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1
00:00:02,127 --> 00:00:04,629
[GASPING AND MOANING]
2
00:00:04,797 --> 00:00:09,217
Mm, Sterling Archer.
The world's most dangerous spy.
3
00:00:09,385 --> 00:00:11,886
ARCHER:
Oh, I don't know about all that.
4
00:00:12,054 --> 00:00:16,432
No? Well, do you know that I fell
in love the moment I saw you?
5
00:00:16,892 --> 00:00:17,975
ARCHER:
Really? With who?
6
00:00:18,143 --> 00:00:19,936
KATYA:
Oh, you silly man, who do you think?
7
00:00:20,104 --> 00:00:22,105
Well, I don't know.
There were a lot of guys there.
8
00:00:22,272 --> 00:00:23,314
[GUNS COCK]
9
00:00:23,482 --> 00:00:25,566
KATYA:
Not when I was finished.
10
00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:28,403
ARCHER:
Oh.
11
00:00:28,570 --> 00:00:32,115
Well, then, it was just me and you.
KATYA: Me and you.
12
00:00:32,282 --> 00:00:34,784
Oh, I like the way that sounds.
13
00:00:34,952 --> 00:00:38,454
Me too. Me, and you, and...
14
00:00:38,622 --> 00:00:40,581
[SCREAMS AND GASPS]
15
00:00:40,749 --> 00:00:41,916
Hello.
16
00:00:42,084 --> 00:00:44,293
What in the name
of pre-paid venereal disease...
17
00:00:44,461 --> 00:00:45,795
...do you think you're doing?
18
00:00:45,963 --> 00:00:47,755
I, um...
Darling, I know she is old...
19
00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:50,133
...but you allow such talk
from your secretary?
20
00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:51,634
His what?
She's not my... No.
21
00:00:51,802 --> 00:00:53,594
Katya, this is
actually my mother.
22
00:00:53,762 --> 00:00:54,804
[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]
23
00:00:54,972 --> 00:00:56,848
And, Mother,
this is Katya Kasanova.
24
00:00:57,015 --> 00:00:59,392
She saved my life in Moscow,
she's former KGB...
25
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:02,353
...she wants to defect and
become an ISIS agent and she's...
26
00:01:02,521 --> 00:01:04,939
Mortified. I beg your forgiveness.
27
00:01:05,107 --> 00:01:06,315
I'm sure you do.
28
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:09,444
And don't you want to freshen up
after your long ride?
29
00:01:09,611 --> 00:01:11,362
Phrasing, Mother.
Sorry, Katya.
30
00:01:11,530 --> 00:01:13,656
It's fine, please excuse me.
My Mother's...
31
00:01:13,824 --> 00:01:14,907
Check the break room.
32
00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,410
Maybe you'll get lucky
and find some Wetnaps.
33
00:01:17,578 --> 00:01:20,079
And you.
Go see Krieger this instant.
34
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:23,040
What...? I don't need a doctor, Mother.
Katya doesn't have VD.
35
00:01:23,208 --> 00:01:24,459
You haven't had sex with her?
36
00:01:24,626 --> 00:01:27,628
Ha, ha. For your... That was pretty good.
37
00:01:27,796 --> 00:01:30,631
I want Krieger to x-ray
that tiny brain of yours...
38
00:01:30,799 --> 00:01:33,426
...because obviously the Russians
put another chip in it.
39
00:01:33,594 --> 00:01:34,635
What? No, they didn't.
40
00:01:34,803 --> 00:01:38,181
Then you're as dumb as you are stupid,
because best-case scenario...
41
00:01:38,348 --> 00:01:42,518
...that Russian tramp wants to con you
into marriage for a green card, and...
42
00:01:42,686 --> 00:01:45,396
LANA: Hah!
Why doesn't everybody come in here?
43
00:01:45,564 --> 00:01:47,315
PAM:
It's okay. We can hear from out here.
44
00:01:47,483 --> 00:01:48,691
CHERYL:
With our earballs.
45
00:01:48,859 --> 00:01:51,819
I don't think you need to worry
about Archer getting married.
46
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:53,029
Hey, you know what?
47
00:01:53,197 --> 00:01:55,573
He will, if he ever meets
the right girl but...
48
00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:56,991
What was I,
the wrong one?
49
00:01:57,159 --> 00:01:59,494
Oh, you know what I mean.
Do I?
50
00:01:59,661 --> 00:02:01,746
Doesn't matter,
because worst-case scenario...
51
00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:04,040
...that woman is a KGB double agent.
52
00:02:04,208 --> 00:02:06,375
Mother, she saved my life. She's not a...
53
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:09,879
Oh, yeah, okay, I see what's
happening here. You're both jealous.
54
00:02:10,047 --> 00:02:11,047
BOTH:
What?
55
00:02:11,215 --> 00:02:12,924
It's understandable from you, Lana...
Hah!
