Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,219 --> 00:00:02,242
So I pulled my limo
into the gas station,
2
00:00:02,266 --> 00:00:04,382
and then I realized
my tank was on the other side,
3
00:00:04,398 --> 00:00:05,697
so I had to back it out,
4
00:00:05,699 --> 00:00:07,799
which is hard because it's a stretch.
5
00:00:07,801 --> 00:00:10,201
Which is an industry term for long.
6
00:00:10,203 --> 00:00:12,137
Charlie!
7
00:00:12,139 --> 00:00:13,405
I know we have a no hitting rule,
8
00:00:13,407 --> 00:00:16,541
but am I allowed
to hit myself to stay awake?
9
00:00:16,543 --> 00:00:18,810
Nolan, we all care about you
10
00:00:18,812 --> 00:00:21,046
and we know you love being a chauffer...
11
00:00:21,048 --> 00:00:23,329
How did you know that word?
Are you in the industry?
12
00:00:24,584 --> 00:00:27,152
No, but I am on the planet.
13
00:00:27,154 --> 00:00:28,620
Look, we're thrilled for you,
14
00:00:28,622 --> 00:00:31,122
but we'd love to hear about
another aspect of your life.
15
00:00:31,124 --> 00:00:34,059
Well, I did have an incident
with some clowns once
16
00:00:34,061 --> 00:00:36,061
- that really upset me.
- Go for it.
17
00:00:36,063 --> 00:00:39,130
Well, I drove some clowns
to the circus yesterday.
18
00:00:39,132 --> 00:00:40,698
Unfortunately, there were only three.
19
00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:44,302
It took them almost no time
to get out of the limo.
20
00:00:44,304 --> 00:00:47,572
- That's a limo story.
- I see it as a clown story.
21
00:00:47,574 --> 00:00:50,241
I see you as a clown story.
22
00:00:51,411 --> 00:00:53,745
Moving on. Patrick...
23
00:00:53,747 --> 00:00:55,380
Wednesday is your interview at "Vogue."
24
00:00:55,382 --> 00:00:57,315
That's a big opportunity
for you, isn't it?
25
00:00:57,317 --> 00:01:00,151
Actually, I'm not going
to be able to make it.
26
00:01:00,153 --> 00:01:03,755
Somebody gave me some really
good tickets to a sports game.
27
00:01:03,757 --> 00:01:06,257
Ah, yes, the great American pastime,
28
00:01:06,259 --> 00:01:07,725
sports game.
29
00:01:09,529 --> 00:01:11,563
It's baseball, okay?
30
00:01:11,565 --> 00:01:13,298
Oh, yeah? Who's playing?
31
00:01:13,300 --> 00:01:15,400
Uh, Atlanta and...
32
00:01:15,402 --> 00:01:17,702
Just pick any city.
33
00:01:17,704 --> 00:01:19,671
Milan?
34
00:01:21,541 --> 00:01:24,142
Patrick, why are you
dodging this interview?
35
00:01:24,144 --> 00:01:25,810
( Sighs )
Because it's a waste of time.
36
00:01:25,812 --> 00:01:27,679
They're not gonna hire me.
37
00:01:27,681 --> 00:01:30,482
Besides, I'm happy selling
clothes at the mall.
38
00:01:30,484 --> 00:01:32,417
You hate selling clothes at the mall.
39
00:01:32,419 --> 00:01:34,119
Actually, it's grown on me.
40
00:01:34,121 --> 00:01:35,553
The unwashed masses.
41
00:01:35,555 --> 00:01:37,422
The fluorescent lighting.
42
00:01:37,424 --> 00:01:38,890
Fat women trying on dresses
43
00:01:38,892 --> 00:01:40,825
with their Cinnabon-covered fingers.
44
00:01:40,827 --> 00:01:43,294
I love it! Can we please move on?
45
00:01:43,296 --> 00:01:46,297
Oh, my God, last night
I woke up from a dream
46
00:01:46,299 --> 00:01:48,833
where I ate an entire box of Cinnabons.
47
00:01:48,835 --> 00:01:50,768
But it's okay, because then
I went back to sleep
48
00:01:50,770 --> 00:01:52,804
and dreamt that I was throwing them up.
49
00:01:52,806 --> 00:01:55,273
Well, at least you're not
starving yourself in your dreams.
50
00:01:55,275 --> 00:01:57,408
Cool.
51
00:01:57,410 --> 00:02:00,378
Patrick, a couple of weeks
ago you were fighting
52
00:02:00,380 --> 00:02:02,447
tooth and nail to get this interview,
53
00:02:02,449 --> 00:02:04,149
and now you're just blowing it off.
54
00:02:04,151 --> 00:02:05,783
- What the hell happened?
- Nothing.
55
00:02:05,785 --> 00:02:08,286
I just thought about it and I realized
56
00:02:08,288 --> 00:02:11,322
I'm not "Vogue" material.
57
00:02:11,324 --> 00:02:14,592
Okay, okay, this sounds like
a self-esteem issue.
58
00:02:14,594 --> 00:02:17,162
The last time we were in this
territory, it seemed connected to...
59
00:02:17,164 --> 00:02:18,496
Don't say my mom. It's not my mom.
60
00:02:18,498 --> 00:02:20,665
It has nothing to do with my mom.
61
00:02:20,667 --> 00:02:23,668
Okay, well, then we can
cross mom off the list.
62
00:02:23,670 --> 00:02:27,172
Hey. Time's up. I got to go.
