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1
00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:13,267
So I really think it's important...
2
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:16,898
...that we remove all soft drinks
from the vending machines...
3
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,477
...and replace them
with bottled water...
4
00:01:19,646 --> 00:01:22,274
...and naturally sweetened
fruit juice.
5
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:25,574
Are you talking about diet soda too?
6
00:01:25,752 --> 00:01:28,585
Because I don't think we should
take away the diet soda.
7
00:01:28,755 --> 00:01:31,747
So many of our girls
are watching their weight....
8
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,256
Our oldest girls are 1 1.
9
00:01:33,426 --> 00:01:34,791
They shouldn't be dieting.
10
00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:37,759
I think she got a little Boty
between the eyes.
11
00:01:37,931 --> 00:01:39,558
That's just naive.
12
00:01:39,732 --> 00:01:41,632
She probably treated herself,
poor thing.
13
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:43,598
My husband dropped dead,
I'd suck out...
14
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,670
...Iift up and inject
anything that moved.
15
00:01:45,839 --> 00:01:48,672
I know that you've got boys,
so you may not understand.
16
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,070
Understand what?
17
00:01:51,144 --> 00:01:53,669
That our children shouldn't guzzle
sugar and chemicals?
18
00:01:53,847 --> 00:01:56,680
No, we are in total agreement
about the sugar.
19
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:59,080
All the "sugary" drinks should go.
20
00:01:59,252 --> 00:02:01,413
So everyone in favor of eliminating...
21
00:02:01,588 --> 00:02:04,614
...the "sugary" drinks from
the vending machines, ladies.
22
00:02:05,658 --> 00:02:06,886
Ladies?
23
00:02:07,827 --> 00:02:10,921
Wonderful. That's done.
24
00:02:11,097 --> 00:02:12,928
Thank you, Nancy Botwin...
25
00:02:13,099 --> 00:02:15,693
...head of our
Healthy Children's Committee.
26
00:02:16,035 --> 00:02:17,502
Now let's take a break.
27
00:02:17,670 --> 00:02:19,160
She's got the big bag.
28
00:02:19,339 --> 00:02:21,899
Guess he left her
pretty well fixed, huh?
29
00:02:22,075 --> 00:02:23,372
I heard there was nothing.
30
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:25,841
They spent all that money
on the new kitchen.
31
00:02:26,012 --> 00:02:29,504
Have you seen it?
It turned out gorgeous.
32
00:02:29,682 --> 00:02:32,651
So give yourselves a round
of applause, everyone.
33
00:02:36,823 --> 00:02:38,450
I wonder how she's getting by.
34
00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:43,796
Nancy, we were all just saying
how much we love your purse.
35
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:46,363
It's a knockoff,
but you can't even tell.
36
00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:49,229
Let me see that.
Gracia been wanting one of these.
37
00:02:49,402 --> 00:02:51,461
-How much you pay?
-Seventy-five bucks.
38
00:02:51,838 --> 00:02:55,467
Gracia take one look at that crooked stitch
and she know you a cheap trick.
39
00:02:55,642 --> 00:02:56,870
The stitching is perfect.
40
00:02:59,212 --> 00:03:02,375
-Oh, yeah, right there. I see it.
-Goddamn it!
41
00:03:02,549 --> 00:03:04,710
Yeah. Looking in the dictionary
the other day...
42
00:03:04,884 --> 00:03:08,650
...saw your picture sitting up in there
right next to "dumb-ass white bitch."
43
00:03:13,359 --> 00:03:14,724
Corn bread.
44
00:03:16,362 --> 00:03:18,387
Oh, that smells good.
45
00:03:18,565 --> 00:03:22,001
-I miss carbs.
-My friend Talisha tried that no carbs.
46
00:03:22,168 --> 00:03:24,261
She ate bacon and eggs
for a whole month.
47
00:03:24,437 --> 00:03:27,565
I'm talking, like, five dozen eggs
and a whole pig a day.
48
00:03:27,941 --> 00:03:29,909
She lost 1 1 pounds. Shit works.
49
00:03:30,076 --> 00:03:33,136
My sister does this thing where
they leave a bag of no-carb food...
50
00:03:33,313 --> 00:03:36,043
...outside her house every day.
She's lost 1 7 pounds.
51
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,116
We should start that
in this neighborhood.
52
00:03:38,284 --> 00:03:41,879
Call it the "I'm Getting Skinny Because
Some Nigga Stole My Bag of Food" diet.
53
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,613
Talisha's still fat.
54
00:03:43,790 --> 00:03:46,759
-She look good.
-Then why Ronnie dump her ass?
55
00:03:46,926 --> 00:03:50,362
He found out she was spending
Little Ron's money on shit for Shariq.
56
00:03:50,530 --> 00:03:52,896
And he all,
"Why don't my son got Adidas?"
57
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,263
It's stupid to buy a kid expensive shoes.
He'll outgrow them in a day.
58
00:03:56,436 --> 00:03:58,233
You calling black people stupid?
59
00:03:58,404 --> 00:04:00,497
And lazy, and they also steal.
60
00:04:00,673 --> 00:04:02,698
But we sings and dances
real good.
61
00:04:02,875 --> 00:04:05,742
White people steal. Enron, WorldCom.
62
00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:09,980
They be stealing billions of dollars, flush
it through some overseas bank account...
63
00:04:10,149 --> 00:04:12,276
...then sit on the beach
and count they money.
64
00:04:13,019 --> 00:04:16,887
Somebody been listening
to the good Reverend Sharpton.
65
00:04:17,056 --> 00:04:20,116
Maybe black people need to start
stealing a little bit bigger.
