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1
00:00:15,084 --> 00:00:17,244
- Aaargh!
- Argh!
2
00:00:24,684 --> 00:00:27,604
Sorry. Great tackle though, wasn't it?
3
00:00:27,604 --> 00:00:29,364
Actually it was a foul.
4
00:00:29,364 --> 00:00:35,004
- You tackled me around the neck.
- Oh. I'll never make the rugby team.
5
00:00:35,004 --> 00:00:38,524
I'm surprised your dad's allowing you to take part.
6
00:00:38,524 --> 00:00:41,804
Hello?! Favourite child? Son and heir?
7
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You haven't asked him yet, have you?
8
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I'm waiting for the right moment.
9
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This probably isn't it.
10
00:00:49,404 --> 00:00:53,284
I thought a mob of peasants was breaking in to the castle!
11
00:00:53,284 --> 00:00:55,084
What's with all the noise?
12
00:00:55,084 --> 00:00:59,404
- Master Vladimir wants to play a game with the breathers.
- Ssh.
13
00:00:59,404 --> 00:01:03,964
Oh, a "see who can get the most villagers on a spike" kind of a game?
14
00:01:03,964 --> 00:01:07,084
No, Dad, it's called rugby.
15
00:01:08,484 --> 00:01:11,364
"The rugby players huddle together,
16
00:01:11,364 --> 00:01:13,404
"toss the ball around,
17
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"and pat each other on the back for being good sports.
18
00:01:17,404 --> 00:01:18,764
Good sports?
19
00:01:18,764 --> 00:01:23,284
I didn't impale half of Wallachia so you could be "a good sport".
20
00:01:23,284 --> 00:01:25,764
But all the other boys play rugby.
21
00:01:25,764 --> 00:01:29,324
- Oh, please let me try out for the team?
- No.
22
00:01:29,324 --> 00:01:33,484
- You mustn't play with food - it spoils your appetite.
- Please?
23
00:01:33,484 --> 00:01:36,724
Please, please, please please, please...
24
00:01:36,724 --> 00:01:38,844
No, no, no, no, no.
25
00:01:40,684 --> 00:01:42,244
This is not happening!
26
00:01:42,244 --> 00:01:46,804
- It's no good. Does he look like a rugby player to you?
- Thanks, Chloe.
27
00:01:46,804 --> 00:01:49,644
- I think.
- You know, if he took off the cloak
28
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and got a bit of sun on his face, he might look normal.
29
00:01:53,004 --> 00:01:55,404
Er, hello? I'm right here, Dad!
30
00:01:55,404 --> 00:01:58,564
We're sorry, love, it's only because we care.
31
00:01:58,564 --> 00:02:01,804
- You want me to get my teeth knocked out?
- Come on.
32
00:02:01,804 --> 00:02:03,404
You'll learn to love it.
33
00:02:03,404 --> 00:02:06,324
- You're a Branagh.
- Read my lips.
34
00:02:06,324 --> 00:02:08,724
- N O way.
- This is not up for discussion.
35
00:02:08,724 --> 00:02:12,244
You're playing rugby and that's final.
36
00:02:12,244 --> 00:02:14,204
Hey, cool rugby top!
37
00:02:14,204 --> 00:02:17,444
No, it's not cool. My parents made me wear it.
38
00:02:17,444 --> 00:02:21,804
I've to try out for rugby. They want me to join in and look normal.
39
00:02:21,804 --> 00:02:26,004
Barbarians! Forcing their child to turn against his nature.
40
00:02:26,004 --> 00:02:29,924
A boy should follow the desires pulsing in his heart.
41
00:02:29,924 --> 00:02:33,164
Exactly! So can I play rugby, Dad, please?
42
00:02:33,164 --> 00:02:35,364
- Absolutely not.
- Are you mad?
43
00:02:35,364 --> 00:02:39,364
- Rugby's a horrible, brutal sport.
- It is?
44
00:02:39,364 --> 00:02:43,524
The teachers encourage the players to push each other in the mud!
45
00:02:43,524 --> 00:02:46,484
They huddle up close and push the other team
46
00:02:46,484 --> 00:02:50,484
- and stamp on their heads.
- And Vladimir wants to partake?
47
00:02:50,484 --> 00:02:55,484
- Well, why didn't you tell me before?
- I did... Wait, I can play?
48
00:02:55,484 --> 00:02:57,884
Of course you can! I'm proud of you.
49
00:02:57,884 --> 00:03:02,124
- At last, an interest in violence and cruelty.
- I'm violent and cruel.
50
00:03:02,124 --> 00:03:03,844
- Look.
- Ow!
