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1
00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:04,921
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
2
00:00:05,631 --> 00:00:07,840
[SNORES, THEN GRUNTS]
3
00:00:08,592 --> 00:00:10,301
[GROANING]
4
00:00:12,096 --> 00:00:14,097
[COUGHING]
5
00:00:14,932 --> 00:00:15,932
Ow.
6
00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:18,017
[SPEAKING IN THAl]
7
00:00:19,103 --> 00:00:22,689
MALORY: Well, since I can only assume
this is one of your idiot voicemails...
8
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:23,898
...I--
Mother?
9
00:00:24,066 --> 00:00:27,610
Well, I'm not falling for it again.
Oh, for-- Mother, it's me, Sterling.
10
00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:29,946
Then what is the square root of nine?
11
00:00:30,114 --> 00:00:32,949
Uh.... Negative nine?
12
00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:34,492
Sterling?
Ha!
13
00:00:34,660 --> 00:00:36,661
Elaborate--
Goddamn it.
14
00:00:36,829 --> 00:00:39,789
I'm kidding, it's three, and also me.
Ass.
15
00:00:39,957 --> 00:00:41,332
How'd the hell you find me?
16
00:00:41,500 --> 00:00:43,334
I didn't, the CIA did.
Oh.
17
00:00:43,502 --> 00:00:45,128
And how are your new overlords?
18
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,004
Oh, for the-- They're not--
19
00:00:47,172 --> 00:00:50,717
Look, think of it as more of a merger.
Ha!
20
00:00:50,884 --> 00:00:53,928
Organizations change.
They evolve. They grow.
21
00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:56,347
Unlike some people I know.
Hey, you know what?
22
00:00:56,515 --> 00:01:00,852
To wit, once again, you're off
on one of your usual self-pitying benders.
23
00:01:01,019 --> 00:01:02,395
It's not a usual one, Mother.
24
00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:06,315
In case you forgot, I was forced
into becoming a parent against my will.
25
00:01:06,483 --> 00:01:10,194
Hmph. Join the club.
But for God's sake, six weeks is long enough.
26
00:01:10,362 --> 00:01:11,404
[BLEATS]
27
00:01:11,572 --> 00:01:13,281
Really? It's been six weeks?
28
00:01:13,449 --> 00:01:15,908
Yes, so sober up
and get a bunch of penicillin shots--
29
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:19,120
Is that him? Let me talk to him.
Is that Lana? Let me talk to her.
30
00:01:19,288 --> 00:01:22,999
Why'd you run away when you were excited
about being a father when A.J. was born?
31
00:01:23,167 --> 00:01:24,208
Did reality set in?
32
00:01:24,376 --> 00:01:26,544
I-- Wait, was that rhetorical?
33
00:01:26,712 --> 00:01:29,964
Next time you decide to use somebody's sperm
to impregnate yourself...
34
00:01:30,132 --> 00:01:33,176
...then maybe that decision
should include that other somebody.
35
00:01:33,343 --> 00:01:35,052
[BLEATS, THEN CRASHING NOISE]
36
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:37,972
Somebody who runs away
at the thought of responsibility...
37
00:01:38,140 --> 00:01:42,310
...and as we speak is up to his eyeballs
in cobra whisky and ladyboy hookers?
38
00:01:42,478 --> 00:01:45,021
Oh, that-- That is....
39
00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:47,231
You don't know me.
Ha!
40
00:01:47,399 --> 00:01:49,609
[SHOWER RUNNING
AND HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLING]
41
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:51,319
Ahem. Uh....
42
00:01:51,487 --> 00:01:55,031
I believe there was some mention
of the Central Intelligence Agency?
43
00:01:55,199 --> 00:01:57,325
They've given us
our first freelance mission...
44
00:01:57,493 --> 00:02:01,204
...and if you screw it up,
there won't be a second one, so listen up.
45
00:02:01,371 --> 00:02:02,371
[GIGGLING CONTINUES]
46
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:05,208
I'm listening.
Two days ago, an American spy plane...
47
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:09,462
...went down in the jungles of Borneo
about 500 miles from you.
48
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:12,423
The pilot ejected,
but without the onboard computer.
49
00:02:12,591 --> 00:02:15,551
You're to secure it, then destroy the aircraft.
50
00:02:15,719 --> 00:02:19,722
You should be receiving a mission dossier,
well, now.
