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1
00:00:06,434 --> 00:00:07,434
Hey.
2
00:00:07,434 --> 00:00:08,434
Hey.
3
00:00:08,434 --> 00:00:10,434
I got the milk
you needed.
4
00:00:10,434 --> 00:00:12,000
What do I owe you?
5
00:00:12,000 --> 00:00:13,133
Forget it.
6
00:00:13,133 --> 00:00:16,133
No. You bought me juice
and bread yesterday.
7
00:00:16,133 --> 00:00:18,434
I May be losing my job,
8
00:00:18,434 --> 00:00:21,267
But I can still afford
a carton of milk.
9
00:00:21,267 --> 00:00:22,834
What do I owe you?
10
00:00:22,834 --> 00:00:24,534
O.k.,
it's $1.40.
11
00:00:24,534 --> 00:00:27,067
O.k., let's see...
12
00:00:28,133 --> 00:00:29,133
50...
13
00:00:29,133 --> 00:00:31,968
75...
14
00:00:31,968 --> 00:00:33,534
80...
15
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,467
I'll give you the rest
when I do the laundry.
16
00:00:36,467 --> 00:00:38,033
Wonderful.
17
00:00:38,033 --> 00:00:41,934
So did you find
something for mom
for mother's day?
18
00:00:41,934 --> 00:00:43,067
No.
19
00:00:43,067 --> 00:00:46,133
Why don't we send
her some perfume?
20
00:00:46,133 --> 00:00:48,734
She'll think we don't
like the way she smells.
21
00:00:48,734 --> 00:00:51,701
I don't like
the way she smells.
22
00:00:51,701 --> 00:00:53,467
How about flowers?
23
00:00:53,467 --> 00:00:56,400
Why don't you just say
her house stinks, too?
24
00:00:58,000 --> 00:00:59,534
How about candy?
25
00:00:59,534 --> 00:01:02,501
No! We gave her candy
two years ago, remember?
26
00:01:02,501 --> 00:01:04,000
"Thanks for
the candy, girls.
27
00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:06,000
"I could have
swallowed my filling,
28
00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:08,868
But luckily it stuck
right in the caramel."
29
00:01:08,868 --> 00:01:11,534
How about
a Crystal vase?
30
00:01:11,534 --> 00:01:13,000
Can't afford that.
31
00:01:13,000 --> 00:01:16,000
Hey, what about
if we break a glass
32
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,534
And put it in a box
Marked "fragile"?
33
00:01:19,534 --> 00:01:21,567
No. Oh, I know!
34
00:01:21,567 --> 00:01:23,000
Let's get her
something
35
00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:25,100
That makes her feel
really young.
36
00:01:25,100 --> 00:01:27,434
What, like a wagon?
37
00:01:27,434 --> 00:01:29,400
You're not helping.
38
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:32,300
Hey...
39
00:01:32,300 --> 00:01:36,534
I think I found my mother's day
present from the kids.
40
00:01:36,534 --> 00:01:38,234
You're going
to open it?
41
00:01:38,234 --> 00:01:39,567
It's two days away!
42
00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:44,100
Well, I need time
to practice pretending
like I like it.
43
00:01:45,634 --> 00:01:50,300
Oh, man, I should have
opened it a week ago.
44
00:01:50,300 --> 00:01:52,767
Didn't they give you
slippers last year?
45
00:01:52,767 --> 00:01:53,901
Yeah.
46
00:01:53,901 --> 00:01:56,734
These are them!
I Forgot to return them.
47
00:01:56,734 --> 00:01:59,167
Boy, these are ugly.
48
00:01:59,167 --> 00:02:01,400
Mom will love them!
49
00:03:15,634 --> 00:03:16,868
[Telephone rings]
50
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,033
Becky's teen town!
51
00:03:23,033 --> 00:03:28,467
If you're calling
to chat about boys,
press one now.
52
00:03:28,467 --> 00:03:29,801
Mother...
53
00:03:31,968 --> 00:03:33,634
Hi.
54
00:03:33,634 --> 00:03:35,634
Yeah? When?
55
00:03:35,634 --> 00:03:36,801
Oh, great!
56
00:03:36,801 --> 00:03:38,834
Yes! O.k.
O.k., cool.
57
00:03:38,834 --> 00:03:40,100
Bye.
58
00:03:40,100 --> 00:03:41,667
Dana did it!
59
00:03:41,667 --> 00:03:44,300
She got
the concert tickets
for next saturday!
60
00:03:44,300 --> 00:03:45,367
Awesome!
61
00:03:45,367 --> 00:03:46,667
We go to Dana's,
62
00:03:46,667 --> 00:03:49,400
Then pick everybody
else up in the van.
63
00:03:49,400 --> 00:03:51,601
This is going to be great!
64
00:03:51,601 --> 00:03:53,634
Just understand
that you and stacy
65
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,667
Won't be sitting
with my friends.
66
00:03:55,667 --> 00:03:58,834
Becky, there's going
to be 20,000 people there.
