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1
00:00:01,460 --> 00:00:02,929
Remember, don't get my dad
started
2
00:00:02,930 --> 00:00:04,729
on the economy,
the state of the rail network,
3
00:00:04,730 --> 00:00:06,199
or Michael Bubl?!
4
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:07,899
Do not mention Michael Bubl?!
5
00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:09,259
Just noticed,
6
00:00:09,260 --> 00:00:11,299
you're quite sexy
when you're anxious.
7
00:00:11,300 --> 00:00:13,099
Hey!
8
00:00:13,100 --> 00:00:16,259
Don't say anything like that
in front of my mum, will you?
9
00:00:16,260 --> 00:00:18,059
In fact, don't say anything
to my mum at first.
10
00:00:18,060 --> 00:00:19,399
Just leave her to look around.
11
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,359
Let her come to you, assess you,
see you're not a threat.
12
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:23,899
You're making her sound
like a grizzly bear.
13
00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:25,129
Grizzly bear!
14
00:00:25,130 --> 00:00:26,459
Good.
Keep that thought.
15
00:00:26,460 --> 00:00:28,229
I've haven't wrapped
her present yet.
16
00:00:28,230 --> 00:00:29,559
And we haven't done enough food.
17
00:00:29,560 --> 00:00:30,899
And I've still got
to get changed and --
18
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,699
[Sniffs]
19
00:00:32,700 --> 00:00:33,959
[Gasps]
20
00:00:33,960 --> 00:00:35,299
Do I smell of dog?
21
00:00:35,300 --> 00:00:36,929
So sexy.
22
00:00:36,930 --> 00:00:39,459
Would you please go and have
a cold shower? Please.
23
00:00:39,460 --> 00:00:41,029
It's going to be fine, trust me.
24
00:00:41,030 --> 00:00:42,529
Just do what I always
do in tough meetings --
25
00:00:42,530 --> 00:00:44,759
you think of the other person
with no clothes on.
26
00:00:44,760 --> 00:00:46,130
Completely naked.
27
00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:51,560
Doesn't really work
with parents, does it?
28
00:00:53,300 --> 00:00:54,630
[Blows raspberry]
29
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,999
30
00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:04,200
Subtitle by peritta
31
00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:12,129
WOMAN: Why can't she ever go out
with someone normal?
32
00:01:12,130 --> 00:01:13,959
That's what I'd like to know.
33
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:16,199
If it's not some weirdo
covered in tattoos,
34
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:18,929
it's someone with dreadlocks,
or a Liberal Democrat.
35
00:01:18,930 --> 00:01:21,629
Why can't she go out with one
of the vets she works with?
36
00:01:21,630 --> 00:01:22,929
They're almost doctors,
37
00:01:22,930 --> 00:01:24,699
respectable -- but no.
38
00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:26,629
I suppose we should have known
what to expect from her
39
00:01:26,630 --> 00:01:27,759
when she married Larry.
40
00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:29,129
["Wedding March" plays]
41
00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:30,659
[Barks]
42
00:01:30,660 --> 00:01:32,359
She was only six.
43
00:01:32,360 --> 00:01:34,259
Yes, and now she's 33,
and seeing a man
44
00:01:34,260 --> 00:01:35,759
old enough
to be her own father!
45
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:36,929
Emma!
46
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,929
Don't worry,
I'll be supportive of them.
47
00:01:38,930 --> 00:01:40,929
It.
The relationship.
48
00:01:40,930 --> 00:01:42,859
I won't mention that people in
the street will stare at them.
49
00:01:42,860 --> 00:01:44,699
That when he was 33,
she was 7.
50
00:01:44,700 --> 00:01:46,459
Emma!
51
00:01:46,460 --> 00:01:48,129
That my stomach churns when
I think about them together.
52
00:01:48,130 --> 00:01:49,599
That I'll cringe
with embarrassment
53
00:01:49,600 --> 00:01:51,259
if our friends
and acquaintances find out!
54
00:01:51,260 --> 00:01:53,859
Emma, If you don't shut up,
I'm getting a tattoo!
55
00:01:53,860 --> 00:01:56,359
And joining
the Liberal Democrats!
56
00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:57,959
No need to get worked up, Clive.
57
00:01:57,960 --> 00:01:59,529
[Mobile rings]
58
00:01:59,530 --> 00:02:01,899
At least one of our daughters
turned out normal.
59
00:02:01,900 --> 00:02:03,229
WOMAN:
Honestly, I will throttle
60
00:02:03,230 --> 00:02:04,759
the next person
who farts in this car --
61
00:02:04,760 --> 00:02:06,359
man or child!
62
00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,099
Sorry, Mum, we had burritos
last night.
63
00:02:08,100 --> 00:02:10,699
Hey, put us on speaker,
we've got a surprise for you.
64
00:02:10,700 --> 00:02:12,099
And 2...3...4!
65
00:02:12,100 --> 00:02:14,399
Happy birthday to you
66
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,599
One time!
67
00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,029
Happy birthday to you
68
00:02:18,030 --> 00:02:19,059
Two time!
69
00:02:19,060 --> 00:02:22,359
- Happy birthday, dear Mum
- Grandma
70
00:02:22,360 --> 00:02:26,929
Happy birthday
to you
71
00:02:26,930 --> 00:02:29,399
Happy birthday, Mum!
72
00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:30,730
Mum?
73
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:32,499
Mum?
74
00:02:32,500 --> 00:02:33,999
She must've gone into a tunnel.
75
00:02:34,000 --> 00:02:35,429
Or died of shame.
76
00:02:35,430 --> 00:02:36,829
Kirsten just sent me a text.
77
00:02:36,830 --> 00:02:38,099
They're all going to Ibiza
this summer.
78
00:02:38,100 --> 00:02:39,359
I can go, can't I?
79
00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:40,659
-Ha!
-Why not?!
80
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,529
You're too young, I don't
trust your boyfriend,
81
00:02:42,530 --> 00:02:44,259
and you'll get drunk
and fall off a balcony.
82
00:02:44,260 --> 00:02:45,759
K.O., Mum!
83
00:02:45,760 --> 00:02:47,359
Is your hearing
going in old age?
84
00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,529
-I'm not going with Jake! Dad?
-Yeah, you can go.
85
00:02:49,530 --> 00:02:52,059
-Yes!
-Keith?
86
00:02:52,060 --> 00:02:53,759
As long as you've got
the money to pay for it.
87
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:55,499
Which you haven't.
88
00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:56,729
Oh, K.O., Dad!
89
00:02:56,730 --> 00:02:58,399
Well played, sir.
90
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,599
You do know you're adopted,
don't you?
91
00:03:00,600 --> 00:03:02,429
Ellie! Today's going to be hard
enough without you acting up.
92
00:03:02,430 --> 00:03:05,759
God knows what this new fella
of your auntie's is like.
93
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:07,059
What kind of a man
goes out with a woman
94
00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:08,299
26 years younger than him?
95
00:03:08,300 --> 00:03:09,729
A lucky man.
96
00:03:09,730 --> 00:03:11,759
Did I just say that out loud?
97
00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:13,329
He's probably sleazy.
98
00:03:13,330 --> 00:03:16,559
He's got some horrible illness,
having one last fling
99
00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,129
with a young, hot woman
before he snuffs it.
100
00:03:19,130 --> 00:03:21,099
Not that I'm saying Lauren's
overly hot.
101
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:22,329
Well, she's hotter than you are.
102
00:03:22,330 --> 00:03:23,829
Oh? Is she?
103
00:03:23,830 --> 00:03:25,459
That's a shame, because
it's a well-known fact
104
00:03:25,460 --> 00:03:27,499
that daughters end up
looking like their mothers.
