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_
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So I text Caitlin to say,
3
00:00:14,775 --> 00:00:16,430
"What are we doing for
your birthday on Friday?"
4
00:00:16,455 --> 00:00:18,086
And she's like, "Dinner? Brooklyn?"
5
00:00:18,111 --> 00:00:19,769
And I'm like, "Yeah, can't wait."
6
00:00:19,794 --> 00:00:21,858
- And then she was like...
- I have bad news.
7
00:00:21,883 --> 00:00:23,375
How much longer is
this story gonna take?
8
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:25,434
She wants to invite David to dinner.
9
00:00:25,459 --> 00:00:27,477
What could be worse news than that?
10
00:00:29,969 --> 00:00:32,083
Oh. I see.
11
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That's the girl who wrote the story
12
00:00:33,384 --> 00:00:34,871
about Josh for "T Magazine"...
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00:00:34,896 --> 00:00:35,703
Greta.
14
00:00:35,727 --> 00:00:36,914
Ugh, what a whore.
15
00:00:36,939 --> 00:00:38,219
That's a little harsh.
16
00:00:38,244 --> 00:00:40,271
I mean publicity whore.
17
00:00:40,296 --> 00:00:41,912
That's fair.
18
00:00:41,937 --> 00:00:44,021
Since when is he a
Friend of the High Line?
19
00:00:44,046 --> 00:00:45,378
He doesn't even know the High Line.
20
00:00:45,403 --> 00:00:47,505
Well, he does like to get high.
21
00:00:47,905 --> 00:00:50,898
Well, at least he looks happy.
22
00:00:51,106 --> 00:00:52,940
That's all that matters.
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Yeah, 'cause he's high.
24
00:00:59,322 --> 00:01:03,039
- Synced and corrected by martythecrazy -
- www.addic7ed.com -
25
00:01:03,882 --> 00:01:05,998
Public humiliation.
26
00:01:06,023 --> 00:01:07,356
Good morning.
27
00:01:07,381 --> 00:01:09,237
My ex, Andy, and his husband Eduardo
28
00:01:09,262 --> 00:01:11,189
had their engagement
29
00:01:11,214 --> 00:01:12,597
printed in the "New York Times."
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00:01:12,622 --> 00:01:13,747
They were the featured couple
31
00:01:13,772 --> 00:01:14,953
with the color pictures, so I get it.
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00:01:14,978 --> 00:01:17,433
Yeah, we just broke up,
so it's pretty tough.
33
00:01:17,458 --> 00:01:19,359
- I'm feeling...
- Liza, let's not wallow in it.
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00:01:19,384 --> 00:01:20,449
We have a lot of work to do today.
35
00:01:20,474 --> 00:01:21,490
Right.
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00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:23,737
You have a conference call at 9:00,
37
00:01:23,763 --> 00:01:25,322
a marketing show-and-tell at 10:30,
38
00:01:25,347 --> 00:01:27,547
and you are Skyping with
Greg from Powell's at noon.
39
00:01:27,572 --> 00:01:28,460
Great.
40
00:01:28,485 --> 00:01:30,478
Make a reservation at Aureole for 12:30.
41
00:01:30,502 --> 00:01:32,750
I'm taking you to lunch.
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00:01:32,775 --> 00:01:35,583
Oh, okay.
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And I have a jacket to cover up...
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00:01:38,112 --> 00:01:39,359
that.
45
00:01:48,234 --> 00:01:49,796
This is nice.
46
00:01:49,821 --> 00:01:52,502
Nice? This is a power booth, Liza.
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From here we can see and be seen
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by everyone who comes in,
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00:01:55,025 --> 00:01:56,618
and it was lit by the same guy
50
00:01:56,644 --> 00:01:58,251
who did Angela Lansbury's
return to Broadway,
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so from two booths back,
we look like infants.
52
00:02:00,715 --> 00:02:04,147
You want my advice on your breakup?
53
00:02:04,172 --> 00:02:07,099
- Sure.
- Invest in yourself.
54
00:02:07,123 --> 00:02:09,250
Put everything into your
career. It'll pay off.
55
00:02:09,275 --> 00:02:11,819
Romance is... incidental.
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00:02:11,844 --> 00:02:14,556
But you work hard enough, and
you will always have a job.
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Oh, okay.
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00:02:15,688 --> 00:02:16,877
I guess.
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00:02:16,902 --> 00:02:20,703
And maybe someday...
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00:02:21,094 --> 00:02:23,571
I will join you at your power booth.
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00:02:23,595 --> 00:02:25,712
Diana, if I have a power booth,
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you'll be the first person I invite.
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00:02:28,865 --> 00:02:31,155
Christ, Jackie Dunn just walked in.
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00:02:31,180 --> 00:02:32,512
Here she comes. Hide the bread.
65
00:02:32,537 --> 00:02:35,142
Jackie, what are you doing below 50th?
66
00:02:35,167 --> 00:02:37,601
Oh, you know. Just keeping it real.
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00:02:38,980 --> 00:02:41,563
Actually, Mark and I
just moved to Tribeca.
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00:02:41,588 --> 00:02:44,185
- What?
- It's a hike, but we love it,
69
00:02:44,210 --> 00:02:45,320
Here you go, Jackie.
70
00:02:45,345 --> 00:02:46,656
I ran over as soon as I realized.
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00:02:46,681 --> 00:02:48,523
Oh, is it supposed to rain?
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00:02:48,548 --> 00:02:50,852
No, it's very sunny, and
you can't go out in the sun
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00:02:50,877 --> 00:02:51,820
for 10 days after...
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00:02:51,845 --> 00:02:54,992
It has been so good seeing you, Diana.