67
00:03:58,834 --> 00:04:03,267
Why would we sit next
to the only four geeks?
68
00:04:03,267 --> 00:04:06,200
O.k., we're going
away for the weekend
without an adult.
69
00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:09,501
The big "r"
will definitely have
a problem with that.
70
00:04:09,501 --> 00:04:12,634
Well, not if we
make it sound good.
71
00:04:12,634 --> 00:04:14,801
How?
72
00:04:14,801 --> 00:04:16,300
I don't know.
73
00:04:16,300 --> 00:04:18,434
Tell her we're
never coming back.
74
00:04:18,434 --> 00:04:21,834
[Dan] hey.
75
00:04:21,834 --> 00:04:22,834
Hey.
76
00:04:22,834 --> 00:04:24,067
How was your day?
77
00:04:24,067 --> 00:04:27,100
Would you like
to know what
your son did?
78
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:30,067
Well, if he's "my" son,
it must be something bad.
79
00:04:30,067 --> 00:04:33,067
I had to go to school
to see his teacher
80
00:04:33,067 --> 00:04:36,067
Because it seems
he hasn't turned in
any math homework
81
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:38,067
For the past two weeks.
82
00:04:38,067 --> 00:04:39,067
I see.
83
00:04:39,067 --> 00:04:41,200
And how did he
explain this?
84
00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:43,601
Well, he's had
a lot of extra
responsibility
85
00:04:43,601 --> 00:04:46,067
Since you died.
86
00:04:51,501 --> 00:04:52,934
Did I suffer?
87
00:04:52,934 --> 00:04:55,067
No.
88
00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:57,734
Sniper...
Clean shot.
89
00:04:59,501 --> 00:05:01,968
I said
I was sorry!
90
00:05:01,968 --> 00:05:04,234
Ever since he got
that video game,
91
00:05:04,234 --> 00:05:05,701
He's been
goofing off!
92
00:05:05,701 --> 00:05:07,234
Deej, you finish
your homework
93
00:05:07,234 --> 00:05:09,734
First thing when you
come home from school,
94
00:05:09,734 --> 00:05:10,968
You read me?
95
00:05:10,968 --> 00:05:12,067
Yes.
96
00:05:12,067 --> 00:05:14,067
Is that it?
97
00:05:15,901 --> 00:05:20,434
Oh, and you cannot
lie to your teachers,
you got it?
98
00:05:20,434 --> 00:05:21,434
O.k.
99
00:05:21,434 --> 00:05:23,100
O.k.
100
00:05:23,100 --> 00:05:24,834
No, it is not o.k.
101
00:05:24,834 --> 00:05:27,267
You're not watching
any TV
this whole weekend,
102
00:05:27,267 --> 00:05:28,667
You understand that?
103
00:05:28,667 --> 00:05:30,534
And you're not
playing video games
104
00:05:30,534 --> 00:05:33,801
Till your teacher
calls and tells me
you're caught up.
105
00:05:33,801 --> 00:05:34,801
Dad!
106
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:36,100
You heard
your mother.
107
00:05:36,100 --> 00:05:37,634
Now take your
homework upstairs
108
00:05:37,634 --> 00:05:39,567
And wash up
for dinner.
109
00:05:39,567 --> 00:05:41,734
I hate you!
110
00:05:41,734 --> 00:05:44,434
Then my work here
is done.
111
00:05:49,234 --> 00:05:50,234
What?
112
00:05:50,234 --> 00:05:52,300
Hey, thanks for
your help there.
113
00:05:52,300 --> 00:05:53,968
What?
I Backed you up.
114
00:05:53,968 --> 00:05:56,100
Why am I always
the bad guy?
115
00:05:56,100 --> 00:05:59,367
I told him to do
his homework and
to stop lying.
116
00:05:59,367 --> 00:06:00,868
What else do you
want from me?
117
00:06:00,868 --> 00:06:03,400
How about if you
punish him once
118
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,000
And end up where
he doesn't like you?
119
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,734
Give him time!
120
00:06:07,734 --> 00:06:10,400
He'll turn on me.
He's a Conner boy.
121
00:06:12,634 --> 00:06:15,534
Pretty soon we'll
be slugging it out
on the front lawn.
122
00:06:15,534 --> 00:06:20,734
Well, that doesn't do me
any good now, does it, Dan?
123
00:06:20,734 --> 00:06:22,300
We'll ask later.
124
00:06:29,234 --> 00:06:31,234
Be quiet!
You'll wake up mom.
125
00:06:31,234 --> 00:06:32,400
So what?
126
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:33,734
It's mother's day,
you moron.
127
00:06:33,734 --> 00:06:35,734
Stop trying
to tick her off.
128
00:06:35,734 --> 00:06:39,100
Go upstairs, hose off
whatever stupid thing
you made for her,
129
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,701
And bring it down.
130
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:41,868
Or what?
131
00:06:41,868 --> 00:06:44,133
Or we'll bury you
under the porch
132
00:06:44,133 --> 00:06:46,400
With the rest
of our brothers.