105
00:03:27,500 --> 00:03:28,899
Read it and weep!
106
00:03:28,900 --> 00:03:31,499
Tha-that's not true!
It can't be!
107
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:32,929
Oh, it is, love.
108
00:03:32,930 --> 00:03:35,829
I've noticed your mum's
started to get
109
00:03:35,830 --> 00:03:37,929
that pouty, annoyed face
that your grandma gets.
110
00:03:37,930 --> 00:03:40,429
I look nothing like my mum!
111
00:03:40,430 --> 00:03:41,499
And I never will.
112
00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:43,129
I moisturize, for one thing,
113
00:03:43,130 --> 00:03:45,059
so I won't get
her crow's feet.
114
00:03:45,060 --> 00:03:48,099
EMMA ON MOBILE: You're aware
I can still hear you, Deborah?
115
00:03:48,100 --> 00:03:50,329
Acknowledge me, Deborah!
116
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,399
Deborah!
117
00:03:52,400 --> 00:03:54,600
[Laughter]
118
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:04,659
If you build it, he will come.
119
00:04:04,660 --> 00:04:06,299
Shame I can't have any.
120
00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:07,699
Why not?
121
00:04:07,700 --> 00:04:09,199
He's trying to lose weight.
122
00:04:09,200 --> 00:04:11,729
He's even got a hypnotherapist
coming round.
123
00:04:11,730 --> 00:04:13,729
Here? Today?
My parents are coming!
124
00:04:13,730 --> 00:04:15,359
Probably be better if he's
asleep -- less chance of him
125
00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:16,999
saying something wrong.
126
00:04:17,000 --> 00:04:19,359
I can't cancel.
She's booked up for months.
127
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:20,659
Look, Alan,
128
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:23,129
forget hypnosis,
just eat less.
129
00:04:23,130 --> 00:04:24,399
No, no, no, it's not
as simple as that.
130
00:04:24,400 --> 00:04:25,729
I've got the wrong kind of DNA.
131
00:04:25,730 --> 00:04:27,559
Uh,
I'm your brother.
132
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:29,629
My dad worked in a crisp factory
when I was little.
133
00:04:29,630 --> 00:04:31,229
He was forever bringing
home boxes of samples.
134
00:04:31,230 --> 00:04:32,999
I never stood a chance.
135
00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:35,299
Again!
Brother!
136
00:04:35,300 --> 00:04:38,699
If I get thin, toned,
then I can meet someone
137
00:04:38,700 --> 00:04:40,459
to go to restaurants with,
go on picnics with.
138
00:04:40,460 --> 00:04:42,299
Someone to drive to the coast,
139
00:04:42,300 --> 00:04:44,559
for ice cream
and fish and chips.
140
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:46,529
Someone to tell you you've piled
the weight back on.
141
00:04:46,530 --> 00:04:48,699
Look, forget hypnotherapy.
142
00:04:48,700 --> 00:04:51,899
I've got a surefire way
of helping you lose weight.
143
00:04:51,900 --> 00:04:55,129
Stop eating cake!
144
00:04:55,130 --> 00:04:57,659
Hmm.
145
00:04:57,660 --> 00:05:01,799
And put some clothes on.
146
00:05:01,800 --> 00:05:03,299
Oh, Alan doesn't mind.
147
00:05:03,300 --> 00:05:05,299
It's a sibling's job
to tell the truth.
148
00:05:05,300 --> 00:05:07,959
You're not going to be that
blunt with my mum, are you?
149
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:09,759
She doesn't respond
well to jokes.
150
00:05:09,760 --> 00:05:11,799
Or ribbing.
Or other's people's opinions.
151
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,729
Whatever she says, whatever
she does, I will bite my tongue.
152
00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:16,359
I'll...
153
00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:18,459
just tap her on the nose
like a naughty puppy.
154
00:05:18,460 --> 00:05:19,559
[Barks]
155
00:05:19,560 --> 00:05:21,100
[Doorbell rings]
156
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,399
CLIVE:
Well, he's got a big house.
157
00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:28,459
Yes, so have dictators
and drug barons.
158
00:05:28,460 --> 00:05:31,129
Just remember, if he's bald,
fat, smelly, just smile,
159
00:05:31,130 --> 00:05:33,099
and talk about the weath--
[Laughs]
160
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,529
Lauren!
Hug!
161
00:05:34,530 --> 00:05:35,929
And you must be Ed!
162
00:05:35,930 --> 00:05:37,399
Own hair, teeth, good.
163
00:05:37,400 --> 00:05:39,629
And about time we met!
164
00:05:39,630 --> 00:05:41,299
How long is it you've
been courting now?
165
00:05:41,300 --> 00:05:43,099
4 months and 12 days.
166
00:05:43,100 --> 00:05:45,799
Clive, why has it taken
us so long to meet Ed?
167
00:05:45,800 --> 00:05:47,199
You said your stomach
churned
168
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,759
every time you pictured
them together.
169
00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:52,099
His little jokes.
170
00:05:52,100 --> 00:05:53,799
Your little jokes!
171
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:55,229
Oh, God.
172
00:05:55,230 --> 00:05:57,029
Don't worry, I'll handle it.
173
00:05:57,030 --> 00:05:59,960
Not her...
Her.
174
00:06:03,030 --> 00:06:06,199
Spying on us
with binoculars now?
175
00:06:06,200 --> 00:06:08,029
Don't flatter yourself,
Eddie Bear.
176
00:06:08,030 --> 00:06:10,329
Thought I saw an eagle
on your hanging basket.
177
00:06:10,330 --> 00:06:11,929
I haven't got a hanging basket.
178
00:06:11,930 --> 00:06:14,029
Eagle flew off with it.
179
00:06:14,030 --> 00:06:15,499
Who's that woman?
180
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:17,029
That's Lydia.
181
00:06:17,030 --> 00:06:20,129
A lady who lives next door...
Ed's ex-wife.
182
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:22,859
You are bloody kidding!
Really?
183
00:06:22,860 --> 00:06:24,499
-Mm-hmm.
-Cozy!
184
00:06:24,500 --> 00:06:26,459
"A birthday party
for Lauren's mum."
185
00:06:26,460 --> 00:06:28,429
God, you really know
how to twist the knife,
186
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,829
don't you, Eddie?
187
00:06:29,830 --> 00:06:32,429
No one asked you to rent
the house next door.
188
00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:36,799
I wanted to stay close to our
friends, our lovely neighbors.
189
00:06:36,800 --> 00:06:39,529
Oi!
Number 7!
190
00:06:39,530 --> 00:06:43,929
Keep that rat off my lawn,
else I'm buying a crossbow!
191
00:06:43,930 --> 00:06:46,599
So, Ed's still friends with her?
192
00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:48,029
Not "friends," as such.
193
00:06:48,030 --> 00:06:49,829
They divorced three years ago.
194
00:06:49,830 --> 00:06:51,329
Lydia was quite fragile,
195
00:06:51,330 --> 00:06:53,759
so Ed promised his kids
and his grandkids,
196
00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:55,029
he'd keep an eye on her.
197
00:06:55,030 --> 00:06:57,199
He's a grandfather!
198
00:06:57,200 --> 00:06:58,959
He's a grandfather.
199
00:06:58,960 --> 00:07:01,699
Does she still come round here?
200
00:07:01,700 --> 00:07:03,229
Sometimes.
201
00:07:03,230 --> 00:07:04,699
If we forget to lock
the doors and windows.
202
00:07:04,700 --> 00:07:06,199
Actually, let's get inside now.
203
00:07:06,200 --> 00:07:08,199
She's got a really good
throwing arm, come on.
204
00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:09,529
LYDIA: Look at us.
