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John Lilly starts a dolphin laboratory.
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He's on acid. Everyone's on acid.
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And the dolphins are, like, learning.
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We can talk, now you talk.
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John Lilly realized, wow, this works.
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God, I wish I was born in the '60s!
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John Fitzgerald Kennedy, he's like,
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I'm riddled with Addison's disease.
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Dr. Feelgood's like, you're gonna get
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my super special magic elixir. Pow.
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This was wild.
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[PATRIOTIC MUSIC]
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- Synced & corrected by MementMori -
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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[PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC]
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How cool is this?
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Dr. Drew, thank you for doing this.
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Uh-uh.
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- It's a great honor.
- I just want to say, like,
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it's not just cool.
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It's surreal, 'cause, you
know, before we were friends,
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obviously I was aware of you, Dr. Drew,
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but I had been frantically preparing
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to get in an argument with you
over, like, psychedelics.
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You thought I was the no
party guy, the bummed guy.
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- Yeah, yeah.
- And then I realized,
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oh, yeah, you're cool,
he doesn't... he's not...
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he's just a scientist.
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Yeah, I'm a clinician.
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I don't want to hurt anybody,
and I want to give good advice.
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You like pushing the
limits. I can't do that.
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But I'm fascinated that you do it,
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and I want to hear all about it.
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Can you say, "I'm Dr. Drew,
not let's get fucked up"?
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- He's not gonna say...
- [LAUGHS] All right.
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- I'll say that.
- Ahhh.
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And then he'll move his lips?
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I'm Dr. Drew. Let's get fucked up.
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[LAUGHS]
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Greetings to you,
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children of the world.
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It is I, Duncan Trussell,
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and tonight on "Drunk History,"
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we're gonna talk about LSD and dolphins.
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Cheers.
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Cheers.
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So in 1961, Dr. John Lilly
published an amazing book
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called "Man and Dolphin."
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He wrote, wow, these dolphins are smart.
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They're not like what we thought.
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They're not just sea rats.
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They're talking to each other.
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They're social, they're advanced,
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and we don't even know it yet,
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but I bet we could talk
to these sweeties.
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So yeah, there was a big dolphin boom.
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Everybody's reading Lilly's book,
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and Carl Satan... Carl...
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Carl Satan is a cool name.
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Carl Satan is so much
cooler than Marilyn Manson.
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[LAUGHS]
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I so hope someone watching this
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starts a fucking bad-ass band
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and renames themselves Carl Satan.
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All right, Carl Sagan's
reading this book,
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and he's like, whoa.
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If dolphins can fucking talk,
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what the fuck, man?
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This book is blowing my mind.
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So Sagan calls a meeting.
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SETI, the search for
extraterrestrial intelligence,
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their members before it
even existed are like,
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shit, we all wanted to talk
to these fucking aliens.
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And they're all like,
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dolphins are these fucking mammals, man,
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and they live in the sea, they can talk.
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If we can figure out
how to talk to them,
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maybe we can figure out
how to talk to aliens.
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NASA's like, fuck man,
let's do this shit.
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NASA gives John Lilly
a shit-ton of money.
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So John Lilly starts
a dolphin laboratory
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in St. Thomas in the Caribbean in 1963.
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It's called the Communicating...
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Communications Research Institute, CRI.
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So somehow John Lilly
gets three dolphins.
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And he's looking at them,
he's like, all right,
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I'm gonna name you Pamela.
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I'm gonna call you Sissy.
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And I'm gonna call you Peter,
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and we're gonna teach you
how to speak English.
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So someone who works there,
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her name's Margaret Howe Lovatt,
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he says to her, listen,
I wanna give you Peter.
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You teach Peter how to talk.
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Margaret says, I am going
to teach you English.
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He's like... [IMITATES DOLPHIN NOISES]
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She'd be like, my name is Margaret.
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And he'd be like...
[IMITATES DOLPHIN NOISES]
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- And like...
- Doesn't sound like her name.
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No, it's a fucking dolphin.
