All language subtitles for In a Year of 13 Moons-1978.en

Every seventh year
is a Year of the Moon.

People whose lives are strongly
influenced by their emotions

suffer more intensely from
depressions in these years.

To a lesser degree, this is also
true of years with 13 new moons.

When a Moon Year
also has 13 new moons

inescapable personal
tragedies may occur.

ln the 20th century, this dangerous
constellation occurs six times.

One of these is 1978;

before that,
1908, 1929, 1943 and 1957.

1992 will also be a year in which
many people's lives are threatened.

Volker Spengler as
Elvira Weisshaupt in

lN A YEAR WlTH 13 MOONS

What's up here?

He's not a john.
He's a woman, he says.

Stop it!

With the
collaboration of

Men hover 'round me

like moths 'round a flame

And when they get burnt

good that no one knows my game

Rumpelstiltskin is my name

On the Volga's banks
a soldier stands

Keeping watch for his fatherland

Standing on the battlements,
looking down with pleasure on...

Elvira?

l didn't know you'd be here.

lt's been six weeks

Six weeks! That's 42 days...

Or 1008 hours.
l can count for myself.

ls that all that occurs to you?

No, of course not.

How stupid of me!

l'm so sorry.

l bet you mean my...

my outfit.

You're probably wondering...

why l'm...

You're drunk again.

Drunk?

No, darling. l'm not drunk.

On the contrary...

l'm just lonely.

Yes, l'm lonely, and l...

Stop screaming!

When you're in the wrong
you always start screaming.

Me, in the wrong?

You, of all people, accuse me?

No, my friend,

l am not in the wrong.

You left me in the lurch.

l've been sitting here for weeks,
till l felt quite claustrophobic,

staring at the phone...

till l could hardly see anymore,
till my brain went numb.

No, the only thing l did wrong

was to yearn

for someone to caress me

and kiss me.

Caress you? Kiss you?

You have nothing
but jam in your head.

Caress you? Don't make me laugh!

Look at yourself in the mirror!

Don't, Christoph!

Look at yourself in the mirror!

Christoph, please, please.

l'm scared.

What are you scared of?

Of you. Today, you're so...

You know what you're afraid of?

Your own ugly mug.

Look at yourself in the mirror!

l'm afraid...

Open your eyes.

Christoph, please...

Look at yourself, Elvira.

Look,
or l'll smash your teeth in.

Look at yourself.

Do you see now
why l don't come home anymore?

l see myself loving you.

So that's why you drink
and get fatter and fatter

till your face revolts me

like a contagious disease,
like leprosy.

l never wanted to hurt you.

Ugh! You're not even funny.
You're just repulsive.

You're a fat, revolting,
superfluous lump of meat.

And you know why?

Because you have
no will of your own

no initiative, no brain.
You've no imagination.

-You're not interested in anything.
-That's not true.

l've always searched
for something like a soul.

Something like you
doesn't have a soul.

You're just a thing, an object

completely superfluous.

Nobody would notice
if you ceased to exist.

Splat! And gone!

Somebody should step on you
and squash you like a bug.

Christoph, stop it!
Help! You're hurting me.

Stop screaming! Do you want
the whole building to hear?

This is my apartment, Christoph,

and l can do what l like in it.

-So it's your apartment, is it?
-Yes, my apartment.

Mine, mine, mine!

Okay, have it your way, Elvira.

lt had to happen sooner or later.

God knows

rather sooner than later.

What's the matter?

Say something.

Nothing. l'm packing.

Packing?

But you've only just come home.

lf this is your apartment,
l can't have come home.

l must be
at the wrong address.

Sorry.

You know l didn't mean
it like that.

You know how l really feel.

That's the thanks l get
for trying so hard all these years.

l just couldn't get it into my
head you're not a real woman...

You said you loved me

and you knew about it
long before you said that.

No one could know
what would happen to you

that you'd become such a mess

that you'd turn out to be
more than just a man

big and blubbery like a walrus

that your brain
would grow emptier and emptier

and shrink
to a spongy mass of nothing.

Don't talk like that, Christoph.

Not like that.

l'm so afraid
you'll ruin everything

Everything.

Oh no, Elvira.

Stop kidding yourself!

There's nothing left to ruin.

lt's been going on a long time.

l feel like throwing up
when l touch you.

l feel so nauseated

l'd rather spend
the weekend in an empty hotel

than come home to you.

You don't mean what you say.

Beat it! Let me finish packing!

Leave me alone! Once and for all!

-Go brush your teeth, for all l care.
-You've been lonely in life, too.

-Now you behave as if...
-well?

Did l ever deny it?

Did l?

No. On the contrary.

But l didn't let myself go.

Of course not. You never had to.

l was always there for you.

Do you want me to spend my life
groveling on my knees before you?

No one asked you to do that.

No, but you behave as if l had
to pay off some huge debt.

My God, you're so unfair.

l never said anything like that.
l never even thought it.

You don't think. You've nothing
but jam in your head.

-You said that before.
-l know, because it's true.

Jam.

lt sticks your eyelids together.

lt's rancid and it stinks.

lt smells of putrefaction
when you're around

of decay and death.

That's why

you need alcohol.

What have l done to you
that you have to hurt me like this?

What have l done?

ls it because
l was the one who helped you

recover your self-respect?

Think what you like.

Do what you like.
l couldn't care less.

l'm leaving. Understand?

And this time for good.

Out of my way. l couldn't
care less what becomes of you.

Christoph!

Leave me in peace!

Christoph,
do what you like, anything.

But don't leave me!

Wait, Christoph!

Let's talk it over!
Just one more time!

-See you Friday?
-Okay.

What do you want?

Please don't go.

Out of my way,
or l'll run you down!

Beat it!

Two coffees, two brandies,
please.

What was that all about?

Because l put on men's clothes
and went down to the river.

To the River Main, and?

l wanted to buy myself a boy.
ls that so terrible?

lt's not terrible at all, but...

why did you wear men's clothes?

l'm not so ashamed to pay for it
with men's clothes on

as l am when l wear women's
clothes, as l have sometimes.

Maybe it's stupid.
lt's just a feeling l have.

When l pay for it as a woman
l feel so terribly ashamed.

