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- "Will & Grace"
is shot before
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00:00:06,397 --> 00:00:08,312
a live studio audience.
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00:00:08,356 --> 00:00:10,140
- Well, I'm off
to Divorce Attorney.
4
00:00:10,184 --> 00:00:12,664
Wish me money.
5
00:00:12,708 --> 00:00:14,492
- So, you and Stan
are really over?
6
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:15,798
- Yep.
- Do you wanna talk?
7
00:00:15,841 --> 00:00:17,278
- Why?
8
00:00:17,321 --> 00:00:19,454
- Must have all kinds
of feelings.
9
00:00:24,459 --> 00:00:26,765
Is it the word "feelings"
that's bumping you?
10
00:00:26,809 --> 00:00:28,724
- Honey, feelings are
for poor people
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00:00:28,767 --> 00:00:31,031
and the liberals who love them.
12
00:00:32,728 --> 00:00:34,643
- Okay, but, you know,
13
00:00:34,686 --> 00:00:39,039
I'm here if you ever
change your...personality.
14
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:42,477
- What up, Smudge?
15
00:00:44,218 --> 00:00:46,263
- Heads up.
Your sister's here.
16
00:00:48,396 --> 00:00:50,093
- Uh, when were you
gonna tell me?
17
00:00:50,137 --> 00:00:52,182
- What?
18
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:56,752
- I just saw
what you're wearing.
19
00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:07,806
It's pretty.
20
00:01:20,384 --> 00:01:22,169
- Janet, did you sleep here?
- Yeah, well,
21
00:01:22,212 --> 00:01:24,171
you were such a douche about
me staying at your place.
22
00:01:24,214 --> 00:01:25,737
- Well, that's because
the last time,
23
00:01:25,781 --> 00:01:27,783
you brought that weird
guy with the anxiety rat.
24
00:01:27,826 --> 00:01:31,091
- Uh, that's a real thing.
That rat has his own bus seat.
25
00:01:32,788 --> 00:01:34,529
Did you ever find it?
26
00:01:38,794 --> 00:01:41,884
- What do you mean,
did I ever find it?
27
00:01:44,191 --> 00:01:46,628
- Never mind.
28
00:01:46,671 --> 00:01:47,803
- Janet, you gotta
get out of here.
29
00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:49,500
I've got a client coming.
30
00:01:49,544 --> 00:01:51,676
- I'm in crisis, Smudge--
not that you asked.
31
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,461
Frank's cheating on me.
- Janet...
32
00:01:53,504 --> 00:01:55,202
- If I had any balls,
I'd tell him it's over,
33
00:01:55,245 --> 00:01:57,552
but his wife just got back
from active duty.
34
00:01:59,380 --> 00:02:02,513
- I'm sure they'll both
thank you for your service.
35
00:02:06,517 --> 00:02:08,215
- Good night, Mr. Truman.
36
00:02:08,258 --> 00:02:10,608
- Really?
"Mr. Truman" is so formal.
37
00:02:10,652 --> 00:02:14,221
Call me William, guys,
or Professor Truman...
38
00:02:14,264 --> 00:02:17,485
- But you're not a full Profe--
- Good night, Jill.
39
00:02:19,226 --> 00:02:20,836
- Oh, hey, kids.
Yeah.
40
00:02:20,879 --> 00:02:24,144
Swell of you to visit the
elderly in your spare time.
41
00:02:26,537 --> 00:02:28,452
Another study group?
42
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:30,454
- I like being the teacher all
the kids wanna hang out with.
43
00:02:30,498 --> 00:02:33,631
- Yeah, no, they seemed
really eager to stay.
44
00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,459
- I'll have you know
they invited me
45
00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:37,200
to a warehouse party.
46
00:02:37,244 --> 00:02:39,202
- Ooh, a rave, yeah.
47
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,726
Remember those nights?
All those hot guys?
48
00:02:41,770 --> 00:02:44,512
- Yeah, you dancing along on a
box in nothing but short shorts
49
00:02:44,555 --> 00:02:47,776
and a retainer?