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We really need to get
a lunch on the books.
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Definitely.
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I don't need you anymore.
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00:03:01,045 --> 00:03:02,529
I...
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00:03:02,554 --> 00:03:03,874
You must be Emily, right?
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00:03:03,899 --> 00:03:05,393
I'm Liza, Diana's assistant.
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We've GChatted.
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00:03:06,475 --> 00:03:07,724
Oh, hi.
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00:03:07,749 --> 00:03:09,648
Wow, you're not at all what I pictured.
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00:03:09,673 --> 00:03:11,125
You were so nice on the phone,
I assumed you were, like,
85
00:03:11,150 --> 00:03:14,013
homely or twee, but you
seem totally normal.
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00:03:14,038 --> 00:03:15,773
Uh, thanks. You seem normal too.
87
00:03:15,797 --> 00:03:18,116
Hey, there's this young
professionals mixer
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00:03:18,141 --> 00:03:19,061
tonight in Chelsea.
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They're totally fun, and it's
not just publishing nerds.
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00:03:20,855 --> 00:03:22,405
It's assistants from all over Manhattan.
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00:03:22,430 --> 00:03:23,344
You should come.
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00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:24,930
Oh, tonight, I...
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She'll be there.
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Lean in.
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Okay.
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Uh, you can go.
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00:03:36,787 --> 00:03:38,120
Hey, have you ever heard of
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the Young Professionals Society?
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I got invited to their mixer.
100
00:03:41,663 --> 00:03:43,487
Yeah, it's kind of dorky.
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It's for people who are,
like, desperate to move up.
102
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- You should check it out.
- What, because I'm desperate?
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No.
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Because you're dorky.
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Oh, my God.
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Lauren is out of control.
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She has turned into
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a complete bridesmaidzilla.
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I don't know what to do.
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Well, just be honest with her.
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Tell her you want a low-key wedding.
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I have, and then she pinched my arm
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really hard and said,
"You're better than that."
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00:04:03,234 --> 00:04:04,746
Wow, okay.
115
00:04:04,771 --> 00:04:06,804
Well, uh, maybe try to get her to focus
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00:04:06,829 --> 00:04:09,385
on a less significant
part of the wedding,
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like flowers.
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Flowers are everything!
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00:04:11,858 --> 00:04:13,883
Okay, well, something else.
120
00:04:13,908 --> 00:04:16,634
I mean, getting married is stressful.
121
00:04:16,659 --> 00:04:20,601
Just make sure to focus on
what's important to you.
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00:04:20,626 --> 00:04:21,697
Yeah.
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00:04:21,733 --> 00:04:24,361
Says the person who's never
had to plan a wedding.
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You got me there.
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Babe, you have to help me with
these wedding decisions, okay?
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Of course, boo, I got you.
We are in this together.
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00:04:31,161 --> 00:04:32,632
I'm just gonna have to
take a call in, like, five.
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00:04:32,657 --> 00:04:34,736
All right, you two. Let's do this.
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Uh, Kelsey, did you get my
email about the dresses?
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Yes.
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00:04:37,728 --> 00:04:39,513
I am not wearing a
see-through wedding dress.
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Why?
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Because I don't want my grandma
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to see my Hello Kitty.
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There was beadwork.
136
00:04:43,806 --> 00:04:45,679
Okay, Lauren, if Kelsey doesn't
want her choach showing,
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00:04:45,704 --> 00:04:47,414
then it ain't showing.
End of discussion.
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00:04:47,439 --> 00:04:49,058
I know, I know... I'm pushing you guys.
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00:04:49,083 --> 00:04:50,578
But it's my job.
140
00:04:50,604 --> 00:04:51,852
- It is?
- Yes.
141
00:04:51,877 --> 00:04:53,762
And you're pushing back,
which I appreciate.
142
00:04:53,787 --> 00:04:56,446
Together, we are gonna grind
out something beautiful.
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00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:57,363
All right? I know it.
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00:04:57,388 --> 00:04:58,602
I just... I need you guys to stay open
145
00:04:58,627 --> 00:04:59,864
to this process, okay?
146
00:04:59,889 --> 00:05:00,743
- Fine.
- Great.
147
00:05:00,767 --> 00:05:01,960
Let's take a tour of the space,
148
00:05:01,985 --> 00:05:04,159
after I introduce you
to your dream team.
149
00:05:04,183 --> 00:05:06,817
Linda Chang, James Beard
Award-winning sommelier.
150
00:05:06,842 --> 00:05:07,987
Tammy Anders, pastry chef.
151
00:05:08,012 --> 00:05:09,811
She'll be in charge of
curating your venetian hour.
152
00:05:09,836 --> 00:05:11,711
Matt Marks, social media concierge.
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00:05:11,736 --> 00:05:13,414
He will ensure your
special day is documented
154
00:05:13,439 --> 00:05:14,692
on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.
155
00:05:14,717 --> 00:05:16,340
He will also come up with your hashtag.
156
00:05:16,365 --> 00:05:17,976
Don't we just combine our names?
157
00:05:18,001 --> 00:05:19,328
- Mm-hmm.
- We... we can do that.
158
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:20,580
Oh, really? Because you haven't.
159
00:05:20,605 --> 00:05:21,716
Okay?
160
00:05:21,741 --> 00:05:23,500
Matt also works with this Foto Robot,
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00:05:23,525 --> 00:05:24,916
an interactive photo booth.
162
00:05:24,941 --> 00:05:26,852
Hello, Kelsey and Thad.
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00:05:26,877 --> 00:05:28,666
Babe, got to jump on this.
