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1
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:05,670
♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:05,672 --> 00:00:09,340
♪ Songs that made
The Hit Parade ♪
3
00:00:09,342 --> 00:00:13,011
♪ Guys like us
We had it made ♪
4
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,280
♪ Those were the days ♪
5
00:00:16,282 --> 00:00:20,284
♪ And you knewWhere you were then ♪
6
00:00:20,286 --> 00:00:23,622
♪ Girls were girlsAnd men were men ♪
7
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:30,394
♪ Mister, we could use a manLike Herbert Hoover again ♪
8
00:00:30,396 --> 00:00:32,363
♪ Didn't needNo welfare state ♪
9
00:00:32,365 --> 00:00:36,534
♪ Everybody pulledHis weight ♪
10
00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:40,872
♪ Gee, our old LaSalleRan great ♪
11
00:00:40,874 --> 00:00:46,678
♪ Those were the days ♪
12
00:01:00,325 --> 00:01:03,427
Gloria, I can't
get that locket
13
00:01:03,429 --> 00:01:05,130
out of my mind.
14
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:07,065
Aw, stop worrying,
Ma.
15
00:01:07,067 --> 00:01:09,333
People do lose things,
you know.
16
00:01:09,335 --> 00:01:11,602
I shouldn't have
worn it today,
17
00:01:11,604 --> 00:01:13,638
but I wanted
to look my best.
18
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:14,839
I was serving tea
19
00:01:14,841 --> 00:01:16,908
to the ladies
at the church.
20
00:01:16,910 --> 00:01:20,779
You wouldn't think that anything
bad could happen to you
21
00:01:20,781 --> 00:01:23,514
when you're doing something
religious.
22
00:01:25,484 --> 00:01:28,252
Ma, you're just going to have
to try and forget about it.
23
00:01:28,254 --> 00:01:34,092
I can't. Grandma gave
me that locket on her deathbed.
24
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:37,395
She put it around my neck
and she said,
25
00:01:37,397 --> 00:01:41,833
"Edith, I want you to wear
this always to remember me by."
26
00:01:41,835 --> 00:01:45,136
Those were her last words to me.
27
00:01:45,138 --> 00:01:47,572
Those and,
"Don't marry Archie."
28
00:01:51,376 --> 00:01:55,346
Gee, Ma, didn't anybody
in your family like Daddy?
29
00:01:55,348 --> 00:01:56,347
Oh, yeah.
30
00:01:56,349 --> 00:01:57,348
Who?
31
00:01:57,350 --> 00:02:00,351
Me.
32
00:02:00,353 --> 00:02:01,619
Look at the time.
33
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,421
Archie will be
here any minute
34
00:02:03,423 --> 00:02:06,357
and I ain't even
started dinner.
35
00:02:06,359 --> 00:02:07,959
Oh, I'm taking care
of that, Ma.
36
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,393
We're having
Chinese food.
37
00:02:09,395 --> 00:02:11,495
From the Twin Dragons?
38
00:02:11,497 --> 00:02:14,398
No, no, no. I found a recipe
for chicken chow mein
39
00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,533
in the newspaper.
40
00:02:15,535 --> 00:02:16,868
See, you make it
from leftovers.
41
00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:20,205
But we ain't got
no leftover chicken.
42
00:02:20,207 --> 00:02:22,741
I know, so I'm using
corned beef hash.
43
00:02:25,277 --> 00:02:26,845
ARCHIE: Edith, where are you?
44
00:02:26,847 --> 00:02:28,913
Is that you,
Archie?
45
00:02:28,915 --> 00:02:32,583
No. It's Marcus Welby
making a house call.
46
00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:39,157
I'm sorry, Archie.
I ain't myself today.
47
00:02:39,159 --> 00:02:43,194
That could be an
improvement, Edith.
48
00:02:43,196 --> 00:02:46,564
Archie, I got some
terrible news for you.
49
00:02:46,566 --> 00:02:48,900
I got enough
of my own, Edith.
50
00:02:48,902 --> 00:02:50,468
Somebody swiped
my lunch box
51
00:02:50,470 --> 00:02:51,803
on the subway today.
52
00:02:51,805 --> 00:02:53,738
Somebody swiped
your lunch box?
53
00:02:53,740 --> 00:02:54,873
Oh, look at this.
54
00:02:54,875 --> 00:02:58,643
Bad news
always brings more.
55
00:02:58,645 --> 00:03:00,311
Do you mind?
56
00:03:00,313 --> 00:03:02,914
Oh, my, then you
didn't have no lunch.
57
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:03,915
No.
58
00:03:03,917 --> 00:03:05,216
I went across the street
59
00:03:05,218 --> 00:03:07,718
to Liebewitz's
Kosher Deli, you know.
60
00:03:07,720 --> 00:03:08,853
But wouldn't you know,
61
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:11,522
it's some kind
of Jewish holiday today.
62
00:03:11,524 --> 00:03:15,994
Just when you need a Jew
the most, he's closed.
63
00:03:15,996 --> 00:03:17,195
Dinner's ready!
64
00:03:17,197 --> 00:03:18,529
Oh, great,
I'm starved.
65
00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,964
Let me tell you something,
Meathead.
66
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:23,434
I'm going to eat you
under the table tonight.
67
00:03:25,704 --> 00:03:28,807
Wait a minute.
wait a minute.
68
00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,574
What do you call this here, huh?
69
00:03:30,576 --> 00:03:32,911
Chicken chow mein.
I made it myself.
70
00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:35,346
I don't see no chicken here.
71
00:03:35,348 --> 00:03:37,481
That looks like corned beef hash
to me.
72
00:03:37,483 --> 00:03:38,850
Well, it is.
73
00:03:38,852 --> 00:03:40,084
We didn't have
any chicken.
74
00:03:40,086 --> 00:03:42,453
Well, what the hell
is this other stuff here?
75
00:03:42,455 --> 00:03:45,756
This looks like some kind
of burnt spaghetti.
76
00:03:45,758 --> 00:03:46,791
It is spaghetti.
77
00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,059
We didn't have
any Chinese noodles.