50
00:02:47,819 --> 00:02:51,519
- And you with your little
baggy of orange slices?
51
00:02:54,304 --> 00:02:56,480
♪ Key change
52
00:02:56,524 --> 00:02:57,742
Check it out.
53
00:02:57,786 --> 00:02:59,222
- You bought
your wedding rings?
54
00:02:59,266 --> 00:03:00,615
- I did.
55
00:03:00,658 --> 00:03:03,531
First ring I'll ever wear
on my finger.
56
00:03:03,574 --> 00:03:05,968
- You and Estefan are
really getting married.
57
00:03:06,011 --> 00:03:07,448
- Our time has come.
58
00:03:07,491 --> 00:03:09,232
Before I was ready
to settle down,
59
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:11,539
I just had to get a couple
guys out of my system.
60
00:03:13,497 --> 00:03:15,543
And then in my system.
- Mm-hmm.
61
00:03:16,892 --> 00:03:18,937
- And then back out
of my system.
62
00:03:23,594 --> 00:03:27,207
- You wrote, "To my soulmate"
inside his ring.
63
00:03:27,250 --> 00:03:28,817
- Well, he is...
64
00:03:28,860 --> 00:03:31,733
Never thought I'd meet
my soulmate, but I did.
65
00:03:31,776 --> 00:03:33,343
- Well, I'm gonna cry.
66
00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:34,649
- Maybe you should
save your tears
67
00:03:34,692 --> 00:03:35,998
until you get your Amex bill.
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00:03:38,609 --> 00:03:40,785
I kid!
69
00:03:40,829 --> 00:03:42,309
...You not.
70
00:03:44,702 --> 00:03:46,400
- Listen, Grace,
I've already been here
71
00:03:46,443 --> 00:03:47,749
longer than I wanna be here,
so let's wrap this up.
72
00:03:47,792 --> 00:03:49,359
I've got ten minutes.
73
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:50,578
Wait, I have
so much to show you.
74
00:03:50,621 --> 00:03:52,536
- Nine.
- Oh, okay, I understand.
75
00:03:52,580 --> 00:03:55,496
Um, I've got some--
some fun paint ideas
76
00:03:55,539 --> 00:03:57,541
that I'm gonna show you,
and this time, I am confident
77
00:03:57,585 --> 00:04:00,762
that it won't give you,
as you put it, eye herpes.
78
00:04:00,805 --> 00:04:02,329
- Hey, Grace.
79
00:04:02,372 --> 00:04:05,288
How dark is pee supposed to be?
80
00:04:05,332 --> 00:04:06,724
Oh, sorry.
81
00:04:06,768 --> 00:04:08,552
- Don't be.
That's a legitimate question.
82
00:04:08,596 --> 00:04:11,903
It's supposed to be
the color of pale hay.
83
00:04:11,947 --> 00:04:15,429
- Then I should see a doctor.
84
00:04:15,472 --> 00:04:17,474
- You're adorable.
Who are you?
85
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:18,823
- Janet.
- Janet.
86
00:04:18,867 --> 00:04:22,523
That's a beautiful name.
87
00:04:22,566 --> 00:04:23,785
Have a drink with me.
88
00:04:23,828 --> 00:04:25,482
- Sure, but I'm straight.
- Are you?
89
00:04:25,526 --> 00:04:27,571
- Yes, yes.
- Are you? Are you?
90
00:04:27,615 --> 00:04:29,791
- You tell me.
91
00:04:33,969 --> 00:04:35,579
- What is this?
92
00:04:35,623 --> 00:04:37,320
Chocolate milk?
93
00:04:37,364 --> 00:04:40,062
Guess one of the kids
must have left it.
94
00:04:40,105 --> 00:04:41,455
You know what?
95
00:04:41,498 --> 00:04:42,717
I'm doing it...
96
00:04:42,760 --> 00:04:45,415
This is our rave.
97
00:04:45,459 --> 00:04:48,026
I'll drop one bread
and two fats tomorrow.
98
00:04:49,985 --> 00:04:51,813
Oh, mmm.
- Gimme some.
99
00:04:56,644 --> 00:04:57,949
- Takes you back, right?
