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1
00:00:05,205 --> 00:00:07,539
Jackie, hurry up!
I'm next!
2
00:00:07,607 --> 00:00:09,775
Okay, sorry.
I got a few things
for myself.
3
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:11,877
I'll pay you back
later.
What'd you get?
4
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:15,014
Just stuff.
Oh, let's see.
5
00:00:15,081 --> 00:00:17,249
Disposable razors,
6
00:00:17,317 --> 00:00:20,152
Amaretto mist
instant coffee,
7
00:00:20,220 --> 00:00:23,455
And a soft-pink
light bulb.
8
00:00:23,523 --> 00:00:26,158
So, who is he?
Who's who?
9
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,327
The guy
you're dating.
What?
10
00:00:28,395 --> 00:00:31,096
I just want to kick back,
have a nice cup of coffee,
11
00:00:31,164 --> 00:00:33,932
And shave my legs
in a flattering light.
12
00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:35,934
He's married,
isn't he?
No.
13
00:00:36,002 --> 00:00:38,871
He's not gonna leave his wife,
you know. They say they will,
but they never, ever do.
14
00:00:38,938 --> 00:00:43,509
Roseanne, he is not married.
He's just a guy I met
at that singles dance.
15
00:00:43,576 --> 00:00:47,312
Okay. So, what's
wrong with him?
Nothing!
16
00:00:49,149 --> 00:00:53,118
He's just young...Er.
17
00:00:54,587 --> 00:00:56,822
Well, how much
younger is he?
18
00:00:56,890 --> 00:01:00,292
Way young? Like,
milk-money young?
19
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,661
No!
20
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:06,265
Look, he can drive,
he can vote,
so let's drop it.
21
00:01:06,332 --> 00:01:09,868
I'm just not
that comfortable
with it myself.
22
00:01:09,936 --> 00:01:13,672
Well, so, is he cute?
Yes. And he's fun
and he's smart.
23
00:01:13,740 --> 00:01:17,543
Oh, god, he's so smart.
He is so not for me.
24
00:01:19,212 --> 00:01:21,880
God, you have such
low self-esteem.
25
00:01:21,948 --> 00:01:24,450
You're such an idiot.
Well, thank you.
26
00:01:24,517 --> 00:01:29,388
End of conversation.
Can we move the belt
here, please?
27
00:01:30,890 --> 00:01:33,292
Well, now, that's
not what I meant.
28
00:01:33,360 --> 00:01:35,594
What I meant was,
you know,
29
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:39,031
It's too early for you
to know if he's right
for you or not,
30
00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:41,266
So I think you should
let me decide.
31
00:01:41,334 --> 00:01:43,569
No, Roseanne.
I'm not bringing
this one over.
32
00:01:43,636 --> 00:01:45,571
Oh, come on.
No way.
33
00:01:45,638 --> 00:01:47,606
Oh, come on.
I'll be nice.
You will not.
34
00:01:47,674 --> 00:01:49,675
Dan will.
No.
35
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:54,580
I am not gonna subject
fisher to your abuse.
36
00:01:54,647 --> 00:01:58,050
"fisher."
[groans]
37
00:01:58,118 --> 00:02:02,454
Roseanne...
Come on, Jackie.
I want to meet fisher.
38
00:02:02,522 --> 00:02:06,158
Come on!
All right.
39
00:02:06,226 --> 00:02:08,394
Okay, well,
dinner on Thursday.
40
00:02:08,461 --> 00:02:12,931
And hey, have you
told him any lies that
I ought to know about?
41
00:02:12,999 --> 00:02:16,568
Just that I'm 33.
42
00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:19,004
Okay.
And that I was
one of those girls
43
00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:22,107
In the robert palmer video.
44
00:02:22,175 --> 00:02:24,476
� [theme]
45
00:03:30,810 --> 00:03:32,778
[Roseanne laughing]
46
00:03:38,952 --> 00:03:40,953
Well, I hope you like
instant, fisher,
47
00:03:41,021 --> 00:03:42,955
'cause that's all
we got.