66
00:04:20,293 --> 00:04:21,555
Maybe fucking so.
67
00:04:22,328 --> 00:04:25,320
Hey, that bag looks a little small.
68
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:32,229
You did not just say that.
69
00:04:32,405 --> 00:04:37,001
Bitch, I can eyeball an ounce from
outer space with my glasses cracked.
70
00:04:37,176 --> 00:04:38,803
Give me.
71
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:45,914
All acting like you know.
Writing checks your ass can't cash.
72
00:04:46,085 --> 00:04:48,280
You never question
Heylia's eyeballing.
73
00:04:48,621 --> 00:04:50,282
-That's the Rain Man of weed.
-Amen.
74
00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:52,981
I apologize, I'm still new at this.
I stand corrected.
75
00:04:53,159 --> 00:04:56,322
-Stand? You on your knees corrected.
-Getting all beside herself.
76
00:04:56,496 --> 00:04:58,964
Gonna come up in my house,
tell me about my business?
77
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:02,533
-Girl, you need to recognize.
-All right, all right. Fine.
78
00:05:02,702 --> 00:05:04,966
I'm a bitch-ass bitch.
79
00:05:06,773 --> 00:05:08,331
Give me a little respect.
80
00:05:08,508 --> 00:05:11,170
I'm the biggest game
in the private community of Agrestic.
81
00:05:11,344 --> 00:05:14,177
Drugs sell themselves, biscuit.
You ain't shit.
82
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:18,480
You still ain't shit.
83
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:19,948
How much you got there?
84
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:24,853
Take that crap off my money.
85
00:05:25,024 --> 00:05:27,720
You not giving me a present.
You're paying me for weed.
86
00:05:28,361 --> 00:05:31,660
Excuse me for trying to bring
a little beauty into an ugly world.
87
00:05:35,435 --> 00:05:38,370
Oh, shit. It's 2:30.
88
00:05:38,538 --> 00:05:40,972
Well, where you rushing off to
with your ass on fire?
89
00:05:41,140 --> 00:05:42,630
Dr. Phil ain't on till 4.
90
00:05:43,142 --> 00:05:45,406
Shane's got his grief counselor.
91
00:05:46,079 --> 00:05:48,309
Oh, right. I'm sorry.
92
00:05:48,614 --> 00:05:51,048
-Wait, I'll walk you out.
-Damn.
93
00:05:51,217 --> 00:05:52,707
Can you imagine, though?
94
00:05:52,885 --> 00:05:55,581
Boy out jogging with his daddy,
having a good time...
95
00:05:55,755 --> 00:05:59,020
...then, boom, Daddy drop.
96
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,523
That will fuck a kid up.
97
00:06:00,693 --> 00:06:04,390
-Well, you show me who ain't fucked up.
-Shit.
98
00:06:04,564 --> 00:06:06,759
-Who wants some corn bread?
-Right here.
99
00:06:07,266 --> 00:06:10,463
-You all right?
-I'm fine. I'm just late.
100
00:06:11,104 --> 00:06:15,871
-You sure?
-Conrad, we do business, not personal.
101
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,373
You know I'm full-service.
102
00:06:17,543 --> 00:06:20,376
Andy didn't tell you that
when he hooked us up?
103
00:06:20,747 --> 00:06:24,239
I believe my brother-in-law's
exact words were:
104
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:28,148
"Dude, meet the finest jit
with the finest shit."
105
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:29,788
Jit?
106
00:06:30,757 --> 00:06:32,554
I was just quoting.
107
00:06:32,725 --> 00:06:34,420
-I gotta go.
-All right.
108
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,225
Drive safe.
109
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,421
Know where I live at, right?
110
00:06:38,598 --> 00:06:40,463
I do. Bye.
111
00:06:41,634 --> 00:06:43,534
I think I hear something.
112
00:06:43,703 --> 00:06:46,331
Brush is awful thick over there,
can you see anything?
113
00:06:46,506 --> 00:06:49,031
He's quartering towards us,
but he's obstructed.
114
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:50,971
I can't get a good shot at the heart--
115
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:56,246
-What happened in the guest room?
-Ask Shane.
116
00:06:57,216 --> 00:06:59,207
I'm asking both of you.
117
00:07:01,220 --> 00:07:04,917
I fell through the skylight.
But don't worry, I'm okay.
118
00:07:06,125 --> 00:07:07,615
Turn the show back on.
119
00:07:07,794 --> 00:07:10,820
There's a huge hole in the ceiling.
What were you doing up there?
120
00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:12,726
-Lupita told him to get down.
- I tell him.
121
00:07:12,899 --> 00:07:14,833
-I didn't hear her.
-Come on.
122
00:07:15,001 --> 00:07:16,969
Deaf girl on Dewey Street
could hear her.
123
00:07:17,703 --> 00:07:21,571
She's not deaf, she just talks weird.
There's something wrong with her tongue.
124
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:24,642
What? Who told you that?
She's totally deaf.
125
00:07:24,811 --> 00:07:27,871
Hey, if Dennis Cling says
there's nothing wrong with her tongue....
126
00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:29,742
Hey.
127
00:07:29,916 --> 00:07:32,441
What do you mean? What?
128
00:07:32,618 --> 00:07:34,609
Did they French-kiss?
129
00:07:34,787 --> 00:07:37,483
-Hey, Mrs. Botwin.
-Hey, Quinn, you want some chili?
130
00:07:37,657 --> 00:07:39,682
-No, I'm good.
-That's right, Shane.
131
00:07:39,859 --> 00:07:42,692
-They French-kissed.
-Who French-kissed?
132
00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:44,762
Dennis Cling and Megan Beals.