56
00:02:13,091 --> 00:02:14,842
...but from you, Mother,
it's kind of creepy.
57
00:02:15,010 --> 00:02:16,052
First of all...
58
00:02:16,220 --> 00:02:17,929
I think it's a little weird...
Right?
59
00:02:18,096 --> 00:02:20,056
- That a KGB agent
wants to come to ISIS...
60
00:02:20,224 --> 00:02:22,558
...when Krieger's finishing
his secret project.
61
00:02:22,726 --> 00:02:25,102
She killed, like, 10 Russians
to save my life.
62
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:28,314
So trust me,
she's not interested in Krieger's project.
63
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:31,984
No, trust me, I am very interested.
64
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:35,196
Well, I probably shouldn't show
you this, but I'm totally going to.
65
00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:36,364
[COMPUTER BEEPS]
66
00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:37,573
[GASPS,
THEN SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]
67
00:02:37,741 --> 00:02:41,828
Right? Almost as cool as my van.
68
00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:21,909
KATYA: Dr. Krieger, this is amazing.
KRIEGER: I don't know about all that.
69
00:03:22,077 --> 00:03:25,288
But this technology could forever
alter the balance of world power.
70
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,623
If you're into power,
let's go down to my van...
71
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:30,668
...because "Red Barchetta"
through a 10-gigawatt preamp is...
72
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:33,421
Wait, please tell me
you're into Rush.
73
00:03:33,589 --> 00:03:38,092
Oh, the only rush I know is my love
for your comrade, Sterling Archer.
74
00:03:38,260 --> 00:03:39,302
Womp, womp.
75
00:03:39,469 --> 00:03:43,681
But, surely, a brilliant scientist
like you, how is it you are single?
76
00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:48,227
Eh, I almost got married once.
Church, reception, I had it all lined up.
77
00:03:48,395 --> 00:03:49,979
Really?
Yeah, but...
78
00:03:50,147 --> 00:03:51,314
GIRL:
Krieger-san.
79
00:03:51,481 --> 00:03:55,651
My cherry blossoms are wilting.
80
00:03:55,819 --> 00:03:58,571
But "society" couldn't deal with it.
81
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,198
Katya's not trying to con me
into marriage.
82
00:04:01,366 --> 00:04:03,117
I mean,
she did move in with me but...
83
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,827
What?
She's living with you?
84
00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,037
Which is funny, why?
85
00:04:06,204 --> 00:04:07,496
Because if I recall...
86
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,957
...you kind of have a problem
sharing your space.
87
00:04:10,125 --> 00:04:11,667
ARCHER:
Lana, what are you doing?
88
00:04:11,835 --> 00:04:12,877
Brushing my teeth.
89
00:04:13,045 --> 00:04:14,211
In the sink?
90
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:17,506
Where should I do it,
in the toilet?
91
00:04:17,674 --> 00:04:19,008
I mean...
Ugh!
92
00:04:19,176 --> 00:04:23,095
Well, whatever. And shut up. And if you
don't make Katya an ISIS agent, Mother...
93
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:25,014
...I will quit ISIS.
94
00:04:25,182 --> 00:04:27,058
Here, drink this.
You're talking crazy.
95
00:04:27,225 --> 00:04:29,852
No, thanks.
I promised Katya I'd quit drinking.
96
00:04:30,020 --> 00:04:31,729
Speaking of, where is she?
97
00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,814
No words.
My words have failed me.
98
00:04:33,982 --> 00:04:35,858
Well, then, shut up.
99
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:37,485
So, what do you think?
100
00:04:37,653 --> 00:04:39,403
Oh, sorry,
I thought you said shut up.
101
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:40,905
And yet you talk.
102
00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:47,244
But I'll just bet Nikolai Jakov is so jealous
of my, ahem, friendship with Len Trexler...
103
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,705
...that he planned this whole thing.
104
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:53,709
Of course I did not plan the traitor
Kasanova's defection.
105
00:04:53,877 --> 00:04:58,756
But I had to tell the party chairman
it was part of my master genius plan.
106
00:04:58,924 --> 00:05:02,301
Because the traitor Kasanova
knows too much.
107
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:06,555
[MOANING]
108
00:05:06,723 --> 00:05:08,182
More like Lemon Party
chairman.
109
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:13,104
So I must ensure she never tells the
West what she knows, or I will get...
110
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:14,855
Egg on your face.
Ugh!
111
00:05:15,023 --> 00:05:16,816
More like bullet in my brain.
112
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:20,194
No, you have actual egg on your face.
What? Unh!
113
00:05:20,362 --> 00:05:23,739
Is why party chairman
kept doing this. I hope.
114
00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:26,200
Shut up, idiot,
and help me think.
115
00:05:26,368 --> 00:05:30,329
Don't worry, I have actual genius plan
to solve Kasanova problem.
116
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:32,248
What...? Well, what it is?
117
00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:34,875
If I tell you all at once
your head might explode.
