All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S09E08.A.Job.for.Robert.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS-ing

- Hey, we got anything to eat
over here?

- Ray.

- Thought your mom
was making pancakes.

- She was, but she
gave the good ones to robert

And totally shorted me
on the blueberry sauce.

I had less on my plate
than he had on his face.

- Well, that's weird,
because amy says

That the service
has been exceptional over there.

- Oh, yeah,
well, my tongue should be blue,

And it isn't.

- You know,
I never thought I'd say it,

But we really do love
living over there.

- Hello, dears.

- Hey, marie.
- Hey, marie.

- Look at amy.

You look marvelous, dear.

Doesn't she
look marvelous, debra?

- Why wouldn't she?
She's living with you.

- True.

- yeah.

- Raymond, I meant
to ask you a favor,

But you left so quickly.

I was wondering if you could
put up my storm windows for me,

'cause lately,
I've been getting a chill

While I'm doing
my morning calisthenics.

- Wait, wait, wait.
Storm windows?

Why can't robert do it?

Or is he sleeping off
his blueberry high?

- Sure, marie.
Robert could do it.

- Robert has
other things to do.

- What? What?
What's he do?

- He puts his life on the line

Every day
to protect the community.

He doesn't need
any more stress.

- What? Stress?

He can't pop in a few windows

At the house
where he lives rent-free?

- You know,
this lazy side of you

Is very unattractive, raymond.

But fine.

My joints
are a little stiff,

But I'll just bundle up
and hope for a mild winter.

- All right, mom.

I'll put in the windows.

- Thank you.

- I don't know why
you'd want to make

A house that dad lives in
airtight.

Take it off.

What are you doing
peeping in my window?

- Sorry. It's just...

I like 'em big.

- What are you doing there?

- I'm doing your job.

I'm changing
the stupid windows.

- Oh, yeah?
Since when is that my job?

- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

What happened to my room here?
Huh?

What is all this stuff?

Is this a refrigerator?

- Raymond, please,
I'm very busy.

- Well, look at all this.

I knew amy took a nip
once in a while.

I didn't know
she was a wino.

- This is not
amy's doing.

Ma put this in for us.

Now, if you don't mind,
I would like to get dressed.

- What's with the candles

And massage oil?

- Well, ma gave us
a gift basket

When we all moved in together.

That's right.

- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.

How come mom's doing all this
for you all of a sudden

With the special treatment
and candles and wine,

Massage oil?

Oh.

Oh.

- What? What?

- Grandchildren.

She wants grandchildren,

And she's doing all she can
to grease the wheels.

- Oh, get out of here.

- No, it's got to be.

Come on, you're a cop.

Put it together.

This isn't a gift basket.

It's a love basket.

- Yeah, why do you think

Mom doesn't want you
working around the house?

She's got a much bigger job
for you.

- You know what?
You're just jealous.

- Yeah, I'm telling ya!

- No, you are wrong.

You see, what you can't stand

Is how much
mom likes me and amy.

- What?
- Oh, that's right.

You see, as a team,
and you very well know,

Me and amy beat you and debra
hands down.

- Oh, give me a break.

- Oh, it's simply mathematics,
raymond.

You see, if you take
ma's love for you,

Subtract it
by her distaste for debra,

Compare it
to her disappointment in me,

Add in her adoration for amy,

We end up winning
by 15 points.

- Yeah.

15 points.

- That's right.

Now, if you don't mind,

I would like you
out of my room.

- Yeah, your room.
- Yeah, that's right.

And if you don't leave
right now,

I will take off my robe
and hug you.

One...

- Shut up.
- Two.

- Don't be stupid.
- Three.

Sorry, ma.

- I remember it from the tub.

Listen, robbie.

I was at the store,

And I picked up
some boxer shorts for you.

They're satin.

- Thanks, ma, but you know,

Boxer shorts
aren't really my thing.

- That's nonsense.

These briefs that you wear
are much too tight.

And look.

They match amy's eyes.

- Oh, my god.

- Ooh!

Oh, soft. It's so soft.

Okay. All right.