133
00:07:44,931 --> 00:07:47,161
-Oh, they did a whole lot more than--
-Quinn!
134
00:07:50,203 --> 00:07:53,468
-Hey, how's your shoulder?
-I'm totally okay.
135
00:07:53,639 --> 00:07:56,699
Can I have the remote back now?
Please?
136
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:58,309
You were here when he fell?
137
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:01,845
Officially, I was at Kim's house
working on a science project.
138
00:08:02,014 --> 00:08:04,881
-"Officially."
-Yeah, they were making out.
139
00:08:05,051 --> 00:08:07,576
-But nothing naked.
-Shut up.
140
00:08:11,791 --> 00:08:14,225
-I gotta go out for a second.
-Where are you going?
141
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:17,829
It's the neighborhood watch thing.
I'll be right back.
142
00:08:21,667 --> 00:08:23,498
-Wanna fool around?
-Sure.
143
00:08:24,937 --> 00:08:28,134
One time, I shot this black bear
clean between the shoulder blades...
144
00:08:28,307 --> 00:08:31,174
...with my Browning BLR.308.
145
00:08:32,778 --> 00:08:37,078
Next time, we go bowhunting.
Guns are for pussies.
146
00:08:44,757 --> 00:08:47,487
I told you! You can't miss the bear!
147
00:08:47,660 --> 00:08:50,094
I love this show.
148
00:08:54,834 --> 00:08:57,268
Christ. Josh.
149
00:08:57,436 --> 00:08:59,199
You need to relax.
150
00:08:59,372 --> 00:09:02,205
My husband died of a heart attack,
you wanna orphan my kids?
151
00:09:02,675 --> 00:09:03,801
So, what's up?
152
00:09:03,976 --> 00:09:07,503
My guy went on this yoga retreat in
Redlands. He won't be back for a week.
153
00:09:07,680 --> 00:09:09,580
I was wondering
if you could help me out.
154
00:09:09,749 --> 00:09:11,683
He didn't take care of you
before he left?
155
00:09:11,851 --> 00:09:15,617
They've been playing Winged Migration
at the 'Plex for the midnight show all week.
156
00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:19,952
Wiped me out. Shit hasn't gone this fast
since The Passion of the Christ.
157
00:09:20,126 --> 00:09:23,653
People got stoned
for The Passion of the Christ?
158
00:09:24,263 --> 00:09:25,491
That's disturbing.
159
00:09:25,665 --> 00:09:27,690
Not as disturbing
as watching it not stoned.
160
00:09:27,867 --> 00:09:30,461
Religion, my ass,
it's a straight-up snuff film.
161
00:09:30,636 --> 00:09:32,263
Why don't you take the week off?
162
00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:37,432
That just goes so against
my Christian work ethic, Miss B.
163
00:09:37,610 --> 00:09:41,603
-Come on, help me out. I'd do it for you.
-I don't need you to.
164
00:09:42,081 --> 00:09:45,676
-My guy doesn't do yoga.
-Cash.
165
00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:48,012
-Josh.
-Come on.
166
00:09:48,187 --> 00:09:50,155
I was at the orthodontist
the other week...
167
00:09:50,323 --> 00:09:52,518
...and I heard all about
Shane's overbite.
168
00:09:52,692 --> 00:09:56,025
It's gotta be costing you
some serious green.
169
00:09:59,565 --> 00:10:00,862
You gonna play by the rules?
170
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:04,332
One of your own kind
Deal to your own kind
171
00:10:04,503 --> 00:10:07,802
I'm putting the love
In the glove
172
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,105
Okay, listen. You stay away
from my customer base...
173
00:10:13,279 --> 00:10:16,874
...you don't deal to kids.
Are we clear?
174
00:10:17,049 --> 00:10:19,643
If they're too young to bleed
They're too young for weed
175
00:10:19,819 --> 00:10:22,617
No grass on the field
No grass will they yield
176
00:10:22,788 --> 00:10:24,619
-You're a poet.
-You know it.
177
00:10:27,994 --> 00:10:29,859
It's getting late, you want a ride home?
178
00:10:30,029 --> 00:10:33,487
No, I'll be good. It's the suburbs.
Safe to walk the streets and all that.
179
00:10:37,303 --> 00:10:39,294
You should take her easy on the lattes.
180
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:42,032
Don't kid yourself.
Caffeine is a serious drug.
181
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:43,942
Go away now, Josh.
182
00:10:46,212 --> 00:10:47,804
Later, Miss B.
183
00:11:04,296 --> 00:11:06,662
Let's go, team!
Come on, hustle out there!
184
00:11:10,369 --> 00:11:13,395
Foul! Ref, what's the matter
with your whistle?
185
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:17,907
Well, technically, Nancy,
ref can't call a foul.
186
00:11:18,077 --> 00:11:20,910
Shane was kicked
by his own teammates.
187
00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:24,839
Look at lsabel go.
188
00:11:25,284 --> 00:11:27,252
How's she doing with her nutritionist?
189
00:11:27,420 --> 00:11:30,116
Oh, fine. Fine.
190
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:32,351
She lost three pounds.
191
00:11:32,525 --> 00:11:34,516
In just four months. Good for her.
192
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,787
She has a very slow metabolism.
193
00:11:37,363 --> 00:11:39,923
We're thinking of putting her
on thyroid medication.
194
00:11:40,566 --> 00:11:43,763
Why she couldn't take after my side
of the family, I will never know.
195
00:11:44,570 --> 00:11:46,003
Did you see my kick?
196
00:11:46,172 --> 00:11:49,198
Yeah, I wanna see more running
out there, lsabelly.
197
00:11:50,076 --> 00:11:51,839
Yeah, that's what burns the fat.
