All language subtitles for Blunt Talk s02e04 How Is It That Every Conversation.eng

Previously on Blunt Talk.

Your neighbor Ronnie has made
a porn parody of Blunt Talk.

- Blunt Cock?
- WALTER: Outrageous!

Get the lawyers to shut
this down immediately.

It's just a break. I
need some time to think.

- Sylvia, darling, are you all right?
- I'm fine.

Harry, what about me?

Uh...

It's a jump drive.

It has all my colleagues' files.

But please be careful.

This drought is deadly.

Synced and corrected by Aaronmmb
www.addic7ed.com

Major, might we be leaving soon?

I promised Sylvia I'd take her dancing.

It is Saturday night, sir.

Dancing? You hate to dance, Harry.

You always say your thighs chafe.

Well, Sylvia enjoys it, sir.

I'm sorry, Harry, but
I am not ready to go.

This is an important story. It
could affect the lives of millions.

Cornelia's murdered friend

seemed to be after Rudolph Global

and its CEO Daniel Rudolph.

Why, Major?

Because they are set to make a profit

from this drought so enormous,

they may have committed
murder to protect it.

Is there any real proof, sir?

[sighs]

No.

Might we perhaps, then, leave?

- Sylvia...
- Harry, please!

These people assaulted Cornelia.

This matters to me.

I'll tell you what.

Let's have a drink.

But, Major, Sylvia is important to me.

She's freed me from a lifetime of shame.

I know, Harry. It's
wonderful what she's done,

and it pains me to
have to bring this up,

but I have thought about it quite a lot,

and I'd like you to consider...

having Sylvia move out.

Move out?

What I would suggest is
that she get her own place.

Her own place?

You could have Saturday
and Wednesday off.

You see her then, which is
the usual custody arrangement.

I don't like the direction
of this conversation, Major.

I just don't want you to be hurt, Harry.

Sylvia's very bright.

She comes from a prominent family,

but she's too young for you.

She's not. It's only a
25-year age difference.

That's true.

But then, ahem, think
of the work she does.

I don't judge.

I'm just very protective of you.

Have you ever considered...

how many men she has slept with?

No, sir, but have you considered
how many men you've slept with?

- Yes, three.
- What?

There are only two
mentions in the logbook

of the love that dare
not speak its name.

Well, I don't tell
you everything, Harry.

- What?
- I'm entitled to have some secrets.

I was very unformed in my 20s.

But the logbook is meant to be a
complete accounting of a life, sir.

A complete accounting!

A complete accounting
isn't possible, Harry.

Too much goes on.

But that was our mission, Major!

A complete accounting of a life.

Li... like Boswell's Samuel Johnson...

and I'm Boswell.

Stop it, Harry. You're irrational
when it comes to the logbook.

Of course I am!

I've spent years recording
every one of your dreams

and bowel movements and tax audits.

I appreciate all that you
have done, Harry, but...

It was you who said if we could
understand the life of one man,

that one man being Walter Blunt,

then we could understand
all of humanity.

I was wrong, Harry.

It is impossible to understand me,

or humanity.

I would like Sylvia to move out.

But Herschel can stay?

Herschel is homeless.

Sylvia has a job

working for Ronnie, for Christ's sake.

Are you really asking me to choose
between you and Sylvia, Major?

[exhales]

Um...

[sighs]

Halt. Halt.

Halt?

- What's the matter?
- I'm sorry, Martin.

I don't feel comfortable
with you doing that.

I have low self-esteem down there.

- Why? You're beautiful down there.
- I'm not.

You know, it's like how you
think your penis is small

and I have to reassure
you that it isn't.

It isn't, right?

I've told you, I've been with three
guys and yours is the second biggest.

But I'm still not
reassured by those numbers.

How is it that every
conversation we have

comes back to the size of your penis?

For once we're talking
about my kitty cat.

I know. I'm sorry.

I wish you'd let me go back down there.

I'm still in the oral stage of
development according to Freud.

What other stages are there?

Anal and genital.

[sighs]

Can you hold me?

We have it so good.

We live better than almost
anyone else on the planet

and yet sex often feels
like a meaningless nightmare.

