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It seems today that all you see
2
00:00:04,915 --> 00:00:08,184
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
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But where are those
good old-fashioned values
4
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On which we used to rely?
5
00:00:14,859 --> 00:00:18,308
Lucky there's a family guy
6
00:00:18,309 --> 00:00:21,588
Lucky there's a man
who positively can do
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All the things that make us
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Laugh and cry
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He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy!
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- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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Stone fruit season!
12
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Now, those are what my granddaddy called
13
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"proposin' peaches."
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Don't be shy, now. Dig in.
15
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Whoa-ho!
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Here I go.
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Don't you do it.
Don't you go to the gross side.
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It's out of my control.
19
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They're too... juicy.
20
00:01:05,209 --> 00:01:06,844
We exchanged a look earlier.
21
00:01:06,845 --> 00:01:09,213
We have a grossed-out, no-fun alliance.
22
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So, you guys like peaches, huh?
23
00:01:12,684 --> 00:01:13,984
- Yeah.
- Hold on.
24
00:01:13,985 --> 00:01:16,087
I need a large pane of glass.
25
00:01:17,087 --> 00:01:19,089
Well, I got her phone number.
26
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How do you like them peaches?
27
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Covered by most insurance.
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Guys, check it out.
29
00:01:27,065 --> 00:01:29,767
In honor of opening day
at Fenway Park this weekend,
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00:01:29,768 --> 00:01:32,869
the Red Sox are offering
four tickets behind home plate
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00:01:32,870 --> 00:01:35,599
to the person who makes
the best Red Sox ad.
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00:01:35,600 --> 00:01:37,508
- Oh...
- My...
33
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Freaking...
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00:01:40,345 --> 00:01:43,246
Guys, winning those seats
is our highest priority.
35
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Even higher than my dream
of winning socks-on karate.
36
00:01:51,388 --> 00:01:53,090
Point! Winner!
37
00:01:53,091 --> 00:01:54,627
- Ow!
- Ow!
38
00:02:00,097 --> 00:02:01,764
Ah, this is the life.
39
00:02:01,765 --> 00:02:04,535
- Thanks, Peter.
- I still can't believe you won
40
00:02:04,536 --> 00:02:06,870
by filming yourself pooping
in a Yankees helmet.
41
00:02:06,871 --> 00:02:08,805
I am not a subtle filmmaker,
42
00:02:08,806 --> 00:02:11,275
and my audience
wouldn't have it any other way.
43
00:02:11,276 --> 00:02:14,043
Joe, what are you eating
your ice cream out of?
44
00:02:14,044 --> 00:02:16,447
They ran out of those
mini batting helmets,
45
00:02:16,448 --> 00:02:18,582
so they're serving it in athletic cups.
46
00:02:18,583 --> 00:02:20,618
Did you buy that
from a certified vendor?
47
00:02:20,619 --> 00:02:23,787
He wasn't behind the counter,
but he had a blue shirt on.
48
00:02:23,788 --> 00:02:26,590
I think somebody might be
having a little fun with you.
49
00:02:26,591 --> 00:02:29,425
Yeah, come to think of it,
he did have a friend filming,
50
00:02:29,426 --> 00:02:32,562
and he made me eat the first
seven bites in front of him,
51
00:02:32,563 --> 00:02:34,465
and he didn't charge me anything.
52
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Do you, uh...
53
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do you want this?
54
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I'll take a bite.
55
00:02:40,004 --> 00:02:42,007
Four beers, please.
56
00:02:43,407 --> 00:02:44,841
Anything else, fellas?
57
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Uh, yeah, I'll have a beer.
58
00:02:46,645 --> 00:02:48,078
Anyone else want another?
59
00:02:48,079 --> 00:02:49,613
Yeah, why not?
60
00:02:49,614 --> 00:02:51,215
- Quagmire?
- I'm good.
61
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I'm good with one more.
62
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- Cleveland?
- I'm fine.
63
00:02:54,519 --> 00:02:56,519
Yeah, I'm fine with one more, too.
64
00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:59,290
I-I'm gonna take it with me to the can.
65
00:03:05,729 --> 00:03:08,465
All right, now to have
the only exciting thing
66
00:03:08,466 --> 00:03:11,668
in the game happen
as soon as I turn my back.
67
00:03:40,497 --> 00:03:42,333
Hey, buddy,
that's just a break in the line
68
00:03:42,334 --> 00:03:43,701
so people can pass through.
69
00:03:43,702 --> 00:03:45,169
End of the line's that way.
70
00:03:46,905 --> 00:03:49,205
Yeah, it's all the way
to that guy with the scorebook
71
00:03:49,206 --> 00:03:50,907
just waiting for someone to talk to.
72
00:03:50,908 --> 00:03:52,942
Don't get used to Benintendi's
two-strike hitting.
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00:03:52,943 --> 00:03:55,546
His history will tell you
it's not a sustainable pace
74
00:03:55,547 --> 00:03:57,080
for an everyday outfielder.