63
00:02:27,174 --> 00:02:29,207
We're not done talking about this.
64
00:02:29,209 --> 00:02:30,969
See you all next Thursday.
65
00:02:32,879 --> 00:02:35,747
Hey, Charlie, can you give
me a ride to the mechanic?
66
00:02:35,749 --> 00:02:37,549
Uh, sure. What's the problem?
67
00:02:37,551 --> 00:02:39,417
The electrical system
went out on my car again.
68
00:02:39,419 --> 00:02:41,486
It's this damn...
69
00:02:41,488 --> 00:02:43,188
car that I bought.
70
00:02:43,190 --> 00:02:45,523
I don't want to get
into it in front of Ed.
71
00:02:45,525 --> 00:02:47,892
Why don't you want to get
into it in front of me?
72
00:02:47,894 --> 00:02:49,961
Is it because you bought an American car
73
00:02:49,963 --> 00:02:53,283
and now you're about to
insult American workmanship?
74
00:02:53,700 --> 00:02:55,533
Well, you're into it with Ed.
75
00:02:55,535 --> 00:02:57,202
I'll go grab my keys.
76
00:02:58,572 --> 00:03:00,638
You're the one who started this, not me.
77
00:03:00,640 --> 00:03:03,608
Kids like you got no idea of patriotism.
78
00:03:03,610 --> 00:03:06,477
I drove American cars my whole life.
79
00:03:06,479 --> 00:03:08,279
Drove or pushed?
80
00:03:08,281 --> 00:03:10,748
You know, you're nothing
but a little punk.
81
00:03:10,750 --> 00:03:12,350
Yeah, Sean, he's right.
82
00:03:12,352 --> 00:03:13,851
You're a dick.
83
00:03:13,853 --> 00:03:16,487
That's young person for punk.
84
00:03:16,489 --> 00:03:19,390
Why are you taking Ed's side?
You don't even like him.
85
00:03:19,392 --> 00:03:21,459
Because you're a lying son of a bitch
86
00:03:21,461 --> 00:03:23,962
who cheated on me and never apologized.
87
00:03:23,964 --> 00:03:26,297
And also that car thing.
88
00:03:26,299 --> 00:03:27,999
Come on! Let's do this thing!
89
00:03:28,001 --> 00:03:29,801
I'm not going to fight you, Ed.
90
00:03:29,803 --> 00:03:32,770
Why not? You think I'm too
old to kick your ass?
91
00:03:32,772 --> 00:03:35,340
Well, I'd like to introduce
you to Lee Marvin
92
00:03:35,342 --> 00:03:37,408
and Charles Bronson.
93
00:03:37,410 --> 00:03:40,511
I have no idea who those people are.
94
00:03:40,513 --> 00:03:43,615
Charles Bronson? "Death Wish"?
95
00:03:43,617 --> 00:03:44,949
Sorry.
96
00:03:44,951 --> 00:03:46,851
"Death Wish 2."
97
00:03:46,853 --> 00:03:49,387
Honestly, I don't know this man.
98
00:03:49,389 --> 00:03:51,723
"Death Wish 3."
99
00:03:53,026 --> 00:03:55,526
Right. Yeah. Oh, the third one.
100
00:03:55,528 --> 00:03:57,662
Yeah, he was scary.
101
00:03:57,664 --> 00:04:00,698
Don't you patronize me!
102
00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:03,968
I've got a good mind to
clean your clock right now,
103
00:04:03,970 --> 00:04:05,737
but I've got an appointment with the VA
104
00:04:05,739 --> 00:04:07,438
that took me 17 months to get
105
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,480
and I'm not giving that up for anybody.
106
00:04:16,616 --> 00:04:18,616
( Clears throat )
107
00:04:18,618 --> 00:04:20,318
You better watch your back.
108
00:04:20,320 --> 00:04:21,953
Ed's coming for ya.
109
00:04:21,955 --> 00:04:23,855
I don't have to watch my back.
110
00:04:23,857 --> 00:04:26,578
I'll just listen for wheezing
and I'll slowly turn around.
111
00:04:26,626 --> 00:04:28,393
Anger Management 2x79
Charlie Gets Patrick High
112
00:04:35,702 --> 00:04:36,934
Hey, guys.
113
00:04:36,936 --> 00:04:38,636
Jordan, I thought you
were coming by yourself.
114
00:04:38,638 --> 00:04:41,673
No, we're going to this
French art house movie
115
00:04:41,675 --> 00:04:43,808
as soon as we're done with whatever
you need me for. What's up?
116
00:04:43,810 --> 00:04:45,710
I'm having a private session
with Patrick tonight
117
00:04:45,712 --> 00:04:47,378
and I could use your help, but if
you guys are going to the movies...
118
00:04:47,380 --> 00:04:49,380
No, no, no, no. We don't
have to go to the movies.
119
00:04:49,382 --> 00:04:51,683
She'll help. - I thought you
wanted to go the the movie.
120
00:04:51,685 --> 00:04:53,718
I love subtitled, animated,
121
00:04:53,720 --> 00:04:56,587
French musicals.
122
00:04:56,589 --> 00:04:58,456
But let's not be selfish
just because we're both
123
00:04:58,458 --> 00:05:01,559
dying to see, "Le Petit Cat."
124
00:05:01,561 --> 00:05:03,027
Thank you, Sean.
125
00:05:03,029 --> 00:05:04,762
So, what do you want me to do?