205
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:12,229
Me over here, you over there
206
00:07:12,230 --> 00:07:13,559
with that gold-digging strumpet.
207
00:07:13,560 --> 00:07:15,399
Where did it all go wrong
for us?
208
00:07:15,400 --> 00:07:16,999
Well, that's a poser,
isn't it?
209
00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:18,899
for me it was when I found
out you'd cheated on me.
210
00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:21,229
-Everyone makes mistakes.
-With two different men.
211
00:07:21,230 --> 00:07:22,899
-So not that many.
-For 18 months.
212
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,529
You won't let that drop,
will you?
213
00:07:24,530 --> 00:07:26,859
This is an important day
for Lauren, can you please
214
00:07:26,860 --> 00:07:30,659
not do anything crazy
or weird for the next few hours?
215
00:07:30,660 --> 00:07:33,399
I can't promise that, no,
but, I will allow your soir?e
216
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:35,829
if you'll do me one small favor
in return.
217
00:07:35,830 --> 00:07:36,929
Go on.
218
00:07:36,930 --> 00:07:38,560
Take me back
so we can start again.
219
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,029
She'll break your heart!
220
00:07:41,030 --> 00:07:43,860
And when she does, don't come
crawling back to me!
221
00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:46,660
Call me!
222
00:07:47,760 --> 00:07:50,499
That's not a fridge,
it's a double wardrobe.
223
00:07:50,500 --> 00:07:51,929
What is it he does again?
224
00:07:51,930 --> 00:07:53,399
He owns a few car garages.
225
00:07:53,400 --> 00:07:54,699
EMMA: Garages.
226
00:07:54,700 --> 00:07:56,159
Your dad took the car
227
00:07:56,160 --> 00:07:57,399
to one of those Walker's Wheels
last week.
228
00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:01,099
They charged us ?80
just for a new set of wipers!
229
00:08:01,100 --> 00:08:02,429
[Laughs]
230
00:08:02,430 --> 00:08:04,459
Oh no.
What's Ed's surname?
231
00:08:04,460 --> 00:08:05,829
Can't remember.
232
00:08:05,830 --> 00:08:07,129
You don't remember your
own boyfriend's surname?
233
00:08:07,130 --> 00:08:09,230
Early days.
He hasn't told me yet.
234
00:08:10,430 --> 00:08:12,629
Fine! It's Walker!
He owns Walker's Wheels.
235
00:08:12,630 --> 00:08:14,059
Just don't tell Dad,
he'll lecture.
236
00:08:14,060 --> 00:08:16,499
Ed'll get you a refund.
237
00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:18,259
Don't be silly!
No need for that.
238
00:08:18,260 --> 00:08:19,829
It's not as if Ed's family,
is it?
239
00:08:19,830 --> 00:08:21,159
He's not family, Lauren.
240
00:08:21,160 --> 00:08:23,599
What's Dad got in his hand?
241
00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,799
Looks like an old piece of...
242
00:08:26,800 --> 00:08:28,259
Oh, my God!
243
00:08:28,260 --> 00:08:30,799
He's not asking Ed
the Questions, is he?
244
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,659
CLIVE: Do you ride a motorbike?
245
00:08:32,660 --> 00:08:34,259
-ED: No.
-CLIVE: Good.
246
00:08:34,260 --> 00:08:36,129
-Have you got a job?
-I own a few garages.
247
00:08:36,130 --> 00:08:37,599
Do you?
248
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,129
I had run-in with a garage
only last week.
249
00:08:40,130 --> 00:08:42,459
And sorry, I should've
updated this,
250
00:08:42,460 --> 00:08:44,829
only Lauren's
had so many boyfriends,
251
00:08:44,830 --> 00:08:46,329
it's ingrained.
252
00:08:46,330 --> 00:08:49,459
I'll skip the part about
her A-Levels coming up.
253
00:08:49,460 --> 00:08:51,929
Have you ever been
in trouble with the law?
254
00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:53,259
No. Yes.
255
00:08:53,260 --> 00:08:55,429
1964. Caught scrumping.
256
00:08:55,430 --> 00:08:57,059
Are you a habitual drug user?
257
00:08:57,060 --> 00:08:58,559
Does Gaviscon count?
258
00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:00,499
I shouldn't think so, no.
259
00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:01,959
And finally...Ed.
260
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:06,159
Do you or do you not know
how to put on a condom?
261
00:09:06,160 --> 00:09:07,999
[Knocking on window]
262
00:09:08,000 --> 00:09:10,860
Stop! Stop!
Stop asking the Questions!
263
00:09:15,960 --> 00:09:17,530
Mr. Alan Walker?
264
00:09:23,560 --> 00:09:24,959
I'm --
265
00:09:24,960 --> 00:09:27,129
Beautiful.
Sorry.
266
00:09:27,130 --> 00:09:28,699
Rachel.
267
00:09:28,700 --> 00:09:30,299
Your hypnotherapist,
268
00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:32,730
Of course. I am feeling sleepy,
very, very sleepy.
269
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:35,799
I'm not, I'm joking.
270
00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:37,399
Please, come in.
271
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:41,029
If you'd like to go down
to the study,
272
00:09:41,030 --> 00:09:44,630
I'll go and pop on
some pants.
273
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:52,499
[All gasping]
274
00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:54,399
ELLIE: Ugh.
275
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,459
Auntie Lauren
must be well desperate.
276
00:09:56,460 --> 00:09:57,899
Keith, stop staring.
277
00:09:57,900 --> 00:09:59,229
KEITH:
But it's gray down there.
278
00:09:59,230 --> 00:10:01,459
I never...
When does that happen?
279
00:10:01,460 --> 00:10:03,129
Keith!
280
00:10:03,130 --> 00:10:05,499
LAUREN: No harm done, Charlie!
281
00:10:05,500 --> 00:10:07,329
I bet you hardly
saw anything, did you?
282
00:10:07,330 --> 00:10:09,559
It looked like Albert Einstein.
283
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:12,129
EMMA: So not only does
your ex-wife next door,
284
00:10:12,130 --> 00:10:15,459
but your naturist brother
lives with you, too?
285
00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:16,699
Until he's back on his feet.
Yeah.
286
00:10:16,700 --> 00:10:18,359
EMMA: And when will that be?
287
00:10:18,360 --> 00:10:20,229
Once we've trained him
to dress himself.
288
00:10:20,230 --> 00:10:21,659
KEITH: These two delinquents
are mine.
289
00:10:21,660 --> 00:10:23,229
This is Charlie,
290
00:10:23,230 --> 00:10:25,059
a.k.a. C-3PO.
291
00:10:25,060 --> 00:10:26,699
He's always breaking himself,
292
00:10:26,700 --> 00:10:27,959
we're always putting him
back together.
293
00:10:27,960 --> 00:10:29,959
Mad on "Star Wars," aren't you,
3PO?
294
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:31,659
No, it's rubbish.
295
00:10:31,660 --> 00:10:33,459
Ha! He says the same thing
296
00:10:33,460 --> 00:10:36,159
about my Scalextric --
his Scalextric.
297
00:10:36,160 --> 00:10:38,159
And this is Ellie,
298
00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:40,959
who's pestering to go
away on holiday to Ibiza.
299
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:42,529
Great idea -- yeah, my daughter
went at a similar age.
300
00:10:42,530 --> 00:10:44,800
-Loved it.
-Ooh!
301
00:10:46,030 --> 00:10:49,160
KEITH: Yeah.
We've said she can't go.
302
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:52,159
So what do you think of him?
303
00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,559
How old would you say he was,
304
00:10:54,560 --> 00:10:56,699
I mean, if you saw him
in the street. 50?
305
00:10:56,700 --> 00:10:58,129
-Mmm.
-40?
