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1
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:09,860
And how did that make
you feel, Shayla?
2
00:00:09,884 --> 00:00:11,394
Going to the symphony?
3
00:00:11,428 --> 00:00:13,508
I don't know. Bored?
4
00:00:13,555 --> 00:00:16,095
It's like just going to see
the closing credits of a movie.
5
00:00:16,141 --> 00:00:17,481
I meant, how do you feel
6
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:19,347
about this potential
relationship?
7
00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:21,274
I don't think it's a good fit.
8
00:00:21,312 --> 00:00:23,402
He always has just the
right amount of stubble.
9
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:25,150
It's too deliberate.
10
00:00:25,191 --> 00:00:26,711
I think you're doing
what you always do.
11
00:00:26,735 --> 00:00:28,895
Prematurely ending
a relationship
12
00:00:28,945 --> 00:00:31,865
to avoid the inevitable
pain that love brings.
13
00:00:31,906 --> 00:00:34,736
No, I did not end the
last one prematurely.
14
00:00:34,784 --> 00:00:37,704
We had irreconcilable
differences.
15
00:00:37,746 --> 00:00:40,576
He. Wore. Socks. In. Bed.
16
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:42,543
Okay, I have an
assignment for you.
17
00:00:42,584 --> 00:00:45,714
Take out your day planner,
right now, please.
18
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:48,924
I want you to give this
new guy a couple of months,
19
00:00:48,965 --> 00:00:52,175
just to break the
cycle of self-sabotage.
20
00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:55,218
So mark 60 days from
your first date,
21
00:00:55,263 --> 00:00:56,813
and on that day,
you can dump him
22
00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:58,598
if you choose to do so.
23
00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:02,901
60 days, and then it's Dump Day.
24
00:01:02,937 --> 00:01:04,307
I don't know, I feel kinda bad
25
00:01:04,356 --> 00:01:06,476
using this guy as
my therapy homework.
26
00:01:06,524 --> 00:01:09,284
Is it worse than ghosting him
now because of his stubble?
27
00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:12,565
I met someone, y'all!
28
00:01:14,282 --> 00:01:15,992
One, two, three, four!
29
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:30,441
Yeah, I thought I was
done with romance,
30
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:34,635
but I have now been on two
stellar dates with Shayla...
31
00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,048
Ooh!
32
00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,006
That would be Ms. Shayla Howard,
33
00:01:38,056 --> 00:01:39,516
the A.P. English substitute.
34
00:01:39,557 --> 00:01:41,727
Ms. Howard? I have her
when Ms. Miller's out.
35
00:01:41,768 --> 00:01:45,608
One time, she drank a one liter
of Diet Coke during a class.
36
00:01:45,647 --> 00:01:48,147
A morning class. I like her.
37
00:01:48,191 --> 00:01:49,821
Well, I like her too.
38
00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:51,739
And yes, I have noticed
that many of you are
39
00:01:51,778 --> 00:01:53,698
dressed like riverboat
casino croupiers,
40
00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:55,818
but I don't wanna
talk about that yet.
41
00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:58,985
I'm just gonna let that drift
on down the Big Muddy a spell.
42
00:01:59,035 --> 00:02:00,325
'Cause right now,
43
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:01,830
what's floating
my boat is Shayla.
44
00:02:01,871 --> 00:02:03,961
And I'm pulling out all
the stops to impress her.
45
00:02:03,998 --> 00:02:05,958
Sounds like you might
be overcompensating.
46
00:02:06,001 --> 00:02:07,751
Exactly wrong, Marcus.
47
00:02:07,794 --> 00:02:10,094
You see, by putting myself
out there in big ways,
48
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:11,510
I risk looking like a fool,
49
00:02:11,548 --> 00:02:12,942
which is exactly the
kind of vulnerability
50
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,176
that I didn't show in
my last relationship.
51
00:02:15,218 --> 00:02:17,348
No crap, Matlock.
52
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:19,347
Oh, wow. You, uh...
53
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:21,469
You know "Matlock." Interesting.
54
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:23,596
Today's mission is
planning my next
55
00:02:23,643 --> 00:02:26,193
big romantic move with Shayla!
56
00:02:26,229 --> 00:02:29,689
Ooh, whatever it is, Mr. G,
you should make it a surprise.
57
00:02:29,733 --> 00:02:31,961
If I'm like, "Can I buy you
some chicken nuggets, girl?"
58
00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,065
That's romantic, but if I say,
59
00:02:34,112 --> 00:02:35,923
"I already got you these
chicken nuggets, girl,"
60
00:02:35,947 --> 00:02:38,134
that's even more romantic
'cause I was thinking 'bout her
61
00:02:38,158 --> 00:02:39,988
when we weren't even together.
62
00:02:40,035 --> 00:02:41,575
When I was at McDonald's.
63
00:02:43,538 --> 00:02:44,868
You can whisk her away
64
00:02:44,914 --> 00:02:47,384
to a secluded
cabin in the woods.
65
00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:48,769
Maybe something with blindfolds?
66
00:02:48,793 --> 00:02:50,503
They can enhance
your other senses.
67
00:02:50,545 --> 00:02:52,356
Okay, uh, so far, what
you two are describing
68
00:02:52,380 --> 00:02:53,880
is an abduction.
69
00:02:53,923 --> 00:02:56,013
Maybe you could
surprise her by showing
70
00:02:56,051 --> 00:02:58,141
a genuine interest in her life.
