All language subtitles for R.F.S01E06.Gaslit into Silence [eng]

I'd never been in a relationship
before.

I didn't see any red flags.

I didn't really know what red flags
were at 19 years old.

She just wanted him,

and she didn't care about
the consequences.

He's been undermining her,

confusing her, gaslighting her.

He was so angry,

and his eyes just turned black.

MANIC LAUGHTER

No way is he hitting her. She'd tell
us.

I was on the floor and he was
strangling me.

He hits her and it is her fault.

I had to document it...

..in case I ended up dead.

He'd pulled the wool over my eyes.

He's broken her.

Jesus Christ,

he's beat the living daylights
out of her.

When I met Liam, he was 21.

I was just turned 19.

I were quite sociable, just living me
teenage life, really.

I wasn't really in the dating scene
as such,

because I were a bigger girl.

So, I were just...just under 17
stone.

So I were quite insecure, if I'm
honest.

Personally, I'd class her as quite,
like, the popular kid at school,

but she doesn't see herself as that.
But she was, really.

She was, like, a popular person at
school.

I don't think I had boundaries, as
such, and high expectations for men.

PHONE BEEPS
I just used Tinder, like,
occasionally.

I just was swiping and then it just
happened that I found Liam.

At about 10.30 at night,

and straight away I got a message
from him.

PHONE BEEPS
We just got on to the topic of
things in Doncaster

and things that we found in common.

And then that's when he asked me
for my phone number.

He rang me straight away, really.
PHONE RINGS

It felt like instantly we had
this connection.

So then I was like, "Oh, he must be
me soulmate.

"He's into everything that I'm into."

We were on the phone for quite a
long period of time -

about eight-hours phone call,
throughout the night.

He's agreeing with her.
He's positive about her.

He might be very charming.

And these are all the things that
we look for initially

to say, "We're on the same page."

And then he said to me on the phone,

"Shall I come and see ya? I'm not
going to be going into work.

"I'll ring in sick and I'll come meet
you.

"I've never rang in sick before. Not
to meet a girl, either."

And I was like, "Oh, well..."

He didn't really give me a chance to
say no,

because it felt like he was already
preparing himself to come.

Where it ventures into this red flag
territory is when he says,

"I've never done this for anyone
else before."

Is that a necessary comment?

Or is that to convince Ellie that
she is special,

that he's doing this for her?

I first met Ellie when we were at
school. I was about...

I think I was about 12 years old.

And then just as the years kinda
went along,

we became closer and closer.

At the time, I was just like, "Go
for it. There's nothing to lose.

"If he seems interested in you
and you're interested in him,

"then just meet him." I didn't
see...

It seemed like no harm for her
to meet him at that time.

About 7.30 in the morning,
and I got myself ready to meet him.

Quite nervous, but quite,
like...you know, excited as well.

We've got five daughters,

and they've all got individual
personalities.

She's the second youngest. I mean,
we were just happy.

Obviously when the kids start
getting older and getting into boys,

that's when I'm like,

"Right. Who is he?"

I didn't tell my parents where
I was going,

and I thought I'd be back in time
before they'd notice, really.

I saw his car. It was a black BMW at
the time.

So I got in the car. It was quite
awkward at first.

I was willing to get in his car
because I set the boundaries

that I wanted to stay in Doncaster.
And he told me that that was fine,

we can stay in Doncaster if that's
where I felt best safe.

I said, "Well, shall we go to
the McDonald's for a coffee?

"We could just get to know each other
there,

"and I'll feel safe because I'm in my
area."

We were there for about 45 minutes,
and that's when we were like,

"We can't really stay here much
longer."

So I suggested to Liam, "Shall we go
for a walk round the lakeside?"

It's out in the open, so I thought
I'd be safe.

I'd be secure in my hometown,

because I know everywhere, how
to get to and from

from the places that we was.

I were quite on edge and had quite a
lot of anxiety

cos it were the first time
meeting somebody before.

I think we were sat on the bench
for about 10, 15 minutes

before Liam suggested, "Shall we go
for a drive instead?"

