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1
00:00:04,259 --> 00:00:06,348
[both chuckle]
2
00:00:06,435 --> 00:00:09,307
[rock music]
3
00:00:09,394 --> 00:00:16,010
♪ ♪
4
00:00:19,535 --> 00:00:21,189
Hey, how's it going?
5
00:00:21,276 --> 00:00:24,801
Do you have any matches?
- No.
6
00:00:24,888 --> 00:00:27,935
- How about a lighter?
- No.
7
00:00:28,022 --> 00:00:31,547
Because it says
you have fire wings.
8
00:00:31,634 --> 00:00:32,940
Get out of here, kid.
9
00:00:34,594 --> 00:00:37,771
Damn it. Fartknocker.
10
00:00:39,729 --> 00:00:41,426
[eerie music]
11
00:00:41,513 --> 00:00:43,907
Huh, let's go have a look.
12
00:00:43,994 --> 00:00:48,259
♪ ♪
13
00:00:48,346 --> 00:00:50,479
Whoa, fire!
Yeah, yeah!
14
00:00:50,566 --> 00:00:53,351
Yeah, fire!
Fire!
15
00:00:53,438 --> 00:00:56,441
Fire! Fire!
16
00:00:56,528 --> 00:00:58,618
♪ ♪
17
00:00:58,705 --> 00:01:00,620
Hello, Beavis.
18
00:01:00,707 --> 00:01:03,492
I have been waiting for you.
19
00:01:03,579 --> 00:01:06,800
I am Fire.
20
00:01:06,887 --> 00:01:09,977
Whoa, yeah, fire!
Yeah, yeah.
21
00:01:10,064 --> 00:01:12,501
You, like--you kick ass.
Yeah. [chuckles]
22
00:01:12,588 --> 00:01:17,071
[chuckles]
I have great power, yes.
23
00:01:17,158 --> 00:01:19,203
Yeah, yeah.
Wait a minute.
24
00:01:19,290 --> 00:01:22,250
So, like--so you can talk?
25
00:01:22,337 --> 00:01:25,557
I have always been able
to talk to you, Beavis.
26
00:01:25,645 --> 00:01:28,299
Remember?
27
00:01:28,386 --> 00:01:32,695
all: ♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
28
00:01:32,782 --> 00:01:35,524
♪ Happy birthday to you ♪
29
00:01:35,611 --> 00:01:39,267
Beavis, it is I, Fire.
30
00:01:39,354 --> 00:01:43,488
Look upon my fearful glory.
31
00:01:43,575 --> 00:01:46,796
Fire.
[chuckles]
32
00:01:46,883 --> 00:01:49,103
Yeah, fire.
[chuckles]
33
00:01:49,190 --> 00:01:51,409
Um, Fire, do you remember
when I put an M-80
34
00:01:51,496 --> 00:01:55,500
in Mr. Anderson's mailbox
and it started a big fire?
35
00:01:55,587 --> 00:01:58,982
Yes, that was me.
36
00:01:59,069 --> 00:02:00,680
Remember when I found
my first lighter
37
00:02:00,767 --> 00:02:03,378
and it was, like, fire.
Yeah. [chuckles]
38
00:02:03,465 --> 00:02:07,991
I remember.
I am Fire.
39
00:02:08,078 --> 00:02:09,123
Have you ever been
in a volcano?
40
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:12,213
I am in all the volcanoes.
41
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,781
And what
about that forest fire?
42
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:18,219
Yeah.
- That was a great day.
43
00:02:18,306 --> 00:02:20,264
Yeah, Smokey the Bear sucks.
Yeah. [chuckles]
44
00:02:20,351 --> 00:02:23,964
It's not his fault.
I killed his parents.
45
00:02:24,051 --> 00:02:25,922
He's just trying
to mend the hole
46
00:02:26,009 --> 00:02:28,272
in his heart that I put there.
47
00:02:28,359 --> 00:02:30,318
You're cool, yeah.
[chuckles]
48
00:02:30,405 --> 00:02:31,841
Quite so.
49
00:02:31,928 --> 00:02:34,148
And you, Beavis,
50
00:02:34,235 --> 00:02:37,238
are my special one.
51
00:02:37,325 --> 00:02:40,807
- Fire, fire!
- Fire.
52
00:02:40,894 --> 00:02:43,548
Now, Beavis, listen to me.
53
00:02:43,635 --> 00:02:45,812
I am going to command you,
54
00:02:45,899 --> 00:02:50,468
and you will do
exactly as I say.
55
00:02:50,555 --> 00:02:53,994
Yes, Fire, tell me what
to do, and I will obey, yeah.
56
00:02:54,081 --> 00:02:56,083
Very good.