71
00:02:58,178 --> 00:03:01,308
Like, if she was wearing
an out-of-character outfit,
72
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:03,518
maybe you could
ask her about it.
73
00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:05,369
All right, fine, Anthony,
why don't you go ahead
74
00:03:05,393 --> 00:03:06,704
and tell me why
you're dressed like
75
00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,018
a Fantastic Sams
street marketing team?
76
00:03:09,064 --> 00:03:11,944
Just please, don't say
you're an a cappella group.
77
00:03:11,983 --> 00:03:13,903
Guilty as charged!
78
00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:15,243
We're the Car Tunes.
79
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:18,408
That's C-A-R space T-U-N-E-S.
80
00:03:18,448 --> 00:03:20,158
What? What's the car?
81
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,580
Do you guys sing from
inside a big cardboard car?
82
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:26,040
- We do now.
- That's a great idea.
83
00:03:26,081 --> 00:03:27,541
Oh, Heather, not you too.
84
00:03:27,582 --> 00:03:29,082
Oh, I'm the manager, boss.
85
00:03:29,125 --> 00:03:31,085
I booked them for this
morning announcements.
86
00:03:31,127 --> 00:03:32,297
And hey, I'm ready to book them
87
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:33,547
for your perfect date.
88
00:03:34,839 --> 00:03:36,629
Ah, oh, oh, oh! Nope, wait.
89
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,110
Why don't you just go
ahead and... go ahead
90
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,112
and close those mouths
without singing a single note.
91
00:03:40,136 --> 00:03:41,336
Okay?
92
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,772
Anthony?
93
00:03:43,807 --> 00:03:45,977
Close that mouth or I'm
gonna throw something in it.
94
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:48,187
You better... hey, man.
95
00:03:48,228 --> 00:03:50,688
I'm... yeah.
96
00:03:50,730 --> 00:03:53,730
A cappella music has no place
in a perfect date, okay?
97
00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:56,145
Or in life. I need
something else.
98
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:58,574
They're screening "The
Rocky Horror Picture Show"
99
00:03:58,613 --> 00:04:00,123
at the drive-in Friday night.
100
00:04:00,156 --> 00:04:01,616
Oh, great!
101
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:02,992
Yeah, that's right up her alley.
102
00:04:03,034 --> 00:04:05,124
Okay, now, I could
ask her if she's free
103
00:04:05,161 --> 00:04:06,291
on Friday, but, uh,
104
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:07,999
I want those chicken
nugget points.
105
00:04:08,039 --> 00:04:10,459
So I think we need to take
a peek at her calendar.
106
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:13,040
Now, she keeps an actual,
physical day planner
107
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:14,086
in her purse.
108
00:04:14,129 --> 00:04:15,459
Leave it to us, boss.
109
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,899
We can have peepers
on that planner
110
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:18,133
by E.O.D.
111
00:04:18,174 --> 00:04:19,402
Okay, I appreciate it, Heather,
112
00:04:19,426 --> 00:04:20,820
and I am very concerned
about the fact
113
00:04:20,844 --> 00:04:22,697
that you're pulling out
that pitch pipe again.
114
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:24,323
Well, it just kinda
seemed like we were
115
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,427
all good on the mission part,
116
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:27,433
so maybe it's time for the...
117
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:34,225
Music is meant to have
instruments, you guys!
118
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:36,444
Why cut out the instruments?
119
00:04:38,528 --> 00:04:40,738
I just wanted a damn snack.
120
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,620
Ralph!
121
00:04:42,657 --> 00:04:46,327
You're not gonna believe
what we just got in the mail.
122
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:47,909
Did Pat Sajak write back?
123
00:04:47,954 --> 00:04:50,334
Even better!
124
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:52,133
It's a gift certificate
125
00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,087
for Shrimptuberfeast,
126
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,207
from Captain Grumpy's
Seafood Roadhouse!
127
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:04,803
Oh, but I thought that.
128
00:05:04,846 --> 00:05:06,806
Shrimptuberfeast
was in the fall.
129
00:05:06,848 --> 00:05:08,678
No, that's Shrimptoberfest.
130
00:05:08,725 --> 00:05:11,305
Captain Grumpy's is offering
131
00:05:11,353 --> 00:05:13,773
a "deserving member
of our staff"
132
00:05:13,813 --> 00:05:16,523
the enjoyment of an
evening of endless shrimp
133
00:05:16,566 --> 00:05:20,026
and bottomless
tap water for two!
134
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,505
We have the most
shrimp-deserving staff
135
00:05:21,529 --> 00:05:22,529
in all of Toledo.
136
00:05:22,572 --> 00:05:24,372
How do we pick just one?
137
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:25,907
Do, like, a series
of interviews?
138
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,120
Ralph, the teachers
think of you as a God.
139
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,930
They're not gonna toot
their horn around you.
140
00:05:29,954 --> 00:05:32,964
If only there was a way
to embed myself, you know?
141
00:05:32,999 --> 00:05:35,209
To get to know the
faculty and their stories,
142
00:05:35,251 --> 00:05:38,761
not as a boss, but as an equal.
143
00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,347
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
144
00:05:53,395 --> 00:05:55,475
I bet I am!
145
00:06:03,988 --> 00:06:08,118
Okay, so Mr. Rochester keeps
his violently insane wife
146
00:06:08,159 --> 00:06:09,789
locked in an attic.
