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1
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:07,339
- Ross kissed me.
- No!
2
00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:09,842
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
3
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,510
It was unbelievable!
4
00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:14,763
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
5
00:00:14,973 --> 00:00:16,390
We wanna hear everything.
6
00:00:16,599 --> 00:00:18,600
Monica, get the wine
and unplug the phone.
7
00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,436
- Okay.
- Rachel.
8
00:00:20,603 --> 00:00:22,896
Does this end well
or do we need to get tissues?
9
00:00:23,106 --> 00:00:26,275
- Oh, it ended very well.
- Oh.
10
00:00:26,484 --> 00:00:29,361
Do not start without me!
Do not start without me!
11
00:00:29,571 --> 00:00:32,239
Okay. All right.
Let's hear about the kiss.
12
00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:34,867
Was it like a soft brush
against your lips...
13
00:00:35,035 --> 00:00:38,704
...or was it like a, you know,
"I gotta have you now" kind of thing?
14
00:00:38,913 --> 00:00:43,250
Well, at first it was really intense,
you know? And then...
15
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:46,295
Oh, God. And then we just
sort of sunk into it.
16
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:50,674
Oh... So, okay, was he holding you?
Or were his hands on your back?
17
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:54,386
No, actually, ahem, first
they started out on my waist...
18
00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:57,181
...and then they slid up
and then they were in my hair.
19
00:00:57,390 --> 00:00:58,599
- Oh.
Oh.
20
00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:01,602
And, uh...
21
00:01:01,770 --> 00:01:02,978
And then I kissed her.
22
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:04,271
Tongue?
23
00:01:04,439 --> 00:01:06,023
- Yeah.
- Cool.
24
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,073
All right, check out this bad boy!
25
00:01:56,324 --> 00:01:59,618
Twelve megabytes of RAM,
500-megabyte hard drive...
26
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,662
...built-in spreadsheet capabilities...
27
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:05,833
...and a modem that transmits
at over 28,000 BPS.
28
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:07,876
Wow. What are you gonna use it for?
29
00:02:08,628 --> 00:02:10,546
Games and stuff.
30
00:02:12,382 --> 00:02:15,092
There are no jobs.
There are no jobs for me.
31
00:02:15,260 --> 00:02:17,553
Oh, wait, here's one. Uh...
32
00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:21,974
- Would you be willing to cook naked?
- There's an ad for a naked chef?
33
00:02:22,142 --> 00:02:27,104
No, but if you're willing to cook naked,
then you might be willing to dance naked.
34
00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,565
- And then...
- Mm.
35
00:02:30,441 --> 00:02:31,650
- Hi.
- Hey.
36
00:02:31,818 --> 00:02:34,486
Hey.
- Oh, so how'd you make out last night?
37
00:02:38,366 --> 00:02:40,868
That is funny.
That is painfully funny.
38
00:02:41,035 --> 00:02:42,452
No, wait, wait.
39
00:02:42,620 --> 00:02:44,997
Yeah, that's just painful.
40
00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:48,333
Wait a minute.
I thought last night was great.
41
00:02:48,543 --> 00:02:50,502
Yeah, it was.
But I get home, okay...
42
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:53,755
...and I see Julie's saline solution
on my night table...
43
00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,466
...and I think, "Oh, my God.
What the hell am I doing?"
44
00:02:56,634 --> 00:02:59,553
I mean, here I am with Julie,
this incredible, great woman...
45
00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:02,514
...who I care about
and who cares about me...
46
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,850
...and am I just gonna
throw all that away?
47
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:07,436
You got all that
from saline solution?
48
00:03:08,771 --> 00:03:12,232
Wait a minute. We're talking
about Rachel here. You and Rachel.
49
00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:15,402
Believe me, I've been dreaming
about me and Rachel for 10 years.
50
00:03:15,570 --> 00:03:17,362
But now I'm with Julie.
51
00:03:17,530 --> 00:03:20,407
You know? So it's like, me and Julie,
me and Rachel.
52
00:03:20,575 --> 00:03:22,784
Me and Julie, me and Rach...
53
00:03:23,286 --> 00:03:24,578
Rachel! Rachel.
54
00:03:25,788 --> 00:03:27,873
- Hey, you.
- How are you?
55
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,583
Good. How are you?
56
00:03:29,792 --> 00:03:31,084
- Good. Um...
Good.