133
00:06:48,334 --> 00:06:49,334
Hi.
134
00:06:49,334 --> 00:06:50,334
Hey.
135
00:06:50,334 --> 00:06:53,334
I Only had five eggs
in my fridge.
136
00:06:53,334 --> 00:06:55,834
Well, how long have
they been there?
137
00:06:55,834 --> 00:06:57,834
Uh...well...
138
00:06:57,834 --> 00:07:01,467
I know I bought them
on my way to work.
139
00:07:01,467 --> 00:07:03,868
I just don't
remember which job.
140
00:07:03,868 --> 00:07:04,934
[Telephone rings]
141
00:07:04,934 --> 00:07:06,000
Who'd call
this early?
142
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:08,634
Well, get it before
it wakes up mom!
143
00:07:08,634 --> 00:07:10,133
I got it.
144
00:07:10,133 --> 00:07:11,534
Hello?
145
00:07:11,534 --> 00:07:14,467
Oh, hi, mom.
146
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:15,934
No, it's Jackie.
147
00:07:15,934 --> 00:07:18,367
Happy
mother's day.
148
00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:19,467
Yeah.
149
00:07:19,467 --> 00:07:20,767
Yeah,
it's a shame
150
00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:23,200
You can't say
the same to me.
151
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:26,701
So, did you get
the slippers?
152
00:07:26,701 --> 00:07:30,434
Unique good
or unique bad?
153
00:07:30,434 --> 00:07:33,067
Should we ask dad
about the concert?
154
00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:35,501
I don't think he'd
go for it, either.
155
00:07:35,501 --> 00:07:37,400
Besides, she's still
mad about D.J.
156
00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,000
We should just
stick to our plan.
157
00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,868
Mom, don't you think that
if I was dating somebody
158
00:07:42,868 --> 00:07:45,601
I'd tell you
to get you off my back?
159
00:07:45,601 --> 00:07:47,067
Oh. Really.
160
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,567
Well, go suck an egg.
161
00:07:50,901 --> 00:07:52,567
Huh?
162
00:07:52,567 --> 00:07:55,267
No. I did not!
163
00:07:55,267 --> 00:07:57,901
No! Why would I say
something like that?
164
00:07:57,901 --> 00:07:59,200
"Suck an egg"?
165
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,734
I don't even know
what that means!
166
00:08:01,734 --> 00:08:03,334
No, I didn't say that.
167
00:08:03,334 --> 00:08:05,367
Must be
a bad connection.
168
00:08:05,367 --> 00:08:07,033
So mom,
happy mother's day.
169
00:08:07,033 --> 00:08:10,434
I'll tell Roseanne
to give you a call
when she gets up.
170
00:08:10,434 --> 00:08:12,100
O.k.? Uh-huh.
Bite me.
171
00:08:14,801 --> 00:08:19,434
Oh, man, I should
have thought of that
a long time ago!
172
00:08:19,434 --> 00:08:21,033
Here she comes.
173
00:08:21,033 --> 00:08:23,100
Tell her
how great she looks.
174
00:08:25,300 --> 00:08:27,434
Well, it's your father's
way of telling me
175
00:08:27,434 --> 00:08:29,767
How much he loves me.
176
00:08:29,767 --> 00:08:31,834
You said
you liked it.
177
00:08:31,834 --> 00:08:33,100
I love it!
178
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:36,567
Because I know that you
picked it out all by yourself.
179
00:08:36,567 --> 00:08:39,334
Oh, my, my, my.
180
00:08:39,334 --> 00:08:41,801
Let me feel--
oh, boy!
181
00:08:41,801 --> 00:08:43,801
That feels...
182
00:08:43,801 --> 00:08:45,467
Fire-retarDant.
183
00:08:47,367 --> 00:08:51,334
It's way retarDant.
184
00:08:51,334 --> 00:08:52,334
[Roseanne] it's--
185
00:08:52,334 --> 00:08:54,300
She hates it.
Do something.
186
00:08:54,300 --> 00:08:55,868
Sit down, mom.
187
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:57,300
There's your
coffee and juice.
188
00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:58,734
French toast
is coming up.
189
00:08:58,734 --> 00:09:00,834
Did you actually
make breakfast?
190
00:09:00,834 --> 00:09:03,033
Well, sure.
It's mother's day.
191
00:09:03,033 --> 00:09:05,701
What's the catch?
192
00:09:05,701 --> 00:09:08,434
No catch.
Can't we just do
something nice?
193
00:09:08,434 --> 00:09:10,367
I don't know.
You never have.
194
00:09:10,367 --> 00:09:13,234
Here.
Happy mother's day.
195
00:09:13,234 --> 00:09:14,334
Oh, look!
196
00:09:14,334 --> 00:09:17,133
An ashtray with
your picture
at the bottom.
197
00:09:17,133 --> 00:09:19,033
It's a shame
you quit smoking.
198
00:09:19,033 --> 00:09:21,534
You could grind
your butts out
on his face.
199
00:09:21,534 --> 00:09:24,501
Shut up!