147
00:06:09,828 --> 00:06:12,458
Now, what would I do
if I were Jane Eyre?
148
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:17,586
I... would... leave
149
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:20,297
in my... carriage!
150
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:22,668
Come on, guys, really think
151
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:26,586
about what I would do in
some of these situations!
152
00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:27,716
Good afternoon, ma'am.
153
00:06:27,762 --> 00:06:28,852
I have an official work order
154
00:06:28,888 --> 00:06:30,518
to set this up for next period.
155
00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,475
As you can see,
there's two signatures
156
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:38,612
and the official school logo.
157
00:06:38,648 --> 00:06:39,898
All above board.
158
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:41,941
You can just toss it, thanks.
159
00:06:41,985 --> 00:06:43,565
Okay, where was I?
160
00:06:43,611 --> 00:06:46,871
- Mr. Rochester bonds with Jane...
- Two hours I spent on this.
161
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:50,696
Then goes to party and
comes back with "Blanche."
162
00:06:50,744 --> 00:06:52,454
Now, what would I say
to the two of them
163
00:06:52,495 --> 00:06:53,455
if I were Jane?
164
00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,416
Think, you guys!
165
00:06:59,711 --> 00:07:00,801
Showtime.
166
00:07:00,837 --> 00:07:02,587
Excuse me, Ms. Howard?
167
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:05,970
That boy in the
hallway looks lost.
168
00:07:06,009 --> 00:07:07,639
Okay.
169
00:07:08,636 --> 00:07:10,306
Excuse me.
170
00:07:10,347 --> 00:07:12,467
Excuse me, do you need help?
171
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,475
Oh, you're a dear.
172
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,937
I can't seem to find the office.
173
00:07:16,978 --> 00:07:19,768
You mean the office
one door down?
174
00:07:19,814 --> 00:07:22,694
- Oh, right.
- Uh, not that office.
175
00:07:22,734 --> 00:07:26,204
I meant the office...
176
00:07:26,237 --> 00:07:27,987
Of the cafeteria.
177
00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:29,321
The kitchen?
178
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:36,960
Damn it, I need more time.
179
00:07:36,998 --> 00:07:37,868
Ca-caw.
180
00:07:37,916 --> 00:07:38,996
Ca-caw.
181
00:07:39,042 --> 00:07:39,962
Ca-caw.
182
00:07:40,001 --> 00:07:41,291
Ca-caw.
183
00:07:42,879 --> 00:07:45,589
Oh, good, can you help this
boy find the cafeteria?
184
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:46,972
He doesn't go here.
185
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:48,508
He only comes here
to steal beans.
186
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,351
Quick, check his bag.
187
00:07:50,387 --> 00:07:52,257
No.
188
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:53,675
Fine, I'll do it.
189
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:56,175
Stolen beans!
190
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:57,886
Take him to the
principal's office.
191
00:07:57,936 --> 00:08:01,056
Freeze! All three of you.
192
00:08:13,076 --> 00:08:15,156
Thanks.
193
00:08:15,203 --> 00:08:17,463
Actually, you may
wanna see this.
194
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:18,577
No, not my pocket!
195
00:08:18,623 --> 00:08:19,753
Ha-hah!
196
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:21,841
They were both stealing beans.
197
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,836
Take them to the
principal's office!
198
00:08:23,878 --> 00:08:25,628
I'm going back to class.
199
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,263
Dump Day?
200
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:38,102
Uh, are you in this class?
201
00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:42,726
Attention, everyone!
202
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,732
I've got the new
music teacher here,
203
00:08:44,774 --> 00:08:47,244
so start getting to
know him by, you know,
204
00:08:47,277 --> 00:08:50,027
telling him about yourself
and all your hardships.
205
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,071
Pump the brakes
there, Hell-on-Wheels.
206
00:08:52,115 --> 00:08:54,655
This songbird can
carry his own tune.
207
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,081
It is happening at long last.
208
00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,410
We are being
"Undercover Boss" -ed.
209
00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:01,246
What does that mean?
210
00:09:01,291 --> 00:09:04,461
That means whoever tells
Durbin the biggest sob story
211
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:06,092
gets a cash prize.
212
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:09,219
One of us is getting $20,000.
213
00:09:09,257 --> 00:09:11,757
But you gotta pretend like
you don't know it's him.
214
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:13,261
My face hurts.
215
00:09:16,639 --> 00:09:18,929
Stef Duncan, history.
216
00:09:18,975 --> 00:09:22,015
- This is Joseph Teagues.
- Oh.
217
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,942
And he's left-handed.
218
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:28,230
And that's why we know
that he's so creative.
219
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,396
Hey. Uh, Jojo.
220
00:09:30,445 --> 00:09:34,235
I've danced with Lady Music
in every dress she can wear.
221
00:09:34,282 --> 00:09:36,742
Saw a lotta naked
ladies with the boys
222
00:09:36,785 --> 00:09:38,115
in They Might Be Giants
223
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,056
and banged a lot of "they
might've been giants"
224
00:09:40,080 --> 00:09:41,500
with the Barenaked Ladies.
225
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:44,665
You name a song, I've played it.
226
00:09:44,709 --> 00:09:46,129
- "Piano Man."
- All that stuff.
227
00:09:46,169 --> 00:09:48,049
You know, and I'm
still grateful.
228
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:49,878
What are you grateful for, Stef?
229
00:09:49,923 --> 00:09:52,433
Oh, plenty of things.
