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"Last Man Standing" is recorded
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in front of a live studio audience.
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Boy, mother nature sure
took a dump on us last night.
4
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Yeah, I love the first snow of the season.
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Mike: Right on schedule.
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It's like nature's
giving Al Gore the finger.
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Morning.
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Hey, where are you going in such a hurry?
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To get my snow shovel.
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The sky dropped a ton of white gold,
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and I'm here to scoop it
up at 20 bucks a driveway.
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I thought you charged $15?
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Oh, inflation.
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We're living in Obama's America.
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I know we're not supposed to
pick favorites with the kids,
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but it's not even close.
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And here comes number three.
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[Sighs]
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All this snow's gonna make my
morning commute a nightmare,
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so I think I'm just gonna skip today.
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That's a good idea.
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Just give me a check for a $106.
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I'm sorry... what?
24
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I did a cost analysis
of sending you to school.
25
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It costs me $106 a day.
26
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You don't go, send me that
$106 or go get dressed.
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I'm really glad you didn't do
this while I was in high school
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'cause that would've cost me a fortune.
29
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Hey, what are you doing back?
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He that was quick.
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I told you to pee before
you put that snowsuit on.
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No, all the neighbors I usually
hit were already dug out.
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Ah.
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Well, must be another
eager beaver on the block.
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Early bird gets the worm, right?
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It must be an early eager beaver bird.
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Honey, if you don't have anything.
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To add to the conversation,
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don't feel you got to just jump in.
40
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I guess I'm just gonna have
to get up that much earlier.
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The next time it snows.
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Oh, you know, that is the spirit.
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You be an even earlier-er eager...
44
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beaver...
45
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er bird.
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Y... you don't have to
stick around for this.
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- synced & corrected by dreaMaker7 and chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Here you go. Happy
eight-month anniversary.
49
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[Chuckles] Oh, my God!
50
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- You're amazing.
- Aww.
51
00:02:06,274 --> 00:02:10,411
Hey, Kyle, um, do you ever
think about the future?
52
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Yeah, sure, all the time.
53
00:02:13,548 --> 00:02:16,033
I think we'll have cars
that hover, not fly.
54
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And we'll make contact with aliens.
55
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And finally discover
which is more accurate,
56
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"Star Wars" or "Star Trek."
57
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Yeah, no, I meant more like
with us, like you and me.
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Oh. [Laughs]
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Of course. I'm sorry.
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That's okay.
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We'll be dead by then.
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- Shoot, I'd better get to work.
- Okay.
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Mwah!
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Where's that hover car now? Am I right?
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Happy eight.
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Okay.
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Cheers to you, too, sir. [Chuckles]
68
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Table five is not gonna tip you.
69
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Oh, yeah, most of them don't.
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This job is kind of a dead end.
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00:02:49,418 --> 00:02:52,703
You want to know why
you don't get more tips?
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00:02:52,738 --> 00:02:54,588
Um, my dad likes to blame Obama.
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I think that could work here.
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It's that boyfriend of
yours always hanging around.
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When these men come in here,
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we need to put on a little show.
77
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Oh. We're not waitresses.
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We're a fantasy.
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Guys want to think we're available to them.
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- Well, I mean, I don't think I have a boyfriend.
- I have a boyfriend.
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But I keep that on the
DL with my customers...
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and my husband.
83
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Okay. I'll give it a try.
84
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Okay. [Clears throat]
85
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So, what looks good to you besides me?
86
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Hey, Vanessa, get this.
87
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Huh?
88
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I'm putting on a new
pair of socks just now,
89
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and my toe came right
through the end of the sock.
90
00:03:40,758 --> 00:03:41,958
Can you believe it?
91
00:03:41,993 --> 00:03:45,012
Yeah, I can't believe
we're talking about it.
92
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Ooh!
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Eight driveways, 20 bucks apiece.
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That other kid snoozed
and lost. Cha-ching!
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Nicely done, Evie.
96
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The free market at work.
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Look at my daughter.
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Dipping her toe into the business world.
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So now toes are interesting.
100
00:04:02,146 --> 00:04:03,980
[Door rattles]
101
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Oh, hon, you know,
102
00:04:05,199 --> 00:04:07,117
it's Phil Munroe from down the street.
103
00:04:07,151 --> 00:04:08,235
I wonder what he wants.
104
00:04:08,286 --> 00:04:10,320
Guess we'll never know.
105
00:04:10,354 --> 00:04:11,905
Come on. Be nice!
106
00:04:11,956 --> 00:04:14,524
Why don't you ask him if
he's having a garage sale?
107
00:04:14,542 --> 00:04:17,026
Maybe I can buy back all
the stuff I loaned him.
108
00:04:17,045 --> 00:04:18,361
Hey, Phil.
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Hey, Vanessa.
110
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I just came by to return Mike's rake.
111
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You borrowed my leaf blower, Phil!
112
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Whose rake is this?
113
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I got to learn to put
names on these things.
114
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- It is my rake.
- Hmm.
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- Come on in.
- Hey. Thanks.
116
00:04:34,095 --> 00:04:35,812
I also came by to talk to your daughter...
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The one with the snow shovel.
118
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Oh, Eve. Yeah, Evie.
119
00:04:38,382 --> 00:04:39,933
Oh. Hi, Mr. Munroe.