57
00:02:56,170 --> 00:02:58,912
[laughs evilly]
58
00:02:58,999 --> 00:03:02,045
Now, Beavis, go to your school
59
00:03:02,132 --> 00:03:05,266
and run four times
around the track.
60
00:03:05,353 --> 00:03:09,052
That will be one mile.
61
00:03:09,139 --> 00:03:11,315
Um, that's what
you want me to do?
62
00:03:11,402 --> 00:03:14,231
Yes.
63
00:03:14,318 --> 00:03:16,451
Okay,
I guess that's pretty cool.
64
00:03:16,538 --> 00:03:18,758
Yeah, yeah.
I'm gonna run, yeah.
65
00:03:18,845 --> 00:03:21,282
Now, be gone!
66
00:03:21,369 --> 00:03:24,459
Fire, fire!
[chuckles]
67
00:03:25,895 --> 00:03:28,942
Yeah, fire.
Fire, yeah, fire.
68
00:03:33,468 --> 00:03:36,123
[sighs]
Hey, Fire, I'm back.
69
00:03:36,210 --> 00:03:39,735
Did you run
around the track four times,
70
00:03:39,822 --> 00:03:43,347
completing a distance
of one mile?
71
00:03:43,434 --> 00:03:45,872
Yes, Fire, yes.
I did as you command, yes.
72
00:03:45,959 --> 00:03:50,964
Very good, my loyal servant.
73
00:03:51,051 --> 00:03:55,142
So, Fire, um, why did you
command me to do that?
74
00:03:55,229 --> 00:03:56,970
It was good exercise.
75
00:03:57,057 --> 00:03:59,842
You needed it.
76
00:03:59,929 --> 00:04:01,757
[groans]
Well, I guess so.
77
00:04:01,844 --> 00:04:04,281
I don't know.
I mean, if you say so.
78
00:04:04,368 --> 00:04:07,981
Butt-Head
doesn't understand us, does he?
79
00:04:08,068 --> 00:04:10,113
My special one,
80
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:13,987
what we have, what I am?
81
00:04:14,074 --> 00:04:16,032
No, he doesn't.
Yeah, he sucks.
82
00:04:16,119 --> 00:04:18,339
Yeah, let's burn him.
Yeah. [chuckles]
83
00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:22,865
Hmm, perhaps, in good time,
84
00:04:22,952 --> 00:04:24,127
but not today,
85
00:04:24,214 --> 00:04:28,740
for I have for you
a second command.
86
00:04:28,828 --> 00:04:30,177
Yes, command me.
87
00:04:30,264 --> 00:04:32,788
Yeah, that first one
was just a warm-up. Yeah.
88
00:04:32,875 --> 00:04:35,878
Look around you, Beavis.
89
00:04:35,965 --> 00:04:40,230
The streets of the city
are crawling with filth,
90
00:04:40,317 --> 00:04:43,581
but you and I know
what to do about filth,
91
00:04:43,668 --> 00:04:45,583
don't we, Beavis?
92
00:04:45,670 --> 00:04:49,022
Yes! Yeah!
Yeah, fire! [chuckles]
93
00:04:49,109 --> 00:04:50,937
I command you
94
00:04:51,024 --> 00:04:54,288
to pick up all of the
plastic bottles in this alley
95
00:04:54,375 --> 00:04:56,290
and put them in the recycling
96
00:04:56,377 --> 00:05:01,077
and then the same
for the surrounding streets!
97
00:05:01,164 --> 00:05:03,688
Really? Um, you command me
to do that?
98
00:05:03,775 --> 00:05:06,996
- Obey me!
- Okay, okay. Yeah.
99
00:05:07,083 --> 00:05:09,390
Yeah, fire. Okay.
100
00:05:09,477 --> 00:05:11,566
Get this here.
[chuckles]
101
00:05:11,653 --> 00:05:14,308
Get one of these.
102
00:05:14,395 --> 00:05:17,006
No, not the regular trash!
103
00:05:17,093 --> 00:05:19,922
The blue one!
- Okay, okay.
104
00:05:23,752 --> 00:05:27,016
[mellow country music]
105
00:05:27,103 --> 00:05:28,322
♪ ♪
106
00:05:28,409 --> 00:05:30,411
Beavis, here's a
little something
107
00:05:30,498 --> 00:05:33,718
for you from Cale Dodds.
[chuckles]
108
00:05:33,805 --> 00:05:36,983
Yeah, this is country,
I can tell, yeah. [chuckles]
109
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:38,985
♪ Down a two lane
with no name... ♪
110
00:05:39,072 --> 00:05:42,292
I can tell because he said
"down a two lane."
111
00:05:42,379 --> 00:05:45,121
And there's, like, a story.
[chuckles]
112
00:05:45,208 --> 00:05:47,732
I think that's the guy
who makes "Family Guy."
113
00:05:47,819 --> 00:05:51,040
I didn't know he was
a country singer, too, yeah.
