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1
00:00:07,757 --> 00:00:10,008
Sorry, little dudes,
we're gonna be here a while.
2
00:00:10,009 --> 00:00:12,344
A truck broke down, and the cops
are taking their sweet time
3
00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:14,012
clearing it up.
4
00:00:14,013 --> 00:00:16,765
He thinks
my tummy is a mountain.
5
00:00:16,766 --> 00:00:18,976
Lou, Lou, quick, take a selfie.
6
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:20,811
It's not a selfie if I take it.
7
00:00:20,812 --> 00:00:22,730
He's kissing me.
8
00:00:22,731 --> 00:00:24,690
Take a selfie! Take a selfie!
9
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:27,443
Oh, man, my phone's dead.
10
00:00:27,444 --> 00:00:29,236
Milhouse, what am I missing
in the group text?
11
00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:30,946
It's awesome.
12
00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:33,073
You're never gonna get
caught up.
13
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:38,454
What kind of jazz you
listening to, stupid or boring?
14
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,581
It's Marc Maron's podcast.
15
00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:44,001
He does cool interviews
with really interesting people.
16
00:00:44,002 --> 00:00:46,003
Lame, lame, don't know him.
17
00:00:46,004 --> 00:00:47,963
Lame, lame,
don't know her.
18
00:00:47,964 --> 00:00:49,882
Loudon Wainwright, lame, lame.
19
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:53,844
This guy interviewed Krusty?
20
00:00:53,845 --> 00:00:58,932
Yeah. Hey, no, aw,
that's my ear bu... Ew.
21
00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:00,350
It's yours now.
22
00:01:00,351 --> 00:01:02,936
Wow. That's incredible, Krusty.
23
00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:04,813
I mean, really, I'm blown away.
24
00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:07,649
Yeah, well, it's true.
It's absolutely true.
25
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:10,611
I have a phobia... of pies.
26
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,781
That's so crazy because,
I mean, we've all seen you get
27
00:01:13,782 --> 00:01:15,741
hit in the face with pies
on your show.
28
00:01:15,742 --> 00:01:19,036
No, no, no, those are cakes
decorated as pies.
29
00:01:19,037 --> 00:01:22,873
Oh, right, so that's how you
make yourself feel safe.
30
00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:26,084
It's not the crust;
it's the fillings.
31
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:27,753
Krusty, I got to ask you
about something,
32
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,172
and-and I don't want you
to get defensive,
33
00:01:30,173 --> 00:01:31,965
but it's something
you've never talked about.
34
00:01:31,966 --> 00:01:35,093
Can you tell me about
The Sands of Space?
35
00:01:35,094 --> 00:01:37,971
Oh, no.
That's off-limits, soul patch!
36
00:01:37,972 --> 00:01:39,973
We could talk about
the exploding milkshakes
37
00:01:39,974 --> 00:01:41,099
in your Laffy Meals.
38
00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,851
Did they ever find
those kids' noses?
39
00:01:42,852 --> 00:01:46,188
Okay, okay, I'll tell you about
The Sands of Space,
40
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:49,942
the movie that almost
consumed my soul.
41
00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:52,736
Yeah, yeah, keep talking.
42
00:01:52,737 --> 00:01:54,530
I'm just feeding the cats.
43
00:01:54,531 --> 00:01:58,075
It all began back in
the golden age of Hollywood,
44
00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:02,246
the late 1980s,
when high concept was king.
45
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:04,873
You'd mix two kooky words
together in the title,
46
00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:08,001
put a rap song at the end
that explains the plot,
47
00:02:08,002 --> 00:02:12,464
and bam-- you're on the cover
of Premiere magazine.
48
00:02:12,465 --> 00:02:15,259
I had starred in the hit
action buddy comedy
49
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:16,718
Good Cop, Dog Cop,
50
00:02:16,719 --> 00:02:19,805
where I played
a murdered police officer
51
00:02:19,806 --> 00:02:23,225
who is reincarnated as his
partner's pet Saint Bernard.