100
00:04:57,993 --> 00:05:00,474
- Yeah, totally.
101
00:05:00,517 --> 00:05:02,780
- Hey, you need to do something
about your doorman.
102
00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:05,696
He's a little handsy.
- We don't have a doorman.
103
00:05:07,002 --> 00:05:09,439
- Oh, makes sense.
104
00:05:09,483 --> 00:05:13,617
What kind of doorman would
test people for colon cancer?
105
00:05:17,665 --> 00:05:19,884
- So, did you have time to
look over my divorce papers?
106
00:05:19,928 --> 00:05:21,886
- Oh, yeah, uh,
107
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:24,541
looks like Stan
got the cabin in Vermont,
108
00:05:24,585 --> 00:05:26,500
but you got Vermont.
109
00:05:26,543 --> 00:05:30,025
- Suck it, New England...
110
00:05:30,068 --> 00:05:31,983
- Jack used to have
a tank top that said that.
111
00:05:32,027 --> 00:05:35,030
- Oh?
112
00:05:35,073 --> 00:05:36,814
So, now what?
113
00:05:36,858 --> 00:05:38,729
I just sign these
and that's it?
114
00:05:38,773 --> 00:05:40,514
- Pretty much.
115
00:05:40,557 --> 00:05:42,690
Once you've done that, you're
no longer Mrs. Stanley Walker.
116
00:05:42,733 --> 00:05:45,475
- Hm, it's that easy...
117
00:05:45,519 --> 00:05:46,868
- You okay?
118
00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:48,696
You gotta be struggling
with how hard this is.
119
00:05:48,739 --> 00:05:51,916
- I had a tank top
that said that too.
120
00:05:53,614 --> 00:05:55,398
- Good Lord,
why is everybody
121
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:57,357
making such a big deal
out of this?
122
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:00,403
What, do you want me to sing
a torch song or something?
123
00:06:00,447 --> 00:06:03,493
I'm fine.
- Oh, Karen.
124
00:06:03,537 --> 00:06:06,148
I know this is hard to swallow.
125
00:06:06,191 --> 00:06:09,673
Yes, a T-shirt...
126
00:06:09,717 --> 00:06:12,067
It's a piece of paper.
127
00:06:12,110 --> 00:06:13,677
It doesn't mean anything.
128
00:06:13,721 --> 00:06:17,986
It's like a
restraining order, or...
129
00:06:18,029 --> 00:06:21,598
the Constitution.
130
00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:25,820
- Are you sure you're okay?
131
00:06:25,863 --> 00:06:28,039
- Honey, I am better than ever,
132
00:06:28,083 --> 00:06:29,954
and I'm ready
for my second act.
133
00:06:29,998 --> 00:06:31,521
- Now,
that's a great attitude
134
00:06:31,565 --> 00:06:32,870
to take into
your next 100 years.
135
00:06:32,914 --> 00:06:34,916
- Ah.
136
00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:37,179
Ooh, is this choc-y milk?
137
00:06:37,222 --> 00:06:40,138
- You drink chocolate milk?
138
00:06:40,182 --> 00:06:42,402
- It's my own vice.
139
00:06:44,752 --> 00:06:47,494
Shh.
140
00:06:47,537 --> 00:06:50,845
I'd love to stick around, but
we all know that's not true.
141
00:06:51,933 --> 00:06:54,544
- God, this stuff is addictive.
142
00:06:54,588 --> 00:06:57,155
I don't remember chocolate milk
being so good.
143
00:06:57,199 --> 00:06:59,419
- Will...
144
00:07:16,131 --> 00:07:17,741
I feel kind of funny.
145
00:07:17,785 --> 00:07:20,004
Wait, those kids
were going out to party.
146
00:07:20,048 --> 00:07:21,484
Do you think they put
something in this?
147
00:07:21,528 --> 00:07:23,443
- No, they're law students.
148
00:07:23,486 --> 00:07:24,966
They wouldn't
do anything illegal.
149
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:26,533
- Oh, okay...
150
00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:27,882
Oh, wait.
Hold on.