-You understand?
-Sure, l understand.

lt wasn't the first time
l've done it in men's clothes,

but last night they beat me up.

Still, it's better
than those stupid grins.

Last week l tried
to get a job in my old trade.

-ln men's clothes?
-Naturally.

-What is your trade?
-l used to be a slaughterer.

But hardly anyone knows that now.

Slaughtering real animals?

Yes, that's what l trained to do.

But they just laughed
when l asked.

They looked at my boobs,
made fun of me and kicked me out.

Nobody realizes how important
it is for me to get a job again.

Doing something
l was trained to do.

But slaughtering animals.

lt's acting against life.

No it's not. lt's life itself:

the steaming blood, and death.

That's what gives
an animal's life meaning.

And the smell when they know
they're going to die

and know that it's beautiful,
and wait for it.

Solitary and beautiful.

When l was young
l felt the same disgust as you.

Today l understand
the world better.

Come on, l'll show you, Zora.

You'll smell it, see them die,
hear their cries...

cries for deliverance.

l really wanted to be a goldsmith,
but couldn't get an apprenticeship.

Only as a butcher. lt was easier
to find a place in a butcher shop.

ln the end, l was satisfied. The
butcher had a daughter of my age.

Her name was lrene. She finished
school as l finished my training.

We wanted to live our own lives.

Her dad treated us
like his property.

We liked each other a lot.
You couldn't call it love, perhaps.

But we felt something
for each other and got married.

Soon after, lrene had the baby.

Our little treasure, our Marie-Ann.

lrene's dad couldn't
do anything then.

lrene stuck by me, even after
l returned from Casablanca.

She never asked for a divorce,
on account of the child

although she's a lot smarter
than me. She became a teacher.

And her life is
much more valuable than mine.

Christoph was an actor
when l met him.

Seven years he was
in the theater.

Usually actors move on
to bigger and bigger cities.

But with him it was the opposite.

The towns became
smaller and smaller.

ln the end, nobody wanted him,
and that made him sad.

He was so depressed he
wanted to die when l found him.

l talked the hind leg
off a donkey to help him.

The best thing
was rehearsing roles with him.

l'd take one part and he the other.
l would say:

And when our gaze lights
on a monstrous deed

the soul stands still the while.

And Christoph would say:

So in the end,
l face my banishment

disowned, exiled
and but a beggar here.

With laurel they have crowned me

to lead me to an altar,
like a sacrificial beast.

So, on the final day,
they lured from me

my poem, which was
my sole possession

gained it with flattery
and held it fast.

Now my only wealth
is in your hands

which was my commendation
to the world:

all that remained
to save me from starvation.

Now l perceive
why l should celebrate:

that l may not
perfect the song l write,

and that my name
should not be spread abroad

that in their envy,
my detractors find

a thousand faults,
and l should be forgotten.

Hence l should yield
myself to idleness

sparing myself
and all my senses, too.

How willingly
we do deceive ourselves

and honor
the corrupt who honor us.

Then l'd say, l'll not abandon you
in your distress.

And Christoph:
Grant...

O grant me

for a moment
the present back again!

And though a man be silenced
by his pain

A God gave me the power to say

how much l suffer.

l took great pains,
but in the end

he had to admit he didn't
have what it takes.

At least

l helped him retain
his chance of survival.

At first, he was as if paralyzed.

lt went on for years,
this grieving apathy

before he
finally made up his mind

to be the way
he'd learned a man should be:

active, decisive,

independent, apparently.

All that time he lived off me,
and he wasn't ashamed of it.

That was important for me.

Believe me, Zora.

He wasn't the type to be a pimp

even though
our money came from other men

with whom l slept.

At first
he used to ask me about them.

How they were, what they said...

whether they were tender
and loving

whether they had special wishes

what their bodies were like,
especially their dicks.

Whether they were big,
bigger than his.

That was strangely important.

As if the size of a cock
were a problem for him.

But as time went by,
his interest in this faded.

He found a new interest
of a fundamental kind:

How to earn a living as a man.

Finally he decided
to go into investment consulting,

a kind of poor man's stockbroker

selling shares
in car washes and so on.

He changed his job a lot.
Nothing was very reputable

but he earned enough money

for me not
to have to work the game.

He wanted to provide for me.

l just gave him a start.

l bought the apartment
and furnished it.

But l've been
living off him the past few years.

He wants to make me
happy that way.

l know he does.

Christoph.

Elvira! Can't you hear?

Why don't you open the door?

-Christoph?
-lt's me.

lrene.

l've been ringing like mad,
but you didn't open.

-Have you been taking pills again?
-Not at all.

l have such a headache.

-Too much to drink?
-Hardly anything.

Now l remember.

This morning...Christoph.

He packed all his things
and left.

For good, he said.

Don't worry, dear.

His books are still here.

That's right.

lt's always the same prattle.
Backwards and forwards.

And l fall for it every time.
l get all upset

and he just laughs up his sleeve.

Aren't you teaching today?

School's over.

lt's afternoon now.

-Really?
-Yes.

What did you fight
about this time?

About. Oh, you know...

lt's always the same.

Nothing at all, really.

Really?

Don't you believe me?

Shouldn't l believe you?

-Why shouldn't you?
-Why do you think?

l don't understand you, lrene.

-No?
-No.

And why didn't you tell me...

about this interview you gave?
-Why are you yelling at me?

Don't always change the subject.

l asked you a question.

-Why did...
-ls the interview in the paper?

Show me.

Wonderful.
Have you seen the picture?

A real photo of me
in a real newspaper.

Why didn't you tell me
about the interview, you idiot?

Why are you screaming at me?

l'm screaming
because you're crazy

and have nothing in your head

but painting your face.

All people ever do
is scream at me

and try to hurt me.

Erwin,
have you read what you said?

-About Anton?
-About Anton!

Why should l read it?
l know what l know about him.

And it's the truth,
so why shouldn't l say

it's the truth?

You can't tell people everything,
even if it is the truth.

But...

Do you realize

how powerful Anton Saitz is now?

Have you any idea?

Are you really aware

of what you said about a man
who has so much power?

Do you know what he'll do?

He'll crush you

like an insect.

-Swat you like an annoying little fly.
-Nonsense, lrene!

lt's not nonsense, Elvira.

