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1
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:11,710
- Take a look
at your daughter.
2
00:00:13,079 --> 00:00:15,514
- Yeah? So?
She looks happy.
3
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,283
- If she's happy, that's--
that's very happy.
4
00:00:18,285 --> 00:00:20,352
- What?
Should we call a doctor, ray?
5
00:00:20,354 --> 00:00:22,388
- I'm--
look, I'm just saying,
6
00:00:22,390 --> 00:00:25,257
Look, look how good it is
to be five.
7
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:27,593
Aw, you're truly happy at five.
8
00:00:27,595 --> 00:00:31,697
Your happiness peaks at five.
- Oh!
9
00:00:31,699 --> 00:00:33,532
Come on, I'm happy.
10
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:38,137
- You're not that happy.
You can't be, look at her.
11
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:40,039
Ally, what are you
thinking of?
12
00:00:40,041 --> 00:00:42,541
- Candy.
13
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:46,078
- Candy!
Huh, you're that happy?
14
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:48,313
When's the last time
you daydreamed about candy?
15
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:50,215
You can't do that
as an adult.
16
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,316
You can try,
you don't get far.
17
00:00:51,318 --> 00:00:56,155
Candy, candy--
oh, cavities. Cavities!
18
00:00:56,157 --> 00:01:00,759
Oh, no money!
Who am I? Why am I here?
19
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:03,362
What am I doing?
Am I gay?
20
00:01:05,765 --> 00:01:08,634
See?
Candy, candy doesn't work.
21
00:01:08,636 --> 00:01:10,702
- Try this candy.
22
00:01:17,343 --> 00:01:19,678
- Happy now?
23
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,147
- Candy!
- Yeah!
24
00:01:23,550 --> 00:01:24,650
- Hi, I'm ray.
25
00:01:24,652 --> 00:01:26,351
I live here
in long island
26
00:01:26,353 --> 00:01:28,787
With my wife, debra,
27
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:30,122
My five-year-old daughter,
28
00:01:30,124 --> 00:01:33,092
And twin
almost-two-year-old boys.
29
00:01:33,094 --> 00:01:35,461
My parents live
across the street.
30
00:01:35,463 --> 00:01:37,396
That's right.
31
00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,865
The truth is,
I'd do anything for my family.
32
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:44,670
And--done.
33
00:01:45,672 --> 00:01:47,406
Oh, no--
34
00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:51,477
Unh! Debra!
35
00:01:51,479 --> 00:01:53,378
Honeeey!
36
00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:56,315
Somebody!
Call my father!
37
00:01:56,317 --> 00:01:57,883
I'm hyperventilating!
38
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,367
- Will you stop?
39
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,736
You're driving me
nuts, frank.
40
00:02:19,540 --> 00:02:20,539
I sa--
41
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:22,574
I said stop.
42
00:02:22,576 --> 00:02:24,510
This is
who you are now--
43
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:27,346
Like you were in a home
for old ladies?
44
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:28,881
- I find it relaxing.
45
00:02:28,883 --> 00:02:30,349
- Oh-ho.
46
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:33,385
Fish sticks?
47
00:02:33,387 --> 00:02:34,520
- Yes!
48
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:37,222
you don't eat fish sticks.
49
00:02:37,224 --> 00:02:38,490
I once made them for you,
and you said,
50
00:02:38,492 --> 00:02:40,225
"no, that's not the way
god wanted fish."
51
00:02:40,227 --> 00:02:41,894
- You never made them.
52
00:02:41,896 --> 00:02:43,462
- I did too.
- Not for me.
53
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:44,663
- Frank!
54
00:02:44,665 --> 00:02:45,664
- When did you make
fish sticks?
55
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,366
- When they first
came out.
56
00:02:50,838 --> 00:02:52,738
- Hi.
- Hello, ray.
57
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:54,173
- Hi. You hungry?
58
00:02:54,175 --> 00:02:55,874
- No. No, I just ate.
59
00:02:57,278 --> 00:02:59,311
No. Don't lie to me.
Sit down.
60
00:03:00,613 --> 00:03:02,781
- Listen, what are
you guys doing Saturday?
61
00:03:02,783 --> 00:03:05,784
- Here. Jell-o for the kids.
Save 30¢.
62
00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,653
- Oh--thanks, dad.
63
00:03:07,655 --> 00:03:10,522
Now I can buy that boat.
64
00:03:10,524 --> 00:03:12,491
- What's Saturday, dear?
65
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:13,692
- Debra's parents.
