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1
00:00:03,228 --> 00:00:04,526
Dude, if I have to sit
through another minute
2
00:00:04,569 --> 00:00:07,224
of this corny rom-com,
I'm gonna do something unthinkable.
3
00:00:07,268 --> 00:00:09,357
Like homework.
4
00:00:09,400 --> 00:00:11,620
Shh. This is the best part.
5
00:00:11,663 --> 00:00:13,839
When I lived with Dad,
the sappiest movie we ever watched
6
00:00:13,883 --> 00:00:16,277
was... oh, Texas Chain Saw Massacre.
7
00:00:17,529 --> 00:00:19,280
When you lived with Dad,
you ate Pringles for dinner
8
00:00:19,323 --> 00:00:21,456
and didn't have hot water half the time.
9
00:00:21,499 --> 00:00:23,762
Well, I'd rather freeze to death
in the shower than sit here
10
00:00:23,806 --> 00:00:25,677
watching white people trying
to stop other white people
11
00:00:25,721 --> 00:00:27,375
from getting married.
12
00:00:28,714 --> 00:00:30,160
Hey, I happen to like movies about love
13
00:00:30,204 --> 00:00:32,032
when they make me feel
all warm and fuzzy.
14
00:00:33,207 --> 00:00:35,035
And anything with The Rock in it.
15
00:00:36,471 --> 00:00:38,038
Especially Moana.
16
00:00:38,815 --> 00:00:40,257
He's a sucker for romance.
17
00:00:40,301 --> 00:00:41,476
I love love.
18
00:00:41,519 --> 00:00:43,391
- Clem and I are like a rom-com.
- Aw.
19
00:00:43,434 --> 00:00:45,393
The stars aligned,
destiny brought us together.
20
00:00:45,436 --> 00:00:46,872
I truly believe that.
21
00:00:46,916 --> 00:00:48,570
- That's nothing to be embarrassed about.
- Of course not.
22
00:00:48,613 --> 00:00:51,051
- Totally is.
- What?
23
00:00:52,139 --> 00:00:54,706
I think it's sweet that
Nick is such a romantic.
24
00:00:54,750 --> 00:00:57,361
You know, he remembers
everything about us.
25
00:00:57,405 --> 00:00:58,797
First meal we shared?
26
00:00:58,841 --> 00:01:00,712
Hot dog. We ate it
Lady and the Tramp style.
27
00:01:04,388 --> 00:01:07,545
Well, Clem's a tramp,
so I guess that makes Nick, um,
28
00:01:07,589 --> 00:01:09,112
yeah, the lady. That's right.
29
00:01:10,983 --> 00:01:13,116
Clem knows everything
there is to know about us, too.
30
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,335
When was our first kiss?
31
00:01:14,378 --> 00:01:15,640
Central Park,
32
00:01:15,684 --> 00:01:17,033
- near the ice rink.
- Mm-hmm.
33
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:18,991
That homeless guy asked
if he can get down with us.
34
00:01:19,035 --> 00:01:20,776
Yuck... That's right.
35
00:01:20,819 --> 00:01:23,039
Listen, it's great you guys
got together and all,
36
00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,997
but I hate to break it to you: destiny
37
00:01:25,041 --> 00:01:28,392
had nothing to do with it.
38
00:01:28,436 --> 00:01:30,133
If you two hadn't met each other,
you would have met
39
00:01:30,177 --> 00:01:31,352
other people, and you'd be saying
40
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:33,005
you'd be destined to be with them.
41
00:01:33,049 --> 00:01:36,966
Now can we please watch something rated
"R" for extreme violence and gore?
42
00:01:37,652 --> 00:01:40,012
No. And if you interrupt
Sandra Bullock one more time,
43
00:01:40,056 --> 00:01:41,840
there's gonna be a lot of
extreme violence and gore
44
00:01:41,884 --> 00:01:44,234
up in here.
45
00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:54,157
Clem, this place is gonna be transformed
46
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:56,246
for your engagement party.
47
00:01:56,290 --> 00:02:00,032
Standing table here, here, and the bar
48
00:02:00,076 --> 00:02:02,122
will be over there.
49
00:02:02,875 --> 00:02:07,257
Which means I will be over there.
50
00:02:09,085 --> 00:02:11,827
Don't worry,
we'll put up "do not serve" posters
51
00:02:11,870 --> 00:02:13,307
with Shannon's face all over the bar.
52
00:02:14,437 --> 00:02:17,137
Well, Shannon's not the
guest I'm worried about.
53
00:02:17,180 --> 00:02:19,095
Your father has insisted on inviting
54
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:23,926
his old college buddy Joe,
and the man's in love with me.
55
00:02:23,969 --> 00:02:26,755
Oh, God. Here we go again.
56
00:02:26,798 --> 00:02:28,060
He is, Walt.
