All language subtitles for Doc Martin S04E01 - Better the Devil

Marti.

I made two. I thought of you. Oh.

Get down. Get down.

It's a dog and it's with me.

Well, you remember by neighbour Sam? No.

No, well it doesn't
matter because he's dead.

Someone had to take care
of Buddy so here we are.

What were you doing in there?

Er... nothing. Come on, call
it, call it. It's gone in there.

It's just a dog, Martin. Come
on, Buddy. He's good company.

He's like that stray that
used to follow you around.

I do not wish to have my home and
practice polluted by microcontaminants.

What has he got there?

Well, that's not the point, is it?

It's clearly not his.
All right, all right.

Come on, Buddy. I think
we've outstayed our welcome.

Yes, I think you have.

And thank you for the pie.

Enjoy.

It's pitch dark, you can't relax

cos you know it's going to start
again, you just don't know when.

I had a sheep that snored.
It's the silence that kills you.

Pauline, have you
collected my anti-microbial

soap from Mrs Tishell? No, I haven't.

I overslept. I couldn't sleep, could I?

My brother's been kicked out of
the army. Who's my next patient?

That'd be me, Doc. For, get this,
snoring too loud. So what does he do?

He sleeps on our sofa and keeps
us awake all night with the

Where are his notes?

Come through. She didn't
sleep very well, Doc.

I think there's something
suspicious going on down here, Doc.

This mole just appeared from nowhere.

Has it changed shape? Nope.

It's not inflamed or raised. Does
it bleed or itch? Of course not.

But it just feels suspicious.

No. Are you positive, Doc?

Yes. Well. Oh, Doc, there just was one other
thing that I wanted to discuss with you.

I've got this feeling.

No, no. It's more like when
you're travelling by train.

I see. Well, you got your
newspaper and you got your tea

but you just can't settle because
you're not where you want to be yet.

Do you have any chest
pain, dizziness or nausea?

Then pull up your trousers and go away.
No, Doc, Doc, Doc, just bear me out, right?

There's something wrong.
It's like a piece missing.

In matters of the heart Doc,
you know what I'm talking about.

Except you know what piece is missing.

I'm with a patient. I know.

You don't interrupt me when
I'm with a patient. I know.

Then you'll also know to turn
around, walk away and close the door.

Fine. We'll just let her bleed
to death then. Save you the trip.

What? There's an
emergency at the school.

Would you like to know why?

Would you?

THIS is why we don't run in corridors.

I want my pencil back.

There could be brain damage.
It hasn't gone into the brain.

You can't see anything from over here.

It's my favourite pencil.

Parents sue for this sort of thing.

What are you doing? Why don't
you do something? I'm assessing.

Aw.

Don't move. Don't break it.

All right.

Oh. Ay.

Will it need stitches? I
don't think so. Hold that.

Thank you.

Ow! Miss. Miss.

Erm... Thank you.

Here's your soap, Dr Ellingham. I was
reading a fascinating article about pica.

That's when people
have a compulsion to eat

dirt paper and other
things they shouldn't...

Ooh, sorry, you know that,
of course, don't you? Sorry.

Half-baked sensationalism.
A box of gloves, please.

Well, that's exactly what I
thought, half-baked sensationalism.

I'll be heading out now. Pay the
papers, take the bottles for recycling.

Oh! I'll put the lottery
on. Well, you never know.

This is Clive...

My husband. Oh.

I'd assumed he was dead. No, he is here.

He works on the rigs.
He's a safety officer.

Safety officer, on the rigs.
Not for too much longer, though.

This is Doctor Ellingham.

Sal talks about you all
the time. Not all the time.

Anything I should be
worried about? Clive. Clive.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

Heavy machinery pounds away 24/7.

Destroys your ears. Poor me, eh?

But very soon there'll be sending me
back home to the wife on disability.

Clive, could you... Sorry.

But I really...

I'm really looking forward to
coming back home to the wife.

Lidocaine.

