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♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:05,404 --> 00:00:09,040
♪ songs that made
the hit parade ♪
3
00:00:09,108 --> 00:00:12,644
♪ guys like us
we had it made ♪
4
00:00:12,712 --> 00:00:15,446
[ together ]
♪ those were the days ♪
5
00:00:15,514 --> 00:00:19,050
♪ and you knewwhere you were then ♪
6
00:00:19,118 --> 00:00:22,754
[ Archie ]
♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪
7
00:00:22,822 --> 00:00:25,724
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ mister, we could use a man ♪
8
00:00:25,791 --> 00:00:29,393
♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪
9
00:00:29,461 --> 00:00:32,931
[ Archie ]
♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪
10
00:00:32,999 --> 00:00:36,434
[ Edith ]
♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪
11
00:00:36,502 --> 00:00:40,138
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪
12
00:00:40,205 --> 00:00:44,643
♪ those were the days ♪
13
00:00:52,852 --> 00:00:56,655
[ silverware clinking ]
14
00:00:56,722 --> 00:01:00,659
Ma, this Turkey
is sensational. Mm-hmm.
15
00:01:00,726 --> 00:01:02,627
Mmm.
16
00:01:02,695 --> 00:01:05,429
Gloria, I love your stuffing.
17
00:01:13,539 --> 00:01:15,540
[ Loud sigh ]
18
00:01:18,544 --> 00:01:20,545
What was that for?
19
00:01:20,612 --> 00:01:23,614
What, Archie?
What was that for?
20
00:01:23,683 --> 00:01:26,851
No. I didn't mean "what"
meaning what did you say.
21
00:01:26,919 --> 00:01:29,253
I meant what meaning
what was "what" for?
22
00:01:33,759 --> 00:01:37,428
What other "what"
was there, Edith? You sighed.
23
00:01:37,496 --> 00:01:39,164
Did I sigh?
24
00:01:39,231 --> 00:01:42,734
Yeah, you sighed,
and you heaved it right over in this direction.
25
00:01:46,839 --> 00:01:49,240
It's like trying to eat
in a wind tunnel.
26
00:01:51,243 --> 00:01:55,580
Well, I'm sorry. I must have
done it "unconscious."
27
00:01:55,647 --> 00:01:57,982
That's the way you go
through life, Edith.
28
00:02:05,624 --> 00:02:08,059
[ Sighs ]
Now cut that out!
29
00:02:08,127 --> 00:02:11,295
Now, daddy, be nice.It's Christmas.
30
00:02:11,363 --> 00:02:14,866
That's what "what" was for.
31
00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:19,503
I guess I sighed because
somehow it just don't seem like Christmas.
32
00:02:19,571 --> 00:02:22,974
- I know what you mean, ma.
- What do you mean you know what she means?
33
00:02:23,042 --> 00:02:26,945
Nothing. I was going to say
that mom means that we're all kowtowing to Madison Avenue...
34
00:02:27,012 --> 00:02:29,180
And the almighty
cash register. [ Archie scoffing ]
35
00:02:29,248 --> 00:02:32,416
Yeah, she means that
Christmas has been exploited by big business.
36
00:02:32,484 --> 00:02:34,719
It's a victim
of crass commercialism.
37
00:02:34,787 --> 00:02:37,956
Oh, my. Did I mean all that?
38
00:02:40,760 --> 00:02:44,262
You know, Michael's right.
Christmas is never like what you read about.
39
00:02:44,329 --> 00:02:48,099
Nobody ever sits around
the fire roasting chestnuts and telling ghost stories.
40
00:02:48,167 --> 00:02:54,005
Maybe that's it, Archie.
We got no chestnuts roasting on the fire.
41
00:02:55,440 --> 00:02:57,942
Edith, how long
we been living in this here house?
42
00:02:58,010 --> 00:03:00,178
Twenty years.
Twenty years.
43
00:03:00,246 --> 00:03:03,581
In all them 20 years,
you ever happen to notice any fireplaces anywhere?
44
00:03:06,385 --> 00:03:08,887
No.
[ Mocking ] No.
45
00:03:08,954 --> 00:03:12,123
So maybe that's why
we don't have chestnuts, huh?
46
00:03:12,191 --> 00:03:15,193
'Cause the house
happens to be heated by radiators.
47
00:03:15,261 --> 00:03:21,099
That's right, Archie.
And "radiated" chestnuts wouldn't be the same.
48
00:03:25,271 --> 00:03:29,274
But it ain't just the nuts.
It's the bubble.
49
00:03:29,341 --> 00:03:33,878
Huh?
Ah, geez. The bubbles are missing.
50
00:03:33,946 --> 00:03:37,816
I think what ma's trying
to say is you're not your gay, bubbly, christmassy self, daddy.
51
00:03:37,883 --> 00:03:41,652
I am gay. I'm gay.