78
00:03:53,999 --> 00:03:58,236
What the hell is Chinese
about this slop?
79
00:03:58,238 --> 00:04:00,738
The name, Archie.
Chow mein.
80
00:04:00,740 --> 00:04:03,808
Oh!
81
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:05,776
Come on, Daddy. Try it.
It's good for you.
82
00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:07,712
It's kind of tasty
and it's very light.
83
00:04:07,714 --> 00:04:09,214
Well, I'm glad to hear
it's light.
84
00:04:09,216 --> 00:04:11,482
Then it won't hurt nobody when
you throw it out the window.
85
00:04:13,618 --> 00:04:15,686
Edith, go out in
the kitchen, will you,
86
00:04:15,688 --> 00:04:17,588
and get me something I can eat.
87
00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:20,558
Get me my Cheerios
or my Cocoa Puffs or something.
88
00:04:23,795 --> 00:04:26,130
Meantime, I'll watch
old pinko Cronkite on the news.
89
00:04:30,269 --> 00:04:31,635
Wait a minute.
90
00:04:31,637 --> 00:04:33,604
Where's the guts to my TV?
91
00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:39,510
Hey, Edith!
92
00:04:39,512 --> 00:04:42,247
What's the matter,
Archie?
93
00:04:42,249 --> 00:04:44,448
Where's the guts
to my TV?
94
00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,984
Oh, they couldn't fix it here.
95
00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,785
They had to take it to the shop.
96
00:04:47,787 --> 00:04:49,687
They say it needs
a new picture tube.
97
00:04:49,689 --> 00:04:52,390
It's going to cost $75.
98
00:04:52,392 --> 00:04:54,692
Oh, Edith,
I ain't got that kind of money.
99
00:04:54,694 --> 00:04:57,896
Gee, the whole world
is out to get me today.
100
00:04:57,898 --> 00:04:59,364
Me, too, Archie.
101
00:04:59,366 --> 00:05:03,467
I lost Grandma's
gold locket today.
102
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,938
You got the nerve to mention
that old hunk of junk
103
00:05:06,940 --> 00:05:10,341
in the same breath as my TV?
104
00:05:10,343 --> 00:05:13,577
Archie! That locket
was worth a lot to me.
105
00:05:13,579 --> 00:05:14,745
What worth?
106
00:05:14,747 --> 00:05:17,081
An old piece of tin
from the Civil War?
107
00:05:17,083 --> 00:05:19,050
It's old enough
to be an antique.
108
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,285
Ah!
109
00:05:20,287 --> 00:05:23,121
I wore it into Mr. Snider's
jewelry shop last year
110
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:27,491
and he saw it and offered
me $150 for it.
111
00:05:31,830 --> 00:05:34,098
$150? You never told me nothing
about that.
112
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:36,167
It ain't the money, Archie.
113
00:05:36,169 --> 00:05:39,070
You know how I loved Grandma.
114
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:41,439
Now I ain't got nothing
to remember her by.
115
00:05:42,975 --> 00:05:46,777
Oh-ho, maybe we can get you
something a whole lot better
116
00:05:46,779 --> 00:05:48,112
to remember her by.
117
00:05:48,114 --> 00:05:49,513
What do you mean?
118
00:05:49,515 --> 00:05:54,319
Listen, that homeowner's
insurance policy we got.
119
00:05:54,321 --> 00:05:55,586
That'll cover
that locket.
120
00:05:55,588 --> 00:05:59,457
Oh, Archie, money can
never replace that locket.
121
00:05:59,459 --> 00:06:02,693
Oh, money ain't gonna
replace the locket, Edith.
122
00:06:02,695 --> 00:06:06,931
The locket will be replaced
by a brand-new color TV.
123
00:06:08,667 --> 00:06:10,601
What new color TV?
124
00:06:10,603 --> 00:06:13,671
The one we're gonna get,
Edith, with the $300
125
00:06:13,673 --> 00:06:16,174
the insurance company's gonna
give you for that locket.
126
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:20,945
But Mr. Snider said the locket
was only worth 150.
127
00:06:20,947 --> 00:06:22,313
Ah, but, Edith,
128
00:06:22,315 --> 00:06:26,084
you're forgetting your
sentimentual value, there.
129
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:28,652
That brings it up
another 150 bucks.
130
00:06:28,654 --> 00:06:30,921
Now, get the policy
and don't say no more.
131
00:06:30,923 --> 00:06:34,625
But, Archie, I--
You're saying more.
132
00:06:34,627 --> 00:06:36,627
Now, get the policy, huh?
133
00:06:36,629 --> 00:06:39,998
Ha-ha, ha-ha-ha-ha!
134
00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:41,632
Well, it looks like today
135
00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:45,370
ain't gonna turn out
to be so bad after all.
136
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:47,472
And I could eat
my Cocoa Puffs here
137
00:06:47,474 --> 00:06:49,207
if I had my milk and my bowl
138
00:06:49,209 --> 00:06:52,276
and my special spoon
from the World's Fair.
139
00:06:52,278 --> 00:06:54,012
I'll get it.
140
00:06:56,415 --> 00:06:58,282
Double-header today, huh, Arch?
141
00:06:58,284 --> 00:07:00,118
What do you mean by that?
142
00:07:00,120 --> 00:07:02,487
You're going to cheat
the insurance company and Ma.
143
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:07,558
Why don't you mind
your own beeswax, huh?
144
00:07:07,560 --> 00:07:10,628
Here you are, Daddy.
145
00:07:10,630 --> 00:07:12,497
Well, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
146
00:07:12,499 --> 00:07:15,233
That ain't my special spoon
from the World's Fair.
147
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:16,434
What's the difference?
148
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,536
There's a lot of difference,
little girl.
149
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,438
What's so special about a spoon?
150
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:24,708
Because that spoon happens
to fit my mouth.
151
00:07:28,647 --> 00:07:31,349
The same way your foot
fits your mouth.
152
00:07:34,586 --> 00:07:36,987
Now, will you go get
the World's Fair spoon?
153
00:07:36,989 --> 00:07:39,190
All right,
but it's silly.
154
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:40,258
You know something?