Uh--
66
00:03:13,694 --> 00:03:14,693
- Ugh.
67
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:16,762
- Not howie and eva.
68
00:03:16,764 --> 00:03:18,630
- Warren and lois, dad.
69
00:03:18,632 --> 00:03:20,666
You're not even close.
70
00:03:20,668 --> 00:03:21,867
Why don't you see
if you got a coupon in there
71
00:03:21,869 --> 00:03:24,369
For shock treatments?
72
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,572
- No, we're busy Saturday.
73
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,507
- Oh, come on, ma.
They don't come that often.
74
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,409
- Oh, no.
75
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:33,312
They're too busy gallivanting
around the world.
76
00:03:33,314 --> 00:03:35,247
- Where did they go
for christmas last year?
77
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:36,949
Morocco?
78
00:03:36,951 --> 00:03:38,283
- So what?
79
00:03:38,285 --> 00:03:40,285
- What are they
trying to prove?
80
00:03:40,287 --> 00:03:41,787
- They're so pretentious.
81
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:45,357
About how beautiful it is
in connecticut.
82
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:47,559
- Look, you have to see
your in-laws, all right.
83
00:03:47,561 --> 00:03:48,660
They're going to be
across the street.
84
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,329
What, are you
going to hide?
85
00:03:50,331 --> 00:03:52,664
- I got a chair now
up in the attic.
86
00:03:54,334 --> 00:03:57,636
- Come on, you know how
debra is with this family thing.
87
00:03:57,638 --> 00:03:59,004
I know, it's insane.
88
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:00,572
But, please, look,
I promise,
89
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:03,242
It'll all be over
before warren can say,
90
00:04:03,244 --> 00:04:04,977
"I bought
another sculpture."
91
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,282
- He's such an ass.
92
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,518
- What about lois?
93
00:04:13,520 --> 00:04:15,954
I prefer dark chocolate.
94
00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:18,790
- All right, good.
So you'll come.
95
00:04:18,792 --> 00:04:21,426
You can find new things
to make fun of them.
96
00:04:21,428 --> 00:04:23,295
It's for debra, really.
97
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,464
- Well, couldn't you tell debra
once and for all
98
00:04:25,466 --> 00:04:28,400
It's enough
with her parents?
99
00:04:28,402 --> 00:04:29,935
- What are you
talking about?
100
00:04:29,937 --> 00:04:32,437
- Don't you feel
the same way about them?
101
00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:35,307
- No, ma.
I like them.
102
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,309
- Come on.
- What?
103
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:40,379
- Come on.
You hate their guts.
104
00:04:40,381 --> 00:04:42,714
- Enough already, okay?
105
00:04:42,716 --> 00:04:46,351
All right, look, so they're
a little--sophisticated.
106
00:04:46,353 --> 00:04:48,587
- He admits it.
We're better.
107
00:04:48,589 --> 00:04:51,690
- Look, you know they're not
my favorite people, all right?
108
00:04:51,692 --> 00:04:53,558
But you got to be nice
Saturday.
109
00:04:53,560 --> 00:04:56,428
It's for debra--
and for me, indirectly.
110
00:04:56,430 --> 00:04:58,597
- I will be my usual
charming self.
111
00:04:58,599 --> 00:04:59,798
- Yeah.
112
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:00,899
- I'll even bring
a present.
113
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:05,337
Here. 30¢ off
dijon mustard.
114
00:05:06,339 --> 00:05:07,873
A poupon coupon.
115
00:05:07,875 --> 00:05:10,075
- Ha, ha, ha, ha!
116
00:05:10,077 --> 00:05:12,511
- Good. Good.
117
00:05:12,513 --> 00:05:15,013
Hey, good to see you two
getting along.
118
00:05:22,989 --> 00:05:25,991
- Who taught you
how to dust?
119
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:27,993
- Self-taught.
- Ah.
120
00:05:27,995 --> 00:05:29,594
Listen, I'll do that,
121
00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:30,896
And you go and just straighten
all that stuff
122
00:05:30,898 --> 00:05:32,964
Up over there, okay?
123
00:05:32,966 --> 00:05:35,434
- What the hell is this?
124
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:36,501
- Don't--
ray, careful, careful!
125
00:05:36,503 --> 00:05:38,970
- I just bought it
at a gallery today.
126
00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:40,105
It's peruvian.
127
00:05:40,107 --> 00:05:41,440
Isn't it great?
128
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:43,475
- Yeah. Where does
the pepper come out?