Give him a break.
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Imagine if somebody took you
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out of the Earth onto an alien spaceship
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and they're like, hey,
listen, talk with your ass.
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- [LAUGHS]
- That's Peter's situation.
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So... so she wanted to be around
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the dolphin all the time.
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Her bed is next to the dolphin aquarium.
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She built her desk in a
platform above the tank.
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She basically moves
into Peter's apartment.
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So Peter seems to be learning,
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and Lilly's like, shit man,
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Margaret, I think you and
Peter are hitting it off.
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But here's the problem.
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- Dolphins are sexual creatures.
- Uh-oh.
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So it's like rubbing up against her,
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it's humping her leg.
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He's like, look, look
what's happening to me.
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And... and she's like, oh, wow.
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Like, he needs to fuck.
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So when Peter would get horny,
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they would, like, lift
him out of the tank
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and put him in the tank
with the two other girls,
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dolphins.
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Nice.
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And sure as shit,
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afterwards he started
learning English better.
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Margaret's like, talk, talk,
talk, talk, talk time.
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We can talk. Now you talk.
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Peter's like, fuck, I think they want me
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to say their monkey talk.
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[IMITATES DOLPHIN CHATTERING]
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But I'm horny.
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She's like, goddamn it.
Here we go again.
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But moving a dolphin sucks.
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And she's like, I didn't
know I was gonna become
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a fucking Uber for dolphin fucking.
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And at some point... [LAUGHTER]
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At some point she's like,
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listen, guys, listen, we can't do this.
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We don't have the time.
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I'll jerk him off. What's the big deal?
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Margaret started jerking Peter off
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in between lessons.
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Do you think the handjob had
a special allure for him?
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'Cause dolphins don't have hands.
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I think as a dolphin
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Peter was not stuck
on hands or no hands.
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He was just like, I'm from the ocean.
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You, I don't know what
the fuck you're from.
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You're some kind of monkey thing.
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I think I know what will
make you happy though.
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That's making me cum.
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[LAUGHTER]
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- My career is over.
- What?
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My career is over, tonight.
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[LAUGHTER]
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So where'd the drugs get into the story?
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Okay, so John Lilly's at a party.
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He meets the wife of the
producer of "Flipper,"
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who gives him LSD.
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Everyone's on acid.
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John Lilly gets the idea,
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if we start giving acid to dolphins,
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I bet they'll talk to us.
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[LOUD SIGH]
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- You all right?
- I'm fine, man.
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- You spinning?
- I'm not spinning.
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Yet.
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I hate spinning. Is there...
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Do you have a solution
to spinning, Doctor?
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Vomiting.
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God, God, that's so evil.
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So fucked up.
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There's nothing else?
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Not drinking so much.
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Goddamn it.
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Where... where did we leave off?
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So the lab, so the LSD.
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[SIGHS] All right.
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One of John Lilly's
dolphins was traumatized.
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It'd been hit by a spear gun,
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and it was afraid of humans.
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He goes in the laboratory
with a bunch of acid.
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This'll be great. We can
talk to the dolphins!
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Let's talk to dolphins!
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He gives the dolphin acid.
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The dolphin that was
formerly scared of humans
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swims up to him and
looks him in the eye.
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There's a moment where it's like,
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wait, maybe this isn't about language.
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Maybe it's something
deeper than language.
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And John Lilly realized,
wow, this works.
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Fuck this blowhole communication.
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- This is something bigger.
- Exactly!
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It's not just the
guttural sound you make
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out of your fucking hamburger tube.
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[LAUGHTER]
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So John Lilly starts
giving the dolphins acid.
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Margaret is like, hey, John,
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do you mind not injecting
Peter with acid?
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That'd be awesome. I don't
think he wants acid.
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00:07:58,400 --> 00:07:59,670
I don't want you to give it to him.
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Margaret's like, I love this dolphin.
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I don't know.
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And Lilly's like, no, I'm
gonna give Peter acid.