164
00:05:28,690 --> 00:05:31,433
Can't we just hire a human photographer?
165
00:05:31,458 --> 00:05:32,262
Hey, Lauren.
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00:05:34,263 --> 00:05:36,262
Lauren, I thought we talked about this.
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00:05:36,287 --> 00:05:37,328
I know, I know.
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00:05:37,353 --> 00:05:38,945
I just thought that if Jan
and Bonnie came here in person
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00:05:38,970 --> 00:05:39,893
that you might change your mind.
170
00:05:39,919 --> 00:05:41,581
I do not want a predator
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00:05:41,606 --> 00:05:43,589
flying around with our
rings in its mouth.
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00:05:43,614 --> 00:05:44,844
Well, for your information,
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00:05:44,869 --> 00:05:46,452
she wears them in a little
pouch around her neck.
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00:05:46,477 --> 00:05:47,242
No.
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00:05:47,267 --> 00:05:48,421
Okay, I'd like Thad to weigh in.
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00:05:48,447 --> 00:05:49,903
Thad?
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00:05:49,928 --> 00:05:51,165
God damn it!
178
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That'd be a no from Thad, too.
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00:05:58,558 --> 00:06:00,224
Liza! Over here!
180
00:06:00,249 --> 00:06:01,853
- Hi.
- Hey.
181
00:06:01,878 --> 00:06:04,129
Wow, everyone looks like
they're right out of college.
182
00:06:04,154 --> 00:06:06,988
Honestly, some of these people
are probably still in college.
183
00:06:07,013 --> 00:06:10,125
It's so hard to get a job, if
you land a summer internship,
184
00:06:10,150 --> 00:06:11,126
you just stay.
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00:06:11,151 --> 00:06:12,688
My degree never helped me get anything.
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00:06:12,713 --> 00:06:14,942
- Where'd you go?
- Um... Dartmouth.
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00:06:14,967 --> 00:06:16,695
No. When did you graduate?
188
00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:18,378
Uh, '08.
189
00:06:18,402 --> 00:06:21,646
So did I. Marta... Marta Beem?
190
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:23,215
They used to call me Deer Slayer,
191
00:06:23,239 --> 00:06:24,710
'cause I sold venison
steaks out of my dorm.
192
00:06:26,808 --> 00:06:27,890
That's not ringing a bell.
193
00:06:27,915 --> 00:06:31,269
No, I totally know you.
194
00:06:31,294 --> 00:06:33,390
Did you play volleyball?
195
00:06:33,415 --> 00:06:34,414
Ski team.
196
00:06:34,439 --> 00:06:37,022
Yes. Oh, my God, I remember you.
197
00:06:37,047 --> 00:06:38,405
This is nuts.
198
00:06:38,430 --> 00:06:40,313
You have to come to our
Dartmouth alumni group
199
00:06:40,338 --> 00:06:40,961
next week.
200
00:06:40,986 --> 00:06:43,156
- Hey, Sierra.
- This is Liza.
201
00:06:43,181 --> 00:06:44,193
She's new.
202
00:06:44,218 --> 00:06:45,940
Liza and I went to Dartmouth together.
203
00:06:45,965 --> 00:06:47,092
She works in publishing.
204
00:06:47,117 --> 00:06:49,002
Sierra's killing it
at the hedge fund game
205
00:06:49,027 --> 00:06:50,221
over at Onyx Capital.
206
00:06:50,245 --> 00:06:52,204
It is insane how much money I make.
207
00:06:52,229 --> 00:06:53,071
Onyx Capital?
208
00:06:53,096 --> 00:06:55,313
My, uh, my friend's
fiancé works over there.
209
00:06:55,338 --> 00:06:56,543
Thad Weber.
210
00:06:56,568 --> 00:07:00,183
Thad is someone's fiancé? Ugh, yikes.
211
00:07:00,338 --> 00:07:02,072
What do you mean "yikes"?
212
00:07:02,097 --> 00:07:05,520
I just met you, so I feel
like I shouldn't say anything,
213
00:07:05,545 --> 00:07:07,392
but in the spirit of helping women,
214
00:07:07,417 --> 00:07:08,470
I feel like I should.
215
00:07:08,495 --> 00:07:10,866
- You definitely should.
- If it's gonna help women.
216
00:07:10,891 --> 00:07:12,220
There's a rumor going around
217
00:07:12,245 --> 00:07:14,352
that Thad is hooking
up with his assistant.
218
00:07:14,377 --> 00:07:17,010
Apparently they do it in
the 30th floor bathrooms
219
00:07:17,035 --> 00:07:18,494
every single day.
220
00:07:18,519 --> 00:07:19,801
Ugh. Stall rabbits.
221
00:07:19,826 --> 00:07:21,492
There's an infestation at my work.
222
00:07:21,517 --> 00:07:23,727
Nobody's hooking up at
my work, and I'm, like,
223
00:07:23,752 --> 00:07:25,004
totally DTF.
224
00:07:25,029 --> 00:07:26,842
Uh, Thad? Are you sure?
225
00:07:26,867 --> 00:07:28,173
I mean, I haven't, like, seen it.
226
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:30,840
But yes, I've heard from
some very reliable sources.
227
00:07:30,865 --> 00:07:33,079
I mean, he can be a jerk sometimes,
228
00:07:33,104 --> 00:07:35,245
but I rally don't think he
would do that to Kelsey.
229
00:07:35,270 --> 00:07:36,775
I'm not saying he's a terrible guy.
230
00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:38,382
It's just all the portfolio managers
231
00:07:38,407 --> 00:07:40,141
think that screwing their assistant
232
00:07:40,166 --> 00:07:41,565
is part of the job.