52
00:02:23,226 --> 00:02:26,895
Five smashed squad cars,
100 exploded helicopters,
53
00:02:26,896 --> 00:02:29,064
and the mayor's wife has fleas.
54
00:02:29,065 --> 00:02:30,899
Turn in your badge
and your collar.
55
00:02:30,900 --> 00:02:33,110
You're suspended for a month!
56
00:02:33,111 --> 00:02:34,987
For me,
that's like seven months.
57
00:02:34,988 --> 00:02:36,905
Dog Cop!
58
00:02:38,616 --> 00:02:40,617
Suddenly, everyone in town
59
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,828
was dying to be
in the Krusty business,
60
00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:45,747
and I was dipping shrimp
with all the big talents
61
00:02:45,748 --> 00:02:48,876
I once longed to see fail.
62
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:52,129
And, of course, what the studio
wanted most was a sequel.
63
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:54,047
Okay, Krusty, we've got
64
00:02:54,048 --> 00:02:57,467
Good Cop, Dog Cop 2:
Golden Revolver all lined up.
65
00:02:57,468 --> 00:02:59,386
We, uh... who-who did the...
66
00:02:59,387 --> 00:03:02,055
The two Terrys, they just
turned in a great script.
67
00:03:02,056 --> 00:03:04,433
Savage Sam Borgberg
is all set to direct.
68
00:03:04,434 --> 00:03:06,018
So when do we start?
69
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:08,896
I get it.
You think I'm just some hack,
70
00:03:08,897 --> 00:03:12,066
out to churn out lazy sequels
for a quick buck.
71
00:03:12,942 --> 00:03:14,192
Yes.
72
00:03:14,193 --> 00:03:16,862
This is my next movie.
73
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:18,739
The Sands of Space?
74
00:03:18,740 --> 00:03:20,198
Krusty, are you kidding me?
75
00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:23,160
This is the most famously
un-filmable book in history.
76
00:03:23,161 --> 00:03:27,080
It made Kubrick a recluse.
It-it drove Coppola to wine.
77
00:03:27,081 --> 00:03:28,999
The four Jeffs tried
to write a script,
78
00:03:29,000 --> 00:03:30,959
but even they couldn't crack it.
79
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,296
When I bought this at
an adult bookstore by mistake,
80
00:03:34,297 --> 00:03:36,340
it changed my life.
81
00:03:36,341 --> 00:03:39,092
"There's a light that shines
from star to star,
82
00:03:39,093 --> 00:03:42,804
from soul to soul, connecting
everyone in the universe."
83
00:03:42,805 --> 00:03:45,390
Wow.
84
00:03:45,391 --> 00:03:48,352
It's not landing for me
that the hero doesn't
85
00:03:48,353 --> 00:03:51,855
refuse the quest
before he accepts the quest.
86
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:53,231
Is that landing for you?
87
00:03:53,232 --> 00:03:55,776
Look, I'm not drinking
out of one more toilet
88
00:03:55,777 --> 00:03:57,861
until you green-light
this movie.
89
00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:00,822
And I'm not playing
a dog, either.
90
00:04:00,823 --> 00:04:03,075
All right, we got a comic
who wants to make
91
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,911
a hippie-dippie
science-fiction vanity project.
92
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:09,915
Here's what we do: we humor him,
and we make it dirt cheap.
93
00:04:09,916 --> 00:04:11,708
We could shoot it
in Mexico for nothing.
94
00:04:11,709 --> 00:04:14,002
We hire a has-been to direct it
95
00:04:14,003 --> 00:04:15,796
and never-wases
to do everything else.
96
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:19,758
After it bombs, that clown will
come scooting his butt back here
97
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:23,762
to make all the Dog Cop movies
we want. Two more.
98
00:04:23,763 --> 00:04:25,931
The Sands of Space was a go,
99
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:28,600
and the studio hired
the least-qualified crew
100
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:31,228
they could find,
including a young couple
101
00:04:31,229 --> 00:04:33,939
whose love was just
starting to bloom.
102
00:04:33,940 --> 00:04:35,899
She was full of optimism,
103
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:39,069
and he was slightly less fat
than he was going to be.
