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DRE: Everyone has a morning routine.
2
00:00:02,398 --> 00:00:03,430
For a doctor like Bow,
3
00:00:03,499 --> 00:00:05,544
that routine used to start early.
4
00:00:05,624 --> 00:00:07,691
[ALARM CLOCK SOUNDS]
5
00:00:08,423 --> 00:00:09,990
Farmer early.
6
00:00:10,062 --> 00:00:12,738
She got dressed in the dark
so I could sleep,
7
00:00:12,785 --> 00:00:15,085
which is something
I would have done for her.
8
00:00:15,154 --> 00:00:16,441
Probably.
9
00:00:16,504 --> 00:00:17,660
Maybe.
10
00:00:17,754 --> 00:00:22,675
?
11
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,188
- [SCREAMS]
- Baby.
12
00:00:24,243 --> 00:00:26,180
Take my wife! Take my wife!
13
00:00:26,274 --> 00:00:27,790
Dre, what is going on?
14
00:00:27,892 --> 00:00:29,659
Nothing...
15
00:00:29,761 --> 00:00:31,060
I didn't think you were a home invader.
16
00:00:31,162 --> 00:00:32,695
Oh, my God.
17
00:00:32,797 --> 00:00:34,597
She left way before the kids got up,
18
00:00:34,666 --> 00:00:36,966
but she did what she could
in order to see them.
19
00:00:37,068 --> 00:00:39,235
I love you. And I love you.
20
00:00:39,304 --> 00:00:40,703
- Have a good day, mommy.
- Peace.
21
00:00:40,805 --> 00:00:42,605
Bye, guys. Bye!
22
00:00:43,629 --> 00:00:44,708
Oh, okay.
23
00:00:44,747 --> 00:00:47,109
This feels slightly unprofessional.
24
00:00:47,178 --> 00:00:53,649
You will feel less angry in 5, 4, 3...
25
00:00:53,751 --> 00:00:55,251
Bye.
26
00:00:55,320 --> 00:00:58,487
With Bow out the door by 5:00
and saving lives by 6:00,
27
00:00:58,556 --> 00:01:00,289
mornings were my thing,
28
00:01:00,391 --> 00:01:02,725
and I was good at my thing.
29
00:01:02,794 --> 00:01:04,927
All right, waffle up!
30
00:01:05,964 --> 00:01:07,330
What? This is still frozen.
31
00:01:07,432 --> 00:01:09,179
Come on, it's 7:25!
32
00:01:09,242 --> 00:01:11,500
However you look now
is how you're gonna go to school!
33
00:01:14,138 --> 00:01:16,339
You can be late.
34
00:01:16,875 --> 00:01:17,874
But now that Bow
35
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was home full time and not working,
36
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things were starting to change.
37
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All right, however you look now
38
00:01:23,081 --> 00:01:24,614
is how you're going to school.
39
00:01:25,984 --> 00:01:27,550
Hey, where'd you get that?
40
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Mom made it.
41
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:30,386
I made it.
42
00:01:30,455 --> 00:01:32,788
Jack, no crust, Diane, crust,
43
00:01:32,891 --> 00:01:34,023
and, Junior, don't forget
44
00:01:34,125 --> 00:01:35,825
that you are driving carpool
after school today.
45
00:01:35,927 --> 00:01:37,560
I put cheese sticks
in the car last night.
46
00:01:37,662 --> 00:01:38,861
I am ready to go.
47
00:01:38,930 --> 00:01:41,364
You're leaving cheese
in a hot car all day long?
48
00:01:41,432 --> 00:01:43,466
Didn't think it through.
49
00:01:43,568 --> 00:01:45,067
These are the hands you're
putting our lives in?
50
00:01:45,169 --> 00:01:47,003
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, that reminds me.
51
00:01:47,105 --> 00:01:48,237
Forgot my driving gloves.
52
00:01:48,339 --> 00:01:49,505
DIANE: Really? Driving gloves?
53
00:01:49,607 --> 00:01:50,740
- Hey, babe.
- DRE: Hm?
54
00:01:50,808 --> 00:01:53,876
I would be happy to pick up
your dry-cleaning
55
00:01:53,945 --> 00:01:56,579
between doing our taxes
four months early
56
00:01:56,681 --> 00:01:58,681
and putting traps out for that gopher
57
00:01:58,783 --> 00:02:00,549
that's been tearing up our yard.
58
00:02:00,652 --> 00:02:02,218
Oh. Well, it seems like
59
00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:03,753
you have all of this under control.
60
00:02:03,855 --> 00:02:05,688
- RAINBOW: Mm.
- What do I do?
61
00:02:05,794 --> 00:02:07,560
- Whatever you want, sweetie.
- Oh.
62
00:02:07,662 --> 00:02:08,828
Mwah!
63
00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:10,263
With the house to myself,
64
00:02:10,365 --> 00:02:11,864
I did what any man would do
65
00:02:11,967 --> 00:02:14,968
when he's left alone
with his own shameful desires.
66
00:02:15,070 --> 00:02:16,436
WHOOPI: ...respected your daughter.
67
00:02:16,538 --> 00:02:17,603
I'm just saying, man, don't do that.
68
00:02:17,706 --> 00:02:18,705
We didn't do that.
69
00:02:18,798 --> 00:02:20,969
- You better tell 'em, Whoopi!
- We made it a point, because...
70
00:02:21,047 --> 00:02:24,539
71
00:02:24,610 --> 00:02:25,945
?
72
00:02:26,047 --> 00:02:28,748
Security guard just waved me in, guys.
73
00:02:28,850 --> 00:02:32,018
[LAUGHS] I am a regular now.
74
00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:34,821
I can actually smuggle
something into the school,
75
00:02:34,923 --> 00:02:38,925
- like a knife or... or a peanut.
- Shh!
76
00:02:39,027 --> 00:02:40,760
Don't say "peanut" around here.
77
00:02:40,862 --> 00:02:41,794
You want to get us killed?
78
00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:44,130
Okay, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
79
00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:46,199
Hey, guys, let's take a selfie.
80
00:02:46,301 --> 00:02:48,201
Let's... Wait. Let's tak... Hey!