155
00:07:40,260 --> 00:07:41,859
I bet you
that if I blindfolded you
156
00:07:41,861 --> 00:07:43,061
you couldn't tell
those spoons apart.
157
00:07:43,063 --> 00:07:44,395
You'd lose, wiseguy.
158
00:07:44,397 --> 00:07:46,531
You want to put a quarter on it?
159
00:07:46,533 --> 00:07:48,332
You want to lose
a quarter?
160
00:07:48,334 --> 00:07:50,368
I'll put a quarter down.
Come on, put it up.
161
00:07:50,370 --> 00:07:52,236
You want a bet?
There, you got a bet.
162
00:07:52,238 --> 00:07:53,438
All right. Gloria,
blindfold your father.
163
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:54,472
I don't need
no blindfold.
164
00:07:54,474 --> 00:07:56,074
I can just close
my eyes and tell.
165
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:57,241
What's going on?
166
00:07:57,243 --> 00:07:59,043
I bet him he can't tell
the spoons apart.
167
00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:01,312
I got my eyes shut.
Put the spoons in my hand.
168
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:02,380
No, no, no, no.
169
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:03,781
You'll be able
to tell the spoons
170
00:08:03,783 --> 00:08:04,982
by feeling the handles.
171
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:06,150
Gloria will
hold the spoons.
172
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,452
You feed him, Gloria.
173
00:08:07,454 --> 00:08:08,652
Go ahead.
174
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:11,155
All right, Daddy,
you keep your eyes closed.
175
00:08:11,157 --> 00:08:12,156
I got 'em closed.
176
00:08:12,158 --> 00:08:13,157
No peeking.
177
00:08:13,159 --> 00:08:15,293
No peeking.
178
00:08:15,295 --> 00:08:16,594
Okay, open your mouth.
179
00:08:16,596 --> 00:08:20,064
Ah.
180
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:21,765
Well?
181
00:08:21,767 --> 00:08:23,234
Uh...
182
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,069
Hah! You can't tell
the difference.
183
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:26,437
Wait a minute,
will you, Meathead?
184
00:08:26,439 --> 00:08:28,339
Give me a chance with
the other one there.
185
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:31,175
Go ahead.
186
00:08:31,177 --> 00:08:32,477
Okay, Daddy, here's
the other one.
187
00:08:35,514 --> 00:08:38,015
Gloria! Don't force
him to eat that
188
00:08:38,017 --> 00:08:39,383
if he don't want it.
189
00:08:42,921 --> 00:08:43,921
That's the one!
190
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:45,389
I got it.
That's my spoon.
191
00:08:45,391 --> 00:08:46,690
Pay me off the quarter.
192
00:08:46,692 --> 00:08:48,459
Wrong! I've been holding
your World's Fair spoon
193
00:08:48,461 --> 00:08:50,628
the whole time.
You owe me a quarter. Pay up.
194
00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:02,173
You ain't gonna get the quarter.
195
00:09:05,277 --> 00:09:06,877
The bet is off.
196
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:09,647
Because why?
Because you are a lousy crook.
197
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:11,616
Now give me my
World's Fair spoon,
198
00:09:11,618 --> 00:09:13,384
because you ain't even
worthy to hold it.
199
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:14,385
Here's the policy,
Archie.
200
00:09:14,387 --> 00:09:15,819
Good.
201
00:09:15,821 --> 00:09:18,722
Now, first thing Monday morning
I'm gonna take this policy
202
00:09:18,724 --> 00:09:20,724
down to the guy
who sold it to me,
203
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:23,927
Joe Peterson,
an old VFW buddy of mine,
204
00:09:23,929 --> 00:09:27,064
and he's going to take care
of yours truly, personally.
205
00:09:27,066 --> 00:09:29,233
Uh, I'm going
to have to ask you
206
00:09:29,235 --> 00:09:30,968
a very important
question, Arch,
207
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:33,604
and be careful
how you answer.
208
00:09:33,606 --> 00:09:36,507
Was the locket lost
or was it stolen?
209
00:09:37,909 --> 00:09:39,343
Uh, what's
the difference?
210
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:40,578
300 bucks.
211
00:09:40,580 --> 00:09:41,579
Huh?
212
00:09:41,581 --> 00:09:42,946
According to your policy,
213
00:09:42,948 --> 00:09:44,682
if the locket was stolen,
you're covered.
214
00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:45,749
But if it
was lost...
215
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:48,819
Stolen, stolen, stolen.
216
00:09:48,821 --> 00:09:50,120
That's lucky, Arch.
217
00:09:50,122 --> 00:09:51,922
For a minute there,
I thought you'd said lost.
218
00:09:51,924 --> 00:09:53,724
No, that's just my way
of talking, you know?
219
00:09:53,726 --> 00:09:56,126
Anytime an item gets stole
from me, I always say it's lost.
220
00:09:56,128 --> 00:09:57,995
It sounds nicer.
Yes.
221
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:03,234
Agnes, make a note for me
to call Ed Wagner
222
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:05,836
at Ben Franklin Mutual
later.
223
00:10:05,838 --> 00:10:07,672
Wagner's an old buddy
of mine.
224
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:10,040
Any claim I send over
to Wagner...
225
00:10:10,042 --> 00:10:13,844
Hey, what else is
an old buddy for, huh?
226
00:10:13,846 --> 00:10:16,780
Okay, Arch, you want to give me
the details for the record?
227
00:10:16,782 --> 00:10:18,449
Yeah, well, Edith
was out shopping, see.
228
00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:19,684
She was wearing
the locket
229
00:10:19,686 --> 00:10:21,352
then all of a sudden
she looked down
230
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,786
and there, hanging
from around her neck,
231
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,188
was no locket.
232
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:27,425
Arch, that wouldn't cut no ice.
It could've fallen off.
233
00:10:27,427 --> 00:10:28,626
No, no, it
didn't fall off.
234
00:10:28,628 --> 00:10:30,861
It was stolen, Joe.
Yeah, I know it was stolen.
235
00:10:30,863 --> 00:10:32,663
But I'm afraid we'll need
a few more details.
236
00:10:34,032 --> 00:10:35,099
Like, uh...