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00:08:04,800 --> 00:08:07,140
It makes them... it seems
to make them a little more,
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00:08:07,170 --> 00:08:09,010
like, communicative,
they're a little...
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00:08:09,080 --> 00:08:10,780
it seems to excite them in some way.
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And he gave it acid.
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So John Lilly is on acid.
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So they're both tripping.
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00:08:20,390 --> 00:08:22,420
[PSYCHEDELIC MUSIC]
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So, ugh...
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Eventually "Hustler" catches wind
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of the fact that Margaret is,
like, jerking off dolphins
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and writes an article.
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00:08:33,270 --> 00:08:34,869
They made it like "Hustler" style.
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- Yeah, yeah.
- Someone at NASA opens it up
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and they're like, what the fuck?
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00:08:39,010 --> 00:08:40,940
I paid a million dollars
to that asshole,
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00:08:40,950 --> 00:08:43,439
and they're out there
fucking the dolphins.
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00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:46,460
And so Carl Sagan comes in one day,
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00:08:46,780 --> 00:08:49,750
and he's like, uh, I'm Carl Sagan,
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and I'm a very respected scientist.
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00:08:52,690 --> 00:08:55,460
I love space. You know that.
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00:08:55,560 --> 00:08:57,360
I think space is amazing,
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00:08:57,380 --> 00:08:59,630
but there's a couple of
things I think are weird
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00:08:59,690 --> 00:09:01,500
that are now happening in the universe.
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00:09:01,620 --> 00:09:04,900
Number one, jerking off dolphins.
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00:09:04,970 --> 00:09:07,530
And number two, giving them acid.
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00:09:07,600 --> 00:09:09,370
And you know what, John?
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00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,340
When I said let's talk
to fucking dolphins,
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00:09:12,410 --> 00:09:15,480
I didn't mean let's teach
them to speak English.
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00:09:15,560 --> 00:09:17,880
Let's learn their language!
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00:09:17,950 --> 00:09:22,480
You don't go to Japan and
kidnap a Japanese man
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00:09:22,500 --> 00:09:26,950
and start jerking him off
and giving him fucking acid
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00:09:27,020 --> 00:09:29,990
and then ask him to learn English!
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John, I'm sorry, I'm angry,
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00:09:32,190 --> 00:09:34,960
but really just think about
it from my perspective, man.
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00:09:35,000 --> 00:09:37,630
The next time I go to fucking NASA,
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00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,970
they're gonna be like,
oh, yeah, sure, Carl.
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00:09:40,030 --> 00:09:43,740
Who you gonna jerk off in
this experiment, aliens?
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00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:47,010
An owl? A partridge?
What's it gonna be, Carl?
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00:09:47,070 --> 00:09:48,300
Oh, yeah, sure, we'll give you money.
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00:09:48,310 --> 00:09:49,980
Get the fuck outta here!
246
00:09:50,020 --> 00:09:52,840
[LAUGHTER]
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00:09:52,910 --> 00:09:58,080
So the lab shuts down, 1966.
248
00:09:58,150 --> 00:10:00,150
Peter went to another laboratory.
249
00:10:00,220 --> 00:10:02,150
It wasn't a lab like the one he was at.
250
00:10:02,170 --> 00:10:04,460
This was just a fucked up basic, shitty,
251
00:10:04,470 --> 00:10:06,160
goddamn dolphin lab.
252
00:10:06,230 --> 00:10:07,730
Peter's heart was broken.
253
00:10:07,750 --> 00:10:09,140
He loved Margaret.
254
00:10:09,170 --> 00:10:12,980
So Peter swims to the
bottom of the aquarium,
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00:10:13,330 --> 00:10:14,500
and he dies.
256
00:10:14,520 --> 00:10:15,970
He drowns himself.
257
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:18,040
Dolphins can choose not to breathe.
258
00:10:18,080 --> 00:10:20,000
Yeah, Peter, especially.
259
00:10:20,560 --> 00:10:22,910
And Margaret's heart was broken.
260
00:10:22,980 --> 00:10:26,660
She was so... she was
really hurt by that.