200
00:09:24,501 --> 00:09:26,567
Well, I like it, D.J.
201
00:09:26,567 --> 00:09:29,000
I'll use it
for a candy dish.
202
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:30,501
You really,
really love it?
203
00:09:30,501 --> 00:09:32,067
I love it, yes!
204
00:09:32,067 --> 00:09:34,501
And you're still not
watching any TV.
205
00:09:34,501 --> 00:09:35,868
Gee!
206
00:09:35,868 --> 00:09:36,868
Here, mom.
207
00:09:36,868 --> 00:09:39,501
This is from
me and Darlene.
208
00:09:39,501 --> 00:09:42,167
Oh. Thanks.
209
00:09:42,167 --> 00:09:43,734
Oh, look at that.
210
00:09:43,734 --> 00:09:46,601
It's a gift certificate
to the beauty box.
211
00:09:46,601 --> 00:09:48,033
"Mother's day
makeover--
212
00:09:48,033 --> 00:09:49,534
"Manicure,
pedicure, facial,
213
00:09:49,534 --> 00:09:52,033
Complete
hair styling."
214
00:09:52,033 --> 00:09:55,534
Man! This must
have cost a lot.
215
00:09:55,534 --> 00:09:57,901
Which one of yous
is pregnant?
216
00:09:57,901 --> 00:10:01,901
We just wanted
to get you something
you'd really like.
217
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:03,968
Yeah.
I've been
218
00:10:03,968 --> 00:10:06,033
Kind of
a nightmare
this year.
219
00:10:06,033 --> 00:10:07,534
It's my way
of saying
220
00:10:07,534 --> 00:10:09,534
Thanks for
putting up
with me.
221
00:10:09,534 --> 00:10:11,534
Oh, that is so sweet!
222
00:10:11,534 --> 00:10:13,100
Thank you.
223
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:14,534
That's so nice.
224
00:10:14,534 --> 00:10:16,367
Look, Dan...
225
00:10:16,367 --> 00:10:19,400
The girls got me
a good gift.
226
00:10:21,167 --> 00:10:22,667
Way to go.
227
00:10:24,534 --> 00:10:27,167
And you know what would
just make it perfect?
228
00:10:27,167 --> 00:10:28,868
We all go together.
229
00:10:28,868 --> 00:10:32,234
Oh, no. That's
just for you.
230
00:10:32,234 --> 00:10:35,701
No, go with me.
It would be great.
231
00:10:35,701 --> 00:10:37,200
But it's your day.
232
00:10:37,200 --> 00:10:40,567
And I want to spend it
with my two girls.
233
00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:41,868
Really?
234
00:10:41,868 --> 00:10:42,901
Shoot!
235
00:10:42,901 --> 00:10:45,934
We only have
enough money
for you, mom.
236
00:10:45,934 --> 00:10:47,434
Oh, don't worry
about it.
237
00:10:47,434 --> 00:10:49,033
I've got plenty
of money.
238
00:10:49,033 --> 00:10:52,000
How much did you
pay for this robe?
239
00:11:02,968 --> 00:11:05,200
What's that?
It's all scratchy.
240
00:11:05,200 --> 00:11:07,868
Eucalyptus and mango
in an oatmeal base.
241
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:12,100
We're scrubbing away
those layers
of dead, dry skin.
242
00:11:12,100 --> 00:11:14,300
Well, rub it
all over my body
243
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:16,200
And don't stop
till I'm a size 8.
244
00:11:16,200 --> 00:11:19,868
Oh, I think
I overdid it today.
245
00:11:19,868 --> 00:11:21,734
The girls
made me breakfast
246
00:11:21,734 --> 00:11:23,868
And took me out
to lunch.
247
00:11:23,868 --> 00:11:26,334
Then I thought we should
lose those calories,
248
00:11:26,334 --> 00:11:28,767
So we left the car
at the restaurant
249
00:11:28,767 --> 00:11:31,501
And walked over
to baskin-robbins.
250
00:11:31,501 --> 00:11:34,300
Sounds like
you had a great
mother's day.
251
00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:35,501
Oh, yeah.
252
00:11:35,501 --> 00:11:36,634
It's just great.
253
00:11:36,634 --> 00:11:38,934
Me and my girls
hanging out together,
254
00:11:38,934 --> 00:11:39,934
Acting crazy.
255
00:11:39,934 --> 00:11:42,734
Oh, we went
to this movie theater
256
00:11:42,734 --> 00:11:44,501
But we'd already
seen the show,
257
00:11:44,501 --> 00:11:48,567
So we stood in front and
told everybody the ending.
258
00:11:48,567 --> 00:11:51,634
Oh, it just doesn't get
any better than that.
259
00:11:53,400 --> 00:11:55,701
Mrs. Conner,
it's time for
your shampoo.
260
00:11:55,701 --> 00:11:58,200
Oh, do I really
have to move?
261
00:11:58,200 --> 00:11:59,200
Sorry.
262
00:11:59,200 --> 00:12:00,834
Oh, all right.
