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1
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Boy, the way Glenn Miller played
2
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Songs that made the hit parade
3
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Guys like us, we had it made
4
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Those were the days
5
00:00:14,734 --> 00:00:18,701
And you knew where you were then
6
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Girls were girls, and men were men
7
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Mister, we could use a man
like Herbert Hoover again
8
00:00:26,934 --> 00:00:30,467
Didn't need no welfare state
9
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Everybody pulled his weight
10
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Gee, our old LaSalle ran great
11
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Those were the days
12
00:00:47,567 --> 00:00:48,834
I don't know. This here
partnership insurance
13
00:00:48,834 --> 00:00:50,334
costs an arm and a leg.
14
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Yeah, but it protects you both in case,
15
00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:54,501
God forbid, you should--
16
00:00:54,501 --> 00:00:57,501
in case something should
happen to either one of you.
17
00:00:59,868 --> 00:01:03,501
What you mean is one of us gets 50 grand
18
00:01:03,501 --> 00:01:06,534
if the other one kicks the bucket.
19
00:01:06,534 --> 00:01:09,934
No. What I mean is in case, God forbid,
20
00:01:09,934 --> 00:01:13,667
either one of you should, uh, uh...
21
00:01:13,667 --> 00:01:15,801
Die!
22
00:01:16,934 --> 00:01:18,400
Why the hell is it so hard
23
00:01:18,400 --> 00:01:21,901
for youse insurance guys to say die?
24
00:01:21,901 --> 00:01:25,834
Because if someone dies,
they got to pay off.
25
00:01:25,834 --> 00:01:27,133
- Right? - Ohh.
26
00:01:27,133 --> 00:01:28,767
No, no, no, no. That's not the reason.
27
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Our company would be very happy to pay off.
28
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Yeah, God forbid.
29
00:01:34,100 --> 00:01:37,767
Listen, why don't you guys
fill out the application,
30
00:01:37,767 --> 00:01:39,467
sign 'em, and bring 'em around
31
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,167
with your checks tomorrow morning, huh?
32
00:01:41,167 --> 00:01:43,467
Hey, Mr. Stanley, when will we know?
33
00:01:43,467 --> 00:01:45,801
Uh, I'll see you right after your physical.
34
00:01:45,801 --> 00:01:48,133
Okay, all right. Thanks a lot, Mr. Stanley.
35
00:01:48,133 --> 00:01:52,267
In the meantime, whatever you do,
36
00:01:52,267 --> 00:01:54,968
don't let anything happen to ya.
37
00:01:54,968 --> 00:01:56,000
God forbid.
38
00:01:58,467 --> 00:02:01,067
What he means is don't drop dead
39
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before he collects his commission.
40
00:02:04,634 --> 00:02:05,701
Want a beer?
41
00:02:05,701 --> 00:02:07,300
No. I never drink beer
42
00:02:10,434 --> 00:02:13,300
Well, when I give the doctor my specimen,
43
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:15,400
I don't want it to have a head on.
44
00:02:19,033 --> 00:02:20,367
Now here we go.
45
00:02:20,367 --> 00:02:23,067
"Did you ever have ulcer, gall bladder,
46
00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:26,367
"colitis, hepatitis, stones or infection,
47
00:02:26,367 --> 00:02:29,567
epilepsy, convulsion, cancer,"
48
00:02:29,567 --> 00:02:33,601
uh, "cysts, skin disorder, or allergy?"
49
00:02:33,601 --> 00:02:34,934
Do I have any of them?
50
00:02:34,934 --> 00:02:36,901
No!
51
00:02:36,901 --> 00:02:38,567
Well, now, "Did you ever have--"
52
00:02:38,567 --> 00:02:39,901
Uhhn-uhhn.
53
00:02:39,901 --> 00:02:43,968
Holy cow, look at the way
they spell "hemorrhoods."
54
00:02:43,968 --> 00:02:49,000
Two "H's," two "M's," and two "R's."
55
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Geez, it looks as bad as it feels.
56
00:03:00,934 --> 00:03:02,701
Mmm...
57
00:03:05,467 --> 00:03:09,267
Sure, do anything you want.
58
00:03:10,601 --> 00:03:12,400
EDITH: Archie!
59
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,801
Time to get up!
60
00:03:14,801 --> 00:03:16,567
Wake up, wake up, wake up!
61
00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:19,100
- It's 9:00! - Aah!
62
00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:21,100
Gee, Edith, don't yell!
63
00:03:21,100 --> 00:03:23,400
I don't have to be down
to the saloon till 1!
64
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:26,868
Come on, you gotta take your physical.
65
00:03:26,868 --> 00:03:29,267
- She's hittin' me here! - Come on!
66
00:03:29,267 --> 00:03:33,200
It was right in the middle
of Alice Faye again.
67
00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:39,167
Archie, you got to go to the bathroom
68
00:03:39,167 --> 00:03:41,801
I know that, Edith.
69
00:03:41,801 --> 00:03:43,934
I don't got to go bad.