198
00:11:52,011 --> 00:11:55,606
-Your kick was great, lsabel.
-Yes, it was.
199
00:11:55,781 --> 00:11:59,547
Yeah. I'm just gonna go
get a drink.
200
00:11:59,719 --> 00:12:02,119
Water or diet soda only!
201
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:06,050
You know, I love Dean,
but he has ruined my children.
202
00:12:06,258 --> 00:12:09,022
He has. Quinn has his asthma...
203
00:12:09,195 --> 00:12:12,062
...Isabel has inherited
his unfortunate build.
204
00:12:12,231 --> 00:12:15,928
Breaks my heart.
Well, we all have our crosses to bear.
205
00:12:16,102 --> 00:12:20,061
All right, bring it on in, Hurricanes.
Nice effort out there, huh? Let's go.
206
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,934
Oh, look,
I think Shane is bleeding.
207
00:12:25,711 --> 00:12:27,645
Shane just licked his own blood!
208
00:12:30,382 --> 00:12:33,078
You know, maybe he needs
more iron in his diet.
209
00:12:33,252 --> 00:12:35,413
Here you go.
210
00:12:37,423 --> 00:12:39,220
Okay.
211
00:12:39,391 --> 00:12:43,623
-Let the healing begin.
-Can we go home now? Please?
212
00:12:43,796 --> 00:12:47,994
-It's not even halftime.
-I don't feel well. I think I have rickets.
213
00:12:48,167 --> 00:12:51,933
No, you've gotta tough it out, little man.
That's what your father would have--
214
00:12:52,104 --> 00:12:55,540
How about this? How about you relax
and have a drink...
215
00:12:55,708 --> 00:13:01,169
...and sit out this quarter, and you'll play
again in the second half, okay?
216
00:13:01,747 --> 00:13:04,511
-Okay?
-Fine. Can I have fruit punch?
217
00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,651
You can even have fruit punch.
218
00:13:07,052 --> 00:13:08,576
I love you.
219
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:12,982
You know, from all the books
I have read...
220
00:13:13,159 --> 00:13:16,424
...you should really be encouraging
Shane and Silas...
221
00:13:16,595 --> 00:13:18,825
...to talk about Judah's death.
222
00:13:18,998 --> 00:13:23,298
Or down the road, you're looking at
two very dysfunctional adults...
223
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:26,666
...who will have trouble sustaining
healthy relationships.
224
00:13:27,072 --> 00:13:29,267
-Celia.
-What?
225
00:13:29,441 --> 00:13:31,807
-I had no idea you read books.
-Well....
226
00:13:31,977 --> 00:13:34,707
Hey, Nancy. How's it going?
227
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:39,010
Douglas, do you know where
your son Josh is right now?
228
00:13:39,185 --> 00:13:43,144
-And what he's doing?
-Yeah, yeah, he's over there somewhere.
229
00:13:43,689 --> 00:13:46,522
-Yeah, and he happens to be--
-Hey, Nancy, I was wondering--
230
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:49,525
-There's some nice stuff in here, Doug.
-Okay, that's great.
231
00:13:49,695 --> 00:13:53,358
It's kind of expensive, but I promise you,
it's worth every penny.
232
00:13:53,799 --> 00:13:55,733
Really?
233
00:13:56,235 --> 00:13:59,932
Well, you haven't let me down yet,
Nance. Thank you.
234
00:14:00,105 --> 00:14:02,665
You're welcome. Catch you later.
235
00:14:04,276 --> 00:14:06,176
I'll see you later, Doug.
236
00:14:06,345 --> 00:14:09,041
Oh, okay. Yeah, later.
237
00:14:12,418 --> 00:14:15,649
He's trying to find something nice
for Dana, her birthday's coming up.
238
00:14:15,821 --> 00:14:18,449
If he really wanted
to do something nice for his wife...
239
00:14:18,624 --> 00:14:22,617
...he'd ship that delinquent son of his off
to military school. Will you look at that?
240
00:14:24,196 --> 00:14:27,495
The little scumbag sells drugs
right on the playground...
241
00:14:27,666 --> 00:14:29,725
...nobody does anything about it.
242
00:14:30,469 --> 00:14:35,099
-That's it, I'm gonna call the police.
-Oh, please. Save your weekend minutes.
243
00:14:35,608 --> 00:14:38,736
The kid will drop whatever he's got
by the time he sees them.
244
00:14:38,911 --> 00:14:43,143
-There will be nothing to arrest him for.
-Somebody's been watching Law & Order.
245
00:14:43,315 --> 00:14:47,445
Just the reruns. I've been finding
Jerry Orbach oddly comforting.
246
00:14:47,620 --> 00:14:49,850
You are such a brave widow.
247
00:14:50,589 --> 00:14:54,423
All right, now if you'll excuse me, I'm
gonna chase that little fucker out of here.
248
00:14:55,060 --> 00:15:01,124
Did you hear? They found a 1 0-year old
with marijuana in his lunch box yesterday.
249
00:15:01,700 --> 00:15:03,429
A 1 0-year-old?
250
00:15:03,969 --> 00:15:07,029
-Put that on your ankle.
-But I wanna play, we're short one!
251
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:10,004
-I guess I could go back in, coach.
-What?
252
00:15:11,243 --> 00:15:14,337
Botwin. There's only
a few minutes left in the half...
253
00:15:14,513 --> 00:15:16,981
...it really wouldn't make a difference.
And you...
254
00:15:17,149 --> 00:15:20,084
...sit there and ice that ankle
so you can play after the break.
255
00:15:20,252 --> 00:15:21,583
You hear me, cowboy?
