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1
00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:07,106
Okey-dokey,
who wants what?
2
00:00:07,173 --> 00:00:10,442
[guys, overlapping]
3
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:11,710
Yeah, okay,
i'll remember that
4
00:00:11,778 --> 00:00:16,949
For next time, but now,
tuna for everyone.
5
00:00:17,017 --> 00:00:20,152
I'm sure if you made it,
Roseanne, it'll be delicious.
6
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:21,587
Cool it, Roger.
7
00:00:21,654 --> 00:00:25,190
Dan doesn't like it when
i'm lied to by other men.
8
00:00:25,258 --> 00:00:27,259
Hey, 20 minutes
till the movie;
let's go.
9
00:00:27,327 --> 00:00:28,861
Okay, hold on
because I want you
10
00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:30,696
To wear my coat
with the big pockets
11
00:00:30,764 --> 00:00:32,898
So we can sneak in
our own drinks.
12
00:00:32,966 --> 00:00:34,466
Why don't you
wear it?
13
00:00:34,534 --> 00:00:37,469
Well, they're on
to me.
14
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:39,138
I'll be right back.
15
00:00:40,607 --> 00:00:43,942
Well, isn't anyone
going to introduce me?
16
00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:48,180
I sorry. Nancy,
the real world,
the real world, Nancy.
17
00:00:48,248 --> 00:00:51,817
Nancy, this is Roger,
a good buddy of mine.
18
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:53,419
My pleasure.
19
00:00:53,486 --> 00:00:55,387
Wait a minute,
that accent,
20
00:00:55,455 --> 00:00:58,090
You're not from
Lanford, are you?
21
00:00:58,158 --> 00:00:59,358
No, it's true.
22
00:00:59,426 --> 00:01:01,960
I'm not from Lanford,
but as a small boy in london,
23
00:01:02,028 --> 00:01:05,731
I dreamed of one day
seeing its sunny shores.
24
00:01:05,799 --> 00:01:08,901
Know, I tried an accent once,
but it didn't work for me.
25
00:01:08,968 --> 00:01:12,638
People kept asking
if I was wearing a retainer.
26
00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:14,673
I think you've got
a lovely voice.
27
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:16,842
Thank you.
28
00:01:20,146 --> 00:01:21,380
Well, she's
interesting.
29
00:01:21,448 --> 00:01:25,884
More interesting
than you know.
30
00:01:25,952 --> 00:01:27,019
Yeah, listen,
I don't think
31
00:01:27,087 --> 00:01:29,521
You're gonna get
anywhere with Nancy.
32
00:01:29,589 --> 00:01:30,656
You see, she's--
guys, guys...
33
00:01:30,724 --> 00:01:32,424
Just not in front
of the kid.
34
00:01:32,492 --> 00:01:34,059
Right.
Let's play cards.
35
00:01:34,127 --> 00:01:35,194
Yeah, sounds good.
All right.
36
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:37,262
Dan, have you thought
about going in
37
00:01:37,330 --> 00:01:39,331
On that real estate deal
with me and rog?
38
00:01:39,399 --> 00:01:41,600
Yeah, sounds good, but there's
no way I could do it.
39
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,769
Oh, everybody has that
doubtful little voice
inside their head,
40
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:46,305
But sometimes you
just gotta ignore it.
41
00:01:46,373 --> 00:01:48,207
Well, my little voice
is extremely loud
42
00:01:48,274 --> 00:01:49,908
And can deny me sex.
43
00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:52,144
[laughing]
44
00:01:52,212 --> 00:01:55,581
Come on, Dan, i'm sure
your wife can be persuaded.
45
00:01:55,648 --> 00:01:57,449
Have you tried
talking to her?
46
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,618
I tried, but her hair
was full of snakes
47
00:01:59,686 --> 00:02:02,988
And it just seemed
like a bad time.
48
00:02:03,056 --> 00:02:04,857
Ugh, they're
taking forever.
49
00:02:04,924 --> 00:02:05,858
Entertain me.
50
00:02:05,925 --> 00:02:07,693
Gladly.
51
00:02:07,761 --> 00:02:09,995
All right, i'm in
for 50 cents.