51
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,643
Wow.
Read it on the way to the airport and hurry.
52
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:26,813
All the equipment you'll need
is on an Air America cargo plane...
53
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:28,564
...that is waiting for you as we speak.
54
00:02:28,732 --> 00:02:31,359
Uh, Mother, it sounded like
you said "cargo plane"...
55
00:02:31,527 --> 00:02:34,904
...when, obviously, you meant
"first-class luxury commercial airliner."
56
00:02:35,697 --> 00:02:40,076
Sterling, a commercial airline
won't let you parachute into the jungle...
57
00:02:40,244 --> 00:02:42,995
...in the middle of a communist insurgency.
A what?!
58
00:02:43,163 --> 00:02:45,248
At night. Now, don't screw this up.
59
00:02:45,415 --> 00:02:46,457
[GLASS SHATTERS]
60
00:02:47,501 --> 00:02:50,211
"Screw it up." Yeah, like she's one to talk.
61
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:51,546
Look how I turned out.
62
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:53,297
LADYBOY: Hey. Freaky Big-time.
Ah!
63
00:02:53,465 --> 00:02:55,299
You owe us a hundred thousand baht.
64
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:57,468
Oh, right. Yeah, yeah. No problem.
65
00:02:57,636 --> 00:03:01,806
Oh, and I've got an extra 20,000
if you're genetic females.
66
00:03:06,270 --> 00:03:08,437
Super.
67
00:03:49,146 --> 00:03:53,858
God, okay, final offer, 10,000 baht,
some of which has blood on it.
68
00:03:54,026 --> 00:03:58,154
For the millionth and last time,
we do not have mini-bottles.
69
00:03:58,322 --> 00:04:00,156
Well, then this isn't a real airline.
70
00:04:00,324 --> 00:04:01,490
No, it's not.
71
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:03,576
It's a CIA front.
72
00:04:03,744 --> 00:04:04,952
Still, though.
73
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:09,290
Why don't you go read the damn dossier?
Read about the communist insurgency.
74
00:04:09,458 --> 00:04:10,833
I don't do dossiers.
75
00:04:11,001 --> 00:04:13,002
Besides, I'm not a CIA schoolgirl.
76
00:04:13,170 --> 00:04:15,254
This is a cakewalk for a real spy.
77
00:04:15,422 --> 00:04:17,298
I punch the coordinates in the GPS...
78
00:04:17,466 --> 00:04:20,843
...get the computer,
blow up the plane with C-4 and, uh....
79
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:23,304
So then do you guys pick me up, or--?
80
00:04:23,472 --> 00:04:25,264
Read the dossier.
No.
81
00:04:25,432 --> 00:04:27,391
Oh! Suit yourself.
82
00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:28,809
Go, go, go!
Wha--?
83
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,978
[YELLING]
84
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:33,981
Assho--! Woohoo!
85
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,275
Halo!
86
00:04:37,569 --> 00:04:40,279
But mini-bottles? That's not a ba--
87
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,114
I'm sorry, Hank.
88
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,283
I forgot you were working the program.
89
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:45,993
Inappropes.
90
00:04:46,161 --> 00:04:48,454
PAM:
Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.
91
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:50,957
Are you guys so fricking excited?
92
00:04:51,124 --> 00:04:53,292
I would be, if you quit jumping around.
93
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,753
Seriously, honey, come on. Baby on board.
94
00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:59,799
And if you two dopes didn't screw up
this $10 million renovation--
95
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:03,219
Which, again, curious as to why
you put Pam and Cheryl in charge.
96
00:05:03,387 --> 00:05:08,265
Because I had a very specific vision
and it wasn't Japanese whorehouse.
97
00:05:08,433 --> 00:05:09,475
[CYRIL CHUCKLES]
98
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:12,728
Well, Miss Archer, I think you'll find
we were very true to your vision.
99
00:05:12,896 --> 00:05:14,146
[ELEVATOR DINGS
AND ALL GASP]
100
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,565
RAY: I've dreamed of this day.
CHERYL: I know.
101
00:05:16,733 --> 00:05:18,776
MALORY:
It's.... I mean....
102
00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:21,654
I don't know what to say.
Can I even wear shoes in here?
103
00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,156
Oh, heh, this is nothing.
104
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:27,243
Wait till you see....
CYRIL: Oh, my God.
105
00:05:27,411 --> 00:05:30,705
MALORY:
I.... I think I could use a drink.