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00:03:57,081 --> 00:03:59,083
Aw, screw that.
I'm using the ladies' room.
76
00:03:59,084 --> 00:04:00,518
How bad could it be?
77
00:04:02,987 --> 00:04:04,454
I saw a mouse.
78
00:04:04,455 --> 00:04:07,191
Buddy, if you really gotta go,
you can use that one.
79
00:04:09,227 --> 00:04:10,894
A bathroom for Prince?
80
00:04:10,895 --> 00:04:12,896
I can't use that. I'm not Prince.
81
00:04:12,897 --> 00:04:14,665
It's not for Prince.
82
00:04:14,666 --> 00:04:17,401
Space Cats? I'm not a Space Cat.
83
00:04:17,402 --> 00:04:21,005
Sir, I can assure you there's
no such thing as Space Cats.
84
00:04:21,006 --> 00:04:23,973
Now, can you direct me
to Earth's reserve of yarn?
85
00:04:23,974 --> 00:04:26,276
Aw, screw this.
86
00:04:26,277 --> 00:04:28,411
Excuse me, ma'am, could you direct me
87
00:04:28,412 --> 00:04:31,315
to Earth's reserve
of near-empty tuna tins?
88
00:04:31,316 --> 00:04:33,385
Are you a Space Cat?
89
00:04:35,052 --> 00:04:37,120
- He's been made.
- We've got to call him back.
90
00:04:38,123 --> 00:04:39,255
Psst, psst.
91
00:04:39,256 --> 00:04:40,925
Psst, psst.
92
00:04:43,260 --> 00:04:45,728
Guys! I found the best toilet
in the whole place.
93
00:04:45,729 --> 00:04:48,899
- Next time...
- Peter! You're on the jumbotron!
94
00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:50,901
- Where?
- Right there!
95
00:04:50,902 --> 00:04:52,903
- Here?
- There, Peter, there!
96
00:04:52,904 --> 00:04:54,038
Here? Yes?
97
00:04:54,039 --> 00:04:55,906
It's right in front of you, Peter!
98
00:04:55,907 --> 00:04:57,608
- Right here?
- No!
99
00:04:57,609 --> 00:04:59,142
- Oh, over here?
- Damn it, Peter,
100
00:04:59,143 --> 00:05:00,444
you're gonna miss it!
101
00:05:00,445 --> 00:05:02,178
Is-is this... is this it?
102
00:05:02,179 --> 00:05:04,380
Aha! Where?
103
00:05:04,381 --> 00:05:07,183
Guys, look! I'm on the jumbotron!
104
00:05:07,184 --> 00:05:09,219
Ladies and gentlemen,
105
00:05:09,220 --> 00:05:11,622
let's give a big Boston welcome
to Peter Griffin,
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00:05:11,623 --> 00:05:14,925
the fist transgender Red Sox fan.
107
00:05:14,926 --> 00:05:17,161
Peter, you used
the transgender bathroom,
108
00:05:17,162 --> 00:05:19,829
so now everyone thinks
you're transgender.
109
00:05:19,830 --> 00:05:22,199
Cleveland, what are you eating
your Cracker Jacks out of?
110
00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:24,668
Oh, the guy said they
were out of regular boxes,
111
00:05:24,669 --> 00:05:27,570
- so he gave me this box.
- What did he look like?
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Like this.
113
00:05:28,873 --> 00:05:31,608
Hey, that's the ice cream guy!
114
00:05:31,609 --> 00:05:33,644
I got a handful, too, Peter.
115
00:05:33,645 --> 00:05:35,846
You want to see who can finish faster?
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You're on!
117
00:05:37,147 --> 00:05:39,048
It looks like we've got ourselves
118
00:05:39,049 --> 00:05:41,486
a good old-fashioned Cracker Jack off.
119
00:05:47,025 --> 00:05:49,526
Good morning, Peter.
We saw the game last night,
120
00:05:49,527 --> 00:05:51,594
and, well, we just want you to know
121
00:05:51,595 --> 00:05:54,497
that we wholeheartedly support
all transgender people.
122
00:05:54,498 --> 00:05:56,834
- But I'm not...
- Peter, before you say anything
123
00:05:56,835 --> 00:05:59,469
that might clear all this up,
let me tell you
124
00:05:59,470 --> 00:06:03,372
about our stellar transgender
employee benefit package.
125
00:06:03,373 --> 00:06:05,743
Benefits? I'm trans-listening.
126
00:06:05,744 --> 00:06:08,879
Well, as such, you're entitled
to supplemental time off,
127
00:06:08,880 --> 00:06:10,413
our on-site masseuse
128
00:06:10,414 --> 00:06:13,016
and a $60 gift card from Nordstrom Rack.
129
00:06:13,017 --> 00:06:14,651
- Nordstrom?!
- Rack.
