All language subtitles for Black Jesus s01e07 Dops.eng

- These tomatoes got me high.
- Make that sauce.

We're making a list
of cannabis clubs, and they

- can't keep it in stock.
- Rent's due.

We gonna get it
as soon as we can, man.

- I promise, brah.
- Think we don't know

- you're growing weed in there?!
- Ain't nothing worse than a

bunch of thugs raising some
unregulated vegetables in the hood.

This Barry bonds-lookin'
nigga ain't a community leader.

Hey, man, you can't talk
to no city councilman like that.

- Retro J's?
- I did.

- Oh, my God.
- I'm on fire!

Aah!

Last night, me and your

mama fell in love, man. It's the
best I ever felt in my life.

We in love!

Nigga, what you talking about?

Watch your language.
I'm about to be your father.

Vic, it ain't gonna work.

- Why?
- Because I'm a

stoner, Vic, and I'm a dealer.
Matter of fact, I'm high now.

This is about the con man.

- He's not who you think he is.
- I'm sorry.

It's not gonna work.

Hey, tell me what it's
like to be Jesus, and be

sincere. Just be yourself for me, please.

Well, a lot of people
don't know I'm Jesus, and

a lot of people don't believe
it, but guess what?

I don't care, because when the
trumpets start blowing, they're

gonna be knowing. You feel me?

- Yeah.
- I came down here

to Compton to spread love.
I got folks out here, and I got

to spread this love with kindness.

That's what I'm about.

So, you say Jesus is a
pretty cool guy, huh?

That's my nigga.

He's my ace boon coon, my top
dog, my 8-1 since day one.

Ooh, Jesus! Ha! I love my Jesus.

It's kind of like

rolling with Dr. Dre or... or
Snoop Dogg or somebody.

- You know what I'm saying?
- He's my rock, my

bridge over troubled waters.

Man, actually, it

sucks rolling with Jesus.

Sync and corrections by awaqeded
- www.addic7ed.com -

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- [Both laugh]
- Six months ago, this

was an empty lot in southwest
Compton, California.

Now it is an unlikely success
story, a thriving community

garden where farmers grow
and sell their produce.

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You know, my mom always
giving me a hard time in

the first place, but now it's
like I'm coming through the crib

with Jesus Christ, Mr. perfect. How
am I supposed to compete with that?

When you first meet him,

it's kind of like, "whoa!
That's Jesus Christ," you know?

And, then, that excitement just
stays with you for a while, and

then it kind of tapers off. Um, but
it doesn't go away. It stays there.

"Boonie, why you so fat?

Jesus ain't fat. Jesus ain't
got no illegitimate kids."

Jesus' dad had illegitimate kids.

That's where Jesus came from.

[Both laugh]

Originally, we was just gonna grow
weed, but God wanted us to grow

vegetables, too. So I
was like, "[Bleep] It,

let's grow some vegetables.
You know, let's bless the

community and do something nice."

But, then, he blessed us with
the miracle of the green

tomatoes. The thing
about them is they get

you high like weed, but
it ain't no weed in them.

It's just God's love and grace.
And everything was cool!

It was cool man, until folks
started acting like dicks.

[crowd chanting "no garden in Compton"]

Many have hailed the

garden as transformative for
this low-income neighborhood.

Others not so certain.

I don't know what they're
doing over there, but I know

they up to no damn good.
When is the last time you seen a

nigga grow anything?!

1865.

The concerned citizens
of southwest Compton

have petitioned the city to
have the farmers removed.

The children are the
real victims here.

We've failed the children.

The lack of quality parking in
any community is a tragedy for

these children.

Uh, this is our Compton
city councilman.

- Please continue, sir.
- Right now the city council is

looking into who actually owns
this property so we can

determine what the proper use should be!

Communities that lack safe,
abundant parking cannot grow

economically. It's about jobs!

Well, let's just say I'm looking
for someplace to open my

business, and I happened
upon this neighborhood.

My first question...
where am I gonna park?!

Where are my employees gonna park?

Where are my customers gonna park?

You see what I mean? I need
someplace to park, so I'm

sorry. I'm taking my business to.

Watts... children-friendly Watts.

All right, let's start
from the top, all right?

- What is the question?
- Okay, do you believe

- in Jesus, yes or no?
- I believe in Jesus.

I believe in Jesus Christ.
I seen him do a whole lot of

miracles, but he ain't
ever done shit for me.

But imagine that, Jesus H.
Christ living down the

block, and all he wants to do is
grow some damn lettuce.

Who the hell gives a
damn about some lettuce?

I say get a bulldozer and
tear that shit down!

- Okay.
- For real, Lloyd?

It's like that? You about an ungrateful

mother[Bleep] you really gonna talk greasy

about the garden like that and your boy?

