All language subtitles for Parks and Recreation s04e14 Operation Annl.eng

Okay, time for gifts.

We have gift certificates
for facials everybody,

then you're gonna get
a needlepoint pillow

with your face on it
and a news headline 1

Just in terms of,
you know, being on earth.

February 14th, Valentine's Day,
is about romance,

but February 13th,
galentine's day,

is about celebrating
lady friends.

It's wonderful, and it
should be a national holiday.

It should be
a national holiday.

Dear Congress,
it's Leslie again.

Let's talk about
personal relationships.

Who wants
to start? Donna?

I have several men
in rotation.

One's waiting for me
out in the car.

Don't worry,
I rolled down the window.

April, you're
the old married broad here.

- How's Andy?
- Well...

Last week he was
supposed to buy gas,

but instead he bought
novelty cookie cutters.

Now everything we eat
is shaped like a dinosaur.

He's amazing.

Great. And mom, how's
it going with Steven?

Well, I met him
on the Internet

because of
my lovely daughter,

and we are compatible.

La, la,
la, la, la, la, la.

Okay, no, no, no, no, no.
Ann, can you start talking?

Well, I'm--I'm--I'm
in a bit of a lull right now,

but I'm so glad that you all
have people in your lives

that you care about,
so... Congrats!

It's really hard to say congrats
without sounding sarcastic.

Seriously, I really hope
you guys are all very happy--

- Damn it.
- We are.

Ann, I just
wanted to say

I'm sorry if I
put you on the spot

when I asked you
about your love life.

How are you doing?

You know, I'm mostly
fine being single.

It's just this time of year
with the hearts and roses,

it just gets me
a little down.

But galentine's day
made me feel better,

so thanks.

Oh, Ann,
you beautiful spinster.

I will find you love.

What? Did
you say something?

Love you.

Thank you all
for being here.

Let's get started.

Wow. Great attitude, Ron.

Sorry, I was talking
to these ribs.

Okay, so the
Valentine's Day dance

is planned, prepped,
and under budget,

but we have one final task.

Ann Perkins is
currently attending

the Valentine's Day dance alone,
so I need each one of you

to bring an eligible bachelor
for her tomorrow.

Ann's not totally hideous.

Why does she need our help?

Because that's
what friends do, April.

They help friends
find happiness.

Now the last guy
she liked was Chris,

but she can't date him again
because he's her boss.

So when we're thinking
of prospective sweethearts,

we need to think of people
who are... Attractive

and smart and kind.

And if you're wondering what
kind of guy is right for Ann,

all you need
to do is ask.

Also you need to find
someone educated,

and friendly,
and fun--

- just tell us
the damn word.

Effervescent, he needs
to be effervescent.

Quick question
about Ann--

does anyone know if she has
any indian in her?

No one respond.

- No one say anything.
- Why?

I'm just
curious if Ann

- has a little indian in her.
- Silence.

- I don't think she does.
- Would she like some?

Jerry!

Happy Valentine's Day.
84 00:03:30,887 --> 00:03:34,256

- Yachter Otter?
- Yup.

Two months ago,
I have a dream

about a playboy
otter lost at sea,

and you
make him real?

- Uh-huh.
- I love it.

I thought we had agreed
that we weren't

gonna get each other presents
'cause we were too busy

with the campaign--
I got you something too.

Oh, a... bomb?

It is a cryptex, like in
that movie The Da Vinci Code,

which was the first movie that
you and I ever watched

- on Starz HD.
- Wow, that's specific.

Inside it will tell you where
to meet me at 9:00 P.M. tonight,

and the combination
is a five-letter code

that captures the essence
of our third date.

- Yeah...
- So I will see you tonight.

Unless...You can't
crack the code.

I think I can
crack the code.

I have no idea
what the code is.

Hey, man, you okay?

Still thinking
about your ex?

Millicent Gergich
has literally

torn my heart from my body
and replaced it

with a thick slab
of sadness.

I may never smile again.

Cool, so I found a DJ
for the dance,

and his name is
DJ Bluntz.

Tom, this is a publicly
funded couples dance.

I don't think it's
appropriate for people

to be getting
"wet with sound."

Who's gonna do it, then?

I will. I certainly
have no other plans

for Valentine's Day,
because I am completely alone.

All right,
I'll see you later, Chris.

Aw, cool cryptex,
can I have it?

Hey, no.
No, you can't--

Where'd you get it?

How do you know
what a cryptex is?

I know what things are.

Well, Leslie hid the location
of our Valentine's meeting place

- in here.
- No.

I tried every five-letter word
that has anything

to do with
our third date.

Have you
tried [Bleep]?

That's a
four-letter word.

Oh. Add an "s"?