130
00:06:14,652 --> 00:06:16,653
- Yeah, but Nordstrom!
- Yes, I understand.
131
00:06:16,654 --> 00:06:18,221
But it's just... Rack.
132
00:06:18,222 --> 00:06:21,190
Well, in the words
of trailblazer Caitlyn Jenner,
133
00:06:21,191 --> 00:06:23,793
"I will do anything
for money and attention."
134
00:06:23,794 --> 00:06:25,228
So brave.
135
00:06:25,229 --> 00:06:28,565
Great. We'll send the paperwork
down to your office.
136
00:06:28,566 --> 00:06:31,300
Well, better use
the men's room one last time.
137
00:06:31,301 --> 00:06:33,403
Lot of history in there.
138
00:06:40,677 --> 00:06:41,846
You.
139
00:06:42,847 --> 00:06:45,481
And you, the Hungry Hungry Hippo.
140
00:06:45,482 --> 00:06:48,851
You'd always swallow it
before I could see what I did.
141
00:06:48,852 --> 00:06:52,523
And one last look at my crack
imprint on the walk of fame.
142
00:06:54,539 --> 00:06:56,709
God, I remember that day.
143
00:06:58,530 --> 00:07:00,029
I would find out later
144
00:07:00,030 --> 00:07:02,332
that when you put your ass
in wet cement,
145
00:07:02,333 --> 00:07:03,933
you're just sealing it shut forever.
146
00:07:03,934 --> 00:07:06,235
Best they could do was poke holes in it
147
00:07:06,236 --> 00:07:08,639
so it comes out like Play-Doh spaghetti.
148
00:07:08,640 --> 00:07:11,376
Anyway, that's the first act.
149
00:07:16,614 --> 00:07:19,716
Peter, pretending to be
transgender to get time off work
150
00:07:19,717 --> 00:07:22,618
trivializes a real struggle
in this country.
151
00:07:22,619 --> 00:07:25,154
Did the... did the Space Cats
get to you?
152
00:07:25,155 --> 00:07:28,625
I don't know what that is,
but you got to knock this off.
153
00:07:28,626 --> 00:07:32,495
And direct me to Earth's reserve
of sun-dappled window seats.
154
00:07:32,496 --> 00:07:33,896
Lois is right, Peter.
155
00:07:33,897 --> 00:07:36,132
Besides the fact that
you're lying to your employers,
156
00:07:36,133 --> 00:07:37,935
you're taking advantage
of a civil liberty
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00:07:37,936 --> 00:07:39,336
that so many oppressed people
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00:07:39,337 --> 00:07:40,803
have fought their entire lives for.
159
00:07:40,804 --> 00:07:43,272
Shut your mouth, Brian.
I'm part of a movement.
160
00:07:43,273 --> 00:07:44,641
Hey, what is "transgender," anyway?
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00:07:44,642 --> 00:07:46,375
Is that the stuff in potato chips
162
00:07:46,376 --> 00:07:48,077
that makes your bum go bam?
163
00:07:48,078 --> 00:07:50,247
It-It's pointless arguing with you.
164
00:07:50,248 --> 00:07:52,716
Cool. Now, in order to pull this off,
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00:07:52,717 --> 00:07:54,685
I'm gonna have to look the part.
166
00:07:54,686 --> 00:07:56,687
Lois, which dress may I borrow?
167
00:07:56,688 --> 00:07:59,755
None. My closet is off-limits.
168
00:07:59,756 --> 00:08:02,459
Fine. There's got to be
something in the attic.
169
00:08:02,460 --> 00:08:05,796
I can't even begin to describe
the density of illness
170
00:08:05,797 --> 00:08:07,764
I feel in my bone marrow right now.
171
00:08:07,765 --> 00:08:10,067
That is-that is how appalled
I am by this.
172
00:08:10,068 --> 00:08:11,834
- Other guys?
- Sorry, Peter.
173
00:08:11,835 --> 00:08:14,004
I don't see you getting away
with this one.
174
00:08:14,005 --> 00:08:15,671
Look, Peter, the good news is
175
00:08:15,672 --> 00:08:17,840
you still fit
in your wife's wedding gown.
176
00:08:17,841 --> 00:08:19,776
Not every guy can say that.
177
00:08:19,777 --> 00:08:22,179
It's actually Meg's.
She commits murders in it.
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00:08:22,180 --> 00:08:23,680
What's this, now?
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00:08:23,681 --> 00:08:26,182
That's just it, Peter... this
whole thing is a joke to you.
180
00:08:26,183 --> 00:08:28,285
Are you forgetting
I have a dad who's a woman?
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00:08:28,286 --> 00:08:29,920
No, of course not.
That's the first thing
182
00:08:29,921 --> 00:08:31,354
everyone thinks of when they see you.
183
00:08:31,355 --> 00:08:32,622
But Th-this isn't like that.
184
00:08:32,623 --> 00:08:34,280
And I thought you guys would support me.
