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1
00:00:03,536 --> 00:00:06,271
I can't, I gotta
go drive my car now.
2
00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:09,141
I got-- huh?
I dunno, ask her.
3
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:12,945
I gotta drive my
automobile, on road!
4
00:00:12,947 --> 00:00:15,681
[laughs]
[slurping]
5
00:00:15,683 --> 00:00:17,983
What? Are you
shitting me?
6
00:00:17,985 --> 00:00:20,719
Pfff, see about
this bullshit.
7
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:22,187
[groans]
[car horn honking]
8
00:00:22,189 --> 00:00:25,991
Hey! Yeah, that's
the ol' pepper!
9
00:00:25,993 --> 00:00:29,895
[chuckling]
take me to my house
that I live in!
10
00:00:29,897 --> 00:00:32,631
[giggles]
11
00:00:32,633 --> 00:00:34,233
[slurping]
12
00:00:35,635 --> 00:00:37,403
[belches]
13
00:00:37,405 --> 00:00:40,339
Oh, oh my god, rumaki.
14
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:41,640
Do you smell that?
15
00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:44,143
Uh, I did not, actually.
[scoffs]
16
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,545
Matter of fact,
I can't smell anything.
17
00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:47,913
Archer.
Wha--?
18
00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,049
Barry?
[laughs]
hey, dummy.
19
00:00:50,051 --> 00:00:51,483
No, no, no.
Wa-wa-wa-wa-wait.
20
00:00:53,319 --> 00:00:55,054
Bulletproof.
21
00:00:55,056 --> 00:00:57,156
[high-pitched whining]
22
00:00:57,158 --> 00:00:59,224
[voice muffled]
you say "bulletproof?"
23
00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,093
[barry, muffled]
you can't tell, can you?
24
00:01:01,095 --> 00:01:03,495
You think I'm
gonna be that dumb?
Oh, my god.
25
00:01:03,497 --> 00:01:05,097
Mawp.
...Not really surprising.
26
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:06,832
Bet you're surprised
to see me though, huh?
27
00:01:06,834 --> 00:01:09,435
Yes, I am, barry,
because I blew your ass up
28
00:01:09,437 --> 00:01:11,537
In a grain elevator! Oww!
[brakes screeching]
29
00:01:11,539 --> 00:01:12,838
Yeah, archer,
I remember.
30
00:01:12,840 --> 00:01:15,107
Every time I look
in the goddamn mirror!
31
00:01:15,109 --> 00:01:17,242
The-- wait, are you
invisible now?
32
00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,078
No, you idiot!
33
00:01:19,080 --> 00:01:21,513
I'm just a walking
titanium endoskeleton.
34
00:01:21,515 --> 00:01:24,116
Oh. So, do you clank,
or-- oww!
[brakes screeching]
35
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:26,518
Yes, dickhole,
I clank! Happy?
36
00:01:26,520 --> 00:01:29,388
I mean--
well, I'm not!
And ya wanna know why?
37
00:01:29,390 --> 00:01:31,190
Because, not even
in this order,
38
00:01:31,192 --> 00:01:33,225
You shot me,
shattered both my femurs,
39
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:36,862
Cornholed both my fiancées,
got me turned into a robot,
40
00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:39,698
Left me to die
in outer frickin' space!
41
00:01:39,700 --> 00:01:42,701
And also blew me up
in a grain elevator!
[slurping]
42
00:01:42,703 --> 00:01:47,272
[coughing]
oh my god, framboise!
Remember her?
43
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:49,074
Yes, archer, I do.
And that alone
44
00:01:49,076 --> 00:01:50,809
Would be reason enough
to kill you!
45
00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,711
But that is not why
I came to l.A.
46
00:01:52,713 --> 00:01:56,081
Well, if it was to see
the aztecs play,
I got some bad news.
47
00:01:56,083 --> 00:01:59,118
Will you shut up?
I came out here
to find someone.
48
00:01:59,120 --> 00:02:01,787
[chuckles]
and then I saw
this little guy.
49
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:04,490
[barry laughing]
oh, for--
goddamn it, pam!
50
00:02:04,492 --> 00:02:06,458
I can't believe
you're a private eye.
51
00:02:06,460 --> 00:02:08,293
Well, it's better than
driving a cab!
52
00:02:08,295 --> 00:02:10,462
I don't drive a cab,
super sleuth!
53
00:02:10,464 --> 00:02:13,832
This is just a ruse.
I clamped your car.
54
00:02:13,834 --> 00:02:16,768
Why?
Because, you giant
flapping anus,
55
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,804
I wanna hire you! I--
56
00:02:18,806 --> 00:02:20,973
Look, not many people
know this, all right,
57
00:02:20,975 --> 00:02:23,675
But I grew up in an orphanage.