104
00:04:39,070 --> 00:04:40,696
What could be cooler?
105
00:04:40,697 --> 00:04:44,324
You and me working on a movie
together all summer long
106
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:46,785
as production assistants.
107
00:04:46,786 --> 00:04:48,829
It's so romantic.
108
00:04:48,830 --> 00:04:51,289
We'll be like Elizabeth Taylor
and Richard Burton
109
00:04:51,290 --> 00:04:53,875
if they had to get coffee
for everybody.
110
00:04:56,587 --> 00:05:00,549
All right, everyone,
saddle up for Juárez, Mexico.
111
00:05:00,550 --> 00:05:03,301
That's where I shot
Manhattan Mix Up.
112
00:05:03,302 --> 00:05:06,138
Lost a lot of good men
on that show.
113
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,807
Now, move it out!
114
00:05:08,808 --> 00:05:11,686
♪ ♪
115
00:05:16,899 --> 00:05:18,775
Why are we stopping?
116
00:05:18,776 --> 00:05:20,902
Oh, the bus has been
leaking oil for miles.
117
00:05:20,903 --> 00:05:22,029
Look behind us.
118
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,531
Those things were literal?
119
00:05:24,532 --> 00:05:26,492
♪ ♪
120
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:35,959
The Sands of Space,
day one, shot one, take one.
121
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:37,961
And... action!
122
00:05:37,962 --> 00:05:41,256
So barren, so alien,
123
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:43,633
yet somehow... familiar.
124
00:05:43,634 --> 00:05:46,011
Hey, what the hell is this?
125
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,888
Cut. Cut it!
126
00:05:47,889 --> 00:05:51,725
This sand is sand-colored.
It's supposed to be red.
127
00:05:51,726 --> 00:05:53,977
So what? Sand is sand.
128
00:05:53,978 --> 00:05:55,896
Did you even read the book?
129
00:05:55,897 --> 00:05:58,732
These blood dunes
are all that's left of humanity
130
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:00,734
after the Rust Wars.
131
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:03,111
What's to read?
It's a space picture.
132
00:06:03,112 --> 00:06:05,864
Laser cars,
girls with octopus arms,
133
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:08,700
zip zap glip glorp,
and it's in the can.
134
00:06:08,701 --> 00:06:10,911
Look, you no-talent
bag of wrinkles.
135
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:12,954
Go back to whatever
Toluca Lake drunk tank
136
00:06:12,955 --> 00:06:14,790
they fished you out of,
137
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:18,001
because you're not getting
anywhere near my movie!
138
00:06:19,962 --> 00:06:21,922
Sir, I've worked
in moving pictures
139
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,799
since they were
called "stillies."
140
00:06:23,800 --> 00:06:26,968
I once shot a two-hour picture
in 90 minutes.
141
00:06:26,969 --> 00:06:31,181
And so I say to you, in the
words of Miss Lillian Gish,
142
00:06:31,182 --> 00:06:32,809
go crap in your hat.
143
00:06:36,354 --> 00:06:38,563
And now, if you'll excuse me,
144
00:06:38,564 --> 00:06:41,526
I am going to mysteriously drown
in the ocean.
145
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:48,323
As you may have heard, there's
been an amicable parting of ways
146
00:06:48,324 --> 00:06:51,660
with that moron director.
We wish him well.
147
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,746
Clearly, there's only one artist
close enough to this film
148
00:06:54,747 --> 00:06:57,958
to direct it: me.
149
00:06:57,959 --> 00:07:00,669
I know what you're thinking--
have I taken on too much
150
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:03,004
by starring
and directing a movie
151
00:07:03,005 --> 00:07:05,757
that I was also tricked
into cofinancing?
152
00:07:05,758 --> 00:07:09,220
No, because this story
must be told.
153
00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:13,014
This is so exciting.
154
00:07:13,015 --> 00:07:16,977
Krusty's got the passion and
vision to make this movie great.
155
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:22,440
I have no idea
how to make a movie.
156
00:07:22,441 --> 00:07:26,111
I know nothing.