126
00:05:04,764 --> 00:05:06,831
Well, I want to try
some role-playing therapy.
127
00:05:06,833 --> 00:05:08,499
Patrick is having some confidence issues
128
00:05:08,501 --> 00:05:10,568
and it might have something
to do with his mother.
129
00:05:10,570 --> 00:05:12,003
What makes you think that?
130
00:05:12,005 --> 00:05:13,571
Mostly because he jumped
off my couch today
131
00:05:13,573 --> 00:05:15,440
screaming, "It's not about my mother!"
132
00:05:15,442 --> 00:05:17,842
Got it. So you want me to play his mom.
133
00:05:17,844 --> 00:05:19,911
Oh, that sounds like fun.
I'll be the dad.
134
00:05:19,913 --> 00:05:21,879
Yeah, I don't need you to play the dad.
135
00:05:21,881 --> 00:05:23,614
Why don't you play le petit neighbor
136
00:05:23,616 --> 00:05:26,050
who goes back to his house
where he belongs?
137
00:05:26,052 --> 00:05:27,985
Quick question for you.
Is Patrick from Boston?
138
00:05:27,987 --> 00:05:29,654
Because I can do
a wicked "Bahston" accent.
139
00:05:29,656 --> 00:05:31,856
You hear the way I just said "Bahston"?
It was perfect.
140
00:05:31,858 --> 00:05:33,958
We're not putting on a play here.
141
00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:36,594
And even if we were, that's a
terrible accent. It's "Bahston."
142
00:05:36,596 --> 00:05:38,363
Ah, you might want to trust me.
143
00:05:38,365 --> 00:05:40,031
It's "Bahston." It's wicked hard to do.
144
00:05:40,033 --> 00:05:42,133
- "Bahston."
- It's "Bahston."
145
00:05:42,135 --> 00:05:44,469
- No, no, no. It's "Bahston."
- No, it's "Bahston."
146
00:05:44,471 --> 00:05:46,471
- "Bahston." "Bahston."
- It's "Bahston."
147
00:05:46,473 --> 00:05:48,906
- She said...
- You're not playing the dad!
148
00:05:50,810 --> 00:05:52,944
- Patrick: Charlie?
- That's him. Let's go.
149
00:05:54,614 --> 00:05:56,447
( Exhales )
Okay.
150
00:05:56,449 --> 00:05:57,582
- Sean.
- Yes?
151
00:05:57,584 --> 00:05:58,816
You step one foot in that living room,
152
00:05:58,818 --> 00:06:00,979
I will give you
a wicked "hahd" beatdown.
153
00:06:03,523 --> 00:06:05,490
Hey, Patrick. Why don't you sit down
154
00:06:05,492 --> 00:06:07,693
and we'll talk about
what we're doing tonight?
155
00:06:08,661 --> 00:06:10,428
What is she doing here?
156
00:06:10,430 --> 00:06:12,964
We are going to do a little role-playing
157
00:06:12,966 --> 00:06:15,933
to help you understand why you're
blowing off this amazing opportunity.
158
00:06:15,935 --> 00:06:18,436
I'm gonna be your mother.
159
00:06:18,438 --> 00:06:21,072
Now sit up straight. You'll never
catch a man with that slouch.
160
00:06:22,142 --> 00:06:24,142
That's what my mother would say.
161
00:06:24,144 --> 00:06:25,710
My mother would never say that.
162
00:06:25,712 --> 00:06:27,578
- What would she say?
- She wouldn't.
163
00:06:27,580 --> 00:06:30,047
It's 8:30, she's already
had three glasses
164
00:06:30,049 --> 00:06:31,616
of her special vodka lime juicy
165
00:06:31,618 --> 00:06:34,719
and she's face down
on the kitchen floor.
166
00:06:34,721 --> 00:06:37,622
Well, if her not being there
for you made you feel unworthy
167
00:06:37,624 --> 00:06:39,624
and not entitled
to pursue your dream job,
168
00:06:39,626 --> 00:06:40,992
you should tell her how you feel.
169
00:06:40,994 --> 00:06:44,429
You know, there is something
I need to get off my chest.
170
00:06:44,431 --> 00:06:46,998
- Mom.
- Yes, Pattycakes?
171
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,934
I really hate role-playing.
172
00:06:49,936 --> 00:06:53,671
Charlie, the fact that I'm not
qualified for the "Vogue" job
173
00:06:53,673 --> 00:06:56,207
has absolutely nothing
to do with the fact
174
00:06:56,209 --> 00:06:57,942
that my mother thought of vodka
175
00:06:57,944 --> 00:07:00,178
as the child that never
disappointed her.
176
00:07:00,180 --> 00:07:02,180
I'm out of here.
177
00:07:02,182 --> 00:07:04,882
( Bostonian accent )
Hey, hey, you get back in here, boy,
178
00:07:04,884 --> 00:07:06,685
and you listen to your mother.
179
00:07:08,054 --> 00:07:09,887
Sorry, Charlie, as a father,
180
00:07:09,889 --> 00:07:12,056
I did the best I could.
181
00:07:12,058 --> 00:07:13,858
You can leave now.
182
00:07:13,860 --> 00:07:17,795
You still have time to make it
to "Le Petit Cat."
183
00:07:17,797 --> 00:07:19,630
Oh, damn it.
184
00:07:22,513 --> 00:07:24,012
Hey, Ed.
185
00:07:26,016 --> 00:07:28,517
- I need your help.