I never met my mother,
58
00:02:23,677 --> 00:02:26,945
And I always felt like
I was missing a big piece of,
59
00:02:26,947 --> 00:02:30,415
Not me, necessarily, but the me
I could've been, ya know?
60
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:33,118
And maybe I brought
some of this on myself,
61
00:02:33,120 --> 00:02:36,622
But I feel that there's
a better other barry in here.
62
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:39,491
If I could just reconnect
with my birth mother, maybe,
63
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:41,827
Just maybe,
we could find him.
64
00:02:43,263 --> 00:02:46,832
[laughing]
65
00:02:46,834 --> 00:02:51,436
Okay. Okay.
Okay. Okay!
66
00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:55,307
Barry, oh man, I mean
how could it occur to you
67
00:02:55,309 --> 00:02:59,211
For a nanosecond
that I would help you?
68
00:02:59,213 --> 00:03:01,346
Hey, I'm coming to you
as a man here.
69
00:03:01,348 --> 00:03:05,717
No, you're not.
You're coming to me
as a robot mummy!
70
00:03:05,719 --> 00:03:08,287
Oh my god, who's--
archer, no!
71
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,521
Who's got--
72
00:03:09,523 --> 00:03:11,823
Don't you say it!
No mummy!
73
00:03:11,825 --> 00:03:14,493
[laughing]
okay, so now
we're doing this.
74
00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:16,028
[laughter continues]
[brakes screech]
75
00:03:16,030 --> 00:03:18,230
[groaning]
76
00:03:19,966 --> 00:03:21,567
[groaning continues]
77
00:03:24,237 --> 00:03:25,871
[chuckles]
78
00:03:25,873 --> 00:03:28,240
Bawk, bawk.
79
00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:32,144
♪
80
00:04:06,212 --> 00:04:11,049
[archer]
ugh, what is this,
a stairs factory?
81
00:04:11,051 --> 00:04:13,785
Ugh! Oh. Oh, hey.
82
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:17,055
So, this is crab rangoon,
it is going in the refrigerator,
83
00:04:17,057 --> 00:04:19,725
And it is very much mine.
Any questions?
84
00:04:19,727 --> 00:04:23,428
Krieger, looking at you.
Okay, then.
85
00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:25,964
Oh, and so guess
who I saw last night?
86
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:28,767
Uh, barry?
Yeah, wait, how'd you--
87
00:04:28,769 --> 00:04:30,235
[barry] ahem.
Wha--?
88
00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:31,770
[chuckling]
hey, dummy.
89
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,205
You cyborg son of a bitch!
90
00:04:33,207 --> 00:04:35,107
[all]
no, no, no! Don't!
91
00:04:35,109 --> 00:04:37,943
We already tried that!
92
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:40,212
Yeah, so, uh, you wanna
throw it at me now?
93
00:04:40,214 --> 00:04:42,047
You know, like the old-timey
superman mov--
94
00:04:42,049 --> 00:04:43,949
That was obviously sarcasm.
95
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:46,985
And yet almost as satisfying
as not helping you
96
00:04:46,987 --> 00:04:49,921
Find your stupid mother, which
there's no way I'm gonna do!
97
00:04:49,923 --> 00:04:51,990
Well, you say that...
Archer.
98
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,258
Carol?
Her name's cher--
99
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,926
Pam, shut up!
100
00:04:54,928 --> 00:04:56,728
[malory]
help!
101
00:04:56,730 --> 00:04:58,096
Mother?
She can't hear you.
102
00:04:58,098 --> 00:04:59,931
Help!
103
00:04:59,933 --> 00:05:01,300
Mother!
Still can't hear you.
104
00:05:01,302 --> 00:05:03,001
Where is that?
Where is she?
105
00:05:03,003 --> 00:05:06,672
Carol? She's about
ten feet below that.
106
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:08,073
What?
What is that?
107
00:05:08,075 --> 00:05:09,808
It's a generator
running an air pump!
108
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,611
Which is pumping air
to... Carol?
109
00:05:12,613 --> 00:05:14,179
[archer]
you son of a--
110
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:16,782
Wait, how did you do all this
since just last night?
111
00:05:16,784 --> 00:05:19,484
Huh? Oh no, no, no.
I've been planning
this for weeks.
112
00:05:19,486 --> 00:05:21,186
I knew when I
asked you for help,
113
00:05:21,188 --> 00:05:22,654
You'd be a big,
weeping dick.
114
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:25,090
Barry, listen to me.
Okay, but remember,
115
00:05:25,092 --> 00:05:26,625
We don't have
a lot of time here.
116
00:05:26,627 --> 00:05:29,094
That generator's only got
about 12 more hours
117
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:31,296
Worth of fuel,
and once it runs out...
118
00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:33,498
[chuckles]
whoops.
119
00:05:33,500 --> 00:05:34,833
No!