70
00:03:43,934 --> 00:03:46,200
No, don't go back to sleep! Now, come on.
71
00:03:46,200 --> 00:03:49,133
Stop tickling. You want
me to go in the bed?
72
00:03:49,133 --> 00:03:51,000
No!
73
00:03:54,501 --> 00:03:57,801
See? I brought you a nice mayonnaise jar.
74
00:04:00,467 --> 00:04:02,200
Whatever for?
75
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,667
Well, you know.
76
00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:07,000
See? I left the label on it
77
00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:09,167
so people won't know.
78
00:04:10,434 --> 00:04:13,701
Edith, when you go for an
insurance physical exam,
79
00:04:13,701 --> 00:04:15,834
you don't take it with ya.
80
00:04:15,834 --> 00:04:17,968
You make it there.
81
00:04:17,968 --> 00:04:20,734
Oh, why is that?
82
00:04:20,734 --> 00:04:24,367
Well, in the first place, they want fresh.
83
00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:26,100
Oh.
84
00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,167
And then it keeps people
from cheatin', you know?
85
00:04:33,167 --> 00:04:36,634
I mean, a guy could take his
best pal's mayonnaise jar.
86
00:04:36,634 --> 00:04:38,400
You follow me?
87
00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:39,968
Oh...
88
00:04:39,968 --> 00:04:41,601
Oh...
89
00:04:41,601 --> 00:04:43,968
Geez, I hate goin' to any doctor.
90
00:04:43,968 --> 00:04:46,467
Oh, Archie, you'll be all right.
91
00:04:46,467 --> 00:04:50,834
You're gonna pass the test
'cause you're in good health.
92
00:04:50,834 --> 00:04:53,033
You eat like a horse,
93
00:04:53,033 --> 00:04:55,667
and your blood pressure is down,
94
00:04:55,667 --> 00:04:59,267
and your gall bladder
don't bother ya no more.
95
00:04:59,267 --> 00:05:01,200
Well, it shouldn't, Edith.
96
00:05:01,200 --> 00:05:04,067
They ripped it outta me two years ago.
97
00:05:04,067 --> 00:05:07,734
Oh, that's right!
98
00:05:07,734 --> 00:05:10,968
Geez, help me, Lord.
99
00:05:34,734 --> 00:05:36,868
Hey, Harry, I don't like to say nothin',
100
00:05:36,868 --> 00:05:39,000
- but that is the third shot-- - Fourth!
101
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:42,334
...fourth shot of bourbon you
took in the last three minutes.
102
00:05:42,334 --> 00:05:44,434
I can't help it, Arch. I'm nervous.
103
00:05:44,434 --> 00:05:46,667
When are we gonna hear the
results of the physical?
104
00:05:46,667 --> 00:05:48,567
Hey, fellas, what's this all about?
105
00:05:48,567 --> 00:05:50,734
BOTH: Mind your own business.
106
00:05:52,634 --> 00:05:54,100
Now, wait a minute, wait a minute.
107
00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:55,400
Please, huh?
108
00:05:55,400 --> 00:05:57,367
If you're gonna drink yourself to death,
109
00:05:57,367 --> 00:05:59,634
wait till after we get
the insurance policy,
110
00:05:59,634 --> 00:06:01,868
so I can cash in on ya.
111
00:06:03,767 --> 00:06:06,367
Oh, partnership insurance.
Hey, that's a good--
112
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:08,000
BOTH: Shut up.
113
00:06:09,734 --> 00:06:11,367
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
114
00:06:11,367 --> 00:06:13,868
Ah, at last, Mr. Stanley.
115
00:06:13,868 --> 00:06:16,200
Hey, how are you? Mr. Bunker, Mr. Snowden.
116
00:06:16,200 --> 00:06:18,167
- I got some great news for all of us.
- Have you, really?
117
00:06:18,167 --> 00:06:20,300
Everything is fine
. Everything is wonderful.
118
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There is just one little problem.
119
00:06:22,834 --> 00:06:24,167
- What? What? - What?
120
00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:26,167
Shut up, shut up. What? What?
121
00:06:26,167 --> 00:06:29,200
Well, the doctor found
something he didn't like
122
00:06:29,200 --> 00:06:30,934
on one of the X-rays.
123
00:06:30,934 --> 00:06:33,968
Oh, Harry. Oh, geez.
124
00:06:33,968 --> 00:06:35,501
Take it easy, Mr. Snowden.
125
00:06:35,501 --> 00:06:37,667
Yeah, take it easy, Harry. Yeah.
126
00:06:37,667 --> 00:06:39,567
'Cause you're not the one with the problem.
127
00:06:39,567 --> 00:06:41,834
See? You're not even the
one with the problem.
128
00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:54,701
What is the problem?
129
00:06:54,701 --> 00:06:56,234
Nothing. Nothing to worry about.
130
00:06:56,234 --> 00:06:58,234
- What is it? - It's really nothing.