151
00:07:27,925 --> 00:07:29,971
I gotta get that butterfly
off your shoulder.
152
00:07:33,496 --> 00:07:34,932
- Thanks...
153
00:07:34,976 --> 00:07:37,065
Must have come from over there.
154
00:07:42,070 --> 00:07:43,941
I don't remember putting in
a butterfly door,
155
00:07:43,985 --> 00:07:45,726
but I like it.
156
00:07:49,773 --> 00:07:53,124
- ♪ Ha-ba-da,
bee-ba-da ♪
157
00:07:53,168 --> 00:07:55,649
Oh, street meat.
158
00:07:55,692 --> 00:07:58,390
It's my one vice.
Shh.
159
00:07:58,434 --> 00:08:00,480
One, please.
160
00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:07,399
Huh, that's unusual.
161
00:08:15,495 --> 00:08:17,105
Oh, crap.
162
00:08:17,148 --> 00:08:20,412
I forgot
I was performing tonight.
163
00:08:20,456 --> 00:08:23,546
Oh, thanks, honey.
164
00:08:23,590 --> 00:08:26,027
Testing, testing.
Is this thing on?
165
00:08:26,070 --> 00:08:28,159
Check, check, one.
Check, one, two.
166
00:08:30,814 --> 00:08:32,773
- So, shall we look at fabrics?
- Hold on.
167
00:08:32,816 --> 00:08:34,557
I want my girlfriend
to weigh in.
168
00:08:34,601 --> 00:08:36,080
- Of course. I didn't know
you were seeing anyone.
169
00:08:36,124 --> 00:08:37,821
- She's new.
Babe!
170
00:08:37,865 --> 00:08:39,388
Never been good
at relationships,
171
00:08:39,431 --> 00:08:42,304
probably 'cause I'm a bitch.
172
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:44,741
- Okay, so, for the sofa,
I was thinking that--
173
00:08:44,785 --> 00:08:46,308
- What up, Smudge?
174
00:08:46,351 --> 00:08:47,439
- Janet,
what are you doing here?
175
00:08:47,483 --> 00:08:50,573
- Her.
176
00:08:50,617 --> 00:08:53,184
- You have got
to be kidding me.
177
00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:54,708
- I'm a lesbian now.
178
00:08:54,751 --> 00:08:56,710
Deal with it.
179
00:09:08,678 --> 00:09:10,245
- Poor thing.
180
00:09:12,290 --> 00:09:14,249
- I'm gonna take her shoes.
181
00:09:22,779 --> 00:09:26,391
- Your skin is so soft.
182
00:09:26,435 --> 00:09:30,265
It's so...soft.
183
00:09:30,308 --> 00:09:31,614
It's so, like--
184
00:09:31,658 --> 00:09:33,529
what is the word
I'm thinking of?
185
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:36,140
- Soft?
- Yes!
186
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,708
You always find the word.
187
00:09:38,752 --> 00:09:40,754
- I know so many words.
188
00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:42,146
- Like what?
189
00:09:42,190 --> 00:09:44,453
- Cassoulet...
190
00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:46,803
oh, I know there are others.
191
00:09:46,847 --> 00:09:48,631
- It's okay.
It's okay. It's okay.
192
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:50,285
Words are just
things people say.
193
00:09:50,328 --> 00:09:53,288
- Yes, yes, yes.
It's like we're beyond words.
194
00:09:53,331 --> 00:09:56,160
- Those are words.
195
00:09:56,204 --> 00:09:58,554
- "Soulmate."
There's a word.
196
00:09:58,598 --> 00:10:00,643
It's like that's the
biggest word there is--
197
00:10:00,687 --> 00:10:02,210
not in terms of letters--
198
00:10:02,253 --> 00:10:04,560
Cassoulet is longer--
but the idea.
199
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,389
- Yeah.
- What is a soulmate?
200
00:10:07,432 --> 00:10:10,218
- Soulmate, soulmate.
Hey, let's look at the word.
201
00:10:10,261 --> 00:10:12,568
Let's look at it.
- Huh?
202
00:10:12,612 --> 00:10:15,745
Oh, air-finger cursive.