261
00:10:26,940 --> 00:10:29,840
- This is like the important point, man.
- Hmm?
262
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:31,500
John Lilly's work
263
00:10:31,520 --> 00:10:34,050
led to a world-wide recognition
264
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:38,220
of dolphins and whales as
intelligent life forms.
265
00:10:38,290 --> 00:10:40,260
And thanks to his work, they passed
266
00:10:40,270 --> 00:10:42,560
the Marine Mammal Protection Act,
267
00:10:42,630 --> 00:10:45,660
which kept dolphins and whales safe.
268
00:10:45,730 --> 00:10:49,400
In spite of the peculiar twists
and turns of this story,
269
00:10:49,470 --> 00:10:51,200
why was this important history?
270
00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:53,870
I think Peter taught us that
no matter how bad it seems,
271
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:56,240
like, you could make it better.
272
00:10:56,280 --> 00:10:59,040
Right, like, he's like, if
you believe in yourself,
273
00:10:59,110 --> 00:11:01,140
if you truly believe in yourself,
274
00:11:01,210 --> 00:11:04,080
you can get a monkey
descendant to make you cum.
275
00:11:04,150 --> 00:11:06,560
[LAUGHTER]
276
00:11:07,460 --> 00:11:10,830
Oh, God, I wish I was born in the '60s.
277
00:11:14,740 --> 00:11:16,479
All right, so what are
you gonna have tonight?
278
00:11:16,480 --> 00:11:18,140
I'm gonna have a Dr. Feelgood Pepper.
279
00:11:18,160 --> 00:11:20,399
- That's nice.
- What a drink.
280
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:23,670
Alcohol is a drug like any other,
281
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:26,970
but it is given such special
place in our culture.
282
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,780
Imagine if it was like,
283
00:11:28,860 --> 00:11:31,780
this cocaine, why, it's a one oak...
284
00:11:31,850 --> 00:11:33,420
it's made in oak,
285
00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:35,830
one kind of oak, one barrel.
286
00:11:35,900 --> 00:11:37,530
I don't think it's the best point...
287
00:11:37,550 --> 00:11:39,130
I don't think it's the
best point I've ever made.
288
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:40,400
[LAUGHS]
289
00:11:40,470 --> 00:11:42,200
Hello.
290
00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:45,370
[LAUGHS] Something about saying
hello that feels so fake.
291
00:11:45,440 --> 00:11:47,080
Hey! [LAUGHTER]
292
00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:49,040
That's how I would do
it, it's so terrible.
293
00:11:49,110 --> 00:11:50,280
[CHUCKLES]
294
00:11:50,350 --> 00:11:52,780
Hello, I'm Jon Lovett,
295
00:11:52,850 --> 00:11:56,480
and today we're talking
about JFK and Dr. Feelgood.
296
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:58,890
- I wanna feel good.
- Let's feel good.
297
00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:00,250
- You know?
- Cheers.
298
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:01,460
Cheers.
299
00:12:01,470 --> 00:12:03,090
So... [CHUCKLES]
300
00:12:03,100 --> 00:12:04,690
JFK is running for president,
301
00:12:04,760 --> 00:12:06,760
and he's about to debate
302
00:12:06,770 --> 00:12:10,670
Richard Mother Trucking Nixon,
303
00:12:10,730 --> 00:12:12,060
and he is a mess.
304
00:12:12,100 --> 00:12:13,670
He's sitting there and he's like,
305
00:12:13,740 --> 00:12:16,140
I'm riddled with Addison's disease.
306
00:12:16,210 --> 00:12:18,270
He could barely speak. His back hurts.
307
00:12:18,300 --> 00:12:19,820
He's got one of his classic migraines.
308
00:12:19,900 --> 00:12:22,980
Terrible set of symptoms.
Classic Addison's disease.
309
00:12:23,050 --> 00:12:25,050
[LAUGHTER]
310
00:12:25,070 --> 00:12:27,280
So he's like, I can't go out there.
