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1
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It's been nothing but downside
2
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since that spot went up, sir.
3
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The... the Governor denounced it.
4
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There've been a bunch of editorials.
5
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- The meeting's still on?
- Yes, sir.
6
00:00:17,460 --> 00:00:20,196
Your car will pick you up at 2:00.
7
00:00:20,296 --> 00:00:21,665
Hey, Gil John.
8
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- Who was that?
- Senator Robeson, sir.
9
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Hi, Elliot. Why are you riding that thing?
10
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'Cause it's good for the environment.
11
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- So is walking.
- Takes too much time.
12
00:00:33,777 --> 00:00:36,212
How about our girls, huh?
I mean, are they something?
13
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- Our girls?
- Well, Charlotte and Charity.
14
00:00:38,247 --> 00:00:41,584
"The Real Daughters of D.C."
Charity's on that show too?
15
00:00:41,685 --> 00:00:43,386
On it? She's the first hire.
16
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- She's gonna play the wild one.
- Charity's not wild, is she?
17
00:00:46,489 --> 00:00:47,991
No, no. That's what she's playing.
18
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What is my daughter playing?
19
00:00:49,826 --> 00:00:51,895
Oh, Charlotte's playing the angry one, sir,
20
00:00:51,995 --> 00:00:53,697
according to TV Guide, anyway.
21
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The "angry" one?
22
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What's she got to be angry about?
23
00:00:57,100 --> 00:00:58,702
You'll find out soon enough,
24
00:00:58,735 --> 00:01:00,336
along with the rest of the country.
25
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- What's she been up to?
- Nothing.
26
00:01:02,706 --> 00:01:04,540
She dropped out of U.C. Santa something
27
00:01:04,708 --> 00:01:06,109
to focus on her personal brand.
28
00:01:06,209 --> 00:01:07,811
Well, it looks like it all paid off,
29
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'cause our kids are gonna be stars.
30
00:01:09,713 --> 00:01:11,480
Now, how trippy is that?
31
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See you later, D.C. dad.
32
00:01:13,850 --> 00:01:16,085
Keep it real!
33
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Advertise your product or brand here
contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today
34
00:01:47,917 --> 00:01:49,753
Have you ever wondered what the deal is
35
00:01:49,853 --> 00:01:51,620
with that rigid plastic packaging
36
00:01:51,755 --> 00:01:53,289
they have these days?
37
00:01:55,224 --> 00:01:56,893
- That's not the joke.
- Oh.
38
00:01:56,993 --> 00:02:01,397
Sorry, daddy. "Rigid" is
just such a funny word.
39
00:02:02,866 --> 00:02:05,634
That packaging is so frustrating to open,
40
00:02:05,664 --> 00:02:08,504
Wikipedia has a term for it... "wrap rage."
41
00:02:10,473 --> 00:02:12,175
Not yet.
42
00:02:12,275 --> 00:02:15,879
I mean, getting the contents
out of one of those puppies
43
00:02:15,979 --> 00:02:18,514
is harder than getting
a bill out of Congress.
44
00:02:18,614 --> 00:02:19,515
Boom!
45
00:02:19,615 --> 00:02:21,785
But, seriously.
46
00:02:21,818 --> 00:02:23,052
Oh, for the...
47
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that's it. That's the joke. It's topical.
48
00:02:25,989 --> 00:02:27,590
Oh.
49
00:02:27,690 --> 00:02:31,260
I thought you were going for
observational humor, daddy.
50
00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,930
Quite the head fake.
51
00:02:34,030 --> 00:02:37,834
You're going to kill it,
sir, but maybe I could, uh...
52
00:02:37,934 --> 00:02:39,969
Punch up your material a bit for you.
53
00:02:40,069 --> 00:02:41,670
I mean, even the president has help.
54
00:02:41,805 --> 00:02:43,672
Obama's not naturally a funny man.
55
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Well, I am, and I want a clean win
56
00:02:46,910 --> 00:02:49,078
as the funniest celebrity in Washington...
57
00:02:49,178 --> 00:02:50,914
Unassisted.
58
00:02:53,249 --> 00:02:54,217
- Sir?
- Hmm?
59
00:02:54,317 --> 00:02:55,852
The conference... we're going to be late.
60
00:02:55,952 --> 00:02:58,654
Oh. What's the deal with punctuality?
61
00:02:58,822 --> 00:03:01,190
Who's got the time?
62
00:03:01,290 --> 00:03:04,828
- Butter dump.
- It's ba-dum-bump, sir.
63
00:03:04,928 --> 00:03:06,295
- This is it?
- Yes, sir...
64
00:03:06,395 --> 00:03:10,133
- 3414 North Fairfax.
- It's a parking garage.
65
00:03:10,233 --> 00:03:14,303
You're to meet the Watt
brothers on level B2, space 37.
66
00:03:14,403 --> 00:03:16,339
I don't believe this.
67
00:03:43,967 --> 00:03:46,335
Hello? Shelley?
68
00:03:48,404 --> 00:03:50,940
Saul?
69
00:03:53,977 --> 00:03:56,145
- You're late.
- Traffic.
70
00:03:56,245 --> 00:03:58,948
No fucking way to run a campaign.
71
00:04:00,116 --> 00:04:03,019
- Were you followed?
- Drones?
72
00:04:03,119 --> 00:04:04,787
Are you kidding me?
73
00:04:04,888 --> 00:04:07,623
We can't meet with you face-to-face.
74
00:04:07,723 --> 00:04:09,893
You know the rules, so we're not here.
75
00:04:09,959 --> 00:04:11,895
You're here, but we're fucking not.
76
00:04:11,995 --> 00:04:14,197
- So what do you want?
- What do I want?
77
00:04:14,297 --> 00:04:17,500
I want that piece-of-crap ad off the air.
78
00:04:17,600 --> 00:04:19,068
What, too negative?