118
00:05:35,043 --> 00:05:36,085
Along with comb-over.
119
00:05:36,253 --> 00:05:37,253
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
120
00:05:37,421 --> 00:05:39,005
Katya, baby, you in there?
121
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:42,675
Katya.
Unh! She's not in here, dumbass.
122
00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:45,219
And this deuce ain't gonna drop itself.
123
00:05:45,387 --> 00:05:49,515
Unh! You realize I can never unhear that
sentence, Pam. And why are you crying?
124
00:05:49,683 --> 00:05:51,809
Because I got ripped
in a bar last night...
125
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:55,479
...and I was trying to beat my record
for cramming pool balls in my mouth...
126
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,565
...when some A-hole
slaps me on the back...
127
00:05:57,733 --> 00:06:00,443
No. You swallowed a pool ball?
I wish just one.
128
00:06:00,610 --> 00:06:03,738
And I still got two to go,
so if you don't mind...
129
00:06:03,905 --> 00:06:05,281
Wait, Pam, I had a...
130
00:06:05,449 --> 00:06:07,616
Damn, what was it? Um...
131
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,910
Something about stripes and solids?
132
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:14,040
Speaking of, would you describe your
relationship with Katya as solid or...?
133
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,250
Uh, Cyril, you know
what's solid? This wall.
134
00:06:16,418 --> 00:06:18,961
Oh, yeah, so is the floor, my fist.
135
00:06:19,129 --> 00:06:20,588
Um. Oh, Cyril. The butt of my gun.
136
00:06:20,756 --> 00:06:22,798
Okay, I get it.
Do you?
137
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:27,595
Oh, yes. No, believe me, doctor,
this is all very interesting information.
138
00:06:27,763 --> 00:06:28,804
Yeah, it totally is.
139
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:30,973
MALORY:
What the hell is going on in here?
140
00:06:31,141 --> 00:06:32,141
[KATYA GASPS]
141
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:35,728
My God, Krieger, why not just give
her the project on a floppy disk?
142
00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,104
It's way too big for that.
143
00:06:37,272 --> 00:06:38,314
No, I just wanted...
144
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:39,732
A green card?
145
00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,777
Or a big parade in Red Square
when you come back to Moscow...
146
00:06:42,944 --> 00:06:44,403
...with our top-secret project.
Aah!
147
00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:47,448
What the hell?
No, darling. I wasn't doing anything, I...
148
00:06:47,616 --> 00:06:50,576
Oh, for God's sakes, Lana,
have some pride once in your life.
149
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:53,496
I know it just kills you
that I'm in love with Katya...
150
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,663
First of all...
151
00:06:54,831 --> 00:06:57,041
ARCHER: Especially since you
and I had sex when I had cancer.
152
00:06:57,209 --> 00:06:58,334
What?
KATYA: What?
153
00:06:58,502 --> 00:07:00,503
It's okay,
it was just cancer sex.
154
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:04,840
But it's over, Lana. Get on with your
life, and let me get on with mine.
155
00:07:05,008 --> 00:07:07,718
Well, at least you got
some closure.
156
00:07:07,886 --> 00:07:10,221
Which is more
than I ever got.
157
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:13,724
Oh, you are just
your mother all over.
158
00:07:14,434 --> 00:07:16,936
Darling, please,
I just want to leave.
159
00:07:17,104 --> 00:07:20,356
No, Katya, don't you see?
That's exactly what Mother wants.
160
00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:23,192
So you.
Can you hack into the KGB servers?
161
00:07:23,360 --> 00:07:24,652
Does one ring rule them all?
162
00:07:24,820 --> 00:07:26,028
One ring? I don't know...
163
00:07:26,196 --> 00:07:27,279
No, don't engage him.
164
00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:30,825
From there it's all just Orcs
and Gollums and Balrogs.
165
00:07:30,992 --> 00:07:33,160
Okay, pull up
Katya's KGB personnel file.
166
00:07:33,328 --> 00:07:34,370
But, darling, I...
167
00:07:34,538 --> 00:07:37,373
Hush, it'll show you've been disavowed
by the KGB, and then Mother will...
168
00:07:37,541 --> 00:07:38,582
[GASPS]
169
00:07:38,750 --> 00:07:40,626
Yes, gasp,
because she'll be so...
170
00:07:40,794 --> 00:07:42,378
...confused. Katya, what...?
171
00:07:42,546 --> 00:07:43,587
[FOOTSTEPS RUNNING AWAY]
172
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,714
No, Katya, wait. Katya!
173
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:48,008
How long until Mother sees this?
Okay. Ow.
174
00:07:48,176 --> 00:07:49,969
And that kind of depends.
175
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:51,846
PAM:
Oh, shit.
176
00:07:52,013 --> 00:07:54,890
Wait till everybody sees this.
177
00:07:55,058 --> 00:07:57,560
Oh, shit.
178
00:07:57,727 --> 00:08:01,230
Ha-ha-ha. "Penetrate deep."