120
00:04:39,984 --> 00:04:42,185
Hey, Eve. My gosh, you're all grown up.
121
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Seems like yesterday
122
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I was buying your girl scout cookies...
123
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everything but thin mints.
124
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Ah.
125
00:04:48,326 --> 00:04:50,994
Let's not pin that all on Eve.
126
00:04:51,028 --> 00:04:54,197
I wanted to talk to you about
your snow-shovel business.
127
00:04:54,231 --> 00:04:58,902
Oh, so you want to hire Eve's snow no mo'?
128
00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:01,755
Oh, please step into
my office. Take a seat.
129
00:05:01,789 --> 00:05:03,373
I'll beat any competitor.
130
00:05:03,407 --> 00:05:05,459
I hate to hear that because...
131
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I'm your competitor.
132
00:05:07,245 --> 00:05:09,296
Phil, you're shoveling driveways?
133
00:05:09,347 --> 00:05:11,381
Couldn't get a paper route?
134
00:05:11,432 --> 00:05:13,767
I'm always looking to
earn a little extra money,
135
00:05:13,801 --> 00:05:15,552
so after the storm the other day,
136
00:05:15,586 --> 00:05:17,571
I decided to bust out the old snowblower.
137
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And knock on some doors.
138
00:05:18,873 --> 00:05:20,023
Everything okay?
139
00:05:20,057 --> 00:05:21,274
Oh, peachy. Yeah.
140
00:05:21,309 --> 00:05:24,227
It'd just be better if Eve
would let me do the driveways
141
00:05:24,261 --> 00:05:25,428
in our neighborhood.
142
00:05:25,480 --> 00:05:27,597
What, uh, what do you think, Eve?
143
00:05:27,615 --> 00:05:30,534
Well, I can't really s
with him sitting there,
144
00:05:30,568 --> 00:05:32,352
but, uh...
145
00:05:32,386 --> 00:05:34,571
I was kind of counting on
that for Christmas money.
146
00:05:34,605 --> 00:05:36,072
Well, your parents are doing fine.
147
00:05:36,106 --> 00:05:38,125
I'm sure they can give you
a little extra allowance.
148
00:05:38,159 --> 00:05:40,660
To buy your CDs and Pogo sticks.
149
00:05:40,711 --> 00:05:43,997
I don't get an allowance.
I've always had real jobs.
150
00:05:44,048 --> 00:05:45,665
Eve, giving up these jobs for Phil.
151
00:05:45,716 --> 00:05:47,751
Would be a really nice thing to do.
152
00:05:47,785 --> 00:05:49,136
Thanks, Mike.
153
00:05:49,170 --> 00:05:52,455
But is the nice thing to
do the right thing to do?
154
00:05:53,558 --> 00:05:55,892
Yes. Yes, according to most people.
155
00:05:55,927 --> 00:05:58,395
- Mike: Mm-hmm.
- And Jesus.
156
00:05:58,429 --> 00:06:02,232
My point is, why does
anyone have to step aside?
157
00:06:02,266 --> 00:06:03,967
There's plenty of
driveways, plenty of snow.
158
00:06:03,985 --> 00:06:05,602
Why don't we let the free market decide?
159
00:06:05,636 --> 00:06:07,687
Free market? Ha!
160
00:06:07,738 --> 00:06:10,073
I love her, but she's a real task master.
161
00:06:10,107 --> 00:06:12,442
She's got me working weekends at quiznos.
162
00:06:12,476 --> 00:06:14,978
No shame in that. They
make a heck of a sandwich.
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00:06:14,996 --> 00:06:16,079
Mike, really?
164
00:06:16,113 --> 00:06:18,031
I mean, is this the time be tetohing Eve.
165
00:06:18,082 --> 00:06:19,749
The finer points of economics?
166
00:06:19,784 --> 00:06:21,284
She's been working these driveways.
167
00:06:21,318 --> 00:06:22,702
In this neighborhood for years.
168
00:06:22,753 --> 00:06:24,704
Yeah, I've built up a real business.
169
00:06:24,755 --> 00:06:27,140
I think it's a lot to ask to
have her walk away from this.
170
00:06:27,175 --> 00:06:29,209
No, it really isn't.
171
00:06:31,179 --> 00:06:33,180
But if that's how you want to play it,
172
00:06:33,214 --> 00:06:35,599
I'm just glad I'm the
one with the snowblower.
173
00:06:35,633 --> 00:06:38,835
Yeah? Who'd you borrow that from, Phil?
174
00:06:38,853 --> 00:06:41,137
- Thanks, dad.
- Yeah.
175
00:06:41,171 --> 00:06:42,672
- Oh, I don't like this.
- Mike: Yeah.
176
00:06:42,690 --> 00:06:44,674
I feel like he's not
telling us the whole story.
177
00:06:44,692 --> 00:06:46,676
Yeah, he's had more than
one box of thin mints.
178
00:06:48,512 --> 00:06:50,530
Oh, I think Eve should step aside.
179
00:06:50,565 --> 00:06:53,400
Phil obviously needs the
money more than she does.
180
00:06:53,451 --> 00:06:55,685
What? Where do you get that idea?
181
00:06:55,703 --> 00:06:57,687
"From each according to his ability.
