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1
00:00:09,334 --> 00:00:11,000
(whistles)
2
00:00:35,734 --> 00:00:37,300
(quacks)
3
00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:42,334
Come to Papa, Georgie boy!
4
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:44,567
You're mine, all mine.
(grunts)
5
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:51,801
(screaming)
6
00:00:51,868 --> 00:00:52,601
(groans)
7
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:00,634
(panting)
8
00:01:00,701 --> 00:01:01,934
(screams)
9
00:01:05,033 --> 00:01:06,801
(brakes screeching)
10
00:01:06,868 --> 00:01:08,133
(groans)
11
00:01:09,801 --> 00:01:11,267
Finally.
12
00:01:12,100 --> 00:01:13,367
A dollar!
13
00:01:13,434 --> 00:01:14,701
How cute.
14
00:01:14,767 --> 00:01:17,033
(groaning)
15
00:01:17,100 --> 00:01:18,868
(tires squealing)
16
00:01:18,934 --> 00:01:20,834
(door opening)
17
00:01:21,934 --> 00:01:23,534
Bluebell Troop 47 tried to cash
18
00:01:23,601 --> 00:01:25,567
the check you wrote
for those cookies?
19
00:01:25,634 --> 00:01:27,701
Just chasing
that almighty dollar, Corny.
20
00:01:27,767 --> 00:01:29,334
I tell you,
it's getting to where
21
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,901
the only way you can get ahead
in this country
22
00:01:30,968 --> 00:01:32,901
is by having
some incredible idea
23
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:35,434
or seeing an opportunity
where no one else sees one
24
00:01:35,501 --> 00:01:37,968
or working your tail off
dawn to dusk day after day
25
00:01:38,033 --> 00:01:40,300
until people start paying you
for your efforts.
26
00:01:40,367 --> 00:01:43,534
Those aren't the principles
this nation was built on!
27
00:01:43,601 --> 00:01:45,100
Actually, those are
the principles
28
00:01:45,167 --> 00:01:46,534
this nation was built on.
29
00:01:46,601 --> 00:01:48,901
Oh. Well, it's time someone
made it work better, then.
30
00:01:48,968 --> 00:01:51,000
Took on the system,
stood his ground
31
00:01:51,067 --> 00:01:52,434
no matter what the cost,
32
00:01:52,501 --> 00:01:54,367
and I'm just the duck to do it.
33
00:01:54,434 --> 00:01:55,701
You got a letter
from the IRS.
34
00:01:55,767 --> 00:01:56,467
I'm out of here.
35
00:01:56,534 --> 00:01:57,501
Forward my magazines
36
00:01:57,567 --> 00:01:58,634
to that PO box in Rio.
37
00:01:58,701 --> 00:02:00,467
Duckman, you can't
hide from the IRS.
38
00:02:00,534 --> 00:02:01,667
They're everywhere, see?
39
00:02:01,734 --> 00:02:03,067
(phone ringing)
40
00:02:03,133 --> 00:02:04,567
Ah! That could be them now.
41
00:02:04,634 --> 00:02:06,901
(with foreign accent):
Hello?
42
00:02:06,968 --> 00:02:09,400
No. Mr. Duckman, he no here.
43
00:02:09,467 --> 00:02:13,567
I'm Mufafu,
exchange student from Cameroon.
44
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,033
Maybe you
should open
the letter.
45
00:02:15,100 --> 00:02:16,567
Might not be
anything bad.
46
00:02:16,634 --> 00:02:17,901
Yeah, you're right.
47
00:02:17,968 --> 00:02:20,567
It could be an IRS party.
48
00:02:20,634 --> 00:02:22,734
Ahh! I'm in trouble, Corny.
49
00:02:22,801 --> 00:02:25,334
It says they want me to come in,
talk to an Agent Dennehy.
50
00:02:25,400 --> 00:02:27,133
Something
about unpaid taxes.
51
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:30,367
Just out of curiosity,
when was the last time
you paid your taxes?
52
00:02:30,434 --> 00:02:31,934
* Disco boy *
53
00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,601
* You're a disco king *
54
00:02:33,667 --> 00:02:35,334
* On the disco thing... *
55
00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:38,200
Okay, so I took an extension.
56
00:02:38,267 --> 00:02:40,334
(man screaming)
57
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,667
(tires squealing)
58
00:02:44,801 --> 00:02:46,701
DUCKMAN:
Look, maybe I made
a mistake or two,
59
00:02:46,767 --> 00:02:48,067
but I'm still a citizen,
60
00:02:48,133 --> 00:02:50,334
and the IRS is still
an agency of mygovernment.
61
00:02:50,400 --> 00:02:51,601
I'm sure they'll deal with me
62
00:02:51,667 --> 00:02:54,234
in a fair, reasonable
and compassionate manner.
63
00:02:54,300 --> 00:02:56,067
I don't give a damn
64
00:02:56,133 --> 00:02:57,467
what your excuse is!
65
00:02:57,534 --> 00:03:00,634
"Aw, my wife needed
an emergency operation,
66
00:03:00,701 --> 00:03:02,901
"and we had to fly to Taiwan
for the kidney.