311
00:12:27,340 --> 00:12:30,200
And his buddy is like, I know
somebody who can help you,
312
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,790
and his name is Dr. Max Jacobson,
313
00:12:32,860 --> 00:12:35,790
aka Miracle Max, aka Dr. Feelgood.
314
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:38,890
JFK's like, cool, get
that doctor on here.
315
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,400
So in comes Dr. Feelgood.
316
00:12:41,460 --> 00:12:43,820
He comes in, and JFK's like,
317
00:12:43,880 --> 00:12:45,900
hey, I've got Addison's disease.
318
00:12:45,970 --> 00:12:49,100
And Jacobson's like, I
have the cure for that.
319
00:12:49,170 --> 00:12:50,540
He's like, what?
320
00:12:50,610 --> 00:12:52,260
No one has the cure for
Addison's disease.
321
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:54,540
And Jacobson's like, bah-bah-bah.
322
00:12:54,610 --> 00:12:56,540
- You know, 'cause he's Jewish.
- Yeah, bah-bah-bah.
323
00:12:56,550 --> 00:12:58,210
And he goes, bah-bah-bah. Bah-bah-bah.
324
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:00,060
Bah-bah-bah, you're gonna get
325
00:13:00,100 --> 00:13:02,820
my super special magic elixir.
326
00:13:02,890 --> 00:13:03,900
Give me your butt cheek.
327
00:13:03,920 --> 00:13:06,590
And he gives him a, pow, shot.
328
00:13:06,650 --> 00:13:10,760
And then JFK is like, holy moly!
329
00:13:10,830 --> 00:13:12,390
My body is working.
330
00:13:12,460 --> 00:13:14,390
I feel like my old self again.
331
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,860
Hey, one question, um,
maybe it's late to ask,
332
00:13:17,930 --> 00:13:20,170
but, hey, you know, never too late.
333
00:13:20,230 --> 00:13:22,030
You know, it's never too
late to ask a question.
334
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:23,560
What is in this?
335
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,670
And Max Jacobson is like,
number one, vitamins.
336
00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:30,140
Number two, there is enzymes.
337
00:13:30,210 --> 00:13:32,910
And then finally, don't freak out,
338
00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:35,840
but the last ingredient, it is placenta.
339
00:13:36,120 --> 00:13:37,920
- Huh.
- Placenta.
340
00:13:37,990 --> 00:13:39,560
- [CHUCKLES]
- Placenta.
341
00:13:39,580 --> 00:13:43,250
So JFK walks out, bah-bah-bah-bah-bah,
342
00:13:43,270 --> 00:13:44,390
to that podium.
343
00:13:44,400 --> 00:13:46,190
He says, hey, Tricky Dick,
344
00:13:46,200 --> 00:13:47,960
hey, Tricky Dick, get ready,
345
00:13:48,030 --> 00:13:49,140
get fucking ready.
346
00:13:49,170 --> 00:13:51,500
Are you ready? I'm the best at TV.
347
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:53,380
Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.
348
00:13:53,420 --> 00:13:55,830
Kennedy shot Nixon with rhetoric,
349
00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:57,900
and Nixon is defeated.
350
00:13:57,970 --> 00:14:02,270
So now JFK is President of the
United States, all right?
351
00:14:02,300 --> 00:14:04,110
So you got RFK as his right-hand man,
352
00:14:04,180 --> 00:14:06,140
but he's got another right-hand man,
353
00:14:06,210 --> 00:14:08,750
his left-hand man, Dr. Feelgood.
354
00:14:08,820 --> 00:14:10,850
He's getting the pew,
pew, pew, pew, pew.
355
00:14:10,920 --> 00:14:13,120
Jackie Kennedy, his wife, she's like,
356
00:14:13,190 --> 00:14:14,620
what's going on with those shots?
357
00:14:14,690 --> 00:14:17,650
He's like, hey, here,
I get them in here.
358
00:14:17,720 --> 00:14:19,290
[LAUGHTER]
359
00:14:19,360 --> 00:14:21,620
- Here.