129
00:05:43,477 --> 00:05:45,377
- Oh--
130
00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,980
They're here.
Come on. Hurry up.
131
00:05:50,850 --> 00:05:53,452
Are those the pants
you're wearing?
132
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:55,821
No. No.
133
00:05:55,823 --> 00:05:57,356
- Ray! Co--
don't!
134
00:05:57,358 --> 00:05:59,624
Put it back.
Come on.
135
00:05:59,626 --> 00:06:01,760
Hi!
136
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:02,794
- There's my little
sweetie pie.
137
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,963
Oh, hello, darling!
138
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:17,809
Hello, ray.
139
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,044
- Hello.
140
00:06:19,046 --> 00:06:21,680
I was, uh, just--
141
00:06:21,682 --> 00:06:22,914
Dusting.
142
00:06:24,984 --> 00:06:26,785
- Crazy as ever, raymond.
143
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:30,489
- Ah! There's no off switch
here, warren.
144
00:06:30,491 --> 00:06:31,890
- Oh, hello, darling.
145
00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,091
Where are the kids?
146
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,994
- Jail.
Ha, ha, ha!
147
00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:36,928
- It's--
it's nap time.
148
00:06:36,930 --> 00:06:38,463
- Oh.
149
00:06:38,465 --> 00:06:42,033
Oh, honey,
this is beautiful.
150
00:06:42,035 --> 00:06:44,169
I love peruvian art.
151
00:06:44,171 --> 00:06:45,704
- It's incan.
152
00:06:45,706 --> 00:06:46,872
- Macchu picchu?
153
00:06:46,874 --> 00:06:48,974
- Gesundheit.
154
00:06:48,976 --> 00:06:51,176
- He always says that.
155
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:52,978
- Oh, and it's funny
every time.
156
00:06:57,417 --> 00:06:58,884
- It's us.
- Hello.
157
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,452
- Hello, in-laws.
158
00:07:02,155 --> 00:07:04,122
Hello, sweetie.
159
00:07:05,124 --> 00:07:06,958
Oh. This is for you.
160
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,427
- Oh, you shouldn't have.
161
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:09,594
- Now, now.
162
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:13,098
That's a box of
the finest milk chocolate.
163
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,699
- Thank you, marie.
164
00:07:14,701 --> 00:07:18,603
I still haven't
quite finished the last box.
165
00:07:18,605 --> 00:07:20,572
- Warren,
how have you been?
166
00:07:20,574 --> 00:07:22,474
Where are you going
on your next vacation?
167
00:07:22,476 --> 00:07:23,708
Maui?
168
00:07:26,612 --> 00:07:28,814
- A little further,
actually.
169
00:07:28,816 --> 00:07:30,649
- We're going to vietnam.
170
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:33,552
- What?
- Vietnam?
171
00:07:33,554 --> 00:07:35,787
What, do you owe charlie
some payback?
172
00:07:38,891 --> 00:07:40,692
- Oh, I've been reading
that vietnam
173
00:07:40,694 --> 00:07:42,761
Is a fascinating place
to go now.
174
00:07:42,763 --> 00:07:44,629
Oh, I would love
to see it.
175
00:07:44,631 --> 00:07:47,799
- Yeah. Or we could just
rent "apocalypse now."
176
00:07:52,104 --> 00:07:54,072
- So, marie--
177
00:07:54,074 --> 00:07:55,674
What's new with you?
178
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:58,076
Have you seen
any new shows in town?
179
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,645
- I saw the three tenors
last week on tv.
180
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:03,548
I think pbs is wonderful.
181
00:08:03,550 --> 00:08:05,817
- Until they start
asking for money.
182
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:11,156
- We just saw some very funky
experimental stuff
183
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,758
At the performing garage.
184
00:08:13,760 --> 00:08:15,527
- Oh, and we saw "stomp."
185
00:08:15,529 --> 00:08:17,963
- Oh, I loved "stomp."
186
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:20,866
- Who's "stomp"?
187
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:22,667
- Well, it's sort of like
a rhythmic dance.
188
00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:24,569
These guys sort of
bang together
189
00:08:24,571 --> 00:08:25,871
Anything
they can find--
190
00:08:25,873 --> 00:08:29,140
Trash cans, hubcaps,
brooms.
191
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:30,075
- And you loved it.
192
00:08:30,077 --> 00:08:32,644
- Ohh!
193
00:08:32,646 --> 00:08:34,813
Loved it.
We're going back.