52
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,997
I'll raise you 50 cents.
53
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,198
I'm out.
54
00:02:13,266 --> 00:02:15,534
I'll see that 50
and raise you a dollar.
55
00:02:15,602 --> 00:02:18,070
I think I should let you know
I have no qualms
56
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,905
About taking money
from a girl.
57
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:21,640
What about from
a woman?
58
00:02:21,708 --> 00:02:25,044
How 'bout from
a little boy?
59
00:02:25,111 --> 00:02:27,846
I'll see that
and raise you a dollar.
60
00:02:27,914 --> 00:02:30,182
Raise you two.
61
00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,552
Raising you five.
62
00:02:33,620 --> 00:02:37,456
Got any more money?
63
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:38,857
Yeah, I need--
64
00:02:38,925 --> 00:02:41,260
Raise.
65
00:02:44,097 --> 00:02:45,030
Take it.
66
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:48,100
Yes! I won
with a pair of 4s.
67
00:02:50,603 --> 00:02:52,371
Very impressive.
68
00:02:52,439 --> 00:02:54,740
You, me, and lady luck
should take a little trip
69
00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,075
to Vegas sometime.
70
00:02:56,142 --> 00:02:58,577
And he could
hold the camera.
71
00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:04,817
Okay, Nancy,
we're all yours.
72
00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:06,018
You're not going.
73
00:03:06,086 --> 00:03:07,519
She takes my money.
74
00:03:07,587 --> 00:03:11,423
And you, Roseanne,
take my heart.
75
00:03:11,491 --> 00:03:15,661
Open the trophy case, honey,
we got another heart.
76
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:21,033
Stay foreign;
it really works for you.
77
00:03:24,304 --> 00:03:27,139
That Nancy reminds me
of my first girlfriend.
78
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:31,343
Maybe you should
introduce them.
79
00:03:34,247 --> 00:03:35,280
I don't know, Roger.
80
00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:37,049
I don't think
you're her type.
81
00:03:37,117 --> 00:03:38,984
Guys, please.
82
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:42,087
And what kind of guy
does she go for?
83
00:03:42,155 --> 00:03:45,290
The kind that wears a bra.
She's into chicks.
84
00:03:47,093 --> 00:03:48,994
Deal the cards.
85
00:04:35,208 --> 00:04:36,775
[laughing]
86
00:04:41,748 --> 00:04:43,015
[knocking at door]
87
00:04:44,150 --> 00:04:45,117
Hi, Darlene.
88
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,819
I was looking
for your mom.
89
00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:48,187
Yonder.
90
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:53,058
So, things are pretty
exciting around school
91
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,760
With the prom
and everything, huh?
92
00:04:54,828 --> 00:04:56,362
Did you guys
vote for a theme?
93
00:04:56,429 --> 00:04:58,230
Yeah, I voted
for "just say 'yes'".
94
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,766
Did it win?
95
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:03,902
No, I don't think so.
96
00:05:03,970 --> 00:05:05,170
Are you guys going?
97
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:06,472
Probably not.
98
00:05:06,539 --> 00:05:10,075
You know, a lot of people
are going.
99
00:05:10,143 --> 00:05:13,612
A lot of people that you
wouldn't think are going
are going.
100
00:05:13,680 --> 00:05:16,115
A lot of people who thought
they'd be home that night
101
00:05:16,182 --> 00:05:18,350
Are actually going.
102
00:05:18,418 --> 00:05:21,754
Pat, i'd like to solve
the puzzle, please.
103
00:05:25,425 --> 00:05:27,493
Charlotte, are you
going to the prom?
104
00:05:27,560 --> 00:05:29,962
Yes! James Carpenter
asked me!
105
00:05:30,030 --> 00:05:31,430
I don't think
I know him.
106
00:05:31,498 --> 00:05:33,866
Oh, well, you know, he's
missed a lot of school lately
107
00:05:33,933 --> 00:05:36,535
Because he's been really
sick, but he's in band.
108
00:05:36,603 --> 00:05:39,972
Not the marching band,
but he sure hopes to be.
109
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:41,907
That's great.
When did he ask you?
110
00:05:41,975 --> 00:05:43,609
He--he didn't exactly.