157
00:07:26,112 --> 00:07:28,655
All these people are screwed.
158
00:07:28,656 --> 00:07:31,909
And the crew gift
is just a T-shirt.
159
00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:37,622
Right, right, I-I get it.
160
00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:39,124
In the tradition
of every actor ever,
161
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:41,501
- you thought you could direct.
- Directing seemed so easy.
162
00:07:41,502 --> 00:07:44,337
You just hold your hands like
this, then bing, bang, boom,
163
00:07:44,338 --> 00:07:46,214
Annie Leibovitz
is taking your portrait
164
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:47,757
in a bathtub full of milk.
165
00:07:47,758 --> 00:07:50,552
Yeah, talk about
pressure, though.
166
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:52,762
Man, I remember once
I was filming a special
167
00:07:52,763 --> 00:07:54,097
at the Laugh Basement
in Tampa...
168
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:55,599
This isn't about you.
169
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:58,226
You got your ad in
for Dollar Doorknob Club.
170
00:07:58,227 --> 00:07:59,978
Now, let me talk.
171
00:07:59,979 --> 00:08:02,939
They say in Hollywood,
"Nobody knows anything."
172
00:08:02,940 --> 00:08:05,400
Well, I knew a lot less
than that.
173
00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,861
What do you like
for the princess's headpiece,
174
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:11,406
- feathers or scales?
- I don't know, how about scales?
175
00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:13,867
Oh, well, there goes
the whole costume budget.
176
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:15,160
Uh, for the crew lunch,
177
00:08:15,161 --> 00:08:16,870
the grips want
their hot dogs boiled,
178
00:08:16,871 --> 00:08:18,830
but the gaffers
want them grilled.
179
00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:21,791
Either way, I don't got no
hot dogs, so, uh, which is it?
180
00:08:21,792 --> 00:08:24,419
Do you want the space ship doors
to open like,
181
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:27,797
"Zzztt-zzztt," "ppswishh"
or "wahh-wahh"?
182
00:08:27,798 --> 00:08:29,633
Judd Nelson won't come out
of his trailer.
183
00:08:29,634 --> 00:08:32,135
Christian Slater won't go back
into his trailer.
184
00:08:32,136 --> 00:08:33,845
How many sugars do you want
in your coffee?
185
00:08:33,846 --> 00:08:36,097
Stop asking me things!
186
00:08:36,098 --> 00:08:38,725
Is this an official break,
or are we taking a five?
187
00:08:38,726 --> 00:08:41,645
Wahh-wahh.
188
00:08:41,646 --> 00:08:43,855
Hmm, that poor clown man.
189
00:08:43,856 --> 00:08:47,400
This movie is his dream,
and it's falling apart.
190
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:50,445
Yeah, that's Mexico
showbiz for you.
191
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:54,157
♪ ♪
192
00:08:57,078 --> 00:09:00,121
Oh, is nothing
on this movie real?
193
00:09:00,122 --> 00:09:01,665
Um, are you okay?
194
00:09:01,666 --> 00:09:02,999
Okay?
195
00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:06,878
I'm a total fraud who can't make
a single decision.
196
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,714
Well, maybe you just need
to start with a small one.
197
00:09:09,715 --> 00:09:12,759
Like, what color should
the space monster's blood be,
198
00:09:12,760 --> 00:09:14,302
orange or green?
199
00:09:14,303 --> 00:09:16,513
Both. Neither. I don't know!
200
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:19,975
Just close your eyes,
breathe deeply,
201
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:23,229
and envision the blood.
What color is it?
202
00:09:24,188 --> 00:09:25,981
Orange.
203
00:09:25,982 --> 00:09:28,775
There you go. You decided.
204
00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:32,070
Of course, orange!
I knew I was a genius!
205
00:09:32,071 --> 00:09:34,990
I did it! I directed a movie!
206
00:09:34,991 --> 00:09:36,783
Well, it's just one decision.
207
00:09:36,784 --> 00:09:39,077
Oh, I'm a nothing.
A phony-baloney.
208
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:41,579
A no-talent. A zilch.