48
00:03:43,023 --> 00:03:44,957
Oh, no, that's fine.
49
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:47,593
Dinner was great, Roseanne.
Everything was delicious.
50
00:03:47,660 --> 00:03:49,361
[chuckles]
yeah, right.
51
00:03:51,698 --> 00:03:54,466
Compliments will only
get you seconds, fisher.
52
00:03:56,403 --> 00:03:58,437
Boy, I'm full.
53
00:03:58,505 --> 00:04:00,439
Attaboy.
54
00:04:00,507 --> 00:04:02,541
So, fisher,
Jackie tells me
55
00:04:02,609 --> 00:04:05,110
That the two of
you met at some
singles dance.
56
00:04:05,178 --> 00:04:08,514
Oh, god.
Oh, I'm just
curious, you know.
57
00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:12,284
How come somebody like you
would have to go to
one of those things?
58
00:04:12,352 --> 00:04:15,587
Well, 'cause--
no, I know
why you would.
59
00:04:17,624 --> 00:04:19,591
I'm talking to
fisher here.
60
00:04:19,659 --> 00:04:22,594
I don't know.
I'm not the greatest
at meeting people,
61
00:04:22,662 --> 00:04:24,630
And so I thought
I'd give it a try.
62
00:04:24,698 --> 00:04:27,299
And then I saw
someone pretty
63
00:04:27,367 --> 00:04:31,103
With great legs
and this terrific energy,
64
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:35,374
And I thought, wow,
that's somebody
I got to meet.
65
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,876
Wow.
Excellent answer.
66
00:04:40,213 --> 00:04:43,082
Compliments will only
get you seconds.
67
00:04:45,418 --> 00:04:48,253
I'm home.
Darlene, come on
in here
68
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,422
And meet your
aunt Jackie's
new boyfriend.
69
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,426
Now, she's really
sensitive about
the age thing,
70
00:04:54,494 --> 00:04:56,695
See, so we're all
on our best behavior.
71
00:04:56,763 --> 00:04:58,697
Yeah, okay.
72
00:04:58,765 --> 00:05:01,600
Fisher, this is
our little Darlene.
73
00:05:01,668 --> 00:05:04,069
Aren't you in
my science class?
74
00:05:11,378 --> 00:05:14,079
Well, she held out longer
than I thought she would.
75
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:19,184
What kind of work
you in, fisher?
I'm a commercial artist.
76
00:05:19,252 --> 00:05:22,721
Really? Cool.
My boyfriend draws comics.
77
00:05:22,789 --> 00:05:25,290
Oh, yeah?
What kind of stuff?
Oh, just stuff I write.
78
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:27,292
You know,
sci-fi, gothic.
79
00:05:27,360 --> 00:05:31,230
He's really
starting to perfect his
disemboweled body parts,
80
00:05:31,297 --> 00:05:34,566
But his vomit still
needs a little work.
81
00:05:34,634 --> 00:05:36,835
I can make
a vomit sound.
82
00:05:36,903 --> 00:05:41,206
Oh, yeah, d.J.?
Let's hear it.
A little tip, fisher.
83
00:05:41,274 --> 00:05:44,910
He can't make the sound
without actually doing it.
84
00:05:46,279 --> 00:05:48,380
You save it
for later, honey.
85
00:05:50,817 --> 00:05:52,751
So, Dan, what business
are you in?
86
00:05:52,819 --> 00:05:54,787
[mumbling]
what?
87
00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:57,222
It's all right.
88
00:05:57,290 --> 00:06:00,392
I used to run a bike shop
but it went under, so now
I'm doing a little dry-wall.
89
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:02,594
Oh, dry-wall.
Oh, that's very...
90
00:06:02,662 --> 00:06:05,264
[mumbling]
what about you,
Roseanne?