306
00:10:58,130 --> 00:11:01,029
30? Come on, Debs, even I know
he doesn't look 30.
307
00:11:01,030 --> 00:11:02,960
Anyway, it's not
just about his looks.
308
00:11:05,560 --> 00:11:09,429
Ed's just...just Ed.
309
00:11:09,430 --> 00:11:10,429
We just fit.
310
00:11:10,430 --> 00:11:11,799
You mean you're both idiots?
311
00:11:11,800 --> 00:11:13,529
It's a nice house
for an idiot, though.
312
00:11:13,530 --> 00:11:15,129
Mmm.
313
00:11:15,130 --> 00:11:16,929
I assume you're not paying
half the mortgage?
314
00:11:16,930 --> 00:11:18,599
But I pay half
of everything else.
315
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:20,899
Half the bills, half the food,
half the sexy undies.
316
00:11:20,900 --> 00:11:22,529
-What?
-Think I need a drink.
317
00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:23,799
We've just got you one.
318
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,730
Mmm.
319
00:11:34,430 --> 00:11:37,229
Yeah, I've struggled
with me weight all me life.
320
00:11:37,230 --> 00:11:38,599
The name calling.
321
00:11:38,600 --> 00:11:40,559
"Fatty," "Tubby."
"Three-seats Alan."
322
00:11:40,560 --> 00:11:42,559
Mum could be so cruel.
323
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:43,929
You shouldn't let it get to you.
324
00:11:43,930 --> 00:11:45,429
Lots of women
prefer larger men.
325
00:11:45,430 --> 00:11:46,699
It's true.
326
00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:48,199
I do.
327
00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,559
They're more protective,
more snugly.
328
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:55,959
Plus, standing next to a fat man
makes you look loads thinner.
329
00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,299
Hey, don't let your husband
catch you saying that.
330
00:11:57,300 --> 00:11:59,099
Haven't got one.
I'm single.
331
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,599
Is that so?
332
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:03,929
Actually, Rachel,
333
00:12:03,930 --> 00:12:05,859
I don't think I want
hypnotherapy now.
334
00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:08,629
Relax, it's completely safe.
335
00:12:08,630 --> 00:12:10,529
I'm sure it is,
but it's work for you.
336
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:11,859
We could do something else.
337
00:12:11,860 --> 00:12:14,029
My brother's hosting a party.
There's a buffet.
338
00:12:14,030 --> 00:12:16,659
You could watch me
eat a pork pie.
339
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:17,859
If you don't want a session,
340
00:12:17,860 --> 00:12:19,529
then I'll be off
to my next patient.
341
00:12:19,530 --> 00:12:21,959
Okay, then I do want
hypnotherapy.
342
00:12:21,960 --> 00:12:24,300
I want you to stay.
343
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:29,629
Let's get rid of this belly.
344
00:12:29,630 --> 00:12:32,830
This belly...right here.
345
00:12:34,660 --> 00:12:36,959
So, you don't approve
of me and Ed?
346
00:12:36,960 --> 00:12:39,329
Not now -- Mum's about to lie
about her presents.
347
00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:42,459
EMMA: Oooh! I love it!
348
00:12:42,460 --> 00:12:43,629
I love it!
I love it!
349
00:12:43,630 --> 00:12:45,029
The receipt's in the pocket.
350
00:12:45,030 --> 00:12:46,629
Thank you.
351
00:12:46,630 --> 00:12:48,429
And who's this from?
352
00:12:48,430 --> 00:12:51,129
"Ed and Lauren."
353
00:12:51,130 --> 00:12:53,329
Not "Lauren and Ed,"
"Ed and Lauren."
354
00:12:53,330 --> 00:12:55,159
I see.
355
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,029
Oh.
356
00:12:57,030 --> 00:12:59,529
Oh, it's...
357
00:12:59,530 --> 00:13:01,329
It's fantastic!
358
00:13:01,330 --> 00:13:03,359
What is it?
359
00:13:03,360 --> 00:13:05,559
It's a homemade banana hanger!
It's for hanging bananas off.
360
00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:07,929
Oh. I've banned bananas.
361
00:13:07,930 --> 00:13:09,659
They're too much hassle.
362
00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:11,559
I swear, they can go straight
through your father in an hour.
363
00:13:11,560 --> 00:13:13,099
Emma!
364
00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,429
LYDIA: Sorry I'm late, everyone!
365
00:13:15,430 --> 00:13:17,559
Get your feet
off that sofa, kid.
366
00:13:17,560 --> 00:13:20,399
Happy birthday,
Lauren's mum!
367
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:21,759
What's she doing here?
368
00:13:21,760 --> 00:13:23,399
I dunno.
369
00:13:23,400 --> 00:13:24,599
I thought we'd double-bolted
the door.
370
00:13:24,600 --> 00:13:25,929
Don't worry, Lauren's mum,
371
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:27,730
I've brought you
a little something.
372
00:13:28,930 --> 00:13:30,559
What is it?
373
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:32,029
It's a bomb!
374
00:13:32,030 --> 00:13:33,500
Ah!
375
00:13:37,360 --> 00:13:39,759
ED: A bath bomb.
376
00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:41,499
You did that on purpose.
377
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:44,199
I haven't the faintest idea
what you're talking about.
378
00:13:44,200 --> 00:13:45,599
You shouldn't be here, Lydia.
379
00:13:45,600 --> 00:13:46,899
I beg your pardon!
380
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:49,059
This is my house!
That's my husband!
381
00:13:49,060 --> 00:13:52,029
-Ex-husband.
-"Tomahto," "Tomayto."
382
00:13:52,030 --> 00:13:53,559
Yes, we may be divorced, Ed,
383
00:13:53,560 --> 00:13:56,429
but a piece of paper doesn't
just stop me caring about you,
384
00:13:56,430 --> 00:13:57,929
worrying about you,
385
00:13:57,930 --> 00:13:59,399
fantasizing about you.
386
00:13:59,400 --> 00:14:01,599
And you don't mind me
celebrating
387
00:14:01,600 --> 00:14:03,329
your special day,
do you, Lauren's mum?
388
00:14:03,330 --> 00:14:05,259
-Well --
-That's settled, then.
389
00:14:05,260 --> 00:14:07,159
No need to show me
where the drinks are kept.
390
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:08,659
I chose this rug. Catch.
391
00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:10,499
Ooh!
392
00:14:10,500 --> 00:14:12,629
You can't seriously live
with that on the doorstep.
393
00:14:12,630 --> 00:14:14,829
Don't worry, Auntie Lauren.
394
00:14:14,830 --> 00:14:16,459
You won't be living
here long anyway.
395
00:14:16,460 --> 00:14:18,129
Mum said Ed's
probably got a disease,
396
00:14:18,130 --> 00:14:20,829
so he's having his one last
fling before he, uh...
397
00:14:20,830 --> 00:14:22,659
snuffs it!
398
00:14:22,660 --> 00:14:23,929
Yeah.
399
00:14:23,930 --> 00:14:25,459
I never said that.
400
00:14:25,460 --> 00:14:28,099
But you did.
She definitely did.
401
00:14:28,100 --> 00:14:29,729
But on the plus side,
he has got a swimming pool.
402
00:14:29,730 --> 00:14:32,159
You've got a swimming pool?
Can I have a go in it?
403
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,229
Well, we bought you some trunks
especially.
404
00:14:34,230 --> 00:14:36,460
I love you, Uncle Eddie!
405
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:38,930
Uh!
406
00:14:46,900 --> 00:14:50,299
ED: I am sorry about Lydia.
407
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:51,999
I'm sorry about Debs!
408
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,059
I knew Mum wouldn't be
cock-a-hoop about us, but Debs?
409
00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:56,299
We've always been there
for one another.