51
00:03:03,844 --> 00:03:08,924
- Of course. There's something very important you've overlooked.
- What?
52
00:03:08,924 --> 00:03:11,844
It's Vlad that I'm interested in.
53
00:03:11,844 --> 00:03:16,444
Finally you're going to bring glory to the family name!
54
00:03:16,444 --> 00:03:19,684
Whoa, Dad, slow down. I may not get picked.
55
00:03:19,684 --> 00:03:21,724
You shall triumph with my help.
56
00:03:21,724 --> 00:03:24,844
I'll teach you vampire tricks that never fail.
57
00:03:24,844 --> 00:03:27,044
Yes! I can't wait.
58
00:03:27,044 --> 00:03:30,604
Ingrid! When will you accept that you're a girl?
59
00:03:30,604 --> 00:03:35,324
You don't need to learn any tricks. Now go bother yourself with...
60
00:03:35,324 --> 00:03:38,924
I don't know. Dusting skulls, coffins, whatever.
61
00:03:38,924 --> 00:03:43,404
- You can't ignore me for the rest of my life.
- Uh, yes, I can. And I will.
62
00:03:43,404 --> 00:03:45,924
One day your husband will ignore you.
63
00:03:45,924 --> 00:03:49,164
We've been over this. I don't need a husband.
64
00:03:49,164 --> 00:03:52,044
You do. Someone has to tell you what to do.
65
00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:57,164
Are you saying that once I'm married you won't tell me what to do?
66
00:03:57,164 --> 00:03:59,684
I won't even have to talk to you.
67
00:03:59,684 --> 00:04:03,324
Fine. I'll go and get myself a husband then!
68
00:04:08,764 --> 00:04:11,764
And you're getting that fixed, young lady!
69
00:04:11,764 --> 00:04:14,484
DOOR SLAMS Ah...
70
00:04:14,484 --> 00:04:18,004
VIOLINIST PLAYS CLASSICAL MUSIC
71
00:04:32,884 --> 00:04:37,284
What delusion of grandeur made you think I would pick you?!
72
00:04:37,284 --> 00:04:40,044
You're pathetic, talent-less
73
00:04:40,044 --> 00:04:44,324
- and your blood type doesn't go with anything!
- Next!
74
00:04:45,604 --> 00:04:49,524
- Urgh! His hairline is all wrong.
- Next.
75
00:04:49,524 --> 00:04:54,484
Branagh, Ian Branagh. Licensed to thrill. I have entitled this poem
76
00:04:54,484 --> 00:04:56,244
An Ode to Ingrid.
77
00:04:58,004 --> 00:04:59,724
CLEARS THROAT
78
00:04:59,724 --> 00:05:03,884
I wandered lonely as a dog, that hasn't found its owner yet.
79
00:05:03,884 --> 00:05:07,644
When all at once, I saw Ingrid, and I knew she'd want a pet.
80
00:05:07,644 --> 00:05:11,084
Grovelling. Pathetic.
81
00:05:11,084 --> 00:05:12,644
I kind of like that.
82
00:05:12,644 --> 00:05:15,684
- Write his name down.
- Move on loser.
83
00:05:15,684 --> 00:05:17,764
It's time for rock.
84
00:05:17,764 --> 00:05:23,564
It's all about Ingrid it's all about Ingrid baby!
85
00:05:23,564 --> 00:05:26,564
- Great(!) More wailing.
- # It's all about Ingrid
86
00:05:26,564 --> 00:05:29,924
It's all about Ingrid.
87
00:05:29,924 --> 00:05:31,844
Yeah!
88
00:05:31,844 --> 00:05:35,884
So when's the good bit? Oh, write his name down.
89
00:05:35,884 --> 00:05:39,204
- He's as ugly as the other one.
- Next.
90
00:05:39,204 --> 00:05:40,924
Wait!
91
00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:44,204
Are either of you any good at carpentry?
92
00:05:44,204 --> 00:05:48,644
- Why?
- I broke a table at the castle and someone needs to fix it.
93
00:05:48,644 --> 00:05:52,404
I'm ace at woodwork!
94
00:05:52,404 --> 00:05:54,964
Well, quite talented.
95
00:05:54,964 --> 00:05:57,204
Average-ish.
96
00:05:57,204 --> 00:05:59,844
- OK, I'm pants.
- Next!
97
00:05:59,844 --> 00:06:03,404
Hi, Ingrid, I know someone who can...
98
00:06:03,404 --> 00:06:05,564
I've told you a million times.
99
00:06:05,564 --> 00:06:09,164
I am never, ever going to go out with you.