91
00:06:05,331 --> 00:06:07,333
[mumbling]
92
00:06:09,202 --> 00:06:11,403
Well, when I'm not busy
93
00:06:11,471 --> 00:06:14,340
Being an unemployed
housewife and mother,
94
00:06:14,407 --> 00:06:18,077
I try to fulfill my duties
as miss illinois.
95
00:06:18,144 --> 00:06:20,846
[phone rings]
96
00:06:22,248 --> 00:06:25,451
Hello?
Oh, hi, mom.
97
00:06:25,518 --> 00:06:28,487
That's grandma.
Before you ask, she's
getting divorced from grandpa,
98
00:06:28,555 --> 00:06:31,023
Who's shacking up
with some babe
in kansas city.
99
00:06:31,091 --> 00:06:33,625
More coffee?
100
00:06:33,693 --> 00:06:35,627
Yeah, really.
Oh, that's great.
101
00:06:35,695 --> 00:06:38,063
Yeah, well, we're all just
sitting here having dinner.
102
00:06:38,131 --> 00:06:40,766
Jackie's over with
her new boyfriend.
103
00:06:42,068 --> 00:06:44,737
Fisher.
Uh-huh.
104
00:06:44,804 --> 00:06:47,473
Oh, yeah,
like a horse.
105
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,512
Oh, she's just asking
about your appetite.
106
00:07:00,653 --> 00:07:02,588
Well, I just think
that's great!
107
00:07:02,655 --> 00:07:05,157
Yeah, man,
congratulations!
108
00:07:05,225 --> 00:07:07,559
Okay, well,
I'll talk to you
soon, then.
109
00:07:07,627 --> 00:07:09,895
Yeah. Bye.
110
00:07:09,963 --> 00:07:12,398
Mom sold the house.
111
00:07:12,465 --> 00:07:14,967
That was fast.
Is she happy
about it?
112
00:07:15,035 --> 00:07:18,103
Well, uh, you can
ask her yourself.
113
00:07:18,171 --> 00:07:20,172
She'll be here
on Saturday.
114
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:23,342
[groans]
no!
115
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,344
Now, that's how
we feel, fisher,
116
00:07:25,412 --> 00:07:27,346
But you'll probably
like her.
117
00:07:27,414 --> 00:07:29,081
She's really old.
118
00:07:36,856 --> 00:07:39,124
Well, mom's timing
is perfect.
119
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,427
Must've sensed
I was happy.
120
00:07:41,494 --> 00:07:43,629
Exactly how long
did bev say
she was saying?
121
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:46,498
I'm not sure.
Too long.
122
00:07:46,566 --> 00:07:50,069
What am I supposed to do, Dan?
I can't tell her
not to come, can I?
123
00:07:50,136 --> 00:07:52,705
Man, she's gonna get
her digs in about
the bike shop, about Becky.
124
00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:55,107
She just can't wait
to get started on me.
125
00:07:55,175 --> 00:07:57,142
You? She's not even
gonna see you.
126
00:07:57,210 --> 00:07:59,678
This blouse is gonna
keep her busy till Thursday.
127
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:04,483
Thursday?
She actually said Thursday?
[doorbell rings]
128
00:08:04,551 --> 00:08:06,852
Just be nice.
129
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:13,258
Hello, everybody!
Hi!
130
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:16,562
I'm so happy to be
with my family.
131
00:08:16,629 --> 00:08:19,531
Dan, how are you doing?
132
00:08:21,568 --> 00:08:24,403
I'm all right.
Hi, mom!
133
00:08:24,471 --> 00:08:28,907
Hello, Jackie.
I'm sorry
about the blouse.
134
00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:32,845
Dan, would you help
mom with her bag?
Sure.
135
00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:36,115
Whoa, this puppy's got
some heft to it.
136
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,851
Hey, a bag like this
has, uh,
137
00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:42,488
How many days' worth
of clothes-- 3?