185
00:08:34,281 --> 00:08:36,840
Like we all supported Joe
on that road trip.
186
00:08:36,841 --> 00:08:39,997
- Boy, I am stuffed.
- Oh, I forgot to mention,
187
00:08:39,998 --> 00:08:42,199
one of you guys has to be in charge
188
00:08:42,200 --> 00:08:43,934
of changing my diaper the whole trip.
189
00:08:43,935 --> 00:08:45,636
Why don't we all just switch off?
190
00:08:45,637 --> 00:08:47,938
Oh, there will be other jobs
for other people.
191
00:08:47,939 --> 00:08:50,574
Okay, I guess we should,
like, draw straws or something.
192
00:08:50,575 --> 00:08:52,376
Actually, I've been observing all of you
193
00:08:52,377 --> 00:08:55,811
for the past few hours,
and I choose Quagmire.
194
00:08:55,812 --> 00:08:58,214
- What?! Why me?
- You've got long fingers.
195
00:08:58,215 --> 00:09:00,483
And I feel like you wouldn't crack
196
00:09:00,484 --> 00:09:02,618
if things start to go south.
197
00:09:02,619 --> 00:09:05,388
Fine. How do I know when it's time?
198
00:09:05,389 --> 00:09:07,891
Well, I'll turn to you, very sincerely,
199
00:09:07,892 --> 00:09:10,227
and I'll look you right in your eyes,
200
00:09:10,228 --> 00:09:13,896
and I'll say,
"Quagmire, I've got poopies."
201
00:09:13,897 --> 00:09:15,198
Ugh.
202
00:09:15,199 --> 00:09:16,867
Now, Quagmire, I've...
203
00:09:16,868 --> 00:09:18,901
- You got poopies. I know.
- No!
204
00:09:18,902 --> 00:09:20,938
You're supposed to let me say it!
205
00:09:22,739 --> 00:09:24,741
Quagmire...
206
00:09:24,742 --> 00:09:26,878
I've got poopies.
207
00:09:32,050 --> 00:09:33,916
- Dad!
- Dad!
208
00:09:33,917 --> 00:09:36,219
How goes the transition, Mr. Griffin?
209
00:09:36,220 --> 00:09:39,555
Like Huma Abedin, I'm trying
to forget about my Weiner.
210
00:09:39,556 --> 00:09:41,757
Whoa, we're doing Cheers, not Frasier.
211
00:09:41,758 --> 00:09:43,760
Tough day, Dad?
212
00:09:43,761 --> 00:09:45,896
I don't get it. How does Rebel Wilson
213
00:09:45,897 --> 00:09:47,396
always look so fetching?
214
00:09:47,397 --> 00:09:49,398
- Does she, though?
- You could be, too,
215
00:09:49,399 --> 00:09:52,003
if you just let your hair down a little.
216
00:09:55,706 --> 00:09:59,108
Now you just take that beautiful
hair down to the salon,
217
00:09:59,109 --> 00:10:00,776
and you'll be a ten.
218
00:10:00,777 --> 00:10:02,278
On a scale of a billion?
219
00:10:02,279 --> 00:10:03,546
Thanks, Chris.
220
00:10:03,547 --> 00:10:06,282
Thanks for helping me
at 11:30 on a school day.
221
00:10:06,283 --> 00:10:08,385
There was a shooting.
222
00:10:10,955 --> 00:10:13,223
She's an old-time ambassador
223
00:10:13,224 --> 00:10:16,094
Of sweet-talking, night-walking games
224
00:10:18,095 --> 00:10:20,229
But she's a queen and such are queens
225
00:10:20,230 --> 00:10:22,965
That your laughter
is sucked in their brains.
226
00:10:22,966 --> 00:10:25,236
I'll take 'em all.
227
00:10:28,138 --> 00:10:29,774
Well, hello.
228
00:10:36,147 --> 00:10:37,781
- Where you going, Dad?
- Out.
229
00:10:37,782 --> 00:10:40,891
Now that I'm living as a woman,
I can say whatever I want to men
230
00:10:40,892 --> 00:10:42,396
and they can't hit me.
231
00:10:44,154 --> 00:10:45,655
Oh, hey, Peter.
232
00:10:45,656 --> 00:10:47,257
Sully could've made it to an airport.
233
00:10:47,258 --> 00:10:49,659
Hey, you shut your mouth!
That man is a hero!
234
00:10:49,660 --> 00:10:51,228
Ah, ah, ah, ah! Woman.
235
00:10:51,229 --> 00:10:52,829
Well, it's definitely true
236
00:10:52,830 --> 00:10:54,930
that I respect the boundaries of women.
237
00:10:54,931 --> 00:10:57,334
Oh, hey, Sherry, uh,
just-just get in the fireplace.
238
00:10:57,335 --> 00:10:59,437
I'll-I'll spit down the chimney.
239
00:11:00,504 --> 00:11:02,638
Hey, Joe. How's the suspension going?