182
00:06:57,705 --> 00:06:59,539
To each according to his need."
183
00:06:59,574 --> 00:07:00,824
You know who said that?
184
00:07:00,858 --> 00:07:02,025
You know what?
185
00:07:02,043 --> 00:07:04,127
For the third time
today, I'm not Karl Marx.
186
00:07:05,830 --> 00:07:09,416
And I'm sorry I asked
you to share your waffles.
187
00:07:09,450 --> 00:07:11,835
Hey. What are you guys talking about?
188
00:07:11,869 --> 00:07:13,169
Marxism.
189
00:07:13,203 --> 00:07:16,089
Ah, took dad's waffles again, didn't you?
190
00:07:16,140 --> 00:07:18,975
No, Mr. Munroe is
struggling to make ends meet.
191
00:07:19,010 --> 00:07:22,378
I think he wants to compete
with Eve to shovel driveways.
192
00:07:22,396 --> 00:07:23,813
We don't know that he's struggling.
193
00:07:23,848 --> 00:07:25,181
He could be saving up for a boat.
194
00:07:25,215 --> 00:07:26,382
We won't know about that.
195
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:27,817
Until he borrows my truck to tow it around.
196
00:07:27,885 --> 00:07:29,552
And let me guess.
197
00:07:29,570 --> 00:07:32,439
You want Eve to destroy him.
198
00:07:32,490 --> 00:07:34,524
Eve has worked really hard for all this.
199
00:07:34,558 --> 00:07:36,993
There's no reason why she
should give it all up for him.
200
00:07:37,028 --> 00:07:38,728
I mean, why is he more
entitled than she is?
201
00:07:38,746 --> 00:07:39,779
He's not.
202
00:07:39,830 --> 00:07:42,115
Actually agree with dad on this one.
203
00:07:43,568 --> 00:07:45,669
Okay.
204
00:07:47,905 --> 00:07:50,340
Not much fun in that, though.
205
00:07:50,374 --> 00:07:52,241
No, no, no, the "He needs it more" theory.
206
00:07:52,260 --> 00:07:53,960
Is what's justified pay discrepancies.
207
00:07:54,011 --> 00:07:55,912
Between men and women for centuries, okay?
208
00:07:55,947 --> 00:07:58,431
The assumption that men
are the breadwinners.
209
00:07:58,466 --> 00:08:00,383
And deserve to make more money.
210
00:08:00,451 --> 00:08:02,636
I'm a feminist!
211
00:08:02,687 --> 00:08:05,472
I feel bad for Phil.
212
00:08:05,523 --> 00:08:08,141
I mean, the poor guy's working
weekends in a sandwich shop.
213
00:08:08,192 --> 00:08:09,859
Oh, sweet. Those jobs are hard to get.
214
00:08:09,894 --> 00:08:11,778
They only pick, like, the best of the best.
215
00:08:11,812 --> 00:08:12,963
If they're such geniuses,
216
00:08:12,997 --> 00:08:14,477
why do they always give me pepper Jack.
217
00:08:14,482 --> 00:08:15,815
When I ask for Swiss?
218
00:08:15,866 --> 00:08:18,735
All of those fast-food jobs
that teenagers used to get.
219
00:08:18,769 --> 00:08:21,454
Are getting gobbled up
by these gross old people.
220
00:08:21,489 --> 00:08:23,790
I want fries with that, not sadness, okay?
221
00:08:25,376 --> 00:08:27,043
Bagging groceries, babysitting...
222
00:08:27,078 --> 00:08:29,112
adults are taking all
of the great kid jobs.
223
00:08:29,130 --> 00:08:31,181
How are teenagers
supposed to buy beer, huh?
224
00:08:31,215 --> 00:08:33,717
Or in your case as a teenager,
225
00:08:33,751 --> 00:08:36,202
it was baby wipes and formula.
226
00:08:36,237 --> 00:08:38,955
Why do I ever come over here?
227
00:08:38,973 --> 00:08:40,623
Okay, dad...
228
00:08:40,641 --> 00:08:41,758
I'm having second thoughts.
229
00:08:41,792 --> 00:08:43,059
About this whole
competition with Mr. Munroe.
230
00:08:43,094 --> 00:08:45,628
Ah, I am so glad, Eve. You know what?
231
00:08:45,646 --> 00:08:48,682
There's more to life
than the almighty dollar.
232
00:08:48,733 --> 00:08:51,134
Well, every rap song ever
made disagrees with that.
233
00:08:51,168 --> 00:08:53,653
I don't think I can go head-to-head.
234
00:08:53,688 --> 00:08:54,971
With Munroe's snowblower, dad.
235
00:08:54,989 --> 00:08:57,107
I think I'm just ready to rent
yours for a buck a driveway.
236
00:08:57,141 --> 00:08:58,474
No, no, no. It's 2 bucks.
237
00:08:58,492 --> 00:09:01,111
W... w... wait, you're charging
her to use the snowblower?
238
00:09:01,145 --> 00:09:03,313
Just want a little taste.
239
00:09:03,347 --> 00:09:05,081
Little taste?
240
00:09:05,116 --> 00:09:07,550
Want to wet my beak.
241
00:09:07,585 --> 00:09:09,402
W... what are you... a mobster?