410
00:14:56,300 --> 00:14:58,229
You just keep an eye on your
lot, and I'll do the same
411
00:14:58,230 --> 00:14:59,559
with Lydia, and we'll
get through this.
412
00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:01,229
But then what?
413
00:15:01,230 --> 00:15:03,659
More family birthdays,
anniversaries, Christmases,
414
00:15:03,660 --> 00:15:05,399
as far as the eye can see.
415
00:15:05,400 --> 00:15:06,859
We'll cope, and if we don't,
416
00:15:06,860 --> 00:15:08,499
we'll run away
from our families,
417
00:15:08,500 --> 00:15:09,529
adopt aliases.
418
00:15:09,530 --> 00:15:11,229
Sounds like fun.
419
00:15:11,230 --> 00:15:12,999
Who would we be?
420
00:15:13,000 --> 00:15:14,699
Hmm, let me think.
421
00:15:14,700 --> 00:15:17,899
I'd be
Parker van der Rounderback,
422
00:15:17,900 --> 00:15:19,299
Dutch bank robber,
423
00:15:19,300 --> 00:15:21,329
retired and hiding in Cuba,
424
00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:24,059
and you'd be
Miss Tiffany Goodboob.
425
00:15:24,060 --> 00:15:27,059
secretary by day,
burlesque dancer by night.
426
00:15:27,060 --> 00:15:28,859
Two jobs?
427
00:15:28,860 --> 00:15:31,359
I'm not doing two jobs while you
sit in the Cuban sun all day.
428
00:15:31,360 --> 00:15:32,459
No way.
429
00:15:32,460 --> 00:15:33,529
Fine, I'll be Goodboob.
430
00:15:33,530 --> 00:15:36,699
[Dutch accent] Ja, that
is much better, for sure.
431
00:15:36,700 --> 00:15:38,329
Have we got any cola?
432
00:15:38,330 --> 00:15:39,559
Hurry up!
433
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,529
I need coffee.
Tell me!
434
00:15:41,530 --> 00:15:43,229
I am not sure you need
any caffeine, Alan.
435
00:15:43,230 --> 00:15:44,959
She's beautiful.
436
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:48,199
She likes bigger men, but she's
going to hypnotize me!
437
00:15:48,200 --> 00:15:49,560
Make me thin!
438
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:52,660
I can't let her put me under!
439
00:15:55,630 --> 00:15:57,230
Gotta stay awake.
440
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:00,699
CLIVE: Ed?
441
00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:02,859
I'd like to talk to you.
442
00:16:02,860 --> 00:16:04,799
Clive, I can put
one on in the dark.
443
00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:06,529
Oh, no, it's something
more serious, I'm afraid.
444
00:16:06,530 --> 00:16:08,599
It is about
you being Edward Walker
445
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:10,299
of Walker's Wheels.
446
00:16:10,300 --> 00:16:11,929
Pack your bags,
we're off to Cuba.
447
00:16:11,930 --> 00:16:13,599
Yep.
448
00:16:13,600 --> 00:16:15,129
No, it's boring.
449
00:16:15,130 --> 00:16:17,299
I'm having to watch my brother
while he swims.
450
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:19,699
CHARLIE: Ellie!
I'm going to do a jump!
451
00:16:19,700 --> 00:16:21,229
Ibiza?
452
00:16:21,230 --> 00:16:23,359
Yeah, Soz,
453
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,059
I've talked
to my mum and dad.
454
00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:29,799
They might not exactly,
totally, let me go.
455
00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:32,759
Of course, I didn't tell them
I was going with you!
456
00:16:32,760 --> 00:16:35,099
No, she won't change her mind.
457
00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:38,459
'Cause my mum treats me
like a terrorist --
458
00:16:38,460 --> 00:16:40,359
she will not
negotiate with me!
459
00:16:40,360 --> 00:16:42,059
CHARLIE: Ah!
460
00:16:42,060 --> 00:16:43,729
ELLIE: Dunno.
461
00:16:43,730 --> 00:16:47,029
It's like they don't trust me,
think I'm irresponsible.
462
00:16:47,030 --> 00:16:48,199
[Groaning]
463
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:53,359
RACHEL: Alan, completely
relaxed, I want you to step
464
00:16:53,360 --> 00:16:57,259
off the last step,
drift into the water,
465
00:16:57,260 --> 00:17:01,829
and as you drift and as you
float, I want you to imagine
466
00:17:01,830 --> 00:17:04,259
that you are entering
your favorite restaurant.
467
00:17:04,260 --> 00:17:05,859
Where are you, Alan?
468
00:17:05,860 --> 00:17:07,259
ALAN: It's hazy,
469
00:17:07,260 --> 00:17:09,629
but I can see a big letter "M."
470
00:17:09,630 --> 00:17:11,359
RACHEL: Good.
471
00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:14,699
Now I want you to think about
what you'd normally order.
472
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,829
Your favorite food.
What is it?
473
00:17:16,830 --> 00:17:18,159
Double cheeseburger.
474
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:19,459
RACHEL: Good, now --
475
00:17:19,460 --> 00:17:20,999
Large fries, large cola.
476
00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:22,199
Another cheeseburger.
477
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,199
Now I --
478
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,759
Two apple pies for pudding.
479
00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:28,259
Now I don't want
you to order that.
480
00:17:28,260 --> 00:17:32,829
Instead I want you to order
a fresh, green, healthy salad.
481
00:17:32,830 --> 00:17:33,859
What are you going to order?
482
00:17:33,860 --> 00:17:37,959
Cheeseburger.
483
00:17:37,960 --> 00:17:39,859
And it's not just your parts
and labor,
484
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:41,629
it's your
vending machines as well.
485
00:17:41,630 --> 00:17:45,029
I paid ?1.80 for a Twix
in one of your garages.
486
00:17:45,030 --> 00:17:46,499
?1.80.
487
00:17:46,500 --> 00:17:48,299
I will gladly reimburse you,
Clive,
488
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:50,999
if only we can finish
this conversation.
489
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:52,929
It's not the money,
it's the principle.
490
00:17:52,930 --> 00:17:54,329
And I'll tell
you another problem
491
00:17:54,330 --> 00:17:55,959
with your waiting rooms --
the magazines.
492
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:58,129
Now, I enjoy
Steam Train Monthly.
493
00:17:58,130 --> 00:18:00,529
LYDIA: Look at them over there.
494
00:18:00,530 --> 00:18:02,029
Our men.
495
00:18:02,030 --> 00:18:03,599
Well, not exactly.
496
00:18:03,600 --> 00:18:06,029
-So what do you think of Ed?
-He seems very nice.
497
00:18:06,030 --> 00:18:08,359
You don't have to pretend to me,
Lauren's mum.
498
00:18:08,360 --> 00:18:10,059
You're as against
their relationship as I am.
499
00:18:10,060 --> 00:18:13,229
It's as plain as the nose
on your face.
500
00:18:13,230 --> 00:18:14,499
Or your dress.
501
00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,359
And if you're not
against Ed now,
502
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:19,399
you would be if I told you
what he was really like.
503
00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,730
I'm not in the least bit
interested.
504
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:25,259
All right.
505
00:18:25,260 --> 00:18:26,730
Start talking.
506
00:18:30,060 --> 00:18:32,029
It's fine, it's fine.
507
00:18:32,030 --> 00:18:36,559
I've just come out here
to escape from Clive.
508
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:38,099
Ha-ha!
509
00:18:38,100 --> 00:18:39,729
Has he asked you
the Questions yet?
510
00:18:39,730 --> 00:18:42,529
-Oh!
-He's a good man, is Clive.
511
00:18:42,530 --> 00:18:44,499
Taught me how to put
a condom on properly.