57
00:02:28,104 --> 00:02:30,193
And just because you can't see it
58
00:02:30,237 --> 00:02:32,587
doesn't mean it's not there.
59
00:02:32,630 --> 00:02:34,241
Yeah, like when we went to Ireland,
60
00:02:34,284 --> 00:02:36,504
and you swore you saw a leprechaun?
61
00:02:38,636 --> 00:02:40,290
So, what are we gonna do for music?
62
00:02:40,334 --> 00:02:43,554
Well, it's too bad you don't know
a Tony-nominated performer
63
00:02:43,598 --> 00:02:46,731
who could sing at the party...
Oh, wait, you do. It's me. Me.
64
00:02:47,293 --> 00:02:49,015
You're gonna be busy, Walt.
65
00:02:49,050 --> 00:02:51,214
Because after the cocktail hour,
66
00:02:51,258 --> 00:02:54,348
your father will be hosting
The Nearly-Wed Game.
67
00:02:54,391 --> 00:02:56,828
What the hell is a Nearly-Wed Game?
68
00:02:56,872 --> 00:02:59,353
It'll be fantastic.
I'll ask Clem and Nick questions
69
00:02:59,396 --> 00:03:01,137
about their relationship,
70
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,400
and then they'll compare
answers to see how well
71
00:03:03,444 --> 00:03:05,228
- they know each other.
- Oh.
72
00:03:05,272 --> 00:03:07,839
Cool. You should totally ask
about when they had a three-way
73
00:03:07,883 --> 00:03:09,276
with a homeless man.
74
00:03:11,234 --> 00:03:13,193
It was not a three-way.
75
00:03:13,236 --> 00:03:16,239
One person got naked, it was not us.
76
00:03:17,501 --> 00:03:20,069
Okay, okay.
Well, I'll give you an example
77
00:03:20,112 --> 00:03:21,592
of what kind of question I might ask.
78
00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:26,206
Uh, all right.
What was the name of Clem's first pet?
79
00:03:27,017 --> 00:03:28,991
Goldie the goldfish.
80
00:03:29,034 --> 00:03:30,688
May she rest in peace. Jinx!
81
00:03:32,765 --> 00:03:33,561
Ooh!
82
00:03:33,604 --> 00:03:36,216
And after the game,
I will give my speech.
83
00:03:36,259 --> 00:03:37,521
It's gonna be so funny.
84
00:03:37,565 --> 00:03:39,828
Oh, yeah? Who's gonna give it?
85
00:03:40,509 --> 00:03:44,080
Me. In fact, why don't I give
you a taste of the goods?
86
00:03:44,115 --> 00:03:44,876
Ooh.
87
00:03:46,134 --> 00:03:48,271
"They say when you marry someone,
88
00:03:48,315 --> 00:03:50,008
"you marry their whole family.
89
00:03:50,082 --> 00:03:55,365
Well, I hope that's not true,
because that's polygamy."
90
00:04:00,501 --> 00:04:03,504
'Cause, 'cause it's illegal.
91
00:04:05,070 --> 00:04:07,159
And that's her opener.
92
00:04:08,422 --> 00:04:12,034
Sweetheart, as funny as you are,
93
00:04:13,434 --> 00:04:15,994
maybe you ought to try
the more romantic route.
94
00:04:16,038 --> 00:04:17,474
Like, uh... ooh.
95
00:04:17,518 --> 00:04:19,868
Tell the story about
how you and Nick met.
96
00:04:19,911 --> 00:04:21,799
Oh, Rose, that is a great idea.
97
00:04:21,834 --> 00:04:23,263
We know you met in a bar,
98
00:04:23,306 --> 00:04:24,916
but I don't think we
know the whole story.
99
00:04:24,960 --> 00:04:26,091
Mm-mm.
100
00:04:26,135 --> 00:04:28,920
The whole story? About how we met?
101
00:04:28,964 --> 00:04:30,357
Yeah, yeah, the whole story.
102
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:33,142
Ah, no. I don't think
anyone cares about that.
103
00:04:33,185 --> 00:04:35,013
Oh, come on, Clem.
Just because I don't care
104
00:04:35,057 --> 00:04:37,973
doesn't mean nobody cares.
105
00:04:39,455 --> 00:04:41,324
Hey, people love that kind of stuff.
106
00:04:41,368 --> 00:04:43,239
Come on. What do you say?
107
00:04:44,606 --> 00:04:45,372
Sure.
108
00:04:45,415 --> 00:04:46,547
Wonderful.
109
00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:47,939
I remember
110
00:04:47,983 --> 00:04:51,334
how your father swept me off of my feet.
111
00:04:51,378 --> 00:04:56,165
It was in a hot little
jazz club in Harlem.
112
00:04:57,645 --> 00:05:02,345
And Joe has been heartbroken ever since.
113
00:05:02,389 --> 00:05:03,738
Yeah.