I know, but at least
we're not alone, right?

Sometimes I feel alone
even when you hold me.

[muffled] It's not your fault.

It's the human condition.

The what condition?

The human condition.

Wh-what was that?

[louder] The human condition.

Oh.

This kid is so fucking stupid.

Darling, sweetheart, look what
turned up at the front door.

- Oh!
- It's my favorite couple.

Big Red and Little Sylvia.

- Hello, Ms. Song.
- Oh, please.

I'm Helen to everyone except Ronnie.

- What does Ronnie call you?
- Stanley.

Yeah, it was my dad's name.

He died a few years ago.

Can you believe that
Walter threw them out?

Do you know how much you two
would fetch on the open market?

Ronnie, we're not for sale.

You know I hated that experience.

[clears throat]

Yeah, and... and we weren't
exactly thrown out, Ronnie.

The major and I both agreed...

Whatever. You're both free to stay.

We can play Scrabble, Boggle, bridge.

We can make a sequel to Blunt Cock, huh?

Oh, yeah. That's how I like my cocks.

- Blunt Cock 2, right?
- Yeah.

You like sequels, don't you?

[both moaning]

Ah.

You got to stop beating
yourself up, Walter.

If I was your sponsor,
that's what I would tell you.

I should never have asked them to leave.

I-I was in the wrong,
Herschel. All wrong.

Well, you can always tell them you're
diabetic and ask for forgiveness.

- That's what I'd do.
- The damage is done.

But, you know, it's so embarrassing

to admit that I had got used

to having Harry all to myself.

I get it. He's one of those
people that's like a salt lick.

You just want to put your mouth on him.

Yes.

And I want him to be happy.

I don't want to stand in-in-in his way.

That's right.

They say the greatest act
of love is to let someone go.

They do?

Yes. And there's also good old 69.

Oh, I'll drink to that.

To 69.

Jim, uh, did you read my story on
the tainted baby food in Wisconsin?

Yeah, it looks great.
Just tighten it up.

You didn't read it, did you?

- No.
- I worked really hard on that.

What are you doing?

Just writing Celia's
name over and over again.

Why?

'Cause I'm obsessing about her

like a dog chewing on its own paws.

Oh, I hate when that happens.

Maybe we should get you
one of those plastic cowls

to help break the obsession.

That's not a bad idea. There
is a pet store down the street.

Good, now can I tell
you about my problems?

S-sure, buddy.

Well, I don't think it's
going that good with Rosalie 2.

She says all these
truthful, morbid things.

Like what?

That life is meaningless.

That we're all alone.

That we live in prisons
of our own construction.

Jesus. God.

Yeah, you're right, those
are truthful, morbid things.

Also she's tone-deaf and she
doesn't like me to go down on her

and I'm in the oral
stage of development.

Wait, wait. D-do you...
do you hear music?

- [piano playing]
- That's the other thing.

Martin. I-I keep hearing sad music.

I think I'm losing my mind.

I think I have lost it.

Going crazy.

I think you actually
are hearing sad music.

BOTH:
You'll feel sad

What are you guys doing? Did you
read my tainted baby food story?

Yes, and we needed a break.

Also we might play a set at Goldie's.

I'm Tits, she's Ass.

Yeah, I'm not sure my ass
is quite big enough, Rosalie.

Hi, Celia.

Oh, uh, hi, Jim.

How are you able to play
music during this time?

How are you filled with song?

[whimpers]

What the hell is going on now?

Jim, I'm not filled with song.

[sighs]

[grunts, sighs]

[exhales]

Ooh, this is a beauty
right here, isn't it?

Don't fucking go there, Herschel.

Oh, sorry, sir.

- Excellent driving, by the way.
- Yeah.

And an excellent martini last night.

You have many hidden qualities.

Oh, thank you, General!

Uh, you're to call me Walter.

Oh, I'm sorry. I just...
I know you miss Harry

and I'm trying to make everything
feel as familiar as possible.

You're very kind.

[grunts, exhales]

And, uh, Herschel, no saluting.

Oh, sorry.