He promised me that I'd be safe with
him

and that we could stay in my
hometown,

so I thought that I'd be OK.

We got into his car, but once we
were on the roundabout,

I soon realised that he was taking
the turning for Leeds.

And then I said to him, "I don't
want to go to Leeds."

I felt really scared, because when I
said to him,

"Where are we going? You've
missed...took the wrong turn."

He said, "Oh, no. I'm going to take
you back...

"We're going to go to Leeds. We'll
go back to mine.

"I'll keep you safe. You'll be safe
with me."

And I just said to him,

"My parents don't know that I've
gone anywhere,

"so they're going to be worried."
And he just said,

"I can't turn back round now. We're
going to go back to mine,

"and I'll bring you back when you
want to come back."

This is a red flag because
something is happening

that is out of her control at
this point,

and she's got to decide how
to react to it,

because this guy is quite literally
in control

of where they go next and the
vehicle.

I were a bit intimidated,
because...he's agreed to something,

and already, straight away, he's
gone against my boundaries,

what I've already tried to put in
place.

And I'm sort of amping myself up,
like, "I'm going to be fine",

trying to make myself less scared
and less worried about it.

We went to his living room,

and we just sat and watched some TV
on the sofa.

I went to the toilet, and then as
I've got out the toilet,

he shouted me and he was laid in
his bed.

And that's where he said, "Oh, come
in here.

"We'll lay down for a bit. I'm
really tired.

"I've not slept all night." And I
were like, "Well, neither have I,

"but I don't really want to lay in
your bed."

And I was very uncomfortable at that
moment in time,

but I still thought, "I've got the
power to say no

"and put all the right boundaries
in place."

Well, that's what I thought.

So then, I've got into bed with him.
We was laid in bed for about an hour.

We did have sex.

I was so unsure of myself and so
insecure, being a bigger girl,

that I didn't want to ruin the chance
of someone liking me

because it never felt like anyone
liked me before.

So I did feel like this instant
connection was real.

He explained about his family
dynamics,

and he also explained about how he's
had some things that's happened

to him in his life that have really
affected his mental state.

I felt instantly from him opening up
to me like that

like I wanted to protect him
and care for him,

and be the mother figure that
he needed in his life.

Trauma dumping is something we
find in

the early stages of coercive
control.

It's out, straight away, in
the open, to gain pity from her,

really, to make her feel sorry
for him, and to potentially justify

his bad behaviour
later down the line.

That's when I'm like, "Right, who
is he?"

And I do a bit of research on him.

"Oh, I know somebody. Oh, I know
his dad.

"Yeah, he should be all right."

Obviously, what happened is he were
from Leeds,

so there's nobody I could have
asked.

I did grill her. I were like, "Well,
who is he?

"I mean, what does he do?"

She's like, "Dad, I've not had
a boyfriend", sort of thing,

"And I really, really like him."

We thought, "I mean, she's found
somebody."

I mean, the day he turned up, he
turned up in a...

I think it were an 18-plate BMW.

So I think, "Well, if he's got that
sort of car,

"he must be doing all right with
work." He was not a bum.

So I were like, "He's a good lad.

"Turns up for work every day."

Everything seemed fine.

We ended up having a drink,
which, the drink...

The drinks led into quite a lot of...

..well, drinking games.

He seemed to get

way too drunk or intoxicated
way faster than everyone else.

He was pushing me to kiss his friend

and to get with his friend, right in
front of his face.

And, you know, I was a bit like,
"I don't want to do that."

But he still was very pushy about it
and was coming out with comments,

"If you like me, you'd do it."

He is not looking at her as Ellie,
his partner.

He is looking at her as an object
that he can manipulate

and control. If I can get her to do
this, what else can I get her to do?

Then he dared himself to suck my
friend's toes.

And that's where I were like,
"Why would you dare yourself

"to do something like that?"

I think it was just the fact of
let's make Ellie jealous.

It was just like he were trying
to do everything

to wind Ellie up and try
and get her angry and...

But I just felt really
uncomfortable, so I was like,

"I'm just going to leave this
situation because I can't stand him,

"and I don't want me and Ellie
falling out about any of this."