BILBO: "Destroy from within."
179
00:08:02,232 --> 00:08:03,899
Oh, shit.
180
00:08:07,362 --> 00:08:12,408
JAKOV: So you fake Kasanova's file,
those fools at ISIS hack into it...
181
00:08:12,576 --> 00:08:14,243
And then we beginning
Phase Three.
182
00:08:14,411 --> 00:08:16,328
Wait, what is Phase Two?
183
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:19,665
Phase Two is I want promotion.
184
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:21,750
Damn those KGB pigs.
185
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,712
Faking my file
so that everyone here thinks that I am...
186
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,338
ARCHER:
A double agent.
187
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,549
Darling, I swear, it's a fake.
188
00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:31,594
Just what a double agent would say.
Stay back.
189
00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:34,096
Darling, don't make me shoot you.
190
00:08:34,264 --> 00:08:36,432
Hey, I'm kidding.
Baby, come on, will you relax?
191
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:39,393
Although, that is what you'd say
if you were a double agent.
192
00:08:39,561 --> 00:08:42,188
But I'm not.
How can I prove to you?
193
00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:43,939
You don't have to. Look at me.
194
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,775
Even if you were, I wouldn't care.
Aah. Really?
195
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:49,653
Yes, really. Katya, I love you.
196
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,822
But you're not though, right? Awesome.
No.
197
00:08:51,990 --> 00:08:54,533
Once we explain it all to Mother,
I'm sure she'll say...
198
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:55,743
MALORY: Shoot her.
Wha...?
199
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:59,914
Katya, on your knees, hands behind
your head and toss out that weapon.
200
00:09:00,081 --> 00:09:02,458
Although not in that order.
Hey, not in any order.
201
00:09:02,626 --> 00:09:04,919
Mother, this is all
just a huge misunderstanding.
202
00:09:05,086 --> 00:09:06,587
I am not a double agent.
203
00:09:06,755 --> 00:09:08,589
Just what a double agent would say.
204
00:09:08,757 --> 00:09:10,633
Ugh, we've covered that. Mother, listen.
205
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,469
Lana, shoot her.
That is an order.
206
00:09:13,637 --> 00:09:15,930
Oh. Sorry, Archer.
ARCHER: Lana, no.
207
00:09:16,097 --> 00:09:17,181
I'm sorry, darling.
208
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,934
Wait, no, no, no.
Ow, ow.
209
00:09:20,101 --> 00:09:21,560
[YELLS]
210
00:09:22,604 --> 00:09:23,646
Holy shit.
211
00:09:23,813 --> 00:09:26,815
I'm sorry I had to do that, darling.
Please don't hate me.
212
00:09:26,983 --> 00:09:28,025
Are you kidding?
213
00:09:28,193 --> 00:09:30,694
I've never been this turned on
in my entire life.
214
00:09:30,862 --> 00:09:33,239
[BOTH MOANING]
215
00:09:33,406 --> 00:09:35,157
That little bitch.
216
00:09:35,325 --> 00:09:39,453
Don't worry, she won't get far.
I'm locking ISIS down, top to bottom.
217
00:09:39,621 --> 00:09:41,914
It's pound, pound, six,
pound, five, two.
218
00:09:42,082 --> 00:09:43,123
Duh.
219
00:09:43,291 --> 00:09:45,501
Pound, pound, six...
You're hitting star.
220
00:09:45,669 --> 00:09:47,503
COMPUTER:
Security system off-line.
221
00:09:47,671 --> 00:09:49,046
Damn it.
Restarting, in...
222
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,131
Oh, here we go.
...10 minutes.
223
00:09:51,299 --> 00:09:53,008
Damn it!
ARCHER: Ha-ha-ha.
224
00:09:53,301 --> 00:09:56,011
I bet Mother was hitting star again.
225
00:09:56,179 --> 00:09:57,972
Ha-ha-ha.
But, darling, where will we go?
226
00:09:58,139 --> 00:09:59,181
Anywhere but there.
227
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:02,017
Because as sexy as it was
shooting at Lana...
228
00:10:02,185 --> 00:10:03,185
Just her weapons.
229
00:10:03,353 --> 00:10:06,438
If I wanted to hit her, I could have.
Well, yeah, she is huge.
230
00:10:06,606 --> 00:10:08,774
And what about
helping me escape?
231
00:10:08,942 --> 00:10:11,277
What if they think
that you are double agent?
232
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:14,321
Come on, they may think
I'm a lot of shitty things...
233
00:10:14,489 --> 00:10:16,740
But he is not a double agent.
Are you retarded?
234
00:10:16,908 --> 00:10:18,784
Oh, he's an idiot and a shit bird.
235
00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:21,036
Well, then, how do
you explain this?
236
00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:23,122
CHERYL: Yes.
GILLETTE: Uh, bad parenting?
237
00:10:23,290 --> 00:10:26,625
That was taken outside the parking
garage not five minutes ago.