One or two percent, Doctor?

Two.

Thank you. Won't be long.

Clive's only here for a
couple of weeks... Doctor.

Ah, how sweet. Don't kill that one too.

Go on. Go away.

Get! Go on. Get out!

Get off!

Go on then, get out. Get out!

Get out! Buddy! Where was he?

Making a flea-ridden nuisance
of himself in my surgery.

He ran all that way? He
must be really fond of you.

It's a dog. It eats, it smells.

Some of my best friends are
dogs. You have my sympathy.

This is an old friend of mine. Barbara

Collingsworth. This is
Martin Ellingham my nephew.

Quite good timing that you're here.

I was going to make an appointment to
come and see you. I've got this pain.

Call my receptionist. Get
that creature out of my car.

Come on, Buddy. Come on. Good boy!

Come on, Buddy.

Now be a good boy. Let me
take a run at him, Joanie.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Communication, understanding.

That's all it is, really. Barbara
is a behavioural therapist.

Fascinating. Goodbye. Perhaps she
could help with your little problem.

Martin has a phobia of blood.

Why don't you find
another complete stranger

and tell them all about
my childhood bed-wetting?

Well, 12 is hardly childhood, Martin.

It might be worth a try.
I don't wanna bang my

own trumpet but I do
get quite speedy results.

Only yesterday I had
this bitch who proved

to be very stubborn but
I soon sorted her out.

You're a dog trainer? Dog psychologist.

It's all the same, really, simply
a matter or rewiring the brain.

Restrain that animal.

Or analyse its unhappy childhood.

I am taking you down, Large

I don't think so. Put your
money where your mouth is then.

I'm all in.

Almost a whole matchbox
there. Welcome to the big time.

Why don't I sweeten the pot?

Bloody hell. You'd give
me this restaurant? Result.

Not the restaurant, Pauline.

It's just a way of saying if you
fancied it, you could move into the flat.

Oh. Oh.

What have you got, then?

Er, a pair of eights.

Oh, beats mine. Yeah?

Yeah. Never mind, eh?

Oh. Maybe some other time.

What's in the bag, Doc?

Why don't you look where you're going?

I'm going to the
recycling. Why do you ask?

Mr Tishell!

Mr Tishell!

Ooh!

Call an ambulance.

What? Call an amb
- Oh, don't worry.

She's in shock. Lucid
but no apparent fractures.

Come on.

Now make sure that's nice and snug.
We've done this before, Dr Ellingham.

Did she attempt to alert
you to the danger? No

warning. Just came down
the hill and went flying.

Could have rung a bell at
least. Hit the ground. Splat.

Put,"Splat!" Do you mind?

Agh! Agh! Agh!

Ow! Oh, that looks painful.

Ooh, nasty.

You better come with us. I'm fine.

That's gonna need stitches.
Are you gonna do 'em yourself?

Yes.

No.

It's a simple, uninterrupted
suture, yes? Yes.

Not too tight. Don't
want to cut off the blood

supply. Do you want to
finish this yourself?

Doc?

I just wanted to thank
you. I didn't do anything.

Have they tested your
reflexes? I think so.

Slight percussion but
everything's hunky dory.

If you'd reacted faster, that
accident could have been avoided.

You look flushed. Are you hot?

Yeah, a little. My
stomach's hurting again.

Again? Well, like I said before, I
was gonna come and see you cos I'm -

Oh! Nurse!

Nurse!

Woman here is suffering
acute abdominal pain.

Who are you? I'm her GP. Get
me a surgical specialist now.

Immediately now.

What is it? I'm not sure. That's
why I need to get you seen.

Is that all right?

Ellingham.

Edith.

Bad pasty? Something like that.

What are you doing in Truro?

Well, I was going to examine my patient
but let's have a catch-up instead.

Nurse said your GP reported you
were experiencing abdominal pain.

Where is he? I'm here.

Right.

Does it hurt when you cough?

On a scale of one to ten,
how does it feel when I press?