81
00:02:48,303 --> 00:02:50,303
Okay, we can take it out there.
82
00:02:50,405 --> 00:02:51,971
Wait for me, though, guys.
83
00:02:52,073 --> 00:02:53,439
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
84
00:02:53,541 --> 00:02:55,575
- Most moms stay in the car.
- I know.
85
00:02:55,677 --> 00:02:57,777
I just want to take a quick selfie of us
86
00:02:57,879 --> 00:02:58,845
- for the 'gram...
- Bye, Mom.
87
00:02:58,947 --> 00:02:59,846
for Instagram.
88
00:02:59,948 --> 00:03:01,447
Okay, bye. Okay, you know what?
89
00:03:01,549 --> 00:03:02,715
I'll just take it of your backs.
90
00:03:02,817 --> 00:03:05,018
It's #dropoffqueen.
91
00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,219
[LAUGHS]
92
00:03:06,321 --> 00:03:07,186
Hey, Rainbow.
93
00:03:07,288 --> 00:03:09,155
Oh, hey!
94
00:03:09,257 --> 00:03:11,124
- You look amazing.
- Oh, thank you. [LAUGHS]
95
00:03:11,226 --> 00:03:12,458
Staying home has worked wonders
96
00:03:12,560 --> 00:03:13,793
for those bags under your eyes.
97
00:03:13,895 --> 00:03:15,795
- They're almost gone.
- Thank you?
98
00:03:15,897 --> 00:03:17,430
Will you please join us for yoga today?
99
00:03:17,532 --> 00:03:18,498
- Oh...
- Please?
100
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:20,767
Oh, God, guys,
like I told you last week,
101
00:03:20,869 --> 00:03:22,468
I'm just... I'm really busy
102
00:03:22,570 --> 00:03:25,104
doing all the stuff
I've been, like, dying to do
103
00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:26,172
for the last 18 years.
104
00:03:26,274 --> 00:03:27,740
- An affair?
- Plastic surgery?
105
00:03:27,842 --> 00:03:29,509
Telling your father
you deserved to be loved?
106
00:03:29,611 --> 00:03:32,412
The reason that I stopped working
is not to do yoga.
107
00:03:32,514 --> 00:03:33,679
It was actually...
108
00:03:33,782 --> 00:03:35,548
I just really want to spend time
with my kids, so...
109
00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:36,749
Well, of course.
110
00:03:36,851 --> 00:03:38,251
That's why I took a break
from neurosurgery
111
00:03:38,353 --> 00:03:39,419
and Kayla left her law firm.
112
00:03:39,512 --> 00:03:40,354
- Yes.
- Oh.
113
00:03:40,417 --> 00:03:42,188
But you need to make time for self-care.
114
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,657
When I first started at home,
I tried to do everything,
115
00:03:44,759 --> 00:03:47,093
and I had a teeny-tiny
heart attack in Whole Foods.
116
00:03:47,195 --> 00:03:48,461
Come on, Bow. You don't want to end up
117
00:03:48,563 --> 00:03:50,029
twitching on the floor
of the kombucha aisle,
118
00:03:50,131 --> 00:03:51,842
- do you?
- [LAUGHS] No, I don't.
119
00:03:51,933 --> 00:03:53,199
Then join us.
120
00:03:53,301 --> 00:03:54,500
You know the yoga class
121
00:03:54,602 --> 00:03:56,702
that Zoe Kravitz teaches
in "Big Little Lies?"
122
00:03:56,805 --> 00:03:58,438
- Oh, uh-huh.
- Ours is based on that.
123
00:03:58,540 --> 00:03:59,806
- Oh.
- [LAUGHS]
124
00:03:59,908 --> 00:04:01,040
[SIGHS]
125
00:04:01,142 --> 00:04:02,675
I mean, gosh, I guess...
126
00:04:02,777 --> 00:04:04,177
I can take, like, one yoga class.
127
00:04:04,279 --> 00:04:05,411
- Yay!
- [LAUGHS]
128
00:04:05,513 --> 00:04:08,448
You guys are, like,
really good at peer pressure.
129
00:04:08,550 --> 00:04:10,383
Thank you. I was a cheerleader.
130
00:04:10,485 --> 00:04:14,754
- Ha! Ha! Morning.
- Oh, why are you in such a good mood?
131
00:04:14,856 --> 00:04:16,789
Did a new Tyler Perry movie
come out today?
132
00:04:16,891 --> 00:04:18,891
Well, there's a new Tyler Perry movie
133
00:04:18,993 --> 00:04:20,326
out every day,
134
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:21,861
but that's why I'm in a good mood.
135
00:04:21,963 --> 00:04:24,397
Thanks to Bow staying home,
136
00:04:24,499 --> 00:04:26,599
I had the whole morning to myself.
137
00:04:26,701 --> 00:04:27,600
- Oh!
- Oh.
138
00:04:27,702 --> 00:04:29,335
I, too, had the morning to myself.
139
00:04:29,437 --> 00:04:31,604
Had poached eggs on toast at home,
140
00:04:31,706 --> 00:04:35,508
visited an ATM, took a spin class,
141
00:04:35,610 --> 00:04:37,143
just in case the police ask.
142
00:04:37,245 --> 00:04:40,646
If they don't ask,
I punched Justin Bieber.
143
00:04:42,317 --> 00:04:44,717
At least I hope that was Justin Bieber.
144
00:04:44,819 --> 00:04:46,519
Hey, come on, having your wife at home
145
00:04:46,621 --> 00:04:47,720
is the best, isn't it?
146
00:04:47,822 --> 00:04:49,455
What else... what else
is she doing for you?
147
00:04:49,557 --> 00:04:51,591
Well, it's more about her
being home for the kids.
148
00:04:51,693 --> 00:04:53,960
Okay, that's just insane, okay?
149
00:04:54,062 --> 00:04:56,262
The whole point of
keeping your woman at home
150
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:57,897
is that she takes care of you.
151
00:04:57,999 --> 00:04:59,165
- Mm-hmm.
- Like mine...