194
00:08:34,815 --> 00:08:37,182
- How much do they charge
for this?
195
00:08:37,184 --> 00:08:39,718
- $40.
- Ohh!
196
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:41,786
- For 20 bucks,
I'll bang on my garbage cans
197
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,021
Till your ears bleed.
198
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:47,859
- Hey, look at this--
199
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,562
That's 12 bucks.
200
00:08:54,534 --> 00:08:57,669
- Ray, can I see you
in the kitchen, right now?
201
00:08:57,671 --> 00:08:59,538
- Yeah. Okay.
Here I come.
202
00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:02,774
- Another 15 bucks!
203
00:09:02,776 --> 00:09:05,110
Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!
204
00:09:06,979 --> 00:09:08,613
- 15 bucks.
205
00:09:08,615 --> 00:09:10,715
- What are you guys doing?
206
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,585
- Oh, nothing.
We're--we're stompin'.
207
00:09:14,887 --> 00:09:16,655
- You're making fun
of my parents.
208
00:09:16,657 --> 00:09:19,624
- No, no.
209
00:09:19,626 --> 00:09:22,694
All right, we're making
a little fun of them, all right?
210
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,063
Vietnam.
211
00:09:25,065 --> 00:09:27,198
It comes from love.
212
00:09:27,200 --> 00:09:30,235
- Listen, I know you've
never been crazy about them,
213
00:09:30,237 --> 00:09:31,870
But can't you at least
pretend?
214
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,071
- I am pretending.
215
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:34,773
No, no, I mean--
216
00:09:34,775 --> 00:09:37,342
Look, I mean,
I love your parents, all right.
217
00:09:37,344 --> 00:09:40,312
In fact, you're robbing me
of my time with them.
218
00:09:42,682 --> 00:09:45,717
where the hell have you been?
219
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:46,985
- Everything okay?
220
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:48,219
- Oh, yeah.
Couldn't be better.
221
00:09:48,221 --> 00:09:49,854
Debra and I
were just saying
222
00:09:49,856 --> 00:09:52,624
It's a shame we don't spend
more time together.
223
00:09:52,626 --> 00:09:56,127
- We were just
thinking the same thing.
224
00:09:56,129 --> 00:10:00,732
So why don't we all have
dinner together tomorrow night?
225
00:10:00,734 --> 00:10:03,068
- Huh?
226
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:05,870
- Well, we have a reservation
at le bernardoux.
227
00:10:05,872 --> 00:10:07,839
We'll just expand it.
We'll all go.
228
00:10:07,841 --> 00:10:09,140
- That's a four-star
restaurant.
229
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,675
- No, no, no.
Thank you.
230
00:10:10,677 --> 00:10:13,378
We don't go to those kinds
of places because--
231
00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:14,813
Well, it's just too much.
232
00:10:14,815 --> 00:10:17,148
- I don't like
to get dressed.
233
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:20,085
- Don't be silly.
234
00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:23,254
In fact, ray,
bring your brother.
235
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:26,191
- Oh, boy.
236
00:10:26,193 --> 00:10:27,892
- Now, doesn't this
sound like fun?
237
00:10:27,894 --> 00:10:30,795
Oh, come on, you guys.
Our treat.
238
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:33,798
It would mean
so much to us.
239
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:36,835
- But we're just
so very busy.
240
00:10:36,837 --> 00:10:38,236
- Ray?
241
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:40,305
- Well, we're not too busy
for our in-laws.
242
00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:42,307
Yes, yes.
Le bernardoux.
243
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:44,175
The whole family.
Together.
244
00:10:44,177 --> 00:10:45,910
- Great.
245
00:10:45,912 --> 00:10:48,713
- Oh, it's going to be
so thrilling.
246
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,350
- It'll be more fun
than vietnam.
247
00:11:09,235 --> 00:11:12,003
- Bonsoir.
Welcome to le bernardoux.
248
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:14,439
- Holy crap.
249
00:11:18,744 --> 00:11:20,245
- Uh, we're with
the whelan party.
250
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,080
- Yes, your hosts
have arrived already.
251
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,382
I'll be glad to take you
to your table.
252
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:26,051
- Am I going to
have to tip this guy?
253
00:11:26,053 --> 00:11:28,253
- No. We'll seat ourselves,
thank you.
254
00:11:28,255 --> 00:11:30,922
Come on, let's go.
255
00:11:30,924 --> 00:11:32,223
- What's with your parents?
256
00:11:32,225 --> 00:11:35,060
It's like the first time
they've worn shoes.
