All language subtitles for the.simpsons.s29e11.1080p.web.x264-tbs

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew Download
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,301 --> 00:00:05,755 Aah! 2 00:00:05,822 --> 00:00:08,178 *THE SIMPSONS* Season 29 Episode 11 Title: "Frink Gets Testy" 3 00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:26,407 D'oh! 4 00:00:29,469 --> 00:00:31,313 Is she gonna be okay, Doc? 5 00:00:31,384 --> 00:00:32,586 She's just fine. 6 00:00:32,654 --> 00:00:34,782 - And here's the baby. - Oh... 7 00:00:34,887 --> 00:00:37,430 I know how to hold one of these. 8 00:00:38,176 --> 00:00:39,477 D'oh! 9 00:00:41,152 --> 00:00:45,031 ♪♪ 10 00:00:49,075 --> 00:00:52,443 ♪♪ 11 00:00:52,581 --> 00:00:54,279 You're watching The Learning Network, 12 00:00:54,374 --> 00:00:55,583 where minds grow. 13 00:00:55,651 --> 00:00:56,806 Stay tuned for... 14 00:00:57,220 --> 00:00:59,096 Apocalypse Week, 15 00:00:59,164 --> 00:01:00,717 Ebola Meteor, 16 00:01:00,789 --> 00:01:02,114 Nukes of Hazard, 17 00:01:02,265 --> 00:01:03,941 Jesus Christ Superstorm, 18 00:01:04,036 --> 00:01:08,010 But first... Nostradamus: The man who saw the future. 19 00:01:10,179 --> 00:01:13,478 The following film, made in 1982, 20 00:01:13,546 --> 00:01:15,265 was thought to be lost forever. 21 00:01:15,333 --> 00:01:17,522 Actually, it was misplaced in a box 22 00:01:17,590 --> 00:01:20,111 for the comedy Doctor Detroit. 23 00:01:20,179 --> 00:01:23,150 But its predictions are more terrifying than ever. 24 00:01:23,262 --> 00:01:26,608 Hello, I'm Orson... Welles, 25 00:01:26,719 --> 00:01:28,347 director of Citizen Kane... 26 00:01:28,427 --> 00:01:29,674 Boring. 27 00:01:29,770 --> 00:01:31,592 As well as the lower left-hand square 28 00:01:31,660 --> 00:01:32,856 on Hollywood Squares. 29 00:01:32,924 --> 00:01:35,021 Ooh, right next to Ruth Buzzi. 30 00:01:35,108 --> 00:01:38,454 In 1555, the prophet Nostradamus 31 00:01:38,533 --> 00:01:41,385 foretold a terrifying series of predictions, 32 00:01:41,512 --> 00:01:43,555 all of which came to pass. 33 00:01:43,682 --> 00:01:46,558 First, his own death. Second, 34 00:01:46,677 --> 00:01:49,775 large wars in Europe, similar to the large wars 35 00:01:49,862 --> 00:01:51,356 he observed in Europe. 36 00:01:51,459 --> 00:01:53,867 And the breakup of Fleetwood Mac. 37 00:01:53,935 --> 00:01:56,861 But Nostradamus's final quatrain contained 38 00:01:56,949 --> 00:01:59,929 one more prediction yet to come: 39 00:02:00,072 --> 00:02:03,662 that shortly after the Antichrist becomes president... 40 00:02:04,904 --> 00:02:07,811 A Flaming mushroom spreads across the sky. 41 00:02:09,717 --> 00:02:11,267 This champagne is terrible. 42 00:02:11,346 --> 00:02:13,411 It tastes like dryer sheets. 43 00:02:13,578 --> 00:02:16,311 But what does said mushroom signify? 44 00:02:16,477 --> 00:02:19,872 Nothing less than World War III. 45 00:02:19,991 --> 00:02:22,541 Ugh, who'd fall for this malarkey? 46 00:02:22,652 --> 00:02:24,456 Smithers, I'm scared. 47 00:02:24,551 --> 00:02:26,583 Release the comforting hounds. 48 00:02:28,594 --> 00:02:30,732 Oh, excellent. Now, make them into rugs. 49 00:02:31,879 --> 00:02:35,652 Anyone left alive will surely find themselves envying... 50 00:02:35,720 --> 00:02:37,683 Who? Who could we possibly envy? 51 00:02:37,834 --> 00:02:39,486 - The dead. - Aah! 52 00:02:39,562 --> 00:02:42,188 Smithers, the end is nigh, and we must prepare. 53 00:02:42,256 --> 00:02:44,579 Round up this town's greatest minds. 