131
00:06:58,234 --> 00:07:00,267
What is it?
132
00:07:00,267 --> 00:07:02,067
Well, look,
133
00:07:02,067 --> 00:07:04,868
the doc says he saw a little thing
134
00:07:04,868 --> 00:07:07,067
that showed up on your X-ray.
135
00:07:07,067 --> 00:07:10,234
Now, it could be a smudge or a shadow.
136
00:07:10,234 --> 00:07:12,868
Maybe a fly got on the lens.
137
00:07:15,434 --> 00:07:19,200
Or it could be a little spot on your liver.
138
00:07:19,200 --> 00:07:20,868
- A spot--? - Now, don't be upset
139
00:07:20,868 --> 00:07:23,367
because a lot of spots are
not--are not malignant.
140
00:07:23,367 --> 00:07:25,734
I mean, and even if it is, God forbid,
141
00:07:25,734 --> 00:07:27,634
it could still be treated.
142
00:07:27,634 --> 00:07:28,834
BOTH: Yeah!
143
00:07:28,834 --> 00:07:31,901
Unless it's too far gone.
144
00:07:31,901 --> 00:07:33,601
BOTH: Oh.
145
00:07:33,601 --> 00:07:35,300
Then you can have an operation.
146
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:36,434
BOTH: Yeah!
147
00:07:36,434 --> 00:07:39,701
Unless it's too far gone.
148
00:07:39,701 --> 00:07:41,701
BOTH: Oh.
149
00:07:41,701 --> 00:07:42,934
Hey, wait a minute.
150
00:07:42,934 --> 00:07:44,667
What about a liver transplant?
151
00:07:44,667 --> 00:07:45,667
Yeah!
152
00:07:45,667 --> 00:07:47,367
They don't do that yet.
153
00:07:47,367 --> 00:07:49,934
They don't do that yet?
154
00:07:49,934 --> 00:07:51,000
What are you talking about?
155
00:07:51,000 --> 00:07:52,767
They do all kinds of things today.
156
00:07:52,767 --> 00:07:54,033
They can do anything.
157
00:07:54,033 --> 00:07:55,300
I mean, they can move anything.
158
00:07:55,300 --> 00:07:56,634
They can change anything.
159
00:07:56,634 --> 00:07:57,934
They can change your face.
160
00:07:57,934 --> 00:07:59,634
They can change your plumbing.
161
00:07:59,634 --> 00:08:02,634
They changed a woman into a man.
162
00:08:02,634 --> 00:08:04,133
They changed a man into a woman
163
00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:05,901
into a tennis player.
164
00:08:05,901 --> 00:08:08,300
The other day, look what they done.
165
00:08:08,300 --> 00:08:12,133
They made a baby in a
shot glass or something.
166
00:08:12,133 --> 00:08:16,300
Yeah, it's what they call
artificial separation.
167
00:08:16,300 --> 00:08:18,834
So why the hell can't they transplant
168
00:08:18,834 --> 00:08:20,968
one lousy liver there?
169
00:08:20,968 --> 00:08:24,934
Or at least invent a spot remover.
170
00:08:24,934 --> 00:08:26,133
Come on, Stanley,
171
00:08:26,133 --> 00:08:29,868
what the hell are we paying our taxes for?
172
00:08:29,868 --> 00:08:31,400
Mr. Bunker,
173
00:08:31,400 --> 00:08:34,534
don't jump to conclusions
before we double check.
174
00:08:34,534 --> 00:08:37,334
Now, I've arranged an appointment
for more tests tomorrow.
175
00:08:37,334 --> 00:08:39,133
- Same place-- - ARCHIE: Oh...
176
00:08:39,133 --> 00:08:40,400
same place at 9:00.
177
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:41,968
And until then, all we can do
178
00:08:41,968 --> 00:08:43,534
is to keep our fingers crossed.
179
00:08:43,534 --> 00:08:45,167
And let's look at it this way.
180
00:08:45,167 --> 00:08:48,501
Even if the worst thing
happens, God forbid,
181
00:08:48,501 --> 00:08:51,868
you're still way ahead of the game.
182
00:08:51,868 --> 00:08:52,968
How?
183
00:08:52,968 --> 00:08:55,467
Well, a guy gets a heart attack
184
00:08:55,467 --> 00:08:57,701
or a stroke, he goes like that.
185
00:08:57,701 --> 00:09:00,000
I've seen that, yeah.
186
00:09:00,000 --> 00:09:03,267
This way, you got time to plan for the end,
187
00:09:03,267 --> 00:09:05,634
straighten out your affairs,
188
00:09:05,634 --> 00:09:07,501
settle things with your loved ones.
189
00:09:07,501 --> 00:09:09,434
I can't even tell 'em.
190
00:09:09,434 --> 00:09:11,701
Settle accounts with your friends.
191
00:09:11,701 --> 00:09:13,434
They owe me.
192
00:09:14,801 --> 00:09:17,067
I gotta be going.