263
00:12:02,901 --> 00:12:07,667
Boy, what we girls
won't go through
to be beautiful.
264
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:10,000
Oh, yeah, mom.
265
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,834
You betcha.
266
00:12:13,167 --> 00:12:15,667
Man, this stuff
is sucking
my brain out
267
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,167
Right through
my face.
268
00:12:17,167 --> 00:12:18,667
Just hang in.
269
00:12:18,667 --> 00:12:21,167
She better let us
go to that concert.
270
00:12:21,167 --> 00:12:22,334
She will.
271
00:12:22,334 --> 00:12:23,734
Ask her now.
272
00:12:23,734 --> 00:12:26,067
No. Wait till
they've done her hair
273
00:12:26,067 --> 00:12:30,167
And she's got
a buzz going
from the spray.
274
00:12:37,033 --> 00:12:39,033
Oh, you were
wide open, man!
275
00:12:39,033 --> 00:12:40,534
That was your shot!
276
00:12:41,734 --> 00:12:43,767
For 2 million
bucks a year
277
00:12:43,767 --> 00:12:45,701
You'd think the guy
could hire somebody
278
00:12:45,701 --> 00:12:47,400
To teach him
how to shoot.
279
00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:50,567
No TV.
280
00:12:50,567 --> 00:12:53,200
I just came
to show you
my homework.
281
00:12:53,200 --> 00:12:54,701
Did you
finish it?
282
00:12:54,701 --> 00:12:56,200
Yeah.
283
00:12:56,200 --> 00:12:57,367
Long division.
284
00:12:57,367 --> 00:12:59,200
It's stupid.
I'll never need it.
285
00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:00,701
I have a calculator.
286
00:13:00,701 --> 00:13:02,701
Now wait a minute,
Deej.
287
00:13:02,701 --> 00:13:04,767
What if your
batteries go dead?
288
00:13:04,767 --> 00:13:06,467
I'll buy new ones.
289
00:13:06,467 --> 00:13:08,801
O.k., say you're
on a deserted island
290
00:13:08,801 --> 00:13:10,734
And there's
no battery store
291
00:13:10,734 --> 00:13:14,734
And you got to split
300 coconuts
between 7 people?
292
00:13:14,734 --> 00:13:15,968
Dad...
293
00:13:15,968 --> 00:13:17,400
It's your choice,
Deej--
294
00:13:17,400 --> 00:13:21,400
You can grow up
to be gilligan
or the professor.
295
00:13:24,734 --> 00:13:26,834
So what
do I do now?
296
00:13:26,834 --> 00:13:28,400
It's a beautiful
day outside.
297
00:13:28,400 --> 00:13:30,133
Go play.
298
00:13:30,133 --> 00:13:31,501
Can't I watch TV?
299
00:13:31,501 --> 00:13:33,234
No!
300
00:13:33,234 --> 00:13:34,400
O.k.
301
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,934
You want to
come with me?
302
00:13:39,934 --> 00:13:42,934
Uh, yeah. Maybe
after the game.
303
00:13:42,934 --> 00:13:44,267
O.k.
304
00:13:47,767 --> 00:13:49,334
Deej, wait a minute.
305
00:13:49,334 --> 00:13:50,701
You're right.
306
00:13:50,701 --> 00:13:52,133
Let's go do something.
307
00:13:52,133 --> 00:13:53,634
What about the game?
308
00:13:53,634 --> 00:13:55,167
What you want to do?
309
00:13:55,167 --> 00:13:56,167
Watch TV.
310
00:13:56,167 --> 00:13:57,200
No!
311
00:13:57,200 --> 00:13:58,467
Come on, man!
312
00:13:58,467 --> 00:14:01,000
We're two guys
on the loose.
313
00:14:01,000 --> 00:14:03,267
There's a whole
big world out there!
314
00:14:03,267 --> 00:14:06,200
Let's go wherever
the wind blows us!
315
00:14:07,267 --> 00:14:09,767
Let me get
my bowling shoes.
316
00:14:18,300 --> 00:14:19,634
End of the line.
317
00:14:19,634 --> 00:14:21,367
This was
so cool, dad.
318
00:14:21,367 --> 00:14:22,901
Yeah. Didn't I tell you
319
00:14:22,901 --> 00:14:25,968
There was more things in
the world than video games?
320
00:14:25,968 --> 00:14:28,501
Yeah. You can
stop saying that.
321
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:30,501
Here, give me
your helmet.
322
00:14:30,501 --> 00:14:33,701
I wanted to bash
some stuff with my head.
323
00:14:33,701 --> 00:14:37,100
That's a $200 helmet.
Take it off first.
324
00:14:39,300 --> 00:14:41,300
Here, give me a hand
325
00:14:41,300 --> 00:14:43,634
Wiping all the mud
off this beast.
326
00:14:43,634 --> 00:14:44,634
O.k.
327
00:14:46,334 --> 00:14:48,000
Big day for you,
Deej.
328
00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:50,000
You learned how
to shoot pool,
329
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,501
You bowled
your weight...