233
00:07:41,590 --> 00:07:42,588
Huh.
234
00:07:42,613 --> 00:07:44,248
You can barely ever
get a handicapped stall
235
00:07:44,273 --> 00:07:45,607
after 3:00 p.m. in that building.
236
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,160
- Ew.
- Damn.
237
00:07:51,037 --> 00:07:52,670
Okay, so we took your advice,
238
00:07:52,695 --> 00:07:54,583
and I'm having Lauren throw
me an engagement party...
239
00:07:54,609 --> 00:07:56,642
Hopefully get all the
crazy out of her system.
240
00:07:56,667 --> 00:07:57,900
That's a great idea.
241
00:07:57,925 --> 00:07:59,715
Yeah, so it's Saturday night at Barocco.
242
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:01,692
Is, um, Thad excited about it?
243
00:08:01,717 --> 00:08:03,508
No. He's a guy.
244
00:08:03,533 --> 00:08:05,533
He doesn't care about
an engagement party.
245
00:08:05,558 --> 00:08:07,139
He barely cares we're having a wedding.
246
00:08:07,165 --> 00:08:07,940
What do you mean?
247
00:08:07,965 --> 00:08:09,047
I mean...
248
00:08:09,072 --> 00:08:11,294
he cares, obviously, but you know,
249
00:08:11,319 --> 00:08:13,176
he just can't be bothered
by any of the prep.
250
00:08:13,201 --> 00:08:14,771
Well, does he have an assistant
251
00:08:14,796 --> 00:08:17,522
he wouldn't mind asking
for personal favors?
252
00:08:17,849 --> 00:08:19,052
Like, wedding stuff?
253
00:08:19,077 --> 00:08:20,456
I think he shares an assistant
254
00:08:20,481 --> 00:08:22,240
with a bunch of other guys.
255
00:08:22,266 --> 00:08:25,489
But he does have a lot
of hot, single friends
256
00:08:25,514 --> 00:08:26,456
who'll be at the party,
257
00:08:26,481 --> 00:08:29,225
and there are benefits to rebound sex.
258
00:08:29,558 --> 00:08:31,143
Like confidence.
259
00:08:31,168 --> 00:08:33,491
Come on, Josh is with this hot, new,
260
00:08:33,516 --> 00:08:34,474
Internet-famous girl,
261
00:08:34,499 --> 00:08:35,832
and you've got to be
thinking about that.
262
00:08:35,857 --> 00:08:38,270
- I am now.
- So get yours.
263
00:08:38,355 --> 00:08:41,039
Temporary fixes are better
than no fixes at all.
264
00:08:41,064 --> 00:08:42,396
Are you really giving me this advice?
265
00:08:42,421 --> 00:08:43,147
Yes.
266
00:08:43,172 --> 00:08:44,982
Sometimes you got to get under someone
267
00:08:45,007 --> 00:08:46,108
to get over someone.
268
00:08:58,522 --> 00:09:00,556
Well, this is fun.
269
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:02,036
Yeah, I'm so glad we're doing this.
270
00:09:02,061 --> 00:09:02,716
Yeah.
271
00:09:02,741 --> 00:09:04,894
Mm. How's work, sweetie?
272
00:09:04,919 --> 00:09:06,208
Oh, it's good, good. Hectic.
273
00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:07,635
I, uh...
274
00:09:07,660 --> 00:09:08,979
You weren't asking me.
275
00:09:09,004 --> 00:09:10,120
I was not.
276
00:09:10,145 --> 00:09:11,444
It's going well.
277
00:09:11,469 --> 00:09:13,185
Dad and I are holding down the fort.
278
00:09:13,210 --> 00:09:16,129
Caitlin's a bit of a natural
with the cheek retractor.
279
00:09:16,154 --> 00:09:18,450
Might be a dental school
in our future over here.
280
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:19,641
Uh, I-I don't want to spend my life
281
00:09:19,666 --> 00:09:21,145
inside people's mouths.
282
00:09:21,170 --> 00:09:22,068
No offense, Dad.
283
00:09:22,093 --> 00:09:23,123
Ooh, Liza.
284
00:09:23,148 --> 00:09:24,221
Look at this fella over here.
285
00:09:24,246 --> 00:09:25,724
- Check him out.
- What?
286
00:09:25,749 --> 00:09:26,581
Ugh.
287
00:09:26,606 --> 00:09:28,106
On our honeymoon in Italy,
288
00:09:28,131 --> 00:09:30,767
we were at this little
hole-in-the-wall restaurant.
289
00:09:30,792 --> 00:09:33,459
Uh, and the waiters just
kept pouring the wine, and...
290
00:09:33,484 --> 00:09:34,817
And your dad kept drinking it.
291
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,144
Well, I was being polite.
292
00:09:36,169 --> 00:09:38,032
Well, he got really "polite"
293
00:09:38,058 --> 00:09:40,409
and decided to join the accordion band.
294
00:09:40,434 --> 00:09:42,134
Join? What do you mean, join?
295
00:09:42,159 --> 00:09:43,927
Well, they just... They
put a little hat on me,
296
00:09:43,952 --> 00:09:44,935
and, uh, they gave me an accordion.
297
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:46,269
- He took the accordion...
- Well...
298
00:09:46,294 --> 00:09:47,334
And started pumping away
299
00:09:47,359 --> 00:09:48,753
like he was bringing it back to life.
300
00:09:48,778 --> 00:09:50,466
Oh, my God. Were you any good?
301
00:09:50,491 --> 00:09:51,878
- No.
- No?
302
00:09:51,903 --> 00:09:53,302
- He was terrible.