How long has she...

18 years.

How long is it now? 16?

17 years?

We've been married 18 years.

18!

Don't seem that long, do it?

Suppose it's still the
honeymoon period. Eh, Sal?

There you are. All combs
sorted according to colour.

Good. Sal, how about we put up the

Oh, Dr Ellingham.

You could have caused a serious
accident yesterday afternoon.

Like I told PC Penhale
it wasn't my fault.

You are irresponsible and a danger to the
public. You can't talk to me like that!

Have you had your ears
examined? No. There's no point.

Then you need to call my
receptionist and make an

appointment before you
cause any more accidents. No!

Yes! Please, Clive!

There's no need! I
am trying to help you!

I don't need help! The very fact that we
are all shouting surely proves that you do!

I'm never going to sleep again.

They shouldn't have kicked him
out of the army for snoring.

They should have kept him in and used
him as a weapon of mass destruction.

Dr Ellingham, please.
He's with a patient.

I'll see him next.

Oh, so you're Chipping
Miller the crab man.

What? You don't have an appointment.

I'm Dr Montgomery. I'm
Pauline the receptionist.

He'll see me. No he won't.

Unbelievable.

There really is no way of knowing. Perhaps
weeks, if she's one of the lucky ones.

You hear about this but you never
think it's gonna happen to you.

It's headlice, woman,
not leukaemia. Stop that.

All right. That'll do. We're finished.

Grace, come on.

No, no, no. No!

Come on! Pauline, control this child.

Who let that dog in
here? Where's my aunt?

This woman thinks she's gonna see you.

I see you're busy
so... I won't take long.

It's nice.

Do they pay you in chickens?

Mm.

Are you just passing?

Collingsworth woman. Abdominal
pressure and pelvic pain.

The picture showed a mass
in there. She has a cyst.

It's been a while.

20 years.

I see you still like
your practical footwear.

What were you doing in Truro?

One day a week common obstetrics.

Gathering data. I run a private
fertility clinic next door.

Married? Not long enough for
there to be any permanent damage.

You? No.

Isn't it customary to
write a letter outlining

your diagnosis rather
than reporting in person?

Then I wouldn't have been able to
poke around in your underwear drawer.

I heard whispers of a
surgeon with haemophobia.

Did you?

How are you finding general practice?

Busy.

Right.

Have you lost your edge, Ellingham?

Are you trying to diagnose
me? I don't have to, do I?

Catch of the day is sea bream.
The soup is leek and potato.

The vegetarian option is...

.. also leek and potato.

It's a big day for leeks and potatoes.

I'll take your drinks order
in a matter of moments.

Here I am...

58 years of age working for my son.

You just made me add on 58. I'm a
waiter in a restaurant I used to own.

You still own it. Ten percent is
not much to show for a lifetime.

You know what, boy, I need more.
Dad, we've had this discussion, right.

We've got a contract.

Ten percent is what we agreed. No.
I need some of that companionship.

That's what's missing.
Some closeness. Oh.

Well, erm, you've always got me.

More like what you've got with
Pauline, if you know what I mean.

Oh. It's been so long I've
forgotten what a woman smells like.

All right, Dad. You
know, the tender touch.

Do you know any... women, like, for me?

What? Your age? I know it's a long shot.

Why don't you give Caitlin
the napkin lady a ring?

Caitlin? Mm.

She's single, she's your age. I
mean she even laughs at your jokes.

There's not many of them
out there. Oh, I dunno.

I'm not sure she's my type.

Martin. Chris.

What happened there? Nothing.

So who's complained about me now?

Look, can't I just
drop in on an old mate?

Was it Mr Turnbull or
Mrs Felcher? Mr Walton.

Oh. He says you called him a
mentally deficient parasite.

He is a mentally deficient
parasite. Fair enough.

The man complains about every little
thing. Right. I've spoken to you.

Complaint dealt with at chief
executive level. Job done.

So, how have you been?

Consultations are up five
percent. How have you been?