Yeah.
120
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,134
You animal!
121
00:05:36,136 --> 00:05:37,703
Pfff, a robot's like
122
00:05:37,705 --> 00:05:39,338
The furthest thing
you can be from an anim--
123
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:40,806
Oww!
Seriously.
124
00:05:40,808 --> 00:05:43,342
So if you wanna
find your mother--
[roars]
125
00:05:43,344 --> 00:05:45,310
[group gasps]
archer.
126
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:47,713
So, if we're done
with the heroics...
127
00:05:47,715 --> 00:05:49,815
For now at least,
yeah, I think so.
128
00:05:49,817 --> 00:05:51,783
Good, because
just to reiterate...
129
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:53,452
Time's a bit of
a factor here.
130
00:05:53,454 --> 00:05:55,053
[chuckling]
131
00:06:01,461 --> 00:06:03,562
Hello? Who are you?
132
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:08,467
Why won't you answer me?
What do you want?
133
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,535
[sobs]
134
00:06:10,537 --> 00:06:13,405
Ow! Quit squeezing
the puppy, lennie!
135
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:15,807
Oh hush, you big baby.
It's just a
through-and-through.
136
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:17,809
Yes, which means
both holes hurt!
137
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:20,479
Hey, I know you're upset, but we
are gonna find barry's mother,
138
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,080
And malory is gonna be okay.
139
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:24,716
Now, I believe there
was some mention of holes?
140
00:06:24,718 --> 00:06:26,918
[sighs]
phrasing, boom.
141
00:06:26,920 --> 00:06:29,054
That's the spirit.
Shut up.
142
00:06:29,056 --> 00:06:32,357
And then talk again,
but only to help me
think of a way to kill barry.
143
00:06:32,359 --> 00:06:33,992
Why don't we just
find his mother?
144
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,560
Why, just so she
can bury him?
145
00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:37,362
Yeah, because trying
to kill barry
146
00:06:37,364 --> 00:06:39,765
Has gone so well
for you in the past.
147
00:06:39,767 --> 00:06:42,734
Yeah, lana, but
this time it's, um...
148
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:45,537
[chuckles]
were you gonna say,
"this time it's personal"?
149
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:48,106
[chuckling]
yeah, but I didn't.
150
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:50,175
[clears throat]
but also it is.
151
00:06:50,177 --> 00:06:51,843
[cyril]
because here's
my concern...
152
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,879
The orphanage where
you grew up burned down.
153
00:06:53,881 --> 00:06:57,115
[giggles]
shut up, and all the records
were lost in the fire,
154
00:06:57,117 --> 00:06:58,383
So not only do you not know
155
00:06:58,385 --> 00:06:59,918
Your birth mother's name...
No.
156
00:06:59,920 --> 00:07:01,787
You don't know the hospital
where you were born.
157
00:07:01,789 --> 00:07:04,356
Uh-uh.
Or the town,
or even the county.
158
00:07:04,358 --> 00:07:06,358
Nope.
Or even your
actual date of birth!
159
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,126
I-- look, if this was easy,
160
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:10,529
I wouldn't have to bury
ladies out in the desert!
161
00:07:10,531 --> 00:07:12,397
Yeah, so did she struggle?
162
00:07:12,399 --> 00:07:14,199
Did you have to punch her
in her bony face?
163
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,735
No, creepy spice,
I used chloroform.
164
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:19,137
Aw.
Yeah, her husband
didn't even wake up.
165
00:07:19,139 --> 00:07:21,273
Damn machine.
You need a ph.D.
166
00:07:21,275 --> 00:07:23,375
For this thing.
It's like the univac.
167
00:07:23,377 --> 00:07:26,645
It says here "grind."
it's already ground
from the store!
168
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,748
I just want it to drip,
but there's no button
for drip!
169
00:07:29,750 --> 00:07:33,218
What are you,
in the shower? Hello?
170
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:35,420
Do I need to mess
with "program"?
171
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:38,457
And because it was
a closed adoption
with any record of it sealed,
172
00:07:38,459 --> 00:07:42,060
We need to basically
hack into the state's
vital records database,
173
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,662
And comb through
millions of records!
174
00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:45,130
Yeah, so then do that.
175
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:46,898
I-- [sighs]
but even if we
could hack in--
176
00:07:46,900 --> 00:07:48,934
Their password security's
probably just eight-bit,
177
00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:51,436
So I'd suggest a combination
of dictionary attack,
178
00:07:51,438 --> 00:07:53,438
Reverse cryptographic
hash function,
179
00:07:53,440 --> 00:07:55,440
And good old-fashioned
brute force.
180
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:58,143
Oh, we can do that?
Lemon squeezy.
181
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:00,579
Oh, okay, but my larger,
sort of overall concern
182
00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,013
Is that it's a felony.