203
00:10:15,789 --> 00:10:18,182
It's a lost art.
204
00:10:18,226 --> 00:10:21,708
- Right?
Write?
205
00:10:21,751 --> 00:10:23,927
- Right?
206
00:10:23,971 --> 00:10:27,322
Soulmate--a soulmate
is someone who knows you
207
00:10:27,365 --> 00:10:29,933
better than anyone,
who takes care of you,
208
00:10:29,977 --> 00:10:33,589
someone who knows what
you need before you e--
209
00:10:35,852 --> 00:10:39,551
Why did you just hand me...
210
00:10:39,595 --> 00:10:41,336
A tissue?
211
00:10:41,379 --> 00:10:43,381
Are you my soulmate?
212
00:10:45,732 --> 00:10:48,517
- I might be.
How would we know for sure?
213
00:10:51,999 --> 00:10:55,785
Whoever this ring fits,
214
00:10:55,829 --> 00:10:58,266
is my soulmate.
215
00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:02,531
- Ow.
Ow.
216
00:11:02,574 --> 00:11:04,185
Ow...
217
00:11:04,228 --> 00:11:05,926
It fits!
218
00:11:10,582 --> 00:11:12,367
- Okay, okay,
this is happening.
219
00:11:12,410 --> 00:11:13,890
- Told you she'd be
weird about it.
220
00:11:13,934 --> 00:11:15,587
She doesn't want to think
about her sister having sex.
221
00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:18,678
- Well, who does, besides
Angelina Jolie's brother?
222
00:11:20,027 --> 00:11:21,855
- This conversation makes me
wanna do heroin again.
223
00:11:21,898 --> 00:11:23,639
Let's look at fabrics.
224
00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,815
- Yes, fabrics.
Of course.
225
00:11:25,859 --> 00:11:28,339
Um, and I also brought
some new carpet samples--
226
00:11:28,383 --> 00:11:29,993
- She's already seen
a new carpet sample.
227
00:11:30,037 --> 00:11:32,213
- Soon as it came out
of my mouth.
228
00:11:33,736 --> 00:11:35,564
- How did we not
notice this before?
229
00:11:35,607 --> 00:11:37,000
- My soulmate was
right across the hall!
230
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:38,610
- Mine too!
231
00:11:38,654 --> 00:11:40,874
I mean, it's so obvious.
We finish each other's--
232
00:11:40,917 --> 00:11:44,442
- Penises.
- That's what I was gonna say.
233
00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:46,357
- Okay, what am I thinking
right now?
234
00:11:46,401 --> 00:11:49,796
- I'm not getting anything.
- I wasn't thinking anything!
235
00:11:49,839 --> 00:11:52,276
Do you know what this means?
Do you know what this means?
236
00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,365
I have to tell Estefan you're
my soulmate before I marry him.
237
00:11:54,409 --> 00:11:55,889
- He'll totally understand.
Call him now.
238
00:11:55,932 --> 00:11:57,673
- Oh, okay.
Excellent.
239
00:11:57,717 --> 00:11:59,414
I just have to wait for that
rabbit to get off the phone.
240
00:11:59,457 --> 00:12:02,852
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm,
mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
241
00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:04,462
Wanda, Wanda, listen, no.
242
00:12:04,506 --> 00:12:07,596
You're the one who wanted
an open relationship.
243
00:12:07,639 --> 00:12:08,902
- Oh, I'm so glad
you're my soulmate.
244
00:12:08,945 --> 00:12:10,425
- Me too.
245
00:12:10,468 --> 00:12:11,774
- I'm gonna make you
a sandwich.
246
00:12:11,818 --> 00:12:13,558
- I don't want a sandwich.
- Excuse me?
247
00:12:13,602 --> 00:12:15,430
I said I don't need you
to make me a sandwich.
248
00:12:15,473 --> 00:12:17,040
- Of course you do.
I take care of you.
249
00:12:17,084 --> 00:12:19,869
I'm your soulmate.
- I already ate with Estefan.
250
00:12:19,913 --> 00:12:22,785
- Well, just un-eat with him.