54 00:02:44,650 --> 00:02:46,208 - Should I order pizza? - Uh-huh. 55 00:02:46,295 --> 00:02:48,090 One large cheese, double-cut. 56 00:02:48,170 --> 00:02:50,204 ♪♪ 57 00:02:52,007 --> 00:02:53,495 Attention, fellow members _ 58 00:02:53,563 --> 00:02:56,187 of the Springfield chapter of Mensa. 59 00:02:56,255 --> 00:02:58,413 Mr. Burns has called us here 60 00:02:58,481 --> 00:03:02,466 to solve an unknown problem of global importance. 61 00:03:02,534 --> 00:03:05,239 But first, Tri-Ominoes! 62 00:03:05,307 --> 00:03:07,337 I say we write and solve our own acrostics. 63 00:03:07,405 --> 00:03:09,379 Yes, after we recite all the words 64 00:03:09,447 --> 00:03:11,071 in the Declaration of Independence 65 00:03:11,139 --> 00:03:12,580 in alphabetical order. 66 00:03:12,648 --> 00:03:16,346 All: A, A, A, A, A, A. 67 00:03:16,414 --> 00:03:19,643 - Abdicated. Abolish. Abolishing. - Abdicated. Abolish. Abolishing. 68 00:03:19,711 --> 00:03:21,875 - Absolute. Absolved. - Absolute. Absolved. 69 00:03:21,943 --> 00:03:23,150 Silence, you thinkertons. 70 00:03:23,218 --> 00:03:25,765 I summoned you here because the world is about to end. 71 00:03:25,833 --> 00:03:27,787 No, it isn't. What are you afraid of? 72 00:03:27,874 --> 00:03:29,342 Global warming? 73 00:03:29,988 --> 00:03:32,967 A.I.? Some sort of plague? 74 00:03:35,646 --> 00:03:38,595 As smarty-pantalones, I am asking you to help with 75 00:03:38,663 --> 00:03:41,011 the Montgomery Burns Doomsday Ark. 76 00:03:41,079 --> 00:03:43,663 This space vehicle will lead humanity's best and brightest 77 00:03:43,731 --> 00:03:46,443 to a better life under my stern rule. 78 00:03:46,936 --> 00:03:48,809 Oh, gee heavens. 79 00:03:48,992 --> 00:03:51,375 Will there be someone for your more personal needs? 80 00:03:51,478 --> 00:03:53,942 Concubines. Many concubines. 81 00:03:54,058 --> 00:03:55,358 I'll work my way in. 82 00:03:55,426 --> 00:03:57,501 I need you to tell me who is worthy 83 00:03:57,588 --> 00:03:59,464 of surviving the apocalypse with me. 84 00:03:59,551 --> 00:04:03,197 I only want the sharpest razors in this town's Halloween candy. 85 00:04:03,292 --> 00:04:06,204 Oh, don't worry, Mr. Burns, this is what Mensa does best... 86 00:04:06,272 --> 00:04:08,036 make everyone else feel stupid. 87 00:04:08,107 --> 00:04:10,049 The only word in English 88 00:04:10,117 --> 00:04:12,758 with three consecutive double letters is... 89 00:04:12,826 --> 00:04:13,885 - Oh, um... - Um... 90 00:04:13,956 --> 00:04:15,017 Um, "gooseberry." 91 00:04:15,085 --> 00:04:16,675 No, "coffee." Coffee-oo. 92 00:04:16,743 --> 00:04:19,339 - Uh, balloon-an-ing. - Bookkeeper. 93 00:04:19,407 --> 00:04:20,591 - Damn it. - Ha! 94 00:04:20,659 --> 00:04:22,638 It's simple. All we need to do is 95 00:04:22,706 --> 00:04:24,893 give everyone in town an IQ test. 96 00:04:24,962 --> 00:04:26,814 The highest scores get on the ark... 97 00:04:26,909 --> 00:04:28,649 Mensa members grandfathered in. 98 00:04:28,717 --> 00:04:30,077 Sounds good to me. 99 00:04:30,144 --> 00:04:31,548 Grandfathered! 100 00:04:31,627 --> 00:04:33,994 Not so fast. Flavin. 101 00:04:34,123 --> 00:04:36,881 Being intelligent people, I am quite sure 102 00:04:36,949 --> 00:04:38,216 that you will take this well. 103 00:04:38,284 --> 00:04:40,276 IQs are meaningless. 104 00:04:40,344 --> 00:04:41,744 Heresy! 105 00:04:41,821 --> 00:04:43,373 I have the ultimate test 106 00:04:43,441 --> 00:04:46,087 that measures something far more significant: 107 00:04:46,418 --> 00:04:49,806 your overall worth as a human. 108 00:04:49,874 --> 00:04:51,133 Impossible. 