79
00:04:19,168 --> 00:04:21,037
Did we go too negative for you, Senator?
80
00:04:21,137 --> 00:04:22,906
'Cause I got to tell
you, the base loves it.
81
00:04:23,006 --> 00:04:25,041
I don't care what the base loves.
82
00:04:25,141 --> 00:04:26,342
You smeared a war hero.
83
00:04:26,442 --> 00:04:27,643
It's supposed to be about issues.
84
00:04:27,743 --> 00:04:29,212
Issues? Ha!
85
00:04:29,312 --> 00:04:30,914
Are you for real?
86
00:04:31,014 --> 00:04:33,516
The only way to stop the
cock-sucking collectivists
87
00:04:33,616 --> 00:04:35,118
who are ruining this country
88
00:04:35,218 --> 00:04:36,785
is to separate them from their balls.
89
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:38,221
Did you not understand that?
90
00:04:38,321 --> 00:04:41,991
You two are sick puppies. We're done.
91
00:04:42,091 --> 00:04:43,726
I don't have a problem with that.
92
00:04:43,826 --> 00:04:45,628
You have a problem with that, Saul?
93
00:04:45,728 --> 00:04:47,096
I fucking don't.
94
00:04:47,196 --> 00:04:48,932
We shouldn't be talking to you, anyway.
95
00:04:48,998 --> 00:04:51,400
- See you, Senator.
- Yeah, see you, Senator.
96
00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:54,470
Ah, what an ungrateful fuck.
I don't believe this shit.
97
00:04:54,570 --> 00:04:58,207
- Do you believe this shit?
- I fucking don't.
98
00:04:58,307 --> 00:05:01,144
So, at Secretary Hagel's direction,
99
00:05:01,244 --> 00:05:04,013
we have begun to review our policy
100
00:05:04,113 --> 00:05:06,015
on transgender service members.
101
00:05:06,115 --> 00:05:10,153
We are at last directing
our attention to the "T,"
102
00:05:10,253 --> 00:05:13,022
the final letter of LGBT.
103
00:05:13,122 --> 00:05:14,423
There are an estimated...
104
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:16,960
Doesn't LGBT sound like a multivitamin?
105
00:05:16,993 --> 00:05:18,494
Write that down.
106
00:05:18,594 --> 00:05:22,298
As President Obama observed,
valor knows no gender.
107
00:05:22,398 --> 00:05:24,633
The Navy officer now known as Kristin Beck
108
00:05:24,733 --> 00:05:27,170
served with distinction for years
109
00:05:27,270 --> 00:05:28,972
on the all-male seal team six.
110
00:05:29,005 --> 00:05:31,540
So let me ask you this,
Colonel Drake, is it?
111
00:05:31,640 --> 00:05:32,708
Yes, sir.
112
00:05:32,808 --> 00:05:35,979
Drake... As in the male duck?
113
00:05:36,012 --> 00:05:38,281
- Yes, sir.
- Very good.
114
00:05:38,381 --> 00:05:41,184
Now, Colonel, so I have this straight...
115
00:05:41,284 --> 00:05:43,186
not in a sexual sense, of course,
116
00:05:43,286 --> 00:05:46,789
I mean in the interests of clarity...
117
00:05:46,889 --> 00:05:50,026
are you a man who thinks he's a lady
118
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or a lady who's already
been turned into a man?
119
00:05:53,396 --> 00:05:56,632
Very convincingly, I should
add, if... if that's the case.
120
00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:59,168
Neither, sir. I'm a gay man.
121
00:05:59,268 --> 00:06:01,370
Oh.
122
00:06:01,470 --> 00:06:03,006
Interesting.
123
00:06:09,378 --> 00:06:12,748
- Senator?
- Madame Chairma... woman?
124
00:06:12,848 --> 00:06:16,619
Do you have another question?
Your time is about to expire.
125
00:06:16,719 --> 00:06:17,786
I do.
126
00:06:17,886 --> 00:06:20,323
Colonel Drake, don't you think
127
00:06:20,423 --> 00:06:22,891
that if some of our male soldiers
128
00:06:23,026 --> 00:06:26,362
were actually females and vice versa
129
00:06:26,462 --> 00:06:30,933
that there would be a
lot of wild speculation
130
00:06:31,034 --> 00:06:33,936
that could be detrimental to good order?
131
00:06:34,337 --> 00:06:37,240
I'm not sure I understand
the question, sir.
132
00:06:37,340 --> 00:06:39,742
Well, I do, and it's stupid.
133
00:06:39,842 --> 00:06:41,610
- What the hell, Louis?
- Rose.
134
00:06:41,710 --> 00:06:44,080
What I'm trying to understand
here is how our troops
135
00:06:44,180 --> 00:06:46,082
are supposed to tell what's new
136
00:06:46,182 --> 00:06:49,718
and what's original equipment.
137
00:06:49,818 --> 00:06:52,221
Okay, that's it for today.
138
00:06:52,321 --> 00:06:56,792
The committee will
reconvene tomorrow at 10:30.
139
00:06:56,892 --> 00:06:58,561
What?
140
00:06:58,661 --> 00:07:00,963
Those uniforms are baggy.
141
00:07:01,064 --> 00:07:04,067
That's a darling outfit, Ms. de Portago.
142
00:07:04,167 --> 00:07:05,534
Where did you find it?
143
00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:07,403
Ay, Cherry Bomb boutique... Miami Beach.
144
00:07:07,503 --> 00:07:10,139
Well, it's just perfect for there.
145
00:07:10,239 --> 00:07:13,609
- But the wedding's here, right?
- Yeah, at the HayAdams.
146
00:07:13,709 --> 00:07:17,946
Hay-Adams, the old standby.
Great choice, you two.
147
00:07:18,081 --> 00:07:20,116
We certainly won't have
any trouble booking.
148
00:07:20,216 --> 00:07:23,186
- Oh, we've already inquired.
- I'll double-check.