114
00:05:03,781 --> 00:05:05,609
And the leprechaun disappeared
115
00:05:05,653 --> 00:05:07,481
into a hollow log.
116
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:09,178
Walt.
117
00:05:09,221 --> 00:05:14,052
I know what I know,
and I saw what I saw.
118
00:05:23,834 --> 00:05:24,933
Shannon.
119
00:05:24,976 --> 00:05:28,806
I mean... Shannon.
120
00:05:28,850 --> 00:05:31,156
Evan. I mean...
121
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:33,158
Help.
122
00:05:33,202 --> 00:05:35,247
My parents are going to
the engagement party.
123
00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:37,641
I'll be there, too.
Are you looking forward to it?
124
00:05:37,685 --> 00:05:39,426
I was.
125
00:05:39,469 --> 00:05:41,210
Would you open the trash chute?
126
00:05:41,253 --> 00:05:42,777
Oh. Oh, I shouldn't.
127
00:05:42,820 --> 00:05:44,387
I'm allergic to bees.
128
00:05:44,431 --> 00:05:46,737
The last time I threw out the trash,
I got stung by one.
129
00:05:46,781 --> 00:05:49,087
My tongue swelled up so
much that I couldn't speak.
130
00:05:50,306 --> 00:05:52,308
Come on, bees. Save me.
131
00:05:54,441 --> 00:05:56,660
I'm allergic to basically everything.
132
00:05:56,704 --> 00:05:58,575
That's why I always keep
an EpiPen in my pocket.
133
00:05:58,619 --> 00:06:01,404
And I thought you were
just excited to see me.
134
00:06:01,448 --> 00:06:03,101
Uh, I am excited to see you.
135
00:06:03,145 --> 00:06:05,974
Oh, Evan, you sweet
little innocent boy, you.
136
00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:07,584
See you, virgin.
137
00:06:07,628 --> 00:06:09,238
What... what makes you think I'm a...?
138
00:06:09,281 --> 00:06:10,892
Mm, she's right.
139
00:06:12,502 --> 00:06:16,419
Ugh. Evan is so desperate.
140
00:06:16,463 --> 00:06:18,378
Why do you find guys
like that attractive?
141
00:06:20,467 --> 00:06:21,816
Excuse me?
142
00:06:21,859 --> 00:06:23,034
Well, you know, Nick and Evan
are, like, basically
143
00:06:23,078 --> 00:06:25,254
the same person, so I'm just wondering,
144
00:06:25,297 --> 00:06:27,561
at what age do we start settling?
145
00:06:27,604 --> 00:06:30,477
Can you not right now? I'm freaking out.
146
00:06:30,520 --> 00:06:33,131
I'm working on this speech
about how I met Nick.
147
00:06:33,175 --> 00:06:34,394
So?
148
00:06:34,437 --> 00:06:37,962
So, I don't remember how I met Nick.
149
00:06:39,023 --> 00:06:40,008
What?
150
00:06:40,051 --> 00:06:41,401
I was super drunk,
151
00:06:41,444 --> 00:06:43,751
and I don't remember
anything from that night.
152
00:06:43,794 --> 00:06:47,102
But I guess I met him at some bar,
and he gave me his number.
153
00:06:47,145 --> 00:06:49,496
Wait, so you texted him,
even though you didn't remember him?
154
00:06:49,539 --> 00:06:51,715
Not exactly.
155
00:06:51,759 --> 00:06:54,109
Later that week,
I was with my bestie, Ben...
156
00:06:54,110 --> 00:06:55,110
_
157
00:06:55,153 --> 00:06:57,286
Who am I going home with tonight?
158
00:06:57,329 --> 00:06:58,646
Ooh.
159
00:06:58,727 --> 00:07:01,804
- 1-800-Waiter.
- Yes.
160
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,248
Excuse me. Hi.
161
00:07:03,292 --> 00:07:07,905
Uh, could I have the... you?
162
00:07:09,098 --> 00:07:10,299
I get off at 10:00.
163
00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:12,170
Guess who's getting off at 10:15.
164
00:07:14,695 --> 00:07:17,393
Wait, but if you leave me,
what am I gonna do?
165
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:20,657
Aren't you still dating that super tall,
blond dentist dude?
166
00:07:20,701 --> 00:07:22,485
What's his name? Nick?
167
00:07:22,529 --> 00:07:25,967
Nick. Yeah, no, we're not dating,
we're just hooking up.
168
00:07:26,010 --> 00:07:29,536
He is so hot but so dumb.
169
00:07:30,594 --> 00:07:33,757
But since you're ditching me,
I guess I will text him.
170
00:07:33,801 --> 00:07:35,542
"U up?"
171
00:07:35,585 --> 00:07:37,195
I love how that's all it takes.
172
00:07:37,239 --> 00:07:39,633
Like, why would anyone not date men?