193
00:09:17,067 --> 00:09:19,667
I'll see ya. I'll see you
around, Mr. Snowden.
194
00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:20,667
And, Bunker...
195
00:09:20,667 --> 00:09:22,133
Yeah?
196
00:09:53,033 --> 00:09:55,033
Oh, geez.
197
00:09:56,701 --> 00:09:58,634
[HUMMING]
198
00:10:20,267 --> 00:10:22,000
Hi, Edith.
199
00:10:22,000 --> 00:10:25,367
Ain't that funny?
200
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:30,801
I knew there was something
wrong in this room.
201
00:10:30,801 --> 00:10:33,834
So I turned around,
202
00:10:33,834 --> 00:10:38,000
and there you was.
203
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,901
Oh, well, what are you doing home so early?
204
00:10:41,901 --> 00:10:44,067
Oh, I just wanted to run home
205
00:10:44,067 --> 00:10:46,534
and give you a little
something, that's all.
206
00:10:46,534 --> 00:10:49,133
- Oh... - Yeah.
207
00:10:49,133 --> 00:10:52,133
[GASP] Oh, Archie!
208
00:10:52,133 --> 00:10:53,801
Chocolate!
209
00:10:53,801 --> 00:10:55,601
- Hah? - Ohh!
210
00:10:55,601 --> 00:10:56,968
Wait a minute, Edith.
211
00:10:56,968 --> 00:10:59,734
Just, uh--move your--
212
00:10:59,734 --> 00:11:00,968
Yeah, a little bit there.
213
00:11:00,968 --> 00:11:02,868
Yeah, now...
214
00:11:02,868 --> 00:11:03,868
Oh, thank you.
215
00:11:03,868 --> 00:11:05,734
Wait, wait. We can't--
216
00:11:05,734 --> 00:11:07,601
Where's what's-her-name, huh?
217
00:11:07,601 --> 00:11:09,367
- Stephanie? - Yeah, whatever.
218
00:11:09,367 --> 00:11:13,033
She's upstairs watching TV
and doing her homework.
219
00:11:13,033 --> 00:11:14,434
Oh, well, leave her there then.
220
00:11:14,434 --> 00:11:16,567
Ohh. Look, what is this for?
221
00:11:16,567 --> 00:11:17,701
Ohh...
222
00:11:17,701 --> 00:11:21,100
You got a good report from the doctor.
223
00:11:22,300 --> 00:11:24,634
Oh, I got a report from
the doctor all right.
224
00:11:24,634 --> 00:11:25,734
Ohh.
225
00:11:25,734 --> 00:11:27,400
Yeah, but go on, open the box, huh?
226
00:11:27,400 --> 00:11:28,501
Go ahead, go ahead.
227
00:11:28,501 --> 00:11:30,067
Let's live it up, huh?
228
00:11:30,067 --> 00:11:31,067
[GIGGLING]
229
00:11:31,067 --> 00:11:32,534
'Cause you know the old saying,
230
00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:34,467
"Eat, drink, and be married
231
00:11:34,467 --> 00:11:36,434
'cause tomorrow we're dead."
232
00:11:36,434 --> 00:11:40,133
Ohh. I know another saying.
233
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:42,567
We don't need no other saying.
234
00:11:42,567 --> 00:11:46,033
Today is the tomorrow
235
00:11:46,033 --> 00:11:49,133
that we worried about yesterday.
236
00:11:49,133 --> 00:11:50,133
- Oh. - Ah, yeah.
237
00:11:50,133 --> 00:11:51,234
That was from...
238
00:11:51,234 --> 00:11:52,501
BOTH: The Reader's Digest.
239
00:11:52,501 --> 00:11:54,901
- Ohh! - Ah, ha!
240
00:11:54,901 --> 00:11:56,601
Here, you can have one piece.
241
00:11:56,601 --> 00:11:58,934
Oh, no, no! You first, honey.
242
00:11:58,934 --> 00:12:01,067
- Oh, thank you. - There. Go ahead.
243
00:12:01,067 --> 00:12:02,367
Ah...
244
00:12:02,367 --> 00:12:04,133
- Mmm! - Huh?
245
00:12:04,133 --> 00:12:05,667
Huh? Yeah.
246
00:12:05,667 --> 00:12:07,934
- Mmm. - Yeah. Oh, yeah.
247
00:12:07,934 --> 00:12:09,467
Hah?
248
00:12:09,467 --> 00:12:12,267
Oh, never put a half of
one back in there, Edith.
249
00:12:12,267 --> 00:12:14,100
No, no. Go ahead. No, no.
250
00:12:14,100 --> 00:12:16,968
You do whatever you want, darling.
251
00:12:16,968 --> 00:12:18,267
Oh, mmm.
252
00:12:18,267 --> 00:12:20,167
- Anything you want. - Mmm!
253
00:12:20,167 --> 00:12:22,534
But don't do it too much, see?
254
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,133
I don't want you to spoil your appetite.