67
00:03:02,968 --> 00:03:05,501
"But on the way back,
my plane crashed in the ocean,
68
00:03:05,567 --> 00:03:07,701
"and I had to swim
with my tax documents
69
00:03:07,767 --> 00:03:11,000
in the bag in my teeth
for the whole 78 miles."
70
00:03:11,067 --> 00:03:12,167
But it's true.
71
00:03:12,234 --> 00:03:13,567
So what if it's true?
72
00:03:13,634 --> 00:03:15,367
You smudged the receipts.
73
00:03:15,434 --> 00:03:16,534
(man crying)
74
00:03:16,601 --> 00:03:17,834
In-laws.
75
00:03:17,901 --> 00:03:19,767
Next.
76
00:03:19,834 --> 00:03:21,267
(Duckman gulps)
77
00:03:21,334 --> 00:03:25,267
Hi. Mufafu think
you have beautiful country.
78
00:03:26,667 --> 00:03:28,334
DUCKMAN:
Yes, well,
79
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:31,434
Agent Menehy, Agent Benehy,
Agent Dennehy,
80
00:03:31,501 --> 00:03:33,167
I won't take up
your morning.
81
00:03:33,234 --> 00:03:34,767
You're such
a busy man,
82
00:03:34,834 --> 00:03:36,434
nailing much, much, much,
much, much, much, much,
83
00:03:36,501 --> 00:03:38,167
much bigger fish than me.
84
00:03:39,701 --> 00:03:41,300
(screams)
85
00:03:41,367 --> 00:03:42,868
He's here--
it's Duckman.
86
00:03:42,934 --> 00:03:44,701
What nerve.
Oh.
87
00:03:44,767 --> 00:03:48,701
Worthless, amoral scum like you
make me want to puke,
88
00:03:48,767 --> 00:03:49,868
to blow chunks,
89
00:03:49,934 --> 00:03:51,868
to heave my guts
right here on
the carpet.
90
00:03:51,934 --> 00:03:53,033
You know, when I'm sick,
91
00:03:53,100 --> 00:03:55,000
I find that a good
old-fashioned tummy rub...
92
00:03:55,067 --> 00:03:56,133
Give me a reason.
93
00:03:56,200 --> 00:03:57,501
I work and slave
94
00:03:57,567 --> 00:04:00,133
to protect John Q. Public
from scam artists like you,
95
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,300
and what does it get me?
96
00:04:01,367 --> 00:04:03,467
Do I get any satisfaction
at all?
97
00:04:03,534 --> 00:04:07,801
Oh, sure, occasionally, I get
a little peppy in my questioning
98
00:04:07,868 --> 00:04:09,601
and then it's
"civil rights" this
99
00:04:09,667 --> 00:04:11,367
and "cruel and unusual" that.
100
00:04:12,901 --> 00:04:14,000
(nervous
gulp)
101
00:04:14,067 --> 00:04:15,667
Now, where was I?
102
00:04:15,734 --> 00:04:17,000
Oh, yes.
103
00:04:17,067 --> 00:04:18,834
It seems you owe us some unpaid
104
00:04:18,901 --> 00:04:20,334
taxes, Duckman.
105
00:04:20,400 --> 00:04:21,667
Well...
(nervous laugh)
106
00:04:21,734 --> 00:04:24,834
at least it can't be
a whole lot. I mean,
107
00:04:24,901 --> 00:04:26,901
how much could I
possibly owe?
108
00:04:26,968 --> 00:04:31,567
(Duckman screaming)
109
00:04:31,634 --> 00:04:35,400
$29,587.42!
110
00:04:35,467 --> 00:04:37,567
He gave you 24 hours
to repay it.
111
00:04:37,634 --> 00:04:40,901
Oh! Why didn't you say so?
112
00:04:40,968 --> 00:04:42,501
24 hours?
113
00:04:42,567 --> 00:04:43,868
Well, let's see.
114
00:04:43,934 --> 00:04:45,701
I earn $30,000 a day.
115
00:04:45,767 --> 00:04:48,267
DUCKMAN:
So... hey, you're right.
116
00:04:48,334 --> 00:04:49,801
My worries are over.
117
00:04:49,868 --> 00:04:51,200
Let's go shopping.
118
00:04:51,267 --> 00:04:52,868
You're aware that
while it affords one
119
00:04:52,934 --> 00:04:54,534
the momentary illusion
of satisfaction,
120
00:04:54,601 --> 00:04:56,767
the spewing of bile
is never a permanent solution?
121
00:04:56,834 --> 00:04:58,200
I don't have that kind of money.
122
00:04:58,267 --> 00:05:00,501
I have closer
to, uh... none.
123
00:05:02,267 --> 00:05:04,601
Wait a minute.
There is one place I can turn--
124
00:05:04,667 --> 00:05:06,634
my family.
Once I explain my situation
125
00:05:06,701 --> 00:05:09,200
they'll jump at the chance
to do what they can.
126
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,534
* Duckman's going to jail. *
127
00:05:11,601 --> 00:05:13,267
* Duckman's going to jail. *
128
00:05:13,334 --> 00:05:14,267
Bernice,
129
00:05:14,334 --> 00:05:15,367
I'm in real trouble here.
130
00:05:15,434 --> 00:05:16,934
You've got
some extra money, right?