149
00:07:23,286 --> 00:07:25,354
Anton and I went to U.V.A. together.
150
00:07:25,454 --> 00:07:27,823
He can make the Lafayette room happen
151
00:07:27,923 --> 00:07:30,359
and see that you get the good linens.
152
00:07:30,459 --> 00:07:32,228
We wouldn't get the good linens?
153
00:07:32,328 --> 00:07:34,997
On your own? Maybe.
154
00:07:35,098 --> 00:07:37,100
But that's what a wedding planner's for.
155
00:07:37,166 --> 00:07:39,102
Did you get a quote from the hotel?
156
00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:41,337
Of course. It's within our budget.
157
00:07:41,437 --> 00:07:44,540
- And what would that be?
- $3 million.
158
00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:48,111
That's a little misleading.
800K of that's for Pitbull.
159
00:07:48,144 --> 00:07:50,513
So this would be the wedding of the year,
160
00:07:50,613 --> 00:07:53,582
- I'm guessing.
- That's the plan.
161
00:07:53,682 --> 00:07:55,118
What we need, Courtney,
162
00:07:55,184 --> 00:07:57,820
is someone who can
manage not just a wedding,
163
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but a three-day celebration
164
00:07:59,422 --> 00:08:02,291
worthy of the next first
family of the United States.
165
00:08:02,391 --> 00:08:04,660
You may not be accustomed to
coordinating on such a scale.
166
00:08:04,760 --> 00:08:06,529
So, if you feel like you're
in over your head here,
167
00:08:06,629 --> 00:08:08,864
it would be best if you
told us that right now.
168
00:08:08,964 --> 00:08:10,466
No, no, I...
169
00:08:10,566 --> 00:08:12,235
We've heard such good
things about you, Courtney,
170
00:08:12,335 --> 00:08:15,571
that you go all out to make
your events the very best
171
00:08:15,671 --> 00:08:16,972
that they can be.
172
00:08:17,140 --> 00:08:20,643
It's that kind of full-on ardor...
173
00:08:20,743 --> 00:08:23,045
That's important to us.
174
00:08:23,146 --> 00:08:26,515
Um, yes, of course, Senator.
175
00:08:26,615 --> 00:08:27,650
I'm flattered.
176
00:08:27,750 --> 00:08:29,185
Too early to be flattered.
177
00:08:29,285 --> 00:08:31,053
Let's see what you can do first.
178
00:08:31,154 --> 00:08:33,389
I got to go, but the senator...
179
00:08:33,489 --> 00:08:37,160
he can look at the
contracts and sign for us.
180
00:08:37,260 --> 00:08:40,663
And I will talk to you... later.
181
00:08:40,763 --> 00:08:43,832
- Ciao.
- Yes, ciao.
182
00:08:45,301 --> 00:08:48,937
- Ciao.
- What?
183
00:08:49,037 --> 00:08:52,975
Ciao also means "hello."
184
00:08:53,075 --> 00:08:55,411
Are you a good dogie?
185
00:08:55,511 --> 00:08:59,682
Excuse me? He doesn't bite, does he?
186
00:08:59,782 --> 00:09:01,950
Uh, no, ma'am.
187
00:09:02,050 --> 00:09:04,620
- Senator Mower, sir.
- Senator Mower?
188
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:08,090
Paul Mower's widow, Betty,
who the Governor appointed?
189
00:09:08,191 --> 00:09:10,959
Oh, right.
190
00:09:11,059 --> 00:09:12,661
- Jeez.
- Oh, oh.
191
00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:15,331
Oh, no, Buster, Buster. Oh, oh, oh.
192
00:09:15,431 --> 00:09:18,267
- My hair.
- Betty, oh, I'm so sorry.
193
00:09:18,367 --> 00:09:21,804
- Oh.
- Oh, goodness, are you okay?
194
00:09:21,904 --> 00:09:23,206
I'm fine.
195
00:09:23,306 --> 00:09:26,475
I just didn't expect to get knocked down
196
00:09:26,575 --> 00:09:31,780
so soon after my hip replacement.
197
00:09:33,449 --> 00:09:36,985
I really am sorry. Buster is too.
198
00:09:37,085 --> 00:09:39,255
Well, how you been doing, Betty?
199
00:09:39,355 --> 00:09:42,124
Are you finding your way
around capitol hill all right?
200
00:09:42,225 --> 00:09:46,229
I am, except there are not enough stalls
201
00:09:46,329 --> 00:09:48,964
in the women's senators restroom.
202
00:09:49,064 --> 00:09:51,967
- Are you aware of that?
- I was not.
203
00:09:52,067 --> 00:09:53,569
I didn't think so,
204
00:09:53,669 --> 00:09:57,573
which is why I'm making
my inaugural floor speech
205
00:09:57,673 --> 00:09:58,941
on the issue.
206
00:09:59,041 --> 00:10:02,110
Would you be a dear and look it over?
207
00:10:02,211 --> 00:10:04,980
I so value your advice,
208
00:10:05,080 --> 00:10:06,982
and I want to make a good impression
209
00:10:07,082 --> 00:10:08,517
my first time out.
210
00:10:08,617 --> 00:10:10,719
Well, well, well, well...
211
00:10:10,819 --> 00:10:13,256
Uh-huh. It looks good.
212
00:10:13,356 --> 00:10:16,024
Good. A lot of good points here.
213
00:10:16,124 --> 00:10:17,393
Should I keep in the part
214
00:10:17,493 --> 00:10:20,529
about the sanitary-napkin dispensers?
215
00:10:20,629 --> 00:10:24,166
Hard to say, Betty.
216
00:10:24,267 --> 00:10:26,935
Sir, your wife.
217
00:10:27,035 --> 00:10:29,071
Oh, Senator Mower.
218
00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:32,140
It's the fabulous Tammy.
219
00:10:32,241 --> 00:10:35,043
Mwah. How are you, dear?