That man's interfered
enough in your life.

He's destroyed whatever he could.

-What do you mean?
-What do l mean!

First, that jail term, and then

that trip to Casablanca.

That wasn't his fault.

Like hell it wasn't!

Okay...

but he'd never do me any harm.

Never.

All right.

Maybe he'll leave you in peace

but he'll find some way
to take his revenge.

He has to.

And if he decides
to take his revenge

by destroying your...
our daughter?

Marie-Ann?

What does it have to do with her?

The man's not wicked, believe me.

Our child has suffered enough.

-She has a right to her own life.
-lt's all right, darling.

Don't cry.

Don't cry.

l'm scared, Erwin.

All day l was afraid
for our girl.

And now this interview.

l'm so terribly scared.

You're trembling...

trembling as if you had a fever.

Are you sick?

l'm not sick, Erwin.

l'm just scared.

Okay

l'll see what l can do.

l'll go to him
and ask him to forgive me.

Feel better now?

Much better.

Only if you really do it

and only if it helps.

-You want something?
-l, er...

Keep staring at me and
l'll carve you into little pieces.

Beat it, you stupid cow!

Baby dear, what are you doing?
You should be in bed.

lrene woke me up.

Did he turn up?

Don't cry.

l'm not.

What's the matter, then?

l sat down here,
and it just came over me.

Don't worry. You know what l do
when l'm feeling down?

l go to Soul Frieda.

-Who's that?
-Come on. l'll show you.

Do you like him?

That's one of the guys
who beat me up last night.

l like him anyway.

Once l dreamed
l was walking in a cemetery

and suddenly l noticed
something strange.

The inscriptions on the graves
were not like those l knew.

Usually you see
''Born 1918, died 1968''

or ''Born 1927, died 1975''

But the dates on these graves read:
1970-72, or 1965-66, or 1954-57.

No one here seemed to have been
older than a couple of years.

Some were even younger.
Some were just a few days old:

''February 18 to March 11'',
or ''May 19 to June 5'',

others only a few hours.

While l'm trying to figure out
why this cemetery is so strange

l suddenly see a very
old man in front of me.

He's the gardener.

l ask him, how he became so old

when everyone else there
died so young.

He laughs,
shakes his head and says

''No. You're mistaken.''

''The dates are not
the duration of people's lives''

''But the time they had
a true friend.''

What a sad dream.

A very sad dream.

Yes, Zora, it's a very sad dream.

Maybe l didn't dream
it after all.

Maybe l heard it
or read it somewhere.

What does it matter?

-What's the weather like outside?
-l beg your pardon.

What's the weather like?

ls it raining
or is it not raining?

ls the sun shining
or is the sun not shining?

l haven't been outside in months.

But believe me, you know nothing.

No one falls for the fairy tale

that there's a ''real life''
in a ''real world''

and that ''real life''
is more important than loving.

What does it matter? l know
we don't really have a chance

whatever might have become of us
if we'd had the chance.

-Oh, won't you sit down?
-Why, l...?

You look so lost and unhappy
standing there like that.

Maybe she really is unhappy.

Maybe she is.

Maybe she is unhappy.

She's very lonely.

Everybody's lonely.
That's how it should be.

lf you're sad,
you have no time to think.

Elvira was a
very beautiful woman

after she had her operation.

-Cancer?
-No.

Not an illness.

She just had
everything cut off down there.

That can't be
the reason she's unhappy.

She was probably always a woman
deep down inside.

No, she wasn't.

That's the trouble.
She just did it

without any real reason

without any psychological motives.

l don't think she was even gay.

Am l right, baby?

You weren't gay
when you went to Casablanca?

No, that's why
it was so terrible at first.

l had to exist.

When men felt me up
in the bars

where l was a hostess.
what else could l have done?

l was alive,
and l had to go on living.

l felt ashamed
with every one of them.

And the trouble is, when they
notice you're ashamed

they do it all the more

touching you up and so forth.

l like it when men feel me up.

They're so awkward when
they try to be tender

that it's kind of nice, too.

Anyway all men are lovely.

Him and him and him.

And especially
if they have a dick

that hasn't shrivelled up.

More and more men can't
get it up anymore.

lt's like an epidemic.

-Would you like a drink?
-Yes, please.

lt took quite a few years,
and it cost me a great effort.

But l managed it

even if it was hard.

l had to learn how men smell,
and not to think that they stank

and be nauseated by it.

What, in expressive terms,
l regard as my body

if l can be aware of it in
another form, is in fact my will.

Or, my body is
the objectivization of my will.

Or, apart from it being
a concept of my imagination

my body is merely my will.

One day l woke up
with pains in my back.

l didn't worry about them

and the pains went away.

But they came back again,
worse than before

and were even worse
the next time.

One day
l woke up and couldn't move.

l lay there paralyzed.

They said it was rheumatism

said they could
do nothing about it

because it was all psychosomatic.

Maybe...

That was all.

Just now you were
talking about having a chance.

lf a person is paralyzed

suddenly, overnight

and not alone that

you can't just
leave him lying there alone

before he's stopped breathing.

On the contrary, it's quite normal
for people to stop breathing

without anyone noticing.

And hardly anyone gets
the kind of chance l mean.

Take me.
l spent eight years in a loony bin.

Eight years, ma'am

as a madman among madmen.

And what happened?

They straightened me out

so that l don't behave so oddly
and frighten little kids.

But the one thing
that might have helped...

Forget it.

Nothing doing.

''Sorry, we can't recommend
psychoanalysis in your case...

''because you're an orphan,
Mr. Miller.''

-Are you okay?
-Yes.

But my greatest fear is that,
one day, l'll find words...

to express my feelings.
For when l do...

ls that her?

l don't know.

Can't you remember anything?

Let's go, Zora. l'm afraid.

Afraid?

-Of what?
-Of...

That's just it.

l can't find words
that make sense.

lt's as if my head
were full of clogged-up pipes.

Let's go, Zora.
Let's get out of here.

Baby...

we came here specially.

lt was your idea. You wanted
to find out about your past.

Be sensible...

and have a tiny little bit of faith
in yourself.

We all have to.

Maybe.

Not maybe. For sure.

Just look at the walls
you were behind for 14 years.

lt's a...

building
with very thick walls, isn't it?