173
00:07:41,286 --> 00:07:45,247
Wait, so Nick used to be
a super tall, blond dentist?
174
00:07:45,290 --> 00:07:48,076
No. That's the whole point.
175
00:07:48,119 --> 00:07:50,208
I didn't remember meeting Nick,
so I didn't realize
176
00:07:50,252 --> 00:07:52,559
that I had two Nicks in my phone.
177
00:07:53,075 --> 00:07:57,172
Oh, my God!
So you booty-called the wrong Nick.
178
00:07:58,761 --> 00:07:59,914
Exactly.
179
00:07:59,957 --> 00:08:01,611
Okay, so what happened next?
180
00:08:02,047 --> 00:08:03,570
- _
- Hey, Nick. Where are you?
181
00:08:03,613 --> 00:08:05,833
I just got here. I don't see you.
182
00:08:05,876 --> 00:08:07,374
I'm sitting at a table.
183
00:08:07,826 --> 00:08:10,359
Where?
184
00:08:10,402 --> 00:08:11,882
- Hey.
- Hi?
185
00:08:13,449 --> 00:08:14,757
- Nick?
- Yeah.
186
00:08:14,759 --> 00:08:15,843
From the other night.
187
00:08:15,886 --> 00:08:17,497
Nick from the other night.
188
00:08:17,540 --> 00:08:18,876
I remember you.
189
00:08:20,383 --> 00:08:23,154
Yeah. Uh, which is why I texted you.
190
00:08:23,198 --> 00:08:24,257
Obviously.
191
00:08:24,356 --> 00:08:26,549
Well, I remember, too.
192
00:08:26,593 --> 00:08:28,856
Which is why I showed up.
193
00:08:28,899 --> 00:08:30,248
Obviously.
194
00:08:30,292 --> 00:08:31,380
- Yeah.
- Here...
195
00:08:31,423 --> 00:08:34,165
Yeah, thank you.
196
00:08:34,209 --> 00:08:35,253
Wow. Uh...
197
00:08:35,297 --> 00:08:36,646
Are these flowers for me?
198
00:08:36,690 --> 00:08:37,865
These? Yeah.
199
00:08:37,908 --> 00:08:40,041
You know, who else would they be for?
200
00:08:40,841 --> 00:08:42,826
"For my Poopkins."
201
00:08:44,306 --> 00:08:45,568
Poopkins?
202
00:08:45,612 --> 00:08:47,570
Yeah, I just...
203
00:08:47,614 --> 00:08:51,443
you just looked like a Poopkins,
so I, I took a swing.
204
00:08:51,487 --> 00:08:53,228
It-it was, it was stupid.
205
00:08:53,271 --> 00:08:55,578
No, it-it's sweet.
206
00:08:55,622 --> 00:09:00,235
This whole thing is surprisingly sweet.
207
00:09:01,889 --> 00:09:04,761
Oh, my God, I love this story!
208
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:10,019
It's not funny, Shannon.
209
00:09:10,106 --> 00:09:11,502
Wait, wait, wait. Wait.
So what do you do
210
00:09:11,555 --> 00:09:13,161
when people ask how you guys met?
211
00:09:13,204 --> 00:09:14,945
- Oh, my God, what's that?
- What?
212
00:09:14,989 --> 00:09:17,165
That's what I do.
213
00:09:17,208 --> 00:09:19,733
I love that the night you
guys met was so romantic
214
00:09:19,776 --> 00:09:23,127
that he named you Poopkins,
and you don't even remember.
215
00:09:23,171 --> 00:09:24,389
Ha!
216
00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:28,089
What am I gonna do?
217
00:09:28,132 --> 00:09:31,658
Tomorrow night I have to give
a speech about how we met,
218
00:09:31,701 --> 00:09:33,877
and if Nick finds out
that I don't remember,
219
00:09:33,921 --> 00:09:35,096
it'll break his heart.
220
00:09:35,139 --> 00:09:38,926
Hey, um, you always got the other Nick.
221
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:43,234
What? Maybe he's up.
222
00:09:51,582 --> 00:09:54,028
Are you sure this is the
bar where I met Nick?
223
00:09:54,071 --> 00:09:56,117
Tell me everything that you remember.
224
00:09:56,160 --> 00:09:58,598
Girl, I remember everything.
225
00:09:58,641 --> 00:10:00,425
Oh, thank God.
226
00:10:00,469 --> 00:10:02,166
- I love you. Go.
- Okay.
227
00:10:02,210 --> 00:10:06,040
There was a thunderstorm,
so you looked, like, all wet and sexy.
228
00:10:07,345 --> 00:10:09,521
And you saw Nick from across the room.
Your eyes met,
229
00:10:09,565 --> 00:10:11,132
and you turned to me and you said
230
00:10:11,175 --> 00:10:14,701
"That is the man I'm going to marry."