240
00:11:02,639 --> 00:11:04,074
When you get married,
241
00:11:04,075 --> 00:11:06,309
you don't think
you'll be home together all day.
242
00:11:06,310 --> 00:11:08,310
It's, uh... trying.
243
00:11:08,311 --> 00:11:10,180
Who's at the door?
244
00:11:12,016 --> 00:11:13,349
It's my friend!
245
00:11:13,350 --> 00:11:14,517
So, what's up, Peter?
246
00:11:14,518 --> 00:11:16,853
I just wanted to tell you
that I'm the one
247
00:11:16,854 --> 00:11:18,854
who planted the evidence
that got you suspended.
248
00:11:18,855 --> 00:11:21,391
What?! I'm gonna kill you!
249
00:11:21,392 --> 00:11:22,858
Ah, ah, ah! Woman.
250
00:11:22,859 --> 00:11:24,326
Oh, right.
251
00:11:24,327 --> 00:11:25,695
Joe, close the door.
252
00:11:25,696 --> 00:11:27,699
You're letting the bugs in.
253
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,200
Is your daughter still killing people?
254
00:11:31,201 --> 00:11:32,636
She is.
255
00:11:35,739 --> 00:11:37,107
Hey, Chris Brown.
256
00:11:37,108 --> 00:11:40,142
I just wanted to say
I'm a huge fan of your music.
257
00:11:41,812 --> 00:11:43,814
This is just gonna make me listen more.
258
00:11:43,815 --> 00:11:45,515
Oh, hey, Ray Rice.
259
00:11:45,516 --> 00:11:47,017
Would you mind pressing "lobby"?
260
00:11:47,018 --> 00:11:48,951
What do you got, potatoes in your ears?
261
00:11:48,952 --> 00:11:50,922
I said press "lobby"!
262
00:11:54,992 --> 00:11:58,161
Now, Peter, one of the perks
of being a woman
263
00:11:58,162 --> 00:12:00,763
is that you get to go out
and have a white wine,
264
00:12:00,764 --> 00:12:03,333
squeak-fart lunch with your friends.
265
00:12:03,334 --> 00:12:05,267
Did you hear Diane's husband left her?
266
00:12:06,537 --> 00:12:08,238
Yeah, you could tell from the wedding
267
00:12:08,239 --> 00:12:10,172
they were not gonna last.
268
00:12:10,173 --> 00:12:12,309
Oh, it's a shame.
And they have two kids!
269
00:12:13,311 --> 00:12:14,677
Marriage is hard.
270
00:12:18,548 --> 00:12:21,917
Those machines in the ladies'
room don't vend pants, do they?
271
00:12:21,918 --> 00:12:24,529
Don't let 'em take my salad.
I'm still working on it.
272
00:12:27,859 --> 00:12:30,227
This is so great. Now that I'm a woman,
273
00:12:30,228 --> 00:12:33,296
I can lean-dance
into anyone's karaoke song.
274
00:12:33,297 --> 00:12:36,067
When you were here before
275
00:12:38,136 --> 00:12:41,438
Couldn't look you in the eye...
276
00:12:41,439 --> 00:12:43,440
Yeah! It's a work night!
277
00:12:43,441 --> 00:12:45,041
Hey, come on.
278
00:12:45,042 --> 00:12:46,209
Get out of here.
279
00:12:46,210 --> 00:12:48,310
You're ruining my birthday party.
280
00:12:48,311 --> 00:12:51,080
Your skin makes me cry...
281
00:12:51,081 --> 00:12:53,083
Sing Justin Timberlake!
282
00:12:53,084 --> 00:12:55,719
Come on! I waited an hour
and a half for this!
283
00:12:55,720 --> 00:12:58,320
And, hey, get off that bar!
284
00:12:58,321 --> 00:12:59,589
Why?
285
00:12:59,590 --> 00:13:01,992
Because you're at Lowfan O'Reilly's.
286
00:13:04,561 --> 00:13:06,262
All right, where am I on the screen?
287
00:13:06,263 --> 00:13:08,230
Oh. "Float like a feather
in a beautiful world."
288
00:13:08,231 --> 00:13:09,598
Dah, dah, dah. Okay.
289
00:13:09,599 --> 00:13:12,571
Flippin' special
290
00:13:14,037 --> 00:13:17,676
But I'm a creep...
291
00:13:22,228 --> 00:13:24,574
What? What happened?
292
00:13:24,575 --> 00:13:26,182
Ah, I knew you'd catch it.
293
00:13:26,183 --> 00:13:28,400
I'm parting my hair
on the other side now.
294
00:13:28,401 --> 00:13:30,954
Oh, Peter, thank God you're okay.
295
00:13:30,955 --> 00:13:33,089
Hello, bosses and not my family.
296
00:13:33,090 --> 00:13:35,257
You really gave us a scare there.
297
00:13:35,258 --> 00:13:36,459
Oh, what do you mean?