251
00:12:22,829 --> 00:12:24,047
- I refuse!
252
00:12:24,091 --> 00:12:25,832
- You bitch!
253
00:12:32,403 --> 00:12:33,796
Get out!
I never wanna see you again.
254
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,885
- I never wanna be seen by you!
255
00:12:41,412 --> 00:12:44,154
- Hey, babe, what are we
feeling about the wall color?
256
00:12:44,198 --> 00:12:45,329
- Why?
Do we think it's too dark?
257
00:12:45,373 --> 00:12:46,809
- I think we might.
258
00:12:46,853 --> 00:12:48,419
- Oh, I think
we think it works.
259
00:12:48,463 --> 00:12:50,247
And how about we leave the
designing to the designer
260
00:12:50,291 --> 00:12:52,902
instead of the woman who thinks
the paper flip-flops you get
261
00:12:52,946 --> 00:12:56,123
after a pedicure are okay
to wear synagogue?
262
00:12:56,166 --> 00:12:57,385
- That's homophobic.
263
00:12:57,428 --> 00:12:58,995
- Uh, okay.
It's not.
264
00:12:59,039 --> 00:13:00,823
And you are not a lesbian.
265
00:13:00,867 --> 00:13:03,783
You're an Adler.
We don't work that hard.
266
00:13:03,826 --> 00:13:05,132
I'm sorry.
267
00:13:05,175 --> 00:13:08,178
Donna, my sister is
just as straight as I am.
268
00:13:08,222 --> 00:13:10,833
- Are you? Are you? Are you?
- Yes, yes.
269
00:13:10,877 --> 00:13:14,576
- Watch out.
This is where it happens.
270
00:13:14,619 --> 00:13:16,230
- Oh, that must be
271
00:13:16,273 --> 00:13:19,320
my intervention
I keep rescheduling.
272
00:13:19,363 --> 00:13:21,452
You always think
you're gonna have time.
273
00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:24,238
- Thank you,
ladies and gentlemen.
274
00:13:24,281 --> 00:13:25,848
Thank you so much.
275
00:13:25,892 --> 00:13:29,069
Benny and I are going to
take it down a notch.
276
00:13:29,112 --> 00:13:31,332
This one is for my man...
277
00:13:32,899 --> 00:13:35,423
The one that got away.
278
00:13:35,466 --> 00:13:39,035
- Jack?
Jack!
279
00:13:39,079 --> 00:13:41,385
Will, Will!
280
00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:43,039
Will!
- I'm over here.
281
00:13:43,083 --> 00:13:44,998
- Will, I was so lost.
282
00:13:45,041 --> 00:13:47,217
- What's happening to us?
283
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:50,220
- I don't know.
284
00:13:50,264 --> 00:13:52,396
But I don't feel comfortable
talking about it
285
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,181
in front of her.
286
00:13:56,531 --> 00:13:58,359
- Praise be.
- Under his eye.
287
00:14:00,578 --> 00:14:02,232
- What are you doing?
288
00:14:02,276 --> 00:14:05,148
Just because you go out
with guys without jobs, cars,
289
00:14:05,192 --> 00:14:08,064
or all of their fingers
doesn't make you gay.
290
00:14:08,108 --> 00:14:10,023
- Why can't you
be happy for me?
291
00:14:10,066 --> 00:14:12,895
- Because, honestly, I think
that this is a little pathetic.
292
00:14:12,939 --> 00:14:14,114
- I am not pathetic.
293
00:14:14,157 --> 00:14:16,116
You say I'm not pathetic.
- No.
294
00:14:16,159 --> 00:14:17,334
- Pick a city.
- No!
295
00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:18,596
- Pick a city!
- Philadelphia.
296
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,991
- P-H-I-L-A--
- Ow, ow, ow, ow.
297
00:14:22,035 --> 00:14:25,299
Why don't I ever say LA?
298
00:14:27,170 --> 00:14:29,259
Fine!
Be a lesbian.
299
00:14:29,303 --> 00:14:33,046
Have a Pussy Riot!
Whatever.