138
00:08:42,555 --> 00:08:44,490
4?
139
00:08:44,557 --> 00:08:46,558
5?
[Roseanne]
Dan...
140
00:08:46,626 --> 00:08:49,995
So, where are my sweet,
wonderful grandchildren?
141
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,965
Well, they were killed
by d.J. And Darlene.
142
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,401
Mom, what was it like
143
00:08:55,468 --> 00:08:57,403
To actually
sell the house?
144
00:08:57,470 --> 00:09:00,005
Actually, it was
a huge relief.
145
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:02,141
How's dad doing
with all this?
146
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,477
Well, I imagine
he's pretty depressed
by the settlement.
147
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,080
Remember how he always
dreamed of retiring?
148
00:09:08,148 --> 00:09:10,382
[chuckles]
not going to happen.
149
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,888
Boy, you should see the way
your face lit up
when you said that.
150
00:09:15,955 --> 00:09:17,890
Hmm.
And good reason.
151
00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:21,393
Why don't you forget
the tea for a moment
and come sit down?
152
00:09:21,461 --> 00:09:24,697
What's going on?
153
00:09:24,764 --> 00:09:27,166
Now,
154
00:09:27,233 --> 00:09:31,603
You know, I'm going to be
getting a lot of money
from this house,
155
00:09:31,671 --> 00:09:35,441
And I could wait until
I die, but I want to
see it put to good use
156
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:38,644
Now, when you seem
to need it so much,
157
00:09:38,712 --> 00:09:41,780
So, this is for you.
158
00:09:41,848 --> 00:09:45,150
And since you always
throw a fit when you're
left out of anything, here.
159
00:09:45,218 --> 00:09:47,152
Hey, thanks.
160
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:52,958
Oh, my god,
it's $10,000!
So is this!
161
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:56,762
Oh, mom, you have
no idea how much
we need this right now!
162
00:09:56,830 --> 00:10:01,033
Oh, god, thank you!
This is amazing!
Mom!
163
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,602
Well, it makes me
so happy
164
00:10:03,670 --> 00:10:06,205
That I have it
to give to you,
165
00:10:06,272 --> 00:10:08,474
And your father doesn't.
166
00:10:10,643 --> 00:10:13,479
I think this calls
for a celebration
167
00:10:13,546 --> 00:10:15,681
At la sizzler.
168
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:17,583
[yelling]
169
00:10:17,650 --> 00:10:21,387
And we're all
getting our own
plates this time.
170
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:27,393
It's so important to me
to see you girls happy.
171
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,895
I just wish
I could do more.
172
00:10:29,963 --> 00:10:32,364
So, I was thinking,
173
00:10:32,432 --> 00:10:34,800
Since I sold the house,
174
00:10:34,868 --> 00:10:37,369
Why don't I just
move to Lanford?
175
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:42,141
And then we can
all be together.
176
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:44,443
Now, hold the party.
I'm going to go
freshen up.
177
00:10:52,786 --> 00:10:55,320
God, she's good.
178
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:03,028
We have got to
stop her.
179
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:05,631
Jackie, the woman
just walked in here
180
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:08,500
And handed you
$10,000.
181
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:11,103
Well, sure.
Take her side.
182
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:16,175
Look, we need the money
and she needs us.
183
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:19,878
I mean, can't you
just work up some more
enthusiasm about this here?
184
00:11:19,946 --> 00:11:24,016
Okay. Maybe I could use
the money to move.
185
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:29,488
Work with me here.
She is just trying to
butter us up, Roseanne,
186
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:33,625
So that she can move
to Lanford and we can't
say a thing about it.
187
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,834
Who's moving here?
188
00:11:41,901 --> 00:11:43,836
Dan...
No!
189
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:46,238
Dan...
No, Roseanne, no!
190
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:48,440
Oh, come on!
191
00:11:48,508 --> 00:11:50,909
Dan, she needs to be
near her family now.