111
00:05:43,677 --> 00:05:46,245
His mom had to 'cause
he hasn't gotten
his voice back yet.
112
00:05:46,312 --> 00:05:47,813
I gotta go talk
to Roseanne.
113
00:05:47,881 --> 00:05:50,549
I mean, I just can't believe
that i'm going to the prom.
114
00:05:50,617 --> 00:05:52,317
[squeals, laughs]
115
00:05:52,385 --> 00:05:54,653
[mock squeals]
116
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,356
Man, it would almost
be worth going
117
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:59,958
Just to sit there
and laugh at everyone.
118
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,661
You're not serious.
119
00:06:02,729 --> 00:06:05,564
Well, if we really are
going to new york,
120
00:06:05,632 --> 00:06:08,100
This could be our only
chance to go to a prom.
121
00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,169
All of our friends
will be there.
122
00:06:10,236 --> 00:06:13,038
David, all of our friends
are in this room.
123
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:18,043
Well, you know, it doesn't
matter what I like;
124
00:06:18,111 --> 00:06:19,545
It's your prom.
125
00:06:19,612 --> 00:06:22,581
You know, I think I really
like the yellow.
126
00:06:22,649 --> 00:06:24,149
You do?
127
00:06:25,985 --> 00:06:27,219
You know,
the blue?
128
00:06:27,287 --> 00:06:29,822
Eh, it's all right.
129
00:06:29,889 --> 00:06:31,156
The pink?
130
00:06:31,224 --> 00:06:33,792
Oh, yeah, the pink.
Yeah.
131
00:06:33,860 --> 00:06:35,527
I didn't say
I wanted to go.
132
00:06:35,595 --> 00:06:37,496
I just said it might
be interesting.
133
00:06:37,564 --> 00:06:39,298
The only way i'm going
to the prom
134
00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:42,401
Is if I can sit in the rafters
with a bucket of pig's blood.
135
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:46,772
I gotta get going.
136
00:06:46,840 --> 00:06:49,208
Darlene, you know,
I really hope that
you change your mind
137
00:06:49,275 --> 00:06:52,144
Because, well, you can't
be voted prom queen
138
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,746
Unless you're
at the prom.
139
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:56,715
You're not helping,
Charlotte.
140
00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,684
I'm sorry, it's just
that i'm so excited.
141
00:06:58,752 --> 00:06:59,785
[squealing, laughing]
142
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,023
[mock squeals]
143
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,792
Darlene, please,
just think about it?
144
00:07:06,860 --> 00:07:08,460
Listen, David.
145
00:07:08,528 --> 00:07:11,530
Let me tell you something
about girls here.
146
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:15,200
If you really want Darlene
to go to the prom with you,
147
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:19,705
Then go over there
and ask her properly.
148
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:21,473
All right.
149
00:07:23,343 --> 00:07:26,845
Darlene, will you please
go to the prom with me?
150
00:07:26,913 --> 00:07:32,017
[women laughing]
151
00:07:35,255 --> 00:07:37,089
Forget about it.
152
00:07:37,157 --> 00:07:39,124
What's his problem?
153
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,827
Ah, well.
154
00:07:41,895 --> 00:07:45,230
Oh, Darlene, this may be hard
for us women to understand,
155
00:07:45,298 --> 00:07:47,599
But sometimes,
a guy, he needs
156
00:07:47,667 --> 00:07:50,102
To get all gussied up
and go out on the town
157
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:53,038
So he can show off
his new hat.
158
00:07:53,106 --> 00:07:54,340
Yeah, well,
i'm not going.
159
00:07:54,407 --> 00:07:56,141
It's against everything
I stand for.
160
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:57,976
Well, you know,
it's not just for David.
161
00:07:58,044 --> 00:08:00,179
I mean, before I die,
I would like to see
162
00:08:00,246 --> 00:08:02,681
One of my kids go out
that door in a prom dress.
163
00:08:02,749 --> 00:08:06,018
And if it's not you, D.J.'s
gonna be real unhappy.
164
00:08:06,086 --> 00:08:08,754
I got better stuff
to do with my time.
165
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:11,357
I'll let you
stay out till 2.