The nun over there...

Be careful!

ls that her?

Could be...

l'm not sure.

Then l'll go ask her.

Excuse me.

Are you Sister Gudrun?

Yes, l'm Sister Gudrun.

Can l help you?

No, not me.

But there's somebody outside

that you once knew.

He could do with some help maybe.

Please.

Elvira...

this is Sister Gudrun.

Hello, Sister Gudrun.

l'm...

l'm Erwin Weisshaupt.

Do you...remember me?

Erwin Weisshaupt?

l remember
a boy by that name, yes.

l've ruined my life, Sister.

My own life.

Nobody ruins his own life.

lt's the order man creates
for himself that's his downfall.

And God?

God can't be that cruel.

Rather He doesn't exist.

Little Erwin.

l remember you.

l remember you very well.

l tried to give you my love.

You're unhappy?

Yes.

Elvira came
to ask about her childhood.

She has no memories of it
and misses them.

Do you really believe
you need to remember it?

You really think so?

Yes, l do.

Maybe you're right.

Sometime during the last war

Anita Weisshaupt
secretly gave birth to a son.

Shortly afterwards, she brought
her baby here to the orphanage

and gave it for adoption.

The child was christened Erwin

and all the sisters loved him.

He was a quiet child

which they found agreeable,
so they said he was a good boy.

Even in the worst days
after the war

they made sure that the child
always had enough to eat.

Rather too much than too little.

ln return, the sisters
expected him to love them.

Each one individually
and each one most.

The child was, therefore,
forced to learn to lie...

for he soon found out that,
the more he told the nuns

what they wanted to hear,
the better he was treated.

He mastered this system
of rewarded lies so well

that no one noticed how the
quiet child turned into a sad one.

Erwin was a gifted
pupil at school.

Learning was no great effort
for him.

But after 18 months

many things changed for him.

A couple who wanted

to adopt a child grew
attached to him.

They invited him to their home

and occupied themselves with him.

lt was like
heaven on earth for him.

Then, after long deliberation

they applied to adopt Erwin.

They showed trust
and patience for him

and love as well.

He was as quiet as ever.

But inwardly he was overjoyed.

There were no words
to describe this feeling,

the trembling of a soul

about to fulfill a sacred yearning.

As a matter of form, his mother
was asked to confirm her decision

to release Erwin for adoption.

l went to see Anita Weisshaupt.

The moment she opened the door

l saw a strange fear in her eyes.

And when l spoke of Erwin

her expression of fear intensified.

l realized she had managed

to forget her own child.

And l knew how terrible
that must have been for her.

She drew me into a room
and shut the door behind us.

The apartment rang
with the cries of children.

Her husband
had returned from captivity

though she had heard nothing
from him in years.

ln the meantime, she had had
three more children by him.

But still he treated her badly

and she lived in fear of him.

She was trembling and pale

and a terrible thought
occurred to me.

Had she been married
to this man

when she gave birth to Erwin?

When l asked her, the look of
terror in her eyes was so great

l thought her head would burst.

She clutched at her heart
as she nodded ''yes''

sensing rather than knowing
the true import of her answer

and the fundamental nature

of the lie she had been living.

lt meant that Erwin

whoever his father may have been

had been born in wedlock
and was a legitimate child

who could not be adopted
without the husband's consent.

Anita took a deep breath

closed her eyes, shook her head

and said in a voice
so painfully clear and final

that my heart sank.

No, she would not allow
the child to be adopted

since she did not want her husband
ever to know of its existence.

She actually used the words

''that child'' and ''my husband''.

There was nothing more
one could do to help her.

From then on, the young couple
stopped coming to see Erwin

and he was never invited
to their home again.

He waited for weeks
without ever asking why

probably fearing
what the answer might be.

His yearning was so great

that hope lingered
longer than reason would allow.

So long, in fact, that it began
to smoulder in his head.

Erwin was seized by a fever

that no doctor could cure.

They said the child would die
unless some miracle occurred.

Whatever it was,
the miracle came about.

The fever vanished, as it had
appeared, without apparent reason.

But the consuming fire
continued to burn within him.

Erwin became a different person.

Nothing interested him anymore.

His whole being changed.

He began to steal things

things he could have had anyway.

And he became unaccountable

no longer predictable
for the nuns.

And in the same unthinking way

as they had thought they loved him,
they now began to fear the child.

ln the end, they hated him.

For years, Erwin lived
in a kind of hell

made worse by the fact
that he was despised

for having learned
to survive in this hell

and even savor its horrors.

Sister Mathilda!
Sister Francisca!

You can help, too.

lt's all right now. You may go.

Take him home

and make sure
he does himself no harm.

And one fine summer evening

an old woman
came to their cottage

carrying a heavy load
of firewood.

And she asked the mother

whether her children
could help her

carry the wood into the forest.

The mother said a prayer

for she didn't
trust the old woman

and the children had always been
forbidden to go into the woods.

So the old woman put a curse
on the cottage

and its occupants.

Because l love you...

Sleep, baby.

Go on, Zora

and l'll fall asleep.

Please, please go on.

One day...

the parents
went to market in the town.

Again they forbade the children

under threat of punishment,
to go into the forest.

But as life will have it

no sooner had the parents
disappeared over the horizon

when magic powers
drew the children into the woods

powers that were stronger
than any threat of punishment.

They came to a clearing

and there before them
stood the old woman.

The children turned in fear

to flee from the old witch

but she cackled hideously

and uttered a magic spell

and the children
froze in their tracks.

She cackled again

and transformed the little boy

into a mushroom

and his sister into a snail.

Soon night fell

and the children were afraid of
what their parents would say.

Then the little girl, the snail

told her brother she was hungry.

And he, the mushroom

allowed her to eat of him.

So she bit a little piece

off the mushroom

and her brother cried,

''You've bitten off my right ear!''

His sister wept
and had a guilty conscience.

But soon she was hungry again

and he let her eat a little more.

And he said,

''Sister, this time
you bit off my left foot.''

Hands up, Christoph!

Cut it out, Elvira!

We've no time for games like that.
We must go.

Come on!

How often have l tried
to get you a job in movies?

But no, you're not interested.
Do you know what you are?

You're a lard-ass!