131
00:05:17,033 --> 00:05:18,968
* I've got 50,000 *
132
00:05:19,033 --> 00:05:20,734
* Dollars in the bank *
133
00:05:20,801 --> 00:05:22,734
* You're not getting any *
134
00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:24,567
* Other men will rape you. *
135
00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:25,734
Fine. Be that way.
136
00:05:25,801 --> 00:05:27,634
I'll work my charm
on someone else,
137
00:05:27,701 --> 00:05:29,400
you lycra-clad,
cauldron-stirring,
138
00:05:29,467 --> 00:05:30,567
cackling old warthog!
139
00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:31,767
You sure?
140
00:05:31,834 --> 00:05:32,767
(door slams)
141
00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:34,133
And then winter came
142
00:05:34,200 --> 00:05:36,200
and the snow was thick and cold.
143
00:05:36,267 --> 00:05:38,934
And who do you think
was hungry as could be?
144
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:40,267
The grasshopper.
145
00:05:40,334 --> 00:05:41,934
We can't hear you.
146
00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:43,434
The grasshopper!
147
00:05:43,501 --> 00:05:45,701
That's right. He froze to death
on the ant's porch
148
00:05:45,767 --> 00:05:47,267
because he hadn't saved
his money.
149
00:05:47,334 --> 00:05:48,868
All right, enough.
I've had it.
150
00:05:48,934 --> 00:05:50,033
If I wanted a lecture
151
00:05:50,100 --> 00:05:52,067
about money, I could have waited
till Sunday
152
00:05:52,133 --> 00:05:54,067
and stolen
from the collection plate again.
153
00:05:54,133 --> 00:05:55,801
I never really did that.
154
00:05:55,868 --> 00:05:57,801
I was just getting change
for my dollar.
155
00:05:57,868 --> 00:06:00,133
Look, boys, you still
haven't answered my question.
156
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,467
Can you give me the money?
157
00:06:01,534 --> 00:06:02,734
Of course we can.
158
00:06:02,801 --> 00:06:03,400
You can!
159
00:06:03,467 --> 00:06:04,968
Yee-ha! Yippee!
160
00:06:05,033 --> 00:06:06,300
But we won't.
161
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,801
Yippee! Yi... huh?
162
00:06:07,868 --> 00:06:09,067
If we gave you
the money,
163
00:06:09,133 --> 00:06:10,467
we'd deprive you
of the rare opportunity
164
00:06:10,534 --> 00:06:13,901
to learn firsthand the value
of responsibility and frugality.
165
00:06:13,968 --> 00:06:15,734
I can't believe
what I'm hearing!
166
00:06:15,801 --> 00:06:19,901
To think in my time of need,
I'm turned away by my only sons
167
00:06:19,968 --> 00:06:21,801
who I love with all my...
168
00:06:21,868 --> 00:06:24,067
Dad, we're not
your only sons.
169
00:06:24,133 --> 00:06:25,334
Catch you later.
170
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,334
(pounding on door)
171
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:28,667
You never know.
172
00:06:28,734 --> 00:06:30,901
Maybe Ajax is more resourceful
than we realize.
173
00:06:30,968 --> 00:06:33,601
He might have figured out a way
to put a little money aside.
174
00:06:33,667 --> 00:06:34,601
(pulling door)
Ow!
175
00:06:34,667 --> 00:06:35,601
(pulling door)
Ow!
176
00:06:35,667 --> 00:06:36,767
(pulling door)
Ow!
177
00:06:36,834 --> 00:06:39,000
Step away from the door, son,
178
00:06:39,067 --> 00:06:40,501
then pull.
179
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,133
Thanks, Dad. You know,
I think I might be ready
180
00:06:43,200 --> 00:06:45,801
to tackle that whole
right and left thing next.
181
00:06:59,701 --> 00:07:00,634
(horn honks)
182
00:07:08,000 --> 00:07:10,934
(distant siren wailing)
183
00:07:24,601 --> 00:07:26,133
(belching)
184
00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:27,868
I've been looking
everywhere for you.
185
00:07:27,934 --> 00:07:29,300
You know you're not
supposed to donate blood
186
00:07:29,367 --> 00:07:30,634
more than once
every two months.
187
00:07:30,701 --> 00:07:31,901
I'm a bunny rabbit.
188
00:07:31,968 --> 00:07:33,234
Duckman, it's me.
189
00:07:33,300 --> 00:07:34,834
Auntie Em?
190
00:07:34,901 --> 00:07:37,033
Of course
I'm an excellent driver.
191
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:39,334
DUCKMAN:
What am I going to do, Corny?
192
00:07:39,400 --> 00:07:41,000
It's due today,
and I don't have the money.
193
00:07:41,067 --> 00:07:44,501
And I've tried everything
I can possibly try to get it.
194
00:07:50,634 --> 00:07:52,901
Well, everything
I want to try.
195
00:07:52,968 --> 00:07:53,667
BERNICE:
Duckman,
196
00:07:53,734 --> 00:07:55,033
I believe you've met
197
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,767
these normally deskbound but
somehow still virile gentlemen
198
00:07:57,834 --> 00:07:59,400
from the IRS.
199
00:07:59,467 --> 00:08:01,801
Yeah.
Yes... yes, I have.
200
00:08:01,868 --> 00:08:03,067
Hal, isn't it?