220
00:10:35,143 --> 00:10:36,945
Betty is that you?
221
00:10:37,045 --> 00:10:39,014
Maddie? Where are you?
222
00:10:39,114 --> 00:10:41,350
I'm in Raleigh, honey. It's
good to hear your voice.
223
00:10:41,450 --> 00:10:44,587
Oh, you're in Raleigh. Oh, my goodness.
224
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:47,623
Have you seen those terrible ads
225
00:10:47,723 --> 00:10:51,394
someone's running against
that young war hero?
226
00:10:51,494 --> 00:10:55,298
So shameful. So shameful!
227
00:10:55,331 --> 00:10:57,833
You must be outraged, Gil John.
228
00:10:57,933 --> 00:10:58,901
Mm.
229
00:10:59,001 --> 00:11:03,306
Well, I better get
going over to the office.
230
00:11:03,406 --> 00:11:05,641
The movers are coming by,
231
00:11:05,741 --> 00:11:10,313
and I've got to clean out Paul's drawers.
232
00:11:10,413 --> 00:11:12,648
Good-bye, Maddie, dear!
233
00:11:12,748 --> 00:11:15,384
Good-bye, Betty.
234
00:11:15,484 --> 00:11:17,786
- Tammy?
- Yes, I will call over
235
00:11:17,886 --> 00:11:20,723
and make sure that somebody
goes through those drawers
236
00:11:20,823 --> 00:11:21,524
before she does.
237
00:11:21,624 --> 00:11:24,192
There could be lubricant.
238
00:11:24,327 --> 00:11:26,795
I'm on it.
239
00:11:26,895 --> 00:11:28,964
Wear gloves, Tammy.
240
00:11:51,354 --> 00:11:53,489
- Little late for that.
- What?
241
00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:55,758
It's not called "after play."
242
00:11:55,858 --> 00:11:58,727
Oh, there wasn't time to
do it in the right order.
243
00:11:58,827 --> 00:12:00,228
Next time?
244
00:12:00,363 --> 00:12:03,499
I'm not really seeing a next time, are you?
245
00:12:03,599 --> 00:12:05,568
I am. But I'm told I need help.
246
00:12:05,668 --> 00:12:09,905
You do. Definitely.
247
00:12:15,478 --> 00:12:16,945
We're back with Governor Ed Rendell.
248
00:12:17,045 --> 00:12:20,583
- So, still no debate, Governor?
- No, Andrea.
249
00:12:20,683 --> 00:12:23,786
No word on the debates yet,
even after repeated requests.
250
00:12:23,886 --> 00:12:27,122
The Senator seems to think
he's got this one in the bag.
251
00:12:27,222 --> 00:12:28,557
But I would offer a word of caution
252
00:12:28,657 --> 00:12:30,426
to my good friend Bobby Bettencourt.
253
00:12:30,526 --> 00:12:31,960
- Bobby?
- In case the word
254
00:12:32,060 --> 00:12:33,396
hasn't reached Washington yet,
255
00:12:33,429 --> 00:12:35,163
Pennsylvania courts have not looked kindly
256
00:12:35,263 --> 00:12:36,765
on voter suppression.
257
00:12:36,865 --> 00:12:39,568
So if he thinks these new
laws are gonna limit turnout,
258
00:12:39,668 --> 00:12:42,037
he just hasn't been paying attention.
259
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:44,172
Oh, that'll help.
260
00:12:44,272 --> 00:12:46,308
Or you could try campaigning.
261
00:12:46,409 --> 00:12:49,011
Why are you boosting
flowers from our garden?
262
00:12:49,111 --> 00:12:50,546
I'm a neighbor with benefits.
263
00:12:50,646 --> 00:12:52,114
Are you going to see Louis tonight?
264
00:12:52,214 --> 00:12:53,982
- See him do what?
- Stand-up.
265
00:12:54,082 --> 00:12:57,486
He's competing in the "funniest
celeb in Washington" thing.
266
00:12:57,586 --> 00:13:00,623
- That can't be true.
- And yet it is.
267
00:13:00,723 --> 00:13:04,560
- Good morning, kids.
- Good morning, Senator.
268
00:13:04,660 --> 00:13:07,630
Hey, Rosalyn, didn't hear the doorbell.
269
00:13:07,730 --> 00:13:10,633
Oh, I didn't want to get you out of bed.
270
00:13:10,733 --> 00:13:14,236
Andy, I am so looking
forward to your wedding.
271
00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:17,205
You're invited? I had no idea.
272
00:13:17,305 --> 00:13:19,675
No, no. I'll just be rubbernecking.
273
00:13:19,775 --> 00:13:22,144
- Hmm.
- See you tonight, Robert.
274
00:13:22,244 --> 00:13:23,679
You're going out?
275
00:13:23,779 --> 00:13:26,048
Eh, she wants to go to
some comedy thing tonight.
276
00:13:26,148 --> 00:13:27,950
Oh, you got to go, man.
277
00:13:28,050 --> 00:13:31,454
Adriana and I are going.
It's gonna be a good time...
278
00:13:31,520 --> 00:13:34,289
lots of booze, available women.
279
00:13:34,457 --> 00:13:36,459
And it's Louis. You can't say no.
280
00:13:36,492 --> 00:13:39,161
- No.
- Buster.
281
00:13:39,261 --> 00:13:40,663
Wait up, Gil.
282
00:13:40,763 --> 00:13:44,032
Listen, we should leave
by 8:00, which gives you...
283
00:13:44,132 --> 00:13:45,768
11 hours to get dressed.
284
00:13:45,868 --> 00:13:47,470
Later, amigo.
285
00:13:47,503 --> 00:13:49,304
Okay, we're live, Senator Stanchion.
286
00:13:49,472 --> 00:13:52,307
Steve, trust me. Hillary won't run.
287
00:13:52,475 --> 00:13:54,810
The poor woman has been dealing all year
288
00:13:54,910 --> 00:13:56,712
with this constant drumbeat in the press.