- All right.
186
00:07:28,519 --> 00:07:30,452
Nobody takes you serious
187
00:07:30,454 --> 00:07:32,755
because you're always
coming out of your top.
188
00:07:32,757 --> 00:07:35,090
You're welcome.
189
00:07:35,092 --> 00:07:37,092
Um, no.
190
00:07:37,094 --> 00:07:39,762
I told Sean that you would fight
him and I need you to do it.
191
00:07:39,764 --> 00:07:42,431
Oh, give me a break.
I'm not gonna fight Sean.
192
00:07:42,433 --> 00:07:43,932
He's half my age.
193
00:07:43,934 --> 00:07:45,801
And besides, I'm not gonna risk anything
194
00:07:45,803 --> 00:07:48,103
happening to my money maker.
195
00:07:48,105 --> 00:07:51,940
Come on, Ed. You're young and vital.
196
00:07:51,942 --> 00:07:53,575
And if you hit him hard enough,
197
00:07:53,577 --> 00:07:54,977
maybe you can break up
198
00:07:54,979 --> 00:07:58,140
some of those calcium
deposits in your knuckles.
199
00:07:59,150 --> 00:08:01,116
Why is this so important to you?
200
00:08:01,118 --> 00:08:03,185
The man cheated on you a year ago.
201
00:08:03,187 --> 00:08:05,888
- Just let it go.
- I can't.
202
00:08:05,890 --> 00:08:07,689
Haven't you ever been in a situation
203
00:08:07,691 --> 00:08:10,159
where somebody humiliated you
and you just keep wishing
204
00:08:10,161 --> 00:08:11,927
you could go back and get even?
205
00:08:11,929 --> 00:08:15,030
Yeah, Vietnam.
206
00:08:15,032 --> 00:08:18,167
Okay, you have Vietnam,
I have Sean cheated on me.
207
00:08:18,169 --> 00:08:20,209
We've both been through stuff.
208
00:08:21,739 --> 00:08:25,774
Look, I'd like to kick the hell
out of him, but I just can't.
209
00:08:25,776 --> 00:08:27,743
Yeah, I guess not.
210
00:08:27,745 --> 00:08:29,912
But if we both pitch in,
211
00:08:29,914 --> 00:08:32,681
we could hire somebody off of
craigslist to do it for us.
212
00:08:32,683 --> 00:08:36,552
All right, but you better
vet him carefully.
213
00:08:36,554 --> 00:08:39,188
I once hired a Korean massage girl
214
00:08:39,190 --> 00:08:42,591
from that thing for a neck rub
215
00:08:42,593 --> 00:08:44,993
and she molested me.
216
00:08:46,730 --> 00:08:48,564
I'm sorry?
217
00:08:50,534 --> 00:08:52,201
All right, before we begin,
218
00:08:52,203 --> 00:08:53,969
I believe that Cleo has an
announcement he'd like to make.
219
00:08:53,971 --> 00:08:56,104
Thank you, Charlie.
220
00:08:56,106 --> 00:08:58,807
As you all know, I recently
started a drama department.
221
00:08:58,809 --> 00:09:00,742
Everybody's always saying
I'm drama, drama, drama,
222
00:09:00,744 --> 00:09:03,512
so I started a department.
223
00:09:03,514 --> 00:09:07,616
And our opening season
is going to be Shakespeare.
224
00:09:07,618 --> 00:09:09,585
Well, that's great.
225
00:09:09,587 --> 00:09:11,720
Now, is this going
to be real Shakespeare?
226
00:09:11,722 --> 00:09:14,156
'Cause I didn't recognize some
of the titles on the flier.
227
00:09:14,158 --> 00:09:16,558
"Henry Pleads the Fifth."
228
00:09:17,595 --> 00:09:20,496
"Romeo In Joliet."
229
00:09:20,498 --> 00:09:23,732
And "As You Lick It."
230
00:09:23,734 --> 00:09:25,567
Well, that last one is a typo.
231
00:09:25,569 --> 00:09:27,536
Is should read "Ass, You Lick It."
232
00:09:30,808 --> 00:09:34,209
Anyway, I cast my first lead
in the role of Hamlet.
233
00:09:35,613 --> 00:09:38,981
So I'd like to congratulate Ernesto.
234
00:09:38,983 --> 00:09:40,983
Yes! I knew it.
235
00:09:40,985 --> 00:09:43,819
( Applauding )
236
00:09:43,821 --> 00:09:45,854
Well, you did kill your stepfather
when you were a teenager,
237
00:09:45,856 --> 00:09:47,856
so I guess it makes sense.
238
00:09:47,858 --> 00:09:49,858
Ooh, do that thing
you did at the audition
239
00:09:49,860 --> 00:09:51,661
where Hamlet stabs Claudius.
240
00:09:53,564 --> 00:09:55,664
I need a moment to center.
241
00:09:55,666 --> 00:09:57,866
( Exhales )
242
00:09:57,868 --> 00:09:59,902
Venom, to thy work.
243
00:09:59,904 --> 00:10:02,137
Pop, pop, pop!
244
00:10:02,139 --> 00:10:04,072
And stay down, bitch!
245
00:10:05,309 --> 00:10:07,150
I'm playing with the language.
246
00:10:08,606 --> 00:10:10,646
Yes, when doing Shakespeare,
one's always encouraged
247
00:10:10,648 --> 00:10:12,581
to play with the language.