152
00:04:59,267 --> 00:05:00,500
she cooks my meals for me,
153
00:05:00,602 --> 00:05:01,934
she keeps a spotless toilet,
154
00:05:02,036 --> 00:05:04,971
and she does it all
in a sexy maid outfit.
155
00:05:05,073 --> 00:05:07,240
That's because she's your maid.
156
00:05:07,342 --> 00:05:08,674
Was my maid.
157
00:05:08,776 --> 00:05:10,309
I promoted her to wife.
158
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:11,711
The key point here, Dre,
159
00:05:11,779 --> 00:05:13,846
is I don't have to pay her anymore.
160
00:05:13,948 --> 00:05:15,227
Yeah, Dre, my lady,
161
00:05:15,313 --> 00:05:16,836
she used to make me three meals a day,
162
00:05:16,918 --> 00:05:18,851
fold my laundry, take me to karate...
163
00:05:18,920 --> 00:05:20,753
All right, are you talking
about your mother?
164
00:05:22,690 --> 00:05:23,990
Not if you think it's weird.
165
00:05:24,092 --> 00:05:25,057
[GRUNTS]
166
00:05:25,126 --> 00:05:27,393
[SCOFFS] Bieber's in Dallas.
167
00:05:27,462 --> 00:05:31,397
Turns out the guy in front of
Starbucks selling incense wasn't him.
168
00:05:31,499 --> 00:05:32,765
[SIGHS]
169
00:05:32,867 --> 00:05:34,200
Wasted a punch.
170
00:05:34,302 --> 00:05:35,268
?
171
00:05:35,370 --> 00:05:37,570
Thanks for riding up front.
172
00:05:37,672 --> 00:05:39,972
I couldn't do another day with Mason.
173
00:05:40,074 --> 00:05:41,374
What would you do
174
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:43,776
if I chucked this thermos
through the windshield?
175
00:05:44,546 --> 00:05:46,546
What would you do if I called the police
176
00:05:46,648 --> 00:05:48,181
and said you kidnapped me?
177
00:05:49,150 --> 00:05:50,183
What would you do
178
00:05:50,285 --> 00:05:52,952
if I opened my mouth
and a snake came out?
179
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,223
I just hope Jack isn't too annoyed.
180
00:05:57,325 --> 00:05:58,791
What kind of snake?
181
00:05:58,893 --> 00:06:00,593
Cobra, obviously.
182
00:06:00,695 --> 00:06:01,661
Wow.
183
00:06:01,763 --> 00:06:03,729
You're really making me think.
184
00:06:03,831 --> 00:06:04,897
I guess I'd want to know
185
00:06:04,999 --> 00:06:05,932
how the snake got in your mouth.
186
00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:07,533
Good question.
187
00:06:07,635 --> 00:06:09,902
So...
188
00:06:10,004 --> 00:06:11,571
So...
189
00:06:11,639 --> 00:06:14,207
So...
190
00:06:14,309 --> 00:06:15,875
this car has all-wheel drive,
191
00:06:15,977 --> 00:06:18,878
and it has the heated steering wheel.
192
00:06:20,181 --> 00:06:21,948
It's 80 degrees outside.
193
00:06:22,917 --> 00:06:24,717
This is fun.
194
00:06:24,786 --> 00:06:26,219
We don't usually get to kick it,
195
00:06:26,287 --> 00:06:28,154
- so let's kick it.
- [SIGHS]
196
00:06:28,256 --> 00:06:29,388
Please stop saying "kick it."
197
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:30,790
Yeah, sure.
198
00:06:30,858 --> 00:06:34,493
Uh... tons of other stuff to talk about.
199
00:06:34,596 --> 00:06:36,696
Let's let the conversation find us.
200
00:06:47,875 --> 00:06:49,108
Yep.
201
00:06:49,177 --> 00:06:50,977
Silence could work, too.
202
00:06:51,045 --> 00:06:53,112
Jack, what would you do
203
00:06:53,214 --> 00:06:54,247
if I opened the door
204
00:06:54,315 --> 00:06:56,415
and just rolled out of this moving car?
205
00:06:56,517 --> 00:06:58,284
- Are you good at rolling?
- No.
206
00:06:58,353 --> 00:07:01,487
What would you do
if I opened my lunch box
207
00:07:01,589 --> 00:07:03,256
and it was just full of wasps?
208
00:07:03,358 --> 00:07:07,460
[BUZZES]
209
00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:08,494
What would he do
210
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:09,929
if I gagged him with his seat belt?
211
00:07:10,031 --> 00:07:11,097
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
212
00:07:11,199 --> 00:07:13,633
- Finally shut the heck up?
- [LAUGHS]
213
00:07:13,735 --> 00:07:15,735
What would he do if I opened my mouth
214
00:07:15,837 --> 00:07:16,836
and a fist came out
215
00:07:16,938 --> 00:07:18,704
and it punched him right in the face?
216
00:07:18,806 --> 00:07:21,841
[LAUGHS] Damn, we are bad.
217
00:07:21,943 --> 00:07:23,676
I'mma hit the gas.
218
00:07:23,778 --> 00:07:25,978
Let's see what 25 feels like.
219
00:07:26,080 --> 00:07:27,513
?
220
00:07:27,582 --> 00:07:28,781
[BABY COOS]
221
00:07:28,883 --> 00:07:30,950
Devante, what are you doing
down here by yourself?
222
00:07:31,019 --> 00:07:34,153
Oh, hey, Black Nanny Two.
223
00:07:34,222 --> 00:07:35,788
My name is Erica.
224
00:07:35,857 --> 00:07:37,923
Your wife had me wear a name tag
for two weeks.
225
00:07:38,026 --> 00:07:38,924
For what?
226
00:07:39,027 --> 00:07:39,959
I'm not gonna forget
227
00:07:40,061 --> 00:07:41,627
that your name is Black Nanny Two.
228
00:07:42,697 --> 00:07:44,463
And this is why you don't
drop out of college
229
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:45,998
with only three credits left.
230
00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:47,733
Hey, little man. Hey, Erica.
231
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:48,834
- Hey.
- Hey, honey.
232
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:50,836
Hey, baby. Um...