230
00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:56,177
Unlike the orphans
that I take canoeing.
231
00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:59,141
You know, my dream is to
take them to Disneyworld,
232
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:01,392
and let them ride the log flume,
233
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:03,274
the world's best canoe,
234
00:10:03,311 --> 00:10:06,111
but that'd be, like, 20K.
235
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:08,267
- That's gone up.
- Wow.
236
00:10:08,316 --> 00:10:10,686
Righteous buzzkill about the, uh
237
00:10:10,735 --> 00:10:12,395
orphans not having any rent.
238
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:15,485
I mean, do you, uh,
recall a particular orphan
239
00:10:15,532 --> 00:10:18,832
that maybe talked about
wanting to eat a ton of shrimp?
240
00:10:18,868 --> 00:10:21,198
Helen! There you are.
241
00:10:21,246 --> 00:10:24,496
Is this the man who's
gonna be replacing me?
242
00:10:24,541 --> 00:10:27,591
16 years and I gotta hear
about it in the hallways?
243
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:30,167
Damn it, I forgot to
give Trudy the heads up.
244
00:10:30,213 --> 00:10:32,553
I'm gonna set myself on fire.
245
00:10:32,590 --> 00:10:34,050
Okay, whoa. Hey, listen.
246
00:10:34,092 --> 00:10:36,012
I'm not into that, all right?
247
00:10:36,052 --> 00:10:39,012
Self-immolation is a
Jojo no-no, so I'm...
248
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:41,925
I'm gonna go talk to
this cool cat, Durbin.
249
00:10:41,975 --> 00:10:44,225
And I'm gonna stone-cold resign.
250
00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:46,349
And then I'll leave
through a different door,
251
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,566
so you'll probably never
see me again, so, uh,
252
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,776
you know, remember, you
can lick the devil's candy,
253
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,987
but don't get in his van.
254
00:10:54,029 --> 00:10:56,199
You know, I gotta say,
it's so chivalrous of you
255
00:10:56,239 --> 00:10:58,319
to escort me all the
way to my classroom.
256
00:10:58,366 --> 00:10:59,526
Not a big thing.
257
00:10:59,576 --> 00:11:01,866
I escort a lot of guys
to their classrooms.
258
00:11:01,911 --> 00:11:03,501
Oh!
259
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:06,368
That's a huge load
off, because, um...
260
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:08,206
I'm sleeping with
the bus driver.
261
00:11:08,251 --> 00:11:10,711
- Oh!
- Yeah.
262
00:11:10,754 --> 00:11:14,384
You know, you have been very
secretive about this bag.
263
00:11:14,424 --> 00:11:17,684
You got a dead body
in there, or...
264
00:11:17,719 --> 00:11:19,009
Ah, no.
265
00:11:19,054 --> 00:11:20,434
A gentleman never tells.
266
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:22,102
Okay.
267
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,731
Good morning, everybody! Ooh!
268
00:11:25,769 --> 00:11:27,309
So I got all the...
269
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,314
Got the "Rocky Horror"
costumes, you know.
270
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:30,396
The bread, the rice,
271
00:11:30,440 --> 00:11:32,690
the hot dogs to
throw at the screen.
272
00:11:32,734 --> 00:11:34,944
This is gonna be fun.
273
00:11:34,986 --> 00:11:36,906
What's going on?
274
00:11:36,946 --> 00:11:38,776
Did something go wrong
with the mission?
275
00:11:38,823 --> 00:11:39,993
Did you guys not
get the planner?
276
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:41,083
Does Shayla have plans tonight?
277
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:42,487
Why didn't you tell me
278
00:11:42,535 --> 00:11:44,615
before I bought
all these fishnets?
279
00:11:44,662 --> 00:11:46,412
No, we got the planner.
280
00:11:46,456 --> 00:11:48,246
It's just
281
00:11:48,291 --> 00:11:50,211
there was some pretty
crazy stuff in there.
282
00:11:50,251 --> 00:11:52,341
Stuff that's so messed up,
283
00:11:52,379 --> 00:11:53,713
you should probably
just move on.
284
00:11:53,755 --> 00:11:54,875
Right, Victor?
285
00:11:54,923 --> 00:11:56,473
Oh, yeah.
286
00:11:56,508 --> 00:12:00,548
She had an appointment
to eat boogers.
287
00:12:00,595 --> 00:12:03,555
Ah, no, no, somebody else go.
288
00:12:03,598 --> 00:12:05,928
Will somebody please tell
me what the hell's going on?
289
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:08,095
The whole thing's a sham, boss.
290
00:12:08,144 --> 00:12:10,944
I'm sorry. You're
therapy homework.
291
00:12:21,032 --> 00:12:22,032
If you're facing away
292
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,615
to hide the shame of your tears,
293
00:12:23,660 --> 00:12:26,290
please know that none of us are
judging you for your sorrow.
294
00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:29,920
I've got it.
295
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:31,918
- Good to have you back, boss.
296
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,170
Did you figure out a
way to dump her ass?
297
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:36,922
No, I'm not gonna let her
off the hook that easily.
298
00:12:36,965 --> 00:12:38,875
I'm gonna ruin her little
therapy assignment.
299
00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:42,925
It is my ass that
will be dumped by her.
300
00:12:45,306 --> 00:12:47,266
Forget a romantic
night at the movies.
301
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:50,518
We're about to treat Shayla
to the perfect date...
302
00:12:53,231 --> 00:12:54,481
From hell.
