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1
00:00:01,400 --> 00:00:05,300
I have a date. Really?
Mmm. With a man.
2
00:00:05,300 --> 00:00:07,660
Thanks for a lovely evening.
I just...
3
00:00:07,660 --> 00:00:09,660
don't think I'm ready to move on.
4
00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:12,180
And Laura doesn't
know what she's missing.
5
00:00:12,180 --> 00:00:14,180
It is never going to happen, is it?!
6
00:00:28,020 --> 00:00:30,620
Come back to bed, San.
I have to get on.
7
00:00:31,820 --> 00:00:33,700
I'll make it worth your while.
8
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:36,060
Oh! I doubt that!
9
00:00:36,060 --> 00:00:38,300
Jamie, are you up?
10
00:00:39,860 --> 00:00:41,700
Jamie, you'll be late for work.
11
00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:45,380
I don't care!
And Laura's dropping Emily off.
12
00:00:45,380 --> 00:00:48,620
I don't care! Neither do I! Get up!
13
00:00:48,620 --> 00:00:50,580
What's the point?
14
00:00:50,580 --> 00:00:52,700
Everything sucks.
15
00:00:54,540 --> 00:00:58,220
He's been like this for days.
Will you talk to him, Keith?
16
00:00:58,220 --> 00:01:01,740
Jamie, get up! Don't be a lazy sod!
17
00:01:01,740 --> 00:01:04,900
No, I mean actually get up and
go in and talk to him, Keith.
18
00:01:04,900 --> 00:01:07,260
He's saying everything sucks!
19
00:01:08,340 --> 00:01:09,900
He's right.
20
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:13,620
Do you think it's all right? 'Yeah,
last time you looked this good,
21
00:01:13,620 --> 00:01:16,020
'you got pregnant. Sorry!
22
00:01:16,020 --> 00:01:18,260
'Just a couple of hours
work at the bar,
23
00:01:18,260 --> 00:01:19,980
'then the rest
of the ball is free.'
24
00:01:19,980 --> 00:01:22,380
I'm not going to know anyone.
25
00:01:22,380 --> 00:01:25,460
'You'll meet people.' I'll have
nothing to talk about, though.
26
00:01:25,460 --> 00:01:28,980
All I know about is
nappy rash and baby puke!
27
00:01:28,980 --> 00:01:30,700
'Laura - you are bloody coming!
28
00:01:30,700 --> 00:01:33,140
'Do you know how much these
tickets cost me?'
29
00:01:33,140 --> 00:01:35,740
Er, nothing? You're
on the ball committee.
30
00:01:35,740 --> 00:01:37,700
'I earned them with hard labour!
31
00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:40,620
'Bouncy castles don't just
book themselves, you know!'
32
00:01:40,620 --> 00:01:42,900
Ugh! Fine, I'm coming!
33
00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:45,940
'Well, good! God, you're welcome!'
34
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:49,620
Uh-hu-hu, ha-ha!
35
00:01:49,620 --> 00:01:51,940
Ah...!
36
00:01:51,940 --> 00:01:55,500
Yeah. Oh... Yeah, I'd better go.
I'd better go. OK, bye.
37
00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:57,380
Bye! Bye-bye.
38
00:01:57,380 --> 00:02:00,180
Who's that? Ah, just work!
39
00:02:00,180 --> 00:02:03,380
Ian wants me to come in today.
On a Saturday?
40
00:02:03,380 --> 00:02:05,180
Yeah. Why?
41
00:02:05,180 --> 00:02:07,340
You've been working
the last five Saturdays.
42
00:02:07,340 --> 00:02:09,660
You've been sitting on the couch
picking your nose
43
00:02:09,660 --> 00:02:12,260
for the last five Tuesdays -
what's your point? Nothing!
44
00:02:12,260 --> 00:02:15,380
It's just Granny spends a lot
of time at work, doesn't she?
45
00:02:15,380 --> 00:02:20,060
Oh! That's because Grandad
can't seem to find a job, can he?!
46
00:02:20,060 --> 00:02:21,620
Yey!
47
00:02:21,620 --> 00:02:23,140
Hee-hee!
48
00:02:25,940 --> 00:02:27,660
I really don't want to do it.
49
00:02:27,660 --> 00:02:29,740
I don't care!
50
00:02:29,740 --> 00:02:33,340
They're on promotion this month.
Besides, it's fun!
51
00:02:33,340 --> 00:02:36,540
Hit target boy, get 10% off!
Can't you get someone else?
52
00:02:36,540 --> 00:02:39,380
I really don't feel
like being shot at today.
53
00:02:39,380 --> 00:02:42,100
They're perfectly safe. Look...
54
00:02:43,500 --> 00:02:44,940
Ugh!
55
00:02:46,420 --> 00:02:48,460
Can I at least have a gun?
56
00:02:48,460 --> 00:02:51,700
I think shooting customers
would send the wrong message.
57
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:57,020
Come on. Let's see
what Grandma's up to.
58
00:02:59,180 --> 00:03:01,580
Basically three pieces...
59
00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:03,620
Don't look at me like that.
60
00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:07,220
..and the coffee table.
61
00:03:07,220 --> 00:03:09,180
You lie in there...
62
00:03:09,180 --> 00:03:11,940
Yeah, you're right.
I should trust her.
63
00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:16,380
Been together 20 years.
What am I thinking?
64
00:03:18,420 --> 00:03:20,060
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
65
00:03:20,060 --> 00:03:21,500
Although...
66
00:03:21,500 --> 00:03:24,220
20 years is a long time.
67
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:28,660
Look at that. A recliner sofa.
68
00:03:28,660 --> 00:03:30,460
..music in the background. Really?
69
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:33,020
And that's a life
I could never give her.
70
00:03:33,020 --> 00:03:34,540
Mmm. >
71
00:03:36,180 --> 00:03:38,340
And if I'm honest,
I have got a bit lazy
72
00:03:38,340 --> 00:03:42,140
on the physical side of the
relationship with your grandma. I...