109 00:04:51,201 --> 00:04:53,050 Intelligence is the only quotient 110 00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:54,804 that tells you how important you are. 111 00:04:54,875 --> 00:04:58,656 Ask any of us who did well on a test we took when we were six. 112 00:05:01,365 --> 00:05:04,500 Well, you may be the brightest, but you are not the best. 113 00:05:04,590 --> 00:05:07,888 Your worthiness as a human being is best measured, people, 114 00:05:07,956 --> 00:05:11,995 by the Personal Value Quotient. That's P.V.Q. 115 00:05:12,109 --> 00:05:14,697 Oh! Ow! All right, enough with the pelting 116 00:05:14,792 --> 00:05:16,645 and the bonking and the compass in my neck. 117 00:05:16,714 --> 00:05:18,727 Garvik. In order to defuse 118 00:05:18,795 --> 00:05:19,987 your obvious hostilities, 119 00:05:20,055 --> 00:05:22,684 I will make my presentation entertaining, all right? 120 00:05:22,752 --> 00:05:26,638 With a one, and a two, and a 3.14159. 121 00:05:26,963 --> 00:05:29,943 Forgive me if it seems like I'm attacking, 122 00:05:30,047 --> 00:05:32,328 but I find the old IQ test 123 00:05:32,396 --> 00:05:33,529 badly lacking. 124 00:05:33,597 --> 00:05:36,532 If you want to find out just what someone can do, 125 00:05:36,600 --> 00:05:41,370 you need to learn that subject's P.V.Q. 126 00:05:41,439 --> 00:05:43,405 ♪♪ 127 00:05:43,474 --> 00:05:46,311 ♪ It tests for ♪ 128 00:05:46,389 --> 00:05:49,992 ♪ Sympathy and empathy ♪ ♪ and group collaboration ♪ 129 00:05:50,147 --> 00:05:53,716 ♪ Artistry and neatness ♪ ♪ and complex socialization ♪ 130 00:05:53,783 --> 00:05:57,186 ♪ And every single aspect ♪ ♪ of a personality ♪ 131 00:05:57,254 --> 00:05:59,288 ♪ Hey, the P.V.Q. ♪ 132 00:05:59,357 --> 00:06:02,669 ♪ Is A.O.K. with me ♪ 133 00:06:03,534 --> 00:06:05,794 ♪♪ 134 00:06:05,925 --> 00:06:08,937 ♪ It tests for sarcasm and prudence ♪ 135 00:06:09,048 --> 00:06:11,033 ♪ Not if you're Isaac Newton ♪ 136 00:06:11,170 --> 00:06:12,568 ♪ Confidence, ambition ♪ 137 00:06:12,636 --> 00:06:14,371 ♪ And the teams for whom ♪ ♪ you're rootin' ♪ 138 00:06:14,438 --> 00:06:16,505 ♪ So it's all the little foibles ♪ 139 00:06:16,574 --> 00:06:18,140 ♪ That can make a person whole ♪ 140 00:06:18,209 --> 00:06:20,342 ♪ Trust the P.V.Q. ♪ 141 00:06:20,411 --> 00:06:24,823 ♪ The yardstick for the soul ♪ 142 00:06:31,455 --> 00:06:33,555 ♪ Now, people, you're all geniuses ♪ 143 00:06:33,624 --> 00:06:35,324 - Oh, please... - My, my, well, thank you. 144 00:06:35,393 --> 00:06:37,259 ♪ You can see this is no lark ♪ 145 00:06:37,328 --> 00:06:40,998 ♪ Emotional intelligence ♪ ♪ is needed for the ark ♪ 146 00:06:41,221 --> 00:06:42,969 - Uh-huh. - Hmm... 147 00:06:48,352 --> 00:06:50,452 ♪♪ 148 00:06:50,641 --> 00:06:52,801 ♪ You mean earnestness and ego ♪ 149 00:06:52,869 --> 00:06:54,576 ♪ And if they make a mean burrito ♪ 150 00:06:54,645 --> 00:06:56,460 ♪ And the social grace to know ♪ 151 00:06:56,579 --> 00:06:58,580 ♪ When not to wear a Speedo ♪ 152 00:06:58,649 --> 00:07:01,678 ♪ Every trait that integrates ♪ ♪ a winning personality ♪ 153 00:07:01,773 --> 00:07:03,658 ♪ Yes, the P.V.Q. ♪ _ 154 00:07:03,793 --> 00:07:07,222 ♪ Is what we'll do to find out who ♪ 155 00:07:07,291 --> 00:07:08,910 ♪ Will see us through ♪ 156 00:07:08,978 --> 00:07:10,870 ♪ Yes, the P.V.Q. ♪ 157 00:07:10,989 --> 00:07:13,658 ♪ Is A.O.K. ♪ 158 00:07:13,964 --> 00:07:17,099 ♪ With me... ♪ 159 00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:20,137 Oivik! 160 00:07:20,204 --> 00:07:22,438 Anyone have a song in rebuttal? 161 00:07:22,507 --> 00:07:25,536 ♪ You got to have hear... ♪ 162 00:07:25,604 --> 00:07:26,608 Oh, balderdash. 