192
00:11:50,977 --> 00:11:53,112
No, she doesn't.
She may think
she does right now,
193
00:11:53,179 --> 00:11:57,249
But after 2 months and
I have to kill her, she'll
realize how wrong she was!
194
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,318
She knew we would all
feel this way, Roseanne.
195
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:01,453
That's why she's waving
this money around!
196
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:04,757
Yeah!
What money?
197
00:12:04,824 --> 00:12:06,592
It's from mom.
198
00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,262
Yubba.
199
00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:13,232
She's just trying
to buy us, Dan.
Can't you see that?
200
00:12:13,299 --> 00:12:15,701
Yeah, I think
she hit my price.
201
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:23,208
Actually, she could've
had me for half.
202
00:12:25,045 --> 00:12:27,880
Roseanne!
Honey, honey,
she's your mother,
203
00:12:27,947 --> 00:12:30,282
I'll do whatever
it takes, but...
204
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:33,018
I just want you
to know one thing--
205
00:12:33,086 --> 00:12:35,120
I want this money.
206
00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:40,225
Would you give me that check?
You are drooling the zeroes
off of it.
207
00:12:48,802 --> 00:12:51,370
Why do you do
all that?
208
00:12:51,438 --> 00:12:54,673
It's a lot of
responsibility,
being a woman.
209
00:12:54,741 --> 00:12:57,109
God made us
the bearer of children,
210
00:12:57,177 --> 00:12:59,244
We keep the human
race going,
211
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:02,181
And it's all very
drying to the skin.
212
00:13:05,251 --> 00:13:07,486
Well, it hardly
seems worth it.
213
00:13:07,554 --> 00:13:11,156
You know, Darlene,
if you're old enough
to have a boyfriend,
214
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:13,926
You're old enough to
start a beauty ritual.
215
00:13:13,993 --> 00:13:16,829
After all,
skin is a gift.
216
00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:19,832
I'll remember that.
217
00:13:19,899 --> 00:13:23,535
Did your mother tell you
I'm thinking of moving
to Lanford?
218
00:13:23,603 --> 00:13:25,938
Really?
219
00:13:26,006 --> 00:13:28,974
Will you be moving
before my birthday?
220
00:13:30,910 --> 00:13:33,746
I mean, it's my 16th,
you know. Pretty big.
221
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:37,716
My, that is
an important year.
222
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:41,053
I'm saving up to buy
a cd player.
223
00:13:41,121 --> 00:13:43,922
Sort of a birthday
gift to myself.
224
00:13:46,793 --> 00:13:50,329
A cd player sounds fun.
225
00:13:50,397 --> 00:13:53,032
What do you say
you let your grandma
226
00:13:53,099 --> 00:13:56,068
Buy it for you
a little bit early?
227
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,837
Oh, no. I couldn't
let you do that.
I mean, they're too...
228
00:13:58,905 --> 00:14:02,875
They're too expensive--
the good ones, anyhow.
229
00:14:02,942 --> 00:14:04,943
Nonsense.
230
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:08,447
And if you like,
we can just keep it
231
00:14:08,515 --> 00:14:10,582
Between you and me.
232
00:14:10,650 --> 00:14:13,352
Sometimes it's good
for us girls
233
00:14:13,420 --> 00:14:15,654
To have a little
secret.
234
00:14:18,792 --> 00:14:20,793
Good night,
sweetheart.
235
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,474
Hey!
236
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,476
Hey, guys.
[Dan]
hey, Jackie.
237
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:40,412
Roseanne, I have got
2 words for you--
238
00:14:40,480 --> 00:14:43,349
"loose meat."
239
00:14:44,384 --> 00:14:46,852
I got 2 words
for you too.
240
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,854
No, it's this great
idea I got.
241
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:52,257
See, every time I make a run
through iowa, I stop at
this incredible little diner
242
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,259
That sells
loose meat sandwiches.