242
00:09:09,437 --> 00:09:12,005
Don't ask me about my business, Vanessa.
243
00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
244
00:09:20,546 --> 00:09:22,581
Oh, good morning, Mr. Larabee.
245
00:09:22,632 --> 00:09:23,870
Oh, hey, Eve.
246
00:09:23,970 --> 00:09:26,121
The usual...driveway, walkways, too?
247
00:09:26,156 --> 00:09:27,636
And since you're a preferred customer,
248
00:09:27,657 --> 00:09:29,474
what song would you like
me to sing while I work?
249
00:09:29,492 --> 00:09:30,776
Oh.
250
00:09:30,810 --> 00:09:31,944
Depends.
251
00:09:31,978 --> 00:09:34,279
How deep into the Katy
Perry catalog do you go?
252
00:09:34,313 --> 00:09:35,364
Deep.
253
00:09:35,415 --> 00:09:37,750
Hey, Eve, Chuck.
254
00:09:37,784 --> 00:09:40,819
Listen, before you commit
to something you'll regret,
255
00:09:40,837 --> 00:09:43,422
you'll, uh, want to
hear about my special...
256
00:09:43,456 --> 00:09:45,708
20% off whatever she's charging.
257
00:09:45,759 --> 00:09:48,961
And a free mug of hot
cocoa, leaded or unleaded.
258
00:09:48,995 --> 00:09:50,963
Hey, back off, Munroe.
259
00:09:50,997 --> 00:09:52,548
Mr. Larabee's one of my regulars.
260
00:09:52,599 --> 00:09:54,049
Oh, I... I don't know, Eve.
261
00:09:54,100 --> 00:09:57,519
He is offering a 20% discount,
and I... I do love hot cocoa.
262
00:09:57,554 --> 00:10:00,556
Although it's a little
too early for the leaded.
263
00:10:00,607 --> 00:10:02,357
Not too early for Helen potts,
264
00:10:02,392 --> 00:10:04,342
but you didn't hear that from me.
265
00:10:04,360 --> 00:10:06,645
All right, we're burning daylight, ladies.
266
00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:08,113
Let's just cut to the chase.
267
00:10:08,148 --> 00:10:09,848
I'll do it for half of my original quote.
268
00:10:09,866 --> 00:10:10,849
Mm. I mean, come on.
269
00:10:10,867 --> 00:10:13,952
Oh, well, uh, I... I can't beat that.
270
00:10:13,987 --> 00:10:17,072
I need to earn enough today
to buy my cholesterol meds.
271
00:10:17,123 --> 00:10:19,124
I get them online from Guatemala.
272
00:10:20,493 --> 00:10:22,995
You never really know what you're taking,
273
00:10:23,029 --> 00:10:25,714
but sometimes you just
have to roll the dice.
274
00:10:27,700 --> 00:10:28,700
I'm sorry, Eve.
275
00:10:28,718 --> 00:10:30,869
As a fellow high-cholesterol sufferer,
276
00:10:30,887 --> 00:10:32,871
I'm gonna have to go with Munroe.
277
00:10:32,889 --> 00:10:35,373
Mr. Larabee, he is totally
playing you right now.
278
00:10:35,391 --> 00:10:36,925
Uh, no.
279
00:10:36,976 --> 00:10:39,645
I bet his arteries look
like the I-25 at rush hour.
280
00:10:39,679 --> 00:10:42,147
This isn't over, Munroe.
281
00:10:42,182 --> 00:10:43,548
Oh, yeah, Mr. Larabee,
282
00:10:43,566 --> 00:10:46,051
if he has the big one in your driveway,
283
00:10:46,069 --> 00:10:48,737
I'm charging double to shovel his body out!
284
00:10:51,724 --> 00:10:53,609
- Phil?
- Do you remember?
285
00:10:53,660 --> 00:10:55,110
The guy that's competing with Eve.
286
00:10:55,161 --> 00:10:56,561
For the snow-shoveling business.
287
00:10:56,579 --> 00:10:58,530
Of course I remember.
288
00:10:58,564 --> 00:10:59,832
I'm not 100.
289
00:10:59,866 --> 00:11:02,451
He won a sandwich at a quiz show.
290
00:11:02,502 --> 00:11:07,122
He makes sandwiches at quiznos.
291
00:11:07,173 --> 00:11:09,174
Vanessa found out that he lost his job.
292
00:11:09,209 --> 00:11:10,375
At his accounting firm,
293
00:11:10,410 --> 00:11:12,010
and it wasn't because of him.
294
00:11:12,045 --> 00:11:13,879
It was just 'cause they downsized.
295
00:11:13,913 --> 00:11:15,047
All righty, gentlemen,
296
00:11:15,081 --> 00:11:16,381
is there anything else
I can get for you today?
297
00:11:16,415 --> 00:11:17,582
No. You know what?
298
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:19,251
This is all yours. Thank you.
299
00:11:19,269 --> 00:11:20,418
Aww, thank you.
300
00:11:20,436 --> 00:11:22,020
Bye.
301
00:11:24,190 --> 00:11:26,225
Nicely done.
302
00:11:26,259 --> 00:11:28,310
[Chuckles]
303
00:11:28,361 --> 00:11:30,229
Keep playing your cards like that,
304
00:11:30,263 --> 00:11:32,064
and that guy will buy you a car.