Erm, I suppose things are all right.

Could be better. Yes?

Well, since you ask...

I'm beginning to think that
perhaps my time here is at an end.

You mean you want to move practices?

No.

I'm... thinking of
going back into surgery.

And you're ready? I
mean, your problem...

I'm working on it.

Do you want me to see what's out there?

Yes. Yes, I do.

Oh, Doc. I'm glad I caught you.

And your shadow. You
should be in hospital.

I have surgery tomorrow morning.

Feeling a bit under the
weather but otherwise OK.

They let me pop home for
a few bits and pieces.

Erm... Dr Montgomery.

Er, she's obviously very
good at her job. Yes, she is.

But she's not very
generous with information.

I see. I just don't get what's going on.

There's nothing to get.
It's a logical progression.

You had the MRI, it
showed a mass in your

abdomen, you had the CT
scan that confirmed a cyst,

and now she's going to
operate. It's straightforward.

Er, no. I don't think so.

I don't think they did all those things. Of
course they did. It's a standard procedure.

It's how other conditions are ruled
out. PC scan, they didn't do that.

Yes, they did. Big
machine with the rotating

thing? I mean, I'd remember
something like that.

There was no CT scan? I don't mean to be

annoying. I'm sure it's
not important but I...

You can't help being annoying. Yes, it
is important. Right, it is, yeah. Right.

Do you have her number
with you? Yeah. Yeah.

Montgomery. 'You didn't order a
CT scan on Barbara Collingsworth. '

Correct. 'You should have. '

I think not.

So how did you rule out
diverticulitis? Women's intuition?

'Experience. ' It doesn't
necessarily have to be a cyst.

Mind your own business.
This isn't your case.

It could be a diverticular mass
easily treatable with antibiotics.

I'm afraid you've lost me with all those
long words. Your diagnosis is premature.

Stick to the sore throats and the diarrhoea.
Leave the surgery to the grown-ups.

Erm, it appears we assess
the situation differently.

Goodbye.

If my brother doesn't leave
soon, I'm going to murder him.

I'll probably fall asleep
halwaay through, though.

Dad looks like he's having a good time.

He had to phone her
three times before he

plucked up the courage
to ask her. Ah, sweet.

Mm. We've got napkins for the next five
years now but at least he's got a date, eh?

Pauline. Mm. Yeah. Yeah.

Write it down and I'll read it
when I wake up. I'm going home.

Bed. The final frontier.

It must be very exciting
owning a restaurant.

Well, I only sort of own it.
I'm letting the boy have a crack.

Still, it's very flash.

You've got lovely eyes, if
you don't mind my saying.

And they like what they see.

So, do you want to move on?

Sunsets are lovely this
time of year. I mean,

we could go and have
a walk along the cliff.

I'm too tired for a walk.

Maybe more of a lie
down. Well, of course, if

you're tired we could
always call it a night.

I mean, a lie down together.

Why don't we freshen
up our drinks first?

What could be better?
You me and the sea.

We'll have an eternity of
time together just you and me.

I think you really
should see Dr Ellingham.

Sal, this is my lot in
life. I can deal with it.

Yes, but
- Sal, be happy.

Your husband's coming home.

Same again? Oh, just an orange juice.

Orange juice.

Come again? Brandy! I'll
have a double brandy!

Aye.

What the hell?

I could have killed you with my
bare hands. I'm a deadly weapon.

I can't take it any
more! Buy some ear plugs!

Move out! Mum said I can
stay as long as I wanted.

You move out. Next time
I'll finish the job for good.

I'll be waiting. You'll be snoring.

Shut the door when you leave.

Sorry, Doc. You're late. I know.

I overslept because I couldn't sleep.

There's gotta be something you
can do about his God awful snoring.

Don't touch me. Like
vacuum his nostrils.

Cancel my morning appointments.
Where are you going? Out.

Morning.

I was thinking, do you think this
could just clear up on its own?

