All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S01E15.The.Car.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS-ing

- Oh, thank god you're home.
Sing the a-b-c.

- What?

- Sing the alphabet song,
a-b-c.

a-b-c-d-e-f--

- Okay, now sing
"twinkle twinkle."

- Ray--

- Will you just sing
"twinkle twinkle."

twinkle, twinkle, little star--

- Yeah.
- Oh, my god!

- Ah-hah!
- It's the same song!

- Thank you!
We're going nuts here.

Hi, I'm ray

And I live here
in long island

With my wife, debra.

She's great
with the kids,

The house,
everything.

Oh, I don't know
how she does it.

We've got
a daughter, ally,

And twin two-year-old boys.

It's not really
about the kids.

My parents live
across the street.

That's right,

And my brother
lives with them.

Now, not every family

Would go by
on a conveyer belt for you,

But mine would,
because--

- Everybody
loves raymond.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Here's another one.

this old man, he played one,

He played knick-knack
on my thumb.

- Yeah, so?
- Okay. Now, just slow it down,

And think of the kids'
favorite doofy dinosaur.

- Ohhhh!
- Yeah, yeah!

- I knew he was
a big purple hack.

- Hey, ray.

- Oh, boy.
What?

- Well, your mother and I
have reached a decision.

It's the end
of an era.

- Oh, well,
at least it was amicable.

- No!

We're selling
the old car.

- Yeah.
It's just the car.

- Wait a minute,
you're selling the valiant?

- That's right.

We're cleaning it out.

This bathing suit
was in the trunk.

It's yours.

- Remember how cute
you looked in that, ray?

- Yeah. Thanks.

I've been
looking for this.

- Still good.

- Hello, old friend.

- What's that?

- I think I can
tell you this now, ma.

This is what's known as
fake I.D.

- Raymond,
this isn't even you.

- See, ma, all week long,
I was 17-year-old ray barone,

But on Saturday nights,

I was 43-year-old
achmed abdullah khan.

- Oh.

I'm very disappointed in you.

- I was a holy man.

- Oh, they want to
sell the valiant.

I love that car.

- You know what I love?

The $800 offer
I got for it.

- Hey, maybe
we'll take it.

- What? We're thinking
of getting a second car.

- Yeah, a new minivan,
not a '72 valiant.

- Why didn't you tell me
you were interested?

You can buy the car.

- Well, we couldn't ask them
to pay $800, frank.

- That's right.

There's already
another offer.

The bidding
starts at $800.

Ray, ray, if you want the car,
you can have it.

- Hey, I'm not
going to give it away.

- Well, dad, I'll give you
something for the car.

- No, no, wait.
We don't want the car.

- Listen, while we're saving up
for the minivan,

You can have something
to run your errands in,

And we won't have to deal with
a salesman to get it.

So, how much do you
really want for the car?

- $800.

- Frank, no.

Listen, you give us
whatever you want.

- What are you
talking about?

This is a fine
automobile.

It's in good shape.

Okay, I tell you what.

You're my son--

And I like you.

Give me $750.

- Hey, I guess that sounds--

- Incredibly overpriced.

That car is over
20 years old.

We'll give you
$150 for it.

- You don't have to
insult me.

- That is insulting.

- All right.
$200.

- $200?

Look, I'll tell you what.

We'll split
the difference.

Make it $700.

- All right, come on,
let's not haggle.

- I want to
help you kids, uh--

Let me talk to marie.

- So what do you think?

- All right.
$500, that's it.

- Okay, so you do
want the car.

- No, I don't
want the car,

But if we have to take it,

I want to get
a deal on it.

- She won't let me
go any lower.

She's the one that said
we could pay anything we want.

- I've crunched
the numbers.

We're actually losing
on this deal.

- All right, $450.

- $475.

- $460.

- I just put in
washer fluid.

- $462.25.

- Done!

- Hey.

Use it in health,
sweetie.

- Oh, man, this is great.
Good.

I'll write you a check, dad.

- A check?
- Yeah.

- I'm afraid
I'm going to have to

Ask for cash from you,
achmed.

- Hello?
I'm home.

Hello?

Nobody home?

Awww! Great!

Oh, nobody home
to bother daddy.

- Oh, ray, honey,

Can you give us
a hand here?

- Thank god you're--
you're home.

I was worried sick here.

Well, thank you very much, ray,

For that wonderful car.

It broke down.

- What'd you do to it?

- I tried to drive it, ray.

I'm coming out of
the supermarket.

It's pouring down rain,

So I run us all
to the car,

I get the kids
all strapped in,

And the stupid thing
wouldn't start.

- Oh, you--
you probably flooded it.

- Oh, now it's my fault.

- When you turned the key
in the ignition,

What did it sound like?

- The rustling
of divorce papers.

- That could have been
the alternator.

- You know, I had to go
get us towed to the garage.

- So the kids got to ride
in the tow truck.