73
00:03:44,940 --> 00:03:47,180
You don't need to know that.
74
00:03:47,180 --> 00:03:49,980
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
75
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:51,900
Oh, no!
76
00:03:51,900 --> 00:03:53,900
That's her flirtatious laugh!
77
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,780
I'm not having that!
78
00:03:55,780 --> 00:03:58,140
Oh, that's good! But then
you're lying there...
79
00:03:58,140 --> 00:04:00,780
PHONE RINGS
Excuse me a second.
80
00:04:02,300 --> 00:04:04,500
Oh, I'll ring him back. Oh!
81
00:04:05,940 --> 00:04:09,380
Whoops-a-daisy! There you go.
Look at that bad boy!
82
00:04:09,380 --> 00:04:11,740
SANDRA CONTINUES TALKING
83
00:04:13,220 --> 00:04:15,380
Come on, Emily, let's go home.
84
00:04:16,700 --> 00:04:18,380
You don't need to see this.
85
00:04:20,300 --> 00:04:22,500
SHOT FIRES
Ha-ha!
86
00:04:24,260 --> 00:04:26,660
SHOTS FIRE
Ah! Ah! Got ya!
87
00:04:27,700 --> 00:04:30,100
You won't get me, you loser!
Agh! Oh! Just...!
88
00:04:33,820 --> 00:04:35,500
Have some of that!
89
00:04:42,100 --> 00:04:47,260
MUSIC: "Barber's Adagio for Strings"
(THEME FROM PLATOON)
90
00:04:52,780 --> 00:04:57,540
SLOWED-DOWN SOUNDS OF ARTILLERY
FIRING AND SHELLS WHISTLING
91
00:05:04,100 --> 00:05:07,420
HEART BEATS FAST
92
00:05:07,420 --> 00:05:10,500
LARGE EXPLOSION
93
00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:14,420
SOUND OF INCOMING SHELL
94
00:05:24,060 --> 00:05:26,300
Just at the end of the aisle, mate.
Thank you.
95
00:05:26,300 --> 00:05:28,460
TOY GUN FIRES REPEATEDLY
96
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:30,220
Go...! Aagh!
97
00:05:30,220 --> 00:05:31,900
Ha!
98
00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:34,620
That's it. I'm done.
99
00:05:35,820 --> 00:05:37,820
Jamie, where are you going?
100
00:05:38,820 --> 00:05:40,660
Somewhere else.
101
00:05:40,660 --> 00:05:42,820
Anywhere else.
102
00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:44,420
You walk out of that door,
young man,
103
00:05:44,420 --> 00:05:46,260
and you needn't think
about coming back.
104
00:05:46,260 --> 00:05:49,020
TOY GUN FIRES
105
00:05:50,860 --> 00:05:54,140
POP MUSIC PLAYS IN SHOP
106
00:06:00,700 --> 00:06:03,060
Hiya! Oh, hi! Hello!
107
00:06:03,700 --> 00:06:06,540
Have you got any signal?
I've been trying to call Jamie
108
00:06:06,540 --> 00:06:09,020
to see how Emily's doing,
but there must be like
109
00:06:09,020 --> 00:06:12,100
one phone mast in Scotland.
Can't you just have one day off?
110
00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:14,460
I just want to see what she's up to.
111
00:06:14,460 --> 00:06:17,180
Presumably, just lying there
occasionally crapping herself,
112
00:06:17,180 --> 00:06:19,180
as usual - you're
not missing anything!
113
00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:22,140
OK! Come on, your carriage awaits.
114
00:06:22,140 --> 00:06:25,340
Ooh, did you get us a taxi?
No, Francesca drove.
115
00:06:25,340 --> 00:06:27,700
Who's Francesca? My mate
from the ball committee.
116
00:06:27,700 --> 00:06:29,740
She's a laugh, you're
going to love her. OK.
117
00:06:30,980 --> 00:06:33,100
Oh, my god!
These coaches only stop
118
00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:36,460
at like mental institutions
and skin disease centres!
119
00:06:36,460 --> 00:06:39,860
Laura, this is Francesca.
Hello! Hi. Pleased to meet you!
120
00:06:39,860 --> 00:06:42,420
THEY GIGGLE
121
00:06:42,420 --> 00:06:44,860
I love your shoes! Oh!
122
00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:48,100
Thank you!
I almost bought those last year!
123
00:06:48,100 --> 00:06:50,540
FRANCESCA LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
124
00:06:50,540 --> 00:06:51,940
Shall we go? God, yeah,
125
00:06:51,940 --> 00:06:54,620
before we catch anything
from the coach people!
126
00:06:54,620 --> 00:06:57,460
THEY GIGGLE
Not you, Laura, obviously.
127
00:06:59,260 --> 00:07:01,940
Yeah, went to the dry-cleaner's
and...
128
00:07:01,940 --> 00:07:04,500
MUSIC DROWNS OUT SPEECH
129
00:07:08,780 --> 00:07:12,100
So, I was thinking, cinema tonight,
and then try and get into a club?
130
00:07:12,100 --> 00:07:14,300
I can't, I've got to work. On what?
131
00:07:14,300 --> 00:07:16,180
Economics project.
132
00:07:16,180 --> 00:07:18,380
Hey, can I borrow this?
Yeah, whatever.
133
00:07:18,380 --> 00:07:21,100
That should have been in two
weeks ago. You haven't finished?
134
00:07:21,100 --> 00:07:23,620
I haven't started it!
I'm...trying to do it tonight.
135
00:07:23,620 --> 00:07:25,700
There's no way you can
do it in one night!
136
00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:28,060
Then I guess I'm going
to fail, then, aren't I?
137
00:07:29,420 --> 00:07:30,980
There's no point.
138
00:07:31,940 --> 00:07:34,100
There's no point in anything.
Bloody 'ell!
139
00:07:34,100 --> 00:07:37,820
You sound like Beth!
It's not that bad! It IS that bad!
140
00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:41,140
Laura's got a boyfriend.
I'm about to fail my exams...