163 00:07:26,677 --> 00:07:28,043 We're going with this man's test. 164 00:07:28,112 --> 00:07:30,145 - Oh, wonderful. - To determine who is worthy 165 00:07:30,214 --> 00:07:31,880 of a seat on my ark. 166 00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:34,186 Uh, but, sir, how do we get everyone in town 167 00:07:34,254 --> 00:07:36,345 to take a test without telling them what it's about? 168 00:07:38,244 --> 00:07:40,293 Mandatory test. 169 00:07:40,361 --> 00:07:42,127 Mandatory test! 170 00:07:42,218 --> 00:07:45,409 Mandatory for everyone not ringing a bell. 171 00:07:48,232 --> 00:07:49,827 What's the point of this test again? 172 00:07:49,915 --> 00:07:51,453 The way I look at it, the more things 173 00:07:51,521 --> 00:07:54,105 secret corporations know about us, the better, huh? 174 00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:55,878 I like when drones show up bringing me things 175 00:07:55,945 --> 00:07:57,272 I needed but didn't know. 176 00:07:57,373 --> 00:07:59,077 Hmm. 177 00:07:59,255 --> 00:08:01,077 Wow, I am out of deodorant. 178 00:08:01,145 --> 00:08:02,277 We all knew. 179 00:08:02,346 --> 00:08:04,597 Remove all stray marks. 180 00:08:04,740 --> 00:08:06,513 Number two pencil only. 181 00:08:06,614 --> 00:08:08,785 And for God's sake, relax! _ 182 00:08:08,853 --> 00:08:11,631 This question asks about the price of underwear, 183 00:08:11,699 --> 00:08:14,423 as if I were some landed aristocrat. 184 00:08:14,492 --> 00:08:16,462 Hey, can I copy off you? 185 00:08:16,530 --> 00:08:17,729 Be my guest. 186 00:08:21,374 --> 00:08:24,933 "Day is to night as early is to..." 187 00:08:25,002 --> 00:08:27,302 Late. Booyah! 188 00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:31,373 Booyah! 189 00:08:34,111 --> 00:08:35,610 Booyah! 190 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:41,480 The one test I don't bring my earmuffs. 191 00:08:41,619 --> 00:08:42,986 The results are in. 192 00:08:43,053 --> 00:08:44,820 The newest and most accurate measure 193 00:08:44,895 --> 00:08:47,604 of our intelligence on a scale from one to 500... 194 00:08:47,780 --> 00:08:49,525 500 being best. 195 00:08:49,593 --> 00:08:52,027 - Boring. - Don't shut it off. 196 00:08:52,096 --> 00:08:53,529 I need my score. 197 00:08:55,699 --> 00:08:57,332 Thank you. 198 00:08:57,401 --> 00:08:59,868 Now we'll run everyone's scores past the screen really fast, 199 00:08:59,937 --> 00:09:01,745 from best to worst, trusting that you'll pause 200 00:09:01,813 --> 00:09:03,559 at only your name. 201 00:09:04,775 --> 00:09:06,372 Pause it! 202 00:09:07,177 --> 00:09:10,383 475, my sweet spot. Excellent. 203 00:09:10,463 --> 00:09:12,037 But room to improve. 204 00:09:13,881 --> 00:09:17,287 What?! I am one below Ralph? Ralph? 205 00:09:17,354 --> 00:09:20,117 Honey, it doesn't mean Ralph's smarter than you. 206 00:09:20,220 --> 00:09:23,534 It just means he's a more valuable person. 207 00:09:23,701 --> 00:09:26,203 - Ralph? - Keep scrolling. 208 00:09:27,298 --> 00:09:29,731 Ooh, 311. 209 00:09:29,800 --> 00:09:32,367 Above average, but not enough to make people mad. 210 00:09:32,436 --> 00:09:35,837 And, it's the number you call to complain about potholes. 211 00:09:35,906 --> 00:09:39,741 Ooh. "H. Simpson: 265." 212 00:09:39,810 --> 00:09:42,048 Exactly the number of days in a year. 213 00:09:42,980 --> 00:09:45,098 Well, that's good. Let's change the channel. 214 00:09:45,166 --> 00:09:46,677 But we don't know your score. 215 00:09:46,756 --> 00:09:48,655 Like I said, that's good. 216 00:09:48,746 --> 00:09:51,947 Hmm, not there. Not there. Not there. 217 00:10:02,910 --> 00:10:04,365 I don't need any test. 218 00:10:04,433 --> 00:10:06,168 I'm street-smart. 