256
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:25,520
Now, the Hurricanes don't fully blow
unless you are out there.
257
00:15:25,691 --> 00:15:27,921
Coach, did you mean to say
that to Devon?
258
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:32,928
Because I think the Hurricanes blow
especially hard when I'm out there.
259
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,893
You watch yourself, Botwin.
260
00:15:36,068 --> 00:15:39,936
All right, way to go, Hurricanes!
Come on, let's see some hustle!
261
00:15:40,272 --> 00:15:43,070
Actually, you should alternate cold and hot
every 20 minutes.
262
00:15:43,976 --> 00:15:47,673
-Don't even talk to me, weirdo.
-Fine. I was just trying to help.
263
00:15:48,013 --> 00:15:50,948
-I don't need your help, lipstick.
-Lipstick?
264
00:15:51,216 --> 00:15:53,980
Your fruit-punch lipstick, fruit punch.
265
00:15:54,153 --> 00:15:56,485
It's perfect. Fruit for the fruit.
266
00:15:56,956 --> 00:15:58,480
Or are you pretending it's blood?
267
00:15:58,924 --> 00:16:03,486
Because we all know how much you love
the taste of blood. Is that it, vampire?
268
00:16:03,662 --> 00:16:08,190
Okay, I'm confused. Am I weirdo,
lipstick, fruit punch or vampire?
269
00:16:08,367 --> 00:16:11,530
You really need to pick
an insulting nickname and stick to it.
270
00:16:11,704 --> 00:16:13,501
How about orphan boy?
271
00:16:17,776 --> 00:16:20,210
I'm going to kill you! You little freak!
272
00:16:23,449 --> 00:16:25,679
-Shane, where--?
-Come here, you!
273
00:16:25,851 --> 00:16:27,546
You are so dead!
274
00:16:28,654 --> 00:16:30,349
Oh, Devon, honey.
275
00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:33,150
You really need to watch
where you're going.
276
00:16:33,325 --> 00:16:35,486
Well, it's never gonna happen
at my house.
277
00:16:35,661 --> 00:16:39,495
My mom's probably got, like,
spy cameras in the light fixtures.
278
00:16:39,665 --> 00:16:41,155
Come on.
279
00:16:41,333 --> 00:16:43,426
You think I'm kidding?
280
00:16:43,702 --> 00:16:47,194
This is a woman who put one of those
stuffed-teddy-bear nanny cams...
281
00:16:47,373 --> 00:16:50,399
...in the pantry so she could see
when lsabel was sneaking food.
282
00:16:57,883 --> 00:17:00,545
I am so dead. I am so dead.
283
00:17:00,719 --> 00:17:02,311
Is he coming?
284
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,280
There's no one chasing you, Shane.
285
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:08,057
Oh, man.
What, are you wearing lipstick?
286
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:10,024
It's not lipstick, it's fruit punch.
287
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,220
I threw a can of soda
at Devon Rensler.
288
00:17:12,398 --> 00:17:15,333
-Well, that was stupid.
-He called me orphan boy.
289
00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:17,435
-He's a fuckwad.
-Did you hit him?
290
00:17:17,603 --> 00:17:20,037
-No, just grazed him.
-Oh, that's bad.
291
00:17:20,472 --> 00:17:22,838
-You can't miss the bear.
-What bear?
292
00:17:23,008 --> 00:17:26,876
I missed the bear. The shot
was nowhere near his optimum kill zone.
293
00:17:27,046 --> 00:17:29,708
-What are you talking about?
-Don't you watch Bear Hunt?
294
00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:32,908
-On the Wilderness Channel?
-Somehow, I've missed it.
295
00:17:33,085 --> 00:17:35,519
It's only the best show
in the history of television!
296
00:17:35,687 --> 00:17:38,747
Every week, these guys with gun racks
and their monster trucks...
297
00:17:38,924 --> 00:17:41,222
-...go out and they kill a bear.
-That's horrible.
298
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,418
-No, it's so awesome!
-Right, right.
299
00:17:43,595 --> 00:17:45,859
"You gotta bring enough gun
to get the job done."
300
00:17:46,198 --> 00:17:49,463
-And tell her about C.G.S.!
-Whoa, Shane. You're gonna wet yourself.
301
00:17:49,635 --> 00:17:51,398
-Shut up. You're just as into it.
-C.G.S.?
302
00:17:51,570 --> 00:17:54,801
Carter Grizzly Sudkin. The host.
At the end of each show, he's got--
303
00:17:54,973 --> 00:17:57,305
He has the head of the bear
they shot that week.
304
00:17:57,476 --> 00:18:00,377
And he leaves you with these,
like, wise parting words, like:
305
00:18:00,546 --> 00:18:03,208
"You can't miss the bear,
or he gonna turn around...
306
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:07,910
...and rip you open like a present
from your mama on Christmas morning."
307
00:18:08,087 --> 00:18:10,715
-Okay, we are breaking up.
-Come on.
308
00:18:11,356 --> 00:18:13,153
Think of the time
this will save on foreplay.
309
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:17,327
You just whisper, "Shoot me in the
optimum kill zone," I'll be good to go.
310
00:18:17,496 --> 00:18:19,828
I could whisper "linoleum"
and you'd be good to go.
311
00:18:19,998 --> 00:18:24,128
You're finally gonna do it?
Thank God! He's been going crazy.
312
00:18:24,303 --> 00:18:26,328
Shane, shut the fuck up!
313
00:18:56,635 --> 00:18:58,364
-Doug.
-Jesus, you weren't kidding.
314
00:18:58,537 --> 00:19:01,700
This stuff is primo.
You wanna climb in?