330
00:14:53,834 --> 00:14:56,434
You found out you
got to spit sideways
331
00:14:56,434 --> 00:14:59,334
When you're riding
on a motorcycle.
332
00:14:59,334 --> 00:15:01,300
Sure beats TV, huh?
333
00:15:01,300 --> 00:15:03,200
A little.
334
00:15:03,200 --> 00:15:06,100
So tell me about
this alison girl
who likes you.
335
00:15:06,100 --> 00:15:08,167
I hate her!
336
00:15:08,167 --> 00:15:09,501
Sounds serious.
337
00:15:09,501 --> 00:15:11,067
No way!
338
00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:14,033
She's always bugging me,
keeps trying to kiss me.
339
00:15:14,033 --> 00:15:16,834
Just like me when
I was your age.
340
00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:18,701
Girls were drawn to me
341
00:15:18,701 --> 00:15:21,200
Like moths
to a porch light.
342
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:23,534
You got
the Conner curse, son.
343
00:15:23,534 --> 00:15:25,133
So what do I do?
344
00:15:26,534 --> 00:15:28,567
Nothing.
It goes away.
345
00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:39,767
Well, Mrs.. Conner,
what do you think?
346
00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:42,367
Oh,
I'm beautiful!
347
00:15:42,367 --> 00:15:45,534
I No longer
have to think.
348
00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:46,734
You look great, mom.
349
00:15:46,734 --> 00:15:48,367
Yeah.
Like our big sister
350
00:15:48,367 --> 00:15:50,033
Just got back
from college.
351
00:15:50,033 --> 00:15:52,667
Well, you guys
look gorgeous, too.
352
00:15:52,667 --> 00:15:56,834
We'll have to go
get a picture so we
can remember this.
353
00:15:56,834 --> 00:15:58,901
Oh, no.
We'll remember.
354
00:15:58,901 --> 00:16:01,901
I think we should go
over to woolworth's
355
00:16:01,901 --> 00:16:05,901
And try to smash
all our hair into
one photo booth.
356
00:16:05,901 --> 00:16:08,901
There could be a romantic
evening in your future.
357
00:16:08,901 --> 00:16:11,434
Dad will go crazy
when he sees you.
358
00:16:11,434 --> 00:16:13,400
Are you kidding?
Look at me!
359
00:16:13,400 --> 00:16:15,634
I can do better
than him.
360
00:16:15,634 --> 00:16:17,567
Mom, when's
the last time
361
00:16:17,567 --> 00:16:20,601
You spent some time
alone with dad?
362
00:16:20,601 --> 00:16:24,234
Well, Darlene, we really
can't afford to go away.
363
00:16:24,234 --> 00:16:27,434
I know, but maybe
you could spend
a weekend at home
364
00:16:27,434 --> 00:16:29,267
And we could
go away.
365
00:16:29,267 --> 00:16:31,901
D.J. Could sleep
at a friend's house
366
00:16:31,901 --> 00:16:35,033
And Becky and I
could take off
for the weekend.
367
00:16:35,033 --> 00:16:37,501
Take off where?
368
00:16:37,501 --> 00:16:39,934
There's
this concert
in des moines
369
00:16:39,934 --> 00:16:41,067
Coming up.
370
00:16:41,067 --> 00:16:43,534
You want to go
to this concert
371
00:16:43,534 --> 00:16:44,934
For the whole weekend?
372
00:16:44,934 --> 00:16:48,033
Yeah. You'd have
the whole house
to yourselves.
373
00:16:48,033 --> 00:16:49,767
Where would you stay?
374
00:16:49,767 --> 00:16:51,567
A motel room
or something.
375
00:16:51,567 --> 00:16:52,968
No.
376
00:16:52,968 --> 00:16:53,968
Why?
377
00:16:53,968 --> 00:16:56,334
Because. No!
378
00:16:56,334 --> 00:16:58,901
If you really care
about me and dad
379
00:16:58,901 --> 00:17:01,734
Having a weekend alone,
take D.J. To grandma's.
380
00:17:01,734 --> 00:17:04,601
I'm sure she'd be
really happy to see you.
381
00:17:04,601 --> 00:17:07,667
Oh, come on!
382
00:17:07,667 --> 00:17:10,100
No. You guys
are way too young
383
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:12,767
To go that long
without an adult.
384
00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:14,067
This worked out great.
385
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,400
Tell me
about it.
386
00:17:21,300 --> 00:17:23,801
What does that mean,
"worked out"?
387
00:17:26,801 --> 00:17:29,400
Nothing. Forget it.
388
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:32,300
Oh, this whole thing
was just some scam
389
00:17:32,300 --> 00:17:35,501
So you could go to some
stupid concert, right?
390
00:17:35,501 --> 00:17:36,701
Damn it.
391
00:17:36,701 --> 00:17:38,234
Mom...
392
00:17:38,234 --> 00:17:39,434
I'll pay the bill.
393
00:17:39,434 --> 00:17:41,133
Meet me in the car.