166
00:08:11,424 --> 00:08:13,192
Oh, you gotta
be kidding.
167
00:08:16,396 --> 00:08:18,997
Make it 6
and we'll talk.
168
00:08:19,065 --> 00:08:24,269
3, but you gotta wear
a dress and let me
take a picture of you
169
00:08:24,337 --> 00:08:26,538
In front of the fireplace
and then parade you around
170
00:08:26,606 --> 00:08:28,774
In front of the neighbors.
171
00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:34,346
4:00, dress, one picture,
no parade.
172
00:08:34,414 --> 00:08:38,083
3:30, picture on fridge.
Deal?
173
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:40,853
Deal. But I keep
the negative.
174
00:08:44,391 --> 00:08:47,126
love is thelove is the
175
00:08:47,193 --> 00:08:49,995
love is thelove is the
176
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:54,099
love is thelove is the law
177
00:08:55,735 --> 00:09:01,674
oh, love, love,love, love
178
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,375
love is the law
179
00:09:05,745 --> 00:09:11,383
oh, love, love,love, love
180
00:09:11,451 --> 00:09:14,253
love is the law
181
00:09:14,320 --> 00:09:16,889
[saxophone]
182
00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:46,719
[crowd cheering]
183
00:09:57,097 --> 00:10:00,466
[slow]
184
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,402
See, this isn't
so bad.
185
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:05,671
Do you wanna stay
for the rest of prom night?
186
00:10:05,739 --> 00:10:08,607
Well, since it means so much
to you, we could stay.
187
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:11,377
Thank you.
188
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,179
I wanted to surprise you;
I rented a motel room.
189
00:10:14,247 --> 00:10:16,448
I wanted tonight
to be the night.
190
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:18,317
But, you know,
this is cool too.
191
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:35,367
[high voice]
oh, Ms. Connor,
your prom date is here.
192
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:41,106
Oh, don't hate me
because i'm beautiful.
193
00:10:41,174 --> 00:10:42,474
Oh, man,
194
00:10:42,542 --> 00:10:44,543
You dressed like that
in front of the fridge,
195
00:10:44,611 --> 00:10:46,779
I've died
and gone to heaven.
196
00:10:47,881 --> 00:10:48,947
Hi, i'm here.
197
00:10:49,015 --> 00:10:51,150
My butt's too big
for this dress.
198
00:10:51,217 --> 00:10:53,385
Oh, you look great.
Doesn't she, Dan?
199
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:55,688
Dress and butt
in perfect harmony.
200
00:10:55,755 --> 00:10:57,356
Thanks. I'm just not
sure about this.
201
00:10:57,424 --> 00:10:59,058
Does roger know i'm coming?
[doorbell rings]
202
00:10:59,125 --> 00:11:02,061
No. It's not like
you're going to be
his date or anything.
203
00:11:02,128 --> 00:11:05,164
It's just a whole bunch of us
puttin' on our formal attire
204
00:11:05,231 --> 00:11:07,333
And going out to, like,
celebrate our own prom,
205
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:10,002
Except for this time,
we're really, really old.
206
00:11:10,070 --> 00:11:12,104
Well, i'm just not sure
i'm ready for it.
207
00:11:12,172 --> 00:11:13,872
Well, we just want
an even number
208
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:15,641
Of boys and girls, okay?
209
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:18,143
And Roger's really cool.
He's really nice.
210
00:11:18,211 --> 00:11:21,480
And plus, he sounds
like ringo.
211
00:11:21,548 --> 00:11:25,584
And who likes rRngo?
212
00:11:25,652 --> 00:11:27,453
I like Ringo.
213
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:28,454
[Dan]
Roseanne, Jackie,
214
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,089
Look who's here.
215
00:11:31,291 --> 00:11:33,859
Oh, roger brought
a date.
216
00:11:35,328 --> 00:11:38,864
And roger's date
is Nancy.
217
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:43,535
Nancy and roger are--
are dating.
218
00:11:43,603 --> 00:11:44,903
Hope you don't mind
the tag-along.
219
00:11:44,971 --> 00:11:47,206
Happy prom,
everyone.