57
00:03:31,294 --> 00:03:33,712
- Hi, honey.
- Hi, Julie. Hi, Julie?
58
00:03:34,130 --> 00:03:35,464
Julie!
59
00:03:36,925 --> 00:03:38,425
Um, how are you?
60
00:03:38,593 --> 00:03:40,052
- Good.
Good.
61
00:03:40,220 --> 00:03:41,595
So everybody's here.
62
00:03:43,056 --> 00:03:44,389
Everybody's good.
63
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,228
Were you gonna play something?
64
00:03:49,437 --> 00:03:51,313
- Oh. Well, actually...
- Play it!
65
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:52,564
Oh.
66
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:55,859
All right.
67
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:57,903
- Julie, I didn't know you wore lenses.
- What?
68
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,613
Shh.
69
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:02,658
Okay. Um, hi.
70
00:04:02,867 --> 00:04:05,410
Hello. Hi. Okay.
71
00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:06,954
So, um... Ahem.
72
00:04:07,163 --> 00:04:10,207
This is a song, um,
about a love triangle...
73
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,417
...between three people I made up.
74
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:19,049
Um, it's called, um,
"Two of Them Kissed Last Night. "
75
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:26,223
There was a girl
We'll call her Betty
76
00:04:26,474 --> 00:04:29,726
And a guy
Let's call him Neil
77
00:04:30,478 --> 00:04:34,273
Now I can't stress
This point too strongly
78
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:37,442
This story isn't real
79
00:04:39,904 --> 00:04:44,658
Now our Neil must decide
Who will be the girl that he casts aside?
80
00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:47,077
Will Betty be the one
Who he loves truly?
81
00:04:47,328 --> 00:04:50,664
Or will it be the one
Who we'll call Loolie?
82
00:04:54,252 --> 00:04:56,586
He must decide
He must decide
83
00:04:56,796 --> 00:05:02,217
Even though I made him up
He must decide
84
00:05:03,928 --> 00:05:05,846
Well, this is a nice résumé.
85
00:05:07,265 --> 00:05:08,890
Nice, nice, nice.
86
00:05:12,353 --> 00:05:16,356
Uh, Mr. Rastatter, what does this
job entail? The ad wasn't clear.
87
00:05:17,859 --> 00:05:19,151
Mockolate.
88
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,194
- I'm sorry?
- Mockolate.
89
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:23,613
It's a synthetic chocolate substitute.
90
00:05:24,574 --> 00:05:25,657
Ooh.
91
00:05:27,118 --> 00:05:28,452
- Well, go ahead, try a piece.
- Oh.
92
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:31,705
Yeah, we think that Mockolate
is even better than chocolate.
93
00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:34,124
- All right.
- Ha, ha.
94
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:39,963
Mm.
95
00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,673
Yeah. Ha-ha-ha.
96
00:05:42,091 --> 00:05:43,258
I love how it crumbles.
97
00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:47,637
- You see, chocolate doesn't do that.
- Ha-ha-ha. No, ma'am.
98
00:05:48,723 --> 00:05:51,641
Anyhoo, we should be getting
our FDA approval any day now.
99
00:05:51,851 --> 00:05:53,143
Ha-ha-ha.
100
00:05:53,311 --> 00:05:55,812
- Hopefully, in time for Thanksgiving.
- Mm.
101
00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:58,482
See, the way we look at it,
chocolate dominates...
102
00:05:58,733 --> 00:06:02,569
...your major food-preparation holidays.
Easter, Christmas, what have you.
103
00:06:02,737 --> 00:06:05,864
- Mm-hm.
- But we think given the right marketing...
104
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:08,575
...we can make Thanksgiving
the Mockolate holiday.
105
00:06:10,036 --> 00:06:11,078
Wow.
106
00:06:12,038 --> 00:06:13,914
- Aren't you gonna swallow that?
- Ha, ha.
107
00:06:14,582 --> 00:06:17,042
- Just waiting for it to stop bubbling.
- Oh.
108
00:06:17,251 --> 00:06:18,668
Yeah. Isn't that great?
109
00:06:18,878 --> 00:06:21,004
- Mm.
Ha-ha-ha.
110
00:06:21,214 --> 00:06:22,589
Well, anyhoo, um...
111
00:06:22,757 --> 00:06:26,218
...we're looking for chefs who can
create Thanksgiving-themed recipes.
112
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:27,677
You interested?