114
00:05:51,127 --> 00:05:53,695
♪ I see you in a sun dress ♪
115
00:05:53,782 --> 00:05:59,483
Whoa, he's trying to score
at breakfast. [chuckles]
116
00:05:59,570 --> 00:06:01,398
Yeah, and didn't work, yeah.
[chuckles]
117
00:06:01,485 --> 00:06:03,966
Well, you know, there's always
lunch and dinner.
118
00:06:04,053 --> 00:06:06,577
♪ They're all coming ♪
119
00:06:06,664 --> 00:06:11,147
Uh, okay, he's like,
"Okay, I can handle this."
120
00:06:11,234 --> 00:06:13,933
Uh, hello, I'm country star
Cale Dodds.
121
00:06:14,020 --> 00:06:16,109
I used to be a loser like you.
122
00:06:16,196 --> 00:06:19,851
Uh, I mean, not like you, exactly.
123
00:06:19,939 --> 00:06:22,289
Yeah, you know what I mean,
um, I was in a band.
124
00:06:22,376 --> 00:06:24,639
All the chicks liked me
and all that, you know.
125
00:06:24,726 --> 00:06:27,903
I was nothing like you.
[chuckles]
126
00:06:27,990 --> 00:06:30,688
You're a loser.
[both chuckle]
127
00:06:30,775 --> 00:06:34,301
He's like, you see,
your problem is this sweater.
128
00:06:34,388 --> 00:06:36,303
Yeah, just get rid
of the sweater,
129
00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:38,435
and that chick'll come
right over here
130
00:06:38,522 --> 00:06:41,047
and get it on with you right
in the middle of Applebee's.
131
00:06:44,224 --> 00:06:46,313
Uh, this is like
all those movies
132
00:06:46,400 --> 00:06:48,532
where, like,
the good-looking cool guy
133
00:06:48,619 --> 00:06:50,665
teaches the dork how to score,
134
00:06:50,752 --> 00:06:52,754
and he, like, trains him.
135
00:06:52,841 --> 00:06:54,843
Oh, yeah, yeah.
[chuckles]
136
00:06:54,930 --> 00:06:59,021
He's grooming him.
[chuckles]
137
00:06:59,108 --> 00:07:01,458
He's like, you know,
now that I paid for your meal,
138
00:07:01,545 --> 00:07:02,633
why don't you come back
to my place
139
00:07:02,720 --> 00:07:05,071
and try on some clothes
for me? [chuckles]
140
00:07:05,158 --> 00:07:06,855
Yeah.
[chuckles]
141
00:07:06,942 --> 00:07:08,683
He's gonna wind up
in a shallow grave.
142
00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:12,208
[chuckles]
143
00:07:12,295 --> 00:07:16,038
They told us about these kind
of guys in health class.
144
00:07:16,125 --> 00:07:18,432
All the warning signs
were there.
145
00:07:18,519 --> 00:07:20,434
They may come across
as friendly at first.
146
00:07:20,521 --> 00:07:22,653
They might even sing you
a country song.
147
00:07:22,740 --> 00:07:25,221
But beware.
[chuckles]
148
00:07:25,308 --> 00:07:26,266
They might
buy your breakfast,
149
00:07:26,353 --> 00:07:28,181
but that breakfast isn't free.
150
00:07:28,268 --> 00:07:29,573
Here's what happened
to a young man
151
00:07:29,660 --> 00:07:31,227
who went home with Cale Dodds.
152
00:07:31,314 --> 00:07:33,403
[both chuckle]
153
00:07:33,490 --> 00:07:35,797
♪ The stars ain't started
to glow ♪
154
00:07:35,884 --> 00:07:37,668
So, like,
does this video mean
155
00:07:37,755 --> 00:07:40,541
that if you change your shirt,
you'll score with chicks?
156
00:07:40,628 --> 00:07:42,195
[both chuckle]
- Yeah, that's ridiculous!
157
00:07:42,282 --> 00:07:44,240
Because I have
the coolest shirt
158
00:07:44,327 --> 00:07:49,028
you could possibly have,
and I still don't score.
159
00:07:49,115 --> 00:07:51,595
♪ I like where this
is going ♪
160
00:07:51,682 --> 00:07:55,425
♪ I like it, yeah, I like it ♪
161
00:07:55,512 --> 00:07:58,994
Uh, the only way
he can score
162
00:07:59,081 --> 00:08:00,822
is to go to a club
and sit around
163
00:08:00,909 --> 00:08:04,217
and wait for a girl to trip
and fall over. [chuckles]
164
00:08:04,304 --> 00:08:06,697
Yeah, maybe I should
try that. [chuckles]
165
00:08:06,784 --> 00:08:08,699
As soon as the director
says "cut,"
166
00:08:08,786 --> 00:08:10,049
that hot girl's gonna
leave the dork
167
00:08:10,136 --> 00:08:12,181
and go score with Cale Dodds.