233
00:07:50,905 --> 00:07:52,305
did somebody get their hair did?
234
00:07:52,407 --> 00:07:54,907
- I did.
- Oh, looking good.
235
00:07:55,009 --> 00:07:56,442
Feeling good.
236
00:07:56,544 --> 00:07:59,445
I went to yoga.
237
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,647
- Mm.
- And then I went to the farmer's market,
238
00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:02,815
and I tried, like,
239
00:08:02,917 --> 00:08:04,517
17 different kinds of hummus.
240
00:08:04,619 --> 00:08:06,085
- You got the hummus?
- Nah, I didn't get any.
241
00:08:06,187 --> 00:08:07,653
Oh. That's okay.
242
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:10,189
Oh, babe, I'm sorry.
243
00:08:10,291 --> 00:08:11,624
I forgot to pick up your dry-cleaning,
244
00:08:11,726 --> 00:08:13,125
- but I will do it tomorrow.
- No, it's okay.
245
00:08:13,227 --> 00:08:14,810
- No rush. It's cool.
- Okay. All right.
246
00:08:14,890 --> 00:08:16,289
- Hey, guys.
- Hey, Mom.
247
00:08:16,365 --> 00:08:18,030
- BOTH: Hey, Mom.
- Hey.
248
00:08:18,132 --> 00:08:20,166
You know, Diane is a delight.
249
00:08:20,268 --> 00:08:22,735
Diane from "Cheers"?
250
00:08:22,837 --> 00:08:24,603
Uh, Diane Keaton?
251
00:08:24,706 --> 00:08:25,838
Diane Sawyer?
252
00:08:25,940 --> 00:08:27,673
No, our Diane.
253
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:28,974
We had a lot of fun today.
254
00:08:29,077 --> 00:08:30,142
Okay.
255
00:08:30,244 --> 00:08:32,244
Babe! You did get some hummus.
256
00:08:32,347 --> 00:08:33,913
No, it's pure garlic.
257
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:35,281
Sounds like that's your problem.
258
00:08:35,383 --> 00:08:36,415
[SMACKS LIPS]
259
00:08:36,517 --> 00:08:37,783
Yeah, nunh-unh.
260
00:08:37,852 --> 00:08:40,019
DRE: So Bow was home,
and I couldn't be happier.
261
00:08:40,121 --> 00:08:43,322
?
262
00:08:43,424 --> 00:08:44,957
I got a new 'do.
263
00:08:45,026 --> 00:08:46,292
Baby, you should walk around the block
264
00:08:46,394 --> 00:08:47,793
so the neighbors can see
how hot you look.
265
00:08:47,862 --> 00:08:50,096
[LAUGHS] You're cute.
266
00:08:50,198 --> 00:08:52,164
Ooh, seriously, babe, get out there.
267
00:08:52,266 --> 00:08:53,332
Yeah...
268
00:08:53,434 --> 00:08:55,101
She was taking time for herself...
269
00:08:55,203 --> 00:08:56,569
and her yoga class...
270
00:08:56,671 --> 00:08:57,737
Oh, hey.
271
00:08:57,839 --> 00:09:00,005
...and her hair...
272
00:09:00,108 --> 00:09:02,074
It's only been three days
since the last one.
273
00:09:02,176 --> 00:09:03,509
Mm.
274
00:09:03,611 --> 00:09:05,644
Is it safe to have that
much heat on your scalp?
275
00:09:05,747 --> 00:09:07,179
...and her nails...
276
00:09:07,281 --> 00:09:08,647
- Got wet nails, wet nails!
- [GROANS]
277
00:09:08,750 --> 00:09:10,116
Hi, honey. Hi, honey.
278
00:09:10,218 --> 00:09:12,518
- Black Nanny Two.
- It's Erica.
279
00:09:12,620 --> 00:09:14,420
But not time for the necessities
280
00:09:14,489 --> 00:09:16,322
that a family needs for survival,
281
00:09:16,424 --> 00:09:18,157
like my clothing.
282
00:09:18,259 --> 00:09:24,764
?
283
00:09:24,866 --> 00:09:26,031
[SIGHS]
284
00:09:26,134 --> 00:09:27,266
It's okay, baby.
285
00:09:27,368 --> 00:09:28,768
You can sleep in today.
286
00:09:28,870 --> 00:09:31,771
I'll just get ready for my day...
287
00:09:31,873 --> 00:09:33,806
at work.
288
00:09:33,908 --> 00:09:38,043
[STOMPING LOUDLY]
289
00:09:38,846 --> 00:09:43,983
[TOOTHBRUSH BUZZING, STOMPING LOUDLY]
290
00:09:44,085 --> 00:09:46,252
Huh, really?
291
00:09:48,122 --> 00:09:55,961
[RAZOR AND TOOTHBRUSH BUZZING,
STOMPING LOUDLY]
292
00:09:56,063 --> 00:09:57,129
[TOOTHBRUSH AND RAZOR BUZZING]
293
00:09:57,231 --> 00:09:58,798
What are you doing?
294
00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:01,267
Oh. I'm just getting ready for my day.
295
00:10:01,369 --> 00:10:03,102
I'm sorry. Did I wake you?
296
00:10:03,204 --> 00:10:05,053
- Yeah.
- Hm.
297
00:10:05,936 --> 00:10:08,654
- [GROANS]
- Oh, look at that. It's almost 7:00.
298
00:10:08,741 --> 00:10:12,287
Don't you think you're cutting it
kind of close?
299
00:10:12,342 --> 00:10:13,245
Mnh-mnh.
300
00:10:13,294 --> 00:10:14,660
Erica's bringing the twins to school.
301
00:10:14,707 --> 00:10:15,940
Who?
302
00:10:16,910 --> 00:10:18,876
- Black Nanny Two?
- Oh.
303
00:10:18,945 --> 00:10:20,378
Don't you think you should be the one
304
00:10:20,480 --> 00:10:21,679
that's taking them to school?
305
00:10:21,781 --> 00:10:24,282
Does it matter as long as it gets done?
306
00:10:24,384 --> 00:10:27,051
Plus I have yoga
with Blair and the girls.