289
00:13:56,812 --> 00:13:59,782
It's brain damage this
and head injury that.
290
00:13:59,882 --> 00:14:02,951
Not that I necessarily
think that she's addled,
291
00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:06,722
but she does seem sadly confused
about the Benghazi cover-up.
292
00:14:06,822 --> 00:14:09,592
Benghazi again? Not Obamacare?
293
00:14:09,692 --> 00:14:11,827
It's the homestretch. Did
we pivot and no one told me?
294
00:14:11,927 --> 00:14:14,930
Peg will attack anything Fox tells her to.
295
00:14:15,030 --> 00:14:16,298
It must be Hillary week.
296
00:14:16,398 --> 00:14:19,502
Hillary deserves our pity, not our scorn.
297
00:14:19,602 --> 00:14:22,070
Jesus, what a piece of work she is.
298
00:14:22,170 --> 00:14:24,807
As to whether she has brain damage or TBI
299
00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:27,510
or whatever the politically correct term is
300
00:14:27,543 --> 00:14:30,513
for a severe head wound
in an elderly woman,
301
00:14:30,546 --> 00:14:33,048
we'll leave that to the experts.
302
00:14:33,148 --> 00:14:36,018
What we do know from the
don't ask, don't tell repeal
303
00:14:36,118 --> 00:14:38,521
was that it had zero
impact on force-readiness.
304
00:14:38,621 --> 00:14:40,656
We would expect the same outcome
305
00:14:40,756 --> 00:14:43,859
if we updated rules against
our transgender troops.
306
00:14:43,959 --> 00:14:46,862
Colonel, when you say there
was no impact on readiness,
307
00:14:46,962 --> 00:14:49,397
you're saying that as a gay man, correct?
308
00:14:49,532 --> 00:14:51,600
No, sir, I'm saying that in my capacity
309
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:54,570
as lead author on the Army D.A.D.T. study.
310
00:14:54,670 --> 00:14:56,338
Who happens to be gay.
311
00:14:56,438 --> 00:14:59,007
Sir, I assume
312
00:14:59,107 --> 00:15:01,209
my identification with
the group under study
313
00:15:01,309 --> 00:15:02,945
was considered a qualification.
314
00:15:03,045 --> 00:15:05,814
And how did that
qualification come to be known?
315
00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:09,317
As soon as D.A.D.T. was repealed,
316
00:15:09,417 --> 00:15:10,986
I came out to my commander.
317
00:15:11,086 --> 00:15:13,622
He walked out from behind his desk,
318
00:15:13,722 --> 00:15:15,758
shook my hand, and told me how happy he was
319
00:15:15,858 --> 00:15:20,228
that his best line officer
was now free to be himself.
320
00:15:20,328 --> 00:15:22,364
He gave me...
321
00:15:22,464 --> 00:15:24,733
this command coin...
322
00:15:24,833 --> 00:15:27,636
which I've carried with me ever since
323
00:15:27,736 --> 00:15:30,573
with more pride than I can convey, sir.
324
00:15:32,274 --> 00:15:36,979
I would ask the chair to
enter the Colonel's coin
325
00:15:37,079 --> 00:15:39,047
into evidence.
326
00:15:39,147 --> 00:15:42,417
What is wrong with the gentleman?
327
00:15:42,585 --> 00:15:46,121
This isn't a damn trial.
328
00:15:46,221 --> 00:15:48,456
I'd still like to see it.
329
00:15:48,591 --> 00:15:52,394
Mr. President, I ri...
330
00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:56,331
I rise to take a stand
331
00:15:56,431 --> 00:15:59,467
on restroom parity.
332
00:15:59,602 --> 00:16:01,604
Who's that? She looks familiar.
333
00:16:01,704 --> 00:16:04,973
- Betty Mower.
- Widow of Happy Pants Mower?
334
00:16:05,073 --> 00:16:08,611
Governor appointed her to keep
the seat warm until November.
335
00:16:08,644 --> 00:16:13,415
For too long, there
have been too few stalls
336
00:16:13,515 --> 00:16:16,484
in the Senate ladies' room.
337
00:16:16,619 --> 00:16:20,322
I have brought a chart.
338
00:16:20,422 --> 00:16:21,790
As you can see...
339
00:16:21,890 --> 00:16:26,161
Would the "gentle-lady" from Idaho yield?
340
00:16:26,261 --> 00:16:27,295
Oh, I...
341
00:16:27,395 --> 00:16:30,265
My time must be up.
342
00:16:30,365 --> 00:16:35,303
So I yield to the "gentle-lady" from...
343
00:16:35,403 --> 00:16:38,040
- North Dakota.
- Of course.
344
00:16:38,140 --> 00:16:39,942
Yes.
345
00:16:42,277 --> 00:16:44,647
Thank you.
346
00:16:45,948 --> 00:16:47,816
Mr. President, I have a few thoughts
347
00:16:47,916 --> 00:16:50,252
on making the Benghazi committee permanent
348
00:16:50,352 --> 00:16:54,089
so that future generations
can investigate it.
349
00:16:54,189 --> 00:16:58,961
But first, let me comment on
what we've just heard here.
350
00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:02,197
Once again, this chamber
is subjected to pleading
351
00:17:02,297 --> 00:17:03,932
from a special interest.
352
00:17:04,032 --> 00:17:04,867
What the hell?
353
00:17:04,967 --> 00:17:07,435
A woman member who is aggrieved
354
00:17:07,535 --> 00:17:10,338
by having fewer number of stalls
355
00:17:10,438 --> 00:17:12,675
as the men.
356
00:17:12,708 --> 00:17:15,110
Why must women always play the victim?
357
00:17:15,210 --> 00:17:17,680
If there are not enough
stalls in the ladies' room,
358
00:17:17,746 --> 00:17:20,683
do what I do... use the men's.