141
00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:44,060
I'm going to end up with a crap job,
142
00:07:44,060 --> 00:07:46,820
no girlfriend and a crap life!
143
00:07:46,820 --> 00:07:50,900
Well, maybe we can... No! There's
no cunning little plan for this, OK?!
144
00:07:51,860 --> 00:07:54,180
Right. Maybe you can
get an extension.
145
00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:57,580
You can always do something.
I AM doing something!
146
00:07:57,580 --> 00:08:00,580
I'm giving up pretending everything's
going to be all right.
147
00:08:00,580 --> 00:08:02,460
Just leave me alone, OK?
148
00:08:04,020 --> 00:08:05,940
Well done, Beth(!)
149
00:08:07,060 --> 00:08:10,100
Now, just help me out of this.
I'm a little bit stuck.
150
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,900
Can you look after Emily?
I'm going out.
151
00:08:15,900 --> 00:08:17,780
Not really.
152
00:08:17,780 --> 00:08:21,460
Got a bit of a crisis.
And that lid's not on properly.
153
00:08:21,460 --> 00:08:24,420
Well, I can't do anything
right, can I?
154
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:27,940
Why, what have you done now? Oh, I'm
not the one that's done anything.
155
00:08:30,100 --> 00:08:32,020
I think your mother
might be seeing someone.
156
00:08:33,100 --> 00:08:36,180
I doubt that. You'd think
after 18 years of marriage...
157
00:08:36,180 --> 00:08:38,220
I thought it was 19!
158
00:08:38,220 --> 00:08:40,860
All right, 19 - whatever!
159
00:08:40,860 --> 00:08:42,940
You'd think that would
count for something!
160
00:08:43,900 --> 00:08:47,020
Whatever happens between
your mother and me,
161
00:08:47,020 --> 00:08:48,860
it is not your fault.
162
00:08:50,380 --> 00:08:51,700
OK.
163
00:08:51,700 --> 00:08:53,420
It's your mother's.
164
00:08:54,620 --> 00:08:56,340
I'm going out.
165
00:08:56,340 --> 00:08:57,820
OK, son.
166
00:09:04,860 --> 00:09:07,500
NORTH AMERICAN ACCENT:
Where do you want these, Francesca?
167
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,980
Er, main bar, please, Guy.
168
00:09:08,980 --> 00:09:10,900
Do you want some help?
169
00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:13,300
No, I'm a big, strong boy.
170
00:09:15,620 --> 00:09:18,460
Do you think he might be
your Prince Charming? Shut up!
171
00:09:22,820 --> 00:09:24,580
Wow!
172
00:09:24,580 --> 00:09:28,300
Oh, what a dump!
Was Balmoral not available?
173
00:09:28,300 --> 00:09:31,740
See? I told you!
We're going to have fun!
174
00:09:33,780 --> 00:09:36,900
Hey, show Francesca your dress.
OK...!
175
00:09:38,500 --> 00:09:40,500
Ta-da!
176
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:44,020
It's lovely, isn't it? Yeah!
It's like a Disney princess!
177
00:09:44,020 --> 00:09:46,540
THEY GIGGLE
Or one of the dwarves!
178
00:09:46,540 --> 00:09:48,100
There you go! You're Grumpy!
179
00:09:48,100 --> 00:09:51,340
I'm only kidding, Laura. I would
love to be so small and cute.
180
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:54,180
Me and Danielle are stuck
up here at catwalk height
181
00:09:54,180 --> 00:09:57,180
while you're having
fun down there in Lilliput!
182
00:09:57,180 --> 00:09:59,660
Anyhow, my wonderful helpers,
183
00:09:59,660 --> 00:10:01,860
time to earn your entertainment.
184
00:10:01,860 --> 00:10:04,740
OK, so, Laura, I need your help
with the decorations.
185
00:10:04,740 --> 00:10:08,180
I told her you were artistic. That's
why I know you're going to be great
186
00:10:08,180 --> 00:10:10,460
at fire-proofing the flames.
187
00:10:10,460 --> 00:10:12,380
Fireproofing the flames?
188
00:10:12,380 --> 00:10:14,660
Yeah. I need you to go
round all the fireplaces
189
00:10:14,660 --> 00:10:17,060
and paint the cardboard flames
with fireproofing gel.
190
00:10:17,060 --> 00:10:19,340
We can't have real flames -
fire hazard.
191
00:10:19,340 --> 00:10:22,580
In a...fireplace. Exactly.
192
00:10:22,580 --> 00:10:25,900
So, I'll hang this up for you and
we'll see you in about 40 minutes!
193
00:10:25,900 --> 00:10:28,100
Well...where are you going?
194
00:10:28,100 --> 00:10:31,060
Yeah, where ARE we going?
Oh, I've hired a hairdresser
195
00:10:31,060 --> 00:10:34,420
for the whole ball committee to have
their hair done. Oh, brilliant!
196
00:10:34,420 --> 00:10:37,420
Oh, it's committee members
only, I'm afraid.
197
00:10:37,420 --> 00:10:41,100
And besides, what's there to do?
It's basically up...
198
00:10:41,100 --> 00:10:43,420
or down, so. Don't touch my hair.
199
00:10:43,420 --> 00:10:45,980
Oh, no, it's great,
I mean, it's so...
200
00:10:45,980 --> 00:10:49,100
manageable, isn't it? I don't
like people touching my hair.
201
00:10:49,100 --> 00:10:52,860
God, Laura, relax!
It's fine, I understand.
202
00:10:52,860 --> 00:10:56,780
My mum had a spaniel once
who was exactly the same.
203
00:10:56,780 --> 00:11:00,740
Oh, and Laura - be careful not
to inhale too much of that stuff.
204
00:11:00,740 --> 00:11:02,580
It's lethal. Ha-ha!
205
00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:26,140
And he just left her with you? Yep.
206
00:11:26,140 --> 00:11:28,660
When will he be back? Didn't say.
207
00:11:28,660 --> 00:11:31,900
God, he's actually
becoming a teenager. No.