How many women have l met
since l've been with you?

l don't know why l stay with you.

Out of pity. What else?

You've clung to me
like a leech for six years.

No initiative.
No will of your own.

l'm wasting my life with you.

Gen. Augusto Pinochet

Commander-in-Chief of the military,
and President of Chile...

since he rose to power
in 1973.

Since then, Chile has been
transformed, his supporters say

from a state of chaos
to one of order and discipline.

-Don't you have a key?
-lf you lock it from the inside!

God! What's up here?

Tell me where you've come from...
and on foot.

l told them to drop me
at the railroad crossing.

l never know with you.

-At 5 o'clock in the morning.
-Why not?

With the baker's daughter?

That's none
of your business, Jean.

To interpret it
as part of a childhood

that one can't
regard as a childhood

in the normal sense.

There are quite different

l'm here to tell you
it's all over between us.

You said so yourself
before l left.

l know exactly what l'm doing.

-You know exactly?
-Yes.

What are you waiting for then?
Beat it!

Jean, that's enough, okay?
l'm exhausted.

And l have to get up again.

Are you crazy?
Are you out of your mind?

Every morning, the prisoners
sang the national anthem.

''Beloved fatherland, you'll be
either the grave of liberty

''or a refuge for the oppressed. ''

What are you standing around for?

-You can't keep doing this to me.
-lt's none of your business.

lf you'd stayed up there, you
wouldn't know what l was doing.

Do you really believe that?
That's the least...

l'll leave when it suits me.

Why don't you go to sleep?

The light's on half
the night up there.

Because l can't.

l'm scared alone.

When my parents divorced
l was six.

l went to live with my mother,
and l had to learn

to relate
to one particular person.

Do you fear failing

in your private relationships?

What do you mean ''fear''?
l'm always failing.

Less prominent
supporters of Allende

became the victims of the newly
formed secret police, the DINAH.

Often a simple arrest
would end in death.

l want my freedom again.

l want...

l want to go out
on Saturday and Sunday.

l don't want you
visiting my parents anymore.

l hope, through my stories

to change myself, as far as it
lies within my power.

But change is a strange thing.

We change ourselves
much more slowly than we think.

Oh no! What do you want now?

You're always at my heels.

ln December 1977,
General Pinochet held a plebiscite.

The question addressed
to Chileans was:

''Are you prepared, in view of
international aggression against...

''the government of your
fatherland...

''to support Gen. Pinochet in
defending the honor of Chile?''

The government equated a ''no''
vote practically with high treason.

l don't want
to see you anymore. Understand?

l'm fed up with you
and your stupid movies.

Get out of my life!

Have l done anything to you?

What have you been doing to me
for six years?

Because l love you.

l don't love you anymore.
lt's all over.

You mean nothing to me now.

l'm looking for the key.
l'm going.

Because l love you.

What drives you
to make so many pictures?

lt must be
a special kind of insanity.

Life seemed dreadful, but l still
found myself interesting.

Now it's the other way round.

l know that life's wonderful,
but that l'm excluded from it.

You were lucky. You were loved.

Francoise loved you.

l loved you.

Many more women will love you.

-You really loved me?
-Oh yes.

ln my private life, everything
could change this evening.

l hope it may.

lf nothing were to happen...

if l don't meet someone tonight
or tomorrow or the day after...

everything will go on as it is.

l won't force myself to change it.

Nor would l force myself
to keep it the same.

The general
missed no opportunity

to express his contempt
for parliamentary democracy:

''Chile needs neither politicians
nor political parties.

''lt needs Chileans, and
a Chilean to lead them forward.''

Anton Saitz, Broker

A beer and a shot of bitters.

-You know l stand here every day?
-No.

How could you?

But it's true.

Every day

from ten in the morning
to six at night

for 17 months.

lsn't that remarkable?

Believe me, it is remarkable.

l looked up at the 16th floor

8 hours a day, 5 days a week

for a year and five months.

-Does that surprise you?
-No.

l knew it would.

lt surprises everyone.

The idea's compelling.

You must listen
when l talk to you!

-But l...
-Nothing but excuses. l know.

Did you know...

the owner has his office
on the 16th floor?

-No.
-There you are.

Believe me, he does.
He owns the whole building.

Saitz is his name.

First name's Anton.

Saitz...

with an ''ai''.

He hates it
when people spell his name wrong.

l know that...

but you don't know how l know.

You don't know much at all.

But l'll tell you...

although l don't know
why l should tell you.

l used to work for this guy Saitz.

Until 17 months ago...

l worked for him.

Till 17 months ago.

Then he threw me out. Overnight.

Since then l've been standing
here, looking up there...

from 10 till 6.

Can you guess why he fired me?

-l don't think so.
-l couldn't either.

lt's so weird,
nobody would ever guess.

l have cancer.
lt's true, kidney cancer.

Believe me.

And Saitz can't stand
having sick people around him.

He can afford to indulge his whims.

He can afford anything he wants.

Don't you believe
what l'm saying?

You can believe me.

There are plenty of
tales about him:

how he got the money

to build blocks like that.

All the pieces
of the puzzle fit together.

lt all started when he was in
a concentration camp.

He was just a kid then,
but he survived the war

with his head full
of a dream called America.

His journey to the New world ended
in the Frankfurt station area

where he made his first pile
with small-time racketeering

in the ''meat'' trade, l'm told.

The details
seem to have been forgotten.

-Meat trading?
-That's right.

-Forgotten?
-Because it's not important.

Some people look at it that way.
Others want nothing to do with it.

And suddenly you're interested
in unimportant details.

But that's not uncommon.

ln my story, this guy...

Anton Saitz, with an ''ai''

invested his ill-gotten gains
in a whorehouse

which he soon
takes over completely

and runs with an iron hand

in the way he'd learned
in the concentration camp.

A brothel run on the lines
of a concentration camp.

The whole set-up
functions perfectly.

Saitz gets richer and richer,
earns so much money...

that he can buy his first building,
an old place, which he tears down.

He builds a new one.
He's on his way up...

to the 16th story of this building

from where he rules
many people and many things.

Thank you.

You have cut me to the quick.

Don't forget...
Saitz with ''ai''

16th floor.

Everything okay?