I'm as gay as everybody here!
52
00:03:43,322 --> 00:03:46,257
Gee, you sure coulda
fooled me.
53
00:03:46,325 --> 00:03:51,162
What's the matter, Archie?
You're acting like you're giving up on Christmas this year.
54
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:54,098
Why you so down?
Where's your Christmas spirit?
55
00:03:54,166 --> 00:03:58,002
What do you mean?
Who do you think hung the wreath on the door, huh?
56
00:03:58,070 --> 00:04:01,239
One of "santee's go-nomes"?
57
00:04:01,307 --> 00:04:04,309
Don't be telling me
I'm down, huh?
58
00:04:04,376 --> 00:04:07,045
Well, maybe down
isn't the right word.
59
00:04:07,112 --> 00:04:10,781
Maybe it's--
maybe it's more like low.
60
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:13,852
Like this tree
you bought.
61
00:04:17,323 --> 00:04:20,992
What's the matter
with the tree? Archie, look at it.
62
00:04:21,060 --> 00:04:23,561
It's not exactly
the king of the forest.
63
00:04:24,363 --> 00:04:26,597
Yeah, or even a prince.
64
00:04:26,665 --> 00:04:30,235
There ain't nothing the matter
with this tree a little decorating wouldn't help.
65
00:04:30,302 --> 00:04:32,503
How come nobody put
the star on it this year?
66
00:04:32,571 --> 00:04:35,073
I tried, Archie.
67
00:04:35,140 --> 00:04:39,810
But every time I put
the star on, the tree fell over.
68
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:42,546
I don't care
nothing about that.
69
00:04:42,614 --> 00:04:46,617
I wasn't laying out
no 20-30 bucks for a big tree.
70
00:04:46,685 --> 00:04:50,788
Maybe if my firm would give out
their Christmas bonus as usual,
71
00:04:50,856 --> 00:04:53,358
well, then I'd have
laid out big, as usual.
72
00:04:53,425 --> 00:04:57,828
But they didn't.
They're cutting back. There was no bonus, nothing.
73
00:04:57,897 --> 00:05:00,531
Gee, you really are down.
74
00:05:00,599 --> 00:05:03,601
I ain't down!
I'm up, up, up.
75
00:05:03,668 --> 00:05:06,004
Who was the first
to yell "merry Christmas" this morning?
76
00:05:06,071 --> 00:05:10,909
- Michael was.
- Oh, all right. I was next then, eh?
77
00:05:10,976 --> 00:05:14,312
Geez. And didn't I
bring your coffee up to bed,
78
00:05:14,380 --> 00:05:17,382
like I do
every Christmas morning? Yeah, Archie.
79
00:05:17,449 --> 00:05:20,118
All right.
That shows you I ain't down.
80
00:05:20,185 --> 00:05:23,687
You gotta be up to remember
to do a thing like that once a year.
81
00:05:26,392 --> 00:05:30,228
Well, Archie, something must be
bothering you, otherwise you wouldn't be in such a mood.
82
00:05:30,296 --> 00:05:33,064
I am not in no mood.
83
00:05:33,132 --> 00:05:36,167
Oh, gee, daddy.
You didn't even join in the bunker glee club this year.
84
00:05:36,235 --> 00:05:39,603
- Aw, the bunker glee club.
- Yeah, you didn't do your fa-la-la's.
85
00:05:39,671 --> 00:05:44,909
I fa-la-la'd in the kitchen.
Maybe you didn't hear me.
86
00:05:44,977 --> 00:05:47,545
Let's do it again,
and we'll hear you this time. Yeah, let's go.
87
00:05:47,612 --> 00:05:49,780
Leave me alone, will ya?
Get outta here. Come on. Let's go.
88
00:05:49,848 --> 00:05:52,850
Okay.
[ All ] ♪ deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
89
00:05:52,918 --> 00:05:57,855
- ♪ fa-la-la-la-la ♪
- ♪ la-la-la-la ♪
90
00:05:57,923 --> 00:06:01,592
♪ 'tis the season to be jolly
fa-la-la-la-la ♪
91
00:06:01,660 --> 00:06:04,228
♪ la-la-la-la ♪
will ya?
92
00:06:04,296 --> 00:06:07,631
Now, that showed
I ain't down, huh? I'm up.
93
00:06:07,699 --> 00:06:11,402
Just leave me alone, will ya?
Let me digest my dinner. ♪ [ Carolers singing ]
94
00:06:11,470 --> 00:06:14,638
Hey, it's carolers.
Look, right on the front porch. ♪ [ Singing continues ]
95
00:06:14,706 --> 00:06:19,810
Wow,
don't they sound great? Oh, my. They look so sweet.
96
00:06:19,878 --> 00:06:22,847
They've been torturing us
with that racket for three days.