201
00:08:03,133 --> 00:08:04,601
Hank.
Hank, of course.
202
00:08:04,667 --> 00:08:06,334
My mother's name was Hank.
203
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,367
Listen, Hank,
about that little money matter--
204
00:08:09,434 --> 00:08:10,834
just a teensy little
indulgence--
205
00:08:10,901 --> 00:08:12,734
I'd say six more years,
a small business loan,
206
00:08:12,801 --> 00:08:13,767
favorable interest rates
207
00:08:13,834 --> 00:08:15,200
and a handful
of repeat customers,
208
00:08:15,267 --> 00:08:16,367
and we'll be well
on our way...
209
00:08:16,434 --> 00:08:18,667
Hands to the sky, Duckbreath.
210
00:08:18,734 --> 00:08:20,501
There's a cavity search
with your name on it.
211
00:08:22,734 --> 00:08:24,667
Seems like such a waste
to go to jail
212
00:08:24,734 --> 00:08:26,667
just for tax
evasion.
213
00:08:34,167 --> 00:08:35,200
DUCKMAN:
They're good, Corny.
214
00:08:35,267 --> 00:08:37,100
We've only been fugitives
for ten minutes.
215
00:08:37,167 --> 00:08:38,634
How come you're running?
216
00:08:38,701 --> 00:08:41,067
You'd give up everything
and go on the road
just to be with me?
217
00:08:41,133 --> 00:08:42,534
The notion
of civil disobedience,
218
00:08:42,601 --> 00:08:44,300
of striking a blow
against Big Brother
219
00:08:44,367 --> 00:08:45,801
has renewed the rebellious youth
in me,
220
00:08:45,868 --> 00:08:47,467
taking me back
to a time in my life
221
00:08:47,534 --> 00:08:49,467
when I had morals
that couldn't be swayed,
222
00:08:49,534 --> 00:08:51,133
ideals that couldn't
be corrupted
223
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,601
and a sense of self that
couldn't be compromised.
224
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,801
And last year I tried
to write off my HBO bill.
225
00:08:55,868 --> 00:08:58,067
(whirring and clattering)
226
00:09:00,968 --> 00:09:02,133
(groaning)
227
00:09:02,200 --> 00:09:03,234
Hey!
228
00:09:03,300 --> 00:09:05,501
There's the delinquent duck!
229
00:09:11,667 --> 00:09:13,100
Whoa!
230
00:09:13,167 --> 00:09:15,100
Watch it, jerk!
231
00:09:15,167 --> 00:09:16,934
Who you calling jerk--
232
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,033
you long-haired,
fat-bellied, goofy-tattooed
233
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,267
'60's throwback Village People
wannabe biker freak?
234
00:09:21,334 --> 00:09:22,434
(glass breaks)
235
00:09:22,501 --> 00:09:23,601
(gun cocks)
236
00:09:26,334 --> 00:09:27,501
(nervous chuckle)
237
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,334
Did... d-did I mention
that I-I'm a biker?
238
00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:33,501
Yeah, got the old Schwinn parked
right out front. Yeah.
239
00:09:33,567 --> 00:09:34,767
("Tequila" plays)
240
00:09:34,834 --> 00:09:36,334
Duckman,
maybe you should
241
00:09:36,400 --> 00:09:37,767
try distracting
them by doing
242
00:09:37,834 --> 00:09:39,167
what Pee-wee Jerman
did in that movie.
243
00:09:39,234 --> 00:09:41,567
First of all, I don't think
it's appropriate.
244
00:09:41,634 --> 00:09:43,501
Second, I'm not
really in the mood.
245
00:09:43,567 --> 00:09:46,033
Not that movie,
the movie he starred in.
246
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:47,734
Oh! I knew that.
247
00:09:53,934 --> 00:09:54,868
(glass breaks)
Uh...
248
00:09:54,934 --> 00:09:56,133
Tequila.
249
00:09:56,200 --> 00:09:57,267
(spitting)
250
00:09:59,968 --> 00:10:01,400
Wa-Wa-Wa-Wait a minute, fellas.
251
00:10:01,467 --> 00:10:03,000
Shouldn't you be out revving
your engines really loud
252
00:10:03,067 --> 00:10:04,501
while people
are trying to sleep
253
00:10:04,567 --> 00:10:05,834
or weaving in and out of traffic
254
00:10:05,901 --> 00:10:07,834
with complete disregard
for the safety of others
255
00:10:07,901 --> 00:10:09,834
or beating up hippies
at a free rock concert?
256
00:10:09,901 --> 00:10:11,234
I mean, I've got enough problems
257
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:13,033
running from the IRS
'cause I don't pay my taxes
258
00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:14,501
without you guys
tying me up
259
00:10:14,567 --> 00:10:15,868
and making me squeal like a pig.
260
00:10:15,934 --> 00:10:17,534
No offense, Corny.
261
00:10:17,601 --> 00:10:19,000
Wait a minute
What did you say?
262
00:10:19,067 --> 00:10:20,634
Squeal like a pig.
It's a crude reference
263
00:10:20,701 --> 00:10:22,167
to the scene in Deliverance
where they...
264
00:10:22,234 --> 00:10:24,167
ALL:
He's a tax evader.