220
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:51,110
All I know is heaven must be
missing an angel tonight.
221
00:11:51,177 --> 00:11:53,846
Oh, spread it on
thick, baby.
222
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:59,251
How come you never say
anything neato like that?
223
00:11:59,319 --> 00:12:04,089
Baby, somebody whipped up
on you with the pretty stick.
224
00:12:08,428 --> 00:12:11,163
Ah, shut up.
225
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:12,197
[anne-marie]
hey, Jackie.
226
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:13,866
I didn't know you
were coming with us.
227
00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:15,067
I'm not.
228
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:17,369
I'm--I just came over
to do my laundry.
229
00:12:17,437 --> 00:12:19,505
Everything else
was dirty.
230
00:12:20,807 --> 00:12:21,807
God, i'm so sorry.
231
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:23,409
Come on, you'll still
go with us.
232
00:12:23,476 --> 00:12:24,643
No, actually,
it's good.
233
00:12:24,711 --> 00:12:26,879
I'm really not ready
for dating yet.
234
00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:28,814
Are you sure?
Yeah, i'm sure.
235
00:12:28,882 --> 00:12:30,382
Okay, well, i'm glad
you're okay,
236
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,251
'cause, I mean,
i've got to find out
237
00:12:32,318 --> 00:12:34,887
How come Nancy's
going back to men.
238
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:41,026
Nancy, Anne-Marie, a little
hen party in the kitchen!
239
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:47,066
Wow, Nancy,
what's going on?
240
00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:50,135
I thought you were
our little gay friend.
241
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,370
So?
242
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,373
So, can't you get kicked out
of the club for this?
243
00:12:54,441 --> 00:12:55,908
What? He's--
he's a nice guy
244
00:12:55,975 --> 00:12:57,276
And he worships me.
245
00:12:57,344 --> 00:13:01,613
Yeah, but I mean, you know,
he's an outie, not an innie.
246
00:13:07,253 --> 00:13:09,421
You just don't get
how it works.
247
00:13:09,489 --> 00:13:11,290
Please don't label me.
248
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:12,991
I am a people person.
249
00:13:16,096 --> 00:13:19,999
God, now i'm losing men
to lesbians.
250
00:13:23,870 --> 00:13:26,071
Champagne, ladies?
251
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,107
Thank god you're back.
252
00:13:28,174 --> 00:13:31,910
For the last 45 seconds,
my life lost all meaning.
253
00:13:31,978 --> 00:13:33,145
What are we
celebrating?
254
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:34,880
I sold a house today.
255
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:37,783
Made a small fortune;
dinner's on me.
256
00:13:37,851 --> 00:13:38,851
[everyone cheering]
257
00:13:38,918 --> 00:13:40,052
That's great.
258
00:13:40,120 --> 00:13:42,121
I really wish you'd
reconsider letting Dan in
259
00:13:42,188 --> 00:13:43,989
On this deal
with us, Roseanne.
260
00:13:44,057 --> 00:13:45,891
Then we'd be
toasting more often.
261
00:13:45,959 --> 00:13:47,559
What deal?
262
00:13:47,627 --> 00:13:49,595
Trust me, Rosie.
It's not for us.
263
00:13:49,662 --> 00:13:51,430
I wanna know.
264
00:13:51,498 --> 00:13:55,701
Well, all right.
265
00:13:55,769 --> 00:13:59,905
We buy run-down houses cheap,
fix them up ourselves,
266
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:03,375
And then sell them
before the mortgage
and taxes are due.
267
00:14:03,443 --> 00:14:06,812
Next time, dan's name
could be on this check.
268
00:14:06,880 --> 00:14:09,848
Oh, man. How come you
didn't tell me about this?
269
00:14:09,916 --> 00:14:11,884
This is perfect for you.
270
00:14:11,951 --> 00:14:13,986
Because I knew
you'd say no.
271
00:14:14,054 --> 00:14:17,589
Oh, right. So now you know
what i'm always gonna say.
272
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:20,659
Oh, hey, I take $5,000,
I put it into this
and I lose it
273
00:14:20,727 --> 00:14:22,127
And you're not gonna be mad?
274
00:14:22,195 --> 00:14:24,697
No, not if it's something
that you really wanna do, Dan.