307
00:10:28,087 --> 00:10:29,887
- The stay-at-homes?
- Mm-hmm.
308
00:10:29,989 --> 00:10:30,988
You look down on them
309
00:10:31,057 --> 00:10:32,890
like I look down on Under Armour shoes.
310
00:10:32,959 --> 00:10:33,991
Oh, Dre, I don't have
311
00:10:34,093 --> 00:10:36,160
that kind of hate in my heart
for anyone.
312
00:10:36,262 --> 00:10:38,095
It's not hate.
313
00:10:38,197 --> 00:10:40,498
It's just that Steph Curry
thinks we can't tell
314
00:10:40,600 --> 00:10:41,832
he'd rather be in Jordans.
315
00:10:41,935 --> 00:10:43,935
Okay, listen.
316
00:10:44,003 --> 00:10:46,003
I know I said stuff about those moms,
317
00:10:46,072 --> 00:10:48,773
but I actually have
a lot in common with them.
318
00:10:48,875 --> 00:10:50,374
Hm.
319
00:10:50,443 --> 00:10:54,378
And I would really like
to get a little bit more sleep
320
00:10:54,480 --> 00:10:56,280
before yoga.
321
00:10:56,349 --> 00:10:58,349
So can you turn the light out for me
322
00:10:58,374 --> 00:10:59,317
on your way out?
323
00:10:59,419 --> 00:11:00,651
[SIGHS] Sure, babe.
324
00:11:00,753 --> 00:11:02,086
Thank you, sweetie.
325
00:11:02,188 --> 00:11:07,291
[LIGHT SWITCH CLICKING]
326
00:11:07,393 --> 00:11:09,961
- Seriously?
- Namaste.
327
00:11:10,063 --> 00:11:11,329
?
328
00:11:11,431 --> 00:11:13,264
[STOMPS LOUDLY]
329
00:11:13,333 --> 00:11:14,598
[SCOFFS] God.
330
00:11:14,701 --> 00:11:15,866
?
331
00:11:15,935 --> 00:11:17,268
I'm sorry, I was just talking about...
332
00:11:17,337 --> 00:11:19,537
All right. Get it out.
333
00:11:19,605 --> 00:11:20,905
Say what y'all are thinking.
334
00:11:21,007 --> 00:11:22,340
I've been eating
small bites of your lunch
335
00:11:22,442 --> 00:11:23,607
for three years.
336
00:11:23,676 --> 00:11:24,809
I'm cheating on my maid
337
00:11:24,911 --> 00:11:26,410
I tell people
my dad adopted you and Charlie
338
00:11:26,479 --> 00:11:28,012
and we all grew up together
in an apartment.
339
00:11:28,114 --> 00:11:30,147
What? I'm talking about my clothes.
340
00:11:30,249 --> 00:11:32,917
This is clearly a Fri-Dre look
being worn on a Thurs-Dre.
341
00:11:33,019 --> 00:11:33,985
- Oh!
- Right. Right.
342
00:11:34,087 --> 00:11:35,453
So, then why are you wearing it?
343
00:11:35,555 --> 00:11:36,754
[SIGHS]
344
00:11:36,823 --> 00:11:39,156
Because Bow hasn't picked up
my cleaning in weeks.
345
00:11:39,258 --> 00:11:40,758
All I keep thinking about is
346
00:11:40,860 --> 00:11:43,094
my poor little Gucci sweater
there at night,
347
00:11:43,196 --> 00:11:44,929
sandwiched in between
348
00:11:45,031 --> 00:11:47,999
- a Karl Kani jacket and a bedspread.
- [SIGHS HEAVILY]
349
00:11:48,101 --> 00:11:49,767
You're supposed to clean your bedspread?
350
00:11:49,869 --> 00:11:53,604
Dre, a land-owning man
can't pick up laundry.
351
00:11:53,706 --> 00:11:56,173
Now, you need to have
a stern word with Bow,
352
00:11:56,275 --> 00:11:57,575
and do not be shy
353
00:11:57,677 --> 00:11:59,844
about threatening
to take away her healthcare.
354
00:11:59,946 --> 00:12:01,479
I can't do that.
355
00:12:01,581 --> 00:12:03,814
Oh, right, right.
356
00:12:03,916 --> 00:12:06,317
'Cause you married for love,
like an idiot.
357
00:12:06,419 --> 00:12:07,318
No.
358
00:12:07,387 --> 00:12:08,519
I can't say anything
359
00:12:08,621 --> 00:12:09,720
because I'm the one
360
00:12:09,822 --> 00:12:11,355
who pushed for her to stay at home.
361
00:12:11,457 --> 00:12:12,490
Oh, please.
362
00:12:12,558 --> 00:12:14,158
You can say whatever you want to a woman
363
00:12:14,260 --> 00:12:16,861
if you have proof of her
neglecting her duties.
364
00:12:16,963 --> 00:12:19,030
Now, you have a home-security camera?
365
00:12:20,333 --> 00:12:21,866
Yeah. We have a Nest.
366
00:12:21,934 --> 00:12:23,000
But I don't see how that's gonna...
367
00:12:23,102 --> 00:12:25,236
Let's go watch your wife immediately.
368
00:12:25,338 --> 00:12:26,904
What?
369
00:12:26,973 --> 00:12:28,172
?
370
00:12:28,274 --> 00:12:29,807
Oh, penny for your thoughts on Mason.
371
00:12:29,909 --> 00:12:31,175
Ladies first.
372
00:12:31,244 --> 00:12:34,278
Okay, Mason's parents wrote a note
373
00:12:34,380 --> 00:12:35,946
and put it in his pocket that says
374
00:12:36,049 --> 00:12:38,049
"if found, don't call."
375
00:12:38,151 --> 00:12:39,717
[LAUGHS]
376
00:12:39,801 --> 00:12:42,291
He for sure squeezed a bird to death.
377
00:12:42,338 --> 00:12:44,572
[LAUGHS] Oh, my God.
378
00:12:44,625 --> 00:12:47,124
All righty, Mason. See you tomorrow.
379
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:49,827
- DIANE: Bye.
- The bird was sick when I found it!