97
00:06:22,914 --> 00:06:26,417
- I'm gonna give 'em something.
- Look at Edith, runnin' me into bankruptcy,
98
00:06:26,485 --> 00:06:28,886
feeding them panhandlers.
99
00:06:30,489 --> 00:06:33,157
♪ We wish you
a merry Christmas ♪ very good. We enjoyed it.
100
00:06:33,225 --> 00:06:36,260
[ All saying thank you ]
[ Mike ]Merry Christmas.
101
00:06:36,328 --> 00:06:40,831
Oh, my.
Wasn't that nice, Archie?
102
00:06:40,899 --> 00:06:43,734
I call it
disturbing the peace.
103
00:06:43,802 --> 00:06:49,474
I am sick of people wishing me
merry Christmas whilst they're picking my pocket.
104
00:06:49,541 --> 00:06:54,145
I never saw you
sick of Christmas before.
105
00:06:54,213 --> 00:06:56,381
Yeah, daddy. You always
liked Christmas Carols.
106
00:06:56,448 --> 00:06:58,949
Everybody likes
Christmas Carols.
107
00:06:59,018 --> 00:07:03,888
You know, I remember when I was
a kid, my family used to sit under the tree and sing Carols.
108
00:07:09,495 --> 00:07:12,263
Of course,
we always had a big tree.
109
00:07:12,331 --> 00:07:15,866
You always have
a big mouth too?
110
00:07:15,934 --> 00:07:20,104
Well, I mean, we didn't
buy our tree in a parking lot from ferguson's supermarket.
111
00:07:20,172 --> 00:07:24,042
No. Our tree came down
on big trucks all the way from Ontario.
112
00:07:24,109 --> 00:07:27,111
- Hey, what did you mean
by that? - What'd I say?
113
00:07:27,179 --> 00:07:29,813
You know what you said, Ontario.
I don't know what you're talking about.
114
00:07:29,881 --> 00:07:32,250
Don't be a wise guy.
You know what you mean.
115
00:07:32,317 --> 00:07:34,552
Archie, wait a second.
Ontario's a province in Canada.
116
00:07:34,619 --> 00:07:38,289
Did you tell him
about Ontario? I never said a word, Archie.
117
00:07:38,357 --> 00:07:40,591
- Daddy, what's your problem
with Ontario? - She said it again.
118
00:07:40,659 --> 00:07:43,294
What are youse two
trying to pull anyway? Nothing.
119
00:07:43,362 --> 00:07:46,030
Listen, Professor. Suppose
your bosses said to you,
120
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:49,167
"get off a special shipment
right away to London," huh?
121
00:07:49,234 --> 00:07:51,602
What would you do?
Wait a second, Archie. What are you talking about?
122
00:07:51,670 --> 00:07:54,172
You'd have sent it off
to London. You'd have sent it off to London, england.
123
00:07:54,239 --> 00:07:56,907
Who the hell ever heard of
London, Ontario?
124
00:08:00,345 --> 00:08:02,813
I heard of London, Ontario.
125
00:08:02,881 --> 00:08:06,850
That is the stupidest thing
I ever heard of, naming two places in the world the same.
126
00:08:06,918 --> 00:08:11,489
Archie, lots of places have
the same name. Like Odessa, Russia and Odessa, Texas.
127
00:08:11,557 --> 00:08:14,024
Yeah. Birmingham, england;
Birmingham, Alabama.
128
00:08:14,093 --> 00:08:16,360
New York, New York.
129
00:08:20,632 --> 00:08:23,634
Will you stifle yourself.
130
00:08:25,837 --> 00:08:29,173
Now don't be talking
about that tree no more. All right.
131
00:08:29,241 --> 00:08:31,909
I didn't see you
laying out any big dough for Christmas cheer.
132
00:08:31,977 --> 00:08:37,548
Oh, Archie. What about that
lovely electric carving knife they gave us?
133
00:08:37,616 --> 00:08:43,454
- What about the cigars?
- Cigars. Do you call these things cigars here?
134
00:08:43,522 --> 00:08:48,025
When I smoke a cigar,
I wanna feel tobacco between my teeth.
135
00:08:48,093 --> 00:08:51,095
Not one of these
plastic penny whistles.
136
00:08:53,232 --> 00:08:56,900
Yeah. I take two puffs
of these and I'm singeing the hair inside my nose.
137
00:08:58,770 --> 00:09:01,872
Thanks a lot, daddy.
We happened to think you might like a small cigar...
138
00:09:01,940 --> 00:09:03,874
For when you don't
have time to finish a big one.
139
00:09:03,942 --> 00:09:07,878
I always finish a big one.
Even if it takes two weeks.
140
00:09:10,882 --> 00:09:13,050
Sweet tipparoos.
141
00:09:13,118 --> 00:09:16,987
They smell like they was
dipped in a can of flit.