168
00:08:12,268 --> 00:08:14,792
[chuckles]
169
00:08:14,879 --> 00:08:16,664
And then the dork
is gonna go home alone,
170
00:08:16,751 --> 00:08:20,233
put on a new shirt,
and spank his monkey.
171
00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,235
Now that's a country song.
172
00:08:22,322 --> 00:08:25,847
[both chuckling]
173
00:08:28,719 --> 00:08:31,983
Um, okay, Fire, um,
so I picked up all the bottles.
174
00:08:32,071 --> 00:08:37,206
Very good.
Very good indeed.
175
00:08:37,293 --> 00:08:39,513
[laughs]
176
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,385
Yeah, I guess it was fine.
I don't know.
177
00:08:42,472 --> 00:08:47,608
Beavis, are you ready
to obey my next command?
178
00:08:47,695 --> 00:08:49,479
Yes, Fire, yes!
179
00:08:49,566 --> 00:08:52,482
And something cool
this time maybe. Yeah.
180
00:08:52,569 --> 00:08:55,616
I think you'll find this
very cool.
181
00:08:55,703 --> 00:09:00,055
You could say
I was just getting warmed up.
182
00:09:00,142 --> 00:09:02,318
[laughs]
183
00:09:02,405 --> 00:09:05,408
Now, listen closely
184
00:09:05,495 --> 00:09:08,237
to what you shall do.
185
00:09:08,324 --> 00:09:11,153
Yeah!
I'm listening closely. Yeah.
186
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:15,375
You will go
and read "Call of the Wild"
187
00:09:15,462 --> 00:09:19,248
and write
a two-page report on it.
188
00:09:19,335 --> 00:09:21,294
Um, what?
189
00:09:21,381 --> 00:09:23,774
Now do my bidding.
190
00:09:23,861 --> 00:09:27,561
Use topic sentences!
191
00:09:27,648 --> 00:09:31,782
Um, Fire, um, why are you
making me do this stuff?
192
00:09:31,869 --> 00:09:34,524
You are
my special one, Beavis.
193
00:09:34,611 --> 00:09:36,352
Uh-huh.
194
00:09:36,439 --> 00:09:37,701
And it's about time
you applied yourself.
195
00:09:37,788 --> 00:09:39,138
[groans]
196
00:09:39,225 --> 00:09:41,749
It's one thing to screw
around in middle school,
197
00:09:41,836 --> 00:09:45,622
but you are almost at the point
where it counts for colleges.
198
00:09:45,709 --> 00:09:47,668
Oh, boy.
199
00:09:47,755 --> 00:09:49,104
Now go
200
00:09:49,191 --> 00:09:52,934
before I make it five pages!
201
00:09:53,021 --> 00:09:55,719
Um, just wait here
a second. Yeah.
202
00:09:55,806 --> 00:09:57,678
[chuckles]
203
00:09:59,723 --> 00:10:02,552
Um, did you know there's a fire
in the garbage back there?
204
00:10:02,639 --> 00:10:04,250
[groans]
Again?
205
00:10:06,643 --> 00:10:07,557
Yeah, there it is.
206
00:10:07,644 --> 00:10:09,168
[gasps]
What?
207
00:10:09,255 --> 00:10:12,780
No, Beavis, no.
Stop him, Beavis.
208
00:10:12,867 --> 00:10:16,305
The pain!
I'm being extinguished!
209
00:10:16,392 --> 00:10:18,786
Punish him that dare...
[coughs]
210
00:10:18,873 --> 00:10:21,963
Oh, please.
[coughs]
211
00:10:22,050 --> 00:10:25,053
It doesn't have to be
two pages...
212
00:10:25,140 --> 00:10:27,795
just three paragraphs.
213
00:10:27,882 --> 00:10:32,321
[groans]
Remember the M-80s.
214
00:10:32,408 --> 00:10:36,238
[groans]
So cold.
215
00:10:36,325 --> 00:10:37,370
Thanks, kid.
216
00:10:41,112 --> 00:10:45,508
And there was
so much left to burn.
217
00:10:45,595 --> 00:10:50,209
Farewell, my special one.
218
00:10:52,298 --> 00:10:55,953
That fire sucked.
[chuckles]
219
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,304
Whoa, cool.
[chuckles]
220
00:10:58,391 --> 00:10:59,914
Yeah, fire!
221
00:11:00,001 --> 00:11:00,915
[rock music]
222
00:11:01,002 --> 00:11:04,962
Fire. Fire, fire!
223
00:11:05,049 --> 00:11:11,926
♪ ♪
224
00:11:31,859 --> 00:11:33,774
Chirp.
16296
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