208
00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,420
It's because he knows there's
something wrong between us.
209
00:11:34,420 --> 00:11:37,780
What's wrong between us? I saw
you at work flirting with Ian.
210
00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:40,980
Of course I'm flirting with Ian.
Don't try and deny it. I'm not!
211
00:11:40,980 --> 00:11:43,700
Ian decides who gets
the extra shifts!
212
00:11:43,700 --> 00:11:47,020
I need the extra shifts because
my husband is out of work,
213
00:11:47,020 --> 00:11:48,820
therefore I flirt!
214
00:11:48,820 --> 00:11:51,540
So, you deny you're having
an affair with him? Like, when
215
00:11:51,540 --> 00:11:54,540
would I have the time
or the energy for an affair?
216
00:11:54,540 --> 00:11:57,780
I just thought, what with me being
out of work, and us being broke...
217
00:11:57,780 --> 00:11:59,780
Ha-ha-ha!
218
00:11:59,780 --> 00:12:02,780
What? We've always been broke!
219
00:12:02,780 --> 00:12:05,140
You've never had money!
BABY SQUEAKS
220
00:12:05,140 --> 00:12:08,540
If it was about that I would
have left you on the honeymoon. Oh, cheers!
221
00:12:08,540 --> 00:12:10,780
Do you think that
I am that bloody shallow?
222
00:12:10,780 --> 00:12:14,700
I just thought maybe I was becoming
a little less attractive to you.
223
00:12:14,700 --> 00:12:18,540
You are. You're sitting there
in a tracksuit, covered in Coco Pops,
224
00:12:18,540 --> 00:12:21,740
but I'm not going to leave you.
God Almighty!
225
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:24,460
Shame on you for thinking that,
I think you should apologise.
226
00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:26,700
How has this turned into me
getting a bollocking?
227
00:12:26,700 --> 00:12:30,020
Oh, well it started
when you accused me of being a money-grabbing whore.
228
00:12:30,020 --> 00:12:32,860
Look, I want you to stop
flirting with him.
229
00:12:32,860 --> 00:12:35,540
It reflects badly on me.
I have my pride.
230
00:12:35,540 --> 00:12:39,380
When you get a job, you can have
pride. Until then, I'm flirting.
231
00:12:39,380 --> 00:12:41,500
Right.
232
00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:46,860
Hi. Hey, thanks for this.
233
00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:49,500
Oh, it's fine, you deserve it.
234
00:12:49,500 --> 00:12:53,540
Oh I hope Laura wasn't too upset
about not... She'll be all right.
235
00:12:53,540 --> 00:12:57,620
Yeah? Yeah. She seems a bit moody.
Was she always like that?
236
00:12:57,620 --> 00:13:01,780
Well she never used to be,
but then recently she's become a bit of a nightmare, to be honest.
237
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,860
What, like a bit of a drama queen?
238
00:13:03,860 --> 00:13:07,260
Yeah. Well, she's always either
sulking or kicking off.
239
00:13:07,260 --> 00:13:09,980
Yeah, I knew a girl like that once.
240
00:13:09,980 --> 00:13:12,220
God, always wanting to be
the centre of attention,
241
00:13:12,220 --> 00:13:15,980
either having an accident
or getting upset, or stealing people's boyfriends
242
00:13:15,980 --> 00:13:18,260
to try and validate themselves,
that kind of thing.
243
00:13:18,260 --> 00:13:21,260
There was one guy during Freshers'
Week that she sort of nicked.
244
00:13:21,260 --> 00:13:25,420
See, classic jealous sabotage
tactic. It's about getting noticed.
245
00:13:25,420 --> 00:13:29,380
I mean, the baby's just part of it.
Anything for the attention.
246
00:13:29,380 --> 00:13:32,180
SCREAM
247
00:13:37,980 --> 00:13:40,940
Oh, my God, what happened?
I just found it like this.
248
00:13:40,940 --> 00:13:43,500
Oh no, must be
some sort of freak accident.
249
00:13:43,500 --> 00:13:47,180
I can't wear this! It's OK, no big
deal, there's a laundry here,
250
00:13:47,180 --> 00:13:49,700
I'll give it a quick wash.
No, it's dry clean only.
251
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:53,180
Yeah, they always say that.
No, I really don't think that you should wash it!
252
00:13:53,180 --> 00:13:56,220
Look, trust me, OK? I know
about fabrics. It'll be fine.
253
00:13:56,220 --> 00:14:00,940
Laura! She's trying to help you,
so just let her help.
254
00:14:00,940 --> 00:14:04,100
God! There's no need to make
a big drama out of it.
255
00:14:09,660 --> 00:14:12,460
DOORBELL RINGS
256
00:14:14,900 --> 00:14:17,900
All right, er, Keith?
What are you doing here?
257
00:14:17,900 --> 00:14:20,180
Right, there's no point
beating around the bush.
258
00:14:20,180 --> 00:14:24,140
I know Sandra's been flirting
with you. Ah, right. What?
259
00:14:24,140 --> 00:14:27,100
Right, the thing is, I don't want
there to be any misunderstanding,
260
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:29,380
but I need to know
if there's something going on.
261
00:14:29,380 --> 00:14:31,540
No, not as far as I'm concerned.
262
00:14:31,540 --> 00:14:35,860
Look, hard as it may be,
I'd rather you didn't respond to it.
263
00:14:35,860 --> 00:14:38,060
Yeah, well I won't, so...
264
00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:40,860
I really don't find her attractive,
at all. Look, I'm sorry
265
00:14:40,860 --> 00:14:44,620
if you're having problems,
but I have no interest in Sandra.
266
00:14:44,620 --> 00:14:47,580
Come on, I know
about the extra shifts.
267
00:14:47,580 --> 00:14:49,740
Because she needed the work.
268
00:14:49,740 --> 00:14:54,820
Yeah, right! We both know that
Sandra is a very attractive woman.
269
00:14:54,820 --> 00:14:57,500
And obviously I can see
that you'd be tempted.
270
00:14:57,500 --> 00:15:01,500
Is everything OK?