209
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:45,959
Just my luck to work for the
only insecure person in showbiz.
210
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,379
You risked everything you have
to tell this story.
211
00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:50,922
It must be special.
212
00:09:50,923 --> 00:09:54,134
Maybe I can do this
with your help.
213
00:09:54,135 --> 00:09:57,470
How would you like to be
assistant to the director?
214
00:09:57,471 --> 00:09:58,513
Really?
215
00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:01,349
I need you to help me
be decisive.
216
00:10:01,350 --> 00:10:04,102
No, wait, I don't want that!
Oh, God, which one?
217
00:10:04,103 --> 00:10:06,438
- The first, the first.
- You're hired.
218
00:10:06,439 --> 00:10:07,897
Oh!
219
00:10:09,483 --> 00:10:12,027
Add more dynamite.
220
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:15,155
Uh, those explosives are
really close to those extras.
221
00:10:15,156 --> 00:10:16,906
So? We got plenty of them.
222
00:10:16,907 --> 00:10:19,201
That's why they're called
"extras," right?
223
00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:26,124
You tell that lox
to go to acting school
224
00:10:26,125 --> 00:10:29,377
and work there as a janitor.
225
00:10:29,378 --> 00:10:32,881
Krusty loves what you're doing.
Same energy, little quicker.
226
00:10:32,882 --> 00:10:35,383
Tell him to sod off.
227
00:10:35,384 --> 00:10:37,802
He says, "You got it, baby."
228
00:10:37,803 --> 00:10:40,805
It's so much pressure.
The whole movie depends on it.
229
00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:43,391
Tell the story
that needs to be told.
230
00:10:43,392 --> 00:10:45,143
That butt double
for the action scene,
231
00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:47,979
that butt double for the
love scene. Let's make art!
232
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,856
♪ ♪
233
00:10:49,857 --> 00:10:51,274
Sorry I'm late,
234
00:10:51,275 --> 00:10:54,402
but Krusty and I were
storyboarding tomorrow's shots.
235
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:58,907
Close-up, medium, long, long,
establishing, close,
236
00:10:58,908 --> 00:11:03,078
POV, wide, and then--
get this-- medium.
237
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:06,748
You've been so busy with
that director, I never see you.
238
00:11:06,749 --> 00:11:09,793
Krusty needs me.
He's under so much pressure.
239
00:11:09,794 --> 00:11:13,129
You wouldn't believe how much
directing dust he's sniffing.
240
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:15,048
Everyone's working hard.
241
00:11:15,049 --> 00:11:17,884
We had to repaint all the sets
black and white for a flashback.
242
00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:19,552
We wouldn't have been
able to do it
243
00:11:19,553 --> 00:11:21,304
if not for all the crew powder.
244
00:11:21,305 --> 00:11:22,972
Well, it'll all be worth it
245
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:25,183
when this movie touches
people's hearts,
246
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:28,812
as Peabo Bryson sings
the theme song over the credits.
247
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:30,605
You got Peabo?
248
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:33,733
- Well, he hasn't committed.
- He's not the only one.
249
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:35,735
This was supposed to be
a romantic adventure,
250
00:11:35,736 --> 00:11:38,988
but whenever we have a moment
alone, your beeper goes off.
251
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:42,951
Why don't we have
a romantic adventure right now?
252
00:11:42,952 --> 00:11:45,120
Oh, yeah, baby.
253
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:51,418
Wahh-wahh.
254
00:11:54,964 --> 00:11:58,091
Where were you?
255
00:11:58,092 --> 00:12:01,594
I had to watch the dailies
without you.
256
00:12:01,595 --> 00:12:04,055
Greetings. Welcome.
257
00:12:04,056 --> 00:12:07,851
Greetings. Welcome.
Greetings. Welcome. Greetings.
258
00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:10,979
I've been going back and forth
all night. Which is better?
259
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:14,024
Did you get one with "Hello"?
260
00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:18,653
I'm sorry, I was with Homer,
my boyfriend.
261
00:12:18,654 --> 00:12:21,948
Boyfriend? You can't have
a boyfriend. I want you!