238
00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,378
After Slutya Slutsakova did this.
239
00:10:29,546 --> 00:10:31,547
After? Why didn't you
lock down the building?
240
00:10:31,715 --> 00:10:34,717
COMPUTER:
Security system restarting in five minutes.
241
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,010
[CHUCKLES]
242
00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,511
You were hitting star again.
243
00:10:37,679 --> 00:10:38,721
Zip it, you two.
244
00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:40,639
Because it kills me
to say this...
245
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:43,809
...but Sterling's obviously been flipped
by that Russian whore...
246
00:10:43,977 --> 00:10:46,812
...so we have to treat them both...
247
00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:48,897
...as double agents.
248
00:10:49,065 --> 00:10:50,065
Yes.
Even her?
249
00:10:50,233 --> 00:10:52,151
For God's sake,
are you hearing yourself?
250
00:10:52,319 --> 00:10:55,571
He's your son, not a...
Ray, she got him to quit drinking.
251
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:57,072
So, what's the plan?
252
00:10:57,240 --> 00:10:58,699
Sterling will go
to ground...
253
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,410
...but he'll need to pick up
his bug-out bag, so...
254
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:04,496
Woodhouse? Listen very carefully.
255
00:11:04,664 --> 00:11:06,373
Goddamn, Woodhouse,
are you deaf?
256
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:10,627
A bit, yes, but I'm afraid
I know nothing about this.
257
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,172
What was it?
My bug-out bag. It was right here.
258
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,257
It's a calfskin Herm?s grip...
259
00:11:15,425 --> 00:11:18,135
...and it's full of fake passports
and mustaches.
260
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,762
Oh, and 200 grand in cash.
261
00:11:19,929 --> 00:11:23,015
And, uh, calfskin, you said? Aah...
262
00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:24,224
Do you like to travel?
263
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:26,101
If you don't find that bag...
264
00:11:26,269 --> 00:11:28,604
...I will empty the entire contents
of your body...
265
00:11:28,772 --> 00:11:30,898
...and use your leathery skin
as a replacement.
266
00:11:31,066 --> 00:11:33,442
I shall check my sewing room.
Wait, his what?
267
00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,070
But even with money and passports...
And mustaches.
268
00:11:36,237 --> 00:11:37,363
- Where will we go?
269
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:40,240
If ISIS thinks you are double agent,
we can't stay here.
270
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,284
And if we go back to Russia...
Russia?
271
00:11:42,452 --> 00:11:45,621
Look, no offense, but standing in line
for beets and toilet paper...
272
00:11:45,789 --> 00:11:47,289
...isn't my idea of a good time.
273
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:50,918
Ah, is not so bad. You take crossword,
you catch up with your neighbors.
274
00:11:51,086 --> 00:11:53,962
Neighbors. That's it.
We'll go to Canada and work for the...
275
00:11:54,130 --> 00:11:56,090
Wait, does Canada
even have a spy agency?
276
00:11:56,257 --> 00:11:58,133
Yes, but...
Wh...? Why?
277
00:11:58,301 --> 00:12:00,094
It's Canada.
Don't you see?
278
00:12:00,261 --> 00:12:03,972
Wherever we go,
someone will always be hunting us.
279
00:12:04,140 --> 00:12:05,182
So let them hunt.
280
00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:08,227
Katya, we're the two
best secret agents in the world.
281
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,062
So nyet promotion...
282
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,482
...because you still have not solved
my Kasanova problem.
283
00:12:13,650 --> 00:12:15,651
Hang on, hasty pudding.
284
00:12:15,819 --> 00:12:18,821
BARRY: Pitch is out, I can't hold altitude.
ARCHER: What?
285
00:12:18,988 --> 00:12:21,073
I can't hold it, she's breaking up.
286
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:23,909
BORIS [IN AMERICAN ACCENT]:
Barry Dillon, ODIN agent.
287
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,619
A man barely alive.
288
00:12:26,329 --> 00:12:28,997
Gentlemen, we can rebuild him.
289
00:12:29,165 --> 00:12:31,291
We have the technology.
290
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:35,337
We have the capability
to make the world's first bionic man.
291
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,549
Barry Dillon will be that man.
292
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,342
Better than he was before.
293
00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:45,139
Better, stronger, faster.
294
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:46,432
[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]
295
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:48,016
This is amazing.
296
00:12:48,184 --> 00:12:50,144
Can we actually create
such a thing?
297
00:12:50,311 --> 00:12:53,897
[IN AMERICAN ACCENT] Can and did.
I green-lit the project way back.
298
00:12:54,065 --> 00:12:56,024
So about that promotion...
299
00:12:56,192 --> 00:12:59,194
I want to see this Bionic Barry.
300
00:12:59,362 --> 00:13:01,113
Well, then, you'd better pack a bag.
301
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,198
MAN: And what brings you
to New York, Mr. Berg?