I really don't
think it's that.

Uh, I wish I could help you,
bro, I don't know if I can.

You're, like, the second
smartest guy I know.

You should go to the first
smartest guy I know.

Okay, so the clue
is inside,

but it takes a five-letter code
to open it-- Andy!

Did you try [Bleep]?
137 00:05:39,307 --> 00:05:39,915

Yes, why is that
everyone's first suggestion?

Just smart people.

I think I might
be able to help you.

Told you.

- Let me see it!
- Yeah, you're gonna see it.

I'll show you.
I can unroll it.

"The murals with
this heart you see,

look to the first, and there
your next clue will be."

The first letter
of the name of each mural

with a heart on it
will spell out the clue.

Or some--
or something.

Let's check out
the murals.

Happy Valentine's Day, Pawnee.
For me, it is not happy.

But don't let my sadness
diminish your night.

Anyway, life is fleeting.

Leslie.
Found a date for Ann. 154

I put an ad
on Craigslist:

"Man seeking man
for a night of casual fun."

Enrico, he responded
right away.

- I'll meet you inside, okay?
- Okay.

You hired
a male escort.

A what?

Please get your gigolo
out of here.

I-- uh--
oh, my God.

Okay, so we've got
all the ones

from this side
with the heart sticker.

All right, the ones
from the other hallway are...

"Cornfield Slaughter,"
"Lament of the Buffalo,"

"Needless Slaughter,"
"Slaughter Gone Wrong,"

"Eating the Reverend,"
"It's Raining Blood,"

- and "Death Everywhere."
- Great. I got it from here.

Thanks, guys. I hope I didn't
screw up your Valentine's Day too much.

Oh, God, no.
April hates Valentine's Day.

And brunch.
And outside.

And smiling.

- She's weird.
- Wait. I figured it out.

The letters unscrambled say,
"No food finer.

Clue three
at J.J.'s Diner."

How many clues
are there, exactly?

Hey, you're here.

And I brought
a bachelor.

- Are you kidding me?
- No.

You brought Orin?

Ann is not some
weird, morose mummy.

Offense intended, Orin.
Let this be a wake-up call

about the way you present
yourself to the world.

I think Ann and him
would be cute together.

I ask you
to do one thing.

Do you know how hard
I've been working

to try to pull this together
before Ann gets here?

- Hey.
- Hey, you're here.

We weren't
talking about you.

- How are you?
- Well...

It's Valentine's Day,
and I'm single,

and I'm at
a couples dance.

I can't imagine
a more depressing place to be.

What about a wedding where you
used to go out with the groom,

and you're the only one
there without a date,

so the bride makes you dance
to Single Ladies by yourself?

Oh, my God,
did that happen to you?

Maybe. Let's get a drink,
and then you and I

are gonna have
some f-u-n.

Well, at least the music
seems about right.

There was supposed to be,
like, 20 guys here for Ann,

and there's only four.
Who else do we have?

Ben, taken.
Jerry, taken.

Oh! My dentist...
Is 80, and he's gay,

and he's taken.
Uh... what's this?

P. Hut?
Oh, Pizza Hut!

Hold on...

Hi, how cute are you?

Ann, this is my
lawyer friend, Alex.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

I've heard
a lot about you...

- In the last hour.
- Yeah.

Well, Alex gives
my campaign legal advice,

and Ann is the greatest
human being ever invented.

So I'm gonna-- what?
Uh, someone needs me.

I'm gonna go, and you two
just hit it off now.

- You crazy kids.
- Okay...

Okay..."There
is no food finer."

For Leslie, that means
whipped cream, or...

No, it's
whipped cream.

I'm gonna look
in the whipped cream cans.

Oh, got some!

Oh...

Nothing yet.

Okay, "something wicked
this way comes,"

"whence you peruse a book
with your thumbs.

"Go to the one
who succumbs.

I'll be attached
with a little gum."

Oh, come on, Leslie,
gimme a break.

I hate riddles
and other such nonsense,

I want that
on the record.

But something wicked
with a book

is my ex-wife,
from the library.

Which means I'm the one
that succumbs.

Uh..."I'll be attached
with a little gum."

Good God.
That woman is good.

"Follow me to
the sheltered snow.

Only 22 clues
left to go."

22?

Well, this is the woman
I've chosen to love.

Well, I guess
there's nothing to do

but spend
the entire night

methodically solving
this puzzle.

There's no way
we'll finish in time.

Okay, I'll just
make a list of places

she and I have been together,
and hope we luck out

and find
the last clue.

We'll split up,
cover more ground.

Move.

Hey, Kriss Kross,
can we change up the music?

It kind of sounds like
the end of a movie

about a monk
who killed himself.