512
00:18:44,500 --> 00:18:46,199
Thank God.
[Chuckles]
513
00:18:46,200 --> 00:18:48,359
Can't afford any more kids.
514
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,229
Sorry about before, dropping
you in it with Ellie.
515
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:53,099
I'd let her go on holiday,
meself, but it's just the money.
516
00:18:53,100 --> 00:18:54,699
I mean, you know how things are.
517
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:57,399
I could lend you something,
so she can go.
518
00:18:57,400 --> 00:18:59,059
No, no, no.
Could you?
519
00:18:59,060 --> 00:19:00,399
No!
I can't!
520
00:19:00,400 --> 00:19:01,929
I can't.
You're sure?
521
00:19:01,930 --> 00:19:03,429
Positive.
522
00:19:03,430 --> 00:19:06,099
I'd probably only lend it
to my grandson otherwise.
523
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:07,899
Spongy little sod.
524
00:19:07,900 --> 00:19:09,329
Kicked out of university.
525
00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:10,999
He's never done a stroke of work
in his life.
526
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,999
Is he about yea big
with dark hair?
527
00:19:14,000 --> 00:19:15,259
He's not standing behind me?
528
00:19:15,260 --> 00:19:16,929
No.
Nothing like that.
529
00:19:16,930 --> 00:19:18,599
Thank God, he's all I need.
530
00:19:18,600 --> 00:19:21,130
He's in your house,
finishing off your cognac.
531
00:19:24,460 --> 00:19:25,659
DEBS: [Sighs]
532
00:19:25,660 --> 00:19:27,829
You want the truth?
Fine.
533
00:19:27,830 --> 00:19:28,929
I do think he's too old for you.
534
00:19:28,930 --> 00:19:30,229
So you're siding with Mum?
535
00:19:30,230 --> 00:19:31,729
You don't approve of me and Ed?
536
00:19:31,730 --> 00:19:34,460
She approves.
Look at her smiling.
537
00:19:36,660 --> 00:19:39,659
Oh, please,
that's the smile she uses
538
00:19:39,660 --> 00:19:41,229
when we give her bad presents.
539
00:19:41,230 --> 00:19:43,399
I can't believe
you're taking Mum's side!
540
00:19:43,400 --> 00:19:45,599
After all she's put us through.
541
00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:47,329
The family holidays from hell,
542
00:19:47,330 --> 00:19:50,159
the family Christmases
from hell.
543
00:19:50,160 --> 00:19:54,059
The knitwear.
From hell!
544
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:56,599
You're supposed to be on
my side -- you're my sister.
545
00:19:56,600 --> 00:19:58,429
Yeah, but I'm also a mum.
546
00:19:58,430 --> 00:20:01,099
[Laughs]
No, you're not!
547
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:02,899
Yeah, I suppose
you are to your kids.
548
00:20:02,900 --> 00:20:03,899
Uh-huh!
549
00:20:03,900 --> 00:20:05,799
But what's that
got to do with it?
550
00:20:05,800 --> 00:20:08,099
Everything!
551
00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:10,759
Okay, what if you want a family?
Ed is this close to his 60s!
552
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:12,759
You might be left
bringing up a kid,
553
00:20:12,760 --> 00:20:15,159
a teenager, God forbid,
on your own.
554
00:20:15,160 --> 00:20:16,499
I could do it.
555
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:17,929
Nah. [Laughs]
556
00:20:17,930 --> 00:20:20,099
Being a parent's
not like globe-trotting.
557
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:21,429
I'm settling down now.
558
00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:23,759
I'm training
to be a veterinary nurse.
559
00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:25,499
Okay, well then,
parenting's not like
560
00:20:25,500 --> 00:20:26,959
cleaning up after animals.
561
00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,229
Oh...actually, it is.
562
00:20:28,230 --> 00:20:29,999
Okay, my point is,
563
00:20:30,000 --> 00:20:33,229
you need two active,
fully functioning adults,
564
00:20:33,230 --> 00:20:35,659
to keep an eye on kids
at all times.
565
00:20:35,660 --> 00:20:37,559
Mum, I fell
and my arm popped out.
566
00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,899
No big deal,
happens all the time.
567
00:20:39,900 --> 00:20:43,329
All I'm saying
is, why take the risk?
568
00:20:43,330 --> 00:20:45,599
And would you be taking the risk
if Ed wasn't so rich?
569
00:20:45,600 --> 00:20:48,159
-CHARLIE: Mum!
-How very dare you!
570
00:20:48,160 --> 00:20:49,629
I don't even think Mum
would say something like that!
571
00:20:49,630 --> 00:20:51,059
She would and she did.
572
00:20:51,060 --> 00:20:53,459
On the phone last night.
573
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:55,259
Don't get on your high horse,
Lauren.
574
00:20:55,260 --> 00:20:57,900
When you're a parent you just
want to protect your child.
575
00:20:58,660 --> 00:21:00,399
CHARLIE: Ah!
576
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:01,899
You did the wrong one!
577
00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:04,460
Uh!
[Coughs]
578
00:21:07,160 --> 00:21:08,659
My own Grandpappy Ed,
579
00:21:08,660 --> 00:21:10,859
begrudging me one single,
small glass of cognac.
580
00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:13,829
It's not the drink, it's more
the two grand in rent
581
00:21:13,830 --> 00:21:16,799
I've lent you over
the past few months alone,
582
00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:18,859
which I want paying back
with interest.
583
00:21:18,860 --> 00:21:21,499
How about you lend me three
grand, then I give you back
584
00:21:21,500 --> 00:21:24,199
two grand, I have a grand left,
everyone's happy.
585
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:25,459
-CHARLIE: Ow!
-What's the matter?
586
00:21:25,460 --> 00:21:26,859
Are you worried
I'm embarrassing you
587
00:21:26,860 --> 00:21:29,059
in front
of your new family?
588
00:21:29,060 --> 00:21:30,899
Funny-looking lot.
589
00:21:30,900 --> 00:21:33,129
Look like the Addams Family
if they shopped at Primark.
590
00:21:33,130 --> 00:21:36,459
ED: Rude.
And they're not my new family.
591
00:21:36,460 --> 00:21:38,459
Do you want me to put
a good word in for Lauren
592
00:21:38,460 --> 00:21:39,959
to Granny Lydia, to get
her off your case a bit?
593
00:21:39,960 --> 00:21:42,129
And how much
is that going to cost me?
594
00:21:42,130 --> 00:21:44,559
"How much..."
That is -- I am insulted
595
00:21:44,560 --> 00:21:46,899
you'd even --
100 quid would do it.
596
00:21:46,900 --> 00:21:48,459
Ooh, she's nice.
597
00:21:48,460 --> 00:21:50,329
Hi, I'm Tim.
598
00:21:50,330 --> 00:21:52,729
Hi, I'm not interested.
Dad, this fall.
599
00:21:52,730 --> 00:21:54,499
I begged Charlie not to
climb up -- he didn't listen.
600
00:21:54,500 --> 00:21:56,829
3PO's fine, your mum's putting
his arm back on now.
601
00:21:56,830 --> 00:21:58,499
Ah!
602
00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:01,299
And I wanted to talk to you
about this holiday.
603
00:22:01,300 --> 00:22:02,759
I'm going
to give you the money to go.
604
00:22:02,760 --> 00:22:04,029
ELLIE:
You're not kidding?
605
00:22:04,030 --> 00:22:06,299
Oh, you're the best dad ever!
606
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:08,029
Why can't you lend money
that easily?
607
00:22:08,030 --> 00:22:09,859
Without all the rigmarole?
608
00:22:09,860 --> 00:22:11,259
ALAN: I'm kind.
609
00:22:11,260 --> 00:22:13,729
I'm caring.