300
00:14:33,089 --> 00:14:35,396
Just don't screw up
this job for me.
301
00:14:35,439 --> 00:14:37,920
- How am I screwing it up?
- Because it's what you do.
302
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:41,010
You always make my life
so difficult.
303
00:14:41,054 --> 00:14:43,926
I mean, my God,
you are my older sister.
304
00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:46,320
You're supposed to be
the one to take care of me.
305
00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:48,235
- It's true.
I'm a terrible big sister.
306
00:14:48,278 --> 00:14:50,628
- Come on, Janet.
- What? I am.
307
00:14:50,672 --> 00:14:53,414
And I hate that.
308
00:14:53,457 --> 00:14:55,895
When you were born, mom put
you in my arms and said,
309
00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:58,027
"This is your baby.
310
00:14:58,071 --> 00:15:00,203
You have to take care of her."
311
00:15:00,247 --> 00:15:02,292
And I wanted to.
312
00:15:02,336 --> 00:15:04,381
I loved you so much.
313
00:15:04,425 --> 00:15:08,124
- You put me into a basket
and threw me into a pond.
314
00:15:08,168 --> 00:15:10,692
- That's what Moses' mom did.
315
00:15:10,735 --> 00:15:12,955
I was trying to give you
a better life.
316
00:15:18,134 --> 00:15:20,354
- You are not a failure.
317
00:15:20,397 --> 00:15:22,965
- If anything, I am.
318
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:25,576
Mom said,
"Life is harder for Janet.
319
00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:28,057
Be kind to her."
320
00:15:28,101 --> 00:15:29,929
And I haven't been.
321
00:15:29,972 --> 00:15:33,584
Look, if you are a lesbian,
I will support you happily.
322
00:15:33,628 --> 00:15:36,152
- I don't know if I am...
323
00:15:36,196 --> 00:15:38,589
Donna's cool.
324
00:15:38,633 --> 00:15:41,462
And she played me like a banjo.
325
00:15:52,473 --> 00:15:55,563
- Well, you just ruined
Mumford & Sons for me.
326
00:15:57,521 --> 00:16:00,655
- I'm a mess.
- Who isn't?
327
00:16:03,440 --> 00:16:05,181
- Now that mom's gone,
328
00:16:05,225 --> 00:16:09,011
maybe we should do that thing
she always wanted us to do.
329
00:16:09,055 --> 00:16:12,623
- Neither one of us is
gonna marry Josh Groban.
330
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:15,583
- No.
Look out for each other.
331
00:16:17,063 --> 00:16:19,369
Isn't that what sisters do?
332
00:16:19,413 --> 00:16:21,371
- I love you, Janet.
333
00:16:21,415 --> 00:16:23,460
- I love you so much.
334
00:16:25,506 --> 00:16:28,117
- ♪ Good riddance
335
00:16:28,161 --> 00:16:31,468
♪ Good-bye
336
00:16:31,512 --> 00:16:35,472
♪ Every trick of his
337
00:16:35,516 --> 00:16:40,521
♪ You're on to
338
00:16:40,564 --> 00:16:44,133
♪ But fools will be fools
339
00:16:44,177 --> 00:16:46,005
♪ And where's he
340
00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:51,314
♪ Gone to?
341
00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:54,665
♪ The road is rougher
342
00:16:54,709 --> 00:16:58,626
♪ It's lonelier and tougher
343
00:16:58,669 --> 00:17:01,324
♪ With hope you burn up
344
00:17:01,368 --> 00:17:05,372
♪ Tomorrow he may turn up
345
00:17:05,415 --> 00:17:08,592
♪ There's just no letup
346
00:17:08,636 --> 00:17:10,725
♪ The livelong night
347
00:17:10,768 --> 00:17:15,817
♪ And day
348
00:17:15,860 --> 00:17:21,214
♪ Ever since
this world began ♪
349
00:17:21,257 --> 00:17:24,478
♪ There is nothing
350
00:17:24,521 --> 00:17:29,570
♪ Sadder than
351
00:17:32,225 --> 00:17:39,319
♪ A one-man woman
352
00:17:41,669 --> 00:17:44,802
♪ Looking for
353
00:17:44,846 --> 00:17:52,071
♪ The man that got
354
00:17:53,681 --> 00:18:00,731
♪ Away
355
00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:04,518
♪ The man
356
00:18:04,561 --> 00:18:10,393
♪ That got
357
00:18:12,395 --> 00:18:19,359
♪ Away
358
00:18:25,495 --> 00:18:28,585
- Bravo!