257
00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:36,394
- Ray.
258
00:11:38,230 --> 00:11:40,799
- What? What is it?
259
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,935
With those
dressed-up waiters?
260
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:46,371
- Yeah. What's wrong
with dressed-up waiters?
261
00:11:46,373 --> 00:11:48,740
- They give me
the willies.
262
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:49,774
Always putting you
on the spot.
263
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:51,976
It's like--
authority figures.
264
00:11:51,978 --> 00:11:53,044
- Authority figures?
265
00:11:53,046 --> 00:11:54,245
You're a police sergeant,
okay?
266
00:11:54,247 --> 00:11:57,449
You outrank the waiter.
267
00:11:57,451 --> 00:11:59,984
- Yeah, but how's
he going to know?
268
00:11:59,986 --> 00:12:02,787
- Come on.
It'll be all right. Come on.
269
00:12:02,789 --> 00:12:04,322
- Hi.
270
00:12:04,324 --> 00:12:06,491
- Officer robert.
- Hello.
271
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,026
- How are you?
272
00:12:08,028 --> 00:12:10,361
- Hi.
273
00:12:10,363 --> 00:12:12,497
- Hello, robert.
- How are you?
274
00:12:12,499 --> 00:12:14,499
- How's police work
treating you?
275
00:12:14,501 --> 00:12:15,767
- Oh, you know.
276
00:12:15,769 --> 00:12:16,968
One day you're rescuing
a puppy,
277
00:12:16,970 --> 00:12:18,269
And the next day
278
00:12:18,271 --> 00:12:20,505
You're fishing a skull
out of a toilet.
279
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:26,878
- Good evening.
- Good evening.
280
00:12:29,482 --> 00:12:30,949
- I am gerard.
281
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,951
Here are your menus.
282
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:34,152
- Oh, excuse me,
283
00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:36,921
But there's so much
silverware on the table.
284
00:12:36,923 --> 00:12:39,758
What's all
the silverware for?
285
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,059
- For you to eat with,
madame.
286
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:42,794
- Oh, no, no, no.
That's too much.
287
00:12:42,796 --> 00:12:45,764
Oh, no, look.
I mean, that's wasteful.
288
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:49,234
I got five forks.
Take three back.
289
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,235
And all these plates.
290
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,803
That means extra washing.
291
00:12:51,805 --> 00:12:53,938
Give me your plates.
Go ahead.
292
00:12:56,408 --> 00:12:57,842
- Yeah, me, too.
293
00:12:57,844 --> 00:12:59,310
I don't need
all these glasses.
294
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:02,347
How many mouths
do you think I got?
295
00:13:02,349 --> 00:13:03,515
- I have
too many parents.
296
00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:06,017
Could you take
one of them, please?
297
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:09,521
- I'll be back shortly
with tonight's specials.
298
00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:11,356
- What kind of food
do they serve here?
299
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,191
- I believe it's french.
300
00:13:13,193 --> 00:13:14,893
- Ever been to France?
301
00:13:14,895 --> 00:13:17,395
- Oh, no, no.
We're not world travelers.
302
00:13:17,397 --> 00:13:19,130
- Oh, France
is so lovely.
303
00:13:19,132 --> 00:13:20,932
You have to go.
304
00:13:20,934 --> 00:13:24,068
- I don't appreciate
the french--
305
00:13:24,070 --> 00:13:26,070
As a people.
306
00:13:26,072 --> 00:13:28,173
I find them--
307
00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,308
Annoying.
308
00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,843
Truly.
309
00:13:33,979 --> 00:13:35,547
- You're an interesting man.
310
00:13:36,949 --> 00:13:38,149
- Remember that time
in provence?
311
00:13:38,151 --> 00:13:41,219
- Oh, this is funny.
312
00:13:41,221 --> 00:13:44,389
- We were in provence,
and I asked our waiter,
313
00:13:44,391 --> 00:13:46,291
"what are all these
little herbs
314
00:13:46,293 --> 00:13:48,259
Sprinkled
on everything?"
315
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:50,128
And the waiter says,
316
00:13:50,130 --> 00:13:52,463
"herbs de provence."
317
00:13:55,201 --> 00:13:56,534
- Oh, warren.
318
00:13:58,070 --> 00:13:59,070
- Fresh bread?
319
00:13:59,072 --> 00:14:00,471
- Here we go.
320
00:14:03,042 --> 00:14:04,042
- Hey, look at this.