100
00:06:09,164 --> 00:06:11,724
SCHOOLBOYS CHUCKLE
101
00:06:13,644 --> 00:06:16,524
Now, into the centre. Well, go on!
102
00:06:19,364 --> 00:06:21,724
Right, repeat it back to me.
103
00:06:21,724 --> 00:06:27,084
- I must not bite ears, kick shins or elbow other players...
- Until?
104
00:06:27,084 --> 00:06:30,884
- Until the referee can't see me.
- Now we're talking rugby!
105
00:06:30,884 --> 00:06:33,164
- But it's cheating.
- Isn't it fun?
106
00:06:33,164 --> 00:06:35,444
Let's try some offensive play.
107
00:06:35,444 --> 00:06:39,724
I'll tackle... Renfield! You two,
108
00:06:39,724 --> 00:06:42,324
- try and block me.
- Tackle me?
109
00:06:42,324 --> 00:06:43,644
Ready?
110
00:06:43,644 --> 00:06:45,284
One,
111
00:06:45,284 --> 00:06:46,924
two,
112
00:06:46,924 --> 00:06:49,084
three...
113
00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:50,164
Go!
114
00:06:50,164 --> 00:06:52,044
Mummy!
115
00:06:52,044 --> 00:06:56,644
RENFIELD WHIMPERS AND SHRIEKS
116
00:06:56,644 --> 00:06:57,684
THUD!
117
00:06:57,684 --> 00:07:01,524
"For the dead travel fast", as they say in my homeland.
118
00:07:01,524 --> 00:07:05,164
I know, I know, I make it look so easy.
119
00:07:05,164 --> 00:07:07,084
That was brilliant!
120
00:07:07,084 --> 00:07:09,444
I thought you didn't like rugby?
121
00:07:09,444 --> 00:07:11,404
I don't, but this is evil.
122
00:07:18,404 --> 00:07:20,564
What are you doing?
123
00:07:20,564 --> 00:07:23,964
I'll snap that parasitic vampire in action
124
00:07:23,964 --> 00:07:26,764
and show the pictures to the world.
125
00:07:26,764 --> 00:07:29,484
Dad, vampires don't exist.
126
00:07:29,484 --> 00:07:33,324
Don't exist?! There's one in this very town, Jonathan!
127
00:07:33,324 --> 00:07:36,284
He wears a cloak. He lives in a castle.
128
00:07:36,284 --> 00:07:38,084
What proof do you need?!
129
00:07:38,084 --> 00:07:40,204
Now, where's my dynamite.
130
00:07:40,204 --> 00:07:43,804
- Dynamite?!
- I've got to get into the castle somehow.
131
00:07:43,804 --> 00:07:46,484
Great plan, Dad(!) Very undercover.
132
00:07:46,484 --> 00:07:50,124
- No-one will notice a massive explosion(!)
- Trust me.
133
00:07:50,124 --> 00:07:54,444
I've been doing this a long time. Dynamite has never let me down.
134
00:07:54,444 --> 00:07:56,324
You won't need dynamite.
135
00:07:56,324 --> 00:08:00,324
Ingrid broke a table. They need a carpenter. You could mend it.
136
00:08:00,324 --> 00:08:02,284
Jonathan?
137
00:08:05,844 --> 00:08:08,404
Is it really you speaking?!
138
00:08:08,404 --> 00:08:11,604
I'm proud of you, my boy!
139
00:08:11,604 --> 00:08:14,724
We'll make a vampire slayer of you yet!
140
00:08:15,804 --> 00:08:20,964
Right, Vlad, now it's your turn. Renfield, stand over there. Renfield!
141
00:08:20,964 --> 00:08:23,764
Mess yaster?
142
00:08:23,764 --> 00:08:26,444
Try to stop Vlad from getting past you.
143
00:08:29,164 --> 00:08:32,484
Now, Vlad, to the attack!
144
00:08:34,044 --> 00:08:38,004
No-one gets past Renfield the Repulsive!
145
00:08:38,004 --> 00:08:42,684
- It's useless. I'll never get on the team.
- Of course you will!
146
00:08:42,684 --> 00:08:47,244
- What's wrong with him?
- He needs a thirst for it, Your Evilness.
147
00:08:47,244 --> 00:08:49,764
Ah, thirst to succeed.
148
00:08:49,764 --> 00:08:54,204
Come to think of it, all this violent exercise has given me a thirst.
149
00:08:54,204 --> 00:08:58,884
- Whoops.
- Vlad, your dad's got that funny look in his eyes again.
150
00:08:58,884 --> 00:09:01,604
Garrr! Don't worry.
151
00:09:01,604 --> 00:09:05,244
- You won't feel a thing. Not after you're dead.