231
00:10:14,744 --> 00:10:16,398
Oh, I did?
232
00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:19,140
Mm-hmm. And as you guys
walked toward each other,
233
00:10:19,183 --> 00:10:21,925
it was as if everyone else
in the bar disappeared.
234
00:10:21,969 --> 00:10:23,318
And then you said
235
00:10:23,361 --> 00:10:25,146
the most romantic thing.
236
00:10:25,189 --> 00:10:26,234
What did I say?
237
00:10:26,277 --> 00:10:30,238
You said, "I'm just a girl,
238
00:10:30,281 --> 00:10:35,069
standing in front of a boy,
asking him to love her."
239
00:10:37,985 --> 00:10:39,987
That's from Notting Hill.
240
00:10:40,030 --> 00:10:42,511
I know. I love that movie.
241
00:10:44,556 --> 00:10:46,384
If you don't remember how I met Nick,
242
00:10:46,428 --> 00:10:47,734
why did you say that you did?
243
00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:50,171
Because, ever since you met Nicky,
244
00:10:50,214 --> 00:10:51,781
you're all in love and boring,
245
00:10:51,825 --> 00:10:54,697
and I really miss day drinking with you.
246
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:03,097
Mmm, Rose.
247
00:11:03,140 --> 00:11:05,316
These little fried cheese
puffs are the bomb.
248
00:11:05,360 --> 00:11:06,578
How did you make these?
249
00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:08,450
They're Cheetos, Walt.
250
00:11:10,060 --> 00:11:11,554
They're Shannon's.
251
00:11:11,580 --> 00:11:14,195
Well, she's got terrific taste.
252
00:11:14,968 --> 00:11:17,328
Oh, look who just walked in.
253
00:11:17,372 --> 00:11:21,115
- Joe.
- Oh, no. It's the competition.
254
00:11:22,116 --> 00:11:24,901
Laugh it up. You'll see.
255
00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:26,076
- Walt.
- Joe!
256
00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:28,296
God, it's good to see you, Walt,
257
00:11:28,339 --> 00:11:30,080
- I feel like it's been forever.
- Hello, Joe.
258
00:11:30,124 --> 00:11:31,429
How you doing, Rose?
259
00:11:34,100 --> 00:11:36,391
Congratulations on your
boy getting married
260
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:37,653
and... o-oh, there he is.
261
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:39,220
Got to give that kid a hug.
262
00:11:39,263 --> 00:11:41,309
- Yeah.
- Wow, Rose.
263
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:44,399
That was some red-hot
knuckle-on-knuckle action.
264
00:11:48,664 --> 00:11:50,622
Hey, Shannon.
265
00:11:50,666 --> 00:11:52,102
Hey, Evan.
266
00:11:52,146 --> 00:11:55,279
Did you notice I've been ignoring you?
267
00:11:56,498 --> 00:11:58,979
No, but, um...
268
00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,241
keep doing it.
269
00:12:02,156 --> 00:12:03,810
So you don't remember how you met.
270
00:12:03,853 --> 00:12:06,638
Just go out there and talk about
something else in your speech.
271
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:09,163
Do that polygamy joke I wrote for you...
272
00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:12,340
It's not just about the speech, Ben.
273
00:12:12,383 --> 00:12:13,689
I have to tell Nick the truth.
274
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:16,126
I mean...
do you think that he'll understand?
275
00:12:16,170 --> 00:12:18,041
Of course he'll understand;
he loves you.
276
00:12:18,594 --> 00:12:20,435
Or he'll dump your ass,
and you're back to being
277
00:12:20,478 --> 00:12:23,133
my hot mess bestie.
It's a win-win, you know?
278
00:12:24,918 --> 00:12:26,180
My dad's running low on Cheetos.
279
00:12:26,223 --> 00:12:28,008
Oh, hey, Ben. I didn't see you come in.
280
00:12:28,051 --> 00:12:29,574
I've been hiding out in the kitchen.
281
00:12:29,618 --> 00:12:32,752
I'm pretty sure I had sex
with one of your cousins.
282
00:12:33,796 --> 00:12:35,058
I don't have a gay cousin.
283
00:12:35,102 --> 00:12:37,234
Oh, honey.
284
00:12:38,279 --> 00:12:40,237
So, Nick, I was thinking,
285
00:12:40,281 --> 00:12:43,588
what if I didn't tell
the story of how we met?
286
00:12:43,632 --> 00:12:45,155
Babe, come on. Everyone wants to hear.
287
00:12:45,199 --> 00:12:46,983
I know, it's just...
288
00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:49,203
it's... it's so good.
289
00:12:49,876 --> 00:12:51,205
And it might make
290
00:12:51,248 --> 00:12:53,294
people feel bad about
their relationships,
291
00:12:53,337 --> 00:12:56,427
and... that's not
what this night is about.