380
00:12:51,742 --> 00:12:52,763
Mason, wait!
381
00:12:54,801 --> 00:12:55,866
Not cool, guys.
382
00:12:55,968 --> 00:12:57,468
Seriously. Not cool.
383
00:12:57,570 --> 00:12:58,869
That was harsh.
384
00:12:58,971 --> 00:13:01,226
- I guess he heard us.
- Yeah, he heard you.
385
00:13:01,308 --> 00:13:02,820
Oh, well.
386
00:13:04,610 --> 00:13:06,043
I've never been the kid
387
00:13:06,145 --> 00:13:08,612
running away from a carpool in tears.
388
00:13:08,681 --> 00:13:11,515
This doesn't feel familiar at all.
389
00:13:11,617 --> 00:13:13,150
?
390
00:13:13,252 --> 00:13:15,219
He would've been eaten by bigger birds.
391
00:13:15,321 --> 00:13:17,321
I did that bird a favor.
392
00:13:17,423 --> 00:13:21,092
?
393
00:13:21,160 --> 00:13:22,293
Mm.
394
00:13:22,395 --> 00:13:23,761
?
395
00:13:23,863 --> 00:13:24,895
Okay, she's not doing anything.
396
00:13:24,997 --> 00:13:26,330
Bow is just sitting there on the couch.
397
00:13:26,432 --> 00:13:29,033
Yeah, she is.
398
00:13:29,135 --> 00:13:31,702
Whoa, hey, is that a delivery man?
399
00:13:31,804 --> 00:13:34,338
Ooh, I wonder what she bought.
This is so exciting!
400
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:37,508
If the wish I made
on that loose eyelash came true,
401
00:13:37,610 --> 00:13:39,343
that right there is a box of leotards.
402
00:13:39,445 --> 00:13:40,344
What?
403
00:13:40,446 --> 00:13:42,646
STEVENS: Wow, that's a generous tip.
404
00:13:42,748 --> 00:13:45,216
Okay, that's enough spying
on my wife for the day.
405
00:13:45,418 --> 00:13:47,718
- Mm-hmm.
- Charlie.
406
00:13:47,787 --> 00:13:49,854
So, uh...[CLEARS THROAT]
same time tomorrow?
407
00:13:49,922 --> 00:13:52,656
I knew spying on Bow was wrong,
408
00:13:52,758 --> 00:13:55,059
but I real bad feeling
about what was in that box.
409
00:13:55,161 --> 00:13:56,260
Wow.
410
00:13:56,362 --> 00:13:58,229
[SCREAMS HAPPILY] Right?
411
00:13:58,297 --> 00:14:02,967
It's actually exactly
like the one in my yoga class.
412
00:14:03,069 --> 00:14:05,035
- Isn't it soothing?
- Sure.
413
00:14:05,138 --> 00:14:07,838
You know, if you want
water and electricity
414
00:14:07,940 --> 00:14:09,006
near a baby.
415
00:14:09,108 --> 00:14:10,674
- You don't like it.
- No, it just doesn't fit
416
00:14:10,743 --> 00:14:13,402
the California casual style
of our living room, babe.
417
00:14:13,464 --> 00:14:14,612
- [LAUGHS]
- Does it?
418
00:14:14,675 --> 00:14:16,347
Okay, well, I just feel like
419
00:14:16,449 --> 00:14:19,416
I'm the one that's home all the time,
420
00:14:19,519 --> 00:14:22,119
so I should get to choose
what it looks like.
421
00:14:22,221 --> 00:14:23,487
Okay, I get it.
422
00:14:23,589 --> 00:14:25,956
But moving forward,
can you at least check with me
423
00:14:26,025 --> 00:14:27,725
before you buy
something like this again?
424
00:14:27,827 --> 00:14:31,829
[LAUGHING] Check with you? What?
425
00:14:31,931 --> 00:14:33,497
I mean, you know, take a picture
of it with the price tag
426
00:14:33,599 --> 00:14:34,565
and send it to me,
427
00:14:34,667 --> 00:14:35,699
and I'll let you know if it's cool.
428
00:14:35,801 --> 00:14:38,936
Since when have I had to run
my purchases by you?
429
00:14:39,038 --> 00:14:40,504
You don't.
430
00:14:40,606 --> 00:14:42,940
But maybe since it's money that I make
431
00:14:43,042 --> 00:14:44,375
that's both of ours,
432
00:14:44,477 --> 00:14:46,710
it comes from the job
that I go to every day
433
00:14:46,812 --> 00:14:50,981
to make that money that's both of ours,
434
00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:53,083
maybe we could talk
about things like this
435
00:14:53,186 --> 00:14:55,286
before you make these decisions
on your own.
436
00:14:55,388 --> 00:14:58,856
So, are you saying
that this is your money?
437
00:14:58,958 --> 00:15:00,291
No.
438
00:15:00,393 --> 00:15:03,794
Did you hear how many words
I said to not say that?
439
00:15:03,896 --> 00:15:05,596
I heard it, too, Bow.
440
00:15:05,698 --> 00:15:07,398
Leave his ass.
441
00:15:07,500 --> 00:15:10,167
?
442
00:15:11,172 --> 00:15:13,945
Okay, whoa, okay. Okay, Dre.
443
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:17,746
You're the one
that wanted me to stay home.
444
00:15:17,811 --> 00:15:19,477
Yes, but I thought you'd be doing
445
00:15:19,579 --> 00:15:20,512
a lot more than this.
446
00:15:20,580 --> 00:15:22,247
- What do you mean?
- Okay.
447
00:15:22,316 --> 00:15:25,550
For starters, not sleeping all morning.
448
00:15:25,619 --> 00:15:29,020
I had no idea you were
monitoring my time, Dre.
449
00:15:29,089 --> 00:15:30,655
What exactly do you want me to be doing?
450
00:15:30,757 --> 00:15:31,690
I-I don't know.
451
00:15:31,792 --> 00:15:33,358
You know, stuff around the house?
452
00:15:33,460 --> 00:15:35,427
You know, since I have to get up
and go to work every day,
453
00:15:35,495 --> 00:15:37,228
maybe you could get up and...