183
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,415
Well, but so is
painting the walls in here
184
00:08:03,417 --> 00:08:05,450
With you people's
tiny brains.
185
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:08,954
[all gasp]
yeah, so whaddya say we
"get crackin'"?
186
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,622
[chuckles]
187
00:08:10,624 --> 00:08:13,458
See what I did there?
Pun-wise?
188
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:17,095
Samuel johnson tells us
that puns are the lowest
form of comedy,
189
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:19,764
But for me it's murder.
190
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:30,041
[archer]
damn it, people,
my mother is buried alive!
191
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:31,676
What is taking so long?
192
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,345
We're going as
fast as we can!
193
00:08:33,347 --> 00:08:35,113
And why is it
so frickin' hot?
194
00:08:35,115 --> 00:08:36,348
What? Why do you think?
195
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:37,616
To crack the password,
we need
196
00:08:37,618 --> 00:08:39,484
Every last bit of
this computing power!
197
00:08:39,486 --> 00:08:41,653
Still though...
It is pretty hot.
198
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:43,822
Sweet jesus
metal christ!
Whoa, my god!
199
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:45,657
What's the matter?
C'mon, lana.
200
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:47,125
It's nothing you
haven't seen before.
201
00:08:47,127 --> 00:08:48,793
Wait, what?
Yeah, dude,
202
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:51,162
Me and her
b-b-b-boned.
What?
203
00:08:51,164 --> 00:08:53,164
Did I know this?
When was this?
204
00:08:53,166 --> 00:08:55,534
Way back!
When he was, ya know...
205
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:58,503
What, back when
I was what, lana? Human?
206
00:08:58,505 --> 00:09:00,505
I mean--
I still have feelings!
207
00:09:00,507 --> 00:09:02,507
Well, then put
some damn clothes on!
208
00:09:02,509 --> 00:09:04,509
No, no!
You can just feast
209
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:08,480
Your beady little eyes
on my... Endoskeleton!
210
00:09:08,482 --> 00:09:11,850
[excitedly gasps]
here's an idea!
Turn on the a/c!
211
00:09:11,852 --> 00:09:13,218
[pam]
yeah, right!
212
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,754
We're way over
maximum voltage.
213
00:09:15,756 --> 00:09:17,489
I got about
a buck-fifty in pennies
214
00:09:17,491 --> 00:09:19,190
Crammed in the fusebox
as it is.
215
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:21,726
[all groaning]
oh, relax.
216
00:09:21,728 --> 00:09:23,862
Worst case, an innocent
migrant farmhand
217
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:26,698
Goes to turn on
the milking machine
and gets electrocuted.
218
00:09:26,700 --> 00:09:29,334
What?
I mean, worst case
we fry some circuits.
219
00:09:29,336 --> 00:09:30,702
Hmm...
What?
220
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:32,237
I mean, how's mother?
221
00:09:32,239 --> 00:09:34,506
I wanna see her,
put her up on the monitor.
222
00:09:34,508 --> 00:09:36,708
Okay!
But just for a second.
223
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:39,210
Oh and keep it
on "mute." carol.
224
00:09:39,212 --> 00:09:42,280
[all groaning]
[barry chuckles]
225
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:45,016
Yeah, she's really
losing her shit.
226
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,751
...Hunt you bastards down
227
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,920
And have your guts for
garters, you hear me?
228
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:51,089
My god, get it together.
229
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:53,758
You've been in tighter spots
than this.
230
00:09:53,760 --> 00:09:58,063
East berlin, warsaw.
Ugh, khartoum?
231
00:09:58,065 --> 00:10:00,765
At least this time you're not
hooked up to a car battery.
232
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:03,068
Or up to your ankles
in camel blood.
233
00:10:03,070 --> 00:10:04,736
And whoever
these bastards are,
234
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:07,405
They must not want
you dead just yet.
235
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:10,976
But what do they want?
And where is this?
236
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,644
[sighs]
well, it's hard
to say, really.
237
00:10:12,646 --> 00:10:15,046
I mean, we're computating
as fast as we can,
238
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:17,148
But every possible
permutation of this password
239
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,818
Is something on the order of
ten to the ninth power, so--
240
00:10:19,820 --> 00:10:21,753
Got it!
Wait, what?
Wait, what?
241
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:23,955
[muttering]
whoo!
242
00:10:23,957 --> 00:10:25,724
Can't hear anything.
243
00:10:25,726 --> 00:10:28,560
Although I can feel just
the slightest draft, but...
244
00:10:28,562 --> 00:10:32,097
[deep sniff]
hm. Maybe a hint
of diesel?
245
00:10:32,099 --> 00:10:34,132
Doesn't help much,
that could be anywhere.
246
00:10:34,134 --> 00:10:37,435
Although "anywhere" usually
has some kind of sounds.
