693 --> 00:06:52,753
I couldn't believe it. I was like...
154
00:06:54,253 --> 00:06:55,496
I mean, you saw it.
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00:06:55,565 --> 00:06:57,423
I did. I was taken aback.
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00:06:57,448 --> 00:06:59,082
I was taken several backs.
157
00:06:59,107 --> 00:07:02,041
- I was like this...
- I saw you.
158
00:07:02,066 --> 00:07:04,338
But I couldn't move. It was like...
159
00:07:04,828 --> 00:07:05,960
And I was like...
160
00:07:07,222 --> 00:07:08,709
(HIGH-PITCHED): I can't do it.
161
00:07:08,778 --> 00:07:10,711
(HIGH-PITCHED): I can't move.
162
00:07:10,780 --> 00:07:12,680
(BOTH LAUGH)
163
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- (EXHALES)
- Tandy,
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00:07:15,541 --> 00:07:18,429
this is a huge breakthrough.
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00:07:18,454 --> 00:07:20,800
(SCOFFS) I don't know
about that, Care Bear.
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I-I mean, obviously,
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the rest of the group
really admires me, but...
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00:07:24,104 --> 00:07:25,626
Understatement of the century.
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00:07:25,695 --> 00:07:27,361
But for Gail...
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00:07:27,396 --> 00:07:30,929
you know, I think it's still
just, like, a very deep respect.
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00:07:30,954 --> 00:07:32,533
But, hey, I mean, that's not nothing.
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00:07:32,568 --> 00:07:35,669
Maybe it could be
not not nothing.
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00:07:35,738 --> 00:07:37,605
You mean... something?
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You keep this up,
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00:07:39,639 --> 00:07:42,137
Gail's gonna go from
being your mother-in-law
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to a mother-in-awe.
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00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:45,613
And that would be great,
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00:07:46,009 --> 00:07:48,411
but that's not what
this is about, Carol.
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00:07:48,436 --> 00:07:51,393
This is about me being
the best Tandy I can be
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00:07:51,418 --> 00:07:54,488
for no other reason than
it just feels really good.
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00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:55,556
Aw.
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Carol, what's happening to me?
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You killed a man.
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(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
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I should murder people more often.
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00:08:03,899 --> 00:08:05,332
And there we go.
187
00:08:05,829 --> 00:08:07,071
Come on, Todd.
188
00:08:07,096 --> 00:08:08,195
Just 'cause we're in a little fight
189
00:08:08,220 --> 00:08:09,470
doesn't mean you need to sleep out here.
190
00:08:09,539 --> 00:08:12,105
Oh, this isn't for me. This is for you.
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It's the liar's couch.
192
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That's a chair.
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Congratulations.
194
00:08:17,480 --> 00:08:19,522
Now you know what it
feels like to be lied to.
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00:08:19,683 --> 00:08:21,583
Fine, Todd.
196
00:08:21,608 --> 00:08:23,751
I am sorry I didn't
tell you about Jasper.
197
00:08:23,819 --> 00:08:25,419
Oh, she's sorry.
198
00:08:25,521 --> 00:08:26,754
I made a promise to him.
199
00:08:26,822 --> 00:08:29,557
Y-You knew I was out there
looking for him, worried sick.
200
00:08:29,625 --> 00:08:31,492
I mean, when were you
planning on letting me know?
201
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,753
Do you think I wanted
to be in this position?
202
00:08:33,894 --> 00:08:35,396
Lying to everyone?
203
00:08:35,431 --> 00:08:36,222
I don't know.
204
00:08:36,247 --> 00:08:37,565
All I was trying to do was to make sure
205
00:08:37,633 --> 00:08:39,600
that nine-to-11-year-old
little boy had a lifeline
206
00:08:39,669 --> 00:08:41,535
so that we didn't lose him altogether.
207
00:08:43,539 --> 00:08:45,212
I made a promise.