255
00:12:24,133 --> 00:12:26,367
I'm gonna take you out for dinner.
256
00:12:26,367 --> 00:12:28,767
But it's the middle of the week.
257
00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:32,934
But, Edith, we ain't gonna
live by the calendar no more.
258
00:12:32,934 --> 00:12:36,167
What about my meatloaf?
I got it in the oven.
259
00:12:36,167 --> 00:12:38,300
The meatloaf-- leave it for leftovers.
260
00:12:38,300 --> 00:12:41,601
Meatloaf is leftovers.
261
00:12:41,601 --> 00:12:44,801
Yeah, well, yeah. That's true, Edith.
262
00:12:44,801 --> 00:12:45,868
But just-- just leave it there
263
00:12:45,868 --> 00:12:47,934
for what's-her-name to eat.
264
00:12:47,934 --> 00:12:49,767
- Stephanie. - Yeah, yeah, whatever.
265
00:12:49,767 --> 00:12:51,267
She'll eat it all.
266
00:12:51,267 --> 00:12:53,801
Now, come on, Edith. Let me get up.
267
00:12:53,801 --> 00:12:55,501
Here. [GRUNTS]
268
00:12:55,501 --> 00:12:57,267
While I go upstairs
269
00:12:57,267 --> 00:12:59,467
and change my clothes, see,
270
00:12:59,467 --> 00:13:02,434
you get on the telephone,
you call Sybil Gooley--
271
00:13:02,434 --> 00:13:05,033
come over to babysit with
what's-her-name, huh?
272
00:13:05,033 --> 00:13:07,167
- Stephanie! - Whatever.
273
00:13:07,167 --> 00:13:08,767
Say it--Stephanie.
274
00:13:08,767 --> 00:13:11,300
Oh, Edith, please, you know I ain't so good
275
00:13:11,300 --> 00:13:13,534
even with easy names.
276
00:13:13,534 --> 00:13:15,834
Don't try to make me say Stephanie, huh?
277
00:13:15,834 --> 00:13:16,834
Oh!
278
00:13:16,834 --> 00:13:19,400
Call Sybil, call Sybil.
279
00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,133
I'll be right down. Call her up.
280
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:22,434
[DOORBELL RINGS]
281
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:24,801
ARCHIE: Whoever that is
at the front door, Edith,
282
00:13:24,801 --> 00:13:26,667
tell 'em go to hell, huh?
283
00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:29,100
Excuse me.
284
00:13:29,100 --> 00:13:30,267
Coming!
285
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:37,734
Oh, hi, Barney!
286
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,400
Come on in.
287
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,033
Yeah, hello, Edith.
288
00:13:41,033 --> 00:13:43,701
Tell me, is Archie still around?
289
00:13:43,701 --> 00:13:46,701
Yeah, but he won't be
around for long 'cause--
290
00:13:46,701 --> 00:13:48,300
I know, I know.
291
00:13:48,300 --> 00:13:49,934
Harry told me.
292
00:13:49,934 --> 00:13:52,100
Oh, Harry knows? That's nice.
293
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,534
Even Hank knows.
294
00:13:53,534 --> 00:13:55,767
Hank, too, really?
295
00:13:55,767 --> 00:13:58,534
Listen. Listen to me, Edith.
296
00:13:58,534 --> 00:13:59,968
When the time comes,
297
00:13:59,968 --> 00:14:02,167
and you feel you need to lean on someone,
298
00:14:02,167 --> 00:14:03,934
I want you to know that this shoulder,
299
00:14:03,934 --> 00:14:07,567
this shoulder right here will be
available for ya at all times.
300
00:14:07,567 --> 00:14:09,634
What are you talking about, Barney?
301
00:14:09,634 --> 00:14:13,767
Edith, honey, you don't have to
pretend to be brave in front of me!
302
00:14:13,767 --> 00:14:16,067
- I know. - What do you know?
303
00:14:17,968 --> 00:14:20,000
Don't you know?
304
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,067
No, I don't--
305
00:14:21,067 --> 00:14:22,367
Oh, well, I'd better be goin'.
306
00:14:22,367 --> 00:14:23,667
I'm always runnin' off--
307
00:14:23,667 --> 00:14:25,434
Wait a minute, Barney.
308
00:14:25,434 --> 00:14:26,968
Uh, if you know somethin'
309
00:14:26,968 --> 00:14:30,033
that I'm supposed to
know that I don't know,
310
00:14:30,033 --> 00:14:33,234
then I want to know what I'm supposed to...
311
00:14:33,234 --> 00:14:36,000
know that I don't know.
312
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:37,868
Believe me, Edith, it's
better that you don't know.
313
00:14:37,868 --> 00:14:42,033
Has this got something to
do with Archie's physical?
314
00:14:42,033 --> 00:14:44,167
Look, Edith, there's
nothin' to worry about.
315
00:14:44,167 --> 00:14:47,634
Now, Archie's goin' to the doctor
tomorrow for a few more X-rays.
