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-Albert: Spain. Costa Del Sol.
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A fugitive's paradise.
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My old man had it all figured out.
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"Drink beer, tan like an orangutan's arse
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and consume all the paella you can eat."
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That's always been Vic Hill's view, anyway.
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Get the loot, get your people out to the Costa,
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job done.
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And we almost made it, too.
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-(gasping, panting)
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(coughing)
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-Man: What was that?
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-(shouting in foreign language)
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-(coughing)
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-Mum!
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-Oh!
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Lotti!
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-Lotti!
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-I'm here!
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Where's Charlie?
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-Charlie: It's okay!
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Hate 'Em's got me.
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(gasping)
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-You all right, son?
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-(man shouting in foreign language)
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-Dad?
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-Victor Hill, where the bloody hell are you?
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-I'm here! I'm over here, Lil.
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(coughing)
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-Albert: Who the hell were they?
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-It was too dark. I couldn't see.
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(screaming)
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-Is it gone? All of our money?
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-All of it, gone.
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All ten million.
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Ten million Euros and it's gone.
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-So close.
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Albert: It's us, we're idiots, this life of ours.
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Bullshit.
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-Charlie: It's only money, Al.
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Got it once before, we'll get it again.
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-Are you sure about that, Charlie?
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I mean, are any of you sure about that?
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(theme music playing)
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-Gentlemen.
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Today I would like to present you
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with a once-in-a-lifetime investment opportunity.
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To be part of something new, exciting, special.
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Now as you look around you, you may see nothing more
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than a rundown old bar, maybe.
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But what I ask of you is to call upon your imaginations.
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Cast your minds to the future,
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a future where The Bunker Bar isn't just
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one of the Costa del Sol's best destinations.
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No. But the only one worth going to.
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-Charlie: Where do I sign, Al?
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-Reckon? Reckon they'll go for it? I don't know.
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It just feels a bit like I'm flogging a timeshare in the 80s.
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-Just sell them on you, okay?
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People invest in the person and the passion
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even more than the idea.
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-Yeah.
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-Ice to Eskimos, Al.
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-Ice to Eskimos, Al.
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-You seen Billy today? -Not yet.
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Billy! Where are you?
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Billy?
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He didn't come home again last night.
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-Oh, probably out ravaging
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that temperamental Mediterranean goddess again.
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-Lucky sod. -He's not a lucky sod.
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He's miserable. He has been ever since Lotti dumped him.
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He's shagging everything with a pulse to get over her.
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And let's face it, you ain't much better
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since Chloe gave you the elbow, are you?
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-Please! I'm a 100 percent over Chloe.
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-Yeah. -(stammers)
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By the way, she did not give me the elbow.
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Jus-- just decided that, you know,
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a life on the lam was not for her.
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-Charlie, she jumped ship in Biarritz
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before we even got to Spain.
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Accept it, you were unceremoniously dumped.
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So stop walking around with that face like a pickled onion all day.
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-Yeah, no, no. At least I was brave enough
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to offer my heart to someone.
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The longest you've ever committed to anyone is 48 hours.
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-Have you seen Billy? -Not a peep.
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-And it was 24 hours.
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Let's run it again.
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Today, gentlemen, I'd like to present you
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with a once-in-a-lifetime investment opportunity...
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(shouting, indistinct)
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? You know someday that we gonna part ?
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? You know someday that you're gonna break my heart ?
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-Oh, yeah.
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I saw an advert for a lovely finca outside of town.
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Three hectares, a pool,
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nice garden to keep you busy, Lil.
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High up on the hill with an amazing view.
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Visibility for miles.
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-Visibility's not what we're seeking out at the moment, Vic.
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Look, I told you. I don't need a big house.
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I just need you.
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-And here I am, Lil.
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A reformed character, as directed.
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(chuckles)
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-We've been here for six months...
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without a hiccup.
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We can make this work.
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-Yes, my love.
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We can, and we will.
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I'm just gonna go and see Albert.
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See what's cooking.
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-Vic?
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Pick up some fish for lunch, would you?
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-Fish for lunch. Got it.
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-(grunting)
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Hey! Shoo! Shoo! Get out of here!
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-You tell 'em, Lottie.
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-Morning, Clarence. How are you today?
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-Mm.
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We can put a man on the moon,
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but we still haven't figured out
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how to prevent a hangover, Lottie.
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-Cafe solo then?
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Muchas gracias, chica.
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-Manny, Manny, Manny.
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-Octopus. -Nice.
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That's a nice octopus. Thank you.
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Did you get the other thing I asked for?
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-Si. I, uh, I got it, Hate 'Em.
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-Good boy, Manny.
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Fanta! Fanta! Stick that in the pot!
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Get that in the pot! Be the boss.
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-(Fanta gasping)
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-(gun clicks, fires)
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-Aah!
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-That's how you become the boss.
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-You hear from your investor? Still coming in, isn't he?
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-At midday. Just like I told you eight times yesterday.
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-All right, just checking.
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If you need me, I'll be in the back.
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-Is he all right?
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-We just need this investment,
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or this place goes under by the end of the month.
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-(cursing in Spanish)
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-(clattering)
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-Oh, she just wanted something I couldn't commit to
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at this point in my life.
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-Vic: Morning, Albert.
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-All right.
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-What's the matter, son? You seem distracted.
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-No, just getting ready for a meeting.
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-A meeting that requires a stiff drink
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at 11 o'clock in the morning?
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-Don't worry. Just a drink.
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-But I do worry, Albert.
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Ooh!
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I am a partner in this fine establishment, after all.
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-You're a silent partner, yeah, so just...
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And seeing as I've had my wings clipped
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by you and your mother in regards
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to my usual line of work,
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may I remind you that this is
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our only source of income at the present juncture.
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-It's a meeting with an investor.
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And I've got big plans for this place.
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-We are Hills. We don't borrow money, we take it.
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-Yeah, well, you know better than anyone
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we're doing things differently now.
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It doesn't involve robbing banks, does it?
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-(chuckles)
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-The Hills now make an honest living.
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-As honest as the day is long.
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-(oil sizzling)
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-Fry the onions. -No!
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-What's the matter? You getting all excited.
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-Henry, stop pretending you can cook
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and let's go and have a sharpener.
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-It's about that time, Victor. -(chuckles)
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-Fanta, do not make a dog's dinner out of that paella.
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-I'll be back later. -What?
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-Behave yourself.
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Vic, I'm coming!
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-Good morning, gentlemen.
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Welcome to The Bunker Bar.
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-It's not speaking to me, Lenny.
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-Looks like a non-starter to me, Bruce.
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-Albert: As you look around you, gentlemen,
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you see nothing more than...
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well, a work in progress.
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I mean, and let's face it, not unlike
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many of the other ramshackle establishments
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flogging paella up and down the Costa.
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-It's a bit hot in here, don't you think?
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-Lenny: You might want... -(fly buzzing)
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...to consider putting a few ceiling fans.
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-Yeah, now what I ask of you is to, uh--
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is to call upon your imaginations
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and cast your minds to a time in the future
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where The Bunker Bar is not just
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one of the Costa del Sol's best destinations
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but the only one worth going to.
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Now, imagine it, a place
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where the Euro elite will be treated
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to an oceanfront experience like no other.
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-What else we got on today?
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-I've got a charity do at four.
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-Paella de la casa, senores.
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-I can't stomach that foreign crap.
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Disagrees with me.
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-(clears throat)
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We will evoke the elegance, the style,
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and the spirit of 60s Saint-Tropez.
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-Yes, and, uh, build a pier
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to moor the yachts,
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attracting all manner of big spenders.
15243
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