208
00:08:45,923 --> 00:08:47,474
I know, and I'm-I'm...
209
00:08:47,894 --> 00:08:49,160
Geez, I'm sorry.
210
00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:51,579
- (SIGHS)
- Really, I'm-I'm sorry.
211
00:08:51,907 --> 00:08:53,940
I'm sorry, too.
212
00:08:55,751 --> 00:08:58,519
Well, I'm glad we settled that. (LAUGHS)
213
00:08:59,157 --> 00:09:00,598
So, where is he?
214
00:09:01,069 --> 00:09:02,135
- Todd.
- What?
215
00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,759
You know I can't tell you that.
216
00:09:03,784 --> 00:09:04,583
Why?
217
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:06,594
We just went over this!
218
00:09:06,662 --> 00:09:08,395
Well, then I bid you good night!
219
00:09:08,497 --> 00:09:10,397
Okay? Sweet nightmares!
220
00:09:10,499 --> 00:09:13,334
Enjoy your chair bed!
221
00:09:13,620 --> 00:09:15,620
Ridiculous.
222
00:09:17,093 --> 00:09:18,926
(SIGHS)
223
00:09:19,163 --> 00:09:20,341
CAROL (CHUCKLING): Wow.
224
00:09:20,409 --> 00:09:21,675
Oh.
225
00:09:21,811 --> 00:09:24,311
What's going on in here?
226
00:09:24,380 --> 00:09:26,046
Eh, just doing a little cleanup.
227
00:09:26,071 --> 00:09:27,781
You cleaned up this whole room?
228
00:09:27,850 --> 00:09:30,718
Well, I had a little
help from Señor Clean.
229
00:09:31,210 --> 00:09:33,176
Tandy Miller, what's gotten into you?
230
00:09:33,264 --> 00:09:35,217
It looks like the Tandy-man
231
00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:37,417
has become the handyman.
232
00:09:37,449 --> 00:09:38,325
Hey, gals.
233
00:09:38,350 --> 00:09:39,393
Come on, cut it out.
234
00:09:39,462 --> 00:09:41,362
We all would have done the same thing.
235
00:09:41,397 --> 00:09:43,108
- It's no big deal.
- GAIL: Wait.
236
00:09:43,133 --> 00:09:46,467
(SCOFFS) Did you just say "no big deal"
237
00:09:46,502 --> 00:09:48,369
instead of saying "NBD"
238
00:09:48,437 --> 00:09:50,404
or "nizzle bizzle dizzy"?
239
00:09:50,473 --> 00:09:52,406
(LAUGHS) Fresh pot of
coffee on the table.
240
00:09:52,475 --> 00:09:53,641
Help yourself.
241
00:09:58,414 --> 00:10:00,381
Um, Tandy,
242
00:10:01,250 --> 00:10:03,042
do we have any creamer?
243
00:10:03,066 --> 00:10:04,385
Creamer? (CHUCKLES)
244
00:10:04,417 --> 00:10:07,335
- No, I don't think that we do, no.
- Wait, Tandy.
245
00:10:07,456 --> 00:10:09,972
Come on. Really listen to me.
246
00:10:10,495 --> 00:10:13,460
Do we have any cream... her?
247
00:10:14,341 --> 00:10:15,253
Sorry, no.
248
00:10:15,278 --> 00:10:17,253
I can pop out to the store.
249
00:10:17,278 --> 00:10:19,324
ERICA: Come on, Tandy.
You know what she's saying.
250
00:10:19,349 --> 00:10:20,855
Gail, set me up.
251
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:22,369
Erica, do we have any creamer?
252
00:10:22,438 --> 00:10:23,437
Creamer? I hardly knew her.
253
00:10:23,506 --> 00:10:25,606
Boom! Doy, duh.
254
00:10:26,238 --> 00:10:28,305
(LAUGHS) That's very funny.