321
00:14:04,044 --> 00:14:06,511
Look at all that bread,
huh?
322
00:14:06,513 --> 00:14:09,180
Boy, I'm so glad
we came here.
323
00:14:09,182 --> 00:14:11,149
- You got any rye bread?
324
00:14:11,151 --> 00:14:13,384
- No, sir, I'm sorry,
we do not.
325
00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:15,186
- I like rye bread.
326
00:14:15,188 --> 00:14:16,921
- Well, they don't
have any, dad.
327
00:14:16,923 --> 00:14:18,389
- I'll have a baguette
over here.
328
00:14:18,391 --> 00:14:19,858
- You got
all these kinds of breads.
329
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:24,863
What do you do when
jewish people come in here?
330
00:14:26,131 --> 00:14:28,199
- Would you like to speak
with the manager, sir?
331
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:30,134
- Is he jewish?
332
00:14:30,136 --> 00:14:33,204
- Dad, just take
a roll, okay?
333
00:14:33,206 --> 00:14:35,206
Sorry, man.
334
00:14:35,208 --> 00:14:37,275
- Hey, don't apologize.
335
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,143
The customer
is always right.
336
00:14:39,145 --> 00:14:40,378
Am I right?
337
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:43,248
- I would never argue
with you, frank.
338
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:45,416
- I don't get these places.
339
00:14:45,418 --> 00:14:47,318
- Perhaps you'd like to hear
tonight's specials.
340
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:49,287
- Please.
- In addition to the menu,
341
00:14:49,289 --> 00:14:52,123
The chef has prepared
a crab in a puff pastry.
342
00:14:52,125 --> 00:14:53,224
It's a dungeness crab
343
00:14:53,226 --> 00:14:54,926
In a light butter
and garlic sauce--
344
00:14:54,928 --> 00:14:56,427
- How much is that?
345
00:14:56,429 --> 00:14:57,528
- It's $32, sir.
346
00:14:57,530 --> 00:15:00,098
- Ohh!
- Jeezaloo!
347
00:15:00,100 --> 00:15:01,432
- Now, frank,
348
00:15:01,434 --> 00:15:04,235
You're not allowed to look
at the prices tonight.
349
00:15:04,237 --> 00:15:05,937
- Warren, wake up,
will you?
350
00:15:05,939 --> 00:15:09,908
This guy's got
both his hands in your pocket!
351
00:15:09,910 --> 00:15:12,076
- Look, could we
have a minute here, please?
352
00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,045
- Certainly.
Thank you.
353
00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:16,547
- Thanks.
354
00:15:16,549 --> 00:15:19,484
This guy's really
workin' me.
355
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:22,587
- Frank, I assure you,
uh, it's okay.
356
00:15:22,589 --> 00:15:24,322
We've been here before.
357
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:27,025
- So you don't even know
when you're being taken.
358
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:28,526
- Dad, nobody's being taken,
all right?
359
00:15:28,528 --> 00:15:31,362
Calm down.
Just try to enjoy yourself.
360
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:34,399
- Frank has an eye
for value.
361
00:15:34,401 --> 00:15:36,567
- You're really comfortable
in a place like this?
362
00:15:36,569 --> 00:15:39,037
I mean,
it seems so unnecessary.
363
00:15:39,039 --> 00:15:41,372
- Of course it's not necessary,
marie.
364
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:42,674
It's a luxury.
365
00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:47,111
But sometimes
a little luxury is necessary.
366
00:15:47,113 --> 00:15:49,547
- What does that mean?
367
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,050
- See, marie,
every once in a while,
368
00:15:52,052 --> 00:15:56,020
My family just likes
to try and enjoy life.
369
00:15:56,022 --> 00:15:58,489
- Well, I guess
we just don't understand.
370
00:15:58,491 --> 00:16:02,393
- Well, not everyone
can understand everything.
371
00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:05,563
- What's that
supposed to mean?
372
00:16:05,565 --> 00:16:07,465
- It's all right, dad.
It's okay.
373
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,266
- You taking their side now?
374
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,534
- I'm--
375
00:16:09,536 --> 00:16:11,269
- Is anyone else--
376
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:13,271
Hot and cold?
377
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:18,376
- Maybe this wasn't
such a good idea.
378
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,378
- Of course it's not
a good idea.
379
00:16:20,380 --> 00:16:23,047
It's a bad idea.
It's a very bad idea.
380
00:16:23,049 --> 00:16:24,582
What, am I the only one
who can see this?