237
00:10:35,101 --> 00:10:38,636
Like, uh...
who could've stolen it.
238
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,538
Did she see anybody
suspicious nearby?
239
00:10:42,574 --> 00:10:44,242
Yeah.
240
00:10:44,244 --> 00:10:46,377
Yeah, I was
just coming to that, Joe.
241
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:47,978
Good.
Go ahead.
242
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,313
Uh, just before it happened,
243
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:51,181
Edith was looking
over her shoulder, see,
244
00:10:51,183 --> 00:10:53,183
and there, running like hell
around the corner,
245
00:10:53,185 --> 00:10:54,418
was the neighborhood mugger.
246
00:11:00,692 --> 00:11:01,559
Neighborhood mugger?
247
00:11:03,027 --> 00:11:04,862
Yeah.
Every neighborhood's got one.
248
00:11:07,499 --> 00:11:08,899
Did, uh, Edith describe him?
249
00:11:08,901 --> 00:11:11,469
No, uh, she don't
know him too good.
250
00:11:14,573 --> 00:11:17,040
You mean he ran away too fast
251
00:11:17,042 --> 00:11:19,076
before your wife
had a good look at him.
252
00:11:19,078 --> 00:11:22,280
You took the words
right out of my mouth.
253
00:11:22,282 --> 00:11:24,282
And did you report
this to the police?
254
00:11:26,217 --> 00:11:28,419
Uh... You got
to do that?
255
00:11:28,421 --> 00:11:30,755
Yeah, if you want to collect.
256
00:11:30,757 --> 00:11:31,955
Oh, jeez.
You didn't do that?
257
00:11:31,957 --> 00:11:33,758
You'd better go right down
to the police station
258
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:34,958
and make it official.
259
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:36,761
Guess I'd better go
right down to the police
260
00:11:36,763 --> 00:11:38,462
and make it official, yeah.
261
00:11:38,464 --> 00:11:40,698
But don't go until
you sign the form.
262
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,667
Yeah. Oh, ain't that
a shame, Joe?
263
00:11:42,669 --> 00:11:44,302
I thought I could
walk in here
264
00:11:44,304 --> 00:11:45,703
and walk out
with the check.
265
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:47,305
Well, I'll get it
to you Friday night
266
00:11:47,307 --> 00:11:48,406
at the latest.
267
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:50,007
I'll bring it over
to the house personally.
268
00:11:50,009 --> 00:11:51,074
Oh, gee, Joe,
269
00:11:51,076 --> 00:11:52,876
that's awful nice
of you there.
270
00:11:52,878 --> 00:11:55,112
By the way, uh,
tell Edith I'm sorry.
271
00:11:55,114 --> 00:11:57,548
About what?
272
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,016
About the locket.
273
00:11:59,018 --> 00:12:01,018
Oh, yeah,
about the locket.
274
00:12:01,020 --> 00:12:03,253
Oh, well, see, we look
at it this way.
275
00:12:03,255 --> 00:12:05,556
Like we, uh, didn't
just lose a locket, see.
276
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:08,492
We gained
a new color TV.
277
00:12:16,602 --> 00:12:18,002
Well, let me get
this straight, Ma.
278
00:12:18,004 --> 00:12:19,303
The police found
the locket?
279
00:12:19,305 --> 00:12:20,638
Yeah.
280
00:12:20,640 --> 00:12:23,808
Wasn't Archie smart,
reporting it, huh?
281
00:12:26,544 --> 00:12:29,680
Yeah, they made me go
down to the police station
282
00:12:29,682 --> 00:12:30,948
and identify it.
283
00:12:30,950 --> 00:12:32,216
It was so exciting.
284
00:12:32,218 --> 00:12:33,718
Well, where'd they find it?
285
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,887
In a man's pocket.
286
00:12:36,889 --> 00:12:38,022
Huh?
287
00:12:38,024 --> 00:12:41,191
Yeah, the pocket
of a man called Red Delaney.
288
00:12:41,193 --> 00:12:43,360
He's the one that stole it.
289
00:12:43,362 --> 00:12:46,597
They took me in to see
the lineup, oh!
290
00:12:46,599 --> 00:12:49,433
'Course, they didn't really need
me to recognize him
291
00:12:49,435 --> 00:12:53,037
because they knew
who he was already.
292
00:12:53,039 --> 00:12:55,439
It was a lot like in Mannix,
293
00:12:55,441 --> 00:12:58,609
only the cops
wasn't as good-looking.
294
00:13:00,278 --> 00:13:01,478
Where are you
going now, Ma?
295
00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:03,547
Oh, I forgot to do
the shopping,
296
00:13:03,549 --> 00:13:04,782
I was so excited.
297
00:13:04,784 --> 00:13:06,416
It'll just take
me 15 minutes.
298
00:13:06,418 --> 00:13:08,119
I'll tell you all
about it later.
299
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:09,120
Okay, Ma.
300
00:13:09,122 --> 00:13:10,121
Oh, Gloria!
301
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:11,122
Hi, Ma.
302
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,858
Oh, Gloria,
ain't it wonderful?
303
00:13:16,261 --> 00:13:18,029
What's wonderful,
Michael?
304
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:19,797
Gloria,
what is wonderful
305
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:21,398
is that we have
the house
306
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:24,101
all to ourselves
for 15 minutes.
307
00:13:24,103 --> 00:13:25,770
Let's celebrate.
308
00:13:25,772 --> 00:13:27,538
Wait a minute, Michael.
wait a minute.
309
00:13:27,540 --> 00:13:29,173
What are we
celebrating?
310
00:13:29,175 --> 00:13:30,841
They found Ma's locket.
311
00:13:30,843 --> 00:13:32,409
Oh, fantastic.
312
00:13:32,411 --> 00:13:33,610
Okay, let's celebrate.
313
00:13:33,612 --> 00:13:34,712
Good.
314
00:13:34,714 --> 00:13:35,579
[DOOR OPENING]
315
00:13:37,348 --> 00:13:38,215
Oh, look at this.
316
00:13:39,951 --> 00:13:42,820
Adam and Eve nipping
at the forbidden fruit again.