262
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:22,949
Krusty!
263
00:12:22,950 --> 00:12:24,993
Not like a lady.
264
00:12:24,994 --> 00:12:29,080
Like a "mother slash therapist
slash rabbi" who xeroxes things.
265
00:12:29,081 --> 00:12:30,915
Dump the boyfriend.
266
00:12:30,916 --> 00:12:35,880
I believe in this movie, but I
also believe in Homer and Marge.
267
00:12:37,339 --> 00:12:39,924
Me, I'm Marge.
268
00:12:39,925 --> 00:12:43,428
Oh, yes, Marge.
Marge, I knew that.
269
00:12:43,429 --> 00:12:46,723
Marge. Marge.
270
00:12:46,724 --> 00:12:50,226
I'm not going to break up
with Homer. He's my soul mate.
271
00:12:50,227 --> 00:12:53,313
Hmm. You know what? I get it.
272
00:12:53,314 --> 00:12:55,482
Your life has to come first.
273
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:58,943
Yet again, you're the only one
who can set me straight.
274
00:12:58,944 --> 00:13:01,946
- Thank you.
- That's all right.
275
00:13:01,947 --> 00:13:03,740
It's not all right.
276
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:06,159
I'm gonna grind
that boyfriend down finer
277
00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:08,745
than this movie's red sand...
278
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:11,080
that I now wish
was sand-colored.
279
00:13:11,081 --> 00:13:13,374
Send in my anesthesiologist
280
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,335
so I can take a nap.
281
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:17,253
Dreams or no dreams?
282
00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:19,172
Surprise me.
283
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:29,933
Wow, it's crazy, man, right?
284
00:13:29,934 --> 00:13:31,976
How narcissism and insecurity
go hand in hand?
285
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:33,895
I mean, you couldn't function
286
00:13:33,896 --> 00:13:35,813
because your assistant
had a boyfriend.
287
00:13:35,814 --> 00:13:37,315
Where does that jealousy
come from?
288
00:13:37,316 --> 00:13:39,067
How would I know?
I fired my shrink
289
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:42,445
after I found out she was seeing
other patients. Anyway...
290
00:13:42,446 --> 00:13:44,280
I made sure the boyfriend
291
00:13:44,281 --> 00:13:47,200
had all the most dangerous jobs
on the set.
292
00:13:47,201 --> 00:13:50,245
I'm out of breakfast burritos.
293
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,629
Bring in the stunt dummy.
294
00:14:04,718 --> 00:14:07,263
Perfect. Let's get
one more for safety.
295
00:14:09,306 --> 00:14:12,767
I'm telling you, your crazy boss
is out to get me.
296
00:14:12,768 --> 00:14:15,895
No, he's not.
Krusty loves our relationship.
297
00:14:15,896 --> 00:14:17,772
Every day,
he says it would be a shame
298
00:14:17,773 --> 00:14:21,943
if something happened to you,
then laughs and laughs.
299
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,821
Then why are they sending me out
to the middle of the desert
300
00:14:24,822 --> 00:14:27,907
to find a lizard for a new scene
about a space lizard?
301
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:30,451
Hmm, that does sound
a little dangerous.
302
00:14:30,452 --> 00:14:33,538
No, I'm sure it's super safe.
303
00:14:33,539 --> 00:14:36,083
I'll see you
when I get back alive.
304
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:46,050
Here, lizard, lizard, lizard.
305
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:48,052
Who wants to be famous?
306
00:14:48,053 --> 00:14:49,846
Look at all those skeletons.
307
00:14:49,847 --> 00:14:52,557
Mexicans sure love Halloween.
308
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:54,058
Whoa!
309
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:57,062
D'oh!
What the...?
310
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,149
♪ ♪
311
00:15:02,276 --> 00:15:04,402
Wha...
312
00:15:04,403 --> 00:15:06,988
Oh, I'm trapped in a ravine.
313
00:15:06,989 --> 00:15:11,160
Only one thing to do:
wait patiently for death.
314
00:15:12,911 --> 00:15:15,496
- Dad, wake up!