- Here.
360
00:14:21,690 --> 00:14:23,260
Here. [INDISTINCT]
361
00:14:23,280 --> 00:14:26,660
And so he's got Jackie doing it.
362
00:14:26,730 --> 00:14:29,600
But... but Kennedy's dealing
with a lot of problems, okay?
363
00:14:29,670 --> 00:14:32,640
Problem number one, the Cold war.
364
00:14:32,700 --> 00:14:36,040
Kennedy is gonna meet with
the bald man from Moscow,
365
00:14:36,110 --> 00:14:38,040
Khrushchev, and he's like,
366
00:14:38,050 --> 00:14:40,880
I need that... I need that
boom-boom juice you give me.
367
00:14:40,950 --> 00:14:42,950
And then Feelgood goes, kapow.
368
00:14:45,260 --> 00:14:49,650
Then it happened. They
meet in Vienna, Austria.
369
00:14:49,720 --> 00:14:52,690
Uh, I am genuinely quite drunk.
370
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,620
[LAUGHTER]
371
00:14:54,690 --> 00:14:57,290
Where were we in the story
of JFK and his drugs?
372
00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:59,930
- [LAUGHS]
- JK!
373
00:14:59,960 --> 00:15:01,830
Wait, please keep calling him JK,
374
00:15:01,900 --> 00:15:03,500
'cause that is his inish.
375
00:15:03,570 --> 00:15:09,410
So J-Mother-Loving-K and Jackie Kennedy
376
00:15:09,470 --> 00:15:13,140
and Marilyn Monroe and Truman Capote,
377
00:15:13,170 --> 00:15:15,510
they're all getting the
Dr. Feelgood crazy shots,
378
00:15:15,580 --> 00:15:17,410
and RFK is starting to
get a little worried,
379
00:15:17,420 --> 00:15:19,150
'cause he's like, what's going on here?
380
00:15:19,220 --> 00:15:22,890
Is this the White House
or is this a trap house?
381
00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:25,880
[LAUGHTER]
382
00:15:26,020 --> 00:15:28,760
So RFK is the brother of the president
383
00:15:28,830 --> 00:15:30,790
and he's an amateur sleuth,
384
00:15:30,860 --> 00:15:33,560
and he's like, I'm gonna find
out what's in this thing
385
00:15:33,630 --> 00:15:36,000
through medicine testing.
386
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:38,000
And then beep-bop-boop.
387
00:15:38,040 --> 00:15:40,440
[LAUGHS]
388
00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:41,870
Beep-bop-boop-ba.
389
00:15:41,940 --> 00:15:44,340
Beep-bop-boop, out come the results.
390
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:46,010
It's meth!
391
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,980
[DRAMATIC MUSIC]
392
00:15:48,050 --> 00:15:49,850
This is fun. I wanna keep drinking
393
00:15:49,910 --> 00:15:51,610
and talking about this stuff on camera.
394
00:15:51,680 --> 00:15:53,220
Do you mind if we do a little more?
395
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:56,310
Honestly, I really don't.
I'm having a blast.
396
00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:01,590
All right.
397
00:16:01,810 --> 00:16:04,010
- All right, ready?
- All right, let's do it.
398
00:16:04,080 --> 00:16:05,640
Now, just to catch you up,
399
00:16:05,670 --> 00:16:08,000
just to... previously on "JFK"...
400
00:16:08,020 --> 00:16:09,750
Yes, please.
401
00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:12,720
The president, John F. Kennedy,
402
00:16:12,790 --> 00:16:14,740
was on meth.
403
00:16:15,490 --> 00:16:18,160
So RFK goes to his brother and he says,
404
00:16:18,280 --> 00:16:23,130
you're getting meth,
Jackie, Jack, John F.
405
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:26,860
Will you accept this offer
of help today, JFK?
406
00:16:26,930 --> 00:16:29,370
Blown away. What else do I have to say?