219 00:10:07,579 --> 00:10:09,014 Haw-haw! 220 00:10:12,029 --> 00:10:15,833 I refuse to accept that my little guy has no future. 221 00:10:15,901 --> 00:10:18,250 He can learn how to put in adding machine tape. 222 00:10:18,317 --> 00:10:20,273 That's how I got through the Depression, 223 00:10:20,341 --> 00:10:22,788 and letting the FBI know which bugle boys 224 00:10:22,915 --> 00:10:24,767 were about to turn boogie-woogie. 225 00:10:24,886 --> 00:10:26,457 We're not giving up on Bart. 226 00:10:26,538 --> 00:10:28,503 And I'm not giving up on you, Homer. 227 00:10:28,571 --> 00:10:30,394 What, you're still trying? In what way? 228 00:10:30,461 --> 00:10:33,197 My will is 38 pages of me yelling at you. 229 00:10:33,485 --> 00:10:35,153 Ooh, I'm in the will. 230 00:10:38,963 --> 00:10:41,197 Charles. Listen to me, Charles. 231 00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,782 Not now, Satan. 232 00:10:42,861 --> 00:10:45,157 I'm not Satan, I'm Orson Welles. 233 00:10:45,252 --> 00:10:48,129 Satan would sell wine before its time. 234 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:51,715 Yes. Now, have you taken my warning seriously? 235 00:10:51,784 --> 00:10:53,717 Oh, but I did. I've already started the ark. 236 00:10:53,786 --> 00:10:55,676 Very good. Now I must go. 237 00:10:55,747 --> 00:10:57,777 God commissioned me to direct a rainbow, 238 00:10:57,845 --> 00:11:00,014 and I've spent half my budget on indigo. 239 00:11:00,101 --> 00:11:02,699 The only answer is to play "red" myself. 240 00:11:02,774 --> 00:11:03,944 Smithers. 241 00:11:04,340 --> 00:11:06,657 Speed up production on the ark. Put everyone on it. 242 00:11:06,752 --> 00:11:09,261 Ply them with all the rum and salt it takes. 243 00:11:15,207 --> 00:11:18,462 Eh, there's no nap like a scaffold nap. 244 00:11:20,782 --> 00:11:22,621 Hey, what do you think we're building, anyway? 245 00:11:22,744 --> 00:11:24,797 I'm betting it's a new Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. 246 00:11:24,877 --> 00:11:26,815 Maybe this one will keep somebody out. 247 00:11:27,952 --> 00:11:30,063 How can Ralph score higher than me? 248 00:11:30,143 --> 00:11:31,785 That's-that's just wrong. 249 00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:34,858 But all my self-esteem comes from tests. 250 00:11:34,926 --> 00:11:37,914 Should I really be pulling on this string? 251 00:11:38,739 --> 00:11:40,498 I am not worse than Ralph! 252 00:11:42,668 --> 00:11:45,129 - Hi, Ralph. - Hi, Ralph. 253 00:11:45,252 --> 00:11:47,042 - Hi, Ralph. - Hi, Ralph. 254 00:11:47,129 --> 00:11:49,807 I miss the string through my ears. 255 00:11:51,298 --> 00:11:52,631 All right, Lisa. 256 00:11:52,699 --> 00:11:54,987 Watch, do not judge. 257 00:11:56,076 --> 00:11:58,238 What makes him superior? _ 258 00:12:00,292 --> 00:12:02,007 Whee! 259 00:12:02,638 --> 00:12:04,544 I'm okay. 260 00:12:06,619 --> 00:12:08,561 You have reached the Wiggum residence. 261 00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:11,401 If Ralph is stuck in something, press one. 262 00:12:11,504 --> 00:12:14,039 If something is stuck in Ralph, press two. 263 00:12:14,198 --> 00:12:17,677 If this is Ralph, Daddy is not in the phone. 264 00:12:17,748 --> 00:12:20,504 Do not open the phone looking for me. 265 00:12:20,743 --> 00:12:21,873 What are you doing? 266 00:12:21,984 --> 00:12:23,359 The only thing I'm good at. 267 00:12:23,454 --> 00:12:24,521 Nothing. 268 00:12:24,589 --> 00:12:25,615 That tears it. 269 00:12:25,726 --> 00:12:27,438 We're going to see Professor Frink, 270 00:12:27,506 --> 00:12:30,472 and find out exactly what happened on that test. 271 00:12:30,572 --> 00:12:32,085 Got a little present for you, Bart. 272 00:12:32,153 --> 00:12:35,018 It's called The Bible For The Slow. Mm? 273 00:12:35,220 --> 00:12:36,924 He's not going to take it. 274 00:12:36,992 --> 00:12:38,334 Okily-dokily. 