303
00:12:54,524 --> 00:12:57,284
You actually crossed
out "perfect."
304
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,213
Yeah, uh, but then, you
know, I thought about it,
305
00:12:59,237 --> 00:13:00,923
and I was like, "I think I
like the sound of it better
306
00:13:00,947 --> 00:13:02,067
with 'perfect' in there."
307
00:13:02,115 --> 00:13:04,525
So I put it back in. Yeah.
308
00:13:04,576 --> 00:13:07,996
So what is the creepiest place
309
00:13:08,038 --> 00:13:10,618
that you guys can think
of to take a date?
310
00:13:10,665 --> 00:13:11,955
Spiders.
311
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,040
Spi... no, what places, Yuyao.
312
00:13:14,085 --> 00:13:15,795
Spider factory.
313
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,047
Real places.
314
00:13:17,088 --> 00:13:18,258
Funeral home.
315
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,878
Mm! An old lady's house.
316
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,635
A deadold lady's house.
317
00:13:22,677 --> 00:13:23,967
All: Ooh.
318
00:13:24,012 --> 00:13:25,932
What? What is it?
319
00:13:25,972 --> 00:13:28,482
Well, what's the one
place we all know
320
00:13:28,516 --> 00:13:30,806
that's covered in creepy
religious iconography
321
00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:33,982
and reeks of death and sadness?
322
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:36,362
It's your house, Matlock!
323
00:13:36,399 --> 00:13:39,529
Oh, yes. Yes.
324
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:41,029
Shayla thinks she
can suffer through
325
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:42,241
two months with me?
326
00:13:42,280 --> 00:13:44,450
Fat chance!
327
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:47,831
She's about to learn that
Jack Griffin is insufferable.
328
00:13:50,246 --> 00:13:53,956
- Well, here it is.
- Faculty lounge. I like it.
329
00:13:54,000 --> 00:13:56,460
Bada bing, bada boom.
330
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:58,253
You got some real, uh
331
00:13:58,296 --> 00:14:00,166
real interesting
electricity here.
332
00:14:00,215 --> 00:14:03,505
Hey, Nick, I want you to
meet Mary Wagner here.
333
00:14:03,551 --> 00:14:05,761
Oh, Nick, professional
electrician.
334
00:14:05,804 --> 00:14:09,184
Hey, you mind, uh, showing
me where the light switch is?
335
00:14:09,224 --> 00:14:11,564
- Oh, yeah, sure.
- Right this way.
336
00:14:11,601 --> 00:14:15,311
You know, I find that helping
is a gift that can be opened
337
00:14:15,355 --> 00:14:16,225
again and again.
338
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:18,942
Oh, now that's a motto!
339
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,336
Well, helping is
something that I learned
340
00:14:20,360 --> 00:14:22,360
from my frail immigrant parents.
341
00:14:22,404 --> 00:14:24,954
They both have so
much carpal tunnel
342
00:14:24,989 --> 00:14:28,029
all over their hands
and wrists from, um,
343
00:14:28,076 --> 00:14:30,036
working in a
calculator factory...
344
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:32,748
For so many years.
345
00:14:32,789 --> 00:14:35,959
I'm sorry, you guys are trying
to work, and I'm weeping.
346
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:37,921
Hey, hey, why don't you, uh,
347
00:14:37,961 --> 00:14:40,421
tell me more about your parents.
348
00:14:40,463 --> 00:14:43,973
It's dumb, but my mom has
always talked about owning
349
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:47,679
a Legend 200 Soft Spa hot tub.
350
00:14:47,721 --> 00:14:49,532
Yeah, she said it was the
only thing that would ease
351
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:52,386
the years of back-breaking work.
352
00:14:52,434 --> 00:14:56,064
Also, she wanted it installed
in my backyard because...
353
00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:58,234
They're
not zoned for it.
354
00:14:58,273 --> 00:15:00,653
I wonder if she wouldn't
equally enjoy, you know,
355
00:15:00,692 --> 00:15:02,112
eating shrimp in such a way
356
00:15:02,152 --> 00:15:03,754
that she wouldn't have
to worry about, you know,
357
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,108
stopping eating shrimp
358
00:15:05,155 --> 00:15:07,235
later on that
particular evening.
359
00:15:08,950 --> 00:15:10,580
That...
360
00:15:10,618 --> 00:15:13,158
That's, uh... that's...
That's normal, you know.
361
00:15:13,204 --> 00:15:15,924
I like to... I like to
burn out the old wires
362
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,287
before I put in the new ones.
363
00:15:20,503 --> 00:15:22,963
You know who'd get a kick
out of this, I'll tell you,
364
00:15:23,006 --> 00:15:26,126
is the electrician
that we usually use.
365
00:15:26,176 --> 00:15:28,346
- Let's go talk to that guy!
- Yeah, we should...
366
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:38,937
So let me get this straight.
367
00:15:38,980 --> 00:15:40,440
First date,
368
00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:43,532
truffle oil roasted
salmon at Mancy's.
369
00:15:43,568 --> 00:15:44,608
Yeah.
370
00:15:44,652 --> 00:15:45,902
Second date,
371
00:15:45,945 --> 00:15:47,445
Toledo Symphony Orchestra
372
00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:50,029
followed by a romantic
walk in the park.
373
00:15:50,075 --> 00:15:51,075
Uh-huh.