292
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:58,212
Clem, what's going on?
293
00:12:58,255 --> 00:13:00,214
I don't remember how we met.
294
00:13:08,091 --> 00:13:09,353
I'll take these to Daddy.
295
00:13:13,575 --> 00:13:16,273
- You don't remember how we met?
- I was hammered.
296
00:13:16,317 --> 00:13:18,101
And I should have told
you but I didn't tell you
297
00:13:18,145 --> 00:13:21,365
and then I waited too long
and then I couldn't tell you.
298
00:13:21,409 --> 00:13:23,977
I'm sure it was some
super romantic story,
299
00:13:24,020 --> 00:13:25,500
but I don't remember any of it.
300
00:13:25,543 --> 00:13:26,806
I'm sorry.
301
00:13:26,849 --> 00:13:29,765
I don't remember how we met either.
302
00:13:30,684 --> 00:13:33,029
- What?
- I was completely wasted, too.
303
00:13:33,073 --> 00:13:34,335
But you never get wasted.
304
00:13:34,378 --> 00:13:36,598
I had two drinks and...
305
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:39,427
I was taking antibiotics
for my eye infection, so...
306
00:13:39,470 --> 00:13:42,570
Oh, my God, this is such a relief.
307
00:13:44,171 --> 00:13:46,260
Wait, hang on.
308
00:13:46,303 --> 00:13:47,217
Quick question.
309
00:13:47,261 --> 00:13:48,610
If you don't remember meeting me,
310
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,352
then why did you rush to
see me when I texted you?
311
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:54,616
And bring me flowers?
312
00:13:54,659 --> 00:13:58,185
'Cause I'm a big ol' cutie.
313
00:14:00,230 --> 00:14:01,884
No. No, no, no, no, no, no.
314
00:14:01,928 --> 00:14:03,407
They were for a "Poopkins."
315
00:14:04,135 --> 00:14:05,627
Who the hell is Poopkins?
316
00:14:05,670 --> 00:14:08,325
Poopkins...
317
00:14:08,369 --> 00:14:11,763
- was Kristen.
- Your ex-girlfriend?
318
00:14:11,807 --> 00:14:13,113
We had just broken up
319
00:14:13,156 --> 00:14:15,540
and I deleted her number from my phone.
320
00:14:15,985 --> 00:14:17,900
So, when you texted,
I thought it was Kristen
321
00:14:17,944 --> 00:14:19,859
trying to get back together.
322
00:14:19,902 --> 00:14:21,512
Wow.
323
00:14:21,556 --> 00:14:22,818
"Wow"?
324
00:14:22,862 --> 00:14:24,776
Go wow yourself,
because if you don't remember
325
00:14:24,820 --> 00:14:27,257
meeting me, why'd you text, "U up?"
326
00:14:29,869 --> 00:14:33,481
'Cause... I'm a big ol' cutie?
327
00:14:33,524 --> 00:14:36,658
No-no, no-no,
no-no-no-no-no, you thought
328
00:14:36,701 --> 00:14:38,268
you were meeting someone different, too.
329
00:14:38,312 --> 00:14:39,313
Who was it?
330
00:14:39,356 --> 00:14:40,662
Fine, it was a different Nick.
331
00:14:40,705 --> 00:14:41,793
Which Nick?
332
00:14:41,837 --> 00:14:44,274
This dentist that I used
to hook up with.
333
00:14:44,318 --> 00:14:47,669
You were texting your booty call Nick?
334
00:14:47,712 --> 00:14:48,975
Booty Call Nick?
335
00:14:49,654 --> 00:14:51,029
Unbelievable.
336
00:14:51,129 --> 00:14:53,457
What's unbelievable is
that you were trying
337
00:14:53,501 --> 00:14:55,895
to get back together with
a woman that you loved.
338
00:14:55,938 --> 00:14:58,898
Well, at least I wasn't trying to bone
any random Nick in my phone!
339
00:15:00,508 --> 00:15:04,686
It's time to play The Nearly-Wed Game!
340
00:15:04,729 --> 00:15:07,177
Clem and Nick, come on down!
341
00:15:12,556 --> 00:15:17,486
Okay, everyone,
Nick and Clem are getting married!
342
00:15:17,794 --> 00:15:20,745
But how well do they know each other?
343
00:15:20,789 --> 00:15:22,791
Not as well as we thought we did.
344
00:15:24,227 --> 00:15:25,837
I'll do the jokes here.
345
00:15:25,881 --> 00:15:27,535
All right.
346
00:15:27,578 --> 00:15:28,753
Here's how it works.
347
00:15:28,797 --> 00:15:30,320
I'll ask one of you a question,
348
00:15:30,364 --> 00:15:33,106
and then the other will
write down what you think
349
00:15:33,149 --> 00:15:34,237
your fianc� will say.