- Okay, I agree with that.
303
00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:54,543
But when we got back to Jersey,
304
00:09:54,568 --> 00:09:56,004
remember, I went to a pawn shop,
305
00:09:56,029 --> 00:09:57,198
and I bought an accordion,
306
00:09:57,223 --> 00:09:58,261
and I taught myself to play a little.
307
00:09:58,286 --> 00:10:00,341
- Ugh.
- No way.
308
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:01,367
Prove it.
309
00:10:01,391 --> 00:10:03,077
Hmm. Okay, I will.
310
00:10:03,103 --> 00:10:04,406
Yeah? Are you doing this?
311
00:10:04,430 --> 00:10:05,729
- I don't think you should.
- Really?
312
00:10:05,754 --> 00:10:06,957
Mom, it's my birthday.
313
00:10:06,982 --> 00:10:08,532
Yeah, but this is not a gift.
314
00:10:08,558 --> 00:10:09,614
- Oh, yeah?
- Believe me.
315
00:10:09,638 --> 00:10:10,573
What are you doing?
316
00:10:10,598 --> 00:10:11,852
Can I just... can I just
use this for a second?
317
00:10:11,877 --> 00:10:13,360
- David...
- Heavier than I remember.
318
00:10:13,385 --> 00:10:15,314
- David...
- Oh, that's cool.
319
00:10:15,339 --> 00:10:16,501
Can I get your hat, too? Thanks.
320
00:10:16,526 --> 00:10:17,940
- I appreciate it.
- I apologize.
321
00:10:20,782 --> 00:10:22,250
Oh!
322
00:10:38,942 --> 00:10:40,626
- Yay!
- Bravo!
323
00:10:40,651 --> 00:10:41,602
Thank you.
324
00:10:41,627 --> 00:10:42,743
- Thank you, everyone.
- Yeah!
325
00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:43,663
That's my dad.
326
00:10:43,688 --> 00:10:45,326
Whoo!
327
00:10:45,887 --> 00:10:48,796
I'm just saying, no
other parents dressed up
328
00:10:48,821 --> 00:10:50,014
to take their kids trick-or-treating.
329
00:10:50,039 --> 00:10:52,170
No other parents were
as creative as we were.
330
00:10:52,195 --> 00:10:53,212
Oh, okay.
331
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:54,356
You remember the time we dressed her up
332
00:10:54,382 --> 00:10:55,665
as a little white tiger?
333
00:10:55,690 --> 00:10:57,356
And then you and I went
as... Who were those...
334
00:10:57,381 --> 00:10:58,584
Siegfried and Roy.
335
00:10:58,616 --> 00:10:59,705
- Yeah!
- Yes!
336
00:10:59,730 --> 00:11:01,705
And every door we'd go to,
Mom would just hold me up
337
00:11:01,730 --> 00:11:04,672
to her face and scream, "Mantecore, no!"
338
00:11:05,271 --> 00:11:06,736
Yeah, some people got it.
339
00:11:07,906 --> 00:11:10,785
Oh, wow, uh, it's later than I thought.
340
00:11:10,810 --> 00:11:12,767
Do you guys mind if I go?
341
00:11:12,792 --> 00:11:14,977
I told Padma I'd meet her,
like, a half hour ago.
342
00:11:15,002 --> 00:11:15,858
- Oh.
- Of course, go.
343
00:11:15,884 --> 00:11:17,082
- Get out of here.
- Yeah?
344
00:11:17,107 --> 00:11:18,106
- Yeah.
- It's okay.
345
00:11:18,131 --> 00:11:19,491
- Happy birthday, baby.
- Muah.
346
00:11:19,516 --> 00:11:21,299
- Be safe, please.
- Okay.
347
00:11:21,323 --> 00:11:23,604
All growed up. Come here, you.
348
00:11:23,629 --> 00:11:26,399
- Love you... happy birthday.
- Thank you for dinner.
349
00:11:26,424 --> 00:11:27,728
- Really great time.
- Yeah.
350
00:11:27,753 --> 00:11:31,297
Ugh, my God, it's crazy how old she is.
351
00:11:31,322 --> 00:11:33,996
It's crazy how old we are.
352
00:11:34,021 --> 00:11:35,854
Doesn't seem to have affected you.
353
00:11:35,879 --> 00:11:37,328
You look great.
354
00:11:37,353 --> 00:11:38,370
Yeah, right.
355
00:11:38,395 --> 00:11:40,212
Oh man, I miss this, Liza...
356
00:11:40,237 --> 00:11:42,347
Us together as a family.
357
00:11:42,372 --> 00:11:43,946
I know it's all my fault.
You don't have to say it.
358
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:46,189
Oh, I wasn't gonna. I was
just gonna smile and nod.
359
00:11:49,521 --> 00:11:51,111
So I hear through the grapevine
360
00:11:51,136 --> 00:11:54,038
that you're, uh, seeing somebody.
361
00:11:54,063 --> 00:11:56,566
We broke up.
362
00:11:56,591 --> 00:11:59,205
Ha! You dumped him already?
363
00:11:59,231 --> 00:12:00,657
He kind of dumped me.
364
00:12:00,682 --> 00:12:02,015
What?
365
00:12:02,040 --> 00:12:05,008
Oh, the guy is clearly an idiot.
366
00:12:06,475 --> 00:12:08,108
Some more?
367
00:12:08,133 --> 00:12:09,583
Uh, a splash.
368
00:12:11,702 --> 00:12:13,471
I know you think I'm a bad person, Liza,
369
00:12:13,496 --> 00:12:14,632
but I'm not.