275 00:12:38,405 --> 00:12:41,853 Professor Frink, your stupid test ruined my son's life. 276 00:12:41,921 --> 00:12:43,878 Hey, that test is like a son to me. 277 00:12:43,946 --> 00:12:45,696 I raised it from a quiz. 278 00:12:45,765 --> 00:12:47,528 I've known my son since he was born, 279 00:12:47,687 --> 00:12:50,017 and he's not anywhere near as stupid 280 00:12:50,085 --> 00:12:52,059 as your stupid test says he is. 281 00:12:52,127 --> 00:12:55,939 And if you think so, you're stupid, stupid, stupid! 282 00:12:56,156 --> 00:12:57,753 Wow, Marge. 283 00:12:57,832 --> 00:12:59,945 You really love Bart. 284 00:13:00,024 --> 00:13:02,179 All right, all right, let me recheck it. 285 00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:04,131 Uh, rechecking, rechecking. 286 00:13:04,199 --> 00:13:05,382 Put-upon sigh. 287 00:13:05,451 --> 00:13:06,517 Oivik. 288 00:13:06,584 --> 00:13:08,755 Rechecking... ah, here we are. 289 00:13:08,823 --> 00:13:10,157 Uh, Simpson, B. 290 00:13:11,104 --> 00:13:12,796 That's not a "B." 291 00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:15,227 Well, yes, it is, you see, the two... 292 00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:16,827 oh, my garvik! 293 00:13:16,896 --> 00:13:19,082 There was a mistake. Well, your son 294 00:13:19,150 --> 00:13:20,884 has above-average intelligence. 295 00:13:21,039 --> 00:13:22,305 You did it, boy. 296 00:13:22,373 --> 00:13:23,820 No, that just looks like a "B." 297 00:13:23,888 --> 00:13:26,055 The real unfortunate is H. Simpson. 298 00:13:26,135 --> 00:13:27,994 I mean, what a clod! 299 00:13:28,089 --> 00:13:31,180 Worst handwriting and brain in town. 300 00:13:31,259 --> 00:13:32,261 - D'oh! - Hey! 301 00:13:32,372 --> 00:13:33,539 I'm H. Simpson. 302 00:13:33,619 --> 00:13:35,282 Oh, well, it's very nice to meet you. 303 00:13:35,350 --> 00:13:36,466 Would you like some water? 304 00:13:36,534 --> 00:13:37,741 - Smartwater? - No. 305 00:13:41,558 --> 00:13:43,363 - Homie, aren't you coming? - Bye-bye. 306 00:13:43,430 --> 00:13:46,324 I can't. I'll be a laughing stock when everyone finds out 307 00:13:46,392 --> 00:13:48,317 I'm the stupidest man in town. 308 00:13:48,507 --> 00:13:50,060 How are they gonna find out? 309 00:13:50,128 --> 00:13:51,228 I just tweeted it. 310 00:13:51,296 --> 00:13:53,927 Marge, you have to get ahead of these stories. 311 00:13:58,558 --> 00:14:00,715 I'm sorry, sir, you belong here. 312 00:14:00,783 --> 00:14:02,438 Oh! Oh. 313 00:14:08,474 --> 00:14:09,899 Look thou be true. 314 00:14:09,967 --> 00:14:11,464 Do not give dalliance. 315 00:14:11,532 --> 00:14:13,633 Too much of the rein. 316 00:14:15,950 --> 00:14:18,492 Why does Oscar skate in his trash can? _ 317 00:14:18,579 --> 00:14:19,791 It makes no sense! 318 00:14:21,838 --> 00:14:23,751 I'll cheer up here. _ 319 00:14:24,689 --> 00:14:26,840 One "stupid," please? 320 00:14:27,191 --> 00:14:28,939 Okay, you gave me $40. 321 00:14:29,058 --> 00:14:30,238 Here's two dollars back. 322 00:14:30,306 --> 00:14:32,077 Unless you want splash insurance. 323 00:14:32,436 --> 00:14:34,445 - How much is that? - Another ten. 324 00:14:34,532 --> 00:14:35,680 Uh, here's $20. 325 00:14:35,898 --> 00:14:37,670 And two more for you. 326 00:14:42,732 --> 00:14:44,583 Insurance doesn't cover entryway splashes. 