359
00:17:20,749 --> 00:17:21,950
She does.
360
00:17:22,050 --> 00:17:24,419
It's this kind of entitled whining
361
00:17:24,519 --> 00:17:26,488
that has bankrupted this country...
362
00:17:26,588 --> 00:17:27,856
showering favors on people
363
00:17:27,956 --> 00:17:31,159
who think they're owed something.
364
00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:32,795
Really?
365
00:17:32,895 --> 00:17:35,497
You just took down a grieving
widow on the Senate floor.
366
00:17:35,597 --> 00:17:36,999
This brings me to Benghazi.
367
00:17:37,099 --> 00:17:40,368
Interesting young man,
a bit of a surprise...
368
00:17:40,468 --> 00:17:42,938
no mannerisms that I could detect,
369
00:17:43,038 --> 00:17:45,140
not a trace of a gay accent.
370
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:46,608
Think how hard it must be
371
00:17:46,709 --> 00:17:48,877
to tone down something you're wired for.
372
00:17:48,977 --> 00:17:51,914
It'd be like me trying not
to come across as white.
373
00:17:52,014 --> 00:17:54,717
I don't think he was trying
to tone anything down, sir.
374
00:17:54,817 --> 00:17:56,785
Don't be so sure, Julie.
375
00:17:56,885 --> 00:17:59,321
Your lesbian accent isn't as pronounced.
376
00:17:59,421 --> 00:18:02,124
Until you've walked in another man's pants,
377
00:18:02,224 --> 00:18:03,726
you can't really say.
378
00:18:03,759 --> 00:18:05,794
You know, sir, it's just so fascinating
379
00:18:05,894 --> 00:18:07,329
to hear you sort through it all.
380
00:18:07,429 --> 00:18:10,733
Look, Louis wears sacred underwear, okay?
381
00:18:10,833 --> 00:18:12,500
That's not an accusation,
382
00:18:12,600 --> 00:18:15,570
it's a fact. He wears sacred underwear.
383
00:18:15,738 --> 00:18:17,539
As a devout Mormon, he also believes
384
00:18:17,639 --> 00:18:19,975
that a convicted con man got golden tablets
385
00:18:20,075 --> 00:18:22,878
that no one else could see
and sat down with an angel
386
00:18:22,978 --> 00:18:25,948
who told him the Jews in the Bible
387
00:18:26,048 --> 00:18:28,751
lived in North America.
388
00:18:28,784 --> 00:18:30,285
No, no.
389
00:18:30,385 --> 00:18:33,188
Let the man speak.
390
00:18:33,288 --> 00:18:36,224
Louis actually believes that stuff,
391
00:18:36,324 --> 00:18:38,160
and he has every right.
392
00:18:38,260 --> 00:18:39,828
But here's the thing.
393
00:18:39,928 --> 00:18:41,830
I don't believe it.
394
00:18:41,930 --> 00:18:46,769
I don't believe in crazy
shit that never happened.
395
00:18:46,835 --> 00:18:49,104
So voters in Nevada have a clear choice.
396
00:18:49,204 --> 00:18:51,807
They can vote for someone
who believes in bug-nutty,
397
00:18:51,907 --> 00:18:54,242
bat-shit, weird-ass, crazy shit,
398
00:18:54,342 --> 00:18:58,446
or they can vote for someone who doesn't.
399
00:19:00,816 --> 00:19:03,351
I'm sorry, sir. He goes too far.
400
00:19:03,451 --> 00:19:05,087
Persecuted and reviled for over a century,
401
00:19:05,187 --> 00:19:08,090
and that's your best
shot... Mormonism is crazy?
402
00:19:08,190 --> 00:19:11,994
This from a guy who's in
the pocket of big magic.
403
00:19:12,094 --> 00:19:14,462
Well, good luck with that, my friend.
404
00:19:24,706 --> 00:19:27,475
Senator Biggs, ma'am.
405
00:19:27,575 --> 00:19:30,212
Gil John, to what do I owe?
406
00:19:30,312 --> 00:19:32,881
It's about your floor statement, Peg.
407
00:19:32,981 --> 00:19:35,550
Oh, my God. Who listens
to floor statements?
408
00:19:35,650 --> 00:19:37,352
Well, I happened to catch yours.
409
00:19:37,452 --> 00:19:40,155
You want to co-sponsor my
permanent Benghazi committee?
410
00:19:40,255 --> 00:19:42,690
No, I want you to lay off Betty.
411
00:19:42,825 --> 00:19:44,459
You had no reason to
call her out like that.
412
00:19:44,559 --> 00:19:47,429
Poor woman just wants to be
able to take an honest leak
413
00:19:47,529 --> 00:19:49,164
without having to wait in line.
414
00:19:49,264 --> 00:19:51,599
Not every woman knows
how to use a urinal, Peg.
415
00:19:51,699 --> 00:19:54,636
Gil John, Betty was standing
in the well of the Senate
416
00:19:54,736 --> 00:19:56,771
pleading for special
treatment... I responded.
417
00:19:56,872 --> 00:19:58,506
It's called debate.
418
00:19:58,606 --> 00:20:00,708
You humiliated her.
419
00:20:00,809 --> 00:20:03,645
That's not how senators handle things.
420
00:20:03,745 --> 00:20:05,280
We don't make personal attacks.
421
00:20:05,380 --> 00:20:07,782
You mean like that takedown
of a medal of honor winner?
422
00:20:07,883 --> 00:20:09,417
I had nothing to do with that ad.
423
00:20:09,517 --> 00:20:11,286
Oh, really? That's odd.
424
00:20:11,386 --> 00:20:14,089
Saul and Shelley usually don't
go where they're not invited.
425
00:20:14,189 --> 00:20:16,791
Those two psychos were not
invited to smear anybody.
426
00:20:16,892 --> 00:20:19,427
They got they own greedy, evil-ass agenda.