248
00:10:12,583 --> 00:10:14,883
I'm serious about my acting, Charlie.
249
00:10:14,885 --> 00:10:18,253
I even asked the guards if I could
go back to the house I grew up in
250
00:10:18,255 --> 00:10:22,658
to remember those feelings
of murder and rage
251
00:10:22,660 --> 00:10:25,127
so I could better entertain people.
252
00:10:25,129 --> 00:10:27,696
Ernesto, you're a genius.
253
00:10:27,698 --> 00:10:30,599
( Chuckles )
I don't know about a genius.
254
00:10:30,601 --> 00:10:32,234
I'm talking about taking
another client of mine
255
00:10:32,236 --> 00:10:33,602
back to the house where he grew up
256
00:10:33,604 --> 00:10:35,070
so he can confront
some childhood memories.
257
00:10:35,072 --> 00:10:36,872
Ooh, so who did this person kill?
258
00:10:36,874 --> 00:10:38,807
'Cause I'm looking for
the lead in my next play,
259
00:10:38,809 --> 00:10:41,977
"Tight-Ass Andronicus."
260
00:10:41,979 --> 00:10:44,179
Yeah, I'm sure you are.
261
00:10:44,181 --> 00:10:46,048
I just got to figure out
a way to get him there.
262
00:10:46,050 --> 00:10:49,084
I got it. Just take some
chloroform and knock him out.
263
00:10:49,086 --> 00:10:52,354
Duct tape his feet to his head
and throw him in your trunk.
264
00:10:52,356 --> 00:10:55,190
Or we could spend two extra minutes
265
00:10:55,192 --> 00:10:57,593
and think of anything else.
266
00:11:00,615 --> 00:11:02,615
All right, read back what we got so far.
267
00:11:02,617 --> 00:11:04,551
Okay. "Looking for a man"
268
00:11:04,553 --> 00:11:07,120
to severely beat
our therapist's friend."
269
00:11:07,122 --> 00:11:08,621
Sound good?
270
00:11:08,623 --> 00:11:11,791
No! We're both gonna go to jail.
271
00:11:11,793 --> 00:11:13,793
You've got to be more cryptic.
272
00:11:13,795 --> 00:11:16,129
I'll put severely beat in quotes.
273
00:11:16,131 --> 00:11:18,198
That can mean anything.
274
00:11:18,200 --> 00:11:20,300
You are "dumb as a post."
275
00:11:20,302 --> 00:11:22,435
I put dumb as a post in quotes,
276
00:11:22,437 --> 00:11:25,472
but you're still dumb as a post.
277
00:11:25,474 --> 00:11:28,741
You can't put an ad like that online.
278
00:11:28,743 --> 00:11:30,877
Why not? This is America.
279
00:11:30,879 --> 00:11:33,146
We have, like, freedom of speech.
280
00:11:33,148 --> 00:11:34,848
The only thing you're not
allowed to say is fire
281
00:11:34,850 --> 00:11:36,683
in a crowded theater.
282
00:11:36,685 --> 00:11:39,819
Which is stupid because
what if there's a fire
283
00:11:39,821 --> 00:11:43,356
or the movie is about fire?
284
00:11:43,358 --> 00:11:47,427
Damn it, you just gave me a
reason why we can't do this.
285
00:11:47,429 --> 00:11:49,462
No, it's okay. I took out the part
286
00:11:49,464 --> 00:11:52,432
where I said I was going
to light him on fire.
287
00:11:52,434 --> 00:11:54,400
I'm just saying this is America
288
00:11:54,402 --> 00:11:56,903
and Sean has a right to say
anything he wants to say,
289
00:11:56,905 --> 00:11:59,539
even if it trashes our country.
290
00:12:03,378 --> 00:12:05,378
But he cheated on me, Ed.
291
00:12:05,380 --> 00:12:06,846
Isn't that un-American?
292
00:12:06,848 --> 00:12:11,151
No, that's as American as it gets.
293
00:12:11,153 --> 00:12:14,854
I mean, he had something
good and wanted more.
294
00:12:14,856 --> 00:12:17,690
That's the American dream.
295
00:12:17,692 --> 00:12:21,528
Wait, did you just say
I was something good?
296
00:12:21,530 --> 00:12:24,497
Well, I've been drinking
a lot of these IPAs.
297
00:12:24,499 --> 00:12:26,900
Must have got to me.
298
00:12:26,902 --> 00:12:29,402
Come on, did you really mean it?
299
00:12:29,404 --> 00:12:31,671
Well, sure.
300
00:12:31,673 --> 00:12:35,708
I don't know why you're wasting
another second on this imbecile.
301
00:12:35,710 --> 00:12:38,778
You are a strong-willed spitfire.
302
00:12:38,780 --> 00:12:41,447
You deserve a lot more. Just move on.
303
00:12:41,449 --> 00:12:43,783
I don't know what that means,
304
00:12:43,785 --> 00:12:47,420
but I feel like it's the nicest
thing you've ever said to me.
305
00:12:47,422 --> 00:12:48,955
It is.
306
00:12:48,957 --> 00:12:50,490
But don't tell anybody.
307
00:12:52,794 --> 00:12:54,561
This is weird, Charlie.
308
00:12:54,563 --> 00:12:57,197
Well, I felt bad about
sandbagging you the other night
309
00:12:57,199 --> 00:12:58,498
with the whole role-playing thing,
310
00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,466
so I thought, what the
hell, I'll hire a limo
311
00:13:00,468 --> 00:13:02,235
and take you to see "Book of Mormon."