247
00:10:37,437 --> 00:10:41,606
Traffic, birds, a train.
Here there's just nothing.
248
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:44,676
Could-- damn it,
I'm underground!
249
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:47,912
But what kind of
sick, twisted, bastard...
250
00:10:47,914 --> 00:10:50,849
Whoo! Barry's
baggin' some tea!
251
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,284
[thrusting sounds]
252
00:10:53,286 --> 00:10:55,086
I suppose there's
really no telling.
253
00:10:55,088 --> 00:10:56,821
You spend your whole
life in espionage,
254
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,990
You're going to make
a few enemies.
255
00:10:58,992 --> 00:11:02,027
But kiddo, you're not gonna
sit here on your keister
256
00:11:02,029 --> 00:11:06,765
Waiting to find out who's
behind this. So, step one.
257
00:11:11,137 --> 00:11:13,271
And now for step two.
258
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:16,041
[inhales, grunts]
259
00:11:16,043 --> 00:11:19,277
[exhales]
step two's
always a bitch.
260
00:11:19,279 --> 00:11:21,846
All right, now step three.
261
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,882
[grunting]
262
00:11:26,118 --> 00:11:27,652
[barry]
okay, so now what,
now what?
263
00:11:27,654 --> 00:11:29,554
Well, I think the first
thing we should do
264
00:11:29,556 --> 00:11:31,656
Is make pam put
on some clothes.
265
00:11:31,658 --> 00:11:33,324
Don't try to
body shame me!
266
00:11:33,326 --> 00:11:34,859
Dog tits!
Yeah, shut up.
267
00:11:34,861 --> 00:11:36,995
[sighs]
so now, we have
to go through
268
00:11:36,997 --> 00:11:39,731
All these millions
of records line by line,
269
00:11:39,733 --> 00:11:41,900
Looking for any records
with your given name,
270
00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:44,202
And hope we can
cross-reference that
271
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:46,504
To find some record of
your birth mother's name.
272
00:11:46,506 --> 00:11:48,239
What? How long is
that gonna take?
273
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:50,408
I-- awhile, archer.
274
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,310
Oh, well then,
can I borrow krieger?
275
00:11:52,312 --> 00:11:54,312
No.
How does that help
the situation?
276
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:55,747
It helps my leg, cyril,
277
00:11:55,749 --> 00:11:57,916
Which I think might be
turning septic,
278
00:11:57,918 --> 00:12:00,418
Thanks to your new
best friend, darth barry!
279
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,687
You do realize I'm not
that kind of a doc--
280
00:12:02,689 --> 00:12:06,524
Krieger, break room
now, goddamn it!
So, is it cool if I--
281
00:12:06,526 --> 00:12:09,327
Yeah, but give him some
morphine or something
to shut him up,
282
00:12:09,329 --> 00:12:12,330
'cause I've really got
this warm, hopeful feeling
right now,
283
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:14,232
And I kinda feel like
it's gonna be ruined
284
00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:17,202
If I have to pull his spine
out through his face.
285
00:12:17,204 --> 00:12:20,238
Um, and also can I
go to the bathroom?
No.
286
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:22,707
Then why does
archer get to do
whatever he wants
287
00:12:22,709 --> 00:12:25,910
Plus morphine when
you're not even
my robot supervisor!
288
00:12:25,912 --> 00:12:29,447
Okay, jesus,
go to the bathroom.
289
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:32,851
Well, if she's going--
everybody go to
the damn bathroom!
290
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,286
Go crazy,
use the frickin' bidet!
291
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,956
I'm not the one
running out of oxygen here.
292
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:40,291
Oh right, I forgot
about miss archer.
293
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:43,528
Although...
[grunts]
294
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:46,765
Step three's no prize.
[groans]
295
00:12:46,767 --> 00:12:48,733
Aha!
296
00:12:48,735 --> 00:12:51,770
And now,
for these damn cuffs!
297
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:53,138
[kreiger]
you lost me.
298
00:12:53,140 --> 00:12:55,907
I want you to
edison this elephant.
299
00:12:55,909 --> 00:12:59,744
Ooo-kay.
Nope, still lost.
300
00:12:59,746 --> 00:13:02,647
Thomas edison! Remember?
When he killed that elephant
301
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:05,416
By jamming a big, fat
electric cable up its asshole?
302
00:13:05,418 --> 00:13:07,152
What?
Yeah.
303
00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:09,087
The kindly wizard
of menlo park
304
00:13:09,089 --> 00:13:11,556
Bought a sweet old circus
elephant just to murder it.
305
00:13:11,558 --> 00:13:13,658
Now I want you to figure
out a way to zap barry
306
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,060
With enough juice
to shut down his cpu.
307
00:13:16,062 --> 00:13:17,729
Uh, okay, like--
308
00:13:17,731 --> 00:13:20,098
Like, just brick him.