315
00:19:01,874 --> 00:19:04,809
Unless you wanna go back to buying
from your housekeeper's cousin...
316
00:19:04,977 --> 00:19:08,174
...put away the pipe, hide the pot,
and get your head out of your ass.
317
00:19:08,347 --> 00:19:09,974
-What are you thinking?
-What?
318
00:19:11,416 --> 00:19:15,443
You're on the goddamn city council.
What if someone like Celia walked by?
319
00:19:15,621 --> 00:19:17,020
She is such a bitch.
320
00:19:17,189 --> 00:19:20,625
Great tits, but a raging bitch.
321
00:19:21,126 --> 00:19:23,856
-Her husband's boning the tennis pro.
-The Asian girl?
322
00:19:24,496 --> 00:19:26,521
She love him long time.
323
00:19:26,698 --> 00:19:29,258
Doug, she's from Anaheim,
not Bangkok.
324
00:19:29,434 --> 00:19:31,698
She can't shoot tennis balls
out of her twat.
325
00:19:31,870 --> 00:19:34,998
Last week she stuck a racket up
Dean's ass when he was plowing her.
326
00:19:35,174 --> 00:19:37,938
He said it felt unbelievable.
But you know, if you ask me...
327
00:19:38,110 --> 00:19:40,840
...any guy who lets anything up there
is at least part fag.
328
00:19:42,347 --> 00:19:46,010
-How do you know all this?
-He's in the poker game.
329
00:19:46,485 --> 00:19:48,646
And he just shared it with you?
330
00:19:48,820 --> 00:19:51,380
He was losing, drank too much.
331
00:19:53,859 --> 00:19:56,692
Did Judah ever say anything
about our sex life at these games?
332
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:59,592
No, no. The guys who still
have sex with their wives...
333
00:19:59,765 --> 00:20:03,201
...usually don't wanna jinx it
by saying something out loud.
334
00:20:03,702 --> 00:20:05,966
He was a great guy, Nance.
We miss him a lot.
335
00:20:06,138 --> 00:20:08,231
Yeah. Me too.
336
00:20:08,407 --> 00:20:11,672
If only he'd lived long enough for me
to stick objects up his ass.
337
00:20:11,843 --> 00:20:13,435
I never even got a finger up there.
338
00:20:13,612 --> 00:20:15,512
Oh, man. You're an amazing lady.
339
00:20:15,681 --> 00:20:17,171
And you're an idiot.
340
00:20:17,349 --> 00:20:20,079
Air out the van
and keep your smoke private.
341
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:23,551
-You hear me?
-Yeah. I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking.
342
00:20:23,722 --> 00:20:27,123
-We cool?
-We're cool when you pay me.
343
00:20:31,063 --> 00:20:32,860
Now we're cool.
344
00:20:33,298 --> 00:20:35,459
Hey, hey, hey,
I was just getting into that.
345
00:20:35,634 --> 00:20:37,226
It's all about textures this fall.
346
00:20:37,669 --> 00:20:40,365
-Give my love to Dana.
-Oh, right, right, will do.
347
00:20:40,539 --> 00:20:42,939
Dana wants you to call her
about taking a class...
348
00:20:43,108 --> 00:20:46,077
...in vegetable gardening or cooking.
Something with vegetables.
349
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:47,473
Vegetable carvings, maybe.
350
00:20:48,814 --> 00:20:52,306
Excuse me, ma'am, have you heard
the good news about Jesus?
351
00:20:52,718 --> 00:20:55,482
-You made me a promise, you little shit.
-Hey, take it easy.
352
00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:58,418
-I won't sneak up on you.
-I heard a 1 0-year-old got busted.
353
00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:02,549
-A 1 0-year-old. You're a fucking liar.
-The kid told me he was 37.
354
00:21:02,728 --> 00:21:05,561
-You promised me no kids.
-Yeah, but they all want it.
355
00:21:05,731 --> 00:21:07,665
-And they cry if you say no.
-Josh!
356
00:21:07,833 --> 00:21:10,393
-I just sold him shake.
-He's 10.
357
00:21:10,836 --> 00:21:14,101
Look, when you opened shop here,
I was totally cool with you, you know?
358
00:21:14,273 --> 00:21:17,299
And you took away a lot of
my parent business, but I let it go.
359
00:21:17,476 --> 00:21:20,502
-It's not okay to sell to kids.
-Let their parents worry about it.
360
00:21:20,746 --> 00:21:22,577
I'm selling to whoever's buying, okay?
361
00:21:22,748 --> 00:21:24,443
No, you're not!
362
00:21:27,753 --> 00:21:29,414
No, you're not.
363
00:21:29,588 --> 00:21:32,421
No? What are you gonna do,
you gonna tell on me?
364
00:21:32,591 --> 00:21:35,424
My dad's over there
getting baked in the minivan.
365
00:21:35,927 --> 00:21:39,158
He'll just be pissed
that I was holding out on him.
366
00:21:42,801 --> 00:21:44,530
Don't worry.
367
00:21:44,703 --> 00:21:46,762
I will never sell to Shane, okay?
368
00:21:47,906 --> 00:21:50,568
You're a kid. You're just a stupid,
irresponsible kid.
369
00:21:50,742 --> 00:21:52,676
And you're a hypocrite.
370
00:21:54,112 --> 00:21:56,774
"Keep kids off drugs,"
cries the pot-dealing mom.
371
00:21:56,948 --> 00:21:59,348
But if it gets you through the night,
good for you.
372
00:22:00,052 --> 00:22:01,644
I'll see you around.
373
00:22:04,056 --> 00:22:07,890
Can we go now? I hate soccer,
and Devon Rensler called me orphan boy.