265
00:10:24,234 --> 00:10:25,868
What are you going to do to me?
266
00:10:25,934 --> 00:10:28,334
There's only one way
you're getting
out of here--
267
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,067
with our help.
268
00:10:32,501 --> 00:10:34,434
* *
269
00:10:46,434 --> 00:10:49,367
Ah... eh... ooh!
270
00:10:56,968 --> 00:11:01,734
(crickets chirping)
271
00:11:01,801 --> 00:11:04,267
(chirping louder)
272
00:11:04,334 --> 00:11:05,601
(chirping stops)
273
00:11:05,667 --> 00:11:07,634
Sorry. Just trying
to add some atmosphere.
274
00:11:07,701 --> 00:11:10,801
You know, Corny, I kind of like
lying out here-- open air,
275
00:11:10,868 --> 00:11:13,234
a bed of pine needles,
communing with nature.
276
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:15,200
There's a tiny spider
on your neck.
277
00:11:15,267 --> 00:11:16,934
Where?! Get it off!
Get it off!
278
00:11:25,734 --> 00:11:27,601
Wild guess-- you never
made it to Eagle Scout.
279
00:11:27,667 --> 00:11:29,367
Nah. Never had time
for that sissy stuff.
280
00:11:29,434 --> 00:11:32,467
All I ever wanted to be
as a kid was a millionaire.
281
00:11:32,534 --> 00:11:34,667
Did I ever tell you
my dad's last words to me?
282
00:11:34,734 --> 00:11:36,934
Mm-hmm-- "Careful, son,
I don't think the safety's on."
283
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,367
Before that!
284
00:11:38,434 --> 00:11:40,033
He said, "Duckboy,
you live in a country
285
00:11:40,100 --> 00:11:42,367
"that doesn't value kindness,
hard work or intelligence,
286
00:11:42,434 --> 00:11:45,767
"but rewards people for lying,
cheating and backstabbing.
287
00:11:45,834 --> 00:11:47,567
Take advantage of that."
288
00:11:47,634 --> 00:11:48,567
(sniffling)
289
00:11:48,634 --> 00:11:49,767
God, I miss the old guy.
290
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,667
Makes me think
about my own kids.
291
00:11:51,734 --> 00:11:53,100
I wish I could see them.
292
00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:55,100
They must be miserable
without me.
293
00:11:55,167 --> 00:11:57,400
Sounds like,
um, puppet.
294
00:11:57,467 --> 00:11:59,434
Satan?
AJAX:
Lassie?
295
00:11:59,501 --> 00:12:02,167
ALL:
The Muppets Take Manhattan!
296
00:12:02,234 --> 00:12:04,334
(raucous laughter)
297
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,000
We never had
fun like this
298
00:12:06,067 --> 00:12:07,934
with, uh, uh, uh,
what's his name?
299
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:08,934
Dad.
300
00:12:09,000 --> 00:12:10,267
When Dad's around.
301
00:12:10,334 --> 00:12:12,501
So, Hank, how long
302
00:12:12,567 --> 00:12:14,567
you rugged protectors
of the people
303
00:12:14,634 --> 00:12:16,567
gonna be creating
a manly presence
304
00:12:16,634 --> 00:12:20,300
in our modest, yet-comfortable-
even-for-your-size home?
305
00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:22,567
Until Duckman calls
and we can trace it.
306
00:12:22,634 --> 00:12:24,300
Could be several days
307
00:12:24,367 --> 00:12:27,367
and, of course,
several nights.
308
00:12:27,434 --> 00:12:29,934
(seductively):
Mm-hmm. Mmm.
309
00:12:30,000 --> 00:12:31,300
(engine sputtering)
310
00:12:31,367 --> 00:12:32,801
(yelling)
311
00:12:32,868 --> 00:12:34,434
(engine dying)
312
00:12:34,501 --> 00:12:36,100
(metal clanging)
313
00:12:37,434 --> 00:12:39,868
That cheap American-made
piece of buffalo droppings!
314
00:12:39,934 --> 00:12:41,300
What's wrong with this thing?
315
00:12:41,367 --> 00:12:43,934
You bought those fuzzy dice
instead of gas.
316
00:12:44,000 --> 00:12:46,801
(engine roaring)
317
00:12:46,868 --> 00:12:48,300
(tires squealing)
318
00:12:49,367 --> 00:12:50,701
Well, I'll be.
319
00:12:50,767 --> 00:12:52,934
Are you Cornfed Pig?
320
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,400
Johnny MacDougle?
321
00:12:54,467 --> 00:12:56,167
U.S. hurdling team,
'84 Olympics?
322
00:12:56,234 --> 00:12:57,367
It's me, Corny--
323
00:12:57,434 --> 00:13:00,300
only I've changed
my name to "Harmony."
324
00:13:00,367 --> 00:13:02,667
I live on a commune
a few miles down the road.
325
00:13:02,734 --> 00:13:05,067
Hop in. I'll give
you guys a lift.
326
00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:08,634
All aboard
the Flako Express.
327
00:13:08,701 --> 00:13:11,167
* Wa, wa, wa, wa. *
328
00:13:11,234 --> 00:13:14,167
* La, la, la, la, la, la, la *
329
00:13:14,234 --> 00:13:15,734
* La, la, la, la, la, la... *
330
00:13:15,801 --> 00:13:20,234
I'll take "rock stars who choked
on their own vomit" for 40, Bob.