142
00:09:17,055 --> 00:09:20,324
Archie, just because you're in
a bad mood you don't have to say our presents stink.
143
00:09:20,392 --> 00:09:24,228
I never used the word stink.
144
00:09:24,296 --> 00:09:28,666
All I'm saying is that
Christmas presents, they ought to be individual-like.
145
00:09:28,733 --> 00:09:30,734
Oh, you mean like
what you gave us?
146
00:09:30,802 --> 00:09:32,836
A box of
his-and-hers handkerchiefs.
147
00:09:32,904 --> 00:09:35,406
Listen, if you don't like 'em,
you can give 'em back.
148
00:09:35,474 --> 00:09:37,542
I told ya,
I didn't get no bonus this year.
149
00:09:37,609 --> 00:09:42,613
It's the thought that matters.
I love my her handkerchiefs.
150
00:09:42,681 --> 00:09:45,916
How did you ever get 'em
to split a box?
151
00:09:45,984 --> 00:09:48,152
Aw, shush.
152
00:09:55,994 --> 00:09:59,997
I started talking about
individual presents.
153
00:10:00,065 --> 00:10:02,700
Like the time that
Gloria here was a little girl.
154
00:10:02,767 --> 00:10:06,770
And you wanted
a real China Dolly and a Dollhouse.
155
00:10:06,838 --> 00:10:10,007
A real one.
I couldn't afford that.
156
00:10:10,075 --> 00:10:14,078
I was climbing the walls
trying to raise that money. A buck here, a quarter there.
157
00:10:14,145 --> 00:10:17,815
Then just before Christmas,
the boss gave me my first bonus.
158
00:10:17,882 --> 00:10:21,552
You know, I coulda kissed
the guy. I ran outta there faster than Jesse Owens.
159
00:10:21,620 --> 00:10:26,724
And I went out and bought you
the most beautiful China Dolly and Dollhouse you ever seen.
160
00:10:26,791 --> 00:10:31,061
That's a lovely story, daddy.
But I don't remember that doll.
161
00:10:31,129 --> 00:10:34,465
That's 'cause
you never got it. Hey, hey, hey.
162
00:10:36,801 --> 00:10:40,238
Your father had too much
to drink, stifle yourself.
163
00:10:40,305 --> 00:10:43,140
And coming up the front steps
he tripped and fell.
164
00:10:43,208 --> 00:10:45,643
Will you stifle yourself.
165
00:10:45,711 --> 00:10:49,913
He wasn't hurt,
but the Dolly and house was smashed to pieces.
166
00:10:49,981 --> 00:10:53,484
Why can't you stifle?
[ Doorbell ringing ]
167
00:10:53,552 --> 00:10:57,221
Get that, will ya, meathead?
'Cause I don't want to look at nobody.
168
00:10:58,357 --> 00:11:01,158
Geez, you've got
a wicked memory.
169
00:11:01,226 --> 00:11:05,563
Merry Christmas, Mike.
Merry Christmas, everybody.
170
00:11:05,631 --> 00:11:09,967
Oh. Don't tell me
you're delivering milk on Christmas day there, wilbur.
171
00:11:10,034 --> 00:11:12,236
Oh, no. This ain't
no delivery, Archie.
172
00:11:12,304 --> 00:11:17,341
Oh. Well, then, what could you
possibly be here for?
173
00:11:17,409 --> 00:11:20,478
Uh, well,
you see, Mrs. bunker,
174
00:11:20,545 --> 00:11:23,947
when I come by yesterday,
you was out.
175
00:11:24,015 --> 00:11:28,919
But I left the money for
our milk bill with Mrs. mcnab. Didn't you get it?
176
00:11:28,987 --> 00:11:32,456
Oh yeah, I got that money.
[ Edith ] Oh, good.
177
00:11:37,596 --> 00:11:40,063
Then what do you want?
178
00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:47,405
It's, uh, a little bit
embarrassing having to ask, if you know what I mean.
179
00:11:47,472 --> 00:11:52,576
I know what he means.
I don't know what he means.
180
00:11:52,644 --> 00:11:56,614
Well, you know, it's that time
of year, ain't it?
181
00:11:56,682 --> 00:11:58,683
When everybody's givin'.
182
00:11:58,750 --> 00:12:02,420
Who's givin' me? Nobody.
I'm one of the guys that gets took.
183
00:12:02,487 --> 00:12:04,722
Nixon's worried about
wagin' price controls.
184
00:12:04,790 --> 00:12:07,325
When's he gonna stick out
a little tip control?
185
00:12:07,392 --> 00:12:11,462
I ain't asking for no raise.
Just the same tip as last year.
186
00:12:11,530 --> 00:12:15,032
Oh, that's nice, Archie,
ain't it? Yeah.
187
00:12:15,099 --> 00:12:17,435
What a break for us, Edith.