610
00:22:13,730 --> 00:22:15,929
I've still got most of my teeth.
611
00:22:15,930 --> 00:22:16,929
Knock it off, Alan!
612
00:22:16,930 --> 00:22:18,429
I know you're not hypnotized!
613
00:22:18,430 --> 00:22:19,799
Hypnotized people don't use
614
00:22:19,800 --> 00:22:22,729
their subconscious
as some form
615
00:22:22,730 --> 00:22:24,759
of dating website!
616
00:22:24,760 --> 00:22:28,099
Fine, we'll play
it your way, then.
617
00:22:28,100 --> 00:22:32,729
Remaining
within the blissful pool,
618
00:22:32,730 --> 00:22:36,460
I want you to bloody
stand up.
619
00:22:42,630 --> 00:22:46,130
Now take off your shirt.
620
00:22:56,060 --> 00:22:57,429
He didn't?
621
00:22:57,430 --> 00:22:59,429
He did --
he refused to eat any of it
622
00:22:59,430 --> 00:23:01,459
because I made
the gravy too thin.
623
00:23:01,460 --> 00:23:04,359
And Ed's not just particular
about his food --
624
00:23:04,360 --> 00:23:06,129
he carries that attitude
into the bedroom.
625
00:23:06,130 --> 00:23:08,700
Have you read
"Fifty Shades of Grey?"
626
00:23:12,330 --> 00:23:13,929
Of course you have.
627
00:23:13,930 --> 00:23:17,859
Anyway, take what's in that,
times it by 10,
628
00:23:17,860 --> 00:23:21,429
and you're still nowhere near
what that deviant's into.
629
00:23:21,430 --> 00:23:23,759
Here, I'll show you.
630
00:23:23,760 --> 00:23:25,129
631
00:23:25,130 --> 00:23:27,259
Oh!
632
00:23:27,260 --> 00:23:29,929
To think, my daughter's seeing
a man who's 10 times worse
633
00:23:29,930 --> 00:23:31,359
than Christian Grey.
634
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:34,130
Uh, whoever he is.
635
00:23:40,630 --> 00:23:42,300
-Hi.
-Hi.
636
00:23:45,260 --> 00:23:47,129
I didn't know you smoked.
637
00:23:47,130 --> 00:23:48,699
Just started.
638
00:23:48,700 --> 00:23:51,029
I've got my ex-wife making
bomb threats,
639
00:23:51,030 --> 00:23:52,629
my grandson
scamming me,
640
00:23:52,630 --> 00:23:55,359
and your dad telling me
my company will stand or fall
641
00:23:55,360 --> 00:23:57,129
depending on which waiting room
mags I provide.
642
00:23:57,130 --> 00:23:58,929
You think you've got it bad?
643
00:23:58,930 --> 00:24:02,029
My nephew's dislocated
half his body, my sister
644
00:24:02,030 --> 00:24:03,529
thinks I'm a gold digger,
and my mum --
645
00:24:03,530 --> 00:24:06,029
my mum is being nice!
646
00:24:06,030 --> 00:24:08,429
Where'd you get
that from anyway?
647
00:24:08,430 --> 00:24:11,359
Keith.
Cost me 500 quid.
648
00:24:11,360 --> 00:24:14,530
So Ellie can go on holiday.
649
00:24:16,360 --> 00:24:17,829
I was enjoying that.
650
00:24:17,830 --> 00:24:19,930
You're too old
to start smoking!
651
00:24:28,730 --> 00:24:32,259
So, you accuse me of being
with Ed for his money,
652
00:24:32,260 --> 00:24:34,359
and then your husband
borrows money off him.
653
00:24:34,360 --> 00:24:36,529
Keith?
654
00:24:36,530 --> 00:24:38,499
Only so Ellie
could go on holiday.
655
00:24:38,500 --> 00:24:40,429
Thought we'd said
she couldn't go.
656
00:24:40,430 --> 00:24:42,029
We did.
657
00:24:42,030 --> 00:24:44,059
But Ed persuaded me
it'd be better if she went.
658
00:24:44,060 --> 00:24:45,899
EMMA: Ed? Ha!
659
00:24:45,900 --> 00:24:47,229
I wouldn't listen to anything
that deviant says!
660
00:24:47,230 --> 00:24:48,559
What have you got to say
about that?
661
00:24:48,560 --> 00:24:50,729
662
00:24:50,730 --> 00:24:53,329
I would say that's a waste
of a perfectly good pineapple.
663
00:24:53,330 --> 00:24:57,099
Oh, now he's eating it now.
That's unhygienic.
664
00:24:57,100 --> 00:24:58,599
Oh, don't play the innocent!
665
00:24:58,600 --> 00:24:59,859
This is the sort
of thing you like.
666
00:24:59,860 --> 00:25:02,629
Lydia's told me all about
your sordid secrets,
667
00:25:02,630 --> 00:25:03,729
isn't that right, Lydia?
668
00:25:03,730 --> 00:25:05,899
[Door closes]
669
00:25:05,900 --> 00:25:07,829
I have come here today,
on my birthday,
670
00:25:07,830 --> 00:25:10,759
I have tolerated
an age-gap relationship,
671
00:25:10,760 --> 00:25:14,299
naked strangers,
and bomb scares.
672
00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:17,299
But I will not allow my daughter
to be subjected to this --
673
00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:19,159
this fruit salad-based
debauchery!
674
00:25:19,160 --> 00:25:21,799
Oh, is this what
the banana hanger's for?
675
00:25:21,800 --> 00:25:24,899
Some secret code
between like-minded perverts?
676
00:25:24,900 --> 00:25:26,959
TIM: Hold on, My grandad
might be tight-fisted,
677
00:25:26,960 --> 00:25:28,399
but he's no weirdo.
678
00:25:28,400 --> 00:25:30,759
As if I'd believe
anything you have to say!
679
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:32,629
Yes, your grandma
told me all about you, too.
680
00:25:32,630 --> 00:25:35,299
Though I suppose you'll deny
681
00:25:35,300 --> 00:25:37,829
that you're an ill-mannered,
thrown-out-of-university,
682
00:25:37,830 --> 00:25:39,299
lazy little know-it-all.
683
00:25:39,300 --> 00:25:41,459
Nope.
Granny's got me spot-on there.
684
00:25:41,460 --> 00:25:43,499
ELLIE: What's going on?
685
00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,429
You're not going on holiday,
that's what's going on.
686
00:25:45,430 --> 00:25:47,899
But Dad said I could!
687
00:25:47,900 --> 00:25:49,159
I've just told Jake I can go!
688
00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:50,899
Jake?
You're definitely not going now!
689
00:25:50,900 --> 00:25:52,429
Uh!
690
00:25:52,430 --> 00:25:54,499
EMMA: See?
You've upset Ellie now!
691
00:25:54,500 --> 00:25:56,229
And you're upsetting Lauren!
692
00:25:56,230 --> 00:25:58,599
All she wanted today was for us
to meet and get along.
693
00:25:58,600 --> 00:26:00,099
But you don't seem able
to do that,
694
00:26:00,100 --> 00:26:01,899
whether it's because
of the age gap,
695
00:26:01,900 --> 00:26:04,359
or just the fact I like having
casual sex with fruit.
696
00:26:04,360 --> 00:26:07,529
Joke! I'm not the dirty old
man from Del Monte!
697
00:26:07,530 --> 00:26:10,699
The bottom line
is I love Lauren,
698
00:26:10,700 --> 00:26:12,399
and I think she loves me,
699
00:26:12,400 --> 00:26:15,199
and I hope and pray
that we will be together
700
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,399
for a long time.
701
00:26:16,400 --> 00:26:18,799
If you can't get used to that,
702
00:26:18,800 --> 00:26:22,359
if you can't be happy for us,
then you know where the door is.