They must have
loved that.

- Oh, yes.
That was magical, ray,

Had to pay $300
for a new fuel pump.

I'm telling you,
that car's a piece of junk.

Your dad
sold us a lemon.

- All right,
but, we got a deal, okay?

So what if we have to put
a little money into it?

- Well, that's easy
for you to say.

I mean, because
you have to commute,

You get the good car.

And because I'm just
the housewife,

I get to drive
the bucket of bolts.

Listen, I want you to return it
and get our money back.

- No, I can't do that.

Look, my father
sold it to us

For half of
what he wanted, okay?

That's practically a gift.

- The gift
that keeps on taking.

- Come on,
I love that car.

All right, I'll take
a look at it, okay?

I can fix it.

- Yes, ray,
you're very mechanical.

That's why I had to return
your button-fly jeans.

- Look, you don't understand,
all right?

We can't return it.

We're going to look
ungrateful.

- Ray, would you rather
I look like this?

- You know, anger is just
misdirected passion.

- So that's it, ray?

You're not going to say
anything to them?

- I am. I am.

The next time they try
to sell us a 20-year-old car,

We say,
"uh-uh, not so fast."

- Ready.
Go.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Good.
A witness.

- Witness to what?

- The inevitable triumph
of technology over marie.

See, we're putting your money
to good use.

Look what I bought,
a bread machine.

- I can still make it
faster and better myself.

- We'll see.

Hey, I'm kneading already.

Look who's still mixing.

- If I win, I'm getting rid
of this stupid bread maker.

- Same if I win.

- You know, frank, I need to
talk to you about the car.

- I need some water.

- I cannot help you.

The rules are the rules.

- Oh.

- You know, the car seems
to have some problems.

- The car doesn't have problems,
sweetheart.

It has character.

yeah.

Well, you know,
part of its character

Is that it doesn't start, so--

- What did you do,
flood it?

- No. I--

- Well, look, you got to
treat her right, you know?

You have to fiddle with it,

Like, uh--
the heater.

You got to slide the thing
all the way to cool first,

And then really jam it
back to heat.

Trust me.
I'm very good with machines.

Still punching the dough,
eh, loser?

- Guess who
I'm thinking about.

- You know, frank,
it's not just the heater.

The mechanic seems to think

It's going to need
some major repairs.

- There's your problem
right there.

You're talking to mechanics.

Ah, I think
I'm baking already.

Ah, I love the smell of
fresh bread in the morning.

It smells like--

Victory.

- Okay, look,
could we maybe--

Return the car
and get our money back?

Maybe?

- I already bought
the bread machine.

- I-I thought ray
wanted the car.

Does he know
you're over here?

- Um--
no.

And in fact, I'm the one
who's actually driving the car,

And when I say driving,

I'm using that term loosely.

- Well--

I have to say, debra,

This doesn't sound
exactly grateful.

- Grateful?

What do I have to be
grateful for?

- I smell bread.

Is this about me?

It's about the will,
isn't it?

- Debra doesn't like
the valiant.

If I was married to someone
who wanted to hold on

To their old make-out mobile,
I'd feel the same way.

- Make-out mobile?

He used to drive around
with that girl,

Uh, lisa somebody.

- Lisa constantine.

That's when he first started
calling the car "lucky."

- I thought she was
such a nice girl.

- Oh, she was very nice
to raymond.

- So, robert,

You're saying that ray
wants to hang onto this car

Because that's where
he first got l--

Lucky?

- Yeah.

You didn't know?
- No.

- Oh.

Perhaps I've said too much.

- Hey, ray.
What's up?

- Oh, I'm just doing
a little simonizing.

I got her running great now.

A little glue.

- How are the kids?

- Kids?

- Our children, ray.

- Oh, yeah.
No.

They're--
they're in here--

Sleepin'.

Oh, look at
that shine, huh?

- Yeah. Great car,
isn't it, ray?

- Ah, you just got to
spend some time with her,

Get to know her.

- Uh-huh.

And you know her
pretty well, don't you?

- Every inch of her.

You know, I learned
how to drive in this car.

- What else
did you learn, ray?

- Well, I learned that you
got to be patient, you know?

You can't just jump in

And expect her
to turn over right away.

- Is that right?

And always remember
to warm her up, you know,

Otherwise
she'll quit on you.

- All right!

Oh--eww!

You make me sick.

- What?
What'd I do?

- Oh, stop.

I know all about you
and your past

And lisa constantine, and--

Oh, you make me sick, ray.

- Is--lisa in town?

- Robert told me.

- Oh.

I told you about
lisa constantine years ago.

- Yeah, but you didn't
tell me where.

You didn't tell me
she's the reason

You wanted
to keep this car.

I'm the one stuck
driving this piece of crap.

Lucky.
Ugh!

- No, no, no.
Wait, wait, wait, wait.

You don't understand.

This--this car
isn't just about--

Luck.