255
00:10:28,330 --> 00:10:30,016
But, look, I should
probably just keep focused
256
00:10:30,041 --> 00:10:31,274
on the task at hand.
257
00:10:31,299 --> 00:10:34,167
Oh, Gail, can you pass me that
cleaner-no-further-comment?
258
00:10:38,751 --> 00:10:40,669
Thank you.
259
00:10:49,998 --> 00:10:51,622
(SLURRING): You're going
to see him, aren't you?
260
00:10:51,647 --> 00:10:54,501
- (EXHALES) You scared me.
- Oh.
261
00:10:54,537 --> 00:10:55,669
You were scared?
262
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,411
In the... in the
comfort of your own home?
263
00:10:58,436 --> 00:11:01,408
I wonder how a boy
alone in the woods feels.
264
00:11:01,477 --> 00:11:03,343
Todd, it's 11:00 a.m.
What are you drinking?
265
00:11:03,412 --> 00:11:05,379
Well, I wish it was poison.
266
00:11:06,491 --> 00:11:09,517
But if you must know,
it's Bud Light Lime, rocks.
267
00:11:09,542 --> 00:11:11,538
And I'm already two deep.
268
00:11:13,841 --> 00:11:15,441
Ah.
269
00:11:15,584 --> 00:11:17,210
I'm coming with you.
270
00:11:17,244 --> 00:11:18,387
We talked about this.
271
00:11:18,412 --> 00:11:20,661
Melissa, look, this craziness
has gone on long enough.
272
00:11:20,730 --> 00:11:23,530
I'm coming with you. I'm
not taking no for an answer.
273
00:11:23,632 --> 00:11:25,666
- No.
- Fine!
274
00:11:42,250 --> 00:11:43,917
What are you doing?
275
00:11:43,959 --> 00:11:45,751
Well, uh, people have been complaining
276
00:11:45,752 --> 00:11:47,167
about the dirty diaper pile,
277
00:11:47,195 --> 00:11:49,389
so I decided to do something about it.
278
00:11:49,458 --> 00:11:50,591
And balloons is your answer?
279
00:11:50,659 --> 00:11:52,392
That's the dumbest thing I've ever seen.
280
00:11:52,417 --> 00:11:55,334
I don't know. It smells better already.
281
00:11:55,359 --> 00:11:56,648
Looks kind of fun.
282
00:11:56,673 --> 00:11:58,061
I'm on board.
283
00:11:58,086 --> 00:11:59,219
Thanks, G Spot.
284
00:11:59,244 --> 00:12:01,179
(LAUGHS) G Spot?
285
00:12:01,204 --> 00:12:02,469
Tandy Miller, do you know
286
00:12:02,538 --> 00:12:04,437
they used to call me
that in high school?
287
00:12:04,462 --> 00:12:05,372
TANDY: What?
288
00:12:05,441 --> 00:12:06,406
Two years ago?
289
00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:10,410
Now, you're gonna
make me blush. (LAUGHS)
290
00:12:10,435 --> 00:12:11,568
Hey, where you going
291
00:12:11,593 --> 00:12:12,556
with that cooler, hon?
292
00:12:12,581 --> 00:12:14,226
Gail, you know exactly where I'm going.
293
00:12:14,251 --> 00:12:16,251
So, if you want to give
me any crap, just save it.
294
00:12:16,678 --> 00:12:17,695
Melissa?
295
00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:18,753
What?
296
00:12:19,147 --> 00:12:20,792
Go to him.
297
00:12:26,341 --> 00:12:28,107
G Spot, you want to do one?
298
00:12:28,132 --> 00:12:30,966
- Duh.
- Well, get in here, girl.
299
00:12:48,792 --> 00:12:51,166
(LAUGHING)
300
00:12:51,167 --> 00:12:52,457
No I'm being serious.
301
00:12:52,482 --> 00:12:53,999
Blue raspberry's not a real flavor.
302
00:12:54,042 --> 00:12:56,251
The Pop-Tart people just made it up.