[zapping sound]
309
00:13:20,100 --> 00:13:23,268
But the kgb built him.
I'm sure all his circuits
are shielded.
310
00:13:23,270 --> 00:13:25,637
It would take like,
gigawatts worth of volts.
311
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:28,273
Okay, that doesn't
sound right.
It's not.
312
00:13:28,275 --> 00:13:29,607
But how many volts do
you think we have with
313
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,643
Two pounds of pennies
jammed in the fusebox?
314
00:13:31,645 --> 00:13:34,345
Hmm, and if I routed it
all to a single circuit,
315
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,014
Like the dimmer switch
in the bullpen,
316
00:13:36,016 --> 00:13:38,616
Maybe spilled an electrolytic
solution on the floor
317
00:13:38,618 --> 00:13:41,186
For good measure,
and get barry to touch
said dimmer switch...
318
00:13:41,188 --> 00:13:42,987
Wait, what happened
to jamming
319
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,456
A big, fat electric
cable up his asshole?
320
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:48,459
Well, a, I don't think
he even has an asshole,
not that I was looking,
321
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:50,829
And b, a dimmer switch
is way easier.
322
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:53,331
Okay, but--
but wait, if you
fry barry's cpu,
323
00:13:53,333 --> 00:13:55,133
He can't tell you
where miss archer is!
324
00:13:55,135 --> 00:13:57,802
Well, I'll worry about that
bridge when I come to it!
325
00:13:57,804 --> 00:14:00,271
I kinda think you should
worry about it before then.
326
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,807
Krieger, if I worried about
a fraction of the stuff
327
00:14:02,809 --> 00:14:05,476
I should be worried about,
I'd never get anything done!
328
00:14:05,478 --> 00:14:07,512
I know, but--
oh my god, bpa!
329
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,914
I--
transgendered frogs!
330
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:16,020
[frog croaks]
shh, shh, shh.
331
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,723
[gillette] what?
I said I'm in
love with barry.
332
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:21,226
[toilet flushes]
[laughs]
I knew that was coming.
333
00:14:21,228 --> 00:14:22,694
Oh, my tits, what?
334
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:24,963
How could--
he's a frickin machine!
335
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,898
Well, ray, a machine
is like a desert.
336
00:14:26,900 --> 00:14:28,666
Either it fascinates
or appalls you.
337
00:14:28,668 --> 00:14:31,302
What? It's not "noice!"
noyce.
338
00:14:31,304 --> 00:14:33,738
How could you be attracted
to a homicidal maniac?
339
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:36,174
No, that's a quote
by wilfrid noyce.
340
00:14:36,176 --> 00:14:38,376
Really?
What? Yes!
341
00:14:38,378 --> 00:14:40,511
The mountaineer?
Yes!
342
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,380
Well, here's a quote by me:
343
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,849
Barry's about to violate
the first law of robotics...
344
00:14:44,851 --> 00:14:46,818
[whispers]
on my vagina.
345
00:14:46,820 --> 00:14:48,820
[chuckling]
noice.
346
00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:53,057
Ha! Now just to see
where the hell I am...
347
00:14:53,059 --> 00:14:55,560
What? Oh, for the love!
348
00:14:55,562 --> 00:14:59,898
Although, no matter who
or what ends up killing me,
349
00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:02,367
You could probably
paint that on the wall.
350
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:05,270
The idiot.
351
00:15:13,779 --> 00:15:15,446
[barry]
let's go, people,
the clock is ticking!
352
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:17,081
Tick tock,
tick tock.
353
00:15:17,083 --> 00:15:18,416
Name something
a clock would say.
354
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,285
Barry, you could,
ya know, help!
355
00:15:20,287 --> 00:15:21,886
[chuckles]
I'm too wound up!
356
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:23,888
Name something
a clock would--
ray.
357
00:15:23,890 --> 00:15:26,958
Seriously.
I could maybe
help you unwind.
358
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:30,094
[lana] ugh.
Didn't I murder you
one time?
359
00:15:30,096 --> 00:15:32,263
Maybe...
[archer] carol!
360
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,799
Get back to work.
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
361
00:15:34,801 --> 00:15:37,068
Well, you guys were
all pretty sweaty,
362
00:15:37,070 --> 00:15:39,871
So I brought you
some sports drank to--
363
00:15:39,873 --> 00:15:43,975
Oh, damn it! Damn.
Damn. Damn. Damn it!
364
00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:45,910
Probably because
it's so dark in here.
365
00:15:45,912 --> 00:15:47,645
Yeah, archer,
it is getting dark,
366
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,113
Which means your mommy
is running out
367
00:15:49,115 --> 00:15:50,949
Of both time and oxygen!
368
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:53,952
It also means potentially
dangerous eye-strain
369
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:55,620
For these hardworking
folks, barry.