331
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,000
The commune operates on
a clothing optional basis.
332
00:13:23,067 --> 00:13:24,701
We feel that clothes
are merely chains
333
00:13:24,767 --> 00:13:26,501
by which we're fettered
to the system.
334
00:13:26,567 --> 00:13:27,934
Hey, no skin off my bill.
335
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:29,100
I was born naked,
336
00:13:29,167 --> 00:13:31,801
but my partner here
is kind of modest.
337
00:13:31,868 --> 00:13:33,133
Am not.
338
00:13:33,200 --> 00:13:34,634
Nakedness
liberates the spirit
339
00:13:34,701 --> 00:13:36,033
and breaks down
the barriers.
340
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:38,467
You see, here on the commune,
we all love each other.
341
00:13:38,534 --> 00:13:40,868
What time does that start?
342
00:13:40,934 --> 00:13:42,267
Whaa!
343
00:13:42,334 --> 00:13:43,300
Whoa!
344
00:13:43,367 --> 00:13:45,200
(groaning)
345
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:50,534
DUCKMAN: I can't believe
they shared their girlfriends
with us, Corny.
346
00:13:50,601 --> 00:13:53,234
I just spent the night with
the sexiest, most insatiable,
347
00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:54,801
voluptuous, adventurous,
348
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:56,801
least inhibited woman
I've ever met.
349
00:13:56,868 --> 00:13:59,534
If she didn't suddenly get
a headache, whoo-hoo!
350
00:13:59,601 --> 00:14:01,734
there's no telling
what wild and tawdry escapades
351
00:14:01,801 --> 00:14:02,968
we might have experienced.
352
00:14:03,033 --> 00:14:04,968
How was your night?
353
00:14:05,033 --> 00:14:06,634
Like yours
minus the headache.
354
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:11,367
(phone ringing)
355
00:14:11,434 --> 00:14:12,367
Hello?
356
00:14:12,434 --> 00:14:14,701
Oh! Thank God you called.
357
00:14:14,767 --> 00:14:16,501
We've been so worried.
358
00:14:16,567 --> 00:14:17,834
(whispering):
It's him.
359
00:14:17,901 --> 00:14:19,467
How are you?
360
00:14:20,501 --> 00:14:21,534
BERNICE:
Uh-huh?
361
00:14:21,601 --> 00:14:23,434
Uh-huh.
362
00:14:23,501 --> 00:14:25,868
My God! How do you
get your pants on?
363
00:14:25,934 --> 00:14:27,701
I mean stretch out
the phone call.
364
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:30,367
Oh, of course. Ahem.
365
00:14:30,434 --> 00:14:33,133
So, uh, Duckman,
(laughs)
366
00:14:33,200 --> 00:14:37,100
read any good books lately?
367
00:14:37,167 --> 00:14:39,634
BERNICE (on phone):
Uh, well, what's that one about?
368
00:14:39,701 --> 00:14:42,133
Ugh! With her own sisters?
369
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,267
Oh, my God!
370
00:14:44,334 --> 00:14:45,701
Of course the boys
371
00:14:45,767 --> 00:14:47,100
miss you like crazy.
372
00:14:47,167 --> 00:14:48,434
Hang on. I'll put them on.
373
00:14:48,501 --> 00:14:50,701
Boys, it's your father!
374
00:14:50,767 --> 00:14:52,334
(boys imitating gunfire)
375
00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,167
Bang! Gotcha!
376
00:14:54,234 --> 00:14:55,667
DUCKMAN:
No, no, no, don't wake them.
377
00:14:55,734 --> 00:14:57,367
Just tell them... well,
tell them that I love them,
378
00:14:57,434 --> 00:14:59,534
and I'll be home
as soon as I can.
379
00:14:59,601 --> 00:15:00,534
Take care, Bernice.
380
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:03,367
Got him.
381
00:15:09,767 --> 00:15:12,467
Water! Water!
382
00:15:12,534 --> 00:15:13,968
Water, water.
383
00:15:14,033 --> 00:15:15,767
I guess I shouldn't
have left the bikes unattended
384
00:15:15,834 --> 00:15:16,968
with the keys still in them
385
00:15:17,033 --> 00:15:18,934
when we stopped for food
by that chain gang.
386
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:20,434
Hindsight's always 20/20.
387
00:15:21,801 --> 00:15:23,734
(native drumming)
388
00:15:24,467 --> 00:15:26,067
(power dies)
389
00:15:26,133 --> 00:15:27,267
Damn eight-track!
390
00:15:27,334 --> 00:15:29,000
Thirsty?
391
00:15:29,067 --> 00:15:31,834
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
Oh, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
392
00:15:31,901 --> 00:15:33,601
Me, too. Wishum I had water.
393
00:15:34,834 --> 00:15:36,000
Only kidding.
394
00:15:36,067 --> 00:15:37,167
You like Indian sense of humor?
395
00:15:37,234 --> 00:15:38,601
(horse neighing)
396
00:15:40,801 --> 00:15:42,601
I ride many suns, many moons.
397
00:15:42,667 --> 00:15:44,601
Horse die. Had to stop.
398
00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:45,767
Bought new horse.