243
00:14:54,327 --> 00:14:56,261
It's kind of like
sloppy joes,
but without the slop.
244
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:59,565
And anyway, the place
is always packed,
so I'm thinking
245
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,201
Maybe we could pool our money
and open up a place
like that in Lanford
246
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:04,203
And be like partners.
247
00:15:04,270 --> 00:15:06,372
[bev]
good morning,
Jackie.
248
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,841
You didn't tell me
mom was here.
249
00:15:08,908 --> 00:15:11,477
Jackie, mom's here.
250
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,946
Morning, mom.
We'll talk about it later.
251
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:17,850
No, please, go on.
I always love to hear
your little ideas.
252
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:20,319
Yeah, so you can
criticize them.
253
00:15:20,387 --> 00:15:24,056
No, that's not true.
I think it's wonderful
that you have ideas.
254
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:28,160
If you don't keep having ideas,
how are you ever going to
come up with a good one?
255
00:15:28,228 --> 00:15:31,964
This is a good one.
I have a great idea.
256
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:35,367
Why don't the two
of you shut up?
257
00:15:35,435 --> 00:15:39,371
Well, I'm sorry,
but your sister
should know better.
258
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:42,741
Starting a business
these days is insane!
259
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:46,578
Didn't she learn anything
from Dan's little
bike shop fiasco?
260
00:15:46,646 --> 00:15:49,715
Mom, what part
of "shut up"
261
00:15:49,783 --> 00:15:52,484
Do you not understand?
262
00:15:52,552 --> 00:15:55,587
Well, I can't stand by
and let her encourage you
263
00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,691
To waste my money
on one of her
foolish ideas.
264
00:15:58,758 --> 00:16:01,994
Oh, stupid me.
I thought the money
was a gift.
265
00:16:02,062 --> 00:16:04,830
Skin is a gift.
266
00:16:04,898 --> 00:16:07,066
I'll be out
in the car.
267
00:16:07,133 --> 00:16:10,736
Whoa.
Where are you going?
Nowhere.
268
00:16:10,804 --> 00:16:14,373
Oh, we're just going
to do a little early
birthday shopping.
269
00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:17,509
Yeah? Darlene,
what are you trying to
weasel out of your grandma?
270
00:16:17,577 --> 00:16:20,846
Nothing but love.
271
00:16:20,914 --> 00:16:23,682
Bull.
And a cd player.
272
00:16:23,750 --> 00:16:27,786
No way.
What, so you get $10,000
and I get nothing?
273
00:16:27,854 --> 00:16:29,822
Well, you know
what they say, Darlene--
274
00:16:29,889 --> 00:16:32,858
Wealth always skips
a generation.
275
00:16:32,926 --> 00:16:35,060
Out.
276
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:37,162
No cd player, mom.
277
00:16:37,230 --> 00:16:39,164
How many times have we
had this conversation?
278
00:16:39,232 --> 00:16:41,166
I told you I want you to
stop spoiling the kids.
279
00:16:41,234 --> 00:16:43,168
I wasn't doing
anything wrong.
280
00:16:43,236 --> 00:16:45,537
Well, then why were
you trying to do it
behind my back?
281
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:49,174
Because you force us
to do things that way,
Roseanne.
282
00:16:49,242 --> 00:16:52,244
No one can do
anything in this house
without you interfering.
283
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,581
Well, that's because
it's my house.
284
00:16:55,648 --> 00:16:58,150
I like it this way.
I like the kids poor.
285
00:16:58,218 --> 00:17:00,619
That way they don't
clash with the furniture.
286
00:17:04,190 --> 00:17:06,392
For god's sake,
why deprive the child
287
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,394
Just because
you're struggling?
288
00:17:08,461 --> 00:17:10,462
Learn from
your mistakes.
289
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,931
What is that
supposed to mean?
290
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:16,001
Well, maybe if you'd
have been a little
more concerned
291
00:17:16,069 --> 00:17:19,772
About Becky's happiness,
she'd still be here.