298
00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:37,694
Well, you went into a coma
299
00:13:37,695 --> 00:13:39,762
after you were hit in the head by a fan.
300
00:13:39,763 --> 00:13:41,198
Oh, it was funny.
301
00:13:41,199 --> 00:13:43,465
- And then it wasn't.
- A coma?
302
00:13:43,466 --> 00:13:46,275
Well, I feel tomato now, beige spots.
303
00:13:46,276 --> 00:13:49,638
And since the company was paying
for your medical care anyway,
304
00:13:49,639 --> 00:13:52,508
we fulfilled your letter
of medical intent
305
00:13:52,509 --> 00:13:54,810
for your sex reassignment surgery.
306
00:13:54,811 --> 00:13:56,813
- What?
- She's saying that your surgery
307
00:13:56,814 --> 00:13:59,114
to become a woman
was a complete success.
308
00:13:59,115 --> 00:14:01,184
It's much easier going that way,
believe me.
309
00:14:01,185 --> 00:14:02,786
Just a chop and a mop.
310
00:14:02,787 --> 00:14:04,119
Congratulations, Peter.
311
00:14:04,120 --> 00:14:06,486
You're officially a woman.
312
00:14:09,960 --> 00:14:13,164
No...!
313
00:14:14,165 --> 00:14:17,169
That is one nutty hospital.
314
00:14:22,373 --> 00:14:25,374
Peter, I'm sorry this happened,
but it's your own fault.
315
00:14:25,375 --> 00:14:27,810
You should never have pretended
to be someone else.
316
00:14:27,811 --> 00:14:29,478
That's right, but now that it's done,
317
00:14:29,479 --> 00:14:31,348
maybe I can help you
with the transition.
318
00:14:31,349 --> 00:14:33,983
You know, I've always been a
great supporter of the LGBLT...
319
00:14:33,984 --> 00:14:35,218
Nope.
320
00:14:35,219 --> 00:14:36,386
No.
321
00:14:36,387 --> 00:14:37,720
Unrelated.
322
00:14:37,721 --> 00:14:39,989
The Long Island Expressway?
323
00:14:39,990 --> 00:14:42,057
The wrong stuff, Brian.
324
00:14:42,058 --> 00:14:45,161
Yes. Yes, WNBA.
325
00:14:45,162 --> 00:14:47,363
Mom, you know, our world today is filled
326
00:14:47,364 --> 00:14:49,833
with people like Dad trying
to find their identities.
327
00:14:49,834 --> 00:14:52,502
Whether it's cutters,
or people who cut themselves,
328
00:14:52,503 --> 00:14:56,171
or people who drag knives across
their thighs to feel something.
329
00:14:56,172 --> 00:14:57,540
You're right, Meg.
330
00:14:57,541 --> 00:14:59,743
I guess we'll just have
to deal with this,
331
00:14:59,744 --> 00:15:01,744
like when Chris won
that hundred-dollar scratcher
332
00:15:01,745 --> 00:15:03,847
and talked down to everybody.
333
00:15:03,848 --> 00:15:05,848
Your house is so cozy, Joe.
334
00:15:05,849 --> 00:15:08,184
Wish I could get by
with just two bathrooms.
335
00:15:08,185 --> 00:15:09,752
Technically, one and a half.
336
00:15:09,753 --> 00:15:11,655
Leave us alone.
337
00:15:11,656 --> 00:15:14,023
I said, "Leave us alone," but deep down,
338
00:15:14,024 --> 00:15:17,260
I respected and even desired
Chris for his success.
339
00:15:17,261 --> 00:15:19,262
It would take another eight years
340
00:15:19,263 --> 00:15:20,763
before I summoned the courage
341
00:15:20,764 --> 00:15:22,732
to kiss him at a backyard barbecue,
342
00:15:22,733 --> 00:15:24,467
and from that moment on...
343
00:15:24,468 --> 00:15:26,271
Bonnie! Bonnie!
344
00:15:27,078 --> 00:15:29,124
I've got poopies.
345
00:15:33,878 --> 00:15:35,945
Thank you for showing me the 90 things
346
00:15:35,946 --> 00:15:37,914
women have to do before going to bed.
347
00:15:37,915 --> 00:15:40,949
Okay, now quick break
to cry for no reason.
348
00:15:40,950 --> 00:15:44,387
Can we do one last judgmental
scroll through Facebook first?
349
00:15:44,388 --> 00:15:45,916
Of course.
350
00:15:46,389 --> 00:15:48,958
Congratulations,
you went to a dance club.
351
00:15:48,959 --> 00:15:51,026
You know, Peter,
if I didn't know better,
352
00:15:51,027 --> 00:15:52,829
I'd say you'd been a woman for years.
353
00:15:52,830 --> 00:15:54,863
Now we just drift off to sleep,
354
00:15:54,864 --> 00:15:56,733
thinking about Rick from Midas Muffler.