374
00:15:51,117 --> 00:15:52,447
Third date,
375
00:15:52,494 --> 00:15:54,954
watch Norman Bates eat Manchego
376
00:15:54,996 --> 00:15:56,036
like an apple?
377
00:15:56,081 --> 00:15:57,211
Oh, my apologies.
378
00:15:57,248 --> 00:15:59,078
Did you wanna pet
the little doggies?
379
00:15:59,125 --> 00:16:01,835
Okay, I think I
get what this is.
380
00:16:01,878 --> 00:16:03,508
You're tanking this date.
381
00:16:03,546 --> 00:16:05,126
- What?
- I'm not tanking the date.
382
00:16:05,173 --> 00:16:06,263
What're you talking about?
383
00:16:06,299 --> 00:16:08,509
I get it, trust me.
384
00:16:08,551 --> 00:16:10,551
I know all about
sabotaging a relationship
385
00:16:10,595 --> 00:16:11,545
for no good reason.
386
00:16:13,556 --> 00:16:15,176
I once told a guy
387
00:16:15,225 --> 00:16:16,975
that he needed to
ask my ex-boyfriend
388
00:16:17,018 --> 00:16:18,518
for permission to date me
389
00:16:18,561 --> 00:16:20,231
and then took him to a cemetery.
390
00:16:20,271 --> 00:16:22,651
- Yeah.
391
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:23,571
That's pretty good.
392
00:16:23,608 --> 00:16:25,988
It was. It was really good.
393
00:16:26,027 --> 00:16:28,817
- Okay.
- Mm.
394
00:16:28,863 --> 00:16:31,323
So these eyebrows are gonna
take about 12 hours to dry,
395
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:33,906
so you're gonna have to sleep
standing up like a horse.
396
00:16:33,952 --> 00:16:36,452
Maybe we do, like, a
younger librarian costume
397
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:37,826
with less involved makeup?
398
00:16:37,872 --> 00:16:39,872
A younger librarian?
399
00:16:39,916 --> 00:16:41,626
Honestly, Ralph,
400
00:16:41,668 --> 00:16:43,038
I am usually nice to you,
401
00:16:43,086 --> 00:16:45,836
but that's one of the dumbest
things you've ever said.
402
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:47,170
Oh, hi, Helen.
403
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,835
Oh, hi! Hi, Michelle
404
00:16:49,884 --> 00:16:54,394
I'm just having an affair
with the new librarian.
405
00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,021
Oh, you're not married.
406
00:16:56,057 --> 00:16:58,307
Oh, well, he might be married.
407
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:00,521
Are you married, Harry?
408
00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:02,692
Single and ready to dingle!
409
00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:03,941
Oh, no.
410
00:17:03,982 --> 00:17:07,192
This is Harry Henderson.
411
00:17:07,235 --> 00:17:08,815
And he's our new librarian.
412
00:17:08,862 --> 00:17:12,242
And what the heck are
you doing here so late?
413
00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:15,662
Well, I'm just really
burning the candle
414
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:17,662
at both ends these days.
415
00:17:17,704 --> 00:17:20,214
Putting in some extra
hours to try and pay off
416
00:17:20,248 --> 00:17:22,788
my crippling gambling debts.
417
00:17:22,834 --> 00:17:24,884
I'm juiced on the cards.
418
00:17:24,919 --> 00:17:27,669
Solitaire, Old Maid, Uno!
419
00:17:28,923 --> 00:17:30,223
I owe a lot of money
420
00:17:30,258 --> 00:17:33,088
to some really rough people.
421
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:35,926
Well, not exactly
a noble problem.
422
00:17:35,972 --> 00:17:37,312
How much do you owe?
423
00:17:37,349 --> 00:17:40,139
And, please, convert
it to shrimp.
424
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:45,435
Uh, 20,000, so 20...
hundred shrimp.
425
00:17:45,482 --> 00:17:48,032
Wait, what country is
using shrimp as a currency?
426
00:17:48,068 --> 00:17:49,988
Yeah, you know what?
427
00:17:50,028 --> 00:17:53,068
That powerful story just
knocked a chunk of ear
428
00:17:53,114 --> 00:17:54,744
off of Harry here.
429
00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:56,510
We're gonna go to the hospital
and get it reattached.
430
00:17:56,534 --> 00:17:58,544
- Yeah.
- Owie. Ooh, owie.
431
00:17:58,578 --> 00:18:02,078
- We'll be back.
- Okay.
432
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:03,351
All right, what's
your worst one?
433
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:05,585
Okay, okay, one time,
434
00:18:05,627 --> 00:18:08,087
I hung a portrait of a
naked man over my bed
435
00:18:08,129 --> 00:18:09,959
and told him it was my dad.
436
00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:13,260
That's pretty good.
437
00:18:13,301 --> 00:18:14,891
That'll get rid of 'em.
438
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,178
One time, I told this girl
439
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:18,261
that I couldn't fly
out to meet her family
440
00:18:18,306 --> 00:18:21,016
because I had been
banned from Tampa.
441
00:18:23,144 --> 00:18:24,444
I almost broke up with a guy
442
00:18:24,479 --> 00:18:26,559
because his stubble
was too deliberate.
443
00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:29,106
Okay, well, he
sounds like a dope.
444
00:18:29,150 --> 00:18:33,030
Actually, he's growing on me.
445
00:18:33,071 --> 00:18:34,911
Oh, okay.
446
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,738
That's good. You got me.
447
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,993
I guess I'm a walking
razor commercial, huh?