370
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:57,922
So why don't you go over there
and turn up that dimmer?
371
00:15:57,924 --> 00:16:00,491
You turn up
the damn dimmer!
No, barry, you do it!
372
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:02,961
Ugh, jesus, I'll turn up
the stupid dimmer.
373
00:16:02,963 --> 00:16:05,630
Carol, no! Don't touch
that dimmer!
Wait a minute...
374
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:08,266
Why do you want me
to touch the light switch?
375
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:11,502
Hm? And all the sports drank
conveniently spilled
376
00:16:11,504 --> 00:16:13,838
On the floor,
full of electrolytes?
377
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:16,307
Is it?
Are you trying to
electrocute me?
378
00:16:16,309 --> 00:16:18,309
[gasps]
what, no!
379
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:21,279
[krieger screams]
[sighs]
apparently not.
380
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:24,415
If I was electrocuted,
how the hell were you
gonna find your mother?
381
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:26,084
So there were
a couple of holes!
382
00:16:26,086 --> 00:16:27,952
[pam]
wait, are we doing--
jesus!
383
00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:32,023
You were willing to risk that?
Oh, that is classic you!
384
00:16:32,025 --> 00:16:33,758
A mother!
The one thing
385
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:36,361
I've been searching for
my entire goddamn life,
386
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:37,829
And you take it for granted!
387
00:16:37,831 --> 00:16:39,497
Just like you do
with everything else!
388
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:40,999
Shut up!
Well, guess what!
389
00:16:41,001 --> 00:16:42,800
You take your mother
for granted? Fine!
390
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:45,269
Good luck finding her
without the coordinates!
391
00:16:45,271 --> 00:16:46,971
[all gasping]
what the shit?
392
00:16:46,973 --> 00:16:49,574
I don't think that's
gonna be a problem.
393
00:16:51,210 --> 00:16:55,113
[exhales]
first thing, I'm taking
a long hot bath
394
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:57,315
With a nice stiff drink.
395
00:16:57,317 --> 00:17:00,685
[grunts]
396
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:04,288
And then I'm going
to kill everybody!
397
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:06,457
Yeah?
Well, get in line, lady!
398
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,393
[all]
hey, whoa! Calm down!
399
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:11,029
After I kill
all you idiots, I'm--
400
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:12,864
[pam]
I found her!
[all muttering]
401
00:17:12,866 --> 00:17:16,467
Found who?
Your mom! At least
I think I did.
402
00:17:16,469 --> 00:17:18,836
[all chattering]
let me see.
403
00:17:18,838 --> 00:17:21,672
So, the hide-a-wee
home for children...
404
00:17:21,674 --> 00:17:24,242
That's where I grew up!
Took in a newborn baby,
405
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,711
Born at county hospital
close to your dates,
406
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:29,347
Who was christened
bartholomew aloysius dylan.
407
00:17:29,349 --> 00:17:31,716
That's me!
Little baby barty d.!
408
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:33,751
And, according to
county hospital's records,
409
00:17:33,753 --> 00:17:37,755
The baby was put up
for adoption by a
young woman named...
410
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,557
You sure you
wanna know this?
411
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,893
[gunfire]
[all clamoring]
412
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,663
Yeah.
[sighs]
413
00:17:45,665 --> 00:17:49,500
Tammy jo stamps,
age 16.
414
00:17:49,502 --> 00:17:50,935
Holy shitsnacks!
415
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,770
And she's still alive,
you guys!
416
00:17:52,772 --> 00:17:54,038
She lives in l.A.!
417
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,706
[all muttering]
418
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:59,444
[bawling]
well? What are you
waiting for?
419
00:17:59,446 --> 00:18:01,546
You got what you wanted!
420
00:18:01,548 --> 00:18:04,015
Go to her!
421
00:18:04,017 --> 00:18:05,883
Just go!
422
00:18:05,885 --> 00:18:09,053
I mean, yeah, right?
I mean, right?
423
00:18:09,055 --> 00:18:11,222
Well, I mean,
yeah, but...
424
00:18:11,224 --> 00:18:14,258
But what?
I mean, you can't
go like that.
425
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,626
Why, what are you...
426
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:18,229
Oh my god, I look
like the terminator!
427
00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,031
Well, a terminator.
428
00:18:20,033 --> 00:18:23,801
I think I may have
just the thing.
429
00:18:23,803 --> 00:18:25,736
Okay, I was kinda
saving this for...
430
00:18:25,738 --> 00:18:28,639
This other thing,
but anyhoo.
431
00:18:28,641 --> 00:18:30,775
[all gasping]
432
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:32,643
What the shit,
krieger?
433
00:18:32,645 --> 00:18:34,212
What?
434
00:18:34,214 --> 00:18:37,982
Why do you have
our heads?