Come on, man. You know what?

You lucky my love for your ass
is infinite, 'cause if not,

you'd be the first mother[Bleep]
on the forsaken list, I promise.

Jesus, the swearing... I can't
have that swearing on my soundtrack.

I'm... I'm sorry

- about...
- [Bleep] That shit.

What is it like having Jesus
as a partner in the garden?

Oh, um, well, see,

Jesus, he handles all the love
and the kindness, you know, all

the God stuff. And Ms. Tudi,
she handles the money.

Oh, wow.

And has that led into any problems?

Mnh-mnh! Not really.

[All shouting in Spanish]

Wait, wait! Hey, wait!

One at a time. We are here to help you.

One at a time.

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Okay, I don't know, I don't know.

What are they saying?

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Okay, silencio.

- I can actually translate.
- No, no, no.

What he said was the farmer with
the Vaseline in his pocket is

only picking the cucumbers.

No, that's not what he's saying.

Look, what's happening, what's happening?

?qu? problema?

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Hell yeah I took their plots away!

Tomatoes, tomatoes, tomatoes.
That's all I care about.

I keep trying to tell Jesus
the writing is on the wall.

See, we don't own the land, first of all.

And, then, secondly, you got the
[Bleep] concerned citizens or

whatever the [Bleep] and,
then, let's not forget the

cholos extorting money
from me every month.

Listen, I got to get as much
money as I can before they shut

the shit down. Ms. Tudi giveth,
and Ms. Tudi taketh away.

As if disgruntled

farmers and angry protesters
wasn't enough, a new problem has

arisen in the garden... sabotage.

- Oh, look at this.
- I can't believe this, man.

Bleach.

Do you know how much
money we just lost?

Do y'all have any leads, anything?

I bet you it was them goddamn farmers.

You know all that "I'm a Latino
worker" bullshit... that's a front.

Them dudes are cold-blooded.

It wasn't the farmers.

It was pops, man. He mad.
And it's only gonna get worse

until we repent for our sins.

Yeah, well, it's time for
me to protect my investment.

Oh, yeah. We bought
that light, Ms. Tudi.

- Mm-hmm.
- See?

What are you doing?! What
part of... of "forgive us

our trespasses as we forgive
those who trespass against us"

don't you understand?! Have
you all forgot the words to

"our pops, who art in heaven"?

I ain't forgotten nothing.
I'm just trying to say that when

people hear that we're a soft
target, they're gonna be in

here, trying to test us.

There you go with that
wannabe kingpin shit, ma.

And there you go with that
fat, scared nigga shit, Boonie.

Fish, I'm putting you in charge
of security for the garden here.

- All right.
- And then Boonie...

he can be your sidekick... your
fat, scared, can't run sidekick.

How you know Vic didn't
pay Lloyd to come in here

and... and sabotage the garden
with his punk ass 'cause he's

still mad at you for dumping him?

I've already apologized
about the Vic thing,

but he keeps throwing it in my face.

You know, Jesus is supposed to forgive
and then move the [bleep] On.

Hey, where the hell is Vic anyway?

I ain't seen him out there
with the protesters.

Look, man, I don't even know him.

What I do know is we got to get

back to some love and kindness with the
quickness or else we're all [Bleep]

Perimeter check tonight
around this garden.

Hear?

- Yes, ma'am.
- All right.

Start interrogating them farmers.

How do you feel about
being called a cult leader?

I wish I was a mother[Bleep] cult leader.

At least they got folks that

listen to them, unlike me with these
old knucklehead homeys I got, man.

Man, we ain't gonna have this

garden too long if we don't
get right with pops.

Me... all I do is spread love
and kindness and compassion.

That's my whole get-down.
That's how I do.

- Uh, hello?
- Jesus, help me!

I'm gonna die! [Screaming]

See what I be talking about?

Old selfish folks, it's
always me, me, me, me.

Don't nobody care about
what I'm going through.

I need some kindness, some
compassion, some love, some

mother[Bleep] patience, man. I'm
getting tired of this shit, man.

Pull the red cord, brah.

Pull the red one. Count
to three, pull the red cord.

It opened!

Didn't nobody tell
you to go skydiving!

- Thank you, Jesus! Thank you!
- [Sighs]

I mean, if you're gonna take
skydiving lessons, you need to

pay attention in class.
That's all I'm saying.

- True. [Laughs]
- [Laughs]

Hey, what's happening, young pimps?!

Jesus, just the person
I needed to talk to.

You know, I tried praying,
but you ain't hit me back.

Spyder's homeboy hooks him up
with this bomb-ass spaghetti

sauce right from the cannabis club.

Yo, this is the best thing I
ever had in my life.