303
00:12:56,309 --> 00:12:57,374
(LAUGHS)
304
00:12:57,956 --> 00:12:59,454
Scored you some new comic books.
305
00:12:59,479 --> 00:13:00,511
Thanks.
306
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,180
MELISSA: So, I have
to tell you something.
307
00:13:03,648 --> 00:13:05,031
The others found out I know.
308
00:13:05,056 --> 00:13:06,022
What?
309
00:13:06,047 --> 00:13:07,384
There was this really big emergency,
310
00:13:07,487 --> 00:13:09,061
and this guy was trying to eat us,
311
00:13:09,086 --> 00:13:11,555
and then Tandy exploded him.
312
00:13:11,586 --> 00:13:13,157
There was blood and guts everywhere.
313
00:13:13,259 --> 00:13:14,922
Really gross. You would have loved it.
314
00:13:15,584 --> 00:13:17,667
Anyway, I had to tell them,
315
00:13:17,691 --> 00:13:19,432
so they're all really mad at me.
316
00:13:20,203 --> 00:13:22,370
Because they just really miss you.
317
00:13:23,081 --> 00:13:25,046
Especially Todd.
318
00:13:27,057 --> 00:13:28,305
But I won't tell them.
319
00:13:28,775 --> 00:13:31,676
I won't tell them where you are
if you don't want me to. Okay?
320
00:13:34,836 --> 00:13:36,869
Just keep bringing you Pop-Tarts.
321
00:13:36,894 --> 00:13:38,597
(BOTH LAUGH)
322
00:13:38,622 --> 00:13:40,451
MELISSA: Such a healthy diet.
323
00:13:41,135 --> 00:13:42,734
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
324
00:13:42,759 --> 00:13:44,125
Come in.
325
00:13:48,807 --> 00:13:51,302
What are you all dressed up for?
326
00:13:51,818 --> 00:13:53,852
- I have a date.
- Oh, yeah?
327
00:13:54,197 --> 00:13:56,487
What are you getting your bad self into?
328
00:13:56,524 --> 00:13:58,424
I'm having a drink...
329
00:13:58,665 --> 00:14:00,665
with my mother-in-law.
330
00:14:01,565 --> 00:14:03,118
What do you say, G Spot?
331
00:14:03,143 --> 00:14:04,441
Well, hooty!
332
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,343
Yeah, let's do it!
333
00:14:06,412 --> 00:14:08,412
- Really?
- Yeah.
334
00:14:17,751 --> 00:14:19,751
- What the hell, Todd?
- Look, I can explain.
335
00:14:19,760 --> 00:14:22,647
There he is. You want to talk
to him so bad, go talk to him.
336
00:14:22,672 --> 00:14:24,914
- No, I... I shouldn't.
- Then why did you come here?
337
00:14:24,939 --> 00:14:27,231
Look, I wanted to talk to him, okay?
338
00:14:27,851 --> 00:14:29,609
- (SIGHS)
- But then I saw you with him,
339
00:14:29,637 --> 00:14:31,570
and I realized he doesn't trust me
340
00:14:32,125 --> 00:14:33,834
like he trusts you.
341
00:14:34,514 --> 00:14:36,407
(LAUGHING): All I do is freak him out.
342
00:14:37,014 --> 00:14:39,048
And you...
343
00:14:39,935 --> 00:14:41,703
you're really good with him.
344
00:14:44,350 --> 00:14:46,283
(SIGHS)
345
00:14:46,665 --> 00:14:48,865
- What?
- It's just funny, you know.
346
00:14:49,341 --> 00:14:51,424
I want to be a dad so bad,
347
00:14:51,449 --> 00:14:53,352
but I just keep chunking it.
348
00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:56,626
You... you hate the idea of
being a mom, but you're...
349
00:14:56,667 --> 00:14:57,959
- Todd.
- I'm just saying.