316
00:14:47,634 --> 00:14:49,234
He didn't tell me.
317
00:14:49,234 --> 00:14:51,968
There's an outside chance
that it won't be malignant.
318
00:14:51,968 --> 00:14:54,033
Malignant? What?
319
00:14:54,033 --> 00:14:56,100
[WHISPERS] The spot on his liver!
320
00:14:56,100 --> 00:14:57,200
ARCHIE: Hey, Edith!
321
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,968
I'll be down to get you in a taxi.
322
00:14:58,968 --> 00:15:01,000
Honey, whoop-dee-doo.
323
00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:03,501
Listen to him up there, brave to the end!
324
00:15:03,501 --> 00:15:06,801
What a guy! Say good-bye to
him for me, Edith, will ya?
325
00:15:06,801 --> 00:15:08,067
I--I-- I mean, hello.
326
00:15:08,067 --> 00:15:10,234
I mean-- I don't know!
327
00:15:15,367 --> 00:15:17,033
ARCHIE: Okay, Edith.
328
00:15:17,033 --> 00:15:20,000
Here I am. All set to go, huh?
329
00:15:20,000 --> 00:15:23,067
Hey, look me over, huh? What do you think?
330
00:15:23,067 --> 00:15:25,300
I ain't wore that suit in a
year, and it still fits,
331
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:28,033
which proves I ain't lost a pound, huh?
332
00:15:28,033 --> 00:15:29,701
You look adorable.
333
00:15:29,701 --> 00:15:30,968
Yeah, thanks.
334
00:15:30,968 --> 00:15:33,367
You know, I'm kinda gettin'
to like this suit.
335
00:15:33,367 --> 00:15:35,734
This is a very nice suit to go out in.
336
00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:43,901
Oh, did you make up your mind
where you want to go for chow?
337
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:49,567
Oh, Archie, do you mind if
we don't go out to dinner?
338
00:15:49,567 --> 00:15:53,000
I--I don't want to go to a restaurant
339
00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:55,334
with a bunch of people.
340
00:15:55,334 --> 00:15:59,467
I--I want you all to myself.
341
00:16:02,567 --> 00:16:04,601
Oh, you do, huh?
342
00:16:05,868 --> 00:16:08,133
Well, yeah, all right, Edith.
343
00:16:08,133 --> 00:16:10,834
If that's what you want, yeah.
344
00:16:10,834 --> 00:16:13,501
Yeah... I'd like that, too.
345
00:16:15,033 --> 00:16:18,267
I'll just go upstairs and
get undressed for dinner.
346
00:16:19,434 --> 00:16:22,601
Oh, no, you don't have to do that.
347
00:16:22,601 --> 00:16:24,434
Oh, I didn't mean I was gonna come down
348
00:16:24,434 --> 00:16:27,467
and eat naked or anything.
349
00:16:27,467 --> 00:16:31,167
I just thought I'd put on the
old clothes for the meatloaf.
350
00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:34,234
Hey, get on the blower. Call Sybil Gooley.
351
00:16:34,234 --> 00:16:36,400
As long as we're takin'
care of the kid ourselves,
352
00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,501
we don't want to get stuck with Sybil, too.
353
00:16:38,501 --> 00:16:40,334
Go ahead.
354
00:16:40,334 --> 00:16:41,667
Okay.
355
00:16:59,868 --> 00:17:01,067
[DOOR OPENS]
356
00:17:14,934 --> 00:17:18,667
Did you like the meatloaf?
357
00:17:18,667 --> 00:17:19,767
Oh, yeah.
358
00:17:19,767 --> 00:17:21,701
Yeah, the meatloaf was lovely, Edith,
359
00:17:21,701 --> 00:17:25,167
only, we're out of
Alka-seltzer in the bathroom.
360
00:17:25,167 --> 00:17:27,267
I'll get some tomorrow.
361
00:17:27,267 --> 00:17:30,901
Yeah, that'll be [BURPS] nice.
362
00:17:30,901 --> 00:17:32,701
But, yeah, no rush.
363
00:17:35,234 --> 00:17:39,100
Johnny Carson was good tonight, wasn't he?
364
00:17:40,267 --> 00:17:42,968
Yeah, Johnny Carson was good tonight.
365
00:17:42,968 --> 00:17:48,367
I think he's funnier since
his hair turned white.
366
00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:53,234
Yeah, well, that does it for some guys.
367
00:17:55,534 --> 00:17:57,567
But, you know, I didn't laugh at that joke
368
00:17:57,567 --> 00:18:00,501
about the fag gorilla.
369
00:18:00,501 --> 00:18:03,567
That's what you call [BURPS] tasteless.
370
00:18:05,801 --> 00:18:07,801
I mean to say, uh...
371
00:18:07,801 --> 00:18:09,734
It ain't fair to the fags,
372
00:18:09,734 --> 00:18:13,501
and... it ain't fair to the gorillas.
373
00:18:15,100 --> 00:18:17,801
Ah, you know, Edith, as time goes by,
374
00:18:17,801 --> 00:18:20,767
I come to realize that...