394
00:17:52,834 --> 00:17:54,167
Come on, keep
stirring it,
Deej.
395
00:17:54,167 --> 00:17:55,701
My arm is tired.
396
00:17:55,701 --> 00:17:58,501
Well, if you don't
keep stirring,
it won't be chili.
397
00:17:58,501 --> 00:18:00,067
I don't even
like chili.
398
00:18:00,067 --> 00:18:01,501
You like science,
don't you?
399
00:18:01,501 --> 00:18:02,501
Yeah.
400
00:18:02,501 --> 00:18:03,734
Chili is science.
401
00:18:03,734 --> 00:18:04,767
How?
402
00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:05,968
It's chemistry.
403
00:18:05,968 --> 00:18:08,267
Chili represents
your three states
of matter--
404
00:18:08,267 --> 00:18:10,868
Solid, liquid,
and eventually gas.
405
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:13,634
Oh, my god--
406
00:18:13,634 --> 00:18:15,200
It's the shirelles.
407
00:18:17,868 --> 00:18:20,033
Who?
408
00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:21,367
Disco.
409
00:18:22,868 --> 00:18:25,234
You guys have
a good time?
410
00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:26,601
Just swell.
411
00:18:26,601 --> 00:18:29,534
I'm going to go wash
this crap off my face.
412
00:18:29,534 --> 00:18:31,400
See, Deej, the
good-looking ones
413
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,033
Always have
an attitude.
414
00:18:34,734 --> 00:18:35,734
Hey.
415
00:18:35,734 --> 00:18:36,734
Ooh!
416
00:18:36,734 --> 00:18:39,067
Flashback--
417
00:18:39,067 --> 00:18:41,567
Prom night, 1969.
418
00:18:41,567 --> 00:18:44,400
And honey, even after
all these years,
419
00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:47,000
You hair is still
just as wide.
420
00:18:49,033 --> 00:18:51,868
Don't touch it, Dan.
You'll dent it.
421
00:18:51,868 --> 00:18:54,067
I did my homework.
422
00:18:54,067 --> 00:18:55,367
You did?
423
00:18:55,367 --> 00:19:00,901
Oh, you sure can be
a good kid sometimes.
424
00:19:00,901 --> 00:19:03,667
Is something wrong,
Roseanne?
425
00:19:03,667 --> 00:19:05,734
No.
Everything's fine.
426
00:19:05,734 --> 00:19:09,234
Deej, I want to
talk to your mom
for a minute.
427
00:19:09,234 --> 00:19:10,901
Go bug your sisters.
428
00:19:10,901 --> 00:19:12,601
Use real bugs.
429
00:19:14,100 --> 00:19:16,534
Becky and Darlene
are in a mood.
430
00:19:16,534 --> 00:19:17,934
What's going on?
431
00:19:20,267 --> 00:19:21,367
Ohh...
432
00:19:21,367 --> 00:19:23,934
Quality time's
for saps.
433
00:19:29,100 --> 00:19:31,601
That whole thing
was just a set-up.
434
00:19:31,601 --> 00:19:35,667
They were just trying to
get something out of me.
435
00:19:35,667 --> 00:19:38,601
Why'd they have
to do that today?
436
00:19:41,767 --> 00:19:45,133
Oh, my god--
happy Halloween.
437
00:19:45,133 --> 00:19:47,133
What are you
complaining about?
438
00:19:47,133 --> 00:19:48,634
You look better.
439
00:19:48,634 --> 00:19:50,200
Great plan, Becky.
440
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:52,234
Me? You're the one
who blew it.
441
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:54,133
I didn't think
she could hear.
442
00:19:54,133 --> 00:19:56,968
Are you kidding?
She can hear us
right now.
443
00:19:56,968 --> 00:19:59,534
Still, we spent
the whole day together
444
00:19:59,534 --> 00:20:01,801
And she treats us
like we're infants.
445
00:20:01,801 --> 00:20:04,133
[Dan knocks]
come on out of there.
446
00:20:04,133 --> 00:20:05,968
As soon as we wipe off
these clown faces.
447
00:20:05,968 --> 00:20:06,968
Now!
448
00:20:13,133 --> 00:20:14,133
Yeah?
449
00:20:14,133 --> 00:20:15,501
First of all,
450
00:20:15,501 --> 00:20:17,501
You going away
for a weekend
451
00:20:17,501 --> 00:20:19,834
To a rock concert
without an adult--
452
00:20:19,834 --> 00:20:21,767
That was never
going to happen
453
00:20:21,767 --> 00:20:22,834
No matter how
you sucked up.
454
00:20:22,834 --> 00:20:24,067
Well,
it's unanimous.
455
00:20:24,067 --> 00:20:26,501
Yeah. I guess that
about wraps it up.
456
00:20:26,501 --> 00:20:28,434
I don't think so.
457
00:20:28,434 --> 00:20:30,067
O.k., we'll
apologize to her
458
00:20:30,067 --> 00:20:31,601
Before she, like,
explodes.
459
00:20:31,601 --> 00:20:33,601
She's not going
to like, explode.