106
00:05:30,872 --> 00:05:32,748
[MALORY SHRIEKS
AND BABY COOS]
107
00:05:32,916 --> 00:05:34,208
Oh, shut up.
Hey.
108
00:05:34,793 --> 00:05:36,168
MALORY:
Wha--?
109
00:05:36,461 --> 00:05:38,170
BOTH [IN UNISON]:
Psych.
110
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,380
What--?
I don't--
111
00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,007
RAY:
No, bring it back.
112
00:05:41,174 --> 00:05:43,926
CHERYL:
It's exactly like it was.
113
00:05:44,094 --> 00:05:47,013
We redid everything
exactly like it was before.
114
00:05:47,180 --> 00:05:49,181
Jesus, God, I'm having a stroke.
115
00:05:49,349 --> 00:05:52,268
No, the other one was just a hologram.
116
00:05:52,436 --> 00:05:53,436
What the--?
117
00:05:53,603 --> 00:05:55,021
What just happened?
What?
118
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,856
Oh, man.
119
00:05:57,024 --> 00:05:58,774
The look on your dumb face.
120
00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:01,527
No, it's a stroke. I-- I smell toast.
121
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,571
Oh, that's probably just Milton.
122
00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:05,322
CHERYL:
Okay, it's the one new thing.
123
00:06:06,283 --> 00:06:07,575
It makes--
124
00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:09,160
Let me finish!
125
00:06:09,327 --> 00:06:11,328
Toast. Ah.
126
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:13,497
You ruined it.
127
00:06:15,625 --> 00:06:17,334
[MOSQUITO BUZZING]
128
00:06:17,502 --> 00:06:19,128
Ugh. Son of a--
129
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:24,425
God, is one last non-malarial hurrah
before I go home too much to ask? Ow.
130
00:06:24,593 --> 00:06:27,803
Thanks, jungle. Eat a buffet of dicks.
131
00:06:27,971 --> 00:06:31,599
Okay, the plane should be
just about a half click down this trail and--
132
00:06:31,767 --> 00:06:33,476
[MAN SCREAMING
AND ARCHER YELLS]
133
00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:37,730
[BOTH GRUNTING]
134
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:41,192
[SCREAMING]
135
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:49,867
ARCHER:
Stop!
136
00:06:50,035 --> 00:06:53,871
Stop. Jesus, Kato, will you stop?
I mean, is this a mugging or--?
137
00:06:54,039 --> 00:06:56,957
You are American.
Hey, English. Good.
138
00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:58,709
Uh, yes, I'm American.
139
00:06:58,877 --> 00:07:00,211
Then we are at war.
140
00:07:00,378 --> 00:07:03,005
We-- We as in who, exactly?
141
00:07:03,173 --> 00:07:05,716
America and the Empire of Japan.
142
00:07:05,884 --> 00:07:09,553
The-- Wait a minute, do you mean,
like, cool Honda Scrambler Japan...
143
00:07:09,721 --> 00:07:13,057
...or super uncool Pearl Harbor Japan?
144
00:07:13,225 --> 00:07:15,476
What?
How long have you been on this island?
145
00:07:15,644 --> 00:07:19,063
Since the 10th of May, 1942.
146
00:07:19,523 --> 00:07:22,483
Oh, boy. Uh, well, uh, Kato--
147
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:26,195
Sato! First Lieutenant Sato Kentaro.
148
00:07:26,363 --> 00:07:30,116
Well, Ken, I've got some bad news.
149
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:34,078
Oh. And also some worse news.
150
00:07:37,499 --> 00:07:40,835
Liar.
Why would I lie about the war being over?
151
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:43,504
Since 1945, I might add.
152
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:45,965
To trick me into surrendering.
Um....
153
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:51,178
I do not surrender,
nor consent to be your prisoner, so just kill me.
154
00:07:51,346 --> 00:07:54,390
What? No. Ken, will you relax?
155
00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:58,269
Or is your entire generation
physically incapable of doing that?
156
00:07:58,436 --> 00:08:00,771
How can I relax while we are at war?
157
00:08:00,939 --> 00:08:02,439
We're not. Here.
158
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:06,068
Shut up, look. Here's you guys signing
the surrender on the USS Missouri.
159
00:08:06,236 --> 00:08:08,195
Here's all the V-J Day parades in America.