375
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:24,000
in this world you gotta live and let live.
376
00:18:26,367 --> 00:18:28,267
Particularly live.
377
00:18:29,667 --> 00:18:31,534
Archie...
378
00:18:34,200 --> 00:18:38,467
Do you want to talk about somethin'?
379
00:18:42,334 --> 00:18:43,267
Yeah.
380
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:47,701
You know that trip to California
381
00:18:47,701 --> 00:18:49,634
we was plannin' in a few weeks?
382
00:18:49,634 --> 00:18:50,634
Yeah.
383
00:18:52,334 --> 00:18:55,033
Well, maybe we hadn't oughta go out there.
384
00:18:55,033 --> 00:18:57,133
Oh, why not?
385
00:18:57,133 --> 00:18:59,734
Well, you know, just in case...
386
00:18:59,734 --> 00:19:01,234
somethin' should happen while we're--
387
00:19:01,234 --> 00:19:02,467
What? Archie--
388
00:19:02,467 --> 00:19:06,534
No. I meant, happen here, you know?
389
00:19:06,534 --> 00:19:08,801
'Cause I have to leave the bar with Harry.
390
00:19:08,801 --> 00:19:10,334
Harry'd be alone, see?
391
00:19:10,334 --> 00:19:11,501
And Harry's a dummy.
392
00:19:11,501 --> 00:19:16,868
Archie, did I ever tell
you about my Aunt Edna?
393
00:19:16,868 --> 00:19:19,267
Oh, geez, any number of times, Edith.
394
00:19:21,501 --> 00:19:25,601
See, her doctor told her
395
00:19:25,601 --> 00:19:29,501
that she had only six months to live.
396
00:19:29,501 --> 00:19:31,167
Why are you telling me this?
397
00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:32,400
Well, it's very interesting,
398
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:35,834
and it's really about California.
399
00:19:35,834 --> 00:19:39,701
See, she moved out to Burbank, California,
400
00:19:39,701 --> 00:19:43,300
because she wanted to buy a cemetery plot.
401
00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:46,167
And she did 'cause she wanted to be near
402
00:19:46,167 --> 00:19:48,534
her first husband, Al Galucci,
403
00:19:48,534 --> 00:19:50,400
and Rudolph Valentino,
404
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,968
but the doctor was wrong.
405
00:19:52,968 --> 00:19:54,968
That was over 50 years ago,
406
00:19:54,968 --> 00:19:57,434
and she's still alive and kicking.
407
00:19:59,200 --> 00:20:03,267
But is Rudolph Valentino
still alive and kicking?
408
00:20:03,267 --> 00:20:05,033
No!
409
00:20:05,033 --> 00:20:07,667
Is Al Galucci?
410
00:20:07,667 --> 00:20:09,167
No.
411
00:20:09,167 --> 00:20:12,467
Well, don't that tell you
something about California?
412
00:20:14,334 --> 00:20:16,934
Edith, California's the
worst place in the world
413
00:20:16,934 --> 00:20:18,067
to be buried in.
414
00:20:18,067 --> 00:20:20,934
They got them earthquakes out there.
415
00:20:20,934 --> 00:20:23,033
They put ya in your box
in the ground there,
416
00:20:23,033 --> 00:20:26,801
and the earthquakes keep
knocking ya around.
417
00:20:26,801 --> 00:20:28,701
That way your bones don't get a chance
418
00:20:28,701 --> 00:20:31,133
to rest in peace the way they oughta.
419
00:20:31,133 --> 00:20:33,367
It's true.
420
00:20:33,367 --> 00:20:36,801
Then they got the big
"flush" floods out there,
421
00:20:36,801 --> 00:20:40,200
you know, wash your bones
right down to the freeways.
422
00:20:41,367 --> 00:20:45,300
Archie, you gotta stop thinkin' about bones
423
00:20:45,300 --> 00:20:48,634
and floods and cemeteries and dying.
424
00:20:48,634 --> 00:20:50,067
Now, come on, let's go to bed.
425
00:20:50,067 --> 00:20:51,767
Yeah.
426
00:20:51,767 --> 00:20:56,634
And don't forget what the Reader's
Digest said about tomorrow.
427
00:20:56,634 --> 00:21:00,567
Yesterday... is the tomorrow
428
00:21:00,567 --> 00:21:03,667
you ain't never gonna see today.
429
00:21:03,667 --> 00:21:05,400
No, that ain't it.
430
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:06,534
Say it again.
431
00:21:06,534 --> 00:21:08,767
Aw, the hell with it, I hate it anyhow.
432
00:21:08,767 --> 00:21:12,000
No, today is the tomorrow
433
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:15,334
that we worried about yesterday.
434
00:21:15,334 --> 00:21:16,434
Never mind.
435
00:21:16,434 --> 00:21:19,434
This is tonight... turn off the light.