374
00:22:08,193 --> 00:22:11,594
Devon Rensler's a fuckwad.
Get in the car.
375
00:22:13,999 --> 00:22:16,832
-Are you two coming?
-Yeah.
376
00:22:26,078 --> 00:22:28,672
Can we have sex in your house?
377
00:22:30,749 --> 00:22:33,809
-So you guys really think you're ready?
-Yeah.
378
00:22:34,319 --> 00:22:35,752
I've tortured him enough.
379
00:22:37,222 --> 00:22:40,214
I mean, we've been going out
for almost three months already.
380
00:22:41,660 --> 00:22:42,991
A whole three months.
381
00:22:43,161 --> 00:22:45,129
But I trust him.
382
00:22:45,764 --> 00:22:47,857
-And I think he loves me.
-Hello?
383
00:22:48,033 --> 00:22:51,833
I think you're right about that,
but you guys are only 15.
384
00:22:52,838 --> 00:22:54,806
Mom!
385
00:22:55,807 --> 00:22:59,334
I'm not sure where she is.
Can I take a message?
386
00:23:00,712 --> 00:23:04,409
-Okay, bye.
-Shane? We're up on the roof.
387
00:23:04,583 --> 00:23:06,608
-Who called?
-Quinn's mom.
388
00:23:07,085 --> 00:23:09,815
-She's on her way over.
-Great.
389
00:23:09,988 --> 00:23:12,548
-Go warn your brother.
-Silas!
390
00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:14,817
She's gonna make you swear
that Silas and l...
391
00:23:14,993 --> 00:23:18,190
...are never in a room without
the door open and a foot on the floor.
392
00:23:18,697 --> 00:23:21,689
She's such an uptight prude.
393
00:23:22,200 --> 00:23:24,191
No wonder my dad's screwing
Helen Chin.
394
00:23:26,705 --> 00:23:28,366
You know about that?
395
00:23:28,540 --> 00:23:31,703
I had my suspicions.
You just confirmed them.
396
00:23:32,010 --> 00:23:33,477
Oh, shit.
397
00:23:33,645 --> 00:23:35,977
-Look, Mrs. Botwin,
I think you're really cool.
398
00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:37,706
But Silas and I are ready.
399
00:23:37,883 --> 00:23:40,477
You say that, but you don't know.
400
00:23:40,652 --> 00:23:42,449
You never know.
401
00:23:42,621 --> 00:23:46,250
-When I had sex with my last boyfriend--
-Sex with your last boyfriend?
402
00:23:46,425 --> 00:23:48,017
Yeah.
403
00:23:48,260 --> 00:23:50,091
What? Did you think we were virgins?
404
00:23:52,230 --> 00:23:54,494
I'm climbing down.
405
00:23:54,866 --> 00:23:56,561
See you in the house.
406
00:23:59,805 --> 00:24:01,466
Oh, check it out.
407
00:24:02,340 --> 00:24:04,672
Mr. Wells has a new boy toy.
408
00:24:05,911 --> 00:24:09,608
He--? What?
I didn't know he had an old one.
409
00:24:09,781 --> 00:24:12,079
Yeah. That guy Raoul
from the security patrol...
410
00:24:12,250 --> 00:24:15,344
...but they broke up a while ago.
Hand me the binoculars.
411
00:24:20,859 --> 00:24:22,554
No way!
412
00:24:23,428 --> 00:24:25,089
I know that guy.
413
00:24:25,263 --> 00:24:27,663
His dad would so fully freak
if he knew Josh was gay.
414
00:24:27,833 --> 00:24:29,960
-This is so funny.
-Josh?
415
00:24:30,135 --> 00:24:33,229
-Josh Wilson, Josh?
-Yeah.
416
00:24:35,440 --> 00:24:38,034
I think he's a pot dealer
or something.
417
00:24:45,217 --> 00:24:47,082
I know nothing.
418
00:24:56,094 --> 00:24:59,791
If it's Girl Scouts,
get the mint cookies.
419
00:25:01,933 --> 00:25:04,697
-Yes?
-Just one second.
420
00:25:04,870 --> 00:25:06,337
The minty ones!
421
00:25:07,138 --> 00:25:09,038
-Wait! Who are you?
-Hurry up!
422
00:25:09,207 --> 00:25:11,641
-I'll just be a second.
-Excuse me?
423
00:25:12,811 --> 00:25:14,711
Your dad may not care
about the dealing...
424
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,280
...but from what I hear,
this would really upset him.
425
00:25:17,449 --> 00:25:20,247
Okay. You win.
No kids, ever, I promise.
426
00:25:20,418 --> 00:25:21,908
Your promises aren't worth much.
427
00:25:22,087 --> 00:25:24,817
I swear on my life, okay? Just--
You can't say anything.
428
00:25:24,990 --> 00:25:27,390
-You don't know what my dad is really like.
-I don't.
429
00:25:27,559 --> 00:25:29,993
-What's going on?
-You think you know a person.
430
00:25:30,161 --> 00:25:31,560
He said he was 23.
431
00:25:31,730 --> 00:25:33,994
Promise me you're not gonna
say anything, please?
432
00:25:34,165 --> 00:25:36,292
-I'll think about it.
-What does that mean?
433
00:25:36,468 --> 00:25:38,459
-This is my house!
-What does that mean?
434
00:25:38,637 --> 00:25:40,605
See you around, Josh.
435
00:25:41,706 --> 00:25:43,640
See you in church.
436
00:25:43,942 --> 00:25:45,534
I know everything.
437
00:25:45,710 --> 00:25:48,873
I read her diary.
438
00:25:49,047 --> 00:25:52,448
-You read her diary?