113
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:29,304
Abso...
114
00:06:29,472 --> 00:06:31,264
Ahem.... Lutely!
115
00:06:33,142 --> 00:06:36,686
See, I love creating new recipes,
I love Thanksgiving, and, well, now...
116
00:06:36,938 --> 00:06:38,105
...I love Mockolate.
117
00:06:38,272 --> 00:06:39,398
- Really?
- Mm.
118
00:06:39,607 --> 00:06:42,275
Especially that aftertaste.
You know, I tell you...
119
00:06:42,485 --> 00:06:43,985
...that'll last you till Christmas.
120
00:06:49,158 --> 00:06:50,617
How about Mockolate mousse?
121
00:06:51,119 --> 00:06:52,285
It's not...
122
00:06:52,537 --> 00:06:54,121
...very Thanksgiving-y.
123
00:06:54,580 --> 00:06:57,124
Okay, how about
Pilgrim Mockolate mousse?
124
00:06:58,126 --> 00:06:59,251
What makes it Pilgrim?
125
00:06:59,669 --> 00:07:02,003
We'll put buckles on it.
126
00:07:02,713 --> 00:07:03,797
- Hey.
- Hey.
127
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,216
- Hey.
- Did Ross call?
128
00:07:06,426 --> 00:07:08,135
No, I'm sorry.
129
00:07:08,553 --> 00:07:10,470
Why didn't he call?
130
00:07:10,888 --> 00:07:12,514
He's gonna stay with Julie.
131
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,850
He's gonna stay with her
and she'll be:
132
00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,352
"Hi, I'm Julie. Ross picked me.
133
00:07:17,603 --> 00:07:21,690
We'll get married and have lots
of kids and dig up stuff together!"
134
00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:26,027
No offense, but that
sounds nothing like her.
135
00:07:28,948 --> 00:07:32,993
I don't know what I'll do. What am I gonna
do? This is like a complete nightmare!
136
00:07:33,202 --> 00:07:37,330
Oh, I know. This must be so hard.
"Oh, no! Two women love me!
137
00:07:38,666 --> 00:07:41,918
They're both gorgeous and sexy,
my wallet's too small for my 50s...
138
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,629
...and my diamond shoes are too tight!"
139
00:07:46,048 --> 00:07:50,010
- Hey, here's a thought, Ross...
- Don't ever touch the computer.
140
00:07:51,053 --> 00:07:53,847
Ross, listen.
I got two words for you:
141
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:55,807
Threesome.
142
00:07:59,187 --> 00:08:02,022
Right, look. Let's get logical
about this. We'll make a list.
143
00:08:02,190 --> 00:08:03,815
"Rachel and Julie: Pros and Cons. "
144
00:08:05,234 --> 00:08:07,068
- Oh.
- Oh.
145
00:08:08,738 --> 00:08:11,573
We'll put their names
in bold with different fonts...
146
00:08:11,782 --> 00:08:14,326
...and I can use different
colors for each column.
147
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:15,869
Can't we just use a pen?
148
00:08:16,078 --> 00:08:18,246
No, Amish boy.
149
00:08:19,999 --> 00:08:22,751
Let's start with the cons
because they're more fun.
150
00:08:22,919 --> 00:08:24,753
Ha-ha-ha. Rachel first.
151
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:27,297
I don't know.
152
00:08:27,465 --> 00:08:28,632
I mean...
153
00:08:28,799 --> 00:08:33,386
All right, I guess you can say
she's a little spoiled sometimes.
154
00:08:33,596 --> 00:08:34,679
You could say that.
155
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:36,431
Yeah.
156
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:40,310
I guess, you know, sometimes
she's a little ditzy, you know?
157
00:08:41,812 --> 00:08:44,606
And I've seen her be a little
too into her looks.
158
00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:47,442
Uh. Oh, and Julie and I have
a lot in common...
159
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:50,612
...because we're both
paleontologists, right?
160
00:08:50,780 --> 00:08:52,614
But Rachel's just a waitress.
161
00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,199
Waitress.
162
00:08:54,700 --> 00:08:56,785
Got it.
You guys wanna play "Doom"?
163
00:08:59,413 --> 00:09:01,790
Or we could keep doing this.
164
00:09:03,251 --> 00:09:04,918
What else?
165
00:09:05,169 --> 00:09:06,878
I don't know.