275
00:14:24,764 --> 00:14:26,532
I mean, all your
moping around and whining
276
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,000
How you wanna
do something special.
277
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,935
And now, something great
like this comes along
278
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:32,104
And you say no
without even asking me.
279
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:37,276
Come on, guys,
give peace a chance.
280
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:40,112
Roseanne, I can turn
this down if I want to.
281
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:43,148
Fine, you can turn it down,
but don't be blaming me
282
00:14:43,216 --> 00:14:45,217
Like, you know, I won't
let you do nothing,
283
00:14:45,285 --> 00:14:47,786
Making everybody think
that your shrew of a wife
284
00:14:47,854 --> 00:14:49,188
Is telling you
what to do
285
00:14:49,255 --> 00:14:50,255
All the time.
286
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:53,192
On a count of three,
we go for the door.
287
00:14:53,259 --> 00:14:54,860
I'm sorry i've made
everybody in the room
288
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,061
Think that you're
a shrew, Roseanne.
289
00:14:56,129 --> 00:14:58,397
Good thing you were here
to clear your good name.
290
00:14:58,465 --> 00:15:00,466
Oh, they're not thinking
that i'm a shrew;
291
00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,234
They're thinking
that you're an idiot.
292
00:15:02,302 --> 00:15:06,472
They think i'm an idiot
for marrying a shrew.
293
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:08,540
Go on.
294
00:15:08,608 --> 00:15:11,677
Isn't that just like you,
starting a big fight
on a night
295
00:15:11,745 --> 00:15:13,545
When somebody else
was gonna pay for dinner!
296
00:15:30,630 --> 00:15:32,331
Still?
297
00:15:37,003 --> 00:15:41,407
I just can't believe
this is happening.
298
00:15:41,474 --> 00:15:43,008
I'm ready all the time.
299
00:15:43,076 --> 00:15:46,111
I'm--i'm ready
in school.
300
00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:49,081
I'm ready
at the dinner table.
301
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:51,817
Why can't I be ready
in a motel room?
302
00:15:51,885 --> 00:15:54,987
Don't ask me; i've never
done this before.
303
00:15:55,055 --> 00:15:56,755
Well, neither have I.
304
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,424
Maybe if you'd just
stop pushing me,
305
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:01,026
It would happen
by itself.
306
00:16:01,094 --> 00:16:03,862
What do you mean
"pushing you"?
307
00:16:03,930 --> 00:16:06,131
Well, Darlene, you just
sprang this on me.
308
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:09,201
I thought we were just
going to the prom.
309
00:16:09,269 --> 00:16:12,237
You mean you weren't
gonna try to have sex
with me tonight?
310
00:16:12,305 --> 00:16:15,574
Yes, I was, but then
I would have been the one
who started it.
311
00:16:15,642 --> 00:16:17,710
Okay, fine.
You can start it.
312
00:16:17,777 --> 00:16:20,979
I'll just lie here
and watch tv, and then
when you're ready,
313
00:16:21,047 --> 00:16:23,816
Just come on over
and...Start.
314
00:16:29,522 --> 00:16:31,223
[saxophone, on tv]
315
00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,759
[sighs]
316
00:16:48,541 --> 00:16:50,042
[cloth movement]
317
00:16:58,651 --> 00:16:59,818
Okay.
318
00:17:02,589 --> 00:17:03,989
Damn it!
319
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:10,796
Now my arms and legs
are starting to go numb.
320
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:18,537
I'm sorry, David;
I know how much you
wanted this to happen.
321
00:17:18,605 --> 00:17:20,172
Darlene, just please
stop talking.
322
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,509
You say anything else,
it might disappear altogether.
323
00:17:26,613 --> 00:17:28,380
How do you think
this makes me feel?
324
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:31,116
I'm the only thing in
the world that doesn't
turn you on.
325
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:35,020
Come on, you know
that's not it.
326
00:17:36,690 --> 00:17:39,191
Well, I don't get it.
I mean, I know
you wanna do it.
327
00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:41,226
Maybe you just don't
wanna do it with me.
328
00:17:41,294 --> 00:17:45,964
No, no, no.