355
00:15:56,734 --> 00:15:58,435
I probably won't be able to sleep
356
00:15:58,436 --> 00:16:01,304
'cause I had two sips of tea
at 3:30 this afternoon.
357
00:16:01,305 --> 00:16:02,738
That's okay, Peter.
358
00:16:02,739 --> 00:16:05,307
You can just read
on an impossibly bright iPad
359
00:16:05,308 --> 00:16:07,845
while I toss and turn in a pissy way.
360
00:16:15,485 --> 00:16:17,753
You almost done with the chapter?
361
00:16:17,754 --> 00:16:20,305
Oh, there's no chapters.
It's a Clifford book.
362
00:16:24,936 --> 00:16:26,905
Thank you, young man.
363
00:16:27,923 --> 00:16:29,431
Hey, now that we're all settled
at this table,
364
00:16:29,432 --> 00:16:32,201
you guys want to move outside
'cause it's such a nice day?
365
00:16:32,202 --> 00:16:34,304
Okay, why don't you go save us
a table outside,
366
00:16:34,305 --> 00:16:35,704
and we'll be there soon?
367
00:16:37,108 --> 00:16:38,882
Taken. Sorry.
368
00:16:42,105 --> 00:16:43,345
You know, it's fun back here.
369
00:16:43,346 --> 00:16:45,348
You don't even know you're in Quahog.
370
00:16:45,349 --> 00:16:47,584
Please don't talk to us. You're too fat.
371
00:16:49,286 --> 00:16:51,621
You want me to start a new tab for you?
372
00:16:51,622 --> 00:16:53,288
No, you can just keep ours going.
373
00:16:53,289 --> 00:16:55,357
Your friends left
the minute you came out here,
374
00:16:55,358 --> 00:16:57,594
and they didn't pay their indoor tab.
375
00:16:58,796 --> 00:17:00,796
I feel so alone.
376
00:17:00,797 --> 00:17:03,468
And that bitch stole my hairstyles!
377
00:17:04,501 --> 00:17:06,369
Well, hello.
378
00:17:06,370 --> 00:17:08,638
That's what he said to me!
379
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:18,648
Peter?
380
00:17:18,649 --> 00:17:21,617
- Ida?
- Come, sit.
381
00:17:21,618 --> 00:17:23,353
Well, look at you.
382
00:17:23,354 --> 00:17:25,354
Yeah, look at me.
383
00:17:25,355 --> 00:17:27,757
- What's wrong?
- It's a long story.
384
00:17:27,758 --> 00:17:29,491
Yeah, I've heard.
385
00:17:29,492 --> 00:17:32,094
Peter, everything is gonna be okay.
386
00:17:32,095 --> 00:17:33,496
I promise.
387
00:17:33,497 --> 00:17:34,930
O-Okay.
388
00:17:34,931 --> 00:17:37,199
Now, I'm going to tell you a story.
389
00:17:37,200 --> 00:17:39,102
When I first met you, Peter,
390
00:17:39,103 --> 00:17:41,738
I was already at the end
of a long journey
391
00:17:41,739 --> 00:17:43,706
to find the courage to become a woman.
392
00:17:43,707 --> 00:17:46,843
But before that, I lived for 61 years
393
00:17:46,844 --> 00:17:49,778
as a miserable, miserable man.
394
00:17:49,779 --> 00:17:52,582
I grew up in the small town
of Football, Texas,
395
00:17:52,583 --> 00:17:55,617
and from the age of eight,
I was mercilessly teased
396
00:17:55,618 --> 00:17:59,255
for being different
and "dressing funny."
397
00:17:59,256 --> 00:18:02,392
Then, at the age of 14,
I had an epiphany.
398
00:18:02,393 --> 00:18:03,992
It was so clear.
399
00:18:03,993 --> 00:18:07,330
I was a girl trapped in a boy's body.
400
00:18:07,331 --> 00:18:10,333
I'm having a hard time focusing
without a drink, but go on.
401
00:18:10,334 --> 00:18:15,270
It took me 47 years from that
day to officially own who I am.
402
00:18:15,271 --> 00:18:17,207
Is there a waiter or...?
403
00:18:17,208 --> 00:18:21,210
In those 47 years, I became
an expert at hiding my secret.
404
00:18:21,211 --> 00:18:24,080
I became a war hero and raised a family,
405
00:18:24,081 --> 00:18:27,851
but I was dying inside,
and the deeper I buried it,
406
00:18:27,852 --> 00:18:29,952
the more unhappy I became,
407
00:18:29,953 --> 00:18:32,921
and eventually, I even thought
of ending my own life.
408
00:18:32,922 --> 00:18:35,424
But I couldn't do that to Glenn.
409
00:18:35,425 --> 00:18:37,392
I had no idea.
410
00:18:37,393 --> 00:18:39,394
It's clear you had no idea.
