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1
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:08,809
* MTV ♪
2
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,345
[both chuckling]
3
00:00:11,345 --> 00:00:14,348
[rock music]
4
00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:21,555
♪ ♪
5
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:31,031
And we'll just take
some of these,
6
00:00:31,031 --> 00:00:32,566
one of these,
7
00:00:32,566 --> 00:00:33,567
gotta have these.
8
00:00:33,567 --> 00:00:34,935
These are good.
9
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,104
Yeah.
10
00:00:36,104 --> 00:00:38,172
And there we go.
11
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:43,177
Something to wash it all
down with,
12
00:00:43,177 --> 00:00:44,212
you know what I'm saying?
13
00:00:44,212 --> 00:00:45,546
[chuckles]
- Yep.
14
00:00:45,546 --> 00:00:48,249
We like the cold ones.
15
00:00:48,249 --> 00:00:50,418
Are you guys old enough
to drink?
16
00:00:50,418 --> 00:00:52,986
Uh, are you, sir?
17
00:00:52,986 --> 00:00:54,655
Yeah, are you, sir?
18
00:00:54,655 --> 00:00:57,291
I can't sell you this
unless you've got ID.
19
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:59,560
You can still buy the rest.
20
00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,729
- Uh...
- [chuckles]
21
00:01:01,729 --> 00:01:03,597
Do you even have
any money?
22
00:01:03,597 --> 00:01:05,366
Uh, do you, sir?
23
00:01:05,366 --> 00:01:07,535
Yeah, do you, sir?
24
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,470
Because we could, like,
use some money.
25
00:01:09,470 --> 00:01:11,339
You know what I'm saying?
[snickers]
26
00:01:11,339 --> 00:01:13,141
[bell rings]
27
00:01:13,141 --> 00:01:15,443
Nobody ever lets us buy
cool things, Butt-Head.
28
00:01:15,443 --> 00:01:19,147
They always say we're, like,
not old enough or something.
29
00:01:19,147 --> 00:01:21,382
Whoa.
30
00:01:21,382 --> 00:01:23,451
I have, like, an idea.
31
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:25,553
[snickers]
32
00:01:25,553 --> 00:01:27,688
Old people can buy
whatever they want,
33
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,524
so we just need to, like,
make you look old.
34
00:01:30,524 --> 00:01:32,059
Yeah, cool.
[laughs]
35
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:35,696
You need, like, gray hair
and wrinkles and stuff.
36
00:01:35,696 --> 00:01:38,199
My 'nads have wrinkles.
37
00:01:38,199 --> 00:01:39,433
They kind of look old.
38
00:01:39,433 --> 00:01:40,834
Maybe I'll show people my 'nads
39
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,803
instead of my face. Yeah.
40
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:46,207
People don't like
seeing 'nads, dumbass.
41
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,008
Not even on a fake ID?
42
00:01:48,008 --> 00:01:51,179
Uh, no.
43
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:54,182
You're weird, Beavis.
44
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:56,083
Okay, stand still.
45
00:01:56,184 --> 00:01:57,551
I'm gonna dye your hair.
46
00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:59,420
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, dye.
47
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:02,656
Yeah, dye!
48
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:05,293
Whoa, it smells like dizzy
or--or something.
49
00:02:05,293 --> 00:02:07,528
That means it's working, Beavis.
50
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,497
Oh, really?
51
00:02:09,497 --> 00:02:11,865
Cool.
52
00:02:11,865 --> 00:02:14,435
Put a little here.
53
00:02:14,435 --> 00:02:15,969
There we go.
54
00:02:15,969 --> 00:02:17,338
Okay.
55
00:02:17,338 --> 00:02:19,740
Old guys are always hurting
their back,
56
00:02:19,740 --> 00:02:22,443
so you need to, like, say
"Ow, my back" a lot.
57
00:02:22,443 --> 00:02:24,578
Um, okay, yeah.
58
00:02:24,578 --> 00:02:25,979
Ow, my back.