I'll let you
get your rest, robert.

You got a lot of work to do.

- No.
No, wait a minute.

This can't possibly--

- Oh, wake up,
my friend, huh?

You think
you're in your bedroom,

But you're really in...

The incubator!

- Amy!

Amy!

Amy!

- Hey, what is it?

Hey, cute boxers.

- We're being played.
- What?

- You know all that nice stuff
that mom's doing for us?

It isn't
because she cares for us.

She wants us to breed.

We're ling-ling
and sing-sing.

- Have you been raiding
our little fridge this morning?

- And you see,
that's all part of it.

The alcohol, the candles,
the oil.

You mix all that together,
and you know what you get?

A baby.

- I guess the girls
get a different slide show

Than the boys.

- Listen.

Listen to me, amy.

Mom is only doing this
for one reason.

She's trying to seduce us.

You like these boxers?

Huh? Do ya?

Well, you know what?

She bought them
because they match your eyes

And won't squeeze my peas.

- Robert, where is this
coming from all of a sudden?

- I'm a cop.

I put it together.

Don't you understand, amy?

We are living
in a baby factory!

What--what--

Okay.

- What are you doing?

- What am I doing?

I'm searching for bugs--

Hidden cameras,
listening devices.

- Robert, you're going crazy.

- Am I?

Oh.

What have we here, huh?

We're onto you, ma.

We're onto you.

- Robert, that's a thermostat.

- Oh, we'll just see about that.

This is just a thermostat.

But look.

It is set to 72 degrees--

Optimum spawning
temperature.

- All right, robert.

I know your mother

Likes to get involved
in people's lives,

But do you really think
she's trying to seduce us?

- What is that?
- Just a cd.

- Where'd you get it?
- Well, your mom gave it to me.

Oh.

- Barry white?

- That is odd.

- Odd?
Barry white?

You think this was
in her collection?

You think she listens to:

oh, baby.

Take off that brassiere,
my dear.

That's not mom!

No!

She will stop at nothing!

- Wow.

- You know,
I was actually thinking

That mom was starting
to appreciate me

For...Myself,

Just like she
appreciates raymond.

Idiot, idiot, idiot!

- Oh, robert.

It's okay.

She appreciates you.

- Yeah.

I'm her prize stud.

- Hey, you know,
if you think about it,

She appreciates
you so much

That she can't wait

To have a bunch
of little roberts

Running all over the place.

- Little roberts.

- Or little robertas.

You know,

It's actually kind of sweet

In its own manipulative,
creepy way.

It's like she built
a little nest for us.

I don't know.

Maybe we should
think about it.

- Well, what do you mean?

We have a plan.

Our ducks
aren't in a row yet.

I mean, we're still trying

To, you know, get up
enough money together.

We don't have
our own house.

Our ducks
are all over the pond.

- Well, maybe all our ducks

Don't have to be
in a row.

I mean, I don't know.

We're married;
that's a big duck.

It's not like we're never
gonna want kids.

- What are you saying?

You mean...Right now?

oh, take off that brassiere,

My dear.

- To hell with the ducks.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

- What?
What is it?

- My mom--I can't get her
out of my head.

- We'll see about that.

- No, no.

She's still there.

I can hear her voice.

I can hear her voice.
"go, robbie, go!"

- Robert.

- No, listen.
I just can't.

It's too much pressure for me.

I can't breed
in captivity!

- I found a boomy box.

- We're not animals!

- Well, dad, I didn't have
a lot of money,

But I got you a stripper.

- Shh!

Damn!
She's coming.

- Who?
- Ma.

- Jeez, ray, why do you live
so close to her?

- Robert.

Robert, what is wrong?

Why did you
run out of the house?

- It's nothing, marie.

I think we just
need to be alone.

- Well, that's fine.
Frank, raymond, get out.

-I want them to stay.
I need witnesses.

- What's going on?

- Okay, you ready
for this, debra?

Turns out,
the reason why mom's been

So nice to me and amy

Is because she's
trying to manipulate us

Into getting pregnant.

- Oh.
- Oh.