- What?
315
00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:17,206
Yeah, get up, fat-ass.
316
00:15:17,207 --> 00:15:19,292
Who the hell are you,
talking cactuses?
317
00:15:19,293 --> 00:15:21,377
We're the kids
you're never gonna have
318
00:15:21,378 --> 00:15:24,088
if you don't you get your
lazy butt out of that hole.
319
00:15:24,089 --> 00:15:26,841
And technically, it's "cacti."
320
00:15:26,842 --> 00:15:29,218
Ow!
321
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:31,679
Why should I climb out of here
and have you?
322
00:15:31,680 --> 00:15:34,891
Marge spends all her time
taking care of that needy clown.
323
00:15:34,892 --> 00:15:37,477
I thought I was
her passion project.
324
00:15:37,478 --> 00:15:39,896
You know, someday
you might appreciate a wife
325
00:15:39,897 --> 00:15:41,773
who's developed
empathy and patience
326
00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,067
for chubby, selfish men.
327
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:46,527
Look at that bald guy.
328
00:15:46,528 --> 00:15:49,072
He's so bald!
329
00:15:49,073 --> 00:15:50,448
I don't think
we'll ever be born.
330
00:15:50,449 --> 00:15:52,450
Sorry, Maggie.
331
00:15:52,451 --> 00:15:54,369
Eat my thorns.
332
00:15:54,370 --> 00:15:56,079
Why, you prickly...!
333
00:16:06,965 --> 00:16:09,635
A casa. I'm saved.
334
00:16:11,595 --> 00:16:13,639
Ay, caramba!
335
00:16:14,973 --> 00:16:19,018
The Pain Lords forced me to mine
every quarry on this planet,
336
00:16:19,019 --> 00:16:23,399
but they never imagined
I had the Love Gem all along.
337
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:27,027
And... cut.
338
00:16:28,153 --> 00:16:29,946
That was amazing.
339
00:16:29,947 --> 00:16:31,948
And you remembered
all your lines.
340
00:16:31,949 --> 00:16:34,283
Aw, thanks...
341
00:16:34,284 --> 00:16:35,952
Marge.
342
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:38,871
You've helped me become
what every director should be:
343
00:16:38,872 --> 00:16:41,958
an amiable guy
who makes everyone suffer
344
00:16:41,959 --> 00:16:43,835
through his hellish process.
345
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:45,795
Homer's been kidnapped.
346
00:16:45,796 --> 00:16:47,964
There's a note.
347
00:16:50,884 --> 00:16:53,720
"We have taken
your blubbering coward."
348
00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:01,853
"The ransom is $1 million
349
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:04,897
or 100 Los Angeles Raiders
season tickets."
350
00:17:04,898 --> 00:17:07,775
"Go, Raiders."
351
00:17:07,776 --> 00:17:09,861
Oh, geez, I'm sorry, everyone.
352
00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,321
We don't have the cash
to ransom that kid,
353
00:17:12,322 --> 00:17:14,323
but I think I know
what he'd want:
354
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,993
a special thanks
in the closing credits
355
00:17:16,994 --> 00:17:20,329
right before which kind
of film stock we used.
356
00:17:20,330 --> 00:17:21,832
Back to work.
357
00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:24,876
No. This crew
looks after its own.
358
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,377
We're gonna save Homer,
359
00:17:26,378 --> 00:17:30,174
and I don't care how much
golden time they have to pay us.
360
00:17:34,428 --> 00:17:36,637
We don't have
a million-dollar ransom,
361
00:17:36,638 --> 00:17:38,222
but we do have one thing:
362
00:17:38,223 --> 00:17:40,057
movie magic.
363
00:17:40,058 --> 00:17:42,144
Powder up, everyone.
364
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:49,567
Ay, ay, ay!
365
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:51,068
"Ay ay ay," indeed.
366
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,865
Give us back our P.A.!
367
00:17:55,866 --> 00:17:59,202
The Americans, they have weapons
from the future.
368
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:02,246
Yar!
369
00:18:02,247 --> 00:18:05,250
These weapons from the future,
they are not real.