166
00:09:08,464 --> 00:09:11,049
Oh, her ankles are a little chubby.
167
00:09:12,802 --> 00:09:14,219
Okay, let's do Julie.
168
00:09:14,428 --> 00:09:15,762
What's wrong with her?
169
00:09:19,433 --> 00:09:21,810
She's not Rachel.
170
00:09:25,439 --> 00:09:28,483
Okay. This is pumpkin pie
with a Mockolate crust.
171
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:32,362
This is Mockolate cranberry cake,
and these are Mockolate-chip cookies.
172
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,781
Just like the Indians served.
173
00:09:38,160 --> 00:09:39,244
Oh, my God!
174
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:40,495
"Oh, my God" good?
175
00:09:40,663 --> 00:09:44,457
Oh, my God! I can't believe
you let me put this in my mouth.
176
00:09:44,667 --> 00:09:45,750
Oh! Ugh!
177
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:49,004
Sweet Lord!
Oh, this is what evil must taste like!
178
00:09:55,052 --> 00:09:56,886
I'm telling you, this thing won't print.
179
00:09:58,055 --> 00:10:00,682
Yes, I pressed that button, like, 100 times.
180
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:02,976
You know, for a hotline,
you're not so hot.
181
00:10:05,354 --> 00:10:07,147
What is that in the background?
182
00:10:07,315 --> 00:10:08,815
Are you watching Star Trek?
183
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:15,614
Hey.
184
00:10:16,115 --> 00:10:18,533
So how'd it go with Julie?
Did you break her heart?
185
00:10:18,743 --> 00:10:19,826
Yes.
186
00:10:19,994 --> 00:10:24,497
It was horrible. She cried, I cried.
She threw things, they hit me.
187
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:26,207
Mm.
188
00:10:27,335 --> 00:10:28,668
I did the right thing.
189
00:10:28,878 --> 00:10:31,504
So Spock actually hugs his father?
190
00:10:33,424 --> 00:10:35,508
Hey, do you guys have...?
191
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:39,095
- Hi.
- Hi.
192
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:40,430
Where you going?
193
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:43,516
I just got back from, uh...
194
00:10:44,101 --> 00:10:45,560
From Julie's.
195
00:10:46,687 --> 00:10:48,021
Oh.
196
00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:49,272
No, no.
197
00:10:49,440 --> 00:10:51,274
Uh, it's not what you think. Um...
198
00:10:51,442 --> 00:10:53,026
It's the other thing.
199
00:10:59,950 --> 00:11:03,161
Well, heh, ahem, what's the other thing?
What do I think?
200
00:11:05,414 --> 00:11:06,748
Well, uh...
201
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,166
He broke up with Julie!
202
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:12,837
Well, go hug her, for God's sakes!
203
00:11:14,131 --> 00:11:15,215
Really?
204
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,466
Really.
205
00:11:17,468 --> 00:11:19,344
It's always been you, Rach.
206
00:11:19,595 --> 00:11:21,262
Oh, God.
207
00:11:26,977 --> 00:11:28,770
Oh.
208
00:11:30,648 --> 00:11:32,774
Oh.
209
00:11:32,942 --> 00:11:34,567
Oh, this is good.
210
00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:36,945
- This is really good.
- I know. I know.
211
00:11:37,154 --> 00:11:38,988
It's almost...
212
00:11:45,204 --> 00:11:48,456
What do you say we go take a walk?
Just us. Not them.
213
00:11:48,666 --> 00:11:51,167
- Okay. Let me get my coat.
- Okay. No, hey, whoa, whoa.
214
00:11:52,002 --> 00:11:53,545
I'll get your coat.
215
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,922
Okay.
216
00:12:00,886 --> 00:12:04,139
He's going to get my coat.
He's going to get my coat, Joey!
217
00:12:04,306 --> 00:12:08,685
Oh, my God, you guys, I can't believe this!
This is unbelievable!
218
00:12:08,853 --> 00:12:11,938
- What's that?
What? Nothing!
219
00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:16,860
- What? I saw my name. What is it?
- No, no, see? See?
220
00:12:17,027 --> 00:12:20,947
Hey, it's printing!
221
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:23,450
What is it? Let me see!
222
00:12:23,659 --> 00:12:25,243
Hey, someone order a coat?
223
00:12:25,453 --> 00:12:28,747
Ross, Chandler wrote something about me
and he won't let me see.