312
00:13:02,237 --> 00:13:04,737
You know, people always
think I'm a Mormon.
313
00:13:04,739 --> 00:13:06,739
They're always saying, "Watch
where you're going, you Mormon."
314
00:13:06,741 --> 00:13:08,775
Don't eat that, you Mormon."
315
00:13:08,777 --> 00:13:10,510
They're not saying Mormon.
316
00:13:10,512 --> 00:13:13,646
They're saying moron, you moron.
317
00:13:13,648 --> 00:13:17,383
You mean I could have eaten, then?
318
00:13:17,385 --> 00:13:19,552
I don't know. I'm sorry.
This feels like a trick.
319
00:13:19,554 --> 00:13:21,521
I got to tell you, I'm a
little offended by that.
320
00:13:21,523 --> 00:13:23,523
Okay, we're here.
321
00:13:23,525 --> 00:13:25,558
Wait, this...
322
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:27,493
this is where I grew up.
323
00:13:27,495 --> 00:13:29,762
Okay, it was a trick.
324
00:13:29,764 --> 00:13:33,633
"The Book of Mormon"
tickets are for tomorrow.
325
00:13:33,635 --> 00:13:35,702
It's at Eagle Rock High.
326
00:13:35,704 --> 00:13:37,370
It starts at 7:00.
327
00:13:37,372 --> 00:13:39,839
Or whenever they get
the volleyball net down.
328
00:13:39,841 --> 00:13:41,975
What do you think I'm gonna do?
329
00:13:41,977 --> 00:13:44,744
Go in there and have some big catharsis?
330
00:13:44,746 --> 00:13:46,846
Well, forget it. It's just a house.
331
00:13:46,848 --> 00:13:49,349
It has no meaning to me whatsoever.
332
00:13:49,351 --> 00:13:50,583
Well, then there's
no reason to avoid it.
333
00:13:50,585 --> 00:13:52,685
Let's just go in there and check it out.
334
00:13:52,687 --> 00:13:55,488
I can't right now because I've
forgotten how to breathe.
335
00:13:55,490 --> 00:13:57,557
Okay. Okay, relax, Patrick.
336
00:13:57,559 --> 00:14:00,293
You're having a panic attack.
Think of a happy place.
337
00:14:00,295 --> 00:14:02,495
"The Book of Mormon."
338
00:14:02,497 --> 00:14:04,931
A professional production.
339
00:14:04,933 --> 00:14:08,768
Another happy place under $300.
340
00:14:08,770 --> 00:14:10,403
Nolan, you got any booze in here?
341
00:14:10,405 --> 00:14:12,572
No. The last guy drank it all.
342
00:14:12,574 --> 00:14:15,475
And don't ask me who it was,
Mr. DiCaprio,
343
00:14:15,477 --> 00:14:17,718
because I'm not allowed to say
who my clients are.
344
00:14:18,980 --> 00:14:21,547
Damn it.
345
00:14:21,549 --> 00:14:23,549
I can't catch my breath.
346
00:14:23,551 --> 00:14:25,918
I'm gonna die 30 feet away
from where I grew up.
347
00:14:25,920 --> 00:14:28,454
I've done nothing with my life.
348
00:14:28,456 --> 00:14:31,691
Patrick, relax. This feeling
is not going to last forever.
349
00:14:31,693 --> 00:14:35,395
Especially if you take
a couple hits off of this.
350
00:14:35,397 --> 00:14:37,897
Nolan, I am not going to get
one of my patients high.
351
00:14:37,899 --> 00:14:39,432
You give it to him.
352
00:14:42,504 --> 00:14:44,370
Whoa, before he hits that thing,
353
00:14:44,372 --> 00:14:46,005
just how strong is this stuff, Nolan?
354
00:14:46,007 --> 00:14:48,341
Well, it's called OG Kush.
355
00:14:48,343 --> 00:14:50,310
And he's gonna feel some euphoria
356
00:14:50,312 --> 00:14:52,845
along with a decrease
in stress and anxiety.
357
00:14:52,847 --> 00:14:55,348
Oh, cool. Go for it.
358
00:14:55,350 --> 00:14:58,618
Possibly followed
by some hallucinations.
359
00:14:58,620 --> 00:15:00,320
No, no, stop, Patrick, stop.
360
00:15:00,322 --> 00:15:02,021
Too late.
( Coughs )
361
00:15:07,233 --> 00:15:08,599
( Exhales )
362
00:15:08,601 --> 00:15:09,867
All right, let's do this.
363
00:15:09,869 --> 00:15:11,401
You feel okay to go in?
364
00:15:11,403 --> 00:15:14,605
You've asked me that, like, 30 times.
365
00:15:14,607 --> 00:15:16,507
That's the first time
I've asked you that.
366
00:15:16,509 --> 00:15:20,277
Why are you so obsessed
with who is first and last?
367
00:15:20,279 --> 00:15:23,180
It is not a race. Let's just be.
368
00:15:24,416 --> 00:15:26,617
( Doorbell rings )
369
00:15:26,619 --> 00:15:28,152
Can I help you?
370
00:15:28,154 --> 00:15:30,721
Yeah, hi, I'm Charlie.
This is my friend Patrick.
371
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:33,289
He used to live here and he'd love
to come in and take a look around.
372
00:15:33,292 --> 00:15:35,526
He's trying to cope
with a devastating loss.