Yeah, it's, em, just a work thing.
271
00:15:01,500 --> 00:15:04,100
Mm. Well, don't be too long,
darling.
272
00:15:04,100 --> 00:15:06,740
Yeah. Just... So...
273
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,180
You know?
274
00:15:08,180 --> 00:15:11,140
Yeah. Keith, I'm kinda busy here.
275
00:15:11,140 --> 00:15:14,620
But just to be clear, I really
have no interest in your wife.
276
00:15:14,620 --> 00:15:16,860
Not even a little bit? No.
277
00:15:16,860 --> 00:15:19,420
Well, why the hell not?
What's wrong with her?
278
00:15:19,420 --> 00:15:22,380
I don't know,
she's just not my type.
279
00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:25,740
And plus, that voice is so...
280
00:15:25,740 --> 00:15:30,540
I just don't. Yeah.
Well, she's an amazing woman.
281
00:15:30,540 --> 00:15:33,620
And you would be lucky
to have her fancy you.
282
00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:35,900
OK, that's fine,
I've really got to go.
283
00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:38,180
Just so that we're... Yeah.
284
00:15:38,180 --> 00:15:41,780
Now come here!
GIGGLING BEHIND DOOR ..clear.
285
00:16:30,780 --> 00:16:32,660
Oh, my God!
286
00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:36,180
Aaah! Oh, my God, you look amazing!
You too.
287
00:16:36,180 --> 00:16:38,500
Oh, and I got us these.
288
00:16:38,500 --> 00:16:41,020
We're like fairytale sisters!
289
00:16:41,020 --> 00:16:42,580
THEY LAUGH
290
00:16:44,220 --> 00:16:46,900
Eh, you look nice too, Laura.
291
00:16:46,900 --> 00:16:50,420
No, I don't. I look like the hooker
version of Tinkerbell.
292
00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:54,740
Well, Tinkerbell's cute
and men like hookers.
293
00:16:54,740 --> 00:16:57,580
You're not helping, Danielle.
Look, OK, we need to get on.
294
00:16:57,580 --> 00:17:00,620
Dan, I want you here greeting people
as they come in with champagne.
295
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,940
And what about me? Um, no.
296
00:17:02,940 --> 00:17:06,460
I think maybe less of
a frontline position for you.
297
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,580
OK, so...
298
00:17:12,580 --> 00:17:14,300
Here we are!
299
00:17:15,740 --> 00:17:19,780
You're putting me in a dungeon?
This is an actual dungeon.
300
00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:22,140
Historically, yes.
301
00:17:22,140 --> 00:17:26,820
But for tonight
it's an enchanted secret grotto...
302
00:17:26,820 --> 00:17:29,140
and coat check area.
303
00:17:30,780 --> 00:17:35,220
OK. Francesca, have you got
a problem with me?
304
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:38,100
Uh-oh, I think I know what this is.
305
00:17:38,100 --> 00:17:41,300
Mm, you feel threatened because
you're stuck being a single mum
306
00:17:41,300 --> 00:17:43,620
while Danielle's moving on
with her life.
307
00:17:43,620 --> 00:17:46,700
I am not stuck!
Yeah, if you say so.
308
00:17:46,700 --> 00:17:48,900
There's no need to be touchy.
309
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,500
Oh, Jesus, I never should have come.
310
00:17:52,780 --> 00:17:55,500
Yeah, maybe you shouldn't have.
311
00:18:00,900 --> 00:18:03,980
Jamie? Jamie? Where is he?
312
00:18:03,980 --> 00:18:07,900
He's gone out. Oh, no. I think he's
going to do something crazy - look.
313
00:18:07,900 --> 00:18:11,180
"No point carrying on."
That's, that's not good.
314
00:18:11,180 --> 00:18:14,860
God, he has been a bit down. Yeah,
and he's miserable about Laura.
315
00:18:14,860 --> 00:18:17,820
It's all her fault. Yeah,
and he's having trouble at school.
316
00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:21,420
We've been having problems at home.
I told him our marriage was in trouble.
317
00:18:21,420 --> 00:18:23,660
Well, it is, isn't it?
It is now.
318
00:18:23,660 --> 00:18:27,220
Come on people, can we focus here?
This is clearly a cry for help.
319
00:18:47,660 --> 00:18:50,860
You know what? I might just nip down
and see how Laura's doing.
320
00:18:50,860 --> 00:18:53,620
Don't worry. She was fine
when I left her.
321
00:18:53,620 --> 00:18:57,100
Even so.
Look, I need you here, OK?
322
00:18:57,100 --> 00:18:59,420
Give it ten minutes
and we'll both go and relieve her.
323
00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:03,420
I feel bad for abandoning her.
OK, look, I'll be back in a second.
324
00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:13,020
Hi. Hi.
325
00:19:13,020 --> 00:19:15,580
So this is where
they have you hiding?
326
00:19:16,780 --> 00:19:19,980
Yes. Er... I'm doing the coats.
327
00:19:19,980 --> 00:19:23,420
You look very beautiful tonight.
328
00:19:23,420 --> 00:19:28,700
Eh - oh, OK! Yeah, sorry,
if you could not do that.
329
00:19:28,700 --> 00:19:31,260
It's a bit weird.
Look, sorry, I...
330
00:19:31,260 --> 00:19:34,780
I thought that you...
said that you...
331
00:19:34,780 --> 00:19:39,700
I... Sorry, I have to go and, em,
call my, em... boyfriend.
332
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,860
Boyfriend?
333
00:19:41,860 --> 00:19:45,220
But I thought that you said
that you liked me?
334
00:19:47,500 --> 00:19:49,220
I don't even know who you are.
335
00:19:59,306 --> 00:20:00,906
I should have seen this coming.
336
00:20:00,906 --> 00:20:02,146
RINGING TONE
337
00:20:02,146 --> 00:20:03,866
It's ringing. Right, give it here.
338
00:20:03,866 --> 00:20:06,746
Yours can't be the first voice he
hears. It'll put him over the edge.