188
00:12:17,502 --> 00:12:20,671
You're gonna think it's nice
when the two of us are going over the hill to the poor house.
189
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:23,140
[ Chuckles ]
That'll be the day.
190
00:12:23,208 --> 00:12:26,176
With the kind of bonuses
your firm handed out this week.
191
00:12:26,244 --> 00:12:31,248
Hey, wilbur, ain't your family
expectin' you home with them on Christmas day?
192
00:12:31,316 --> 00:12:33,851
Wait a second.
Archie's firm gave out bonuses?
193
00:12:33,918 --> 00:12:37,187
Oh, yeah. Old man feeney
down the block told me your boss...
194
00:12:37,255 --> 00:12:39,590
Come through this Christmas
as usual.
195
00:12:39,658 --> 00:12:42,159
Feeney's crazy.
There wasn't no bonus.
196
00:12:42,227 --> 00:12:45,295
Are you kiddin'? I seen
the new vacuum cleaner...
197
00:12:45,364 --> 00:12:48,031
Feeney bought his missus
with the bonus money.
198
00:12:48,099 --> 00:12:51,769
Well, happy holiday,
everybody. Bye, wilbur.
199
00:12:53,972 --> 00:12:55,973
[ Door closes ]
200
00:13:00,645 --> 00:13:06,016
Now, who you gonna believe?
Me, or a big-mouth milkman?
201
00:13:13,024 --> 00:13:16,861
I'm tellin' ya, if feeney
got any extra money, it was some back pay he had comin'...
202
00:13:16,928 --> 00:13:19,129
Because the firm
didn't give out no bonus.
203
00:13:19,197 --> 00:13:22,366
Well, then, why did wilbur
say that your boss came through this year like he always does?
204
00:13:22,434 --> 00:13:26,003
Yeah. I wonder how
Mrs. feeney's enjoying her new vacuum cleaner.
205
00:13:26,070 --> 00:13:29,072
Yeah, it's lucky for her
feeney got his bonus.
206
00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:32,976
Ma, you'd enjoy one of
those new cannister cleaners. They're very powerful.
207
00:13:33,044 --> 00:13:38,215
Yeah. Great for picking up
big pine needles from big Christmas trees.
208
00:13:40,852 --> 00:13:44,187
Stop it! Stop it,
both of you, this minute.
209
00:13:44,255 --> 00:13:47,758
If your father says
there was no bonus, there was no bonus.
210
00:13:53,998 --> 00:13:58,569
Yeah. Why don't youse, uh,
go on, help your mother clear off the table or something.
211
00:13:58,637 --> 00:14:00,805
Come on.
212
00:14:03,074 --> 00:14:07,411
[ Carolers ]♪ it came upon a midnight clear ♪
213
00:14:07,479 --> 00:14:10,648
aw, these singers
are going to drive me out of my nut.
214
00:14:10,715 --> 00:14:13,417
Get the hell away
from this door!
215
00:14:25,196 --> 00:14:27,865
Uh--
merry Christmas.
216
00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:30,334
Oh, merry Christmas,
sister there.
217
00:14:30,401 --> 00:14:34,271
Uh, hold it. Hold it, will ya?
Hey, uh, hey, Edith, will ya get your bag?
218
00:14:34,339 --> 00:14:37,007
Yeah. How do you do, sister?
219
00:14:39,410 --> 00:14:42,412
Here you are.
Merry Christmas.
220
00:14:42,481 --> 00:14:46,049
Wait-wait a minute, Edith.
You know, we can do a little better than half a buck.
221
00:14:49,287 --> 00:14:52,155
Well, it's a dime anyway.
Bless you.
222
00:14:52,223 --> 00:14:55,058
Good-bye.
223
00:14:55,126 --> 00:14:58,629
Why do you leave me alone
like that to answer the door?
224
00:15:01,299 --> 00:15:04,468
One thing I can't stand
about this time of the year,
225
00:15:04,536 --> 00:15:07,938
everybody's out on the make,
including all your churches.
226
00:15:08,006 --> 00:15:11,408
Ah, daddy, she was just
collecting for the needy. Yeah.
227
00:15:11,476 --> 00:15:14,478
I love the way
those children sang.
228
00:15:14,546 --> 00:15:18,081
♪ It came upon
a midnight clear ♪
229
00:15:18,149 --> 00:15:21,485
will you
stifle yourself, Edith.
230
00:15:21,553 --> 00:15:24,555
I mean, just for a change,
can we have a little silent night around here?
231
00:15:24,623 --> 00:15:28,458
Oh, all right.
♪ silent night ♪ no, no. Edith.
232
00:15:30,361 --> 00:15:33,531
You're scrapin' a nerve.
233
00:15:33,598 --> 00:15:37,701
You know, I think when you was
a kid, somebody must have dropped you on your throat.