I'm just--
329
00:17:46,032 --> 00:17:47,099
I'm really scared.
330
00:17:49,903 --> 00:17:54,573
I just always figured
that when we did do it,
331
00:17:54,641 --> 00:17:56,208
That you really
wouldn't want to
332
00:17:56,276 --> 00:17:58,944
And that you'd just be
doing it for me,
333
00:17:59,012 --> 00:18:01,747
So then, I wouldn't
have to be good.
334
00:18:03,550 --> 00:18:05,751
Well, I just wanted
to be with you.
335
00:18:05,819 --> 00:18:08,854
I never expected you
to be good.
336
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:16,762
I just can't see
how this is happening.
337
00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:18,797
My mom probably put
something in the food.
338
00:18:49,295 --> 00:18:52,464
Whoa, score, and
on the first try.
339
00:18:59,839 --> 00:19:02,207
Is that some sort of slam
about last night?
340
00:19:02,275 --> 00:19:05,244
No, I totally forgot
about last night.
341
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,679
It's like
it never happened.
342
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:07,913
Oh, that's it.
343
00:19:07,981 --> 00:19:10,482
This conversation's over.
344
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:11,650
Hey, how was the prom?
345
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:13,218
Was it everything
you expected?
346
00:19:13,286 --> 00:19:14,386
Not exactly.
347
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,588
Where'd you go after?
Did you go out to the--
348
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:17,790
We went out driving.
349
00:19:17,924 --> 00:19:19,258
All night?
350
00:19:19,325 --> 00:19:23,162
Well, let's see, the prom
ended at about 12:15
351
00:19:23,229 --> 00:19:25,097
And from there we went
over to Sharna's.
352
00:19:25,165 --> 00:19:27,900
And we were there
from about 12:30 until 2,
353
00:19:27,967 --> 00:19:30,336
And then from there
we went to this other party
354
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,905
Over at Suderat's and we
were there till, like, 3.
355
00:19:32,972 --> 00:19:34,940
And then we just had
to take people home,
356
00:19:35,008 --> 00:19:38,377
So we didn't get back here
till about 5 of 4.
357
00:19:38,445 --> 00:19:41,080
Wow, you did have
a busy night.
358
00:19:41,147 --> 00:19:45,384
Well, it's 3 P.M.,
i'm going in the other room.
359
00:19:45,452 --> 00:19:48,387
I should be there
about 3:01.
360
00:19:56,830 --> 00:19:57,763
Hey.
361
00:19:57,831 --> 00:19:59,598
Did you talk to Darlene
about the prom?
362
00:19:59,666 --> 00:20:01,667
No, what was
the death count?
363
00:20:01,735 --> 00:20:04,303
They got in really late
and I was talking to 'em
364
00:20:04,371 --> 00:20:05,904
And they had some
pretty quick answers
365
00:20:05,972 --> 00:20:08,474
About where they'd been
and when and it
was prom night,
366
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:11,210
And I got to thinking about
when you and I were kids,
367
00:20:11,277 --> 00:20:14,213
And I think
they had sex.
368
00:20:16,816 --> 00:20:18,117
Okay.
369
00:20:18,184 --> 00:20:19,685
Well, don't go
crazy, Roseanne.
370
00:20:19,753 --> 00:20:21,987
Let's just stay calm
and we can work it out.
371
00:20:22,055 --> 00:20:24,256
What's there to work out?
They had sex.
372
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:26,825
Well, great.
Darlene is a woman now.
373
00:20:26,893 --> 00:20:28,761
Good. Maybe she can do
her own laundry.
374
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,996
Don't you want to talk
to Darlene about it?
375
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:32,965
No, Jackie. I don't even
wanna know about it.
376
00:20:33,033 --> 00:20:35,501
Millions of people's kids
have sex every day and they
don't know about it.
377
00:20:35,568 --> 00:20:36,935
How come I have to
know about it?
378
00:20:37,003 --> 00:20:38,137
Well--
379
00:20:38,204 --> 00:20:40,205
No, I mean, how come
I have to know about it?
380
00:20:40,273 --> 00:20:41,540
How come my kids
always make sure
381
00:20:41,608 --> 00:20:43,609
I find out about
every damn thing they do?