It got to about 4.00 in the morning,
and he then changed,

and then was calling me names, like
I'm a slag, I'm a rat,

just out of nowhere. We can't see
each other.

How can he see someone that kisses
his friend?

And it were really confusing for me,
because he wanted me to do that.

She were just an emotional
mess, to be honest with you,

and it were quite hard to calm her
down.

I told her, "Obviously, he is
definitely not for you and

"you can find someone better and
he's not a nice person."

Woke up the next day, and he'd
messaged me saying that he's sorry

and that he just got too drunk. And
I just forgave him from that,

because he made me feel like it was
my fault.

What you've got here with Liam is
sort of intermittent reward

and intermittent punishment -

a kind of trauma bonding tactic.

She's already attached to him in
some way,

hoping that he'll go back to the
lovely guy she first met, which...

He's all over the place.
He's not gonna do that.

I was filled with so many different
emotions,

because I didn't...I still
felt like a child myself,

and I just didn't know what to do.

I ended up telling Liam about me
being pregnant.

He didn't want to talk about me being
pregnant, other than he needed me

to have an abortion because it'll
ruin his life.

He was too young for a child.

I ended up telling him, "I'm not
getting an abortion. I'm going to
keep this baby.

"And if you don't want to be part of
the baby's life, then I understand."

And then he just blocked me.

He has gone from love bombing her
to devaluing her,

and then discarding her pretty damn
quickly, hasn't he?

I just broke down. I were crying
and I couldn't seem

to calm myself down, cos I'd lost
that connection,

what felt so amazing and great.

And this man that felt like
the other part of me, is just gone.

I did become really quite strong in

my pregnancy, becoming a single
mother.

And I was very adamant that
I am going to be a single mum

and I'm going to do a really good
job at it, and I didn't need him.

By the time it came to my 20-week
scan,

I wanted him to know that he was
having a girl.

Liam messaged me and he just put,
like,

"I can't believe we're having a
girl."

And then I think it was about three
or four days later after that that

he drove up to Doncaster and came to
meet me

and told me that he wanted
to be in her life.

I felt loved. I felt really secure,

and like this were going to be my
little family.

I invited him to my parents' house.

No-one were home, it was just me
and him,

and we both needed the toilet.

And so, I'd said to him, "I'm
pregnant. Let me go first."

But no, he just... He pushed me out
of his way on stairs

and raced to the toilet.

At that moment, I felt shocked

because I can't believe he's pushed
me, for one, I'm pregnant, for two,

and it's on the stairs, for three.

Like, it was quite dangerous. I could
have fell.

I'd been waiting for, like, 15
minute for him to come downstairs,

and... What he'd done, he'd got out
the house.

He'd finished on the toilet, and he
just walked straight out my house

and drove home, without telling me,
without saying anything to me.

And then I was left confused,

really feeling, like, "Well, what's
happened?"

We're talking a heavily pregnant
female,

and he is behaving in this way
that is...

Again, it's that control. And we're
border-lining physical abuse now.

It wasn't really until, probably, I
don't know,

about four months,
three months down the line,

where she'd start telling me
little things.

One of the times, she told me...
They was obviously in

the same bedroom, and he basically
said, "Get out. You're too fat.

"You're taking up too much room."

And she actually considered getting
out of bed and sleeping on the floor

while she was pregnant with a child,

so Liam could have the bed to
himself.

Everything little he did, I was like,

"Oh, it's because this has happened
in his past.

"He doesn't understand this is
how you...

"You don't do this sort of thing."

He used to say to me, "Everything
happens for a reason,

"and what will be, will be."

So I used to think, "Well, if
everything happens for a reason,

"maybe I'm supposed to teach him
that he's not supposed to

"do these things."

I... Like, constantly saying to her,
"You need to get rid of him. You
need to get rid of him."

What else can I say for you
to get rid of this person?

And at that moment in time, I feel
like no matter what happened,

she just wanted him, and she didn't
care about

the consequences at the time.

It's like he slowly chipped away all
my self-confidence and everything.

Like...

..like the honeymoon phase, really.