- Vlad!
152
00:09:05,244 --> 00:09:07,164
Dad, stop!
153
00:09:07,164 --> 00:09:11,684
- Friends are not food, remember?
- There, I knew you could do it!
154
00:09:14,204 --> 00:09:16,684
What?! Was all that a trick?
155
00:09:18,324 --> 00:09:19,884
Ha ha ha.
156
00:09:19,884 --> 00:09:21,884
Of course a trick.
157
00:09:21,884 --> 00:09:23,804
Very funny.
158
00:09:23,804 --> 00:09:26,444
- How could you?
- Just proving a point.
159
00:09:26,444 --> 00:09:32,604
- You can use your powers when you want to!
- I didn't use any powers.
160
00:09:32,604 --> 00:09:38,004
- How did you pass Renfield the Repulsive?
- With a well-aimed tackle.
161
00:09:38,004 --> 00:09:43,644
Oh, I'm proud of you my son. What a vampire I'll make of you yet!
162
00:09:46,244 --> 00:09:48,644
No, no.
163
00:09:48,644 --> 00:09:50,644
- Don't pass it to me.
- Robin?
164
00:09:51,884 --> 00:09:54,444
Robin, wake up.
165
00:09:54,444 --> 00:09:55,764
Argh!
166
00:09:55,764 --> 00:09:57,684
Wake up.
167
00:09:57,684 --> 00:10:02,364
- I've just had a terrible nightmare. I was playing rugby...
- And?
168
00:10:02,364 --> 00:10:06,084
No, that's it. Help me get out of the trials, please.
169
00:10:06,084 --> 00:10:08,764
I might have one idea that might help.
170
00:10:08,764 --> 00:10:11,124
Thanks, Chloe, you're a genius.
171
00:10:11,124 --> 00:10:15,044
A child prodigy actually but let's not split hairs.
172
00:10:16,364 --> 00:10:20,804
Remember, the pride of our house is your pride.
173
00:10:20,804 --> 00:10:26,404
Our glory is your glory. The family reputation rests on your shoulders.
174
00:10:26,404 --> 00:10:30,164
- Now, have you got your orange for half-time?
- Yes, Dad.
175
00:10:30,164 --> 00:10:33,604
Renfield, attire my son and heir for battle.
176
00:10:36,164 --> 00:10:38,804
Give him his kit. His kit!
177
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:40,124
Oh...
178
00:10:42,724 --> 00:10:43,764
A new kit?
179
00:10:43,764 --> 00:10:45,044
Oh, thanks, Dad.
180
00:10:45,044 --> 00:10:48,844
- Now go and shed the blood of our enemies.
- Good luck.
181
00:10:48,844 --> 00:10:51,204
Thank you, Zoltan.
182
00:10:51,204 --> 00:10:53,004
Make me proud, son.
183
00:10:53,004 --> 00:10:56,204
And whatever you do, don't forget to cheat.
184
00:11:03,844 --> 00:11:08,364
- Time has come, Jonno, the time to fulfil my destiny.
- What?
185
00:11:08,364 --> 00:11:11,604
- Teaching Year 8 to make cuckoo clocks?
- Funny.
186
00:11:11,604 --> 00:11:16,284
I'll expose that blood-sucking, revolting, treacherous...
187
00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:20,324
- What are you looking at?
- You've got something on your back.
188
00:11:22,044 --> 00:11:26,084
It's loony. Two Os. Not lunny.
189
00:11:26,084 --> 00:11:29,644
I am a LOONY!
190
00:11:29,644 --> 00:11:35,084
- Yes, Dad.
- Mocked by children who can't even SPELL.
191
00:11:35,084 --> 00:11:37,204
That's it. Once and for all
192
00:11:37,204 --> 00:11:41,484
I'm going to prove vampires exist and nothing will stop me.
193
00:11:41,484 --> 00:11:43,604
- Wish me luck.
- Good luck.
194
00:11:46,004 --> 00:11:47,804
This is just what I need(!)
195
00:11:50,684 --> 00:11:54,084
Urgh, no, no.
196
00:11:54,084 --> 00:11:55,684
Which leaves...
197
00:11:55,684 --> 00:11:58,164
Hey, have you decided yet?
198
00:11:58,164 --> 00:12:00,724
I've got a shortlist of two.
199
00:12:00,724 --> 00:12:03,964
Both complete idiots. Yes, you two.
200
00:12:03,964 --> 00:12:06,804
Excellent!
201
00:12:06,804 --> 00:12:11,044
- Ah.
- But we can't both be your funkadelic muppet of lurve.