160
00:08:08,363 --> 00:08:10,781
Here's The Bad News Bears Go to Japan.
161
00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,575
That's Lupus and Tanner.
162
00:08:12,742 --> 00:08:15,578
Oh, and here's a link to an episode
of The Six Million Dollar Man...
163
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:18,038
...about this exact thing
we're doing right now.
164
00:08:18,206 --> 00:08:19,665
The Six Million who?
165
00:08:19,833 --> 00:08:22,168
Oh, God, you've got so much to catch up on.
166
00:08:22,335 --> 00:08:25,629
Okay, so there's this guy, Steve Austin,
and he was an astronaut, but--
167
00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:27,840
Damn, wait. Okay. So an astronaut--
168
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:30,801
What is this thing? This device?
169
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:35,598
It's a telephone, kind of,
that talks to outer space and also, uh-- Shit.
170
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:38,559
What? Heh-heh.
I'm supposed to go find a computer.
171
00:08:38,727 --> 00:08:43,189
Here? There are no building in the jungle
big enough to hold a computer.
172
00:08:43,356 --> 00:08:46,775
No, they're really small now.
I think you guys actually did that.
173
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:50,196
Anyway, I need to go get one out of a plane
that crashed near here.
174
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,948
Yes, I know where this airplane is.
175
00:08:53,116 --> 00:08:54,158
Duh. Me too.
176
00:08:54,326 --> 00:08:57,119
So if I just kind of leave,
are you gonna be cool...
177
00:08:57,287 --> 00:09:00,664
...or try to sneak up on me
and slit my throat?
178
00:09:00,832 --> 00:09:01,916
[SIGHS]
179
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:05,753
Well, I hope you're happy
because I feel like a total dick.
180
00:09:06,129 --> 00:09:07,588
And also kind of racist.
181
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:11,008
And I resent you making me feel like that,
so....
182
00:09:11,426 --> 00:09:12,801
[ARCHER SCOFFS]
183
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,887
I'm not a racist.
184
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:19,016
[SOBBING]
I just wanted it to be all white.
185
00:09:19,184 --> 00:09:23,229
Jeezy-petes, this drawer squeaks
exactly like the old one did.
186
00:09:23,396 --> 00:09:24,480
LANA:
And is this--?
187
00:09:24,648 --> 00:09:25,898
Is this Brett's blood?
188
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:28,442
Ugh, no, just the same type.
189
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:32,321
We had to fudge it a little on the stains,
some of which actually were fudge.
190
00:09:32,489 --> 00:09:34,490
And some of which merely resembled it.
191
00:09:34,658 --> 00:09:36,158
[SOBBING]
192
00:09:36,326 --> 00:09:39,286
But why would you do this?
193
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,913
[CHERYL LAUGHING]
194
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:44,667
Okay, it should be right up here,
and if you try any funny stuff...
195
00:09:44,834 --> 00:09:46,669
...I--
Please, be more quiet.
196
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:49,213
Many enemy soldiers patrol the jungle.
197
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:52,841
Guerrillas, I think, Chinese and Malays.
198
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:56,595
Oh, that must be the insurgency
they were talking about, the communists.
199
00:09:56,763 --> 00:09:59,223
They are communists? So America's allies?
200
00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:02,518
What? No. Communists hate America.
201
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:07,189
No, American and Russian and Chinese
are fighting together for communism.
202
00:10:07,357 --> 00:10:10,109
No, against fascism. And that was-- Ah!
203
00:10:10,986 --> 00:10:13,362
[THUDDING
AND ARCHER SCREAMS]
204
00:10:13,530 --> 00:10:14,655
Ouch.
205
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,074
You think? You think ouch, do you?
206
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:18,659
[SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
207
00:10:18,827 --> 00:10:21,412
The guerrillas. They will kill me. Let me go.
208
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:24,832
They'll kill me. Pull me up or I will kill you.
209
00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:27,042
[SHOUTING CONTINUES
AND KEN EXCLAIMS IN JAPANESE]
210
00:10:27,210 --> 00:10:29,169
At least give me the gun.
211
00:10:29,754 --> 00:10:31,088
I'll give you the bullets.
212
00:10:31,256 --> 00:10:33,257
You would rather we both die?
213
00:10:33,425 --> 00:10:36,343
I'm honestly kind of on the fence.