59
00:02:25,979 --> 00:02:29,417
Uh, no, it needs
to sound real.
60
00:02:29,417 --> 00:02:32,052
Okay, okay, let me try this.
How about, um...
61
00:02:32,052 --> 00:02:33,721
Ow, my back!
62
00:02:33,721 --> 00:02:37,458
- Uh, that's pretty good.
- [groaning]
63
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,693
- Yeah.
- Okay.
64
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:42,996
Now go in there
and buy beer.
65
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:44,598
Oh...
66
00:02:44,598 --> 00:02:46,600
[grumbling]
67
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,836
Damn it. Ah.
68
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,339
It's time to go.
The bus is leaving.
69
00:02:51,339 --> 00:02:55,409
Um, I just have to get
some beer or something.
70
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,110
We have to get on the bus.
71
00:02:57,245 --> 00:02:59,747
Um, oh, okay. Yeah.
72
00:02:59,747 --> 00:03:02,383
I guess that's pretty cool.
73
00:03:02,383 --> 00:03:04,518
Thank you, son.
74
00:03:04,518 --> 00:03:06,153
[groans] My back.
75
00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:12,960
[laughs]
76
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,495
Beavis is gone.
77
00:03:16,930 --> 00:03:19,166
* Open your eyes ♪
78
00:03:19,267 --> 00:03:22,270
♪ To know where
I'm taking you to ♪
79
00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:24,638
Well, somebody's
homeschooled.
80
00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,840
[laughs]
81
00:03:26,840 --> 00:03:29,643
Yeah, you can tell.
[snickers]
82
00:03:29,643 --> 00:03:32,280
I think the secret
to doing these trick shots
83
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,382
is not having any friends
84
00:03:34,382 --> 00:03:37,150
so you just, like, throw
Frisbees all day
85
00:03:37,285 --> 00:03:39,287
and then sometimes,
they go in things.
86
00:03:39,287 --> 00:03:40,921
[laughs]
87
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,290
He keeps doing that thing
88
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:43,591
that Caulay MacCulkin does,
you know,
89
00:03:43,591 --> 00:03:44,758
in "Home Alone,"
90
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,294
you know, with his fist.
91
00:03:46,294 --> 00:03:47,695
[laughs]
92
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:50,163
But in "Home Alone,"
his parents wanted him back.
93
00:03:50,298 --> 00:03:52,165
[snickers]
94
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:55,135
[laughs]
Oh, yeah.
95
00:03:55,135 --> 00:03:57,305
They just, like, put
a bunch of Frisbees
96
00:03:57,305 --> 00:03:59,407
and a basketball outside
and locked the door.
97
00:04:01,008 --> 00:04:04,312
"If the ball goes
in the net, I'm not lonely.
98
00:04:04,312 --> 00:04:07,748
Yes. Yeah.
Awesome! Yeah."
99
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,419
You know what these Frisbees
don't go in?
100
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:14,388
A girl.
101
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:17,224
[snickering]
Oh, yeah.
102
00:04:17,325 --> 00:04:18,992
The other dudes
in the neighborhood are like,
103
00:04:18,992 --> 00:04:20,594
"Hey, trick shot guy.
104
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:22,095
"We got a bunch of girls
that wanna come over
105
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:23,431
and swim in your pool,"
106
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:26,400
and then he's like, "What?
No way.
107
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:29,002
"I have to hit a soccer ball
with a wiffle bat
108
00:04:29,002 --> 00:04:30,571
"and bounce it
off a basketball hoop
109
00:04:30,571 --> 00:04:32,440
"onto a ledge.
110
00:04:32,440 --> 00:04:34,875
"I can't do that with a bunch
of chicks running around here
111
00:04:34,875 --> 00:04:36,109
"in bikinis.
112
00:04:36,109 --> 00:04:37,811
Get out of here."
113
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:39,347
Yeah, yeah.
114
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:42,516
And then he fist pumps. Yeah.
115
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:43,651
"Yeah!