Rent's paid, vatos.
What y'all doing here?

We came to find out what's in the sauce.

The deal was if you're growing
weed, that's extra rent.

Hey, is Devin Campbell recording us?

No.

Oh, brah, feel free to
search this place if you

want to, man, but there
ain't no weed in here, man.

There's something in that sauce
that's making people really high.

It ain't weed!

This fool eats the whole jar.
I don't get nothing.

So we're out looking for more. Turns
out this is the hottest shit in town.

It's flying off every shelf,
every club in the whole city, eh?

Then what is it? What's in the sauce?

You better not say nothing.

All right, man, look, we tried
to grow some weed, all right?

It didn't work though, man.

In some kind of way, God blessed
us with these miracle tomatoes

that get people [Bleep] up, but
it's like God's love and grace

- is doing it, though.
- Let me get this straight.

You all bottled up God's love in
the form of green tomato sauce,

and you're selling that
shit for $500 a pop?

I'm a businesswoman.

What you expect me to do?
And don't act like I'm the first

person to make money on God's love.

I see you, creflo dollar.

I'm disappointed in you, Jesus.

Don't try to act

like you're some mother[Bleep]
angel or something, man.

We respect the fact that this is
your hood and all, but extortion

is extortion. We're
paying you rent on the

mother[Bleep] land that you
ain't even got no deed to, dawg.

And, plus, the tomatoes
weren't part of the deal.

Man, we didn't know
about the tomatoes!

Man, who would have thought
the son of God would be so shysty?

[Voice breaking] I'm
disappointed in you.

You tell your boss lady that

she just got some new partners.
We'll be seeing her soon.

Man, why you have to tell
him about the tomatoes?!

Get tired of you, nigga, for
pushing us around, man.

What am I supposed to do, Fish?

Ms. Tudi's selling this shit for $500 a
pop, man... not exactly low-key, brah.

For the record,

$500 is retail. I only get $300 a jar.

Why the homemade gun?

What happened to the gun
Ms. Tudi gave you?

'Cause your ass is recording
me, and I'm on parole.

But this marble shooter
will [Bleep] somebody up.

- [Gunshots]
- I got 'em!

- Look out!
- Guys!

- [Screaming]
- Is he all right?

- Boo, you all right?
- No!

This nigga shot me with a marble.

- My bad, man.
- Did you see who it was?

I had him, and he got away!

- Did you see his face?
- All I know is he

smelled like spiced rum
and diabetes feet.

Hey, but look, I grabbed
a piece of his shirt.

- [Sniffs]
- All: Lloyd.

My thing is, man, it don't
matter if you're Jesus or

not, but if you ask your friend
to do you a favor and that

friend [Bleep] up his
one-of-a-kind jays doing that

favor, then I feel like you
should, you know, help him

un-[Bleep] them up. You
know what I'm saying?

- You remember these, right?
- Yeah.

Okay, well, Dianne got me
these as a gift, and, uh, now

she's asking me to wear
them tomorrow, so I

was hoping if you
could, like, fix them.

Jay, you know I

can't do no miracles right now.
Pops is mad as [Bleep] at everybody.

Me too.

What is he mad at you for?

- Shit if I know.
- What he mad at me for?

- I didn't do nothing.
- [Laughs] Guess.

After the whole thing with Vic

and Ms. Tudi happened, this
fool Jason gets the bright idea

to slip some of the tomatoes on
his detective-ass girlfriend, Dianne.

Shouldn't have done that, dawg.

- You shouldn't have done that.
- Aw, come on, man.

I only gave her a little
bit of them tomatoes, man.

You know Dianne be uptight and shit.

Yeah, man, but free
will is free will, Jay.

Listen, I'm gonna
keep it real with you.

Dianne hates you, okay?
And if it's up to her free will,

she'll make me choose her over you.

- But I'm not about to do that.
- But the choice

is hers to make, Jay, not
yours. I'm sorry, brah.

- Yeah.
- Really?

I know Lloyd's dirty ass
is around here somewhere.

Man, what the hell is this line for?

Yo, I think this is for
that new "star wars" movie.

Get the [Bleep] out of here.

Nigga, don't that movie come
out like years from now?

There's Lloyd! [Tires screech]

- [Grunting]
- Get your ass up!

Hey, hey, young buck, what
the hell is wrong with y'all?

We know it was you, Lloyd!

Ooh, mom's wasn't kidding.
I'm about to have a heart attack.

You mean a fat attack.

Where the hell is Vic?!
I know he put you up to this shit.

Put me up to what?

- What the hell you talking about?
- The garden, Lloyd.

We know you're breaking
in, killing plants.

- Tell me this ain't yours.
- Hell no that ain't mine!