-They're going to have sex.
439
00:25:52,617 --> 00:25:55,882
Here. Brought you something.
440
00:26:00,458 --> 00:26:03,256
It has a camera in it.
441
00:26:03,562 --> 00:26:10,058
Just slip it into Silas' room,
flip the switch right under the tail here.
442
00:26:12,804 --> 00:26:15,466
I think Silas would notice
if a big pink bear...
443
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:20,077
...suddenly showed up in his room,
and I'm not gonna spy on my kids.
444
00:26:20,245 --> 00:26:21,644
Celia, I trust them.
445
00:26:21,813 --> 00:26:24,873
Please, they're all liars and sneaks...
446
00:26:25,050 --> 00:26:29,646
...and it is our job to discover
what they're up to and stop it.
447
00:26:30,255 --> 00:26:33,053
Are you really that naive?
448
00:26:34,392 --> 00:26:38,692
I'm beginning to think
I am extremely naive.
449
00:26:38,863 --> 00:26:40,990
-Take the bear.
-I'm not gonna take the bear.
450
00:26:41,166 --> 00:26:42,633
-Take the bear.
-No.
451
00:26:42,801 --> 00:26:44,928
Okay, fine, fine.
452
00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:48,630
Just promise me, mother to mother...
453
00:26:48,807 --> 00:26:53,073
...that my daughter and your son
will not have sex under this roof.
454
00:26:53,511 --> 00:26:56,776
I know that it's hard for you to understand
because you have boys...
455
00:26:56,948 --> 00:27:00,281
...but I don't want Quinn
turning into some little slut.
456
00:27:00,452 --> 00:27:04,582
Like that deaf girl down on Dewey Street
who gave fellatio to Dennis Cling.
457
00:27:06,825 --> 00:27:08,656
-Promise me!
-Fine, fine.
458
00:27:08,827 --> 00:27:11,591
Not under my roof.
You have my word as a mother.
459
00:27:11,763 --> 00:27:13,162
Thank you.
460
00:27:13,331 --> 00:27:15,663
-Pizza's here.
-Where's my change?
461
00:27:16,801 --> 00:27:18,428
Here.
462
00:27:22,007 --> 00:27:27,536
Oh, look, Silas. Look at that
cute stuffed bear on the table.
463
00:27:27,712 --> 00:27:29,703
We had one just like it
in our pantry.
464
00:27:29,881 --> 00:27:32,543
What happened to that bear, Mom?
I miss that bear.
465
00:27:32,717 --> 00:27:35,151
You can't miss the bear.
466
00:27:35,654 --> 00:27:38,282
That is the bear from the pantry.
467
00:27:39,224 --> 00:27:41,124
I was just showing it to Nancy.
468
00:27:42,427 --> 00:27:43,826
Why?
469
00:27:44,462 --> 00:27:45,895
Why?
470
00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:49,926
I'm thinking of investing in those
make-your-own-bear franchises at the mall.
471
00:27:50,101 --> 00:27:52,569
Oh, right.
Well, are you gonna keep him?
472
00:27:52,737 --> 00:27:56,229
Because I'd love
to put him in my room.
473
00:27:56,908 --> 00:27:59,502
Give me the bear. Give me the bear.
474
00:27:59,678 --> 00:28:01,646
He's all yours.
475
00:28:08,853 --> 00:28:12,846
Of course he's not here today.
He knows he'd get his ass kicked.
476
00:28:20,131 --> 00:28:22,429
-Shit!
-I want blood!
477
00:28:22,801 --> 00:28:24,462
Leave me alone, all right?
478
00:28:25,537 --> 00:28:27,402
Quit it!
479
00:28:29,708 --> 00:28:31,005
Quit it! Quit it!
480
00:28:31,176 --> 00:28:34,009
I think pink's really your color,
you fuckwad!
481
00:28:34,179 --> 00:28:35,612
Who's "fruit punch" now?
482
00:28:43,488 --> 00:28:45,217
Nice.
483
00:28:45,957 --> 00:28:49,324
Shane goes on a paint rampage,
gets suspended.
484
00:28:49,494 --> 00:28:53,954
The two of you ditch school
to fuck in my guestroom.
485
00:28:54,132 --> 00:28:55,997
I've got everything under control.
486
00:28:56,167 --> 00:28:59,534
Don't you see?
Technically, we're not under your roof.
487
00:29:02,540 --> 00:29:04,337
See?
488
00:29:19,390 --> 00:29:20,823
Hey.
489
00:29:28,266 --> 00:29:29,563
Oh, shit. Come on. Come in.
490
00:29:34,639 --> 00:29:36,368
It's all right.
491
00:29:38,076 --> 00:29:40,510
Heylia, break out that pie
you made last night.
492
00:29:40,678 --> 00:29:42,805
The white lady having a time of it here.
493
00:29:42,981 --> 00:29:45,848
Tell her get her skinny ass in here
and get her own damn pie!
494
00:29:46,017 --> 00:29:48,008
Slave days is over!
495
00:30:17,749 --> 00:30:18,977
Oh, Dean!
496
00:30:19,150 --> 00:30:21,550
Goddamn it! Come on!
497
00:30:23,154 --> 00:30:24,712
Dean!
498
00:30:28,359 --> 00:30:30,384
Put it in, Helen! Put it in!
499
00:30:30,562 --> 00:30:32,223
Oh, my God!
500
00:30:40,805 --> 00:30:42,170
Fuck you.
501
00:30:44,509 --> 00:30:47,137
That little cunt.
502
00:30:47,879 --> 00:30:49,847
Fuck off!
503
00:30:50,481 --> 00:30:53,041
I should have had an abortion.
40718
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