407
00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:30,900
And John F. Kennedy is like,
408
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:33,020
I don't give a flying fudge.
409
00:16:33,040 --> 00:16:34,940
I don't care if it's horse piss.
410
00:16:35,010 --> 00:16:37,240
You know what Miracle Max does?
411
00:16:37,310 --> 00:16:40,010
He makes me get over
my physical problems
412
00:16:40,020 --> 00:16:42,710
to be the best person I can be.
413
00:16:42,780 --> 00:16:44,410
It's crazy.
414
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:47,920
So RFK, Robert, Bobby,
well, what does he do?
415
00:16:47,990 --> 00:16:52,040
He confronts Dr. Max
Jacobson and he says,
416
00:16:52,080 --> 00:16:54,660
listen, you're gonna stop
treating my brother,
417
00:16:54,730 --> 00:16:57,160
you something that rhymes with bike.
418
00:16:57,230 --> 00:16:59,060
Okay, and that's not what he said.
419
00:16:59,130 --> 00:17:00,800
I honestly don't want
to say what he says,
420
00:17:00,870 --> 00:17:03,730
because, frankly, it's anti-Semitic.
421
00:17:03,800 --> 00:17:05,500
And then RFK says,
422
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,470
my brother's gonna be
president for eight years,
423
00:17:07,540 --> 00:17:09,170
and then I'm gonna be
president for eight years,
424
00:17:09,240 --> 00:17:10,760
and nothing's gonna stop us.
425
00:17:10,910 --> 00:17:13,280
Nothing, 'cause we're
the Kennedy's right?
426
00:17:13,350 --> 00:17:15,710
And this is Camelot.
Nothing could go wrong.
427
00:17:15,780 --> 00:17:19,580
Nothing. Nothing!
428
00:17:19,650 --> 00:17:20,800
Nothing.
429
00:17:22,020 --> 00:17:23,350
Nothing.
430
00:17:23,370 --> 00:17:25,660
But basically afterwards,
431
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:27,790
Dr. Feelgood calls Kennedy and says,
432
00:17:27,860 --> 00:17:32,500
your brother, Bobby Kennedy,
gave me 1960s anti-Semitism.
433
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:33,800
And you know what I say to that?
434
00:17:33,820 --> 00:17:34,919
I say no thank you,
435
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:37,000
and I'm not gonna work with you anymore.
436
00:17:37,020 --> 00:17:41,170
So... so now John F.
Kennedy's... he's not good.
437
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:46,240
And he's like, I am exhausted
from my Addison's disease.
438
00:17:46,340 --> 00:17:47,940
I need help.
439
00:17:48,010 --> 00:17:50,550
So JFK calls up Dr.
Feelgood and he says,
440
00:17:50,660 --> 00:17:54,120
hey, hey, hey, hey,
441
00:17:54,190 --> 00:17:57,890
hey, I'm fucked up, all right?
442
00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:00,690
I need that sweet, sweet magic medicine.
443
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:02,860
Make me feel good, Feelgood.
444
00:18:02,930 --> 00:18:04,820
And Dr. Feelgood's like,
445
00:18:05,030 --> 00:18:07,560
sure, I'm a stone-cold
lunatic and fraud.
446
00:18:07,580 --> 00:18:09,600
I will do whatever you want.
447
00:18:09,670 --> 00:18:14,500
JFK and Feelgood meet at the
Carlyle Hotel in New York,
448
00:18:14,570 --> 00:18:19,640
and so JFK gets one last super dose,
449
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:23,210
and JFK's like, wow,
450
00:18:23,220 --> 00:18:25,910
this is fantastic.
451
00:18:25,980 --> 00:18:28,850
I'm gonna get naked and
run around Carl-hil...
452
00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:32,840
Carlyle Hotel doing literal cartwheels
453
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,590
even though I continue to have
454
00:18:35,660 --> 00:18:39,330
basically untreated Addison's disease.
455
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:42,400
He's done cartwhile...
456
00:18:42,410 --> 00:18:46,070
He's done cartwheels
through the Carlyle.