350
00:14:58,031 --> 00:15:00,263
- Well, don't.
- All right.
351
00:15:00,677 --> 00:15:03,067
Look, don't worry. I've
given up on being a dad.
352
00:15:03,183 --> 00:15:04,142
You have?
353
00:15:04,167 --> 00:15:06,292
Yeah, it's just not
in the cards, you know.
354
00:15:06,293 --> 00:15:08,918
I can still be an uncle.
355
00:15:08,941 --> 00:15:10,741
You know, uncle's not bad.
356
00:15:10,766 --> 00:15:12,032
There are some perks.
357
00:15:12,057 --> 00:15:14,963
You know? All the good stuff,
none of the responsibilities.
358
00:15:16,046 --> 00:15:18,137
And that's enough for you?
359
00:15:18,162 --> 00:15:21,029
I guess it's gonna have to be.
360
00:15:23,375 --> 00:15:25,417
Come on, let's go.
361
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:30,227
(GAIL LAUGHS LOUDLY)
362
00:15:30,296 --> 00:15:31,328
(BOTH LAUGHING)
363
00:15:31,530 --> 00:15:32,941
You want another shot?
364
00:15:32,966 --> 00:15:34,065
Hit me.
365
00:15:34,090 --> 00:15:35,232
(TANDY CHUCKLES)
366
00:15:35,387 --> 00:15:37,066
(GAIL INHALES DEEPLY)
367
00:15:37,255 --> 00:15:38,967
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE): Oh, boy!
368
00:15:38,992 --> 00:15:40,537
Yeah, that's fantastic!
369
00:15:40,606 --> 00:15:43,107
G Spot represent!
370
00:15:43,209 --> 00:15:45,140
(LAUGHING)
371
00:15:45,265 --> 00:15:46,477
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE):
♪ Gary, Indiana ♪
372
00:15:46,545 --> 00:15:51,213
♪ Gary, Indiana, Gary, Indiana! ♪
373
00:15:51,238 --> 00:15:54,004
(BOTH LAUGHING)
374
00:15:54,418 --> 00:15:55,712
(TANDY INHALES)
375
00:15:55,737 --> 00:15:57,670
(IN NORMAL VOICE): Hey, you know what?
376
00:15:57,717 --> 00:16:00,818
I'm having a really nice time with you.
377
00:16:04,273 --> 00:16:07,241
(CRIES, SNIFFLES)
378
00:16:07,266 --> 00:16:09,203
Tandy, what's wrong?
379
00:16:09,228 --> 00:16:11,101
(IN HIGH-PITCHED VOICE):
That just means a lot
380
00:16:11,364 --> 00:16:13,203
to hear you say that.
381
00:16:13,228 --> 00:16:15,072
(IN NORMAL VOICE): It's
no secret. You and I have
382
00:16:15,141 --> 00:16:18,142
gone through some rough
patches with our relationship.
383
00:16:18,789 --> 00:16:21,624
But it feels like we're in a
really good place right now,
384
00:16:21,649 --> 00:16:23,850
and that's important to me, you know?
385
00:16:24,328 --> 00:16:27,184
Why do you care so much what I think?
386
00:16:27,286 --> 00:16:29,824
Guess I'm just not
used to getting praise.
387
00:16:29,849 --> 00:16:33,042
You know, growing up, my brother
always got all the attention.
388
00:16:33,067 --> 00:16:34,834
He was a real overachiever.
389
00:16:34,942 --> 00:16:37,261
My parents just ate it up.
390
00:16:37,427 --> 00:16:39,396
It's like I wasn't even there.
391
00:16:40,317 --> 00:16:42,199
So that's why, at the funeral,
392
00:16:42,268 --> 00:16:44,234
when you told me I did good,
393
00:16:44,303 --> 00:16:48,138
oh, man, it just made me feel like...
394
00:16:50,209 --> 00:16:53,143
Like I finally made
the fridge, you know?