I was in line all night long... all night.

Yeah, right.

Like your drunk ass a "star wars" fan.

Y'all don't understand. Look.

Y'all seem to forget I get paid

to stand in line, and I do it in shifts
with my homeless buddies right there.

When that movie come out...

whoo!... This spot is
gonna be worth $1,000.

Now, if you don't believe me, ask
these nerdy white boys right here.

I was here all night.

- Well, was he?!
- Let's go, man.

All right. Yep, here they are.

Same exact pair of jays.
Minimum bid... $300.

- Oh.
- Look, man, you sure

you can't just get them fixed?

The shit is permanently in there, man.

I done took them everywhere.

Damn, I don't even know
what the hell to do.

You'll figure it out.

[Sighs]

So, then it hit me
like a ton of bricks

was God was so angry
at us, what we've

been doing wrong the whole time.

What's up, Jason?
Ms. Tudi in the house?

I just threw away my

jays, along with my relationship.

Yeah, good shit.

Oh, there you are.

You get anything out
of those farmers yet?

Ms. Tudi, I figured
out what we've been

doing wrong this whole time. It's greed!

Oh, here we go. All right, listen.

I will give everyone
back their plots, okay?

- You happy, Jesus?
- No, no, no,

Ms. Tudi. It ain't just you.

I mean, it's me. It's everybody.

Look at us, man. We're
hiding stuff, lying,

shooting at each other, sneaking around.

For what? The cholos
came and hollered at me.

They just want to be partners
in the sauce business.

Oh, hell no. No goddamn way.

Yeah, yeah. Them dudes is
all ready to be our partners.

I mean, come on, man.
They keep a thousand Mexican

gangbangers off our back every
day, and we ain't even know it.

Come on, now. You got to understand how

important this is. We
got to treat them like

partners, as well as the
rest of the community.

Look, God don't give a damn how much
money we make off these tomatoes.

He'd want us to grow our own food.

He'd want us to take pride in

ourselves in working the land. He
wants the community to thrive, girl.

He'd want to see black and Mexican unity.

That's what he in it for.

Let me tell you what
I'm all about... R.O.I.,

return on my mother[Bleep] investment.

That's what I'm about.

See, see? That's your problem.

Uh... pardon me for
pointing my holy finger at your

face, but that's your problem.
Y'all don't listen.

I don't even know why
y'all follow me, man.

- Y'all don't want no guidance.
- Ooh, jays!

You got the son of
God right here in your

mother[Bleep] face offering you
the light and the way and you

want to do what you want to do anyway?

Well, that's cool, that's cool.
I'm gonna wash my hands of it

you think you can get
along without me and God?

- Fine. Go ahead and have at it.
- Wait, wait!

Hold it, hold it, hold it! Jesus,
Jesus, that's not what I'm saying?

[Sighs] Come on.

I'm-a show you something.

Look, like I said,

they was at Fish's house because
h-he was making me that custom

case, but his cousin Dante
was staying with him.

Yeah, and he stole the sneakers and
took them back to Boston, right?

Look, baby, I know

it's an asshole move, but, I mean,
what you want me to do about it?

Here. Just ask Fish.

No, no, no. ?sabes Que?

I'm done. And you don't have to worry

about tonight, Jason. You
know, that's the last gift

that you get from me. Lying asshole.

[Sighs]

Son of a bitch!

Hey, where'd you get those?!

What's wrong with you, girl?
Why don't you take a picture?

I bought... w-where'd you get those?

- It'll last longer.
- I bought those!

Hey, come here! Hey! Hey,
let me talk to you for a minute!

Stop, stop!

Get back here! Where'd
you get those jays?!

Your mama, biatch.

You know you're testing
my faith, right?

Take what you... ah!

Just take what you need.
I don't want to hear it.

A third goes to the cholos, a
third goes to the community, and

that leaves me a third of my own shit.

And then something curious happened.

A counter protest, if you will, a
sudden ground swell of support

for this garden. Everybody's
got love, even the cholos.

Look at that.

How you doing, man?
So, why are you guys so happy?

'Cause this is God's garden,
delivered to us by his one true

son, Jesus Christ, who has once
again returned to walk the earth

and spread love. It belongs
to us, the community.

We're one big family here.
And we thank Jesus Christ.

Stop, nigga, before I shoot!

Hey, Fish, where you at?!

Don't shoot, don't shoot!

Don't hurt him!
[Gunshot]

- Boonie, I got him!
- I'm coming, man!

- I'm coming!
- Be still! I got him!

- Don't move.
- Turn his ass over.

- [Gasps] - Vic?
- It was Vic the whole time.

I think that nigga pooped his pants.

[Screams]

Shady mother[Bleep]

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- www.addic7ed.com -

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