382
00:20:43,677 --> 00:20:46,078
I wanna be
in the dark, Jackie.
383
00:20:46,146 --> 00:20:47,379
I wanna walk around
384
00:20:47,447 --> 00:20:50,249
With a great, big,
stupid smile on my face
385
00:20:50,316 --> 00:20:52,718
Like everybody else's parents
in the whole damn world.
386
00:20:52,786 --> 00:20:53,852
Well, maybe they
didn't do it.
387
00:20:53,987 --> 00:20:55,721
Oh, they did it!
388
00:20:55,789 --> 00:20:57,723
Of course they did it.
389
00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,259
And you're okay
with that?
390
00:21:00,326 --> 00:21:01,694
No!
391
00:21:01,761 --> 00:21:03,328
But what am I
supposed to do?
392
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:05,597
I gave her
the birth control speech.
393
00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:09,535
She's seen the "how a condom
works" puppet show.
394
00:21:09,602 --> 00:21:12,137
David's a good kid
and he really cares about her
395
00:21:12,205 --> 00:21:13,772
And at least he washes.
396
00:21:13,840 --> 00:21:16,575
I know that because
I do his towels.
397
00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:18,210
I can't believe how well
you're taking it.
398
00:21:18,278 --> 00:21:20,145
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
399
00:21:20,213 --> 00:21:22,648
Yeah, soon as D.J.'s
old enough to do it,
400
00:21:22,716 --> 00:21:24,917
Him and his girlfriend,
they'll be doin' it
right there
401
00:21:24,984 --> 00:21:26,952
On the other end of the couch
while i'm sittin'
402
00:21:27,020 --> 00:21:28,554
On the other end
just watching tv
403
00:21:28,621 --> 00:21:30,856
And I won't even notice
a damn thing.
404
00:21:41,034 --> 00:21:42,668
Hey.
405
00:21:42,736 --> 00:21:43,836
I've been to the store.
406
00:21:43,903 --> 00:21:46,205
I've purchased
ice cream and beer.
407
00:21:46,272 --> 00:21:50,275
Oh, perfect.
We can make floats.
408
00:21:50,343 --> 00:21:53,779
So, are we
making up now?
409
00:21:53,847 --> 00:21:56,248
Nope, we're celebrating.
410
00:21:56,316 --> 00:22:01,487
I went into business
with Roger, put in $5,000.
411
00:22:01,554 --> 00:22:02,888
Where'd you get $5,000?
412
00:22:02,956 --> 00:22:04,189
[gasps]
413
00:22:04,257 --> 00:22:07,793
You finally took all them
empty pop bottles back.
414
00:22:07,861 --> 00:22:11,296
Nope. Lumber yard gave me
five grand worth of credit.
415
00:22:11,364 --> 00:22:14,433
The conners are now the proud
owner of a depressed property.
416
00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:17,836
Wow, great.
Now we got a set.
417
00:22:19,539 --> 00:22:20,839
I'm kinda nervous
about this, honey.
418
00:22:20,907 --> 00:22:23,709
I hope you're making me
do the right thing.
419
00:22:26,346 --> 00:22:27,913
I really think
it's gonna be good.
420
00:22:27,981 --> 00:22:29,848
Yeah, me too.
421
00:22:29,916 --> 00:22:31,917
So, what else has been
going on around here?
422
00:22:31,985 --> 00:22:33,452
Did I miss anything?
423
00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:40,693
Nope, same old,
same old.
424
00:22:43,697 --> 00:22:46,632
425
00:22:47,801 --> 00:22:50,469
[kissing sounds]
426
00:22:50,537 --> 00:22:52,571
[David]
Darlene, I really
appreciate you
427
00:22:52,639 --> 00:22:54,506
Being so understanding
about last time.
428
00:22:54,574 --> 00:22:56,975
[Darlene]
it's okay, David.
I love you.
429
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:59,244
[David]
I love you, too.
430
00:22:59,312 --> 00:23:01,747
[Darlene]
so, are we ready to have sex?
431
00:23:05,952 --> 00:23:08,520
[David]
I think I just did.
42510
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