I could just see how proud Ellie
was of herself in that moment

for creating this beautiful
child, and it was so nice to see.

It's all started with play fighting.

And he used to label it as play
fighting,

and it used to be, "I want to
wrestle.

"I want to be... I want to do UFC."

And he used to say, "Well,
what kind of girlfriend are you

"for not letting me pursue my
dreams? You need to let me practise."

And so he'd grapple me,
and I'd always say "No.

"I don't like it", and crying and
screaming and asking him to stop,

but he'd just say that he's play
fighting.

He's not actually meaning to cause
me physical harm.

She couldn't find any of the knives
in the house.

And it wasn't until two days later,
all their knives in the house

was found under Ellie's bed.
And Liam says he was putting

them there to protect them if
anyone came in.

He's messing with her mind about
where something is,

almost wrong-footing her, confusing
her, destabilising her reality.

It was the level of control that he
had on me that was...

..I was struggling to deal with then.

She starts to feel as if she's the
one who's going mad,

when actually he's the very person

who's manipulating the entire
situation.

This pub is one of the pubs that me
and Liam went to

quite a lot in our relationship.

I remember coming to the pub
with Liam and my first daughter,

and we sat at the table.

And I remember not even taking
a bite into my meal,

and just throwing up on the
restaurant floor.

Looking back, I could tell that I
were poorly

because of the pressure of the abuse
from Liam.

It's something that I'd prefer
to not go into any more,

because it's...it reminds me of Liam.

I'd try and step into my power

and say, "You're gaslighting me.
You're trying to manipulate me.

"You're lying to me." But then, he'd
get me to a point

where I'd be screaming. I'd be the
one screaming, shouting,

acting like a crazy person. But then
he'd ring my mum.

PHONE RINGS

"Hi, Jean. Can you come over?

"Because Ellie's acting psycho again.

"She's acting crazy again. She won't
calm down.

"I don't know what's up with her."

So then it made me think I couldn't
tell my family members

what he was doing, because every time
they was coming over,

they was seeing me acting like
the abusive one, really.

He's been undermining her, confusing
her, gaslighting her,

objectifying her, and he's been the
one messing with her head,

so that he can be the hero
to her family.

This is awful, awful abuse, and
a massive red flag at this point.

I felt so emotionally unattached
to Liam, because he spent

all his time just making me feel
so unloved and unappreciated.

I just did not feel attached
to this man,

and I just didn't know how
to get out of that cycle.

I said, "It's not that I'm attracted
to this guy.

"I think it's just because I
don't... I feel like there's distance

"between me and you, and I think we
need to work on that,

"because I don't want to be going
elsewhere. I want to be with you."

And he were like, "Well, I'm glad
you've told me, and that helps...

"It's understandable, and that will
help us build on our relationship."

He didn't give me a chance
to give him any explanation.

He was so angry, and his eyes just
turned black.

And it was like he was just
a completely different person.

And he backed me up into a corner.

He was just punching at me.

And I'm trying to, like, get
past him to get open the door.

And then he grabbed both my earrings,
and he put that much pressure on

my earrings that they broke whilst
they was still in my ears.

He were getting more and more
control over me,

and, like, I felt so threatened and
intimidated

and on eggshells in my own home.

And I was struggling to raise my
children.

I'd never been in a relationship
before,

so I didn't know whether...I...

..like, it was my fault that that had
happened, in a way.

He made me feel like it was my fault.

I didn't tell my parents. I felt
embarrassed and confused,

because it felt like they was the
consequences of my own actions.

He's already put on that I'm this
crazy person,

so it felt like they wouldn't believe
me, regardless.

She feels she has nowhere else
to go.

She feels that her family are on
his side, when in reality,

if she'd spoken to them, of course
the family will be with her.

She is their daughter.

But he has made her believe that
it's her fault.

She has made this decision
to not speak to anyone about it,

and this is exactly what he wanted.

He's broken her.

I had to document it for...

..in case I ended up dead.

It's...
SHE SIGHS

..a clear example of gaslighting
here.

She... You can hear she's visibly
upset,

because he is making her out
to be mad.

She's saying one thing to him
and he's lying,

saying, "No, no, that didn't
happen."