435
00:18:37,984 --> 00:18:41,486
And hands.
What, it's for
this other... Nothing.
436
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:44,989
So! Who's it
gonna be, big guy?
437
00:18:44,991 --> 00:18:46,924
[chuckling]
438
00:18:46,926 --> 00:18:49,560
Holy shit,
now I know you're crazy.
439
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,295
What, you thought
I'd pick you?
440
00:18:51,297 --> 00:18:52,797
I mean...
Or gillette?
441
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:55,133
[chuckles]
the poor man's
frank langella?
442
00:18:55,135 --> 00:18:56,601
Oh my god,
I am.
443
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:59,670
No, this is the face.
How do I look?
444
00:18:59,672 --> 00:19:01,072
[all muttering]
445
00:19:01,074 --> 00:19:02,306
Really good.
446
00:19:02,308 --> 00:19:04,442
Yeah, right?
Okay, so...
447
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:07,512
Wow! Off to meet
my birth mother.
448
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:09,614
Wish me luck, friends!
[all]
good luck.
449
00:19:09,616 --> 00:19:10,982
This is gonna go great.
450
00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,683
[chuckles]
thanks, guys!
451
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:15,419
[brakes screeching]
[all] oh!
452
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,126
[barry]
I'm okay!
453
00:19:22,128 --> 00:19:23,661
[sarcastic muttering]
454
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:27,431
[sighs]
like a bad penny.
455
00:19:27,433 --> 00:19:30,201
Oh, shit!
The pennies!
456
00:19:38,610 --> 00:19:41,312
[lana]
so, what did we learn?
457
00:19:41,314 --> 00:19:42,713
[muttering]
458
00:19:42,715 --> 00:19:45,149
I learned...
Wow.
459
00:19:45,151 --> 00:19:46,651
Nothing?
Nope.
460
00:19:46,653 --> 00:19:47,985
I learned that the cabinet
461
00:19:47,987 --> 00:19:50,154
Of dr. Krieger is
full of our faces.
462
00:19:50,156 --> 00:19:52,490
And hands.
I-- look,
463
00:19:52,492 --> 00:19:54,992
Don't worry about it.
I really feel
like we should.
464
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:57,528
Oh, you worry
about everything.
465
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:59,964
Oh, shit!
I hope mother's okay.
466
00:19:59,966 --> 00:20:01,632
[dopey laugh]
467
00:20:03,869 --> 00:20:06,170
[trucker]
evenin'.
468
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:09,807
I'll give you $1,000
for a ride
to the nearest bar.
469
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:11,175
[trucker laughs]
what?
470
00:20:11,177 --> 00:20:13,744
Oh, shit yeah, lady,
climb on up!
471
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:17,348
[groans]
yeah, there ya go,
get on up in here.
472
00:20:17,350 --> 00:20:20,484
[malory groans]
whew. Thank you.
473
00:20:20,486 --> 00:20:23,588
[trucker chuckles]
thank you.
A thousand bucks?
474
00:20:23,590 --> 00:20:26,357
You're either crazy
or rich or both.
475
00:20:26,359 --> 00:20:29,393
[malory]
well, I don't have it
on me obviously, but...
476
00:20:29,395 --> 00:20:32,496
[trucker]
oh, I betcha we can
work something out.
477
00:20:32,498 --> 00:20:36,234
[malory]
ahem, your hand seems
to be on my thigh.
478
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:39,337
[trucker]
yeah, you're
like a silver fox.
479
00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:40,705
[malory]
I beg your pardon?
480
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,406
[trucker]
and I'm just hopin'
481
00:20:42,408 --> 00:20:46,110
Them curtains match the rug,
'cause I like that.
482
00:20:46,112 --> 00:20:47,945
[malory sighs]
483
00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:49,180
[punching]
484
00:20:49,182 --> 00:20:51,349
[groans, chokes]
485
00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:52,717
[coughing]
486
00:20:52,719 --> 00:20:54,719
[malory]
ya like an elbow
to the throat?
487
00:20:54,721 --> 00:20:57,255
Shitheel.
488
00:20:57,257 --> 00:21:00,958
Although, if you had worded
that a bit more delicately,
489
00:21:00,960 --> 00:21:03,361
It could've been
quite flattering, so...
490
00:21:03,363 --> 00:21:06,697
Well, not thank you,
necessarily, but...
491
00:21:06,699 --> 00:21:08,232
[choking]
492
00:21:08,234 --> 00:21:10,401
[malory]
je ne sais quoi.
493
00:21:10,403 --> 00:21:12,803
Exactement. Ciao!
494
00:21:12,805 --> 00:21:15,706
[continues choking]
495
00:21:19,044 --> 00:21:21,379
♪
496
00:21:37,229 --> 00:21:40,164
[man]
made in georgia.
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