305
00:11:32,098 --> 00:11:35,067
Ah, he already did. [Laughs]
306
00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:41,406
And the student becomes the master.
307
00:11:41,440 --> 00:11:44,943
Here you go, sweetie... a
short stack for the big man,
308
00:11:44,961 --> 00:11:46,044
with extra whipped cream.
309
00:11:46,079 --> 00:11:47,713
Because you're my sweetest customer.
310
00:11:47,747 --> 00:11:49,832
Oh, I bet you say that
to all your customers.
311
00:11:49,883 --> 00:11:50,866
I do.
312
00:11:53,303 --> 00:11:54,452
Hey, Mandy Cakes!
313
00:11:54,470 --> 00:11:56,338
Whoa! Oh, oh, whoa!
314
00:11:56,389 --> 00:11:57,422
Hi, first cousin...
315
00:11:57,456 --> 00:11:59,508
the kind that can't be your boyfriend.
316
00:12:00,727 --> 00:12:02,294
It's so good to see you.
317
00:12:02,312 --> 00:12:03,679
Oh, okay, all right.
318
00:12:03,730 --> 00:12:04,847
Yeah, role-play.
319
00:12:04,898 --> 00:12:06,431
I've heard about this.
320
00:12:06,482 --> 00:12:07,766
So, we're cousins.
321
00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,185
The taboo makes it more exciting.
322
00:12:10,236 --> 00:12:12,470
Listen, I got to ask you to
stop coming by the diner, though.
323
00:12:12,488 --> 00:12:14,857
It's a thing with the customers.
324
00:12:14,891 --> 00:12:15,908
I just need them to think
325
00:12:15,942 --> 00:12:17,192
that I'm completely available to them.
326
00:12:17,243 --> 00:12:18,827
Available?
327
00:12:18,862 --> 00:12:20,779
It's just flirting, but, um,
328
00:12:20,813 --> 00:12:23,648
just, I get better tips
when I turn on the charm.
329
00:12:23,666 --> 00:12:25,918
- Excuse me...
- In a minute!
330
00:12:27,954 --> 00:12:29,087
Wait a minute.
331
00:12:29,122 --> 00:12:30,422
So you don't want me around.
332
00:12:30,456 --> 00:12:32,591
So that your customers will
think they can date you?
333
00:12:32,625 --> 00:12:33,926
But don't worry... it's completely phony.
334
00:12:33,960 --> 00:12:35,744
Everybody does it. I don't.
335
00:12:35,778 --> 00:12:36,845
Well, of course you do.
336
00:12:36,880 --> 00:12:38,714
At Outdoor Man, you pretend like you like.
337
00:12:38,765 --> 00:12:40,632
All those boring fishing poles and tents.
338
00:12:40,667 --> 00:12:42,918
I love all those fishing poles and tents.
339
00:12:42,952 --> 00:12:45,888
I could never stack boxes of
things that I found boring.
340
00:12:45,922 --> 00:12:47,356
Right, or like with my dad.
341
00:12:47,390 --> 00:12:49,975
You know, you pretend like
you admire and respect him.
342
00:12:50,009 --> 00:12:51,977
I worship your dad. He's a genius.
343
00:12:52,011 --> 00:12:54,897
Um, Kyle, you work for salary,
344
00:12:54,931 --> 00:12:58,000
and I work for tips, so I have to flirt.
345
00:12:58,034 --> 00:12:59,318
Then maybe I could just pretend.
346
00:12:59,352 --> 00:13:00,736
Not to be your boyfriend, you know?
347
00:13:00,787 --> 00:13:04,039
I... I could come and
just sit in Doris' section.
348
00:13:06,542 --> 00:13:08,744
Although the last time I did,
349
00:13:08,795 --> 00:13:12,147
she put my napkin in my
lap for me, which was nice.
350
00:13:12,181 --> 00:13:14,683
But she lingered.
351
00:13:14,717 --> 00:13:17,035
No, Kyle, it's really just better for me.
352
00:13:17,053 --> 00:13:18,870
Ifou d y't come here at all.
353
00:13:18,905 --> 00:13:20,973
Okay.
354
00:13:21,007 --> 00:13:22,925
Fine. I'll go.
355
00:13:22,976 --> 00:13:26,178
Good luck trying to get that
cousin thing going again later.
356
00:13:29,065 --> 00:13:30,649
I feel bad for Phil.
357
00:13:30,683 --> 00:13:32,818
Maybe we could find a
place in accounting here.
358
00:13:32,852 --> 00:13:35,904
No, we've got too many accountants already.
359
00:13:35,989 --> 00:13:38,824
We've got Dale and Gary and Chesty Mona.
360
00:13:40,243 --> 00:13:44,329
We can't fire Chesty Mona
because that's bad for morale.
361
00:13:44,364 --> 00:13:46,865
You've got to stop
calling her "Chesty Mona."
362
00:13:46,899 --> 00:13:50,168
Otherwise, it's gonna come up
in a wrongful-termination suit.
363
00:13:50,203 --> 00:13:52,287
Come on. That's completely innoce.
364
00:13:52,338 --> 00:13:54,790
I just don't want to
confuse her with Black Mona.
365
00:13:54,841 --> 00:13:56,341
All right, with about Gary?