No. But Dr Ellingham said...

You've been talked through the procedure.
You've signed the consent, yes? Yeah, but...

It's just last-minute nerves.

You'll be fine.

Would you help me, please? No.

Edith. Hello.

The Collingsworth woman,
lower abdominal pain,

elevated temperature,
complained of nausea.

You've made a diagnostic leap
and assumed that it's a cyst

without taking a proper look
and ruling out diverticulitis.

Sorry, what were you saying?

Which is treated with antibiotics

rather than charging in with an invasive
and potentially harmful procedure.

You miss playing with all
the machines, don't you?

How many years have
you been a specialist?

17 and I've seen this presentation of
symptoms more times than I can count.

Do you think all those years
have narrowed your vision

and you're only capable of seeing a
gynaecological solution? I must scrub up.

Edith.

I wasn't going to interfere out of respect
for you but you leave me no alternative.

I must insist that you
authorise a CT scan.

She's my patient,
Ellingham. You can't insist.

All right, get in. What?

The wheelchair, get in. Come on.

What? What's happening?
I believe you may have

been misdiagnosed. I'm
taking you for a CT scan.

That's it. Feet up. Are
you allowed to do that? Sh!

Out the way.

Out of the way!

Patient needs a CT scan lower abdomen.

So do they. Get on the bed.

Don't get on the bed. It's an emergency.

Who are you? What do
you think you're doing?

Er, listen, mate, there's a bloody
queue and you belong at the back of it.

Fine. I'm sure that Dr Montgomery
will enjoy operating blind

and when she nicks this woman's bowel,
you can explain it to her family's lawyers!

Get on the bed.

It wasn't hard to find
you, Ellingham, I just

followed the trail of
outraged people. Hello, Edith.

You hijack my patient and
perform an unauthorised

procedure in a hospital
where you have no privileges.

If you weren't already an obscure
GP in the back end of nowhere,

you certainly would be by the time I'd
finished with you. It's a diverticular mass.

Right. Good news, Mrs Collingsworth.

No need for surgery.

Well spotted.

Bye now.

Excuse me, shopkeeper. Do
you recommend these condoms?

Clive, come here!

Yes, miss.

Sit down.

Oh. All right, then.

Agh! It is probably just wax.

Well, you're not gonna find
anything. Oh, hold still.

Ow! Look.

Oh, shush, Clive. Agh! Stop struggling.

Just
- Clive.

Shush, I am -
Look, will you -

Oh!

Oh.

Clive, you cannot tell the doctor
I did this. Do you understand?

What?

Hm. At some point you
perforated your septum.

Subsequent scar
tissue's formed a partial

blockage which is causing
you to snore. Very loud.

Shouldn't you be dozing at your
desk? Mm. Surgery is inappropriate.

You'll just have to live with it.
It's the rest of us that suffer.

Well, how do you get a perforated
septum? Any sharp object will do.

Pauline stuck a lollipop stick
up my nose. You were five.

You perforated his septum.
Whatever. He buried My Little Pony.

It's your fault I got
kicked out of the army.

All my life I've wanted to serve
my nation, protect my country.

Don't tell Mum. I SO am. Oh...

Thanks a bunch, Doc.

Er, yes, obviously I'm the one at fault.

Doctor Ellingham, we've got a bleeder.

Oh... Oh.

I'm almost done.

I told him not to go probing around in
there. He had no idea what he was doing.

Leave it to the Doc, I said.

Mr Tishell, stand on one leg, please.

One leg. Stand on one leg, please!

How long do I have to do this for?
The balance test will rule out...

Let me give it another
try. No. Just sit down.

What? Sit down!

Your lack of balance coupled
with your hearing loss

could indicate any number of
serious inner ear conditions.

It's the machines, I told you.

But not noise-induced
deafness. If it was the

machines, you'd be able
to stand on one leg.

Yes, yes. But I've
always had weak ankles.

I need confirmation but
I suspect cholesteatoma.