317
00:13:47,125 --> 00:13:49,126
Supposed to do that
behind closed doors, you know.
318
00:13:49,128 --> 00:13:52,563
It was closed
until you opened it.
319
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:55,032
All right, fellas,
bring it right in.
320
00:13:55,034 --> 00:13:58,035
Right this way,
here we go.
321
00:13:58,037 --> 00:14:00,270
GLORIA: Daddy,
what's going on?
322
00:14:00,272 --> 00:14:03,040
I am taking delivery
on a new TV set.
323
00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:05,109
Put it right over there
by the wall, fellas.
324
00:14:05,111 --> 00:14:09,546
Feast your eyes
on 24 inches of living color.
325
00:14:09,548 --> 00:14:11,448
Right over there
by the plug, boys.
326
00:14:11,450 --> 00:14:12,717
And hook it
up fast, huh?
327
00:14:12,719 --> 00:14:13,751
Because in about
10 minutes
328
00:14:13,753 --> 00:14:15,720
I think a ball game
is coming on.
329
00:14:15,722 --> 00:14:17,621
Daddy, there's something
I hate to tell--
330
00:14:17,623 --> 00:14:19,256
Let me enjoy myself.
331
00:14:19,258 --> 00:14:21,458
You know, there's about three
great moments in a man's life.
332
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:25,196
When he buys a house and a car
and a new color TV.
333
00:14:25,198 --> 00:14:26,663
That's what America's all about.
334
00:14:26,665 --> 00:14:29,266
Look, Arch, you
better listen.
335
00:14:29,268 --> 00:14:30,267
Leave me alone.
336
00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:32,302
There you go,
Mr. Bunker. All set.
337
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:33,604
Will you sign
here, please?
338
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:34,772
Oh, yeah.
339
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:37,975
Just show me where to put
my John Handcrock, here.
340
00:14:40,045 --> 00:14:42,379
There. There you go.
341
00:14:42,381 --> 00:14:45,482
And right here, I got
your check for you.
342
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:46,683
Thanks.
343
00:14:46,685 --> 00:14:48,452
You know this was
an extra delivery.
344
00:14:48,454 --> 00:14:50,420
We squeezed you in
as sort of a favor,
345
00:14:50,422 --> 00:14:51,521
know what I mean?
346
00:14:51,523 --> 00:14:52,656
Oh, yeah, yeah,
sure, sure.
347
00:14:52,658 --> 00:14:53,657
Daddy.
348
00:14:53,659 --> 00:14:57,561
I'm busy, little girl.
349
00:14:57,563 --> 00:15:03,100
Uh, here's a half a buck.
Take care of your buddy.
350
00:15:03,102 --> 00:15:05,302
Look at this, Angelo.
351
00:15:05,304 --> 00:15:07,638
A whole half a buck.
352
00:15:07,640 --> 00:15:10,007
Why don't you tell him
what he can do with it?
353
00:15:10,009 --> 00:15:12,910
I'd rather see him
do it with the TV set.
354
00:15:14,880 --> 00:15:17,648
Oh, look at this.
355
00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,550
Ain't that a little
beauty there?
356
00:15:20,552 --> 00:15:21,819
Let me tell
you something.
357
00:15:21,821 --> 00:15:23,387
I saved myself
120 bucks
358
00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:24,989
buying that right
off of the floor.
359
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,857
Daddy, they found
Ma's locket.
360
00:15:27,793 --> 00:15:28,993
What?
361
00:15:28,995 --> 00:15:30,661
That's what we've been
trying to tell you.
362
00:15:30,663 --> 00:15:32,263
What do you mean
they found Mom's locket?
363
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:33,764
Arch, you can't accept
the insurance check
364
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:34,765
to pay for this.
365
00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:37,301
I got to accept
the insurance check
366
00:15:37,303 --> 00:15:39,503
to cover the check
I just gave them two guys.
367
00:15:39,505 --> 00:15:41,338
Daddy, you better
get that check back
368
00:15:41,340 --> 00:15:43,507
or it's going
to bounce.
369
00:15:43,509 --> 00:15:44,508
Oh, holy jeez.
370
00:15:44,510 --> 00:15:45,509
Hurry up.
Get them!
371
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:46,510
Hey, fellas!
Hey, fellas!
372
00:15:46,512 --> 00:15:47,611
There goes
the truck.
373
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:49,280
Sure, that's
delivery men.
374
00:15:49,282 --> 00:15:50,281
They're always
slow coming
375
00:15:50,283 --> 00:15:51,481
and fast leaving.
376
00:15:51,483 --> 00:15:52,482
Let me call the bank.
377
00:15:52,484 --> 00:15:54,285
Maybe I can put
a stopper on the check.
378
00:15:54,287 --> 00:15:55,485
Arch, you can't
do that.
379
00:15:55,487 --> 00:15:57,021
You already accepted
delivery on the TV.
380
00:15:57,023 --> 00:15:58,555
You can get in
trouble for that.
381
00:15:58,557 --> 00:16:00,657
That's right.
Now what am I gonna do?
382
00:16:00,659 --> 00:16:01,892
Get away from me,
will you?
383
00:16:01,894 --> 00:16:03,127
Let me think.
384
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:04,528
Wait a minute, wait--
Where's your mother?
385
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:05,930
Well, she's out
for a few minutes.
386
00:16:05,932 --> 00:16:07,764
Listen, if Joe Peterson
gets here with the check
387
00:16:07,766 --> 00:16:09,266
before your mother comes back,
388
00:16:09,268 --> 00:16:11,668
I don't have to tell him your
mother got the locket back.
389
00:16:11,670 --> 00:16:13,337
Yeah, but she did.
390
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,172
But she didn't tell me that.
391
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:16,740
Well, so what?
We told you.
392
00:16:16,742 --> 00:16:18,175
You!
393
00:16:18,177 --> 00:16:20,377
You told me you was going
to support my daughter.
394
00:16:20,379 --> 00:16:23,047
Why the hell should I believe
anything you say?
395
00:16:25,851 --> 00:16:27,318
Now, I'll handle
this, see.