366
00:13:56,376 --> 00:13:58,744
We were gonna fire him
'cause he drinks too much.
367
00:13:58,778 --> 00:14:00,963
No, no, no, you... you
can't. He's in rehab.
368
00:14:01,014 --> 00:14:04,549
Now he's an official
alcoholic. We can't touch him.
369
00:14:04,583 --> 00:14:07,019
But... but h... he never shows up to work.
370
00:14:07,053 --> 00:14:08,971
Yeah, I... I think he's drinking again.
371
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:10,389
Well, then let's fire him.
372
00:14:10,423 --> 00:14:12,074
Can't... alcoholism is a disease.
373
00:14:12,108 --> 00:14:14,609
Protected under the Americans
with Disabilities Act.
374
00:14:16,062 --> 00:14:18,096
Maybe if we could prove
Gary's a lousy accountant.
375
00:14:18,114 --> 00:14:20,032
He is a lousy accountant!
376
00:14:20,066 --> 00:14:22,651
That's because of the drinking.
377
00:14:22,702 --> 00:14:25,070
Is there anybody we can fire?
378
00:14:25,104 --> 00:14:26,271
Well, we could fire Dale.
379
00:14:26,306 --> 00:14:27,823
He doesn't have anything on me.
380
00:14:27,874 --> 00:14:29,708
He's also the best accountant we have.
381
00:14:29,742 --> 00:14:32,610
So we fire the good people
to protect the bad people.
382
00:14:32,628 --> 00:14:35,547
Isn't that written on
government buildings somewhere?
383
00:14:35,581 --> 00:14:36,741
I'm sorry about your neighbor.
384
00:14:36,766 --> 00:14:38,467
He's out of luck, which
means Eve's out of luck.
385
00:14:38,501 --> 00:14:40,285
She's just gonna have to
beat him fair and square.
386
00:14:40,303 --> 00:14:41,453
I'm not trying to help Eve.
387
00:14:41,471 --> 00:14:43,171
I'm trying to take care of my neighbor.
388
00:14:43,206 --> 00:14:44,840
You want to take care of your neighbor?
389
00:14:44,891 --> 00:14:46,558
- Yeah.
- Well, get him on the sauce.
390
00:14:54,201 --> 00:14:56,035
Hey.
391
00:14:56,069 --> 00:14:58,070
Mandy, what are you doing here?
392
00:14:58,088 --> 00:14:59,622
Just wanted to see my boyfriend.
393
00:14:59,673 --> 00:15:01,090
Well, are you sure that's a good idea?
394
00:15:01,124 --> 00:15:02,407
I'm at work.
395
00:15:02,425 --> 00:15:04,576
I need for my customers to
believe I'm available to them.
396
00:15:04,594 --> 00:15:07,963
That is a great purchase, sir.
397
00:15:08,014 --> 00:15:10,082
You should be wearing the
opposite of camouflage.
398
00:15:10,100 --> 00:15:11,500
Everybody should be able to see you.
399
00:15:13,887 --> 00:15:15,354
Kyle, what are you doing?
400
00:15:15,388 --> 00:15:16,939
Just being a big phony.
401
00:15:16,973 --> 00:15:18,224
Who am I kidding?
402
00:15:18,258 --> 00:15:20,392
That was a very handsome man.
403
00:15:20,427 --> 00:15:21,644
Okay.
404
00:15:21,695 --> 00:15:23,395
All right, I get it.
405
00:15:23,429 --> 00:15:25,531
You don't like that I'm
flirting with my customers.
406
00:15:25,565 --> 00:15:26,598
No, I don't.
407
00:15:26,616 --> 00:15:28,250
I don't understand.
408
00:15:28,285 --> 00:15:30,402
You've never been jealous before.
409
00:15:30,436 --> 00:15:32,621
Something feels different now.
410
00:15:32,656 --> 00:15:35,374
Before when you asked about the future,
411
00:15:35,408 --> 00:15:37,092
I started thinking about our future.
412
00:15:37,127 --> 00:15:38,711
I know that's not what you meant.
413
00:15:40,830 --> 00:15:43,198
That's actually exactly what I meant, yeah.
414
00:15:43,233 --> 00:15:46,168
Wow, we really should've
cleared that up then.
415
00:15:46,219 --> 00:15:50,222
The point is, I made an
extra $40 at the diner today.
416
00:15:50,257 --> 00:15:52,841
And I hated every minute of it.
417
00:15:52,892 --> 00:15:54,109
Because of me?
418
00:15:54,144 --> 00:15:56,228
Yes.
419
00:15:56,263 --> 00:15:58,463
As long as you're
miserable, I guess I'm happy.
420
00:16:02,485 --> 00:16:04,136
I want to say something,
421
00:16:04,170 --> 00:16:07,139
but I... I don't want
you to feel any pressure.
422
00:16:07,157 --> 00:16:08,473
Oh, I... I can take pressure.
423
00:16:08,491 --> 00:16:11,143
My brothers used to sit
on me, like, all the time.
424
00:16:14,397 --> 00:16:16,215
I love you.
425
00:16:16,249 --> 00:16:19,752
Boy, I'm glad you're not a customer.
426
00:16:19,786 --> 00:16:22,621
Why?
427
00:16:22,655 --> 00:16:25,991
So you know I'm not being
a big phony when I say...