234
00:15:41,540 --> 00:15:44,207
Oh, look at this
back here.
235
00:15:44,275 --> 00:15:46,777
Hey, get out from underthe mistletoe.You're making it droop.
236
00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:50,548
Archie, will you
quit being so sore?
237
00:15:50,615 --> 00:15:53,751
Yeah, daddy, cheer up.
You're acting like scrooge.
238
00:15:53,818 --> 00:15:55,986
Aw, don't "scrooge" me.
239
00:15:56,054 --> 00:16:01,058
I'm the only one around here
that understands the true and solemn meaning of Christmas.
240
00:16:01,125 --> 00:16:05,529
Which is a time for peace
and quiet "contemptation."
241
00:16:05,597 --> 00:16:10,100
Oh, but I think you're allowed
to be jolly too.
242
00:16:10,168 --> 00:16:14,504
Sure you can be jolly,
Edith. Just be jolly with your mouth shut.
243
00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:20,210
Just sit there
and think. Think what?
244
00:16:20,278 --> 00:16:25,282
Don't be a dingbat, will ya?
Think. Think religious thoughts.
245
00:16:25,349 --> 00:16:27,818
Oh, drinking beer, daddy?
That's real religious.
246
00:16:27,886 --> 00:16:31,055
What's the matter with that?
247
00:16:31,122 --> 00:16:33,791
Geez, the Bible's full of wine.
248
00:16:33,858 --> 00:16:38,896
No, God don't have
nothing against taking a drink to celebrate his son's birthday.
249
00:16:38,964 --> 00:16:43,100
Archie, there's no proof
that Jesus was God's son. That's-that's fairy tales.
250
00:16:43,167 --> 00:16:46,336
Aw, come on,
you meatheaded atheist you.
251
00:16:48,006 --> 00:16:51,508
Gee. They don't give you
a holiday for fairy tales.
252
00:16:57,616 --> 00:17:01,451
All over the world
they celebrate the birth of that baby.
253
00:17:01,519 --> 00:17:03,854
And everybody gets time off
from work.
254
00:17:03,922 --> 00:17:07,758
Now if that ain't proof
that he's the son of God, then nothing is.
255
00:17:10,161 --> 00:17:14,498
Archie, I'm not saying that
a philosopher named Jesus didn't live in those days.
256
00:17:14,565 --> 00:17:17,067
I'm saying there was
no proof that he was the son of God.
257
00:17:17,135 --> 00:17:21,138
- Like I said, it's fairy tales.
- The Bible ain't fairy tales there, meathead.
258
00:17:21,205 --> 00:17:23,573
The Bible is facts all the way,
right from the beginning...
259
00:17:23,642 --> 00:17:27,645
When God made the world
in seven days. Six days, Archie.
260
00:17:27,712 --> 00:17:32,116
Seven days, Edith.
No. On the seventh day he rested.
261
00:17:32,183 --> 00:17:34,184
Well, maybe half a day,
Edith,
262
00:17:34,252 --> 00:17:37,420
but the other half
he went around checking on what he'd done.
263
00:17:42,260 --> 00:17:47,430
And he made us all
one true religion, Edith, christians,
264
00:17:47,498 --> 00:17:49,499
which he named after
his son, Christian.
265
00:17:52,503 --> 00:17:55,005
Or Christ for short.
266
00:17:57,441 --> 00:18:01,879
I never thought of that.
267
00:18:01,946 --> 00:18:06,616
Certainly. That's the way
it was for a long time. One religion.
268
00:18:06,685 --> 00:18:12,022
Till they started
splittin' off into all them other "denumerations" there.
269
00:18:12,090 --> 00:18:15,592
Your catholics,
your "persbytarians."
270
00:18:15,660 --> 00:18:18,996
Lutherans, et cetera,
et cetera.
271
00:18:19,064 --> 00:18:23,533
But there's still only
one true religion to this day, and that's his religion.
272
00:18:23,601 --> 00:18:26,236
Of course, that's the one
you belong to, right, arch?
273
00:18:26,304 --> 00:18:31,641
I'd be kind of stupid
if I didn't, wouldn't I? [ Chuckles ]
274
00:18:31,710 --> 00:18:35,713
Yeah, I tell you.
My heart goes out to a lot of guys I know.
275
00:18:35,780 --> 00:18:41,451
Yeah, they spend their lives
believin' one of them offshoot religions, you know?
276
00:18:41,519 --> 00:18:45,355
Sendin' their kids to them
there. Givin' 'em money.
277
00:18:45,423 --> 00:18:48,926
Runnin' dances for them.
And then in the end they get up there...
278
00:18:48,993 --> 00:18:52,495
And they find out
they was foolin' around with the wrong one all along.
279
00:18:55,433 --> 00:18:58,268
That's sad, you know that?