703
00:26:22,360 --> 00:26:25,129
But happy birthday.
704
00:26:25,130 --> 00:26:28,029
Best K.O. ever, Uncle Eddie!
705
00:26:28,030 --> 00:26:29,629
Cheers, Charlie.
706
00:26:29,630 --> 00:26:32,059
And, Emma, I can assure you,
there is nothing untoward
707
00:26:32,060 --> 00:26:34,199
or weird going on
under this roof.
708
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,560
RACHEL: Now glide
into the kitchen.
709
00:26:39,630 --> 00:26:41,860
ED: Apart from that.
710
00:26:50,030 --> 00:26:51,459
Ohh!
711
00:26:51,460 --> 00:26:53,729
RACHEL: Knew you were awake!
712
00:26:53,730 --> 00:26:55,899
You deserved that.
713
00:26:55,900 --> 00:26:57,359
I couldn't let you hypnotize me,
get me thin.
714
00:26:57,360 --> 00:26:59,329
Thought that's what you wanted.
715
00:26:59,330 --> 00:27:01,029
What I want
is a lady in my life.
716
00:27:01,030 --> 00:27:02,929
You're a lady,
you like bigger men...
717
00:27:02,930 --> 00:27:04,259
So you tricked me.
718
00:27:04,260 --> 00:27:05,899
You know what that makes you?
719
00:27:05,900 --> 00:27:07,859
A big fat liar!
720
00:27:07,860 --> 00:27:10,259
Two out of three ain't bad.
721
00:27:10,260 --> 00:27:12,599
Rachel!
Wait!
722
00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,199
I'm starting to get paper cuts!
723
00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:16,429
Well, even though
I was a bit hasty
724
00:27:16,430 --> 00:27:17,959
believing what that Lydia said,
725
00:27:17,960 --> 00:27:20,529
you can hardly blame me,
can you?
726
00:27:20,530 --> 00:27:21,959
And you stop me worrying.
727
00:27:21,960 --> 00:27:24,299
You and your sister,
Charlie and Ellie,
728
00:27:24,300 --> 00:27:25,599
even your dad,
you all get it wrong
729
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:27,399
if I don't keep an eye
on things!
730
00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:28,959
Believe me,
731
00:27:28,960 --> 00:27:30,899
I'd love to switch off,
but I can't!
732
00:27:30,900 --> 00:27:32,759
So, unless you've
some magic potion
733
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:35,530
to make me stop worrying, I'm
afraid you're stuck with me.
734
00:27:37,130 --> 00:27:39,130
Well, there is one thing.
735
00:27:40,400 --> 00:27:42,759
RACHEL: Stepping off
the last step,
736
00:27:42,760 --> 00:27:45,059
I want you to drift
into the water.
737
00:27:45,060 --> 00:27:46,859
DEBS:
This isn't going to work.
738
00:27:46,860 --> 00:27:49,729
LAUREN: If we've a chance,
even a slim one,
739
00:27:49,730 --> 00:27:51,129
of Mum being less full-on
740
00:27:51,130 --> 00:27:52,759
and off our backs
for the next 30 years...
741
00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:54,099
DEBS: Please let it work.
742
00:27:54,100 --> 00:27:56,129
LAUREN:
And if it does, you're next.
743
00:27:56,130 --> 00:27:58,629
You won't change my mind
that Ed's too old for you.
744
00:27:58,630 --> 00:28:00,329
But I admit,
what he said was sweet.
745
00:28:00,330 --> 00:28:03,329
Does he throw his cloak over
puddles for you as well?
746
00:28:03,330 --> 00:28:05,329
[Laughs]
747
00:28:05,330 --> 00:28:07,799
Does he get confused
by the fast, modern world?
748
00:28:07,800 --> 00:28:08,859
Oh, absolutely.
749
00:28:08,860 --> 00:28:10,529
I'm forever trying to explain
to him
750
00:28:10,530 --> 00:28:11,929
that electricity
isn't magic,
751
00:28:11,930 --> 00:28:14,459
and it'll be months
before he grasps
752
00:28:14,460 --> 00:28:16,929
how to fit the Internet
into his computer,
753
00:28:16,930 --> 00:28:19,699
or his "space typewriter"
as he likes to call it.
754
00:28:19,700 --> 00:28:21,429
[Snickers]
755
00:28:21,430 --> 00:28:22,929
But you know what?
756
00:28:22,930 --> 00:28:26,259
With him, I'm the happiest
I've ever been.
757
00:28:26,260 --> 00:28:27,759
Mmm.
758
00:28:27,760 --> 00:28:29,200
Only because
he's got a swimming pool.
759
00:28:33,100 --> 00:28:36,459
I think we just got
our first seal of approval.
760
00:28:36,460 --> 00:28:38,029
Oh!
761
00:28:38,030 --> 00:28:40,030
Thank you for today.
762
00:28:41,830 --> 00:28:45,929
But I'm afraid if you've got me,
then you've got this lot, too.
763
00:28:45,930 --> 00:28:48,800
So, would you sooner
end it now, walk away?
764
00:28:51,160 --> 00:28:52,599
Ed?
765
00:28:52,600 --> 00:28:54,360
Shh.
I'm thinking.
766
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:58,259
Not funny.
767
00:28:58,260 --> 00:29:01,099
[Crying]
768
00:29:01,100 --> 00:29:02,499
You're doing it all wrong.
769
00:29:02,500 --> 00:29:04,429
More sniffs, more snot.
770
00:29:04,430 --> 00:29:06,359
Sod off!
771
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:07,859
My boyfriend just dumped me
772
00:29:07,860 --> 00:29:10,029
'cause I can't
go on holiday with him,
773
00:29:10,030 --> 00:29:11,499
after saying that I could.
774
00:29:11,500 --> 00:29:12,999
Then what are you crying for?
775
00:29:13,000 --> 00:29:15,229
Are you broken?
776
00:29:15,230 --> 00:29:16,729
What I am saying is,
if he dumped you
777
00:29:16,730 --> 00:29:18,159
for something like that,
then he can't have been
778
00:29:18,160 --> 00:29:19,430
much of a boyfriend
in the first place.
779
00:29:23,230 --> 00:29:25,329
RACHEL: Still counting down --
780
00:29:25,330 --> 00:29:27,829
3...
781
00:29:27,830 --> 00:29:31,429
I want you to be calm
and at ease,
782
00:29:31,430 --> 00:29:34,229
with all matters relating
to your family --
783
00:29:34,230 --> 00:29:35,659
2...
784
00:29:35,660 --> 00:29:38,529
You have nothing to worry about.
785
00:29:38,530 --> 00:29:40,599
And when I touch your arm --
786
00:29:40,600 --> 00:29:42,559
1...
787
00:29:42,560 --> 00:29:44,399
You will awake
788
00:29:44,400 --> 00:29:47,729
feeling happy,
refreshed,
789
00:29:47,730 --> 00:29:49,900
and relaxed.
790
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:55,559
Mmm. Mmm.
791
00:29:55,560 --> 00:29:57,499
[Laughs]
792
00:29:57,500 --> 00:29:59,999
Mum?
How do you feel?
793
00:30:00,000 --> 00:30:02,099
Oh, I feel...
794
00:30:02,100 --> 00:30:04,099
I feel...
795
00:30:04,100 --> 00:30:06,029
[Gasps]
796
00:30:06,030 --> 00:30:08,260
[Screams]
797
00:30:20,060 --> 00:30:21,530
[Clears throat]
798
00:30:21,531 --> 00:30:23,531
Subtitle by peritta
799
00:30:23,581 --> 00:30:28,131
Repair and Synchronization by
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