LIAM LAUGHS WILDLY

He hits her and it is her fault.

ELLIE SCREAMS

"Are you going to say sorry to me?"
That's him saying that to her.

He has just punched her...

..yet she's the one that's got
to apologise.

This man is vile.

That's horrific, that.

QUIETLY:Poor girl.

I couldn't be an unstable mother
for my kids,

so I had to document it to remember
what he was doing.

Because if not, I wouldn't have
a clue what he'd done.

I had to erase that from my memory
and my mind for me

to get on with my life, for my
children.

She did the right thing in
documenting the evidence.

However, it is so important to
report...

Even if you don't want
anything done, that early on,

it is so, so important to report it
to police,

because there are measures that
can be put in place to help.

I never felt I could reach out
to anyone properly,

and get out of that relationship.
And I just knew that there'd be more

consequences from me ringing the
police.

He was telling me every Monday,
"We're going to work things out."

And then he did that for
a full year until I found out that

he was seeing someone else on
the side.

He spoke about how he's very
depressed,

he doesn't know what he's doing
with his life,

he thinks he's in a psychosis state,

and that's why he started
seeing this other girl,

and that he wants to be back
with me and his family.

And I was just thrilled. I was like,
"Yes",

because I really was hoping
for this really set family.

I wanted my kids to have both
parents in the home.

I wanted it to work out right. So
I took him back,

and he moved in within that
same week.

I think at this point in time,
she is desperately trying

to get good Liam back.
And I think that speaks to

the trauma bonding that she has
with him.

When he first came back,
I felt so happy,

and, like, I forgot all the abuse.

Everything came back to me.

Every argument, every time he's
gaslit me,

all of the abuse came back to me.
And then I realised that

I've got myself back in this cycle.

It's so weird. It's like she
despised him,

but she was madly in love
with him at the same time.

It's just a crazy scenario,
and I feel like no-one would

understand that unless you was in
that situation.

It made me feel like I did deserve
it,

because he was telling me that
I deserved it.

And then he told me that his friend
told him that

I deserved ten times more than what
he had give me,

and that I should be lucky.

I should feel lucky that he didn't
do worse than what he did.

It was easy for him to get away
with so much,

because my mum and dad had so much
pressures going on in their lives.

They had a house fire, and the house
fire happened in

the beginning of him coming back.

I didn't want to cause any more
stress and pressures

and any more problems.

She had never said anything.

We just believed the little bruises
she had here and there

over the years... I mean, she's got
two young kids, so...

She did cover a lot up.

I mean, sometimes she'd wear
a polo neck.

My wife were more aware. She was
like, "I'm sure he's hitting her."

I were like, "No." I mean, he could
be so polite.

She's like, "I think something's
going off", and I dismissed it.

I were like, "No, I don't believe it
is.

"No way is he hitting her. She'd
tell us."

He'd pulled the wool over my eyes.

Domestic violence perpetrators can
look like anyone.

I think he just fooled absolutely
everybody, not just Ellie.

He had everyone played in his
little game,

and he just got to everybody.

This night out had
been planned with me

and my friend for
quite a few week.

And I'd told Liam. He knew about it
well in advance.

And he was like, "Well, if you stay
out till stupid o'clock,

"I'll cancel the holiday on Monday."

And I was like, "Well, I definitely
will be home for the right time,

"and you don't have to cancel no
holiday."

The night were probably the best
night out that we've had in ages.

We really enjoyed ourself.
We've not probably had

a night like that in a long time.

And Ellie was so excited
because she were like,

"He's not even going to be mad at
me,

"because I'm going home before
12 o'clock",

which obviously in my head I'm
like,

"You shouldn't have to worry about
that as such, anyway."

He has controlled her that much,
that not only is she doing exactly

what he says, but she's almost
proud of herself.

Walked in, I've noticed all lights
were off.

And then I've gone into the kitchen,
I've noticed he'd been drinking.

There were eight pint cans just
dotted around house.

So, I've gone upstairs and then I've
just sort of nudged him

a little bit, and I'm like, "Lee, I'm
back.