- It is.
- Listen, man...

There's some
attractive women here.

Why don't
you rebound?

Nobody here
compares to Millicent.

Except maybe Jerry.

Technically they share 50%
of the same DNA.

Stop staring
at Jerry like that.

I don't know.
It's working now.

Hey, how's it going?

It's Valentine's Day,

and I'm working the late shift
of the snow globe museum,

so I'm right
where I wanna be.

Okay, um, my girlfriend
left a clue here, I think.

Like, for a
scavenger hunt.

- Right. You're Ben.
- Yes.

She said you'd
be here by noon.

Not doing so good.
All right, well.

Thanks, Kevin.
I'm supposed to tell you

that it's under
one of the snow globes.

But which one?
Ooh, I don't know.

Nope. No.

No. You really suck at this.
Okay, why don't you just...

Tell me where it is
and I can get out of here?

That would take
all the fun out of it.

- Ah!
- Winner.

Ah, ha, ha, ha.
I found it.

Yep. Oh, wait.

No, that might be
from another scavenger hunt.

Ann, looks like
you already met Jeff.

Well, you didn't tell me that
your friend was so beautiful.

Aww, thanks, Jeff.

Not as beautiful
as my sister,

but you know the law.

- What?
- No, Jeff.

How am I supposed
to find the love of Ann's life

when it sounds
like a funeral in here?

There's no changing it
as long as Chris is depressed.

I'm gonna go talk to Chris.
You go help Ann.

She's not responding
to my top candidates,

so we're gonna have
to go with some wild cards.

- Got it.
- And April...

Thanks for nothing.

Why should I do anything
to help her?

Because despite the fact
that all you do

is give her a hard time,
she would do this for you.

Just go hide under the table
with your friend Orin.

Yeah, I see you, weirdo.

So Leslie dragged you

into this sneaky little
fix-up scheme, huh?

We're stuck at a Parks and Rec
community couples event.

What else
you gotta do?

What the hell.
You're right.

Bring 'em on, Tom.

I'm Harris.
Heard you were desperate

for a man-piece.
We in business?

He's 33 years old,
still lives with his parents,

and he's been to at least
200 Phish concerts.

Try 308.

I'm gonna have
to pass right now.

Your mistake, mama.

So, Bill, this stunning woman
saves lives for a living.

What do you
bring to the table?

Uh, where to begin?
Uh, I'm an amateur juggler--

Nope, you shouldn't
have begun there.

Get out. No one's trying
to get with jugglers.

Thanks for playing.

Hello, my name
is Ron Swanson.

I believe Leslie Knope
may have left some kind

of scavenger hunt
clue here.

She did.
One second.

Gentlemen.

Ah-- .
350 00:13:13,785 --> 00:13:14,838

Well... it always says
"Break glass in case of an emergency." 352

Well, there we go.

Hey, Chris, what do you think
about changing the music?

Sure.

Ugh. Hey,
you know what?

You should look
on the bright side.

I'm sure that Millicent
couldn't keep up with you

on your runs, so now
you can go full speed again.

On the contrary,
she was faster than I was.

I set many personal bests
just trying to keep up with her.

Which is what
I'm worried about.

What if she was
my personal best?

No, your best
is still ahead of you.

I am 44 years old.

You don't look
a day over 30.

Most people say 25.

- Who says that?
- Lot of people.

You don't think that
Millicent was my soul mate?

There are a lot
of soul mates in the world.

I mean, look at Ann.

You dated her, and she's
a perfect human specimen,

and you tossed her out
like day-old chowder.

But it's
gonna be okay.

Buck up.

Thanks, I'll try.

- Hey.
- Hey.

How is your
evening unfolding

in terms of your
conversations with men?

I have met a lot
of different guys tonight.

How lucky that
that happened to you

- on Valentine's Day.
- What's lucky

is that I have a best friend
who spent her Valentine's Day

trying to find
me a date.

Thank you.
I'm gonna go home.

No. Stay.

I just-- I'm gonna
go home and watch TV.

Okay, well,
can you just do me a favor

and give me your car keys
for a second?

There's something I need
to look at on your car keys.

You're gonna throw them
on the roof again

- so I can't leave.
- You know me too well.

You're the best.

It sucks being alone
on Valentine's Day,

so I'm gonna take Ann out
for a drink, you know.

Try to cheer her up.
And I can be late meeting Ben.

He's not gonna be on time,
'cause those clues are hard.

They're really, really hard,
and I'm really worried

that he's not gonna be able
to figure it out.

Ann, you tricky bastard.

- Leslie, what are you doing?
- Look at Ann.

She's putting on makeup.
She using the emergency

mini curling iron
that I gave her.

- She has a date.
- You don't know that.