[ Doorbell ringing ]
280
00:18:58,336 --> 00:19:01,471
Hold it. Hold it.
Hold it, everybody. I'm gonna get that.
281
00:19:01,539 --> 00:19:04,875
There's gonna be
no more panhandlin' from this door today.
282
00:19:20,558 --> 00:19:22,926
Who are you?
283
00:19:22,994 --> 00:19:25,796
It's me, Jefferson.
284
00:19:25,864 --> 00:19:28,498
Oh, geez.
Well, how was I supposed to know that?
285
00:19:28,566 --> 00:19:32,736
It's Mr. Jefferson
dressed up like Santa. Come in.
286
00:19:32,804 --> 00:19:35,806
Hold it. Hold it.
There's more of them here.
287
00:19:35,874 --> 00:19:39,877
[ All saying merry Christmas ]
288
00:19:39,944 --> 00:19:42,946
Oh, I hope we are not
interrupting anything.
289
00:19:43,014 --> 00:19:46,516
Oh, my, no.
You're very welcome. [ Laughs ]
290
00:19:46,584 --> 00:19:50,587
So you're supposed to be
Santa claus, are you?
291
00:19:50,655 --> 00:19:53,157
Ho, ho, ho.
292
00:19:59,664 --> 00:20:03,333
You look more like
a rabbi to me.
293
00:20:08,372 --> 00:20:12,209
Oh, Henry is playing Santa
down at the youth center.
294
00:20:12,277 --> 00:20:16,446
So we thought we'd drop by
on our way and leave this off.
295
00:20:16,514 --> 00:20:21,785
I baked it myself.
Oh, look, Archie. A lovely fruitcake.
296
00:20:21,853 --> 00:20:25,555
Much obliged, Mrs. j.
Thank you, Louise.
297
00:20:25,623 --> 00:20:28,658
Come on. Have some eggnog.
Look, Gloria. Oh.
298
00:20:28,726 --> 00:20:31,895
I see you go for
the latest thing in Christmas trees.
299
00:20:33,531 --> 00:20:37,667
Huh?
Yeah, the Japanese dwarf species.
300
00:20:39,337 --> 00:20:42,505
[ Mike ] Mr. Jefferson,
you want some eggnog? Sure would. Thank you.
301
00:20:42,573 --> 00:20:47,410
I hope it's not
too strong for ya. Merry Christmas, neighbors.
302
00:20:47,478 --> 00:20:50,047
[ All ]
Merry Christmas.
303
00:20:50,114 --> 00:20:52,549
Oh, this is great eggnog,
Mr. bunker.
304
00:20:52,616 --> 00:20:56,453
You ain't just
whistlin' Dixie there, Lionel. Oh, I never do that.
305
00:20:58,656 --> 00:21:02,993
Well, let's everybody
sit down and we'll have a nice visit.
306
00:21:03,061 --> 00:21:05,395
Yeah, yeah.
Come on. Come on. Sit down, all of youse.
307
00:21:05,463 --> 00:21:09,632
As long as youse are here
you might as well-- but not in my-- aw!
308
00:21:12,303 --> 00:21:16,974
Is that a new coat,
Louise? Yes, isn't it beautiful?
309
00:21:17,041 --> 00:21:19,209
George gave it to me
for Christmas. Oh.
310
00:21:19,277 --> 00:21:21,879
I ain't seen your husband George
since you moved in there.
311
00:21:21,946 --> 00:21:26,283
- What's he doing with himself?
- Well, he's home watching the new tv we gave him.
312
00:21:26,351 --> 00:21:29,519
[ Edith ]
It sounds like you're having a wonderful Christmas.
313
00:21:29,587 --> 00:21:32,256
[ Louise ]
We are. And how did you do, Edith?
314
00:21:32,323 --> 00:21:36,226
Oh, well, Archie got me
a lovely box of--
315
00:21:36,294 --> 00:21:41,331
we all give ourselves kind of
personal items, Mrs. Jefferson. We don't talk about them.
316
00:21:41,399 --> 00:21:44,834
Come on, Louise.
I'll show you what Archie gave me.
317
00:21:44,903 --> 00:21:47,905
Now don't do that, Edith.
Oh, geez.
318
00:21:47,972 --> 00:21:50,874
What's the matter, bunker?
You don't look too good.
319
00:21:50,942 --> 00:21:54,278
What do you mean?
I feel fine. I feel just fine.
320
00:21:54,345 --> 00:21:57,014
But, while we're
on the subject of looks,
321
00:21:57,081 --> 00:22:00,951
if you're gonna play
Santa claus, Santa claus was white and so was his beard.
322
00:22:01,019 --> 00:22:02,852
Told you he'd say that,
Uncle Henry.
323
00:22:02,921 --> 00:22:07,157
That's ridiculous.
I'd look silly with a white beard.