224
00:12:28,998 --> 00:12:31,082
He won't? He won't!
225
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:34,461
Because isn't that...
226
00:12:34,628 --> 00:12:36,838
...the short story you were writing?
227
00:12:37,798 --> 00:12:40,091
Yes, it is a short story...
228
00:12:40,259 --> 00:12:41,676
...that I was writing.
229
00:12:41,886 --> 00:12:43,762
And I'm in it? Well, let me read it.
230
00:12:43,971 --> 00:12:45,638
No!
231
00:12:47,183 --> 00:12:51,019
- Come on!
- Hey, uh, why don't you read it to her?
232
00:13:01,113 --> 00:13:02,697
All right.
233
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:13,500
"It was summer.
234
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:17,420
And it was hot.
235
00:13:18,964 --> 00:13:20,215
- Rachel was there.
- Eh?
236
00:13:23,594 --> 00:13:26,221
A lonely gray couch.
237
00:13:27,848 --> 00:13:29,766
'Oh, look! ' cried Ned.
238
00:13:31,060 --> 00:13:33,561
And then the kingdom was his forever.
The end!"
239
00:13:37,149 --> 00:13:40,527
That's it? That's all you wrote?
You're the worst writer in the world!
240
00:13:42,238 --> 00:13:43,446
This isn't funny anymore.
241
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:47,659
There's something about me
on that piece of paper, and I want to see it.
242
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,661
No, you don't.
243
00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:55,416
All right, you know what? Fine.
If you guys wanna be children, that's fine.
244
00:13:55,626 --> 00:13:56,835
- I do not need to see it!
- Ha!
245
00:13:57,002 --> 00:13:58,127
No, no, no!
246
00:13:58,295 --> 00:13:59,921
Go, go, go!
247
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:03,716
Ooh.
248
00:14:03,884 --> 00:14:04,968
What is this?
249
00:14:05,135 --> 00:14:06,219
That is...
250
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:07,720
No, no, no.
Ah...
251
00:14:07,888 --> 00:14:08,972
Ross, what is this?
252
00:14:09,181 --> 00:14:11,432
Thank you.
Good luck.
253
00:14:14,061 --> 00:14:17,647
Okay. Just remember how crazy
I am about you, okay?
254
00:14:17,857 --> 00:14:18,982
"Kind of ditzy"?
255
00:14:19,567 --> 00:14:21,317
Ahem. "Too into her looks"?
256
00:14:22,570 --> 00:14:23,778
"Spoiled"?
257
00:14:23,988 --> 00:14:26,489
A little spoiled. He was supposed
to type "little," the idiot!
258
00:14:28,993 --> 00:14:30,952
"Just a waitress"?
259
00:14:32,079 --> 00:14:34,122
Now, that was, uh...
260
00:14:34,331 --> 00:14:36,958
I mean, as opposed to, uh...
261
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:40,295
The, um... Okay, is this over yet? Rach?
262
00:14:40,504 --> 00:14:44,340
Ah! I do not have chubby ankles!
263
00:14:44,592 --> 00:14:45,842
No! I... No. Rach, Rach...
264
00:14:46,051 --> 00:14:49,262
Okay, look at the other side.
Look at Julie's column.
265
00:14:50,097 --> 00:14:51,514
"She's not Rachem"?
266
00:14:52,349 --> 00:14:53,975
- No...
- What the hell's a Rachem?
267
00:14:54,184 --> 00:14:56,769
- No, no...
- Is that some stupid paleontology word...
268
00:14:56,937 --> 00:14:59,355
...that I wouldn't know
because I'm just a waitress?
269
00:14:59,523 --> 00:15:01,608
No. Rach, come on! Rach...
270
00:15:01,775 --> 00:15:03,443
Rach! Rach! No, no!
271
00:15:03,611 --> 00:15:05,778
It's "She's not Rachel"!
She's not...
272
00:15:09,700 --> 00:15:11,451
Rachel?
273
00:15:15,539 --> 00:15:17,665
My diary. My diary! That's brilliant!
274
00:15:17,833 --> 00:15:20,877
If I'd said it was my diary,
she wouldn't have made me read it.
275
00:15:21,045 --> 00:15:26,257
No, that's true. You'd be a great person
to have around the day after an emergency.
276
00:15:27,092 --> 00:15:29,636
I cannot believe Ross
even made this list.
277
00:15:29,803 --> 00:15:32,722
- I know.