292
00:17:35,455 --> 00:17:37,489
Here.
Take your check back.
293
00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,292
Jackie's right.
It's never gonna work
with you moving here,
294
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:42,895
'cause it'll always
be like this.
295
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:47,132
Fine. Why don't
I just leave now?
296
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,134
Fine!
297
00:17:49,202 --> 00:17:51,437
See you
at thanksgiving!
298
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,140
What'd you invite her
to thanksgiving for?
299
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,854
Can I come in?
300
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,657
It's your house.
You can do
whatever you like.
301
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,366
Well, this is...
302
00:18:20,433 --> 00:18:22,668
Hard for me to say.
303
00:18:22,736 --> 00:18:25,838
Go ahead.
You'll feel better.
304
00:18:25,905 --> 00:18:28,440
I want the check back.
305
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:34,747
Pardon me?
306
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:37,583
Well, you gave it to us
'cause we needed it,
307
00:18:37,650 --> 00:18:39,651
And we still need it.
308
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:45,024
Here. I told you
it was yours.
309
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,700
It's not like I don't
appreciate it or nothing.
310
00:18:54,768 --> 00:18:58,270
Well, you have
a frightening way
of showing it.
311
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:01,707
I've never felt
so unwelcome here.
312
00:19:01,775 --> 00:19:04,510
Oh, sure you have.
313
00:19:07,580 --> 00:19:09,715
What are you
gonna do now?
314
00:19:09,783 --> 00:19:12,017
Oh, I suppose I'll
go back to moline
315
00:19:12,085 --> 00:19:14,086
And rent a little
apartment.
316
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,321
Maybe I'll buy
some new furniture,
317
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:20,726
And then I'll just sit
in a room until it's
time to lie in a box.
318
00:19:22,362 --> 00:19:25,464
Well, at least
you have a plan.
319
00:19:25,532 --> 00:19:29,501
Maybe I'll get one of those
life alert things so I'll
have someone to talk to.
320
00:19:29,569 --> 00:19:32,805
Oh, come on, mom.
Don't do this.
321
00:19:32,872 --> 00:19:35,808
Now, would you please
get Dan to help me
with these bags?
322
00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:39,478
Come on, mom.
We all got mad and said
stuff that we didn't mean.
323
00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:42,014
Now, put the bags down
and we'll talk.
324
00:19:42,082 --> 00:19:44,149
[Jackie]
oh, Roseanne!
325
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:49,922
Get in here, Jackie.
326
00:19:49,989 --> 00:19:53,292
Now, we both know
we can't leave it
like this.
327
00:19:56,796 --> 00:20:00,332
Mom, maybe you could
move here to Lanford
328
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,736
If we would just agree
on some stuff first.
329
00:20:03,803 --> 00:20:06,472
I'm listening.
330
00:20:06,539 --> 00:20:09,341
All right, well,
first of all--
331
00:20:09,409 --> 00:20:11,543
You can't leave
your house.
332
00:20:16,983 --> 00:20:19,084
First of all,
333
00:20:19,152 --> 00:20:21,653
What I say
goes around here.
334
00:20:21,721 --> 00:20:23,756
And no more of
this secret present
crap either.
335
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:26,191
And I do not want to hear
one more word about
336
00:20:26,259 --> 00:20:28,027
How we screwed up
with the shop or how
we screwed up with Becky.
337
00:20:28,094 --> 00:20:30,362
And I want you to
respect the fact that
I'm an adult
338
00:20:30,430 --> 00:20:32,364
And I can make
my own decisions.
339
00:20:32,432 --> 00:20:34,466
And there are certain things
that I don't want to
hear anymore,
340
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:37,970
Like "flaky," "skinny,"
"die a spinster."
341
00:20:38,038 --> 00:20:40,506
That's just
for mom, right?