202
00:12:13,444 --> 00:12:16,044
- Sorry.
- So who's it going to be?
203
00:12:16,044 --> 00:12:20,564
- I'll know once I've opened my presents.
- Presents? What presents?
204
00:12:20,564 --> 00:12:23,044
- We haven't got...
- Them, with us.
205
00:12:23,044 --> 00:12:25,004
Well, go and get them.
206
00:12:25,004 --> 00:12:27,124
Give them to me after the match.
207
00:12:27,124 --> 00:12:31,804
Right now I'm going to watch my brother get trampled to smithereens.
208
00:12:34,684 --> 00:12:36,484
She is evil.
209
00:12:36,484 --> 00:12:38,924
- Selfish.
- Spiteful.
210
00:12:38,924 --> 00:12:42,164
- Cruel.
- She's mine. I deserve her.
211
00:12:42,164 --> 00:12:44,604
- No, I deserve her.
- I deserve her more.
212
00:12:55,044 --> 00:12:56,884
Hi, Robin.
213
00:12:56,884 --> 00:13:00,004
WHY are you dressed like THAT?!
214
00:13:00,004 --> 00:13:01,524
Why do you think?
215
00:13:01,524 --> 00:13:05,444
Obviously I've been really hurt and I'm in complete agony.
216
00:13:05,444 --> 00:13:10,044
- Nice way out of trials.
- Chloe's idea not to get my teeth knocked out.
217
00:13:10,044 --> 00:13:15,324
I can't wait. For once, I won't be different, weird or get funny looks.
218
00:13:15,324 --> 00:13:20,084
At last I'll know what it's like to be normal. If I'm lucky...
219
00:13:20,084 --> 00:13:22,004
I might even get on the team.
220
00:13:22,004 --> 00:13:25,964
BOYS LAUGH
221
00:13:25,964 --> 00:13:27,804
What are they laughing at?
222
00:13:27,804 --> 00:13:30,964
That is the coolest rugby kit I have EVER seen.
223
00:13:35,244 --> 00:13:36,844
Thanks, Dad.
224
00:13:36,844 --> 00:13:38,004
WHISTLE BLOWS
225
00:13:38,004 --> 00:13:41,084
OK, lads, line up.
226
00:13:43,724 --> 00:13:45,644
Good luck!
227
00:13:55,324 --> 00:13:57,404
BELL RINGS
228
00:14:01,524 --> 00:14:05,964
- What?
- Hello. I'm the woodwork teacher from Stokely Grammar School.
229
00:14:05,964 --> 00:14:08,724
I hear you have a table that needs fixing?
230
00:14:08,724 --> 00:14:12,084
Yes, but you can't come in. Master's orders.
231
00:14:12,084 --> 00:14:17,004
- No strange men allowed in the castle when he's asleep.
- Well...
232
00:14:21,324 --> 00:14:24,284
BELL RINGS
233
00:14:24,284 --> 00:14:27,244
Didn't you hear me?! No strange men...
234
00:14:27,244 --> 00:14:29,244
Why, hello.
235
00:14:29,244 --> 00:14:30,924
I'm a lady carpenter
236
00:14:30,924 --> 00:14:34,324
and I heard that you have a table that needs mending
237
00:14:34,324 --> 00:14:36,644
in these parts.
238
00:14:36,644 --> 00:14:38,444
May I come in?
239
00:14:38,444 --> 00:14:40,044
Oh...
240
00:14:40,044 --> 00:14:42,964
Where are my manners?
241
00:14:42,964 --> 00:14:44,404
Allow me.
242
00:14:54,164 --> 00:14:56,524
Go, Vlad, go.
243
00:14:56,524 --> 00:14:58,884
Go, Vlad, go!
244
00:14:58,884 --> 00:15:02,564
Robin, give him a bit of support.
245
00:15:02,564 --> 00:15:04,844
Woo, rugby, how interesting.
246
00:15:06,364 --> 00:15:09,804
Go, Vlad. Er, actually,
247
00:15:09,804 --> 00:15:11,684
- mind out for the...
- THUMP!
248
00:15:13,324 --> 00:15:14,844
That had to hurt.
249
00:15:19,124 --> 00:15:21,964
That's it, catch it. Now run. RUN!
250
00:15:21,964 --> 00:15:25,684
Come on, squish the pale little freak!
251
00:15:29,084 --> 00:15:30,484
That's it, dodge.
252
00:15:30,484 --> 00:15:33,644
Dodge left. No! Left!
253
00:15:33,644 --> 00:15:34,924
Now swerve!
254
00:15:34,924 --> 00:15:37,884
Swerve! THUD!