454
00:15:37,297 --> 00:15:39,264
- and make me breakfast.
- What?
455
00:15:39,333 --> 00:15:40,765
I have never made you breakfast.
456
00:15:40,867 --> 00:15:42,000
I know.
457
00:15:42,069 --> 00:15:44,235
But I thought maybe
now that you had the time,
458
00:15:44,260 --> 00:15:45,236
you'd want to.
459
00:15:45,305 --> 00:15:48,733
- We've been married for 20 years.
- Mm-hmm.
460
00:15:48,795 --> 00:15:50,742
So you thought I was
gonna get some free time
461
00:15:50,811 --> 00:15:53,278
and just, like, magically
become a different person?
462
00:15:53,380 --> 00:15:54,512
- Yes.
- Oh, God.
463
00:15:54,614 --> 00:15:55,613
Get away from me.
464
00:15:56,316 --> 00:15:57,782
Okay, well, no.
465
00:15:57,851 --> 00:16:00,485
But, babe, you've got to start
doing something.
466
00:16:00,587 --> 00:16:01,920
What? [SCOFFS]
467
00:16:02,022 --> 00:16:04,656
A kept woman isn't a good look on you.
468
00:16:04,758 --> 00:16:06,791
A kept woman?
469
00:16:06,893 --> 00:16:07,753
Okay, it seems as if
470
00:16:07,832 --> 00:16:09,589
- I've struck a chord with you black side.
- Oh, my God.
471
00:16:09,628 --> 00:16:10,795
Is it possible that
I can talk to your white side...
472
00:16:10,897 --> 00:16:12,430
No. No.
473
00:16:13,175 --> 00:16:14,260
- Bow?
- A kept woman?
474
00:16:14,285 --> 00:16:15,300
Unbelievable.
475
00:16:15,402 --> 00:16:17,635
Bow, that's not what I was...
476
00:16:17,738 --> 00:16:19,004
Damn it.
477
00:16:19,106 --> 00:16:20,171
[WATER TRICKLING]
478
00:16:20,273 --> 00:16:21,706
Shut up, fountain.
479
00:16:23,477 --> 00:16:24,676
[SOFT MUSIC PLAYS]
480
00:16:24,745 --> 00:16:27,178
Damn it.
481
00:16:27,247 --> 00:16:29,414
WOMAN: Going to battery-operated mode.
482
00:16:29,483 --> 00:16:31,383
How much did she pay for this thing?
483
00:16:31,485 --> 00:16:33,485
?
484
00:16:33,553 --> 00:16:35,553
Hey. You got a minute?
485
00:16:35,655 --> 00:16:37,022
You mean 59 more seconds
486
00:16:37,124 --> 00:16:38,423
than it took the Lord to create Mason?
487
00:16:38,492 --> 00:16:41,092
- Wow, that's good.
- Yeah.
488
00:16:41,194 --> 00:16:43,528
But I can't keep doing this anymore.
489
00:16:43,630 --> 00:16:44,629
What are you talking about?
490
00:16:44,731 --> 00:16:47,165
I can't keep making fun
of Mason with you.
491
00:16:47,234 --> 00:16:48,166
What, because he cried?
492
00:16:48,268 --> 00:16:50,668
We toughened him up.
493
00:16:50,737 --> 00:16:53,738
Imagine if I was able
to taunt you at his age.
494
00:16:53,807 --> 00:16:56,174
You'd be captain of the football team.
495
00:16:56,276 --> 00:16:58,243
Or dead.
496
00:16:58,311 --> 00:16:59,677
Either way, a full page in the yearbook.
497
00:16:59,780 --> 00:17:02,514
I appreciate that, but it's over, Diane.
498
00:17:02,582 --> 00:17:05,750
I've already apologized
to Mason and his family
499
00:17:05,819 --> 00:17:08,820
and taught his mom how to use Excel.
500
00:17:08,889 --> 00:17:11,489
But I hope you and I can find
something else in common.
501
00:17:12,492 --> 00:17:13,625
Choke on it, weirdo.
502
00:17:13,727 --> 00:17:19,264
?
503
00:17:19,366 --> 00:17:20,498
This feels right.
504
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,300
?
505
00:17:22,402 --> 00:17:23,902
I don't know why
I'm supposed to feel bad
506
00:17:23,970 --> 00:17:25,537
for asking her
to do more around the house.
507
00:17:25,605 --> 00:17:26,771
She's home.
508
00:17:26,873 --> 00:17:28,873
I'm gonna tell you a very wise thing
509
00:17:28,975 --> 00:17:31,242
my father and three of my uncles told me.
510
00:17:31,344 --> 00:17:35,914
When a long-term marriage
hits a snag, bounce.
511
00:17:35,982 --> 00:17:37,482
What? No.
512
00:17:37,584 --> 00:17:39,350
Dre, thank you.
513
00:17:39,453 --> 00:17:41,419
I took your advice,
and I switched to Nest
514
00:17:41,521 --> 00:17:45,523
so I can track my maid...
my wife... all day long.
515
00:17:45,592 --> 00:17:46,791
Hey, that's not what I told you to do.
516
00:17:46,893 --> 00:17:48,326
No, no, no, you're right.
517
00:17:48,395 --> 00:17:50,862
Our wives need to be held
accountable for their days.
518
00:17:50,964 --> 00:17:52,997
That's not what I was saying.
519
00:17:53,100 --> 00:17:55,233
Look, when we're here and they're there,
520
00:17:55,335 --> 00:17:57,035
they need to be as productive as we are.
521
00:17:57,137 --> 00:17:59,904
Oh, guys, by the way,
massages at 4:00 today.
522
00:18:00,006 --> 00:18:01,806
I don't need her to be accountable.
523
00:18:01,908 --> 00:18:03,908
I just want her to do the things
I want her to do
524
00:18:04,010 --> 00:18:05,910
when I want her to do them.
525
00:18:06,012 --> 00:18:08,246
Oh, my God.
526
00:18:08,348 --> 00:18:09,347
I'm you.
527
00:18:09,416 --> 00:18:13,118
Mm, with, uh...
one important difference.