339
00:20:06,746 --> 00:20:08,146
RINGING TONE
340
00:20:08,146 --> 00:20:10,226
'Hello?' Jamie!
THEY ALL SIGH WITH RELIEF
341
00:20:10,226 --> 00:20:12,626
How's it going? 'Yeah, I'm fine.'
342
00:20:12,626 --> 00:20:14,946
I just needed some time to think.
343
00:20:14,946 --> 00:20:17,626
No, don't do that, don't think!
(Find out where he is!)
344
00:20:17,626 --> 00:20:20,386
Whereabouts are you, mate?
'Just sitting on a bridge.'
345
00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:22,586
On a bridge? Oh! Keith, get the car!
346
00:20:22,586 --> 00:20:24,626
Which bridge? (Talk.) 'I don't know.
347
00:20:24,626 --> 00:20:27,986
'A bridge in the park.'
Erm, right, we...
348
00:20:27,986 --> 00:20:31,626
How are you feeling..?! Forget
that, let's focus on the positives.
349
00:20:31,626 --> 00:20:34,066
Come on! Let's go! What's
the weather like out there...?
350
00:20:35,066 --> 00:20:37,466
Ha! I have a signal!
351
00:20:38,426 --> 00:20:40,146
Yes!
352
00:20:40,146 --> 00:20:42,026
RINGING TONE
353
00:20:42,026 --> 00:20:44,426
'You remember that...
Remember when I was...'
354
00:20:44,426 --> 00:20:47,226
Hold on, I'm going to call you back,
it's Laura on the other line.
355
00:20:47,226 --> 00:20:49,066
MIKE KEEPS TALKING
356
00:20:49,826 --> 00:20:51,306
JAMIE: 'Hello?'
357
00:20:51,306 --> 00:20:53,666
Hey! Hi! Jamie! Can you hear me?
358
00:20:53,666 --> 00:20:55,466
'Yeah, hello?' Hello?
359
00:20:55,466 --> 00:20:58,746
Hey! How's it going? I was just
ringing to see how you were doing...
360
00:20:58,746 --> 00:21:01,346
Er, with Emily,
how...how she's doing.
361
00:21:01,346 --> 00:21:03,666
'She's fine. We're fine.'
362
00:21:03,666 --> 00:21:06,466
I thought you were supposed to be
at the ball - is everything OK?
363
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,826
'Erm...no.'
364
00:21:08,826 --> 00:21:11,266
No, it's not, actually.
365
00:21:11,266 --> 00:21:12,986
I'm just, erm...
366
00:21:13,986 --> 00:21:15,866
..just feeling a bit alone.
367
00:21:15,866 --> 00:21:18,146
Aren't you there with
your new boyfriend?
368
00:21:18,146 --> 00:21:19,306
No!
369
00:21:20,266 --> 00:21:21,986
No, that didn't really work out.
370
00:21:22,946 --> 00:21:25,466
Really? 'No, I...I...'
371
00:21:25,466 --> 00:21:27,626
I just... 'Mine didn't, either.'
372
00:21:27,626 --> 00:21:29,026
Really?
373
00:21:31,186 --> 00:21:33,226
Yeah, mine was terrible.
374
00:21:33,226 --> 00:21:35,306
Couldn't have been worse than mine.
375
00:21:35,306 --> 00:21:38,426
Er, well, mine called me
a cab and through me out?
376
00:21:38,426 --> 00:21:40,266
I cried on mine.
377
00:21:40,266 --> 00:21:42,226
'God!' 'And Mike cried, too.'
378
00:21:42,226 --> 00:21:43,786
Ah-ha!
379
00:21:43,786 --> 00:21:46,266
Oh, OK! 'That IS actually worse!'
380
00:21:47,946 --> 00:21:50,066
So, we're...we're both...
381
00:21:51,066 --> 00:21:53,346
Yeah. I guess so.
382
00:21:55,546 --> 00:21:57,346
'Hey, maybe, erm,'
383
00:21:57,346 --> 00:21:59,106
when I'm back...
384
00:22:00,706 --> 00:22:03,466
Maybe we should...try and...
385
00:22:04,426 --> 00:22:05,586
'Try...'
386
00:22:05,586 --> 00:22:07,546
what? 'Hello?'
387
00:22:07,546 --> 00:22:09,026
He-hello?
388
00:22:09,026 --> 00:22:10,746
'Are you there? Jamie?'
389
00:22:10,746 --> 00:22:12,546
Laura? 'Jamie?'
390
00:22:12,546 --> 00:22:14,746
Lau... 'Jamie...'
What were you going to say?
391
00:22:14,746 --> 00:22:16,106
Oh.
392
00:22:20,066 --> 00:22:22,226
Oh, for God's sake!
393
00:22:24,426 --> 00:22:25,946
< Jamie!
394
00:22:25,946 --> 00:22:28,386
< Don't jump! He's here!
395
00:22:28,386 --> 00:22:31,146
Jump where? Jamie, don't jump!
396
00:22:31,146 --> 00:22:33,546
What the hell are you all doing here?
397
00:22:33,546 --> 00:22:35,706
Stopping you from killing yourself!
398
00:22:35,706 --> 00:22:37,946
Why the hell would
I want to kill myself?
399
00:22:37,946 --> 00:22:40,826
Because you're so depressed!
Because your parents are arguing.
400
00:22:40,826 --> 00:22:42,826
Because you're never
going to find love!
401
00:22:42,826 --> 00:22:46,426
And you ruined your education -
and you're in a dead-end job.
402
00:22:46,426 --> 00:22:48,706
Not any more. I quit my job!
403
00:22:48,706 --> 00:22:51,426
Have you any idea how difficult
it is to get a job these days?
404
00:22:51,426 --> 00:22:53,466
Oh, San, leave it, shut up.
Oh, sorry.
405
00:22:53,466 --> 00:22:55,866
But I'm not going to kill myself!
406
00:22:55,866 --> 00:22:58,666
I just wanted some
time alone to think
407
00:22:58,666 --> 00:23:00,786
and have my cheeseburger!