Oh, I got to go to the
store and get some olives.

- We...
- Herschel.

Oh!

I'm coming.

Ooh, you're fast for a old guy.

This could be our Enron.
This could be our Madoff.

This could be our WikiLeaks.

What's happening with the drought in LA

is a case study for the entire country.

So I want to get hold of

the elusive CEO of this company,

Daniel Rudolph.

He's an almond mogul turned water baron.

Why? Because water is the new gold.

Water is the new oil.

So let's get him on
the show. Any questions?

Uh, Walter, um, where's Harry?

That's not the kind of question
I'm looking for, Martin.

Oh, sorry, Walter, but Jim
didn't tell me we were meeting.

Well, we're on a break that you wanted.

But you can still
tell me about meetings.

- I don't have to.
- Celia, Jim, settle down.

I don't want to have
to separate you two.

We're already separated.

Excuse me. Uh, Walter?

Yeah, the mean girl out front

told me to tell you that the
Blunt Cock lawyer is here.

Oh, shit. Let's go, Walter.

All of you, I want drought stories.

Jim, get the science angle.

Shelly, what's happening
internationally.

Celia, get me Rudolph.

- Martin.
- Uh-huh.

You can proofread what
everyone comes up with.

Herschel, stay here. I won't
need you in this meeting.

Yes, Walter.

[sighs]

Attention, everyone.

If you need some tea, some
coffee, some chili dogs,

I am working for Walter now.

Well, what happened to Harry?

We think he skipped town.

My guess, him and Sylvia ran off
to Vegas for a quickie wedding.

Is Walter okay with this?

Mm, he puts up a strong front,

but he cries out in his sleep.

I'll have a chili dog.

Ronnie, what the hell
are you doing here?

I'm my own counsel.

Your counsel is late.

When I'm late, I charge myself.

You don't want a proper lawyer?

I am a proper lawyer. Erotica
is the family business.

I used to be with the DA. I cut
my teeth on the Phil Spector trial.

- Where's our lawyer?
- I don't know. He's new.

I'm very offended by
what you did, Ronnie.

Very.

I welcomed you into my home.

One time. And there
were 300 people there.

Why did you make a mockery of me?

I didn't. I meant it to be a tribute.

I'm an artist. I see
something and I have to use it.

Harry?

Thanks, Red.

What's going on, Harry?
I don't understand.

I'm sorry, Major. I'm
working for Ronnie now.

First you lampoon me,
now you steal my man?

I haven't stolen anybody and I told
you that Blunt Cock is an homage.

"Homage" is French for "tribute."

I know that, you smut peddler.

Don't let him rile you, Walter.

Brought some refreshments, Walter.

- [gasps] Harry!
- Herschel.

How could you, Major?

So sorry I'm late, everybody.

Um, oh, tea service.

You're the new lawyer? All
right, let's get down to business.

Herschel, wait outside, please.

You're welcome to stay, Red.

I don't know who some
of the people in here...

That's not important.

I want every DVD of Blunt Cock recalled.

Are you nuts? Do you know
how much that would cost?

No, I'm not nuts. And I
don't care how much it'd cost.

You are not an artist
and that movie is merde,

which is French for "shit."

Go ahead, keep insulting me.

You can't get me on libel
or defamation of character.

You would have to prove in court

that you are not well-endowed.

Are you ready to do
that?! [pounds table]

Are you ready to go to war with me?!

- Huh?!
- Hey! Whoo!

Don't you talk to the general like that.

You about to get some
dental work, bitch.

Herschel, put those
away and wait outside.

Okay, Walter.

I still don't know who some
of these people are, Mr. Blunt,

but Mr. Birmingham, I'm afraid,
does make a very strong argument.

That's right, Walter! You can't beat me.

But...

but I am sorry that
I hurt your feelings.

- Let's go, Rosalie.
- Yes, Walter.

Uh...

Wow.

Jim?

Do you realize it takes thousands
of years to create an aquifer

and that more than half of the
world's aquifers are in danger?

- No, I didn't.
- Yeah.

But what's on your head?
Is that for hearing loss?