396
00:16:27,320 --> 00:16:28,919
Gloria, Gloria,
come on now. Come on.
397
00:16:28,921 --> 00:16:29,920
Be a good
little girl.
398
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,255
Do Daddy a favor, huh?
399
00:16:31,257 --> 00:16:32,890
Here, get your coat
and put it on.
400
00:16:32,892 --> 00:16:34,091
Now go out in the street
401
00:16:34,093 --> 00:16:36,160
and run up and down
there, see.
402
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,262
When you see your mother,
just head her off.
403
00:16:38,264 --> 00:16:40,097
Daddy, you won't let Ma
in her own house
404
00:16:40,099 --> 00:16:42,032
because you know
she won't lie for you.
405
00:16:42,034 --> 00:16:43,800
I don't want her
to lie for me.
406
00:16:43,802 --> 00:16:45,236
I just want her
to stay away
407
00:16:45,238 --> 00:16:47,004
and keep her mouth
shut for me.
408
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:48,239
Arch, it's
the same thing.
409
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:51,075
It ain't the same thing,
Meathead!
410
00:16:51,077 --> 00:16:53,277
It's like the all-American
horse trading, see.
411
00:16:53,279 --> 00:16:54,879
A guy goes in to buy a horse.
412
00:16:54,881 --> 00:16:56,680
He don't ask
if it's blind in one eye
413
00:16:56,682 --> 00:16:57,882
and the owner don't tell him.
414
00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:59,716
See, that ain't lying,
that's business.
415
00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:00,717
That's right, Arch,
that's business,
416
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:02,119
and it starts
right at the top
417
00:17:02,121 --> 00:17:04,654
with our own government
feeding us lies.
418
00:17:04,656 --> 00:17:06,423
If your government
tells you a lie,
419
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:08,625
it's for your own good.
420
00:17:08,627 --> 00:17:10,627
Like what I'm doing here
is for your own good.
421
00:17:10,629 --> 00:17:11,661
Leave me alone.
422
00:17:11,663 --> 00:17:13,663
Go on, do what I told
you to do, huh?
423
00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:14,865
I got to call
Joe Peterson.
424
00:17:14,867 --> 00:17:16,666
Daddy, what do you mean,
"for our own good"?
425
00:17:16,668 --> 00:17:19,003
Was the ITT scandal
for our own good?
426
00:17:19,005 --> 00:17:21,838
And what about the bugging
of the Democratic headquarters?
427
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:24,275
I'm worrying about saving a TV,
428
00:17:24,277 --> 00:17:26,743
and they're screaming at me
about a little bugging.
429
00:17:26,745 --> 00:17:28,078
A little bugging?
430
00:17:28,080 --> 00:17:30,180
Arch, that's an
invasion of privacy,
431
00:17:30,182 --> 00:17:32,349
a right guaranteed
us by the Constitution.
432
00:17:32,351 --> 00:17:33,918
People have fought
and died for that.
433
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:35,386
Come on, Arch, you
should understand that.
434
00:17:35,388 --> 00:17:36,520
You, of all people.
435
00:17:36,522 --> 00:17:38,289
Why'd you go out
and fight the Nazis?
436
00:17:38,291 --> 00:17:40,357
I was drafted.
437
00:17:40,359 --> 00:17:43,160
Now will you get out of here
and do what I tell you, huh?
438
00:17:43,162 --> 00:17:44,161
[DOORBELL RINGS]
439
00:17:44,163 --> 00:17:45,562
No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.
440
00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:46,596
There's the bell.
441
00:17:46,598 --> 00:17:47,998
That could be Peterson
at the door.
442
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:49,400
I don't want you
talking to him.
443
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:50,667
Go on out
the back way.
444
00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:52,469
No, no, Arch, we're going
out the front way
445
00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:53,670
and we're going
to keep going.
446
00:17:53,672 --> 00:17:55,672
We don't want any part of this.
Come on, Gloria.
447
00:17:55,674 --> 00:17:57,274
Don't you say nothing there.
Uh, Mr. Bunker?
448
00:17:57,276 --> 00:17:58,475
No, no, he's
right over here.
449
00:17:58,477 --> 00:17:59,676
The good, old-fashioned
American horse trader.
450
00:17:59,678 --> 00:18:02,612
Come on, Gloria.
451
00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:03,780
How do you do, sir?
452
00:18:03,782 --> 00:18:05,749
I'm from Benjamin
Franklin Mutual.
453
00:18:05,751 --> 00:18:08,652
Uh, well, where's Joe Peterson?
454
00:18:08,654 --> 00:18:11,588
Oh, I'm handling
this claim myself.
455
00:18:11,590 --> 00:18:14,524
Oh, I get it.
You're the buddy, Wagner.
456
00:18:14,526 --> 00:18:16,893
No, but Mr. Wagner
works for me.
457
00:18:16,895 --> 00:18:18,128
My name is Fairchild
458
00:18:18,130 --> 00:18:20,197
and I'm here to talk
to you about your claim.
459
00:18:20,199 --> 00:18:22,699
Oh, well, you got the check?
460
00:18:22,701 --> 00:18:24,401
Right here, Mr. Bunker.
461
00:18:24,403 --> 00:18:26,003
Oh, well, Mr. Fairchild,
as you can see,
462
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:27,404
I was just going out the door.
463
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:29,006
So why don't you
slip me the check
464
00:18:29,008 --> 00:18:30,407
and I can be on my way.
465
00:18:30,409 --> 00:18:31,608
Well, not quite
that fast, sir.
466
00:18:31,610 --> 00:18:33,610
You see, I have a couple
of questions to ask.
467
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:34,611
May I come in?
468
00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:35,912
Yeah, well,
Mr. Fairchild,
469
00:18:35,914 --> 00:18:37,714
you know, I really--
I ain't got much time.
470
00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:39,316
Well, this isn't going
to take much time.
471
00:18:39,318 --> 00:18:40,451
May I sit down?
472
00:18:40,453 --> 00:18:41,452
You see, Mr. Fairchild,
473
00:18:41,454 --> 00:18:43,253
I'm an awful
quick answerer,
474
00:18:43,255 --> 00:18:44,388
so couldn't we
just have
475
00:18:44,390 --> 00:18:46,323
a little give-and-take
standing up here?