411
00:18:39,395 --> 00:18:41,397
You know nothing about what it means
412
00:18:41,398 --> 00:18:42,599
to feel this struggle.
413
00:18:42,600 --> 00:18:44,534
Yeah, you're right.
414
00:18:44,535 --> 00:18:46,635
I kind of stumbled into all this,
415
00:18:46,636 --> 00:18:49,272
but you've been dealing with it
your whole life.
416
00:18:49,273 --> 00:18:51,039
Yes, I have.
417
00:18:51,040 --> 00:18:53,676
And my story, to one degree or another,
418
00:18:53,677 --> 00:18:56,078
is every transgender person's story,
419
00:18:56,079 --> 00:18:58,747
and all those stories
are the price of admission
420
00:18:58,748 --> 00:19:01,750
to finally feeling at peace
with who you are...
421
00:19:01,751 --> 00:19:03,920
A price you never paid.
422
00:19:03,921 --> 00:19:06,256
Ah, I'm so sorry, Ida.
423
00:19:06,257 --> 00:19:07,757
I feel really awful,
424
00:19:07,758 --> 00:19:11,094
and I'm a really bad person
for what I did.
425
00:19:11,095 --> 00:19:12,981
I deserve what happened to me.
426
00:19:13,963 --> 00:19:15,965
Touching story, other people humans.
427
00:19:15,966 --> 00:19:17,866
Now, could you direct me
428
00:19:17,867 --> 00:19:20,769
to Earth's reserve of other dog butts?
429
00:19:20,770 --> 00:19:22,772
That's right, that's right.
430
00:19:22,773 --> 00:19:25,307
Everybody natural.
431
00:19:25,308 --> 00:19:26,942
Peter, listen to me.
432
00:19:26,943 --> 00:19:28,777
You were a bad person.
433
00:19:28,778 --> 00:19:30,947
But now you've taken a journey.
434
00:19:30,948 --> 00:19:34,116
It just took becoming a woman
to make you a better man.
435
00:19:34,117 --> 00:19:36,119
But I'll never be that better man.
436
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:38,086
I can't afford the surgery to go back.
437
00:19:38,087 --> 00:19:40,989
I think I might be able
to help you with that, Peter.
438
00:19:40,990 --> 00:19:42,624
- Really?
- Yes.
439
00:19:42,625 --> 00:19:44,628
I've got an idea.
440
00:19:47,224 --> 00:19:49,500
What a day.
441
00:19:53,504 --> 00:19:55,438
Oh, Peter, you started a Kickstarter.
442
00:19:55,439 --> 00:19:57,140
Not exactly.
443
00:19:57,141 --> 00:20:00,142
Oh, that's... that's not a "K."
444
00:20:00,143 --> 00:20:02,010
Look at that. You're up to six inches.
445
00:20:02,011 --> 00:20:03,645
That's two inches past your goal.
446
00:20:03,646 --> 00:20:05,448
It's not important what the goal was.
447
00:20:05,449 --> 00:20:08,985
What's important is
this community cares.
448
00:20:08,986 --> 00:20:10,319
Congratulations, Mr. Griffin.
449
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:12,154
Your surgery was a success.
450
00:20:12,155 --> 00:20:13,457
You're a man again.
451
00:20:14,343 --> 00:20:15,946
Sully was a hero!
452
00:20:21,398 --> 00:20:23,666
Well, I'm glad
everything's back to normal.
453
00:20:23,667 --> 00:20:25,000
I'll say.
454
00:20:25,001 --> 00:20:27,703
Dad, you lost a wiener
but came out a winner.
455
00:20:29,006 --> 00:20:31,106
Well, that does it
for our crossover episode.
456
00:20:31,107 --> 00:20:33,343
Thanks for coming,
cast of Bob's Burgers.
457
00:20:33,344 --> 00:20:35,244
We didn't get to do anything.
458
00:20:35,245 --> 00:20:36,478
Show's 22 minutes long.
459
00:20:36,479 --> 00:20:37,880
Not everything makes it to air.
460
00:20:37,881 --> 00:20:39,315
But, hey, you have the floor
461
00:20:39,316 --> 00:20:40,865
if there's something hilarious
you want to say.
462
00:20:40,866 --> 00:20:42,493
I'll just sit here and be quiet.
463
00:20:42,494 --> 00:20:44,853
Give us two Emmys worth of amazing.
464
00:20:44,854 --> 00:20:47,422
Maybe a funny burger name? No?
465
00:20:47,423 --> 00:20:49,359
Girl in the bunny ears?
466
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:51,827
Boy, I love it when characters
are expressed by props.
467
00:20:51,828 --> 00:20:54,430
I kind of feel like
this is less of a crossover
468
00:20:54,431 --> 00:20:55,832
and more of a roast.
469
00:20:55,833 --> 00:20:57,869
No, a roast is good-natured.
470
00:20:57,870 --> 00:20:59,870
- Synced and corrected by AlexandreMT
- www.addic7ed.com -
34803
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