427
00:20:19,527 --> 00:20:21,930
They do what they want.
I don't need their help.
428
00:20:22,030 --> 00:20:23,631
Hmm, and yet you have it,
429
00:20:23,731 --> 00:20:25,834
and your opponent's sinking fast...
430
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:27,335
best of both worlds, really.
431
00:20:27,435 --> 00:20:30,005
Thanks for the civility lesson, Gil John.
432
00:20:30,105 --> 00:20:31,639
I'll do my best to take it to heart.
433
00:20:36,278 --> 00:20:39,647
Oh, my God. Look at you hiding over here.
434
00:20:39,747 --> 00:20:41,583
We're here to have fun, Robert.
435
00:20:41,683 --> 00:20:43,385
- I am having fun.
- Yeah.
436
00:20:43,485 --> 00:20:45,287
Look at all these fabulous ladies, hmm?
437
00:20:45,387 --> 00:20:47,990
When was the last time the
love doctor hit on someone?
438
00:20:48,090 --> 00:20:49,324
1978, but I really...
439
00:20:49,424 --> 00:20:51,193
Uh, yeah, you know what you need?
440
00:20:51,293 --> 00:20:53,095
You need to be seen
dancing with a gorgeous lady
441
00:20:53,195 --> 00:20:54,629
so then you become desirable
442
00:20:54,729 --> 00:20:56,064
for all the other gorgeous ladies.
443
00:20:56,164 --> 00:20:57,933
Vamonos.
444
00:21:01,904 --> 00:21:04,406
Come on.
445
00:21:04,506 --> 00:21:07,475
Come on.
446
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:12,747
Ow!
447
00:21:20,923 --> 00:21:22,490
- Whoo!
- Adriana.
448
00:21:22,590 --> 00:21:24,559
Dios mio.
449
00:21:24,659 --> 00:21:25,928
Mwah.
450
00:21:26,028 --> 00:21:28,230
Robert, this is Teata Takaria.
451
00:21:28,330 --> 00:21:30,265
Special Representative from Kiribas,
452
00:21:30,365 --> 00:21:32,434
and, Teata, this is
Senator Robert Bettencourt.
453
00:21:32,534 --> 00:21:35,137
Madame Representative, lovely to meet you.
454
00:21:35,237 --> 00:21:39,041
And you, Senator. You're
quite a dancer, sir.
455
00:21:39,141 --> 00:21:41,443
Tell me about Kiribas.
456
00:21:41,543 --> 00:21:46,514
Well, it's an archipelago of 32 atolls
457
00:21:46,614 --> 00:21:48,316
and one coral island.
458
00:21:48,416 --> 00:21:51,053
I think I've read about it, yeah.
459
00:21:51,153 --> 00:21:52,654
I imagine you have.
460
00:21:52,754 --> 00:21:54,656
Our situation is very precarious,
461
00:21:54,756 --> 00:21:57,859
thanks to the developed nations.
462
00:21:57,960 --> 00:22:00,795
"Climate change"?
463
00:22:00,963 --> 00:22:02,965
Our fresh groundwater
464
00:22:03,065 --> 00:22:05,533
is being poisoned by the rising tides.
465
00:22:05,633 --> 00:22:09,972
Within 20 years, my homeland
might be uninhabitable,
466
00:22:10,005 --> 00:22:12,407
and within 50, it'll disappear.
467
00:22:12,507 --> 00:22:15,543
We have to move the
entire population to Fiji.
468
00:22:15,643 --> 00:22:17,079
Fiji, I mean...
469
00:22:17,179 --> 00:22:20,248
That's an island paradise too, right?
470
00:22:20,348 --> 00:22:22,985
Kiribas is my home, Robert.
471
00:22:23,085 --> 00:22:25,387
Oh, right, right. I'm... I'm sorry.
472
00:22:25,487 --> 00:22:27,589
Hey, you two, it's about to start.
473
00:22:27,689 --> 00:22:29,224
Let's grab a table.
474
00:22:29,324 --> 00:22:31,994
- I don't think we should...
- Oh, my God! Teata?
475
00:22:32,027 --> 00:22:34,729
What's wrong? Robert?
476
00:22:34,829 --> 00:22:36,531
It's not me. It's global warming.
477
00:22:36,631 --> 00:22:39,267
You mentioned global warming?
What were you thinking?
478
00:22:39,367 --> 00:22:41,336
You didn't bring up Fiji, did you?
479
00:22:41,436 --> 00:22:42,837
No, I... I...
480
00:22:43,005 --> 00:22:44,606
Swiff me? Swiff her!
481
00:22:47,742 --> 00:22:48,876
What kind of comedy club is this?
482
00:22:49,011 --> 00:22:50,678
Where's my rim job?
483
00:22:50,778 --> 00:22:53,481
Rim shot. Rim shot.
484
00:22:53,581 --> 00:22:54,849
Rim shot. Right.
485
00:22:55,017 --> 00:22:57,252
So...
486
00:22:57,352 --> 00:22:59,887
Hey, uh, have you ever
noticed how hard it is
487
00:23:00,022 --> 00:23:01,556
to get things out of that...
488
00:23:01,656 --> 00:23:04,159
that rigid plastic packaging they've got?
489
00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:06,628
It's harder than getting
a bill out of Congress.
490
00:23:06,728 --> 00:23:08,230
Boom!
491
00:23:10,198 --> 00:23:12,300
- That's how hard it is.
- Seriously, you've been...
492
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:15,503
you've, uh... you've been
great. Thank you so much.
493
00:23:15,603 --> 00:23:17,239
I'll be here all year.
494
00:23:17,339 --> 00:23:19,907
All right, funny guy.
495
00:23:20,042 --> 00:23:24,946
Let's give it up for Senator Louis Laffer!