327 00:14:44,650 --> 00:14:45,860 D'oh! 328 00:14:45,961 --> 00:14:49,253 Hey, Homer, uh, we was watching Jeopardy!, but, uh, 329 00:14:49,404 --> 00:14:51,854 tell you what, we'll just talk about shapes and colors now. 330 00:14:52,042 --> 00:14:54,163 I like blue rectangles. 331 00:14:54,330 --> 00:14:56,133 Rectangles. You know, Homer. 332 00:14:56,323 --> 00:14:58,055 The ones with four sides. 333 00:14:58,260 --> 00:15:00,013 Listen, you. 334 00:15:00,081 --> 00:15:02,942 I've known my shapes since I was 16! 335 00:15:03,053 --> 00:15:05,723 Put him down, Homer, and I'll give you a cookie. 336 00:15:05,953 --> 00:15:07,415 That's a coaster. 337 00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:09,429 Ooh! Dummy's wising up. 338 00:15:09,497 --> 00:15:11,040 I'll take the cookie. 339 00:15:11,229 --> 00:15:15,359 I never thought I'd say this, but I'm too depressed for Moe's. 340 00:15:21,899 --> 00:15:23,218 Heya, Homer. 341 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:26,419 I'm sorry. I know I'm taking up too much of the bed. 342 00:15:26,570 --> 00:15:27,937 Oh, sweetie. 343 00:15:28,016 --> 00:15:31,388 What the entire world thinks doesn't affect how I see you. 344 00:15:31,456 --> 00:15:33,151 Well, how do you see me? 345 00:15:33,219 --> 00:15:36,632 The hair and body of a dashing Friar Tuck. 346 00:15:36,779 --> 00:15:40,045 Ooh. 347 00:15:40,140 --> 00:15:41,404 But what about my brains? 348 00:15:41,483 --> 00:15:44,178 My favorite character in The Wizard of Oz 349 00:15:44,246 --> 00:15:46,576 was always the Scarecrow. 350 00:15:46,766 --> 00:15:48,534 I knew it. Thanks to that test, 351 00:15:48,602 --> 00:15:50,822 you see me as stupid first and Homer third. 352 00:15:50,890 --> 00:15:51,844 I mean, second. 353 00:15:51,931 --> 00:15:54,004 - I know second. - I won't let you give up. 354 00:15:54,075 --> 00:15:56,237 We're going to start improving you. 355 00:15:56,396 --> 00:15:58,456 Oh, Marge. No one ever did anything useful 356 00:15:58,524 --> 00:16:00,100 after the age of 39. 357 00:16:00,168 --> 00:16:01,960 George W. Bush sobered up. 358 00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:03,240 And became president. 359 00:16:03,308 --> 00:16:04,897 Too huge mistakes. 360 00:16:05,039 --> 00:16:06,536 Homie, this whole mix-up happened 361 00:16:06,604 --> 00:16:08,631 because of your sloppy handwriting. 362 00:16:08,766 --> 00:16:11,690 We'll start with that, improving your handwriting. 363 00:16:11,905 --> 00:16:15,177 Right now, my hand just wants to crawl in my pocket and cry. 364 00:16:15,296 --> 00:16:18,339 Now this hand is jealous. 365 00:16:18,680 --> 00:16:19,969 Mwah. 366 00:16:20,072 --> 00:16:21,870 I know where this is going. 367 00:16:21,938 --> 00:16:25,959 Um, I do, too, but you say it first. 368 00:16:26,077 --> 00:16:27,285 Snuggling. 369 00:16:27,781 --> 00:16:29,112 Ooh. 370 00:16:32,267 --> 00:16:35,892 What is his secret? What is his secret?! 371 00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,793 I'm going to Dizzyland. 372 00:16:37,860 --> 00:16:41,150 ♪♪ 373 00:16:45,885 --> 00:16:47,604 Want to see me do a cartwheel? 374 00:16:47,672 --> 00:16:49,622 - No! No, no, no! - Good point. 375 00:16:49,690 --> 00:16:52,141 On the other hand, whee! 376 00:16:53,878 --> 00:16:56,225 Don't worry, Lou, I've seen that in cartoons. 377 00:16:56,293 --> 00:16:59,145 Swee'Pea, Mr. Magoo, they were fine. 378 00:16:59,248 --> 00:17:00,737 What about Sylvester the Cat? 379 00:17:00,805 --> 00:17:02,817 Never be a cat in a cartoon, Lou. 380 00:17:02,982 --> 00:17:04,116 Never. 381 00:17:10,661 --> 00:17:12,329 The beam must have a fulcrum I can move to 382 00:17:12,396 --> 00:17:13,495 that would stabilize it. 383 00:17:13,564 --> 00:17:15,697 Think, Lisa, think. 