350
00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:36,544
All right. Question number one:
351
00:15:36,587 --> 00:15:39,373
Nick, what is the silliest nickname
352
00:15:39,416 --> 00:15:40,983
you've ever called Clem?
353
00:15:41,598 --> 00:15:42,985
Are you ready?
354
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:44,204
Nick, what do you say?
355
00:15:44,247 --> 00:15:47,076
Uh, I'm gonna say "Big Toe."
356
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,470
Because her pinky toe
looks like a thumb.
357
00:15:51,607 --> 00:15:52,647
Clem, what you got?
358
00:15:53,691 --> 00:15:56,346
"Poopkins."
359
00:15:56,978 --> 00:15:58,131
Sorry, 0 for 1.
360
00:15:58,174 --> 00:16:00,960
All right, next question.
361
00:16:01,003 --> 00:16:04,876
Clem, what would Nick say
was the best vacation
362
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,269
you guys ever took?
363
00:16:06,313 --> 00:16:08,968
Nick, to your board. All right, Clem.
364
00:16:09,011 --> 00:16:11,753
Best vacation, what's your answer?
365
00:16:12,884 --> 00:16:15,670
I don't know, some Airbnb in Bridgeport.
366
00:16:15,713 --> 00:16:18,542
Well, it's not Paris,
but you guys are still young.
367
00:16:18,586 --> 00:16:19,891
Nick!
368
00:16:19,935 --> 00:16:21,763
Show me Bridgeport!
369
00:16:22,807 --> 00:16:25,549
"Ask her about Booty Call Nick."
370
00:16:28,813 --> 00:16:30,080
Okay, um...
371
00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:32,339
I think I'm done with this game.
372
00:16:32,382 --> 00:16:34,863
No-no, no-no. We are not done here.
373
00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:36,299
Whoa, son, son.
374
00:16:36,343 --> 00:16:37,866
What's going on? Are you guys okay?
375
00:16:37,909 --> 00:16:40,390
I just always thought we were...
376
00:16:40,434 --> 00:16:41,870
like one of those great
couples from the movies
377
00:16:41,913 --> 00:16:43,350
who were destined to be together.
378
00:16:43,393 --> 00:16:46,657
Turns out, we're not.
379
00:16:46,701 --> 00:16:48,790
But...
380
00:16:48,833 --> 00:16:50,444
Uh... All right, give me the mic.
381
00:16:50,487 --> 00:16:51,662
I'm making the speech.
382
00:16:51,706 --> 00:16:54,013
Uh, do I need to warn the church people?
383
00:16:55,057 --> 00:16:57,059
Hello, old people.
384
00:16:59,192 --> 00:17:00,497
I'm Clem's sister, Shannon.
385
00:17:00,541 --> 00:17:02,499
Oh, God. What is she doing?
386
00:17:02,543 --> 00:17:04,849
See, Clem was supposed
to give a speech tonight
387
00:17:04,893 --> 00:17:06,155
about how her and Nick met.
388
00:17:06,199 --> 00:17:07,461
But the problem is,
389
00:17:07,504 --> 00:17:08,940
she doesn't remember
anything about that night
390
00:17:08,984 --> 00:17:10,290
because she was a drunk mess.
391
00:17:11,653 --> 00:17:13,380
Because she used to be fun.
392
00:17:13,423 --> 00:17:15,991
I'll drink to that.
393
00:17:16,035 --> 00:17:17,993
And Nick here doesn't
remember anything either
394
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,039
because he's a little
baby who can't handle
395
00:17:20,082 --> 00:17:21,910
a Z-Pak and a Chardonnay.
396
00:17:23,101 --> 00:17:25,827
And that could have been
the end of the story, but no.
397
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:28,699
Destiny brought them back together.
398
00:17:28,743 --> 00:17:30,745
Come on, guys, seriously,
think about it.
399
00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:32,877
Think about all the
stars that had to align
400
00:17:32,921 --> 00:17:34,183
to make this happen.
401
00:17:34,227 --> 00:17:36,707
Nick had to have been
pathetically obsessing
402
00:17:36,751 --> 00:17:40,537
over his ex and Clem had to have
accidentally texted the wrong guy
403
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:42,409
because she was horny
for man meat... it's beautiful.
404
00:17:43,410 --> 00:17:46,282
It's beautiful.
405
00:17:46,326 --> 00:17:48,110
You two are exactly
like those lame couples
406
00:17:48,154 --> 00:17:49,981
in those stupid rom-coms you love.
407
00:17:50,025 --> 00:17:52,027
Dude, it's such a clich�.
The gay best friend.
408
00:17:53,076 --> 00:17:55,900
The cynical sister who
makes the dope speech
409
00:17:55,944 --> 00:17:57,772
that brings the couple back together.
410
00:17:59,295 --> 00:18:01,167
Here's to Nick and Clem...