No, my hearing's fine. It's a dog cowl.

I'm wearing it to help me
focus and not obsess about you.

Oh, good, because during this break...

Oh, okay.

Jim, this is hard for me, too...

[sighs]

but it's important that we
start acting more professionally.

Fuck, they're all meeting!

Huh?

Oh, shit.

Kazakhstan.

And this is a dried-up
riverbed in, um...

uh, s-somewhere.

Excellent, Shelly.
Let's use that tonight.

A drought primer for our audience.

Sorry we're late, Walter,
but nobody came to get us.

Oh, that's fine, Celia.

And, Walter, I know you
don't want to talk about it,

but I just want to say I'm
sorry about Harry and Blunt Cock.

Thank you, Martin.

Jim, what the hell are you wearing?

It's a... a dog cowl,
Walter, to help me focus.

And you're right. Water is the
biggest story of the century.

We're remaking the planet in our
own image like a... a demented god.

Demented god, I like that.

Let's get it into the broadcast.

Yes, but, Celia, what about Rudolph?

Well, you're right,
Walter, he's very elusive.

Hasn't granted an interview since 1983.

I did speak to the lawyer,

and he said there is no way
Rudolph would come on Blunt Talk.

Damn! I would like to question
that man. Get him in front of me.

Well, maybe you could get to
him through his sister Margaret.

She's not part of the family business,
but she's a very public person.

ROSALIE: What do you
have in mind, Celia?

The old reach-around?

Yes, she's hosting a fundraiser tonight

for the Democratic councilman, whose
big issue, interestingly enough,

is for LA to have a
desalinization plant.

Ooh, I like the sound of this.

Maybe I could go undercover

as Walter Blunt, civilian.

Can I be your wing-man, Walter?

I'm very engaged by this story

and it... it'll help
me forget my troubles.

Will you take off your cowl, Jim?

Sure.

Then you can come.

We'll go right after the broadcast.

MARTIN: He shoots, he scores!

[all laughing]

Underground aquifers supply 35%

of the water used around the globe.

These reserves take thousands
of years to accumulate.

The county jail has cleared up the lice.

We can interview Adler tomorrow.

I want you two to stay late and prep.

Great. Uh, it will be
Martinelli time, right?

So, like a demented god,

we have altered the planet's thermostat

and are refashioning
the world in our own

confused and self-destructive image.

- Bah.
- Sorry.

Are you excited for the fundraiser?

I'm going for work,
Herschel, not pleasure.

Look, if you can't get it
this time, I'll do it myself.

It's not a problem.

I want to do a good job.

I know I have big shoes to fill.

- Herschel.
- Hmm?

What is that I'm feeling?

My brass knuckle.

I'll tie my own tie.

All right.

[blows]

93...

94...

95...

RONNIE: Harry, where are ya?

Stanley and I need more tequila.

Or bourbon or rubbing alcohol.

Something right away.

Shit, he's going to slow us down.

My family hates it when I'm late.

One moment, Ronnie.

96, 97, 98, 99, 100.

There, all done, Major.

- Harry!
- What?

You called me Major again.

Oh, God, I'm so sorry.

You're longing for him.

RONNIE: Red, I need tequila
and baby oil and the remote.

I'm coming, Ronnie.

[brush clatters]

[whispers] I'm sorry.

[chatter]

Ah, thank you.

Hey, Jim, slow down.

That's your fifth rum and Coke.

Is that a lot? I don't get out much.

Good evening, everyone.

[applause]

Welcome to a night of bidding, dancing,

drinking, and bidding some more.

I'm Margaret Rudolph, your host

- and also your auctioneer.
- Hey, there she is.

Now, unfortunately, Councilman
Sandler can't make it tonight.

He has shingles.

- Again.
- [laughter]

But he appreciates your
support very, very much.

Are... are we applauding shingles?

Shh. That's a very painful condition.

Now, our first bid item tonight

is a very interesting
piece from a local artist,

Cindy Lockwood, who cites among her
influences the great Allan Jones.

It's called Have a Seat, Please.

And we'll start the bidding at $5,000.

All right, who's gonna kick us off?