324
00:22:07,225 --> 00:22:11,128
And who said Santa claus
was white?
325
00:22:11,195 --> 00:22:15,365
Come on, now.
I had the same argument with you about Jesus.
326
00:22:17,701 --> 00:22:20,037
I hate to go over
old ground again,
327
00:22:20,104 --> 00:22:23,540
but the fact is,
Jesus is white and so is Santa claus.
328
00:22:23,607 --> 00:22:25,708
Yeah? Let me tell you
something, bunker. Yeah.
329
00:22:25,776 --> 00:22:31,415
When I was a kid on Christmas
Eve, the guy that used to fill my stocking was black.
330
00:22:31,482 --> 00:22:33,650
- Let me tell you something--
- we ought to get going.
331
00:22:33,717 --> 00:22:36,453
You know the kids
down at the center, Uncle Henry. Let's go, ma.
332
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:39,022
Hey, Lionel,can we go with you?Yeah, sure. Come on.
333
00:22:39,090 --> 00:22:41,091
Oh, great.
Ma, you don't mind, do you? We won't be long.
334
00:22:41,159 --> 00:22:44,328
No. Go right ahead.
Have a good time.
335
00:22:44,395 --> 00:22:48,065
Thank you, Louise.
Merry Christmas.
336
00:22:48,132 --> 00:22:51,634
Hey, bunker.
Peace.
337
00:22:53,304 --> 00:22:55,638
Oh, geez.
338
00:23:03,247 --> 00:23:07,250
Oh, Archie,
wasn't that nice?
339
00:23:07,318 --> 00:23:11,488
Nice? What do you mean nice?
What's nice about it?
340
00:23:11,555 --> 00:23:15,225
Guy comes into my house
dressed up like a famous white person.
341
00:23:20,064 --> 00:23:22,399
Sits in my chair.
342
00:23:22,467 --> 00:23:26,970
Then he goes out
on Christmas day making a pinko sign like that.
343
00:23:27,038 --> 00:23:31,174
I didn't know peace
was pinko.
344
00:23:31,242 --> 00:23:35,412
Aw, Edith. Listen, listen.
I wanted to tell you something.
345
00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:37,981
What is it, Archie?
346
00:23:38,049 --> 00:23:41,051
Well, it was about
that thing before--
347
00:23:41,119 --> 00:23:45,955
you want to thank me
for understanding about your Christmas bonus, don't you?
348
00:23:46,024 --> 00:23:49,359
Why don't you never wait
for me to tell you nothing?
349
00:23:51,362 --> 00:23:54,364
I want to thank you
for understanding about my Christmas bonus.
350
00:23:56,800 --> 00:24:01,304
See, I didn't want you
to think maybe I got the bonus and blew it on something else,
351
00:24:01,372 --> 00:24:04,641
or maybe I was like
too stingy to spend it, you know?
352
00:24:04,708 --> 00:24:08,378
Oh, I never thought that,
Archie.
353
00:24:08,446 --> 00:24:11,848
I guessed that you didn't get
your bonus this year...
354
00:24:11,916 --> 00:24:15,052
Because of that mistake
you made down at the plant.
355
00:24:16,887 --> 00:24:19,056
- You guessed that, huh?
- Well, yeah.
356
00:24:19,123 --> 00:24:24,794
I figured that when you sent
that shipment to London, england instead of London, Ontario...
357
00:24:24,862 --> 00:24:28,265
They kept your Christmas bonus
as a fine.
358
00:24:30,268 --> 00:24:34,404
Yeah, see, they kept
my Christmas bonus as a fine.
359
00:24:35,739 --> 00:24:38,208
Thank you
for telling me, Archie.
360
00:24:40,911 --> 00:24:42,845
[ Sighs ]
361
00:24:44,382 --> 00:24:49,619
Well, I guess it ain't such
a bad Christmas after all, huh?
362
00:24:55,893 --> 00:24:58,895
Hi, mom.
Hi. Did you have a good time?
363
00:24:58,963 --> 00:25:02,132
Oh, yeah. It was great.
There must've been 200 kids down there.
364
00:25:02,200 --> 00:25:05,702
Oh. Upstairs.
Yeah. Where's daddy?
365
00:25:05,769 --> 00:25:09,939
Is he in a better mood?
♪ deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
366
00:25:10,007 --> 00:25:13,676
♪ fa-la-la-la-la ♪
[ All ] ♪ la-la-la-la ♪
367
00:25:13,744 --> 00:25:18,748
♪ 'tis the season to be jolly
fa-la-la-la-la ♪
368
00:25:18,816 --> 00:25:23,487
♪ la-la-la ♪
get out of my chair, meathead.
369
00:25:38,936 --> 00:25:42,372
[ Announcer ]
All in the family was recordedon tape before a live audience.
370
00:25:42,422 --> 00:25:46,972
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