- What a dinkus!
278
00:15:33,432 --> 00:15:36,601
Hey, cut him some slack.
It was Chandler's idea.
279
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,186
- What?
- What?
280
00:15:38,479 --> 00:15:40,980
Oh, good. I was hoping
that would come up.
281
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:43,441
- This was your idea?
What?
282
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:48,196
Let's get some perspective here, okay?
These things happen for a reason.
283
00:15:48,364 --> 00:15:49,572
Yeah. You!
284
00:15:51,492 --> 00:15:55,745
All right, Pheebs, back me up here.
You believe in that karma crap, don't you?
285
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:59,832
Yeah. Listen, by the way, good luck
in your next life as a dung beetle.
286
00:16:17,476 --> 00:16:19,769
Rach! Whoa...
287
00:16:20,270 --> 00:16:21,354
Rach!
288
00:16:21,522 --> 00:16:24,023
Hey! Uh, open up! Please?
289
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:28,152
When somebody does not buzz you in,
Ross, that means, "Go away. "
290
00:16:28,362 --> 00:16:30,697
That doesn't mean,
"Climb up the fire escape. "
291
00:16:30,906 --> 00:16:33,449
I just want to read you something,
your "Pro List. "
292
00:16:33,826 --> 00:16:35,243
Not interested.
293
00:16:35,411 --> 00:16:36,869
Okay, okay.
294
00:16:37,079 --> 00:16:40,373
"Number one:
The way you cry at game shows. Aw.
295
00:16:40,708 --> 00:16:44,335
Number two:
How much you love your friends.
296
00:16:44,503 --> 00:16:48,589
Number three: The way you play
with your hair when you're nervous.
297
00:16:48,757 --> 00:16:52,677
Number four: How brave you are
for starting your life over.
298
00:16:52,845 --> 00:16:56,055
Number five:
How great you are with Ben.
299
00:16:56,223 --> 00:16:59,600
Number six: The way you smell. "
300
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:02,311
What are you doing?
301
00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:04,397
Joey, you wanna open the window?
302
00:17:04,606 --> 00:17:06,524
Oh, yeah.
303
00:17:07,192 --> 00:17:09,569
- What are you doing out there?
- I'm, um...
304
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:12,280
My gosh, you must be freezing.
You know what you need?
305
00:17:12,489 --> 00:17:16,075
How about a nice, steaming
cup of hot Mockolate?
306
00:17:19,747 --> 00:17:20,955
Rach, come on, open up.
307
00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:25,293
Rach, come on. Come on.
You gotta give me another chance.
308
00:17:25,711 --> 00:17:27,211
No.
309
00:17:27,463 --> 00:17:29,547
- No?
- That's what I said.
310
00:17:29,757 --> 00:17:30,923
Maybe we should go.
311
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,217
No, you don't have to go.
We're done talking.
312
00:17:33,385 --> 00:17:35,011
Rach, come on.
I know how you must...
313
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:36,929
No, you don't, Ross.
314
00:17:37,514 --> 00:17:41,434
Imagine the worst things
you think about yourself.
315
00:17:41,602 --> 00:17:45,897
Now, how would you feel if the one person
that you trusted the most in the world...
316
00:17:46,065 --> 00:17:47,774
...not only thinks them too...
317
00:17:47,941 --> 00:17:51,986
...but actually uses them
as reasons not to be with you.
318
00:17:52,196 --> 00:17:56,616
No, but see, I wanna be with you
in spite of all those things.
319
00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:00,161
Oh. Well, that's mighty big of you, Ross.
320
00:18:00,370 --> 00:18:02,038
I said, don't go!
321
00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:06,209
You know what?
322
00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:11,339
If things were the other way around,
there is nothing you could put on a list...
323
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:14,300
...that would ever make me
not wanna be with you.
324
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:18,221
Well, then I guess that's
the difference between us.
325
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:21,057
See, I'd never make a list.
326
00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:41,077
I never know how long you're supposed to
wait in this situation before you can talk.
327
00:18:43,163 --> 00:18:44,664
Maybe a little longer.
328
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:53,339
In some of these recipes,
the quantities may seem a little unusual.
329
00:18:53,507 --> 00:18:56,425
Uh, like these coconut Mockolate
holiday nut bars?
330
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:59,804
I've indicated four cups of coconut
and four cups of crushed nuts...