428
00:16:26,009 --> 00:16:27,209
I love you, too.
429
00:16:31,798 --> 00:16:34,433
Wait, you say, "I love
you" to your customers?
430
00:16:36,569 --> 00:16:38,554
Some people need to hear it, Mandy.
431
00:16:38,605 --> 00:16:40,606
[Chuckles]
432
00:16:42,309 --> 00:16:44,610
Yeah! Eat it, Munroe!
433
00:16:44,644 --> 00:16:47,146
Dad, I got five driveways,
and he only got four.
434
00:16:47,180 --> 00:16:49,231
- Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba.
- Huh?
435
00:16:49,282 --> 00:16:50,566
Where's mine?
436
00:16:50,617 --> 00:16:51,817
[Sighs]
437
00:16:51,851 --> 00:16:53,485
There's your taste.
438
00:16:53,519 --> 00:16:55,687
Nutritious and delicious!
439
00:16:55,705 --> 00:16:57,856
[Doorbell rings]
440
00:16:57,891 --> 00:17:00,359
Hey, Larabee.
441
00:17:00,377 --> 00:17:01,960
- Hey, Baxter.
- Come on in.
442
00:17:01,995 --> 00:17:05,030
No, I've got someplace else I'd like to be.
443
00:17:05,048 --> 00:17:08,033
And I wish you were there.
444
00:17:08,051 --> 00:17:10,753
Listen, I heard you went with Munroe.
445
00:17:10,804 --> 00:17:16,358
What... don't you like
Eve's snow no mo' no mo'?
446
00:17:16,393 --> 00:17:18,227
No.
447
00:17:18,261 --> 00:17:19,895
Uh, check out this flyer.
448
00:17:21,147 --> 00:17:24,099
Eve posted those on trees
up and down the street.
449
00:17:24,134 --> 00:17:26,602
"Missing cat, tigger, was last seen
450
00:17:26,653 --> 00:17:28,987
in a driveway Phil Munroe was...
451
00:17:29,022 --> 00:17:32,724
clearing with his snowblower."
452
00:17:32,742 --> 00:17:34,343
I thought you might want to know.
453
00:17:34,377 --> 00:17:36,245
The way your daughter is playing this.
454
00:17:36,279 --> 00:17:38,330
- Thanks.
- Dead cats.
455
00:17:38,365 --> 00:17:41,233
Not cool.
456
00:17:44,404 --> 00:17:46,238
Hey, Eve.
457
00:17:46,272 --> 00:17:48,707
All right, fine, fine,
fine. I did six driveways.
458
00:17:48,741 --> 00:17:50,292
Here's your $2, Mr. Scrooge.
459
00:17:50,343 --> 00:17:51,343
What's this about?
460
00:17:51,378 --> 00:17:52,344
Oh, awesome, right?
461
00:17:52,379 --> 00:17:53,745
That'll teach Munroe not to undersell me.
462
00:17:53,763 --> 00:17:54,763
- Take them down.
- Huh?
463
00:17:54,798 --> 00:17:55,914
Take them down.
464
00:17:55,932 --> 00:17:57,299
Well, what happened to the free market,
465
00:17:57,350 --> 00:17:59,017
destroying the competition,
putting Munroe out on the street?
466
00:17:59,052 --> 00:18:00,085
I never said any of that.
467
00:18:00,103 --> 00:18:03,021
I set loftier goals for myself.
468
00:18:03,056 --> 00:18:04,556
The free market is the greatest thing.
469
00:18:04,590 --> 00:18:05,974
That ever happened to this planet,
470
00:18:06,025 --> 00:18:08,060
but it only works if there's
some moral compass to it.
471
00:18:08,094 --> 00:18:09,611
You start lying and cheating about it,
472
00:18:09,646 --> 00:18:10,896
it defeats the whole purpose.
473
00:18:10,930 --> 00:18:12,614
Go take them down right now.
474
00:18:12,649 --> 00:18:14,099
- Great, perfect.
- Yeah.
475
00:18:14,117 --> 00:18:15,367
Just when you get an edge,
476
00:18:15,402 --> 00:18:19,238
the man hits you with regulations!
477
00:18:19,272 --> 00:18:20,656
Boy, I love that kid.
478
00:18:22,608 --> 00:18:24,006
[Doorbell rings]
479
00:18:24,726 --> 00:18:26,120
Larabee.
480
00:18:26,182 --> 00:18:27,883
I was just... oh, hey, Phil.
481
00:18:27,917 --> 00:18:29,611
Oh, listen, I just talked to my daughter.
482
00:18:29,669 --> 00:18:32,435
That was a terrible thing. She's gonna
take them all down, I apologize, okay?
483
00:18:32,630 --> 00:18:35,144
Oh, good. I'm up for a
part-time job at a pet store,
484
00:18:35,168 --> 00:18:37,139
and I... I don't need this kind of publicity.
485
00:18:37,226 --> 00:18:38,410
Hey, Phil, hold on a second.
486
00:18:38,444 --> 00:18:39,945
Step in here for a minute.
I got to ask you a question.
487
00:18:39,996 --> 00:18:42,731
Listen, um...
488
00:18:42,749 --> 00:18:45,117
I understand, uh,
489
00:18:45,233 --> 00:18:46,933
that your company went
through a little downsizing.