302
00:13:03,366 --> 00:13:04,533
Business or pleasure?
303
00:13:04,701 --> 00:13:08,203
Oh, pleasure. Definitely pleasure.
304
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:10,998
Alrighty. Well,
welcome to the United States.
305
00:13:11,166 --> 00:13:15,002
Thanks.
Or shalom or whatever it is we say.
306
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,588
Because I'm one step
ahead of you.
307
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:19,173
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Like always.
308
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:21,300
And we'll always be
one step ahead of them.
309
00:13:21,468 --> 00:13:23,051
No matter who's hunting us.
310
00:13:23,219 --> 00:13:28,765
Even if it's... Oh, I don't know,
a criminally insane cyborg.
311
00:13:32,562 --> 00:13:38,150
So, um, comrade Bionic Barry,
can you solve my Kasanova problem?
312
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:39,485
BARRY [OVER PHONE]:
Yeah, probably.
313
00:13:39,652 --> 00:13:42,696
If I knew and/or cared
who and/or what that was.
314
00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:45,073
But since I don't and/or do not...
315
00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:47,618
...I'm going to kill
and/or murder Sterling Archer.
316
00:13:47,785 --> 00:13:50,913
Wha...? Nyet! Archer may be my son.
317
00:13:51,080 --> 00:13:54,791
Well, too bad, because you've sown
the wind, and now you shall reap...
318
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,001
...the Barry.
319
00:13:56,169 --> 00:13:58,462
I said don't take
the bridge, dickhead.
320
00:13:58,630 --> 00:14:00,839
[HORNS HONKING]
321
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,091
Hail, Mary, mother of...
BARRY: Unh!
322
00:14:03,259 --> 00:14:04,676
Reset the f****** meter.
323
00:14:04,844 --> 00:14:06,094
CAB DRIVER:
Oh, God.
324
00:14:06,262 --> 00:14:07,471
[GRUNTS]
325
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:09,348
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
326
00:14:10,767 --> 00:14:12,476
[IN AMERICAN ACCENT]
Actually, you know what?
327
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:14,561
Let's, uh, put a pin
in that promotion.
328
00:14:14,729 --> 00:14:16,438
Darling, please. Forget the bag.
329
00:14:16,606 --> 00:14:18,524
We need it, and...
Hey, what about this?
330
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:19,983
Canada's got casinos, right?
331
00:14:20,151 --> 00:14:23,237
They could be here any minute.
Who, ISIS?
332
00:14:23,404 --> 00:14:25,781
Baby, come on,
remember who we're dealing with here.
333
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:29,576
KRIEGER:
And here we are.
334
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:32,663
I swear, if anyone saw me
in this awful van...
335
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,415
How could they,
with this illegal-ass window tint?
336
00:14:35,583 --> 00:14:38,126
This van's, like,
rolling probable cause.
337
00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:41,797
So all ashore from the S. S. Date Rape.
Toot, toot.
338
00:14:41,965 --> 00:14:45,592
I'm serious, Woodhouse,
either find that bag or a Magic Marker...
339
00:14:45,760 --> 00:14:49,930
...so we can draw where the zippers
are gonna go on your body.
340
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:53,058
Afraid I haven't seen
a Magic Marker either, sir.
341
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,810
Bit of a mess in here.
342
00:14:54,978 --> 00:14:56,186
Was this my billiard room?
343
00:14:56,354 --> 00:15:00,857
At one time, yes, but I needed a place
to sew your suits, you see, so...
344
00:15:01,025 --> 00:15:02,359
Eh.
Uh...
345
00:15:02,527 --> 00:15:04,152
Sir?
It doesn't matter, Woodhouse.
346
00:15:04,320 --> 00:15:07,781
I'm leaving. Go nuts. Hang a bunch
of Georgia O'Keeffe posters.
347
00:15:07,949 --> 00:15:10,826
But, sir, you can't leave.
Your mother...
348
00:15:10,994 --> 00:15:12,119
Can also hang.
349
00:15:12,287 --> 00:15:14,746
Woodhouse, for the first time
in my life, I'm in love.
350
00:15:14,914 --> 00:15:17,791
And nobody, especially Mother,
is gonna ruin that for me.
351
00:15:17,959 --> 00:15:19,251
You're serious, aren't you?
352
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,795
Woodhouse, I quit drinking for her.
353
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:25,007
Just that one.
354
00:15:25,174 --> 00:15:27,301
I'm scared if I stop all at once...
355
00:15:27,468 --> 00:15:30,095
...the cumulative hangover
will literally kill me.
356
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,764
Well, if you truly
love Ms. Kasanova...
357
00:15:32,932 --> 00:15:34,600
...I'd like for you to have this.
358
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,518
Whoa. Wait, is that...?
359
00:15:36,686 --> 00:15:39,938
No, I guess it wouldn't be Mother's.
No, sir, it was her mother's.
360
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:42,691
Bub?
Darling, we really must go.