359
00:18:35,636 --> 00:18:37,377
- How you feeling?
360
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:41,859
- Better, although
I do miss the butterflies.
361
00:18:41,903 --> 00:18:43,992
Oh, God!
Oh.
362
00:18:46,212 --> 00:18:48,170
- Do I need to say
anything to the school
363
00:18:48,214 --> 00:18:50,999
about my students lacing
chocolate milk with drugs?
364
00:18:51,042 --> 00:18:52,957
- Depends, I mean,
365
00:18:53,001 --> 00:18:54,263
do you wanna do
the right thing,
366
00:18:54,307 --> 00:18:57,136
or be the cool teacher
that all the kids like?
367
00:18:57,179 --> 00:19:00,139
- Eh, they're adults.
- Yeah.
368
00:19:02,053 --> 00:19:05,013
You know, all that stuff
we said about soulmates
369
00:19:05,056 --> 00:19:07,798
and sandwiches--
that was because of the--
370
00:19:07,842 --> 00:19:09,148
we were chocolate
milking, right?
371
00:19:09,191 --> 00:19:12,194
- Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
372
00:19:12,238 --> 00:19:15,241
I mean...
373
00:19:15,284 --> 00:19:18,157
- What?
- Nothing, I...
374
00:19:18,200 --> 00:19:20,028
When you get married,
375
00:19:20,071 --> 00:19:22,117
you're still
gonna need me, right?
376
00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,163
I mean,
Estefan can have "soulmate,"
377
00:19:24,206 --> 00:19:27,166
but I'm not losing
"best friend."
378
00:19:27,209 --> 00:19:30,256
- Ugh.
You're so obsessed with me.
379
00:19:33,302 --> 00:19:36,175
Of course you're
my best friend, silly.
380
00:19:36,218 --> 00:19:37,872
- Well, let's make it official.
381
00:19:41,005 --> 00:19:42,964
Jack, I'm asking you,
382
00:19:43,007 --> 00:19:45,227
in front of God,
383
00:19:45,271 --> 00:19:48,274
and all the high-end
male erotica in this apartment.
384
00:19:50,493 --> 00:19:53,757
Do you promise to be
in my life forever?
385
00:19:55,063 --> 00:19:57,152
- I do.
386
00:19:57,196 --> 00:20:01,112
I promise to be here through
all your weight fluctuations...
387
00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:02,897
- Mm-hmm.
388
00:20:02,940 --> 00:20:06,117
- Every relationship you trick
a man into being a part of...
389
00:20:06,161 --> 00:20:08,032
- Mm.
390
00:20:08,076 --> 00:20:10,209
- All the botched
cosmetic surgery I'm sure--
391
00:20:10,252 --> 00:20:12,211
- Okay, you're done.
You're good. You're good.
392
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:15,083
And I--I promise
393
00:20:15,126 --> 00:20:17,999
to always lend you money,
394
00:20:18,042 --> 00:20:22,351
to not get mad when you return
my suit with the ass cut out,
395
00:20:22,395 --> 00:20:25,354
- It said, "business casual."
396
00:20:29,140 --> 00:20:31,230
- I know, buddy.
397
00:20:32,448 --> 00:20:34,233
- Hey, Will.
- Mm, yeah?
398
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:37,279
- You can make me
that sandwich now.
399
00:20:37,323 --> 00:20:39,412
- I'd love to,
but when we were high,
400
00:20:39,455 --> 00:20:43,459
I used all the bread
to retile the bathroom.
401
00:21:13,097 --> 00:21:15,056
Good-bye,
402
00:21:15,099 --> 00:21:18,146
Mrs. Stanley Walker.
26600
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