448
00:18:40,036 --> 00:18:42,156
Full disclosure,
449
00:18:42,205 --> 00:18:43,915
I really was ready to tank this,
450
00:18:43,957 --> 00:18:47,247
but my therapist convinced
me to give it a fair chance.
451
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,503
You're kinda my
therapy homework.
452
00:18:50,839 --> 00:18:52,669
It's fine. I know.
453
00:18:55,552 --> 00:18:58,682
I, uh... I had my students
look through your planner.
454
00:18:58,722 --> 00:19:01,312
And when they found out, we
came up with this whole plan
455
00:19:01,349 --> 00:19:03,439
to manipulate you
into dumping me
456
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:05,146
so that you would
fail at therapy.
457
00:19:05,186 --> 00:19:06,266
- What?
- Yeah.
458
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,562
The whole thing was fake.
459
00:19:07,605 --> 00:19:09,315
The lost kid, the
stolen beans...
460
00:19:09,357 --> 00:19:10,607
Those beans were not stolen.
461
00:19:10,650 --> 00:19:12,490
I bought all those beans.
462
00:19:12,527 --> 00:19:13,737
Why would you do that?
463
00:19:13,778 --> 00:19:14,898
Well, you know,
464
00:19:14,946 --> 00:19:16,424
you were trying to
make a fool out of me,
465
00:19:16,448 --> 00:19:21,038
so I wanted to make
a fool out of you.
466
00:19:21,077 --> 00:19:22,867
That is so messed up.
467
00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:25,502
I wasn't trying to
make a fool out of you.
468
00:19:25,540 --> 00:19:28,170
I was trying to give myself
time to trust someone.
469
00:19:31,588 --> 00:19:33,008
I really hope it
was worth buying
470
00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:36,588
all these creepy decorations
just to freak me out.
471
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:52,650
Hey, Jack! You miss me?
472
00:19:52,692 --> 00:19:54,152
I didn't know you were gone.
473
00:19:54,194 --> 00:19:56,114
Busted! I wasn't.
474
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:57,664
- Oh, is that right?
- Yeah.
475
00:19:57,697 --> 00:20:00,777
Are you... you okay?
Is something wrong?
476
00:20:00,825 --> 00:20:02,365
I had a bad date.
477
00:20:02,410 --> 00:20:06,000
- Oh, oh. Hey, hey.
- Love and prayers, brother.
478
00:20:06,039 --> 00:20:08,329
Love and prayers.
479
00:20:09,459 --> 00:20:14,169
Well, she dumped me.
480
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,344
- Aye!
481
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:23,515
No. Hey guys, stop!
482
00:20:23,556 --> 00:20:24,992
Stop. Stop dancing!
Stop the dancing.
483
00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:26,516
Victor, please don't Dougie.
484
00:20:26,559 --> 00:20:29,349
Know when not to Dougie.
485
00:20:29,396 --> 00:20:30,686
I changed my mind, guys,
486
00:20:30,730 --> 00:20:34,190
and by the time she dumped
me, I didn't want it.
487
00:20:34,234 --> 00:20:35,364
You're exhausting.
488
00:20:35,402 --> 00:20:36,782
Yeah, well, Shayla agrees.
489
00:20:36,820 --> 00:20:38,660
I told her about our
dumb revenge mission,
490
00:20:38,697 --> 00:20:40,407
which I think was
Anthony's idea,
491
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:43,408
and she insulted
my house and left.
492
00:20:43,451 --> 00:20:45,701
This will not stand. No way.
493
00:20:45,745 --> 00:20:48,615
This type of thing? She's
toast, right, Mr. G?
494
00:20:49,916 --> 00:20:52,166
No, I mean, I
don't want revenge.
495
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:54,840
I just...
496
00:20:54,879 --> 00:20:58,049
I just... I just wanna
lay down for a bit.
497
00:20:58,091 --> 00:20:59,051
You know.
498
00:21:01,011 --> 00:21:03,931
Well, if you still
wanna date her,
499
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:04,932
maybe it's not too late
500
00:21:04,973 --> 00:21:07,313
to tell her how you really feel.
501
00:21:07,350 --> 00:21:08,980
I wouldn't know what to say.
502
00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:14,225
You can say "I'm
sorry" in the sweetest,
503
00:21:14,274 --> 00:21:16,324
most talented way possible:
504
00:21:16,359 --> 00:21:18,819
Pure vocal expression,
straight from the heart.
505
00:21:23,783 --> 00:21:27,333
Weird way of putting
it, but yeah.
506
00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:28,910
An apology.
507
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:32,625
Not usually my style, but,
you know, when they zig,
508
00:21:32,667 --> 00:21:33,537
you zag.
509
00:21:36,880 --> 00:21:39,550
- Can you hurry up?
510
00:21:39,591 --> 00:21:41,051
- Hey!
- Oh, Durbin!
511
00:21:41,092 --> 00:21:42,802
- Durbin!
- You're back!
512
00:21:42,844 --> 00:21:45,314
You would not believe the
crazy characters we met
513
00:21:45,347 --> 00:21:46,927
while you were out of town.
514
00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:50,773
Ladies, I will let you in
on a little secret, okay?
515
00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:54,310
Jojo and the electrician
and Harry Henderson,
516
00:21:54,356 --> 00:21:57,646
and assistant badminton
manager Philippe
517
00:21:57,692 --> 00:22:00,032
were all me in costume.