490
00:18:46,967 --> 00:18:49,102
Oh, you found out about that, huh?
491
00:18:49,136 --> 00:18:50,970
You're an honorable guy and a hard worker,
492
00:18:50,988 --> 00:18:52,773
and, listen, I think I may have an opening.
493
00:18:52,807 --> 00:18:54,691
In the accounting
department at Outdoor Man.
494
00:18:54,725 --> 00:18:56,076
Wow, really?
495
00:18:56,110 --> 00:18:57,694
Yeah, I have to get rid of a drunk.
496
00:18:57,745 --> 00:18:59,479
Who never shows up and I don't like,
497
00:18:59,497 --> 00:19:01,281
but I'm willing to make that sacrifice.
498
00:19:01,315 --> 00:19:03,784
Oh, man.
499
00:19:03,818 --> 00:19:05,585
Thank you so much, Baxter!
500
00:19:05,620 --> 00:19:08,154
What I need you to do is
come by tomorrow morning,
501
00:19:08,172 --> 00:19:10,207
talk to HR, right, bring your r�sum�,
502
00:19:10,258 --> 00:19:12,342
driver's license, and my orbital sander.
503
00:19:12,376 --> 00:19:14,095
[Chuckles]
504
00:19:14,113 --> 00:19:15,147
You got it.
505
00:19:15,198 --> 00:19:16,198
You know what?
506
00:19:16,232 --> 00:19:17,265
And after that, we can go have a beer.
507
00:19:17,283 --> 00:19:18,600
Oh, I... I don't drink.
508
00:19:18,618 --> 00:19:21,036
Well, start. It's job security.
509
00:19:28,277 --> 00:19:29,578
[Sighs]
510
00:19:29,712 --> 00:19:30,929
Oh, man!
511
00:19:30,980 --> 00:19:32,380
- Look at that bankroll.
- Vanessa: Hey.
512
00:19:32,398 --> 00:19:34,733
Yeah, since I knocked off the competition,
513
00:19:34,767 --> 00:19:36,435
I jacked up my prices again.
514
00:19:36,486 --> 00:19:37,819
Where's my taste?
515
00:19:37,854 --> 00:19:38,820
Sorry, old man.
516
00:19:38,855 --> 00:19:40,522
Now that Munroe has a real job,
517
00:19:40,556 --> 00:19:42,574
he offered to lease me his snowblower.
518
00:19:42,608 --> 00:19:43,825
For a buck a driveway.
519
00:19:46,579 --> 00:19:48,330
So you're squeezing me out?
520
00:19:48,364 --> 00:19:51,149
Free market... you got to love it.
521
00:19:54,287 --> 00:19:57,839
So, your daughter cut you out.
522
00:19:57,874 --> 00:20:00,675
How does that make you feel?
523
00:20:00,710 --> 00:20:03,311
I love that girl.
524
00:20:14,591 --> 00:20:16,931
Mike Baxter here for Outdoor Man.
525
00:20:17,419 --> 00:20:19,296
I'm on top of the mountain, folks.
526
00:20:19,572 --> 00:20:21,536
You know who gets to be
on top of the mountain?
527
00:20:21,656 --> 00:20:23,669
People who can actually climb mountains.
528
00:20:23,669 --> 00:20:25,997
It's called meritocracy,
529
00:20:26,117 --> 00:20:29,387
and it should be the basis
for advancement in society.
530
00:20:29,719 --> 00:20:32,660
Meritocracy pushes people to achieve
531
00:20:32,903 --> 00:20:34,236
big things,
532
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:35,831
like scaling...
533
00:20:36,088 --> 00:20:37,696
Mount Everest.
534
00:20:38,053 --> 00:20:39,723
But our Federal Government
535
00:20:39,742 --> 00:20:41,800
likes stuff to be more fair.
536
00:20:42,419 --> 00:20:45,666
You know, like that
really exciting soccer game
537
00:20:45,673 --> 00:20:47,893
that they don't allow
your kids to win or lose.
538
00:20:47,931 --> 00:20:49,883
They don't want people feeling like losers,
539
00:20:49,895 --> 00:20:52,411
so, no, everybody just
goes home going [yawns]
540
00:20:52,417 --> 00:20:53,975
"What'd we just do?"
541
00:20:54,626 --> 00:20:56,410
the fact is, whether it's mountain climbing
542
00:20:56,410 --> 00:20:57,780
or climbing the corporate ladder,
543
00:20:57,836 --> 00:21:00,983
the big prize should go to
the person who merits it most.
544
00:21:01,009 --> 00:21:02,185
It's a simple idea.
545
00:21:02,498 --> 00:21:04,525
But it's made American free enterprise
546
00:21:04,543 --> 00:21:06,684
[echoing] the envy of the world!
547
00:21:10,419 --> 00:21:12,859
That would normally be a big problem.
548
00:21:13,410 --> 00:21:17,008
We have satellite phones on
sale at Outdoor Man this week.
549
00:21:18,427 --> 00:21:19,679
[chuckles] Help.
550
00:21:22,744 --> 00:21:32,744
- synced & corrected by dreaMaker7 and chamallow -
- www.addic7ed.com -
551
00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,131
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552
00:21:36,181 --> 00:21:40,731
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