255
00:15:37,884 --> 00:15:39,724
WHISTLE BLOWS
256
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,364
Jonathan, buzz off.
257
00:15:47,884 --> 00:15:50,524
Come on, Vlad! Rip his legs off!
258
00:15:50,524 --> 00:15:52,364
- You can do...
- HE COUGHS
259
00:15:59,804 --> 00:16:02,324
RENFIELD SIMPERS
260
00:16:09,484 --> 00:16:14,164
Any chance of a glass of water? I'm parched.
261
00:16:38,924 --> 00:16:40,484
SQUEALING
262
00:16:51,964 --> 00:16:53,764
DOOR CREAKS AND SLAMS
263
00:17:41,644 --> 00:17:43,724
DOOR SLAMS
264
00:17:43,724 --> 00:17:46,604
HE BREATHES HEAVILY
265
00:18:21,564 --> 00:18:24,844
How delightful. Lunch.
266
00:18:24,844 --> 00:18:26,364
HE SCREAMS
267
00:18:37,604 --> 00:18:40,604
That's it, Vlad, tackle him! Tackle him!
268
00:18:40,604 --> 00:18:42,684
Yes!
269
00:18:42,684 --> 00:18:44,964
Oh... OK, no.
270
00:18:44,964 --> 00:18:47,804
Well, get up then. What's wrong with you?
271
00:18:47,804 --> 00:18:51,124
It's only a knee. You've got another one!
272
00:18:51,124 --> 00:18:55,404
- WHISTLE BLOWS
- What? - Robin, I'm so proud of you.
273
00:18:55,404 --> 00:19:00,884
Who'd have thought it? Gloom cookie Robin is a real Branagh after all.
274
00:19:00,884 --> 00:19:02,924
WHISTLE BLOWS
275
00:19:07,124 --> 00:19:09,284
Is he dead yet?
276
00:19:09,284 --> 00:19:13,084
He's battered and bruised but don't worry, he'll live.
277
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:14,604
What a shame.
278
00:19:17,524 --> 00:19:19,204
JONNO COUGHS
279
00:19:20,484 --> 00:19:23,564
Oh, you shouldn't have.
280
00:19:23,564 --> 00:19:25,484
No, really.
281
00:19:27,404 --> 00:19:28,924
You shouldn't have.
282
00:19:29,924 --> 00:19:33,044
Right, off to find me a husband.
283
00:19:33,044 --> 00:19:35,564
SHE HUMS: "Here Comes The Bride"
284
00:19:37,404 --> 00:19:42,924
How sweet the scent of fear. And how thrilling to make the chase.
285
00:19:42,924 --> 00:19:45,364
You can run
286
00:19:45,364 --> 00:19:47,844
but you can't hide.
287
00:19:50,484 --> 00:19:52,884
What am I doing?
288
00:19:52,884 --> 00:19:55,484
The Master will be so cross.
289
00:19:55,484 --> 00:19:58,404
I really shouldn't keep you all to myself.
290
00:20:00,204 --> 00:20:04,604
But then, then you'd have to share me.
291
00:20:04,604 --> 00:20:07,404
Oh...
292
00:20:07,404 --> 00:20:13,324
It would be nice to have something all to myself for once.
293
00:20:14,524 --> 00:20:17,244
Wouldn't it just? Now,
294
00:20:17,244 --> 00:20:22,564
wouldn't you like a walk in the lovely fresh air...
295
00:20:22,564 --> 00:20:25,004
Mmm...
296
00:20:25,004 --> 00:20:27,364
..darling?
297
00:20:27,364 --> 00:20:30,444
You mean the secret passageway?
298
00:20:30,444 --> 00:20:32,804
Secret passage?
299
00:20:32,804 --> 00:20:35,564
Where is it? Quick.
300
00:20:35,564 --> 00:20:37,964
I'll show you...
301
00:20:37,964 --> 00:20:40,484
for a kiss.
302
00:20:43,444 --> 00:20:46,884
Open the door and I will be gentle.
303
00:20:46,884 --> 00:20:50,444
If not... LAUGHS EVILLY
304
00:20:50,444 --> 00:20:53,364
Oh, I've still got it.
305
00:20:53,364 --> 00:20:55,924
Coming to get you, ready or not.
306
00:21:00,124 --> 00:21:02,884
Renfield!
307
00:21:05,524 --> 00:21:08,124
I'm so hungry.
308
00:21:11,524 --> 00:21:16,004
Wilkins, good work in the scrum. You'll be the number eight.
309
00:21:16,004 --> 00:21:17,524
Thanks, sir.
310
00:21:17,524 --> 00:21:21,684
Johnson, as usual, you're on the left flank.