370
00:12:14,658 --> 00:12:16,089
Don't tell me what I'm thinking.
371
00:12:16,113 --> 00:12:17,951
You don't know me.
372
00:12:17,976 --> 00:12:19,289
I've changed.
373
00:12:19,314 --> 00:12:21,514
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
374
00:12:21,539 --> 00:12:24,416
In fact, some people
might say I'm a bad guy.
375
00:12:24,441 --> 00:12:25,624
Well, you do seem different.
376
00:12:25,648 --> 00:12:27,147
Not bad, just... I don't know,
377
00:12:27,172 --> 00:12:29,339
sort of... cooler.
378
00:12:29,364 --> 00:12:32,082
Oh, yeah, well, I am cool.
379
00:12:32,107 --> 00:12:34,689
- You'd be surprised.
- Surprise me.
380
00:12:35,971 --> 00:12:37,238
Another bottle?
381
00:12:37,263 --> 00:12:39,894
- Mm-mmm.
- Yeah, please.
382
00:12:43,896 --> 00:12:46,102
Oh, you do not have to walk me home.
383
00:12:46,127 --> 00:12:47,574
Well, I'm the one with the umbrella,
384
00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:50,453
plus you... you do not
look safe in those boots.
385
00:12:50,479 --> 00:12:51,558
What?
386
00:12:51,583 --> 00:12:53,842
When did you even start
wearing boots like that?
387
00:12:53,867 --> 00:12:54,689
It's so hot.
388
00:12:54,714 --> 00:12:57,212
About the same time I
started wearing hot underwear
389
00:12:57,237 --> 00:12:57,814
like this.
390
00:12:57,839 --> 00:13:00,205
Whoa, wait a second!
391
00:13:00,230 --> 00:13:01,653
I want to see that. Do that again.
392
00:13:01,678 --> 00:13:03,970
Yeah, you missed out on this, baby.
393
00:13:05,974 --> 00:13:08,192
- Hey.
- Sorry, sorry, sorry.
394
00:13:08,217 --> 00:13:10,173
I was... I was...
395
00:13:40,856 --> 00:13:43,428
Ugh.
396
00:13:43,453 --> 00:13:44,703
What's the matter?
397
00:13:44,727 --> 00:13:45,827
You have a bad dream?
398
00:13:45,852 --> 00:13:46,825
Ugh, I wish.
399
00:13:46,850 --> 00:13:48,140
I drank too much at dinner,
400
00:13:48,165 --> 00:13:49,940
and something horrible happened.
401
00:13:49,965 --> 00:13:52,218
- I had sex with my husband.
- My God.
402
00:13:52,243 --> 00:13:54,249
I heard you clunking around.
403
00:13:54,274 --> 00:13:55,546
I thought you were making food,
404
00:13:55,571 --> 00:13:57,394
not slicing pie with David.
405
00:13:57,419 --> 00:13:59,507
Oh, gross, gross, gross, gross.
406
00:13:59,938 --> 00:14:02,703
Now he's gonna think we have a
shot at getting back together.
407
00:14:02,728 --> 00:14:04,762
Well, I can go sneak into your room
408
00:14:04,787 --> 00:14:07,954
and put my pointy knee
right into his ball sack.
409
00:14:07,979 --> 00:14:09,923
He'll be hauling ass back to New Jersey
410
00:14:09,948 --> 00:14:11,281
before the sun comes up.
411
00:14:12,668 --> 00:14:13,515
Thank you.
412
00:14:15,508 --> 00:14:16,891
This is my mess.
413
00:14:16,915 --> 00:14:19,155
Ugh, I'll deal with it...
414
00:14:19,180 --> 00:14:20,499
in the morning.
415
00:14:24,640 --> 00:14:27,662
Oh, my God.
416
00:14:27,687 --> 00:14:29,187
He's not here.
417
00:14:29,212 --> 00:14:31,141
Maybe it really was a bad dream.
418
00:14:31,166 --> 00:14:32,966
Nah, it was real.
419
00:14:33,469 --> 00:14:35,648
You had a one night
stand with your husband,
420
00:14:35,673 --> 00:14:37,056
and he left you a note.
421
00:14:37,081 --> 00:14:39,081
Oh, God, oh, God, oh, God.
422
00:14:39,106 --> 00:14:41,072
Ugh.
423
00:14:41,729 --> 00:14:44,294
"That was fun." Ugh.
424
00:14:44,319 --> 00:14:45,921
So something a dentist would say
425
00:14:45,946 --> 00:14:47,157
after a routine filling.
426
00:14:47,182 --> 00:14:48,955
Ew.
427
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:50,984
I'm behaving like an actual 26-year-old:
428
00:14:51,009 --> 00:14:51,968
having rebound sex.
429
00:14:51,993 --> 00:14:53,129
More like boomerang.
430
00:14:53,154 --> 00:14:54,937
And pining over my ex-boyfriend.
431
00:14:54,962 --> 00:14:56,520
I've re-read all of our texts.
432
00:14:56,545 --> 00:14:58,847
I scroll through our
photos whenever I'm bored.
433
00:14:58,872 --> 00:15:00,272
I can't keep doing this.
434
00:15:00,297 --> 00:15:02,581
I'm not some emo teen who
just lost her virginity.
435
00:15:02,606 --> 00:15:04,160
No, you're a 40-year-old mother.
436
00:15:04,185 --> 00:15:05,004
Yeah.
437
00:15:05,029 --> 00:15:06,812
And a 26-year-old marketing assistant.
438
00:15:06,837 --> 00:15:07,874
Right.