Why wouldn't
she tell me who it is?

Because she doesn't
want me to know.

Because it's someone
she shouldn't be dating.

Wait, the music's better.
Have you seen Chris?

I don't know, maybe he's
in the bathroom or something.

She's going
to meet Chris.

Hey, I got nine,
three and four.

I have 11, 12, 13, 14,
15, 16, 17, 18, and 19.

Whoa.

I got--
I got lucky.

And I love riddles.

Yo, found some clues.
Also found this.

Weird stick.
Might be a clue.

- No.
- Okay.

Did you find
the 25th clue?

No, I got #8,
and #22.

Leave Ann alone.
This is none of your business.

After all the hoops that
Ben and I had to jump through

because of the
boss-employee thing,

it is absolutely
my business.

Chris needs to explain himself,
and Ann lied to me

about this date.
I mean, so many injustices.

Ann would never do anything
to piss you off, Leslie.

You guys are such
close friends, it's lame.

Just have a nice night with Ben,
and forget about this.

Okay, fine.
I will let it go for now.

But I want you to know
that I think there is some--

[beep]

Okay, she hung up on me.

We failed.

If I just had
a little more time.

She's waiting for me
somewhere in Pawnee,

- and I'm not gonna be there.
- Wait...

Leslie loves romance,
but she also loves being right.

Is there something you used
to disagree on,

but you've since come around
to her way of thinking?

Ron, you're a genius.

Little Sebastian.

At first you
did not understand

what made this
tiny horse so special,

and now you love him
more than I do.

Yep, I miss him
every day.

I really tried
to make that hard.

I'm very impressed
with you.

Eh, some of them
were kind of tough.

So are you ready to go

have our first ever
Valentine's dinner?

Yes, but I have
to tell you something.

Chris and Ann
are on a secret date.

Which is crazy
because he's her boss,

which is the exact
situation we were in,

except we were put
on trial for it.

And I know I'm not
supposed to care,

and I'm supposed
to let it go,

and we should just
have a romantic dinner--

No, we have to go
catch them in the act.

- Right now.
- Really?

Yeah. Screw
romantic dinners.

Let's go rub it
in their face.

God, I love you
so much.

I cannot wait
to see the look

on Chris' remarkably
youthful face

when we march in there
and confront him--

Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, Leslie.

What?

Ahh!

Shh.

- Shh.
- April.

- Hey.
- April.

- Tom and Ann are on a date.
- I know.

What do you mean you know?
How do you know?

Because...
I set them up. 490

What are you looking for
in a date anyway?

I don't know.
What does anyone want?

Just a nice, funny guy
who likes me and treats me well.

Tom's funny,
and he'd treat you well.

- Ha, ha.
- I'm serious.

You want a good date,
why not ask out

the only guy that's
made you smile tonight?

He's ridiculous.

- All that dumb swagger.
- It's not.

He's sweet. You should just
ask him out for a drink.

I'm 1,000% sure
he'd say yes.

I bet you guys
would have a good time.

Man, I need to, like,
wrap my head around this.

Why? It makes
sense to me.

This is a small, loser town
with loser people,

and Tom's, like,
at least semi-cool.

You know
what I'm hearing?

You tried to make Ann happy
for Valentine's Day.

- Ugh.
- You're a very nice person.

- No.
- Yes, you are.

- Very nice person.
- Bye.

I do not understand this.
This really confuses me.

Well, you do
love them both.

Yeah, I love passionate
speakers and Italian men.

Doesn't mean
I love Mussolini.

You love
Italian men?

Not as much as...

Irish... Scottish?

White... whatever you are.

This is the weirdest
Valentine's Day ever.

So, Ann,
it's finally happening.

Dude, this is so close
to falling apart.

Okay, okay,
I'm sorry.

Can I be honest, though?
I'm a little freaked out.

Like, I don't really
understand what's going on.

This is
what's going on--

we're gonna
have a drink,

and we're gonna talk,
get to know each other.

And then I am going
to drive home... alone.

Cool. Consider this
alternate plan--

we have drinks here, get to know
each other, whatever.

Then we go back to my place
and snuggle up...

Like little bunnies.

- Yeah, this was a mistake.
- No!

Leslie, thanks to your
annoying prying last year,

I'm sure you remember
my birthday's coming up.

I know, I know.
No parties, you hate parties.

Correct.

Oh, you know that
wild goose chase

you sent Ben on
for Valentine's Day?

The scavenger hunt?

- I also do not want that.
- Yep, I understand.

I absolutely do not want
to solve a series

of riddles and clues, each more
intricate than the last.

You understand
what I'm saying?

- Yeah, I got it, Ron.
- Good.

Uh, I-I do want that.
Please do that for me.

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