395
00:16:54,835 --> 00:16:57,561
You've come a long way since Tucson.
396
00:16:57,586 --> 00:16:59,100
And you know what?
397
00:16:59,133 --> 00:17:01,245
I bet, if your parents were still alive,
398
00:17:01,250 --> 00:17:03,959
they'd be just as proud of you as I am.
399
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:06,140
Your friendship means a lot to me.
400
00:17:06,209 --> 00:17:07,950
Oh, come on.
401
00:17:07,975 --> 00:17:10,263
Who are we kidding? Friends?
402
00:17:10,288 --> 00:17:12,421
Oh, after all we've been through,
403
00:17:12,498 --> 00:17:15,177
we're way more than just friends.
404
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,085
You get me?
405
00:17:19,876 --> 00:17:22,293
Uh, yeah. Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
406
00:17:22,314 --> 00:17:23,818
Um, you know, I...
407
00:17:23,843 --> 00:17:27,711
I, uh... I should, uh, probably
get back to my wife Carol.
408
00:17:27,736 --> 00:17:29,399
You don't want a little more wine?
409
00:17:29,417 --> 00:17:31,792
Mm, I don't think that'd
be a good idea. (LAUGHS)
410
00:17:44,417 --> 00:17:45,581
CAROL: I'm thoroughly positive
411
00:17:45,626 --> 00:17:48,084
that Bezequille's birthmark is growing,
412
00:17:48,125 --> 00:17:50,043
but the Pilbasians always go
413
00:17:50,078 --> 00:17:51,878
through a birthmark growth phase.
414
00:17:51,980 --> 00:17:54,630
Waxing during the baby phase,
415
00:17:54,709 --> 00:17:56,585
and then waning as toddlers,
416
00:17:56,635 --> 00:17:59,702
and then really kicking into
high gear during puberty.
417
00:17:59,771 --> 00:18:00,803
I see.
418
00:18:01,105 --> 00:18:02,238
CAROL: Oh, Tandy.
419
00:18:02,263 --> 00:18:05,450
I was having the most
interesting chat with Gail.
420
00:18:05,475 --> 00:18:06,933
And, uh, let me guess.
421
00:18:07,129 --> 00:18:08,444
Did it happen to include
422
00:18:08,469 --> 00:18:10,747
how your mother wants
to have sex with me?
423
00:18:10,792 --> 00:18:11,710
- Oh, Lord.
- What?
424
00:18:11,792 --> 00:18:13,418
I should've seen it coming, Carol.
425
00:18:13,436 --> 00:18:15,818
I mean, that whole put-on
at the funeral was all
426
00:18:15,834 --> 00:18:18,460
just a long con to get at my dong.
427
00:18:18,489 --> 00:18:20,188
A funeral, Gail?
428
00:18:20,213 --> 00:18:22,643
That's where you like
to cruise for meat, huh?
429
00:18:22,668 --> 00:18:24,738
Tandy, what the hell
are you talking about?
430
00:18:24,763 --> 00:18:27,235
I could ask you the same
question, couldn't I?
431
00:18:27,260 --> 00:18:29,866
To think I used to look
at you like a mother!
432
00:18:29,935 --> 00:18:34,070
And then you started with the
innuendo and the hand play.
433
00:18:34,636 --> 00:18:37,674
Tried to take us back to the
moment where we first met.
434
00:18:37,776 --> 00:18:38,908
When the drinks were flowing
435
00:18:39,000 --> 00:18:41,542
and skinny-dipping was
the topic of the day.
436
00:18:41,547 --> 00:18:43,813
Well, I got the skinny for you, Gail.
437
00:18:43,914 --> 00:18:48,022
The dip you once knew is married.
438
00:18:48,047 --> 00:18:49,719
To your daughter!
439
00:18:49,788 --> 00:18:52,755
And there's not gonna be
any funny business between us
440
00:18:52,824 --> 00:18:54,924
'cause I haven't wanted to
see you naked for a long time,
441
00:18:55,026 --> 00:18:56,593
and dreams don't count, okay?