361
00:15:42,859 --> 00:15:45,527
Um. Hang on, just doing something.
362
00:15:45,695 --> 00:15:47,821
Ugh. Please don't make him
into a suitcase.
363
00:15:47,989 --> 00:15:50,324
I'm not.
But, Woodhouse, I need my...
364
00:15:50,491 --> 00:15:52,576
Did you have that the whole time?
Yes, sir.
365
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:54,953
Well then, goodbye, Woodhouse,
and you're fired.
366
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:57,706
Uh, technically,
your mother is my employer.
367
00:15:57,874 --> 00:15:58,874
Really?
368
00:15:59,042 --> 00:16:01,710
Who do you think's been paying my salary
all these years?
369
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:05,213
I just thought you were...
Well, slave's not the right word, but really?
370
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:06,923
Mother pays you?
Yes, sir, and...
371
00:16:07,091 --> 00:16:08,342
MALORY:
Sterling, dear.
372
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:09,551
Wha...?
Aah!
373
00:16:09,719 --> 00:16:11,345
She also
has her own key.
374
00:16:11,512 --> 00:16:15,307
If you come out to the living room,
I have a surprise for you.
375
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:17,559
That's the same thing
she said when I was 5...
376
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,228
...and I spilled grape Tang
on her stupid flokati rug.
377
00:16:20,396 --> 00:16:21,396
What was the surprise?
378
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:24,775
Apparently, how bad a Ping-Pong
paddle hurts on a tiny, bare ass.
379
00:16:24,942 --> 00:16:26,943
And so...
But, darling, are you sure?
380
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:30,906
Yeah, it hurt like crazy.
No, no, about this, about us.
381
00:16:31,074 --> 00:16:33,909
Katya, I swear,
I've never been more sure about anything.
382
00:16:34,077 --> 00:16:36,745
Then I am with you. All the way.
383
00:16:36,913 --> 00:16:39,456
But no shots center-mass.
Just try to wing them.
384
00:16:39,624 --> 00:16:41,416
Oh, and Woodhouse?
Uh, yes, sir?
385
00:16:41,584 --> 00:16:44,419
Totally being sarcastic
about the Georgia O'Keeffe posters.
386
00:16:44,587 --> 00:16:46,171
Do not do that.
387
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:47,381
[SIGHS]
388
00:16:47,548 --> 00:16:50,175
Okay. Coming, Mother!
389
00:16:50,343 --> 00:16:52,928
[ALL SCREAM]
390
00:16:58,726 --> 00:17:00,560
Shit, I'm out.
I am also out.
391
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,313
Uh, actually, so am I.
Dukes, me too.
392
00:17:03,481 --> 00:17:05,273
Me too.
Seriously?
393
00:17:05,441 --> 00:17:06,817
Is anybody hit?
394
00:17:06,984 --> 00:17:09,069
I'm all good.
Uh, no, I'm fine.
395
00:17:09,237 --> 00:17:12,739
Huh. Not really the explosive climax
I thought it was gonna be.
396
00:17:12,907 --> 00:17:14,950
Is nobody gonna
touch that? Seriously?
397
00:17:15,118 --> 00:17:17,536
Not just yet. Because I lied.
398
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:21,206
I still have one in the chamber,
and it's got your name on it, missy.
399
00:17:21,374 --> 00:17:22,416
Mother, no.
400
00:17:22,583 --> 00:17:25,460
I know you're having
a disturbingly hard time with this...
401
00:17:25,628 --> 00:17:27,129
...but I am in love with Katya.
402
00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:30,966
Damn it, Sterling, she's a double agent.
I swear to you I am not.
403
00:17:31,134 --> 00:17:34,302
The KGB faked her file, Mother.
Oh, whatever.
404
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,847
Although...
Yeah, it is the first thing they'd do.
405
00:17:37,014 --> 00:17:38,765
That's like
Counterintelligence 101.
406
00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:42,102
But then why was she taking notes
about Krieger's secret project?
407
00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:43,729
KRIEGER:
Oh, sorry.
408
00:17:43,896 --> 00:17:47,232
I knew I forgot to mention
something, and it was this.
409
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,608
ARCHER:
Um...
410
00:17:48,776 --> 00:17:52,320
Darling, I told you that I fell in love
with you when we first met...
411
00:17:52,488 --> 00:17:55,532
...but I am afraid that was a lie.
412
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:58,994
MALORY: Called it.
I fell in love with you long ago.
413
00:17:59,162 --> 00:18:02,622
Because this man, Sterling Archer...
414
00:18:02,790 --> 00:18:06,710
...is Russia's most dangerous enemy.
415
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:11,256
And he is the man I will marry.
416
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:14,384
So all this time, you wanted...
To marry you.
417
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:18,013
So when Dr. Krieger told me
that he already paid deposits...
418
00:18:18,181 --> 00:18:22,017
...with florists and caterers, and that
his wedding would never happen, I...