411
00:18:01,210 --> 00:18:03,038
who made me believe in destiny.
412
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:05,997
Blech.
413
00:18:07,956 --> 00:18:09,436
See?
414
00:18:09,479 --> 00:18:10,785
We were meant to be.
415
00:18:10,828 --> 00:18:12,047
I know.
416
00:18:12,091 --> 00:18:13,701
We're just a pair of big ol' cuties.
417
00:18:16,225 --> 00:18:17,618
You're welcome.
418
00:18:22,608 --> 00:18:23,145
Rose.
419
00:18:23,189 --> 00:18:25,191
- Joe.
- I got to tell you
420
00:18:25,234 --> 00:18:27,584
that what the kids
said really got to me.
421
00:18:27,628 --> 00:18:29,760
- Oh.
- You are my destiny.
422
00:18:29,804 --> 00:18:30,979
And I've always loved you.
423
00:18:31,022 --> 00:18:32,546
Can you say that to Walt?
424
00:18:33,590 --> 00:18:36,202
- No. No. Oh, no.
- What...
425
00:18:38,795 --> 00:18:41,903
Well, can you text me?
So I can have proof.
426
00:18:45,602 --> 00:18:46,821
I heard your speech.
427
00:18:46,864 --> 00:18:49,432
You know, in every rom-com,
the cynical girl
428
00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:51,652
always winds up with the lovable loser.
429
00:18:51,695 --> 00:18:53,436
That's me.
430
00:18:54,272 --> 00:18:56,047
Yeah, I don't think so, kid.
431
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:58,789
Oh, but, um, come here.
432
00:18:58,833 --> 00:19:01,009
If you steal me a couple beers,
433
00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:02,706
I'll let you get to zero base.
434
00:19:03,568 --> 00:19:04,752
What's zero base?
435
00:19:04,795 --> 00:19:06,493
It's where nothing happens,
436
00:19:06,536 --> 00:19:08,756
but you get to watch me drink beers.
437
00:19:09,605 --> 00:19:10,436
Sold!
438
00:19:18,940 --> 00:19:20,202
They're so cute.
439
00:19:20,246 --> 00:19:21,682
We're gonna be like them some day.
440
00:19:21,725 --> 00:19:22,770
I hope so.
441
00:19:22,813 --> 00:19:26,817
You know, at least we'll never forget
the night that we met because...
442
00:19:26,861 --> 00:19:28,906
we don't remember it.
443
00:19:28,950 --> 00:19:32,083
Well, if it was anything
like our relationship,
444
00:19:32,127 --> 00:19:34,695
it was probably the most
magical night of all time.
445
00:19:35,826 --> 00:19:36,826
_
446
00:19:36,827 --> 00:19:38,133
Yo, dude.
447
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,787
My girlfriend broke up with me tonight.
448
00:19:40,589 --> 00:19:41,919
I don't care.
449
00:19:43,617 --> 00:19:44,922
I don't.
450
00:19:44,966 --> 00:19:47,273
I am totally over it.
451
00:19:47,316 --> 00:19:50,232
I am... moving on.
452
00:19:50,276 --> 00:19:51,973
Good for you.
453
00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:54,062
I even deleted her phone number.
454
00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:58,588
So I can never call Poopkins again.
455
00:19:58,632 --> 00:20:00,460
Let's go.
456
00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,770
The drink fairy left me a drink.
457
00:20:06,814 --> 00:20:08,859
Hey, that's mine.
458
00:20:08,903 --> 00:20:10,339
Whoa... Oh, you're hot.
459
00:20:10,383 --> 00:20:12,559
I mean, it's hot... in here.
460
00:20:12,602 --> 00:20:14,038
And you're hot.
461
00:20:14,082 --> 00:20:16,215
I'm so sweaty.
462
00:20:17,002 --> 00:20:19,783
- Oh, my God. Are you crying?
- No.
463
00:20:19,827 --> 00:20:21,263
I have an eye infection.
464
00:20:21,307 --> 00:20:22,699
Can I have your number?
465
00:20:25,006 --> 00:20:27,182
Why don't... you give me yours?
466
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:28,836
Okay.
467
00:20:30,272 --> 00:20:31,404
There you go.
468
00:20:31,447 --> 00:20:32,492
Call me.
469
00:20:33,116 --> 00:20:35,712
- Nick.
- Hey, that's me.
470
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:39,455
Okay, bye.
471
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,242
Take that, Poopkins.
472
00:20:43,963 --> 00:20:45,363
You gonna call that dude?
473
00:20:46,288 --> 00:20:47,492
The crying one?
474
00:20:48,334 --> 00:20:51,119
I'm never gonna see that guy ever again.
475
00:20:53,077 --> 00:20:55,602
It must have been
the greatest night ever.
476
00:21:23,038 --> 00:21:25,040
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www.addic7ed.com
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