Sorry. Could you
give me a light, please?

l'm sitting around here and
don't know where to get a light.

Otherwise,
just pretend l'm not here...

Thanks.

-Would you like one?
-No, thanks.

Are you going to hang yourself?

Naturally.

Do you mind?

Does this building belong to you?

No, l just wanted to eat here.

Would you like something to eat?

l have some bread and cheese
and a bottle of red wine with me

but no corkscrew.

Give me the bottle.

l'll open it.

Thanks.

lt's an old story with the red wine
and the French bread and cheese

almost a bit sentimental

when l think about it.

But what would life be
without sentiment?

Pretty sad, l'd say.

lt all started with cheese.

Meat nauseated Anton.

We were in meat trading
at the time.

Anton couldn't stand
the smell of dead animals

because of the blood
in particular.

He stopped eating meat overnight.

That's how it all started.

lt's as simple as that, you see?

ls the wine good?

Fine, thanks.

Why...

l mean, why?

-Why l want to hang myself?
-Yes.

l don't want to let things go on
being real because l perceive them.

What things?

Feelings, for instance,
or pictures, letters, memories

rocks, laid and forgotten

at the moment of death,
in an awareness of pain

the universe, Solaris...
the world of viruses...

-Things in general, you understand?
-No...

That's exactly what l mean:

your negation as an example of the
seemingly effective principle

of the power to negate.

Maybe you're right.

But that doesn't change things
for me.

l tried to put an end
to my life once, too

because it just caused me pain

and revolted me

made me feel deep down inside
an incurable loathing of myself.

l'd just come back
from Casablanca.

A certain person
had forced me into oblivion

someone who merely had
to smile his smile once too often.

By pure chance,
believe it or not

however incredible it may sound

my life was saved.

My ego was forced
to learn to put up with me

to bear the unbearable.

lf you want to know
the moral worth of people

as a whole and in general

just look at their fate
as a whole and in general:

nothing but shortcomings,
misery, anguish, death.

There is an eternal justice

and were they not
so worthless, in general

their fate would not,
in general, be so sad.

we can, therefore, say: the world
itself is the Day of Judgement.

But it would be
a great misunderstanding

to see that as a negation
of the will to live

to see suicide
as an act of negation.

Far from it:

the negation of the will to exist

is a bold affirmation
of the will

since negation means renouncing
not life's sufferings

but its joys.

The suicide wants life and
simply rejects the conditions

under which he experiences it.

The suicide does not renounce the
will to live; he renounces life

by destroying the manifestation
of his own life.

l think you'd better do it now.

l don't mind if you watch.

Excuse me, l...

Can't you hear me?

Hey, listen!

You almost
scared the life out of me.

Why didn't you say anything?

The old trick, eh?

Trying to make me think
l'm hard of hearing.

Here!

Did my husband send you?

All he has in his head

are my ears.

No. l don't even
know your husband.

lt's just that...

somebody's hanged
himself down there.

What was that?

A man just hanged himself!
On the floor below!

You don't have to shout.

lt happens every few weeks
with so many empty offices.

-Oh, in that case...
-Precisely.

One other thing:

l'm...

looking for Mr. Saitz's office.

Last door at the end.

Thanks.

You knocked?

Yes, l'd like to speak
to Mr. Anton Saitz.

Sorry, ma'am,
Mr. Saitz is in conference.

Mr. Saitz is usually in conference.

You understand?

Yes, of course.

lt's just that...

lt's as if l had sawdust
between my ears.

You don't take me seriously,
do you?

l know l cut a ridiculous figure.

Of course l'm ridiculous.

lt's just that...

l was so wrapped up in myself.

ln my mind, you know.

You talk and talk,
and think your thoughts

and in the end
you forget to think.

That's why...

for me, at least...

it would be...

fairly crucial for me
to see him.

That's why...

But you...

Excuse me...You...

Do you know him...

personally?

Anton?

Why yes, of course.

l know Anton Saitz.

lf you know him...

then maybe you know
one of the passwords.

Then l could take you to him.

But only if you know
one of the passwords.

Passwords?

l don't know any passwords.

We knew each other
a long time ago.

An eternity.

ln another life almost.

How funny that sounds:

''ln another life.''

Then l suppose l'd better be going.

-l'm sorry, but...
-A password, you said?

Yes, that's how he screened
himself off in the past.

-When he opened his whorehouse.
-What?

-He opened a whorehouse?
-Of course. And?

Jeez! Without any ''and''?

My God.

Let me think.

Wait a minute...

A thousand times...

A thousand...
No, that's not enough, it was...

''Bergen-Belsen.''

That's it!
''Bergen-Belsen.''

Why didn't you say that right away?
Come in!

That's code 1A.

''Bergen-Belsen'' works
in every situation.

lt's the only password
that's never changed.

With ''Bergen-Belsen'' you can even
disturb him when he's screwing.

That's no joke.

That's usually the worst thing
you can do to him.

He's peculiar in that respect.

Doesn't anyone work here anymore?

No, not for ages now.

That's how it is.

lt used to be a madhouse here.

Those were the days!

We used to buy up old apartment
blocks and evict the tenants.

lt was damned tough sometimes...

believe me...

but we managed it.

My God!

Then we demolished
the old rat traps

and built new ones

high-rise mostly.

We sold them for a good profit.
Great, huh?

Oh, we had our share
of troubles, too.

People are envious

but the city was on our side.

The police chief's
a friend of his.

The mayor, too, in those days

and some of the dudes
on the city council.

The plan itself wasn't his.

That already existed.

Resolutions and decisions
had already been made.

He just did the dirty work

for those who made the decisions

but who wanted to keep their
hands clean and be re-elected.

Power's more important...

to them than money, which they
allowed others to pocket...

like us, for example.

-And now?
-l don't know enough about...

economic trends, inflation
and all that crap.

So l can't really explain
what l'm telling you.

But right now,
foreclosure seems to be...

the business with a big future.

Sounds strange, but as you said

the things are done by others

and decisions are made at the top
for those down below.

And we just execute things

that others are interested in.

l certainly didn't say that.

But if you heard it that way.

How long have you known him?

l told you.

An eternity.

Were you in the business?

l mean,
you mentioned a whorehouse.

No, no.

lt wasn't business.

lt was...

l mean, l...

l was in love with him.

ln love?