Yes, that's exactly what I suspected.

What is that? It's a con -

Put that in your good ear.

Put THAT in your good ear.

They'd have to perform a
mastoidectomy. What is that?

It's a - It's a
procedure, Cl -

It's an operation to remove the
infection behind your eardrum

which left untreated may destroy the
delicate bones of your middle ear.

You mean it can be cured? Yes,
and your hearing can be restored.

I'll be able to go back to work?

Yes.

Oh, what a shame!

I mean not having you
around all the time.

Oh, but it's all for the
best. I suppose so, love.

Better be sure we make
enough time to catch up.

So Clive will be gone soon,
back to his job far away.

And I'll be on my own again.

Good.

You OK, Dad? It's a scary
world out there, son.

Very scary.

What's happened? Caitlin. She liked me.

Oh, yeah. She wanted to get to know me.

I mean REALLY know me, follow my drift.

Yeah.

That's erm... That's good, innit?

Take a look at that.

Well, that's filth, innit?
That's Caitlin, that is.

We buy our paper
products from that woman.

She sent it to me half an hour after we
said good night and then the call started.

The calls? Oh. Sailors would blush.

Dockers would cover their ears in shame.

I know. I know but it's not what I want.

Don't get me wrong, I mean
the physical side is nice.

But it's only one slice of the pie.

A big heart and a good friend,
that's what I'm looking for.

The whole pie, know what I mean? Yeah.

Yeah.

So, did you erm... send a reply?

Get out of it! Go on! Get out of it.

Yeah, just a minute.
Chris is on the phone!

Chris who? Parsons!

Right. Yeah. I'll just put you through.

Are you done for the day?
Yeah, yeah. I'd say so. Yeah.

Right. I see. Well,
that sounds promising.

When would they want me to start.

Yes. Well, tell them I'm interested.

Definitely interested.

So I figured I'd give
you another chance.

Another chance? To let me move in.

Seeing as you're rubbish at poker, I thought
Scissors, Paper, Stone, best of three.

You win, I move in. Well, no, Pauline.
I don't want to pressure you or nothing.

Three, two. OK, I'll
erm... I'll give you a

big clue. I'm going to
go for stone this time.

Yeah, stone. Just a little heads up.

Three, two... What did you do that for?

I thought you were bluffing. No, I'm not
bluffing. I'm trying to help you, you idiot.

There's no need to insult
me, Pauline, I'm just...

I've been demoted to the sofa cos
I got Adam kicked out the army.

His snoring is getting
worse but I'm not gonna

come begging to you for
help. I've got my pride.

So the only way you'll move in is if I win
you in a game like a goldfish or... Exactly.

You could just ask nicely.

I am stone, got it? Stone.

Three, two.

Again. Three, two...

Oh. I
- Three, two... Three, two.

Oh, God. Just give me the bloody keys.

You're dead predictable,
you are. Dead predictable.

I accept your apology.

Thank you.

What you did was deeply
patronising and violated protocol.

I'd expect nothing less.

You haven't changed,
Ellingham. Neither have you.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

How's the hand? I haven't looked.

What happened? Some utter moron.

Another one.

Let me.

I always thought you'd
end up somewhere else.

You assume this is
some sort of purgatory.

In March the local
farmers have a competition

to see who most resembles their pig

and for the last two years they
have petitioned me to be the judge.

Mm. It's considered an honour.

Well, that explains
why you stay here then.

Mm.

A bit of inflammation but no infection.

As a matter of fact Chris Parsons has
contacted me about a post at Imperial.

Head of vascular.

Oh. Right.

What about your problem?
I'm dealing with it.

But even this is making you queasy.

No it isn't.

Right.

Antiseptic.

Louisa.

Hello, Martin.

How are you?

You're pregnant.

Yes, I am.

Not a church wedding, I would
imagine, this time. Not in God's house.

It's not my fault. I
mean, it is my fault.

It's not my fault that you don't
know. I didn't know until yesterday.

Hello.