373
00:15:35,528 --> 00:15:39,296
It's true. I was supposed to
be at "The Book of Mormon."
374
00:15:40,866 --> 00:15:42,733
Look, I got things to do
375
00:15:42,735 --> 00:15:45,769
and I don't have all day for
him to look around my house.
376
00:15:45,771 --> 00:15:49,206
But if you want to come in
for a minute, that's fine.
377
00:15:49,208 --> 00:15:51,175
Thank you so much.
378
00:15:51,177 --> 00:15:53,177
Your top is really freaking me out.
379
00:15:56,882 --> 00:15:58,815
Can I get either of you
a glass of water?
380
00:15:58,817 --> 00:16:00,817
That would be great. Thank you.
381
00:16:03,589 --> 00:16:06,423
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
382
00:16:06,425 --> 00:16:07,824
Okay. Okay.
383
00:16:07,826 --> 00:16:09,893
You're having an emotional
reaction to your surroundings.
384
00:16:09,895 --> 00:16:11,361
Tell me what you're feeling.
385
00:16:11,363 --> 00:16:13,897
This couch is terrible.
386
00:16:13,899 --> 00:16:17,634
It doesn't match anything.
It's too big for the room.
387
00:16:17,636 --> 00:16:20,637
I think that woman is crazy.
Do not drink the water.
388
00:16:21,707 --> 00:16:24,341
Patrick, it's okay.
389
00:16:24,343 --> 00:16:26,476
It's just weird being in your
childhood home when you're high.
390
00:16:26,478 --> 00:16:28,878
And I'd know. That was the
first 18 years of my life.
391
00:16:30,549 --> 00:16:32,616
- Here we go.
- Thank you.
392
00:16:32,618 --> 00:16:35,219
If you set it down, there's
a coaster on the table.
393
00:16:35,221 --> 00:16:37,521
Oh, really? I need to use a coaster
394
00:16:37,523 --> 00:16:38,755
when I put a glass on a table?
395
00:16:38,757 --> 00:16:40,857
I had no idea because I'm stupid!
396
00:16:40,859 --> 00:16:43,594
She would never tell Carl
to use a coaster.
397
00:16:43,596 --> 00:16:45,362
He's the smart one.
398
00:16:45,364 --> 00:16:47,631
I'm gonna go to the window
and look at the squirrels.
399
00:16:47,633 --> 00:16:49,566
Maybe I'll learn something.
400
00:16:51,370 --> 00:16:55,372
What is he talking about?
Who the hell is Carl?
401
00:16:55,374 --> 00:16:58,842
I have a gun. Don't think I'm
not strapped in my own house.
402
00:17:00,379 --> 00:17:02,913
Carl is his brother.
He's on a mild sedative
403
00:17:02,915 --> 00:17:04,548
and I think he's imagining
that he's a kid again
404
00:17:04,550 --> 00:17:05,882
and that you're his mom.
405
00:17:05,884 --> 00:17:09,753
He thinks I'm his mom? Has he seen me?
406
00:17:09,755 --> 00:17:11,955
Mild sedative, my ass.
407
00:17:11,957 --> 00:17:13,890
That boy is tripping.
408
00:17:13,892 --> 00:17:15,859
Please, just give usa couple of minutes.
409
00:17:15,861 --> 00:17:17,527
I'll make sure he uses a coaster.
410
00:17:17,529 --> 00:17:20,609
I'll tell him it's a tiny
table for his water.
411
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,333
Okay, fine.
412
00:17:23,335 --> 00:17:25,302
I'm gonna give you two more minutes,
413
00:17:25,304 --> 00:17:28,005
and then I'm gonna shoot you both.
414
00:17:28,007 --> 00:17:29,773
Fair enough.
415
00:17:38,684 --> 00:17:40,851
Hey, bro.
416
00:17:40,853 --> 00:17:43,320
It's Carl, your brother.
417
00:17:43,322 --> 00:17:45,522
What's up with Mom
undermining your confidence
418
00:17:45,524 --> 00:17:47,724
by saying that I'm the smart one?
419
00:17:47,726 --> 00:17:50,394
Charlie, stop it. You're scaring me.
420
00:17:50,396 --> 00:17:52,062
I'm sorry. I thought that
by playing your brother,
421
00:17:52,064 --> 00:17:53,497
I'd get you to open up even more.
422
00:17:53,499 --> 00:17:56,767
I knew what you were doing.
I'm not stupid.
423
00:17:56,769 --> 00:17:58,502
God! Take Mom's side!
424
00:18:00,773 --> 00:18:02,673
Mom's side?
425
00:18:02,675 --> 00:18:06,410
So right now I'm your...
426
00:18:06,412 --> 00:18:09,046
Therapist.
427
00:18:09,048 --> 00:18:11,982
Charlie, if you can't
figure out who you are,
428
00:18:11,984 --> 00:18:14,651
I shouldn't be under your care.
429
00:18:14,653 --> 00:18:16,520
Okay, look, we've only got a minute.
430
00:18:16,522 --> 00:18:18,789
I think I heard Mom loading
a gun in the other room.
431
00:18:18,791 --> 00:18:21,558
The reason you're avoiding
this interview with "Vogue"
432
00:18:21,560 --> 00:18:23,093
is because your mother made you
feel like you're the dumb one.
433
00:18:23,095 --> 00:18:25,529
Yeah, but she complimented me, too.
434
00:18:25,531 --> 00:18:27,531
She said I was the pretty one.