With Anton Saitz?

Does that surprise you?

Nobody loves Anton Saitz.

Nobody.

He doesn't want to be loved.

Disappointed?

No. Not at all.

On the contrary.

lt's just that...

Laugh at me if you like.

lt's just that l...

What?

l...

Tell me...

which one is it?

Please.

-Didn't you just say?
-l know. lt was true.

Go ahead and laugh.

lt's funny, l know.

lt's your business.

The skinny guy
in the tennis outfit.

Anton Saitz.

S for salt, A for Auschwitz,
l for l, T for time, Z for Zora.

-Smolik!
-Here, sir!

-What's been keeping you?
-Sorry, sir.

There was a lady with code 1A.

Bergen-Belsen?

That's right, sir.

Didn't you let her in?

Sure l did. Anyone who knows
code 1A is in like Flynn.

Come in.

So you know code 1A?

You...

won't remember me anymore.

lt's been a long time.

l'm Erwin.

Sorry...

l have an old picture of me.

You really don't remember.

Yes, yes...

Somehow...

there was something with...

Erwin?

l'll think of it.

But let's do our dance first.

-Turn it on.
-Yes, sir!

lt'll come back to me.

-Smolik!
-Yes, sir?

What is this, anyway?

A girls' boarding school, kid.

What do they all want of me?

A party to celebrate your arrival.

l don't want a party.

l don't want a party!
l don't want one.

We're not making
any exceptions for you!

No, no, no.

l want to march in the front now.

You can't march in front.

But l want to!

Go ahead and march, then!

Not bad for the beginning.

Erwin.

l'm sorry.

Let's do the finale! Quick!

Elvira.

Now l've got it!

l didn't have
such a good memory.

Hey, you're really
splitting your seams.

You're fat.

That comes from drinking.

That doesn't matter.

Most people
have grown fat nowadays.

lt's great, boys!

lt's mind blowing.

Real meschugge.

She used to be a boy
by the name of Erwin.

Am l right?

One fine day he boards a plane,
flies to Casablanca...

and has his dick cut off.

Just like that.

And because of me.

lt's true, isn't it?

What times they were.

And now you're back.
Just like that.

You haven't changed a bit.

Stubborn as a mule.

Cost what it may.

Maybe you're right.

But l came because

l gave an interview.

l told them

a lot of stories from the past
about you. l don't know why.

lt just happened.

Anyway, l thought
l had to apologize, and...

Forget it.

People write
so much crap about me.

lf l were to get upset
every time...

My God.

The main thing is they get
my name right. Saitz with ''ai''.

-That's what's important, isn't it?
-Sure, boss.

That's right.

Shut your trap.

You were the one
who made the good coffee

like my grandma used to make.

That was you, wasn't it?

Sure it was you.

Why don't we go to your place,
and you can make some coffee?

ls there no raid today?

Not today, boss, tomorrow.

How come?

Only Monday,
Wednesday and Friday.

Today's Tuesday.

Those were your orders.

l'm sorry.

lt's okay. Get in the car.

You must excuse my place

for being in such a mess...

Oh Lord, it can't be true!

What a laugh!

What's so funny?

He bet me you would say that.

About your place
being in a mess. They all do.

Come on, then.

Here, boss. 20 marks.

Braun and Kuhlmann can go.
You stay here.

Yes, sir!

That takes the cake.

l'll go into the kitchen.
Make yourself comfortable.

Big tall stranger.

Hello...

strange and beautiful woman.

l almost didn't see you.

Because l'm so small.

Besides, l haven't eaten
anything for days

and l've shrunk.

Elvira locked me in by mistake.

Glad to meet you. l'm Red Zora.

Hello. l'm Anton Saitz.

With an ''ai''.

Really?

Then it was because of you

that Elvira...back then?

No, it can't be.

Why not?

Because of you
she went to Casablanca?

You wouldn't have
thought it of me?

Sure, but...

are you really the guy?

l reckon so.

Jesus, Mary and Joseph!

l've always wanted to meet you,
so you could spit on me.

You want me to spit on you?

Three times, please.

Over my left shoulder, please.

Three times over your?

Over my left shoulder.

lt brings luck.

When a guy like you spits,
it brings a girl luck.

l always wanted to know

how it was with Elvira back then.

We worked together, that's all.

Small-time things, like meat.

There were five of us,
with Erwin and me.

He used to look at me so strangely,
and one day l asked him why.

He said he loved me.

l laughed and said
that would be fine...

if only he were a girl.

And he laughed as well.

That's all there was.

And then it happened.

That was all.

-Are you going out?
-No.

l'm reading Kafka's The Castle.

Do you like it?

Of course.

But it's a bit scary.

lrene! Marie-Ann!

Daddy!

Elvira!

What's up?

Have you gone crazy?

Sit down with us, Daddy.

l'm sorry,
l didn't mean to laugh.

-Would you like something to eat?
-No, thanks.

-But a glass of red wine?
-Yes, please.

Are you all right?

-Why do you ask?
-l don't know.

l want you both to be happy.

l'm so fond of you, Daddy.

-Really?
-Yes, really.

-Did you go see that man?
-Naturally.

And what happened?

l begged his pardon.

What did he say?

He forgave me.

-Eat your food, dear.
-l don't want anymore, Mom.

Tell her to eat.

Children have to eat.

See. Your father says so, too.

Very well, l'll become as fat as
a barrel just to please you.

Nonsense.

lt's okay, Daddy.

Daddy...

what do you say?

l want to stay here in Frankfurt...

but Mom says l must stand on my
own feet and study in Munich.

Your mother knows you better.

l...

l've been wearing men's clothes
quite a lot lately.

l tried to find work
in my old trade...

which l used to like.

l can't go on living like this.

l see no reason to go on living.

l would so much like
to be with you two again...

to be together
as we never were properly before.

You know l've always liked you...

and still do.

And l always will...

be fond of you.

-But...
-Don't go on, lrene.

l know you have to say
it's too late.

And l...

Yes, Elvira.

lt is too late.

Daddy!

Once upon a time,
there was a very nice man

who came from Swabia.

He looked like a benign old uncle.

Although he was thin-lipped,
nobody seemed to notice.

His lips were pursed
and looked like a cupid's bow.