419
00:18:22,185 --> 00:18:24,686
Krieger-san, you promised.
420
00:18:24,854 --> 00:18:27,314
We will talk about it in the van.
421
00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:31,026
Well, since it sounds like I don't
have to help with the wedding plans...
422
00:18:31,194 --> 00:18:34,029
...Katya, will you marry me?
423
00:18:34,197 --> 00:18:38,074
[SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN]
424
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:40,702
A thousand times, da.
425
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:41,953
[MOANS]
426
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,163
Awesome.
427
00:18:43,331 --> 00:18:46,625
I thought I'd be dead
long before this day ever came.
428
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:48,543
Actually, hoped.
429
00:18:48,711 --> 00:18:51,213
Oh, shut up, you old sourpuss.
430
00:18:51,380 --> 00:18:53,215
Because this day has come, Mother.
431
00:18:53,382 --> 00:18:55,717
We can get married right here.
Really? Ha, ha.
432
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,178
Well, not "here" here. On the terrace.
433
00:18:58,679 --> 00:19:01,014
KATYA:
Oh, thank you so much for coming.
434
00:19:01,182 --> 00:19:03,225
Oh, and I just love your hair.
435
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:04,935
I hate it. I look like a whore.
436
00:19:05,102 --> 00:19:07,771
And you made it all look
so beautiful, Woodhouse.
437
00:19:07,939 --> 00:19:09,147
Thank you, thank you.
Uh-huh.
438
00:19:09,315 --> 00:19:11,233
But don't thank him,
it sets a bad precedent.
439
00:19:11,400 --> 00:19:15,111
And, plus, we still need a priest, so...
How about a disgraced former minister?
440
00:19:15,279 --> 00:19:16,363
ARCHER: What?
PAM: What the shit?
441
00:19:16,531 --> 00:19:17,864
Long story, kind of boring...
442
00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:21,409
...but I am still licensed by
the state to perform marriages...
443
00:19:21,577 --> 00:19:23,578
...the irony of which is not lost on me.
444
00:19:23,746 --> 00:19:25,872
BARRY: Yeah, you wanna know
what's really ironic?
445
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:28,792
ALL: Barry?
Yes, Barry, hi.
446
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:33,421
And what's ironic is Archer,
besides sodomizing my fianc?e...
447
00:19:33,589 --> 00:19:35,841
What?
Only by the strictest legal definition.
448
00:19:36,008 --> 00:19:37,926
- Threw me off a roof, twice.
449
00:19:38,094 --> 00:19:40,262
Dropped, Barry.
And how are you not dead?
450
00:19:40,429 --> 00:19:43,265
Because the Russians turned me into...
451
00:19:43,432 --> 00:19:44,850
Oh, my God.
That's awful.
452
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:49,354
- The unholy abomination of metal fused
with flesh which now stands before you.
453
00:19:49,522 --> 00:19:50,939
They have this technology?
454
00:19:51,107 --> 00:19:54,776
Eight years on my secret project, wasted.
ARCHER: Hey, whoa, Barry, don't...
455
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:59,364
Yeah, so back to the irony,
now I'm gonna throw you off the roof.
456
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,366
Wow, Barry,
you're, like, super strong.
457
00:20:01,534 --> 00:20:03,451
Did I mention I was a cyborg?
You did.
458
00:20:03,619 --> 00:20:05,245
Can somebody shoot him?
Dukes.
459
00:20:05,413 --> 00:20:07,956
Archer, we're out of ammo.
Well, I'm not.
460
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:11,543
And if anyone's
going to ruin my son's wedding...
461
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:13,211
...it'll be me.
462
00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:17,465
What part of "I'm a cyborg"
are you people still not getting, exactly?
463
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:19,634
Uh, core concept, I guess?
464
00:20:19,802 --> 00:20:21,052
No, wait, Katya, no.
465
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:25,765
Yes, I will save you, darling.
No, no, no, don't. Katya!
466
00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:29,311
BARRY: Archer!
KATYA: I love you!
467
00:20:29,478 --> 00:20:30,520
[CRASH]
468
00:20:30,688 --> 00:20:31,897
No!
469
00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,106
[CAR ALARM WAILING]
470
00:20:33,274 --> 00:20:37,402
Yeah!
One-for-three off the roof, bitch.
471
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:38,945
Ha-ha-ha. Whoo!
472
00:20:39,113 --> 00:20:42,532
[SOBBING]
Oh, Katya, no!
473
00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,451
No, no, no!
474
00:20:44,619 --> 00:20:45,827
[KRIEGER SOBBING]
475
00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:49,372
Why the...?
476
00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:51,207
Why the hell are you crying?
477
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:52,375
[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]
478
00:20:52,543 --> 00:20:54,169
That was my van.
479
00:20:54,337 --> 00:20:55,670
[SOBBING]
480
00:21:31,540 --> 00:21:32,540
[English - US - PSDH]
481
00:21:32,590 --> 00:21:37,140
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