214
00:10:36,928 --> 00:10:39,221
[ARCHER YELLING
AND KEN GRUNTING]
215
00:10:39,389 --> 00:10:42,057
Oh, shut up.
ARCHER: Hey.
216
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:46,270
And here's your office, Miss Archer.
217
00:10:46,438 --> 00:10:48,439
[MALORY SOBBING]
218
00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:54,737
And if the rest of you will follow me,
we've still got a lot to cover.
219
00:10:55,238 --> 00:10:57,031
But it's all just the same as it was.
220
00:10:57,198 --> 00:10:58,699
Exactly. That's the whole point.
221
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,910
But it would've been cheaper
to build a time machine and go back...
222
00:11:02,078 --> 00:11:05,789
...to before the office got blown up.
Ah! We looked into that.
223
00:11:05,957 --> 00:11:07,875
But the technology doesn't exist.
224
00:11:08,043 --> 00:11:11,211
I'll catch up. I gotta run in here quick
and grab some urinal cakes.
225
00:11:11,379 --> 00:11:13,881
Why the hell do you need urinal cakes?
226
00:11:14,049 --> 00:11:15,215
For my shower at home.
227
00:11:15,383 --> 00:11:16,633
Oh, Lord.
Gross.
228
00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:25,184
[SCANNER BEEPING]
229
00:11:25,810 --> 00:11:28,562
Miss Archer looks like a mule
kicked her in the face.
230
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:34,068
How's the water?
Sweet baby James, it is perfect.
231
00:11:34,235 --> 00:11:35,944
Um, uh....
232
00:11:36,112 --> 00:11:37,946
Pam.
Pam. Yes, of course.
233
00:11:38,114 --> 00:11:39,782
I know your--
234
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:43,744
So I gained the weight back. Sue me.
No, I was--
235
00:11:43,912 --> 00:11:46,955
Look, my therapist says
everybody's got a hole that needs to be filled.
236
00:11:47,123 --> 00:11:49,792
Some people fill it with drugs,
some fill it with work...
237
00:11:49,959 --> 00:11:53,670
...some fill it with between-meal snacks
and liquor and their therapist's cock.
238
00:11:53,838 --> 00:11:57,257
Um.... I was actually looking
at your pubic hair.
239
00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:01,470
Oh, yeah. It's a lightning bolt,
but I guess the letters could use a touch-up.
240
00:12:01,638 --> 00:12:05,933
It's supposed to say "TCB."
"Taking care of beaveness."
241
00:12:06,101 --> 00:12:08,394
Super. Kanpai.
242
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,270
[BOTH SPEAK IN JAPANESE]
243
00:12:11,272 --> 00:12:12,689
Is that medicine?
244
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:15,234
Painkillers. Mixed with candy.
245
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,278
I call them Mike and Vikes.
Ah.
246
00:12:18,613 --> 00:12:20,155
I'm sorry about your foot.
247
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:21,407
Why? It's not your--
248
00:12:21,574 --> 00:12:24,159
Wait, you led me
right into that damn tiger trap?
249
00:12:24,327 --> 00:12:28,414
My orders were to defend this island
from the enemy until I was relieved.
250
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,874
I'm not-- America's not your enemy.
251
00:12:31,042 --> 00:12:34,044
Japan has no enemies.
You're like.... Heh-heh.
252
00:12:34,212 --> 00:12:38,674
I wanna say a platypus,
but I'm not sure if that's an accurate analogy.
253
00:12:38,842 --> 00:12:42,428
You were saying something before you fell in,
about the communists.
254
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:46,056
Huh? Oh. Oh, yeah.
Like, literally, the day after the war ended...
255
00:12:46,224 --> 00:12:48,308
...the U.S. and Russia became mortal enemies.
256
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:51,520
China too. Called the Cold War.
257
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:54,106
Then we kind of became friends again.
258
00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:55,983
So now you are....
259
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:59,361
Now, mm, I'm actually not sure
where we stand.
260
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:01,864
We left it kind of weird.
261
00:13:02,031 --> 00:13:04,491
Who is we? I do not understand.
262
00:13:04,659 --> 00:13:05,701
[ARCHER SIGHS]
263
00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:11,331
So I work with and used to date
a woman named Lana, who got pregnant.
264
00:13:11,499 --> 00:13:14,501
MALORY: Well, yes, but you can
hardly blame Sterling for being upset.
265
00:13:14,669 --> 00:13:15,878
I mean.... Oh!