408
00:23:00,786 --> 00:23:03,186
That is quite a low bridge.
409
00:23:03,186 --> 00:23:04,386
It's not as if I...
410
00:23:04,386 --> 00:23:06,746
Gagh! I got him! I got him!
411
00:23:06,746 --> 00:23:09,506
I got him! Everyone swarm,
hold him down!
412
00:23:09,506 --> 00:23:11,346
Mike, get off!
413
00:23:11,346 --> 00:23:13,986
It's OK. It's going
to be all right.
414
00:23:13,986 --> 00:23:16,226
You're going to get ketchup on me!
415
00:23:16,226 --> 00:23:17,946
Ah! Agh!
416
00:23:21,266 --> 00:23:23,066
Hey, Danielle.
417
00:23:23,066 --> 00:23:25,786
I know this sounds awful, but, erm,
418
00:23:25,786 --> 00:23:28,626
I think I'm going to head home.
Fine, go.
419
00:23:30,106 --> 00:23:32,546
What? What is it?
Francesca was right.
420
00:23:32,546 --> 00:23:34,506
It IS all about you.
421
00:23:34,506 --> 00:23:36,626
What? What are you talking about?
422
00:23:36,626 --> 00:23:38,226
Guy!
423
00:23:38,226 --> 00:23:42,066
The moment I express an interest in
anyone, you just have to wade on in.
424
00:23:42,066 --> 00:23:44,186
I don't know why I'm
still friends with you.
425
00:23:45,386 --> 00:23:46,866
Yes, no.
426
00:23:46,866 --> 00:23:49,506
You're completely right.
I...I totally understand.
427
00:23:49,506 --> 00:23:52,066
I've been...a nightmare.
428
00:23:52,066 --> 00:23:55,506
I've been shallow and insecure
429
00:23:55,506 --> 00:23:59,186
and competitive, and worried
about what people think about me,
430
00:23:59,186 --> 00:24:03,706
and I've been, well, let me see -
I have been a bit like...
431
00:24:03,706 --> 00:24:05,386
you, Francesca!
432
00:24:05,386 --> 00:24:08,186
And I can see that being like that,
433
00:24:08,186 --> 00:24:10,706
it's actually kind of pathetic.
Oh, yeah!
434
00:24:10,706 --> 00:24:13,386
Says the teenage dropout single mum!
435
00:24:14,746 --> 00:24:17,466
Yes, I am all of those things.
436
00:24:18,466 --> 00:24:20,346
But that is fine -
437
00:24:20,346 --> 00:24:23,586
because I have a beautiful child,
438
00:24:23,586 --> 00:24:27,786
who I love - and somebody in my
life who actually cares about me,
439
00:24:27,786 --> 00:24:29,786
which, by the way, is why I would
440
00:24:29,786 --> 00:24:33,426
never be interested
in some guy like...
441
00:24:33,426 --> 00:24:36,106
Guy. Guy, thank you.
I'm assuming it is Francesca
442
00:24:36,106 --> 00:24:38,066
who said that I fancied you. Erm...
443
00:24:39,306 --> 00:24:40,746
Yeah. Yeah.
444
00:24:41,786 --> 00:24:45,346
Francesca, what is wrong with you?
No, this is all a misunderstanding.
445
00:24:45,346 --> 00:24:48,546
I didn't. It was her!
She's threatened our friendship.
446
00:24:48,546 --> 00:24:53,386
She's jealous. No! No, I'm not
jealous of you, actually.
447
00:24:53,386 --> 00:24:55,666
You see, I used to be on your track,
448
00:24:55,666 --> 00:24:58,106
so I know where
this train is headed.
449
00:24:58,106 --> 00:25:00,706
YOU will graduate with a 2:2,
450
00:25:00,706 --> 00:25:03,866
and some generic
student experiences.
451
00:25:03,866 --> 00:25:06,946
Maybe you'll fit in a trip to
Thailand and think that buying a...
452
00:25:06,946 --> 00:25:09,626
an ethnic printed sarong equals
broadening your horizons.
453
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:14,000
You'll get out there on the milk
round with your...your padded bra
454
00:25:14,000 --> 00:25:16,120
and your padded CV.
455
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:18,720
Except no-one will be interested,
because out there,
456
00:25:18,720 --> 00:25:22,320
in the real world, you have no
real talents, so eventually,
457
00:25:22,320 --> 00:25:25,000
you'll have to marry some...
dipstick like Guy
458
00:25:25,000 --> 00:25:27,800
to pay off your student loan.
You might in the future
459
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:30,680
scrape together a small job in PR,
460
00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:34,760
or maybe in an expensive shop
selling complete tat to slightly
461
00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:37,280
more successful versions
of yourself.
462
00:25:37,280 --> 00:25:40,080
Then you will pop out
a couple of dull kids,
463
00:25:40,080 --> 00:25:43,240
who will secretly hate you,
the way that you hate your mother,
464
00:25:43,240 --> 00:25:45,960
and then the whole cycle
will start all over again.
465
00:25:45,960 --> 00:25:48,400
So, enjoy it while
you can, Francesca,
466
00:25:48,400 --> 00:25:50,680
because this...
is as good as it gets.
467
00:25:50,680 --> 00:25:52,800
GASPS FROM PARTY GUESTS
468
00:25:52,800 --> 00:25:54,520
Oh, my God!
469
00:25:56,840 --> 00:25:59,320
If you'll excuse me,
I think I have to go home.
470
00:25:59,320 --> 00:26:01,760
Sorry. God...!
471
00:26:02,600 --> 00:26:05,280
Laura! That was awesome!
472
00:26:05,280 --> 00:26:07,400
Yeah. I think I really needed that.
473
00:26:07,400 --> 00:26:09,120
Wait, I'm coming with you!
474
00:26:09,120 --> 00:26:11,360
What? No, you don't
have to, I'm fine.
475
00:26:11,360 --> 00:26:13,880
And maybe we'll bump into
somebody else we don't like
476
00:26:13,880 --> 00:26:15,720
and I'll watch you
bitch-slap them, too!