384 00:17:19,136 --> 00:17:20,436 Oh! 385 00:17:25,459 --> 00:17:27,162 Two for two. 386 00:17:28,987 --> 00:17:32,625 Young man, didn't I tell you to sit and stay in that house? 387 00:17:32,713 --> 00:17:34,544 I thought you were talking to the dog. 388 00:17:34,612 --> 00:17:35,684 We don't have a dog. 389 00:17:35,753 --> 00:17:37,742 Then what's been pooping in my bedroom? 390 00:17:37,909 --> 00:17:41,690 Professor, how on Earth did he get a higher score than me? 391 00:17:41,802 --> 00:17:45,822 Okay, Lisa, I am going to give you ten more points 392 00:17:45,988 --> 00:17:48,256 for one of the most important skills of all: 393 00:17:48,324 --> 00:17:52,447 discovering huge flaws in my test without telling anyone. 394 00:17:53,704 --> 00:17:56,447 You mean, after all this, after all I've gone through, 395 00:17:56,515 --> 00:17:59,983 you're just gonna fudge my score and I should be happy? 396 00:18:00,051 --> 00:18:02,780 Well, after all, that's how I got into, uh... 397 00:18:02,848 --> 00:18:04,186 Oh, I can't say it. 398 00:18:04,254 --> 00:18:05,529 The lowest of the Ivys. 399 00:18:05,597 --> 00:18:07,228 Oh, God, help me... Cornell! 400 00:18:07,296 --> 00:18:08,555 Cornell! God! 401 00:18:08,623 --> 00:18:09,755 It's okay, you're fine. 402 00:18:09,823 --> 00:18:10,886 Oh, gloyvik. 403 00:18:11,055 --> 00:18:13,076 Okay, Homie, buckle up. 404 00:18:13,144 --> 00:18:16,792 Because there's no limit to how neat your handwriting can get. 405 00:18:16,860 --> 00:18:17,875 Marge, I don't know. 406 00:18:17,943 --> 00:18:20,064 You can't teach an old dog new tricks. 407 00:18:20,159 --> 00:18:23,132 ♪♪ 408 00:18:23,711 --> 00:18:24,906 I'll help you. 409 00:18:24,974 --> 00:18:27,219 ♪ Whoa ♪ 410 00:18:27,287 --> 00:18:29,638 ♪ My love... ♪ 411 00:18:29,796 --> 00:18:32,452 Lisa, turn off that oldies station! 412 00:18:32,594 --> 00:18:34,194 ♪ My darl... ♪ 413 00:18:57,655 --> 00:18:58,841 Dearest Marjorie, 414 00:18:58,909 --> 00:19:01,625 what words are adequate to describe your beauty? 415 00:19:01,807 --> 00:19:04,706 Like, a bowling ball, fresh out of a polisher. 416 00:19:04,873 --> 00:19:05,974 Oh. 417 00:19:06,042 --> 00:19:07,309 I've always dreamed 418 00:19:07,378 --> 00:19:10,539 Homie would write me cursive love letters. 419 00:19:16,889 --> 00:19:20,407 You are as beautiful as your sisters are hideous. 420 00:19:20,510 --> 00:19:22,052 Oh... 421 00:19:23,827 --> 00:19:26,366 ♪♪ 422 00:19:28,949 --> 00:19:30,752 Oh, Homie. 423 00:19:30,831 --> 00:19:32,023 Mwah. Oh. 424 00:19:32,103 --> 00:19:34,144 I'm married to a writer. 425 00:19:34,449 --> 00:19:35,716 I really am. 426 00:19:43,138 --> 00:19:45,071 Welcome, all of you. 427 00:19:45,139 --> 00:19:46,800 You are the chosen people. 428 00:19:46,911 --> 00:19:49,209 Chosen to be my slaves. 429 00:19:49,278 --> 00:19:51,234 I am no one's slave. 430 00:19:51,302 --> 00:19:52,726 Well, doesn't matter what you think. 431 00:19:52,794 --> 00:19:53,932 The doors are sealed. 432 00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:55,309 Not this one. 433 00:19:55,377 --> 00:19:59,210 Wait, wait, you haven't heard about the retirement plan. 434 00:19:59,369 --> 00:20:00,839 There isn't one. 435 00:20:01,649 --> 00:20:02,916 Fine, I don't need them. 436 00:20:02,984 --> 00:20:04,391 I don't need anyone. 437 00:20:07,815 --> 00:20:11,166 Oh. Why did you have me go back for your slippers? 438 00:20:11,397 --> 00:20:13,756 How could you turn on me so quickly? 439 00:20:14,053 --> 00:20:17,180 ♪♪ Subs Text Source : Addic7ed.com 31240

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.