476
00:18:46,325 --> 00:18:48,525
Well, actually,
Mr. Bunker, you see,
477
00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:50,361
it's your wife
that I want to talk to.
478
00:18:50,363 --> 00:18:53,230
There are just one or two
points in this claim
479
00:18:53,232 --> 00:18:54,898
that are a little fuzzy.
480
00:18:54,900 --> 00:18:57,167
Yeah, Mr. Fairchild,
but, uh,
481
00:18:57,169 --> 00:18:59,036
if you think you're
going to unfuzz them
482
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:01,105
by talking to my wife,
you're wrong.
483
00:19:01,107 --> 00:19:02,339
[DOORBELL RINGS]
484
00:19:02,341 --> 00:19:03,874
A-ha! That may be
Mrs. Bunker now.
485
00:19:03,876 --> 00:19:05,709
No, no, my wife always
got her own key.
486
00:19:05,711 --> 00:19:07,077
Wait a minute.
487
00:19:14,519 --> 00:19:16,520
It's one of
the neighbors.
488
00:19:16,522 --> 00:19:17,854
I'll only be two minutes.
489
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:18,989
Wait here.
490
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:21,725
Archie, they found
my locket.
491
00:19:21,727 --> 00:19:23,527
Shh! I know that, Edith.
492
00:19:23,529 --> 00:19:25,396
Take a walk around
the block, huh?
493
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:26,397
What for?
494
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:27,398
What for? I don't know.
495
00:19:27,400 --> 00:19:30,401
Count the fire hydrants
or something.
496
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,436
Why?
497
00:19:32,438 --> 00:19:34,104
Ah, Mrs. Bunker?
498
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:35,272
Yeah.
499
00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:36,373
Won't you come in?
500
00:19:39,344 --> 00:19:40,710
Are you coming, Archie?
501
00:19:42,980 --> 00:19:44,648
I'm Mr. Fairchild
502
00:19:44,650 --> 00:19:46,816
from the Benjamin Franklin
Insurance Company.
503
00:19:46,818 --> 00:19:48,585
Oh, yeah.
How do you do?
504
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:49,686
How do you do?
505
00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:51,355
I'll just put these bags
in the kitchen
506
00:19:51,357 --> 00:19:53,424
and I'll be
right with you.
507
00:19:53,426 --> 00:19:55,025
Mr. Fairchild, sit
down in the chair.
508
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:57,127
I want to tell you
something about my wife.
509
00:19:57,129 --> 00:19:58,828
Don't be asking her
too many questions
510
00:19:58,830 --> 00:20:00,197
because she's a very
nervous person
511
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,732
around strangers, see.
512
00:20:02,734 --> 00:20:04,101
Come, come,
Mr. Bunker.
513
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:06,836
That locket wasn't stolen.
It was lost.
514
00:20:06,838 --> 00:20:09,873
It was stolen, Mr. Fairchild.
515
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:10,874
FAIRCHILD:
Stolen?
516
00:20:10,876 --> 00:20:11,875
Yeah.
517
00:20:11,877 --> 00:20:14,844
Then in that case,
518
00:20:14,846 --> 00:20:16,713
would you please give me
a complete description
519
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:17,914
of the man who took it?
520
00:20:17,916 --> 00:20:19,049
Oh, no, no.
521
00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,250
She couldn't do that,
Mr. Fairchild.
522
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:21,251
Oh, yeah, I can.
523
00:20:21,253 --> 00:20:23,420
He was 5 feet,
6 inches tall,
524
00:20:23,422 --> 00:20:25,755
brown hair, blue eyes,
very thin,
525
00:20:25,757 --> 00:20:30,627
and a fever blister
on his lower lip.
526
00:20:31,696 --> 00:20:34,030
Don't overdo it, huh?
527
00:20:37,034 --> 00:20:38,768
You wouldn't happen
to know his name too?
528
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:40,370
No, no, no, she
don't know his name.
529
00:20:40,372 --> 00:20:41,405
Oh, yeah.
530
00:20:41,407 --> 00:20:43,373
Red Delaney.
531
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:47,611
Mr. Bunker, why didn't you tell
this to Mr. Peterson?
532
00:20:47,613 --> 00:20:50,046
Well, listen, I mean,
I would have done that,
533
00:20:50,048 --> 00:20:52,449
but it's awful hard to drag
the truth out of my wife.
534
00:20:52,451 --> 00:20:53,850
I don't know
how you done it.
535
00:20:53,852 --> 00:20:55,652
You must got a way
with you, you know?
536
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:57,254
Would you just give
me a few moments
537
00:20:57,256 --> 00:20:58,855
to add these new facts
to your claim
538
00:20:58,857 --> 00:21:00,056
and I'll be
right with you?
539
00:21:00,058 --> 00:21:01,858
Yeah, you take all
the time you want there.
540
00:21:01,860 --> 00:21:03,793
Edith, come here
a minute, will ya?
541
00:21:03,795 --> 00:21:06,029
Come here.
Are you all right?
542
00:21:06,031 --> 00:21:07,331
Yeah, I'm fine.
543
00:21:07,333 --> 00:21:08,999
Why?
544
00:21:09,001 --> 00:21:11,668
I ain't never seen
you lie before.
545
00:21:11,670 --> 00:21:12,836
Archie,
I wasn't lying--
546
00:21:12,838 --> 00:21:16,006
Shush. Shush.
547
00:21:16,008 --> 00:21:17,007
He swallowed
that baloney
548
00:21:17,009 --> 00:21:18,074
hook, line, and sinker,
549
00:21:18,076 --> 00:21:19,476
but after all,
I'm your husband.
550
00:21:19,478 --> 00:21:21,378
But, Archie, I wouldn't--
Edith, I don't care.
551
00:21:21,380 --> 00:21:24,581
Just quit while
you're ahead, huh?
552
00:21:24,583 --> 00:21:25,582
FAIRCHILD: Now,
Mrs. Bunker,
553
00:21:25,584 --> 00:21:27,484
your claim seems to be in order,
554
00:21:27,486 --> 00:21:29,286
so if you will
just be kind enough
555
00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:30,454
to sign this right there.