477
00:26:23,300 --> 00:26:25,140
HE WHISTLES
478
00:26:25,140 --> 00:26:27,940
Dee-dee-dee... Morning!
All right, son.
479
00:26:30,460 --> 00:26:32,660
Da-da, da-da!
480
00:26:32,660 --> 00:26:34,060
Morning!
481
00:26:35,380 --> 00:26:38,220
God - puts it all into
perspective, doesn't it?
482
00:26:38,220 --> 00:26:40,420
I'm sorry I acted so paranoid.
483
00:26:40,420 --> 00:26:41,780
Oh...!
484
00:26:41,780 --> 00:26:44,540
That was Ian on the phone.
Oh, right!
485
00:26:44,540 --> 00:26:47,660
What does he want? He was just
telling me how I couldn't work
486
00:26:47,660 --> 00:26:50,380
Saturdays any more because
of how it might be perceived.
487
00:26:50,380 --> 00:26:51,500
Ah.
488
00:26:51,500 --> 00:26:54,500
What the hell were you
thinking going round there?
489
00:26:54,500 --> 00:26:56,260
Sorry!
490
00:26:56,260 --> 00:26:58,540
It's just been hard, Sandra.
491
00:26:58,540 --> 00:27:00,820
I've just felt really
low at the moment.
492
00:27:00,820 --> 00:27:02,300
How do you think I feel?
493
00:27:02,300 --> 00:27:05,420
I've just literally had
a half-hour lecture on why
494
00:27:05,420 --> 00:27:07,380
I am not attractive.
495
00:27:08,340 --> 00:27:09,540
Yeah?
496
00:27:10,500 --> 00:27:13,140
Well, that's not what he told me.
Yeah, right(!)
497
00:27:13,140 --> 00:27:14,340
No!
498
00:27:14,340 --> 00:27:16,900
He told me that he
was crazy about you.
499
00:27:17,900 --> 00:27:19,260
Really?
500
00:27:19,260 --> 00:27:20,820
We had a big fall-out
501
00:27:20,820 --> 00:27:24,060
and he begged me not
to tell you how he felt.
502
00:27:24,060 --> 00:27:25,620
Oh?
503
00:27:25,620 --> 00:27:27,340
What did he say, exactly?
504
00:27:27,340 --> 00:27:30,020
Oh, he said loads of stuff.
505
00:27:30,020 --> 00:27:33,140
He said, like, how
you're nothing like his wife,
506
00:27:33,140 --> 00:27:35,820
and how your voice drove him crazy!
507
00:27:35,820 --> 00:27:38,540
What, do his big speech
was just like a smokescreen
508
00:27:38,540 --> 00:27:40,100
for his real feelings?
509
00:27:41,060 --> 00:27:43,060
Yeah - that must be it.
510
00:27:43,060 --> 00:27:44,700
Oh, God!
511
00:27:44,700 --> 00:27:48,660
I thought it was just a bit
of innocent flirting, but I mean...
512
00:27:48,660 --> 00:27:52,460
God, I'd no idea I was...
having that sort of impact.
513
00:27:52,460 --> 00:27:55,780
Yeah, well, he's only human, Sandra.
Yeah!
514
00:27:55,780 --> 00:27:59,300
I mean, I know I've still
got it, like, but... God!
515
00:28:01,700 --> 00:28:03,980
Maybe I should say something.
Nah! Whoa!
516
00:28:03,980 --> 00:28:07,460
No. Sh... Probably best
not to acknowledge it -
517
00:28:07,460 --> 00:28:09,020
at all.
518
00:28:09,020 --> 00:28:12,140
You know, for his sake. Yeah.
519
00:28:12,140 --> 00:28:14,220
Kind. Mmm.
520
00:28:17,700 --> 00:28:20,540
Oh, my God. Laura, you look...
521
00:28:20,540 --> 00:28:23,700
I know, I know, I've been on
the coach for like five hours.
522
00:28:23,700 --> 00:28:25,260
..beautiful.
523
00:28:26,140 --> 00:28:27,500
Oh!
524
00:28:33,220 --> 00:28:34,820
Er, OK.
525
00:28:36,020 --> 00:28:38,300
CORK POPS
Just thought it would be nice
526
00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:40,940
to have a romantic evening.
527
00:28:40,940 --> 00:28:43,340
Are you trying to have sex with me?
528
00:28:44,420 --> 00:28:45,980
Not immediately!
529
00:28:45,980 --> 00:28:48,260
I'm doing a
word-of-mouth viral thing.
530
00:28:48,260 --> 00:28:49,660
This pie will exist as an entity
531
00:28:49,660 --> 00:28:51,620
and all the cool people
will be drawn to it.
532
00:28:51,620 --> 00:28:54,180
Mike's having a party this Saturday.
533
00:28:54,180 --> 00:28:56,860
Thought maybe we could go...together?
534
00:28:58,260 --> 00:29:00,620
I didn't bring anyone
because I have no friends.
535
00:29:00,620 --> 00:29:02,700
In fact, I'm just going to go.
536
00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:05,020
Beth, you have to come in.
537
00:29:07,740 --> 00:29:09,180
It's come
538
00:29:09,180 --> 00:29:11,140
To nothing
539
00:29:11,140 --> 00:29:14,660
These days are up before they start
540
00:29:14,660 --> 00:29:16,380
I get
541
00:29:16,380 --> 00:29:18,140
No better
542
00:29:18,140 --> 00:29:19,860
You turn away
543
00:29:19,860 --> 00:29:23,140
I fall apart tonight
544
00:29:23,140 --> 00:29:25,220
The danger
545
00:29:25,220 --> 00:29:26,940
Won't leave the air
546
00:29:26,940 --> 00:29:30,060
Until the likes of this love
547
00:29:30,060 --> 00:29:32,100
For this lover
548
00:29:32,100 --> 00:29:33,700
For this love...
549
00:29:33,750 --> 00:29:38,300
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