342
00:20:40,573 --> 00:20:43,842
Jackie, I only
tell you these things
343
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,844
Because I want to
see you do something
344
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,113
With your life
before it's too late.
345
00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:51,984
Call us when
you get home, mom.
346
00:20:52,052 --> 00:20:54,687
I can't say anything
to you girls, can I?
347
00:20:54,754 --> 00:20:57,856
Now you're getting it!
What, is that what
you really want?
348
00:20:57,924 --> 00:21:00,559
No, but if you're
gonna move here,
349
00:21:00,627 --> 00:21:03,095
It's just like,
we have to make a lot
of changes, you know?
350
00:21:03,163 --> 00:21:05,397
We'll have to get used to it.
We'll have to change
351
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:07,533
And you'll have to change.
352
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,936
But right now,
let's start with you.
353
00:21:12,238 --> 00:21:14,440
All right.
What do you have in mind?
354
00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:19,311
Well, maybe it would work
355
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:22,448
If we just try
being friends.
356
00:21:22,515 --> 00:21:24,416
We are friends.
357
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,753
No, no.
No, we're not.
358
00:21:27,821 --> 00:21:30,956
Isn't she cute?
No, see, friends
359
00:21:31,024 --> 00:21:35,027
Are not judgmental,
and there's camaraderie,
you know.
360
00:21:35,095 --> 00:21:37,429
Friends don't drive you
into therapy.
361
00:21:38,865 --> 00:21:40,899
Therapy?
Who's in therapy?
362
00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:43,535
[whining]
Roseanne...
363
00:21:43,603 --> 00:21:45,604
Not important.
364
00:21:46,740 --> 00:21:49,375
So, how do you
feel, mom?
365
00:21:51,177 --> 00:21:53,779
All right.
I'll be friends.
366
00:21:53,847 --> 00:21:55,981
If I'm wanted.
367
00:21:56,049 --> 00:21:58,584
Jackie...
368
00:21:58,651 --> 00:22:00,686
Okay, friends.
369
00:22:03,023 --> 00:22:07,559
All right, well, now
let's go downstairs
and practice being friends.
370
00:22:07,627 --> 00:22:11,497
Not mothers
and daughters,
but friends.
371
00:22:11,564 --> 00:22:14,033
Not too weird.
[snickers]
372
00:22:16,002 --> 00:22:18,771
All right, this could
be fun. And, you know,
as your friend,
373
00:22:18,838 --> 00:22:22,808
I just want to tell you
you're treating your
mother very badly.
374
00:22:22,876 --> 00:22:25,177
[theme]
375
00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:31,817
Here's one.
2 bedrooms,
376
00:22:31,885 --> 00:22:35,387
Large patio, and
it's very reasonable.
377
00:22:35,455 --> 00:22:39,391
Hey, Jackie, isn't
that your block?
No.
378
00:22:39,459 --> 00:22:41,627
That'd be great.
You and mom
could be neighbors.
379
00:22:41,695 --> 00:22:44,296
No, you don't want
that apartment, mom.
I know that building.
380
00:22:44,364 --> 00:22:46,598
Bad snake problem.
381
00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:51,470
"snake problem"?
Yeah. Big ones.
382
00:22:51,538 --> 00:22:54,740
Uh, didn't I see
a "for rent" sign, though,
383
00:22:54,808 --> 00:22:57,876
Out front of
the bowman house
next door?
384
00:22:57,944 --> 00:22:59,945
Oh, yeah, yeah.
385
00:23:00,013 --> 00:23:03,949
Uh, I just hope
they've hosed all
the blood off the walls.
386
00:23:04,017 --> 00:23:06,118
[doorbell rings]
387
00:23:06,186 --> 00:23:10,155
I'll get it.
You girls just keep
fighting over me.
388
00:23:12,959 --> 00:23:14,960
Oh, hello.
Come in.
389
00:23:15,028 --> 00:23:18,397
Darlene, your
boyfriend's here!
42433
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