"I need to wake you up so then you
know what time I'm home.

"It's 12 o'clock. I have been home
for ten minutes,

"but I've been getting ready for
bed."

And he didn't say a word to me,
but he just launched at me.

It's heartbreaking and harrowing,

because there is nothing Ellie can
do.

And that's why it's so dangerous,

because Ellie can't pre-empt this.

She can't prepare herself for this.

I was on the floor, and he was
strangling me.

And then I must have passed out.

And then I remember waking up from
the floor,

and he'd...that's when he punched me
in the face.

And then I passed out again.

I remember just getting up, feeling
really, really weird

and feeling this big headache.
Like, I just didn't...

I was so confused. I walked into my
children's room first.

They were still asleep, so I was
like, "Right, OK.

"Kids are asleep. They're fine,
they're fine."

I went to the bathroom and I seen
my face, and I saw, you know...

I was shocked. And it were at that
moment of seeing myself with that,

that I thought, "No more. I can't
let him keep doing this to me,

"because if I don't get
out of this house right now,

"what if he attacks me again?
What if I die?"

I just ran down the stairs.
I had my phone with me,

I had my pyjamas on, didn't have no
shoes on.

And I think I was in a state of
confusion.

And then I picked up me pace
and were running.

And I don't know where I were
thinking I was going.

I just needed to get out of there,
because I felt like I was in such

a dangerous situation that he could
end my life.

Liam chased me down the street
and he drags me back home.

But in that time, I think I was
trying to ring my sister,

but he got to me. So I've texted her
instead and I've said,

"Tyler, come quick. I need your
help."

I was covered in bruises
and grazes all over my body.

So she knew she had to act fast,
and she did, luckily.

And I am so grateful, as well, that
she did come as quick as she did.

I, like, turned to her, and her face
just dropped.

And she was just like, "Where is he?
What's happened?"

And I'm like, "I don't know.
I don't know what's happened",

because I was so confused myself,
because

the only...only reason why it
happened was because I woke him up

to tell him he didn't have
to cancel the holiday.

"I don't know what I've done.

"I know I've hurt her, but I don't
know what I've done.

"I don't know why I've done it.
I blacked out."

And he was really trying to make out
that it was someone else

and it wasn't him. And then, that
were it.

He ran upstairs and were getting his
stuff and were going.

Me and my wife were in bed.

All of a sudden, we heard rustling
at the door.

And we could hear kids crying.

Jean's opened the window
and looked down.

And Tyler said something to Jean,
and Jean's like,

"You stay in bed", to me.

She's gone darting downstairs.

Then I've heard Ellie crying her
eyes out,

and obviously, I'm not going to stay
in bed.

And then my dad came downstairs
and my mum came downstairs,

and my dad just went, like, white as
a ghost.

Everything flashed,

all these little marks what she's
had over the years.

Jesus Christ,

he's beat the living daylights
out of her.

I ran out the house with
a pair of flip-flops on,

me boxer shorts and a T-shirt,
jumped in me car,

drove straight up to her house,

which is literally two minutes
away.

Liam had already gone by that point.

And he'd left in my car, because I
paid £1,000 for it.

My mum took me to the hospital cos
my eye was that swollen

and that bruised, I couldn't see.

And then it was at the hospital
that...

..like, they pushed me into
disclosing the abuse.

At first, I were quite closed off
about it all, because I have been.

I've been silent. I was silent for so
long, and it felt a norm for me.

So it felt like I don't know how to
explain what's been going on.

Then I finally opened up, and the
on-guard police officer that was at

the hospital, came and spoke to me,
took a statement,

and then it all just... The police
picked it up from there.

But obviously then everything's
flooded out of her. And she's like,

"This has been happening
for years and I've kept it quiet."

And then she started showing
the pictures from over

the years, and they're all
date-stamped.

We were like, "How have you coped?"

I didn't see anything until
the next morning.

And then I woke up, and there was
about 20 messages from Ellie,

loads and loads of missed calls.
Her family's called me, text me.

I was like, "What the hell's
happened?"

So, I opened it and the first thing
I saw was this

picture of her being punched and
the massive black eye.