381
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:26,250
- Ray,
what are you doing?
382
00:16:26,252 --> 00:16:29,053
- These people shouldn't be
at the same table together.
383
00:16:29,055 --> 00:16:30,655
They shouldn't be
in the same state.
384
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,390
My parents like to stay home
and watch tv,
385
00:16:32,392 --> 00:16:35,093
And your parents
honeymoon in cambodia.
386
00:16:35,095 --> 00:16:37,428
- Excuse me.
Sri lanka.
387
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:38,396
- Well, who cares?
388
00:16:38,398 --> 00:16:39,564
- Ray!
389
00:16:39,566 --> 00:16:41,299
- I mean I care, I care, okay?
390
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:42,600
And I know you care,
391
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,135
'cause that's the kind
of people you are.
392
00:16:44,137 --> 00:16:45,336
You like to make jokes
about herbs
393
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,704
That nobody gets,
394
00:16:46,706 --> 00:16:49,173
And you go to France,
and you go to stomp,
395
00:16:49,175 --> 00:16:51,109
And you go
to some basement in a village
396
00:16:51,111 --> 00:16:54,746
To watch a transvestite
carve a yam into a monkey.
397
00:16:58,617 --> 00:17:00,451
- Why, ray,
398
00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:03,321
I had no idea
you felt that way about us.
399
00:17:03,323 --> 00:17:06,657
- I don't, I don't.
I don't feel that way.
400
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:10,194
I don't.
I'm just--
401
00:17:10,196 --> 00:17:12,530
I'm--I'm making
conversation.
402
00:17:30,215 --> 00:17:33,384
- Don't you have to go
to your house?
403
00:17:33,386 --> 00:17:36,287
- I can't.
I took your side.
404
00:17:36,289 --> 00:17:37,622
I may have to wait
until the red cross tells me
405
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:39,457
It's safe to go back.
406
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:44,595
Boy, they were
pretty mad, huh?
407
00:17:44,597 --> 00:17:45,730
- And you know what?
408
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,166
Who could blame them?
- What?
409
00:17:48,168 --> 00:17:50,835
I was mortified,
the way you behaved tonight.
410
00:17:50,837 --> 00:17:51,836
- Me?
411
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,172
- You blew
the whole evening.
412
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:55,840
Where did you learn
your manners?
413
00:17:55,842 --> 00:17:57,341
- What are you
talking about?
414
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:59,077
- Great dinner, raymond.
415
00:17:59,079 --> 00:18:01,746
I think I'll go to my room
and chew on some jerky.
416
00:18:04,750 --> 00:18:06,784
- Marie, cook something,
will you?
417
00:18:06,786 --> 00:18:10,288
Thanks to your son,
we didn't even get to eat.
418
00:18:10,290 --> 00:18:14,559
- I got some frozen ziti
and some leftover turkey.
419
00:18:14,561 --> 00:18:18,429
- Not exactly four-star,
is it?
420
00:18:18,431 --> 00:18:20,231
- You embarrassed us.
421
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:21,532
- Wait a minute.
I don't get you guys.
422
00:18:21,534 --> 00:18:22,800
You didn't want to go.
423
00:18:22,802 --> 00:18:23,868
You complained
the whole time.
424
00:18:23,870 --> 00:18:25,436
What are you mad
at me for?
425
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:26,437
- You were rude.
426
00:18:26,439 --> 00:18:27,705
- I was rude?
427
00:18:27,707 --> 00:18:30,308
- Yes. We didn't
raise you like that.
428
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:32,510
- You don't insult
your host.
429
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:33,878
- Not to their face.
430
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:36,714
Where's your discretion?
431
00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,749
- What are you
talking about?
432
00:18:38,751 --> 00:18:41,219
I only said what I said
because of you two.
433
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,720
- What did we do?
434
00:18:42,722 --> 00:18:44,288
- What did you do?
435
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:47,158
It was like the night
the hillbillies landed.
436
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,128
- All I did was try
to save the man some money.
437
00:18:50,130 --> 00:18:54,765
Going on about yams
and transvestites, dear.
438
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:56,200
- I'll tell you
something else.
439
00:18:56,202 --> 00:18:57,301
There were things
on that menu
440
00:18:57,303 --> 00:19:00,171
I could have gone for
right now.
441
00:19:00,173 --> 00:19:01,305
- I thought you knew more
442
00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,508
About what being
a family meant.
443
00:19:03,510 --> 00:19:05,276
I mean, what would
happen to the world
444
00:19:05,278 --> 00:19:10,148
If everybody told their families
what they actually thought?