116
00:04:43,651 --> 00:04:44,818
Got rid of those chicks."
117
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,253
Yeah. [laughs]
118
00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:48,356
I bet he does a lot
of fist pumping,
119
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:50,558
if you know what I mean.
[guffaws]
120
00:04:50,558 --> 00:04:53,026
[snickers] Yeah.
121
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:54,528
I got a little trick shot
122
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:57,865
where I make it hit
the ceiling.
123
00:04:57,865 --> 00:04:59,667
Uh...
124
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,135
that's disgusting, Beavis.
125
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,673
Took me all summer
to master it, too.
126
00:05:05,673 --> 00:05:07,575
Uh, okay, Beavis,
127
00:05:07,575 --> 00:05:10,277
I'm gonna try
a trick shot now.
128
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:12,212
I'm gonna take this can,
129
00:05:12,212 --> 00:05:15,015
and I'm gonna, like,
bounce it off the TV
130
00:05:15,015 --> 00:05:16,750
and then off your head
131
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:19,119
and then out the window.
132
00:05:19,119 --> 00:05:21,755
This is gonna be cool.
133
00:05:21,755 --> 00:05:24,425
Uh...
134
00:05:24,425 --> 00:05:25,459
[yelps]
135
00:05:25,459 --> 00:05:26,794
Ow. [laughs]
136
00:05:26,794 --> 00:05:28,462
Wait, I didn't see.
Did it go out the window?
137
00:05:28,462 --> 00:05:30,398
[snickers]
138
00:05:30,398 --> 00:05:33,534
Uh... no. [laughs]
139
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:36,670
Guess I have to keep trying
until I get it right.
140
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,472
[snickers]
141
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:40,674
Okay, look
straight ahead, Beavis.
142
00:05:42,142 --> 00:05:43,310
Ah!
143
00:05:43,411 --> 00:05:44,778
Damn it.
144
00:05:44,778 --> 00:05:46,313
I think you're doing
something wrong, Butt-Head.
145
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:48,549
Let me try.
Yeah. [laughs]
146
00:05:48,549 --> 00:05:51,419
Concentrate here.
147
00:05:51,419 --> 00:05:53,220
Line this thing up. Yeah.
148
00:05:59,793 --> 00:06:02,229
Whoa. [coughs]
Ow.
149
00:06:02,229 --> 00:06:05,298
What happened, Butt-Head?
Did it work?
150
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:08,268
Uh... no.
151
00:06:08,268 --> 00:06:10,070
That sucked.
152
00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,440
And you lost the can.
153
00:06:12,440 --> 00:06:13,874
Ah, damn it.
154
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:17,344
Well, I guess
I gotta keep trying, you know?
155
00:06:17,445 --> 00:06:19,179
Let me see.
Maybe this rock would work.
156
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:20,848
[snickers]
157
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:22,983
Think I got this.
Yeah, yeah.
158
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:25,753
[screams]
- [snickers]
159
00:06:25,753 --> 00:06:26,854
Dumbass.
160
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:31,258
Agh. Ow.
161
00:06:32,993 --> 00:06:34,161
Whoa!
162
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:37,598
[coughing]
163
00:06:38,331 --> 00:06:39,800
These guys really know
how to party.
164
00:06:42,703 --> 00:06:44,638
[scatting]
165
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:47,541
Jack. No.
166
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:50,243
Social Security doesn't go
as far as it used to.
167
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:52,212
Yeah, no one lets us buy
anything cool.
168
00:06:52,212 --> 00:06:53,947
No, they don't.
169
00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,849
And now
they won't let me drive.
170
00:06:55,849 --> 00:06:57,885
Yeah, me neither.
Yeah, it sucks.
171
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,188
Hello...
172
00:07:01,188 --> 00:07:02,189
Oh, hey, hey.
How's it going?
173
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:04,792
Yeah. I'm Beavis.
174
00:07:04,792 --> 00:07:07,495
Oh, mm,
haven't seen you before.