I were just mortified. And to a
certain extent,

I did feel a bit guilty that
I just let her go back to that.

He was texting me. I was in the
hospital, and he was like,

"What's happening?"

He said, "Are we still going on our
holiday, Monday?"

And I were like, "No."

Even after that had happened,

he was trying to make me feel sorry
for him.

So then, he ended up saying to me,
"What do you want me to do?

"Tell me what I'm supposed to do."

I want you to go and hand yourself
in, for this to...for this to end,

for me to get some sort of peace
from this.

Go and hand yourself in.

I felt relief, because I felt like
finally, I get to have some space.

I get to have that freedom. I can
have that separation from

being controlled and abused and
everything else,

and I can become a stronger person
within myself.

Then in court, when they started
showing you these pictures

on the TV, I were mortified because
it was something I didn't want

to see, because that's my daughter
on that screen,

and she's been through all this
and not said nothing.

How bad was it where she couldn't
even tell her parents,

"I'm getting beat up"?

She were that scared, and he
intimidated her that much

that she didn't dare tell us.

He's a very, very evil and
possessive man.

I was so, so happy she got a bit of
justice.

She didn't get the justice fully
that she deserved,

in my opinion, at all.

I don't believe the prison sentence
were long enough, anyway,

for the amount of charges brought
against him.

If he'd not punched her in the face
and given her a massive black eye,

she'd have covered that up, and
it'd probably be still

going on to this day.

I'm massively proud of her,
to be fair,

because she could sit there and
tell me straight in my eyes that

she's not moving on. She doesn't
feel strong.

But from an outside point of view,
I know full well, even if it's only

a tiny bit of progress every
single day,

she's slowly making the progress.

When I met Liam and we came to this
bench,

I can see that my 19-year-old self
sort of got...stayed on this bench,

and that I lost her the day that I
met him.

Being here and sitting here now
without him,

I'm now connecting myself back to
the girl I was before meeting him.

I got asked to attend a poetry
workshop with the Women's Aid.

I used to really enjoy creative
writing,

but there's been a block there for

five year, whilst I've been with
Liam.

And then now, it's helped me realise
that I can do it.

"I was 19, and he was 21.

"That was the start of the trauma
bond.

"He love bombed me like he was
preparing for war.

"I didn't understand his sick game,
the one where he was keeping score."

Poetry has helped me find the
courage to say what I want to say,

and it also creates something
beautiful

after everything so negative.

"He manipulated and gaslighted me.

"He caused me to dissociate from
the true reality.

"I thought it was because his inner
child was broken.

"I thought, with my help, he could
have his truth spoken."

She did a poem last Saturday in
the town centre,

and she didn't want us there.
And I stood in the background,

so she didn't actually see me.
I was there. And like I say,

we're so proud of her.

I am putting it out there

and trying to show the world

that it's OK to speak up.

You don't have to be ashamed from
things you've gone through,

because it's not your fault that
you've gone through them.

And I think it's important
for people to have a voice

and raise the awareness and
education that's needed,

so people can prevent from getting
in them relationships.

A lot of people that come out of
domestic violence relationships

can't talk about it, let alone talk
about it to thousands of people.

I mean, that just shows what a
strong, kind person she is.

The amount of messages she's
getting, just like,

"You've helped me out of this
situation. You've shown me how to
do it.

"I've been in this relationship
for 30 year, and now I've broke
free."

She's helping other women, which I'm
so proud of.

Even though she's kind of reliving
the trauma by posting,

it's helping her heal, as well. And
she's looking back,

and I feel like she's coming into
realisation

what she's actually gone through,

because I don't even think she knows
herself, until recently.

I didn't see any red flags.

I didn't really know what red flags
were at 19 years old.

I think now before ever meeting
anyone again, that I've got

the knowledge there behind me to
make sure

that I don't end up in the same
situation.

"Five years on, and I'm now 24.

"I'm wiser, older and stronger than
before.

"I know now this was all for his
gain.

"But he really did make me feel
mentally insane.

"The trauma, the flashbacks,
the pain that I endured,

"I now know this love cannot
be cured."

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