457
00:18:46,140 --> 00:18:48,240
Cartwheels through the Carlyle
is a bit of a tongue twister.
458
00:18:48,270 --> 00:18:49,439
A hundred percent.
459
00:18:49,440 --> 00:18:51,870
Moses supposes his toeses are roses.
460
00:18:51,940 --> 00:18:53,510
Boy howdy, you know?
461
00:18:53,580 --> 00:18:55,280
And the Secret Service
look at each other
462
00:18:55,350 --> 00:18:56,980
and they said, we've got ourselves
463
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:00,680
a real sitch-uation.
464
00:19:00,750 --> 00:19:03,080
And so they say to each other,
465
00:19:03,150 --> 00:19:04,320
why don't we get a doctor
466
00:19:04,330 --> 00:19:06,160
who knows how to treat crazy people?
467
00:19:06,180 --> 00:19:08,860
The Secret Service calls
a literal psychiatrist
468
00:19:08,880 --> 00:19:12,790
who comes and, pew,
injects Camelot himself
469
00:19:12,860 --> 00:19:14,800
with an antipsychotic medicine.
470
00:19:14,860 --> 00:19:17,780
He... he sobers up. He wakes up.
471
00:19:17,840 --> 00:19:20,300
He's surrounded by medical doctors,
472
00:19:20,370 --> 00:19:22,570
and they say to him, Mr. President,
473
00:19:22,640 --> 00:19:25,110
you gotta stop seeing this doctor.
474
00:19:25,170 --> 00:19:27,610
And he's like, why? He
makes me feel so good.
475
00:19:27,680 --> 00:19:29,540
And the doctor's like,
well, how 'bout this?
476
00:19:29,610 --> 00:19:30,880
You can't do meth anymore,
477
00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:32,860
because you're in charge
of the nuclear warheads.
478
00:19:32,920 --> 00:19:35,950
And JFK's like, you make
a really good argument.
479
00:19:36,020 --> 00:19:38,990
I'm done with meth. I'm
done with it, all right?
480
00:19:39,050 --> 00:19:41,590
I'm gonna live a lovely life
481
00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:44,290
where I just use normal doctor things
482
00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:46,830
like Advil and stretching.
483
00:19:46,900 --> 00:19:49,160
And then he lives happily ever after.
484
00:19:49,180 --> 00:19:50,860
Nothing bad happens to him.
485
00:19:50,930 --> 00:19:52,730
[LAUGHS]
486
00:19:52,800 --> 00:19:55,100
And then in 1972,
487
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:57,040
"New York Times" runs an expos?.
488
00:19:57,050 --> 00:19:59,000
Expos?? Expos??
489
00:19:59,070 --> 00:20:01,659
And Feelgood's like, I've
got to Enron the shit
490
00:20:01,660 --> 00:20:02,900
out of these documents.
491
00:20:02,910 --> 00:20:04,940
Shred, shred, shred, shred,
shred, shred, shred.
492
00:20:05,010 --> 00:20:06,880
He destroys all of his records
493
00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:10,450
and then he said, hi-ya, hi-ya,
494
00:20:10,470 --> 00:20:11,999
and then there was kind of trumpets
495
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:14,490
and kind of a Morricone score,
496
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,020
and he's gone off into the sunset,
497
00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:18,920
never to be heard from again.
498
00:20:19,790 --> 00:20:23,420
This was wild...
499
00:20:23,500 --> 00:20:26,970
The president was on drugs!
500
00:20:27,030 --> 00:20:28,960
- [CHUCKLES]
- Okay.
501
00:20:29,340 --> 00:20:30,940
Okay.
502
00:20:33,180 --> 00:20:34,980
I'm done.
503
00:20:37,710 --> 00:20:40,220
- Cheers.
- To Kennedy.
504
00:20:40,240 --> 00:20:42,960
[PATRIOTIC MUSIC]
505
00:20:43,010 --> 00:20:48,010
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506
00:20:48,060 --> 00:20:52,610
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