175
00:07:07,495 --> 00:07:09,096
When did you move in?
176
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,798
I don't know, really.
177
00:07:10,798 --> 00:07:13,266
They just dropped me off here,
you know?
178
00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,603
My kids did the same to me.
179
00:07:15,603 --> 00:07:18,371
You know, there are so few men
at this place.
180
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:20,508
A girl can get lonely.
181
00:07:23,176 --> 00:07:26,580
Um... um... what?
182
00:07:26,580 --> 00:07:29,116
You know,
a handsome old stud like you
183
00:07:29,116 --> 00:07:31,384
could really brighten my day.
184
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:34,354
How'd you like
to come back to my room?
185
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,624
Um, okay, yeah.
186
00:07:36,624 --> 00:07:39,426
Is there, like, beer there
or something?
187
00:07:39,527 --> 00:07:43,531
[laughs]
I like the way you think.
188
00:07:43,531 --> 00:07:46,033
Yeah, thinking sucks.
189
00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:53,741
Hmm, looks like
we're alone now.
190
00:07:53,741 --> 00:07:56,610
Oh, candy, yeah.
That's pretty cool.
191
00:07:56,610 --> 00:08:00,548
When was the last time
you were with a woman, Beavis?
192
00:08:00,548 --> 00:08:01,849
Uh, I don't know.
193
00:08:01,849 --> 00:08:04,084
I think, like, never
or something.
194
00:08:07,387 --> 00:08:09,022
Whoa.
195
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:10,423
Boi-oi-oing--
196
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:12,025
ow-ow-ow, my back!
197
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:13,093
Gah!
198
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,130
So that's
where that dumbass went.
199
00:08:19,767 --> 00:08:22,235
Don't think
about your dead wife, Beavis.
200
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:25,305
She's gone, and I'm here.
201
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:27,174
Yeah, okay.
That sounds pretty cool.
202
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,809
[doorknob clicks]
203
00:08:29,910 --> 00:08:31,579
What the hell are you doing?
204
00:08:31,579 --> 00:08:33,446
What?
Um...
205
00:08:33,581 --> 00:08:35,983
Uh, what the hell
are you doing?
206
00:08:35,983 --> 00:08:37,450
This is your grandson?
207
00:08:37,585 --> 00:08:39,620
So nice of him to visit.
208
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:42,422
You're supposed to be
getting us beer, butthole.
209
00:08:42,422 --> 00:08:44,491
Damn it, Butt-Head, go away!
210
00:08:44,592 --> 00:08:46,727
Here, here, have some candy.
211
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:49,229
I don't want
your candy, dumbass.
212
00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,031
Give me that.
213
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,100
Have
a Susan B. Anthony dollar.
214
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:54,602
Just get out of here!
215
00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,970
I'm about to score
with this weird old lady.
216
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:59,472
No way.
She wants to score with me.
217
00:08:59,607 --> 00:09:01,241
She just gave me
this silver coin
218
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:03,310
that probably costs $10,000.
219
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,312
Pearl?
220
00:09:05,312 --> 00:09:07,380
Hey!
- Uh, Albert?
221
00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:10,818
What the hell are you two
doing in my wife's room?
222
00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:13,320
I'm, like, trying to score
with her or something.
223
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,689
Yeah, me too.
224
00:09:15,689 --> 00:09:17,390
God damn it!
225
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,026
- Hey, cut it out!
- Ugh!
226
00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:21,695
- Hey! [yelling]
- Oh, dear.
227
00:09:21,695 --> 00:09:23,430
Ah, my back!
Ah, ah!
228
00:09:23,430 --> 00:09:25,098
Oh, Albert,
229
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,267
oh, I've never seen
this side of you.
230
00:09:27,267 --> 00:09:29,069
Kick his ass, Albert.
231
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,370
[screaming]
232
00:09:30,370 --> 00:09:31,639
He's a horn dog.
233
00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:33,173
Ow, my back!
Agh!
234
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,677
[groaning] Ow, my back.