496
00:23:25,047 --> 00:23:26,514
Next up, ladies and gentlemen,
497
00:23:26,614 --> 00:23:29,317
a former funniest celebrity in Washington,
498
00:23:29,417 --> 00:23:31,053
the bathtub strangler himself,
499
00:23:31,086 --> 00:23:34,256
let's have a hand for Grover Norquist.
500
00:23:36,114 --> 00:23:39,016
Got anything new for me to sign, Grover?
501
00:23:39,117 --> 00:23:43,221
Absolutely, Senator. Thank you.
502
00:23:43,321 --> 00:23:47,258
Bourbon, neat, no ice, certainly no water.
503
00:23:47,358 --> 00:23:48,559
I never drink water.
504
00:23:48,659 --> 00:23:51,929
Dick Cheney tortures people with it.
505
00:23:52,029 --> 00:23:53,964
Gives it an awkward aftertaste.
506
00:23:55,733 --> 00:23:59,403
Grover's good, but I
think I got off more kills.
507
00:23:59,503 --> 00:24:02,206
- I did more kills, didn't I?
- Oh, definitely, daddy.
508
00:24:02,306 --> 00:24:03,541
You were so good.
509
00:24:03,641 --> 00:24:04,975
You ought to give it a shot, Rosie.
510
00:24:05,143 --> 00:24:06,877
Go on up there. Come on.
511
00:24:06,977 --> 00:24:08,146
Get your heart going.
512
00:24:08,212 --> 00:24:09,880
Me? You crazy.
513
00:24:09,980 --> 00:24:11,549
Oh, you really should, ma'am.
514
00:24:11,649 --> 00:24:13,151
Some of the comments you
make about your colleagues
515
00:24:13,251 --> 00:24:15,786
- are priceless.
- It's true, Senator.
516
00:24:15,886 --> 00:24:17,521
Oh, I don't know.
517
00:24:17,621 --> 00:24:20,524
What's wrong there,
Rosie? You chicken, huh?
518
00:24:20,624 --> 00:24:22,626
You only dish it out in private?
519
00:24:22,726 --> 00:24:24,162
You go, I'll go.
520
00:24:24,262 --> 00:24:25,896
Okay, okay.
521
00:24:25,996 --> 00:24:27,898
Game on, brother lawmaker.
522
00:24:27,998 --> 00:24:29,567
So, when midgets...
523
00:24:29,667 --> 00:24:33,036
Play miniature golf, do they know?
524
00:24:38,309 --> 00:24:40,043
Let's hear it for Grover the grouch,
525
00:24:40,178 --> 00:24:41,512
ladies and gentlemen!
526
00:24:41,612 --> 00:24:43,614
Well, I guess I'm finished here.
527
00:24:43,714 --> 00:24:46,184
- Senator, it's all yours.
- Thank you.
528
00:24:46,250 --> 00:24:48,186
Thank you. Thank you so much.
529
00:24:48,286 --> 00:24:50,221
I'm Rosalyn DuPeche.
530
00:24:50,321 --> 00:24:54,358
I'm the next-door neighbor
of this man here...
531
00:24:54,458 --> 00:24:59,730
our country's only
black Republican Senator.
532
00:25:01,299 --> 00:25:03,767
See, Robert, that's a
laugh line right there.
533
00:25:05,203 --> 00:25:06,604
What's the matter, Robert...
534
00:25:06,704 --> 00:25:08,572
you couldn't make it through clown college?
535
00:25:08,672 --> 00:25:12,610
So you said, "you know, I'll
just become a black Republican.
536
00:25:12,710 --> 00:25:14,778
It's the same gig."
537
00:25:17,881 --> 00:25:20,651
I mean, a black Republican...
how does that happen?
538
00:25:20,751 --> 00:25:24,955
I remember when I was a kid
and I would, you know, misbehave
539
00:25:25,055 --> 00:25:26,924
and my mother, like many mothers then,
540
00:25:27,024 --> 00:25:29,293
she would say, "if you don't stop that,
541
00:25:29,393 --> 00:25:31,995
I'll beat the black off of you."
542
00:25:32,095 --> 00:25:35,366
Well, maybe that's what happened to Robert.
543
00:25:35,466 --> 00:25:37,235
His mother actually did it.
544
00:25:46,910 --> 00:25:49,146
So what the fuck, Senator?
545
00:25:49,247 --> 00:25:52,250
Now we're a pair of
greedy, evil-ass psychos?
546
00:25:52,350 --> 00:25:54,252
- I... I never said that.
- You fucking did, Biggs...
547
00:25:54,318 --> 00:25:57,955
to Peg, who told everyone
in our Super PAC conclave.
548
00:25:58,055 --> 00:26:00,591
And you know what? It hurts.
549
00:26:00,691 --> 00:26:02,460
You don't think my brother
and me have feelings?
550
00:26:02,560 --> 00:26:07,331
Yeah, if you prick us, do
we not bleed, you prick?
551
00:26:07,431 --> 00:26:09,267
And if you fuck us, do
we not fuck you back?
552
00:26:09,300 --> 00:26:10,868
We fucking do!
553
00:26:10,968 --> 00:26:13,103
We put the word out, and
you're on your own now, Biggs.
554
00:26:13,271 --> 00:26:17,174
- Try to find five fucking cents...
- Hold on, boys.
555
00:26:17,275 --> 00:26:20,278
- Where's he going?
- I don't know.
556
00:26:25,783 --> 00:26:27,618
Oh, fuck!
557
00:26:29,653 --> 00:26:34,292
Shelley! Holy shit, you killed him!
558
00:26:34,325 --> 00:26:36,294
You bastard! You murdering bastard!
559
00:26:46,304 --> 00:26:47,671
Daddy!
560
00:26:47,771 --> 00:26:50,741
I have no idea what you're doing right now,
561
00:26:50,841 --> 00:26:52,476
but hell, yeah.
562
00:26:53,477 --> 00:26:59,477
- synced by chamallow / corrected by Tet0eC and chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
563
00:27:00,305 --> 00:27:06,591
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