266
00:13:16,045 --> 00:13:19,381
Even the ice is the same.
That hint of bleach.
267
00:13:19,549 --> 00:13:23,343
Anyway, you didn't ask
if you could use his goop.
268
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:27,681
What? Malory, the whole thing about me
using his goop was your idea.
269
00:13:28,266 --> 00:13:30,350
Prove it.
Ah!
270
00:13:30,518 --> 00:13:32,728
So now let's talk about this name, Abbiejean.
271
00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:36,982
Don't you think she'd be better off
if she were a Malory?
272
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:38,400
ARCHER:
Thoughts?
273
00:13:38,568 --> 00:13:40,986
You do not want to know my thoughts.
274
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:45,574
I do, Ken. I much very do.
275
00:13:45,742 --> 00:13:48,744
You're a major dickhole.
Heh.
276
00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,413
And you're kind of a mean drunk.
277
00:13:51,581 --> 00:13:54,166
My wife Hatsumi and my daughter Keiko.
278
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:57,669
Do you know what I would give
to have seen her grow up?
279
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:01,924
Yeah, but--
And now you have the chance I never had...
280
00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,092
...but you just throw it away.
281
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:07,012
I mean, you know,
I'm going back, obviously.
282
00:14:07,180 --> 00:14:10,307
I'm gonna parent the shit out of that kid.
I just....
283
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:14,811
I just needed some time or space
or whatever...
284
00:14:14,979 --> 00:14:17,773
...you know, to kind of....
285
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,858
[SNORING]
286
00:14:20,026 --> 00:14:21,193
Dickhole.
287
00:14:26,115 --> 00:14:28,283
MAN [ON PHONE]:
The March of News.
288
00:14:28,451 --> 00:14:30,869
The tide of war in the Pacific
is finally changing...
289
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:35,666
...as U.S. Marines attack the Japs
on the island of Guadalcanal.
290
00:14:38,628 --> 00:14:42,548
Oh. Oh, I don't know. Some cereal.
It's supposed....
291
00:14:42,715 --> 00:14:44,132
Supposed to be good for you.
292
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,552
What's that? What--? What--?
What's that? What the--?
293
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:50,764
Oh. Morning, Ken.
So I know this a long shot...
294
00:14:50,932 --> 00:14:54,393
...but, uh, do you know
how to make Eggs Woodhouse?
295
00:14:54,561 --> 00:14:56,979
Ken? Ken, what are you doing with--?
296
00:14:57,146 --> 00:14:58,313
MAN:
Victory in the Pacific.
297
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:03,235
Japan finally surrenders, brought to her knees
by the explosion of two atomic bombs....
298
00:15:03,403 --> 00:15:05,862
What? No, no, no, Ken. Turn it off.
299
00:15:06,030 --> 00:15:10,909
The first dropped on Hiroshima
and the second on Nagasaki.
300
00:15:13,663 --> 00:15:15,581
I-I'm sorry.
301
00:15:15,748 --> 00:15:18,667
Why? Why are you sorry?
302
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:21,420
That you had to see that.
That it even happened in the--
303
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:23,338
[BOTH YELL]
304
00:15:23,506 --> 00:15:26,008
[GROANING]
Sneak attack. Typical.
305
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,968
[PHONE RINGING
AND KEN YELLING]
306
00:15:28,136 --> 00:15:30,554
Hello?
MALORY: Oh, goddamn it.
307
00:15:30,722 --> 00:15:33,724
Mother-- Mother, it's--
Well, listen up, Vinny Voicemail.
308
00:15:33,891 --> 00:15:37,519
I hope you check your messages
because if you don't retrieve that computer...
309
00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:40,480
...and meet the extraction team
within the next two hours...
310
00:15:40,648 --> 00:15:43,900
...you can just get used to bananas.
311
00:15:44,068 --> 00:15:45,110
[TONE BEEPING]
312
00:15:45,278 --> 00:15:47,988
WOMAN [RECORDING]:
If you'd like to make a call, please--
313
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,283
Even the damn phone is the same.
CHERYL: Ugh!
314
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,328
Everything is the same! Jesus!
315
00:15:54,495 --> 00:15:56,455
Oh....
316
00:15:56,998 --> 00:15:59,499
Okay, so, Ken, we've got a situation.
317
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:01,001
We don't have anything.