436
00:21:20,834 --> 00:21:23,100
[SIGHS]
437
00:21:35,100 --> 00:21:41,234
The sun will come out tomorrow
438
00:21:41,234 --> 00:21:43,901
Oh, no, don't sing, huh, darling?
439
00:21:43,901 --> 00:21:46,133
Don't sing, huh?
440
00:21:47,667 --> 00:21:49,667
Ahh.
441
00:21:49,667 --> 00:21:52,300
And anyhow, the paper says rain.
442
00:21:58,801 --> 00:21:59,868
Aunt Edith,
443
00:21:59,868 --> 00:22:02,968
do the forks go on the right or the left?
444
00:22:02,968 --> 00:22:03,934
Yeah.
445
00:22:06,667 --> 00:22:08,734
Are you worried about anything?
446
00:22:08,734 --> 00:22:12,234
Hm? No, I'm just worried about somethin'.
447
00:22:12,234 --> 00:22:14,534
On the left.
448
00:22:14,534 --> 00:22:16,734
Did you wash up for lunch?
449
00:22:16,734 --> 00:22:18,567
- Yeah. - When?
450
00:22:18,567 --> 00:22:19,734
Before breakfast.
451
00:22:21,234 --> 00:22:23,434
You better do it again.
452
00:22:23,434 --> 00:22:24,734
Aw, geez!
453
00:22:24,734 --> 00:22:26,834
Twice in one day.
454
00:22:27,901 --> 00:22:29,100
Edith!
455
00:22:29,100 --> 00:22:30,133
Edith, I'm home!
456
00:22:30,133 --> 00:22:31,701
Archie, what are you doing home?
457
00:22:31,701 --> 00:22:33,501
I'm home! Whoop-dee-doo.
458
00:22:33,501 --> 00:22:36,901
I just wanted to put my face
in the door, say hello to you,
459
00:22:36,901 --> 00:22:38,767
and give you some beautiful posies.
460
00:22:38,767 --> 00:22:41,734
Oh, Archie, you must be happy!
461
00:22:41,734 --> 00:22:43,934
Happy, happy. Let me give you a--
462
00:22:43,934 --> 00:22:44,901
[GRUNTS]
463
00:22:47,167 --> 00:22:48,601
Hey, ain't you in school?
464
00:22:48,601 --> 00:22:50,801
I'm home for lunch.
465
00:22:50,801 --> 00:22:52,601
Well, don't be fresh.
466
00:22:52,601 --> 00:22:57,968
Oh, Edith, I was so worried
about poor Harry, you know.
467
00:22:57,968 --> 00:23:00,267
He went and took an insurance physical
468
00:23:00,267 --> 00:23:04,100
and the X-ray showed that
he had a spot on his liver.
469
00:23:04,100 --> 00:23:06,000
It was touch and go for a couple of days,
470
00:23:06,000 --> 00:23:07,634
but he went back to the doctor,
471
00:23:07,634 --> 00:23:10,434
and the doctor said it was only
a picture of some gas he had.
472
00:23:10,434 --> 00:23:11,767
Oh!
473
00:23:11,767 --> 00:23:14,167
Oh! Doctor told him he's gotta stop smokin'
474
00:23:14,167 --> 00:23:16,367
and drinkin' and eatin' so much.
475
00:23:16,367 --> 00:23:19,367
"You gotta stop livin' like a pig,"
476
00:23:19,367 --> 00:23:20,968
is what the doctor told Harry.
477
00:23:20,968 --> 00:23:22,067
Oh.
478
00:23:23,901 --> 00:23:26,734
The doctor could have been talkin' to you.
479
00:23:26,734 --> 00:23:28,634
[LAUGHS]
480
00:23:28,634 --> 00:23:30,868
But I'm very happy
481
00:23:30,868 --> 00:23:34,200
that everything's all right with Harry.
482
00:23:34,200 --> 00:23:35,567
Yeah.
483
00:23:35,567 --> 00:23:38,133
Well, Edith, as long as I'm home for lunch,
484
00:23:38,133 --> 00:23:39,534
why don't we sit down
485
00:23:39,534 --> 00:23:41,167
and have some lunch there, huh?
486
00:23:46,601 --> 00:23:48,701
What are you doin' there?
487
00:23:48,701 --> 00:23:51,067
Go over and help your
Aunt Edith set the table,
488
00:23:51,067 --> 00:23:52,534
ya little dingbat ya.
489
00:23:52,534 --> 00:23:55,634
She can set the table good.
490
00:23:55,634 --> 00:23:57,868
Yeah, well, I don't know about that.
491
00:23:57,868 --> 00:24:00,567
Look, forks, never on the left.
492
00:24:00,567 --> 00:24:02,534
Forks should always go on the right.
493
00:24:23,901 --> 00:24:26,167
[
]
494
00:24:42,467 --> 00:24:45,100
All in the Family was
played to a studio audience
495
00:24:45,100 --> 00:24:46,901
for live responses.
496
00:24:46,951 --> 00:24:51,501
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
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