439
00:15:07,899 --> 00:15:09,997
And a considerate
roommate who wouldn't mind
440
00:15:10,022 --> 00:15:11,952
schlepping my sheets to the Laundromat
441
00:15:11,977 --> 00:15:13,810
on her way to work.
442
00:15:13,835 --> 00:15:14,616
On it.
443
00:15:28,118 --> 00:15:30,884
Hey, this party is amazing.
444
00:15:30,909 --> 00:15:32,757
But could you imagine
if it was my wedding?
445
00:15:32,782 --> 00:15:34,899
My cousins with their
home-schooled children
446
00:15:34,924 --> 00:15:36,670
eating sushi off of drag queens?
447
00:15:36,695 --> 00:15:38,509
No, this is not a place
for churchy cousins.
448
00:15:38,533 --> 00:15:39,748
Whoo. All right, squad.
449
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:41,296
Would you fancy a picture?
450
00:15:41,321 --> 00:15:42,662
Okay.
451
00:15:42,687 --> 00:15:43,717
Cheers.
452
00:15:43,742 --> 00:15:45,706
Long live the union of Kelsey and Thad.
453
00:15:45,731 --> 00:15:48,311
Okay, you two should go get in
line for the Cava chandelier.
454
00:15:48,336 --> 00:15:49,842
I have to go deal with Lordy GuyGuy.
455
00:15:49,867 --> 00:15:51,296
- Who?
- Lordy GuyGuy.
456
00:15:51,321 --> 00:15:53,139
The best Gaga impersonator in the city.
457
00:15:53,164 --> 00:15:55,795
He even impersonates her power trips.
458
00:15:55,820 --> 00:15:57,609
If you'll excuse me...
459
00:16:01,150 --> 00:16:02,329
So where's Thad?
460
00:16:02,354 --> 00:16:04,214
Uh, brah-ing it up somewhere.
461
00:16:04,239 --> 00:16:06,600
He's got all of his work
friends here to entertain.
462
00:16:06,626 --> 00:16:08,458
Is that, uh, someone from work?
463
00:16:08,482 --> 00:16:09,640
Her?
464
00:16:09,666 --> 00:16:12,434
Um, I don't know. Maybe.
465
00:16:12,459 --> 00:16:13,658
Well, should we go meet her?
466
00:16:13,683 --> 00:16:15,706
Chat her up? Scare her off... whatever?
467
00:16:15,731 --> 00:16:16,665
What does that mean?
468
00:16:16,691 --> 00:16:18,659
Uh, just that it's Thad,
469
00:16:18,684 --> 00:16:21,482
and you know, he's
talking to a pretty girl.
470
00:16:21,507 --> 00:16:23,465
Liza, this is my engagement party.
471
00:16:23,490 --> 00:16:24,772
You are not allowed to insinuate
472
00:16:24,797 --> 00:16:26,763
that my fiancé is
flirting with someone.
473
00:16:26,788 --> 00:16:28,077
Okay, you know what?
474
00:16:28,102 --> 00:16:29,827
You're right. I'm sorry.
475
00:16:29,852 --> 00:16:31,804
I just... God, this breakup
476
00:16:31,829 --> 00:16:33,347
is just really messing with my head.
477
00:16:33,372 --> 00:16:35,427
Yeah, because that's what breakups do.
478
00:16:35,452 --> 00:16:37,756
You need some physical activity.
479
00:16:37,781 --> 00:16:38,980
Get you out of your head.
480
00:16:39,005 --> 00:16:40,088
Just say the word, okay?
481
00:16:40,113 --> 00:16:41,913
Any guy in here in an expensive suit
482
00:16:41,938 --> 00:16:43,411
is looking for a "smash and dash."
483
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:46,792
Ha, well, actually, I took
care of that last night
484
00:16:46,817 --> 00:16:49,178
with a married man.
485
00:16:49,203 --> 00:16:50,948
Well, actually divorced.
486
00:16:50,973 --> 00:16:52,187
Oh, my God.
487
00:16:52,212 --> 00:16:54,045
Divorced guys are so tragic.
488
00:16:54,070 --> 00:16:55,703
Where did you meet him?
489
00:16:55,728 --> 00:16:56,916
At a restaurant.
490
00:16:56,941 --> 00:16:58,380
He was playing the accordion.
491
00:16:58,405 --> 00:17:00,460
Oh, that sounds gross.
492
00:17:00,485 --> 00:17:01,994
It was really gross.
493
00:17:02,019 --> 00:17:04,737
Did sleeping with him at
least help the Josh situation?
494
00:17:04,762 --> 00:17:06,930
It made me realize that
I want to focus on work,
495
00:17:06,956 --> 00:17:09,547
and not guys and
relationships for a while.
496
00:17:09,572 --> 00:17:11,563
Ah. Big belly, small dick?
497
00:17:11,587 --> 00:17:12,587
You know what?
498
00:17:12,612 --> 00:17:15,547
You can be the one to
focus on relationships,
499
00:17:15,572 --> 00:17:17,523
because you're getting married.
500
00:17:17,548 --> 00:17:19,859
It's a really big deal.
501
00:17:20,611 --> 00:17:22,524
I'll carry the ball for a while.
502
00:17:22,549 --> 00:17:25,139
Okay, I'm gonna let you focus on work,
503
00:17:25,164 --> 00:17:26,923
but if you change your mind,
504
00:17:26,948 --> 00:17:30,738
my uncle George plays bagpipe
in a Celtic rock band.
505
00:17:30,763 --> 00:17:32,542
Ooh, tempting.
506
00:17:53,155 --> 00:17:53,985
Oh, my gosh.
507
00:17:54,010 --> 00:17:55,061
I just have to say,
508
00:17:55,086 --> 00:17:57,933
this is the best party
I have ever thrown.