318
00:16:01,169 --> 00:16:04,254
You have a situation.
I am going home to Japan.
319
00:16:04,422 --> 00:16:07,716
Well, unless you wanna swim there,
which, spoiler alert, you can't.
320
00:16:07,884 --> 00:16:09,926
It's too far. You're gonna need my help.
321
00:16:10,094 --> 00:16:12,763
Ha! Because you also need my help.
322
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:17,559
Only because you just broke two of my ribs in
addition to impaling me on a bamboo stake...
323
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:21,188
...on which, I think we both know,
you smeared some poop!
324
00:16:21,356 --> 00:16:24,191
I--
And if you did, I don't wanna know!
325
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:28,945
Because you'd have no idea
what you're supposed to be looking for.
326
00:16:29,113 --> 00:16:33,283
Not that I do, necessarily, but--
Will you please hurry?
327
00:16:33,451 --> 00:16:38,080
Keep your raggedy bits of shirt on.
That looks pretty computery to me.
328
00:16:38,247 --> 00:16:39,706
So now all I have to do is--
329
00:16:39,874 --> 00:16:41,333
[SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
330
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,627
Shit.
Come. We must go now.
331
00:16:43,795 --> 00:16:45,629
Not yet. I gotta blow this thing.
332
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,215
Then blow it and then come.
333
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,467
Ah. I mean, really?
334
00:16:50,635 --> 00:16:52,302
It's like why even--
335
00:16:52,470 --> 00:16:53,512
[GUNFIRE]
336
00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:55,514
I'm sorry.
No, no, no!
337
00:16:55,682 --> 00:16:57,349
[YELLING]
338
00:16:58,476 --> 00:17:00,227
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
339
00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:01,770
[GROANING]
340
00:17:06,192 --> 00:17:08,944
Hey, remember that time
you broke some of my ribs?
341
00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:10,612
And then all the remaining ones?
342
00:17:10,780 --> 00:17:12,280
It's your own fault!
343
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:15,200
My fau-- Oh, shit, I didn't blow it.
344
00:17:15,368 --> 00:17:18,203
What?
I was supposed to blow up the plane.
345
00:17:18,371 --> 00:17:20,205
No, what are you--? I'll just lie.
346
00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,082
You cannot shirk your duty.
347
00:17:22,250 --> 00:17:25,168
Yes, I can! I do it all the time.
348
00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:26,545
Goddamn it.
349
00:17:26,713 --> 00:17:28,880
Asshole!
KEN: Agh!
350
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:32,718
[BOTH YELLING]
351
00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,095
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
352
00:17:39,308 --> 00:17:41,977
Which way to the extraction point?
Uh....
353
00:17:42,145 --> 00:17:44,479
I guess head for the beach?
354
00:17:47,817 --> 00:17:49,818
KEN: Well?
Yeah, it's nice...
355
00:17:49,986 --> 00:17:51,820
...although I assumed there'd be a bar.
356
00:17:51,988 --> 00:17:54,030
You said this was the extraction point.
357
00:17:54,198 --> 00:17:56,450
Heh. No, I merely implied that.
358
00:17:56,617 --> 00:17:59,244
I have no idea where it is. Although....
359
00:18:00,580 --> 00:18:02,914
KEN:
Ah! So you did know.
360
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:05,167
No, I totally didn't. Swear to God.
361
00:18:05,334 --> 00:18:07,836
Things just usually work out for me.
362
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:10,338
Which I kind of take for granted.
363
00:18:10,631 --> 00:18:12,924
You Archer?
ARCHER: Duh!
364
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:14,384
So ready to go home?
365
00:18:14,552 --> 00:18:16,344
I think no.
366
00:18:16,512 --> 00:18:18,847
I have been gone far too long.
367
00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:25,061
My family, even if they're still alive,
surely by now, they have moved on.
368
00:18:25,688 --> 00:18:30,567
It would not be fair to them
if I were to return after so many years.
369
00:18:30,735 --> 00:18:32,444
Yeah, return to, uh....
370
00:18:32,612 --> 00:18:35,489
Wait, where did you and Hatsumi and Keiko
used to live?
371
00:18:35,656 --> 00:18:40,994
Huh? Oh, Takamori.
A very small town in Nagano Prefecture, but....
372
00:18:41,162 --> 00:18:42,996
[LINE RINGING]
373
00:18:44,957 --> 00:18:47,125
WOMAN [ON PHONE]: Moshi moshi.