331
00:19:00,013 --> 00:19:03,224
...and only one tablespoon
of Mockolate.
332
00:19:04,351 --> 00:19:05,434
Doesn't matter.
333
00:19:05,602 --> 00:19:06,769
What?
334
00:19:06,937 --> 00:19:09,397
Our FDA approval didn't come through.
335
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:12,525
Something about laboratory rats.
Huh.
336
00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:14,902
Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.
337
00:19:15,070 --> 00:19:16,404
Yeah.
338
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,406
Well, anyhoo, here's your check.
339
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:21,200
Thank you for all
you went through.
340
00:19:22,703 --> 00:19:26,622
Um, listen, you didn't eat a lot of it
while you were cooking, did you?
341
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:28,374
Well, I ate some.
342
00:19:28,584 --> 00:19:30,835
Oh, some. That's fine. Some's not a lot.
343
00:19:31,003 --> 00:19:32,420
- Ha-ha-ha.
- Okay.
344
00:19:32,629 --> 00:19:35,590
So it doesn't burn
when you pee, does it?
345
00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:49,896
Hello.
346
00:19:50,063 --> 00:19:51,189
Hi.
347
00:19:53,442 --> 00:19:54,817
Is that him again?
348
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:58,779
Tell him I'd come to the phone,
but my ankles are weighing me down.
349
00:20:01,366 --> 00:20:03,618
Listen, I don't think this is the best time.
350
00:20:03,827 --> 00:20:06,787
Look, can you do something for me?
351
00:20:06,997 --> 00:20:08,915
Sure. What?
352
00:20:09,750 --> 00:20:11,417
Okay.
353
00:20:12,294 --> 00:20:13,920
All right.
354
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:18,466
Music?
355
00:20:18,634 --> 00:20:20,885
- Sure.
- Okay.
356
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:29,852
The next one's
dedicated to Rachel from Ross.
357
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:32,855
Rachel, he wants you to know
he's sorry for what he did...
358
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:36,275
...and he hopes you can
find it in your heart to forgive him.
359
00:20:36,443 --> 00:20:40,863
See the stone set in your eyes
360
00:20:41,031 --> 00:20:44,951
See the thorn twist in your side
361
00:20:45,452 --> 00:20:49,247
I'll wait for you
362
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:57,546
Sleight of hand and twist of fate
363
00:20:58,215 --> 00:21:03,135
On a bed of nails she makes me wait
364
00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:07,556
And I'll wait without you
365
00:21:07,724 --> 00:21:09,809
Uh,
we've just gotten a call from Rachel...
366
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:12,687
...and she told us what Ross did.
367
00:21:12,854 --> 00:21:15,815
It's pretty appalling.
And, Ross, if you're listening...
368
00:21:15,983 --> 00:21:19,151
...I don't wanna play
your song anymore.
369
00:21:24,366 --> 00:21:27,368
Why don't we devote our time
to a couple that stands a chance?
370
00:21:27,577 --> 00:21:30,037
Avery, Michelle's sorry
she hit you with her car...
371
00:21:30,205 --> 00:21:32,331
...and she hopes you two
will work it out.
372
00:21:32,499 --> 00:21:36,043
There's a room where
373
00:21:36,211 --> 00:21:39,588
I can go and
374
00:21:39,756 --> 00:21:45,177
Tell my secrets to
375
00:21:45,512 --> 00:21:55,563
In my room
376
00:21:55,731 --> 00:22:02,570
In my room, in my room
377
00:22:02,738 --> 00:22:05,614
In my room
378
00:22:06,491 --> 00:22:07,575
Hi.
379
00:22:07,784 --> 00:22:09,076
Thanks for coming in again.
380
00:22:09,244 --> 00:22:11,746
Oh, not at all. I have no morals,
and I need the cash.
381
00:22:11,955 --> 00:22:14,081
It's like I'm looking in a mirror.
Ha-ha-ha.
382
00:22:15,292 --> 00:22:18,419
Anyway, they're called Fish-tachios.
383
00:22:19,379 --> 00:22:22,131
Now, they taste exactly
like pistachios...
384
00:22:22,341 --> 00:22:24,467
...but they're made
of reconstituted fish bits.
385
00:22:25,886 --> 00:22:27,428
Here, try one.
386
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:30,681
- All right.
- You're not allergic to anything?
387
00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:33,976
- Uh, cat hair.
- Oh, sorry.
28372
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