435
00:18:27,533 --> 00:18:29,800
Patrick, you can be
good-looking and smart.
436
00:18:29,802 --> 00:18:32,336
I mean, hello.
437
00:18:32,338 --> 00:18:34,004
I don't know.
438
00:18:34,006 --> 00:18:35,972
You can get this job.
You are smart enough
439
00:18:35,974 --> 00:18:38,975
to write about shoes and purses.
440
00:18:38,977 --> 00:18:41,978
I swear that was meant as a compliment.
441
00:18:41,980 --> 00:18:44,648
- Do you really think so?
- Absolutely.
442
00:18:44,650 --> 00:18:47,771
Now let's get the hell out of here.
I forgot to use a coaster.
443
00:18:50,522 --> 00:18:53,023
Lacey. Ed.
444
00:18:53,025 --> 00:18:54,858
Want to tell me why you both look
445
00:18:54,860 --> 00:18:56,927
so incredibly hungover?
446
00:18:56,929 --> 00:19:00,931
Probably because
we're incredibly hungover.
447
00:19:00,933 --> 00:19:04,067
He came over to my house last
night and we had a few drinks.
448
00:19:04,069 --> 00:19:06,470
No! This is my nightmare.
449
00:19:06,472 --> 00:19:08,438
I am living my nightmare.
450
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,140
All this "will they, won't they" tension
451
00:19:10,142 --> 00:19:12,876
year after year
has finally come to this?
452
00:19:12,878 --> 00:19:15,011
Relax, idiot.
453
00:19:15,013 --> 00:19:17,748
We just talked all night
and had a few drinks.
454
00:19:17,750 --> 00:19:20,016
Oh, my God, it's worse than I thought.
455
00:19:20,018 --> 00:19:22,052
If it was just physical,
I could look the other way.
456
00:19:22,054 --> 00:19:25,489
But, no, it's a connection.
457
00:19:25,491 --> 00:19:28,458
Nolan, Nolan, as entertaining as it is
458
00:19:28,460 --> 00:19:31,995
for me to let you believe
that Ed is Lacey's boo...
459
00:19:33,432 --> 00:19:36,666
you don't have anything to worry about.
460
00:19:36,668 --> 00:19:40,137
That said, what were
you guys doing last night?
461
00:19:40,139 --> 00:19:42,906
Well, I was having a few beers
462
00:19:42,908 --> 00:19:45,842
and she was going on and on
about old boyfriends
463
00:19:45,844 --> 00:19:48,512
and fears and anxieties.
464
00:19:48,514 --> 00:19:51,481
You never talk about
any of that stuff in here.
465
00:19:51,483 --> 00:19:54,851
That's your fault.
You never let me drink.
466
00:19:54,853 --> 00:19:57,954
Because the last time I let you, you
stabbed Nolan with a nail file.
467
00:19:57,956 --> 00:20:00,123
And the time before that
you stabbed him with a...
468
00:20:00,125 --> 00:20:03,005
you know what? I am not
gonna have this talk again.
469
00:20:03,896 --> 00:20:06,029
Hey. There he is.
470
00:20:06,031 --> 00:20:08,131
So, how'd the interview go?
471
00:20:08,133 --> 00:20:10,133
Fantastic. I crushed it.
472
00:20:10,135 --> 00:20:11,868
Well, that's great.
473
00:20:11,870 --> 00:20:15,472
Yup. They basically offered me
the job in the room.
474
00:20:15,474 --> 00:20:18,875
Hence the euphoria
and uncontrollable dancing.
475
00:20:18,877 --> 00:20:20,777
There was just one condition.
476
00:20:20,779 --> 00:20:22,479
I had to take a drug test.
477
00:20:22,481 --> 00:20:24,581
Oh, that's a problem.
478
00:20:24,583 --> 00:20:27,484
THC stays in the system
for up to six days.
479
00:20:27,486 --> 00:20:29,786
I know that now, thank you very much.
480
00:20:29,788 --> 00:20:31,588
You seem a little tense.
481
00:20:31,590 --> 00:20:33,056
I know what you need.
482
00:20:34,193 --> 00:20:36,793
I will kill you, Nolan.
483
00:20:36,795 --> 00:20:39,062
Look, Patrick, don't get too down.
484
00:20:39,064 --> 00:20:42,032
Once in a lifetime
opportunities like that
485
00:20:42,034 --> 00:20:44,801
happen all the time.
486
00:20:46,672 --> 00:20:49,206
Charlie, you have an ice pack?
487
00:20:49,208 --> 00:20:51,808
Yeah, in the kitchen.
What the hell happened to you?
488
00:20:51,810 --> 00:20:53,643
( Sighs )
489
00:20:53,645 --> 00:20:56,947
I was leaving the club
and some guy came up to me
490
00:20:56,949 --> 00:21:00,110
and told me he was from craigslist
and he punched me in the face.
491
00:21:03,689 --> 00:21:06,089
Okay, so just what did you guys do?
492
00:21:06,091 --> 00:21:08,525
Uh, nothing.
493
00:21:08,527 --> 00:21:10,727
But it is possible
that when I blacked out
494
00:21:10,729 --> 00:21:12,863
my face hit the keyboard
and I hit enter.
495
00:21:14,600 --> 00:21:16,666
God bless America.
496
00:21:16,995 --> 00:21:21,995
Sync and corrections by addic7ed.com
497
00:21:22,045 --> 00:21:26,595
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
37556
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.