- I feel better now.

- Admit it, ma.

Ever since we moved in,

You've been luring us

Into some kind
of venus sex trap!

- First of all,

Do not say "sex trap" to me.

And second of all,

This is
the most ridiculous thing

I've ever heard.

I resent the fact
that you see me

As this manipulative monster.

And by the way,
what would be so terrible

If you and amy had a baby?

- Ma, try to understand.

It's not the right time
right now.

- I understand.

What do you think, amy?

- Well, I think we both
need to be ready.

- But I am ready.

- No, marie.
Me and robert.

- Yeah, ma.

You can see that,
can't you?

- Of course I can.

I only want the best for you.

Get your ass
out of my house.

- What?
- What?

- Marie, you don't mean that.

- Well, if they want to live
in my house,

There are certain rules.

- Ma, come on.

Nobody's throwing anybody out.

- No, no.

Let's think about this.

Since marie has been paying
so much attention

To them lately,
she's been nagging me less.

On the other hand,

This has also made my dinners
somewhat tardy.

- Don't worry, okay?

We're moving out.

Come on, amy.
Let's go.

- Robert, wait.

- I don't know
what to say, marie.

I feel...Used.

I mean, I fell for all this.

With all due respect,

This is between
me and my husband.

And just so you know,

Robert even
was willing to try,

But he couldn't perform

Because he couldn't
get you out of his mind.

- Amy!

- Believe me,
and I've tried hard:

It takes a few years.

- And worst of all,

Robert thought that maybe
you appreciated him for himself

And not his--

- All right, take it easy.

- Amy, I don't know
where robert gets this idea

That I don't appreciate him.

I do.

I do!

If anything, I have
always favored you over raymond.

It's true.

And robbie,

I may have paid a bit more
attention to raymond,

But that's only
because he was

A needy, soft, weak
little boy.

- Well, ma...

- You, on the other hand--

You've always been
so strong.

I never had to worry
about you being bullied

On the playground,

Because you were
always a boy who--who--

Had a 5:00 shadow.

- But yes,

Maybe I was wrong
to try to create conditions

That would encourage you
to be fruitful and multiply,

As it says in the bible.

But that's only because
it would be a waste

Not to pass on
these strong legs,

These broad shoulders,

And this marvelous
set of teeth.

Aww.

I'm sorry, raymond,

But your teeth
were always a disaster.

- Well, that's very nice, ma,

But do you really
expect me to believe this?

- No.

I don't expect you
to believe anything I say.

I obviously have failed
as a mother,

And I was only hoping
to have one more chance

As a grandmother.

- But, marie,
you are a grandmother.

What about our kids?

- Oh?

Where are they?

Ally!

Michael, geoffrey.

You know, it used to be
that I'd walk through that door,

And I'd be smothered
with hugs and kisses.

- Yeah?
- Grandma's here.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- See?

- Oh, come on, marie.

You know they love you.
- Yeah.

Maybe if you just gave them
a little time to miss you.

- Well, there'll be
plenty of time soon enough.

- Hold on, ma.

- Did you really mean
those nice things

You said about me--
you know, about my strength

And my goodness
and my teeth?

- I wouldn't have said them
if I didn't mean them.

- And I really am
the favorite?

- Ma?

- I'm sorry you had to hear it
like this, raymond.

- You know what, ma?

I think amy and I

Can give it a shot.

- Whatever you want, dear.

Come on, frank.

I want to make some
chocolate-covered strawberries.

- I ate those strawberries.

I ate that chocolate.

And I drank all the booze
in the little fridge.

- Robert, are you sure
about all this?

I just got the feeling
that your mom--

- Yeah, I got to tell you--

I can't believe
you fell for that.

- Yes, it certainly
looks that way, doesn't it?

Oh, she may be treating me
as the favorite for now,

But after she gets
amy pregnant,

I go back to being number...

Four.

- Wait a minute.

You're number four?

- Okay, three.

But before that happens,

I plan on milking this
for a long time.

- Ah, we should've just
kicked 'em out.

I can't even do this
for 15 minutes.