Kick things off, Walter.
That'll win her trust.

- Anyone?
- Yes, great thinking.

- Yeah.
- Oh, there we go. There we go.

We have our first bidder.

All right, do I hear 5,500?

5,500?

[crowd whispering]

Well, then 5,000 going once,

going twice, sold to the
gentleman in the front,

who I believe is Mr. Walter Blunt,

my favorite newscaster.

[applause]

Hey, hey. Check this out.

Oh, Walter's going to love this.

Duncan Adler has been writing
letters to the LA Times

for years about Rudolph
Global's almond farms

sucking all the water up out... what?

What were you doing?
Were you sniffing my hair?

Yes, I was. I'm sorry. Jeez.

Okay, why were you smelling my hair?

Does my scalp smell
yeasty like old popcorn?

No. No, it's because...

[mumbles]

Martin?

Uh, because I have a crush on
you, Shelly. Please don't hate me.

Oh, God.

I mean, I knew something was going on.

When did this start?

Um, when I touched your breasts
during your cancer scare.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.

- 'Cause it felt good?
- It was, like, right away.

- I was like, pfft!
- Yeah, 'cause it's nice and...

- Supple.
- got a lot of texture.

Well, drop it!

We're all going nuts
here. Jim loves Celia.

I love Celia. Celia loves Walter.

Walter loves Harry. Rosalie loves you.

Wait, what? What... what do you mean?

Oh, you know she still pines for you,

but she's... she's tough.

Anyway, drop it. You have a girlfriend.

I know. Ugh, I'm... ugh.

I won't fantasize about you
sexually ever again, I promise.

Well, let's not make
promises we can't keep.

I mean, I'm okay with
being naked in your mind.

I am meant to be worshipped.

- Get back to work.
- Right.

-

Do you see Ms. Rudolph anywhere?

No.

- Excuse me, young man.
- Hmm?

Would you like to dance?

Um...

sure.

Uh, I'd... I'd love to.

Excuse me.

Ms. Rudolph, I-I was wondering

if my new chair came with a dance?

Yes, and an apology.

I'm so sorry you ended
up with that thing.

Oh, please.

You're light on your feet, handsome.

Thanks.

Are you a prostitute?

What? N-no.

S-sorry. I was just asking.

The young men at these things
are usually working boys.

Oh, well, not... not me.

I don't know what's happening.

Everyone at work is kind of
losing their minds and breaking up.

Jim and Celia, Harry and Walter.

When we hate ourselves,
it's hard to love others.

Oh, God, is there any hope?

Yes, we have to face our nightmares.

So I was thinking that if you
want to go down on me, you can.

- Really? Now?
- Yes.

You won't be in your oral stage forever.

[exhales]

- Ready?
- Ready.

[sighs]

[chuckles]

[breathing heavily]

Oh, Martin.

[chuckles]

Oh, Martin!

You know, I am really interested

in your candidate's position

on desalinization.

Can we just dance for a
little while, Mr. Blunt,

and forget the world's troubles?

Yes, of course.

And by the way, you can call me Walter.

All right, Walter.

But I would like to
get together sometime

and we can talk drought all you want.

Or we could raid your wine cellar

and actually have a good time.

- That sounds very nice.
- Mmm.

Harry, Sylvia, what are you doing here?

Oh, hi, Walter.

Councilman Sandler's my second cousin.

And Ronnie... well, Ronnie
gave me the night off, sir,

so Sylvia and I could go dancing.

Very nice, Harry.

Did you know he was going to be here?

No, your family invited us.

Who was that?

Oh, he's...

a... a dear, dear friend.

They say that two stars on
opposite ends of the universe

can still be drawn to each other.

Maybe that's like me and the major.

Oh, you mean quantum entanglement.

Celia?

- Oh, Evelyn
- I didn't want to wake you, tiger.

- Are you... are you leaving?
- Yeah, I got to go.

I left you a gift on the
desk. Knock yourself out.

I t... I told you, Evelyn,
I'm not a prostitute.

[laughs]

You are now.

[clicks tongue]

No, I'm not.

[sighs]

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www.addic7ed.com

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