556
00:21:30,456 --> 00:21:33,257
Sure. What is it?
557
00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:34,658
Oh, it's just
a simple statement
558
00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:36,293
saying that your
locket was stolen
559
00:21:36,295 --> 00:21:38,028
and you know nothing
of its whereabouts.
560
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:39,129
Just sign
the statement, Edith,
561
00:21:39,131 --> 00:21:41,931
and we get the check.
562
00:21:41,933 --> 00:21:44,668
But I do know
where the locket is.
563
00:21:44,670 --> 00:21:45,969
Huh?
Yeah.
564
00:21:45,971 --> 00:21:46,970
No.
Yeah.
565
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:48,004
No!
Yeah.
566
00:21:53,744 --> 00:21:55,078
The police have it.
567
00:21:55,080 --> 00:21:56,413
Aw, jeez.
The police?
568
00:21:56,415 --> 00:21:58,848
Yeah,
they're holding it for evidence
569
00:21:58,850 --> 00:22:00,450
till after the trial.
570
00:22:00,452 --> 00:22:01,885
The trial of Red Delaney?
571
00:22:01,887 --> 00:22:09,893
Yeah, the trial of Red Delaney.
"The trial of Red Delaney."
572
00:22:09,895 --> 00:22:14,064
Oh, that sounds just like
a movie, don't it, Archie?
573
00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:17,434
Look, we got a new TV set!
574
00:22:21,306 --> 00:22:23,607
Well, that is that.
575
00:22:23,609 --> 00:22:26,643
I'm sure you must be
very happy, Mrs. Bunker.
576
00:22:26,645 --> 00:22:28,111
I know I am,
577
00:22:28,113 --> 00:22:31,715
and the company
will be delighted.
578
00:22:31,717 --> 00:22:34,084
Oh, I just love
happy endings,
579
00:22:34,086 --> 00:22:35,819
don't you, Archie?
580
00:22:38,423 --> 00:22:41,525
Now, you just call me
anytime you want me,
581
00:22:41,527 --> 00:22:43,159
and remember,
582
00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:46,563
Benjamin Franklin is
there when you need us.
583
00:22:46,565 --> 00:22:47,564
Goodbye.
584
00:22:47,566 --> 00:22:49,899
Goodbye, and thank you.
585
00:22:56,006 --> 00:22:57,274
Archie,
586
00:22:57,276 --> 00:23:00,009
can I ask you
a question?
587
00:23:00,011 --> 00:23:03,146
Of course you
may, Edith.
588
00:23:03,148 --> 00:23:05,415
Did you really think
I was lying?
589
00:23:05,417 --> 00:23:08,017
Oh, Edith.
590
00:23:08,019 --> 00:23:11,622
I mean, with $300 waltzing
out the door that way,
591
00:23:11,624 --> 00:23:13,423
do you really think
I give a damn?
592
00:23:18,062 --> 00:23:20,297
But I told
the truth, Archie.
593
00:23:20,299 --> 00:23:22,832
That's always
the best thing to do.
594
00:23:22,834 --> 00:23:24,200
Aw, the best thing to do.
595
00:23:24,202 --> 00:23:26,002
Let me ask you a question,
Edith.
596
00:23:26,004 --> 00:23:27,137
Sure.
597
00:23:27,139 --> 00:23:30,807
How is it always
when you do the best thing,
598
00:23:30,809 --> 00:23:32,542
it turns out the worst?
599
00:23:41,619 --> 00:23:42,719
Hurry up, Michael.
600
00:23:42,721 --> 00:23:44,087
The documentary
you wanted to see
601
00:23:44,089 --> 00:23:45,355
is on
in a few minutes.
602
00:23:45,357 --> 00:23:46,657
Hold it, hold it,
little girl.
603
00:23:46,659 --> 00:23:48,692
Give me that
remote control.
604
00:23:48,694 --> 00:23:50,427
Documentary, my foot.
605
00:23:50,429 --> 00:23:52,962
I'm 300 bucks in the hole
over that television set.
606
00:23:52,964 --> 00:23:54,765
We're going to watch
what I want to watch,
607
00:23:54,767 --> 00:23:56,500
which happens to be the fights.
608
00:23:56,502 --> 00:23:57,567
Oh, Daddy.
609
00:23:57,569 --> 00:23:58,902
There.
610
00:24:03,775 --> 00:24:04,941
Now what's this?
611
00:24:04,943 --> 00:24:06,443
It's supposed to be
instant on, here.
612
00:24:06,445 --> 00:24:08,144
See, is it plugged in there,
Meathead?
613
00:24:08,146 --> 00:24:09,946
Yeah.
614
00:24:09,948 --> 00:24:11,047
Why don't it come on?
615
00:24:12,717 --> 00:24:14,618
There, there.
616
00:24:14,620 --> 00:24:16,687
Come on, get on there.
617
00:24:18,423 --> 00:24:19,690
It's a brand-new set.
618
00:24:19,692 --> 00:24:21,358
This thing's supposed
to work perfect, here.
619
00:24:21,360 --> 00:24:22,526
Did you ask them
620
00:24:22,528 --> 00:24:24,328
if the remote control
was working?
621
00:24:24,330 --> 00:24:25,796
You don't ask questions
like that
622
00:24:25,798 --> 00:24:27,931
about a brand-new piece
of equipment.
623
00:24:27,933 --> 00:24:30,667
Arch, you bought a horse
with a blind eye.
624
00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:35,271
Yeah, Daddy,
that's not lying.
625
00:24:35,273 --> 00:24:37,207
That's business.
626
00:24:37,209 --> 00:24:39,042
That's what America's
all about.
627
00:24:39,044 --> 00:24:41,177
♪ Doo-dah, doo-dah ♪
628
00:25:00,631 --> 00:25:02,432
ANNOUNCER:
All in the Family was recorded on tape
629
00:25:02,434 --> 00:25:05,402
before a live audience.
630
00:25:05,452 --> 00:25:10,002
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
44772
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