399
00:15:45,834 --> 00:15:47,133
Bought additional
insurance package,
400
00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:48,334
although big rip-off.
401
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:49,534
Will know better next time.
402
00:15:49,601 --> 00:15:51,367
But wait, only so much water.
403
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:53,267
You not drink all.
404
00:15:53,334 --> 00:15:54,267
(slurping)
405
00:15:54,334 --> 00:15:55,534
Ah!
406
00:15:55,601 --> 00:15:57,767
Thanks loads. Anything else?
407
00:15:57,834 --> 00:15:59,601
Food! Food, food, food!
What you got to eat?
408
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:00,567
Hmm...
409
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:08,968
Here. Ancient medicine.
410
00:16:09,033 --> 00:16:10,934
Guaranteed to take
appetite away.
411
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,901
What a pair of maroons.
412
00:16:17,501 --> 00:16:21,200
Wow, Corny, he wasn't kidding
about this stuff. I'm dizzy.
413
00:16:21,267 --> 00:16:22,868
Things are looking different.
414
00:16:22,934 --> 00:16:25,067
How long has your skin
been transparent?
415
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:26,868
Sounds like it's having
a hallucinogenic effect--
416
00:16:26,934 --> 00:16:29,133
not like a drug,
which is harmful and wrong
417
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:30,601
and just say no, kids--
418
00:16:30,667 --> 00:16:31,834
but spacey nonetheless.
419
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:37,133
(mellow psychedelic rock
playing)
420
00:17:02,567 --> 00:17:04,300
Cornfed, I had a vision.
421
00:17:04,367 --> 00:17:08,033
Every evil has been the result
of insane, selfish greed.
422
00:17:08,100 --> 00:17:09,033
Well, duh!
423
00:17:09,100 --> 00:17:11,167
It's not about money and power
424
00:17:11,234 --> 00:17:12,834
and material possessions.
425
00:17:12,901 --> 00:17:16,834
For the first time in my life,
I feel truly free
426
00:17:16,901 --> 00:17:18,601
and in touch with the universe.
427
00:17:18,667 --> 00:17:20,000
Everything is one:
428
00:17:20,067 --> 00:17:24,767
the sky, the soil, this rock
and me.
429
00:17:24,834 --> 00:17:26,601
Cornfed, from now on,
430
00:17:26,667 --> 00:17:29,200
I'll live my life
in peace and harmony
431
00:17:29,267 --> 00:17:32,033
with all the little critters
of the world.
432
00:17:32,100 --> 00:17:33,734
(cackles)
433
00:17:33,801 --> 00:17:35,234
(chopper blades whirring)
434
00:17:38,167 --> 00:17:40,100
This is the IRS!
435
00:17:40,167 --> 00:17:43,000
Throw out your wallets
and surrender.
436
00:17:43,067 --> 00:17:44,968
What? Oh.
437
00:17:45,033 --> 00:17:48,100
Don't move.
Henderson lost a contact.
438
00:17:48,167 --> 00:17:49,234
Oh, look at them.
439
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:50,701
Aren't they beautiful?
440
00:17:50,767 --> 00:17:52,968
I'm going to talk
to them, Cornfed.
441
00:17:53,033 --> 00:17:55,534
The power of truth
is stronger than any government.
442
00:17:55,601 --> 00:17:58,634
I'm sure they'll see
the error of their ways.
443
00:17:58,701 --> 00:17:59,734
(screaming)
444
00:18:00,834 --> 00:18:02,000
(screaming)
445
00:18:04,767 --> 00:18:07,300
Hold this and don't move.
446
00:18:07,367 --> 00:18:08,801
AGENT DENNEHY:
Where did they go?
447
00:18:08,868 --> 00:18:10,968
There's nothing down there
but a couple of trees.
448
00:18:11,033 --> 00:18:14,133
Cupcake, Pound Cake, Bundt Cake,
this is Betty Crocker.
449
00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,367
The Souffl� has fallen.
450
00:18:15,434 --> 00:18:16,701
Return to kitchen.
451
00:18:16,767 --> 00:18:19,133
This isn't over, Duckman.
452
00:18:21,667 --> 00:18:23,100
That was close.
We need to lay low.
453
00:18:23,167 --> 00:18:24,734
I saw some telephone poles.
454
00:18:24,801 --> 00:18:26,901
We'll just follow the lines till
we come to the next town.
455
00:18:26,968 --> 00:18:28,934
With any luck, it'll be some
little fly speck on the map
456
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,033
that the IRS
never even heard of.
457
00:18:35,467 --> 00:18:39,501
DUCKMAN:
Oh, look at this pagan shrine
to excess and greed.
458
00:18:41,267 --> 00:18:43,667
It's sad to see people
waste away their lives
459
00:18:43,734 --> 00:18:44,934
in a place like this.
460
00:18:45,000 --> 00:18:47,200
Hey, isn't that the guy
who owes over 29,000
461
00:18:47,267 --> 00:18:48,634
in back taxes?
462
00:18:48,701 --> 00:18:51,200
Yeah. who'd be stupid enough
to come to an IRS convention
463
00:18:51,267 --> 00:18:53,634
if he owed
that much money?
464
00:18:53,701 --> 00:18:54,767
(both laugh)
465
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:55,901
Hey!