528
00:18:15,655 --> 00:18:17,055
Are you eating my lunch?
529
00:18:17,157 --> 00:18:19,090
Does it look...
Now why would you think that?
530
00:18:19,192 --> 00:18:20,458
N-No, no.
531
00:18:22,028 --> 00:18:27,165
?
532
00:18:27,267 --> 00:18:28,133
Hey.
533
00:18:28,235 --> 00:18:29,701
Oh, sorry, I'm so sorry.
534
00:18:29,803 --> 00:18:30,802
- I shouldn't be sitting.
- Bow.
535
00:18:30,904 --> 00:18:32,003
- I haven't earned my break yet.
- Bow.
536
00:18:32,105 --> 00:18:34,506
No, no, no, I will go get a pencil
537
00:18:34,608 --> 00:18:36,641
and I will write down
your breakfast order.
538
00:18:36,743 --> 00:18:38,743
- Babe, babe.
- So, ye... Oh.
539
00:18:38,770 --> 00:18:39,821
- Sit down, please.
- Sure.
540
00:18:39,966 --> 00:18:43,581
Do some laundry or something...
541
00:18:43,683 --> 00:18:45,984
- I just want to say that...
- Mm?
542
00:18:46,086 --> 00:18:48,386
I'm sorry I got all crazy.
543
00:18:48,455 --> 00:18:50,955
It's just that
when you said you'd stay home,
544
00:18:51,024 --> 00:18:53,224
I didn't expect it to be like this.
545
00:18:53,293 --> 00:18:54,859
Obviously.
546
00:18:54,961 --> 00:18:56,394
To tell the truth,
547
00:18:56,463 --> 00:18:57,595
I spent all my time
548
00:18:57,697 --> 00:18:59,097
imagining what you being home
549
00:18:59,166 --> 00:19:00,465
would be like for me and the kids
550
00:19:00,567 --> 00:19:02,200
and not what it would be like for you.
551
00:19:04,037 --> 00:19:07,172
Sweetheart, this is the first break
552
00:19:07,274 --> 00:19:09,073
that I have had
553
00:19:09,176 --> 00:19:11,743
- in 18 years.
- I know.
554
00:19:11,845 --> 00:19:13,811
So maybe I got a little,
555
00:19:13,880 --> 00:19:15,780
you know, high on the free time,
556
00:19:15,882 --> 00:19:17,649
went a little... little overboard,
557
00:19:17,751 --> 00:19:21,119
but... it's gonna balance out
eventually.
558
00:19:21,656 --> 00:19:25,024
- I'm gonna have to learn to roll with it.
- Yeah.
559
00:19:25,092 --> 00:19:26,891
- But it's gonna take a minute.
- Okay.
560
00:19:26,993 --> 00:19:29,271
And I know you're used to me
being easygoing...
561
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:30,161
[SCOFFS]
562
00:19:30,263 --> 00:19:33,097
...flexible,
and cool with change, but...
563
00:19:33,166 --> 00:19:34,732
[SNORTS, CHUCKLES]
564
00:19:34,834 --> 00:19:36,134
- What?
- Yes.
565
00:19:36,236 --> 00:19:38,136
You are not the guy who picketed Subway
566
00:19:38,205 --> 00:19:40,038
when they started toasting the bread.
567
00:19:40,140 --> 00:19:42,540
- Somebody had to stand up for Quiznos.
- Of course.
568
00:19:42,642 --> 00:19:43,841
And Togo's gets no respect.
569
00:19:43,944 --> 00:19:45,276
Right, of course.
570
00:19:45,378 --> 00:19:48,012
- But this, I'm cool with.
- Okay.
571
00:19:48,114 --> 00:19:49,948
And I would be even cooler
572
00:19:50,050 --> 00:19:51,883
if we could get rid of that fountain.
573
00:19:51,985 --> 00:19:53,117
Oh.
574
00:19:53,220 --> 00:19:54,285
Fountain's gone.
575
00:19:55,188 --> 00:19:57,088
I was peeing constantly.
576
00:19:57,190 --> 00:19:59,791
[LAUGHS] Hey, did you send
me a box of leotards?
577
00:19:59,893 --> 00:20:02,594
What? No.
578
00:20:02,696 --> 00:20:04,662
Oh. So weird.
579
00:20:04,764 --> 00:20:06,598
I didn't order them.
They all fit, though.
580
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:07,746
Hm.
581
00:20:08,418 --> 00:20:12,425
So Bow found a way to balance
her self-care with childcare.
582
00:20:12,504 --> 00:20:13,937
Then what did you say?
583
00:20:14,039 --> 00:20:15,972
- I said, "Get out."
- Good for you.
584
00:20:16,074 --> 00:20:17,507
- Yeah.
- Good for you!
585
00:20:17,609 --> 00:20:20,043
Don't think of it as
him being out of your life.
586
00:20:20,145 --> 00:20:23,346
Think about it as you being into yours.
587
00:20:23,448 --> 00:20:24,714
Yeah, you're worth it, Tina.
588
00:20:24,816 --> 00:20:25,815
- Thank you.
- So worth it.
589
00:20:25,917 --> 00:20:26,983
You know what?
590
00:20:27,085 --> 00:20:28,851
I will do the 10-minute foot massage.
591
00:20:28,954 --> 00:20:30,320
- That is such a good call.
- Yeah.
592
00:20:30,422 --> 00:20:31,721
Okay, guys.
593
00:20:31,823 --> 00:20:33,456
As soon as we're done here,
we got to go over to soccer.
594
00:20:33,558 --> 00:20:34,557
DIANE: [SIGHS]
595
00:20:34,659 --> 00:20:36,125
Ooh, you know what?
596
00:20:36,227 --> 00:20:38,962
We really should've done the mani-pedis
597
00:20:39,064 --> 00:20:40,263
after the game.
598
00:20:40,365 --> 00:20:41,431
Yeah.
599
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:43,800
I am not putting goalie gloves
over these acrylics.
600
00:20:43,902 --> 00:20:45,301
No.
601
00:20:45,325 --> 00:20:49,925
602
00:20:49,975 --> 00:20:54,525
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