370
00:18:15,177 --> 00:18:18,846
Stop shooting.
Stop shooting. Cut!
371
00:18:18,847 --> 00:18:21,891
Okay, that's a five.
372
00:18:21,892 --> 00:18:24,268
We don't have
your million dollars,
373
00:18:24,269 --> 00:18:26,938
but we can give you something
much more valuable:
374
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,940
a Hollywood movie.
375
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:32,777
All we want back is the
lowliest member of our crew.
376
00:18:32,778 --> 00:18:35,446
We could sell it to
the highest bidder at MIFED!
377
00:18:35,447 --> 00:18:36,739
You have a deal.
378
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:40,201
No, no! You can't give away
my masterwork.
379
00:18:40,202 --> 00:18:43,871
"There's a light that shines
from star to star,
380
00:18:43,872 --> 00:18:47,834
from soul to soul, connecting
everyone in the universe."
381
00:18:47,835 --> 00:18:50,795
Be the man who believes
in those words,
382
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:55,259
and let the light between me and
Homer give life to our universe.
383
00:18:58,053 --> 00:19:01,098
Gentlemen, the film is yours.
384
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:09,313
You're a good man, Krusty.
385
00:19:09,314 --> 00:19:11,148
Only when I'm with you,
386
00:19:11,149 --> 00:19:14,527
which is why I never
want to see you again.
387
00:19:14,528 --> 00:19:16,946
I want that, too.
388
00:19:16,947 --> 00:19:19,615
I've done a lot of interviews,
man, but wow.
389
00:19:19,616 --> 00:19:22,785
I-I am so glad
that Byron Allen canceled.
390
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:24,996
And after that,
my movie career was kaput.
391
00:19:24,997 --> 00:19:26,998
I was sent back to kids TV
392
00:19:26,999 --> 00:19:30,710
and never cared about making
anything good ever again.
393
00:19:30,711 --> 00:19:34,088
Well, folks, you heard it.
Who could ever forget it?
394
00:19:34,089 --> 00:19:38,301
A heartbreaking story about a
selfish man's one selfless act.
395
00:19:38,302 --> 00:19:39,677
Do you like hot cashews
396
00:19:39,678 --> 00:19:42,013
but don't have the time
to heat them up?
397
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:45,433
'ShewBlasters is disrupting
the heated nut business.
398
00:19:45,434 --> 00:19:47,977
If the 'Shew heats, eat it!
399
00:20:01,742 --> 00:20:03,576
- Mom! Dad!
- You guys never told us
400
00:20:03,577 --> 00:20:04,869
you worked on a movie together.
401
00:20:04,870 --> 00:20:06,287
So that's why
you've been wearing
402
00:20:06,288 --> 00:20:08,205
that crew jacket
all these years.
403
00:20:08,206 --> 00:20:11,208
That crazy movie? Oh, man,
that was a long time ago.
404
00:20:11,209 --> 00:20:12,585
We were just kids.
405
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:13,794
What was it like?
406
00:20:13,795 --> 00:20:15,504
Well, working on that movie set
407
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:17,924
turned out to be
a lot like our marriage.
408
00:20:17,925 --> 00:20:20,927
Long days, stupid fights
you don't remember,
409
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,012
but damn good breakfasts.
410
00:20:23,013 --> 00:20:25,765
A good breakfast
can get you through a lot.
411
00:20:25,766 --> 00:20:29,060
But what happened to the movie?
Did Krusty ever see it?
412
00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,895
I don't know.
I guess we'll never know.
413
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:35,191
The love crystal
is whole once more.
414
00:20:35,192 --> 00:20:39,655
The prophecy is fulfilled.
415
00:20:50,791 --> 00:20:54,335
- What? Why are they laughing?
- They think it's a comedy.
416
00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:58,923
It was supposed to show
how we're all connected.
417
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:03,219
Look around, man.
Maybe it did, maybe it did.
418
00:21:03,220 --> 00:21:06,306
If you think this is closure,
you're nuts.
419
00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:18,360
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
420
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:31,164
Wahh-wahh.
31721
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