It's a part of me.

You know how it is
in my house.

This--this used to
get me away from there.

We'd go to shea stadium
and jones beach.

Sometimes we'd pile in the car
and drive,

Just to drive.

When my father
was really mad at me,

He'd take the car away.

Aw, that was the worst thing
that you could do to me.

- Oh.

- This car--

It wasn't just a car.

It was like--

Freedom.

It was--

Ah, I guess that's why
I want to keep it.

- Well, all right.

I mean--

I guess
I can live with it

But just until
we get the minivan, okay?

- Uh-uh-uh-uh.

There are
fingerprints here.

- Is everybody okay
back here?

- Oh, excellent song.

- Yeah.

Hey, give me your comb.

- Hey, don't mess around
back there

Unless you mean business.

- Just let me borrow it
for a second.

I like your hair, too.

- Now I need the comb.

- I can't believe we're in the
same spanish class this year.

- Yeah.
Isn't it cool?

- Yeah.

- Isn't senor murphy a dork?

And you are
so funny in class.

- Yeah, thanks.

Your spanish is
really good, too.

- Yo--tengo
un poquito frio.

- Oh, you're
a little cold?

Well, maybe I should
take you home.

- No way, jose.

- You a little warmer now?

- A little.

Mm, I think you're
getting warmer, too.

- That's a big 10-4.

- All right, knock it off.

- What, mommy?

- Nothing, honey.

Mommy's just--

Hallucinating.

- Ow.

- Give me the keys
to the good car.

Come on, come on.
- What are you doing?

- I'm not driving
that valiant anymore.

- Why not?

- It's just
a little too--

Used, you know?

Why don't you drive it?

It's your car,
your memories.

You drive it.

- All right, I'll drive it.
Fine.

I don't mind driving it.
- Okay, good.

- You sure you're okay?

- I'm fine.
I'm fine.

You go enjoy it.

- All right.

You know, this sounds a lot
like a setup for one of these--

Click-click.
Hmm.

Click-click.
Boom!

Easy.
Easy, there, girl.

Oh, excellent song.

- Oh, I hate it.
It's so queer.

- Yeah, I know.
It's disco.

Disco sucks.

- Can you turn on the heat?

- Well, I thought we could
warm each other up,

'cause I'm cold, too.

So, here we are.

What do you want to do?

- Do you have any gum?

- Yeah.

- I meant for you.

- Sorry.
I'm sorry.

I'm ready.
I'm ready now.

- Ow, my hair.
Oh, oh.

- Oh, god, sorry.
God.

- It's okay.
- Sorry.

- How was that?

- Great.

- I'm sorry.

Sorry.
- That's okay.

- Can I try it again?

- Okay.

- Hey, ray.

- What are you doing here?

Mom wants you to come home.

I'll be home
in about 10 minutes.

- Catch you on the flipside.
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Hey!

- Sorry.

Sorry.

- I'm in--
I'm in kind of a hurry.

- Oh, hi.

Oh, boy.

I was just listening
to the radio.

What, don't you ever sit there
and wait for the song to end?

- Oh, no, not with that look
on my face, I don't.

I mean, ray, don't you think
it's a little weird

That a married father of three

Can't give up his lucky car?

- Come on, it's like
a high school yearbook.

You still have
your high school yearbook.

- I didn't sleep with someone
on my high school yearbook.

- Of course not.
It's too small.

You have to open it.

- Ray.

- Come on,
it's just a memory.

What matters
is now, right?

And the sex means
so much more now.

- Oh, right.

- Sure, it does,

'cause it's so rare.

No, because it's you.

You know what?

I'm going to get rid
of the car.

- You are?
- Yeah.

You know what else?

I wish it was you
back then.

- Oh, you wish it was me.

- Yeah, 'cause then
I could keep the car.

- You really going to
get rid of the car?

- You're my wife.

I like you.

So, yeah.

Yeah, I'm going to
get rid of the car.

- Hey, you know what?

Before you do,

Why don't we make
our own memory in it?

Hmm?

- What do you mean?

- I'll be in the car.

- Oh, oh, oh,
I need gum.

- Should I turn the heat on?
- Yeah.

- How about the radio?

'cause I want to be able
to hear the kids.

- We'll be able
to hear them.

Oh, excellent song.

- Okay.
Come here.

Do you smell something?

- Oh, I got gum.
Hold on.

- Oh.

I was walking by.

Car was on fire.

- Thanks.

Thanks.

We better hurry.
- Yeah.

- Hey, things
are uneven now.

- What?

- Well, you know about me
and my first time.

- Oh, honey, come on.
We talked about this.

You said it would
make you uncomfortable.

- Come on.
Where were you?

I can take it,
all right?

I've just watched
someone go through this.

- Nope, nope, nope.

It's going to bother you
too much.

- So what,
it bothers me?

What's the worst
that could happen?

You're never going to want to go
into a supermarket again.