311
00:21:21,684 --> 00:21:26,604
For showing bravery, determination and willingness to tackle anyone,
312
00:21:26,604 --> 00:21:30,244
the fly-half will be Vladimir Count.
313
00:21:30,244 --> 00:21:32,044
Oh, yes!
314
00:21:32,044 --> 00:21:34,964
Yes! Yes, yes, yes!
315
00:21:36,724 --> 00:21:40,804
- Well done, Vlad!
- Thanks. I'm on the team, Robin.
316
00:21:40,804 --> 00:21:43,084
- Oh, I'm so jealous.
- Lastly,
317
00:21:43,084 --> 00:21:46,724
in a very special position on the team, in recognition
318
00:21:46,724 --> 00:21:48,804
of his unflagging support
319
00:21:48,804 --> 00:21:52,684
despite his tremendous and crippling injuries,
320
00:21:52,684 --> 00:21:55,604
- Robin Branagh.
- TEAM: Well done.
321
00:21:57,364 --> 00:21:58,884
Cheap.
322
00:22:03,364 --> 00:22:08,164
- And my colour is black.
- I spent my pocket money on that perfume.
323
00:22:08,164 --> 00:22:10,524
Come on, Ingrid, pick one of us.
324
00:22:10,524 --> 00:22:13,884
- I'll pick the first one of you to propose.
- Propose?
325
00:22:13,884 --> 00:22:17,244
- As in marry?
- Who said anything about marriage?
326
00:22:17,244 --> 00:22:20,284
What do you think you've been competing for?
327
00:22:20,284 --> 00:22:22,604
Er, a big wet snog.
328
00:22:22,604 --> 00:22:26,204
Long walks as the sunset paints the leaves russet.
329
00:22:26,204 --> 00:22:29,604
Come on, get down on your knees and beg for my hand.
330
00:22:29,604 --> 00:22:33,764
- She's yours. You deserve her.
- No, you deserve her. - No you.
331
00:22:36,724 --> 00:22:38,484
What was I thinking?
332
00:22:38,484 --> 00:22:40,924
Married to a breather.
333
00:22:40,924 --> 00:22:43,004
Why would I lower myself?
334
00:22:48,524 --> 00:22:49,684
Stokely.
335
00:22:51,524 --> 00:22:53,204
Stokely.
336
00:22:53,204 --> 00:22:55,364
S-T
337
00:22:55,364 --> 00:22:57,764
O-K
338
00:22:57,764 --> 00:23:03,844
E-L-Y...
339
00:23:03,844 --> 00:23:05,764
Go, Stokely, go.
340
00:23:05,764 --> 00:23:10,084
APPLAUSE
341
00:23:17,724 --> 00:23:19,404
- Who's there?
- Just me.
342
00:23:19,404 --> 00:23:20,924
Alone.
343
00:23:25,204 --> 00:23:28,764
I can't wait for you to see these pictures, my boy.
344
00:23:28,764 --> 00:23:32,724
Photos of the Count hanging upside down from the ceiling.
345
00:23:32,724 --> 00:23:34,924
Cast-iron proof he's a vampire.
346
00:23:37,004 --> 00:23:41,484
I can see the headlines now. "Van Helsing thanked by town mayor."
347
00:23:41,484 --> 00:23:43,844
"Van Helsing knighted by Queen."
348
00:23:45,364 --> 00:23:49,244
Yes, Dad, except these just show the castle ceiling.
349
00:23:49,244 --> 00:23:51,004
I'm going to be so famous.
350
00:23:51,004 --> 00:23:54,044
Mr Count isn't in these photos at all.
351
00:23:54,044 --> 00:23:55,564
What?
352
00:23:57,924 --> 00:24:00,724
No, no, no. He was...
353
00:24:00,724 --> 00:24:03,364
pointed right at him.
354
00:24:03,364 --> 00:24:05,644
Maybe the camera's broken.
355
00:24:05,644 --> 00:24:08,084
No, I checked it, cleaned it,
356
00:24:08,084 --> 00:24:11,444
polished all the little mirrors and...
357
00:24:14,764 --> 00:24:18,884
Mirrors! Cameras work with mirrors.
358
00:24:21,404 --> 00:24:24,284
Stupid, stupid camera!
359
00:24:24,284 --> 00:24:27,284
Vampires don't have reflections!
360
00:24:38,684 --> 00:24:41,604
It's all right. We'll get proof next time.
361
00:24:41,604 --> 00:24:45,204
Now, how about I make you a nice cup of tea?
362
00:24:51,964 --> 00:24:53,444
POP!