445
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,884
- Maybe you should think
before you speak.
446
00:19:19,291 --> 00:19:22,627
- Ohh--I'm a man
without a country.
447
00:19:36,608 --> 00:19:39,610
Oh, you're up.
448
00:19:39,612 --> 00:19:40,678
- I couldn't believe you
tonight, ray.
449
00:19:40,680 --> 00:19:43,614
You were so rude.
450
00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:46,717
- Good. It's unanimous.
451
00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:47,718
- Let me ask you something.
452
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:48,886
Do you know how many things
453
00:19:48,888 --> 00:19:51,589
I can find wrong
with your parents?
454
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:55,193
- Oh, that's like asking
how many rocks are there.
455
00:19:57,529 --> 00:19:58,729
- How would you like it if I
marched over there right now
456
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:00,364
And told your parents
457
00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:02,300
All the things that I didn't
like about them?
458
00:20:02,302 --> 00:20:05,303
- Great.
I'll get the video camera.
459
00:20:05,305 --> 00:20:06,837
- Narrow-minded,
intrusive,
460
00:20:06,839 --> 00:20:08,739
Completely insensitive,
461
00:20:08,741 --> 00:20:10,708
Oblivious, and cheap.
462
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:13,377
- Okay, now let's do
my mother.
463
00:20:13,379 --> 00:20:14,712
- I am serious, ray.
464
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:15,947
- I know.
465
00:20:15,949 --> 00:20:17,615
- Except I would never
say anything
466
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:19,350
Because the closeness
of this family
467
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,552
Is very important
to me.
468
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:24,255
- Yeah. Evenings like this.
469
00:20:24,257 --> 00:20:26,424
I--look, I'm sorry.
470
00:20:26,426 --> 00:20:27,925
I'm very sorry. Really.
471
00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,961
- Yes. You're sorry.
What are you sorry for?
472
00:20:29,963 --> 00:20:33,431
- I'm sorry we have parents.
473
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:34,899
- Come on, ray.
474
00:20:34,901 --> 00:20:36,334
- I'm sor--look,
475
00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:37,535
I didn't want
to insult them.
476
00:20:37,537 --> 00:20:38,836
I was embarrassed,
that's all.
477
00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:40,705
I was embarrassed,
and I snapped.
478
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,240
I didn't want
to insult your parents.
479
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:44,575
I'm sorry
I ruined the evening.
480
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,844
- What else?
481
00:20:46,846 --> 00:20:49,013
- There's a what else?
482
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:50,982
- You're going to call
my parents tomorrow
483
00:20:50,984 --> 00:20:54,385
- Yes, of course.
I look forward to it.
484
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:55,586
I'd call them right now,
485
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,321
But they're probably
at a midnight show
486
00:20:57,323 --> 00:20:59,490
Of mummenschanz.
487
00:21:04,529 --> 00:21:05,730
Come on.
488
00:21:05,732 --> 00:21:07,298
Please, just forgive me,
all right?
489
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:08,633
I'll throw in
a dinner for two
490
00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:12,003
At le bernardoux.
491
00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:14,338
- Does it have to be
with you?
492
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:17,275
- Yes.
You're stuck with me.
493
00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:19,377
Hmm? Okay?
494
00:21:19,379 --> 00:21:20,678
- Okay.
495
00:21:20,680 --> 00:21:23,314
Jerk.
496
00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:25,049
You know what really
worried me tonight, ray,
497
00:21:25,051 --> 00:21:27,418
Is you started
to remind me of your parents.
498
00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:30,921
- Oh, hey, there's no need
to name-call.
499
00:21:30,923 --> 00:21:32,290
- The other thing
that bothered me
500
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:34,492
Is I think
I'm a little bit like mine.
501
00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:35,793
- Yeah, but, see,
there's a difference.
502
00:21:35,795 --> 00:21:36,827
- What?
503
00:21:36,829 --> 00:21:38,696
- I don't mind you.
504
00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:41,666
- I guess I don't
mind you either.
505
00:21:41,668 --> 00:21:43,401
- Hey, our wedding vows.
506
00:21:43,403 --> 00:21:44,802
- Yeah.
507
00:21:47,072 --> 00:21:50,007
- So we just made up.
- Mmm.
508
00:21:50,009 --> 00:21:53,411
- I think it might be time
for make-up sex.
509
00:21:53,413 --> 00:21:55,379
- Does it have to be
with you?
34764
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