509
00:17:57,958 --> 00:17:59,834
Good. Enjoy it.
510
00:17:59,859 --> 00:18:01,885
Yes! Wait until the wedding.
511
00:18:02,360 --> 00:18:04,884
- You're not doing the wedding.
- What?
512
00:18:04,909 --> 00:18:06,560
I'm sorry, Lauren.
513
00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:07,541
I love you,
514
00:18:07,565 --> 00:18:09,865
but my wedding is going
to be what I want.
515
00:18:09,890 --> 00:18:12,656
Right, and I assumed you
wanted something awesome.
516
00:18:12,681 --> 00:18:14,931
I want something quiet in a church...
517
00:18:14,956 --> 00:18:16,772
Somewhere I can bring my parents,
518
00:18:16,797 --> 00:18:19,193
something where the sushi is stationary,
519
00:18:19,218 --> 00:18:20,866
and my dress won't be see-through.
520
00:18:20,891 --> 00:18:21,614
It'll be white...
521
00:18:21,639 --> 00:18:22,888
Ish.
522
00:18:22,913 --> 00:18:24,296
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
523
00:18:24,321 --> 00:18:26,523
- You can't do that!
- I'm sorry, Lauren.
524
00:18:26,548 --> 00:18:28,006
Throw a lunatic parade of a wedding
525
00:18:28,031 --> 00:18:28,908
when you get married.
526
00:18:28,933 --> 00:18:30,116
Fine, you know what?
527
00:18:30,141 --> 00:18:30,975
- I will.
- Good.
528
00:18:31,001 --> 00:18:32,717
And I will be right there
with you the whole time.
529
00:18:32,742 --> 00:18:34,692
Thank you. That is really sweet.
530
00:18:35,013 --> 00:18:36,813
I tried to hijack your
wedding, didn't I?
531
00:18:36,838 --> 00:18:38,272
- Yeah.
- Okay.
532
00:18:38,297 --> 00:18:40,026
I am... I am so sorry.
533
00:18:40,051 --> 00:18:41,834
No more over-the-top
suggestions, all right?
534
00:18:41,859 --> 00:18:42,950
I promise.
535
00:18:42,975 --> 00:18:45,230
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
536
00:18:45,255 --> 00:18:47,606
At least consider the falcon.
537
00:18:47,631 --> 00:18:48,830
Welcome, everybody.
538
00:18:48,855 --> 00:18:49,998
I'm gonna make this short.
539
00:18:50,023 --> 00:18:52,022
My Kelsey.
540
00:18:52,047 --> 00:18:56,416
You... you know that you are
like another daughter to me.
541
00:18:56,441 --> 00:18:57,606
And I love you dearly.
542
00:18:57,631 --> 00:18:59,848
And I wish you only good things.
543
00:18:59,873 --> 00:19:01,902
She's like a daughter to both of us.
544
00:19:01,927 --> 00:19:02,673
Yes, she is.
545
00:19:02,705 --> 00:19:06,212
May your marriage be filled
with as much happiness
546
00:19:06,237 --> 00:19:08,521
and hot sex as ours.
547
00:19:08,547 --> 00:19:10,251
Mazel tov, everybody!
548
00:19:10,276 --> 00:19:11,965
She's an animal, this woman!
549
00:19:11,990 --> 00:19:13,299
- An animal!
- All right.
550
00:19:13,324 --> 00:19:15,114
- Cheers, guys.
- Are we done... it's over?
551
00:19:15,139 --> 00:19:16,600
You mind if I, uh... You
mind if I do one, guys?
552
00:19:16,625 --> 00:19:18,655
Give him the mic. Hey,
hey, give him the mic.
553
00:19:18,680 --> 00:19:19,813
Here.
554
00:19:19,838 --> 00:19:21,534
What's up?
555
00:19:21,559 --> 00:19:24,062
So, uh, I know we're all here to
556
00:19:24,087 --> 00:19:26,394
"cheers" the happy couple, but, um,
557
00:19:26,419 --> 00:19:28,476
I got to raise the glass to my boy.
558
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:29,451
Thaddeus!
559
00:19:29,475 --> 00:19:30,136
Whoo-whoo!
560
00:19:30,161 --> 00:19:32,461
Onyx Capital forever!
561
00:19:32,486 --> 00:19:34,124
I love you.
562
00:19:34,149 --> 00:19:35,815
- I love you, Thaddy.
- Thank you, thank you, Tim.
563
00:19:35,840 --> 00:19:36,749
- Dude, come on.
- Yeah.
564
00:19:36,774 --> 00:19:37,624
- All right.
- Yeah.
565
00:19:37,649 --> 00:19:38,898
One last thing, you guys.
566
00:19:38,923 --> 00:19:40,337
Kelsey and Thad,
567
00:19:40,362 --> 00:19:41,577
to your love.
568
00:19:41,602 --> 00:19:44,408
May it be wild, beautiful,
569
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:47,040
dangerous, and majestic.
570
00:19:47,064 --> 00:19:50,147
Swoop, Bonnie! Swoop!
571
00:19:52,441 --> 00:19:54,072
Come... come on, Bonnie.
572
00:19:54,097 --> 00:19:55,981
Get down here on my glove, Bon.
573
00:19:56,006 --> 00:19:57,538
Bonnie, go.
574
00:19:57,563 --> 00:19:58,381
Bonnie!
575
00:19:58,406 --> 00:19:59,615
I'll be right back.
576
00:20:03,088 --> 00:20:04,491
_
577
00:20:18,131 --> 00:20:20,231
Either you tell her, or I will.
39748
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