460
00:20:33,601 --> 00:20:37,167
She's too busy
crying her eyes out.
461
00:20:37,167 --> 00:20:39,601
I'm the one you got
to worry about.
462
00:20:39,601 --> 00:20:42,534
I'm very angry and I don't
like you right now.
463
00:20:42,534 --> 00:20:44,601
So we should also
apologize to you?
464
00:20:44,601 --> 00:20:45,734
Shut up.
465
00:20:47,133 --> 00:20:49,701
So I don't have
to say it again,
466
00:20:49,701 --> 00:20:51,767
You shut up, too.
467
00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:56,601
You guys
just don't get it.
468
00:20:56,601 --> 00:20:58,701
You see, she thought
you were actually
469
00:20:58,701 --> 00:21:00,801
Going to do
something nice for her...
470
00:21:00,801 --> 00:21:02,667
You know,
like you cared.
471
00:21:02,667 --> 00:21:05,234
That would have been
the very best thing
472
00:21:05,234 --> 00:21:07,534
You could have done
for her today,
473
00:21:07,534 --> 00:21:10,100
But you just ruined it.
474
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:12,234
Well, what
should we do?
475
00:21:12,234 --> 00:21:13,968
Make it up to her.
476
00:21:13,968 --> 00:21:16,267
All right.
We'll think
of something.
477
00:21:16,267 --> 00:21:18,334
No. You had your chance.
478
00:21:18,334 --> 00:21:19,934
Now it's my turn.
479
00:21:29,467 --> 00:21:31,033
Stop.
480
00:21:31,033 --> 00:21:32,734
We're going out
to dinner.
481
00:21:32,734 --> 00:21:35,634
No. I don't
want to eat with
those girls.
482
00:21:35,634 --> 00:21:38,033
I just want
to go to bed.
483
00:21:38,033 --> 00:21:39,367
They're not coming.
484
00:21:39,367 --> 00:21:41,334
I'm punishing them.
485
00:21:41,334 --> 00:21:42,634
Whoa.
486
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:46,434
Yes, and having
to eat my chili is
just the beginning.
487
00:21:46,434 --> 00:21:48,400
We'll decide the
rest over dinner.
488
00:21:48,400 --> 00:21:49,934
Let's get changed.
489
00:21:49,934 --> 00:21:51,901
But they hate me,
right?
490
00:21:51,901 --> 00:21:53,801
No, no. That's
the beauty part--
491
00:21:53,801 --> 00:21:55,400
They hate me.
492
00:21:55,400 --> 00:21:57,868
Oh, Dan,
that's just great!
493
00:21:57,868 --> 00:21:59,667
Happy mother's day.
494
00:21:59,667 --> 00:22:03,467
Oh, man, this is
so much better
than some old robe!
495
00:22:12,334 --> 00:22:13,834
[Telephone rings]
496
00:22:16,167 --> 00:22:17,167
Hello.
497
00:22:17,167 --> 00:22:19,968
Yeah. Hi, bev.
498
00:22:19,968 --> 00:22:21,000
Oh, good.
499
00:22:21,000 --> 00:22:23,534
Rosie? The kids got
to your mother's.
500
00:22:23,534 --> 00:22:24,534
They're fine.
501
00:22:24,534 --> 00:22:26,567
Great.
502
00:22:26,567 --> 00:22:29,267
Oh, no, you're welcome.
They wanted to come.
503
00:22:29,267 --> 00:22:33,234
They're old enough
to take a weekend trip
by themselves.
504
00:22:33,234 --> 00:22:35,234
What's that noise?
505
00:22:35,234 --> 00:22:40,701
Oh, what a treat
for the girls to meet
your garden club!
506
00:22:40,701 --> 00:22:43,767
Does anyone there
play the piano?
507
00:22:43,767 --> 00:22:44,767
Great.
508
00:22:44,767 --> 00:22:47,868
Darlene loves
to sing show tunes.
509
00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:49,868
No, she's just
being modest.
510
00:22:49,868 --> 00:22:51,033
Make her.
511
00:22:52,467 --> 00:22:55,701
Did you get
your projector fixed?
512
00:22:55,701 --> 00:22:57,067
Grand.
513
00:22:57,067 --> 00:22:58,634
What's a weekend
at grandma's
514
00:22:58,634 --> 00:23:01,634
Without all those wonderful
vacation slides?
515
00:23:01,634 --> 00:23:02,801
No, no.
516
00:23:02,801 --> 00:23:05,067
We're just going
to have a little
517
00:23:05,067 --> 00:23:06,567
Romantic weekend
at home.
518
00:23:09,167 --> 00:23:10,567
All righty!
519
00:23:10,567 --> 00:23:12,868
Well, you enjoy
your grandchildren.
520
00:23:12,868 --> 00:23:14,334
O.k. Bite me.
521
00:23:14,334 --> 00:23:17,400
Captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.
522
00:23:20,267 --> 00:23:23,534
Public performance of captions
prohibited without permission of
national captioning institute
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