235
00:09:36,677 --> 00:09:39,079
Uh, like, watch your step.
236
00:09:41,548 --> 00:09:43,250
Yeah, thank you.
[laughs]
237
00:09:43,250 --> 00:09:46,920
Did I ever tell you
about the time I almost scored?
238
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,122
You sure did, Beavis.
239
00:09:49,122 --> 00:09:50,691
You sure did.
240
00:09:52,225 --> 00:09:53,794
I almost scored.
241
00:09:53,794 --> 00:09:55,395
[snickers] My back.
242
00:09:55,395 --> 00:09:56,930
Oh. [laughs]
243
00:09:57,698 --> 00:10:00,668
[martial tune]
244
00:10:08,575 --> 00:10:10,711
Hello, I'm Tom Anderson,
245
00:10:10,711 --> 00:10:13,647
veteran of two foreign wars.
246
00:10:13,647 --> 00:10:15,949
The Battle of Incheon,
247
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:17,951
the biggest naval invasion
248
00:10:17,951 --> 00:10:21,354
since a little thing
called D-Day.
249
00:10:21,354 --> 00:10:22,723
Me and my platoon
250
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,825
were about to land
on Red Beach
251
00:10:24,825 --> 00:10:26,660
when I noticed something
252
00:10:26,660 --> 00:10:29,396
that changed
the whole ball game.
253
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:32,265
[dramatic music]
254
00:10:32,265 --> 00:10:34,501
You see that, Jackson?
- Yes, sir.
255
00:10:34,501 --> 00:10:36,069
That machine gun nest's
got our boys pinned down--
256
00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,438
Somebody didn't paint
this hull right,
257
00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,708
and see?
You get rust.
258
00:10:40,708 --> 00:10:42,810
Gotta mix
that primer correctly,
259
00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,678
or you might as well
not even bother
260
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:46,046
with the top coat.
261
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,614
Sir, we might all be dead
in a min--
262
00:10:47,614 --> 00:10:49,482
See, the paint acts as a seal
263
00:10:49,482 --> 00:10:51,384
to keep out the salt water,
264
00:10:51,384 --> 00:10:54,221
because when salt and water
get together,
265
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:57,958
that's what I call
a recipe for rust.
266
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,927
I'm not gonna bore you with it,
267
00:10:59,927 --> 00:11:02,730
but salt water
is full of ions...
268
00:11:02,730 --> 00:11:03,864
Sir, the beach is over there.
269
00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:05,165
We're going
the wrong direction--
270
00:11:05,165 --> 00:11:07,868
And that speeds up
the oxidation process,
271
00:11:07,868 --> 00:11:09,870
which I'll speak
more about later.
272
00:11:09,870 --> 00:11:11,905
Anyway, I don't think
273
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:14,041
anybody's gonna be whooping
the Commies
274
00:11:14,041 --> 00:11:16,243
without doing
their basic maintenance.
275
00:11:16,243 --> 00:11:18,278
We're headed back
to the ship.
276
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:20,413
- But sir...
- And Sergeant,
277
00:11:20,413 --> 00:11:22,850
if anything happens to me,
278
00:11:22,850 --> 00:11:24,752
give this to my wife.
279
00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:27,020
[dramatic music]
280
00:11:27,020 --> 00:11:30,123
It's instructions on how
to properly maintain
281
00:11:30,123 --> 00:11:33,593
the oil furnace.
282
00:11:33,593 --> 00:11:35,763
That boat did get repainted
283
00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:37,397
and lasted another three months
284
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:40,000
before it was sunk
in the Sea of Japan,
285
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:42,836
killing everyone on board.
286
00:11:42,836 --> 00:11:45,105
What happened
to that oil furnace?
287
00:11:45,105 --> 00:11:47,440
Well... [laughs]
That's a tale
288
00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:50,510
for the next "Tom Anderson's
War Stories,"
289
00:11:50,510 --> 00:11:52,479
and it's a doozy.
290
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,247
[laughs]
19405
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