Everyone would say about him:

''Look what a noble man this is.

''How good he is.
What a benign person he is.''

And he was always around

whenever there was some event,

or a great celebration,
or some terribly sad day.

Every year...

in the sad month of November

the Swabians gathered

to commemorate a terrible war
in their history.

The man appeared before them

looked deep into their eyes

and said:

''You must be contrite

''because your war was unjust.

''You were wicked.

''On the last day of the war
you executed three men

''who were against the war.
They were the good men.

''Now you must go
in sackcloth and ashes.

''Let us bow our heads
in honor of...

''those three resistance fighters.''

Then a tiny, elderly man
appeared and said:

''You, sir, are a very nice person.
But tell me...

''You were present yourself
as a judge

''and as a public prosecutor...

''and helped condemn those men
to death. You are also guilty.''

And the nice man replied:
''What's that?''

And he considered and said:

''l don't remember.''

There's a strange
man in the house.

Nonsense.

Sorry...

to disturb you.

l cut my hair off today

and went out onto the street.
And my hair...

And l put on these shoes.

But l didn't know where to go.

and l happened...

to come by your place

and l thought l'd just come up.

l wanted to talk to someone.

-lt's pretty late.
-lt's after eleven.

lt's after eleven.

You have to get up
early tomorrow and drive.

l have to get up early and drive.

Yes, l understand.

l have my life
and other people have theirs.

lt's my stupid head
that makes me forget.

Nonsense, Elvira.

Your head's not stupid.

There's nothing
stupid about your head.

l know l'm not basically stupid.

There's just something

in my head
that makes me feel...

paralyzed sometimes.

We've discussed that already.
ls it no better?

No, it's not better.
Just look at my hair.

l've cut my hair off.

l'm so sorry for you
that you don't like me like this.

A few hairs don't make
any difference.

-Nobody will notice.
-Oh yes they will.

l know that better than you do.

Everyone stares at my hair,
but l can't bear the sight of it.

Well, if you will keep
looking at it...

l'd like so much to talk to you.

l felt so well
when we did that interview.

My pains were better
for weeks afterwards.

Well, l suppose l could come
and drink a beer with you.

Oh, that would be nice.

You told me to remind you
to get to bed earlier.

That's right.

lf l go out now,
l won't get home till late.

And l have to drive the car
early tomorrow, you see?

Yes...

l see.

Goodnight, Elvira.

Maybe some other time.

Goodnight.

Happiness? What is happiness?

Of course l'm not happy.

There's no such thing as happiness.

lt is the quest...

the process that's exciting...

not the outcome...happiness.

That can't be exciting.

l invent the pains

to find out
what normal life's about.

l'm not sure...

but maybe that's what
people call masochism

Although l don't believe it is.

l think it just helps to create
a clearer picture of myself.

l like to reconstruct
the conversations l used to have

when l was 20 or so

and talked to people,
to customers.

And l thought...

it must be possible
to solve the problems.

lf l were...

say, Adenauer,
l could go to Moscow

and talk to them

and then
the prisoners would be released.

l have a quite different
yearning now.

lt was so hard to conform

to situations l was forced into,
or l forced myself into.

lt makes no difference.

Maybe l'd like to...

l don't know.

Maybe l'd like to go back
to Anton

or to lrene...

Get dressed, Sybille.
We're going to Elvira's.

-l have a nasty feeling.
-Why?

Just a feeling.
What can l say?

The yearning for Anton
is something you hide from

or something l hide from.

With Christoph it was different.

l tried to give him

what l didn't get from Anton.

And l thought, maybe...

l could give it to Christoph.

But it didn't work out.

l have to search you
for weapons first.

Giving him so much that he'd
have some...

to give back to me.

That may sound calculating,
but it isn't.

Maybe it's...
what one calls love.

l don't know.

lrene and l...

-ls she there?
-How do l know?

A kind of escape.

Our relationship
wasn't entirely clear.

lt was an urge to get away

from the situation we were in.

That was the main thing.

That's how we came together.

And the bonding agent...

lf you make soup too thin,
you use some flour to thicken it.

Marie-Ann was
a kind of a catalyst, too.

l don't really know
what it is...love...

From father?

l always needed it,
but l rejected the word.

Yes, l think l have the key.

l'll be right over.

Marie-Ann...

plays a role, of course

but maybe not so much for me as
for lrene.

Anton had his meat business

and all kinds of strange deals.

l don't want...

to talk much about that.

Mom, l think
something's happened to Daddy.

Someone phoned to say
he doesn't open the door.

Shall l take the key
and have a look?

Everyone says Anton's a swine.

An idealistic swine.

l don't know what you say.

But it didn't affect me

because l had to cope...

with this feeling earlier.

Later, it didn't
interest me anymore.

Earlier,
l reacted differently, too.

l put up with a lot of things
on account of Anton.

Where do you think you're going?

What's going on here?

lt seemed natural to me
that Anton...

was the stronger one,
l the weaker.

And he knew it.

Naturally...
he should have taken my side.

lrene did. So why couldn't he?

l don't know why you're asking me
these questions.

Daddy is dead.

He didn't write.

l waited
and waited for him every day.

But he didn't come.

l'm sorry, ma'am.

The swine.
He could have written.

But no swine
ever learned to write.

What could he have written?

Mom, Daddy's dead.

He had to do his sums.

That caused me
a lot of suffering.

Maybe it was right, what l did.
l don't know.

l can't say.

Sorry, l have to search you
for weapons.

That's all right.

l'm not sure.

On the one hand,
l was sure that...

that it had to happen
and that l wanted to die.

On the other hand...

l didn't know
what life held in store for me.

Life is...

and held some kind of hope.

And then again,
things like comfort

or maybe yearning.

Maybe l was
curious to experience...

what those words really meant.

And if l had really wanted
to die.

l don't know. lt probably
came from the subconscious.

Would l have written down
my correct address?

l can't explain why l did it now.

lf l had really wanted to die

maybe l wouldn't
have written it down.

After the event...

it's so hard
to talk about these things.

When l wrote down
lrene's address...

l wasn't thinking
of anything at all.

l just felt l had to fill out
that registration form...

Handsome stranger,
the time will come one day

when all my dreams
become reality...