442
00:18:56,695 --> 00:18:58,828
You can't control those,
and I will not be held
443
00:18:58,863 --> 00:19:01,864
(STAMMERING): responsible
for... them, okay?
444
00:19:03,802 --> 00:19:05,768
And to think...
445
00:19:05,837 --> 00:19:07,804
I called you G Spot
446
00:19:08,380 --> 00:19:12,675
when all along, I was
staring right at a b-hole.
447
00:19:13,059 --> 00:19:15,738
You're such an idiot.
448
00:19:16,067 --> 00:19:18,808
(SIGHS) You two have fun.
449
00:19:19,253 --> 00:19:21,884
Well, uh, i-if that's
a threesome proposition,
450
00:19:21,953 --> 00:19:25,050
I will never accept
without Carol's blessing!
451
00:19:25,347 --> 00:19:27,824
And I'm against you doing
a twosome with each other,
452
00:19:27,892 --> 00:19:29,592
just to be clear!
453
00:19:30,250 --> 00:19:31,542
(SIGHS)
454
00:19:31,553 --> 00:19:34,656
Sounds to me like you
misunderstood something.
455
00:19:34,681 --> 00:19:36,561
She'll get over it, Carol.
456
00:19:38,069 --> 00:19:40,103
They always do.
457
00:19:51,750 --> 00:19:54,617
Okay, so I've been
doing a lot of thinking,
458
00:19:54,920 --> 00:19:56,987
and I've come to a decision.
459
00:19:58,717 --> 00:19:59,889
(SIGHS)
460
00:20:00,357 --> 00:20:02,357
I want you to have a baby.
461
00:20:04,529 --> 00:20:05,662
What?
462
00:20:05,959 --> 00:20:08,059
You are always gonna want to have kids,
463
00:20:08,084 --> 00:20:09,832
and I never will, so,
464
00:20:09,892 --> 00:20:13,770
if we're gonna get past this,
I'm going to have to compromise.
465
00:20:14,454 --> 00:20:16,642
(LAUGHING): I-I don't know what to say!
466
00:20:16,673 --> 00:20:17,907
Well, it's a big decision,
467
00:20:17,976 --> 00:20:19,976
so there's a lot of
stuff for us to discuss.
468
00:20:20,045 --> 00:20:22,373
(LAUGHING): What's to
discuss, hon? Let's do this!
469
00:20:22,398 --> 00:20:25,201
Whoa, whoa, easy there.
I'm not having a baby.
470
00:20:25,226 --> 00:20:26,882
- You... you just said that...
- No, no, no, no, no, no.
471
00:20:26,907 --> 00:20:28,828
This is your deal, okay?
472
00:20:28,853 --> 00:20:31,788
I'm just gonna be the wife
of a guy who has a kid.
473
00:20:31,823 --> 00:20:34,791
I mean, like you said earlier,
I don't want to be the mom.
474
00:20:35,140 --> 00:20:36,909
I just want to be the aunt.
475
00:20:36,934 --> 00:20:39,511
Okay, well, I... I'm-I'm confused.
476
00:20:39,536 --> 00:20:41,064
(LAUGHING): I mean, there's a...
477
00:20:41,358 --> 00:20:44,293
serious biological
impediment here, you know?
478
00:20:44,888 --> 00:20:46,833
Not necessarily.
479
00:20:47,792 --> 00:20:49,710
Thank you so much for
taking time out of your day.
480
00:20:49,751 --> 00:20:52,960
- Yeah.
- Um, the reason we are here is that we...
481
00:20:53,011 --> 00:20:54,986
Well, we have a question for you.
482
00:20:55,000 --> 00:20:57,083
We have a question for you.
483
00:20:57,799 --> 00:21:01,799
Synced and corrected by Octavia
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33840
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