363
00:24:53,444 --> 00:24:56,604
TRIUMPHANT MUSIC
364
00:24:56,604 --> 00:25:01,764
And here's to the glorious triumph of my son and heir, Vladimir Dracula!
365
00:25:01,764 --> 00:25:04,324
ZOLTAN HOWLS
366
00:25:04,324 --> 00:25:06,404
Thanks, Dad. Thanks, Zoltan.
367
00:25:06,404 --> 00:25:11,284
My son has bloodied his sword and by deceit and cunning has triumphed!
368
00:25:11,284 --> 00:25:14,804
Except he didn't use deceit.
369
00:25:14,804 --> 00:25:17,204
- Ingrid!
- Or break a single rule.
370
00:25:17,204 --> 00:25:19,324
- Ingrid!
- Or cheat.
371
00:25:22,884 --> 00:25:25,684
Vladimir, is this true?
372
00:25:25,684 --> 00:25:29,004
- Yeah, but I got on the team.
- What?!
373
00:25:29,004 --> 00:25:32,084
You've dragged our family name through the mud
374
00:25:32,084 --> 00:25:37,044
- and poked it with sticks. Go to your room.
- But... - Go to your room now!
375
00:25:41,764 --> 00:25:46,444
I made at least three boys cry today and without even looking at them.
376
00:25:46,444 --> 00:25:49,684
- You go to your room too.
- I haven't done anything.
377
00:25:49,684 --> 00:25:54,564
I know, but when the bedroom door's closed I can't hear you TALKING!
378
00:25:54,564 --> 00:25:56,804
I hope you get tooth decay!
379
00:26:02,404 --> 00:26:07,364
Um, Master, I was wondering...
380
00:26:07,364 --> 00:26:10,084
will you be sitting on me much longer?
381
00:26:10,084 --> 00:26:15,004
Yes. You're being punished. Have you forgotten why you're down there?
382
00:26:15,004 --> 00:26:16,484
I'm sorry, Master!
383
00:26:16,484 --> 00:26:20,684
I should never, ever have done it.
384
00:26:20,684 --> 00:26:22,204
What was it again?
385
00:26:22,204 --> 00:26:23,484
It?!
386
00:26:23,484 --> 00:26:28,804
IT was about this high with pink lipstick and wearing a dress!
387
00:26:28,804 --> 00:26:33,564
A succulent female skipped into the castle of her own free will
388
00:26:33,564 --> 00:26:35,204
and you let her get away!
389
00:26:35,204 --> 00:26:36,804
Oh, yeah, that.
390
00:26:36,804 --> 00:26:41,084
"No-one gets past Renfield the Repulsive"?!
391
00:26:41,084 --> 00:26:46,564
Meals on heels was delivered right to my tomb side and you let her escape!
392
00:26:46,564 --> 00:26:48,324
I didn't mean it.
393
00:26:48,324 --> 00:26:52,124
It will never, ever happen again, I promise.
394
00:26:52,124 --> 00:26:54,964
- Please can I get up now?
- I doubt it.
395
00:26:54,964 --> 00:26:57,204
I've just stuck you to the floor.
396
00:27:01,084 --> 00:27:04,844
Master. Master? Master, don't leave me like this.
397
00:27:04,844 --> 00:27:09,084
You must stay up here until you behave like an evil vampire.
398
00:27:09,084 --> 00:27:11,244
But I got picked for the team.
399
00:27:11,244 --> 00:27:12,724
That's not the point.
400
00:27:12,724 --> 00:27:17,724
D'you think the breathers will play fair when they discover what you are?
401
00:27:17,724 --> 00:27:22,084
D'you think they won't cringe in horror with their flat teeth
402
00:27:22,084 --> 00:27:24,844
and, eurgh, blue canvas trousers?
403
00:27:24,844 --> 00:27:29,444
- It'll be stake and garlic before you can say "Haemoglobin".
- But...
404
00:27:29,444 --> 00:27:32,604
Accept what you are, Vladimir.
405
00:27:32,604 --> 00:27:33,964
A vampire.
406
00:27:33,964 --> 00:27:38,404
Now, I think I'll go and kick Renfield very hard up the bottom.
407
00:27:39,884 --> 00:27:40,924
Mmm.
408
00:27:45,164 --> 00:27:47,844
- Zoltan?
- Yes, young Master?
409
00:27:47,844 --> 00:27:49,804
I'm on the rugby team!
410
00:27:49,804 --> 00:27:52,844
Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd - 2006
411
00:27:52,844 --> 00:27:55,884
E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk
412
00:27:55,934 --> 00:28:00,484
Repair and Synchronization by
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