466
00:19:04,434 --> 00:19:05,501
You could have picked
a nail polish
467
00:19:06,300 --> 00:19:07,767
that went
with your top.
468
00:19:07,834 --> 00:19:10,167
Just try not to call any more
attention to yourself.
469
00:19:10,234 --> 00:19:11,501
I'll go win us our freedom.
470
00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:13,534
Money won't make you free!
(door closes)
471
00:19:13,601 --> 00:19:14,534
Fight the system!
472
00:19:14,601 --> 00:19:15,868
Liberate yourself.
473
00:19:15,934 --> 00:19:16,868
Whoo-hoo!
474
00:19:18,534 --> 00:19:21,033
Play it.
Papa needs a new set of pumps.
475
00:19:21,100 --> 00:19:22,734
Seven! A winner!
476
00:19:26,200 --> 00:19:27,968
Back it up. Press the six,
40 on the hard eight,
477
00:19:28,033 --> 00:19:30,334
50 on boxcars and 20 your way
478
00:19:30,400 --> 00:19:32,067
if you tell me
where you got the lace camisole.
479
00:19:35,601 --> 00:19:37,534
Mmm, a gum ball.
480
00:19:37,601 --> 00:19:38,834
How fortuitous.
481
00:19:45,634 --> 00:19:47,667
Charles, Mambo, Ajax!
482
00:19:47,734 --> 00:19:48,734
What are you doing here?
483
00:19:48,801 --> 00:19:49,901
I missed you guys.
484
00:19:49,968 --> 00:19:51,734
Hi, Dad.
Nice dress.
485
00:19:51,801 --> 00:19:52,567
Dad's here?
486
00:19:52,634 --> 00:19:53,734
You came all the way here
487
00:19:53,801 --> 00:19:54,834
to find me.
488
00:19:54,901 --> 00:19:56,234
I never thought
you'd be so concerned.
489
00:19:56,300 --> 00:19:58,901
We're not,
you cross-dressing sewer rat.
490
00:19:58,968 --> 00:20:01,901
Agent Dennehy invited us
to the convention.
491
00:20:01,968 --> 00:20:04,234
And by the way,
you look awful in fuchsia.
492
00:20:04,300 --> 00:20:06,434
Well, well, Duckman.
493
00:20:06,501 --> 00:20:09,501
This is a bigger jackpot
than I could've hoped for.
494
00:20:09,567 --> 00:20:11,133
Do with me what you will,
495
00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,801
for it matters not
where I end up.
496
00:20:12,868 --> 00:20:16,901
I need only myself
and my beliefs to be free.
497
00:20:16,968 --> 00:20:17,734
Whoa!
498
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:18,767
Who'd have thought
499
00:20:18,834 --> 00:20:20,100
he's a man of principle?
500
00:20:20,167 --> 00:20:20,934
Or a woman.
501
00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:22,367
Save it, duck feathers.
502
00:20:22,434 --> 00:20:24,100
You're off to
the big pond.
503
00:20:24,167 --> 00:20:25,767
Not so fast, Dennehy.
504
00:20:25,834 --> 00:20:27,200
CORNFED:
I've got the money
Duckman owes.
505
00:20:27,267 --> 00:20:28,868
Here it is.
506
00:20:28,934 --> 00:20:30,701
29,000 and change.
507
00:20:30,767 --> 00:20:32,968
And here's the tax
on my HBO write-off.
508
00:20:33,033 --> 00:20:34,200
What are you talking about?
509
00:20:34,267 --> 00:20:35,601
Uh, nothing.
510
00:20:35,667 --> 00:20:36,934
I think I'll get back
to the table
511
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:38,100
while the dice are hot.
512
00:20:38,167 --> 00:20:39,767
Come on!
Let's go watch.
513
00:20:39,834 --> 00:20:41,834
Well, aren't you coming home,
Dad?
514
00:20:41,901 --> 00:20:44,267
Guess you're
free to go, Duckman.
515
00:20:44,334 --> 00:20:45,767
But it's only
a matter of time
516
00:20:45,834 --> 00:20:49,267
before you abuse the accelerated
depreciation tax.
517
00:20:49,334 --> 00:20:51,133
Your kind always does.
518
00:20:52,534 --> 00:20:54,067
Ooh, wait for me, Hank!
519
00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:57,300
We can't let a paid-for
hotel room go to waste.
520
00:20:57,367 --> 00:20:58,667
Wait a minute. Come back!
521
00:20:58,734 --> 00:21:01,934
I'd rather go to jail
than buy my way out.
522
00:21:02,000 --> 00:21:03,667
Don't you people understand?
523
00:21:03,734 --> 00:21:06,434
I'm not beholden to money
anymore.
524
00:21:06,501 --> 00:21:09,634
Greed and material possessions
mean nothing to me.
525
00:21:09,701 --> 00:21:12,601
I'll never again
compromise my ideals
526
00:21:12,667 --> 00:21:15,467
in the name
of the almighty dollar.
527
00:21:16,701 --> 00:21:17,868
Pardon me, miss.
528
00:21:17,934 --> 00:21:19,734
I find you irresistible.
529
00:21:19,801 --> 00:21:22,400
I'll give you a million dollars
to sleep with me.
36646
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