518
00:22:00,070 --> 00:22:01,320
- Uh, no!
- What?
519
00:22:01,363 --> 00:22:03,533
What? That's impossible.
520
00:22:03,573 --> 00:22:05,163
- There's no way...
- Helen.
521
00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:06,580
Helen, it's okay.
522
00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:07,952
We don't have to
pretend anymore.
523
00:22:07,994 --> 00:22:10,294
Oh, Ralph, I wasn't pretending.
524
00:22:10,330 --> 00:22:12,620
I really forgot. Oh,
now, that is scary.
525
00:22:12,665 --> 00:22:14,745
Let's go ahead and tell
'em about the prize.
526
00:22:14,793 --> 00:22:16,343
- Come on, big money!
- No whammies!
527
00:22:16,378 --> 00:22:18,508
This is "Jeopardy"!
528
00:22:18,546 --> 00:22:21,626
I have decided that
there is one teacher
529
00:22:21,675 --> 00:22:23,585
truly deserving of
this great prize.
530
00:22:23,635 --> 00:22:26,345
I mean, even though he
had a bad date last night,
531
00:22:26,388 --> 00:22:29,558
he still showed up today
to inspire his students.
532
00:22:29,599 --> 00:22:31,729
If you say you're
giving $20,000 to Jack,
533
00:22:31,768 --> 00:22:33,478
I'm gonna lose my damn mind.
534
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,980
$20,000... I'm not
giving away $20,000!
535
00:22:37,023 --> 00:22:39,233
The prize that I'm giving
Jack is invaluable.
536
00:22:39,275 --> 00:22:40,645
Because the all-you-can-eat.
537
00:22:40,694 --> 00:22:42,244
Captain Grumpy's
Seafood Roadhouse.
538
00:22:42,278 --> 00:22:44,568
Shrimptuberfeast certificate
539
00:22:44,614 --> 00:22:47,244
has no cash value.
540
00:22:47,283 --> 00:22:48,833
So we get no money
541
00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:50,828
and no Captain Grumpy's
Seafood Roadhouse?
542
00:22:50,870 --> 00:22:52,040
No!
543
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,460
They let you throw the
tails on the floor!
544
00:22:54,499 --> 00:22:57,499
And the bathrooms have
bowls of free crawfish.
545
00:22:57,544 --> 00:22:58,844
Should I make a reservation?
546
00:22:58,878 --> 00:23:01,458
Now, that's an aye,
aye from me, okay?
547
00:23:01,506 --> 00:23:03,756
Coupon or no coupon,
I want some shrimps.
548
00:23:03,800 --> 00:23:06,720
And some bathroom crawfish.
549
00:23:14,102 --> 00:23:16,692
The decorations were not
meant to freak you out, okay?
550
00:23:16,730 --> 00:23:18,690
Those are my actual things.
551
00:23:18,732 --> 00:23:21,282
Like the cuckoo
clock with the angel?
552
00:23:21,317 --> 00:23:23,107
That's my cuckoo clock.
553
00:23:29,075 --> 00:23:31,485
Look, I'm...
554
00:23:31,536 --> 00:23:34,706
I'm sorry I tried to
ruin your therapy.
555
00:23:34,748 --> 00:23:37,458
But I like you, and...
556
00:23:37,500 --> 00:23:40,750
I would really like to
continue to like you.
557
00:23:40,795 --> 00:23:42,625
Well, to be honest,
558
00:23:42,672 --> 00:23:45,262
my original plan was to
get to exactly two months
559
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:46,890
and then dump you.
560
00:23:46,926 --> 00:23:49,426
So I guess we could just
stick to the original plan.
561
00:23:49,471 --> 00:23:51,261
Hey, I'll... I'll take that.
562
00:23:51,306 --> 00:23:53,056
That sounds good.
563
00:23:53,099 --> 00:23:56,389
Honk, honk.
564
00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:57,976
Oh. Oh, no, no.
565
00:23:58,021 --> 00:24:00,401
Guys. Guys, please
don't do this.
566
00:24:04,027 --> 00:24:06,088
I swear I had nothing to do
with the singing children.
567
00:24:19,542 --> 00:24:20,882
Congratulations, Jack!
568
00:24:20,919 --> 00:24:23,879
You just won a romantic
dinner for two!
569
00:24:23,922 --> 00:24:25,722
Okay, I swear I
had nothing to do
570
00:24:25,757 --> 00:24:27,047
with whatever this is, either.
571
00:24:27,092 --> 00:24:28,722
Yeah, right.
572
00:24:32,097 --> 00:24:33,257
- Okay.
- You're pulling me.
573
00:24:33,306 --> 00:24:34,306
I'm trying to turn.
574
00:24:34,349 --> 00:24:36,729
I should be driving!
575
00:24:36,768 --> 00:24:39,268
- Show faces, people.
- Smiles till you're offstage.
576
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:03,590
Ralph!
577
00:25:03,628 --> 00:25:06,048
It's me, Helen.
578
00:25:06,089 --> 00:25:07,089
Good news!
579
00:25:07,132 --> 00:25:09,222
Kangaroo Lu's Down
Under Taco Hut
580
00:25:09,259 --> 00:25:11,009
just sent us two weekend passes
581
00:25:11,052 --> 00:25:14,142
to Tacodile Dundee's
Burrito Bash.
582
00:25:14,180 --> 00:25:17,980
Don't worry. I got this one.
41498
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