Ah.
374
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:50,212
Hatsumi? Sato Hatsumi?
375
00:18:50,379 --> 00:18:52,964
Hai.
Hatsumi.
376
00:18:53,132 --> 00:18:54,591
[VOICE QUIVERING]
377
00:18:54,759 --> 00:18:57,093
[SPEAKS IN JAPANESE]
378
00:18:57,261 --> 00:18:58,386
Kentaro-san?
379
00:18:58,554 --> 00:19:00,388
Hatsumi.
380
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,225
[SPEAKING IN JAPANESE]
381
00:19:04,936 --> 00:19:06,645
[HATSUMI SOBBING ON PHONE]
382
00:19:06,813 --> 00:19:08,313
Kentaro-san.
383
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,399
Oh, Hatsumi. Heh-heh.
384
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:15,278
Hey! There's this new thing we have
called a schedule.
385
00:19:15,446 --> 00:19:16,655
[GUNFIRE]
386
00:19:17,365 --> 00:19:19,407
We need a minute!
387
00:19:19,575 --> 00:19:21,910
Captain Shitnuts.
388
00:19:22,078 --> 00:19:23,620
Tell her I said hi.
389
00:19:23,788 --> 00:19:25,622
LANA:
Nope.
390
00:19:25,790 --> 00:19:28,500
Ah. No, no, no.
391
00:19:28,668 --> 00:19:30,418
You don't disappear for six weeks...
392
00:19:30,586 --> 00:19:33,755
...and then waltz in here like you never left
and casually say hi.
393
00:19:33,923 --> 00:19:39,010
First of all, Lana, I didn't waltz in here,
not with nine broken ribs, a punctured lung...
394
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:43,515
...severe penetration trauma to my foot,
and poop-related septicemia...
395
00:19:43,683 --> 00:19:45,350
...and also crabs.
BOTH: Ugh.
396
00:19:45,518 --> 00:19:48,436
I assume from the jungle.
Oh, please, if--
397
00:19:48,604 --> 00:19:51,606
Not to mention that stupid computer,
which is why you're upset...
398
00:19:51,774 --> 00:19:55,026
...I mean jealous, because I aced the mission.
What?
399
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:56,862
And you did blow up the plane?
400
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:59,739
The plane blew up. Yes. I don't--
Jealous?
401
00:19:59,907 --> 00:20:00,949
[BABY CRYING]
402
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:02,617
Oh, shut up.
BOTH: Hey!
403
00:20:02,785 --> 00:20:04,452
I'm not jealous about the mission.
404
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:06,746
I'm upset
because no one knew where you were.
405
00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,624
And if, huge if, you're gonna be involved...
406
00:20:09,792 --> 00:20:12,669
...oh, my God,
in any sort of parental role for Abbiejean--
407
00:20:12,837 --> 00:20:15,797
No, yeah, and I-- You know, I want to.
408
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:18,258
But are we married to Abbiejean or--?
409
00:20:18,426 --> 00:20:19,676
Believe me, I tried.
410
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,845
Zip it, Geebaw.
Ah!
411
00:20:22,013 --> 00:20:26,349
No! I will not be called Geebaw.
It's Grandmother Archer or nothing.
412
00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:30,979
Then hush. Because we, you and I, are
gonna have to establish some ground rules.
413
00:20:31,147 --> 00:20:33,815
Lana, they're just gonna get broken.
Ah.
414
00:20:33,983 --> 00:20:38,403
I'm now gonna feed our child. If you would like
to talk while I do so, follow me.
415
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:41,656
I would. I would love to talk, Lana.
416
00:20:41,824 --> 00:20:43,450
Just don't wanna have to listen.
417
00:20:43,618 --> 00:20:45,410
[LANA SIGHS]
418
00:20:46,495 --> 00:20:48,163
And how about this renovation, huh?
419
00:20:48,331 --> 00:20:51,708
I can't believe they pulled it off.
Wha--? You knew about this?
420
00:20:51,876 --> 00:20:56,296
Yeah, I was on the planning committee.
I'm not a huge fan of change.
421
00:20:56,464 --> 00:20:57,672
[CHUCKLES]
422
00:20:58,007 --> 00:21:00,133
Except for you, Milton.
423
00:21:00,301 --> 00:21:02,135
[ARCHER CHUCKLES]
32865
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